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| Sun July 28, 2013 |
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So, apparently parasailing isn't regulated in Florida, which explains why there are so many deaths from it
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Super cute 25-year-old brunette wrestles 700-lb alligators for living: "It's kind of my niche"
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Apparently, Glenn Beck collects Nazi, um, memorabilia
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You can reset the mass transit death clock now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the Mach 5 someplace interesting
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'World's Hottest Porn Star' Jenna Presley finds Jesus at the XXX Church and retires for good. In other news, there's a XXX Church (SFW)
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Instead of accepting his unearned red light ticket, this guy petitioned the tapes that exonerated him and owned the local police department so badly that they refused to come to court. Bonus: Now he's suing the cops
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Fox News invites religious scholar to discuss new book about historical Jesus. Interviewer spends entire interview confused as to why a religious scholar would be interested in Jesus
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9-yr old Carissa Yip becomes the youngest chess grandmaster in US history, still calls the knight "the horsey guy". Dude. She's 9
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Run guys, run as fast as you can
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If you've ever wondered how to eat grasshoppers, ants, and spiders in style, today is your lucky day
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Medal Of Honor recipient Bud Day dies at 88. He spent 5 1/2 years as a POW in Vietnam and was John McCain's cellmate at the Hanoi Hilton, and earned over 70 medals in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam
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Turnabout's fair play: Korean news station returns the favor and uses goofy names of Southwest pilots involved in the landing gear collapse
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Canadian oil company plans to finish cleaning the Michigan tar sands spill approximately never
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An article you need to read if you can ever lift your head from doing blow off that hooker's belly
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15 months in the brig and a dishonorable discharge awarded to GI after reporting sexual assault. "The military is intent on sending a message that sexual assault victims should not come forward"
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Photoshop this fording Hyundai
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Bouncy house explosion leaves six with minor injures. Authorities say they haven't seen carnage like this since the great teeter-totter massacre of '72
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Thieves steal $53 million worth of jewels and diamonds from a five-star Cannes hotel. Subby thinks it's time we bring back Inspector Jacques Clouseau for this case. And why we're at it, bring back Cato too, just to keep him in line
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New York State Police are now driving vehicles specially modified to give them good upskirt shots... uh... I mean "allow them to check for drivers texting". Yeah, that's the ticket
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Finally, one intrepid reporter has blown off the lid on the car loan industry, discovering long-term loans may not be the best bang for your buck. That's right; Ric Romero is on our side
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Remember the autistic boy who had his lemonade stand shut down by his farking annoying neighbor? Well, he's going to be back it at, only this time he's got a restaurant
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| (Some Guy) |
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David Cameron wants to ban Harry Potter as part of his cunning plan to save the world from porn and people who want to see a little too much of Hermione Granger
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Has the world economic crisis forced us to all give up ice cream? Struggling British ice cream van driver tells how he is making just £8 a day despite a summer heatwave
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If painting a model of an ancient flying pterosaur the size of a Piper Cub inside a former liquor store is on your Bucket List, book a flight to Anchorage right now
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The e-cigarette movemement keeps growing in popularity and there's nothing you anti-smoking health nuts can do about it
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As long as there are old people, the phone landline will never go obsolete. "We are not really computer savvy"
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This man was a card carrying Nazi. He was a hero, saving as many as 250,000 Chinese during the Japanese invasion of Nanking. Not a story you'd expect
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McDonald's McDouble cheeseburger: The cheapest, most nutritious, most bountiful food EVAR
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Photoshop the President and this future voter
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Kidnapping victim held hostage for 10 years unaware that people don't go to Nelly concerts anymore
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Smoking hot 23-year-old who received £4,800 taxpayer funded boob-job now suing for £10,000 because she thinks her boobs are too big: "My life is ruined" (w/pics)
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Georgia winning the "Tri-State Water War" against Floribama
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It's a Bird....It's a Plane... No. It's Burka Avenger?
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If you're going to evade the police and crash your car with your son in the back seat because of a suspended license, at least make sure your license is really suspended
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If you live to be 95 and die at home, you win. If you die at the hospital after fighting the cops with a cane, shoehorn and butcher knife, you get on Fark, which is still kind of a win
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| Sat July 27, 2013 |
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It's time to reexamine your life when you have to register as a sex offender with the the police and animal control
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North Carolina woman claims "chupacabra" capture (possibly graphic photo)
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There are still a few Nazis out there, so take a good a look at that old man down the street. You never know
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Guy tries to rob a gun shop with a baseball bat; level of success is about what one would expect
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Apparently playing cards is some pretty serious business in Bamberg
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When searching a cornfield, you never know what you might find. Like a crow or a tractor or a 91-year-old woman
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Iconic black and white photographs -- now in color
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Brooklyn-based entrepreneur and other competitive jump ropers in NYC charge up to $500-1000 per hour to teach adults how to do the double Dutch
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35 years after it was released, here's a look at what happened to some of the stars of "Animal House." Apparently they're all not fat, drunk, and dead from an overdose
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Photoshop this clean room concern
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Cops forced to lay down the law after thief ruffles a few feathers by stealing a bag of potato chips. No word when he'll be frito go, but let this be a lesson to all that cheetos never win
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NYPD: HA. That "harmless hippie" who just left your store was in reality a highly trained undercover operative who documented your drug den with hidden photos. Head shop: You mean the narc we caught planting crack from 7 different camera angles?
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Chicago's debt is now over $10k per resident, and only one of the city's four employee pension funds is more than 50% funded. This was before the recent triple downgrade of the city's bond rating. But there's no way they're the next Detroit
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If you've been wondering what it would look like if a tornado raped a rainbow, today is your lucky day
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America will have its first uranium mill in 30 years built by a Canadian energy company that pinky swears to regulate themselves
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Photoshop this rude clam
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That No Child Left Behind policy the schools have? Not so good. One school has said 'enough' when the entire freshman class failed
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Get a job at the ball park, they said, it will be fun. UNTIL THE 75 MPH WIND GETS A HOLD OF THE TARP
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'The male teachers complained that they have been having sex with women they cannot see. This has been happening to them for about three weeks.'
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"The whole heteronormative, phallocentric marketing scheme of A&W is highly degrading to non-tradition families." Billy has two Mama burgers
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Police search for brown-eyed, handsome man in Buddy Holly look-a-like theft, Think it over, because, oh boy, that'll be the day
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People dislike bridge tolls, but swimming 13 miles to New Jersey seems extreme
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Stupid teens mix household chemicals together, leave them at somebody's door because they think something funny will happen, and end up getting charged with using a weapon of mass destruction. Hey, that IS kinda funny
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Basement dweller dad comes up from the basement into his son's bedroom to build him a fully-functional Boeing 737 flight simulator (subby can't find a nerd tag)
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Swedish lesbians far more likely to marry than gay men and you pretty much stopped reading after "Swedish lesbians" didn't you?
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John Adams, 2nd President of the United States, member of both Continental Congresses, Minister to the Netherlands, and one fantastic putdown artist
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Orphaned baby fruit bats saved. 'nuff said
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Man drives from Virginia to Georgia to learn there are no 14-year-old girls on the internets
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Themes of doomsday and repent to return to Bourbon Street as city removes ban on nighttime preachers
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By a strange coincidence America's most dishonest city also has the most politicians and government employees per capita
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Bad Korea celebrates 60 years of uneasy peace, or as they like to call it: "North Korea's victory over a century of U.S aggression resulting in the defeat of imperialism." BONUS: That happy land maintains "worldwide fame as a country of heroes"
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You can go ahead and reset that shooting spree clock now
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Illinois Public Schools welcome students to 10th grade by: A) holding an August BBQ. B) scheduling a September pep rally. C) sending out $600 tuition bills
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U.S. Army switches to "green" bullets made of copper instead of lead. Apparently the next time we invade a country to dispose of a leader who won't give us oil we'll at least do it in an environmentally friendly way
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Photoshop this in vogue Italian policewoman
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It is no longer politically correct to call them 'trailer parks.' Please refer to them as 'tiny house hotels'
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Distillery sells resealable pouches of whiskey. For the outdoorsman. You know, the guys walking around in the woods with guns
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Fame can be fleeting, unless you're Hamilton the mustachioed hipster cat, of course. Formerly a shelter cat, Hamilton now has 160,000 followers on Facebook, is an ambassador for humane societies, and totally liked Caturday before it was cool
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Magnets. How do they OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING
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Archbishop Desmond Tutu would rather go to hell than to a homophobic heaven
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Things that are better when they're homemade: apple pie, meatloaf, chocolate chip cookies. Things that are not better when they're homemade: elevators
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If your high school has a "Redneck Day". You might be a redneck
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Accident involving Model T kills one. This us not a repeat from 1915
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Looks like we gotta reset the "Last time since a 787 Dreamliner has been grounded" clock back to zero again
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Man dies from smoking around his oxygen tank: "His family tells us he has had three prior explosions at his home for the same reason, but this one was different because it killed him"
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Freaks, geeks, and tits. It's this week's Mugshot Roundup
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One of the world's most prominent hackers, Barnaby Jack found dead just days before he was due to demonstrate how to kill someone by hacking their pacemaker. I'm sure that's a total coincidence, putting on tinfoil hat just to be sure
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| Fri July 26, 2013 |
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After passenger reports seeing a couple perform oral sex on the train she was riding, officials immediately drop whatever they're doing and make a mad dash to review closed circuit TV recordings
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Not sure if drunk....or beer labels are moving
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If you crash your truck, blow three times the legal limit and are too drunk to go to jail, a state trooper may take you home instead of detox. If you're too drunk to get into your house, they'll take you to your ex-wife's house. If you're the mayor
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"The relevant question is not whether he purposefully defecated his pants, but whether he willfully spread his feces all over the bathroom resulting in a nuisance, hazard, and damage,"
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Creepiest dolphin video ever
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New bill aims to ensure that rapists don't get custody over children conceived from the rape. Wait, this isn't a law yet?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this old group photo
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Virginia Johnson, the female half of sex researchers Masters and Johnson, dies 19 years after experiencing 69
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Cleveland says it's misunderstood, promises to be less rapey and stabby
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Bikini clad babes sunbathe in Miami. Did I say Miami? I meant Siberia
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Not everything North Carolina has done recently is pants on head retarded
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Polar bear attacks hiker in Labrador park for drinking Pepsi
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Not news: Woman credits boy-toy for her happy life. Fark: He's 67, she's 100
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10 sex tips for your daughter
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It's been a rough month for chickens. No, this doesn't belong in the Politics tab
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Botox? Okay, but be genital
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NJ: Come back to our beaches, we're open for business. *Not valid for non-avian species
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Castro's evil reign finally brought down by Ohio
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Fark ready headline:Teen Bible Campers Hospitalized After Mixing Fart Spray and Deer Repellent in Prank
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Photoshop this foam flying
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Preteen girl busted for using bad checks to fund her habit, thought she had eaten all the evidence
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Well the South side of Chicago Is the baddest part of town
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Happy Friday, everyone. Clear your desks and your mind, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Keeping it real: Trying to hide from the cops in your crib. Not keeping it real: Trying to hid from the cops under a baby's crib
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It's self-centered parents who feel that children make great accessories, but it's an entirely different kind of parent who feels that children make great accessories to felonies
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Police investigating cross-dressing fraud say case may drag on for a while
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Not even the sweet release of death can free you from hotel cancellation fees
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You know that lake at the North Pole? It's going to be hit by a cyclone
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Got a CD player in your car? Not for long, you don't
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I say, I say, I say boy, I'm not an Israeli spy
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Or do you C) use personal information supplied by applicants for your apartment complex to get loans in their names and clean out their accounts?
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Convicted sex offender pleads guilty to breaking into NYC jails to fraternize with inmates, could get 10 years in the pokey
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Cops go to the wrong address, scare a 72-year-old man, and then shoot him dead. Their excuse? The lighting was bad and they couldn't see what was going on
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"Lake tantrum wife" has had 14 months of wedded bliss...Had
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Incredibly rare six-tentacled octopus caught in Greece. It was delicious
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'God has plans' for Mormon missionary who survived horrific Spanish train wreck, apparently unlike those eighty people who didn't
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Halliburton: "Oh... THAT evidence. Yeah, we destroyed that"
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They say all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill. A newborn parrot, on the other hand, looks like an unfortunate hybrid of ET and Honey Boo Boo
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Pimpin' ain't easy, even if you're the ex-head of the International Monetary Fund
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If you were the first human to set foot on Mars, what would you say?
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News: Woman steals tow truck. Fark: From guy who helps her after her rental car stalls. Florida: On her way home from having her ankle monitor removed after getting off of house arrest
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Modern ruins of abandoned Detroit. Or as everyone else calls it, Detroit
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Ohio group dedicates itself to making sure Zimmerman has more guns
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Due to some vile act of sin Ontario is getting the McLobster
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One in five funeral homes is violating Federal law and is probably scamming you. Well, unless you're dead; at that point it doesn't matter
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News: Man robbed while taking a break from his evening jog. Fark: A smoke break. Yeah, it's Kentucky
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Bay area's first pay-as-you-go jail is $155 a night, the cost of a three star hotel. "You do get cable TV, but you don't get a warm cookie on your bed," Unless your cellmate is into that kind of thing
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Lincoln Memorial vandalized. Surveillance tapes show an angry chihuahua and a stupid looking cat loitering around the statue, and audio mentioning there being caramel corn in the statue's head
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Photoshop this item of interest
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The train in Spain is mourned by those in pain
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Military rape victims were often diagnosed with 'personality disorders' so they could be kicked out of the service and not receive VA benefits
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Mers is not Sars, or else it would be Mars and we can't have that. No matter how near or how fars
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Mismanagement in Chicago? Surely you jest
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When critics warned the UK government's porn filtering plans would lead to 'Chinese-style censorship' of the internet, they were more right than they realised
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When walking your dog in NC it is best to look out for: A) traffic B) hunters c) 500 lb gators
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LA Sheriff's gathering features "raunchy, racist jokes". Oddly enough, though, no one dared tell the one about giving Rodney a chance
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More evidence our children are being raised to be wimps: The newest edition of Monopoly doesn't have a Jail space because kids have to get to soccer practice and can't waste time playing a game that requires them to not move
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George Mason University students sign fake petition to legalize "4th trimester" abortions
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1.5 million turn out to the Copacabana to hear The Pope speak, meringue and do the cha-cha
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The U.C. Davis cop involved in the famous pepper-spray incident has filed a workers comp claim for "psychiatric injury" he got from pepper-spraying the student protesters. It's a sad story, a real tear-jerker
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Juror B-29 apologizes for the verdict and thinks that Zimmerman got away with murder. That's rich coming from someone who dropped two atomic bombs
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While we've been fixated on Zimmerman, the Royal Baby, and Weiner's weener, the North Pole turned into a lake
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Two women ignore downed power lines to rescue driver after violent crash. Just kidding, they were electrocuted and killed and now the driver is facing 2 counts of manslaughter
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KKK begins recruiting for neighborhood watch program using the motto "You can sleep tonight knowing the Klan is awake" MAXIMUM TROLLING ACHIEVED
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Thinking you're the target of assassination all the time is a sure sign of mental illness, unless you're former President Jimmy Carter
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Police officer keeps nude selfies on her work computer, could be forbidden from being a police officer in Florida. Maybe she should try running for New York City mayor instead
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New addition to the list of things the health department says can kill you at the local fair: live baby turtles being given away as prizes
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Top five (bottom five?) cities with worst drivers in the USA. No surprise where three of them are located
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Bad: Getting lost while hiking. Good: Being rescued and returned to your car. Worse: Minutes later, driving your car into the ocean and drowning
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Scientists implant false memories in mice. Next up, Ratception
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| Thu July 25, 2013 |
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When questioned by police man said prostitute in his car was there to help him buy a) sex b) sex or c) tomatoes
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Photoshop this Corny Guy
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CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON A BRAND NEW CA...um...BABY
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Safeway Shopper Horrified to Find Piece of Chicken in Her Chicken
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Not sure if racist: Paula Deen asked her black cook to dress like Aunt Jemima
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Ugly-ass baby zonkey born in Italy
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If you're a white wealthy PhD who lives in the country, you're going to die. At least I think that's what this article is saying
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It's party time in Tunisia after opposition politician is slain. And by "party", Subby means the population is rioting
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Do you want to see London's new giant blue cock?
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Injured hiker decides her rescuers are taking too long so she says fark it and hires a private helicopter to take herself the rest of the way down
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If you have lost a 55 gallon drum of uranium at a Miami Airport, there are quite a few people who would really like to have a word with you
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The driver of the train that crashed in Santiago de Compostela, Spain has a history of posting boasting pictures of train speedometers on Facebook (Some graphic/disturbing images & video)
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That habit you have of smacking your kids around may soon be outlawed
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New antibiotic discovered that is so strong it can even kill Anthrax. Scientists still searching for a cure to Slayer
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Thieves steal $1,000 worth of Victoria Secret bras, police expect major bust
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BBC reports the death toll in the Syrian conflict to be in the hundreds of billions
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The only way to stop a bad guy with a planet, is a good guy with a planet
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Apparently being an assistant DA is a great way to get the contacts you need to kick off your pimping career
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| (Some Shopper) |
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Photoshop this Kitty Kondo
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Obviously, ET has watched "Close Encounters' one too many times on cable
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Captain Save-a-Ho, protector of women, arrested again. This time for pushing a one-legged man off his Rascal (not a euphemism)
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Crew members on your next cruise might have slept with your turkey sandwich
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If you want to eat at one of Brooklyn's ultra-hip restaurants, prepare to "pre-eat" and wait in line for two hours, because many don't take reservations
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A Zillion green-lights later
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Trade in severed penises said to be growing
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Fat kids say mosquitoes are to blame for them being fat. That's alright little snowflake. Stay inside and here's another Twinkie
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Who needs a security system when you have a crying baby?
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Chuck Norris' house doesn't have a shower because he doesn't want to get his toupee wet... and other facts about his home
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Dude, 93 year-olds
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What do you do if your seatmate falls asleep in your lap on the airplane? Wake them up and tell them to cut it out? No, just film them and post it online
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Profile of email phishing victims emerges, and it's bad news for overconfident female introverts
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Man turns himself in to police for child pornography because.. C) his computer told him to (surprisingly NOT from Florida)
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Chicago Alderman Really Wants to Be 'Up Your Butt'
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Ted Nugent: "No one has fought racism as much as I have. Oh, and black people are dangerous dogs"
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Smoking hot 47-year-old grandmother complains: "My youthful appearance is ruining my life" (w/pics)
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Politician pleads 109 mph speeding ticket down to no-points violation, explaining "I'm going to mess up. I'm human"
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My husband wants to make mushroom pasta sauce from my breast milk. How can I convince him this is disgusting. Eww, mushrooms
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Protip: The approved method of identifying safely deactivated grenades is not 'pull out the pin and see what happens'
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Cemetery fines grieving mother for leaving flowers on her daughter's grave. Fark: The ticket was tacked onto the daughter's headstone
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Think you're eating healthier because you *always* buy that "whole grain" bread, not that squishy white bread? You might want to sit down for this
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wanted: scientists to ignore science for Jesus
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If getting out of jury duty is so easy, why the f*ck did it cost me $500?
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Train carrying ethanol derails near Tampa. Firefighters respond with ice cubes, grape soda, Solo cups
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35 years ago today, Louise Brown, the first "test tube baby" was born. Since then in-vitro fertilization has become very common. So common that Congress is considering using your taxes to fund IVF for poor, infertile couples
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'These things happen from time to time': Satanists slice donkey's genitals, ear, tongue and eyes out possibly while it was still alive, Livestock Protection Officer doesn't seem that worried
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ProTip: Bearspray is useless when hiking if A) iTunes is blasting in your earbuds while B) your two poodles yap away about C) the dead colt they smell around the corner on the trail in D) Blackfeet Indian Reservation's bear country
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Trying to defend a ticket against a paraplegic not wearing a seatbelt, lawyers find themselves totally unarmed
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Tulsa: Look, we know we've named pretty much every landmark in town after a KKK leader who helped incite the 1921 race riots that killed over 300 people. But, that's ancient history, man. Who cares if we name the main road after him, too?
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Why the royal babby was named George Alexander Louis and not Zimmerman
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"WE" never said it was legal. Feds raid Washington State marijuana dispensaries
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The Royal Parents eschew their royal palace, choose to slum it at Kate's parents $7million mansion instead. OH THE HUMANITY
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Charges dropped against DC man who saved a child by killing a pit bull with an illegal gun
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"House Fails to Repeal NSA's Dragnet Phone Surveillance Authority" probably Lupus
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Tony Appleton dressed as a Royal crier announced the Royal baby birth in a traditional way, the poor media thought he's the official guy
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Kentucky man arrested for taking a skunk in the restroom and leaving it there to stink up the place. "Taking a skunk"... is that what the kids are calling it these days?
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"The woman told me, this is something I'll never forget, honestly, she told me that they were the mortgage company, and if they wanted to change your locks, they could"
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How do you respond to email criticism of your political sext scandal sent by a pretty young woman? By sending her direct sext, of course. What kind of politician do you think Weiner is?
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Dope wanted for stealing from Walmart. Seriously, it says so right on his shirt
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Richard III dig - part 2: And inside the next coffin dug up is... another, lead coffin
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Charlotte Harbor: Come for the Fountain of Youth, stay for the anemia, bone cancer, and lesions
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Court rules there are no First Amendment protections in Creative Writing classes
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Following Asiana fake name debacle, KTVU fires long-time producers Wi Fuk Tup, Took Mai Chob, and Wai Mi
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Child talent agent accused of blackmailing teenage boys with nude photos they sent him because he posed as a teenage girl online
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Eccentric billionaire gets the go ahead to create a dinosaur theme park in a remote wildlife area. What could possibly go wrong?
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Plague-infected squirrel found near Los Angeles, says he isn't plague infected, just a little hungover after the FARK beach party in Oceanside last Sunday
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Family rescued by George Zimmerman from overturned SUV cancels news conference due to fears of roving packs of anti-Zimmerman thugs who might "target" them. And all they wanted to do was say thanks
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Because when you think about high tech defense shield you think of blimps. Oh...the humanity
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Forbes does a lengthy investigation into what may have happened to Michael Hastings, but never mentions Michael Hastings. Michael Hastings
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The Los Angeles City Council has approved the plot for the next SyFy movie
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Magician punched in the face after he tries to show something a whore does for money to two men in the park
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Alcohol and exotic dancer fueled graduation party in the park ends in tears, police, attempted murder
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Proposal calls for killing one owl to save another. And when that species gets overpopulated, we'll just send in their foe, the Asian owl-eating gorilla. And the beauty of that plan? They'll freeze to death in winter
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Photoshop theme: Things you wouldn't expect to be named after presidents
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Woman to reporter: "I've got news for you." *PUNCH* Nearby cop to woman: "I've got mace for you." *SPRAY* w/vid
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New York man, infatuated with Jodi Arias, arrested for plotting to kill Nancy Grace. Someone tell me how I should feel about this
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Elementary school teacher arrested for teaching children that "A" stands for amphetamine, "C" stands for cocaine, and "M" stands for marijuana
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So a bear walks into a bar... (w/ video)
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Hey, lady having a conniption fit in the Apple store: people there usually have easy access to gadgets that record your image and WILL share it with the entire world
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Study finds that adding iodine to salt in 1924 made Americans smarter by up to 15 IQ points. In related news, elected officials still do not get enough salt in their diets
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Marion County, Florida wants to ban billboards for strip clubs and adult video stores on I-75, thereby taking away the only really interesting thing to see on I-75 in Marion County, Florida
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A 7-year-old boy took his family's car on a joyride and got caught by police, and a 7-year-old boy took his family's car on a joyride and got caught by police. Different 7-year-olds. One white, one black. These are their stories
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 429: "Ugly Buildings". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 24, 2013 |
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One minute you're enjoying a relaxing summertime float down the river, and the next you're drowning with multiple fractures and torn ligaments in both legs and a grown man in your lap saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
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Not news: Two year old loses hair due to cancer treatment. Kind of news: Dad shaves head in solidarity with his son. News: So does his co workers. Fark: So does his 89 year old boss. Ultra Fark: Former President George HW Bush
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A mystery man went into a Canadian donut shop and bought 500 unsuspecting customers a free coffee. If there's one thing that gets Canadians excited, it's free Tim Hortons
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USC campus police to rape victim: 'So did he cum or what?'
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Family goes bankrupt after spending £65k on. A) Charities. B) Cancer treatment. C) Beanie babies
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Photoshop the floating Shell Olympus platform
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A train in Spain now lies mainly all over the place near the city of Santiago de Compostela, many dead and wounded
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Pope Francis halts motorcade to kiss babies. Dude, you already got the job
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The Senator who previously warned us about the NSA's secret interpretation of the Patriot Act used to track your phone calls, emails and more is now warning us that everyone's cell phone has been turned into a 24/7 tracking device
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Remember "Misty of Chincoteague"? The Chincoteague ponies are swimming the across the Assateague Channel today
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In a case of murder most fowl, man arrested for drowning ducks...in acid
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Thanks to a new website, women can finally learn how to buy a car all by themselves
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Pralines and dick ice cream, 12 naked women comprise most high-maintenance Fiat ever, and scientists come upon Down off switch: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/14 - 7/20
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While Pope Francis seems to be trying to simplify the Papacy and shun the more ornate trappings of office, the Russian Patriarch seems to want to go a different direction and has a special train car built that's covered in gold leaf and murals
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Photoshop this Porsche sculpture
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A question Farkers will almost certainly be unable to answer "yes" to
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Awww... Royal Babies. They're all cuddly and cute. Until they grow up to be the Anti-Christ and stuff
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Posting flyers about your lost service dog? That's a jailin'
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People apparently have a problem with calling the royal baby a "boy" when the newborn hasn't had a chance to choose its gender
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Arctic warming to cost the global economy $60 trillion because of course it will
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Gay people: We're not redefining marriage. Oxford English Dictionary: That's our job
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I guess no one really does go to the mall any more
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Man seen in park
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And then I saw, under the altar, the tenders made of chicken and waffles, and they cried with a loud voice, saying, Oh Popeyes, holy and true, dost thou not give us sauce and avenge our orders on those that dwell in the drive thru?
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Weed killer isn't killing weeds anymore, but the EPA wants to see if it still kills people
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Royal couple names new baby after Zimmerman (since Carlos Danger was already taken)
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Sending half-naked pictures of yourself as part of a job application isn't a good idea
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Afghan donkey bomber proves terrorists can be real asses
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"(Sexual intercourse) you (male masturbation), (sexual intercourse) make me"
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Woman fingers ex-girlfriend in theft of three strap-on dildos from storage unit
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Hey...hey...I don't think you're allowed to swim in there. (w/ video)
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If only Anthony Weiner had seen this flowchart, he'd know when it is okay to text his junk
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I'll see your stripper getting her money back and raise you a DA who hire a private company to shake down drivers for a cut
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"Well gooooollly, what do you mean I can't take a loaded pistol to the top of the Empire State Building. Do you think you can hold this for me?"
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Great, now even breast cancer is being accused of racism. Thanks, Obama
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"In a large metal dustbin they found this [burglary] defendant hiding. He said he was in the area because he had been playing football. The reason why he was wearing gloves when police officers found him in the bin was because he was the goalkeeper"
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Milk, butter, toilet paper, Kill Kathie Kill Kathie Kill Kathie
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Selenium in your water supply? If you live in coal country, it's more likely than you think
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Congress to vote on scaling back warrantless NSA spying. This would be a good day to contact your representative so that Congress (and those who illegally spy on you) will be up to date on your wishes
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a bunch of otters that look like Benedict Cumberbatch
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It turns out doughnuts, dog food and Gatorade are bear necessities for an Ohio zoo bear
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On the bright side, the top 1% has now grown by 12%
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Legalized highway robbery makes the New Jersey Turnpike the most profitable toll road in the US
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Great Britain may have a "royal" baby, but Texas has a "ricin" baby. USA, USA, USA
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Santa Clara residents one step closer to wearing stillsuits, being attacked by Sting in a winged banana hammock
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The average American bra size increased 3 cup sizes in the past 30 years
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a frog using a leaf as an umbrella
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Why Instagram is making you hate yourself even more than you already do
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Friendly neighborhood bank decides it's time to repossess a house, gets the addresses confused and takes the wrong one
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A&E crisis plans deemed 'not good enough'. Apparently endless reruns of Duck Dynasty and Storage Wars just won't cut it in an emergency
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Weinergate, Part II: The Second Chance - come for the "I'll hold u by your throat" text, stay for the pics
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If you've been buying your salsa at dollar stores, you might should know that there might be broken glass inside the bottles that can kill you. Of course, you're buying your salsa at dollar stores, so maybe sweet death would be an escape
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A few years earlier than expected, tattoo removal is a burgeoning business
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Police pull over BMW after seeing water sloshing from it, discover convertible now a mobile swimming pool. Occupants fled on foot, suspected of dunk driving
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An observance from a marine biology graduate student about the warming seas and its relation to lobster habitat. Also here's a gory video of one lobster eating another lobster that looks like a 1950s B-grade horror movie
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I want the entire pool scrubbed, sterilized and disinfected
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Egypt's military dictatorship that just deposed an elected president due to street protests is now calling for street protests
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15 months have passed since the National Review fired a guy for saying that white people should fear black people. Let's check in on them post-Trayvon and see if they've changed
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GQ offers rules for naming your punishment from God for having sex in the worst baby-naming era in human history
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Too much bad PR, Al Qaeda organises 'fun day' for children...Includes cream eating contest and quran reciting competition
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Let the Royal baby funny virals and photoshops begin
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Protip: If you rob a gas station, don't use a 23-mile-long bridge-tunnel that has its own police force as your escape route - the cops will have a pretty good idea where you're going
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Instashop Contest: Photoshop this happy family
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"A middle-aged woman found naked outside her apartment with her head stuck in a staircase handrail told police she was having sex with her boyfriend in public" ... "Police noted that alcohol may have played a role in the outcome"
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Why is it a city like Detroit can hide behind Chapter 9 Bankruptcy protection, but not the 37 million Americans drowning in student loan debt?
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Photoshop this moose fountain
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Judge orders one million dollars be returned to exotic dancer, and not just because it had been in her ass
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Ford plans to hire 800 new Detroit area workers from places like Silicon Valley and Seattle. Seriously. "It's just about getting more positive messages ... about what's available here. It's a great place to work, to live and to play
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Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo. July 24, 6pm, SOLD OUT, After Zoo at Nietzsche's, ~10pm. The Final Countdown
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You almost drowned, and that's horrible. Look on the bright side, though. At least your day can't get any worse
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"Canadian man sorry for chugging eight beers and swimming to Detroit." Well, duh - who wouldn't regret ending up in Detroit?
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Ever wonder what a hairstyle by H.R. Giger would look like? That and more in this week's Mugshot Roundup
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The inevitable Australian wildlife uprising has begun with galahs taking down the power grid
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China's new weapon against crime in one of their most volatile regions is....C) Geese
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Traveling art exhibition celebrates historical "shunga." If you don't know what that is, let me put it this way - tentacle porn has been around for 200 years
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When you're in court on a rape charge, using "if I needed sex I would have gone to a brothel or a fat girl" as your defence won't endear you to anyone
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| Tue July 23, 2013 |
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House Republicans decide that people don't need mail delivered to their homes anymore, propose new neighborhood "cluster boxes." If only there was a word to insert between "cluster" and "boxes" that would describe the probable results
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Matt Taibbi - Explaining the Rolling Stone Cover, by a Boston Native
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"Why yes this is a five star car wash, and I will be taking great care of your £80,000 Bentley, Ma'am." *snicker*
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When God says "take off your clothes and protest at the State Capitol," don't listen to him man, he's just trying to get you arrested
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Man accused of killing his cellmate with toilet paper. He sounds like a charmin individual
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"We taught a lion to eat tofu"
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Photoshop this practicing Panther
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NSA: "We have the technology to search everybody's e-mails." Public: "Okay, could you search your e-mails?" NSA: "Actually, we don't have the technology to do that"
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Step 1: Ask customer at your cell phone store out. Step 2: If she says no, carry her into the back room and hold her against her will
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CNN host, apparently having never investigated your mom's hoarding prowess, claims humans have hunted the dildo to extinction
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Steve McQueen's last ride goes up for auction. Can't swing it? There's always Jessica Alba's knit bikini
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And this one time at band camp, I banged my teacher and now he's in jail
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The 1% are hoping their wine isn't part of the 5%
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Photoshop this woman wiping with Windex®
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Some say that love has no boundaries, even with a 56-year age difference. Police say otherwise
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Man moves to Florida and exemplifies the stereotype when encountering a lift-bridge on a return visit to his homeland
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"Ummmm... yeah fugly, why don't you take the office space next to Milton downstairs?"
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Those who don't learn from History are bound to keep drilling in the Gulf of Mexico
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And I ran, I ran so far away. I just ran. I ran all night and day. I completely got away... with all your concert equipment
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The Doors to reunite under Paul McCartney. Just kidding. It's Nirvana
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Happiness peaks at 69
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If you're going to keep all your child porn in a storage unit, you may want to keep that bill paid up
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Fake firefighter, 18, started real $500,000 fire at library. Any aspirations he may have harbored to be part of the team riding on a red fire truck just went up in smoke
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New York City to ban hammers heavier than 12oz
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Do you have a need for speed? Well if you get caught in Georgia, Illinois, North Carolina, Nevada or New Hampshire, you better have at least $1000 in your wallet. Oh and Vermont sucks
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The first rule of Naked Hangout Club is: You do not talk about Naked Hangout Club
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NYPD Police Commissioner Ray Kelly who apparently has a little trouble with the whole "correlation vs. causation" thing says that he saved "7,383 lives" by having his police officers essentially ignore the 4th Amendment altogether
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The world might have to wait until Wednesday to gaze upon the new royal crotch-dropping. Guessing they're having trouble stapling those jug-ears to the sides of the skull
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Best video you will see all day of a man shoplifting an alligator by stuffing it up his shirt. Darwin surrenders
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David Cameron beats a retreat from his porn filter plan after someone explains to him how the internet actually works
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Tide goes in, tide goes out. British teen parks his car on the beach and can't explain that
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Skip breakfast today? Cool, enjoy your heart attack
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Man dies after trying to mow river
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