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| Sun August 18, 2013 |
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Killer Bees could solve the population crisis. Yes, yes they could
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Science discovers twins tend to be religious, hot
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I don't claim to be a detective or anything, but if you find a body floating offshore with a mermaid tattoo and one that says "I am what I am", you might want to question Bluto
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News: Riot at Florida juvenile detention facility. Fark: Riot started by fight over cup o' noodles
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Librarian angry at 9-year-old-boy for winning too many reading contests. "Other kids quit because they can't keep up"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop a snazzy costume for a cliche superhero. Link goes to template or do your own
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Crack reporters race to airport, take close-up pictures of plane that just belly-landed. JUST KIDDING, the article is scarce on actual facts, just uses a stock aerial photo from 2007 of the airport
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How to smuggle deadly knives onto a flight. Step one: Buy deadly knives in departure lounge after security check (Not safe for work images in sidebar)
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Canadian armed forces testing stealth snowmobile. No, really. Hey, why are you laughing?
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Mom is outraged after seeing a "softcore porn" ad on TV during Good Morning America. Fark: It was a promo for a primetime show on ABC
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In anticipation of a U.S. drone strike on Julian Assange, WikiLeaks has released 400 gigabytes of encrypted 'insurance' data online
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Coming to a workplace near you, new software forces you to pay attention instead of searching for stories to submit to Fark
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Before you build your $1.4 million dollar home, you might want to check if there are any mega million dollar liens on the property you purchased first
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If you steal $200M from your war-profiteering company, don't draw attention to it with a $10M bat mitzvah party and a $100,000 belt buckle. Bonus: He asked a veterinarian if they had a "memory erasing pill" he could use against a government witness
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And for today's non-photoshopped miracle, I bring you Jesus the Wonder Dog. Do with him what you will
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Unexpected Japanese vessels invade US harbors. This is not a repeat from 1941
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Dozens of cute, redheaded youngsters rescued and wheelbarrowed to safety
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They will be handling your most personal information i.e. Your Social Security number and tax information but are not required to be finger-printed or subject to a background check
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Virginia police defending electronic sign that tells drivers "Don't hit the car in front of you." Thanks for the message Captain Obvious. By the way, that sign cost taxpayers about $13,000
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Well, it's just not a real bachelor party until someone falls backwards through a screen from an 11th story hotel casino window down to a parking garage, is it?
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Reporter lives for a year as an undocumented farm worker, gains newfound respect for Walmart. Of course, living in a house with 20 other people eating only rice and beans would make anyone go insane
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Korean War veteran puts up four American flags outside his residence. Building management at the federally subsidized housing unit takes them down without notice. Yeah, that's probably not a good idea
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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford won't crack a comment on whether police are investigating him or not
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Hey, where's all our plutonium? I know I left it around here somewhere
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Woman vanishes from tattoo parlor. If only there were some unique way to identify her
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New York has been re-shaped, thanks to its mayor
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Trio of moonshiners busted in the Sunshine State. They had a talent for refining the hooch and creating flavors such as pineapple, apple pie, and peach. Granny Clampett would have been dang proud
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Angry resident sets fire to new electronic toll collection equipment. RI relieved that the damages were not significant enough to stop their planned collection of ten cents starting Monday
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Egypt considers banning the Muslim Brotherhood. There, that should solve everything
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Worm, iron, rudder, pike, maypole, prod, pissing place, shove devil, the silent flute, the gospel pipe, kidney wiper, liver disturber, okra and prunes, enchilada, cookie, Mr. Peasbey, brute, goober, stuffed eelskin, shaft of delight, egg white cannon
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So what exactly DO they sell at the Iowa State Fair that has nutritionists clutching their lab coats in agony? Do they have something against deep-fried cheese or the bacon-wrapped rib on a stick?
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Photoshop Company G, 93rd New York Infantry Regiment, from August 1863
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Step 1: Find an "elite" food product not readily available to the general public. Step 2: Buy a mobile truck. Step 3: Profit. How the ice cream truck solved the Step 2 equation all the way back in 1920
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You recognize yourself in a "wanted" photo on the Huntington Beach PD's Facebook page from last month's surf riots. Do you, c) favorite the photo and share it with your friends?
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Time to move to Switzerland
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1,600 redheads gather in downtown Portland. If you're into that kind of thing
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"Texas has literally made the decision that protecting its bacon is more important than protecting prisoner's lives"
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"He doesn't remember whether he ingested the ear, but said that it would be 'gross' if an ear was in his stomach"
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Prince Harry "irritated" about landmine inaction. I mean, he might step on one and spill his drink
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Town administrator hears DirectTV sucks, wants to find out for himself
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Dedication: When you download kiddie porn on your cell phone while you're being interrogated about possessing kiddie porn
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| Sat August 17, 2013 |
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Gentlemen, this is why you should buy a holster if you own a pistol
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Coming soon...a third gender
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This is not what I think of when I think of sweater puppies
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Theme: Photoshop yourself into some strange place
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The most beautiful cars of the year. Anyone who doesn't want an Aston Martin CC100 is dead inside
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Wha? Scotland Yard is sure to set the conspiracy theories in motion with an unusual statement today that it is taking a look at new information about the death of Princess Diana
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Stupid: Man drives on the wrong side of the road endangering everyone because he is late to a rap concert. Fark: It's Lebron James and with a police escort
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In 1902 a baby was recovered from a suit case thrown from a train and raised by an elderly farm couple, this baby went on to be a reporter and news paper editor and maybe Superman
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Man prank-calls world's most patient police station 28,000 times before finally getting in trouble
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FBI looking hard for stolen nude pics of newly crowned 19-year-old Miss Teen USA. Really hard
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"Rescuers moved the man from the dinghy to the public safety boat, where he vomited into the cockpit. He told firefighters he had been drinking beer and didn't know how he ended up in the water." I hate when that happens
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This might be the all-time game changer: Researchers have created a hydrating beer
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Smoking hot 23-year-old former sprinter and $500-an-hour call girl slapped with bill of $19,000, mostly late fees on less than $200 in unpaid road tolls: "I'm not going to pay, I can't pay for that. That's ridiculous" (w/pics)
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New German study shows why having sex with the cleaning woman on your office desk might not be a bad idea after all. George Costanza unavailable for comment
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Edward Snowden should have brushed up on his Dostoyevsky before he headed to Russia, because he's going to end up like Raskolnikov
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Photoshop this woman and her unusual dress
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How to catch a liar on the internet. Step 1: Click on the Politics tab
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After yet another multi-million dollar misconduct settlement, the Chicago Police Department has spent over $54 million settling lawsuits stemming from brutality and misconduct this year, more than double what they've budgeted
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| (Worth How Much?) |
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Worth1000, home of some of the best photoshops, closing at the end of September
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Millions of Americans watch porn, but researchers have yet to do a comprehensive study on the genre, presumably because they can't get through more than 15 minutes of a film without needing to recharge
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Call 911? Here's your eviction notice
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For your new definition of "my lucky day": order a $1700 gun safe, find half a million bucks worth of pot inside
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Texas gun show features a $7000 bulletproof couch that will stop a 44 Magnum round at point-blank range. Also has a gun safe to hold 40 rifles and ammunition. "I had an e-mail this morning from Abu Dhabi, and they wanted a quote on 16 of these,"
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First they came for the hand-held cellphone users, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a hand-held cellphone user
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Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop bebops down to Iowa and is busted for bogarting the buds. Bloop
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Authorities became suspicious when the switch from quarter operated to computerized parking meters started bringing in half-a-million dollars more per year
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Old and busted: Getting pulled over for DUI by a cop. New hotness: Getting pulled over by paramedics
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This just in: People are assholes whether they're driving, walking or riding bikes
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Bar owner shoots armed robber at a Milwaukee polka bar Thursday. Business as usual Friday. In other news polka is alive and well
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a shark balanced on its nose
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No search warrant? Nearly shoot to death an innocent man and his pregnant wife? That'll be a $2 fine, plus $4-million for non-economic damages
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Just because it's Saturday and it's okay to smile: An adorable collection of videos of baby animals taking baths
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Another great moment in the evolution of American cuisine: A Texas restaurant has a menu full of nothing but different types of french fries
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Not to alarm anyone who lives in the Southwest and enjoys drinking water, but it looks like the Colorado River is starting to dry up
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Vigilante crimefighting ninja charged with prowling, not being a very good ninja
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So you punched someone at a concert, arrested an elderly woman who asked for help, then taserd a guy and killed him. Just another Miami cop doing his duty
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"No, no, your delivery is going fine ma'am; I just need to call in a nurse to help a cyst"
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Photoshop this rather confused palm tree
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21 horrifically awesome super close-up images of the eye, like you've never seen before. Bonus: not a slideshow
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Cairo, day 3: We ain't licked yet
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Two star kissed cats prove that they are no chickens of the sea, can float like a bumblebee on Caturday
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Annual Orange County Fark Party
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Not that kind of poop cruise - Sewage leak closes Florida river for fishing and swimming
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"...found him fully clothed in the bathtub with his mother's intestines wrapped around his neck"
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The ocean called - they're running out of shrimp
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Out of my way, nerd: Gym workouts and sunbathing do more for your brain than crosswords and Mozart
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"Guys, take a picture. This is gonna be hilarious" -- the kid who now has rabies
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Forty-one-year-old woman arrested for having sex with an underage teenager says it wasn't her fault because he seduced her
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Kyrgyz officials shut down vowel-smuggling pipeline
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| Fri August 16, 2013 |
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What could possibly go wrong?
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I scream, you scream, we all scream while two ice cream truck drivers resort to violence over turf war
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Nothing builds a young girl's self-esteem quite like having her mom post a blog on the internet telling the world how much she hates her daughter's name and she regrets ever picking it. "The name looked so weird to me"
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Reporter eats food only found at a Dollar Tree. That naturally involves buying off-brand cereals, peanut butter, ribeye steak, canned milk. Wait, ... ribeye steak?
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Phone cord tangled in steering wheel cause of fatal crash; someone really should tell this driver about cell phones
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Husband and wife die in head-on collision. With each other
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Congratulations Louisiana, you're the new fattest state
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Photoshop this bird on a wire
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What's uglier than an ugly-ass baby panda? How about an ugly-ass baby panda making funny faces?
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Brilliant marketing campaign of the day: Tweet at Anthony Weiner, get a free hot dog
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Why the long facebook?
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Put the pants down and step away from the beer. It's the Fark Weird News Quiz and it could explode at any moment
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Photoshop this Army AV tech standing beside a video editing console
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Research shows drowning 70% more likely during warm days, 100% more likely around water
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Dartmouth fraternity that inspired the movie Animal House is on double-secret probation again for a party they had a month ago. Wait. That was in July. They have parties in the summer, too?
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CNN asks, are we sharing too much online? Well, let me log on to Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google+, and LiveJournal and tell you what I think. Okay, maybe not Google+
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On-the-job Tennessee cop interrupts his kiddie porn surfing to answer call from dispatch
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If you can figure what the hell is going on in paragraph 3 in this story, let us know please. Thanks
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Watch a ridiculously high blob launch that may break a world record. Of course, it helps when you jump off a cliff to get it going, but still
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Why yes, Trader Joe's does have a problem with you buying its products in America and reselling them for profit at your store in Canada. "This is a little bit David versus Goliath and a little bit Occupy Grocery"
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A KC reporter attempted to put a positive spin on his suicide note by turning it into an interactive treasure map. Follow up: Suicide notes are still more depressing than anything
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The pen is mightier than the sword, but still doesn't hold up well against guns
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Going from 55th in line to the British throne to an arrest in Oregon on cock fighting charges must involve some very poor life choices
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Police locate missing video store owner, who was most likely over at the Quick Stop the whole time
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Say what you want about those emails, but this woman married the Nigerian prince
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The guy who invented the Fark headline just got fired from the NY Post
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We're not saying the terrorists have won, but a postal facility at Kennedy Airport was put on lock down because an employee mistook a bottle of nail-polish remover for nerve-gas
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| (Some Guy) |
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No I don't care about your opinion. Can you hurry up and fill up my drink please?
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18-month-old can name 60 more world capitals than most Americans
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Man severely beaten for accidental photobomb. Judging by their mugshots, he ruined a really good photo
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Quite possibly the funniest police photo of a flasher you will see all day
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Computer "glitch" blamed for opening all of the doors at a maximum security wing simultaneously, setting prisoners free and allowing gang members to pursue a rival with weapons. Fark: for the second time in two months
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Welcome back to high school. No mini-skirts, yoga pants, or short shorts allowed. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
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That WV judge who was busted yesterday did a hell of a lot more than try to scam a free set of whitewalls from a tire shop, including trying to frame his mistresses' husband three separate times on drugs, assault, and robbery charges
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If you lost a Mercury Sable around 2004, it's been found in the Detroit River. With a headless, handless body inside
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When going to work on a house, be sure to clean out the dead birds, snakes, rabbits, mice, chickens, guinea pigs, and ferrets. And don't forget about the live two dogs, lizards and large snake
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Cops remove woman's drunken ex, who had passed out inside house. Once in cuffs, guy wakes up and starts screaming at cops "IT'S MY HOUSE." Did I mention that he was passed out in her daughter's playhouse?
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It's like 'Breaking Bad,' only with pot, butane, idiots and the burn ward
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Coke 'makes kids as young as five violent': Children who have four pops a day are more likely to fight, destroy possessions and attack others
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British toilet dating brings glory to the whole nation
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The woman you kidnapped, imprisoned, beat and raped has faked a medical emergency and escaped from the ER. Do you (c) call the FBI to report her? Yes, but don't forget to (d) sue her in family court for the medical bills
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There be dragons
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Craigslist murderers target unemployed, middle-aged white men. Looks like we're going to have to start instituting a buddy system around here just to be safe
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Something old, something new, something borrowed from a 911 operator, something blue
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Where's that cannabis farm? Just read the helpful note left on a car
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German guinea pig group sex. Very loud apparently. Too loud for some people
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Being a banquet supervisor at a posh New York club is hard work, but the perks are great
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"A talking cat told me to rob the bank and everything else I did, judge, but I am still going to prison?"
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Who used what to assault in this week's Friday photo fun? Contest ends 6:00pm EST
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| (Leamington Courier) |
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What do you do if your boss doesn't pay you for six months? If you work at Wedding Barn, you get liquored up, ram your car through the gate and proceed to do £60,000 damages to inventory and equipment with a hammer and spray paint
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If you're a bar owner, it's never a good idea to spike a woman's drink, especially if she's your bartender
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Canada-wide arrest warrant issued for fugitive wanted for: a) murder, b) armed robbery, or c) unlicensed dentistry
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Man stops to relieve himself in an alley, cops arrest him for carrying around a deadly weapon. It's sort of a compliment when you think about it
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| (Some Guy) |
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The five most extreme nuclear experiments ever...including the nuclear reactor powered bomber
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Use chalk for hopscotch? That's fine. Use chalk for a protest message? That's a jailin'
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Dog gets surgery for his rock-hard abs
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China announces end date for taking prisoner's organs. Drum kits, woodwinds and brass still up for grabs
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PSA: Never pick up hitchhikers, especially a 300lb Polar Bear
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Facebook testing new payment system. Don't forget to change the privacy settings for your bank account
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Police chief to clueless Washington, DC dumbasses: "You wouldn't go around flaunting $400 in cash in your hand, and that's what you're doing with your phone"
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Day two of Egyptian massacre: It's gonna be worse today
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Equality comes to the sex slave game as woman is arrested for holding two men hostage until one of them has sex with her. Bonus: "You should be nervous Mister mugshot photographer" pic
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Finally, forced sterilisation makes a much welcome return
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As part of its austerity plan, British government spends £290 million in severance pay to get rid of excess civil servants, then spends another £800 million on consultants hired to replace the civil servants. BRILLIANT
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New drug resistant superbug Klebsiella pneumoniae has popped up in Nebraska. Captain Tripps, please pick up the white courtesy phone
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Even fancy schmancy restaurants are serving K-Cup coffee and passing it off as high end. Truly, the end times are here
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Bandit runs off with bag of crawfish tails, then is so out of breath he can't start his DUI interlock device
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Married woman who skipped work, went AWOL and then faked her own kidnapping -- complete with self-inflicted eye bruise -- makes a strategic error: She didn't think her hubby would care enough to call the cops
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Body found in fridge is that of missing boy; positive I.D. made after seeing his face on a milk carton
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| (Some Guy) |
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Going to be at GenCon Indy Friday night? Come out and have a w00tstout or 3 with Drew and Wil. DIT. LGT bottle signing venue
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"We have been told to pay particular attention to females who may have concealed hidden explosives in their breasts." ALL HANDS ON DECK
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Aah, the old "spoon in the underwear" gambit
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Religion of peace organises march of anger
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Doctors, moms, husbands worried about the damage caused by the birth of supersized babies
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Ryanair fires its most senior pilot after he criticizes the airline's safety and fuel policies in TV documentary, charges him £25 firing fee
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Topless woman races up to strangers chanting, "It's booby time." Or, just a typical Thursday night in Florida
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A pair of cockatiels stage a 'Romeo and Juliet' style escape, after freeing each other from their cages
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Government admits Area 51 exists. Or is that just what the government WANTS you to think?
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New contestant for "Biggest Dick In The World" beats record by having to be at gym in 25 minutes
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In news that will surely shock everyone -- you might want to sit down if you aren't already -- it turns out that the NSA broke privacy rules protecting communications on U.S. soil. Fark: 2,776 times. Ultrafark: In just one year
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Middle-Earth quakes rock Mordor
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Boy hit by train has life-changing injuries, is pushed down a new track
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Photoshop this angry young man
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Scandinavian ball-munching fish turn out to be a hoax. Mynd you, møøse bites Kan still be pretty nasti
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Bakery refuses to provide lesbian couple with wedding cake. First, the media came. Then, the outrage and loss of business. And then, the death threats
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Coffee: once bad for you, then good, then bad, then good, then instantly fatal, then really great, now bad again. All that just in 2013. Bonus: this time it's harmless to geezers
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Even kids have a wage gap: boys have fewer chores and get higher allowances than girls
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Is that a roll of quarters in your pants, or are you trying to pay a prostitute with a roll of quarters while getting busted by the cops?
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Problem: Everyone hates the DMV. Solution:Allow people to go online and set up your appointment. Didn't see this one coming: Show up for your appointment, only to have to wait in line to make another appointment
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Sad: Kid on her way to a summer camp for kids with cancer loses her passport and is left at the airport. Awesome: After the passport is found, pilot turns the plane around so the kid can make the trip
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Take the Bob Filner Memorial Sexual Harassment quiz -- how not to be a cad
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Innocent man released from jail after three years for killing his wife. Reason? His wife stabbed herself 47 times
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123-year-old Bolivian man may be oldest living person ever documented - attributes his longevity to walking a lot and going out with animals. Wait, what?
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| Thu August 15, 2013 |
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You mean buying a tapeworm off the internet isn't a great way to lose weight?
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Strange: Children as young as three get police warning letters for 'intimidating' and 'antisocial' behavior. Fark: For playing outdoors
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Lesbian high school cheerleader and you've already stopped reading this
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Son, you've got a toilet seat on your head
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Why canned beer is way better than bottled
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Every human, a dot: a map of everyone in the US represented by a tiny speck shows the horrifying truth about segregation
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Not news: Bride walks down the aisle. Holy Fark: Seven years after being completely paralyzed in a car crash
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Photoshop this smoking hot fox
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Woman pays for school by starring in critically acclaimed films like Assturbators 2
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Rescuer of woman stabbed 32 times by ex-boyfriend is her new love obsession. The look on his face says it all
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Modern-day Detroit hobo suggests emulating the Japanese: "the whole point is to be a ninja"
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Mayor Filner hits rock bottom: he's hitting on 400-pound great-grandmas now
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Rare calico lobster to be put on display at aquarium with a wedge of lemon and bowl of melted butter
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White House to be upgraded with solar panels. This is a repeat from 1979
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On today's episode of Wait, What?: Cop sues 911 caller for not warning him of impending danger. Even if he's right, you'd think him killing her son-in-law would've made them sorta even
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Egypt authorizes further use of live ammunition against pro-Morsi protesters. Well that's worked out well so far
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News: A lawn maintenance worker discovers a woman's body inside a home. Fark: She had been dead for three years
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World of Warcraft gold farmer cashes in her online fortune for real gold, promptly gets looted
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Lisa Robin Kelly, who played Laurie Forman on That '70s Show, found dead at a rehab facility. Red wishes they had taken Eric instead
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New self-burying corpse stumps police
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Stepping away from the old standby grains, what are some good options for cooking with less common grains? Quinoa has really gained in popularity lately. How about amaranth as well? Others? Let's see those pics and recipes
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Photoshop these NYPD motorcycle cops making an arrest
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If you need cheap medical care, maybe you shouldn't go to your veterinarian
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The USA's bar tab has reached $223 billion
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Today's manufactured outrage: Anger towards a JC Penney ad that supposedly promotes bullying because there's a four-second clip of a boy eating alone in the cafeteria
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Discount tires? Political corruption just isn't what it used to be
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Man tries the "My penis was on fire" defense to exposing his privates on airliner
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And the winner for the cause of most ER visits goes to.... Budweiser. Woooooo, USA USA USA
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Serial rapist experiences moment of clarity while examining his life choices: "I'm telling ya, it would be easier to just go buy prostitutes"
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How do fighter pilots earn their call signs? It's a complicated process involving their names, personalities, behavior, track record, willingness to bribe the naming committee, and oiling up for homoerotically charged volleyball matches
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Jesse Jackson Jr. could get $100,000 a year in disability payments while in prison. That's a lot of cigarettes
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Problem: Sexual assault in the military. Solution: President declares that offenders should be punished. Reaction: Lawyers argue POTUS is influencing trials and they should get thrown out. WTFOMG: It works
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Just in case you were running low on d'awww this morning, the Smithsonian has discovered a new species of adorable furry animal
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Maybe they shouldn't make deadly laundry detergent pods that look like they came out of Candy Crush
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New Yorkers sent a cat through the mail in pneumatic tubes. Sort of like Caturday, but a hundred years ago
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"The Obamas are vacationing again ... There's been golfing, dining out, basketball and roads closed and motels filled with security officers". That DOES it. I'm NEVER voting for him again
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You know what would make the BBC news even better? How about hundreds of mosquitoes. Ok, then
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Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Police Nab Exotic Lizard On The Lam in Coastal Town of Camden
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In shocking news, it appears that most of the missiles Best Korea uses to threaten the region are fake
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Dear Prudie, what's the best way for my sis-in-law and I to explain our incestuous relationship to the folks?
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Hey, not to alarm anyone but that teensy-weensy border dispute between those two teensy-weensy nuclear armed states may be headed for a teensy-weensy little war
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"Should we limit the number of weapons a person can own?" Uh...obviously. Where the hell would anyone ask this question...oh, of course
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Man who falls asleep in the drive thru gets DWI, job offer from Taco Bell
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Photoshop this forlorn phone booth
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"Hey, why is that lion barking?" - visitors at a zoo in China
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Badass: Restaurant owner tells a couple of gun-toting thieves to come back later when he's not so busy. Dumbass: They listen to him, come back just in time to say hi to the police
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A friend may bite a piece of your ear off during a fight, but a best friend will spit that piece of your ear into a cup of coffee creamer in a futile attempt to preserve it
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Why this year's Gulf dead zone is twice as big as last year's
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| (Some Guy) |
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Owner runs both a tipping and a "no tipping" restaurant for seven years, allowing for a direct comparison
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Death toll in Egypt passes 420 with 3600 injured, Muslim brotherhood leader promises not to cower, sends his supporters to throw rocks at tanks via twitter. (graphic images in slideshow)
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Today's Fark-ready headline: 'Drunk' Louisiana man rides horse into a bar before lassoing a man and dragging him around the parking lot
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Iranian woman is deemed too smoking hot to be a politician, gets blocked from position she was elected to. "We don't want a catwalk model on the council," said one particular dumbass
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"Sinkholes have been around for millions and millions of years. If you live in Florida they're just a fact of life" on the left. Your Florida "fact of life" suggestions on the right
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It took only 49 years but Glenn Beck finally declared himself a clown
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Olympic Charter, as amended: "Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles. Except when it's inconvenient"
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Army reveals Bradley Manning tried the Klinger strategy but was ignored too
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Old and busted: Grown-up children living at their parents house because they can't afford to do otherwise. New poorness: Grown-up children living with their parents in the family car
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Everything you know about drugs is wrong
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Doesn't it just ruin your day when you wake up from a hangover and find yourself in a crate on a cargo ship departing on a two-week-long trip to Los Angeles
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With all this gender equality stuff in the world, men are left to wonder: why the hell are men always paying for dates? Would it kill a woman to pick up a check?
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Indiana police handcuff and threaten to tase suspicious black man who may have flipped them the finger ... wait, maybe he waved. Oh, he's a firefighter ... and a youth minister ... "We really stepped in it this time Lou"
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Seattle police to hand out Doritos at Hempfest
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Smoking hot 54-year-old mother-of-two looks 30, thanks to supermarket moisturisers, dog-walking and having regular sex: "Instead of consulting a plastic surgeon at 53, when I noticed signs of ageing, I spent money on seeing a nutritionist" (w/pics)
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Would-be vigilantes try to bring man to justice by chasing after him with a baseball bat and screaming. Naturally, they had the wrong man
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Cutting your dreadlocks off after committing a crime is a great way to try and evade police detection. But the face and neck tattoos kind of defeat the purpose
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 432: "Fruit and Veg 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 14, 2013 |
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Why Millennials should be terrified of Alzheimer's
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Stealing's one thing, but it's a dick move to take a teen's ashes and dump them on the street
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You'd be smiling in your mugshot too if police officially clocked you going 114 mph on your motorcycle
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Good: You apply and get accepted into a university. Bad: University says that that they don't have enough dorms for incoming students so they will put you in temporary housing. Farking Awesome: At an indoor water park
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Raising a child costs parents an average of $241,080, claims a new USDA report
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If you're a cop and ordered to harass a citizen for protesting animal cruelty; it might be a good idea to turn off the dashboard recorder before you start talking about it
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Photoshop this very British cement truck
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Dog arrested for having sex with cat. Mugshot included
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Twit tweets for pot delivery. Cops tweet reply
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From the land that brought you poutine - the cronut burger, eh
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Thor Phoenix Powers arrested after providing false identification to police. Wait, "Thor Phoenix Powers" was his real name?
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Yo Dawg, we heard you liked sharks
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15 year old denied heart transplant in Georgia now at top of the list, nothing to do with national media attention
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Today's outrage brought to us by a Nike sportswear line inspired by .... Samoan tattoos
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You've come a long way, Baby. The founder of Bleacher Report creates the internet's first website for women
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Is Internet porn damaging your brain? Or just your carpal tunnel?
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Orange is the new black for Jesse Jackson, Jr
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You're the HOA board of directors and discover that your treasurer has embezzled $73,000, do you: C) Tell people not to report it to police because it may "lower property values"?
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Headline choices: EVERYBODY PANIC OVER MERCURY SPILL or Hospital overreacts to broken thermometer in an adjacent building
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Mother and daughter who were charged with prostitution speak out to media saying they never sold sex just rubdowns. No word yet on what was exactly rubbed down
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Natural gas customers to lose service due to rates charged by gas company, so customers petition to have their natural gas rates increased. Well, that makes sense. Wait, what?
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Dear Daily Mail, ...we are sorry blah blah blah Sincerely, CRACKED
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A riddle: When does $100 really cost $4,000,000? Give up? OK, here's a hint: Obama
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Photoshop these colorful rubber duckies
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Dogs dressed as their owners. That is all
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Look, up in the sky, it's a...whale? It's a...load of boobies? It's...WTF
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Positive: Police department make fun recruitment video in search of new chief. Negative: Video cost $9,000 of taxpayer money
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NSA: We only collect 1.6% of all internet traffic. People who understand math: Uh... that's more information than even Google processes in a day
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What do most people want to read about these days? Nipple clamps and ball gags
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Japan keeps finding ways to get weirder and weirder
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The trend of putting offensive stuff on receipts continues across the pond, but to be fair, not everyone in London might know what "Farkers all come at once" means
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Apparently we can't repeat it enough: No matter how soft and comfy they look, you should never take a nap on railroad tracks
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Dumbass: Trying to hire hitman to kill wife. Scary: Trying to hire hitman to kill wife, mother-in-law, brother-in-law, nine-month-old son
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Even in crime, women are still bumping up against a glass ceiling
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Arkansas girl recovering after brain-eating amoeba. Family says she's just like other Arkansans now
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"Doctors without Borders" draws the line at Somalia
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Front runner for Organizing For Action's 2013 Climate Denier award is the NOAA. Wait, whut?
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Old Gray Lady goes down
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TSA forcibly touching travelers' genitals: okay. TSA forcibly touching co-workers' genitals: sexual assault
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"The War on Drugs is over. The guys with the bongs have won"
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While trying to recover from a knee injury and arguing with his coach about playing time in the preseason, RG3 still found the time to let everyone know he's cool with gay players in the NFL
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British nurse who mistook blood around patient's mouth for jam suspended for 12 months; kielbasa incident still under judicial review
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Them maters look mighty suspicious
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So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye: Army Pfc. Bradley Manning is set to speak at his sentencing hearing today
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According to Google, 'literally' now means 'figuratively' - literally
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"We're going to kill them all," the exterminator promised through clenched teeth as he furiously scratched the bites on his arm
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If there's one state whose residents are moral, decent and responsible enough to judge who should and shouldn't live together, this is it
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News: 100% effective product prescribed to prevent nail biting. Fark: strychnine
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Highly trained explosives expert determines suspected bomb is a sex toy "with some type of a plastic rabbit attached to it"
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Rescue teams dispatched to rescue drowning basketball
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Criminal masterminds attempt insurance fraud scheme by mailing blocks of ice they claim are actually iPads. Police response: Ice to meet you, dumbasses
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If you were expecting a UPS package this morning in Birmingham, it may be a little late
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Ugly-ass baby humpback whale: "I'M NOT A SHARK"
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German tourist snaps after 'disappointing' vacation in Scotland and being expected to eat pizza with noodles
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Today, on Maybe You Should Reword That: "How would you kill the N-word?"
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Did you ever wonder if World War II had gone differently, would the Nazis have gone to the moon? No? Well, here is the answer anyway
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Infographic showing which countries have more people, per-capita, in jail than the USA
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Egypt decides that it performs better when under crisis, sets military loose on protesters with tear gas and live ammo. 56 dead, 600+ injured so far
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these serious dancers
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Human rights group calls for a boycott of Hitler wine. Experts say you can tell it's a true bottle of Hitler when all the French wines in your cellar refuse to come out of hiding
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Got the wrong credit card returned to you at a restaurant? Maybe don't go buy stuff with it. Just sayin'
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You may want to rethink that Carlos Danger Twitter parody account if you live in Starkville, Mississippi
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Smooth talker claims to be Michelle Obama's adopted son, tries to access the family bank account. Why yes he did have two bags of weed on him at the time of his arrest, how'd you know?
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Shark bites kite-surfer girl's board, disappointed to find she's not on it. Will now tell friends the story of the one that got away, describe girl as 15 feet tall, etc
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Thief to jewelry store clerk: "Do you mind if I put these two Rolexes valued at $75,000 on at the same time to compare them?" Clerk: "Why no, not at all, my good fellow." Thief: Bye-yee
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Church, church, brothel, church, brothel, brothel... what a country
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UFO shaped like Quidditch ball spotted during meteor shower
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Indian submarine catches fire and sinks. Should have closed the screen doors
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Finally, we're using drones for the right purpose -- to hunt mosquitoes
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Man wanted for vandalizing Godwin Courts Building. No word if he painted swastikas
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Iowa company drops horses-laughter plan after judge bans it due to misplaced hyphen
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Local residents enjoyed the use of their new bridge, completed last Friday... until it was washed away this Monday
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Before you call the cops to report a hostage situation inside a Cricket store, first make sure it's not actually the night manager saying goodbye to her husband
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Crash tests show that dog restraints in cars usually fail, which really annoys the dogs who are picked for the crash tests
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When in doubt, the lighthouse takes precedence over the GPS
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Couple participates in country-wide swapping of: a) houses, b) spouses, or c) kidneys?
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Hot female teacher has sex with teen, gets 3 years in jail. But you already went and clicked before reading that I lied about "hot"
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Although endangered species are going extinct, we're finding new species all the time. And with all those extinct species, we probably need more "Naked Bone Eating Worms" anyway, right?
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I wasn't drinking and driving, officer -- I only swigged my Jack Daniels at red lights
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After a pleasant lull, the Atlantic hurricane season is set to turn up the knob to ELEVENTY along with plywood sales because of the weather channels
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Parents upset because new school textbook "very much sugar-coats the rise of Islam to be this wonderful new world order while teaching Christianity as dogmatic"
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Pepsi-flavored Cheetos exist, prepare for the gastrointestinal apocalypse
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Sad: Man diagnosed with leukemia. Sadder: He was fired after taking three months off work to start chemotherapy. FARK: His insurance carrier dropped him when his wife accidentally left the 26 cents off of a check for the $518.26 premium
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Is it time to forgive and forget? An 18-year-old running for mayor in Utah sure hopes so. Joshua Hoggan served six months in juvenile detention for planning to blow up his school just two years ago, but assures voters that he's a changed man
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Think the contents of your GMail account are private? Google doesn't
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Drive a BMW? Then I regret to inform you that you are a jerk
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Natural gas pipeline blows up, leveling cornfield in rural Illinois and showering homes with delicious popcorn
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