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| Sun December 15, 2013 |
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Army veteran hit and killed after stopping to help a stranded motorist. Fark: He was driving home from his own wedding reception
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Heavy online use can lead to anxiousness, TotalFark subscription
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Photoshop this Chrysler corselette
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Cops recreate entire season of "21 Jump Street" and spend an entire term undercover at school
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School decides not to call 911 when 6-year-old girl loses a piece of her finger because they "didn't feel like it was an emergency"
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Dallas area luxury gun club and indoor shooting range celebrates its grand opening with predictable results
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Sun will 'flip upside down' within weeks, says NASA. The. Sun. Will. FLIP UPSIDE DOWN
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Two men have spent 1000+ days in jail for not getting off the lawn
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Let's say this Twinkie represents the number of lies the NSA has told us about tracking the location of our cell phones. Based on this article... that's a hell of a big Twinkie
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Even while pointing a gun at someone, your ability to intimidate is greatly diminished with a chihuahua sitting next to you
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Aren't we all, Mr. News Anchor...aren't we all
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Will work be canceled because of the blizzard? Will you run out of beer? How is the weather in YOUR neighborhood? All that and more here: It's your OFFICIAL Winter Storm Electra discussion thread (w/snow totals)
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Photoshop this woman and a photo of an angel
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Protip: If you're going to rob a store, make sure the owner isn't a retired cage fighter
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If you're happy and you know it, leave it to a Walgreens cashier to help you figure a way to show it
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Stoners, psychedelic drug users, Timothy Leary, and Deadheads are responsible for the creation of the CIA
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The War on Christmas existed long before Fox News. In the 17th century, it was an indisputable fact: Boston Puritans canceled Christmas for 22 years, and those caught celebrating were hit with a fine
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A Christmas gift for atheists from our good friends at FOX News: Five reasons why God exists
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Grocery store employee beaten while throwing down salt. What a slugfest
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Christmas decorations stolen. Suspect described as having shoes that were too tight, or his head not screwd on just right, or the most likely reason of all, his heart was too sizes too small
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UPS comes up with creative places to leave packages when you aren't home, but perhaps the trashcan on garbage day isn't the best idea. Bonus: UPS denies any responsibility
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Batman arrests the Joker in this very special holiday mugshot roundup
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Perhaps the most brilliant person ever in the history of the human race has figured out the recipe to make the infamous Arrested Development cornballs
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Looking for that perfect gift for the hard-to-buy-for person on your holiday wishlist? How about a magical unicorn sculpture that pees lemonade and shoots fire from its horn?
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Colorado school changes mind, decides that maybe, just possibly, charging a first-grader with sexual harassment may have been a bit of a reach
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Folding a piece of paper into an origami elephant isn't really newsworthy...unless you're trying to make it life size. We're gonna need a bigger sheet of paper
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Because some people think it's perfectly acceptable to give canned escargot and fruitcake (it's not), here are some ground rules for giving to food banks
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Crazy guy finds out the hard way that 12 feet of steel pole with six inches of blade on the end still doesn't beat nine millimeters
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Santa fled on foot after crashing into a Scotsman's yard in a Nissan Micra. So much for the economic recovery
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There's no such thing as a free lunch... unless you're a soldier at this restaurant where the locals have been playing the "pay a random soldier's lunch tab every day" game for almost a year
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"Like many of the children who visit him, he doesn't believe his skin color makes him different. He's simply Santa"
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The king of Jordan may not be able to move your life in a different way but he will help you move your car in a snow storm
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this free spirited love child before she headed off to Kent State
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Every internet lawyer out there will tell you never to confess to the cop who just pulled you over that the reason you were driving poorly was because you were drinking beers while watching 'The Fast and the Furious'
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Nearly 100 years ago the first American roadside motel was created, changing forever the lives of mother-obsessed psychos and horny politicians everywhere
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Don't have a cow about the threats of milk prices going off the dairy cliff
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"Affluenza" judge gave a black 14-year-old life in prison without the possibility of parole for participating in a robbery in which someone died
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Participants dress up as Santa or a slutty elf and attempt to annoy as many people in as many bars as possible before succumbing to alcohol poisoning
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Jesus is just alright as meme
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Dumb: Gun buyback programs. Even dumber: Refusing to take in illegal guns. You know, the ones everyone actually wants off the streets
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'Walmart Employee of the Month' is a good example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time
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| Sat December 14, 2013 |
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Bigamy still technically illegal in Utah, but there are now legal ways to satisfy that matrimonial addiction
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No more 40 and 60 watt incandescent lightbulbs being manufactured for USA usage as of Jan 1
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A 60-year-old old man caught in bed with an 11-year-old girl can get five years in prison. Unless you're in Italy and the 11-year-old says she loves him. Then there's no problem
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Have you donated money to your alma mater instead of to the poor? If so, you're a bad person and should feel bad about yourself
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Fark.com has provided laughter and truth for years. But who is this man "Drew Curtis" really?
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Kid gets suspended for a year and loses his full ride college scholarship over a) drugging a teacher, b) slugging a teacher, or c) hugging a teacher?
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Naked man baffles Swedish townspeople with his nude snowmobile rides. "I could see his arse, that was bad enough"
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Following the death of her husband woman undergoes grief counselling and decides to search for son she give up at birth when she was nineteen. Discovers he was a passenger on Pan-Am flight 103 blown up over Lockerbie 24 years earlier
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Photoshop these Swedish Icehotel guests in the Frankenstein suite
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Fraternity suspended after photo depicts them letting an obscene amount of beer get warm
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British MP to newspaper that branded her "the laziest lawmaker" based on her attendance record in Parliament: I was pregnant and on maternity leave during that time, you lazy, non-fact-checking farks
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Like surprises? You wouldn't if you were on death row in Japan
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Federal judge rules that California's 10-day waiting period for people who already own guns is unconstitutional, does not pass "either intermediate or strict scrutiny"
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Not news: Brothers get their picture taken together on Santa's lap. Fark: For 34 years running
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For the love of money... here we go again. Mega Millions rolls up to $550 million. For that kind of money, subby could buy Fark
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Just a heads-up for the weekend people: three Headline of the Year quarterfinals threads went up earlier this week. Here they are if you missed them
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Everybody hates the college essay -- the students writing them and the professors grading them. So why are they still being done?
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Arapahoe school shooter went on rampage because he wasn't a cunning linguist
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Remember the rich, white kid that got out of killing four people while drunk driving because of he was rich and white? Well, here comes the lawsuiting
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As you take yet another deep, rich, intoxicating puff from your e-cigarette, smug in the fact that you're aren't harming your body like regular smokers do with their cancer sticks, you might want to know about the latest research
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The coin that JFK would have tossed before the 1963 Army-Navy game will be used 50 years later. It will probably be heads
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"What if I told you that this drug treats everything? What if I told you it prevents almost every illness you might get? It's 100 percent effective, and works for every person around the world, rich or poor, young or old, with no side effects?"
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Well Ballerina Bob, that's certainly.. ummm a little different, but whatever it takes to cheer up your cancer-stricken wife is a good thing
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Firefighters decide Farenheit 451 didn't go far enough
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Photoshop these jumping cricketers
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Brooklyn hipsters proclaim bacon OVER, are now into artisanal porridge "made from a variety of ancient, global, and gluten-free grains." A steal at $7 a bowl
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In a move sure to stabilize the region, Best Korea orders all of its citizens in China to leave the country in order to test which ones are loyal to Kim and not the dead uncle
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| (Some Vet) |
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Brewing beer and hiring Veterans, that's unpossible ..... No, its the Veteran Beer Co. out of Chicago
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The creator of Festivus airs his grievances toward Fox News regarding the "War on Christmas" manufactured outrage. Up next, he challenges Megyn Kelly to the Feats of Strength
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Uninvited guests you might find in your pool: A) Your pushy neighbors, B) an alligator, Florida C) Two cute black bears (w/pic)
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We are no longer a nation of mallrats as more and more people are turning to the internet to do their shopping. SUCK IT KEVIN SMITH
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"Israel makes all citizens serve in the military. The United States should adopt a similar policy where everyone must wait tables at least once in their lives"
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Is it still a terrorist plot if you are the only one plotting? One moron and a whole bunch of FBI agents apparently say "yes"
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"Your Honor, we ask for declaratory judgement that due to our control of the spice, we be deemed to be in control of the universe"
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Prince Harry is 'chuffed' to have spent the last 2 weeks skiing 200 miles across Antarctica to the South Pole with a group of disabled Iraq & Afghanistan vets. Interesting story to the left, interesting theory on WTF 'chuffed' means to the right
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Former employee is facing federal charges for stealing human bones from the anatomy lab at Ohio University to fund drug habit. Where's the humerus tag?
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The [Florida] tag will wave a fond farewell
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Teens party in unoccupied mansion, leaving $1 million in damages and making off with medieval armor, designer suits and a $250,000 stuffed leopard while taking selfies. In other words a fairly boring Fark party
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♫ ♪ It's a nice day to chase a white widow. It's a nice day to start again ♪ ♫
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Bomb goes off outside Belfast restaurant in Northern Ireland. It's the same old theme since 1916, in your head, in your head they're still fighting
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Facebook claims new "machine brain" will end up knowing all about your social life based on your photos. Since all subby posts on FB are My Little Pony photos, challenge smugly accepted
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You're just six easy conversational steps away from being popular. Well, since you're reading this on Fark, make that seven steps away
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NHTSA poll says that a quarter of all motorists admit to driving faster than the speed limit. The other three quarters live in New York, L.A. and Washington, D.C. and have yet to experience going faster than 25 mph
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Canada begins a project to offer seal meat in stores. Suddenly, "going out clubbing" takes on a whole new meaning
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Passenger arrested at JFK with six pounds of cocaine hidden in hair care products, says she was only trying to keep her blow dry
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Nova Scotia politician steaming mad after pic of her topless prison shower scene in 2008 episode of "The L Word" becomes Canadian internet sensation, claims she was cyberbullied
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Photoshop this moment of impending doom for Cam Newton
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Top seven reasons why gawky foreign men attract so many hot Japanese women
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While most cities struggle with mundane infrastructure like subways and overpasses, Saskatoon is considering heated downtown sidewalks
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Come watch a fun Christmas cat video that donates a free can of gooshy food (up to 500,000) for every view to help needy felines at this festive time of the year. Caturday approves
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Moon landing, Saturday, 8:40 A.M. EST. This will be, IF all goes according to plan, the first non-crash landing on the Moon since the 1970s. Link to English language live television coverage provided
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Did you hear the one about the stripper, her boyfriend, and the 72-year-old man they were driving home when they got pulled over?
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And now for something completely different: Gangsta Claus
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So, you think that girl is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Sure about that? 500 years is an awful long time
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Let's see what's being banned from Florida elementary schools this week. Oh dear, those are trouble
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Don't say Charlton Heston didn't warn us
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It was bound to happen: George W. Bush, hipster icon
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Turns out there was a bit of a cover up involving the Roanoke colonists
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86-year-old Howard Stern listener wins date with prostitute so he can get some for the first time since before YOU last got some - but dies minutes before the big moment, after choking on a piece of meat
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| Fri December 13, 2013 |
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"I'm offended that my religion was unflatteringly portrayed in the media": atheist edition
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Protip: Do not remove this guy's lunch from the office fridge
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Baby deer walks up to hunters during their target practice, licks one of their guns
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It is still illegal for Britons to publicly state that the Royal family are a bunch of annoying inbred asshats, and that the entire institution should be consigned to the rubbish pits of history
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme:Things for the bride to throw instead of a bouquet. Link goes to inspiration
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Expert investigator with years of experience claims that Paul Walker was murdered
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Photoshop what Obama "should" be saying
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Turns out New York was right and Chicago has the second best pizza in the country. Providence, RI has the first
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Bad: Man spends a decade in jail for a murder he didn't commit because of police misconduct. Better: a panel awards hims a $5 million settlement. Fark me: of which he is very unlikely to get a single dime now that Detroit has filed for bankruptcy
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"Magic" piano apparently playing by itself delights travelers at Chicago's Union Station, who apparently all hailed from some distant primitive land where the concept of "a player piano" is unknown
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Caribou researchers: Rudolph's nose was red because of parasites. Or cocaine
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The white zone is for car bombs
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Photoshop this protesting pianist
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Colorado high school acknowledges Sandy Hook anniversary with re-creation
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Be afraid, be very afraid: The NSA official in charge of investigating the Snowden leaks thinks it might be worth giving him amnesty and letting him come back to the US to keep him from leaking the REALLY bad stuff
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Amazon founder Jeff Bezos loses gov't challenge filed by Jeff Bezos against Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos
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Phoenix-area cities increasingly rely on volunteer policemen to don special uniforms, tool around in marked cruisers, free up officers to hunt real criminals. "They don't complain like paid people do. They truly come and want to help us out"
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CNN, asking the hard question: Could "affluenza" actually be the result of bad parenting?
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Caption George W. Bush showing off his paintings to Hillary Clinton on Air Force One
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When you're a cop on duty, your job is to protect and serve and enjoy the occasional snowball fight
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Florida teen who begged for a new family, 'I'll take anyone. Old or young, dad or mom, black, white, purple. I don't care.' Has found a new forever home just in time for Christmas
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Meijer employee fired for putting out fire
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With so much of the country dealing with winter weather, it's a good time to remind would-be crooks that cops are very skilled at following footprints in the snow
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On grade inflation at the Ivy League: one student once cornered me and said: "I hope you're happy you've destroyed my chance at Goldman and ruined my life"
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It's snowing in Cairo. Yes, that Cairo
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There's stupid, and then there's Indiana Stupid
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Instead of spending all that money plumping up your lips with collagen, you could always just get a lip piercing and let the ensuing infection do it for free
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I will not get drunk at a wedding and go steal the naked picture of a woman on a cigar over the urinal in the Citizen Hotel. I will not get drunk at a wedding and go steal the naked picture of a woman on a cigar over the urinal in the Citizen Hotel
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Wonders of science create cavity-free candy and HOLY SHIAT I CAN HAVE ALL OF THE CANDY
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Mom, can I please borrow 20 bucks? In non-sequential bills? And, uh, keep your hands where I can see them. You're the best
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Just in time for Caturday, we learn that Allied forces tested cat-guided bombs during WWII
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The wise man built his house upon a rock. And then there was this guy, in Rockville, Utah
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Fark's 2013 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: June through August
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You'll enjoy this article about why Friday the 13th is considered unlucky - knock on wood
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Fat-shaming Fit Mom previously suffered from the "good girl drug", aka bulimia
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Caption this line of Santas
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That missing American in Iran that everyone SWORE was just there on a business trip? Yeah, he was working for the CIA
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Two more Pakistani polo workers killed, government says to look out for armed men yelling Marco
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Fark-ready headline: Milan Council Has Something Up Their Butts About Dildo Christmas Tree
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The speed limit on Chicago area interstates is 80. Nobody is sure why the signs say 55
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A woman is lucky to be alive in Alaska after surviving three nights of temperatures that sank as low as minus 20 degrees-and she has "Elvis" to thank
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Today in "Are you even trying?": Man drives to court on summons for driving without a license, then attempts to drive away with his weed and scale sitting on the back seat
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Shop 'til you drop...your drawers?
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"In 1949, when George Orwell predicted in his terrifying novel 1984 the future use of television sets to watch us in our homes, many thought he was a delusional paranoid. It turns out that he was just off by a generation"
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Romulus celebrates grand opening of Taco Bell, though the Tal Shiar are investigating Federation claims that it's authentic Mexican cuisine
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Children in China are being taught kung fu as self-defence against air pollution. It's the Desolation of Smog
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Best Korea just dropped its No. 2 right in the punchbowl. So what does this mean for North Korea?
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Parents groups are concerned that Elf on the Shelf sends out a bad message to children, instilling within them a fear that someone is watching over them at all times. To say nothing of the fact it is a terrifying, soulless marionette
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Photographs show an impala escaping the jaws of a crocodile. Sadly, the malibu and the silverado weren't quite as lucky
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You're kind of a passive-aggressive vandal if you use hot sauce to vandalize a person's car
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Good: Catching a train while fleeing a crime scene. Bad: Train catching you while fleeing a crime scene
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Photoshop these turtles part of the way down
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Best press release EVER
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It's winter, why are we having a SHARK SCARE article? Oh, a great white with a radio transmitter? Carry on then (link fixed)
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Santa's not real, but if he was HE'D TURN YOU INTO HAM. Sleep tight, kids
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How bad is the pollution in Chinese cities? People are shoving cigarette butts in their noses so they can inhale cleaner air
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If you sent holiday mail to someone aboard the aircraft carrier USS Harry S. Truman the Navy has some bad news for you
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If you're going to commit an apartment robbery, it's probably a good idea to not stand outside for an hour in full view of security cameras and practice your twerking skills
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Rooster testicles seized at NZ border - "Baked beans they are not". Thanks for the warning - I'm always getting those two mixed up
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If you're going to troll the cops with an iPhone shaped cookie, try not to have any outstanding warrants for your arrest
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Boobies outraged by erosion of sexual liberty
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Lawyer for pedophile priests quotes the bible: "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such of these that the kingdom of God belongs"
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After defeating the Nazis, about 2000 WWII vets were given lobotomies by the US government to treat their homosexuality, schizophrenia, depression and psychosis
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"Jingle Bells" & "Kill the Jews", eh, same thing. Or at least is for Romanian State TV holiday carol special
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Old and busted: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. New hotness: Sudden Adult Death Syndrome
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Man accused of public masturbation at Short Pump Wal-Mart"
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| Thu December 12, 2013 |
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It takes more than five hours and 30lbs of make-up to make a semi-attractive woman into an advertising model, it also takes hours of Photoshop
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Mother arrested for killing her infant son with an overdose of Benadryl. In other news, you can overdose on Benadryl
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What's the real reason for the post-pregnancy fitness selfie rage? They make women jealous and feel bad about themselves
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82 year old woman gets X-ray, finds 40-year old calcified fetus. No word on whether her son is the Kwisatz Haderach
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Millionaire ex-CFO tries to kill himself, fails. Fark: But not before taking out a young couple and their unborn baby
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Church Deacon offers alibi in child fondling case: "Satan was in that storage room and took over my body"
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Sad: Teen dies of a gunshot wound to the head. WTF: In a police cruiser, after being searched and handcuffed from behind. Unlikely: The Police Chief is claiming that the wound was self-inflicted
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Daycare worker steals gold & diamond earrings right off toddler's ears. Article asks, insightfully: "Do you think kids need real jewelry?"
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Photoshop this unusual tree
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MegaMillions jackpot hits $400,000,000 as recent rule changes make odds of winning less likely than your penis gaining sentience, detaching itself from your body, and starting an ironically named ska band
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Crash of cement truck sends driver to the mortarary
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"It takes longer to learn how to be a waitress at Olive Garden." To be fair, it's more degrading at Olive Garden
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Sure I stabbed her. But I was drunk, and she was being a biatch
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Plastic surgeon dad gives boob jobs to both his daughters. Okay, that's a bit creepy
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Man asks Internet for help finding a girl he met on New Year's Eve last year. Turns out she REALLY didn't want to be found
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Because hell wouldn't break into your house and pee in your mouthwash
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If your heart suddenly stops beating, you may have previously asymptomatic Lyme disease
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Good news everyone. Heavy drinkers outlive nondrinkers
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WTF Christmas gift ideas for every price range. Not a slideshow. Do not mock the ramen spork
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Because why not get married at SantaCon
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*DING* You are now free to move about the cabin and choke the living shiat out of the asshole in 17E that has been blabbing nonstop on his cellphone since Cleveland
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Pizza and beer simply go together. Why didn't you think of this?
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Srsly though guys, hands-off Queen Elizabeth's nuts
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Fark Food Thread: Let's dig into some Indian dishes. Do you stick to vegetarian? Northern vs Southern? All the Curry or Garam Masala? Knock out spices or mild? Make our eyes water and our tastebuds tingle to the right
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They went to Jared. And then they went to jail
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Food poisoning and pneumonia-causing bacteria are currently hiding deep inside your nose. Have a nice day
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Great, as if massholes needed one more thing to feel superior about, now they are home to the first and only official Trappist brewery in America
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Adventure theme park wants their street's name changed because people don't know the French word for 'fish', and think that they're located on Poison Avenue
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Cop acknowledges that video of him firing a sniper rifle makes his disability claim look ridiculous. As if being permanently disabled by a stapler wasn't ridiculous enough
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what the FBI sees from your laptop
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Fark's 2013 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: March through May
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Weird stuff people leave behind during holiday shopping, travel. Manners, civility, and courtesy are not weird, people
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Starbucks is secretly letting customers carbonate their coffee, still not so secretly misspelling their names
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Today's word of the day: amplituhedron
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What commercials do you still remember from your childhood? Subby is unsure why this one randomly popped into his head this morning
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Just before Christmas, man is charged with stealing 20 partridges. Not a pear tree in sight
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Sheriff Joe has yet another idea that...well, this one isn't that bad really
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Three bears caught during Florida's ongoing "War on Bears" escape their captors, plot their revenge on mankind
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Only pee indoors on Beacon Hill
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Today in FFS: British politicians are getting an 11% pay rise, while public sector workers are capped at 1%
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Today's baby left in a car while mom shops at a liquor store is brought to you by Ocala, Florida
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Happy National Poinsettia Day, let's give thanks the plant that can kill your whole family
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If you get an email inviting you to click on a link to see nude pictures of a former First Lady, you deserve what you get
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California Department of Public Health cock blocks the makers of Sriracha for 30 days, hopefully it doesn't turn blue
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Woman in sleepy southern town fashions Christmas lights into a human hand flipping the bird for the second year in a row. Why, yes, the ACLU got involved, why do you ask?
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How to get suspended from your job: If you're a 911 operator and someone calls to report a sexual encounter with a cop, just start chuckling
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Hawaiian official who verified Obama's birth certificate is the sole fatality in a small plane crash, or as it's otherwise known: Alex Jones' Cialis
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Brooklyn declared "lesbian capital of the Northeast" by borough president. Now that's thinking outside the box
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Bird strike causes an $8 million Air Force jet to crash. Military experts are shocked that the Air Force actually bought something for less than $100 million
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Do major surgery on the wrong limb once: hey, these things happen. Twice will likely get you on Fark. Work on the wrong limb 40 times and you're the National Health Service and must be defended at all costs
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Ugly-ass baby monkey born at Leicestershire zoo (pic)
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Man who stole $300 samurai sword by hiding it in his pants looks exactly like you'd expect
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Ireland's plan to reduce unemployment: reduce the unemployed
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The internet: Come for the porn and cat pictures, stay to see a used tee-shirt in Kenya reunited with the American woman who donated it twenty years ago
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College student discusses life with druggie housemates, says it's not all bad. "One month one of them took speed and cleaned my bathroom. I wish he'd cleaned the sick up first time round, but his heart was in the right place"
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Photoshop Bobo da Corte
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That handshake with Obama and Castro? Yeah, that was a well-planned troll. And we all took a big bite
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'Scrooge-like' council removes Dorking Cock's Christmas costume
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If you eat food that had parents, it alters your gut bacteria significantly and quickly
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"Ho Ho Ho...eh?"
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Wilson the dog was rushed to the vets after his owner thought he had swallowed a single golf ball. But when they x-rayed him they found more than they bargained for. No wonder he was feeling under par
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If you had "schizophrenia" as the reason Mandela's Memorial Service had a fake sign language interpreter, claim your prize
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Plastic surgeon turns an ugly woman into someone so beautiful he proposes to her after she gets out of surgery. Yeah, that's totally not creepy or anything
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Drive by shooter caught on camera. No, not that type -- the um...other...type
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Doh: It's a Buzzfeed link. D'awww: of shelter dogs going to their forever homes. Bonus: not a slideshow
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Man sitting on toilet has penis bitten by snake - when all he really needed was a viper
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Come to the clinic for hair replacement, stay for the Hep B, Hep C, HIV
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Strung out Oklahoma man facing a night of bitter cold after falling into icy pond doesn't fret, he strips down and gets into his guitar case
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Arizona police officer and spokeswoman for the state Department of Public Safety turns out to be an illegal immigrant
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 449: "Soundscapes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 11, 2013 |
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Cop hears a man clear his throat, decides to a.) ignore it, b.) check to see if he's OK, or c.) slam his head into the wall?
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When the alarm goes off, do you hit the snooze button? Well, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
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The newest way for prescription pain-pill addicts to get their fixes? Get the meds from their veterinarians after injuring their pets
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Photoshop challenge: Unnecessary censorship. Link goes to polka-dot example
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Cafe in France begins charging more if customers are rude. They're going to be millionaires in a week
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Here's a woman whose leisure time involves strapping flares to herself and jumping off live high-tension power pylons. Because Russia
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11-year-old boy rescues dog, despite heavy traffic and all the dust in here
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"I asked you for warm fries McDonald's Drive-thru. Don't make me axe you twice"
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For you Farkers that have jobs, and would like to keep them .....How to behave at your Work Christmas Party
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Students too lazy to go to real college also too lazy to go to online college
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Christmas camel rentals: serious business. Just in time for Humpday
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Spice up your homemade gingerbread cookies with this handy, four-piece Kama Sutra cookie cutter set. Great fun for the whole family--of perverts
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If you're a history teacher and you have a problem with a student in class do you: A) send him to the principal B) schedule a parent-teacher conference or C) Go to his house, kick the door off the hinges and beat him
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New EPA study of chemicals in drinking water reveals that, at this point, tap water is basically a gateway drug
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Challenge: Photoshop what Fark's World Headquarters should look like
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Bishop's house is burglarized. Fark: Desmond Tutu's house. Sick: While he was at Nelson Mandela's funeral
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FDA to ensure your dog has antibiotic-free steak
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Rich, white kid who has suffered no consequences in life gets probation after killing four people in a DUI crash because he has been a victim of being rich, white, and not suffering consequences in life
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Senator Lamar Alexander's chief of staff has a seat right over there
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Not to alarm anyone, but a mysterious object is blocking an $80-million tunnel boring machine 60-feet underneath a major American city and nobody has any idea what it is
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With over 100 businesses approved, but only a dozen planning to open immediately, Colorado police are preparing for Black Wednesday, the day pot officially goes on sale
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NBC reporters walk into schools without checking in at the office. Scary tag too busy selling ritalin behind the library to notice
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Good idea: BIE. Bad idea: Posting someone's BIE on a revenge porn site. Really bad idea: Extorting someone to remove their BIE
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Marine's body was returned home without a heart, despite claims by the Great and Wonderful Oz
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Old and busted: Cattle rustling. New and buzzing: Bee rustling
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The best argument for the Oxford comma that you'll see all week
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How did a family of six survive in Nevada's sub-zero temps until they were rescued? By not being dumbasses
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Passing winds may now provide energy at a lower cost than natural gas. Lighting a match still not recommended
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Satan opens the floodgates to the Oklahoma State Capitol grounds, is surprised to see Lord Hanuman first in line
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Well, be fair, the goal on a football field *is* to break the plane
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Swedish politicians leave racist comments on far-right website; identities revealed by Disqus security flaw
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In an surprising act of kindness, a city government has done the "rational" thing and agreed to let an autistic boy keep his therapy chickens. City council members were unsure of the action, saying they've never done anything "rational" before
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I don't always drink tequila, but when I do, I pass out on the front porch of my neighbors house in -17 degree temperatures
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Nine places that you should visit in the US next year, and Kansas City
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Happy 11.12.13 day, rest of the world
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Ben Affleck reads a new word in the dictionary every day, and then tries to use it in a sentence to sound intelligent. Today's word: bifurcate
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While Americans fret about the loss of Saturday mail delivery, Canada Post announces it will eliminate door-to-door delivery to most Canadians. And for good measure, they're raising the price of a stamp to $1
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Deaf people are saddened to learn that Nelson Mandela pickle hopped the yam bridge with digressive hat monkeys on fester twelve
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Man charged with, rape, sodomy, pulling part of his girlfriend's stomach out. "Paulino indicated he wasn't worried because he has Jesus on his side"
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Every generation thinks they invented blowjobs and LOLcats
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Kentucky gun owner wounded in heroic shootout with toilet paper dispenser
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Like too much hot sex, a plethora of drugs and alcohol, or a garage full of Ferraris, oversaving is on the short list of "problems most Americans won't have to face in their lifetime"
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No, Kanye West did not call himself "the next Nelson Mandela"
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Sailor paints kick-ass murals all over the aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt. Pics to the left, arguments over whether Popeye was in the Navy or Coast Guard to the right
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76-year-old man purchased a gun in 1965 for $12 and never pulled the trigger. That all changed on Tuesday when he found a burglar hiding out inside a closet in his barber shop
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UPDATE: TSA defends confiscation of sock monkey's 2" toy gun as "realistic replica firearm"
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NY Public Interest Research Group releases its annual list of toys that are the most fun
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Man crawls into clothing collection bin to score some free clothes, meets Darwin
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You've been hating on them for years, but what if it turned out that you were actually the very Millennial you despised? Or -- *gasp* -- a Boomer? Take this quiz to find out whether you should actually be loathing yourself
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Scientists conclude that an ancient lake on Mars may have at one time supported life. Then again, they said the same thing about the East River
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Hundreds flee cinema because it was Catching Fire
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Supermarkets wouldn't have to throw away so much produce if shoppers weren't so damn picky
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Friday marks one-year anniversary of ban on LOUD TV COMMERCIALS. Some say it worked. 20,000 complaints say otherwise
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Washington DC Council: Hey, let's pass a law giving every poor child a free $60,000 for their college education. Yay, education. Sane people: Hey, that sounds good, but how are you going to pay for it? DC Council: umm....YAY, EDUCATION
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Chinese protesters gather in public to drink pesticide in most self-limiting protest ever
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Hope for this world: Christmas carol album outselling Britney Spears' latest release. We're so Farked: Duck Dynasty's Christmas Album
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Bahraini MP calls for government to stamp out witchcraft, citing the case of a woman who paralyzed her husband by feeding him period blood
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Sure, you could just toss out your Christmas tree when you're done with it. Or you could use it to restore a dune, amuse a cat, or start a fire
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"Correction: This article originally misidentified penguins as mammals. They are birds"
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Magazines could make a comeback because they are cheaper than cable and offer a "sexier experience"
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Man's whole life gets ruined because Google's auto-complete inserted "How do I build a radio controlled bomb" when he was trying to type "How do I build a radio controlled airplane"
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In Texas children are raised to apologize to the officer who just shot them with a stun gun
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England introducing indestructible plastic polymer bank notes; British residents rise to the challenge, break out microwaves, irons and fire to test them (pics)
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Scientists now believe the Yellowstone supervolcano is far bigger than previous estimates. This is bad news for Alabama
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If you had Dec 10th down as the day the pot-smoking Mountie would be tasered, arrested, and sent for a psych eval, step up and claim your prize
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Kate Winslett misses the opportunity to call her new baby Wee Builthiscityon
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Aging punk rockers get together for fundraising Christmas single. "Most of us may be celebrating our 50th birthdays these days, but there's no doubt about it - we've still got it." In related news, punk's not dead, it's just turned into your dad
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Only in Arizona #439: Town's public Christmas tree is made of tumbleweeds
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Among other things, Dan Aykroyd suffers from Aspergers, Tourettes, being Canadian
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Photoshop this staring seagull
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Pope Francis is the TIME Person of the Year. There are some pretty sweet incentives in his contract with God for this, and also if Notre Dame wins a major bowl game
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Dear Boss, please excuse Bob from being late today, his train was delayed. Signed the MTA
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US ............... loading ............. loading
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One of the most terrifying things for a pilot is the possibility of birdstrike. Now imagine that bird is an emu
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After their meals didn't come with hash browns, couple calmly discuss their complaints with employees at McDonald's. Just kidding. They throw their food at a manager, call 911, and punch one of the workers (link replaced)
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Uruguay becomes first country to legalize marijuana. Smoke 'em if you got 'em
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Dumb: drunk driving. Dumber: with four kids in the car. Dumbest: while wearing an ankle bracelet and under house arrest for a previous OVI
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| Tue December 10, 2013 |
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The family didn't have a dog, so the cops just stomped on the family parakeet instead
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There are many ways to seek closure from a failed relationship, start dating again.. alcohol, burning down your ex's house
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What's worse than being the first pickup on the Super Shuttle on the way to the airport? When the driver pulls out a knife and tries to rob you
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Minor larynx surgery + laser beam + pure oxygen - ability to speak or breathe for rest of life = $30 million
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Are you fat and wrinkly? Are you aging rapidly? Have most of your teeth dissolved away? Well - it's not your fault, it's that damned diet soda you've been guzzling
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Shut. Down. Everything
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Fox News' Gretchen Carlson gets all hot and bothered over erect pole
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Photoshop Theme: Rejected children's horror movies
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Sure, you can wear whatever you want into Walmart and nothing happens, but you demand that they honor their policy of matching the lowest advertised price on identical products and you get banned for life
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Bizarre representations of national pride via food and flag body paints (one pic Not safe for work)
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Fark's 2013 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: December through February
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11 things you've always wanted to know about lesbian sex but were afraid to ask and HEY YOU ONLY NEED TO CLICK ONCE (Not safe for work)
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Phyllis Schalfly's niece puts on shoes, leaves kitchen to appear on Steve Malzberg's show to criticize 'Everyone Loves Raymond' for "feminizing men"
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Living on a cul-de-sac makes you fat. It makes you a boring, predictable, blase, whitewashed suburbanite, too, but let's focus on the fatness for now
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Most people would be happy & grateful to see firefighters try to put out a fire in their home. Most people
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Photoshop these burning beats
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Searchers locate wreckage of a steamship that sank in Lake Huron in 1861 with 33 aboard; in related news, Gordon Lightfoot has himself a sequel
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Aetna tells people they can shove their colonoscopies where the sun don't shine
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Shocking revelation of the day: government programs to reduce poverty actually do reduce poverty
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Headlines of the Week for 12/1 - 12/7, but more importantly--the first quarterfinal contest Headline of the Year kicks off later today
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News: A sick, twisted guy sexually harasses a sweet, innocent six-year-old girl. Fark: The guy is a six-year-boy who kissed her on the cheek, to which she did not object
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"America's Toughest Sheriff" won't fly flags half staff for Mandela
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Math problem: 1 elementary school child + 0 tolerance - 1 inhaler = ???
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Missing: Truck carrying $120,000 worth of chocolate. If found, please share with everybody
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Viagra may help menstrual cramps by rendering men deaf
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Roman emperors were powerful, rich, and really farking gross sexual deviants
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Ugly ass reticulated giraffe born in English zoo
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NPR's 50 best albums of 2013, and you haven't heard of any of them. Well, you might have heard of a couple, but those ones aren't nearly as good
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Justin Bieber still the frontrunner for shiattiest person in the world
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New York judge to plaintiffs, "Keep our rights off your damn, dirty apes"
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Does Fed Ex tracking work if someone steals the package from your front porch? No....but a nosy neighbor does
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