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| Sun November 10, 2013 |
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A survivor of the 9/11 terrorist attacks is now being treated like a criminal by the U.S. Government for doing the right thing
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Paint company sued for racist paint name: 'skin color.' Hue serious?
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So, you like mugshots? Meet the 20 oldest inmates in New Jersey prisons
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High school coach fired for losing games. Either that or being gay. I forget which one
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America has boots on the ground in yet another country. Thanks Obama
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Photoshop this giant fried egg
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Condoleezza Rice turns down offer of presidency from Penn State, says she will remain at Stanford because they have a reputable football program
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Three shot inside Romulus home, and concerned citizens question why the Tal Shiar has made no arrests in the crime
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What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But talk very quietly under the street lights just in case
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| (Some Guy) |
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Marines celebrate the corps' 238th birthday by running 238 miles. Oo ra
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19 reasons why we should be pumped for Winter. Suck it, Heat Miser
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Not news: Man enters local paper's 'Win A Wedding' contest. Fark: Winds up in the "Win a Jail Term" contest instead
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Mallomars were first introduced to the world 100 years ago this month, and they are still only sold six months out of a year, and people will hoard them and guard them jealously, and they are still nothing more than disgusting marshmallow cookies
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Photoshop this flying Lenin
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Massive house party in Texas celebrating an 18th birthday was "not rowdy". Until shots were fired. Then it was described as "mass chaos", with kids jumping from second floor windows and running all over the neighborhood
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In this corner, the guy who won $338 million at Powerball. In the other corner, the long time live-in ex-girlfriend with whom he shared a child. * ding ding *
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I may not know art but I know what I... OMG, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
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With the help of a grant from the Department of Homeland Security, the Seattle Police Department installs mesh Wi-Fi network to geo-locate and track the movements of your phone, laptop, or any other wireless device by its MAC address
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Do you live in a "Super Zip Code," or a not-so-super zip code? LGT explanation and map to let you figure it out
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And the winner for the most universally reviled nationality: The Dutch
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Cop who responded to Newtown is still devastated, can't function, may get fired. "I think the town is hesitant about actually terminating him, but at the same token they're not taking any steps to make sure that he's financially secure"
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Jurors acquit husband for fatally stabbing the man sleeping with his wife. With a picture of the married couple that will haunt your trip if you happen to be currently on psychedelics
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Scientist creates the world's first nutritionally balanced pizza using ingredients nobody wants to eat on a pizza
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We're not saying the leaking radiation from the Fukushima power plant is starting to take a toll on the people of Japan, but the latest craze there is cafes that offer owl-themed food
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How about a nice cup of WW1 and WW2 propaganda posters online?
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Judge orders Harvey Updike, who poisoned Auburn University's oak trees, to pay $800,000 in damages. Harvey responds with "Roll, Tide, Roll" then strokes his cool mustache he named Crimson Tide that he grew in jail. With bonus photo of Crimson Tide
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How hipsters ruined Paris, gentrifying red-light district into yet another faux-Brooklyn nabe
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop fixer-upper: Help out this old Russian church
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Active-duty USAF tech sergeant experiences a home invasion at 2:00 in the morning, shooting and killing the perpetrator after he refused to leave and kept advancing towards him. Fark: ...and is promptly charged with murder. Happy Veteran's Day
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Every bartender in America tries to put their own twist on the bloody mary, but that doesn't mean you should garnish yours with string cheese
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Crystal Lite, Crystal Meth. Whatever. This is a great tasting health drin
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Live from Alaska, it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2+ hours of live music hosted by a farker. LGT KRNN web page for stream, or search KRNN on TuneIn
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This year's hunting season brings evidence of a steady trend over recent years: More female hunters are out in the woods toting shotguns
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| Sat November 09, 2013 |
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More and more schools are okay with precious little snowflake going to class with head lice because they don't want to embarrass the children. "Lice is icky, but it's not dangerous"
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Prohibition resulted in pop becoming more popular and prescient than booze--a feat that companies like Pepsi and Dr. Pepper have maintained to this very day
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Protip: if you are going to ignore a restraining order and kipnap your baby's momma, best make sure she doesn't have lots of heavily armed relatives willing to track you down to retrieve her
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More than 1,200 confirmed dead following typhoon in Philippines but with hardest hit city of 200,000 being reduced to a muddy wasteland, Red Cross is preparing for "massive casualties"
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There once was a time when you could enjoy an intimate moment with your lover inside the locked bathroom of a fast food restaurant without having to worry somebody would call the police
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El Paso TV news warns that new downtown baseball park may be haunted because it was built on site of city's oldest graveyard. "We've filed a Freedom of Information request to get the geological survey of the area and are waiting on a reply"
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A priest got fired for sexual abuse? Well that sounds reasonable. Oh wait, no, my mistake. He got fired for *exposing* sexual abuse
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Photoshop these fashionable felines
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The most misunderstood person in all of education is none other than the principal, who is either caught sayof or making decisions the public doesn't understand
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Do you have a drinking problem? Close one eye and take this handy quiz to find out
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Old and busted: MERS. New hotness: Siberian HIV
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Watch the Final Toast by the Doolittle Raiders live on the internet tonight at 6 pm EST
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| (No Army Can Stop An Idea) |
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Police spokeswoman charging journalist with a felony for publishing her office number. Fark: That can be found publicly in less than one second on Google
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You're checking in luggage at an airport that was shot up a week ago. Do you C) tell the agent you have an explosive in your bag?
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You can break into a pot pharmacy and take whatever you like, but never steal another man's penis
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Photoshop these boys and their ball
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All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names....used to
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Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Stay out of Detroit, Go to Florida
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Petrolsexual: Here's a look at five great cars that never were
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You know what's respectful? Attending the funeral of a RAF serviceman who had no relatives able to go to his funeral and you stepped up to the task because you're from the internets
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New brain study reveals why sex feels so good and how to give someone the perfect orgasm. Here comes the science
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So what's a fitting prison sentence for a prosecutor who deliberately withheld evidence that sent a man to prison for near three decades? Why, 10 days of course. It wouldn't be fair to put him in jail for longer
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Lost your cellphone? Well there is nothing left to do but soak a pile of laundry in gasoline and attempt to burn a NYC apartment building down to the ground about it
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College students facing expulsion for a.) drug use, b.) sexual harassment, or c.) using a legally owned gun to scare away a felon who was arrested shortly thereafter?
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Which of the 11 American Nations do you inhabit?
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A cow pasture may not be the most typical testing ground for a new cologne. Farmer's Cologne out of Maine, however, which goes for $110 a bottle, has the unique selling point that cows seem to like it
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Everything you know about hygiene is wrong and you're covered with bacteria and fecal matter right now
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If you've ever gotten high and wondered why cheese was originally dyed yellow, we've got some answers
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Oy
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Stanford professor who warned of the perils of multitasking collapses, dies at the end of a wilderness hike. If only he had a device to monitor his vital signs or at least allowed him to contact first responders for quick assistance
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Today's lesson for lonely noobs: How not to post online dating profile photos
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Will the anti-wolf defenses work? Who will fall down the stairs? It's the christening of the aircraft carrier Gerald R. Ford. LGT 11am ET livestream and 'Damn that's big' photos
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If schools really wanted to prepare students for the future they'd bring back shop class
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Super-Typhoon Haiyan is shaping up to be more destructive than Hurricanes Katrina and Sandy combined. With a dash of Sharknado thrown in for good measure
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If Fark had a running team. Wait, pfft, as if
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Glad they built that fence there or these firefighters might not have been able to stop & help out at the burning apartment building
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Photoshop this royal review
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New report says the CIA paid AT&T $10 million a year for overseas phone records. Which works out to a little more than $3 million for each call that actually went through
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An aggressive pet turkey escaped from its pen and terrorized the neighbors. After an hour of being held hostage by this beast, the family called authorities. A deputy showed up and promptly shot it, doing "what he had to do"
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Look, up in the sky ... it's a bird ... it's a plane ... it's Caturday
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A statue honoring 'Family Circus' cartoonist Bil Keane unveiled. To find it you must wander aimlessly across the street, around a parked car, over a fire hydrant, under a tire swing, past a pie cooling on a window sill, and onto a trampoline
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The cutest slideshow of Sumatran Tiger cubs going for a swim you'll see all day
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Police officer almost loses his job for writing down phrases like "stinky poo poo garbage" on official documents
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"But honey, who are you going to believe - me, or this thing on my neck you bought me?"
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Turns out your first girlfriend and your olive oil have a lot in common - both short on virginity
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First, it was condoms in porn. Now, it's protective eyewear because "you never know"
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Swedes best in world at English. United Statez does rank like eigth or something
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The world's first gun 3D printed in metal. It's more accurate than factory made guns, especially in the hands of a convicted felon who hears voices
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For Halloween a school vice principal dressed up as Mr T. Apparently some people have a problem with this
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The Mormon Church now owns 2% of the total land area of Florida
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| Fri November 08, 2013 |
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The Internet has been hoodwinked: The man who sued his wife over 'ugly baby' was a hoax
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Men with beards are healthier, more attractive, and more likely to listen to Mumford & Sons
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Best Buy announces plans to ruin Thanksgiving in a vain attempt to retain financial relevance
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Man with 12 fingers seeks typist job. Now there's a shocker
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Most people lose their jobs over a DUI. Not if you're a cop in Seattle
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New Canadian money: Space Robots. New US money: Old dead white guys, and Jack Lew's signature
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Why are pecans so expensive, and why the hell do people pronounce it improperly as "pee-can?"
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'Happiness is more important than a long life': Judge rules that a pensioner who 'hates' her care home can return to her house, even though it might cut her life short
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Another Fark-ready headline: "School district admits it mishandled incident that led to student drinking urine"
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Photoshop this political protest
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Wondering if a European satellite the size of a Suburban falling out of orbit this weekend is going to crash on your house? Good news.The European Space Agency has developed an app that will follow the plunging fireball all the way to the crash site
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School goes on lockdown after teen approached the principal, made the symbol for a pistol with his hand and said, "Bang, bang, bang." It was unknown if the hand was loaded, if the teen had a permit for the hand, or if he had additional hands
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Goofus hits and runs. Gallant demands to be let out of the vehicle to run back and check on the victim
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Women sue after realizing that putting caffeine in their underwear doesn't make them skinnier
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Nurse calls baby a loser for not having vaccinations. The whole family may be winners in the lawsuit lottery
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Someone thought it would be a good idea to make a 'Hunger Games' theme park
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The good news: Pakistan will soon likely have less nuclear weapons. The bad news: because they are selling some of them to Saudi Arabia
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Congratulations! I am here to eat your baby
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| (Your 16th Cousin) |
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Everyone is your cousin. Imagine the socioeconomic and behavioral implications when mankind realizes we're all connected by a common bond no matter what the... nawwwww screw that. Here's a joke about this being great news for Alabama
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Many couples set to marry on a Tuesday in November because they are idiots
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Photoshop these kids in Kazakhstan and their pathetic playground
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Some Americans log more than 24 hours daily on devices"
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It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz, not that any of you even thought about studying for it for a change. At this rate you may never pass Fark 101. You'll have to re-take the whole semester
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| (Some Drunk) |
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Today is International Stout Day, so maybe it's about time to drink that Stone Farking Wheaton W00tstout that you're aging in your beer cellar, hipster
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Today's Instashop challenge: Photoshop the Rorschach Google doodle
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500-lb French teen spends 18 months at the Mayo Clinic, is now too fat to fly home
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Say what you like about Hitler, but he loved animals
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And from now on, the nice picnic table over near the community pool will be known as the place where the sheriffs deputy shot himself in the head while under federal investigation for kiddie porn
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Day 2 of the Super Typhoon Haiyan watch. Four killed, thousands evacuated
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"Agents hope to lure it into one of their traps baited with doughnuts and beer"
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"A state medical examiner ruled his death accidental... His fingernails had been clipped, his clothes were missing and his organs had been removed and replaced by newspaper"
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Who among us has not been so drunk that they used a cheeseburger as a sandal after having sex in Waffle House?
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Your zen koan of the day: what is the sound of one hand stuck in a fortune cookie machine?
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Anglerfish has 'The absolute worst sex on earth' according to writer who's never been to a Fark Party
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The most interesting turkey in the World
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Cops called out to house with loud screaming and banging only to find Swedish family assembling Ikea products
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Woman supporting Movember is growing a mustache, to be saluted by all the men who grow moobs to support breast cancer research
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Hoboken, NJ named nation's most walkable city, while Camden and Newark vie for which is best for ducking gunfire
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Tit grabber gets a reprimand. Tit grabbee gets fired. It's better to feel than to be felt up, careerwise
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Effort to overturn Stand Your Ground law gets shot down
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Mayor Ford wants you to know that he was "extremely, extremely inebriated" in that latest video. Also, that he'll be "super dooper" inebriated in the next one, and "absolutely shiatfaced" in any that come out after that
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Police break door down in London apartment after cat dials 999 emergency number and hangs up
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"The best cities for Millennials." I liked urban strife before it was cool, man
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"I'd give my left nut to join that fraternity." Welcome to college, son, have we got a deal for you
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It's not everyday that you get assaulted in a supermarket and saved by 'superheroes' like Batman, Robin, Robin's dad, a smurf and the Hoff
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Ex-Belgian king complains bitterly that his tiny pension of a mere million Euros a year "isn't enough to live on." In response, the Belgian Parliament is considering adding a tiny violin to his compensation package
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Best audio recording of a five year old explaining why she gave her three year old sister a haircut you'll hear until your kid does it
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"There's no way this gun is loaded. Let me put it under my chin and pull the trigger just to prove it"
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Rails-to-trails projects are source of civic pride, place to exercise safely within the city, and candy store for sue-happy NIMBYs who get free federal money as compensation for land they never owned
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A bunch of whistle-selling hipsters in California think they ended a war in eastern Congo
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Doggy doors are great for dogs and thieves who love dogs
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Couple stands their ground against Spike Lee
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Can there be any better way to prepare to be a bailiff in traffic court than fighting MMA cage fighters?
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Late entry in 'Father of the Year' competition gives his daughter Benadryl to knock her out so he can sleep with her 12-year-old friend
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Home Depot tweets photo showing a person in a gorilla costume sitting between two African-American men with the caption, "Which drummer is not like the others?" then tells folks to head to HD Game Day
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Man sentenced to 11 months in prison after his third arrest for having sex with a rubber pool raft. He had also "violated an inflatable pumpkin that was part of a Halloween display". With mugshot goodness
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Sex, drugs and rocking chairs
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Chinese officials detain man over Party Headquarters bombing. No word on whether he committed suicide with 37 stab wounds to his back
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Google celebrates Rorschach's birthday, condemns Dr. Manhattan
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Dear Santa, I don't want any presents this year. Thank you, Emmileah, 6
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Before you donate all your unused food to the elderly, first make sure they're strong enough to open the cling-film packaging on their own
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She told the hearing: "He was kneeling and the best way I can describe it as the dog was in a missionary position"
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Kerry leaves for Switzerland for a possible deal with Iran on their nuclear program. Israel has announced that they're pissed at this deal, so you know it's a good one
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New Jersey offers 'safe surrender' program for fugitives with outstanding warrants. Otherwise known in New Jersey as the state census
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Georgia teenager arrested for not getting out of bed to go to school. Police charge him with being a teenager
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Photoshop this tabletop twosome
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After 50 it's all downhill from there
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Caption this clowning Pope
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I still hate Brooklyn nazis
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Remember how 3 million of Adobe's customers' email, passwords and credit card information was hacked? And then it went to 38 million users? Now it's 150 million users
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Twenty-four percent of women have only slept with their husbands, say they're happier than any of their more experienced friends. Here are the stories of three of these women (w/pics)
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"It smelled like something was dead. Then we went into the room and found a bunch of dead pets"
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Hyper-Incarceration: We go back about 30 years, we had about 300,000 incarcerated people in this country. Now we have 2.4 million
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Portraits of the world's most remote tribes. Check them out before they're gone
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| Thu November 07, 2013 |
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Attacking people with a samurai sword is no way to go through life, son
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The Australian Navy is shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that their sailors participate in weird sexual rituals while at sea
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Dear IRS, please send my refund of $2 billion to Lithuania. Sincerely, Bill Gates
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Old and Busted: Extreme couponing. New Hotness: Extreme shoplifting (where you just roll the entire damn rack out of the store)
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Memphis city workers too lazy to move leaves prior to painting road
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This is what passes for professional photo editing these days. Help further enhance this sparkly quarterback
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Doll maker: Uh yeah no way did we design this doll to look like Prince George of Cambridge. No way
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Fifteen percent of people don't think bisexuality is a real sexual orientation. The rest say they could go either way
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Idaho kids are reading higher than potato
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Africanized bees vs. pit bulls. Guess who wins
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Sustainable Living store proves to be unsustainable
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Not news: Father questions homework assignment. News: Head of teacher's union makes calls around town asking if he's a neo-Nazi. Fark: He's in an interracial marriage. Ultra Fark: And Jewish
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Potential employer wants a lot of stuff, stuff you don't think anyone actually looks at? Providing a scan of your butt in the paperwork could prove things either way
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Fark Food Thread: What are your favorite ways to use root vegetables? Do you like to use the common varieties or to dig up something special to put on the table? Show us more ways to make the most of the season
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Concerned dad of the year is deemed an unfit parent by a court-appointed psychologist for refusing to give in to his 5-year-old's demands to gorge on greasy grub at McDonald's
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Brace yourself, Philippines: Super typhoon Haiyan just broke all scientific intensity scales
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NY government vogons say it's all well and good for kids to be selling stuff to raise money for activities, but the state gets its piece of the pie first. Now, about those nontaxable allowances
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this inflatable balloon target being launched from the USS Mason for a live-fire exercise
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Yeah, I'll take the beer flight and what the fark, I'll take a gravy flight as well
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Christian college's student body president comes out. But not as a gay man. Worse
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Remember the good old days when you could whip your tiny ding dong out in public and play with it?
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The stupidest idea you will read all day
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Boy, 13, suspended from school for carrying purse
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And the winner of today's "You're Not Helping" Award is: Dan Savage
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Meet the first transgendered Victoria's Secret model you'll be fapping to
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Not content with merely having survived admissions of crack use, borderline alcoholism, hiring computer hackers to erase evidence, and generally being a douche, Toronto's Rob Ford ups his game to threats of murder, and 'making sure people are dead'
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Miss Universe costume pageant features national costumes from around the world, from Austrian dirndls to Swedish swords to whatever the hell Miss USA is wearing to Miss Botswana, who apparently didn't get the 'costume' memo
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| (Boobies) |
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8008135
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Fire in attic of hallucinogen factory uncovers dimethyltryptamine, shrooms, flower carnivorous, melting walls sounds under my skin sun fallingoutoftheskyIcaneattime
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DNA needed from 100,000 volunteers, say researchers at the University of Your Mom
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20/20 anchor checks into rehab, for addiction to 20/20
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Science proves what women have known all along: IT'S YOU, NOT HER
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Five ugly ass wild asses born at STL Zoo this year. With nice ass pics. Ass
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Guy travels the country in 1989, taking pictures of people in shopping malls. Then he waits 24 years to publish a book of those pictures. Result: Insane, big-haired photo collection that will melt your eyes
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Glenn Beck weighs in on the New Mexico cavity search cases. Scary tag is for the simple fact that most Farkers are about to agree with Glenn Beck
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Memphis police are sitting on 12,000 untested "rape kits," because hey, testing those things costs money
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Here it is, the top 10 things you must avoid doing if you don't want to get fired at work. *Scans list*. Damn. Crap. Oh, double crap. *sigh* *gets resume*
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Brazil says: We weren't spying. We were only trying to see if *you* were spying
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Brazil bans butts on beach
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The FDA is suddenly not so sure that taking vegetable oil and making it solid through a complicated chemical process involving hydrogen gas makes the resulting product "generally recognized as safe"
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Finally, the app that lets fanboys have sex with their iPads
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"Here in the presidential suite, you'll find a wet bar, a fully featured communications center, a Jacuzzi, and of course, your complimentary hobo"
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Shave and a haircut, three dead
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When you're 17, you dream of sex with cheerleaders. This kid got the coach
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Tampa bar is sorry that it posted this Facebook status: "Ladies get $2 martinis and $3 wines. Guys get drunk ladies." No matter how true it is
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NH man really wants to be pulled over as much as possible
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Man who lives at nudist colony insists the naked pictures he takes of his children are portraits, not porn. Given the tag, this could go either way
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Despite the rise of electronic keyboards, the penis still popular among aficionados
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Another day, another group of girls bullying kids on Facebook. Except these girls are moms and the kids are babies
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I'm unemployed and have plenty of time for reading and cultural activity. My girlfriend "works" instead and is therefore my inferior. Have my liberal arts studies and well-adjusted, progressive middle-class background made me a pretentious blowhard?
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Fight over Xanax results in man strangling his wife. Dude, take a chill pill
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Today we find out if Arafat died naturally, possibly from weight problems
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Person attacked at the Snax Attack grocery store. With a name like that, what did you think was going to happen?
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Father decides to teach his son a lesson for driving off to buy cigarettes and reports the van stolen. Police shoot the son dead. Lesson learned
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That awkward moment when the bomb you were making at school blows up early
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Hello Police? I've cut off my hand, no, wait, i'm holding my phone with it
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Contractor working on North Carolina Dept. of Transportation messaging system tweets out fake accident blaming "women drivers, rain and Obamacare"
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Feeling in need of psychiatric help? Drink a beer, says top health official. But one, not ten
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Mother and her three children suffering with werewolf syndrome undergo laser treatment to help their condition -- but as the pics reveal, it's no silver bullet
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Matt Lauer and Al Roker to get UFIA live on air today
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Prayer answered: Bacon-scented deodorant introduced
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Photoshop this after burn struggle
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Woman is stunned to discover that when you go down to the police station to report someone is writing bogus checks in your name, the entire department doesn't immediately drop what they're doing to investigate your case
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If you're still curled up in the fetal position over the news that the last 300 Blockbusters in the United States will be closed, take heart. Thirteen are staying open in Alaska
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♫ The prayers on the bus will get you fired. Get you fired. Get you fired. ♫
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Two words which are not used together enough. Bionic Tortoise
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We are farked: Threat of asteroid hitting Earth is way more likely than we thought, ten times higher than previous estimates
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Firefighters to homeowner: We're really sorry your house burned down sir, oh by the way here's our bill for $20,000
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Old and Busted: Marijuana is the debbil. New Hotness: Crack and Meth aren't as bad as you think
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Undercover police sting at strip club finds naked women simulating sex acts and "unacceptable" levels of cocaine in the bathroom. There was no immediate clarification of what would constitute "acceptable" levels of cocaine. (w/ not safe for work pic)
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Mom finds 5 weird facts about atheism they don't want you to know
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The reasonable response to someone cutting you off in a Chick-Fil-A drive-thru is, of course, to take out your gun and start shooting
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New UC-Berkeley study indicates that married couples where the wife calms down quickly during an argument are the happiest, although the existence of this type of wife is strictly theoretical
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That awkward moment when your accomplice has to call 911 for help after you get stuck in a chimney during an attempted burglary
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A legal precedent may be set in a lawsuit over......gay werewolf sex?
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"Excuse me officers, I heard there was a gunman shooting up the mall - look, I have my own gun, can I help out?"
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Yelling at your children is bad for their self-esteem, claims person with maladjusted children possessing a grandiose sense of entitlement and ability
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Gas station cashier says no, robber peacefully leaves without money, cashier gets fired for not giving him money. Hey everybody, free money at Speedway
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The biggest storm in the world is about to whomp the Philippines
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 444: "Flower Power 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 06, 2013 |
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Food with "Natural" label preferred by Americans despite the fact that the word has no real meaning in terms of food quality or healthiness. You submitted this with a more natural headline
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family of two guys shot and killed when they attempted an armed robbery say it's totally unfair that a private citizen shot them when they could have called the police and had the police shoot them instead
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Chinese labor camp workers write letter pleading for help and stash it in Halloween decorations destined for the west
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Woman arrested for participating in Take Your Child to Drug Deal Day
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Ummm.. yeah teacher, forcing a Jehovah's Witness student to say the Pledge of Allegiance in class will get you suspended
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Meanwhile, police say the value of used cooking grease has risen to "historic highs" now that somethingsomethingaboutyour mom
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Abandoned toy factories and shops, pleasant dreams
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Black person shot while looking for help after having a car accident. This is not a repeat from two months ago
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Photoshop this clock cleaner
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French court orders orgy photos removed from internet. Hah, nobody can get pictures removed, I'll just search for them. O_o Well, let's just go ahead and remove them
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Fisherman catches what looks to be an alien life form
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Soon-to-be-ex wife beats soon-to-be-ex husband in election
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Welch woman found not guilty of murdering War Mayor. I don't know what a war mayor is, but it sounds metal
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Not news: Attorney screws up client's murder trial. Fark: And farks his wife
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Spain reports first case of deadly MERS coronavirus . It's like SARS but heavily subsidized by other influenza strains with a lime in the neck
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Silvio Berlusconi says that his children feel like Jews persecuted by Hitler. Except for the whole genocide thing, I guess
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Just a tip? If you are a Christian Talk Show host, and you feel the need to denounce PAT ROBERTSON for being too liberal and not faithful enough to your interpretation of the bible? It's really time to take a few deep breaths
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Don't you hate it when the pregnant teenager you're letting stay at your home turns out to be an adult male?
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"American hero sues for right to take up skirt pictures"
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Toyota provides artist's conception of a future in which we are all racing around in three-wheeled Penis-mobiles. Chubba chubba chubba chubba
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The 33 whitest jobs in America
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39 Breathtaking Photos of North America's Most Photogenic Mayor
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The Top 10 Cities in the World include the likes of Rome, Florence, Oakland?
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Photoshop this mountain view
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New Mexico man undergoes involuntary anal exam on suspicion of hiding drugs. This is not a repeat from yesterday - but it does involve the same police department and hospital
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Titanic exhibit closed due to water damage. This is not a repeat from 1912
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Dutch demand Russia release Green Peace ship and activists that probably only wandered into their waters due to a malfunctioning rudder
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Former NSA staff member says he blew the whistle years before Snowden and with funnier headline
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Arizona, where smoking a joint last Friday can get you charged with driving under the influence today
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Tesla's new battery factory = greener than the greenest green that ever greened. Solar powered, zero waste and has built in recycling facility
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Gasoline and HIV is no way to spice things up in the bedroom
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Armed vigilante groups tell the Mexican army that either they take out the Knights Templar cartel, or the groups will do it for them, and they've got a week
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Want to help name a baby Panda? Mei Xiang's daughter needs a name
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"This is a hoser country. We admire hosers, we have sympathy for them and, sometimes, we just let them run things"
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If you're going to commit suicide, do it in style. Like hiring a helicopter to view the beautiful coastline in California and then jump from it
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Need to keep your toddler entertained while you're waiting in the ER? The bucket of dirty needles will keep her busy for hours
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Wife of NYC's new mayor talks about her lesbian past. GIGGITY
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According to Common Core, "The Hunger Games" is a more complex and worthy piece of literature than "The Grapes of Wrath"
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Town says rainbow-painted dinosaur statue can remain in front of high school despite complaints it promotes homosexuality in dinosaurs
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Real estate agent advertises home complete with giant marijuana factory
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Indiana deer hunter bags himself
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French parents are outraged at the latest oppressive demands of the state on their children who are now being forced to attend school on Wednesdays
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Despite promises to stop soon, the CIA just keeps droning on and on and on
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You might want to sit down for this, but it turns out that online sites where you apply for instant payday loans that charge over 1000 percent interest may not be the most ethically run businesses out there
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Lifelike heads, with blank soulless eyes, hair matted with blood and bleeding severed necks............ It's the Best Wedding Cake EVER
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DHS is spending $19 million on private armed security to protect two states from "unidentified threats." California and New York, you ask? Nope. Wisconsin and Minnesota
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Stephen Glass, the disgraced former journalist from the 1990's who was caught completely making up more than 47 "news" stories and magazine articles, is trying to convince California that he'd make a great lawyer
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Carjacker in bad neighborhood leaves victim with a boxcutter: 'Take care of yourself'
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Evil race of mutant rats immune to conventional weapons spreading across UK
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Sweden launches feminist movie ratings. To get an A rating, the movie must have at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man, or star Jack Black
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Finally Scientific evidence that the Bible was, in fact, accurate. Article to the left, your invalid arguments to the right
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Naked postal worker exposes his package while mowing lawn. Passing motorists unimpressed by delivery
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Washington police revive violent prisoner after he collapses from food allergy... just kidding, they ignored his pleas for help and let him die. Oh, and he was only jailed for pot possession
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"It's a shame trampolines aren't really made to support elks"
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"It's like anything, man. Like, when a woman says you're bad in bed... Fark 'em" - Dennis Rodman on NORTH KOREA'S HUMAN RIGHTS RECORD
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Protip: most girlfriends don't like to listen to your bragging. Especially when you're bragging about having sex with children
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Pittsburgh man thinks he's a dog, goes by the name 'Boomer. No word on whether or not he carries his own pooper scooper
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Maldivian tourism bureau: Hey, use this hashtag to recount your great experience. Activists alleging human rights violations: ORLY
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Goodwill helping the jobless, recovering addicts and identity thieves to your personal information for the low price of $27.69 a box
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Are you a graphic designer? Do you want to get mixed up in the civil war in Syria? Think you're a self-starter who can reflect the values of the Army of Islam? Apply now
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"Sir? Sir? I'm afraid you can't park your mini golf course and putting green here. You'll simply have to drive it somewhere else"
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MafiaLeaks site launched to collect anonymous info about the mob. This should end w
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His Hail Mary passes are always completed...his church's pancake breakfasts are cooked by St. Alfonzo himself...the angels want to wear his red shoes...He is...the most interesting Pope in the world
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Vocal coach arrested after utilizing unorthodox method of helping a 16 year-old boy hit the high notes
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A bike-sharing program celebrating its five month anniversary in New York City is being called a success because so far nobody's been killed over it
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Old and busted: Not letting kindergarteners play tag on the playground. New hotness: Not letting them touch each other at all
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You're probably overthinking your gun-buying decision if you're considering its cultural significance as a totem object and how it symbolizes your ideology and sociological identity
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Woman comes home to dead roommate, who couldn't even bother to vacuum or do the dishes before dying
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Maine woman up the creek without a paddle because she used it to smash her ex-boyfriend's Jeep Cherokee
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Caller demands cops investigate after cheeseburger served without any cheese. Probably just as well cops in the UK are not armed
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US Marshals Service spent too much on swag. YOLO
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Venezuela's President just moved Christmas to November, which makes sense since the Christmas sales have only been going on since mid-summer
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Why are Canadians so nice? Because the average adult drinks 80 litres of beer annually, which doesn't get them to the "angry drunk" stage
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Israel's separation wall, which was not a border, is a border
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If you put your meth pipe in the tray to be scanned when you enter a courthouse, they will arrest you for it. Especially if you are going to the courthouse for your own trial...for possession of meth
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Two British girls win costume contest dressed as the World Trade Center towers, "complete with festive added touches like smoke, fire and victims jumping to their deaths"
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Casinos in New York win on the pass line
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There is a new mayor in Detroit. With more proof that a minority can be successful
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this angry owl
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♫ I want to be a part of it: New York, New Yor-- *BONG*
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Fiancée calls the USO and asks if her man and his fellow Marines could have some pizza or something when they land. No word on the pizza, but they got a water salute, police and fire escorts, and first-class seats. Well played, USO
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Potland, Maine
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Man wearing kilt set on fire by teenager on transit bus in Oakland. "Highlander 4" has the worst plot yet
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This Craigslist ad for an "upcycled ladder shelving unit" may be the most Brooklyn thing ever, and it's only $395
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Don't drink and - taxi? Drunken man slurs his instructions to "take me home" and ends up in Belgium
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If a man throws a dog and by doing so breaks a mirror, is the subsequent seven years of bad luck measured in human years or dog years?
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If you ever get busted in an undercover police sting, hopefully you're trying to sell something cool like jewels or exotic animals or machine guns and not a couple of 7-foot Chick-fil-A cow costumes
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| (Some Guy) |
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The American Psychiatric Association's list of sexual orientations is no longer coming in a little behind
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Missing Mississippi missus, mister, minor murdered
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Burger King's latest sandwich: Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame bun (w/num num pics)
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Hilarious animations of famous paintings
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If a charter school claims 99% of its students attend class 90% of the time, but a surprise inspection shows only 30% of students in attendance, calculate how many years the school managers will spend in prison for fraud. Show your work
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You can pretty much bet after you turn in your job application and get busted for shoplifting at the store you just applied at they're not going to consider your resume
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| Tue November 05, 2013 |
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For Millennials, "financial planning" basically boils down to asking all their friends what they're doing, and then doing that. And then they all give each other trophies, of course
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Slate decides that they're going to stop pushing obvious trollbait to their front page and focus on serious reporting instead. Nah, just kidding, here's their current lead story on how having an affair might be good for your marriage
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Man carves name onto rock containing the only remaining physical evidence of the Lewis and Clark expedition. The "Asinine" tag surrenders
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It's a normal business practice to advertise specials on national holidays. But you probably shouldn't try a tie-in with a wave of Nazi violence against Jews. Especially if you're in Germany
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It's finally starting to dawn on Americans how ridiculously uncultured and impolite they look when they stomp inside someone's house with their shoes on
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Photoshop this magnificent moustache
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FABULOUS state #15: Illinois
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Tired driver crashes into mattress store
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New Pope sends out questionnaire to all Bishops asking about the "many new situations requiring the Church's attention and pastoral care". At this point, how can anyone not want to have his babies?
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New talking head on MSNBC is "the voice for millennials" who never, ever watch MSNBC
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After careful research and analysis, the Associated Press discovers the election will be decided by the people who choose to vote. You just don't see hard-hitting investigative reporting like this any more
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Fark-ready Headline: Joel Osteen finally comes out on 'gay' issue
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Remember the bimbo who dressed as a Boston Marathon victim? There are nude photos of her online, because of course there are (Not safe for work)
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Best middle school football coach EVER fired for trying to take the team to Hooters
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