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Sun January 12, 2014
(Courier Mail)
 
 
 
Ladies and Gentlemen, from the land that brought you Clock Spider, please welcome Toilet Snake
source: couriermail.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News On 6 Tulsa)
 
 
 
"Ew, he naked"
source: newson6.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AsiaOne)
 
 
 
While your ass kissing cubemate gets a $25 gift card to WalMart for being an outstanding employee, remember that his peer in China gets to be with a porn star in a 5 star hotel all expense paid
source: news.asiaone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Amazing photos of continuing eruptions of Indonesia's Mt. Sinabung. Plastic bags are not a toy, children
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The Pope baptizes a bastard
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
You are more likely to die during sex than you'd expect. Well, not you per se, but some people in the world who have frequent intercourse with a partner
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: If dogs ruled the world
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cheezburger)
 
 
 
"Hey, can we use your pool? There's a moose in ours"
source: cheezburger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Maryland Community News)
 
 
 
Maryland politicians think school zone speed cameras would be more profitable if they also wrote tickets when schools were closed
source: gazette.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCHS Charleston)
 
 
 
CEO Gary Southern sips bottled water while attempting to dodge hot, persistent reporter's fluid questions about Freedom Industries poisoning the water of 300,000 in W. Va. Gulp
source: wchstv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
In shocking news, the US had the fewest number of lightning related deaths since records began in 1940
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
We have the worlds largest maple leaf. Wow that's re..wait a minute. Jesus, we're just a country of cliches. When are we getting a Canada tag?
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CT)
 
 
 
One guess which country doesn't hit the Top 50 for being the most difficult to be a Christian in? Go ahead, take a wild guess
source: christianitytoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Drone pilots have nothing on foxes in the snow
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
World's. Longest. Legs. (w/pics)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
NH house to decide if pot is cool or not. Hopefully, the decriminalization will puff, pass
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: If cats ruled the world
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Not News: Wife sues ex for missing child support payments. News: He did pay, it was a paperwork screw up. Fark: Judge orders him to pay ex's lawyer bill and throws him in jail for refusing
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Sheriff's office posts pictures of broken down police cruisers and other equipment so taxpayers know their money isn't going to necessary improvements
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
OK, Farkers. Aaron Paul just raised the bar for making an impression on your significant other
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Today is the 13th Annual No Pants Subway Ride, which has even spread to China (w/reasonably SFW pics)
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
So what you are saying is that British civilisation began in a trailer park in Norfolk?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"Soon the crucial distinction will be between those with meaningful college degrees and those with worthless ones." Jubal Harshaw unavailable for comment
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania could lose $320 million in tobacco settlement money because the state didn't do enough to help the big tobacco companies sell more tobacco in PA. *cough* Tobacco
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Permit to kill black rhino auctioned in Texas. Winner reportedly upset when he found out he would have to travel to Namibia
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS4Denver - KCNC)
 
 
 
"Woman at red light hit by car driven by chihuahua"
source: denver.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Politicians who support "big agriculture" and factory farms are plunging the US into an antibiotics nightmare because bacteria are adapting a resistance to drugs and there might be a global pandemic that would destroy us all. Or not
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buffalo News)
 
 
 
Inside the mind of a right-wing radio host including the time he stood outside in a blizzard looking for government agents who were spying on him while wearing special government shoes that don't leave footprints in snow
source: buffalonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
Traditional American masculinity is on its way out, and men have no one to blame but themselves. Men are useless trifecta now in play
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
Yawn: bird dives in river, catches fish. OMG: fish jumps out of river, catches bird (w/video)
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
You're a non-hugger. You're in the workplace. There, up ahead, from the second row of cubicles, you see her emerge: A hugger. She's headed your way, smiling, arms extended. What do you do? What. Do. You. Do?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Travelling to America, comrade? Remember, bribery is illegal, their woman are very uptight, "see you later" is a lie, and they never, ever stop smiling. Ever
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Men are obsolete. Or will be after we get rid of that spider in the tub
source: ideas.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Hooter Hunts Hicks
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
USPS ordered to rehire a National Guardsman they fired in 2000. Postal officials say they rehired him in 2001, but are surprised that he never got the letter
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Have you been at your job longer than 4.6 years? Congratulations - you're above average
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this deep thinker
source: i.huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
40,000 bees found nesting at Miami airport hoping to hitch a ride to Pollenesia
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
There's mean and then there's "keeping a puppy meant for a girl with leukemia" mean
source: nbclosangeles.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Tips for donating blood. Always B positive
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Your cat thinks you're a much larger cat with good taste in food
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Banks blunt pot investments
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
America's oldest teenager dies
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Coming up at the top of the hour, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, around 3 hours of music hosted live on public radio by a Farker. LGT stream on TuneIn.com
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Stage hypnotist dies after falling off balcony. He must have been verrrry sleeeepy
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat January 11, 2014
(Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 
 
Man wins argument over whether the gun being pointed at him will fire
source: homicides.suntimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Philadelphia is searching for the swiss cheese masturbator. Why would you want to find someone like that?
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
The time has come to ban smoking on playgrounds, because those children with their Camels and Marlboros are becoming bothersome
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Protip: naming your daughter "Sparkles" guarantees she will turn out like this
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this overly excited fashion model
source: fashionblog.com.ua   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Bad news: Because of your serious head injuries, you've forgotten who your wife of 26 years is. Good news: You get to fall in love with her, all over again
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Cute teen sex-change sweethearts break up: "We will always share a unique bond" (w/pics)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
"The number-one thing is, you have to know history to actually teach it. That seems like an obvious point, but sometimes it's ignored in schools"
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Wire)
 
 
 
Not that you don't know this by now, but cancer sticks have officially been bad for you for 50 years now
source: thewire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Teenage girl in Canada who sent some dirty pictures found guilty of "distributing child pornography"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Let's see how Grossinger's Catskill Resort Hotel - once the king of the "Borscht Belt" - is doing. OY vey
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Herald Bulletin)
 
 
 
SSDD: Church minister in small, conservative Indiana town fires gay man that was in leadership position. TheTimesTheyAreAChangin: 80% of their congregation QUITS because of it
source: heraldbulletin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The financial benefits of being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. Which is something all Farkers can relate to, obviously
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spiegel)
 
 
 
Photoshop these saber swingers skipping through their ring of fire
source: cdn1.spiegel.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it
source: autos.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Your dog wants chicken nuggets (w/video)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Family's newly-built castle burns right to the ground. Could have been worse, they could have built it right in the middle of a swamp
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy without a soul)
 
 
 
Today is International Lose Your Soul Day, AKA: Kiss a Ginger Day
source: hotforginger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Smoldering hot married Pennsylvania teacher arrested for the second time for having sex with a student. Bonus: a different student
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Good news and bad news for legal pot dealers. Good: The government isn't interested in you. Bad: The Mexican cartels are coming to kill you
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Good news, tweakers: Coffee is not a diuretic and meets part of your daily hydration needs. What a relief
source: spirehealthcare.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science World Report)
 
 
 
Gonorrhea and Syphilis making a big comeback, announce US tour dates in San Francisco, West Hollywood, Ft. Lauderdale, Provincetown
source: scienceworldreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(American Live Wire)
 
 
 
The latest "craze" is the Pound A Day Diet which purports to turn your chubby, flat-footed, mastodon-like body into a glistening, oiled Adonis in 40 days or less
source: americanlivewire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Amazon)
 
 
 
For this price these sneakers better come with wings that let me fly
source: amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wired)
 
 
 
Little Bobby Tables under threat by Australian police
source: wired.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveJournal)
 
 
 
Caption what's being whispered in her ear
source: ic.pics.livejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
"Was that wrong? Was I NOT supposed to do that?"
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Spiffy: Light aircraft makes a successful forced landing on a beach. Fail: The ensuing take-off puts the aircraft nose down in the water. The children "thoroughly enjoyed it" (w/ video of take-off)
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
Wait, are you trying to tell me doctors and Big Pharma are teaming up to tell the American public not to buy multivitamins? Say it ain't so
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
NewsFlash
 
Ariel Sharon is no longer in a coma
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(eCanada Now)
 
 
 
CDC says that 75% of teens fail to meet basic fitness guidelines. The other 25% were too winded getting off the couch to take the test
source: ecanadanow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Somalia rebel group bans the Internet. Dozens of Somalians immediately ask "What's the Internet?"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
Say what you will about Tammy Faye Bakker, but back in the 80s while Jim Bakker was interviewing Colonel Sanders, she was one of the lone voices of AIDS activism and extremely tolerant of homosexuality
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop this gas passer
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Story of British charity runner beaten up in Alberta town garners dozens of international headlines, hundreds of supporters, thousands in donations and exactly zero tips to police about what actually happened
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
There's no tiptoeing around it, these are definitely the world's five weirdest cocktails. So...when's the next Fark party?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
"Barn Buddies" program gives unwanted and unadoptable cats a second chance at life. But in a very welcome change, it's the people who have to wait - the program keeps running out of cats. Caturday approves of this problem
source: winnipeg.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Fifteen million tonnes of food worth more than £19 billion is thrown away in Britain every year because: A) It's tainted, B) It's lost in transit, or C) It's ugly
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Despite twenty-one arrests for drug possession, DUIs, and other miscellaneous crimes, woman says she's more than fit to hold elected office
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
"A trip to Costco is more than that--it's a spiritual pilgrimage"
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Just so the rich don't feel left out: Neiman Marcus says hackers took their credit card data too
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
If you think "the deep dark woods" is a fantastic place for a first date as suggested by those two teenage girls you met online on a dating site, Admiral Ackbar would like a word with you
source: thelocal.se   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Outside Online)
 
 
 
Not news: documenting your epic ski run with a GoPro. Definitely news: documenting your plane crashing into the Pacific Ocean with a GoPro
source: outsideonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
Faced with repeated thefts of mile marker 420 signs, Colorado comes up with novel solution
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Pimp sues Nike for $100 million because there was no warning label in the Jordans he wore when he stomped the shiat out of a john that refused to pay his ho. That brother's got no sole
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Here's the story of the man who saved Hitler's life in WWI. And you thought YOU had regrets
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri January 10, 2014
(KCCI Des Moines)
 
 
 
Not News: Little boy donates $18.59 to replace lost library books. News: Locals start spontaneously matching his gift. Shakespeare: So shines a good deed in a weary world
source: kcci.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
New trend that encourages friends to skol a beer, film it, then dob in their friends has swept Australian social media and confused the rest of the English-speaking world
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Seven British things that Americans just don't understand
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
"Dear Plumber's Forum: You're never gonna believe what happened when this lady called me to come out and thaw her pipes"
source: blog.al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Latest Japanese trend is sexy lingerie for men. Bro/Manssiere debate to the right
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Unsurprisingly, the Northeast spent the polar vortex watching a crap-ton of porn
source: dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Next time you're having trouble finding a parking space to store your car and have to resort to going to a parking garage make sure they're not demolishing it first
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop these people in packing peanuts
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)
 
 
 
Take your best shot at answering why this town has been without internet for all of 2014... or take several shots with a .410 shotgun
source: newsminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
British woman has experimental surgery to change her eye color from brown to blind
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seattle Times)
 
 
 
Federal judge on Renoir painting: "It belongs in a museum, Martha Fuqua"
source: seattletimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
There's stupid. There's Peter. There's creationists. And then there's this woman, who sued her lawyer for negligence because he didn't tell her that getting a divorce would mean the end of her marriage
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Investigators baffled by mysterious disappearance of two men who went missing more than a week ago on fishing trip in Georgia, hold out hope for their Deliverance
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTSP)
 
 
 
Week after lion escape, woman gored by deer at Survival Outreach Sanctuary, where the "survival" apparently refers to the visitors
source: wtsp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Apparently the economy is now so bad that landing a $25k/year gig at a non-profit requires 8 hours of non-stop interviews after which you are expected to plan and cook a dinner party for senior staff at the director's house
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Caption this picture of a John McCain with his newly adopted puppy
source: pbs.twimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
Male college student's request for a "religious accommodation" to not be required to work or interact with female students may finally spark a serious, long-overdue national conversation about cooties
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop this boy bathing in a bucket
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wisconsin Gazette)
 
 
 
U.S. government to recognize Utah gay marriages even if Utah won't
source: wisconsingazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Connecticut News Blogs)
 
 
 
Freezing temperatures? What better time to drain your pool.... onto the curvy, hill street. (With photos of predictable results)
source: blog.ctnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Target: Did we say 70 million victims? We meant 110 million
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Dirty liberal hippie artist creates "art" project guaranteed to offend everyone
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"I was kidnapped by lap dancers wearing miniskirts, stilettos and Daisy Duke shorts"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
After a week of cold, here's the Fark Weird News Quiz to warm you back up
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Family of 91-year-old woman who died during the George Washington Bridge lane closures not blaming NJ Governor Christie for her death because everyone has a time for dying and hers was meant to be in a traffic jam
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Westword)
 
 
 
Come ski Colorado, now free of Texans
source: blogs.westword.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Firefighters fight fire with beer because they're professionals
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Catholic blogger spins the Wheel of Persecution and lands on... KFC, for calling Christmas carols "stupid" in a commercial. Help, help, I'm being repressed
source: catholicvote.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Stodgy ASU rules keep college president from getting any nookie on her home turf
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Network World)
 
 
 
Target: Did we say 40 million victims? We meant 70 million
source: networkworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Woody from Toy Story arrested on sex charges. "There's a snake in my boot... and my pants... heh, heh, heh"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Colorado Springs Gazette)
 
 
 
"Hello, police, I'd like information on my child's car seat... why are putting on your robe and wizard hat?"
source: gazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
It's panties AND a sex toy. Genius
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Macon Telegraph)
 
 
 
Murder suspect brings us the word of the day: "gynophagia, sexual arousal from seeing someone eaten"
source: macon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Coast Guard rescues crewman with severed foot. Seems like a life preserver would have worked better
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
"Despite a judge's ruling, relations between the woman and the snow plow company are still frosty"
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Daily)
 
 
 
Ancient hominid, "Nutcracker Man", had strong jaws, lived on grass and nuts, fought his sworn enemies, the mice
source: sciencedaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
So...turns out al Qaeda controls more territory now than ever. So, we got that going for us
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Standard Digital (Kenya))
 
 
 
Let him who has not celebrated the new year by having "carnal knowledge of a donkey" cast the first stone
source: standardmedia.co.ke   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquirer Philippines)
 
 
 
Australia, land down under: Where whatever isn't poisonous will likely try to burrow into your ear. G'day, mate
source: newsinfo.inquirer.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Local)
 
 
 
Did they use the back door?
source: abclocal.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
Video
 
Meth Girl steals Sheriff's cruiser and takes off for 120-mph chase. Come for the GTA dash-cam, stay for the non-stop incoherent babble (language is Not safe for work)
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Five most likely reasons your new year's resolutions have failed even though we're only a week in to the new year
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
That whole anonymity thing on the Internet? Yeah, about that
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Documentary investigates whether or not a town can be saved by...shop class?
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Everyone who planned on visiting the Iowa State Fair can relax: the fair has abandoned its plan to force you to buy tickets for food. So good news for anyone planning on taking the most boring vacation ever
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Maui News)
 
 
 
Genie Lift touches power lines, releasing magic smoke. No word on who wished for a power outage, or how many wishes they have left
source: mauinews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
I'm no lawyer, but even if you don't like the way a cop is treating you during a traffic stop you probably shouldn't grab his ticketbook before locking yourself in your car
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
"Found in his rectum were a bag of synthetic marijuana, a socket for a wrench used for smoking, four bracelets, four necklaces, and 11 ladies rings"
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Six New Jersey residents have filed a class-action suit against Chris Christie, saying he took away their liberty. Because apparently getting caught in a traffic jam is now a violation of your constitutional rights
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tumblr)
 
 
 
Photoshop these turbine techs
source: 25.media.tumblr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kare11)
 
 
 
There's drunk, and then there's "amputations on parts of both feet" drunk
source: kare11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baton Rouge Advocate)
 
 
 
Police racked their brains trying to figure out how to find teens who had been stealing cars. And then it hit them
source: theadvocate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Google expands its Navy
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
ɹǝʌo sʇuıɹdǝnןq ǝɥʇ dıןɟ 'sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
10 Steak. 9 Steak. 8 Steak. 7 Steak. 6 Steak. 5 Steak. 4 Steak. 3 Steak. 2 Steak. 1 Steak
source: shine.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Pregnant woman attacks roommate in argument over butter
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
School lunch lady, busted for having sex with her friend's teenage son, raises the question: how come no lunch ladies looked like that when I was in school?
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSAZ West Virginia)
 
 
 
Water has a lot of awesome uses... unless you live in one of five counties in West Virginia; in those cases you're limited to flushing the crapper and putting out couch fires
source: wsaz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Topless Robot)
 
 
 
A review of the new Grilled Stuft Nacho, of which Taco Bell has been marketing by showing commercials which imply the food is designed to be eaten while running away from the father of the underage girl you just tried to f*ck
source: toplessrobot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The college bubble isn't bursting, mostly because it isn't a bubble
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Washington DC: Our plastic bag tax has hugely reduced their use. YAY, environment. Critics: OK, then why are you collecting the same amount in taxes now as you did 4 years ago? DC: Uhhh..hey, did you catch that Chris Christie news conference?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Australia and Brazil are suffering through a major heatwa-AWWWWW BABY BATS WRAPPED UP LIKE BURRITOS AND DRINKING MILK OUT OF TINY LITTLE BABY BOTTLES
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Getting hornswoggled by satirical news sites: it's not just for China or your credulous old relatives anymore
source: thelocal.se   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Now that smoking has been banned in public places, restaurants, and bars, the time has come to ban smoking in apartment buildings
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Both a park district and public library rejected a $3,000 cash donation by a man because of his staunch atheism, but a food pantry gladly accepted the money, because they're not assholes
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Foster Farms: Always Natural, Always Fresh. Sometimes infested with cockroaches
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 09, 2014
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Staples cuts part time employee hours in order to exploit an Affordable Care Act loophole. That was sleazy
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox NY)
 
 
 
Man smashes car into gas station and steals banana because...This didn't happen in Florida? Huh
source: myfoxny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Parents: "Our daughter is sick, please help us." Boston Medical Center: "Go away, she's ours now"
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
"Nice ride... but what's that crunching sound?" "Must be that woman trying to chew her way into the car"
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Butter consumption spreads to 40-year high, smears Margarine in popularity
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Afghani woman gets death threats for teaching literacy. And when I say "Afghanistan," I mean "University of North Carolina"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sweet ride in hell
source: stevemccurry.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Outrage (and click)-generating headline: "Woman hit with misdemeanor charge after rescuing stray dog from freezing cold" Actual Story: for filing a false police report and lying to cops about where she found the dog
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Reasons to not go to Florida: Alligators, hurricanes .... EARTHQUAKES?
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
Attention St. Louis area Farkers: Beginning on Saturday, smartly dressed females will be going door-to-door offering habit-forming treats in exchange for your money. You have been warned
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Your flight is cancelled. Do you C) punch and kick the airline gate agent?
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Dead Lion found hanging in his cage at Indonesian zoo, unclear why the guards didn't have him on suicide watch before this
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(About.com)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: Dried herbs and spices are convenient, but fresh ones are preferred.. right? Do you go through herbs quickly enough to always keep fresh ones on hand? Other ways to make fresh herbs last? Grow your own?
source: cookingfortwo.about.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Geoengineering could bring severe drought to tropics, uninspired compact cars to midlatitudes
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Survey finds that bosses are more satisified with their jobs than employees. But still not as satisfied with their jobs as those paid to conduct this survey
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this girl selling roadside flowers in Oklahoma, 1973
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KUTV Utah)
 
 
 
If your eccentric cousin worked the front desk of the In-Vitro Clinic where clients drop off their sperm, your family reunions may have an ever-growing story for years to cum
source: kutv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
What is the worst thing a guest has done in your home?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJHL Tri-Cities)
 
 
 
Woman turns off her water. Gets $3k water bill
source: wjhl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Redlit Farkers take note: The secrits of grate headline writing
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Researchers in Japan plan a "controlled nuclear reactor meltdown" in nuclear industry's first use of Pee-wee Herman's "I meant to do that" PR strategy
source: worldnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
When you read about "The Poverty Line" in America, keep in mind the line was originally set in 1963 and it assumes all houses have a full-time housewife who is a "skilled cook" and "careful shopper" to stretch their budget
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wisconsin Gazette)
 
 
 
4 hours, 4 Super Bowl meals and countless "mmm, that's good"s with Guy Fieri
source: wisconsingazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Dead girl's condition improving, says lawyer
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Kim Jong-un's aunt is alive but is in a vegetative state after an operation on a brain tumor. Kinda like Dennis Rodman
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
The made up threat to a made up currency is now becoming real, or something
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
It's against the rules to be a security guard and a groupie at the same time
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(South China Morning Post)
 
 
 
Apparently one of China's most prominent film directors loves having a big family. Unfortunately China doesn't, so they fine him 7.5 million yuan for violating family planning laws
source: scmp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bozeman Daily Chronicle)
 
 
 
Movement afoot to convene "common law grand juries" made up of citizens with little or no basis in law or competent governance. What could possibly go right?
source: bozemandailychronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Alaska may be the next state to reap some of the sweet, sweet tax revenue windfall that is legal marijuana
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
This soldier's coming home ceremony brought to you by Budweiser
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Now THIS is what this tag is for: Teen boy in Pakistan dies while saving his school by tackling a suicide bomber who was headed to the main gates
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Actual, working Walt Disney World roller coaster for sale on eBay, but you may be a little too big to ride it
source: thesent.nl   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Cop to drunken driver: "Come down out of the tree." Driver: "I'm an owl"
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
Not News: Loud booming sounds wake up neighborhood. News: From a burning city bus's tires as they explode. FARK: In front of subby's house
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gwinnett Daily Post)
 
 
 
Cops pay $80 cab ride for man that just walked 30 miles in freezing temps for a simple traffic court hearing
source: gwinnettdailypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
DOJ and DOE to US schools: Okay, time to knock off this "Zero tolerance" crap, and FFS stop having kids arrested for assault and battery every time they shoot a spitball at a teacher, mmm'kay?
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Before you go donating grandma's handbags to charity, check that there aren't thousands of dollars hidden in them. Otherwise the charity will make a big deal of your "donation" and you're not getting any of that money back
source: fundraising.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Sometimes naughty puppies chew your slippers, sometimes they blow up your house after chewing through can of deodorant
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Not-as-drunk Dennis Rodman apologizes for drunk Dennis Rodman
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Livingston Daily)
 
 
 
"Hi, I'm stuck in a tree house somewhere. No, I don't know where." Yes, alcohol was involved
source: livingstondaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Republic)
 
 
 
Want to stick it to the capitalists--but also to the hotties on campus? You might be a 'brocialist'
source: newrepublic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFAB Omaha)
 
 
 
Senator wants an end to mountain lion hunting. In Nebraska. Where there are 22 mountain lions
source: kfab.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Short List)
 
 
 
You'll never guess where a pizza with alligator meat, frogs legs and python is now being sold
source: shortlist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The CDC would like you to know that you're an alcoholic
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Bail set for man charged in 7 burglaries, crimes against fashion
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
University student hacks off his own penis and stabs his mother while stoned out of his head on mephedrone; his answer to 'Hey, how was your Christmas break dude?' from fellow students to produce slack-jawed, glassy-eyed horror
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Air guitar competition. New hotness: Air sex competition
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(International Business Times)
 
 
 
A South African preacher is taking the whole "God's flock" schtick a little too seriously
source: ibtimes.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: "Bus driver contests termination after Hello Kitty duct tape incident"
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
If you taunt police 'come and find me', don't look surprised when they find and get you
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Toddler from expletive filled video removed from the home. When asked to comment, the boy replied "I do believe this is a travesty. In due time, the truth will come out, and my loving family will be absolved of any wrong doing." (paraphrased)
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Pope Francis eliminates "monsignor" honorific for priests, says that they should not have any titles, especially "prime suspect"
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
It's not just mics that are always hot in TV studios - so are earpieces, so don't refer to your anchor as the "farking big whore" and "the biatch" when throwing to her, even if it's just to see whether she'll flip you off on camera again (pics)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Desoto Times Tribune)
 
 
 
Cops arrest 2 on crime spree that included carjacking guy, hogtying him & abandoning him at Arby's. Those Monsters
source: desototimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Woman puts infant she was babysitting under a delivery van, abandons two other small children at a Burger King and runs screaming through a TJ Maxx store making bomb threats, becomes honorary resident of Florida
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
To the surprise of no one who has ever eaten at an Olive Garden, it turns out that it's actually healthier to hit the Mickey D's drive-thru than go to your average "sit-down" restaurant
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
He blesses Harley Davidsons, leaves prank voicemails with convents, sneaks out to mingle with the poor, and just picked up a hitchhiker in the Popemobile...he is the Most Interesting Pope in the World
source: religion.blogs.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Van catches fire after running over couch. Though to be fair, it was a Ford
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Why aren't young people interested in drinking? Because they've all seen their parents blitzed too many times: "It was the sight of intoxicated older people that helped put Liam off drinking for life"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Astronaut catches typhoon. Aren't there shots for that?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOAT Albuquerque)
 
 
 
Well, it's no wonder. Check it out, he's wearing gang clothes. What do you expect?
source: koat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Sure, he could've made sure the gun was unloaded before cleaning it, but where's the challenge in that?
source: barrow.patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Astorian)
 
 
 
Theft 101: Never ever in the history of crime has a motorized shopping cart outrun a police cruiser
source: dailyastorian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WLBZ2 Bangor)
 
 
 
It will be a cold day in Hell before I get a Total Fark subscription. Wait... what? Damn, sign me up then
source: wlbz2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WATE Knoxville)
 
 
 
Heroes rescue birds stuck in frozen pond, witnesses alternately described the birds as "duck," "duck," "duck," "goose"
source: wate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in the Southern Hemisphere it is so hot that zoos in Brazil are feeding lions meat popsicles. Bruce Willis approves
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post UK)
 
 
 
You can now go over Niagara Falls for the first time in your life. Bring an ice axe and crampons (pics)
source: huffingtonpost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Cops are cracking down... On reckless snow shoveling
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Toilet brush becomes protest symbol after riot police find one stuffed down man's trousers
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Police: He was belligerent, resisting. Suspect's Lawyer: That's what your report says, now let's go to the video. FBI, US Attorney: Yeah, let's go to that HOLY FARK. (w/ Video of "belligerence, resisting")
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
Photoshop this wave watcher
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
U.S. Forest Service: Remember that 2012 Wyoming wildfire you started? Will you be paying the $6.3 million by check or cash?
source: usnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWSB ABC 7)
 
 
 
Woman says she found bird skull in bag of frozen spinach; store feels proper compensation is a full refund of her $1.79
source: mysuncoast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buffalo News)
 
 
 
Son, I knew the Blizzard of '77, and you were no Blizzard of '77
source: buffalonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
After disagreement over space aliens, Pulitzer Prize winner's ex-wife pulled a gun from her vagina and held it to her boyfriend's head. Not the Pulitzer winner's head, her boyfriend's head. Just want to make that distinction clear
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Miami)
 
 
 
Today's Chuck-E-Cheese family pepper spray brawl is brought to you by the state of...well, you already know
source: nbcmiami.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Colorado restaurant unveils new menu that pairs marijuana strains with food types
source: newsfeed.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Things you don't want to do, if you know what's good for you: 1) Tug on Superman's cape. 2) Spit into the wind. 3) Pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger. 4) Call a Canadian "American"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
"My God, that's urinal cake. Good, though"
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Former congresswoman Gabby Giffords marks third anniversary of her shooting by going skydiving
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 453: "Musical Instruments". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 08, 2014
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
You think that expensive organic chicken that you buy is a lot safer than regular chicken? Think again
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Finally, we have an apple that will never brown, thanks to a genetically modified strain courtesy of a Canadian company
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
After noticing her son gets hyper every time he eats M&Ms, mother stops feeding them to him. Just kidding. She determines it's all connected to the food dye and launches a petition to get them to change the formula so he can keep eating M&Ms
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
"You sold my house for $288 in HOA fees?" "Well, maybe if you bothered to open one of the 30 notices we'd sent you or read the contract you signed when you bought the house, you wouldn't have this problem"
source: news.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Miami)
 
 
 
Man shot and killed over utensils at a baptism party. That's forked up
source: nbcmiami.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Update: Chris Christie throws his aides under the bridge, er, bus
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
While you still work on your Kickstarter pitch for waterproof Easy Bake Ovens with integrated webcam, some people use crowdfunding to get teenage war refugees from Syria to Europe
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this classic rum ad
source: vintagebooze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Diva Asia)
 
 
 
"My $100,000 wedding was complete waste of money." Well, duh
source: divaasia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Asahi Shimbun)
 
 
 
Rural Japan plagued by rash of tractor thefts
source: ajw.asahi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
Don't bite the hand that arrests you
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Study by the Center for the Discovery of the Obvious finds that teenagers who drink have more friends and are way cooler
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop the awe gazing Aurora
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NewsOK)
 
 
 
Man killed by underwear suffocation after 'atomic wedgie'
source: newsok.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Addicting Info)
 
 
 
Refuse to shame poor kids who can't afford a school lunch? That's a firing
source: addictinginfo.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Having a slow day? Here are some '80s movie posters in stained glass for you to look at
source: beautifuldecay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Pat Robertson: "Global warming is a scam because there are no SUVs on Jupiter" ... and we're done here
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Science Monitor)
 
 
 
[Editor's note: An earlier version misstated the year of the 9/11 attacks.]
source: csmonitor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Pope Francis wants more exorcists. Doesn't he know that even with that creepy ceiling-walking scene they should have killed the franchise after III?
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Man armed with 15 cases of beer holds family hostage. That sounds... wait, what?
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
An honest question deserves an honest answer: Does your oven want to be on the Internet?
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Today's Crisis in the Midwest: The Iowa State Fair will eliminate cash sales at food vendors and make everyone use a prepaid ticket system. "Similar to theft but with funnel cakes"
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Unreleased Hitchcock movie has an even scarier shower scene
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Cattle rustlers in 2014 find out the hard way you can't rustle cows in a car trunk
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Remember that wet sloppy kiss that you used to dread from Grandma? Well that's a thing of the past if the Nanny State gets its way
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
OK, OK...embedding QR codes in your toddler's pajamas so you can scan him with your smart phone and pull up a bedtime story is pretty clever. I'll give you that. Now let's apply this technology to some more adult garments. Yoga pants, maybe
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bristol Post (UK))
 
 
 
Is the best way to find a new housemate: 1) Post an advert. 2) Ask a friend of a friend or 3) Create a four minute rap video detailing why someone would want to live with you
source: bristolpost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Middle East Online)
 
 
 
Former PM of Somalia named leader of badass, not-quite-a-country Puntland in the former African country, vows not to mess with a successful economy built on piracy and hostage-taking
source: middle-east-online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Since you're home all day this is a good time to fix the sink. You've been promising to fix the sink. Marge doesn't have to live with a sink like that. Fine, just sit there on your butt all day. Marge's husband doesn't sit on his butt all day
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Siberian lawyer wins Miss Longest Legs competition and they are just magnificent (SFW)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NK News)
 
 
 
North Korea's first-ever aquatic park eclipses Guantanamo Bay as the best place in the world to get waterboarded at government expense
source: nknews.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Science)
 
 
 
Prized for their ability in hunting rabbits, ferrets have long been popular with British farmers. And now someone is stealing them. Lots of them. The game is afoot
source: popsci.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Family of American held in North Korea "appalled" by Dennis Rodman. Welcome to the most inclusive club in America, folks. Help yourself to some coffee and donuts
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(International Business Times)
 
 
 
I'm Jesus son of God. No, I'm Jesus son of God. No, I'm Jesus son of God. No, I'm Jesus son of God. OK well I'm God
source: ibtimes.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Everything you know about dying is wrong"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Bikini bridges is a hoax, Media fell hook line and sucker. The pics are hot, though
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Police to give update on couple slain in 2013. "Still dead"
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Physician decries practice of demanding doctor's notes. I agree. If you're well enough to go to the doctor, you're well enough to come to work
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Getting wasted while babysitting a two-year-old and then passing out on a stranger's porch with him is never acceptable behavior, even if it is your birthday
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Intelligencer)
 
 
 
Worker uses portable heater to keep warm on the job during cold weather, a little too successfully
source: theintell.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
It's those sweet moments in your toddler's life that stick with you. The first time he says your name. The first time he stands up. The first time he walks. The first time he calls you a biatch-ass ni**a and flips you the bird
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Of all the clubs in the world, the 300 Club may be the toughest to join. To become a member you have to endure a swing of 300 degrees F, starting in a 200 deg sauna in Antarctica and then running, naked to the South Pole and back
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belfast Telegraph)
 
 
 
Environmentalists lose their minds at new Icelandic beer, which packs a 5.2 percent alcohol punch and is brewed with chunks of real whale
source: belfasttelegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KVAL Eugene)
 
 
 
Leave the burning car, take the cannoli
source: kval.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
According to new book on Roger Ailes, he offered a $100/week raise to an employee to have sex with him any time he wanted. I guess that explains Glenn Beck
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Remember the guy who quit his job with a resignation letter in Klingon? Turns out someone had a problem with this... because the grammar was incorrect. In other news, there are Klingon Grammar Nazis
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
:-O = X_X
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military.com)
 
 
 
Master Chief suspended for sexual assault claims. I'm going to guess teabagging
source: military.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Whale with two heads washes up on beach. Local officials promptly try to blow it up with twice as much dynamite
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
It's time for another "Good Idea, Bad Idea": Good Idea: Leaving your waitress a generous tip for outstanding service. Bad Idea: Leaving your waitress a generous tip of meth for outstanding service
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
Inevitable: These girls' lemonade stand is now accepting bitcoin
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
One of the Steubenville rapists released. Contrite Statement from his representative: WHAR VICTIM WHAR
source: news.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(JSOnline)
 
 
 
And on today's episode of "Grilling With The Cars", we meet a woman who attempts to barbeque a 2007 Dodge Caravan with predictable results. What wine goes good with alternator?
source: jsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this giant, um rooster thing
source: 8tracks.imgix.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
The most artistic woodpile you'll see all year? YA RLY
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AsiaOne)
 
 
 
Although they can't technically own Antarctica right now, China owns Antarctica right now
source: news.asiaone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PBS)
 
 
 
China's former Minister of Health says the four leading causes of death in China are heart disease, diet-related disease, smoking, and breathing
source: pbs.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
The Mexican cartels have come up with a really boring way to get drugs into the USA
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Heartwarming tale of childhood sweethearts marrying after 50 years apart likened to something called "Last Tango in Halifax," which can't help but make you think of an erotic maple syrup scene
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
Let CVS help you "keep it sweet" for Valentine's Day with our fine assortment of flowers, male enhancers, chocolates, Trojans, cupcakes, KY Jelly, crystal vases, handcuffs, pictures frames -- you know, the classics
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Man hacked to death in feud over the wearing of "wacky" pants during a night out at a bar. Be wise: DO NOT WEAR WACKY PANTS TO BARS AT NIGHT
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier Mail)
 
 
 
Million-dollar house 1, Gravity 0
source: couriermail.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Eater)
 
 
 
Indie coffeehouses in DC unveil "disloyalty program" for hipsters who pledge to avoid Starbucks and patronize their network of six thoroughly anti-corporate java joints
source: eater.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox DC)
 
 
 
Hazmat specialists called in to deal with alarmingly high radioactivity levels find the source to be: a) a dirty bomb, b) Russian diplomats, c) adult diapers
source: myfoxdc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 07, 2014
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
What if suddenly you couldn't read but you could still write? It happened to this person
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier Mail)
 
 
 
Motorcyclist fined $146 for A) popping a wheelie in traffic, B) splitting lanes at excessive speeds, C) lifting his foot off the footrest
source: couriermail.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
If you crash your car into a pole and then run from the scene, make sure cops can't identify you by the imprint of the steering wheel in your chin
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVB Boise)
 
 
 
Your cabin was the only one not destroyed in last year's massive forest fires? Here's your higher tax bill citizen
source: ktvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
If you're going to shoplift at Wal-Mart, try not to cary your crystal meth and loaded Glock with you. And don't try to bribe the arresting officer
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
USAF helicopter crashes in Norfolk, UK. Four crew feared dead
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
'Wind chill' is meaningless, your frozen gonads are invalid
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man tries to have sex with a buffet cart. No one came back for seconds
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Apparently, the entire midwest has been teleported to the moon
source: sploid.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: Design an ad campaign for space tourism
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Even drug dealers suffer from incompetent mail delivery as 140kg of cocaine is sent to supermarkets in banana boxes
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inforum)
 
 
 
Fargo man finds refuge from bitter cold. Fark: In a freezer
source: inforum.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Gloss)
 
 
 
Bikini bridge is the new thigh gap. With pic of what a BB might look like
source: thegloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Woman sues realtor, saying the realty office should have warned her about her neighbor. Humph -- typical stupid nuisance lawsuit. (reads article) Okay, the realtor and the lady's neighbor both need a nice hot cup of DIAF
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bozeman Daily Chronicle)
 
 
 
Montanans are amused by the nation's complaining about the cold. "Outdoor recess is canceled when it's 10 below zero"
source: bozemandailychronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Former Miss Venezuela and ex-husband slain during robbery in front of their five-year-old, who was last seen with a butler in a bat-infested cave
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Navy effectively cuts out whistleblower middlemen by sending strategy paper on how to dodge Freedom of Information Act requests directly to reporter
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVU Bay Area News)
 
 
 
Life really sucks when you are too uneducated to properly write a bank robbery note
source: ktvu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guinness World Records)
 
 
 
Guinness World Record of the Year: 510 Dudes playing Sudoku at the same time
source: guinnessworldrecords.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Duck hunters figure out the hard way that it's freezing season, not duck season
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
What was the geekiest story on Fark in 2013?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stock.xchng)
 
 
 
Iron Photoshop ingredient: Rolling Pin
source: sxc.hu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jim Romenesko)
 
 
 
The Guardian grabs the early lead in the typo-of-the-year contest
source: jimromenesko.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
The truth about baby carrots *scary music*
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Ohio police say they stopped speeding driver with 48 bombs in his car, didn't realize Adam Sandler had even MADE that many movies
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fusion)
 
 
 
Remember how we thought Men in Black was a comedy? Turns out it was a documentary
source: fusion.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chronicle Herald)
 
 
 
Research suggests it's unsafe for you under-25s to blaze up. Save that weed for us over-40s
source: thechronicleherald.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Uighurs pleased, Aaron Rodgers f*cks some Bears, and dolphins learn to puffer, puffer, pass: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/29 - 1/4
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
Manager fired for breaking Walmart policy that says something like "don't try to stop a beer theft suspect by jumping in his truck and going on a 90 mph ride for 15 miles while throwing beer cans into the road"
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austinist)
 
 
 
Leaving your faucet running at a drip is a better solution for frozen pipes than setting your house on fire. Even if it's not as cool
source: austinist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Republic)
 
 
 
Unknown component of liquor laws requires that all booze makers hire a has-been movie star with a stubbly face to act as a spokesman
source: newrepublic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Babies evolved to be catapulted
source: freethoughtblogs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The US Army is starting to realize that too many of its leaders are big, mean poopy heads who don't say enough nice things to all the recruits and make them has sads all the time
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Lots of people went out into the cold to throw boiling water into the air and watch it freeze. In related news, lots of people don't understand the concepts of gravity or wind
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Polar vortex causes escaped convict to turn himself in. "It's so cold" trifecta now in play
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(International Business Times)
 
 
 
UK government gives porn employers subsidies to hire young people
source: ibtimes.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UTV (Ireland))
 
 
 
If you're accused of a drunken case of air rage on a jetliner over the Atlantic, where better to have your trial than in an Irish pub? (pics)
source: u.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canterbury Times)
 
 
 
If you were a cyber criminal, where would you target to get your message across? Forget NASA, a parish council website is apparently the place to try
source: canterburytimes.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Science Monitor)
 
 
 
Iran: The United States' best friend in the Middle East
source: csmonitor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Music teacher hits a sour note after he rosined up his bow and fiddled around with some female students
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Nailed it
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)