Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
You might try our Headline Search for easier navigation here.

These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun December 29, 2013
(NPR)
 
 
 
This just in: colleges regularly Photoshop minorities onto pictures included in their brochures to give a false sense of diversity
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
If you try to sell your least favourite child on the internet, social services may just come and take ALL your children. So there
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KMOV St. Louis)
 
 
 
Man resists arrest, gets zapped by a stun gun and beaten until he was unconscious. Is then left laying handcuffed on the floor of the jail for several hours before an ambulance was called resulting in his death. Oh you bet that's a lawsuit
source: kmov.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Just because you're on a 7-day cruise with your family is no reason to jump overboard
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
A sampling of new laws taking effect in 2014. Uncontroversial: shower scene from Starship Troopers. Spiffy: fines for butts on streets. Weird: lemon pets, parties optional
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this part-time protestor
source: newsbcpcol.stb.s-msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNS Fox 21)
 
 
 
If your wife lost her engagement ring, and a mechanic finds it six years later in the BACK SEAT of your best friend's car, is that a good thing?
source: foxcarolina.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox Philly)
 
 
 
A black bear crashes a after Christmas party searching for turkey, leaves disappointed. "He kind of gave us a disappointed look and then left"
source: myfoxphilly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Dell's brand new computers now come preloaded with NSA spyware
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
You'll flip for the final Mugshot Roundup of 2013
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Man hits the Antiques Roadshow jackpot
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Monsanto is collecting data analysis about farms, so according to tree-hugging hippies this is the sign of some new sinister scheme by the most misunderstood company in America
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
The most inspiring story of a 94-year-old man, his deceased wife, and the rural cabin they lived in for years that you will ever read. Be warned, you might get some of the old cabin's dust in your eyes
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
London is planning on building a $362 million SkyCycle, a 135-mile network of roads 3 stories high built above suburban railways. What are the odds this will not end well?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Looks like Shanahan's getting Canahanned
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The good news is West Virginia finally comes in first at something. The bad news is that it is for pregnant women who smoke
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Old: Vicious, marauding predator kills, eats chickens. New: Orphaned, hungry, cute baby version of marauding predator MOVES IN with chickens. Awwwwm nom nom
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canoe)
 
 
 
Smoking hot 24-year-old blonde dupes men into first dates in exchange for free dinner at high-end restaurants, brags about it on her Tumblr blog, gets her own reality show. TA-DA (w/pic)
source: cnews.canoe.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
At long last, science explains why your spouse/partner's voice is so easily heard even at a crowded party. Missing from the article is the simplest explanation: her voice is as annoying as a 3:00 AM smoke alarm sonata
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this damsel in distress
source: i2.manchestereveningnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Eastsider LA)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Los Angeles, hawk and snake getting it on ♫ ♪ Come on, oh come on ♫ ♪ Let's get it on ♫ ♪
source: theeastsiderla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Agora Cosmopolitan)
 
 
 
"Many speculated that Big Bertha could have hit the side walls of one of the many alien bases on Earth"
source: agoracosmopolitan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Let me show you the dance of my people
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
New investigative report from the Romero School of Journalism reveals "stories that don't affect anyone's life can nevertheless dominate media attention"
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Now for the low, low price of $450,000 you can own LemonParty.org (Not safe for work content in article)
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The top internet hoaxes that fooled us all in 2013. Well, they didn't fool *you*, of course, you knew by the pixels
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Three-quarters of all states are run through single-party government, which has led to the establishment of what are essentially 2 Americas. Herpistan and Derpistan, let's call them
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Exploding Unicorn)
 
 
 
1st kid: Parents take a million pictures. 2nd kid: Parents take like 4 pictures. 3rd kid: There's no photographic evidence this child exists
source: explodingunicorn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Drunk man accidentally shoots his brother, determines that alone isn't enough to earn him the 'Dumbass' tag, keeps trying
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Woman goes radical over price of skateboard at a ☑ Walmart in ☑ Florida
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medical News Today)
 
 
 
Not to cause any alarm, but a new study shows bad bacteria can live on common household items such as toys, books and cribs for "much longer periods of time" than previously thought. YOUR HOUSE IS TRYING TO KILL YOU
source: medicalnewstoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RTE Ireland)
 
 
 
Good news: ice surrounding stranded cruise ship appears to be cracking. Bad news: passengers still waiting for the loading of a complement of small lemon-soaked paper napkins for their comfort, refreshment and hygiene during the journey
source: rte.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Colorado and Washington brace for 'marijuana tourism' surge. Neighboring states police forces brace for border checkpoints and 'revenue enhancement' surge
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Protip: never send a text message to a teen boy saying you want to have sex with him. This includes school teachers, politicians, and most notably Swedish priests
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
Deadspin tackles one of the most contentious issues in food circles: what exactly IS the 'proper' way to eat raw oysters
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
We're not sure who started the whole "let's drop something to mark the end of the year" tradition, but there are a lot more places than Times Square where you can see something drop
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sydney Morning Herald)
 
 
 
So, a man walks into a police station carrying a crocodile
source: smh.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Today)
 
 
 
"Japan's most famous prefectural mascot character, Kumamon, who represents Kumamoto, has broken records in the last two years by generating over 124.4 billion yen in revenue," vivid nightmares
source: japantoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
"He did not know how the cow got into the pool"
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Lenovo laboratory
source: i.telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
Books carved into landscapes and monuments. Farkers now eying dusty libraries and Dremel tools
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
Gun powder + fireworks + glue gun + scissors + flare gun + tampering = bad idea
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Dave Barry's month-by-month review of the year known as 2013, with lines like "Speaking of pathologically narcissistic sex weasels" and a denunciation of kale before even talking about January's events
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Why do Jews hate mayonnaise? Well, it all started as most things do: with Milton Berle"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Most religions were founded by people who were high on psychedelic drugs
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
New York is poised to lose its standing as the third most-populous state in the United States to none other than Fark's favorite state, which has seen exponential growth in the past several years
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
My father did a lot of crappy things but he never stole my identity
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTOO Juneau)
 
 
 
Coming up at the top of the hour, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 3 hours of music hosted live by a farker from snowy Juneau, Alaska, LGT stream, or look for KRNN on TuneIn app
source: ktoo.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 28, 2013
(PoliceOne)
 
 
 
Handcuffed suspect runs away while cops search his house. Undaunted by finding no drugs in the house, the cops charge him with stealing handcuffs. That really is some fine police work there, Lou
source: policeone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 12 Westchester)
 
 
 
Cop accidentally puts a bullet in his own leg during a bagel run, and now the townspeople are calling for his head. Boy, he really shot himself in the foot this time
source: connecticut.news12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Great-granddaughter of cereal empire founder is Post-mortem
source: worldnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Despite the added stress of shopping and extended families and the umpteenth rerun of It's a Wonderful Life, suicides do not spike over the holiday season
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Photoshop these football flappers
source: i.telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Does everything make you anxious and full of anxiety, including thinking about anxiety? Does thinking about curing anxiety make you anxious? Here are some tips to help you survive anxiety
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Hipsterism has infected the Muslim world
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
They call it "felony stupid" for a reason
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times Herald-Record)
 
 
 
EMT suspended for taking a sick 4-year-old boy to the hospital
source: recordonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Okay, let's just jump over this fence, I'm sure there's something tasty to eat for a hungry dee... oh crap
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Duffel Blog)
 
 
 
Is it Satire? I think it's satire but I'm never quite sure. Should I fwd it to all my fb friends? Will they think I'm serious? Holy crap, what if it IS serious? Who knows. Anyway, something something Muslims, blah blah ham
source: duffelblog.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Colorado recreational marijuana sales start January 1st. Here are 10 things you need to know, other than the most direct route to Colorado from your home
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Who has time for both pancakes AND bacon? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: "pancacon." Greatest. Breakfast. Ever
source: imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
It never looks good if a coworker finds you wrapped up in a blanket and in such a deep slumber, she has to repeatedly say your name before you wake up. It's even worse when you're a 911 operator
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: '80s technology in the modern world
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Coffee is not bad for children. So drink up, kids, and ride the java dragon
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Prankster teens in California suburb impersonate police, using high-powered flashlights and megaphones to order victims out of their cars and to lie face down. Arresting officers are not amused
source: temecula.patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Randal, a clerk at the EZ mart, robbed by skinny young white guy and his larger, quiet accomplice. He wasn't even supposed to be there that day
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)
 
 
 
Fireball seen streaking through the night sky in Iowa. Chances are, it was just a streetlight
source: press-citizen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
At least he didn't shoot his eye out
source: barrow.patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
There's no part of cheese Wisconsinites don't use
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox Philly)
 
 
 
Young girl saves her three brothers, has a free pass to date all the losers she wants
source: myfoxphilly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
"OK boys, go out and have a good time...decapitate and mutilate your victims, but remember: NO CANNIBALISM. We're not savages here"
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"If your business is a seafood themed restaurant that charges outrageous prices for food and your best food is a cheddar biscuit, you have a problem"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen. Get you fat ass moving Comet, Cupid ain't gonna win this race all by himself"
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Caption these observant lads
source: i.telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Progress)
 
 
 
Remember the ABC agent who accosted the college woman for buying water? Turns out, he was moved around and passed over for promotion because his bosses were concerned about his abilities. Of course, he's suing
source: dailyprogress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Step 1: Be a successful country singer and open a restaurant. Step 2: Post a "no guns allowed" sign on the door. Step 3: No profit?
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
1.3 million deadbeat Americans will now have to get off the couch and stop living off the largess of the federal government, those lazy bastards
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Weekly)
 
 
 
"Paul, who is doubled over in pain...usually eats vegan... but for some reason he ate a patty melt at a diner. Mimi made him her special PMS tea, but he's groaning loudly"
source: laweekly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WLBZ2 Bangor)
 
 
 
It turns out FISHSTICKS that Tourette's Syndrome shiatFART doesn't qualify for medical BIGFATDOOBIE marijuana
source: wlbz2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
While gathering leaves, lucky Long Island landscaper rakes in $1 million lottery ticket
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some 'want to be frog' guy)
 
 
 
Le poof. 90e anniversaire de la mort de Gustave Eiffel: les illuminations de sa plus célèbre création. Très bien
source: huffingtonpost.fr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Chairman of railway that blew up a small town and killed 47 people: "I was also a victim of this whole thing. It's reduced me from being a fairly well-off guy to one that's just getting by"
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Remember the honest taxi driver who returned the $300,000? Well, he just got rewarded in grand style
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this star light
source: media3.s-nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Woman stabs her father over a disagreement about the Big Dipper. Police say he should just be thankful they weren't arguing over a shooting star
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Davis Clipper)
 
 
 
Utah is getting a bad case of "the vapors"
source: davisclipper.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Daily News)
 
 
 
Meals on Wheels volunteers discover their clients are sharing food with their cats and dogs because they can't afford pet food. Enter AniMeals, who adds free pet food to regular meal deliveries. All animals are welcome (and fed) on Caturday
source: dailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
Why do so many respectable websites have such stupid tips for saving energy? "Fill your fridge with bottles of water"
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Daily News)
 
 
 
Constitution? What Constitution? LAPD's DUI taskforce utilizes 500K Federal grant to suspend your 4th Amendment rights, collect your DNA via roadblock "saliva tests"
source: dailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Day three of Connecticut Starbucks pay-it-forward record surpasses 1000
source: gma.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
We built a ship and it got stuck in the ice, so we built another ship and it got stuck in the ice, we built a third ship and
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
News: Cell phone robbery goes bad, man gets shot, killed - Fark: By bullet that bounced off the victim's face
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WAVY Virginia)
 
 
 
Father buys his son a brand new Nintendo DS for Christmas, but of course it was used and came pre-loaded with porn
source: wavy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
Some guy gets his eye bleach
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Vegan substitute mayonnaise is better than regular mayonnaise," claims person whose palate is utterly destroyed. Why not just go all-in and claim Miracle Whip is tolerable?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
What would the title of your biography be?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Man is dragged down an icy gravel road for more than a mile after his shirt gets caught on a pickup hitch. It's always funnier in the movies
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Woman says Target's customer service line kept her on hold for six hours. In other news, who the hell stays on the line with customer service for six hours?
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
It's the same story: woman overcomes adversity and bad decisions, going back to school, eventually joining the police force, becoming the first black Sergeant in Sanford history. Then she meets a drug dealer, falls in love with him, and loses it all
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 27, 2013
(News9 Oklahoma)
 
 
 
Apparently one of the things that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a table leg, who beats the crap out of the bad guy with it, takes his gun, and makes him take his clothes off before locking him outside
source: news9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Idle for 1619 days, the North Korean official Twitter feed comes alive with such gems as "Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un commends workers for increasing production of frozen squid"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
St. Louis-area brewpub makes 'frappicino' beer. Starbucks sends cease and desist letter. Brewpub owner responds with sarcastic letter, check for $6 (profit from beers sold)
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
The craziest places in the world where you can get a drink. It's like a travel article with Farkers in mind
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS8 San Diego)
 
 
 
Instead of an iPod you bought from Target, you get erasers. When you return it and get another iPod guess what you get? Hint: Answer is "more erasers"
source: cbs8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 New Orleans)
 
 
 
Your Fark-ready headline: "Police say no beer on Christmas leads to ceramic squirrel stabbing"
source: fox8live.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
One look at his mugshot and you'll realize this guy is probably not a master thief
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
You know that over-the-expiration date food you're always tossing in the garbage? Well here's a restaurant that knows how to serve it up with surprising results
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Hundreds of teenagers trash mall in a wild flash mob. Of course there is an annoying jerky vertical video
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop this man standing guard
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WISHTV)
 
 
 
Big Lots Kashi Bar: Now with extra protein
source: wishtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Iron Photoshop ingredient: the dime
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Last one of the year, so make it count: It's the Fark Weird News Quiz
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
China rejects US grown GMO corn, citing that only lead and melamine should be in food
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Try and say this five times real fast: felonious fritter fight
source: usnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Poynter Institute)
 
 
 
With all other hostilities settled, Haaretz corrects an earlier article: Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig are not enemies
source: poynter.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(HyperVocal)
 
 
 
In space, no one can hear you selfie
source: hypervocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
NewsFlash
 
Federal judge rules that the NSA can spy on you all it wants, because shut up and watch Duck Dynasty, that's why
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Most theologians consider animal sacrifice to include a fatted calf, a ceremonial knife and perhaps an altar of some sort. Not a bow and arrow like this guy
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Oh yeah, the Support Phil Robertson movement has definitely jumped the shark with this one
source: mrconservative.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
A list of things to do while you're faking work that somehow all manage to be worse than the work you're already not doing
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVB Boise)
 
 
 
UPS & Fed-Ex are helping make the 12 days of Christmas last the full 12 days
source: ktvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Federal judge rules Sherlock Holmes is now a public domain character. So you can now publish your Holmes/Moriarty fan fic for money without needing permission from the Doyle Estate
source: artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man given just 3 months to live. Fark: 69 years later he celebrates his 100th birthday
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Watching "The Wolf of Wall Street" with a bunch of bankers
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Community colleges are often nothing more than a scam that churns out students with massive debt and no diploma
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kansas City)
 
 
 
It's not every day you see a live deer in a sporting goods store. "A deer you would think would want to walk into a store that does not have rifles and other sporting good equipment" (link replaced)
source: kansascity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Gainesville woman gives birth to Gators' new linebacker
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
If you flick a cigarette at the open window of a state policeman, he will arrest you for littering. Also, no one will want to sit with you on the Group W bench
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Model who set the record for world's sharpest knees dies at 36-19-36
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
What did we get stuck in our rectums this year?
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Make bet, lose bet, strip off clothes, get on motorbike, ride naked around town and do a burnout for Christmas shoppers
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 54 Augusta)
 
 
 
Swing your partner round and round, find your rival and shoot her down
source: wfxg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Headline: NJ mayor personally asks family to remove 'offensive' Christmas decorations. Article: That they put in front of their Jewish neighbor's house
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Alien that can perfectly mimic organic matter hatches plan to escape Antarctica
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
And then she started urinating on a stranger's car
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Wanted: Security guard for luxury hotel in Bali. Desirable: ability to catch 15-foot pythons. Required: better ideas than the last guy had about what to do once you've caught them
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna pair of headphones
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charleston Post and Courier)
 
 
 
Cat on roof causes trouble for medical center, hot tin enthusiasts
source: postandcourier.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RamblingBeachCat.com)
 
 
 
Top 10 weird crime stories of 2013. Come for the frozen gopher feet theft, stay SWAT standoff over a missing french fry order
source: ramblingbeachcat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Some families spend Christmas unwrapping gifts and having a meal. Other families spend Christmas hunting down Daddy's ex-girlfriend so Mommy can beat her up while Daddy films it
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(York Daily Record)
 
 
 
Pro tip: Stand your ground does not include finding the robber's gun, reloading it, hunting the robber down an hour later and killing him. Fark tip: Don't ever say "I'll shoot that (expletive) with his own rifle"
source: ydr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
You're not displaying the emotional maturity needed to take out the family car if you're going to shoot an arrow at your dad's head when you don't get the keys
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
CVS employee has to ask his manager if it's okay to give cash to the armed robbers standing in front of him
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
How sites like Huffington Post and YouTube are censoring the Internet
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWSB ABC 7)
 
 
 
Virgin Mary, not too choosy about her locations, now appears on a tie dye t-shirt
source: mysuncoast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stock.xchng)
 
 
 
Photoshop this white tree of winter
source: sxc.hu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
If you're a writer, you're eligible for a free home in Detroit. The rest of you will have to pony up $200 and buy an abandoned one
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
People in Texas think a mysterious red dust that coated their cars must be the result of a pole shift, a debris trail from an unknown planet, or dust spread by a UFO
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Newark Airport's new $100 million advanced perimeter security system appears to have one blind spot - transvestites
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
The ten Canadian phrases that confuse our American counterparts include words like toque, mickey and single-payer health care
source: news.nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
After cash-strapped county guts sheriff's office, residents create armed patrol groups in defiance of local officials. What could possibly go wrong?
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNS Fox 21)
 
 
 
First, you get engaged, then you pick the colors. That's when things got stabby
source: foxcarolina.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Coloradoan)
 
 
 
Marijuana tourism hits Colorado: "For $1,200, tourists can rent a chauffeured limo to pick them up at their hotel and drive them to the ski slopes; price includes free pot, snacks and soda"
source: coloradoan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 26, 2013
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Cool: Ice storm. Sad: Line crews restoring power need meals. HERO: One family donates time, money, and labor to deliver Christmas dinner, lunch, and breakfast to the crews
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Boy gets SCUBA gear for Christmas. Father takes him diving A) in a pool for practice B) in a shallow water lagoon C) In a 300-foot deep underwater cave system
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
South Carolina grows the world's hottest pepper, or as they call it in Texas: "mild"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Not news: Unemployed mother of two cannot afford Christmas gifts. News: She takes out £1,700 in payday loans from 8 places. Fark: She cannot repay the £3,000 that's due on January 2nd
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
The most useless food inventions of 2013
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Power companies: "So I see you've got that nice new solar rooftop. Good luck connecting to our grid"
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photobucket)
 
 
 
Photoshop this propaganda poster from the 1950s
source: i760.photobucket.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
600-person brawl breaks out in movie theater's parking lot
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Those crazy white kids playing the knock out game isn't a laughing matter
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
U.S. sending Hellfire missiles to Iraq, but this time not so quickly
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
David Weigel is a big poopy-headed idiot who got tons of shiat wrong in 2013, and here's a list of all of them. By David Weigel
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Texas megachurch pastor John Hagee to atheists: "Take your Walkman and stuff it into your ears." Walkman? Really?
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Weather Service)
 
 
 
Don't like your weather? It is 58 below in Chicken, Alaska
source: nwschat.weather.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(All Recipes)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: It's time for some Game Day food ideas. When you have bowl games, playoff games, or other 'big game' parties, what foods do you serve up? Do you get fancy with the layouts? Do you do any twists and classics? Show us how you party
source: allrecipes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these Nobel Prize winners
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Relax, Hallmark conspiracy theorists. Boxing Day isn't some prank to confuse America
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Guy hears Jesus talking to him. Alaska Supreme Court: "He's not crazy, just another good church-going fellow"
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
The "Kettle Corn Kidney" lawsuit will be allowed to proceed, however
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Mother of three does a bad job parking her minivan at Christmas light display. Should I A) leave a passive-aggressive note, B) shout expletives at the woman, or Florida) slam her face into the trunk lid in front of her kids?
source: thesent.nl   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
So what would be worse? Clawed to death by dozens of cats, or killed by a single inadvertently swallowed mouse? The strangest deaths of the Victorian era
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
What do the best selling books on Amazon for 2013 tell us about America? Well, let's be honest -- nothing that's going to surprise you
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
LAPD turns focus toward internal inefficiency and corruption. Just kidding, they're cracking down on jaywalkers
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Connecticut)
 
 
 
Researchers find people more likely to tell secrets during post-sex conversation, proving that any Farker's mom's basement is more secure than a NSA vault
source: connecticut.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RealClear)
 
 
 
If you go swimming in the Parana River don't be surprised when the little fishes with sharp teeth show up for lunch
source: realclear.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Newspaper)
 
 
 
What's worse than a cop? A rental cop. What's worse than a rental cop? A rental cop working for a Homeowner's Association with four hours of classroom instruction, a day on the range, and legal authority to violate the Constitution
source: thenewspaper.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Hamburgers will now cost eleventy billion dollars in Florida
source: discussions.orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Why bathrooms should all be gender-neutral
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Animals have soft underbellies because of roadside bombs in Iraq. Or something, I was skimming toward the end there
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
McDonalds this morning: "Um... hey, we were just kidding, yeah, that's the ticket. Sure, go ahead and eat our food, McWorkers, it's all great for you. Really. Honest. You can trust us"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1150 WNDB Daytona Beach)
 
 
 
Man sets up his own backyard shooting range with obvious results
source: newsdaytonabeach.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
On the positive side, at least they aren't on a Carnival cruise ship
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PetaPixel)
 
 
 
Man selling photography 'teaching' franchises found to be stealing photos. Questions arise about his crowd funding effort to replace "stolen" equipment. Bonus: Someone recognizes his face: "Wasn't he dying from cancer a few years ago?"
source: petapixel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
After speeding and crashing her car, New Zealand woman tries the old "you can't touch me, I'm Kate Middleton" excuse
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Photoshop this abandoned battlecruiser
source: pbs.twimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kyiv Post)
 
 
 
Whoever says journalism is easy hasn't tried covering political corruption in Ukraine. (Warning: Graphic Images)
source: kyivpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Step one: Pick up neighbors and take them to Toy For Tots. Step Two: Load car with $500 worth of toys. Step Three: Take off and leave neighbors behind. Step Four: ???. Step Five: Go Directly To Jail. Do Not Pass Go
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Veterans Today)
 
 
 
The king is dead, long live the king
source: veteranstoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
The peculiar grammar of Christmas songs. Turns out "Troll the ancient yuletide carol" has nothing to do with fooling around with Mrs. Brady under the mistletoe
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Officials at the Georgia Regents University defend using dogs in the school's dental program, say it's the best way to study molars, incisors, canines
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Your waiter is using hand gestures to secretly talk about you
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
One of the first rescue workers to arrive at a three-car pileup pulls a dying woman out of her SUV not recognizing her. Finds out later it was his own daughter
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
"Why do people hate optimists?" Maybe because they're f*cking annoying as all else?
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Looking for a way to get your woman to come back to you? Try a toilet
source: news.outlookindia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
The notion that people in the Middle Ages emptied chamber pots out the window into the street is full of shiat
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Criticizing popular things is becoming increasingly popular
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin Statesman)
 
 
 
Well, it is Florida and Christmas. Florida Cops are handing out tickets for speeding. Lottery tickets
source: statesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 451: "Seasons Greetings 7". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 25, 2013
(KOAT Albuquerque)
 
 
 
Santa Fe police need their fainting couch after finding 16 year old high on the marijuana
source: koat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seattle Times)
 
 
 
Medical marijuana dispensaries help out a man whose young son uses marijuana to help ease his severe epilepsy. "These are not shadowy guys trying to make tons of money with guns strapped to their bodies. They really care about their community"
source: seattletimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
It isn't officially Christmas until a drunk Santa storms onto a duck bus and demands a free ride, presumably back to the North Pole
source: blog.seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
Over 200 surfing Santas? DUDE
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Judge says teacher who put a pair of purple panties inside a student's locker shouldn't lose his job
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Seventy-six-year-old man is arrested after pushing his 77-year-old wife down and breaking her hip while they were fighting over the man's use of a dating website
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Parents of boy who recently lost an 11-month battle with cancer have identified the disease's origin: school Wi-Fi
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
Marine hit by drunk driver nearly dies, wakes from 18-month coma blind, mute and unable to walk. 10 years and 100 operations later, gets a postdoctorate, builds two successful companies, & finds love with the woman of her dreams. What's YOUR excuse?
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Fark Ready Headline: "Man caught copulating with sandwich shop window"
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Explaining long-standing Christmas traditions, from mistletoe to spiked eggnog
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
A fight between neighbors turns into an assault causing injury charge. What were the neighbors fighting about? A) Noise B) One stealing the other one's newspaper or C) A doormat
source: blogs.desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stock.xchng)
 
 
 
Photoshop this woman of the fields
source: sxc.hu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
78-year old great grandmother spent 8 hours a day and used 25 miles of wool to make 28 Christmas sweaters for her 4 children, 9 grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren and her dog (with pic of family & dog wearing sweaters)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Santa Claus)
 
 
 
In case you received a flying sleigh for Christmas, make sure that you read the POH (pilot's operating handbook)
source: avialogs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Armless man stumped as to why police haven't apologized to him yet, but is going out on a limb and hoping the public will lend a helping hand
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Apparently, continual Christmas music to inmates is considered "cruel and unusual" punishment. See you in court Sheriff Joe
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Women are flocking to a farmer in India and paying to touch his five-legged cow in hopes the lucky cow will make them have baby boys after one woman touched it and had twin boys
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
People want to make Barbie fat to promote a healthy body image
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Local)
 
 
 
Ric Romero tries out "handheld video game devices" for children so parents know the best one to buy their children, ensuring huge disappointment when they see Santa gave them a Game Boy Color
source: abclocal.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Mother freaks out because her daughter asked Santa Claus for a blue bicycle. "She's a girl. She should want pink"
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
The most popular ads this Christmas season were the risque, tongue-in-cheek ones that made people laugh instead of buy
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this old phone
source: themiseryguts.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wave3 Louisville)
 
 
 
Merry Christmas--here's your brawl at the mall while waiting for Santa. I'm betting on the lady with curlers in her hair (you bet there's video)
source: wave3.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
The biggest threat to Feminism? Cinnamon-flavored alcohol
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
How much jail time does stealing $2.1 million in jewelry get you? Well, that depends. Are you a corporate executive?
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Teen arrested after a decapitated body was found in an apartment. Looks like he's heading to jail
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
East Moline police always gets their fugitives in the end, even 72 old women with seat belt tickets
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
The WWE settles the entire "Black Santa vs White Santa" debate in the most direct manner possible: in the ring. Not to spoil who won, but here's a hint: Fox News is NOT going to like this
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ohio.com)
 
 
 
Wealthy Ohio businessman invites some folks to enjoy a four-course Christmas dinner. And by "some" we mean 50. Fark: Fifty homeless people
source: ohio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline)
 
 
 
CNN chief claims beleaguered network had a "really good year." Which is about as accurate as most of the reporting that's occurred the past year at CNN
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
The price of a first class stamp is going up three cents. A stamp is that small square thing you stick on an envelope to mail a letter. Yes, a letter. You know, what your parents used to use before email and texting. Still not ringing any bells?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gainesville Sun)
 
 
 
Bank sues Florida city for $7.4 Million loan for failed fiber optic project. Florida city's defense: "You should have known this was a bad idea"
source: gainesville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Surgeon decides to initial his work. Some people have a problem with this
source: uk.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Scientists erase unwanted memories with electroshock therapy, say that this is a much nicer method than the trusty icepick through the eyesocket
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
Is there anything more obnoxious than a lawyer riding a unicycle photobombing a crash scene?
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
This is exactly why you don't take your vintage Corvette to Sam's Club for some tire work
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Athens Banner Herald)
 
 
 
No matter how bad your Christmas is, at least you're not in jail after trying to swallow the pills cops found during your arrest for a Dollar Tree shoplifting spree
source: onlineathens.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: What you really wanted under your Christmas tree
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Las Vegas Review Journal)
 
 
 
Today's random item found in the back of a taxi is a paper bag containing: A) golf balls. B) sardines. or C) $300,000 cash
source: reviewjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
Any last-minute shoppers know where to find "a little thing that can turn into anything at anytime"?
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sauk Valley News)
 
 
 
The Illinois Department of Natural Resources has approved a new final solution for dealing with the state's terrifying deer crisis. Naturally, some people have a problem with this
source: saukvalley.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Paste Magazine)
 
 
 
Finally, a non-slideshow best-of 2013 list everyone can get behind: The forty best beer bars in America
source: pastemagazine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KJRH Tulsa)
 
Video
 
So you're out hunting geese in an ice-covered field in Oklahoma when a kangaroo goes hopping by. Yea, that just happened. And one of the hunters had a phone and got video
source: kjrh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
A Christmas display featured a mannequin with outstretched arms entangled in a string of Christmas lights and clinging to a ledge with a ladder toppled over in the front yard. Surprisingly someone had a problem with this
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KREM Spokane)
 
 
 
Man taunting police from icy roof discovers gravity
source: krem.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
"Police say 22 year-old Dwaynesha White shot 19 year-old David Darnell Roberts after the two had sex and Roberts failed to pay her for services rendered." One look at the mugshot and you'll see why
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 24, 2013
(NPR)
 
 
 
Give your duck a hot blow job for the perfect Christmas dinner
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Throwing peanut butter at your brother because his dog peed on the floor will land you in jail
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
Just in time for last-minute shopper guys, Taco Bell launches its very own online apparel and accessory store. Surprisingly the underwear isn't pre-stained
source: brandeating.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Christian group lectures on free speech seconds after covering up atheist sign with their Christmas banner
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stock.xchng)
 
 
 
Photoshop this fierce lion
source: sxc.hu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Go away. 'Batin'
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photobucket)
 
 
 
Captain Steroid presents his 4th Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: Dorky reindeer. Difficulty: NO TFers. Winner gets one month of FREE TotalFark. Contest ends @ 10pm CST on X-Mas Eve. Merry Christmas, everyone. :-)
source: i1182.photobucket.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveJournal)
 
 
 
Challenge: Insert Santa into other classic paintings. LGT inspiration
source: ic.pics.livejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
OH, you wanted to see Black Santa, sorry follow me he's at the back of the store
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
Montana judge who rationalized giving child rapist only 30-day sentence by saying teen victim was "older than her chronological age" now sentences man who fractured girlfriend's face in three places to writing "Boys do not hit girls" 5,000 times
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tampa Bay Online)
 
 
 
Because stealing gifts from a 5 and 7 year old isn't enough, this grinch even stole the family's dog
source: tbo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
How to cook your holiday turkey using a $490,000 Lamborghini Aventador. Step 1: Acquire a $490,000 Lamborghini Aventador
source: autos.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox DC)
 
 
 
Nice list: Leaving cookies and milk for Santa. Naughty list: Shooting Santa in the back with a pellet gun while he's giving away toys
source: myfoxdc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Hipsters continue to "discover" old trade crafts and make them trendy. On the plus side, it is greatly increasing their chances of being stung to death by bees
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hawaii News Now)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Hawaii, Obama's up to the usual presidential-vacation stuff. Golfing, yelling at a polar bear, greeting locals, more gol... wait, what?
source: hawaiinewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
It's your annual "Who is that fat guy in the red suit and GET ME OFF HIS LAP" photo thread
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Frigid air socks Great Plains, Midwest. In related news, Frigid Air Socks is a great name for a band
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fergus Falls Journal)
 
 
 
Missing wallet found in back pocket
source: fergusfallsjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Blaze)
 
 
 
The government developed a "gay bomb" in 1994 designed to make enemy soldiers irresistable to their comrades
source: theblaze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
88% of Americans believe that Pope Francis is doing his job well, which bodes well for his re-election campaign in 2014
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Man angry over having to interrupt his Xbox game to change a diaper breaks baby's leg. Florida tag trumps Sick tag, but barely
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
"Emotions are going to be high as long as they are killing bears," she said. Subby suggests relocating them to the lady's yard if she's so fond of them
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
Children debate the existence of Santa Claus, then move on to debating such kid-friendly topics as microchipped pets, the NSA spying scandal, and parallel universes
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Problem: You're a painfully boring stick-in-the-mud who hates the holidays because they remind you of how miserable you are, and you want to be sure everybody knows it. No problemo, try these tips
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Husband wants pregnant wife removed from life support. Both are paramedics and had clearly stated their final wishes. Naturally Texas has a problem with this
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Folks, we've identified Patient Zero in the War on Christmas -- Abraham Lincoln
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Fox News wants to remind you, as you fend off the gay agenda and liberal secularism, as you fight to keep out the browns and stop welfare mooches, union thugs, and taker poors who want "living wages," to not forget the true meaning of Christmas
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Churches are increasing relying on hip, edgy outdoor signs to attract new members. "Christmas -- Easier to spell than Hanukkah"
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"It's Dirty Work And It's Often Demeaning Work, But At Least It's Work" No, this isn't about being a hooker, but in this economy, we're all whores
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
If you're going to steal someone's gas, at least have the common sense to put your cigarette out first
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
When headlines sound like Madlibs: "Utah Boy Scouts Give Pizza To Gay Couples Waiting On Marriage Licenses"
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
You've heard of Buddy Christ. Why not Hipster Christ?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
There's unethical, then there's 4 dead babies unethical
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
A truly wonderful Christmas tradition: David Sedaris reads Santaland Diaries. Also included is the text version of the story
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
2013: the year in media FAILS
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
If only there were some sort of animal with a nose for finding things that could help in the search for this K-9 police dog that went missing after an 'oh a deer' moment
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Is it safe for pregnant women to eat nuts? Well, if they had done that in the first place, they wouldn't be pregnant
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
"Portion of missing student wrongful death suit advances" Sounds like they're trying to get ahead of all this
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
During a business news segment on Bloomberg TV, anchor gets a Bitcoin ... and then is promptly robbed of it by a viewer
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
It's a Christmas miracle: Detroit police say there have been no murders or shootings in the city for over 41 hours
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Researcher at Iowa State University admitted to tainting samples of rabbit blood to make it seem like an AIDS vaccine was working, all so he could get millions of dollars in grants for his college
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Roanoke Times)
 
 
 
Town considering applying for a permit to kill one buzzard as a warning to all of the others
source: roanoke.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
The first days of marriage equality in Utah; or, hey, there are some rather cute lesbians in Utah
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
President Obama gives federal workers a 1% pay raise, their first raise in 4 years. THANKS OBAMA
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RealClear)
 
 
 
Edward Snowden says his "mission is accomplished" and that he has "already won." Because being branded a traitor, a spy, and a terrorist by your home country and being forced to live in Russia is a great victory
source: realclear.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Apple Daily Report)
 
 
 
Don't ever let some ambulance chaser tell you we don't need tort reform
source: appledailyreport.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
The electric fence. Stopping drunks since 1832
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
In the spirit of Festivus, let us tweet our grievances. Senator Paul, you start
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
The festive cat pajamas did not go well. Thanks for the tip anyway, TFD
source: modcloth.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
"Duck Dynasty-Rosa Parks comparison wasn't 'literal'" I am literally shiatting myself in anticipation of you literally putting your foot in your mouth again
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Did you hear the one about the Polish Santa and his helper who were both so drunk they fell out of their sleigh while they were supposed to be entertaining kids? Oh, it was a good one
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chronicle Herald)
 
 
 
Uh, here's a thought - If you're going to get in a brawl, then fire shots as you leave, maybe take a less conspicuous getaway vehicle than a yellow Pontiac Aztek
source: thechronicleherald.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Paul Walker will appear in The Fast and the Furious 7, because it would be wrong to not use his already recorded footage and exploit his death in order to sell tickets
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
It seems there are still some businesses out there that don't offer paternity leave to new fathers
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Al-Qaida would like to apologize for pulling off an attack that is beneath them. I mean this is Joker level here. Who would want that?
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RealClear)
 
 
 
White House gives citizens in need of health care an extra day to sign up for coverage. It's a Christmas Miracle
source: realclear.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Us Weekly)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Royal greeting
source: usmagazine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
There's drunk, and then there's climbing over an open gate and impaling yourself upside down without feeling it drunk
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News On 6 Tulsa)
 
 
 
Son head-butts girlfriend, girlfriend hits son in head with oxygen bottle and mom tackles girlfriend to couch and punches her in the mouth. Oh, did I mention that it all started when the power went out during an argument over marijuana?
source: newson6.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Prisoner who was told he would not go free cuts off his penis, clearly violating the penile code
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Chicago)
 
 
 
Chicago sandwich shop fires all workers ... Two days before Christmas ... By email
source: nbcchicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Not News: Colorado man stands his ground. Fark: By killing his teenage step-daughter who was just sneaking back into their home
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Fourteen killed, 120 injured after car bomb strikes Egyptian police HQ
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon December 23, 2013
(Gawker)
 
 
 
McDonald's Resource Line: "An unhealthy diet consists of always eating food from fast food restaurants, like the food found at McDonald's." *blink* *blink* "What...?"
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
Dunkin Donuts: Sausage will be the new bacon. Submitter: why not both?
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
That whole Target thing just keeps getting worse: scammers are now emailing, texting and calling those affected saying they're from Target, the bank, or other places. Nigerian Princes are so erect they need medical attention
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
The University of Kansas thinks it's perfectly acceptable to fire professors who post questionable material on Facebook and Twitter
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
Suddenly, no more bananas
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man with tonsillitis develops 'baboon syndrome' after rare side effect of penicillin causes his buttocks to turn red
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
First Jean-Claude, then CG Chuck...photoshop other celebrities attempting two-vehicle publicity stunts
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
Ted E. Bear arrested for attempted deliberate homicide. Barb E. Doll sought for questioning
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Maybe 2013 sucked, but there is at least one thing about 2014 that you can now look forward to
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Consumer Reports)
 
 
 
The top reasons why you're such a grinch at Christmas. Yes, "having to be nice" is on the list
source: consumerreports.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Judge: Same-sex marriage is legal in Utah. Utah: That's not fair - take it back. Judge: Mormon, please
source: usnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Unwise man busted traveling 103mph in Myrtle Beach bearing gifts of frankincense, myrrh, and (Acapulco) gold
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
You may need to polish up your parenting skills if you let your daughter find your stash of pot-laced candy. Especially if she then shares it with all her friends on the school bus
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daytona Beach News-Journal)
 
 
 
Bad: Hurling racial slurs and bricks. Really Bad ...at children. Florida: ...while using your ex-wife's bicycle as a getaway vehicle
source: news-journalonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCRG)
 
 
 
When committing a burglary it's best not to wear shoes that leave a distinctive track in the snow. And you probably shouldn't leave your debit card behind either
source: kcrg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop Challenge: Finish this almost-finished painting
source: data13.gallery.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week: 12/15 - 12/21
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Good: Judge rules Ohio must acknowledge gay marriage. Bad: Only when someone dies
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
The possum drop is on, I repeat, the possum drop is on
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Ice-storm devastates Toronto. Rob Ford has his crack recovery team on high alert
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Space.com)
 
 
 
Cool picture of astronaut Rick Hieb peering into the flight deck during his spacewalk in 1992
source: space.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Russia Today)
 
 
 
The inventor of the iconic AK-47 rifle, Mikhail Kalashnikov, has died at the age of 94. But, if we soak him in diesel and run a knotted up shoestring through him, we could probably get a couple more good years out of him
source: rt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Reports: Kim Jong-un "was very drunk" when ordering executions
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
I'm not saying that the Turkish Navy is incompetent, but one of their ships capsized and sank while docked in a harbor
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wisconsin Gazette)
 
 
 
Gay Republicans denounce video that uses men in underwear to encourage gays to enroll in Obamacare program
source: wisconsingazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
It's Big Tomato Pizza, not Big Gay Tomato Pizza
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
Sex ed takes place outside a French classroom, officials pissed because "having a porn filmed near a school is almost always bad for business"
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
21-year-old Canadian hottie has her ears cut to resemble an elf's. YOU WOULD NOT PASS
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(South China Morning Post)
 
 
 
China: The Desolation of Smog
source: scmp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
After the Seahawks lost the Cardinals at home, Washington lawmaker responds on Twitter with grace and class. Just kidding. He calls Arizona a racist wasteland
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Think Progress)
 
 
 
You may have missed it, but the US just helped to avert a Rwandan-style genocide in the Central African Republic
source: thinkprogress.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
A Ken-Burns style documentary on the War on Christmas. It must be real, then
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WVEC)
 
 
 
Baby Jesus pimps out the Virgin Mary for $20...it's a Christmas miracle
source: wvec.com   |   share: Share on Facebook