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| Sun February 09, 2014 |
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Anyone who says things are worse these days... just show them these Valentine's Day cards from the '40s-'60s that were supposedly "appropriate"
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Up until now there were a limited number of ways to get scented fingernails - not all good
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Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce (wheeze) pickles, onions, on a sesame bun
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Climbing through your ex-girlfriend's bedroom window and slapping her around? That's a shootin and paralyzing, compliments of her mom
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Photoshop this tireless soul and his trusty steed
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Turns out Subway is not the only fast food chain that uses tasty, tasty yoga mats in their bread
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There are better ways to support the Second Amendment than having one of your store employees dress up like a banana and carry a loaded gun while walking up and down the highway
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Anne Frank's stepsister talks about the horrors of the Holocaust, what it was like for her sister to grow up deaf and blind
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High school student suspended for 10 days after he jumps in and stops bully from beating on gay kid. Zero tolerance meets Florida and gives birth to full blown asinine tag
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Equifax: "you're dead." Customer: "um no I am pretty sure I am alive." Equifax: "haha No. You're dead"
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Moran for sale on eBay -- by her boyfriend
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"It is not acceptable to have people who have killed pedestrians or grievously harmed them to maintain their license," declared Gene Russianoff, who then had to be rushin' off
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What secret archives would you most like to have a chance to paw through? My vote is for the Vatican or the Kremlin
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An increase in oil drilling has resulted in an increased destabilization of the Earth's core, which is causing more earthquakes
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Into The Abyss: Puerto Rico cannot stop the bleeding as the economy tanks. Thanks, Democrats
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Photoshop this surfing duck
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Mother of distressed AOL baby has something to say to the CEO
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High-ranking British politician speaks out about the drug war, calls for mass incarcera.. **RECORD SCRATCH** Hold on, he's ACTUALLY calling them out for failed drug policy? "Every time someone dies of an overdose it should shame our political class"
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To think I had almost forgotten the sound of Adele, now this
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Frequent Submitter has never had a TFD thread go green. How do I make that happen?
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White zinfandel goes on sale in the UK
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When your 9-year-old daughter steps on the dog's tail, it is NEVER okay to point a gun at her and say, "Step on the dog's tail again, and I will pull the trigger." The more you know
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Woman loses over 10 stone after stranger calls her fat and disgusting, would now like to shake that man's hand for helping her change her life for the better (w/before and after pics)
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Internet pranksters flood Yelp with reviews praising white supremacist's diner as 'the best gay bar in Enid, Oklahoma'
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Porn company tells convicted murderer Amanda "Foxy Knoxy" she is smokin' hot and offers her $20,000 to offset mounting legal costs, by starring in one of their films. The gracious offer allows her to choose sex acts and partner. Killer deal
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20 amazing historical photos; the 1909 Tel Aviv lottery, a GIANT Manta Ray caught in 1933, and "children for sale, inquire within" in Chicago. In 1948
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Don't... Stop... Come back
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8.7 million pounds of beef recalled. Most fondly by your mom
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L.A., the town that's seen everything, is dumbstruck by the sudden appearance of "Dumb Starbucks" coffeehouse: "This has to be a reality show. And I see a camera in the espresso machine"
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ATTICA, ATTICA, ATTI--oh...oh fark...yeah you're free to go
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Seattle's billion-dollar tunnel boondoggle hits yet another snag. Better get more lube
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It's all fun and games at the Florida State Fair until 99 people get kicked out and a giant fight erupts, complete with candy apple throwing
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Maybe you wouldn't have cancer if you weren't always so damn negative
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Man beaten to death after he knocks over a honey bucket. Jesus, that Pooh Bear is a real asshole when he's drunk
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Photoshop this street racer
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Prince William (loads gun) calls for crackdown (aims gun) on illegal African wildlife trade (fires at wild boar)
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You know your crazy uncle who said he was tested on during the cold war by the U.S. Army? He may be telling the truth, the government has until Feb 17 to start letting veterans know about what they did to them
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"I now shop for food with a collection of 1-liter glass canning jars in a big basket. When I approach the deli, meat, or fish counters, I hold out my glass jar and politely ask the employee to put it in the jar"
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WV Water company: "They can't hate us any more than they already do, right? So why NOT charge the public for the water needed to flush our contaminated water out of their systems, then refuse to issue the water credits we promised?"
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Woman who has been fighting to get off the "No Fly List' since 2004 has found out why she was on the list; "Clerical Error"
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Another Saturday night, another Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2+ hours of music from Juneau, Alaska public radio
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Teenager saves young deer from drowning, gets all fawned over
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Remember the good old days when you could raise money to pay for an after-prom party by hosting a Donkey Ball game where adults play basketball while riding donkeys and nobody protested?
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| Sat February 08, 2014 |
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Crack pipe vending machines installed in downtown Vancouver. What could possibly go wrong?
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The holidays are always going to be weird after you fool your family by faking your pregnancy and then steal your step-sister's newborn son
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Judge declares frozen chicken a weapon - especially when used for battering
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The U.S. Government officially declares the Bermuda Triangle to be harmless
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Top world eater downs over 2 gallons of chili in Orlando. Fortunately Pepto-Bismol sponsored the challenge
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Wal-Mart moves in, crime goes up. You can't explain that
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Pew Research: And the most oppressed religious group in the world is.... Christians. Holy Fark, FOX was right?
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Principal removes 'Things I Have to Tell You: Poems and Writing by Teenage Girls' from the library because it depicts the euphoric feelings of smoking crack. "It didn't point out that she might have died of a heart attack or become a sex slave"
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Photoshop this weather indicator in the limelight
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Well, at least the Winter Olympics gives Fox News another chance to dust off its "Are High Taxes Making It Too Hard For Our Athletes To Afford Winning A Medal?" article
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Hey America, tired of the cold weather and looking to travel? Forget Florida, Alaska and Greenland are now your winter destinations
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Most people do their shopping inside the grocery store. Some people scale a 10ft metal gate to get the free luxury food items they keep out back
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Not content with letting his dogs run loose in the neighborhood so they could steal the neighbors' turkey on Christmas day, Bumpus then decides to dump 300,000 empty bottles in the ocean
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Snowzilla wrecks havoc on Tokyo. And by Snowzilla I mean a light dusting of snow you can walk through in your street shoes
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You're at a crowded Sunoco gas station with your infant daughter & dog when you exchange words with a rival. Do you c.) empty your clip into him before striking several cars in a botched escape attempt?
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School officials trying to get children to stop playing "pass out game". They might be successful, but don't hold your breath
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Police finally arrest man who strapped fireworks to a pit bull and lit them during the dog days of last summer
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Good news, everybody. There are 10x the number of mid-depth fish in the sea as we thought. That means there is a possible mate for everybody, except Zoidberg, who will die alone in a non-Dumpster brand garbage bin. And of course, TotalFarkers
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Photoshop this hunger game
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UK Immigration Minister taken to cleaners
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The Iranians are coming, the Iranians are coming
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| (973KissFM) |
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Burning rubber takes on a whole new meaning in Savannah, GA
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Two killed when giant boulder smashes into French train. Wile E. Coyote sought for questioning
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A college student's ex-girlfriend "ratted him out" to police about a burglary and credit card fraud crime. His retaliation? Post some of the 'revenge porn' he had on his iPhone to Twitter and Instagram
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Reporter charged with capturing picture of a plane wreck, after the bodies of victims were removed, under law that doesn't allow taking pictures of human remains in graves. Wait, what?
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Man spending a year in prison after bar fight. He nose why
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Pro tip: If you are going to take a nap inside your ambulance, don't leave the keys in the ignition
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Women don't want to have sex with husbands who do their share of the housework. Of course, they don't want to have sex with insensitive husbands who don't do any housework. TL;DR: Married women don't want to have sex with their husbands
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Copenhagen zoo plans to euthanize 18 month old male giraffe. Apparently some people have a problem with this, though the lions seem to be fine with it
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About a decade ago, he was on ESPN meeting Wayne Gretzky in a Make-a-Wish program. Today he is walking about with a mullet punching random students and giving the education editor a chance to use the phrase "pugilistic pupil"
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"Police are warning teenagers not to send nude pictures of themselves on their cell phones, as some people have found a way to intercept them and post them to Facebook"
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Remember back in 1773 when British troops barricaded Boston Harbor against the Beast from the Unknown? No? Well, maybe you just need to update your library a bit
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Man faces charges for taking his baby out for some doughnuts
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Nevada bar comes under fire for changing their marquee to say "The Broncos couldn't beat the sick kids at St. Jude's". Personally, I think that's unfair... the St. Jude's kids have a great defense, and know better than to snap the ball too high
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Japanese politician who claims that menstruation makes women unfit for political office is the target of a sex strike. I don't know how that works, but I bet it looks like the prom scene in Carrie
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Some clowns like to ride around in their clown cars, some like to 'skyline' between two hot air balloons at 10,000ft
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With this pair of twins you get two donations for the price of one to help fight Epidermolysis Bullosa. Chew on that you doublemints
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The whiniest members of the 1%
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Dozens left dead in wake of driver's drunken rampage
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Here's a bunch of pictures of Russia in the '80s; forbidden and desolate, yet strangely alluring. Kinda like your mom in the '80s, except no Zubaz
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Disgusting child pornographer caught and charged for tweeting nude pictures of innocent 16-year-old girl
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Is the miracle castaway a cannibal? If only his missing companion Timothy could be found, we would know for sure
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Photoshop this man in the mist
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Tesla driver involved in fatal crash tries the old "new car smell" defense
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17-year-old grifter dressed like an employee to steal $30,000 from three Walmarts--and even hugged a manager on the way out
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Sure, you've mastered Dothraki and Na'vi. But do you know a word of Lapine or Nadsat?
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To help you understand how cats show their love for us, here's a video primer just in time for Caturday
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Angelenos y Naranjalitas (SF Valley) Fark Party
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Transgender woman wants to live life as a grotesque, obscene distortion of reality: a fashion model
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Viewers confused by panhandller's whimsical sign wonder if homeless guy actually takes credit cards. This is not an Onion article
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HOA that claims it doesn't have the money to replace a tattered American flag on their property suddenly discovers the money to replace it after a television news crew starts asking questions
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When your state is in the middle of a drought, it looks kind of bad to import 440,000 gallons of potable water to create fake snow for a weekend festival for urban snowboarders
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Fem-?CHECK. Pret-CHECK. Whi-?CHECK. Mis-?CHECK ALREADY
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Remember the crazy dental hygienist who led police in a car chase in front of the Capitol? Her family has reached out to the officers involved ... with a lawsuit for $75 million
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Clint Eastwood saves golf tournament director from choking using the Heimlich Maneuver. A move that, coincidentally enough, can also be performed on oneself by utilizing an empty chair
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This guy decided to attempt suicide, and you could say that he definitely nailed it
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Ten cities known for causing heartbreak. Whatever you do, don't fall in love in Chicago
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You're all a bunch of corrupt no-goodniks. Except you of course Denmark and New Zealand. World countries ranked by their level of corruption. w/interactive map and list
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Look at this single pound of human body fat. Look at it
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Woody Allen responds
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| Fri February 07, 2014 |
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PETA gives kids outside of L.A. elementary school comic books with inserts showing cows being electrocuted and covered in feces. Apparently parents have a beef with this
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Shark bites surfer. Surfer punches shark
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Surveillance video from inside shows what happened in the Florida movie theater shooting
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Pub promotes 'bag-a-slag' Valentine's Day event. Not surprisingly, many women have a problem with this
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Although not as well known as his counterpart in the nearby Iraqi village of Dibley, the Vicar of Baghdad is a modern hero
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Two liters kill little girl. WAY TO GO LITERS
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If you find a roach in your egg roll at Good Friend Chinese restaurant, stick around, not only will you get a refund but also a free round of shots
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Photoshop other products for Bob Dylan to advertise
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Take an M79 out of crime
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Thieves break into 13 cars, score 1 bible - a testament to their ineptitude
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Lastest NekNomination challenger is subby's kind of shopper
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I remember when grandpa would magically find quarters behind my ears, but that doesn't explain why anyone would kick homeless people in the nuts for money
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Some beauty queens will exercise and diet to stay thin for the pageant, then there's this Venezuelan beauty queen who had a plastic mesh sewn to her tongue to stay thin
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Here are five mistakes dog owners make, other than having a dog
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Will there be creepy mascots? Will there be weird performance-art abstraction? Will there be questions that aren't as good if they're not sports-related? This is your time-shifted NBC Olympic Opening Ceremony discussion thread (Spoiler alert)
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Man goes to court to fight speeding ticket, instead gets banished from county forever
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"The taste of a fresh waterbug is mind-blowing -- like an anchovy wrapped in a perfume-soaked banana peel"
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TSA now lets you keep on your belt as long as you agree to have your crotch sniffed
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How to piss off a French person, besides calling them a "cheese eating surrender monkey"
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Wow, is it that time already? Yes, that's right-it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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U.S. to Taliban: That's not our dog
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Nancy Grace shows a modicum of restraint out of respect for the three-year-old girl found dead in a freezer in California. Who am I kidding? It's Nancy Grace. She lambasted the parents while using the hashtag "FreezerTot"
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Photoshop this stiff break dancer
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Winter Wonderland 5k cancelled due to winter
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Doctors find that chlamydia can linger in the gut even after antibiotics, and then reinfect a person. The gift that keeps on giving
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In today's edition of "News that only SEEMS like it is from the turn of the last century": Man-eating tiger in northern India claims its ninth victim
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Judge to defendant: I could have sent you to jail for abusing your dog, let alone your wife and daughters too. But hey. instead just write a 200 pound check to the RSPCA and we're all good
source: u.tv | share:
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The fabulous roller skaters of 1970s Florida. Your mom looks...deranged
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Oklahoma restaurant won't serve 'freaks,' 'f*ggots,' the disabled and welfare recipients. . . For the last 44 years
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A guide that finally pairs wine with something we're interested in: beer
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25 Douchey Things You Might Be Doing. "Creating 25 page slide shows" surprisingly absent
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Woman draws ire for posting picture of herself breastfeeding on Facebook. Fark: Her puppy
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Customs: 'Anything to declare?' Passenger: 'Err yeah, I definitely don't have a dozen iguanas comically stuffed into socks in my luggage'
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South Chicago High School principal is upset over new law requiring schools to post signs that ban guns because there is a picture of a gun on the sign that bans guns
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Pet owners warned 'cats could be blown away' in approaching storm
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A man said his wife was abducted by intruders that used holograms to project signals on the walls to get the man to do what they wanted. Apparently that included drinking entirely too much and smoking meth
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Somewhere between "Whoops, I got drunk and took a whiz on the wall of the Alamo" and "You owe us $4,000 for damage to the limestone" lies the truth. Maybe in the basement
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Attempted hijacking of Ukrainian plane fails to stick the landing in Sochi, diverted to Turkey. That's going to cost him with the judges
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The beautiful thing about social media is we can now start discussions, dialogue and share knowledge around the world instantly. Or just be racist
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Real Life GTA
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76 year old man builds the ultimate man cave in his backyard, out of junked airplane parts, and his wife is very proud of his creation. This will put all your home improvement tasks to shame
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The Sochi Fark Headline Generating Machine just about to be turned on
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This is why we shouldn't let freaks drive
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Hard to believe that a cab ride that started with projectile vomiting could get worse from there but, yeah, it did
source: u.tv | share:
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St. Louis gets a new bridge, presumably wide enough to allow the 20th century to get in
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this very important message
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Patrem, filium, spiritum cocoa
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Not really news: Teacher busted for child porn and related offenses. Fark: You could have just posted the mug shot and dispensed with all the article writing and words and such
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Ever worry about raccoons with rabies jumping through your window in the middle of the night and eating your face while you're fast asleep in your bed? Good, because they're totally doing it now
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T.A.T.u., to perform at Sochi opening ceremony. Apparently it's not gay if it's hot women
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Hurry Up And Take My Money: Burger King unveils grilled apple burger with cinnamon mayonnaise. DammitSoMuch: Only in Japan
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Bank of America sends credit card offer to 'Lisa Is A Slut McIntire', then acknowledges their error and sends credit card offer to 'Lisa Is Not A Slut McIntire'
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The children of Martin Luther King Jr. are battling over the dream of owning his estate
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Woman unable to pay her $980 fare after taking cab from from JFK back to her house...in Boston
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Government spraying Portland, OR and other cities with deadly crystalline DHMO. Same shadowy government agency also implicated in thousands of dihydrogen monoxide deaths
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The secret report from 1993 that exonerated Woody Allen: Doctors told cops that Dylan Farrow's Sex Abuse Story was 'Fantasy-like' influenced by Mom Mia -- plus one weird trick to win custody
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Police discover frozen alligators, a stockpile of guns, and a meth lab inside a couple's home. And, strangest of all, they also found twin infants who seemed well taken care of
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United States Post Office: Hey, I know. Let's start doing payday loans. That'll change everything
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Joe Biden compares New York's LaGuardia Airport to a Third-World country. He's not wrong, of course, but what does that make Logan Airport? The First Circle of Hell?
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Woman sets up fund to help shelter dog found frozen to the ground with broken bones after being hit by car. Plea goes viral. Shelter: Uh, you shouldn't have done that. No one wants a broken dog, so we put him down yesterday
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Did you know the Beatles were responsible for Katy Perry's satanic pagan twerking orgy? That's what the preacher man on the TV said, and a man of God would never stoop so low as to lie to us, would he?
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No one wants to see your Facebook "Look Back" video
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You can now be ticketed for illegal parking while waiting for a red light to change, which would make red lights only suggestions at this point
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On a recorded phone call, U.S. Assistant Secretary of State and top European diplomat Victoria Nuland displays the careful nuance and poise that have been so helpful in restoring respect for America: "Fark the EU"
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Photoshop this old orb
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Interesting: Skinny Puppy was one of the bands the military used to torture inmates at Guantanamo Bay. Obvious: Now Skinny Puppy wants the the military to pay for the rights to use it. Silly: They want $666,000
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Ever fantasize about pulling the "I'll call you at all hours and see how you like it" game with telemarketers?
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Life can be funny. One day you're working as an erotic movie star and the next thing you know you're selling burgers at a McDonald's in Hong Kong
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Russia has said the Sochi Olympics will be as 'safe as Boston', which I'm sure will be reassuring to the athletes
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People shocked that felons didn't register their guns or high capacity magazines due to new laws passed after Newtown
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TV is good for you - Doctors save man thanks to episode of House
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These awesome tree houses will make you want to live in the woods. Even if you already do
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"For an adult to die solely from marijuana itself, it would take a couple hundred pounds of it being dropped on their head from a tall building"
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If you are over 30 and live in San Francisco, you might want to avoid going out this weekend. RENEW RENEW RENEW
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In shameless attempt to get Arizona its own tag, Arizona lawmaker wants to make it illegal for illegal immigrants to use public bathrooms
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You know what the creator of the Labrodoodle really hates? Labradoodles. "I've done a lot of damage"
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Man charges at police with scissors while stating "I win. I am stronger than you." Officers make the mistake of responding with a Taser rather than rocks
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Police in western Mexico find four severed heads. In other news, it's a day that ends in Y
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Food industry: Customers, we hear you. You hate GMOs. Rather than force a bunch of new regulations, we'll start labeling foods that use them with a few exceptions, the main one being that we'll only do it when we want. We good now?
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You never had a female math teacher, let alone a hottie that wants to extrapolate your outlying segments
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Russian billionaire in frantic last-ditch effort to save stray dogs and miniature giraffes of Sochi
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Free checking accounts are vanishing at an alarming rate, and it's all your fault. And yours. Yours too. And you. But not you; your money is hidden in a coffee can under your bed. But it is YOUR fault too, you over there
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Seeing a kiss from inside the mouth is pretty damn gross. The stained teeth don't help
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Guess what they pay for a Big Mac in Norway. Go on, guess
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| Thu February 06, 2014 |
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While mainland parents are up in arms over schools throwing out perfectly good pizza lunches, schools in Hawaii serve escargot, also sparking outrage
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What do you give a penguin who is depressed? You give them anti-depressants... duh
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Old and Busted: Smoking weed before class. New Hotness: Smoking weed in class
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Protip: Never hand over all of your jewelry, your life savings, and the contents of your safety deposit box to a guy you just met in a Walmart parking lot
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Owner of a Wendy's franchise shut down by a fire will continue to pay his employees because "it's the right thing to do"
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Smokers will need to fetch an older copy of cigarettes.txt from CVS after October 1st
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Photoshop Challenge: Create a new error message screen to replace the vaunted "blue screen of death"
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One of the thieves who stole a Stradivarius violin last month goes by the unlikely name of "Universal Knowledge Allah." Also, the violin has been found
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Will NBC show the glitz or the reality? Will the USA win? Will we complain and make juvenile comments? It's your east coast prime time spoiler free Olympic viewing discussion thread
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Trying to sell stolen items in public is fraught with risks - including trying to sell them back to the person you originally stole them from
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"Don't be Atlanta" says Portland DOT
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There is no way anybody could possibly find offense in this school lunch in honor of black history
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About 11 percent of today's teenagers develop depression so deep that not even a trophy can fix it
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British Lord addicted to drugs and booze beat his wife over a 22-year period. The Aristocrat
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a pony making a late-night trip to a cash machine to check if its finances were stable
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Tyra's new baby is 2 days old, 165 pounds and six and a half feet tall. Awww
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Noah's urine fell onto the head and face of a cop, and he was pleased. He was also arrested
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So what does one do with $342 worth of stolen cat food in Clearwater?
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Gentlemen; allow me to present the future of porn. (link is SFW)
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People are smuggling goods into Sochi to make sure they don't end up looking or smelling like Russians
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Do you pickle vegetables from your garden for the winter? Do you do a quick pickle for any meals you're serving up to add a flavor curveball? What are your secrets to a good pickle? Show us the goods
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Photoshop this flying hare
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Hey Utards, this is how you do it. "Houston man pays delinquent lunch accounts for 60 elementary school kids"
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US Senator finally steps in to solve real problem in Sochi: The lack of yogurt
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Cincinnati's floating restaurant breaks loose and floats downriver....again
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Police investigating after dead body found at cemetery
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If you're wanted for stealing a million bucks from your client, maybe you want to make sure you set a little of that aside to make sure your car's got an up-to-date inspection sticker
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In Germany today, women who kill their abusive husbands are more likely to be jailed for murder than husbands who beat their wives to death, thanks to law passed in 1941. Gee... the more you hear about the Nazis, the harder it is to like them
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Wife accused of assaulting husband with toast and butter. Authorities are hoping the violence doesn't spread
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The latest dire threat to our economy is ... *spins wheel* ... dressing your daughter in pink
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Go home, semi, you're drunk, and forgot how to truck
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Michigan bar after social media uproar over a sign posted in their window: No, our sign says "No Colors" with an "s" and NO "ed", we're a biker bar trying to keep MC's from rumbling in our bar, NOT racists
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In the wake of all these winter storms and the destruction they wreak on the roads, here's some tips on how to avoid pothole damage to your car. 1) Don't drive through potholes
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Moscow's squirrels are being abducted off the trees and sold into a life of slavery
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Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Beaver and Lynx Hang Out Together
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Car thief caught and sent to jail after police analyze cigarette he left behind. Headline goes on to say he got smoked, his butt is in jail and searches for some British word for discarded cigarettes to tie this whole ugly mess together
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Why did the chicken cross the road? The truck it was riding in overturned. Fark.com: PETA wants to put up a memorial to the ex-chickens
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Afghan Taliban release footage of captured military dog. The poor bastards don't realize the hell they've unleashed, seeing as what Americans will do to rescue a dog
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Not news: Driver gets hit by another car. Fark: The car that hit him was the same one that was car jacked from him the day before
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Sign war between rival tax services is normally nothing of interest - then you have these guys
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A map of major US cities that show where people go running most often; and by "running" they presumably mean "for exercise" and not "from the police" or "for their lives"
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Surprisingly, lack of safe tap water, spartan hotel rooms, unfinished construction, roving wild dogs, violence towards gays, wifi hackers and the threat of terrorism is not attracting foreign spectators to Sochi
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Meanwhile, uploaders seem to be a whole lot more into threesomes recently and after a brief dip in popularity in 2007, "secretary" and "boss" are on the upswing too
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Texas judge orders "affluenza" teen into rehab. Medical experts plan to suck all the money out of his parents bank account to pay for the treatment until such time he no longer has to worry about their money
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"Dear Prudence: How do I tell my son he's a literal bastard?"
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N.C. restaurant delivers hot grits with unmanned drone
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Walgreens: You need cigarettes? Come to us
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Virginia governor Terry McAuliffe wants to improve government with top-shelf liquor
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Pro tip 1: If carrying 500 bags of crack and heroin in your minivan, make sure your brake lights are working. Pro tip 2: If carrying 500 bags of crack and heroin in your minivan, make sure none of it is in plain sight
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Police commissioner resigns because: A) Bribery? B) Sex scandal? or C) He ran over some ducks?
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Only one state could lead the US in unpaid, seriously delinquent mortgages
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Man charged with arson says the fire was accidental. So was the second fire he set. The third one, too. "He said he may have been trying to smoke a cigarette too close to a house in January, but didn't remember"
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Photoshop this femme fatale
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Eight months after Twitter was called "a menace to society" Turkey which wants to get into the EU badly passes a law that tightens its control over the Internet. So no cursing guys
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Severe budget cuts are significantly impacting the ability of the IRS to persecute conservatives
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Today's headline that you never thought you'd see: "Will Ambassador Samantha Power Go On Tour With Pussy Riot?"
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Happy fiftieth birthday to the first and greatest action figure line of all time, G.I. Joe, the team whose battles against C.O.B.R.A. were almost as legendary as their inability to accurately hit targets with their guns
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If the news story is about giant cyborg cockroaches, you just know Japan is involved somehow
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Protip: If you are expecting 10 lbs. of cheeba, for the love of all that is holy DO NOT call the post office to the point where the cops are called
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Area man, not wanted or suspected of anything, is on the run
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Drug dealer denies all knowledge of heroin found taped to his testicles - tells police 'some filthy woman' must have put it there
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Russian Minister warns Olympic athletes to "leave the kids alone." Also warns that if they don't eat their meat, they can't have any pudding
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Article asks if you would give up sex for the cellphone. Of course not. What a stupid question. Now, about the tablet... well... um
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CDC: Toxicity of water now at level where it's unlikely to do any more damage to West Virginians than they already do to themselves
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New persistent aerial surveillance system is the eye in the sky, looking at you, can read your mind. Also is the maker of rules, dealing with fools, can steal you blind
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Neo-Portland police release sketch of man accused of exposing tentacle-like appendage to children. TETSUUUUOOOOOOO
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Parking your fire engine on the center divide while helping victims at the scene of a serious car accident? That's a handcuffing
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Man goes out to find out why a full-face tattooed man can't get a job, with surprising results
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Man decides the best solution to curb complaints about his constant masturbation is to start a fire
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What do you know, the "evil twin" defense actually works
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British Prime Minister to convene emergency Cobra meeting to deal with floods, G.I. Joe incursions
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If you're easily scared off by a Big Mouth Billy Bass, perhaps burglary is not the career for you
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Student thinks it's funny to take a selfie of herself with a cadaver while on a school field trip, school officials think she's dead wrong
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Remember those "fainting goats?" Well, some humans have the same affliction. God loves a good joke, no matter what species
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 457: "Blur 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 05, 2014 |
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Subway to remove yoga mats, shoe rubber and synthetic leather from its bread
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A large, unidentified* naked man thought to be on drugs attacked several people and then attempted to eat a teen's face off. Good to know that Tuesdays are still the same in South Florida. *He didn't have a wallet
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Target hackers got in through the ventilation system, bypassed security that went from suck to blow
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Massive, near-record-size python discovered in Florida's Everglades, submitter's pants
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Spanish cargo ship breaks into dos pieces off French coast, may cinco
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Toothpaste tube bombs are the latest security threat. Hillbillies are free to skip the TSA patdown
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If you go to Sochi, among all the other pleasantries, you might get the chance to use an authentic local person's pillow. Sleep tight
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Feb. 5 is National Weatherperson's Day. No one could have predicted that
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Employee at Whole Foods fired for calling off work because Chicago Public Schools called a snow day and she had to stay at home and take care of her special needs child. Shockingly, the uppity hipster outrage has yet to start
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Photoshop Toronto mayor Rob Ford
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Not News: Woman buys Lincoln from the dealership Subby works at. News: She drives it into a local Kroger store, taking out a register. Fark: She did the same thing 15 years ago. UltraFark: She did it intentionally this time
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I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem. What's the n***** gonna do? He's Samoan
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Satellite imagery illustrates just how farked California is due to drought conditions
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Hear that, Mr. Coal Miner? Mr. Fireman? Ms. Nurse? The 1% make more money because they work harder than you do
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Man says he can't perform DUI test because he can't dance like Britney Spears. Wait, Britney Spears can dance?
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This map names the worst person from each state. Except Mizzura. I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Mizzura
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This story has everything: Chuck Yeager, Judge Judy, HOAs, the Oak Ridge Boys, Laughlin, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, throw-up music and none other than Pierre, the Muslim Elvis Impersonator. OK, it might not have some of those things
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Anorexia patient told by ER nurse to "go get some supper"
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13 year old boy rapes his 8 year old sister. Let's place the blame where it truly belongs, the Xbox he used to watch the porn that inspired him
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Hey man, sometimes you have to cheat on a test. In the Navy. To run a nuclear reactor
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Photoshop one of the most epic screengrabs in television history
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Police would like you to know you don't need to call them about the man who appears to be sleepwalking in the snow wearing nothing but his underpants. It's just art
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Thin Mints, Samoas, and Trefoils are no match for Hot Lead. WTFark explains
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Headline: Popularity of selfies extends to toddlers. Translation: People who take selfies are like toddlers
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Almost a year later, the crack COB of the LAPD concludes that 8 officers involved in a manhunt for a rogue officer who fired more than a 100 rounds in a vehicle being driven by two middle-aged women, really shouldn't oughta have done that
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Connected to a Russian network while at Sochi for the Olympics? Congrats--you've been hacked
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Don't you hate it when your GPS sends you down the wrong road and you end up facing three years in prison?
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One in eight drivers does not have a valid license, which is just about what you suspected every morning
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It's always important to mind your manners. Even when you're stealing $100 from a gas station
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When you 'go off the grid' you don't tell people "I'm going off the grid', you just 'go off the grid'. Unless of course you're trying to pump up your tinfoil hat teevee show ratings, then it's okay
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Honest, I only lost on Jeopardy because I couldn't work the buzzer right
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Unmarried Catholic school teacher fired after she becomes pregnant. Wait, didn't an an unwed single mother feature rather prominently in the '"origin story" of this religion??
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The head of Saudi Arabia's religious police says they will remove extremists from their ranks without even a hint of irony
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Apparently, the Taliban are broke. Thanks Obama
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Lay's asked people to design potato chip bags with new flavors. The internet obliged
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Flippin man arrested by Flippin police for selling flippin drugs to Flippin junkies
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Cat disappears for three years, comes back fatter. Meat pie factory denies knowledge, or fattening cat up for new savoury filling
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Donkey sanctuary hopes to attract volunteers by offering regular 'donkey cuddles' to everyone who shows up, punches for those who stay more than a week
source: u.tv | share:
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Justin Bieber smoked the fish on private jet for Super Bowl, made pilots wear oxygen masks on flight so they wouldn't pass out
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The head of the Mormon church is to appear before court on charges of fraud for basically making people believe in religion
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A thirsty Curiosity Rover finds a way to top off the fluids on Mars
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George Foreman V accused of beating his wife. Police grill him
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CVS announces that it will stop selling all tobacco products by October 1. Well, I guess that's it for smokers, then...they'll never be able to find cigarettes, now
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The 'bomb' found at an English pub more likely to give you a blow-dry than blow you up
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Physicist uses math to show why red light camera times are too short: "This is Physics 101, you should know this. I shouldn't have to explain Newton`s laws of motion to you"
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A blind lemur has been handed a new lease of life--after being given his very own guide dog
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"I am 72, and I am having the best sex I've ever had in my life," claims woman who clearly has dementia
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East Baltimore man reveals that his neighborhood is reminiscent of The Wire and everyone is so poor they don't even know what a selfie is. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
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Ah, the old, "I thought the gun had blanks" murder defense
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In the "Who abuses children the best?", please welcome our contestants: A) Syrian rebels, B) Syrian government or C) your creepy uncle Ted. *drumroll* And the winner is....ah crap, it's a tie
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Photoshop this wall contemplator
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"Utah study will scan brains of returned Mormon missionaries." error, bleeeeep..... CALIBRATE MACHINE ERROR_PATH_NOT_FOUND x69drnk-e932200stoopid23
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If there's a subway strike, that makes every day Ride Your Horse To Work Day
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US Navy: "Any town want an aircraft carrier for a museum or memorial? Sorry, your plan isn't viable, nor yours, nor yours either." Scrap company: "You give us a penny to take it." US Navy: "Sold"
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The TSA discovered a single loaded Glock inside a passenger's carry-on at Reagan National Airport. See? It's all worth it
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There's bad dog, then there's "dog-ate-my-£80,000 Aston Martin" bad. Meet the latter dog and his work
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Father of the year candidate rescues two teenage daughters from riot, then goes back to take part in riot
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Teacher hides touching farewell message to departing students in their final exam. 10% of students can't solve the problem
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One in five women say they were "deeply disappointed" by their husband's proposal, with most complaining the diamond ring was too small, the proposal wasn't romantic enough and it wasn't done on bended knee before an audience of all her friends
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"Do you know who I am. I am Robert Radford. The baddest mother (fornicator) around. I am going to kick your (hindquarters). You are (a female dog) and a mother (fornicator)." Radford, of Vero Beach, was arrested on a disorderly intoxication charge
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"The same way as everybody sees it, I see it. I'm not OK with anybody exploiting anybody, I'm not OK with pimping, or whatever the name is, I'm not OK with that," said woman charged with pimping, or whatever the name is, a 13-year-old girl
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The honeymoon period with Pope Francis is coming to an end. Which is good since he wasn't supposed to be married in the first place
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NJ towns have no road salt, discover piles of it at Met Life Stadium - three days after the balmy Super bowl
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Fark-Ready Headline: Sleeping Florida man arrested in drive-thru, offers cops taco as I.D. from inside burning car
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Showing the speed and efficiency the NYPD is known for when confronted with any OD death in their city, four arrests made linked to Phillip Seymour Hoffman's heroin stash
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'Compulsion Orgasmic' is a condition characterized by the near-constant desire to achieve orgasm - Also known as being a guy
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To help save the planet would you be willing to share a blender or a waffle iron with everyone on your street?
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Four pupils beat a schoolmate with a belt and another filmed himself skinning live cats. Principal: boys will be boys
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College decides to re-think its guns-on-campus policy after shooting in parking lot. The change? Now they're gonna let more students have guns in their cars
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You want a toe Jesus? I can get you a toe Jesus... with nail polish
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Coca-Cola: the favorite drink of Nazi pilots
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States with legalized medical marijuana have been shown to have lower suicide rates than those that don't. Cool tag gets the munchies, spiffy tag steps in
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School placed on lockdown and the bomb squad was called in due to suspicious: A) toy gun; B) abandoned box; C) pillows
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| Tue February 04, 2014 |
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Come for a frog riding a beetle, stay for dancing mantises. 2014 Sony World Photography awards
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Woman mounts diarrhea defense in hit-and-run crash
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When you're married to a cocaine dealer, getting attacked by a sword goes with the territory
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As punishment, the student who memorialized Philip Seymour Hoffman without permission will be forced to write "I'm a fuggin' idiot" 1,000 times on the blackboard
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Who needs hotels with lightbulbs, TVs, lamps, chairs, curtains, wifi, heat, working toilets, hotel lobbies, electrical outlets that are not just plates screwed into drywall and clean running water? Not the journalists arriving at Sochi
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Colorado HS wanted to have a 'Murica Monday. School officials nixed the idea as being in poor taste. Changed to America Day. Naturally 'Muricans are having a problem with this
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Photoshop le chat noir's late night adventure
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