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| Sun April 28, 2013 |
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You might be a redneck if your two 7 month old pit bull pups bite a 12 y/o girl. If you named them Jager and Meister that kinda seals the deal
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After drinking vodka and lemonade for six hours is the the best time to ask your SO for lessons on how to shoot a gun
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If you guessed 'April 28th' as the first day Phoenix would see triple digit temperatures, congratulations. You're a winner. But you're still living in Phoenix
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Photoshop this blue mushroom
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Parents can now hire dogs to check their children's rooms for drugs. After work, your dog wants steak, Cheetos, and some lounge music
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How to prevent your internet friends from spreading hoaxes. Or maybe they really aren't hoaxes and this is just a way for the Illuminati to ensure your ignorance
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Forced exercise shows same benefit as voluntary exercise. Subby demands everyone continue working their biceps by drinking beer
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Massive explosion rocks Detroit. Officials estimate the blast caused $50 million in improvements
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Bostonian confronts InfoWars "reporter" in public, gives him a public shaming the way Bostonians know how to do in front of a mocking crowd (video pulled by YouTube)
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Student who won the right to keep guinea pig in her dorm honored by fair housing group, Richard Gere
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California is considering a statewide ban on lead bullets because they're harmful to humans and animals. Well, duh
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Men, the bill for your midlife crisis will be $52,000, up $1400 from last year
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Never say it can't get any worse: Building that collapsed in Bangladesh and killed at least 377 people is now on fire
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The best of the best beards at the International German Beard Championships. Nothing but pure stash awesomeness with this group
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Austin has celebrated Eeyore's birthday every year for 50 years. Yes, that Eeyore, and to make it even better it looks and sounds more similar to Woodstock than a birthday for a cartoon donkey
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Meet Kermie, a cancer stricken dog, who beat the odds and lived long enough to see her sailor owner return from deployment. Boy the salt water stings your eyes here
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Georgia police promise to "destroy" any "unwanted" drugs you might want to "donate"
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If you're going to cheat on your SO, it might as well be with Miss BumBum. Because of dat ass (some Not safe for work images in article)
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Photoshop this teepee
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Woman wonders whether or not she and her husband have an obligation to help her husband's former mistress make mortgage payments he promised to her before their affair was exposed
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Smoking hot nurse is busted for molesting a 14-year-old boy. Subby apologizes in advance for the lie
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Owner of music store stops man beating his wife with a club dead in his tracks with a gun. Discuss rationally
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| (Some Angry Doctor) |
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Not news: CPS removes a baby from his parents. News: After the parents sought a second opinion from another hospital and the first hospital called the cops. SCARY: Subette is scheduled to have her baby at the same hospital
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Thousands flock to Kansas City Zoo's penguin exhibit. Problem: There are no penguins
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More than 100 billion packages of ramen noodles were sold in 2012. Yes. 100 billion. Tag is for subby's notion of eating ramen noodles
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This. Explains. EVERYTHING
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Today marks Saturn reaching opposition, or when Earth is mostly perfectly in-line between Saturn and the Sun, and thus when Saturn is shines the brightest
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Instagram is a silly fad, an affront to photography, and a terrorist plot
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As you ready your summer vacation plans, perhaps you should include one of these eighteen coolest water slides from around the globe
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Renowned feminist Mary Thom makes her exit in a most manly way
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Here lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard.lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard lizard
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"Model of human ingenuity" attempts to assassinate FARK's mascot with a BB gun, with a bullet taped to the end of the barrel. FARK: It works as well as an ACME rocket. Which is to say, not as cunningly planned
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"Let them protest... I don't care." This is a quote from: c.) the man who has put some land from Pine Ridge Indian Reservation on sale for $4.9 million dollars. Why, yes, that *is* where the Wounded Knee Massacre took place (link replaced)
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The science behind why playing a Barry White record works on your girlfriend
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We all like to use the word "hero", but here is a real one...fighting for his life in a hospital after saving 7 people
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Seattle police are learning how to deal with help from Superheroes
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The man who packed DB Cooper's parachute just found murdered. Probably means nothing to normal folks, but the tin-foil parachute crowd will have a field day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this fish face
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People in Phoenix are cashing in by converting their homes into unregulated sober-houses for recovering addicts. What could go wrong?
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Is there a more awkward place to get arrested than a dance floor? Boogie down now, criminals, while you still can
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Yeah, the nutty Chechen mom was in on it
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It's one thing to catch a catfish with your bare hands. It's another thing to catch a 277.7-pound bull shark by hand. "Leave it to three rednecks"
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Man with Tourette Syndrome not allowed to board plane after saying 'bomb', not able to control his ticking
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New line of lingerie will make women feel sexy and feminine. Oops, did I say "women"?
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No these cities are not Photoshopped, but thanks for asking
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As if we needed anymore reasons to dislike vegetables: Woman finds a frog in a can of green beans
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Australian couples expecting baby girls demand doctors do a procedure down under because they want a boy instead
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Live from Juneau, Alaska, it's time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2+ hours of varied sounds. LGT stream, or go to krnn.org, or I've now been informed, the NPR app on mobile. So Yeah
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Hoping to join Los Angeles, Atlanta, St. Louis and Salt Lake City as the next American city to host the Olympics is... Tulsa?
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| Sat April 27, 2013 |
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Bionic dog walks again with artificial paws. Strange and Sappy tags settle on Spiffy
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Are lesbians more accepted than gay men? Well, duh, which kind of porn would you rather watch?
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Two men use chainsaws to amputate their limbs in an attempt to defraud insurance company. ProTip: Cuts were too clean to be caused by an motor vehicle accident
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South Koreans play game of "Let's see if I can get everything I own in/on my car" while evacuating from North Korea
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Teenagers shouldn't be "forced" by parents to wake up for school because they need their sleep, claims columnist who totally isn't a teenager
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Benedictine monk arrested for trying to abduct underaged girls in his station wagon. With a totally not frightening mugshot
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| (C. Dundee) |
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Photoshop this crazy gator
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Stuck under a collapsed factory with nothing to do? Have a baby
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Psy's 15 minutes of fame are up as he is replaced by a white Korean rapper that wears an onion belt
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Woman sues over a drug test because: A) She says it's an invasion of her privacy B) She claims the results were a false positive C) She can't pee because of a shy bladder and that violates the Americans with Disabilities Act
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'Dead' prostitute leaps from her coffin yelling: "You want to kill me, you want to kill me"
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You are a bus driver. On your first stop you pick up 5 people. On your second stop you pick up 9 and drop 2 off. On your third stop you lose 30. Now real quickly, what is the eye color of the bus driver?
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Best way to fix crappy English schools? Give them to the Catholics
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Scientists create glow-in-the-dark sheep, cure for cancer still elusive
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Photoshop this resident recording
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When did Americans lose their British accents? Or shouldn't it be the other way 'round?
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Inside the Princess-Industrial Complex. Birthday parties just keep getting weirder and weirder
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The call begins to register pressure cookers: "Who has a need or right to own a 23-quart-capacity pressure cooker?"
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Because the first one was so successful, there may be a second Everglades python hunt
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City installs cameras to fight crime. Catch police car intentionally ramming pedestrian and then leaving the scene
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Today's hot high school teacher with big ears sex scandal comes from Newport News, Virginia
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Mother nature showing off: very cool photo of aurora and volcano at the same time
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NY judge calls Newburgh "the most pathetic place in the state of New York". Newburghers arise momentarily as if in outrage, then realize they'll be caught in a gang crossfire if they do that
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Feds arrest Mississippi man in ricin letters case. But this time they have the right guy, they promise
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ProTip: The Indonesian Police and the Islamic Defenders Front would like to remind teenagers not to dance to Maroon 5 songs during prayer sessions. Maroon 5 ? Really
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Michigan mom says Anne Frank diary is porn. I SAID, ANNE FRANK DIARY IS PORN
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Winnie the Spook
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Not news: Running out of gas and having to pull over and call for help on the Maine Turnpike. News: You're driving a Cessna. Fark: You're a Maine Game Warden
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Mike Tyson says his ex-girlfriend cooked and ate one of his pigeons. It's too bad he let such a perfect match like that get away
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Fifth-grade student suspended for taking tiny Swiss Army Knife on school camping trip
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Inside the mind of a con man. Here comes the con-science
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You know you're an asshole when all your fellow classmates demonstrate in solidarity for a teacher who was arrested because he slapped you
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Not news: Dangerous product recalled for not specifying allergy warning as it contains peanuts. Fark: Product is peanuts
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Republican lawmakers in Colorado want to harsh voters' mellow, man
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Photoshop this big '70's 'O'
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Teen arrested after police discover a pressure cooker, fertilizer, fireworks, and electronic components in his car. FARK: He's released after convincing the FBI it was all just for cultivating 'shrooms
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Murder/suicide over $3,000 Phish tickets. Let me repeat that. Murder/suicide.... over $3,000.... Phish tickets
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Back in 1876, some French guy told an American guy about a plant from India that cured a lady in New England of Dropsy. Hmmm Dropsy wasn't gripped by spell check. Neither was hmmm. Nor was grip, but Bornholm will...damn it
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Ten cute cat commercials, cause it's Caturday
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SE Michigan/NW Ohio Fark Party April 27 Ashley's Ann Arbor 7:30PM
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Parents raise money for school through a 80's-themed pub crawl
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Obama administration weighs in on the most controversial topic of our time: How to pronounce "GIF"
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58% of Columbia University's senior class say oral sex is less important than cheese. "Those who would eschew cheese for oral sex cited dietary restrictions, rather than a preference for oral sex"
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American Girl dolls "retire" history-loving doll in favor of an "organic gardener" that will teach young girls how to grow marijuana
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Turns out the guy responsible for keeping the town of West prepared for a disaster involving 500,000 pounds of potentially explosive fertilizer, didn't even know he was the responsible guy
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Cool: If you're a redhead, you're a direct descendant of the very first redhead. Not cool: Your family tree now contains Carrot Top
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| Fri April 26, 2013 |
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Protip: When speaking to students on career day keep the penis talk to a minimum
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Do different kinds of alcohol get you different kinds of drunk? Here comes the *hic* science
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If a man offers to sell you gold from the back of his car late at night behind a pizza shop for dirt cheap, it may not really be gold
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It's snot news: Professor claims eating boogers may be healthy
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Two New York area homes overrun with over 100 cats. Officials report garbage, urine, feces, and captions everywhere
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Bug in iMessage deletes the last word in some text messages on Apple devices, causing
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Photoshop Pan into an appropriate venue
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♫ Chile's... baby-back ribs ♫
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Police officers: If a man has poured gasoline over himself and is threatening to set himself on fire then maybe Tazing him is not a good idea
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"Hey, what's this big ol' plane part doing crammed in this back alley near the WTC...ohhhh"
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Friday afternoon? Semi-drunk? Can't find your pants? Well that just means it's time for the Fark News Quiz. Also, your pants are behind your desk where you threw them
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Washington state Judge to police: "Give that man his marijuana back, or else"
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"911, what's your emergency?" "The neighbor's kittens are doing it in my yard." Just in time for Caturday?
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Mom tells school to remove all potential nut threats to allergic son, which is silly since most schools don't even use slatted chairs
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They're releasing chemtrails in the subway now too
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Photoshop theme: Marketing Viagra when it goes over-the-counter. Difficulty: Safe for work
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What's America's latest safety plan? A) Background checks for gun owners B) Restrictions on weapons available to the public C) Dress your kids in bulletproof school uniforms
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What hurts more, childbirth or a kick in the balls? Submitter's pregnant wife has put on steel toed boots in case I give the wrong answer
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College student drops acid, strips naked, tells police not to cut off his penis, changes mind, tells cops to cut off penis, hits female cop, is Tased, no effect, eventually subdued, taken to hospital for evaluation, now in jail
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Today's "living with a corpse for months" story is out of a trailer park in Redford, Michigan. No one noticed the stench because, hey, it's a trailer park
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US Marine rapid-response force deploying to Moron Air Base in Spain. Boy, they really do think they're better than the Air Force, don't they?
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Rare 1913 nickel that was illegally cast, discovered in a car wreck that killed its owner, declared a fake, forgotten in a closet for decades and then declared the real deal sells for over $3.1 million at auction
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You know what your hands and fingertips look like after a two-hour bath. This is what they look like after 10 days
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A North Carolina lawmaker proposes criminal background checks for: A) Gun owners. B) Bar owners. C) Owners of pit bulls, mastiffs, rottweilers and other large breed dogs
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Belief in God can treat depression, plagues of locusts
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Asian girl brings dishonor upon her family, thinks Tabasco tastes better than Sriracha
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US officials refuse to grant a visa to a gay-rights activist so she can travel to Philadelphia to receive an award for her work-but only because she is Raul Castro's daughter
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You might have seen a clown make a balloon dog, balloon horse, etc., but challenge them to make a 20-foot balloon dinosaur sculpture like this guy did
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By Jove, Watson, this Internet is good for something after all
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Snakes on a plaintiff
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Honest parole board, I can change. Unlike the last 396 times I said that, this time's for real
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Local Fox TV anchor retires. Worst part is not the DUI, worst part is this means no more Spencer-Davis on Fox in Atlanta
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US Ambassador to Aussies: Keep pirating Game Of Thrones and we will cut off your freakin' sword hand
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"Wow" the inmate exclaimed in a loud voice. "That is great. That is awesome Thank you, warden Thank you (expletive) warden"
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Westboro baptist church not really sure why they're picketing Allan Arbus funeral
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| (Some Guy) |
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Problem: You love going to the mall but it's across a major road with few pedestrian crossings. Opportunity: You have a ridiculous amount of free time. Fark Solution: Dig a secret tunnel from your house to the mall
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So you are stressed out from studying for exams at college? Why not let a dog help you out, but it might want a steak in return
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Somewhere in Kentucky is a horse with no name....or a condom
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"Suppose that somebody comes through there. . .driving down the highway and seein' my butt. That wouldn't look good"
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In case you were wondering, the TSA frowns on carrying skull fragments in your luggage
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Giant fossilized egg sold for $101,813. Will be cooked in Dave Chapelle's kitchen
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Man bitten by snake dies after going on two kilometer jog rather than seeking medical attention. Bonus: He didn't think the snake was venomous. Fark: Take one guess as to which venomous-snake-free nirvana this story comes from
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Federal AIDS-vaccine research program a success... at giving people AIDS
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Michael Jackson's ghost is tap dancing and watching over his children. This according to one of his sisters who has been using a psychic to keep in touch
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Florida judge orders Gawker to take down Hulk Hogan sex tape. Gawker refuses, says eyebleach makers would go bankrupt if they complied (Update: Gawker has since taken down the link to the video)
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New study show that porn may not be such a bad influence on sexual behavior after all. Giggity
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The weed killer Roundup has been linked to diabetes, autism, obesity, heart disease, and cancer, so stop doing shots of it on a Friday night
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Study finds that Los Angeles has the worst traffic in the nation. Some cars are still stuck in the same place on the 405 from the last time the study was done
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Potheads don't eat more than normal people, but apparently are prone to ugly-ass tattoos
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Photoshop a Farker's co-worker getting to first base
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The US knows that Syria has used chemical weapons on its people, now it's just waiting for the strongly worded letter from the UN
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You know you're handsome when Saudi Arabia deports you for being too sexy
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Tsarnaev has left the building
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Is $300 really worth it just for "front of line" privileges at your local amusement park?
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Fire in Russian psychiatric hospital kills 38. That's insane
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Well groomed thief steals $2,600 worth of teeth-whitening strips, weight-loss pills, probiotics, condoms and Rogaine
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"Whether the cops in your town patrol in Crown Victorias, Ford Tauruses, or Dodge Challengers, make no mistake: the Seattle Police Department has them beat"
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The Tampa Woman's Club held an event where they poured 400 flutes of champagne. Inside each flute was a cubic zirconia, and one of the flutes contained a $5,000 diamond. Guess which one was swallowed?
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Old and busted: Food trucks. New hotness: Fashion.... trucks?
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South Carolina church tells pupils the Earth is only thousands of years old, dinosaurs lived with man, and how to snap back at anyone who tells them different. Sorry, did I say church? Make that a fourth grade classroom
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No money for a cab? Just call an Ambulance. Fark: Over 100 times in the last 7 yrs
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Plastic surgeon's office manager performed medical procedure because she had seen it done "plenty of times"
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| Thu April 25, 2013 |
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Story about man who calls cops when he realizes he can't pay his prostitute makes a lot more sense after this sentence: "Police arrived at the mobile home"
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Caption this picture of Barack Obama and Barbara Bush
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That crazy shootout in Watertown? About that
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Stowaway in plane's undercarriage "wanted better life", parachute
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Photoshop this big bundle
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The Week in Beer
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Mean sorority girl quit the sorority. DID YOU F*CKING HEAR ME? ARE YOU SLOW? SHE F*CKING QUIT THE SORORITY
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Actual headline: "Is it Okay to Tattoo Your Dog?" No seriously, that's the actual headline
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Boston Marathon bombers didn't just want to party and get bombed in New York after their bombing spree, they wanted to bomb New York
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Americans are going to Canada for college now because tuition is too damn high
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Fark Food Thread: New England Chowder.. Jambalaya.. St. Louis Ribs.. Pacific Salmon.. Show us the goods. What's your regional specialty? Is it all technique or is there a favorite addition you simply can't do without that makes it awesome?
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FOUND: 7 foot head floating in the Hudson. Do not even attempt to claim if under 50 ft tall
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Protip: If you're going to commit disability fraud, don't upload videos of yourself half-naked, wrapped in foil, and doing the robot to Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride"
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While it's always neat to get your name in the paper, you should really hope the story doesn't involve the phrase "elevator mishap"
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Photoshop this native naysayer
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Jimmy Hoffa disappeared by moving to Ohio and becoming a wall flower
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After the tragedy in Boston and the new detente with New York, will Yankees fans ever learn to hate the Red Sox again? Probably
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Five living U.S. presidents get together to celebrate the opening of GWB's presidential library; George Bush, Sr., wears pimp socks
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McBingo gang plagues local restaurant, waiting for rumble with Hell's Grannies
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Ricin suspect Curtis to FBI agents: "Well, I don't eat rice, and I don't have any rice in the house"
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Spanish MP performs striptease protest in parliament
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This guy makes Westboro Baptist Church protest signs look sane
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Stop me if you've heard this one before. A school Principal, a speeder and a sex offender get into a rock fight outside of school
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Minnesota Senate adopts brilliant compromise and/or commits contempt of court in I-35E speed limit fight
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Guy mistakes cross on a side of the road for a clue in a treasure hunt, digs it up. Hilarity ensues
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Winning: Dear Cir, do U have NE nice eZ jobs 4 me 2 do?
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More than 10% of the adults in New York City have diabetes. If only there was some kind of ban on large, sugary drinks
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Boston Beer Company (maker of Sam Adams) tries to trademark "Boston Strong", you know, for charity
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I think we can safely say where the Tsarnaev Brothers got their crazy from
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Dzhokhar: "So anyway we planted the bombs and then I have the right to what now?"
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A woman told police the suspect was masturbating "so hard that his whole body was shaking." Apparently, that's inappropriate behavior on a beach
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The good news: The F-35 program is showing increases in efficiency and there are new foreign buyers showing interest. The bad news: The software the plane needs to operate may not be ready by 2017, when full-scale production should be underway
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Prosecutors upset that legal marijuana will jeopardize future pot busts
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Farker's research on exotic cats makes the headlines. Will answer any questions in thread
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Detailed breakdown of N. Korea's military capabilities. Based on the provided photo, they have recently had to lower the draft age to the third trimester
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Was reefer madness behind Dzhokhar's dazed and confused behavior and his half baked plans? The Dude was always in search of The Big High and had a permanent stench of Mary Jane, and sold cripple, magic, ganja, 420, to acquaintances. #hash
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This is either a collection of fractals found in nature, or some stoner just got a new camera
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Gold faced man now in WV (with mugshot goodness) This is a repeat
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Hooker roundup = Dude in drag, leatherface, dude, maybe, maybe
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Robber walks into bank dressed like Lord Voldermort in saggy jeans. Leaves with money and butt cheeks flapping in the wind (pics)
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Obama's "red line" for Syria's use of chemical weapons is proving to be more of a "fuzzy reddish gradient"
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"When the officer confronted the man, he opened the backpack and dumped the fish into the water"
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"The officer said the man quickly threw the cigarette into the bayou when he spotted the officer, even though the officer had told him not to do that"
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Police: Woman claiming to be God set car on fire at gas station
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Where's Waldo?
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Turns out Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was unarmed in the boat when he surrendered, so the cops were shooting at themselves
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If you live in Manhattan and spotted the Google "driverless" car hit a cyclist in Soho or pass by with a traffic cone stuck under the front bumper, rest assured it was just a hoax. We hope
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US attacks Royal Canadian Navy. Canoe said to be damaged but still afloat
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Finally a ritual all Christian religions can unite around: Blessing the vineyards in hopes of producing better wine
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School in Germany decides to give six-year-olds explicit sex ed, let's see if anyone notices [w/Not safe for work illustrations]
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Why the brokenness of breaking news probably won't ever be fixed: when the competition for eyeballs is fierce, there's no time for accuracy
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Incredible photos of plane crash sites where everyone survived
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Unsanctioned campus group behind the deaths of two freshmen said to be just a scam to make money off freshmen. Well that narrows it down
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When choosing a vehicle to escape police you should balance the need for speed and maneuverability with the ability to blend in to traffic. A U-Haul van scores poorly on all these characteristics
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A Fark-ready headline from South Carolina: "Pimp Stick Quezzy pleads guilty to prostitution"
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NFL player busted with BOX of condoms during prostitution sting. What exactly did he think he'd get for $100?
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Virgin America helps creepy stalkers who want to join the Mile High Club
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The twenty-five drunkest countries in the world
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If you guessed "nine days" before someone made a Boston Marathon bombing video game, step forward and collect your prize
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Most people who cheat on their spouses go to dinner with their lover at Chili's, because that's the last place anyone would look
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Incredible police dog nose his suspects
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"I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think it would be a big deal," says the mother who left her 8 year old son alone with a gun in the house
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Police give volunteers drink after drink 'til they're wasted, all in the name of having more realistic training on dealing with drunks. Best. Police. Evar
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Are you a snorter or a squeaker? New study reveals that the way you sneeze can reveal your true personality
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TSA agent does CPR, saves passenger's life, amazingly hasn't gotten fired yet
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2013 Miss Korea Contestants: [copy] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste] + [paste]
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Man finds naked woman sitting in his bathtub after she crawled through his doggy door. Some guys have all the luck
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Psychologist says that people believe in conspiracy theories so they can "have a sense of control." Of course that's what they want you to believe
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 416: "I Went to ___ and All I Got Was This Lousy ___". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 24, 2013 |
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New US $100 bills are coming in October, not that you'd be able to get one
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Study concludes the riskiest meats are chicken, ground beef, Ron Jeremy
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Two natural gas barges explode in the city of Mobile, AL. At least three injured in the blasts. Story developing (link replaced) (w/video coverage)
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Female jogger attacked by Hank Hill
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If you're a lesbian and your boss walks into your meeting with peers, saying, "I'm a homophobe. I can't help it," you're probably going to have a bad day
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The current Dalai Lama says the next one might be a chick. So she'll have that going for her, which is nice
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"What are you doing this summer?" "Working at my dad's accounting firm. You?" "Testing water slides all over the world"
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Photoshop this baseball player going balls up
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Desperate doctoral student offers laptop thief $1,000 for return of thesis folder containing five years worth of research
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Five-year-old joins MENSA. "He started reading when he was 18-months-old," Dorman said. "He was sitting on the porta-potty reading a newspaper"
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College in Scranton loses its nursing accreditation. Tomorrow's class was supposed to teach how to treat burns from George Foreman grills
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Psychologists make groundbreaking discovery that people play favorites with those they like
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Neighbors concerned about elk with tire around her neck, worry she may become unbalanced
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Walmart's Blue Ball Special: Men's pants are half off
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Fort Collins, CO is now America's largest bar
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Headlines of the Week for 4/14 - 4/20
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Photoshop Theme: Design the cigarette pack for when marijuana inevitability becomes legal (LGT pot artwork)
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Fox News blames media bias for not talking about the real cause of the Boston bombings. If only there were some other way to get the word out
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Dramatic pictures of Watertown shootout taken by resident from his bedroom window
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| (Some Guy) |
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Finally, a movie that captures the emotional arc and non-stop legislatin' madness of the US Congress. ESTA VEZ, ES PERSONAL (Sponsored link)
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School bus driver charged for letting kids fight without intervening. He just said "clear the aisle and let them fight"
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'Boston Bombers' semi-pro basketball team to reconsider name, exploding bomb logo
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Police search for Happy Cox. Family says one-eye man lost his way when raincoat blurred his vision
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Newborn baby sold on Facebook. In other news, someone actually bought something off Facebook marketplace
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19-year-old high schooler gets probation for 'penis slapping' his teammates. Being a 19-year-old high schooler is enough to earn the dumbass tag, everything else is just a bonus
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CNN, furious that they cannot blame video games, implies boxing leads to terrorism
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Hey Misha they said your name on TV
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Canadian terror suspect says Criminal Code doesn't apply to him since it isn't a Holy book. Judge responds by ordering bailiffs to stone suspect to death
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| (Some Guy) |
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Prof Richard Falk blames America for Boston Marathon bombings while searching his trench coat incessantly for a pen
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The 1979 Playboy Mansion Roller Disco and Pajama Party. How long can you stand the music, sequins, and double entendres from host Richard Dawson? (tragically safe for work)
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The Onion is checking to see whether people are paying attention to where news articles are coming from these days
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Dad complains about your loud music. You should A) drop the volume, B) use your headphones, C) light him on fire
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You UFO nutters can put away your tin-foil hats now, that 'space alien' skeleton discovered in Chile is really just a plain old mummified human
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Problem: School teacher busted with drugs. Principal reassures parents incident has little to do with the school. Solution: random search of students
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There is one reassuring constant in American life: when tragedy strikes, be it natural disaster, industrial accident, or act or terror; and a fund is set up to compensate the victims, Kenneth Feinberg will be there to dole out the money
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Walking around naked in your own house? That's a-charging
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Police: Woman used mannequins and cow parts in burial scam
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Aereo: The courts have ruled that we don't have to pay for the content we stream. Pandora: Wait, what?
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If you have Massachusetts plates, you probably don't want to drive outside of Massachusetts until the country calms down
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Girl born without bones can now walk and dance thanks to new miracle drug. Her best friends, including a guy with a fiery disposition, a hard-to-see gal, and a big lumbering brute, said to be ecstatic
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WHO: Hey...hey guys...look at me, look over at here. The new H7N9 bird flu is like totally the most lethal EVAR. Hey, guys, we're super serial here. No, forget what we said last time we REALLY MEAN IT. Hey, guys look at us
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"What we've said to the girls is, 'If you guys ever decided you're going to get a tattoo, then mommy and me will get the exact same tattoo in the same place. And we'll go on YouTube and show it off as a family tattoo," Fark: OBAMA
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"Attention shoppers...we've released 72,000 bugs in the mall today to save the planet. Watch your step in the food court. Thank you"
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Madonna's mostly harmless homeless brother busted in a bathroom
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Al Qaeda spokesman to Muslims wanting to attack in the US: go to a gun show and buy an assault rifle. There are no background checks. Oh, and the video was uploaded in 2011 - well before Sandy Hook
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'Round these parts, we call this the Double Dip
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Authorities on the unknown person who threw a bong that broke two windows in a state office: "It's probably someone who - if they didn't do a life of crime - would have been pretty successful pitching a baseball"
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"They lost limbs. I lost a boat"
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Jesus was a hipster before it was cool
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Pizza Hut franchise tapes letter to boxes begging customers to give them perfect service scores
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Missouri mom goes on trial for beating up her son's heroin dealer. Difficulty: Defense has trouble seating impartial jurors
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Fox reporter Mike Tobin, America's "News Ninja" foils on-air lip assault
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Mars rovers enter teen years, begin drawing penises on everything (with pics)
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Sunil Tripathi has been found, no thanks to internet super-sleuths
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Mosque refuses to bury Boston bomber: "This is a person who deliberately killed people. There is no room for him as a Muslim"
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Dhaka, when the walls fell
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Just in time for 4/20, Del Taco launches new chili cheese fry burrito. Wait, what do you mean 4/20 was four days ago? How long have we been sitting here???
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Dzhokhar Tsarnaev tells investigators why he and his older brother set up the attacks at the Boston Marathon. It's more or less exactly what you think
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Firefighters discover over $1 million worth of marijuana on second floor of burning home, immediately order emergency air-drop of Funyuns
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Russian memo to US, "Tamerlan Tsarnaev determined to strike inside the United States"
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University of New Hampshire student athlete sacrifices his career to donate bone marrow
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Zombie lawsuit filed by dead woman against closed store of chain that no longer exists
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Meet the new suspect in the Ricin case. I'm Kevin Curtis and I approve this investigation
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Polls in the wake of that resounding gun bill defeat proves that the "90 percent of Americans want this" line being thrown around by gun grabbers was the sort of made-up fiction that the NRA can only dream of creating on their own
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Remember back in the good ol' days when Highway Patrol would give lawmakers small plastic sleeves for their driver's license with the word "legislator" stamped on it in case they ever got pulled over?
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Woman arrested for dry humping two young girls tells police she "is a gay man trapped in a woman's body" ... and then it gets weird
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Boston bombers linked to Infowars. However, reverse vampires have been cleared
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Clean up after 4/20 celebration at Golden Gate Park cost San Francisco $10,000. City parks department takes it out of its budget for "weed control"
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Women shot at by LAPD during Dorner manhunt, and then offered a replacement pickup truck in compensation, get to split a $4.2 million settlement
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Elderly man confronts a thief in his garage, whacks him in the head with a shovel, then mocks him on Craigslist. No word on whether or not it was a Gran Torino parked in the garage
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Old people are playing bingo on the taxpayer dime, and some people have a problem with this. Is Bingozi a scandal yet?
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Tamerlan Tsarnaev was influenced by a mysterious radical. We know this, I swear. Don't look at me like that
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Photoshop Challenge: Place this cheeseburger somewhere unexpected
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"Penmanship" is now 'handwriting' as Washington state removes gender bias in statutes. This will go down in herstory
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Republican lawmaker proposes bill requiring poor children to work as janitors to earn their discounted school lunches
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Japanese prime minister warns that Japan will respond with force if China lands on disputed islands. This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it
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'From now on when people ask me why I'm a stripper, I'm just going to show them this picture' (w/pics)
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Are you stupider than the average American about basic science and technology?
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Postal Service takes new approach to budget crisis: sue Lance Armstrong for a solid $100 million
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The ten most ridiculous, blatantly false anti-drug PSAs from the 80s and 90s. Yes, the Saved by the Bell freakout is on here
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Mom of kid with allergies peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, dairy, and more: "Please don't feed your kids at the playground. If one molecule of your kids' snacks is left behind, it might kill my snowflake"
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Remember that episode of The Wire where 13 female prison guards in Baltimore were indicted for being part of a drug smuggling ring, and four of them were impregnated by the same inmate? What? That was real?
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This is what happens when you put Ecstasy in your vagina
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| Tue April 23, 2013 |
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Not news: Clergyman assists woman being assaulted. Fark: clergyman assists woman being assaulted by using his sweet ninja skills and samurai sword
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In the USA, there are now more workers in solar power than coal miners
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Seriously, when is it not awesome to open up any time capsule?
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What's the worst job in the world? Being a newspaper reporter ... says newspaper reporter
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76-year-old gun safety instructor teaches students what not to do with a firearm in a school cafeteria
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Bartender, why does my W00tstout beer taste like Wil Wheaton's face?
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Second child dies after parents pick prayer over medicine. Guess how the first one died? Go on, guess
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Apparently they just leave $26 000 bottles of scotch unguarded at Ontario liquor stores
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Guy sues his pregnant runaway bride for $72,000 worth of unreturned wedding gifts
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Photoshop this Japanese bridge
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New Jersey School Officials fear strapless dresses would "distract boys, leave girls open to Cheetos stained shoulders
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Fark-ready headline of the week: Boston Bombing Amputee No Longer Fears 'Horrible Shin Splints'
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Italy's Napolitano speeds search for new government, flavor, because strawberry just isn't that great, to be honest
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26 U.S. Navy ship naming controversies. If you are going to name ships after gays, Confederates, Jesus or socialists, someone is going to have a problem with it
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Supreme Court decides that deporting Jamaican for having pot is too ironic to be legal
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"In Illinois on Tuesday, residents braced for the extra inch"
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Just get engaged? Well, imma let you finish, but these 14 couples have the best engagement photos OF ALL TIME
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Gynecologists question the efficacy of robotic surgery. TAKE ME TO YOUR UTERUS
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| (urbantaster) |
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Photoshop Pandora Box finally releasing hope into the world
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Elderly woman is on target to renew driving license. Wait, she's IN Target
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Man arrested for bank robbery claims to be part of a DIA operation to test bank security. Then things get interesting
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O_o + ┬⤸ ┤⤸ ┴⤸├ = O_O
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Drew's uncle Kevin wins the Justice Department Lotto - free to go and impersonate Elvis as he pleases
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Why is Boston 'terrorism' but not Aurora, Sandy Hook, Tucson and Columbine?
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AP Twitter account hacked, announces explosions at White House. Who do they think they are, CNN?
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The 11 most bizarre things the Tsarnaev brothers did
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GIS your login and "fark" then post one thing you find
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Join human rights groups in their campaign to stop killer robots from annihilating the human race - and yes, they're serious about this
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For some reason Amazon, eBay and others have a problem with Unsolicited Federal Internet Sales Tax
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Just in case you were living in Boston and considering buying a $40k bomb detector "just in case", don't buy one from this guy
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Police have readied tear gas, a "battery" or water cannons and "legions" of riot police to prepare for the expected response to today's vote to legalize gay marriage in ...France? Really France? what happened to you? You used to be so cool
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A guy kicks back a couple of Colt 45 tall boys and suddenly finds himself surrounded by bullet casings, cops and covered in feces. Cue Billy Dee Williams, "It works every time"
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Research suggests marijuana pill may help relieve pain better than the traditional smoking method, and by "relieve pain better", they really mean "make pharmaceutical companies richer"
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NYT explains why NYC isn't really that expensive after all. Subby nods approvingly while eating $50 take out for one in a $2,200/month studio apartment. Reasonable debate comparing regional costs of living not found to the right
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Wasn't Islam. Wasn't Islam. Wasn't Islam. ... Was Islam. That was easy
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