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| Sun December 01, 2013 |
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More than 200 cars were towed in Chicago because people were too stupid to remember the annual overnight parking ban started at midnight
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In the Scottish islands known as the Hebrides, they start drinking first thing in the morning. Talk about an essential vacation spot
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"Sorry I bit off your nose, bro"
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Besides the Grinch, do you know who else tried to steal Christmas?
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Moonshine is making a comeback in several bars, even if no one knows what the hell is in it
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Photoshop Theme: Rare Star Trek photos. Have at 'em, shoppers
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Old and busted: Marriage Equality. New hotness: Divorce Equality
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Students arrested for waiting for a bus
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Mario Batali helps ban hot dog vendors from Washington Square Park because they're just too declasse to be seen near his gelato cart
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Turns out ferries are harder to drive than you might think
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Want to move to Hawaii? It will actually ruin your life
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Turns out that in Walker County Georgia it's now legal to kill a man with Alzheimer's, as long as you are saddened and heartbroken about it
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Woman, seriously wounded from being in plane crash, calls for help and then walks almost a mile to find rescuers and lead them back to the fog-hidden crash site. That's what Alaskan villagers are made of
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Bunny ranch workers finally able to get health insurance. Thanks, Obama
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Nothing beats stepping outside on a crisp fall morning, taking a deep breath, and savoring the lingering aromas of a burning pie shop wafting in the air
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R.I.P. ugly ass dog
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Q&A with The Post's new marijuana editor: "When recreational pot hits the Colorado streets on Jan. 1, 2014, the drug will be more legal here than anywhere else in the world. That's a tasty news story"
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DC DC panda panda gets gets name name
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Protesters and security forces continue to play chicken in Kiev
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Once tranquil Montana and North Dakota are reaping the benefits of a fossil fuel based economy, including full employment, a booming economy, and murderous drifters who bury math teachers in shallow graves
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Photoshop theme: Movie line cross-pollination. Photoshop a famous movie line or catchphrase into a different movie
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Willis WARE who designed hardWARE and softWARE, and predicted malWARE passes
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King Arthur was a Scot who lived in the strongest castle in the land after the first three burned, fell over, and sank
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Man walks into church. Church bursts into flames. See mom, I told you it could happen
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Healthcare.gov team states that they have met every goal. In other news, the government set the bar pretty low
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One heck of a toothache ... a Swedish prisoner escapes from jail to see a dentist, then turns himself back in
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RI one-ups Massachusetts by dropping their sales tax on wine and liquor and has no bottle deposit
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Taco John's manager fired after customer takes a cell phone picture of her preparing food barefoot, no uniform, bra and chest hanging out, sweating, and not washing her hands. Naturally, the franchise owner is upset about cell phone cameras
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Templeton Rye prepares for the release of their one millionth delicious bottle of whiskey
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Goose you're frozen on the ice / that's a place not very nice / I came to help get you unstuck / Because I'm the nurse who likes to ----
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Not news: Chicago police investigate car theft. Fark: One of their own squad cars
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Ric Romero goes shopping for the best wine deals in town, manages to miss the Boone's Farm aisle
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| (Some Guy) |
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According to a new poll, about 30 percent of Americans haven't seen a single one of their Facebook friends in the past two months
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NYC commuter train takes the scenic route through the Bronx -- four dead, 48 injured (so far)
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Good Samaritan NYPD officer who last year bought boots for a homeless man on a frigid night just got a leg up in his career
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Lawyer being investigated for fraud found stabbed to death in his running kit. With no sign of a weapon at the crime scene police suspect it was suicide, of course
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17 year old steps in to break up a fight at his school. Cops arrive, promptly taser him, leaving him in a coma. Hey Drew, when do we get a Texas tag?
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Photoshop this lady listening in
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Church bells: They're not for everyone
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Perhaps the best story of a chronically ill girl getting a Princess Party. It's quite dusty in here all right
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Why is Seattle one of the loneliest cities that you'll ever do?
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Want to buy real oddities for Christmas? Ripley's in New York has things like a vampire-killing kit for $25,000 or a shrunken-head for a little more than $19,000
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NASA plans to sow and nurture fake seeds on its fake moon set
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Norwegian footballer's wife posts pictures of her perfect flat stomach four days after giving birth, triggering praise such as "kill the biatch" and questions like "how do we say 'pitchfork' in Norwegian?"
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The Amish will see your Paul Walker in a Porsche and raise you with two dead in a buggy crash
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Why won't Google tell me what religion to be?
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Trinity Broadcast Network founder Paul Crouch dies at 79, forcing Pat Robertson to rename his show to The 699 Club
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Damn it's Saturday already. One more notch on the bedpost for Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2+ hours of music hosted live by a farker in Alaska. LGT stream or go to krnn.org
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It seems there really are strippers out there who have hearts of gold, like this woman who worked at a nonprofit during the day and gave lap dances to New York businessmen at night
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| Sat November 30, 2013 |
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Pregnant woman on a business trip to Britain and suffers a panic attack. Social workers: A) hospitalize her B) Force her to undergo a c-section C) keep the baby
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Guy on Facebook finds the person he mugged such a long, long time ago and asks for forgiveness - gets it 35 years later
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"Fast and Furious" star Paul Walker dead at 40 after going 2 fast, 2 furious in Porsche
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If you thought your family's Thanksgiving melee was bad, at least you didn't have a mobile home fight to the death knifey-gun style over your late father-in-law's 30-year old shoes
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"How was I able to turn forty without knowing these essential life skills?" In other news, changing a tire is an essential life skill
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OMG, this woman has lived inside an iron lung for 60 years. No tag seems appropriate
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The most breathtaking images of fog filling the Grand Canyon you will see this decade
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Photoshop whatever the fark is happening here
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For Sale: Spacious off-the-grid, hand-carved ethereal cave network under the desert of Northern New Mexico, built by a single man, a sixty seven year-old sculptor and visionary artist, a pick axe and a wheelbarrow (w/pics)
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Apparently, people in one state don't realize that leaving giant cardboard boxes from their new TVs and Playstations was a signal for thieves to break into their homes
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Last chance to shop in Brookline, Mass. before plastic and polystyrene ban. Or you could shop in surrounding cities where voters have better things to do
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Det. John Law says find the low hanging fruit and the Victoria's Secret Caper can be solved
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Prayer boosts self-control, emotional stability, better neighbors, and higher greenlit submissions
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76-year-old woman gets confronted by armed robbers outside her home, grabs her piece and goes out guns blazing
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Undocumented tourists thrilled as 'preferred' pronouns gain traction at U.S. colleges
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No matter how bad your day is going, it's not going as badly as these people who had to bail out of their cars on a wind-whipped Seattle suspension bridge earlier this month
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When her 4-year-old son was reduced to tears by the thought of wearing glasses, Mom decided it needed to become an issue for the internet masses
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Because it's become too hard to prosecute people for using sidewalk chalk, San Diego's D.A. office is now filing felony charges against a guy that pruned some shrubs
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OLD SAGGY NEWS: Maglev trains ~~~ UPLIFTING PERKY NEWS: Maglev bras
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| (Oakridge Quartet) |
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Photoshop these gospel guys
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Real-life Robinson Crusoe who decided to run business from a remote Indonesian island calls it quits and goes home, says fear of losing web signal was unbearable. And snakes (w/pics)
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There's a push to turn the area in New Mexico where the first nuclear bomb was created into a National Park. It's sure to receive glowing reviews
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Illinois Department of Transportation says 95% of drivers in the Illinois Tollway speed. The other 5% are always in the fast lane going the speed limit WITH THEIR F*CKING TURN SIGNAL ON GET THE HELL OVER YOU JACKASS
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Ever wonder what happened to the Mazda Furai concept car?
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Woman finds ghostly face in bowl of cheerios, eats it out of fear it might be a cereal killer
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Smoking hot 33-year-old drama teacher arrested for sex with student. Bonus: She had also been going dogging for sex with men and women in car park (w/pics)
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New poll reveals "Americans don't like each other," along with other bombshells, "Hollywood is out of ideas" and "Duke sucks"
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Why trample someone on Black Friday when you can use a stun gun?
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What better way to celebrate the co-occurrence of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah than with an ooey-gooey-Jewy macaroni and cheese menorah?
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Plans to build the "Freedom Ship", a luxury cruise liner 25 stories high and over a mile long, are back on. Hmmm, the world's richest people, neatly gathered together and floating in the middle of the ocean... This could work out
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Three weeks later, let's see how things are going in the Philippines. "On average, we find 45 bodies a day"
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The State Department blinks first
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Woman ordered to stop using her home as a.) an illegal casino, b.) a drug den, or c.) a safe haven for abused women?
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Latest victim of an urban myth suffers broken nose and jaw
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Man arrested for refusing to remove his Guy Fawkes mask for police while protesting Obamacare at a rally says he didn't want his fellow cops to recognize him
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Today's item spilled all over the highway: Scrap metal, with bonus crushed cars making passers-by think it was a multi-vechicle accident
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Shop worker 'treated like a slave because he is English'. Or maybe because he's lazy, and ginger
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French tattoo artists oppose government plan to outlaw: A) single owner shops B) residential businesses, or C) colored ink
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Kim Jong Un lookalike turns heads in Hong Kong, confuses Dennis Rodman
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Buzzfeed decides to protect those precious snowflake authors from meanies who submit negative reviews of their crappy books
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Move over, "Candy Crush"
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Photoshop John Boehner's web browser
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It's so hot today I think I'm going to go buy some ice cream at the mall only wearing my colorful underwear and an ill-fitting t-shirt
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Model T found submerged in Mississippi River remains a mystery. McCain for President bumper sticker seen as possible clue
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All your Caturdays belong to me, for I am Napoleon the cat and the world belongs to me... Psssst, it's all about short steps to get to Caturday
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China is about to launch its first fake moon rover mission on Monday
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100 bags of soil were brought to London from the battlefields of Belgium, for a garden to commemorate World War I
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God just bogarted from us a billionaire who was one of the most generous supporters of marijuana legalization efforts in the country. Plus he was the boss of Flo the Progressive Insurance Agent
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Bacon, Beer, and women jumping around? No, you're not dreaming
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O-o
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Church group handing out free Thanksgiving meals to the homeless at a park was ordered to cease and desist by a park ranger without a soul
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"As Christmas, the most stressful time of year approaches, we must remember the value of grandparents, Rob Ford and knocking yourself unconscious"
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Offering topless hairstyling to customers? No problem. Without a cosmetology license? We've got a problem
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Slow Death: Traditional families are dying in America. We're going down anyway, might as well be all the way down
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| Fri November 29, 2013 |
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Bishop dresses as homeless man and visits his church's service on Thanksgiving. Tag is for his congregation
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While Denver airport and police officials were downplaying baggage thefts during a live news interview a bag was being stolen a few feet from where they were standing
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Seven Japanese men arrested for getting buck naked at Chinese restaurant and taking selfies of their dumplings
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It's closing time. Hurry 'n' finish ya beers. Chop-chop
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There's drunk, and then there's "steal a newspaper truck to flee from zombies" drunk
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The US nuclear missile codes during the Cold War were either never moved from the default setting or made up by president Skroob
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Photoshop this NASA rollout
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The University of Colorado to name two dorms after female rappers
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Woman lights boyfriend's underpants on fire, presumably because he was a liar liar (or because he wouldn't buy her cigarettes)
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Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Fight at Walmart, oh by golly. Fa la la la la, la la la la
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The future of flight: still only one complimentary beverage, but sex and spas galore
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You wreck your hummer breaking your girlfriend's pelvis. Do you: a) wait for emergency services, b) drive her to the hospital, or c) stuff her in a convenient attic?
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Rasta Say, Mon, Heads Be Bangin'. Warheads that is
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Canadian woman denied entry into the U.S. due to depression. Not certain if she was depressed going to the States or depressed from having to deal with U.S. customs officials
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Teenagers throw homeless man out of airplane
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Theme: Take a famous picture and turn it into a selfie
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It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz: Black Friday edition
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Starbucks involved in venti collision with SUV
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| (Black Friday Death Count) |
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... father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my holiday savings, in this life or the next
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The only reason you're fat is because your home is too warm
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"Mongolians bravely swallow a glass of pickled sheep eyeballs mixed into tomato juice to chase away their morning-after blues." And other instant-classic hangover cures
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If your birthday is in September there's a good chance that means you were conceived because your mom was too drunk during the holidays to remember to take her birth control
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Recently completed study concludes that the dynamics of the academia job market is most similar to (a) professional sports, (b) Silicon Valley, or (c) a drug gang
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Can't afford to stay in line during Black Friday in the cold Alaskan weather? Make a placeholder mannequin
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Caught on video: two police officers hold down grandfather while he's shot in the back with a Taser by another officer... all in front of a gathering of schoolchildren
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For $1.35 million you can live in a replica of the Alamo, complete with historically accurate basement
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Remember how you treated yourself to a vacation in Singapore for a wild, guilt-free, sex-filled romp so you could get it all out of your system so you could return home and get back to your regular life without any emotional baggage? About that
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Dog falls in love with goose, gets down
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The 10 sexiest towns in Britain - the Irish community of Bangor is number one, Leaver a close second
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Nothing quite says I love you like chasing your partner down the street with a chainshaw while she's wearing just a towel
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Can it really qualify as a "Hunger Games" themed wedding if they don't make the ring-bearer and flower-girl fight to the death during the reception?
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Long Island woman born with a deformity says she would give an arm and a leg to wear high heels. Well, a leg anyway
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Woman files lawsuit after hiding drugs in the one place she thought a corrections officer couldn't snatch it away
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The most terrifying outhouse in the world sits on the edge of an 8,500-foot high cliff and only fiive people in the world are brave enough to use it (pic)
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North Carolina police seize 76 pot plants, or as Denver residents call it: a nice front-yard garden
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Here's a pro-Qtip: Your ears might need to be cleaned if there's a dandelion growing in your ear canal
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New York takes down all of its signs reminding dog owners to clean up after their dogs, because if there's one thing that's true about New Yorkers, it's that they never need to be told more than once
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Cool tradeshow: International Association of Amusement Parks where you can test new rides like Ms. Eye Candy
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Protip: If you're going to steal an airplane and pretend it's yours, don't keep it in Thief River Falls, Minnesota
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Ok so the world is about to end, what do we need to survive? 1000 tins of baked beans: check. 100 gallons of water: check. Half a tonne of weed: check
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Good day, eh. I'm crackalactic Toronto mayor Bob Ford and this is my brother Doug - and welcome to our new online show
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If you've taken ten Ambien, you should reconsider taking your six year old for a drive
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Cop lets driver out of Thanksgiving speeding ticket in exchange for revving up his $100,000 car, immediately dubbed the coolest cop in the world after the pot-smoking Mountie (vid)
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Old and Busted: Road rage. New Hotness: Pavement rage
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You may think you ate a disgusting amount of food at one sitting this week, but this dude in Ireland has you beat. Plus he was trying to choke down Irish food, so the degree of difficulty was exponentially higher (pic)
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The best, coolest and most poignant GI Zippo lighters from the Vietnam war
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German cops are now eating criminals in the most successful crime-prevention strategy imaginable
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You ever wish you could just tell off the loud, obnoxious passenger in 7A? Well, this guy just did so. And it's amazing
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Pope Francis is irritating hardline Catholics after his decision to ramp up the Vatican's charity office and orders bishops and priests to spend more time with the poor and sick because, y'know, it's kind of what Jesus did back in the day
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There's sex and then there's 'broke the bed, curtain rod and window sill' kind of sex
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So that feeding-your-enemy-to-pigs thing from 'Snatch' really does happen from time to time: ""It was satisfying to hear him scream...Mamma mia, how he squealed, but I couldn't give a s---"
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Artist builds a 98-foot tall sculpture of a creepily majestic horse in a Scottish park. Your move, Denver International Airport
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The lesson to learn from Black Friday: Shopping is a sport, and corporations are better at it than any of us
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Getting shot behind the wheel of your car while dragging a police officer through a Kohl's parking lot after shoplifting is no way to go through Black Friday, son
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You think those pics of shoppers fighting in Walmart are crazy? Wait till you see a group of workers set one of its supply factories on fire
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We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
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Photoshop one of Milwaukee's best
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The good news: Your cats do recognize your voice. The bad news: They don't care
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That awkward moment when your pregnant mistress confronts your bride at the wedding
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It's about time somebody asks the question: Are credit cards evil?
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When will people learn that the only hit men found online are undercover police?
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A man brought a knife to a gun fight and won. Bonus: They were fighting over a parking space at Walmart
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Fourth teenage "Black Dragon" gangbanger arrested in Moose Jaw home invasion and bear-spray attack. Local cop credits rise of Saskatchewan gang life to MTV videos, television and hipster music
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The Detroit News pauses on Thanksgiving to look back at some egregious automotive turkeys
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Twelve year-old girl breaks from the crowd at the Macy's Parade to loudly proclaim that the SeaWorld float is wrong and they need to "stop mistreating Orcas." Police returned the girl to her mother, who clearly put her up to it
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Introducing the CambYoCar: the first car designed and built in Costa Rica. No matter what you're thinking, it's worse than you think. It's made of balsa wood and sheet aluminum, for instance
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Genius plays prank on his sister by calling her and telling her she has a bomb in her car. Freeway shutdown for 3 hrs while cops investigate
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A water main break awakens a sinkhole that realizes it's Thanksgiving and eats a police cruiser. Sinkhole then ruins Thanksgiving for the rest of the neighborhood by forcing officials to issue a boil water advisory
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Man with an unfortunate name arrested in purse snatching incident
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Suspect is pants-less, repeat, pants-less. And on fire
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Happy Thanksgiving: a new aggressive strain of HIV discovered in West Africa, and it progresses to full-blown AIDS two years faster. Yes...SuperAIDS is here
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"After being discharged from the hospital, Roberts refused to get dressed, according to the complaint, twice fighting the officer while naked"
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That? Oh, don't worry about that. That's just my anti-collision goldfish tank
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Headlines pre-written for Fark: Commandos charged over Jedi Council sex ring
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| Thu November 28, 2013 |
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Uh, don't look now but England is in the middle of a pretty nasty clown epidemic
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Some lucky bastard who got a promotional lottery ticket from a store in Texas scores $5 million
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Old and busted: Shopaholic. New hotness: Returnaholic
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"I felt a great disturbance in the Force... as if hundreds of thousands of beers cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened. You'd better get on with your Thanksgiving drinking"
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The secret benefits of masturbation that no one talks about
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Photoshop this passionate purchaser
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Man crosses tightrope with safety harness tied to his genitals. Subby would say he's nuts, but those seem to be pretty secure, at the moment (Not safe for work)
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Firefighters called to a high school to show off the 'Jaws of Life' on A) an old wrecked car B) a turned over school bus or C) a girl who got herself stuck in a locker
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'll see your Pizza Hut manager fired for closing the store on Thanksgiving, and raise you a Pizza Hut manager keeping the store open to provide free meals to anyone who wants one
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Will there be a fight at ToysRUs? Will BestBuy run out of $23 USB cables? What will the restroom line be like on Thanksgiving? What store do the hot chicks camp out at? Its the official Black Friday thread. Action kicks off at Walmart Thursday 6PM ET
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Woman dies of drug overdose while partying with boyfriend to celebrate new job. Fark: As a drug counselor
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It's On: China sends warplanes to newly declared air defense zone, expects all planes transiting the zone to file flight plans and identify themselves, or face "defensive emergency measures"
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Oklahoma angler catches what probably would be a record rainbow trout in the Missouri Ozarks, names it "Troutzilla". Then promtply lets it go to swim again. With photos of course. Hero tag for catch & release
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Fark Food Thread: Happy Farksgiving, crazy chow hounds. Show us your spread
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Meanwhile in Canada: Mountie wants right to smoke pot publicly in uniform, legally change name to Dudley Doobright
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Photoshop this big bit
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NASA's live feed of comet ISON approaching the sun. Will it melt? Will it shatter? Will it put on a spectacular show or will it be a big dud? And what about Naomi?
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Thanks to Thanksgiving, you're not the only one too big and misproportioned to have sex
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History's 10 most accomplished drunks - present company notwithstanding
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This list of seven things the world is running out of is.... *checks list* ... NOOOOOOOOO
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Conflicted over which gaming system to get your children this Christmas, the Xbox One or the Playstation 4? Well, fret not: Santa Claus's top elf Ric Romero settles the debate for you
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Montana's "you kill it, you grill it" law allowing residents to collect and eat roadkilled animals has gone into effect, just in time for Thanksgiving. What kind of stuffing goes best with moose?
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If teachers in Nashville ever want a raise, they better make friends with the principal. And feed kids the right answers. And make sure students do just as well next year as they did this year
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Score one for the spend-Thanksgiving-at-home team: A Pizza Hut general manager in Indiana who says he was fired for refusing to open the store today has been told he can have his job back if he wants it
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Family of 10-year-old cancer patient flees the United States so a.) she can get a second opinion, b.) she can get treatment, or c.) she *can't* get treatment?
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Newly rolled out government web site crashes under the load, leaving many without...food stamps
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| (Some Guy) |
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Experts estimate the average American will have a 5,000-calorie Thanksgiving dinner, nap, this year
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Waitress fired for calling police on breastfeeding mother boozing it up. It's like the perfect storm for Fark headlines
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| (Some Guyyyy) |
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Not news: Italian guy found happily wandering the countryside. News: After taking mushrooms at Glastonbury. Fark: Two years ago
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"Son, have you ever been arrested?" A Thanksgiving Tradition: 1967's "Alice's Restaurant", in its entirety
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British newspaper tries to explain the concept of American Thanksgiving and Black Friday to its baffled readers
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The results are in, and we have a clear winner for the prize of "dumbest headline you'll ever read"
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Florida looks to ban smoking in automobiles while driving with children. Drinking, texting, shooting at passing cars still okay
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New York City proposes 20 mph speed limit. Drivers of cars, taxis, buses remain unaffected
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In the War on Christmas™ this is the Jewish Dunkirk. Hanukkah has retreated to safer territory of November and its better prices on Black Friday
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The science behind why you shouldn't worry about raking the leaves in your yard and instead stay inside watching football all day
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Welcome to Amerika 2013 where setting a toilet paper holder on fire in the bathroom of your high school will get you branded as a terrorist
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Thanksgiving menu in Alaska: Sheefish cut with a bandsaw, salmonberry pie, salmon casserole, moose-head soup, walrus stew, and seal ribs
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Photoshop these penguins under a heatmap
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The city of Houston will now allow strippers at local strip clubs to dance completely topless without pasties for the annual price of **puts pinkie finger to lips** one million dollars
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No the cockenthrice isn't a new sex act, it's the new turducken. Only weirder looking
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The current favorite to be named Time Magazine's Person of the Year is: A) Pope Francis; B) Rob Ford; C) Miley Cyrus
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8,000 monarch butterflies fluttering in Pacific Grove, California. Their leader The Monarch and Mrs. The Monarch could not be reached for comment
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Protip: If you are going to rob a bank, and you have been robbing banks for a while, make sure you don't rob a bank where police are in said bank investigating the possibility that you might rob said bank. Bank
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The Denver Zoo welcomes a ugly-ass baby Gerenuk named Stitch
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A Washington couple is offering a $1000 reward for the return of their 1970 Barracuda that they consider a member of their family. "We miss it a lot. It's very emotional"
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Parents who care about their kids will build them tree houses
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The 10 best books of 2013, and you haven't read a single one of them
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Seems the waitress that lied about the anti-gay slur on customer's credit card receipt has a long history of lying, including seeing combat duty in Iraq or Afghanistan
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A list of items for a Thanksgiving meal in 1929 cost $7.89 in 1929 dollars, or $107.35 in today's dollars. But to buy the exact same items in 2013, the total would only be $38.03. Enjoy your blown mind
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Step one: Buy graveyard. Step two: Make a fake headstone for everyone in town. Step three: Profit??
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Finally, the greatest debate of our age is settled: What is better, Fresh Pumpkin Pie or Canned Pumpkin Pie? Trick question: the answer is Pecan Pie
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 447: "If I had a Hammer: Tools Two". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 27, 2013 |
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Everything is hackable. Even your refrigerator
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Problem: Teen dies after overdosing on Ecstasy and allergy medicine while attending a concert. Solution: Ban alcohol sales at restaurants
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It's Thanksgiving, that magical time of year when college freshmen return home to dump their high school sweethearts
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Twerking. Not stupid enough for you already? Twerking on subway tracks
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Don't you hate it when you find a good deal for that new PS4 your son wants for Christmas on Craigslist only to find out it's really a box full of towels?
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Photoshop this tiny TWA terminal
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New owners of sawmill property hassle nearby residents, try to push them out. Just kidding; they revive mill's tradition of handing out Thanksgiving turkeys, and enlist members of college's football team to help dole out the birds
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The Eight Worst Mistakes Made by the Allies in WWII. Missing from list: Allowing Germany to bomb Pearl Harbor
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Flying your drone into a prison yard to drop tobacco products is frowned upon by the State of Georgia
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Not news: A club of old white men in rural Ohio. Still not news: members include a newspaper editor and low-level elected officials. Fark: busted for public indecency in a park
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Phones don't shoot upskirt photos, people shoot upskirt photos
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Apparently there are a few people out there that didn't get the memo so I'm going to say this one more time. Never, never, NEVER buy a house in a community with a HOA
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Authorities in Beijing have destroyed more than 500 open-air barbecues "to cut PM2.5" - the tiny particulate matter in the air that can enter deep into the lungs. Yeah that ought to help
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Henry Earl Thanksgiving Special
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15-year-old arrested after smoking hot teacher put out
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God's so disappointed in Florida, he's throwing rocks at it
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Photoshop these boys rowing a refrigerator
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Event that draws rich people out to watch other rich people race vintage aircraft only rich people can afford now asking for donations
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Want a pay raise? Move to Ukraine
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"Speculative greed bolstered by a contemporary utopian cyberlibertarian ideology" So, what you're saying is this is a sound investment?
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Pizza Hut general manager fired for refusing to make employees work on Thanksgiving, a day on which no one is eating Pizza Hut
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Wonder, excitement as Canada awakes to a strange white powdery substance coating the land
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If the cops pull you over for erratic driving, don't try to get out of the ticket by arguing you were asleep and not sure what the problem is, officer
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After chasing out one restaurant owner who was gay, tiny Manitoba town decides it doesn't like the black owner of a Jamaican takeout. In related news, someone thought it would be a terrific idea to open a jerk place in the middle of a jerk town (pic)
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Turns out that shields made of vibranium can hold off a Skrull attack, the downside is that it is apparently toxic to children
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Remember when drinking radioactive water was a cure for all that ails you? Good times
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George Takei unveils new celebrity fragrance. EAU MY
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You're more likely to die from an Australian rip tide than you are by Australian bushfires, cyclones, floods and sharks combined. Or you could just avoid Australia completely and live forever
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Couple fighting to keep their kids after authorities say the barn-like conditions the couple has are unsatisfactory
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Congressman seeks to give medical marijuana patients the right to buy guns
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Des Moines, Iowa debates putting fluoride in its water, which has been proven to help strengthen teeth and reduce bacteria in the mouth, but some still fear it is a secret Communist plot designed to control their thoughts
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Communists enraged about giant Louis Vuitton suitcase on Red Square, but they are fine with mass murderer Lenin there
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Friendly reminder: Don't believe everything you read on the internet. Except on Fark, where everything is absolutely, 100% certified true-blue Truth with a capital T
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Reason #943 not to attempt an arrest in a neonatal care unit
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CONSUME
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Just because you play "tying up games" with your teenage students that leads to bondage and drug sessions doesn't mean your conduct IS totally unprofessional as a teacher. OK, maybe
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The majority of Americans believe women should have their first child by 25, regardless of whether or not they are financially prepared, married, or even want children
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Woman, who apparently never heard of the internet where better deals usually await, camps out in front of Best Buy for three days for a $500 TV
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Florida, jealous of Toronto's crack-smoking mayor, gives you the Oxycodone-dealing mayor
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Pope: Church needs to embrace Farkers
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New Walmart CEO has worked at the store since 1984. His new promotion will bump his salary up to $10.52 an hour
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Disfigured man whose embrace with Pope Francis went viral gives interview, is often mistaken for a hubbard squash
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There's "stab your boyfriend in the throat and shoot him in the head then blame him for abusing you" crazy then there's "threaten to put a hit out on the prosecutor for denying your love" crazy. Sometimes there's both
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Swedish 'threat' of invasion if topless gravedigger Ray doesn't get job back
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Mainstream Media finally waking up to the fact that tryptophan in turkey has nothing to do with making you sleepy. Watching the Lions play football is the real reason, obviously
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Chicago Atheists unveil giant "A." Made of Christmas lights
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Photoshop this spa snail
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Wienermobile non-Freudian slip is a repeat from 2008
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What does it say about your neighborhood when it might be leveled so the city can put drainage ponds in its place?
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Father of the year candidate cheers on his son in a "consensual fight", then when his son is losing jumps in and attacks the other kid
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IT'S called the NB Index - (stands for Numb Butt) - and it's a traveller's latest weapon in the fight for happier glutes. There's an NBI score for everything from 747s to ultralights
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Football Game ✓ Free Sandwiches ✓ Prostate Screenings ✓ Must be a guys night out.... Wait, what was that last thing again?
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Ariel Castro II: Electric Boogaloo
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There once was a time that the floats in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade weren't just inflated billboards for lousy kid movies and cartoons, back in the day they were just plain creepy
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| Tue November 26, 2013 |
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Twelve-year-old girl is threatened with expulsion because: A) She brought a gun to school, B) She wont stop beating up the other kids, or C) She is refusing to cut her natural afro hair that gets her bullied
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So you grew a mustache for Movember? Congratulations, now the editor of the University of Toronto's student newspaper would like to let you know that you're "sexist, racist, transphobic, and misinformed"
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The Windsor penis bush sculptor has struck again
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Student allows others to slap him in exchange for cash. In other news, teen charged with assault
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Man arrested for attacking man who peed on his rug. In all fairness, the rug did tie the whole room together
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One brave Canadian filmmaker is braving the notorious Youtube comment sections in pursuit of an impossible dream: to find a worthwhile post
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Bad: A house catches on fire. Worse: Trapping a mother and her 2 daughters, one of which is in a wheelchair and can't go out the door because of the fire. Awesome: 2 neighbors come to the rescue and get everyone out safely
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Illegal immigrant held in Arizona 'choked and stomped his cellmate to death so he could stay in custody because he likes it in prison'
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Scorned wife renames neighborhood pub in 'honor' of her cheating husband, calls it "Paul...I am divorcing you"
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In case you missed it, here's the most offensive JFK assassination-related ad ever produced. Once you look at it, you're probably going to hell
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Five passengers killed as the driver attempted to 'fly' his car on the hilly section of a rural road also known as 'thrill hills'. Probably should have gone 'cow tipping' instead
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Your girlfriend turns down your marriage proposal because of your small penis. What do you do? You make a documentary about your small penis, of course
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How to get fired from BuzzFeed: 1) Be old 2) Fight trolls 3) Not know how to make a .gif 4) Drumming 5) Challenge editors 6) complain about cleanliness 7) Ronald McDonald blowjobs 8) you suck 9) criticize ads 10) being hired in the first place
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Some think that the answer to Mexico's violence is more exorcisms. "We have to be discreet [with exorcisms] or else we may be ridiculed, even by our own followers,". Others believe the solution is simply more cowbell
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Photoshop this soldier phoning it in
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Heather has two mommies, and a daddy, and a nightly threesome in the room next door, and lots of therapy later on in life
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Grandmother of nine becomes great-grandma - at 28 years old (pics)
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Looks like oil isn't the only thing being drilled in North Dakota
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Photo of the farking gigantic winter storm engulfing the US right now
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We've secretly replaced your high school geography student with an average Brit. Can you tell the difference?
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Shrill and derisive TV network fires host for being shrill and derisive
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I'm suing you because I threw down a banana peel and slipped on it (with video)
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Here's what women would have to look like to wear actual designer clothes. Wow, sharp everything (pic)
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Man beats bear to death with rock. Subby wonders where he got the stones
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Parkour, the French martial art of running away, leaves 15-year-old Californian boy in coma
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Investigative journalist discovers pizza is "a flat food featuring cheese and tomato sauce"
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Homeowner: "Hey, your piles of industrial slag are filling my house with dust and pelting my car with grit." Slag owner: "You're just complaining because industrial slag is a dirty word"
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Protesters in Thailand, who have occupied several ministries, call their leader a 'Stupid Crab B*tch Water Buffalo Face'
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IL judge expedites same-sex marriage for couple, one of whom is terminally ill with two types of cancer. Tag is for the judge
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It's normally not nice to laugh at somebody who just slipped and fell to the ground. Unless that person is a news anchor rushing to get back to the studio
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Don't you just hate it when you return home only to find your parents laying flowers on your grave? Yea, I hate it when that happens too
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Photoshop this Dead Sea duo
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Never change, Georgia. Oh wait, actually, change
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Fargin Ice Holes
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Supreme Court to decide if you can use your religion as an excuse to make health decisions for your employees
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Man with ironic name has throat cancer
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Former Weiner text-mistress to sell excess lady parts. Yep, that headline isn't going to get any more asinine than that
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The Power Of Love: 'Earlier this year, Mark, who transitioned in 2003, helped Jessica find the confidence to remove her testicles.'
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Those Black Friday deals aren't really products "on sale", so much as they're products from which stores have removed their usual "for suckers only" mark-up
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US flies nuclear bombers over China. It's been nice knowing you. Most of you. Some of you
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Hi, my name is Eric. See my face, vehicle and license plate number? Good, I'll be back in an hour to rob the joint
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"Dear Penthouse, It was just a normal day. I was driving my usual UPS route, making my deliveries, when"
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Boy killed in tornado last May shows up in recent photo. I'm not saying it's a ghost, but, it's a ghost
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"Women simply don't care about size. There will be the odd ones who say it is very important, but they are usually the ones who love aggressive sex. For women, penises are marvelous toys, and no matter what they look like, they will excite women"
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As God as my witness, I didn't know turkeys could write citations for $324 for crosswalk violations
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92-year-old man stopped from buying vodka because he did not: A) Have enough money. B) Wrong time of day. C) Have ID proving he was of age
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So, about WHO's report that half of Greece's new HIV infections were deliberately self-inflicted to gain government benefits? The funny thing is, the plural of anecdote is not "data"
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It's a "permanent reality-show" where all the cashiers, barbers, waiters and waitresses in this quaint town are trained in handling the disease. Even the medical staff can play the part of domestic staff
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America may be farting 50% more than previously thought
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George Zimmerman wants to take all his guns and move from Florida to Texas. Florida says, "Oh, thank God. Finally"
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Newegg trolled
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One weird trick to driving with a BAC of 0.13, running someone over, and not getting arrested: make sure you're behind the wheel of a fire truck
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Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water after all these 'sea monster' stories that have been in the news lately, along comes another one
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Remember Steve Irwin, the Australian adventurer who was like a more deranged Crocodile Dundee? Well turns out his zoo has the same reckless attitude to safety he did
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New study reveals people in Iowa are drinking more liquor than ever. This is great news for Fark headlines
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Warning: The man selling gold bars outside Walmart is neither affiliated with Walmart nor selling gold bars
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here are some pics of women floating over Paris in giant bubbles
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Scorn a woman and hell hath no fury. Arm her with a knife and cooking pot, and neither you nor your car are safe
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Married couples having less sex than ever, proving that marriage is all about finding someone you can learn to hate and buying them a house
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