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| Sun September 01, 2013 |
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Off-duty NOPD cop stays out drinking, drives his take-home department car to the suburbs, crashes into a 91 Geo Metro, both the cop and other driver arrested for DWI. The Aristocrats
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Pennsylvania hospital now offering rehab for internet addicts. I CAN QUIT ANY TIME I WANT
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"Oh yeah, see my wristband? This means I'm single and I want to mate"
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Remember the Texas dad who killed his daughter's molester? Guess who won't be charged with that death
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Precious snowflake gets shiathammered and runs onto the field of the Iowa-Northern Illinois game, gets arrested, blows .341 at the station. And since it's 2013, she tweets the whole thing
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Evangelicals believe the crisis in Syria could be a biblical prophecy in the making
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The best car of the last 25 years isn't a Ferrari or an Aston Martin or even a Toyota; no, it's the Ford Focus
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Putin in a negligee (or some other whatnot)...your move, farkers
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26 year old unemployed Illinois guy is youngest Publisher's Clearing House winner ever. Maybe because not many 26-year olds order "World War 2" magazine
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No parking allowed for the next nine inches
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Photoshop this pair in a parking lot
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If you surround your marijuana grow with traps try to remember where you put them
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Tepco: Today's spike in radiation readings is nothing to worry about. We simply switched to a detector capable of measuring 10x as much radiation as our previous detectors. So, really, the radiation is probably no worse than yesterday. *facepalm*
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Frost Nixed
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Pastor preaching against vaccinations at megachurch, which is now the site of a measles outbreak: "So I'm going to tell you what the facts are and the facts are the facts but then we know the truth, that always overcomes facts"
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EU may require cars to read road signs and prevent drivers from exceeding speed limits. Suddenly spray painting a 3 into an 8 seems a lot more clever
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This is so like Francis: We schedule our prayer and fasting day, like, 3000 years in advance, then at the last minute he decides that he and his friends are going to have their prayer and fasting day the Saturday before ours
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Hey everyone, let's all stand on top of this here dike in order to get an up-close view of the incoming tidal wave. What could possibly go wrong? w/pics and vid
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WW3 almost started 30 years ago to the day
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"Experts are unanimous......some sort of chemical attack, is real - but remain divided on whether it involved military-grade chemical weapons associated with Assad's arsenal, or were a more amateur concoction potentially linked to the rebels"
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Photoshop this festival food stand
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You know your Saturday was totally awesome when you wind up being tased, then taken to the hospital for "observation" and to get bits of car windshield removed from your buttocks
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Woman offers her philatelic collection for hit man to stamp out her husband
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It's time to ban T-Shirt guns
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'Wanna get your boyfriend to pop the question?' Here's the answer: A number of women across the country have listed their positive pregnancy tests for sale on Craigslist
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Desecrating the American flag is a) a right guaranteed to American citizens, b) a time-honored Middle Eastern recreational activity, and/or c) an appropriate public school project geared toward reflection and exploration of feelings
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Man, things have changed. Twenty years ago, the lunch lady was giving the mystery meat to me
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Hot blonde has this rare form of OCD where she's imagining you naked and yet can keep her lunch down
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| Sat August 31, 2013 |
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Dunkin' Donuts apologizes for 'bizarre and racist' Thai advertising poster, then awkwardly asks if you would like a chocolate doughnut
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Tooth Fairy inflation pushes price of a tooth near $4. Thanks, Obama
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You're supposed to put the lime in the coconut, not the coke in the lime, you nut
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Don't mess with Chinese women. Some of them will kill you and then boil your corpse in a pressure cooker
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Luckiest man alive miraculously survives landslide and the giant boulder that always crushes Wile E. Coyote
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Photoshop these silhouetted adventurers
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Cute student banned from school for dyeing her hair red, school calls it an "unnatural color" (w/pics)
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That's a bummer
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You thought your school was tough ? You got nothing on this one
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Police are mad that Eric Holder is relaxing the marijuana laws. This is going to hurt their bottom line. May lead to them having to deal with actual criminals
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Canadian destroyer collides with replenishment ship en-route to Hawaii. In other news, Canada has two warships. Err, had two warships
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| (BBC) |
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Photoshop this odd couple
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Man found guilty of harassing entire local Amish community. Mafia set to retaliate
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What does it take to get a toy bunny back in the hands of its toddler? A Facebook campaign
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The complete guide to thirty years worth of American military strikes against other countries. Remember the good old days of Reagan and Bush, when we'd shoot first, ask questions later, and arm future enemies?
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Jesus had two dads and he turned out just fine. Spiffy: On a church billboard
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South Korean woman addicted to bikinis, irritating her sisters and mother who says she "no longer wants to go swimming after seeing her daughter parade in bikinis all day." Yes, there's a photo gallery
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Obama asks Congress to include strikes on Syria in their next attempt to repeal Obamacare
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"10 states that are likely to legalize marijuana next" Whatever. Wake me up when I can buy cocaine at Rite-Aid
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San Diego mayor waves goodbye. With his hand this time
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Bible thumping
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Man who took in tens of thousands of dollars by renting out houses that technically didn't belong to him only did it to "help people." Aw, isn't that nice?
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Police are looking for a man after grabbing a woman's arm in the park. Police sketch artist, who may think the Master of Puppets could possibly Load and Kill 'Em All, has a good idea who was St. Anger...And Justice For All
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Thieves steal 30 fishing poles, spray graffiti on moped. That's one strange fetish
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Bomb lands in Maryland tavern parking lot; Assad not there at the time
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Today is International Bacon Day. This is not a drill. Today is International Bacon Day
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Doctors officially diagnose Mr. Dunbar with chronic lateness, note that it is an incurable terminal condition, and predict he will someday be the late Mr. Dunbar
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Dear Pentho^H^H^H Dr. Mahinder, I slept with my neighbor and her daughter while my wife was in another town having our baby. She is coming back in a few days, what do I do? (text may be Not safe for work)
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It's one thing to make love to your girlfriend on the very same field where your team won a decisive victory earlier in the night. It's another thing to do it when your team ended the game in a 0-0 tie
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Signs are pointing to the Egyptians calling for the ouster of the government that ousted the representative of the guys that ousted the dictator that took over for the guy who helped oust the King of Egypt. Oust
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Photoshop this antler man
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If you wind up being convicted of a nuclear terrorist hoax, you just might be going about your job-hunting all wrong
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Sitting in a parking garage in your car, with it in gear and your foot on the brake, passed out and covered in vomit, is no way to be found by the cops at 3:45 am on a Sunday morning. But in a college town, how else would you spend your time?
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Attention commuters: Service has been suspended on a portion of the NYC subway system due to A) a power failure, B) a terrorism alert, C) kittens on the tracks. If you picked C, you may proceed to Caturday
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Robbers break into car, homeowner chases after them in his underwear, neighbor helpfully shoots homeowner
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16-year-old girl dies in joyride with 18-year-old behind the wheel. Oh, did I say 16 and 18? I meant 6 and 8
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Female train station worker in Tokyo throws unruly male across her shoulder for a free ride. Link includes animated reenactment complete with Mike Tyson-esque first strike by the guy
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Labor Day is a scam to keep you poor and miserable forever - so you might as well go ahead and enjoy getting drunk in your yard ... again
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Mother accused of forcing her 12 year-old daughter to beat up another driver at a gas station
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"Butt Flickers" beware. We're watching your ash
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Flight from California to New York diverted after passenger goes full Filner
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"Hello emergency services? There are beeeeeeeeeeeeeees on my car"
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World's largest avocado goes on sale. Scientists now begin work on world's largest bag of chips
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Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg officiates at John Roberts' gay wedding
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| Fri August 30, 2013 |
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'I would like to see some street gang member mess with someone in one of my chairs'
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"Police officers asked the man, 46, why he was dressed as a woman. He said he needed to be responsive to the preferences of his clients"
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Honey is pretty much the only food that doesn't go bad. Why?
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Test driving a BMW while black? That's a tasing
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Yeah, but can they tell the difference between Metallica and Megadeth?
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Photoshop this greasy guy playing capture the flag
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Signing a waiver, lying about your age, consuming an energy drink, taking a snowboard for a trial run, attempting a stunt and breaking your neck is somehow it is the fault of the board manufacturer and the ski hill
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Smoking hot 18-year-old stabs her mother 78 times. Her father: "Isabella is a good kid, she's a good hearted. But I don't know what could've happened, honestly, to provoke this kind of reaction" (w/pics)
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"Sufferin' Succotash" it's only a giant mouse
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7.0 earthquake rumbles Aleutian Islands, dozens of igloos reduced to snow cones
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Photoshop these cheerful Chechen chaps
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It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz: three-day weekend, everybody's-already-drinking edition
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Who runs the world? Japanese schoolgirls
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Really? The best one-liners? No respect. No respect, I tells ya
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Vladimir Putin is fracking crazy
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Who stole what in this week's Friday Photo Fun? Contest ends 6:00pm EST
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Research shows couples can tune out spouse's voice
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News: Violent felon neo-Nazi arrested for amassing personal arsenal of 18 guns and 40000 rounds. Fark: Was originally busted for trafficking in counterfeit sports apparel
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From TFA "An eyewitness said he found the severed penis in a neighbouring garden." and "It is thought the man may suffer from a mental health issue". You don't say
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What's the worst thing you can say to a cop while being arrested?
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Anheuser-Busch InBev on opening 'Bud Lab' at University of Illinois: "Our dream is to be the best beer company in a better world,"
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Thieves steal car......door?
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What climate change? Minnesota always had gators
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So what DO you do when a turkey pees on your patrol car?
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The abandoned building where James Dean went to high school collapsed and is now just rubble without a cause
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NJ innovator uses self-storage unit for storage, sleeping, and shopping
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Millions of people fail to take advantage of student loan forgiveness, surprising many who thought people who'd go hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for a gender studies degree would be fiscally prudent
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Americans believe they have the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and internet access
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This article contains acetaminophen. Please read less than eight times in twenty-four hours
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PSA: Everything you thought you knew about the clitoris is probably wrong
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Turn-key operation for sale - business complex includes strip club, gay bathhouse, adult bookstore and personal service club. All poles freshly polished
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Because America hasn't had a collective heart attack, Sprinkles LA introduces the Maple Bacon Cupcake, which can be ordered online. Mmmmm.... bacon cupcake
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"Black budget" details the intelligence community isn't really the cloak and dagger Mensa meeting we're led to believe it is
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Some stories have it all: elephant polo, transgender beauty queens, and PETA
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| (Joshua Foust) |
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Remember when Glenn Greenwald's partner was held for nine hours and it was an outrage? According to court documents, it turns out he was carrying 58,000 pages of classified UK documents, including a list of British spies worldwide
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Ugly ass baby binturong welcomed at zoo. Of course it was welcomed. It emits a scent that smells like popcorn
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Meet the Andy Warhol of chimpanzees, who uses his tongue instead of a paintbrush
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If you're going to try and smuggle live fish in your cargo pants past custom officials, the water dripping out of your pockets might be a dead giveaway
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Former Navy sailor killed while shielding stranded family from an oncoming car
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Guys, grab a cup of coffee and read what the perfect Craigslist personal ad looks like. Rule #1: Use lots of "quotation" marks. Rule #2: Have an FAQ section
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Want to avoid detection by drones? Stop by the museum gift shop and we'll set you up with a "Anti-Drone Scarf". Only $450
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Instead of reporting the news, reporter makes the news. In a good way
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Good news, Americans. WaPo has published a basic-level primer so you can understand what's going on in Syria. Yes, it defines what Syria is
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Detroit teachers offset wage cuts by moonlighting as "Sugar babies" who date wealthy men for money. Parents were shocked at the news--there are wealthy men in Detroit?
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I can never remember what order to drink things in - is it beer, wine, liquor, bleach, or liquor, beer, wine, bleach, or liquor, wine, beer, bleach?
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Vietnam means never having to say 'I love you'
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It turns out that women like dating cheap men. Hey, you gonna eat that?
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Police: If anyone knows these men say what you know now otherwise who knows whose nose is next
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How long can a severed head live?
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Photoshop these thighs to drool over
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thieves burglarize house, steal homeowner's car, crash it, then return the crashed car to the victim's driveway. You're welcome
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Not to be outdone by fast food workers, exotic dancers sue, threaten strike over low wages and grabass
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Indonesia's tough: one minute you're comparing your wife's panties to the national flag, next minute you're facing a five-year prison term for it
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Penis enlargement is on the rise in Italy, which is odd since most of Europe already thinks Italians are the biggest dicks
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Hawaiian schoolgirls petition for permission to wear shorter skirts. And there's really nothing else to say about that
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California wildfires prompts unhealthy air warnings in Nevada. Air quality now rated between "casino" and "brothel"
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Has Russian intelligence infiltrated and co-opted Wikileaks? Signs point to "da"
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USA "Very close" to discovering oil in Syria
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Do you know what's the best hangover cure? Hint: it's found in the children's medicine section
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What exactly is deja vu? This is not a repeat
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Ford's bacon-wrapped Fiesta sizzles
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Top ten U.S. cities to live in if you're a cheapskate. Mom's basement: Priceless
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TV station videotapes drivers texting while driving. Florida: School bus drivers
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Rapper Juicy J offers a $50,000 college scholarship for twerking. Because clearly, college-bound students are the right target audience for this
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I know health and safety is not a high priority in China, but come on, this is just...mean
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Not news: Man's rent check bounced. Yikes: Police find him on his couch, sitting in his own filth. Ouch: He was covered in ants
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Yeah if you just had a tumor that had its own blood supply and was the size of a human removed, that would be considered a load off
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| Thu August 29, 2013 |
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Sappy: Brother donates kidney to his dying sister. Fark: Which the nurse then promptly throws out
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Man arrested for handcuffing his mother to a running car inside a garage and waiting for her to die
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England backs out of starting World War III
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Photoshop this water walker with wires
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Actual headline: DFW poised to be mecca for Christian film industry
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Wheelchair-bound teen calls police over non-emergency. Police send in the SWAT team
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Teabagger arrested after showing up on an overpass with an assault rifle and an "Impeach Obama" sign: "I was publicly humiliated." Um, nope - you were doing a pretty good job of that yourself, actually
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Ted Nugent's wife arrested for gun at the airport. Wait until Ted hears about this. He's going to crap himself
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Now you might want to sit down for this, but it appears China's judicial system may not be totally corruption-free and that the children of the country's ruling oligarchs get special, lenient treatment from the courts
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You aren't poor because you are stupid. You are stupid because you are poor
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Fark Food Thread: You have a taste for the citrus tang and the natural acids.. so break it out. Citrus flavors go well in all sorts of things and can really help balance out dishes. But what to use? How? Why? Show us the goods
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this melancholy man and perplexed poodle
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You are an impurity in an otherwise beautiful universe
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Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date
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There's a flea on the tail on the Marmot that bit the herdboy from the village of Ichke-Zhergez that died from the bubonic plague
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Newcomers to NYC ask the question real New Yorkers already know: Is it OK to make eye contact with others?
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Good news: A hunter spots the endangered gray wolf in Kentucky, seen for the first time in 150 years. Bad news: Take a guess
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The NSA will probably love this company, which wants to create a database of all the postal mail you receive
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"I had to explain to a cop that I was weaving in traffic because I was stirring my lube"
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Mother-daughter duo get combined sentence of 27 years for running $1.1 million military dating scam. With photo of the sultry sirens
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Photoshop this Dream Chaser test flight
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Here are 10 frats that may have bro'd out a little TOO hard
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DOJ to Colorado and Washington: Legalize it. Don't criticize it
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A neighborhood in Brooklyn is being infested by what? A) Rats B) Hipsters C) Cars with Iowa license plates "They are a real plague"
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It turns out the lady who splashed paint on monuments around Washington D.C. is a little on the crazy side
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Is "redshirting" your kindergartner racist? (Wait, that's a thing now?)
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Pakistan to Hold Retrial of Doctor Who. EXTERMINATE
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There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
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Brace yourself: these pictures of piglets and a bunny may cause D'aw
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Hungry for some artificial imitation meat flavored food substitute? Too bad, we're on strike
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'Space laser' to test extraplanetary broadband, paving the way for high speed porn in outer space
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Here are ten grammar mistakes your making and you should stop because its annoying
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10K run unexpectedly turns into '10K run away from the furious swarm of hornets'
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New study says that men are as equally depressed as women.. I guess...whatever
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Well known birther, author and Tea Party activist offers life advice: "Sex is not about fun. You want to have fun? Read a book"
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Apparently, people are too stupid to know how to eat food
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If you scored well on your GMATs, you are an unethical bro lacking any entrepreneurial spirit (according to science)
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Parents who send their kids to private school: not "murderer" bad, per se, but still pretty high up there on the bad scale
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Creator of the foam finger is deeply upset with Miley Cyrus
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Man goes into Home Depot shed looking for a ho and finds one
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Colorado's urinals are giving advice to drunk people
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There's being a dick, and then there's "stealing a firetruck that served as a temporary grave marker for a dead six-year-old buried in a cemetery" kind of dick. Story does end up restoring some of your faith in humanity
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Fox News attacks rap music because it's not positive like folk music was in the 1960s when right wing Republicans hated it and called folk singers "communists"
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Man shoots wife with cancer. In other news, you can shoot cancer at people
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Eight years after Katrina, Lower Ninth residents share their tales of modern-day pioneering. Gulf of Mexico thinks that's adorable, gets ready to share another 14 feet of water with them
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MT Judge: In retrospect I probably shouldn't have said a 14-year old rape victim who killed herself was "as much in control" of the situation as her rapist teacher, and probably should have given him more than 30 days in jail. Sorry, my bad
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It's a nice touch to smile for the camera when a stranger photographs you committing a federal offense by digging up a sea turtle nest
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Looks like George Zimmerman's wife is tired of standing her ground with him
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It's hot outside; everybody panic. WHY AREN'T YOU PANICKING??
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Airline drops all pretense, programs entertainment system to call passengers "idiots"
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After discovering empty bottle of viagra and a pile of birth certificates among her late stepfather's effects, woman has made it her quest to reunite the FIFTY FOUR children her stepdad fathered
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Life In The Fast Lane: Girlfriend pregnant, Wife knows, Lawyer wants money. Must sell 2002 Harley Davidson V-Rod (warning: sidebar stories may have Not safe for work images)
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Guy fails in suicide-by-guardrail, so he opts for little-used Plan B involving a power drill. Still alive
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Funeral interrupted by a voice from the clouds
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Iran works with Russia to stop the US from attacking Syria by threatening to attack Israel. I guess it's pretty serious
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Reason #32 not to have "THE CAPN" on your license plate
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New Jersey is so serious about stopping asshats from texting and driving that they'll even go after the person who SENDS a text to a driver
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MAJOR MEDIA NEWSFLASH: Pope Francis poses for a selfie at the Vatican. Fark: The major media doesn't know what a selfie is
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Photoshop this chairlamp, or lampchair, or whatever it is
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"Five repercussions of a military strike in Syria." Only five?
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Area man starts fake newspaper to sell pizza coupons. Happy 25th anniversary to The Onion, America's finest news source
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Selling self-made pr0n in Best Korea? That's a shooting, even if your ex-boyfriend is Kim Jong-Un
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Butcher sells out of camel meat on Hump Day
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First they came for stinky cigarettes. I did not like the stink, so I said nothing. Then they came for e-cigarettes. I don't care because...they look stupid anyway
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Excuse me Mr. Boss, did you just say I look like that fat reality-TV star Susan Boyle? That's a lawsuit
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Hairy pussy is becoming popular again
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City bus service releases "10 Tips to make you a friendlier rider". "Please don't discharge your firearms while on board." is included. Yes, this is Texas, why do you ask?
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If you're the man in a cow onesie who stole some porterhouse steak from the food shop, the New Zealand police would like a word with you
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Marijuana is the most popular illegal drug used around the world. At least that's what Captain Obvious shouted over the Pink Floyd CD as he licked his Doritos-stained fingers during an episode of 'Adventure Time'
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Denver Zoo: We should let visitors hand-feed our rhinoceros. What could possibly go wrong?
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Win: $120k year job. Winning: $600k house. Won: Only $2k to kill your spouse and keep it all for yourself. Fark: Hired an FBI agent
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Fired bus drivers in Paraguay have discovered a unique way to call attention to their plight: crucifixion
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Hong Kong's smog is so bad, desperate tourism chiefs set up posters of sunny skylines so tourists can stand in front of them to take some nice photos
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So I guess its a good thing that William Tell wasn't a pothead
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Mother of the Year contender: "I gave my daughter to Social Services so I could get drunk" (w/pics)
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Bat populations reacting negatively to the news of Ben Affleck's casting as the caped crusader, stage sit-ins at local clinic
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Minneapolis, which doesn't cancel school for thirty feet of snow, closes schools because of "heat"
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Inmate dies in prison after decades-long fight. WHERE THE HELL WERE THE GUARDS?
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Step 2: Set up premium-rate phone number and profit off of telemarketing calls
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 434: "Upon Golden Light". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 28, 2013 |
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What's worse than being stuck in traffic? Being stuck in traffic while the guy next to you keeps waving at you and flashing his weener
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Cougar sighting keeps elementary school students inside during recess. Witnesses say they could smell the perfume and see the high heels from fifty yards
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The only Crayons you need for this coloring book are red, white, and blue
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Man who handled Roswell UFO debris dies 66 years later. Or so they'll have you believe
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Science approved GTA VI: Babysitter Edition
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Human lands on Mars: Home again, home again, jiggety-jig
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Woman dies after her plastic shopping bag from Wal-Mart breaks, causing a can to fall on her big toe, causing it to fracture, causing it to get infected, causing her to die. The Aristocrats. No, I mean The Lawsuit
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The world's most liveable cities. U-S-A, U-S - oh
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The 50th Annual Dragon*Con Fark Party - Saturday, August 31, 1pm at Big Kahuna, Atlanta, GA
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Photoshop these workers laying pipe
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Don't you love it when your wife goes on Twitter to contradict your boss?
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Study by Williams Institute shows transgender people serving in US military rate double that of general population. Semper Bi
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Man steals his father's body from the cemetery to "bring him back to life." SPOILER ALERT: it didn't work
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19-year-old would have had a date for the prom, but she had to be at the gym in 26 minutes
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This dating app will help you find that special someone to toss your salad
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The brothels in Nevada are suffering thanks to the internet. Thanks, Al Gore
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This might be important. Russia and China walk out of UN Security Council Meeting during Syria talks
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Hasan chopped
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Photoshop this coconut-cased contraption
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Post your best attempt at an original Onion-style content piece. It can be a full article, op-ed, news in brief, or headline-only, as long as it works
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You are on the run from the police. So you paint your car and change the license plates. What? You forgot one of those two things?
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If you're going to attempt to steal a woman's cell phone in broad daylight, be sure to pull up your sagging pants so you don't trip on them as you're running away
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What we need is more guns in *accidentally shoots teacher*... uh, schools
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Pat Robertson apologizes for his "Gay people wear secret rings they try to give you AIDS with" remarks, blames senile dementia, promises to retire from public life. Just kidding, he doubles down on them
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Attorney provides legal services for underage prostitute... in exchange for sexual favors from her. "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"
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Clinic on why they banned pharma reps: "It just got very, very old and all of us felt that we were whores." Pharma reps unavailable for comment. Too busy whoring
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"You never expect your neighbor's house to blow up"
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When seconds count, Detroit police are only 60 minutes away
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Hovis workers in Wigan strike, in contract dispute apparently orchestrated by Dr. Seuss
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"My brother might have tortured two people to death in a horrible manner, then took a 16 year old girl for his own sexual amusement, but I SWEAR he wasn't a bad person"
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Anne Frankly, teens take selfies at the most inappropriate places
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Oklahoma town's municipal water system now features hot and cold running...earthworms?
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Patients take pictures of their scary looking hospital "food." Fark: The one picture in the article that is supposedly of acceptable food looks less appetizing than everything else
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With air strikes on Syria looking increasingly likely, stock of Tomahawk missile-maker Raytheon is blowing up
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Pro Tip: If you're going to have sex with your step-daughter in a car containing illegal narcotics, you might want to find a better place to park than in front of an elementary school
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Philadelphia police are looking into getting a third helicopter, just in case they need to burn down three neighborhoods at the same time
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Former UN weapons inspector says West has 'no authority in Syria', asks 'what's that drone doing flying around overhead?'
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"Physical evidence that we have indicates to us that he has more than likely shot his own testicle off" That's just nuts
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Camper wakes up to wolf eating his head. Worst alarm clock ever
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How are things going in those other countries we liberated again?
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Fire crew surprised--and a little relieved--to discover that the emergency call about a chimpanzee stuck in a chimney was not a euphemism
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Pittsburgh pizza is not a thing. It's a nusiance
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Facebook gave up data on 38,000 users in 2013, mostly to US government agencies. George Orwell likes this post
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See we're not the only country with grandstanding politicians who waste time and money
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Woman failed ultimate field sobriety test when she tried to steal deputy's patrol vehicle
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Harvard study to gun grabbers: let us show you just how wrong you are
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Who Knew? Turns out that using paralysis, intubation, and anal probes is a clear violation of a suspect's Fourth Amendment rights. The Police in Oak Ridge, Tennessee had no clue, say 'crack is wack'
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Startup founder hit by the same patent troll that hit Fark, calls Drew in for advice on how to destroy them
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Israel issues limited call up and readies missile defenses, no word on if they have Rush queued up
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Who were the mystery men that did the right thing by leaving money on the counter after taking items at NJ store that was left open? They were honest William Paterson University football players
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Among the other things you can purchase insurance to cover, now you can get it in case you don't see the full moon because of clouds
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You'll hear 'freedom ring' today when institutions around the world ring bells to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech
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He had a dream...that his court date for an indecent exposure at Walmart charge would not clash with the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington
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Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) 'Why are we using federal resources to interfere with Doritos and Oreo sales?'
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"Hush puppies are the best deep fried food in existence." Um, cheese curds would like a word
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"What killed Aaron Swartz?" Aaron in the bedroom with the really strong rope?
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Photoshop this lilac-breasted roller bird
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The world's most elegant drink, gin and tonic, once saved the British empire
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Free at last? Just a dream for Americans who want MLK's most famous speech
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Guy who posted Youtube videos on how to grow marijuana in your home gets busted for manufacturing a controlled substance. The local county sheriff weighed in: "He's not the brightest person in the world"
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"I have a drone"
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US intel agents intercepted phone calls FALSE FLAG from the Syrian Ministry of Defense FALSE FLAG asking their chemical weapons unit who in the fark told them FALSE FLAG to launch a chemical attack on a suburb full of civilians
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"Yeah that's a mighty big pumpkin there, but that hole will make it ineligible for the record"
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Sri Lankan Police under fire for wasting money, cultural insensitivity. Fark: for holding a group wedding for their police dogs
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When you call in to work to say you're telecommuting that day, everyone knows you're just hungover
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A Yukon hotel is short one severed human toe after a man swallowed it in a glass of whisky Saturday night
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Remember that time when you thought, oh hell, doing cocaine once can't hurt me?
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"Selfie", "bitcoin", "phablet" among new words added to the OED. Yes... srsly
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Teacher of the year has everything in her house repossessed. The person whose stuff was SUPPOSED to be repossessed is still drinking beer and watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on their big screen
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One of the first fruit trees planted in America is still alive and well at age 383
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You ever just look at Nutella and think, "I bet that would be great deep fried?" Welp, you might want to mosey on over to the Texas State Fair
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Russian police seize painting of Vladimir Putin in a negligee. The police chief said that "painting our leader in a housecoat is outrageous." The painting of Putin in a dress will never see the light of day
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6,000 people lose power due to a criminal mastermind's decision to steal a bucket truck and press the "up" button
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After guest gives zero-star review to widely respected English pub on TripAdvisor, angry pub chef gives zero-star rating to said guest: "You claim to be foodies. I have never met a self professed foodie start his meal with a bowl of chips"
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Kentucky schoolchildren alert First Lady: "Your food tastes like vomit". That's why her husband eats at 5 Guys, kids
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"A wheelchair-bound man was bludgeoned with a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter last Wednesday in South Lake Union"
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Photoshop this cat house
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Syrian army attacks old gray lady
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Pat Robertson: Gays use special rings to cut people in order to spread AIDS. World: Seriously, Pat? Seriously?
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Group of young men go to a store to get some goods, find the door lock not working after closing time, take the goods and leave the cash. See there's still honesty out there in the world
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Lawyer for recently fired Fox News executive has a message for Roger Ailes: Be afraid. Very afraid
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Now here's a Kickstarter campaign Fark can get behind
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In a shocking turn of events, police say three people in garden City ID were attacked by robbers armed with a cattle prod
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Now would be a really good time to ask your boss for some time off if you're working as a night janitor at some government building in Damascus, Homs or Aleppo
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140 bankers charged for impersonating Congressmen
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Usually the expression 'caught red handed' isn't so literal
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"Married with children" is on the decline, as the U.S. Census Bureau has made so Al Bundyntly clear
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Big news today: Neil Armstrong, dead for over a year, is still dead
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Your fun fact of the day: Every panda in the world belongs to China
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Wife has cancer and I need your Photoshop skills. DIT
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Stop for me in the crosswalk? "I will shoot your face off"
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France is "ready to punish" Syria, presumably by halting exports of brie and Château Margaux
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Well, I was an introvert before it was cool
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Here it is, a list of all the famous movie lines you've been screwing up over the years. Yes, that's one there. That one, too
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Man dies of morning wood
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1) Open a university, charge students $25 each to take your entrance exam. 2) Fail all 25,000 students who apply. 3) PROFIT
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Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger DUCK *BOOM* DUCK *BOOM* badger badger badger badger
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Hey foxy lady
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America, we have failed as a nation: the World Gravy Wrestling Championships are held in Britain and not the Midwest
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Some French dude just submitted a bill to make English the official language of Wisconsin. It hardly seems fair to require an entire state to learn a new language, monsieur
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Rare, preventable newborn bleeding disorder making a comeback in Tennessee because a shot hurts
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When you give a guy a ride home, make sure a) neither of you are drunk, b) the guy won't rat you out for a warrant when you get pulled over, and c) that you have a backup plan for what to do with the dog when the police arrest you both
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Anti-gay conservative wants Shep Smith to "come out of the closet" but won't reveal his own personal sexual behavior to the world
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Sorry, but spending less time at the office won't make you happier. We're all doomed
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Kentucky loves crazy tentacle rape, and other facts you wish you didn't know about our nation's porn habits
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Foreign countries are imposing their scary laws on the US, like legalizing sodomy between two consenting adults, warns Christian law firm
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Introducing the Megaburgerpizza, which is either a new Japanese fast food invention or a SyFy original movie
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Hey, you know what would be hilarious? If we took pictures of our fraternity's members selling cocaine on campus, then uploaded those pictures to our Facebook page
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Twenty-percent of adults still don't have smart phones or broadband internet, however they compensate for it with an ancient power called "attention span"
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In the most predictable followup to a story ever, the big cat that was roaming the streets of Detroit was shot dead by a resident and dumped in a trash can
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Maple bacon jam identified as cause of cronut illnesses. If we can't trust bacon what can we trust?
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Kazakh soccer manager defends sheep-sacrificing ritual ahead of international game in Scotland, says it shouldn't be a problem to source a sheep locally
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CNN editor forced to deny Onion story which claims she thought Miley Cyrus was more important than escalating civil war in Syria, grinding unrest in Egypt or Martin Luther's 'I have a dream' anniversary. Fark: Doesn't deny it
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Grand Rapids, MI police recover pet pig that had been listed as Missing and Presumed Bacon
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Kerry, "The use of chemical weapons is reminiscent of Ghengis Khan." Syria calls Kerry a liar, says, "They never used chemical weapons in Cambodia at Christmas time"
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Sometimes comic book writers get to be the heroes
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What are they are eating in Kyrgyzstan? Barbecued marmot. What are they are catching in Kyrgyzstan? The Black Plague
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"I swear to god if your [expletive] with me I will steal your car and melt it down to [expletive], then busy in your house and [expletive] on your [expletive] couch, paybacks a [expletive] keep playing [your dog] home alone"
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Bra-wearing goat auditioning to join Miley Cyrus on stage at next MTV awards show
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Orlando police looking for the world's most desperate criminal, a man accused of robbing a Dollar Tree at gunpoint
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Photoshop this weight-watching frog
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If getting drunk, taking off all your clothes, stealing a whale -watching boat, and doing doughnuts out in the bay is wrong, I don't want to be right
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Upcoming Chinese electric car to be named Snowden. Problem?
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Time Warner Cable offers free rabbit ears so customers can again enjoy 1966 CBS quality programming
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Well, it's a good thing a college degree is worth five times as much to your career, am I right? Hello? Anyone? Anyone?
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Germany: No more Greek-Style. Fraus everywhere rejoice
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Naked man out walking his dog claims he's in God's house, then threatens cops. Tasers work a lot better when they don't have to go through clothes
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George Zimmerman wants $200K to $300K reimbursement from Florida since he was found not guilty. According to Florida law, he could very well get it
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