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| Sun August 04, 2013 |
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What is the worst movie you actually paid money to see in a theater?
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America's Most Hungover City upset that neighboring cities have been named Happiest Place in America and Best Small Town in America, claims such lists are arbitrary. Looks like they're going to be named America's Most Butthurt City
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Police officer shoots and kills gunman who was trying to kill him and his partner. Unfortunately for the heroic cop, the shooter was only 14 and naturally everyone's getting up in arms about it
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Britain holds its first-ever beauty contest for skunks. That stinks
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California marijuana farms are trashing the environment and the government refuses to do anything about it because enforcing the law would be too dangerous
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Photoshop this flying carrot contraption
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Perfessor say the kidzz no longger needs to learn the spelling and that grammarica stuff because of ur phones is smart enuff
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Greedy old person cashes out retirement saving to join a get rich scheme, gets ripped off, and then is shocked, SHOCKED, she has to still pay the tax penalty for clearing out her IRA
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Speeding to follow your wife's ambulance to the hospital while she's in labor? That's a spike-strippin' and arresting at gunpoint
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Maine's lobster bubble is about to burst because of global warming
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"You can't fire me, I quit" says Ohio death row inmate
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The twenty most aggravating types of drivers to deal with
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Photoshop this magnified message
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Happy 223rd Birthday to the U.S. Coast Guard
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Couple learns their "dream home" is against building codes, is upset they have to tear down their all-natural "Hobbit" hovel
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Powerball jackpot stands at $400 million after no one won last night's drawing, making it the fourth-largest jackpot in Powerball history, meaning millions will line up outside gas stations to pay for this tax on the stupid
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Want to lead a life of crime? Just become an FBI informant. Last year the FBI permitted informants to commit 5,600 crimes
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It's probably nothing, but FEMA is quietly trying to buy and stockpile as much emergency food supplies as they can, as quickly as they can, for reasons unknown
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New study finds that telling people how harmful drugs are only makes them want to try them even more. Obvious tag rolls a fattie, pops some X, and washes it all down with some homemade 'shine
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If you're going to kidnap a bank worker as part of your heist, don't also take her husband and make him drive you in his truck. He might have a weapon in the truck. And be a reserve sheriff. And shoot you. Plot twist: he leaves them alive...in Texas
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The Los Angeles Area Emmy Awards have been handed out for news reporting, and once again the most talented investigative journalist the City of Angels has ever seen gets completely and utterly snubbed. Where's the love for Romero, Emmy voters, WHAR?
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We all know and love the Super Soaker. Yet, where did this marvelous water-filled funtime playtoy come from? What remarkable genius supersized (and superpowered) the lowly leaky water pistol and made it the ultimate youth backyard weapon?
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The versatile machete can be used not only in your backyard for chopping down weeds, but also to cut down sugar cane, and reducing the chance of injury from your opponent in a bar fight
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"I want to be treated like a person with respect." says the man in the yellow pimp suit after being arrested for calling 911 because he ordered seven McDoubles and only got six
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The world's happiest animal
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Seriously, why are there so many brawls at Chuck E. Cheese? (Hint: As every stressed out parent knows, they sell beer)
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New study says that a week of outdoor camping synchronizes the body to the rising and setting of the sun. So does having a rooster in your bedroom but what's the point?
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Hipster chefs say the cronut is OVER now that it's passed into the mainstream, proclaim the ramen burger as the next big foodie thing, available only in - you guessed it - Brooklyn
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| (Some Room) |
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Photoshop this blurry baby
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Your WTF picture for the day. Hell, probably for the rest of the week
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Married couple spend 48 hours handcuffed together and film the results. Sheesh, try 25 years people
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I've got great news for really stupid Americans that don't have airfare to Spain
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Radioactive water from Fukushima about to TEPCO through the tulips
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What was the first alcohol you ever got drunk on? Subby's was Captain Morgan
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When in your relationship do you meet each other's parents?
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I may be late, but I'm at least here and sober this week. Live from Alaska, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 3 hours of radio hosted by a Farker. LGT stream
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Driver in Venice Beach attempts to play GTA on the boardwalk
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Bomb explodes in Manama. Doo doo do doo doo
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Need a vacation? How about the 5 most hellish places on Earth; experience fire, gas, heat, and freezing cold. Don't forget your sunscreen
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| Sat August 03, 2013 |
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Dying 2-year-old is the best man at his parents' wedding. Sure is a lot of dust in Jeannette, Pennsylvania
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Two dogs fall in love. Their owners decide to get married. Nobody saw this coming. Well maybe the dogs did
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Spectators hurt when power plant demolition goes wrong in California
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A 3-D printer will pay for itself in under a year. How much is a real doll again?
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Nostalgia comes in many forms -- like candy cigarettes, for instance
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Free* house if anyone needs one. *You need to haul it off yourself
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Photoshop these Goodyear gals
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ABC news crew robbed at gunpoint in broad daylight in Cairo. Did I say Cairo? I meant Oakland
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It was only a matter of time until poop-and-puke viruses realized they could branch out from only affecting groups of people on cruise ships, and go after groups of people on jumbo jets. Qantas nev... urk... blaaaargh
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Bus carrying Missouri School for the Deaf students overturns. Bet they didn't see that coming
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Michigan lawmakers propose a tax on stupidity
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How did two young boys make off with $16,000 worth of pot from a Colorado dispensary? Yeah, Denver cops want to know the same thing
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Canadian Peter Coade sets Guinness world record for longest career as a weather forecaster at 50 years, 8 months, and 21 days. Also sets the record for correctly forecasting the weather 11 times
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A German boy finds a mummy in the attic, early reports indicate that it is deaf, dumb and blind
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| (KidRock.com) |
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You don't tug on Superman's cape. You don't spit into the wind. You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger And you don't try to break into Kid Rock's House
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Police officer charged with kicking teen's pizza up a notch during traffic stop. BAM
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Escort contracted by Delta loses a farker's 9-year old daughter at an airport while she was traveling by herself. YOU DON'T LOSE KIDS AT AIRPORTS
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With nearly 350 reviews, Stone Farking Wheaton W00t Stout scores a 90 on BeerAdvocate, which translates to an 'Outstanding' rating. "Deep and complex, this stout is unrelenting and simply outstanding"
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Photoshop this woman contemplating some art
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Inmates' plan to go fishing out their window for marijuana hits a snag
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Sacrifice: USS Indianapolis survivors are attending their last big reunion. Thirty-eight of the 317 men who survived the ship's July 1945 sinking and five days in the Pacific's shark-infested waters are still alive
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Failure is an option, America. We have become a nation of hamburger flippers
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Man with learning disability banned from having sex until a judge can decide whether he should be allowed to have a vasectomy. Bonus: the man wants to have a vasectomy
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"You had me at bacon"
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Red Sox owner John Henry to purchase Boston Globe, immediately trade Dan Shaughnessy and Bob Ryan to the Chicago Tribune for a sack of beans and a reporter to be named later
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Caption this meeting of the minds
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Today's ugly-ass baby zoo animals that appear to be teddy bear props from the gift shop: Twin red pandas
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Streetlight falls in Norfolk, Virginia
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pro-tip: If you're filming a fake armed robbery for a student film, you should really tell the local police first so they don't show up and almost shoot your dumb ass
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Maine police arrest a man because he was walking with a toy gun in his shorts. He was charged with terrorizing because having a toy gun scared people and caused them to secure themselves in a building
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Business encourages employees to pedal to work by installing bike racks outside the building, and then requests that nobody use them to help keep the place looking professional
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Steal an LGBT flag from a house? That's a bare-footed car chasing, police station visiting, tough-love lecturing about bullying and intolerance kind of day for group of Texas teens
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Vigilante crusaders armed with only a video camera and a sense of what's right expose a hidden threat to honest Americans: Empty boxes stacked too high in a Walmart aisle. "This is unsafe to the public"
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In honor of the 20th anniversary of Tent City, Sheriff Joe Arpaio is allowing inmates to celebrate with magazines, dinner, a movie, cake, and candy cigarettes. "It's a celebration we all deserve"
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Pole Dancing Championships, blah blah blah, pic, blah blah, you've already clicked. (SFW)
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The eyewitnesses said it was two men who robbed them. Then the cops go arrest a woman. What a bunch of friggin (looks at mugshot)... good detective work
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Photoshop the next big Syfy movie
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You and your partner are welcome to attend Albuquerque's PrideFest, but if you hold hands on the airport shuttle bus you'll be forced to sit in the back
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Taking on the football team is so yesterday, says smokin' hot hockey mom who took on her son's teammates during slumber parties
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How well do you know your cat? Better study up for the pop quiz this Caturday
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Airline made me strip out of my shorts at the check-in desk because staff thought they were too revealing. Well, duh
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Turns out the "chunky" salsa might not be about tomatoes
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Committing murder in a video game is the same as real murder, so sayeth Pat Robertson
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Counselors report that attendees at the children's Hunger Games Camp want to battle each other to the death
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This wine label makes it really easy to want to empty the bottle - as if you needed a reason
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Alabama state champion high school coach fired because he attended the wrong church
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1 in 3 young adults live in their mom's basement, test positive for Cheetos and Mountain Dew
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| Fri August 02, 2013 |
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Fark Ready Headline: Possibly rabid raccoon bites NYC hipster mid-Instagram
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No one knows exactly what this weird black line is stretching across a beautiful Florida summer sky for
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Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Harvey Firestone take the ultimate road trip back in 1918
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As a father, how heartbreaking can it be not to be able to hold your newborn son because you are too radioactive as a result of your thyroid cancer treatment
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This just in: where you attend college actually matters, despite what University of Phoenix and other for-profit schools claim
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So your officer can go to a bar, get drunk, wave his service weapon in someone's face, get filmed doing all of it, and you STILL won't fire him? Way to bring down the hammer, Captain McSofty
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Let's fill a room with designer clothes and tell 100 people that anything they can grab is theirs to keep
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A two-year-old boy wears a pink headband in Wal-Mart. No big deal, right? Well, it was to the man who pulled it off his head, hit him, and then told his mother that he's a f*cking f*ggot
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Smoking hot teacher, yada yada, you know the drill
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Photoshop this astronaut in training
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"7 Things Edward Snowden Should Do in Russia". Strangely, "hide" is missing from the list
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"...investigators had to wait more than an hour to begin examining the scene because several Chihuahuas threatened emergency workers as they checked to see if the victims had a pulse." And that's AFTER things had already gotten weird
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Anthony Weiner in trouble after texting. Fark: Not that one
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Baboons spooked for days after spotting a UFO at a Dutch zoo
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Arrested last week after allegedly having sex with a dog, a registered sex offender was arrested this week after allegedly having sex with a dog
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Put down the patty, stop chewing that chop, quit searing that steak. You all eat too much meat
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Study shows that , shockingly, people who are willing to leave everything they know and risk everything they have to come to America in search of a better life aren't real deterred by a couple of feet of chain-link fence when they get there
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Hungover man wakes up without his penis. Difficulty: He already checked in the medicine cabinet
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Photoshop this Beatles pic, which turns exactly 50 years old this week
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Clients drop $180 for bird poop facials at NYC spa. GuaNOPE
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You paid attention this week. You studied and memorized. And yet here's the Fark Weird News Quiz and suddenly, you forget everything
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| (Some Squarebob) |
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Once again, a Farker is riding his bike for an MS cure. It's not the seven-year itch, it's just a rash from those shorts
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Finally, a Paris with no Parisians
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Smartass Level: Expert
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Sometimes the cure is just as bad as the problem. Like when you have to wear a metal colander on your head to protect yourself from seagull attacks
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What's the latest household item that spies on you? Your phone charger
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3-D printing...a 1961 Aston Martin DB4
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French anti-gay group shows their opposition to same-sex marriage by posting a picture of a bunch of buff, shirtless guys in short shorts straddling a giant pole. Fellas, there just aren't words for how wrong you're doing it
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If your teacher spends his summers robbing gas stations and 7-11s, how many should he rob at $240 per robbery to supplement his pension at age 57, based on a $76,000 salary and a five-year prison term?
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It's just like an iPhone, but has a better navigation app
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"And avoid I-5 this evening, as we have a report of an organ meat spill"
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There are police informants, then there are *police* informants
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FBI dashes jurors' hopes of making $821,800 off the Whitey Bulger case
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It is now safe to Google "pressure cooker" and "backpack" again. *freedom tear*
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Apologies to all you MENSA members out there, and I'm sure you're wonderful people, but here's the truth: In the real world, as in blackjack, it's much better to simply not be stupid than it is to be smart
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The Mexican version of Chuck Norris is back and this time he's taking on Mad Max
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Oh, nothing... just a giant pentagram, visible from space, carved into the windblown steppes of Kazakhstan
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Sorry George Jetson, your car ain't got nothing on this flying beauty
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A day after the DOW and S&P 500 reached new highs, the unemployment rate fell to 7.4% and the economy added 162K jobs. I should have voted for Romney
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Nine children injured in one-vehicle clown car accident
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No exact change for your bus fare? You and your toddler are walking home in the dark. Oh, and here's a $219 ticket
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So you bill your customers $1.5 billion to build a power plant. Then don't build it. State law says you can keep the money. Duke sucks
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After his conviction on tax evasion, Silvio Berlesconi rails in anger against magistrates he sees as "irresponsible and uncontrollable." Let's hit the high notes of that again. Berlesconi. Anger against. Irresponsible and uncontrollable magistrates
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Remember that college professor you had who always looked like someone who'd kill his whole family? Well, about that
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Candygram
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Would you contribute to a campaign to raise awareness of testicular cancer? No? Well, what if I told you that your contribution would go toward making a gigantic flying scrotum that could be seen for miles?
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Tired of cameras watching your every move? Use this handy guide to make your own, convenient anti-surveillance spray
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Good news, Virginia parents. Your daughters' lingerie is covered under the back-to-school tax holiday, so her popularity won't have to suffer at all
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"Biatch set me up"
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Power company furious that UFO is stealing electricity from the grid, sends letter
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Seattle Officials have decided that the words "citizen" and "brown bag" are now offensive language. Dumbass is safe and never goes out of style
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Checkmate Atheists
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"There is no NSA data center here"
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Photoshop this beckoning beverage
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Is there anything more terrifying than having a 35-pound she-beaver that's attacking your dog suddenly become aware of your presence just as you trip?
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U.S. to close and suspend operations at 14 or more embassies on Sunday "out of an abundance of" panic
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Not only can you watch TVs from South Korea, but TVs from South Korea can watch you. And they have
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Potential father-of-the-year candidate busted for trying to sell stolen diapers, baby wipes, and tequila in order to get enough money to buy some crack
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Are you feeling run down, groggy and just generally fatigued? Amazing research by our top scientists reveals miracle cure: Take a farking vacation
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"I want to say one thing to the American people. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Cretu"
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It turns out hipsters have been farming gardens on the rooftops of New York hotels since 1904
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Cops would like to ask an eight year-old how he got into a working washing machine, but have to wait because he's a little agitated
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One lucky kid: Boy survives terrible 300-yard drainpipe "waterslide"
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Did your wedding cake come with chocolate sprinkles you didn't ask for? Well, this may be relevant to your interests
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Move over, Dippin' Dots: It's five new ice creams...OF THE FUTURE
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Angry at being ordered to return an insurance payout? Pay it back in quarters. Four TONS' worth of quarters
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Trapped Chilean miners chance at justice buried as prosecutor refuses to file charges against mine owners
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University of Nebraska Medical Center study shows underage drinking has steadily increased in Nebraska because there's nothing else for kids to do in Nebraska but get drunk, tip over cows, and have sex
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Atheist demands Christians bang on his door and ask if he knows Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior
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Regular diarrhea is soooo played out
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As temperatures flare, so do tempers. Because science
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| Thu August 01, 2013 |
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Catholic school teacher of 17 years gets fired for getting married
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USPS tries out new slogan "In Priority We Trust." Of course, someone has a problem with it
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Woman with world's largest afro at four-and-a-half foot round, takes two days to wash and dry and is so big she struggles to see from underneath it
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Worst first date ever
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Palestinian prisoner shows spunk, smuggles sperm out of prison to impregnate wife. Israeli authorities wonder who else had a hand in it
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Dog walking company returns family's beloved Chihuahua to them after two weeks. Problem? Well, it used to be alive
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Think that all those NSA programs don't really affect you because you have nothing to hide? Well this guy happened to be Googling "backpacks" while his wife looked up info on "pressure cookers" and a half dozen cops paid him a visit
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"Victims Of Bullying Are More Likely To Be Arrested As Adults." So you're saying they preemptively had it coming?
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To celebrate IPA day, here's the definitive top-10 IPA list from Buzzfeed. Hard to argue against any of their choices while drowning in deliciousness
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Can high-speed hand dryers in public restrooms cause hearing loss? Hint: everybody panic
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Photoshop this screaming spectacle
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Finally, a use for military drones that everyone will support - unless you're an elephant poacher, that is
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Court: "Re-hire that garbage man that was drunk on the job, he looked happier to the public that way"
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Finally some good news: Princeton engineers are teaming up with a Belgian chocolate company to make the world's first functional structure made completely of chocolate
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Is the correct way to get a disabled man to sit down on the bus: a) anything that doesn't involve tasering him, b) anything that doesn't involve beating him, or c) tasering and beating him?
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Traffic Update: Asphalt truck overturns, snarling traffic. On the bright side, I-64 in Newport News paved in record time
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Hello, yes Sanitation Department? Yes, we need a new dumpster; a bear stole ours last night. No, really we have it on video. Kthxbye
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Sharks: Let's eat them before they eat us
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"Could you keep the noise down, guys?" Difficulty: Detroit
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News: Fox host Don Imus praises Aslan's "controversial" Jesus book. Fark: On the Fox Business Network. Does... does anybody even watch that?
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Taking photos of an illegal campaign sign? That's an assault and handcuffing followed by a bogus trespass charge
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Fark Food Thread: Let's take a break from the food itself and talk about what goes with it. What do you fill the glass with when you put it next to the plate? Show us a good way to pair foods you've put together with the beverages you have or want
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Ariel Castro to be released around the year 3050
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If you're going to go to a brewpub and ring up a $100 tab, first make sure you brought with you some way to pay for it. Second, if you ignore step one, don't act all shocked when the brewpub shames you on Facebook
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Weird things people do in their sleep. Bonus: Exploding head syndrome
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Sdkjsdjks dedidjmcd cjhmndmn ujsjjs ujhZSD ujhsdsd seweudujhd mjn vjjuhmn frtfguyjh7ujh mnujhmnjuhnfgj mnuhujhg
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Photoshop this open flame
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You remember when everybody freaked the fark out because the CEO of A&F admitted that he only wanted attractive, skinny, popular people wearing his clothes? Yeah the uber-hippies at Lululemon have the same corporate strategy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Top 20 snobbiest cities. You're not good enough to live there
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It looks like there might actually be some women out there willing to give uncircumcised men a blowjob
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Many people think that the accordion is the most annoying musical instrument ever created. Japan: Challenge accepted
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Man who fired over 60 rounds in a law office before turning the gun on himself appeared to be "on edge" minutes before running amok
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School drops book on masturbation after complaints, stuck pages
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Detroit artist unveils public installation of his latest work, which is meant to ease the pain of the city's bankruptcy. Local FOX affiliate crams for answer to what it means. w/pic
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The most expensive city in the world, according to a ranking based on housing, food, clothing and other living expenses, is not New York, San Francisco or London. It's Luanda, Angola
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Police charge a 12-year old with armed robbery--of a lemonade stand, with a BB gun. Say it was the cutest, most nostalgic felony they've encountered all week
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News: A Kansas City man was released from prison three decades after a wrongful rape conviction. Fark: The Clerk who helped the inmate exonerate himself with DNA evidence was fired
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Judge who sold kids into juvenile facilities over minor offenses is now complaining that the prison sentence given to him was excessive
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Either BBC producers missed the penis drawn on Prince Williams forehead that they aired during their broadcast this morning or they are just much cooler than American producers
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Overkill: 13 armed to the teeth agents raid a Wisconsin animal shelter for a baby deer, tag it and bag it
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Take mushrooms: check. Run in circles in City Hall: check. Grab and fire officer's sidearm: check. Fight nine officers, get tased seven times, and break handcuffs: check, check and check
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If a 34-year-old high school math teacher, who's about a 5, sends 33 text messages to one 17-year-old former student and 39 Facebook messages to an 18-year-old former student, how many months in jail will he get?
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Deputies unload 18 rounds at unarmed man, in his own driveway. Fark: Only hit twice, at close range
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Couple who broke into school to have sex also admitted to having post-coitus beer munchies
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Good news everyone: Tits are out, bras are down and babies everywhere are benefiting
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For $100 million dollars you too can compete in the America's Cup Race in winged, carbon fiber catamarans speeding along at 20 miles per hour when they hydroplane and the speeds go up to 50 mph
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Dead male dolphins are washing up on Virginia beaches at an alarming rate. What's click-whistle for "Hey Flipper, hold my beer and watch this"?
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Ariel Castro's sister says people will be seeing his kinder, gentler, non-kidnapping and beating and raping three girls for a decade side when he speaks at his sentencing hearing
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Normally it is cats that fire crews have to rescue from trees. On this occasion it was a 53-year-old man who got stuck at the top of a giant oak tree trying to retrieve his toy helicopter
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The same Federal government that can access all phone, email and internet data cannot keep track of foreign visitors who overstay their visas. Or as Democrats call them, undocumented voters
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Macaque blocked
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Do you get hazard pay if your job as an airport landscaper includes regular attacks by alligators?
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Syrian rebel leaders speak out against croissants, still iffy on how they feel about beheadings and eating the hearts of enemies
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US is back to having a "full partnership" with a nuclear power that hates us. Great day in the morning, people
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Suncoast Animal League would like help naming an ugly ass baby deer. Challenge: No UFIA
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Uruguay may be the first country to make pot fully legal. First bill Parliament will take on after the bill? Renaming "fingers" because we never see them fing
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Man running for office with the last name of Head creates the most awesome campaign sign ever. "I (heart) Head"
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Two men die in alcohol-related crash. Granted, the crash was caused by speeding after they stole beer from a convenience store and were trying to make a getaway, but using anti-smoker logic, these are now alcohol-related deaths
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PA Police Chief Mark Kessler suspended for 30 days without pay, not for his ranting, but for misuse of borough property in his video
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The case of chimps taking over the planet has been resolved with ice cream
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Big balls put you at greater risk for heart problems, less risk around slatted chairs
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If you are a white male, about 6'1" with brown shaved hair, a goatee, a tattoo on your arm, in a black bathing suit with red, green and yellow stripes on the leg, and stealing beach blankets, Clearwater Police would like a word with you
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WWII remembrance cermonies are a little bit awkward in Ukraine since about half the country proudly fought with the Nazis against their hated Russian oppressors
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After 650 years of professional trolling, the UK's House of Lords still laughs at lame "internet trolls" before casually brushing them away
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The briefing adds that the doctrine of "no first use of nuclear weapons" was known as NOFUN (warning: sidebar ads may be Not safe for work)
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There are probably bigger wastes of time and money than getting a masters degree in social media, but none immediately come to mind
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Woman, 84, gets weird-ass infection from the Gulf of Mexico. EVERYBODY PANIC
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What is HLN's Nancy Grace doing with her face during this interview?
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How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways. One, two, three... one point seven trillion
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Member of the Saudi royal family fears North Dakota will throw them in the wood chipper
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Bishop embraces alternative form of community service for women on probation: 33 community service hours in exchange for "groping hugs"
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"Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know"
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If you have been arguing with people online about a Dallas condo building's glare into a sculpture garden, chances are you have been arguing with an employee of the PR firm hired by the condo building
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Sure enough, there's a frickin' emu walking down the middle of the road
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Man arrested at movie theater had body armor, gun, fake CIA identity...or that's what the CIA wants you to think. False flag?
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Remember the wife who was busted by undercover cops for hiring a hitman on her husband? Guess who just pleaded leniency for her? This is either the worst case of masochism or the world's biggest slap in the face
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Meanwhile, in the 12th century
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Rapper charged with homicide after bragging about murder in a song
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Owner of eight New Jersey TGI Fridays pays $500,000 for refilling top-shelf alcohol bottles with rail booze (and possibly rubbing alcohol and dirty water)
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Snowden leaks out of secure area
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This just in: The more you personally rely on the US government to take care of everything in your life, the more likely you are to be a raging libertarian
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Far out - it's the top 17 cities for hippies, with no slideshow to harsh your mellow
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30% of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans have mulled suicide. Only 4% have mulled cider
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Photoshop these fightin' foxes
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Man drops cell phone in trash compactor, jumps in after it. He was crushed not being able to find it
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House in Detroit, on sale for $1, is still unsold after 519 days. Apparently there is a Detroit real estate agent doing well enough to pass up a 7 cent commission
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Yet another newspaper website vanishes behind a paywall. The Sun isn't there
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Do you live in "loud party" New York or "vermin infested" New York?
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Any idiot can slash a car tire, and a ballsy idiot might do it to a cop car, but it takes a real intellectual titan to slash a cop's tire while the cop is sitting in the vehicle
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Are you troubled by strange noises in the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your attic or basement? Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter or ghost? Call Hot Teen Girl Exorcism Squad
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What do an artificial "evening" leg, a goldfish in a cereal bowl and a pound of pig's liver have in common?
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Oh My God, Anchorage Alaska has had 15 straight days above 70 degrees Where are all the greens for this terrible tragedy? Oh, that's right, Americans can handle 75 and sunny
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Pen pals who wrote letters to each other the old fashioned way for 74 years, meet face to face for the very first time
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Bull Bear burglar beats brig bars, breaks building. Bobby's bag bid brings bad brake, bangs badge buggy. Bad Bull Bear busted by backyard
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Protip: After taking your car in to have the tires rotated, always make sure that they tightened the lug nuts before hitting the highway
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"NPR: We can even make buying shaving cream an unbelievably complex ordeal"
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Drunk woman stumbles into Ikea, vomits on couch and then kicks her shoes off and goes to sleep in a bed. Employees let her sleep it off until closing time
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Excuse me, but you have some beer in your beard
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The horrors of toy boys and their cougars
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Naked woman running on beach shouting "This is going to be the best day of my life" charged with open and gross lewdness after people notice she is 45
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I used to sleepwalk then I took a bullet to the knee
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Instead of using an inexpensive over the counter lice treatment for her child, MOTY uses gasoline near a space heater with expected results
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"Thousands" predicted at Ex-Gay Pride rally, but less than ten people show up
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Living in America will drive you insane
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 430: "Drop in the Bucket". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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Airport security officials take away five-year-old boys' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle combat toys because they looked like real weapons, leaving him shell-shocked
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What a difference an hour can make with some camera angles, lighting and grooming
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Teacher who had sexual relations with multiple underage students and a child with one accepts plea deal when facing 41 counts. How much time do they get A) 10 years, B) 5 years, C) 1 year?
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Mayo Clinic: Congrats to all of our same-sex couple employees on being able to get married in Minnesota. Speaking of marriage, those health benefits you've been enjoying? Get gay married if you want to keep them
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Judge rules that police in New York are under no duty to stop a madman from slicing you into fillets
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Man stabs shark. Difficulty: From inside (Warning: Dead shark in article)
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George Zimmerman lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua
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Not News: Surf's up. Fark: In a downtown Chicago parking lot
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Selling a person fake pot then assaulting him after he complains about the quality of the stuff will surely get you charged with selling fake pot
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Photoshop these guys with some unusual kite
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Freshman: "Help I'm being oppressed for starting a White Student Union" University: "the White Student Union can exist and meet in common areas on the downtown Atlanta campus" Freshman: "Umm... Help I'm being oppressed"
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WARNING: Fox is broadcasting 'adult' cartoons. Helen Lovejoy inconsolable
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You know how embarrassed you are when another driver lets you know that you closed your door and a piece of clothing was stuck in it? It's so much worse when it's a 22-year-old woman hanging down onto the street
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Someone actually had intercourse with Simon Cowell
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Crazy lady steals rhubarb. Trust me; you want to see this (Not safe for work Language)
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530-pound man drops 300 pounds, is now light enough to enjoy the safe and healthy hobby of motorcycle riding
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As a boycott of Russian vodka to protest that country's repressive anti-gay laws gains steam, the CEO of Stolichnaya would like everyone to know that despite what they've led you to believe for years, it's actually made in Luxemborg
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Japanese diet guru claims it's possible to lose weight by breathing heavily for just five minutes a day. You might not lose weight, but you will lose consciousness
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Youth Officials: "Ma'am, seriously...this guy WILL molest your kids. Do not let him even near them". Woman: "Hey man, want to stay over then watch them as I go shopping?"
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Photoshop Theme: The Thrilling Adventures of Carlos Danger. Difficulty: SFW
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"And now here's Rosa, with the stuff I did eight years ago that she still can't let go of." "Thanks, Rob. In Medical news, it's been discovered that husbands who keep forgetting to put the toilet seat down won't be getting laid anytime soon"
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Protip: If your'e going to do a fake 'terrorist' photo shoot in a public park, you may want to let the cops know ahead of time, Comic-Con or not
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Eight tips for taking perfect pictures of your food. If you insist on being 'that' person
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Woman steals $2,000 worth of jeans from Macy's. Store manager taking it in stride - "It's not like we really would miss one pair"
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Schindler's List fails to get a single bid on ebay. IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM
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Man tries to smuggle turtle onto plane in a KFC hamburger. Security officers pull him aside, demand to know when KFC started selling hamburgers
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Woman flees sex attack, survives 12 days in the wilderness on twigs and berries
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Nevada Highway Patrol warns of zero tolerance for traffic violations on I-15, by which they mean they write two speeding tickets per hour for an average speed of 95 mph
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Going to Russia's winter Olympics? Leave your equality at home
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The Arizona Diamondbacks hand out masks so ashamed fans can disguise their identities
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Not news: Sea turtle gets nursed back to heath, released back into the water. Fark: Wallets of animal workers stolen out of their bags on the beach during the release. Florida: By a raccoon
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Three black men go on trial for impersonating white people
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You're a new parent who's been sharing every precious moment in your darling snowflake's life through pictures on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and Pinterest, but how can you be sure each moment is *really* preserved for all of history?
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So, you finally get your 20-something kid out of the house with a real job, and, bam, now they just sit and text you all day
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Cumming man wins $1.5M jackpot. Well I guess you can't really blame him
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Environmentalists rejoice as Germany shuts down scary nuclear power plants, replacing them with all-natural, organic, coal-burning furnaces
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If your friend pukes all over your bathroom and doesn't help you clean it up, there are three things you need to do: 1) clean the bathroom, 2) find better friends, and 3) return the phone he left at your house--instead of holding it for ransom
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Go home, drunk. You're sign
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You'll have to forgive the murderers in the Fawlty Towers killing. They're from Barcelona
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"Yes this is Rickshaw's Towing, how can I help you?"
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Fast food protesters ordered to-go
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Syria's Assad takes his cause to Instagram. As always, CNN is there to cover it
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Why bars put ice in the urinals. No, it's not because some people like Budweiser on the rocks
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I really hate to tell you this, Virginians, but that email you got from a long-lost, recently deceased relative who left you tons of money and whose estate only needs you to send a small processing fee to distribute it? Yeah, it might be a scam
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Most tall people secretly wish they were shorter. Here's why
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Chicago tries to reduce drive-by shootings by increasing hit and runs
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In honor of National Orgasm Day, here are 15 politicians' O faces
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Asian tiger mosquito found in Pittsburgh; residents urged to take precautions, dig tiny Asian tiger mosquito traps
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Amelia Earhart to attempt around-the-world flight. This is not a repeat from 1937
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If you pumped gas naked last Thursday, the police would like to have a word with you
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A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it
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Church of England middle school bans its girls from wearing skirts, as they were being worn too short and "unladylike." The enforcer: a certain Mr. Doubtfire
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I think you're going to want to sit down for this. Seriously, sit down. Are you sitting down? OK. Here goes. The TSA may not be the elite, disciplined, well-trained, dependable security force it's cracked up to be
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In Texas, even the liberals go full derp
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Team Atheist is beating Team Christianity in winning Millennials to their side, presumably with lots and lots of trophies
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Wife arrested for husband's murder. FARK:after cops and medical examiner release the body. DOUBLE FARK: the funeral home mortician finds the fatal wounds
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Hey is that the new Samsung Galaxy S4? Also, is your house on fire?
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Smoking kills two brothers
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Bad day for local law enforcement when their police station catches fire. "It appeared the fire originated in the rubber coating on the back wall of the pistol range" Now how could that happen? Hmmmm
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Sick sasquatch See served seven year sentence
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Question: Why do Americans keep insisting on building homes in the middle of flood and fire zones?
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The name's Bond...James BooooOHH FARK YES
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Are you smarter than an 8th grader?
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Welcome to Miracle Village, where half the population is made up of registered sex offenders
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"Men In Sheds" group set up as male version of Women's Institute
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Tragedy keeps striking one woman. First her husband dies, then her two adult children die in freak accidents. Finally, someone stole a box of priceless mementos of her kids
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Is your ATM machine PIN number one of these 10 combinations? Yeah, you're gonna get robbed
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Internet trolls banned from Twitter are discovering it's easy to get around the ban simply by opening up a new Twitter account
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Photoshop this bullshift
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Too much fun for one mouth? Giggity
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Drunks do the darndest things
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If your room is full of demons, setting your closet on fire isn't necessarily going to help things
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'Zombies' at 5K Zombie Run complain event too violent
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Drink your own urine and get paid $4 million from the Government? What a country
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It's not every day you're playing in a creek in Pennsylvania and you come face to face with a five-foot alligator
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"Meet Glass, Lewis and Co., the company that got a food truck employee fired for offending them on Twitter"
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Proof of torture at Guantanamo Bay: Detainees are allowed to read 'Fifty Shades of Grey'
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Can't get something to work? Have a smoke and think about it. Unless you're a contractor in a house being remodeled, and the thing you can't get working is the pilot light on a gas-fired water heater
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Marines never leave a comrade behind, especially a boy falling behind in a 5K race
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Porn company forced to stop the production of its line of "Ben & Cherry's" videos after Ben & Jerry's sued them for copyright infringement
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Top 25 craft breweries in America to the left, beer snobbery to the right
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Nine-year-old boy digging for worms discovers loaded hand gun (and that he really needs a hobby)
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