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| Sun May 05, 2013 |
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New "no jab, no play" campaign seeks to discriminate against anti-vaxers by forcibly separating their unvaccinated children from vaccinated kids. I bet some people will have a problem with this
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Moon landing enthusiast? Well it's your lucky day. You can bid on a electrocardiogram of Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong's heartbeat while he was on the moon
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Finally, a guide to preventing the ultimate social faux pas: How to properly dip a chip without breaking it off inside the bowl
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Iron Photoshop Ingredient: The incredible, edible egg
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Raw milk sickens dozens. If only there was some sort of process that could kill all bacteria in milk making it safe to store and drink
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Good: Three glasses of champagne can improve your memory. Bad: Three glasses a week
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Good news, we found some of those missing honeybees hiding in Utah
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Man kills someone. That's bad. Victim was a child molester. That's... not "good," but... Murderer is a white supremacist. That's bad. He killed the chomo because it's a rule in his gang to kill chomos. That's... again, not sure how to feel about this
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If 3D plastic guns are outlawed, only 3D plastic criminals will have them
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Twenty-six delicious cereals from the 90s you will never, ever eat again
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Wait, you mean I'm not supposed to use money collected 'for the troops' to buy booze & other important things like movie rentals for myself? But I've been doing it for years, what's the problem?
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There's an empty dumpster behind Waffle House
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Photoshop this edge of the earth
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This is why you don't use valet parking
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"You can keep your 29 boas for now, but don't think it is written in stone"
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This is what is called a target-rich environment
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PHOTOS: High school teacher asked to resign after hot modeling pics surface (you'd hit it)
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"Colorado police say no crime was committed when a second-grade teacher taped shut the mouths of 28 kids"
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Greatest obituary ever. No, really
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Maine man arrested after assaulting Stormtrooper, Ghostbuster. He ain't afraid of no Force
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Metrosexual fish? It's not as unlikely as you think
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Russian and Iranian media predicting full-scale Middle East war involving Israel erupting in hours. CNN reports already sixty-five millionty-billion dead in Iceland, a giant octopus attacking Rome, and Ted Turner has grown five extra penises
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Turns out, some homeschooled kids are a little weird
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I was swallowed by a hippo
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First, the good news: Scientists have found a cure for baldness. Now the bad news: The cure involves extracting your blood, feeding it into a machine, and injecting it back into your scalp
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Man accused of taking Rogaine from a pharmacy shelf with no intention toupee
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The next time you're standing in line for Disneyland's Space Mountain, pause for a moment and admire the hard work and dedication given by the man whose job it is to clean the ride's slanted roof
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Don't you hate it when you're getting drunk with your buddy and he starts play fighting with you so you start play fighting back and you get him in a playful hold and he playfully passes out and you playfully drop him and he hits his head and dies
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| (YolkRegion.ca) |
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Finally, fresh coffee in space, but at what cost? Tim Horton's to open coffee shop on International Space Station
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Photoshop this road
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News: Man gets arrested for stealing a case of beer. FARK: Deputies find a mouse in the man's pocket. Bonus: Man's dad goes down to the jail and claims the mouse
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PRO TIP: If your drug dealer takes your money and doesn't deliver the marijuana and cocaine you bought from him, just let it go and don't go calling 911
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Police dog eats a hamster during a drug raid. Richard Gere inconsolable
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Two cases of a "sex superbug" discovered in Hawaii
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Forty-nine words in the English language first appeared in a book that may not exist. How perfectly cromulent
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Tired of Jesus getting all the headlines, Hindu god Baba Ganesh makes an appearance on a dried aubergine
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Coming up at the top of the hour, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, over two hours of commercial free randomized music, hosted live by a Farker. LGT stream on tunein.com, or go to krnn.org
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The victim told police she entered her apartment and a naked male subject came out of her bathroom holding a hammer and a crack pipe
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| Sat May 04, 2013 |
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VIDEO: Dash cam footage released of anything-but-routine traffic stop where driver attempts to kill police with a rifle
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What better way to raise awareness for testicular cancer than a giant real life mascot shaped like a smiling pair of balls complete with hair? Thanks, Brazil. (possibly Not safe for work)
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When I was your age I had to walk to school along a cliffside and follow a tightrope across a river
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Israel strikes Syrian targets. This is not a repeat from yesterday
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Is it shoplifting if you drink the whole box of wine in the bathroom?
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Nothing like partying to celebrate the end of your DUI suspension...go ahead guess what happens next
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Sorry guys, but that fertilizer plant that blew up only had one million dollars in liability insurance, so you will have to split that amongst yourselves
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Photoshop this view from a rooftop
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Is Chicago-style pizza the manliest pizza, or is it just overcompensating for something? Get out your popcorn, because the gauntlet is down
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Usually when you retire, you might pick up a passion for painting seascapes and flowers to pass the time, then there's this horse
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The problem with late-season snow is that people get really crabby at having to bring out their winter gear again, so they go robbing convenience stores and hitting clerks with snow shovels
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Personal remembrances on the 43rd anniversary of a Fark Photoshop cliche
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And it is a bargain at only $59 a gallon
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Teen gets his entire track team DQed because he pointed at the sky while crossing the finish line. WTFark: The school DOESN'T prohibit religious expression
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The US Government can no longer deny that aerial drones are attacking Justice
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Celebrate Star Wars Day the right way. With hot girls who like Star Wars (maybe Not safe for work)
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Today's cute animals rescued from neglect by a hoarder: Pot-bellied pigs
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Photoshop this cyclist with nowhere to go
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Marine explosive ordnance disposal team leader earns Silver Star to go with his giant brass balls for clearing minefield to reach wounded comrade, clearing landing area for medevac chopper, then clearing 5 more IEDs under fire for his men to escape
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NASA launches three smartphones named Alexander, Graham and Bell into orbit and they send back cool pictures of Earth. You still can't take a clear pic of your lunch or get reception in the office bathroom
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Man gets stabbed over a bag of corn chips. You would expect that kind of behavior in a dispute over a Klondike Bar
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Man escalates speeding ticket to obstruction of justice conviction after learning what happens on the internet, doesn't stay on the internet
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School claims teen mom's yearbook photo with her baby is not allowed because it'll encourage teen pregnancy. It's not like teenage girls watch TV shows like Teen Mom or anything
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Ugly-ass Two Face lamb has to flip a coin to decide whether to graze or blow up Gotham City
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You know god hates you when for the second time in a week you nearly DIAF
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FDA to decide if antibacterial soap is safe. Of course, once the public controversy starts they'll just try to wash their hands of it
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Man is accused of stealing $10,000 worth of chicken wings. Judge sets bail intentionally high to prevent him from flying the coop
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"My son was not a reckless person. He decided to try what he thought was acid"
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"I'm fat and I love to eat and that's what inspired it"
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It's Free Comic Book Day today. What will YOU be picking up to bring your nerdgasam to fruition?
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Cause of death for Boston bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev, who was shot by police and run over by his brother, turns out to be "getting shot by police and run over by his brother"
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9/11 museum at Ground Zero will charge $25 for admission. Family members of victims: "These people are trying to make money off the worst day in American history"
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Photoshop theme: Castles
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Oh, this IS news, alrighty. Hooters girl hits a golf ball. That's it. Strangely short article, Shocking video
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43-year old Little League manager shows 17-year-old umpire who's the boss
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Cat with sdrawkcab sgel ls purrfectly fine thank-you very much and really needs a forever home to spend his Caturdays
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"Winners" of the Ultimate Redneck Wedding chauffered via port-a-potty, riding mower & celebrate with RC Cola & Twinkies in lieu of Wedding Cake. Moonpies might be fresher
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In 1903 residents in Van Meter, Iowa claimed to have seen an eight-foot winged creature with a forehead horn that cast a blinding beam of light. 110 years later the creature and mystery remain unsolved
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Get. Your. Filthy. Hands. Off. My. WASHING. MACHINE
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Remember the 4th grade science test where the right answer is that god made dinosaurs on the 6th day? Turns out it was legit and the school administrator is shocked at the public's reaction. Awwww
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Seattlepi wants to teach us how to keep a bottle of beer cold. Here comes the science
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"I thought he was joking," says father regarding the text message that his son sent him which read, simply, "I killed mom"
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It's got to be a little unnerving finding a drunk man late at night with his underwear down around his ankles and he's looking straight through you
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Student arrested for instigating food fight
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German biker doing 130 MPH in California desert rear ends, flies into bed of pickup...without driver noticing for another 10 miles: "We drive on the autobahn, we know what high speeds are"
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Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport formally dedicated today. Lewinsky Memorial Lost & Found to be located underneath the customer service desk
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| Fri May 03, 2013 |
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US officials report Israeli airstrike hits targets in Syria
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How to stop a dog from attacking your wife? Bite it back
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If you try to steal the tips at your local diner using a butter knife, you don't get to say you were "just playing around" when the cops arrest you
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It's not plastic. it's DiGiorno
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Hotties with mugshots
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Bangladesh factory employee ignores the weight of his giant balls of steel, "cut off limbs to save lives" of coworkers after building collapses and doctors refuse to enter due to dangerous conditions
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Have you ever gotten home and not remembered driving there? Have you suddenly "come to" behind the wheel of a car without remembering the last few miles? You're not alone. Here comes the science (and the oncoming traffic)
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Photoshop these great grabbers
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You know how the Romans rounded up early Christians and fed them to the Lions? Yeah, that never happened
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Mississippi high school tells students to come to Jesus. Atheist group tells school administrators to come to court
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Chewbacca saves woman from motel fire. That does not make sense
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"Psychologist claims he can enlarge women's breasts with hypnosis"
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"What is so funny about calling me 'F*ckface Von Clownstick'?" -- Donald Trump
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Google recognizes the State of Palestine. Did you mean: Gaza and the West Bank
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Abandoned dog with four prosthetic legs finds a happy home that is apparently very dusty and filled with onions
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There are four things a man must do before he can be considered a man: Fight a bull, father a son, write a book, and score higher than 700 on the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Photoshop these wand wavers
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"We ought to celebrate lol as a succinct, universally recognized way to express emotion in text-heavy media-emails, IMs, texts, tweets, and the like-that are otherwise cold and unemotional." lol
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sacramento family that took their infant out of Sutter hospital to Kaiser Permanente only to have their child taken by CPS, get their child back by a judge's order, but there's a catch
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Lead theft leads police to ask for leads
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| (Some Beer Guy) |
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Attention Pennsyltucky area Farkers, this Sunday there will be goat races and German beer at the Sly Fox Brewhouse & Eatery in Phoenixville. P.S. Bring your loose fitting boots (details in link)
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YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN But seriously, you really weren't
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Six-foot penis scrawled into brand new $5,000 driveway. Dickless vandals suspected
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Transgender student denied access to Smith College all because of one little box
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Reflected sunlight from shiny dog bowl ignites house fire. Your dog wants the Sun to not be there
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Our special tonight: Cervical cancer served on beetroot carpaccio with mustard-honey dip
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Eel smuggler turns out to be slippery as... hmmm... now if there was only something slippery with which to compare him
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"Pills typically are kept in medicine cabinets, as opposed to anuses"
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Police in China crack down on crime ring selling meat that has mutton to do with sheep
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May is International Masturbation month, if you've already participated give yourself a hand... er, again
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Cookie Monster is not guilty. Cookie Monster no want plea deal. Cookie Monster wants...COOKIES OM NOM NOM NOM NOM
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| (Some Guy) |
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Peeking over your neighbors fence is getting a lot easier
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Rhode Island legalizes gay marriage. The six gay people in Rhode Island are reportedly thrilled
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Lego sticker accused of harassing dames on the street
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Cockpit bar & grill: NOT A GAY BAR
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KC-135 catches fire midair and crashes in Kyrgyzstan... Really hope there's no heavy jet crash trifecta
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Hang tight kids, we'll be at the cruise ship in a little while. Daddy just has to make a quick stop and rob a credit union in order to make the final payment on the tickets
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Pro-tip: If you're think about robbing an old, blind man in the middle of the day, make sure he's not a veteran that can annihilate you
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NYPD commissioner Ray Kelly says African-Americans are "understopped" by police, needs surgery to remove foot from mouth
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Man charged with killing wife with pickaxe, hitting Q to discard evidence
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One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Radioactive Fish
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Article about revenge porn lawsuit argues that one site's video descriptions are evidence of what the videos actually contain
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Not News: Washington School Closed today. Still Not News: Due to weather. Fark: Due to freak weather incident: a giant, shining orb in the sky that is terrifying locals
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Pentagon beefs up its biggest "bunker buster" bomb. Iranian generals seen whistling, slowly backing away from nuclear sites
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God-fearing powers seem to be holding up deliveries of Atheist shoes to the US
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The "Messiah of Sex" has died. Everyone awaits the Second Coming
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If science finds a way to give us superpowers, will we use them for good or for evil? Or will it be both? And will Florida decimate their state because they insist on wearing capes?
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Man calls cops to report a fight. That he was just in, and is now driving home from. Drunk
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You may hate Fox News and MSNBC, and you may find CNN to be nothing but gossipy crap, but remember one important thing. Most people in the world would kill to have a free press that stupid if it meant they could have a free press
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In World War II, there were 30 Navy ships for every admiral. Now, the Navy has more admirals than ships
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German TV network drops reruns of popular detective series because its star hid his Waffen SS past. The Germans did not see that coming
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"He fired one round after cleaning his gun in what he thought was a safe direction...." To be fair, it was safe for him
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Last remaining South Korean workers leave industrial zone, move on to Aztec zone in search of more crystals
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Next week is National Clitoris Awareness Week. I can't put my finger on quite how, but we can lick this new holiday in the bud
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Papua New Guinea isn't quite sure firing squads can really stop sorcerers
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Photoshop this Palestinian peekaboo
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2013 Hide and Seek champion named
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Remember the first half of The Stand? Yeah, now put that lab in China. What is Captain Trips in Mandarin?
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Cop crashes car up a utility pole while chasing someone for the horrible crime of not wearing a seatbelt. As a bonus, fellow officers decide to give tickets to everyone who slowed down to look at the dumbass up a pole
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| (Some Guy) |
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Zumba to protect Lemurs. FEEL THE FUZZINESS LADIES
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Old and busted: Male drill sergeants sexually abusing basic trainees. New hotness: Female drill sergeants sexually abusing basic trainees. Obvious: And getting lighter sentences
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Hunter mistakes sheriff for turkey and shoots him 50 times...WITH A BB GUN
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Smoking hot high school English teacher arrested for having sex with a 10th-grade student. And she would have gotten away with it, too, if she hadn't shown up at an after-prom party barefoot and drunk
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Ever wanted to own your own psychiatric hospital? Well if you have an extra $35 million laying around and don't mind Texas now is your chance
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50 outdoor activities every kid should experience
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Man calls police to a 7-Eleven, won't tell cops why, claims he's a monkey and strips off his clothes to show the officer that he is not human
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NJ Port Authority police officer has saved 5 people from committing suicide off the George Washington Bridge. This year
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$60,000 would buy a home in some towns, or pay a fine for selling gun-shaped lighters in New York City
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It's a sad reflection on our society that a 14-year-old boy has to pay a "prostitute" to pepper-spray him and steal his iPad and piggy bank. When Subby was a lad, any girl would do that to him for free
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| (Some Guy's Wife) |
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When did Peanuts turn from a comic strip about cute kids doing cute things to a story about insecurities and pathos? February 1, 1954
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Plane crashes into the Hudson River. This is not a repeat from 2009
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If you see hundreds of troops scrambling around in hazmat suits, tent cities springing up out of nowhere, or low-flying helicopters buzzing around nuclear missile silos in Montana next week, remember, it's just a drill. That's it...juuust a drilll
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Criminals show off drugs and cash via Facebook. FARK: From behind bars
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Jones Soda unveils a poutine-flavored pop
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Students complain after their track coaches make them do bear crawls. Awww, did the precious little snow.... HOLY FARK
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| Thu May 02, 2013 |
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Does a wild bear sh*t in the truck?
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Remember how global warming would cause violent weather outbreaks? Tornado activity in the US was at a record low in 2012 since records started being kept six decades ago
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In the 'wrong line of work' department: There are lifeguards making more than $100,000 in California. Lots of them. All over the state. Not just captains or chiefs or supervisors, but frontline lifeguards
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Come for the rodeo, stay for the deep fried bubble gum, avocado, and cubes of butter
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Bigfoot Hoax Video Checklist: Guy in woolly gorilla suit✓ Shaky camera work ✓ Sasquatch sleeping bag✓ Wait. What?
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Photoshop these soccer fans' smoke screen
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The beginning of World War III will be: a) North Korea vs. South Korea. b) Israel vs. Iran. c) India vs. China
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Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman permanently relocates somewhere south of heaven
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Leotard-wearing, bicycle-riding senior terrorizes joggers in London parks
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Moby Duck
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Conservationist says fracking operation near national park makes night sky "look like 'Blade Runner'" due to massive gas flares, attack ships on fire off shoulder of Orion
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Chinese building erected, shows off the expansive thrust of Dong's architectural endowment with the firm grip of Wang's construction prowess
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"Screw the pic-i-nic baskets, Boo Boo. Let's get into the real serious s***"
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Cop fired for 8th time for leaving AR-15 with friend. Previous firings for beating juveniles, stealing from suspects, falsifying reports, conducting unauthorized car chase where four people were killed & calling in sick...from Cancun
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Taco Bell working on new 'low-end' menu. That's the joke
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark Food Thread: Let's spice things up in here.. What are fun ways to incorporate flavors to surprise your diners when you've got the chef's hat on? Bonus points for recipes. Difficulty: no references to Dune
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Americans are morons when it comes to basic science. But they're even dumber when they're quizzed about religion
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Shots fired at George Bush. Terminal
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Photoshop theme: Adults experiencing kids' problems or vice versa
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I wonder how many people are sued for child support by their wives? Not EX-wife, mind you, nor even in divorce proceedings
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If you left an unexploded bomb in the Austin, Texas business district, the police would like you to claim it
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Shocking study reveals insecticides are killing insects
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Blue's clues lead to arrest. Suck it, Dora
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North Korea sentences American to 15 years of being a North Korean
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The Richard B. Cheney Vice-Presidential Library is now open to the public. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here
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Just in time for Mother's Day: a new line of cards that feature same-sex, incarcerated, transgender and low-income immigrant moms
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When does a DUI conviction carry a 13-year prison sentence? Apparently, when it's your eighth one
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The Bukharin Invasion II: Köln (Cologne) Fark Party - May 3 - 7pm CET
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Interviews with 78 Taliban fighters show that the US is screwed, Karzai is screwed, and Afghan women are especially screwed
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Wang grabbed in prostitution arrest
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Two planes clip each other in their haste to get out of New Jersey
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US Airman, "Aliens messed with the US"
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A 39 year old setting up a party house to lure underage teens in with drugs and booze with the intent of banging underage kids gets off again. This time in court
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The owner of "Finders Keepers" prefers you not take the name of her store literally
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Principal of struggling Boston-area elementary school replaces security guards with art teachers - and student achievement improves. In other news, Boston SWAT teams are to be replaced by pottery instructors and mimes
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Man gets in fight over expired coupon. Surprisingly, giant chicken not involved
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Somali piracy kidnap victim launched into a lifetime of expensive therapy by gang of sweet old ladies
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Woman researches the impact of prolonged exposure to Florida. Results aren't good
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Large Seaman load dropped on Canadian community foundation
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US Navy unveils its first full drone squadron, three of which are already on suspension for buzzing the tower
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Hey buddy, wanna buy the Brooklyn Bridge? No? Well, how about the Empire State Building?
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Full moon gets partial blame for death of "Stonewall" Jackson after being shot by his own troops during the Civil War. Although to be fair they did use silver bullets
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It turns out money can buy you happiness. Huh, who knew?
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"Those responsible for killing Singh will be brought to justice" SOMEBODY WARN TIGER WOODS
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Body found in southeast Edmonton considered suspicious. Guessing he didn't have an Oilers jersey
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This woman makes the exact same face at exactly the same time every day and yes there is proof
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Next time you complain about how small your cubicle is or how the office copier keeps jamming, think about these guys who are paving a highway through the Himalayan Mountains using just trucks and shovels
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Drunk aviation executive avenges victims of Boston Marathon bombing and 9/11 by breaking the jaw of a Somali-American cab driver. Who also happens to be a US Army reservist
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If you're looking for a summer job, Norway is looking for polar bear spotters
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Want to sell your home, but worried that the common rabble will sully your environment and displace your inner calm? No problemo: ask your realtor for an exclusive "pocket listing"
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Man picked the perfect day to wear his "JAIL SUCKS" t-shirt
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What do you call a cruise ship full of lawyers?
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What's the best way to help families living in poverty-stricken, violent neighborhoods? Give them free guns, obviously
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Photoshop this soccer mom
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Leachman horses headed for kill plant. BLUCHER
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Turkey slaughterhouse that employed mentally handicapped men and allowed them to live in squalor while taking 90% of their wages found guilty of varied crimes, ordered to pay the men $240 million
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Finally, something worth reading on Slate. "This month in PCP"
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Opening today: "Aroused," a documentary film exploring why "good girls" choose porn careers. Mmm, good girls...Catholic school skirt, glasses, a semi-sheer blouse. Maybe a lollipop...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
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In news that will surprise no one, authorities have now charged one of the hallucinating hikers with drug possession
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WBC spins their wheel of jackassery, decides to picket the funeral of George Jones. God hates possums
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Violent May Day protests in Seattle (w/video & photos)
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You can take anything too far--including "healthy" eating
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Problem: Teachers unprepared for school shootings. Solution: Have volunteers dressed as masked gunmen with real weapons storm the school and fire blanks at teachers, simulating a massacre. There, don't you feel safer now?
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Careful if you're passing through Gloversville, NY - there's an ice-cream-truck war on
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 417: "Back Alleys and Laneways". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 01, 2013 |
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School inspectors: The sooner we teach the children about porn and safe sex the better off we and the tissue manufacturers will be
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Usually folks aren't smiling in their mug shots. Unless they're arrested for having sex. On the beach. In the morning
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Teacher sends home geometry assignment incorporating references to serial killer Ted Bundy and peeping toms. Apparently some parents have a problem with this
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"Let's celebrate 'Teacher Appreciation Week' with theme days, like White Trash Wednesday." "Sounds great"
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Retired JAG buys WWII leather bomber jacket at Goodwill for $17, returns it to 90-year-old veteran who owned it
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ADX Florence in Colorado tops the list for the worst prison in America, and for good reason, it's as close to hell as you can get
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Starbucks barista out of touch with latest female naming trends, identifies customer the only other way he knows how -- "Vagina"
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Protip: Walking up to a woman's car while her kids are in it, with your junk hanging out, and saying "Damn girl, you're fine. Do you have a man?" typically does not work in the way you intended it to
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Photoshop this man visiting his mother
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Deaf parents charged with killing their crying baby, waive their right to hearing
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Indian zoo shuts down after receiving free tiger exhibit
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Bank robber's official defense: "Since the banks had been bailed out and the people had not, I was going to confiscate money from US Bank in Jackson, Wyoming, and redistribute it to the poor and homeless in America. And that's what I did"
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Trying to report each time a teacher/student tryst is alleged is tedious. So here are the creepiest teacher/sex trysts of March all in one fantastic slideshow
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Now listen mate, I don't give a toad-in-the-'ole if he is 'armless, if 'e gets pranged by a lorry wif no belt on 'e'll be in a right state. Danger to 'imself 'e is
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The conspiracy theory that Obama is buying up all the nation's ammunition is so crazy that even the NRA says it's bull. But that hasn't stopped two GOP congressmen from drafting legislation to combat it
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"The man then allegedly choked the victim and ran off with her Chihuahua"
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Fox News asks the question: Is the United States military about to begin court martialing all Christians? Well, is it??
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Photoshop this enormous exclamation
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If you are going to install a webcam to watch an elderly person, do not do anything stupid like beat her in front of it, someone might be watching
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Russian scientists warn that earth is heading for a new ice age starting in 2014. So much for growing oranges in Saskatchewan
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Your Zen koan of the day: What is the sound of one hand rampaging?
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A 16-year-old High School student from Florida was mixing some ordinary chemicals at school to see what would happen, and made some smoke. So, of course, the school gave her extra credit. Just kidding...They expelled her and charged her with a felony
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France is surrendering again, this time it's sand and nature is winning
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Prescription Drug Abuse and You (yes you)
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Polling shows more than half of Americans willing to spend more on US-made products, because AMERICA, FARK YEAH
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Restaurant owner really sorry that you misunderstood his attempt to use the Boston bombing as a way to sell pulled pork
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Of the 257 samples of ground turkey, "virtually every one was contaminated with either fecal bacteria, staph, or salmonella"
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Students from Kazakhstan arrested, possible connection to Boston bombings. Nice
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Rush Limbaugh: "If you wanna say you're gay, fine, but does it have to be rammed down everyone's throats all the time?" Well, not ALL the time
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Who would like to go with Subby to check out this sunken Egyptian city?
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Tiny 'alien' skeleton debunked by DNA: But wait a minute what is that?
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Good: confronting the man who assaulted your niece. Bad: He shoots you. Worse: In the groin. Fark: And it triggers a heart attack
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Headline: Parents should hold child on lap on a playground slide. Article: Parents should NOT hold child on lap on a playground slide. Gee, thanks for clearing that up for us
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Authoritarian leader of Turkmenistan tries to hide horse ride face-plant from public, act shall now be known worldwide as "pulling a Gurbanguli Berdymukhamedov"
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Disguising your vodka as "water" in an old Evian bottle? Seems like the realm of the college-aged, but apparently such deception is also all the rage among Chinese government officials
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The creativity secret shared by some of the world's greatest writers? Fapping. Coming soon: Fark: The Novel
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Family discovers fully stocked '50s era fallout shelter on their property. That should be a nice boost for their property value
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Giving five-year-old "My First Rifle" yields predictable results
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New documentary claims to have found Green Beret who was captured during the Vietnam war, escaped, but then never tried to return to his wife and kids in the US and instead settled in Vietnam, and "forgot" English. Seems legit
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Something interesting about Van Halen and M&Ms, then some drivel about salmon and the US government. But hey, Van Halen and M&Ms
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A woman suspected of tainting orange juice at Starbucks is a trained chemist
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Facebook is great at making people connect, whether it's children given up for adoption, long-lost loves, or drug mules finding the person who tried to sell them up river
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Woman violates the first commandment to get her hands on the other nine
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Futurist who's been playing too much Civilization thinks technology can move Mogadishu into the space age
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Somalia executes 13 people by firing squad. Wait...make that 14
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If you're going to just abandon your baby at least do it in Hawaii
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Airliner 'had narrow miss with UFO.' Or not
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Photoshop this melting mess
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Birthplace of the devil brought to flesh on Earth? It won't be New Zealand. The Second Coming isn't allowed there either. And no Anal
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Saudi Arabia rejected the Boston bombers' entrance to Mecca; warned US in writing. Guess we need to frisk 90-year-old ladies in wheelchairs even more
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Want to generate publicity for your pay TV channel? Easy, just put up a billboard depicting bestiality
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Fellow malthound, wouldst thou accept my challenge in a gentlemanly game of flip goblet?
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It turns out that "World War Z" is actually a sequel to "Ishtar"
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Boston bombers' carjacking victim finally speaks up, with a harrowing tale made up for him by the FBI and CIA to further their false-flag operation
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Caption this flexing gorilla subby caught during a recent trip to the Omaha Zoo
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Conspiracy theory believers more likely to reject science and behave irrationally. As if we needed a study to figure this out
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Girl born without a trachea gets one made from her own stem cells
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One-hundred-year-old celebrates visiting the same pub for 80 years. CHEERS
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Canadian police bust $500k a week bootleg DVD operation. In other news, people are still buying DVDs
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A reminder to all you thirsty people out there: Please do not call 911 and ask them to bring you Kool-Aid
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You remember how North Dakota was supposed to have 3.6 billion barrels of recoverable oil? About that
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France surrenders to fast food
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NYC elementary school goes full veggie, will offer nothing but tofu wraps and bean everything dishes for your soon to be "growth stunted" kids
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Judge on sentencing two thugs: Why when I was a young whippersnapper and drunk, instead of fighting, we'd go skinny dipping
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| Tue April 30, 2013 |
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Wisconsin to force food stamps recipients to spend money on fruits and vegetables. And probably cheese since it's Wisconsin
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You could hide during a home invasion, or you could escape via window and get the neighbors to call the police while the crooks are still there, like this 9-year-old
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Bagram crash recorded on dashcam--oh, my. A big airplane like that shouldn't just stop in mid-air
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Pouts and grimaces, and Mike Farrell has really let himself go. It's this week's edition of the Mugshot Roundup
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Deaths from prescription drugs: thousands. Deaths from marijauna: none. No wait...we may have a late entry
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Photoshop this scene break
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Fark ready headline: Carpet cleaner left screaming in agony after his testicles were burned by 99p 'shower gel'
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FDA approves OTC morning-after pill
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Are you ready for the America's Next "Top Hooker"?
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Being obese at a young age doubles the risk of death, moobs before 55 (with moobs pic)
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One of the funniest stories you will hear today about a guy who accidentally joined the Russian mob (Language is not safe for work)
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Photoshop someplace more interesting for these feet to be
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19 signs you've been a vegan too long. Number 1: You're a vegan
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Jayson Blair 10 years after NYT resignation: "I probably wouldn't do it if I had to do it over again." Probably
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Fark Cruise? How about we just go on JoCo Cruise Crazy - 2014 Feb 22-Mar 1
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In this week's don't blame the gun episode: "The gun was pointed in a safe direction, but my finger was not in a good spot"
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Welcome to Murray County, GA. Just don't drink the water
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Falling into a meat blender doesn't sound quite as bad as falling into a meat grinder, but the outcome is pretty much the same
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Famous Madonna Sex Fish seeking new owner
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Apparently jealous of Texas, Florida moves to install its own "express lane" for Death Row. "Only God can judge, but we sure can set up the meeting." the bill's sponsor ACTUALLY SAID during debate on the measure
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Scientists create explosive and drug detector which works like a dog's nose, giving TSA one more thing to shove into your crotch at the airport
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55% of people don't know that Planned Parenthood provides abortions, tiny American flags
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Tsarnaev family had received more than $100,000 in benefits. No wonder they hated America
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George Zimmerman is back in court today to determine whether or not he is going to try and claim his murder of an unarmed teenager was justified
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First world problem: Suing the person who sold you a defective pony
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The secret to running an illegal rooming house in Boston is keeping the door closed when city inspectors come knocking
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The most misleading headline ever
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Man starts petition to remove the memorial image of Confederate leaders carved into Stone Mountain, criticizing the image for honoring slave owners. Presumably his next target should be Mount Rushmore, which also honors two slave owners
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Prominent anti-death penalty lawyer, who got clients such as the Unabomber and Jared Loughner off death row added to Boston suspect's defense team
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If you flew out of Seattle recently and parked your car on the sixth floor of the garage, you've got a big surprise waiting for you
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Family of teenager with Down Syndrome whose photo became an internet meme are suing for potato
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Five shot, one fatally at Florida Crab Festival...only it wasn't a Crab Festival
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Old couple blasts Iron Maiden to get back at neighbors...probably would have been more successful with Yanni's Live at the Acropolis
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Sandy dumped 11 BILLION gallons of raw sewage on the New Jersey shoreline, then spent the next six weeks using medicated wipes and sitting on an inflatable donut
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Top 50 restaurants in the world. Nope, McDonald's didn't make the list again
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It turns out that driving abortion providers underground leads to some pretty shocking conditions
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See what's going on deep beneath Manhattan as the long-awaited Second Avenue Subway line is dug
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"All autistic kids are atheists and atheism is a form of autism." No word on what religion Jenny McCarthy practices
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Two men invade ceiling cat's space with predictable results
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Battleship New Jersey asks governor Chris Christie to please return its silverware
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"Like you said Colonel, he went home"
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Hey, remember when we plotted with Fidel Castro and a world-famous ballerina to overthrow the government of Panama, and I had to smuggle 500 armbands disguised as tampons into the country? Good times
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Two California plane crashes 'appear to be connected' ... to the ground, obviously
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See F. Scott Fitzgerald's online accounts from the 1920s and 30s
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Photoshop this top secret briefing
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The mass extinction event of the dinosaurs was bad for most of them, but surprisingly good for saber-toothed pig dogs
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Greatest astronomy headline ever
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Dumb Americans and their irrational fear of drones are crippling the private drone industry in this country and giving foreign drone manufacturers the chance to surpass our own citizens in creating the machinery needed for our future police state
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Say what you will about the engineering students at your school, but while you're cramming for finals at the end of the year they're participating in robot dodgeball tournaments
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Old and busted: Mid-life crises. New hotness: Quarter-life crises, also known as The Lohan
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Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's fans - 14 million people and counting - are teen girls and conspiracy theorists
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NYT finally states the obvious: There is no secular "rebel" fighting force in Syria. It's all either Islamist groups, or Al Qaeda, so why are we sending Al Qaeda aid? Is Assad worse than Al Qaeda?
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Not to alarm anyone, but the feral mice in New York City are evolving
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Caption what Prince Harry is experiencing
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Today is the 210th anniversary of one of the earliest examples of wasteful government spending in the United States
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Connecticut man found to be storing nearly 300 gallons of urine in his home. Police uncertain why anyone would want that much Bud Light
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Welcome to the Queen's abdication ceremony and her son's coronation. All the worlds royalty and power players in attendance, crowds outside. Fark: In the Netherlands
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