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| Sun June 09, 2013 |
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If you want to prevent someone from stealing your equipment, just tie a bell to it. Wait, did I say bell? I meant bull. Tie a bull to it
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Some ugly-ass puppies orphaned by one of the recent tornadoes find a new mommy
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Panhandler sued city, and spent most of the judgment money he received on Chinese takeout, drugs, and gifts to his friends and family....the rest he just wasted
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Stripper costs cop 20 years worth of pay
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Family of ducks cause two separate accidents on highway
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An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. A groin for a groin puts an official reprimand in your file and makes you take sensitivity training
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Couple marries at the IKEA where they first met, will spend honeymoon trying to put their lives together
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Photoshop this placid place
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Meet Edward Snowden. The man who leaked all those NSA documents
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After most truck accidents, road flares are set out. In this case, fireworks were set off. Also a moose was involved
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Being willing to temporarily uproot your life and travel long distances in pursuit of financial gain for yourself and your family is noble. Except for when you're doing it to loot in tornado-ravaged cities
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After trying every medication on the planet and even signing a DNR order for their 6yr old daughter who suffered 1,200 seizures a month, parents finally find a medication that works, dropping the seizures to a scant 3 per month. Weed
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Boston schools may start giving out free condoms to students. Dammit, now teens are going to start having sex
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You too can own your very own lighthouse for as low a $1. Oh did I mention you're required to refurbish and maintain them?
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Photoshop this canine crossing
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Hundreds, hundreds of of twins, twins gather gather for for huge huge gathering, gathering
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$32 billion green energy corporation files lawsuit against country woman for creating a website mocking the company. Green. Green everywhere
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Muslim group holds tolerance forum in Tennessee to promote dialog and increase trust. Which was a good idea... until Islamophobes decided to bus people in to "protest"
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"They opened the front door and saw three-foot drifts of dirt everywhere." This may be a repeat from the 1930's
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You lost your new job because of the big ugly tattoo on your forearm? Well, everything happens for a reason
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Egads. Katie Couric's daytime talk show might not make it to a third season. When was its first season?
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Police release pictures of the "arsenal" found on the Santa Monica gunman: AR-15? Check. Ar-15 receiver? Not really a "weapon"..but okay.. A ".44 revolver"? Checks picture..umm..did he steal that from Wyatt Earp?
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Having taken their ball and gone home in a snit in April, the North Koreans would now like to see if maybe, possibly, they could come back over and re-open that silly little joint industrial complex again. We're cool, right? RIGHT?
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One city has finally set its sights on the most dangerous threat to the safety of its citizens: illegally-placed signs
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Marijuana addicts upset that police who smell the smoke are entering houses without warrants, forgetting a little thing called "probable cause"
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Three HS teachers learn the hard way, if you write a screenplay about three HS teachers drinking and using narcotics with students while having sex with their parents, use pseudonyms for the protagonists. Also, don't let the superintendent find it
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Seattle woman claims to be an "inediate". Well, she certainly sounds like one
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In other news, World Naked Bike Day is a thing (mildly Not safe for work pic)
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The true tragedy is that there are no accompanying photographs or videos
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"Just like the tattoos of 'I love McDonald's' replacing the 'I love Mom' tattoo, food is taking on a very important role. It has moved beyond simply fuel"
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"Entomologists predict quarter-sized gallinippers will invade Sunshine State." Subby thought the Girls Gone Wild guy was in prison
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If riding a bike down a steep mountain trail through an area where falcons fly isn't thrilling enough, you could always strap a bag of meat on your back
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Police said the teacher heard yelling "lockdown" was actually calling for her dog, whose name closely resembles "lockdown." You can probably guess what happened next
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Officers chase black bear cub around Black Bear Loop and past Black Bear Lane. Cub barely escapes into woods causing officers to give up in unbearable defeat. Media grins and bares it
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An entire New Orleans festival dedicated to Creole Tomatoes and the drinking of beer? Yes, please
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Photoshop this disturbingly happy doll
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Pothead with 11 arrests turns himself in as driver of excavator which caused the building collapse and death of 6 people this week. His boss, also a multi-arrest and twice bankrupt and multiply cited code violater, is in trouble too
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Female Israeli soldiers react to "naughty" photo controversy by posting more naughty photos (mildly not safe for work photos)
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Krispy Kreme is about to unveil its new Sloppy Joe sandwich. Your arteries have been warned
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Don't Mess With Texas: not only is Houston NOT having a gun buy back, they are arming neighborhood residents with free shotguns
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In honor of it being 64 years since 1984, we give the quiz; Orwell or Obama
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Male train drivers allowed to don skirts but not shorts to work. Rowdy Roddy Piper approves
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Coming up in a bit it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Live music hosted by a farker. LGT tunein.com
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| Sat June 08, 2013 |
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Drunken helicopter pilot allows drunken passenger to take the controls. What could possibly go wrong?
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It's like grampa always said. You can beat a horse with water, but you'll wind up in the clink. Or something
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Blow a 0.00 on the breathalyzer? Sounds like DUI to us
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Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich
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🎶 Up, up and and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balAAAGGHHH... 🎶
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Afghanistan suicide bomber hides explosive device in his rectum. Which it did
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After over-plucking for years, women are now turning to eyebrow transplants. Don't they know Sharpies are cheaper?
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Protip: If you're going to steal copper, DON'T take it from a live, 7,200-volt power line
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Need some extra ammunition when mom says it's time to get your own place? Here are 18 radically successful people who lived with their parents
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If you go off-script during your valedictorian speech and mention that you were threatened with having your microphone cut if you were to indeed go off-script, then your microphone just might get cut off for going off-script
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Photoshop this leaner
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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Caturday for this story about a hero dog who carries a tiny baby to safety after finding her left for dead in roadside rubbish dump
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Time Magazine investigates patent trolling, interviews several industry leaders....and some drunk guy from Kentucky
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An interactive map of the rise of craft beer
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Subby knew this day would come: The day Chewbacca comes face to face with the TSA
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That guy or gal who tipped us off about our government spying on us? Yeah, they are now the most wanted person in the entire world
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Creation Museum adds zip lines to help visitors sail over logic and whiz past critical thought
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Ammunition stockpiling is causing shortages as far away as Australia
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Subby just looked out the window and saw a horse-drawn wagon carrying a dozen people from the assisted living facility down the street. What's the strangest thing you've seen today? LGN
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Photoshop baby Chester chasing
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How you can be as successful as the guys on American Pickers
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Pope Francis: "I wasn't even supposed to be here today"
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America's worst 50 charities: "You've given them more that $1 billion. They've given almost nothing to the needy"
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According to social media, bacon-wrapped Crif Dogs, bacon-wrapped stuffed dates, "The Reggie," and the humble $9.75 double bacon cheeseburger among best bacon dishes in 10 top bacon-foodie cities
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REVEALED: Does pushing the walk button a million times do anything? Other than increase your risk for carpal tunnel?
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Man arrested for recording public auction of town property accepts $5,000 bid to settle lawsuit
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Massachusetts Supreme Court says city can't fire cop just because he threatened to kill kids who wouldn't get off his lawn
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How tall is a giraffe at birth? It takes three grown adults to measure him (pics)
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Well, if global warming turns out to be real, at least we'll have heat-resistant chocolate
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Let's see what happens in New York City schools when students get their tests graded by an impartial outside evaluator instead of teachers with a vested interest in socially promoting the little sociopaths to be somebody else's problem
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Use the following words to form a headline: Sperm, Bees, University, Plans, Bank, Honey. Difficulty - Do not look at link
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It's the same old smear campaign: You have a few drinks one night with people from the Bilderberg Group and the press makes you look like some kind of crazy lizard person
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Farkers of Anchorage: If you feel like you've been seeing a lot more bear and moose in your neighborhood lately, it's not just your imagination
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Fifth-grade teacher who promised her students perks like extra recess if they would anonymously write down the name of classmates with bad behavior doesn't understand why everybody hates her. "I thought I was empowering them"
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Why didn't Queen Elizabeth I ever have children. That was a man, baby
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Ohio school pays teacher $171,000 bonus for becoming pregnant
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Louisville TV station attempts to gain attention by publicly declaring that, unlike the competition, not every news story it runs will be labeled BREAKING NEWS. "Newsflash" tag feeling a little nervous right now
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Photoshop this launching Afghan
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Researcher claims that in 100k years we may have evolved to look like the Twilight cast
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Felines Tinker and Bell save their pregnant owner's life (and that of her unborn child) by alerting her to the fact that they were all suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning. Clap your hands if you believe in Caturday
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FARK PART'EH June 8 in Toronto. NEW VENUE - plus some guy named Drew will be there
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Omaha Fark Party II. OMAHARDER June 8th at 7pm at the OB Lounge
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It's early in the morning, and subby had a healthy sleep. Would like to know of an excursion some of you may recommend. Day hike, nice drive, sightseeing. Difficulty: in Florida
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Man wants to spend the next 12 months having a barbecue every day - come rain, wind or snow - to save a rhino. Just what are his intentions?
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Argument ends with man chasing his girlfriend onto the lawn and trying to collar her with a dog leash so he could drag her back inside
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I'm not saying there's aliens over and inside the British Scientology HQs, but there's aliens over and inside the British Scientology HQs
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Man takes girlfriend's eye out with pitchfork. Pitchfork gives assault a 6.1 for failing to live up to its previous less-commercial work
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Dude, I dare you to drink that bottle of soy sauce. Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
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Don't you just hate it when you go to a machete fight and you nearly cut off your own hand?
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| Fri June 07, 2013 |
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Science has proven why they're called "Tramp Stamps"
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Pizza topped with bone marrow and cabbage wins Swedish pizza championships
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Mass shooting in Santa Monica, California leaves at least six victims dead. Gun pried from the shooter's cold, dead hands
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Are two tons of used diapers dumped by a rural road a problem? Depends
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Not News: A gun buyback. Fark: A TOY gun buyback
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Cafe allows couples to pay for coffee by kissing each other. "You want some cream with that?"
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Photoshop this calm, flooded statue
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Cop yells "He's coming right for us" before mowing down a 10ft alligator with a M-16 assault rifle in Daytona Beach neighborhood
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Caption this Royal photo bomb
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Okay, so we're officially into summer now, which means cold beer, grilling on the back deck, and an extra-hard version of the Fark Quiz this week
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Let's talk about the little things. Bake your own bread? Add to a salad? Make your own granola? What ways do you incorporate seeds and nuts into your cooking? Difficulty: not the seed from.. Oh, forget it. Jokes to the right:
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If you guessed "some actress from the Vampire Diaries" for the person who sent Obama the ricin-tainted letters, the authorities would probably like to have a word with you. Because seriously--how could you have just "guessed that?"
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| (Some horny Tfarkette) |
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Subby will be getting demolished by one of the fine gentlemen of the XWA roster tonight :). See if you can guess which one?
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Photoshop this fluffy bunny
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Right wing pastor declares that you cannot both be a good Christian and enjoy crappy burnt iced coffee
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Native Americans owe white people an apology for having ancestors who didn't love Jesus. I mean, we exiled you heathens to various rock-strewn regions of Arizona out of the kindness of our souls
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President Obama, "I'd like to speak to you today about...my missing speech. Uh...oh goodness"
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Congratulations, You're having a lesbian
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Nipple cream, pizza, baby stuff, and BATMAN. Who stole what in this week's Friday photo fun? Contest ends 6:00pm EST
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At least 42 die in China bus fire. If only there was some kind of drill for this
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"And the forecast for Hell today; there'll be a few snow flurries building to quite possibly the biggest blizzard Hell has seen since the New Orleans Saints won the Superbowl, Now back to Bob with sports"
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Serial killer Richard Ramirez dead, saves California the trouble
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At the murder trial of wannbe-cop, vigilante, and self-appointed neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman the defense wants to ban the use of the terms "wannbe-cop", "vigilante", and "self-appointed neighborhood watch captain"
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2-stroke penalty: Breaking your 3-iron over another golfer's head, then stabbing him with the broken shaft
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Prosecutor contends man shot by police was attempting 'suicide by cop,' which is apparently defined as 'living within gunfire range of the Seattle PD'
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Photographer captures fight between squirrels in South Africa. "I actually think this squirrel's balls are bigger, but I'm trying not to look too hard," says noted expert on large-testicled squirrels
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Please note: you are not required to clean explosive devices in the sink before handing them off to bomb disposal experts
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Homeowner is Grumpy about some Dopey person who took Bashful
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Algebra teacher lets two students' tangents intersect her
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New Down's syndrome test is 'more sensitive' and can be done earlier in pregnancy, so don't be tardy
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Paying your respects at the funeral of a woman who was raped and murdered is all well and good. Unless you are the suspected murderer, as this guy discovered
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French President confuses Japan and China in Tokyo speech, plans to finish diplomatic initiative by vomiting on the prime minister and accusing Germany of bombing Pearl Harbor
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If you have a phobia about being robbed by large men dressed in bloody clown masks who break into your home and steal TVs, cash, and a whole lot o' weed, don't click this link
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"It's a long ways back to Paso Robles with the smell of alligator urine"
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Since the cat is already out of the bag the NSA is happy to share what they've been reading over your shoulder all these years
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Woman meets man online, shares intimate details of her life for months... then finds out he's her ex-husband
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Two Whole Foods employees suspended for being rude and disrespectful, and by "rude and disrespectful" they mean "speaking Spanish"
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Office affairs, hotel trysts, sexual liaisons in parking lots at ESPN? Shocking, I tell you, shocking
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♫School's out for summer♫
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Homeless man claimed 'adverse possession' of home -- along with beer and kid inside
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Canada's has its own Game of Thrones battle going on in Parliament. In keeping with nationalistic stereotypes, it is boring and naturally Quebec has a problem with it
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Would you rather get your stolen scooter back, or have it destroyed along with the thieves in a high speed head-on with a police car?
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Sacramento County removes bicycle stop signs because bicyclists just ignore them
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See the 51 women competing for Miss USA. Somewhat Not safe for work, and a slideshow, but it's Friday so who cares
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Anonymous just leaked a treasure trove of NSA documents
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NYC 911 dispatcher: What you got stabbed? Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder
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Natural pearl necklace sells for $1.6 million, could be the only natural part on the woman who wears it
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Parts of dead dogs left in homeowner's vehicles two weeks apart. Deputies say they believe the crimes are connected -- or at least used to be
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A Nebraska woman poses nekkid on a Catholic School campus. The police are more pissed than the nuns are
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You know what your chicken needs? A diaper
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Valedouchetorian rips up pre-approved speech and recites the Lord's Prayer at high school graduation
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What should zoos look like in the future? Well, the article completely misses the mini giraffe exhibit, and the triceratops environment
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Welcome to the secret world of bunkers. Come for the ancient computers, stay for the tank filled with sharks wearing laser beams. Okay, well maybe not, but that would still be cool
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An exploration of how internet readers never finish the
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Four-year-old kid brings gun to day care. Fark: Three different times before anyone catches him
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Canadian Food Inspection Agency has now approved two non-native Chinese wasps to attack the non-native Chinese Emerald ash borer. No word on whether Chinese Needle Snakes, then snake-eating gorillas will be next
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Auto mechanic arrested for car jacking
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If your senior class prank is putting the school up for sale on Craigslist you really need to get out more
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Photoshop these petal people
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Splinter group of scientists discover how to make it possible for people to get nutrients from eating wood, hoping it will help turn over a new leaf in our approach to world hunger by getting to the root of the problem
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Coffee is, once again, good for you; until tomorrow
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Gay parents have 'healthier and less argumentative children'. Fab-u-lous
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Renting a laptop for the sole purpose of selling it to a pawn shop because you owe people money is as clever as it is legal
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If you're a prosecutor, don't log into Facebook as a murder suspect's girlfriend to get alibi witnesses to change their testimony
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Today's winning lottery numbers are 32, 39, 39, 47, 50, 56 ... just kidding, it's the ages of six women arrested for "unlawful touching"
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Man rescues ducklings from a storm sewer and reunites them with their mother
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Today's innocent-looking item that could cause death and destruction to your home: Exploding patio tables
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Atheists unveil their official symbol: the majestic Park Bench
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What an American soldier landing in Normandy on D-Day would have been kitted out with
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| Thu June 06, 2013 |
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Earth Wind and Fire concert canceled due to water
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The NSA is watching you masturbate
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Mother arrested for leaving her child in a broiling hot car and letting it die. And a police officer who knew of the incident and failed to report it was also arrested
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One moment you're just paddling along in your kayak and the next moment you realize you need a bigger boat as a huge minke whale swims beneath you
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Not News: Weld County, Colorado leading the charge to make Northern Colorado its own state. News: They're serious. Fark: Weld County is home to many hot nuclear missile silos
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A beer AND bacon festival, you say?
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You discover your white trash boyfriend is sending flirtatious texts to another girl. Do you: C) invite her over so your 450-lb father can sit on her while you try to cut off her fingers with pruning shears?
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Precious are those moments captured of your children when they are young, like this mom's picture of her one-year-old daughter with rattlesnake wrapped around her little leg. So cute
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Costco CFO: "Could [we] make more money if the average wage was $2 or $3 lower? The answer is yes. But we're not going to do that"
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Photoshop this rather sad juxtaposition
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In an effort not to offend their Muslim hosts in Bali, Miss World pageant bans bikinis. Two sarongs don't make it right
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DHS response to Freedom of Information Act request about legality of laptop searches at the border: "Because ██████ and █████████ of █████ ██████. That's why"
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Are you sitting down? Take a deep breath. Are you ready for this? An audit found that the Baltimore City Jail is a dangerous corrupt shiathole
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Apparently this frog never really croaked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bug factory
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Despite tasting like building material, ordinary people who are not body-builders and not athletes are increasingly eating whey protein as health food, perhaps risking kidney damage
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| (Some Alpha) |
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Can we help a little boy feel like a hero for a day? DIT
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Pope Francis: foodies are going to hell
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All may rejoice, the great California prison ban on reading werewolf erotica has ended
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Attempt two. My two cats are in need of a home. They're black, four years old, fixed, and love people. Please help - black cats don't do well in shelters
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D'awwww...puppies
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Tipsy woman busted for disorderly conduct on a flight she was taking en route to rehab. Judge orders her to stay off spirits, Spirit
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Uh-oh. The media has identified a new, disturbing, and dangerous trend among young people: smoking alcohol. "The prevalence of the trend is unclear, since there are no current studies tracking the cases." PANIC ANYWAY
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Amish sure they didn't expect this
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Yes, that's your father in High School. Right between "Creepy smile kid" and "Some tall guy"
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Angry that the hooker you just gave $150 won't have sex with you? Well, if you live in Texas, it's now legal to shoot her dead
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Ben & Jerry's searching for ideas for new 'Seattle' flavored ice cream, considering 'coffee' flavor, 'pretzel' or 'crushing existential despair brought on by seasonal affective disorder' flavor
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Taco Bell rules of etiquette: #8 - If you're not happy with the drinks you ordered, please refrain from throwing them at our employees
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People often get caught up with the carbon cycle, global warming, and ocean acidification, and we forget about nitrogen. It's nice to know that we are equally screwed by the nitrogen cycle
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The story of Arthur Gates Barkley, the man who thought the IRS owed him $471.78, so he went and hijacked a TWA jet
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It took a court order, but a 10-year old girl with only weeks to live is now allowed to receive adult lungs
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The old, dead-rat-by-the-beer-cooler trick, eh?
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Texan catches 1,323 pound mako shark while fishing, enraging environmentalists who haven't realized you shouldn't tangle with a man who can land a 1,323 pound mako shark
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Man found guilty in 50 MPH crash that killed a 4th grade girl and paralyzed her grandmother. Wait, did I say 50 MPH? I meant 150 MPH
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If you're underage and going to pass out drunk in someone's yard, try to make sure it doesn't belong to the county attorney
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Just a note to "Today" show producers? Jumping into a segment analyzing Joe Biden's joke-telling isn't exactly the smoothest segue from images of a man trying to commit seppuku in front of your picture windows
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"What are you in for?" "Armed robbery. You?" "Ran out of video games"
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Usually, when your truck hits the overhead clearance warning sign you don't keep going. Usually
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Drug prevents PTSD in mice, providing a new possible treatment for the forgotten survivors of the Cheese Wars
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Woman goes topless in public to make a statement; We hope others join her to support this truly worthy cause, whatever the hell it is
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After getting divorced, guy decides to get a simple nose job. What could possibly go wrong? w/NSFLunch vid
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I'm getting married this weekend. Give me your nuptial advice
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Out of town sermon for Catholic priest goes horribly wrong when someone plants ice-cold beer, condoms and lube in his art-district hotel room before beating him up and stripping him of his clothes
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When secretly testing new type of chaff, maybe deploying it should be someplace without local TV stations' weather radars. Just sayin'
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Giant 'Frankenfish' caught in Virginia could break World record for size, tartar sauce sales
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Six dead and 14 injured in yesterday's Philly building collapse. Toll from Pittsburgh collapse to be determined Friday night
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An African-American opera star from Oakland is learning how to be a Yiddish singer. No Mad-Libs were harmed in the making of this headline
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Five days after news of the now-missing Rob Ford crack tape broke, the Toronto house where it was being kept was the scene of an armed invasion
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World's oldest base-jumper at 102-years-old gets honorary brass balls for leaping into Snake River Canyon. You could offer her an onion belt but she'd probably chew on it and spit it out
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84 year old Powerball winner was allowed to go first to get her ticket by a kind shopper. In related news, unusual death found in home of said kind shopper. Reports indicate that there were multiple self-inflicted hits to the head with a frying pan
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All adopted children are wanted children. However, children of adopted children may have been forcibly inseminated by their grandmother
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14th survivor pulled from Philly building collapse
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Spice battle rages in the Middle East. THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED
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Newest Southern Cal police freeway chase enthusiast is a motorcyclist who whipped off his helmet to smash adjacent cars, stand upright on his seat at 100 mph. This is why we need ObamaCare
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Hospital teams up with Warner Bros. to help children cope with chemotherapy by re-branding it as superhero superpower inducing Justice League formula
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Police arrest 60 year-old man for taking a gun from a cop and then squeezing the cop's genitals
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After years of existing in condensed squalor, Americans decide they want to live in impractically big McMansions again. Finally, everything's back to normal
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Ooh, Mau Mau, a faux pas .. ooh, Mau Mau, a faux pas
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Canadian city apologizes for using chicken poop to drive away the homeless
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Grandmother of the year drives her car out on RR tracks while the warning signals were flashing, then gets trapped by they crossing arms. Does she (a) get her grandchild out of the car seat, or (b) attempt to manually raise the crossing arm?
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Sappy: Proposing to your girlfriend. Strange: While naked on her back patio. Fark: At the wrong house
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Want to catch those thieves stealing your copper pipes? Just leave a few beers for them to drink
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Russian smokers angry over smoking ban, feel as though they're living in a communist state like New York
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China Communist Party newspaper launches online game allowing players to take back disputed islands and kill Japanese - and of course, millions are playing
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Photoshop Tim Tebow's next job
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Couple returns home to find their house possessed by Michael Bay
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Your parents won't let you go on a road trip to Washington, D. C. Do you: C) Fake your own death, hop on a bus, and when you get to D.C., tell the police you had been kidnapped
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FARK ready headline: "'I'm With Stupid' tattoo clinches underage sex conviction". Even more Farkalicious...the tattoo was pointing to his penis
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Bill O'Reilly warned us. He warned us and we wouldn't listen
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"I can still see those pixellated explosions in my mind, the thermal images of blood. I awake to the echo of the silent explosions, the answering creak of my armchair as I reach for my Mountain Dew. But it's empty." A drone pilot speaks of his PTSD
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House panel approves measure requiring US armed services to consolidate from 10 camouflage patterns down to one. Subby can't see any good coming out of this
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The best part: not only do you not have to deal with Mr. How Many Pairs Of Black Shoes Do You Really Need?, but he will send you a check every month, which you can then spend on black shoes
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What's worse than having one of your neighbors put a giant gargoyle in their yard? Having one of your neighbors put a well-hung, giant gargoyle in their yard
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Toss a cigarette butt on the ground in Chicago? That may soon become a $1,500 fine, plus the impoundment of your vehicle
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| (Some Guy named Eric) |
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The $9800 MSRP, 41 MPG, safe-to-drive GM car you helped pay to design, but aren't allowed to buy
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Arizona cops search meth house, find panic room containing assault rifles, swords, smoke grenades, police uniforms with sergeant's stripes, ballistic vests, police duty belt, badges, and 10,000 rounds of ammo. So much for preparedness
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Good luck trying to tell if someone is drowning
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Rob pharmacy: check. Flee from the scene of the crime: check. During rush hour traffic: check. While naked: check check check check check
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An 11-year-old kid got suspended for bringing guns on the bus? That sounds reasonable. Oh for TALKING about guns on the bus? Um
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That awkward moment right after pulling the trigger of the BB gun to shoot your friend in the ass, and you realize it's not a BB gun
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You lucky bastard
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I knew that a lot of vintage ads were sexist, but I had no Idea there was such a problem with feminine hygene back then. Several in this collection insist that the husband is plotting escape from the stench. After she feeds him dinner of course
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Elmo now Cookie Monster
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D-day 69 years ago, in color
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 422: "Breaking News: Take it, Make it, or Fake it". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 05, 2013 |
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1-800-GOD-MYTH. Coming soon to a hotline near you
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Say hello to Tropical Storm Andrea, the first named storm of the 2013 Atlantic Hurricane season
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Coolest. Toilet factory. Employee. Ever
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"Dude, I'm telling you, those were CLONES I stabbed. My REAL family is living underground. Is that so hard to understand?"
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Photoshop Challenge: Photoshop yourself into a Celebrity photo. Difficulty: must be the real you (or a reasonable facsimile). Good luck Doppleganger
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"African-Americans and Hispanics are predisposed to crime" was said by a) some racist, b) some dumbass, c) Judge Edith H. Jones of the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, d) all of the above
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Meet the master of the photobomb
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Sheet cakes are so passé. "The man wanted a confectionery replica of his wife giving birth"
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Remember that time that you thought you pulled a muscle, but then found out you were actually pregnant and going into labor?
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SWAT team successfully teargasses, um, well..... the UPS guy
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Denver International Airport will be conducting a major practice drill today, reportedly involving flights leaving and arriving on-time
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Felony Annoyance...NY might need its own tag wearing jack boots
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Komen's charity walks go from DD attendance to about a B
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FAA: In retrospect, the plan to allow knives, bats, and golf clubs back on planes was pretty stupid
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Joe Francis threatens lawsuit over stolen sex tape. Ironic tag asplodes
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Record Powerball winner is 84-year-old woman. Surprisingly, she didn't go for the 30-year annuity
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So, let's see what's new today. JLH is engaged, Kate Winslet is pregnant, there is a giant hole in the Sun. Wait. What?
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Wile E. Coyote-level super genius names drinks at his Kennedy-themed bar on Cape Cod "Dealy Plaza" and "Pink Chanel Suit". Bonus: Denies he did it and blames the liquor distributor
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I want steak damn it... How many times do we have to have this conversation?
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Photoshop this quiet Olympic pool
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You can come out from your fortified bunkers: The Great Cicada Invasion has been cancelled
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"Mormon Fundamentalist" polygamists seek to shed stereotypes and show they're just like any other typical family with dozens of kids, some older than their father's wives, who live in compounds under the autocratic control of a "prophet"
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Grandiose desires of world domination and to send an entire race of people to concentration camps isn't normal, but on meth it is
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Now you can add pitbulls attacking reporters to the Kindergarten graduation story. Florida seen looking on in envy
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Restaurant secretly replaces the regular orange juice with mimosas during brunch. Let's see if anyone notices
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Well off mother of 2 arrested in $3 million marijuana bust. That sound like an interesting premise for a TV show. Maybe a cable network would be interested
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At 105 New Zealand's oldest driver has crashed only once that he can remember
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People will believe anything when you pretend to be a rich old man giving away iPads on Craigslist
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Amazon wants to deliver your groceries. Here's why
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Aliens made me drive out to the field and then stole my car
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Number of Washington Post articles posted to Fark will drop sharply starting June 12
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North Ireland finds 'Immense' illegal waste dump, attempts to close it over the protests of residents claiming it's actually Britain
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As Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single leap, and then continues with your Mother asking for her help from the internet to cover your medical bills
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Lawyer leaving Las Vegas after doing very bad things to his Vegas casino hotel room, blames the hangover
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Tajikistan President spotted enjoying himself at a wedding on Youtube, responds by blocking Youtube for all off Tajikistan forever
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Drivers who hog the middle lane on motorways now face summary execution. Well, summary fines, but it's a step in the right direction
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Adult kickball players are worse than gang members, junkies
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Being behind on your bills is stressful. Trying to commit a robbery that turns into a hostage situation isn't going to help that
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The only flaw with the millennial generation is that they are too humble, says entitled self-important millennial in literal humblebrag
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Fark-ready headline/possible title for a Hardy Boys novel: "New Clue in Mystery of the Giant Floating Head"
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It took eight years, but a CIA analyst finally cracked the code that an artist left in a sculpture in front of the CIA building
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Small town school accused of covering up high school coach's arrest. Guess how many comments it took for some loon to blame Obama
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You know you're a tortured artist if you create a city made out of bread just so you can watch it mold and decay
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Why are you working yourself to death? Do you really want to live forever? Maybe just let it go, man
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Air ambulance aborts landing at hospital because of junior doctors' barbecue 50 yards from helipad
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Live footage of rescue efforts at building collapse in Center City Philadelphia
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Toronto mayor Rob Ford cracks a big smile and says "What video"?
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Strip clubs in state enterprise zones allows for $37,000 tax break per head
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Check your privilege with this handy quiz. Or, you know, have your valet check it for you
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Storm-chasers diary of the record breaking OK tornado
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The next thing airlines will charge you a fee for? Pilots
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"Superheroes" named Ira O'Reilly, Exemplar, the Death's Head Moth, Spanner, and Valcura fight crime, help the needy in Virginia, and won't let their faces be shown on camera. This will end well
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Boston hospitals were prepared for bombing, but not for government response to bombing
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Union of Soviet Socialist Californians set to ban beach fires because of "air quality" concerns
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If the hairs on your toes start disappearing, it either means you're evolving from a hobbit into a human or you're suffering from some kind of heart disease
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Flooding threatens German Lebensraum; France worried about where displaced Germans will go
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Brazilian health ministry forced to drop its 'I'm happy being a prostitute' campaign
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If you're in or passing through the Cincinnati metro area please be cognizant of what's going on. Apparently the motor vehicles have started their long anticipated jihad against the buildings. Audi Akbar
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Teacher: Kids, bring your Nerf guns to school. I have a fun experiment planned. School: Kids, we have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to toy guns. You're all suspended
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In a random tragedy that no one could have seen coming, VA teen only two weeks from graduation dies in freak skateboard accident. And all he was doing was hanging onto a friend's truck while they drove down the road at high speeds. WHY, GOD, WHY?
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Parents of chronic bullies to face fines in Wisconsin. Towns begin looking for any adults walking around with an obvious wedgie
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India bans Kim Cattrall
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"When graduate students stroke female rats' clitorises (which apparently look like little eraser heads) and then stop, the rats will tug on the students' sleeves and beg for more." That's money well spent right there
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Top Gear: Can you build a lawnmower that cuts grass at 130 MPH? Honda: We got you covered
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With foreign jihadis rushing to Syria to fight on both sides of the war and chemical warfare now confirmed, shiat is getting very serious in an area known for taking everything way too seriously
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NJ cop from troubled police force busted for being drunk at a barbecue. In uniform. On duty
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If you're building a secret man cave, don't do it at work, and especially don't do it on a government contract
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It's a good day in Alaska when your organization gets a grant to install indoor plumbing
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Today's teacher meltdown comes to us from Pride Elementary School, Deltona, FL, where substitute begins hearing invisible voices in hallways, calls FBI, CIA, President to report them
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If you have three hours to kill: cause disturbance, get arrested, & repeat; cause disturbance, get arrested, & repeat; cause disturbance, get arrested, & repeat
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Minneapolis cheerleader arrested for prostituting another student via Craigslist. In other news, Minneapolis apparently has very different cheerleader standards than the rest of the nation
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Investigators say the fire was awesome
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Anti-ticket camera activist wins $12,561 from Illinois DOT because he doesn't know how to crack a locked Excel spreadsheet
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Photoshop this face-off
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Ahhhh San Diego... Perfect weather, attractive women, and elephants on the beach. Wait what?
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Betty Ford Center in need of a sponsor
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Jumping out of your dad's car while he's driving drunk. Just one more thing that was a game when you were growing up that's now considered a felony
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Self-important hipster douchebag Gawker writer wants you to stop using "derp"
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Apparently, it's possible to mess up boiling water
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WE'RE DONE FOR: cereal, bananas, milk, crackers, french fries, soda, chips and cookies all linked to cancer. Macaroni and cheese though? Still safe
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Doe that has obviously watched too many action movies, jumps on the back of moving motorcycle, throws driver off only to wreck 300 yards down the road. Officer Peck said a deer stealing a bike was "kind of a first"
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Tree trimmer accused of branching out into burglary
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El Reno tornado the widest ever measured on earth
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Many scholar and historians feared the worst when Islamists set fire to libraries in Timbuktu, thankfully Dr Abdel Kader Haidara had already smuggled out 285,000 manuscripts by cars, carts and canoes
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