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| Sun March 23, 2014 |
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America, now's the time to step up to the breakfast plate and save our British brothers. Because it's about bacon, it's serious business and a virus is involved. Oh wait, we're spreading it
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Inventors compete to develop environmentally-friendly toilets for widespread use in places such as India, where the numbers today are basically squat
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"Bad news. Bears"
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"Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" episode 3 discussion thread and drinking game. 9PM Eastern on Fox
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Photoshop this mossy moose
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Some people are outraged that a pizza that has 90 slices of jalapeño-infused pepperoni topped with diced jalapeño peppers is being called "La Chingona" or translated most politely as "badass." I'd be more worried what it does to diners' colons
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That Boston guy that lost his legs? He's better. Stronger. Faster. And knocking up his fiancee
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Everything's bigger in space
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| (msn.ca) |
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If you're suing your ASHLEY MADISON for disability after you typed 1000 fake female profiles, should you... a) update your Facebook everyday, b) email all your friends, c) go to the beach and ride your jet ski?
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What medieval Europe did with its teenagers
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Ukraine's top commander in Crimea disappears during the evacuation and his whereabouts are unknown. Subby's not an expert, but perhaps they should check the basement of a FBS prison in Siberia
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Snohomish Rescue workers searching for 18 missing bodies in tragic mudslide that sent trees, rocks and homes into the Stillaquamish on Saturday. Sasquatch seen donning proper attire and joining efforts
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NSA steals technology info from Chinese company that was stolen by Chinese hackers from US companies
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What would happen if the Colorado River in Mexico had water in it? Starting today, we find out
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Vatican now allowing the use of condoms in certain situations
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this moment of wisdom being shared
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Ex-Pres Carter: I'm pretty sure our government is spying on me
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Former Texas deputy constable who claimed he was forced to 'motorboat' his female boss has been awarded $567,000 by Galveston County jury. That seems like a lot of money, until you see her pic (w/pics)
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Doctor who can "cure" gays by analysing the colour choices patients use when colouring a drawing of a brain defends himself against critics who point out he is colourblind by saying "I was born this way"
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If you live in southwestern Colorado, your tap water has a little something extra in it today
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"The time has come to legalize fireworks in Iowa"
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It was snowing the night mom went missing. But when he went looking in his pick up truck, he got run over by a damned old train
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California DMV goes full Target
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You know it's spring when weekend gun violence in Chicago hits the double-digits
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Do you know how hard it is to make ends meet while having to make payments on your million dollar yacht? Look, that's what "public assistance" is for, right?
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Turkey shoot
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"Free speech is not hassle-free"
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Man says he has mental problems, needs help, thought people were chasing him, needed a disguise, and that's why he tried to steal Australia-themed costumes from a Vegas show at gunpoint. Sounds legit
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Six months after orphan boy gets viral online and captures the heart of the world, no one yet has adopted him
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Cover band caused "great and incalculable damage" according to BMI
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Giant birthday cake baked for Nevada's 150th anniversary. To fully encapsulate the flavor of the state, the cake was designed to taste like hookers, mobsters, and shattered dreams
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The Governor's Mansion in Colorado just got a whole lot more awesome
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| (Some Guy) |
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Challenge: Add a little color to this monochromatic home
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Latest possible Flight 370 debris satellite imagery surrendered by France
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Church members beat man, because they claim he was using magic bluetooth device to have supernatural sex with women during service (link updated)
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Sunday SUNDAY SUUUUNDAY ... pachyderms PACHYDERMS PAAAACHYDERMS
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Caption these Galapagos sharks
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Mother rushes to her special needs sons school to comfort him after he has a panic attack. Resulting in a lockdown and the mother arrested because? A) She had drugs on her, B) A teacher has a restraining order against her, or C) She didn't sign in
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Smoking hot surgery-obsessed transsexual spends £60,000 to look like a blowup sex doll and subby has the weirdest boner right now (w/pics)
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Damn, it's Saturday already. One more notch on the bedpost for Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2 hours of music hosted live by a farker in Juneau, Alaska. LGT stream
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If you offer a bank teller $50 to have her spank you, don't be surprised if she has a very low rate of interest
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| Sat March 22, 2014 |
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"Yeah...we know you're staying here in case your loved ones come back from that missing plane but...we need this hotel because we have a race coming up so, do you mind...leaving?" - Ferrari's Formula One Team
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Study: Men find women more attractive with less makeup, except for your mom, of course
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DWI attorney, and publisher of "DWI checkpoints" Facebook page, arrested "after exiting the passenger side of his vehicle while intoxicated and informing his driver of her right to refuse a sobriety test"
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New Orleans cop charged with speeding, no license plate, expired driver's license, battery on an officer, speeding, aggravated flight from an officer, disregarding a stop sign, disregarding a red light and reckless operation of a vehicle
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Not news: Driver charged with DUI. Reason Fark has a Florida tag: Bicyclist charged with DUI
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Photoshop this adjustment
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World's largest hot dog gets rolled out at Florida County Fair
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Those FABULOUS weddings happening in Michigan won't stop until Tuesday at the earliest
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59 out of 80 dead as Ebola makes another run at the gates. Sleep tight
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Guy takes exception to someone cutting him in the lunch line, starts a fatal fight. This happened in a.) prison, b.) high school, or c.) a nursing home?
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AT&T says Netflix not paying for additional bandwidth is like you paying for extra postage so your neighbor can get their Netflix movies in the mail
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Ever wondered what would happen if a submarine surfaced right underneath a walrus, and then the walrus takes a nap on the submarine? Wonder no more (pic)
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Man wearing trash bag as disguise robs Jack-in-the-Box. Witnesses describe the man as Hefty
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Pope Francis names the first members of council to advise him on sex abuse policy. Fark: Council includes an Irish woman who was abused by a priest
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Honeymooner loses ring in an unpleasant spot. No. Not the back of a Volkswagen
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Photoshop this mysterious person
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You said I had nothing to fear from the dentist. You said everything was going to be fine and I was just being a worry-wart
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The latest "retro" trend is to recreate childhood photos. These two brothers (and their dad) show what happens when someone takes the time to get it right
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My girlfriend's sister revealed my gf was formerly a man, so I dumped her and married the sister. The in-laws sided with my transgender ex. Dear Prudie: how can I add more outrageous details while still being believable enough for you to answer?
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Not so cool unhip guy who doesn't like people on his lawn, explains how liberals use coolness as a weapon. The uncoolness, it oozes
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Some people call this a garage door, but if you're from the uber hip East Village in NYC it's called a retractable facade
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The remote control needs to die. Die, remote control, die
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Couple arrested for trying to sell purloined boat parts, will get a stern lesson in the law
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Researchers ask: What happens if you get drunk and stoned at the same time? Well, other than what you post on the Politics tab - we've all seen that
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It's bad enough that the Chinese are processing our chickens and selling them back to us; it's even worse that the Chinese appetite for Spam is destroying the Midwest
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Kinda-hot school security guard gets 7-month suspended sentence for sleeping with student, may not spend a day in jail. Why of course its a woman - how did you know?
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"Officer, please help. The bank has been robbed." "Can you describe the suspect Ma'am?" "Yes. He's pink"
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FYI: It's Furry Weekend in Atlanta. You've been warned
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"I've fathered 98 children, and won't stop"
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Three million people now trying to help find the missing Malaysian Airlines jet. It's the biggest surge of people working together on the internet for a cause since the effort to deport Justin Bieber back to Canada
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Scots figure out that if you can do everything else in life with a beer in your hand, you might as well sketch nudes with a beer in your hand as well. Behold, art class in a pub
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Florida couple married for 45 years dies minutes apart. Which isn't unusual in Florida except in this case it didn't involve a gun or a trip to the farmers market
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You're doomed for deep, self-loathing, mommy issues if your 70-year-old mother puts on a heavy Mickey Mouse costume every day just so she can earn enough money to buy your sorry-ass a wife
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"Ghostbuster" gets 15 years in prison for exchanging ectoplasm with 15-year old Police Explorer
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Can you match popular food brands with their corporate parents? No running to the kitchen to check labels
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♫ OOOOk-lahoma, where the earthquakes are really very tame ♫
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Church of Scientology leader David Miscavige meets with Clearwater leaders to complain about the local newspaper and discuss how best to continue taking over the city
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Police in Aurora, Colorado arrest two after finding 12,000 packets of spice. In other news, Aurora police now control the universe
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Photoshop this sausage queen
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Cuba gives doctors big pay raise. To $64 a month. When they make assistant manager, though, that's when the big bucks roll in
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Investigation reveals e-cigarette smokers may inhale metal. Slayer wanted for questioning. \m/ \m/
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When you decide to try to interfere with a cop who's arresting your son, make sure that you wear your best mascara for mugshot goodness
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Not News: Adorable kitty enjoys a comforting back massage. Caturday: From his best friend, a young crab-eating macaque monkey (w/pics)
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Best Korea protests Worst Korea's military drills with US by firing 30 more best rockets at Sea of Japan
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The reality in America is that gay people are poorer than straight Americans because they're gay. The myth that they're a privileged set is just that .. a myth
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Portland man finds rat swimming in his toilet. Officials: "It's quite common"
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Russia's bill for Crimea: $10.2 billion. But Russia is getting $100 million back from their basing leases, so they have that going for them
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High school football player who is geekier than most of us can play piano, trombone, tuba, small tuba, guitar, bass guitar, snare, trumpet and drums and has been offered 150 college scholarship offers. Finally something good comes out of Florida
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Today's "school forced into panic-stricken lock-down over toy gun" story brought to you by Clayton County, Georgia
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If they recognize your bedroom as a war museum because of your collection of RAF memorabilia, you've got to be a pretty cool seven-year-old
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If you lie to a cop by claiming you were driving and talking on your cell phone because your mother was at home with chest pains, mom's going to wonder why there are paramedics at her house and what your mug shot is doing in the papers
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Idaho to 4,000 ravens: Nevermore
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Canadian University makes an apology for making a student apologize for emailing that photo of President Obama kicking down a door. What a sorry country
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A guy walks into a bar, drinks $80 worth of shots, sets fire to trash can in the bathroom and punches several people in the face on the way out. Not a joke setup, a standard Friday in Florida
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Crazed man who is high on PCP climbs on top of a SUV and starts doing a strip tease for police as well as the woman and her 6-year-old daughter who are in the SUV. Another normal day in Florida.... Wait i mean Delaware
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Cool: starting your school day over breakfast with Montana's governor. Cooler: he brings along a friend who draws sketches for you. Holy Fark: it's the Dude, and he won't abide kids going hungry
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Dear donator, Goodwill would like to thank you for the old clothing, but due to 4.7 billion pounds of clothing donated annually, yours will be placed in landfills, get recycled into rags or be sent to crush a 3rd world country's economy
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| Fri March 21, 2014 |
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When arrested, Richards told police 'Just take me to the *%$ #@* jail then." Drunk? Nope. Teenage thug? Nope. How about senior citizen who started food fight at Golden Corrall? Winner winner, flying chicken dinner
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Today's teacher/student tryst takes place at a Waffle House. Flip me over and cover me in butter
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| (Some Patriot) |
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Connection found between White House and MH370. Fox News was right after all
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Woman wins $7.5 million for having "the baddest body in the St. Louis area"
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Welcome to the IKEA helpline. If you would like to report your baby being strangled in our bed canopy, please press 1 now
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Photoshop this jaunty Joe
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More than half of the cigarettes sold in New York State are smuggled in from other places. Fark: Like the Ukraine, and China
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No longer newsflash worthy, and that's a good thing: Courts strike down Michigan's ban on gay marriage
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News: Francis finally acts like an old-school Pope and tells a group that they are going to Hell if they don't change their ways. Spiffy: it's the Mafia
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Man fined $75,000 per day for building something on his own property that he got a permit to build
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School succumbs to pony power and allows 9-year-old boy to wear his My Little Pony backpack
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NYC Fark Party - Mar 21
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Your nose can detect one trillion odors, new study finds. And that's just in New Jersey
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Old and busted: Taking a selfie. Hot and New: With your head wrapped in cello tape
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Police looking for the man who hamburgled a TV from a McDonald's
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Those scamps at Duke Energy have been caught -for the 8th time in a month- intentionally dumping toxic waste into a North Carolina river. In response NC Gov and former Duke executive Pat McCrory expected to sigh, wag his finger, and say "oh YOU"
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You know how opponents of minimum wage hikes talk about what a disaster it would be if fast-food restaurants had to pay their workers $10/hr? Shake Shack manages to do it, plus offer health, vision, dental, 401(k) and profit sharing
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Don't you hate it when your dad tags along with you on spring break and you get arrested on alcohol charges and then he gets arrested for swinging a golf club at parked cars because he's upset at how long it's taking for you to get out of jail?
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Crashing into a McDonald's while driving drunk is no way to go through life... Officer
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Israeli HS principal says it was totally okay that some of his students dressed in blackface and others in KKK robes to re-enact a lynching on Purim, because the costumes "created a platform for discussion"
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Photoshop these guys sitting on a truck in 1980s Brooklyn
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If you insist on taking your "service" dog into the grocery store, please make sure it doesn't poop in the aisles, attack any babies, or sniff the produce
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Man murders his mother, sister, and her children to be with Selena Gomez and live together on Mars. And you thought Beliebers were crazy
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DHS shuts down Wee Little Lambs Christian Child Care center, for giving kids sleep aid pills at nap time. Well, at least it wasn't Kool-aid
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It's unlikely "someone would murder another witness to keep them from testifying." says Trial Prosecutor Born Yesterday
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Mother furious that her child [23] was harassed out of a theatre simply because he's autistic [and was causing a disruption]
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If you decide to get high and go for a walk in the park, please refrain from climbing on the raw sewage tank
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News: Health insurance companies are starting to revise their profit forecasts because of Obamacare. FARK: Upwards
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Texas city decides they do not want a chicken-hawk, draft-dodging, pedophile performing at their Fourth of July festival after all
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It's Friday, and that means it's time. Oh yes, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. Now with zero calories
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San Diego State student government candidate under fire for having bikini-clad coeds swimming and jumping on trampolines in ad and you're not even reading this anymore are you
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Purity Balls: 'You are married to the Lord and your daddy is your boyfriend'. Difficulty: Not just for Southerners
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Scientists: We finally found proof of the Big Bang and its aftermath. CNN: Scientists prove existence of god
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Computer models what the average drug user looks like
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Activists set out to prove that bisexuality actually does exist. And they're doing it with science
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Study on America's most popular dog names goes to show people not only give their kids dumb names, they do it to their pets too
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Can you believe it took almost two weeks for Fox News to connect the missing Malaysian Airlines 777 to Benghazi?
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Officials worried old mine shafts could create huge sinkholes in Mexico City, causing millions of dollars of improvements
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As long as the kids are away, judge says lesbian teachers can play in the classroom
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Go over the alloted speaking time limit at your township board meeting? You bet that's a felony
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Alabama passes bill allowing medical marijuana to be used. Whoaaaa, trippy
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Ten things intuitive people do that others don't. But you don't have RTFA --- you probably already know
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Twits tweet Turks for trying Turkish Twitter tweaks
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Ugly-ass otter pup waves, wants own tag for Otterday
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What's Russian for "Blink"? Because Pooty just did it
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Juror in drug court dies of drug overdose, is brought back to life by spectator with better drugs
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So, yeah, um, that debris we saw...we can't find it now. And, um, did you know that airplanes are made of materials that sink?
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ABC affiliate reads Fark
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Best photos you'll ever see of San Francisco taken by photographer dangling by a rope from helicopter. Yeah, if you have a thing against heights, you might want to skip this one
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"I was picking up trash along the road and I lifted up this here bag and thought, 'now that's heavy.' Then I saw the human skull inside and thought, 'this isn't right.'"
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Don't use heroin, especially if you are an elementary school teacher
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Woman sees stray kitty, cold, outside by her bird feeder, grabs cat carrier, rushes outside and JESUS CHRIST, GET IN THE HOUSE
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Ugly-ass tamandua born March 7 will grow up to be a world champion cunning linguist with a 16-inch tongue
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MtGox seems to have found $116m of their lost bitcoins. Maybe they should check under the cushions of their sofa next?
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Zoo worker dying of cancer asks for his hospital bed to be taken to zoo, where he gets goodbye kiss from giraffe he spent his life caring for. "These animals recognised him, and felt that things weren't well with him" (pics)
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Los Angeles public defender is arrested after she kicked police officers, bit a nurse and drunkenly sang Rock Around The Clock, When she calmed down she told the cops, "I'm not worried anymore - give me some cocaine"
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Vatican to make its entire library available online. I'll be in my bunk
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IRS warns of a phone scam preying on gullible taxpayers, are angry that someone is horning in on their racket
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CNN offers advice to families dealing with grief of flight 370. Noticeably absent: avoiding CNN and their daily dose of ever-changing bullshiat questions about what might have happened
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this school hallway
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Six-year-old girl uses prescription "monster spray" to eradicate monsters under her bed. Stupid kid... doesn't she know that prescription strength monster eradication remedies are only available in powdered form?
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Hey, parents, leave them kids alone
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Russia 'bewildered' by US sanctions. "We thought you'd rename Beef Stroganov to Freedom Stew and be done with it"
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So do you think you can eat a 20-foot bratwurst that weighs nearly 6 pounds?
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When you're a 23-year-old hottie, it's all fun and games pretending to be a 15-year-old-girl on Facebook just so you can have sex with a 13-year-old boy. Until you give him an STD and his mom finds out
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Cops in Hawaii want to keep law that allows them to have sex with prostitutes. Well, duh
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Bill Watterson grants a rare interview and loans a bunch of original strips to the second-ever only Calvin and Hobbes exhibition. Coming soon to a town near you. If you live in Columbus, Ohio
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Woman makes the Guinness Book of World records for donating 16,321 ounces of breast milk to a dispensary over the course of five years
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Defendant in rape case uses the "I'm really, really, ridiculously good-looking" defense
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Spent spring break from college getting smashed, hooking up with strangers? Nope, spent it making infant caskets for parents too poor to pay for their children's burials
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Police are searching for a man who posed as a podiatry student and sucked the toes of a woman trying on shoes at a Walmart
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| Thu March 20, 2014 |
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Russia to hit US with sanctions. Vows no more dash cam videos or internet scams for the foreseeable future
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Finally, a reason to visit Starbucks
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Closing the C-section incision with glue is not normal, but on dogs it...well...it's still not normal
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Iran's propaganda team realize they lack Photoshop skills, build replica of US aircraft carrier so they can blow it up
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Not news: Guy killed after falling from a hotel balcony during spring break. Fark: he was there acting as the chaperone for his daughter and her friends
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Watch shop in New York feels it's the right time to start suing people for bad Yelp reviews
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Your dog wants something better than you're feeding him
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Planet Fitness - "No judgment (unless you're Muslim)"
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Meet the woman who invented the chocolate chip cookie
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No funeral for Fred Phelps, disappointing almost everyone still alive
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Photoshop this icy horse race
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Is there anything creepier than sitting on the toilet in your school's bathroom only to have the janitor peek under the stall's door and smile at you?
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School punishes teens with community service for skipping class. They were caught because they were busy rescuing a 94-year-old woman and her dog from a fire
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The one consolation to be gleaned from reading the AAAS' alarming report on climate change is that it is, ultimately, a self-correcting scenario
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Apparently phantom pregnancy is a real thing. Ask this guy
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NJ town paid $21,000 in health premiums for dead workers. THANKS OBAMA
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Is it Matthew 5:39 or Luke 6:29 with the business about turning the other cheek? And which one is it that says to do it with your pants down on the altar in church?
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Seattle police report that Kurt Cobain is still dead
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Missed a training session to spend one last evening with your dying mother? No unemployment for you then
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Reaction from foreign policy experts to Obama's sanctions on Russia range from "holy cr@p" to "10,000 times more hawkish on Russia than Bush ever was" and "biggest US economic act of trade war on Russia since Ronald Reagan"
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Fark: Woman with chest pains steals heart of Good Samaritan. Farker: Woman faking chest pains steals $60 from Good Samaritan
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Do you bake your own bread? Use a sponge to get started? What about pita and naan? Get out your bakers' mitts and stand mixers. Show us the dough
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Chinese farmer cruises through town riding giant hogzilla, can park wherever he wants
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Zoo attempts to breed endangered crocodiles, learns that crocodiles do not practice safe sex
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Photoshop this man and his mosquito-sucking device
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Hole appears at historic waterfront location. City council are looking into it
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If you let that dog go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you
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Announcing 'I have a bomb all up in my ass', is no way to walk through Beijing Capital International Airport, Son
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Mayo clinic spends an average of four Tylenol 3 pills per hour lobbying at the Minnesota State Capitol every year
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If you watch NCIS, you love Big Brother
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Things to buy at Costco: 2 gallons of mayonnaise, 350 taquitos, and 5 lbs. of hydrocodone
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In a revelation that's sure to calm conspiracy theories, Malaysia knew more than a week ago the plane wasn't in the area they were searching
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Q: Want to see what someone who beats a double amputee and steals his wheelchair looks like? A: About what you expected
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Catholic League's Bill Donahue: "Well I'm gonna apply to march in the Gay Pride Parade with a banner that says 'Straight is Great' and watch how pissed those gays get" NYC Pride: Yea, sure, whatever. Just fill the form out correctly
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Valley Forge sees its worst disaster since the Continental Army's dysentery outbreak in 1778
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This is the kind of teacher sex scandal that will really put subby's home town on the map
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Waiting in line for a pay phone, scantrons, drinking from lead laced garden hoses...kids these days don't know what they're missing
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God hates Freds
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For sale: Gently used South African villa. Fine tiled bathroom with beautiful red Pollack-like design. Door replacement needed; soundproofing recommended. Great for couples Won't cost you an arm or a couple of legs
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Police said they were looking for "people acting suspiciously on Friday night, possibly covered in soil"
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"Let me tell you something, Hulkamaniacs. Whatcha gonna do, when my 24-inch pythons run wild on the lady who walked off with one of my shoes, brother?"
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News: City elects country's first transgender mayor. Fark: Who then proceeds to sell his shoes to make money for said city
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The real-life Breaking Bad? Teacher turned drug-dealer had a cocaine laboratory in his home worth £900,000, disciplinary hearing told
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WWII gun tower with no running water, toilet or parking sells for £200,000. On the positive side, you get to live in a motherfarking gun tower (pics)
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Francis I, Pontifex, Vicar of Christ on Earth, Photobomber (link replaced)
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Awwwwwwwwww.. How do you know it's the beginning of spring? Cuteness is in the air with ugly-assed baby animals
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Jedi Walmart manager convinces woman not to call police after in-store assault. "Those aren't the officers that you were looking for"
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TX middle school principal suspended, and then fired for forbidding Spanish to be spoken at her school. Then things get weird, really, really, weird as activists on both sides are calling for an FBI investigation alleging harassment by "terrorists"
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Dude, put down the vape pen... you're harshing the pot legalization movement
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Barely Legal: These hottest first-time-on-the-market foreign cars are now available in the U.S., thanks to a little-known red-tape workaround, called the 25 Year Rule, Can you say 'Porsche 959'? I knew you could
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Florida couple who built giant beachfront dream treehouse on their property may actually get to keep it
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One of the everlasting debates has been settled, Swiss Emmentaler has been named the world's best cheese
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Maryland Transportation Authority will post "do not tailgate" sign to keep trucks from launching more cars into Chesapeake Bay. Even though it was just a Chrysler
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NYC restaurant offers $250 Kobe beef burger with truffles, caviar and pancetta. Chicago tourists immediately declare that the $250 Jordan beef burger is better
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United Nations declares March 20 'International Day of Happiness' in transparent political attack on 'Steak & BJ Day'
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Latest American food craze sweeping Britain? Donuts. Which probably look like health food compared to the stuff the British already eat
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It's time for your annual "March Madness costs employers $1.2 billion; is it really worth having a big basketball tournament" article
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Kid finds apple that is half Red Delicious, half Granny Smith. Somewhere out there in the orchard is its evil twin - half Granny Smith, half Red Delicious. Be afraid. Be very afraid
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It's essential to have multiple layers of well-paid and unionized security and police watching the Freedom Tower 24/7, otherwise some random teenager could just sneak in and spend two hours messing around on the 104th floor
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Photoshop this Port-a-Potty of progress
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♫ Life in the bus lane ♫
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And over at CNN, their procession of brain donors continues
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Rare ugly-ass Kakapo chicks hatched in New Zealand
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Man charged with driving naked through Wendy's drive-thru leaves employees wondering "Where's the beef?"
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Caption this sports discussion
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A school has banned teachers from marking in red pen because is it judged a 'very negative colour'
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San Diego isn't classy enough to support an opera company
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Plane found??
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Drunk woman shows up naked to visit husband in jail. Look like he's going to be doing some hard time
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Sappy: Widow goes through attic and discovers her husband's WWII uniform, medals, and other memorabilia. Scary: Memorabilia such as four live grenades
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Couple #2, where did your spouse say is the strangest place you've ever made whoopee? 'An Iranian prison cell'
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Soliciting a 14 year old girl for prostitution might be TOO friendly, Officer
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Tumblenami
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If you're going to film scenes at a jail, it's probably best to ensure you don't have any outstanding warrants
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Eight years ago these people lost their homes so that developers could build something "for the betterment of the community." Let's check in and see how the community has been improved
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Man arrested after stealing 1.8 million quarters from parking meters. Asks for leniency, promises change
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No self-respecting douchebag media CEO's inner sanctum would be complete without a "mist tunnel" leading to the Big Man's lair
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Woman documents her life and descent into dementia
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Why pay for expensive breast implants when you can just inject Vaseline into your chest? Oh. I guess that's why
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Sixth grader takes razor from classmate who is cutting himself, throws it away, then convinces him it's wrong and is...c) suspended for 10 days and facing expulsion
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 463: "Urban Art 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 19, 2014 |
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Man shares room with Member of Parliament, wakes up to surprise buttsex
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Sometimes you hit the nail on the head, sometimes the nail hits your head. Three times
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Relax people, the State of Texas can continue to carry out death sentences. Thankfully they found a new batch of the drugs they use to execute death row inmates
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Scrap dealer buys golden egg for $13,000 intending to sell it for scrap. meh: He couldn't find a buyer and holds onto it. Fark: googles the name "Vacheron Constantin" that was in it. Ultrafark: It's one of the missing Faberge eggs
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Let me call my buddy. He knows all there is to know about selling tubas for drug money
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Icelandic volcano Hekla getting heftier, Leon getting larger
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For all you golfers out there, be careful with titanium clubs. They may set the course on fire
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NYC jail sending prisoners to the ovens
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Old and busted: Clown car. New hotness: Stash house
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Photoshop this child clutching a chicken
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National Geographic, Wikipedia surrender Crimea to Russia
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'Doonesbury' creator Gary Trudeau is no longer drawing daily comics so he can focus on his TV show, but that's not stopping readers from assuming this is all part of a vast, right-wing plot by newspaper editors to silence him forever
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Is it really necessary to bring in the SWAT team to write a ticket for a cracked windshield?
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"That's where the flaming, oil-soaked toilet paper comes in"
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Greyhound driver abandons passengers for 8 hours at snowy Delaware reststop while he has breakfast, which he probably didn't need anyway
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Georgia: ☑, Ukraine: ☑, Estonia: ☐
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Problem: Longest running study measuring CO2 levels shows historic highs. Solution: Stop funding the project
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Russell Brand gives the UN a piece of what's left of his mind about drugs and their prohibition
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Naked. Models. Hot tub. PETA. Protest. (consider this not safe for work)
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Happy deputies return 'Snowy The Stuffed Snow-Leopard' to Romanian trucking magnate after social-networking teens stole him from Klassy mansion during biggest "Sharpie Party" ever
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Forget flying car, here's a 1,000 mph car. Where we're going, we don't need a flux capacitor
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Squirrel photograph wins international photography prize. No, not that one you idiots
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Not News: Homeowners Association make woman remove unauthorized banner. Fark: Pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness. Fark: Inside her own home
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Maybe you're not ready to be director of a daycare if your potty-training techniques include making fun of the children when they have an accident. Or if you blame your crippling alcohol problem on a 3-year-old. "She's the reason I drink"
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Woman's anxiety increases after finding metal shard inside her anti-anxiety pill
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OMG, Climate change is affecting the Sun
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Things may be starting to crack around the alleged Rob Ford video
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Colombia's fattest baby weighs 43 lbs at 8 months and is known as "El Gordito" which is spanish for The Gordito
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If you were ever wondering what the rules of etiquette were for dining while naked, well, today is your lucky day
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Photoshop this exhausted executive
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Fark-ready headline: "Voodoo meth priest guided massive Central Florida drug ring with prophecies"
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Trying to be cool: Taking a selfie on the knee of a priceless Greco-Roman statue at an Italian art museum. Even more priceless? Shattering the leg on said statue
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That Nazi-themed dinner? Well, it wasn't in December, it was in January ... on MLK Day
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Arkansas school that banned gay student's coming out story in yearbook relents to public pressure. Ha, just kidding, they doubled down and banned other students from mentioning his coming out story
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Data breaches now estimated to cost everyone a kagillion billion trillion zillion infinity dollars
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File a complaint against a cop in Kansas and it gets dismissed? That's a felony
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Pro-Russian forces peacefully request control of Ukrainian naval base. Just kidding, they ram a vehicle through the gate and take it by force
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"Cross-dressing made me a better father"
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Mom worried that her kid with a bunch of social disabilities isn't popular looks for help online. 2.1 million friends and a professional hockey contract later, Colin is way cooler than any of us losers
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SWAT team called in over bad tattoo
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No longer will your cabbie be allowed to smell like a man eating Gorgonzola cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse
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Soldiers perform skit alluding to general's affair, while his wife is in the audience. Awkward
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NSA looks up from your sex chat logs long enough to declare its water bill Top Secret
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What the hell, your fishtank is dirty and you need a chicken
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Thank you for choosing Arby's, please pull into the nearest window
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'Hello operator? I'm stuck in a telephone box'
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Swedes release famed serial killer held for 20 years after downgrading him from serial killer to lying crazy guy
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Cops: Mind if we use your hotel as a homeless shelter? We're not going to pay you though. Hotelier: Uh, yes, I do mind. Cops: Well, too bad
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El Al airlines security chief, "Missing jetliner? I'm not saying it was the Iranians, but...it was the Iranians"
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The world DOES need ditch diggers
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A Tibetan mastiff puppy has been sold in China for almost $2 million, which is nearly $14 million in dog money
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Feminist woman says she doesn't want to have children. Twitter responds in expected fashion
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Oh hey, if you left a SUV on top of a subway this morning in Brooklyn after crashing through a fence, the police would like a word with you
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9th Circuit to decide if Arizona's law passed by ballot initiative which forbids granting bail to any illegal immigrant arrested in the state on other charges runs afoul of a minor legal technicality called the 8th Amendment
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"I never ask a woman's age," he told the judge with a wink, after taking schoolteacher and underage girl to swingers club
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Man burglarizes home, forgets his ID at the scene. Then he goes home, arranges his loot on a table, and posts pictures to Facebook, making it even easier for police to arrest him
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Police jobs #6134634: Give a ride to an ostrich
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Cutting off a teenager's clothes and smearing her body with raw steak, is not how a proper Santería spiritual cleansing is performed. Ya learn something new every day
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Explosion victim pulls herself together
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Excuse me Mr. Russian politician, why are you not bothered by US sanctions? "Because I don't need a visa to hear Tupac"
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Drivers stuck in traffic caught playing rock, paper, scissors against each other to pass the time
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Las Vegas male revue Thunder Down Under catches man stealing from their locker room, subject him to nearly an hour of sweaty, overchoreogaphed hip-thrusting self-defense moves before the police manage to save the man
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Nobody puts baby in the dumpster. Well, almost nobody
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Cute-ass baby polar bears pose for their first photo op at German zoo
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Well this NYPD sergeant does have a point with his countersuit for her harassment charge, she does look like a cat on the prowl
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Cleaner finds unauthorized woman asleep by pool of vomit inside Sweden's parliament
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A brief history of how shaving has evolved over the past 100,000 years. Obviously not applicable in Seattle or Portland
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Do you use K-Cups? Yes? Then you are worse than Hitler if he used styrofoam plates for every meal. I hope you can live with yourself
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How do you solve a problem like Crimea? The hills are alive with the sound of gunfire
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From the "you're not helping" files: donate $10 or more to a DC-area pro-choice fund, and get a free coat hanger pendant
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Boy, you get caught smuggling out one colored-pencil drawing of a pinwheel by Jodi Arias and suddenly you're banned for life from the jailhouse
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"I'd like to dedicate this award to Michael Gove and I mean dedicate in the Anglo Saxon sense, which means insert roughly into the anus of"
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ANOTHER man caught in-the-act having sex with a dog in Florida. Is there suddenly a shortage of female women in the Sunshine State?
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Photoshop these chart checkers
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Gun-rights advocates in PA can now sue municipalities that have local laws requiring people to report lost or stolen firearms
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Deputies find three people dead after being shot in the head inside a shed, in what is being called a crime of Seussian proportions
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Obama awards Medals of Honor to twenty-four veterans previously passed over due to them accidentally being brown at the time of their service
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Putin is playing chess in Crimea... and losing
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Foreskin activists want Bill Gates to cut circumcision funding
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This is the first time we've seen the 'I had my penis cut off, so those prostitute murders I committed before as a man were somebody else' defense
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FARC Commander pleads guilty to kidnapping Americans, chaining them to desks to write content for his website. CAN I AT LEAST GET A BATHROOM BREAK?
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Woman attempts to cut off her husband's penis after an argument. He still doesn't know what he said to make her go off half-cocked
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The danger of having your entire state built on a swamp is that you never know when city halls will start sinking
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US Army says, "Well, fark it. We're going to 4-D printing"
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Dominatrix plans to run for mayor of Toronto, promises to bring discipline to a chaotic town
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Duke porn star to take time away from school after people threaten to shoot her in the face in a non-professional capacity
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Family who were trapped in the bedroom by their cat have sent the cat to a shelter, hopefully where it can be adopted by people who aren't farking morons
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Photoshop Challenge: Find Malaysia Flight 370
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Man and teen use PVC pipe, a plastic bottle and ice to create redneck American Gladiators in a WaWa parking lot
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Woman who had sex with an 8-year-old over 50 times is sentenced to two whole years in jail. If only she were a man, she would have actually been made to pay for her her heinous crimes
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Amish buggy sought in Pennsylvania hit-and-run. Suspect is bearded, I repeat, bearded
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Caption these surprised princesses
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