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| Sun September 15, 2013 |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Herrings - good to eat, not to inhale"
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"Screw the wedding ceremony, let's just go to the presents"
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Nostra Damas killed in traffic accident when church bus flipped. Saw that coming
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Toilet racers hit the streets, try not to wipe out
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Photoshop this colorful carousel
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The African nation of Chad has 12 million people and just one psychiatrist, who is so poor he can't afford A/C
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No, 'Possum Infestation' is not SyFy's next epic masterpiece, but it should be, Mate
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Sodomy, condoms and porn - oh, my
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Oregon Republican would really appreciate it if everyone could send him their urine
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Photoshop these two traversing a tightrope toward a telecommunications tower
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"Vanilla flavour, it has been established, is not only derived from the vanilla bean. It can also come from conifer trees, or indeed from the anal passage of a beaver"
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At least six people are injured at Riot Fest. Authorities and promoters unsure if this makes Riot Fest a success or failure
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Salvage crews will undertake a daring attempt to raise the Concordia on Monday. Admiral Tolwyn hopes to complete operations before the Kilrathi can attack
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Divers ready to explore the blue hole. Time to take a breath and bear under
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I'm not suffering at the level I like to suffer. We're gonna need a parts store
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How smart do you have to be to get into MIT? Not as smart as you might think
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I love the sweet aroma of squirrel, and I'm surprised at most folks' inexperience with serving the little guys so here is Braised Squirrel With Bacon, Mushrooms, and Pinot Noir, it's a riff on coq au vin
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Using only an oxygen mask, firefighters successfully treat a reptile dysfunction
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Good police work: Realizing a 24-year-old man is running toward you to ask for help after a car crash. Bad police work: Realizing this after you've tased him and shot him dead
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Jeepers creepers
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Photoshop this bust dust
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NYPD officers shoot at "agitated man", fracture tibia and fibula and graze an ass. Fark: Not the agitated man's leg bones or ass
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I caramba
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Mass hysteria
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Holy shiat
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World's second-oldest man moves to the front of the line
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Texas Giant rollercoaster re-opens after passenger's death. To prevent long lines, they have installed signs warning people with "unique body shapes or sizes" against riding
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| Sat September 14, 2013 |
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Selfiephobia (fear of taking a photograph of oneself) and Expiraphobia (fear of forgetting to renew a domain name). Surely Farkers come up with more new phobias that need catchy names
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"Knowingly or not, millions of Americans have sprayed, squirted and rubbed Mr. Taylor's products onto themselves during their daily bathing routines"
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Russia agree to framework on Syria chemical weapons. Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons
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Prince William is quitting the RAF to work on saving endangered species. First project will focus on the increasingly rare Regius privilegus
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A touching story of a mom who just happens to like touching 14-year-old boys and why she can't go to her daughter's high school graduation
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Remember that brain eating amoeba lives in ponds and lakes? Add your tap water to the list
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Pet cemeteries in New York will now accept human remains for burial and I'm coming for you, Rachel... And this time, I'll get you... Gage, and I, will get you. For letting us die
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Photoshop this family photo
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Bored white lady from California becomes first bored white lady Maasai warrior, writes "Eat Pray Love"+"Dances with Wolves" mashup book tied together with brazen sportswear product placement about it
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Prison unveils plush mascot to improve its PR. "Katakkuri-chan, which has a male and a female incarnation and wears the uniform of a prison warden, made its debut at a recent weekend fair at Asahikawa prison"
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Photoshop this annoyed runway model
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Study shows that fast learners are more likely to become Farkers
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Texas opens its first bookless library. Wait...what?
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Indonesia threatens to deport Harrison Ford for "harassing state institutions," trying to collect all the Sankara stones
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Disney Land Paris: not the happiest place on earth
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Tal Shiar searching for sexual predator after a 72-year-old woman was sexually assaulted in Romulus
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...So I built a third boardwalk. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one will stay up, and that's what you're going to get, lad. The strongest boardwalk in Jersey
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Not news: Little boy demands his bedroom be modeled after bridge of Starship Enterprise. News: Little boy is actually Gen. Alexander, NSA head. Fark: Lawmakers, officials loved to sit in Captain's chair
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Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you
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The UK's Labour party seeking to eliminate the Bedroom Tax, but its lips are sealed on the Backseat Tax, Kitchen Table Tariff, Hotel Levy, Hot Tub Charge, or Your Mum User's Fee
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California school district hires firm to monitor middle & high school students' social media posts
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High school freshman girl with Down Syndrome voted homecoming princess by rest of her school. Tag is for both Kimmy and the students who voted for her
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Sound-proof room, Clorox, raw chicken, cannibalism DVDs, disposable scalpels, castration stretcher, freezer, cage with feeding hole, deluxe butcher set, child-sized coffin, poisonous partridge and an angry pear tree: The dungeon of 'Fat Longpig'
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Hard to say which is worse: being shot in the groin after a dispute, or realizing that the dispute was over a moped
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San Francisco police eventually arrest man who climbed up a pole at an intersection while naked, after determining that his behavior was unusual, even by San Francisco standards
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Egg and spoon race, tug of war and the 400m drug dealer pursuit. School sports days sure have changed
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Bakery only sells baked goods that are grey-colored and thematically tied to mental illness. Somebody needs to tell the baker to turn his frown upside-down cake
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Editors at Arizona Highways magazine pull their October issue off shelves because there's an article about mushrooms people can eat that included a psychedelic one on the list
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Elderly Dick Cavett wonders if he might have been a happier and better person if he hadn't grown up in such a sexually-repressed time
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High, pantsless, and wearing prosthetic breasts is no way to go through three cars at 100mph, son
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Iraq war veteran is an Infidel and proud of it. State of Michigan, not so much
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Photoshop these two on a 2-dimensional plane
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The reaction you're generally looking for with graffiti is not "What the fark?"
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Come stop by the Stray Cat Cafe or the Lost Dog Cafe - have a few drinks, enjoy a good meal, and don't forget to adopt a homeless shelter animal before you leave on your way to Caturday
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How many times does a threesome go into two arrests for domestic violence? Show your work
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Ever wonder what happens when you flush the toilet in mid-flight? This and other common myths about flying answered by pilot who wrote a book
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Miss Uzbekistan shows up in Indonesia to participate in Miss World contest. Problem is that there is no Miss Uzbekistan contest and nobody in Uzbekistan has any idea who she is. But, you'd still do her
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Dogs basically don't care if you are a robot or a human. Apparently, they don't have a steak in it
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Pro-tip: Don't advertise yourself as a stable hand with stud work experience if what you're really into involves having sex with horses and dogs - and filming it
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| Fri September 13, 2013 |
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Cheating, for lack of a better word, is good
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Complete this headline: When the snakes in your neighborhood are big enough to kill a 60 lb Siberian Husky, it's time to................- (Article contains some graphic & disturbing images)
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Who is the most evil fictional character ever written, whether in literature, film, or television?
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Coming soon to a gun store near you - A belt fed rifle that can "spray bullets like a fire hose" and it's perfectly legal. Yippie Ki-yay M@#$#@#ER
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The full litany of complaints Americans filed to the FCC regarding Miley Cyrus's chilling, terrifying "twerking" performance at the VMAs
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How do you expect American citizens to shop at the local farmers market without a rifle?
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Photoshop this 1960's Fleetwood
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Caption this biker Paparazzo that just knocked Nicole Kidman flat on her ass
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TFette's high fashion photographer friend has 4 hours left on his Kickstarter campaign for a truly inspired Metamorphosis project. Support the arts on the left, and cheer for the artistically bare nipple in the video to the right
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If it walks, talks and looks like a duck, it's a potato
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Google street view car hits bus, then flees the scene and hits another bus. And then a truck
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News: A $68 Marc by Marc Jacobs T-shirt has been pulled for resembling Neo-Nazi something. Fark: A $68 Marc by Marc Jacobs T-shirt
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Trying to save a buck on paying health care, Lake County IN told its older employees to quit their jobs and go on Medicare then -- wink wink -- you can come back to work part time. Surprise, suckers--now you're all fired
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10 Reasons Falling For Shameless Click Bait Makes You A Bad Mother (warning: slideshow)
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Hello? Yes, this is hero
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The Iowa pastor who raped young boys to stop them from being gay will not serve time. Not on this earth, anyway
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Nice story about a heroic rescue and... oh
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Photoshop this interview with a Dick
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Overheard on the police scanner: "Pipe Bong, bring Bong Squad"
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The next fashion trend that we've all been waiting for is finally here: clear bras
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Is this: A) another Fark link about naked people being arrested; B) a story about excessive alcohol consumption and a "poorly shorn" scrotum, or C) this week's Fark weird news quiz?
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Today's episode of "Pretend your child has cancer so you can rake in donations" is brought to you by Utica, Ohio
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Want to date a real woman, but worried that your piles of video games will be a turnoff to all but the most slovenly options? No worries, Padawan: Just create fake book covers for them, and let her think you're an intellectual reader
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Guns don't kill people... Well, actually they do
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The Guy who the book/movie "Into the Wild" was based on? Apparently he wasn't quite the clueless dumbass everyone assumed, and he probably died from eating a plant no one realized until recently was toxic and slowly paralyzed you
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"Stop calling it Xbone" says company that just registered Xbone.com
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Man attempting to cross the Atlantic attached to helium-filled balloons ends his trip after only 12 hours due to "technical issues," which may be just a fancy way of saying "he sobered up"
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A Delta flight from Germany to Detroit landed in Dublin because, well, wouldn't you?
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Missing alligator found in Minnesota - with pic that confirms an alligator-owning Minnesotan looks exactly the way you'd expect
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CUNY protestors harass lecturer David Petraeus because of reasons
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While the United States can't build prisons fast enough for the number of its citizens it locks up, the Netherlands has been forced to close 8 prisons because they don't have enough criminals to fill them
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I deeply regret any distress that my mass killings may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such killings at any time in the future
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Detroit Tigers' hot dog vendor has lost his job after 15 years for speaking truth to power ..... You don't put ketchup on a damned hot dog
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Uniface mask: The creepy alternative to plastic surgery
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Fark Food Thread: You like it hard, you like it soft. You like it with a tang, or nutty, on things, in things, or all by itself. Is there ever enough cheese? You know you like so many of them. So, tell us what they are and how you serve them up
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Caught speeding while rich? Just tell the judge you couldn't possibly use public transport as your mansion's too far from the station
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Anthony Weiner spent $148 a vote to get less than 5 percent of the vote, says his campaign staff talked him out of his original money saving idea of just sending everyone in the city a text
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YMCA lifeguard tells woman she can't breastfeed her baby poolside in front of everyone else. Looks like someone ignored the "No Food or Drink by the Pool" signs
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...and sometimes a bad guy with a gun manages to take himself out
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Welcome to flight 666 to HEL on Friday 13th
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Public debate continues over new Rutger Hauer movie
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Herpes-infected monkeys terrorize Florida. Locals reportedly glad that at least they aren't New Yorkers
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A look at the One Ring that rules NPR
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Police believe that possibly, the man who broke into a museum and rearranged artwork in the storage area while naked and bleeding might have been just a teensy bit high
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Police link man with lacerated feet to glass smashing burglary by connecting the bloody dots
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Crash test dummies prefer electric vehicles. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
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Good: The population in Best Korea's gulags has dropped. Bad: Because they got better at killing the prisoners
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Why people think Friday the 13th is unlucky. It can't be THAT unlucky...subby got this greenlight, right? So that's +1 in the positive column
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Horse therapy horrifically fails to work on convicted rapist
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New poll, which someone paid for, finds that Wall Street is still unpopular with many Americans
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Welcome to Liberalville, USA, where vandalizing public road signs is perfectly OK as long as you agree with the message
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Fdaernch swijmekeper tog et payout aftrt pigs sqeaa but pigs oglyh get bughtcered
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The American Medical Association has not approved the use of Skype for treating patients; however, leeches and blood letting are still considered cutting edge
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Oh, sure, New York drivers know a ferry has the right of way - this one just doesn't care
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If you're going to use a pig brain in your music video, don't leave it lying around. Trouble will ensue
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Have an easy fast today for Yom Kippur, Jewish Farkers
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Milwaukee to de-ice streets with cheese brine after a measure is passed by the Wheys and Means committee
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Syria: Good luck with your game of "Chemical Weapon Whack-a-Mole" you silly Westerners
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They don't call it Fun World for nothing, folks
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Don't be shocked if you send pot to someone via USPS and the police show up at your door
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Man who punched a 62-year-old white guy after saying "I'm gonna punch the first white guy I see" denies race was a factor
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2.2 million dehumidifiers recalled because fire is worse than humidity
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The world's third biggest carbon dioxide emitter comes from: A) Cow farts B) Sulfate geysers C) Wasted food
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Louis Farrakhan thinks George Zimmerman is a "ticking time bomb" and "another Sandy Hook" waiting to happen. And by Louis Farrakhan I mean Lake Mary Police Chief Steve Bracknell
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Woman accused of selling food stamps on Facebook, which somehow still seems way less terrible than Candy Crush status updates
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United accidentally sells tickets for $0. Don't worry, though, the people who managed to get them still had to pay fees
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Devastating storm brings 30-foot deep "surge of water, mud, rocks and debris" to Boulder, among other things. Stay safe, Colorado Farkers
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Photoshop this mighty sailing man and his ferocious feline companion
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Much like a fine wine, hangovers improve with age
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And the Ig Nobel prizes go to:
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Chinese CEO is tired of being breathlessly compared to Steve Jobs, just like American subby with Ron Jeremy
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Six really stupid 9/11 conspiracies
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That's quite the spoonerism
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Panel rules that 13 Arkansas school districts can arm teachers and staff. Otherwise known in Arkansas as "business casual"
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Looks like meat is back on the menu, boys
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A Very Special Message from Ayman al-Zawahiri on this, the anniversary of 9-11 er 9-13
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"To the last, I will cuss at thee... from Hell's heart, I slap at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thy dog." This is why you never hire a babysitter named "Khan"
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If you're planning to break a world record by navigating some kind of a watercraft across the Pacific Ocean, you better get to the beach now
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Las Vegas woman rolls a 5
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Armed McDonald's manager holds up his own restaurant. Robble robble
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Would you pay $75 to sit naked on an open-seated chair with a humidifier blasting herb-infused steam into your private parts?
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Eighty six-year-old woman gets her first tattoo from her granddaughter -- but she'll probably regret it 20 or 30 years down the road
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Arizona man accused of branding his initials on sleeping girlfriend's va-jay-jay area with a butane torch -- because she wouldn't go dancing with him
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Smoking hot 50-year-old woman is a published author, can speak multiple languages, is witty and clever but still single; claims men simply can't handle it if a woman outshines them (w/pics)
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Man trying to cross Atlantic Ocean with 370 balloons, just like the Disney movie "Up"
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If you're meeting the "photographer" at a motel for a "modeling shoot", things will probably not end well
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Kids more likely to be bullied at schools with anti-bullying programs
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| Thu September 12, 2013 |
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US Consulate in Herat Afghanistan attacked
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Apparently, building two houses on poles over your factory is just too unsafe for China
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Another good thing about Google Maps Street View - dog rescues
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Hot 97 DJ Mister Cee would like you to know that he is not gay, but every now and then, he "gets the urge to have fellatio with a transsexual - a man that looks like a woman." Again, he is not gay "because I haven't penetrated another man"
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Minivan carrying clowns crashes. Dozens of casualties expected
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It's the first day of school. You had ONE job
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Now there's an even better reason to take a towel to the beach
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Dolby achieves 100% breathing noise reduction
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Photoshop this helium-filled superhero
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High school named for KKK's 1st leader asked to change name. "This is a bad look for Florida.''
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The Jersey Shore has a burning situation, and not the kind that a shot of penicillin can help
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Looks like we're headed toward another McCarthy era. No, not that one
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Woman tells Animal Welfare that without her army of dogs, she'll only have her gun to protect her. DOG ARMY
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Gorbachev comes out of the closet
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"What? It's illegal to shoot at birds?", says the man on a motorcycle, in traffic, as he fires into the air
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Disney is actively encouraging kids to bring their smartphones and tablets to the theaters so they can play games during the movies
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Carnival will now pay you to endure its next sewage backup
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Photoshop this mucked up man
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Sorry about that whole bloody-diarrhea thing. How about a free burrito?
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Some billionaires, such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, have pledged to give away the vast majority of their fortunes to charity. Then there are the Waltons, who inherited their billions and are going to fight to keep every last dime
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Lawyer for family suing zoo is "outraged" that the zoo would "attack" the poor grieving family by pointing out their son probably wouldn't have died if Mom hadn't lifted him over the safety railing and them dropped him into a wild dog exhbit
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So just how bad are things when Mark Zuckerberg is calling out the US government on "blowing it" when it comes to messaging about personal privacy rights?
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Ferndale fraternity foot fetish freak found to be fake
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So, it looks like British Pizza is a thing now
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Pumpkin is in the air, it's in your latte and on your porch. More importantly it's in your beer. Here are six of this season's best
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Wealthiest 1% earn 10 times more than average Canadian. Just 10 times? American CEOs laughing hysterically
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Facebook leads to human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA
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School cancelled because recently waxed floors are too slippery
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♫Who wears short shorts? Dad wears short shorts, if you dare wear short shorts Dad's gonna wear short shorts♫
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Ugly-ass baby red pandas born in Dublin Zoo
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Man jailed for sex with goat. I kid you not
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Man wearing Obama mask robs bank, but police arrive before he can even hope to change
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PSA: Somalia is a dangerous place to be an American rapper, even if you're a rapping Jihadi who's pissed off al-Shabab's top leader. Well, probably more so in that case
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No, Mr. Hitler, you can't have a superior Aryan race. Not yours. And a very happy 100th birthday to the late great Jesse Owens
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You don't often see the words 'Brain-eating amoeba survivor' in a headline
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"Carrying anything unusual on board, ma'am?" *pregnant pause*
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The great thing about recessions is that they make employees work harder
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Pootie-poot's NYT op-ed is the most eloquent biatchslap you'll read today
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Woman with crazy eyes posed as a producer for a Fox station and bilked businesses out of $3,500 each by claiming she could gain them exposure. She did; just not the kind they wanted
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Trayvon Martin medical examiner claims prosecutors intentionally refused to stand their ground
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Woman discovers the many stages of drunk: 1) happy warm feeling, 2) everything is hilarious, 3) it's time to dance, 4) let's fight, 5) vomit time, 6) face down, and 7) time to go skinny dipping in the casino's public fountain
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Pittsburgh begins aggressively issuing parking tickets...to people who park in their own driveways. This "Pirates Winning Record" thing has everyone messed up
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The bad news is that more kids are swallowing washing machine detergent capsules. The good news is that kids are now cleaner on the inside, brighter and easier to iron
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Falcons, frogs, tortoises, parrots, dentures, underwear, glass eyes, and prosthetic legs are just some of the things that get left behind on planes every year
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Smoking hot 9/11 truther does a great job of explaining why it was an inside job. There are two lies in the previous sentence
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The White House announces plans to destroy six tons of illegal ivory. Ebony inconsolable
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To avoid pot arrests, not kicking a cop in the balls (twice) is a good place to start
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Best Buy CEO's marriage ends up like most of the electronics he sells. Overpriced, broken, and making payments on it for years to come
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Inert rocket launcher found in landfill. Police confirm lack of ert, question Bruce Cockburn
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60% of Americans are against military action in Syria. The other 40% think Syria is the woman they can ask questions to on their iPhone
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When the Russians tell you your nuclear reactor is in a "nightmarish state" you shut up and listen. Got that, North Korea?
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Guy tells police that this is all a misunderstanding, that he simply locked himself out of his house after he went to go check on his mail. Without any clothes. Next to an elementary school
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I scream, you scream, we all scream when an old man starts yelling profanities and runs towards the ice cream truck while brandishing a gun
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Scalded woman wants government to regulate hot beverages, blueness of sky, wetness of (cooler) water
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Serial hoon who thought it would be a lark to touch up his mate in Nerang gets blasted by magistrate. The only way this headline could be more Australian would be if it was drunk. And venomous
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At least he was wearing a mask
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Boulder, Colorado. 25 square miles surrounded by reality. And apparently water
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Hot Scottish teacher moves in with her former student two months after being placed on the sex offender registry for having sex with him. That's right, I used "hot" and "Scottish" in the same sentence
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Dong, where is my automobile?
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Photoshop these technicians on a TV tower
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Gallery of "Adrenaline-Pumping Photos from some of the world's biggest thrill-seekers". The photos are gorgeous. The thrill seeking is mostly heart stopping. You've been warned
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The most awesome NASA photograph EVAR
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Need to know how to get an abortion in Texas? Here's a very serious interactive online game to help you out
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The greatest news for Kenya since Obama's birth
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Message in a bottle found after almost 107 years, possibly setting the record for the oldest message in a bottle. Sting nods in approval
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The latest thing people are doing wrong? Making salsa. Apparently, people don't automatically add the deliciousness that is cilantro
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Hawaiian woman told to trim her: A) hair. B) nails. C) name
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Woman accused of bilking more than $100,000 out of investors for her toilet fan scheme
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The next threat to air travel? Ex-TSA workers
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Mother refused to let her five-year-old son see his father for a year because: A) he hit him, B) he let him watch porn, C) he might feed the boy meat
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New York is being overrun by completely unregulated, illegal, underground, criminal dinner parties
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There is a man wandering through California with three mules ....... and a website
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Helicopter mom shocked and frightened by the thought that, this year, her daughter's peers walk themselves home from school
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 436: "A River Runs Through It". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 11, 2013 |
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New York polling inspector goes full Ron Burgundy. Surprisingly some people have a problem with this
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Stanford University posts online collection of over 700 maps (dating from the early 1700s) depicting California as an island
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Clark told police she dangled the infant off the balcony because she was "mad'' and was "making a point.'' She also said she can do what she wants with her baby
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"Miss Kansas will show her tats during the bikini competition" is today's unfortunate non-typo
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Wonder how the Internet stayed up on 9/11? Thank this guy, whose algorithms made it much more efficient at massive data. Also, he single-handedly tried to stop the hijackers before Flight 11 hit the North Tower, thus became the very first 9/11 victim
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Tired of teachers banging students, this one ran down her ex's girlfriend just to mix things up
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Pastor arrested on undisclosed charges for planning to burn Qurans on 9/11
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Step 1: Create two cardboard jets, and attach them to the twin towers memorial in the public square. Step two: Throw in an effigy of President Bush holding a remote control, and a wad of cash. Step 3?
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"The public is advised not to enter the ocean if they notice a brown color in the water"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ring toss
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Duluth restricts e-cigarettes, bans hookah bars
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Study finds that wind farms are killing eagles, and that the Obama administration is not doing anything to stop it. Why does the President hate America?
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Some Lemonhead driving a truck full of candy turned Buffalo rush-hour traffic into a Goo Goo Cluster-fark
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New Wisconsin law would allow bar owners to sue their customers for drinking
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You think the AT&T Wireless 9/11 ad was bad? they ain't got nothing on Marriott: "In remembrance of those we lost on 9/11," a sign in the lobby read, "the hotel will provide complimentary coffee and mini muffins from 8:45 - 9:15 a.m"
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Caption this conversation with a rhino
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The Pope gets a new, used Popemoblie
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In what will surely be seen as a routine, uncontroversial move, the UN signs contract for unmanned drone capability
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Not News: Large Companies are laying off thousands of American workers. Fark: The same Companies then turn around and demand immigration reform for new labor
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Man claims to be doing God's work. Was he: A) Feeding the poor B) Donating to charity C) Exposing himself to passing cars?
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Man shoots his neighbor again. Different neighbor
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Texas textbook review panelist: "'creation science' based on Biblical principles should be incorporated into every Biology book that is up for adoption"
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"I just came to see what hate looked like"
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Rep. Frank Wolf (R-VA) says that Obama, Clinton, and Kerry don't want to talk about Benghazi because they were hiding illegal weapons for Syrian Al-Qaeda rebels in the consulate. Really, he said this
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Photoshop this propped up person
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AT&T: Never Forget 9/11 or our new smartphone
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Tennessee forced to retry a man who admitted to killing his girlfriend because one of the jurors at his trial Friended an expert witness on Facebook during deliberations
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It's not very nice to stick out your tongue at your victim after you were just spared jail for biting off his tongue
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2011 WA Police: Is that residue from a marijuana cigarette on you? That's an arresting. 2013 WA Police: Is that a 2 pound joint you're trying to light? Let me help you
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Chicken manure spill is making things crappy for a neighborhood playground
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Captain America in a turban for 9/11, and before you go all rage face, read the very cool story behind it
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Because today is the PERFECT day to simulate burning airplanes at Boston's airport
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You're cool if the NSA shares all your information with Israel, right?
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In a move totally unrelated to the Syrian crisis, Russia's carrier-killing flagship "Moskva" arrives in Mediterranean to have a look around, find wild animals for Putin to fight
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"Django is a very frisky black cat, he also has very sleepy eyes and appears to be stoned although I don't think he is"
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America is now a banana republic. Ooh, I like Banana Republic. But my friend Stacy says that it's the same stuff as Old Navy, just with higher prices
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There's nothing quite like milk and cookies - unless you count MILK AND COOKIE DISEASE
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I don't always make lasagna, but when I do, it's the BEST LASAGNA IN THE WORLD
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If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will be able to accidentally shoot their friend with the gun their friend is trying to buy from them
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Benghazi. This is not a repeat
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Public bathroom soap might be poopier than the toilet you just flushed
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Fat, drunk and humping your Range Rover is no way to go through life, Dad
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A Drone's-eye view of Burning Man 2013 (warning potentially Not safe for work ant-like people)
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Head-to-toe tattoos make clothing optional. With helpful pictures of people you wish would put on more clothes, maybe a burka or space suit or something
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Road construction crew member barely survives an encounter with rolling rock. Friends say he prefers craft beers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently on this solemn day, people with nothing better to do are upset Google didn't have an animated ""MURICA11" doodle and instead has just a small black ribbon
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A look at the four kinds of spousal embarrassment and how that douchebag you married inflicts them upon you
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...and now let's all watch as Fox News hosts a serious discussion about whether the events currently taking place in Syria were correctly predicted in the Old Testament
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Concerned you may have a drinking problem? If one night's antics rack up pork burglary, criminal mischief and flag desecration charges, you just might
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The hump this humpday: Four part-time jobs and the 1% is still taking home half of the nation's entire income
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Medieval fort to increase security after its battering ram is vandalized, plans to keep a dozen archers and two pots of boiling oil on standby
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Suit alleges Home Depot is "Shoplifter trolling": Sending letters threatening to sue people they accuse of shoplifting unless they fork over hundreds of dollars to "settle" the claims-even though they've never sued anyone, ever, for shoplifting
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Investigators determine that the dead guy whose shotgun wound matches the hole in his wall didn't actually commit suicide. That's some mighty fine police work, Lou
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CNN going after the hard-hitting news of today: A brief history of cock washing (SFW)
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NPR Yesterday: Colorado recall elections are a referendum on gun control. NPR Today: Crickets
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Vatican secretary of state says priestly celibacy is open to discussion. Quid agis, baby?
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Billy Joel marks 9 years since crashing into anything by joining NY politicians on 9/11 memorial motorcycle ride
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Firefighters rescue man stuck in chimney, "Stories range from 'hide and seek" to 'repairing the ceiling'. Nobody was able to get the straight story"
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Fourteen shocking reasons that you aren't dead yet, including fluoridation, which has never been a Communist plot to steal your precious bodily fluids
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New poll says that being debt free is the new American Dream. Which is pretty much why it's called a "dream"
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Humberto becomes the first hurricane of the season. Meanwhile, Joe Arpaio is getting ready to prevent it from illegally crossing into the US
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Well this mugshot might suggest this man was possessed when he robbed his victims
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Man turns green after eating too many river snails, envies those with better sense
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"Helzer bent over to pick up a card that fell out of his wallet. His pants fell down, and he shouted out to the trooper and a woman passing through the airport entrance: 'Hey, check out my crack, is it big enough for you?'"
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Some days you eat the bear, and some days you shoot the bear, stupidly follow it into the woods and have it maul the crap out of you
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Photoshop this centered rodent
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Fairfax County library system decides that maybe it doesn't want to become a Fark staple, after all
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Step 1) See lots of homeowners in your city with underwater mortgages. Step 2) Seize property by eminent domain Step 3) Refinance property back to homeowners at affordable rates. Step 4) Profit - handsomely
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The first documented evidence of uninflated cop-math. I was as surprised as you guys
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Even world-famous novelists get swindled by psychics who promise to reconnect you with your dead son
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One man's alleged attempt at teaching a co-worker a valuable life lesson is another man's alleged act of grand theft. Allegedly
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Live video streams from 9/11 memorial ceremonies in New York City, the Pentagon and the White House
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Remembering 9/11. Let's share our stories of where we were when we heard the news
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Apparently confessing to murder on Youtube isn't enough to get convicted easily
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Giant inflatable colon comes to New York City, because it's used to being near assholes
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Eleven food names you are pronouncing wrong. For instance, 'tart' is actually pronounced 'My-lee'
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Police cruiser explodes into flame because of A) arsonist, B) errant bullet or C) grass clippings
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Not news: Man gored by elk. FARK: Man gored by dead elk he killed
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George Harrison's music was used as torture device in Pinochet's Chile. Bloody sitar
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The latest person to undergo too much plastic surgery to look more like a fictional character brought to you by SUPERMAN
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What does a $500,000 truck look like? It looks like FARKING AWESOME, that's what (w/pics)
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Police warn of cow named Kevin wandering around near I-675. With pic of what an I-675 might look like
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Anthony Weiner loses with less than 5% of the vote, his wife ditches him, he then gets chased through a McDonald's by Sydney Leathers, and he flips-off reporters as his car speeds away. That all just actually happened
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Father of the Year candidate builds his son a pedal-powered X-34 Landspeeder. But it's not worth nearly as much since the XP-38s came out
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An 'artificial egg' made from plants is set to revolutionize cooking, Egg McMuffins
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| Tue September 10, 2013 |
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Mother says her 12 year-old daughter killed herself because students at Crystal Lake Middle School were bullying her and the administration did nothing to stop it. CH CH CH AH AH AH AH
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And if you're a dick all your life, your obituary will look like this. Tag is for subject's children who now crusade against child abuse
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Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that we don't work, we don't drive a car, we don't farking ride in a car, we don't handle money, we don't turn on the oven, and we sure as shiat don't farking sell heroin and oxycodone
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Dayton man has little remorse after fathering 27 kids. "One thing I would change is different moms"
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Ethiopian man claims he's 160 years old, doesn't look a day over 145
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"The robber took cash, two glass pipes, a bottle of massage oil, a re-chargeable sex toy, a bondage chair and two laptop computers"
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Photoshop theme: create a new cover for Rush Limbaugh's children's book (link goes to example)
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I used this 1 weird trick to get a greenlight
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Beatin' the bishop outside of church on the sabbath? That's an arrestin'
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In today's George Zimmerman thread we learn that he did have his gun on him when he confronted his wife and he smashed an iPad that had a video of the altercation
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The husband, in the kitchen, with the chicken wings
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"Don't try to go drink for drink with a treeshrew, be wary of belligerent moose and pigs, and leave your keys with the elephant"
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McDonald's now offers wings and McNuggets. Chicken may also be offered soon (critical review on the left, snarky reviews on the taste to the right)
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Siberian 'forest boy' found after 16 years living in the wilderness, asks if those stories he heard about your Mom are true
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How do you tell the difference between whiskey and bourbon? Ask scientist TOM COLLINS
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Drunk guy finally released from jail. And the horse he rode in on
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"NASA plans to launch 6 romaine lettuce plants to the International Space Station"
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Neil Young's million-dollar car breaks down in Donner Pass, no word if he had anyone to eat with him
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The NSA has been running man in the middle attacks imitating Google's servers... codenames the operation Flying Pig, probably because they'll own up to it when pigs fly
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Classmates remember boy struck by lightning as someone who always conducted himself well
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Talking urinal cakes are the latest weapon in Colorado's battle with drunk drivers, and not creepy at all
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Photoshop this pothole pool
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One of our planes went down? Quick, send a bunch of guys with paint to black out our company logo so no one knows it's ours -- that always works
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Why your next vacation might be in Uruguay
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The Zeppelin makes a comeback. Because they worked out so well the last times
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An unofficial guide to being a man from the men who are destroying America one 401k at a time
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Iraq's WMDs to move to Russia
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Area man visits supermarket, goes on tragic poking and squishing rampage with bare hands, "leaving 103 items destroyed beyond salability for a total of 59,880 yen in damages"
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| (FarkItAll.tk) |
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Come participate in the Fark It All Halloween Swap. Trading candy and gifts with other Farkers - can you imagine a scarier Halloween?
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When it comes to getting married, remember that 'taking the plunge' is just an expression and it does not mean you're supposed to push your new husband off a cliff
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Richard Dawkins wins yet another "You're Not Helping" Award
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Miracle mushroom diet raises questions about the hordes of hairy dancing midgets moving across the melting walls
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Your annual reminder to ignore the U.S. News & World Report college rankings
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Now that marijuana use is becoming more and more accepted, officials are seeing a sharp increase in its use by: A) Teenagers B) College students C) People over 50
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