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| Sun April 14, 2013 |
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Jenna Bush gives birth to the 57th president of the United States
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Today's Bishop ousted due to a sex scandal is brought to you by the Chicago Orthodox Church of America
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News: Man gets shot in the head twice... FARK: Still manages to drive himself to the hospital
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Restaurant posts "Beer should be like violence: domestic" on marquee outside, is utterly baffled by the lack of laughs from angry customers. Bonus clueless points: It's an organic, vegetarian restaurant
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Photoshop theme: create a vintage advertisement for something modern
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Some state dropping GED as test prices go up. Effects being felt in Yahoo headlines
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Alcohol free bar set to open in the NW Chicago suburb Crystal Lake. No, I didn't say free alcohol, I said alcohol free. Doesn't matter anyways, Jason will get you
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It was a perfect match. A young boy being treated for cancer was looking for a dog -- and a dog, who had been mistreated and neglected -- was looking for a family to love him
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How to make a Pimento Cheese sandwich the right way
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If you're a high school student, normally it's not a good thing when you get called to the office. Unless your teacher is a hot and insatiable sex kitten
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One of the great things about being Hugh Jackman is that random female fans will throw electric razors filled with their pubic hairs at you while you're at the gym
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Most kids curse before they learn the alphabet. I learned it from you dad ...I LEARNED IT FROM YOU
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The punishment for a Navy submarine captain who faked his own death to end an extramarital affair: an honorable discharge and full retention of his rank. That'll teach 'em
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Photoshop this rescuer in rough rapids
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If you found a small amount of cash in a stray wallet on a park bench in New York City, would you take it? The NYPD hopes you do
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The newest technique to battle drinking? Implanting false memories
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Rash of graffiti has show up in Joshua Tree Nat. Park. Pictures have been posted on social media sites but police still haven't found what they are looking for
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Disgraced and discredited "Dr" Andrew Wakefield wants you to know the UK measles epidemic is *totally* not his fault
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Aggressive pruning continues to only be a crime in high-brow gardening communities
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The entire four pages of the 1040 federal income tax form, with all instructions, for 1913
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Internet kills another art form: the rent-a-protest-crowd astroturf business
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"Charges should be retroactively filled against the witnesses on behalf of the Lomax estate, as the ensuing defamation of the Lomax name has made it impossible for his family to have a quiet weekend anywhere"
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Foodie elitists should call for healthier fast food instead of more home cooking as solution to obesity crisis, as it is in Asia. Instead, they believe "cooking is a personal obligation, and that shirking this obligation is lazy, harmful, bad"
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Caption this pay off
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Pretentious prickmobile turns 50
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Cops invent new crime: DWWI. Austin needs its own Fark Tag
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Man tries to reenact Proclaimers song for cancer charity
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Could you keep a small plane in the air for 30 days straight?
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Not only are you shallow human being, but you're also a frequent texter
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More and more couples are merging their Twitter and Facebook accounts. "What does it mean when you want to portray yourself as a couple rather than an individual?"
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Just when you thought the internet couldn't get any more depraved, a Washington woman is getting paid to post pictures of food of balanced on her giant ass. "Often plates of doughnuts or pizzas to show how big it is"
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Hey stoners, before you travel to Colorado to go on a pot vacation, you should know it's going to be months before outsiders can legally buy it. "Bummer"
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Rare prayer hymnal, the first book ever printed in North America, expected to sell for more than $15 million. Nervous owner admits to having sweaty psalms
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| (That's Heavy) |
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You made a time machine? Out of a De Tomaso Mangusta?? What the Back to the Future time machine would look like if it was made today
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Inspired by Hurricane Katrina, man is building an ark that is exactly like Noah's, assuming Noah's had a museum, gift shop, housed stray cats and dogs, and cost $1.5 million to build
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Group of the "popular girls" forced other high school girls, some as young a 13, into prostitution and beat them if they didn't go along. Subby always knew the Popular girls were evil
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Riot breaks out in New Brunswick, NJ, after group of Rutgers University students realize they go to school in New Jersey
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In today's episode of Poor Choice of Words Theater, mother of homeless man injured by NYC subway train hopes "this will be enough to put him on a different track"
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So you mean it's wrong to offer a shooting range target that resembles Trayvon Martin to other officers? Asks Sargeant McFired
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Fark-ready headline: Mass vomiting breaks out at baby shop
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American Psychiatric Association new guidelines : A Three Year Old throws a temper tantrum? Mental Disorder. Five Year Old picks a scab? Mental Disorder. Sanity? Not in this book
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| Sat April 13, 2013 |
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Hot daughter of Russian billionaire buys Greek island Skorpios, which will serve as either home base of new criminal mastermind organization or greatest party isle in world history
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Remember that oil pipeline event in Arkansas? Remember how the patriotic corporation was saving Americans from the MSM lies? Remember the 12 other oil spills that happened in the last 30 days?
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Who goes out to get Chinese food on a Saturday morning at 7:30? This six-year-old
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Kim Jong-Unsure-where-Colorado-is
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Sexual abuse conference is good place to pick up women. (a) true, (b) false, or (c) officer, these handcuffs are too tight
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Photoshop this topless tussle
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Best Korea has already won (in their minds)
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Finally a law against the slow arseholes in the left lane. Next up, the arseholes on bicycles who ride in packs. Then, the Dutch
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Sculptor creates statue depicting Jesus as a homeless person, supposed biblical scholars have a problem with this
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A 16 yr. old girl saves her badass 79 year old neighbor who got trapped under a tree. The neighbor was chopping down the tree herself. (Video)
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Group in NY accused of public sex, adultery, parties that end with people in stitches, misuse of funds, and possibly even arson. A new gang? No it's the Roosevelt Island Garden Club
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F*cking College student gets threatened with f*cking detention and then f*cking suspended for saying f*ck outside of class. Guess which f*cking State this f*cking happened in you f*ckers
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Hookah bars doomed as anti-smoking activist zealots pursue their pious crusade against enjoyment and free will
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Photoshop this top part of a pope
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Daycare worker bites a 5-year-old boy to teach him not to bite other kids. With "Why would you leave your kid with someone who looks like this" mugshot
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Philadelphia police foil cocaine stash house robbery, marking the first time in history that coke dealers were happy to see the police
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Thank you science: The remains of a soldier posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor for acts of valor in the Korean War have been identified and will be buried with full honors at Arlington National Cemetery
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If you set money aside for groceries, gas, and rent you are doing your budgeting wrong
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US and China agree that Korea must be denuclearized. Well that settles that, who wants cake?
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Man keeps his cool, and possibly saves a life. And by "man", we mean a 7 year-old
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In what category did Michigan outpace the national average by 12% in 2012? Was it: a) Pantsless arrests, b) Commercials featuring Tim Allen voice-overs, or c) Brewery openings?
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81-year-old Florida man arrested as ringleader of a prescription drug ring, leaving his neighbors to ask what is wrong with these kids today
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Did you hear that keeping your ear wax in your ear is actually healthy for you?
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It isn't enough that bedbugs have crawled their way back into our lives. Now we have to worry about "super-lice" that resist normal treatments
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Disabled pig Chris P. Bacon gets new wheelchair, gives new meaning to the term "Meals on Wheels"
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Researchers with too much time on their hands conclude there's no such thing as a sexy chin
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Fargo: Volunteers including students fill a million sandbags to prepare for the 4th major flood in 5 years. Ed Schultz: Fargo uses child slave labor because rich people refuse to pay taxes. Bonus: It's his old TV station
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TV producers are looking for chefs who can prepare meals in a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland cooking show
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Photoshop these out-of-place primitives
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Fark Party Chicago - 13APR - 8pm-11pm - Lincoln Tap Room
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Walmart shopper calls police to report "some guy" was harassing her from shoplifting. Yep, Florida
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Photographer captures cute camaraderie between child and cat Lilu. Let's welcome this dynamic duo on Caturday
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Twin Cities Fark Party, Saturday April 13th 7pm-NOW WITH LOCATION
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Once you've got over your mid-life crisis you have a later-life crisis to look forward to. Symptoms include buying ridiculous wheelchairs and shacking up with cougars
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For some unknown reason, Canada approves a new bridge to Detroit
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Anonymous takes less than two hours to solve rape case for which authorities claim there wasn't sufficient evidence for criminal charges
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North Carolina finally passes a background check law. Fark: For people receiving Food Stamps
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Mother forces son to hold a sign on the corner as punishment for getting high and pooping on neighbors porch
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The latest hipster cocktail recipes in London, Stockholm and Amsterdam contain ... American craft beer
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Who better to adopt an abandoned runt of the litter baby meerkat than a runty looking chihuahua
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The man arrested today in connection to the shooting of two women at a suburban Virginia mall may have announced his crime minutes in advance on the 4chan message board
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Criminal mastermind posts Facebook photos of himself wearing stolen jewelry, sends Instagram taunts to the victim he robbed them from
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| Fri April 12, 2013 |
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"Hey...I left that pot laced piece of cake on your kitchen counter...uh what?...you're in the hospital?...but your dad is home?...and he's the Chief of Police?...duuuuude
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Stand and deliver. Hand over all your Lupins
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Why creative people are more complex than you are
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Pub landlord who felt ill for months discovers he is allergic to ale
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15 year old high school freshman killed playing something called "the punching game"
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What if the state really decided to force you to live healthily? The results would be a horrifying dystopia, in which everybody lived to be 120. Hear that, Mayor Bloomberg?
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Dad goes nuts after finding fourth grade son's class assignment that says 'I Am Willing to Give Up Some of My Constitutional Rights...to Be Safer'
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Apparently, there are hipster vegetables now
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People who suffer from "electromagnetic hypersensitivity" are flocking to a WV town that lies in the U.S. National Radio Quiet Zone, where there are no cell, wifi or radio signals. I'll bet they're fun at parties
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New dating website helps women find well-endowed men other than subby
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Best Korea : We just dropped a few paratroopers on your border. China: touche, because we just move a few armored mechanized infantry division on yours
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Put the pens down, journalism students. Denver's alt-weekly magazine is looking for a marijuana intern. No, seriously. That's a thing
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Craigslist encounter between two men goes awry after one man thinks the other stole his wallet, so he runs out, naked, jumping in front of the other man's car
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BC man to be extradited to Australia for smuggling ecstasy inside a PS3. Clearly never saw Project X
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It's just a wasp nest. Go in there, squirt some Raid on it, have ten million wasps come out, pick you up and jam you headfirst into the nest AAAAAAGGHHHHH
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Photoshop this shark surprise
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Canadian police say they're willing to work with Anonymous, but the group has to expose itself
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It was only a matter of time: There are now food trucks that cater exclusively to dogs
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You know, it's not really a proper holiday camp performance of children's favourite "Jack and the Beanstalk" unless someone gets their nose bitten off
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Today's "teenage boys sexually assault girl, takes pics, sends them around the school, she hangs herself" is brought to you by Saratoga, CA
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You've won a TV show and landed a £100,000 a year job. Do you c) Sue the notoriously hard-nosed, uncompromising, multi-millionaire businessman boss because you weren't given any work to do?
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Squirt, squirt, pass
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Cutting someone into pieces, mailing the body parts to political parties, and running off to Europe to escape authorities? Yup, you're fit to stand trial
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The trait that is the best predictor of a long life is.... conscientiousness? Well, I'm scr
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Fish and Game looking for man who poached an elk instead of carving it up into steaks, grinding into sausage and generally ruining a perfectly good piece of meat
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Thirty Lincolns agree... to meet in Ohio
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It's Friday, winter is almost over and all is right with the world. Here's the Fark Weird News Quiz
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this overstuffed suitcase
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American Family Association claims that "Homofascists" will force Christians to wear badges like Jews in Holocaust
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The wheels on the bus go round and round. The car and driver, not so much
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Widow gets sued by the man convicted of killing her husband
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Fark-ready headline: Banana, lobster accused of breaking into student union
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Wednesday's Nationals-White Sox game was delayed 15 minutes because the umpires made a bad call: Deciding to drive in DC traffic
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BAD : Someone steals your laptop. GOOD : You have tracking software installed so you know where it is. FARK : It's in IRAN
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Neil Young has a blog where he logs his dreams, and it's as awesome as you'd expect. "We hadn't even seen a fire lizard yet and I was already sweatin' bullets"
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East St. Louis churches don't want to pay the fire tax. It's ok though God never burns down churches
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High school students given assignment to "Think like a Nazi, argue why Jews are evil". Hilarity ensues
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Man who caused wreck on the I-29 admits he flashed a hatchet to another driver and was "driving like a maniac" before crashing
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Reasons not to call 911
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Let's celebrate National Grilled Cheese Day with some cheese-filled gooey sammich recipes
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"My dying husband told me to get a boob job and find a toyboy - so I did"....says widowed great-grandmother
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What is the strangest thing you seen abandoned on the side of the road?
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One morning I shot an elephant in my SUV. How he got in my SUV I'll never know
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Ireland releases a new limited-edition coin honoring James Joyce, but apparently they never read Ulysses, because they managed to misquote him on the already-minted coin
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Golf clubs are sexist. When men drunkenly drive around the course it's "a leisurely game". When a woman does it suddenly it's all "property damage" and "DUI"
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At least he was trying to put the 'Mad Dragon' in his pants rather than letting it out
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Don't take this literally, but never get out of the boat
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George Zimmerman's mother shoots off a critical letter on the anniversary of her son's arrest
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Jodi Arias sells art to pay for her defense. "I call this one, 'Ode to bloodletting' with real blood. I also paint murals with my own feces"
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Tweeting your wife asking what's for dinner may result in more than a death stare emoticon
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'HLN is an acronym for Haters Love Negativity' and other witty tweets from Jodi Arias in jail
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People in the South aren't so fat after all - turns out they lie less often
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Tom Cruise says his Irish ancestors used to own most of Dublin, while his Thetan ancestors used to own most of the Milky Way Galaxy
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Neo-Nazi network discovered in German prisons. A sort of brotherhood among Aryans, as it were
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Man gets seven years in prison for briefly abducting the President
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Wisconsin men in trouble after making video of themselves wrestling with, putting T-shirt on wild deer. Because, you know, Wisconsin guys always like to dress up their dates
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Road rage + a nice rack = a clean getaway. Woman rams man's car, only description he can give police is of her large endowment (sfw)
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Pro tip: If your getaway car happens to be a bicycle, then make sure the bike's chain isn't broken before you pull a heist and swipe 10 cans of deodorant
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Hackers could disrupt the electric car charging grid, stranding tens of motorists
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Jay-Z's rap song gets a denial from the White House regarding the Jay-Z/Beyonce anniversary vacation to Cuba
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British humor is more dry and subtle than American humor. For instance, this British police officer Tweeted on Margaret Thatcher's death: "87 years too late," "marvelous stuff," "the world was a better place". Cheeky bugger
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NPR takes on the tough questions: What should you do when someone you like listens to music you don't like? Next week: How to deal with people who drink beer you think is shiatty
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Margaret Thatcher's funeral delays Iron Man 3. Thanks, Obama
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Indiana dentist pulls out all of man's teeth without his permission. Patient sues for pain, suffering, the cost of moving to Alabama where no one will notice
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And the winner for "Best TV Theme Song Ever Is.......... 'Gilligan's Island'"
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If you're planning on attending this year's Chickenfest in Maine, you better run run run run run run run away
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Serial masturbator to represent himself in court as it is his habit to handle his own business
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Scam artists want your money and the 'no call' list is not stopping them
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Police officer was just responding to a call about a minor car accident. And that's when he met Naked Attack Guy
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, an apple shape keeps you from living, touching toes
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John McCain calls Dear Leader a "Clown." Dear Leader asks if that means he gets more cake
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This is gonna shock you, but the secularist candidate for the Pakistani parliament was killed by religious nuts
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London police are preparing for former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's funeral. This thing is going to require some water cannons, and a lot of rubber bullets
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New Jersey assemblywoman wants to ban violent video games from public places like bowling alleys and movie theaters. Our long Mortal Kombat nightmare is nearly over
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You know it's a bad day when two people armed with a shotgun and a tire iron steal the $350 you needed to pay bills, and you don't even have a shirt to wear when the local news interviews you about it
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Man survives the Hazelwood, Missouri tornado inside airborne car. "I just held on to the steering wheel, and my life flashed before my eyes, and I was hoping I'd make it home to see my kids"
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Photoshop this swinger from the '50's
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Storm plows through the Deep South, but enough about last night with your mom
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You know that study about breasts being better off without bras? Lead professor says he needs to carry out 'much more research' with his measuring device
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Just so you know for the future, Sheriff Joe Arpaio does not have an office in Flagstaff, Arizona
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BK launch day 3: Lil Kim announces Japan must be attacked because it deployed a missile defense system. Though to be fair, he accidentally ated his logic textbook before reading it
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"Welcome to our courthouse, please leave your beer bottle and pet duck behind"
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It's 11 ½ feet high, weighs more than 18 tons and can transport 15 people comfortably or cram in up to about 30 in a pinch. "This vehicle has a multitude of uses," said Lewis and Clark County Sheriff Leo Dutton
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Ever wonder why a song gets stuck in your head? It could be because your brain is getting a high from it. Here comes the science
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Orthodox Jewish man wears the world's largest ziploc bag on a flight because he is banned from flying over cemeteries due to being a Kohein
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Police "Stumble upon" Columbine-like massacre plan while investigating school owned laptop. With Bieberiffic mugshots
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Cicada, you can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it, pan fried, deep fried, stir fried
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Is it too soon for a bad story about Roger Ebert??
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| Thu April 11, 2013 |
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Best Korea is more progressive than the United States. Not only have they had lady soldiers for longer, but they also let them do it in 4-inch high heels
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Photoshop these clean room kids
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"Sorry for cutting down your trees. Here is a birdhouse to put on the stump"
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Huh, why are monkey's butts so colorful?
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Co-Ed Topless Pulp Fiction Appreciation Society. That is all. (Pictures in article are Not safe for work)
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Cockroach nymphs. Flies. Failed health inspection. Carnival continues their cruise to bankruptcy
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The Return to the Fark Food Thread: Seared scallops? Grilled shrimp? Tilapia en papillote? Blackened catfish? When it's time to dress up your catch, how do you like to prepare seafood?
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Add the photo and name of "Vladimir Putin" to your list of things not to put on your fake drivers license
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Photoshop this chair somewhere
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Gold star for today's Fark-ready headline: "Saggy pants crackdown underway"
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Bad: Killing your sister. Weird: Pickling her head. Sick: Leaving it in a public toilet
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"Dear Prudence, my wife has started taking antidepressants, and since then she has been cheerful and optimistic. I hate it"
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Waffle House evacuated and 2 1/2 hour standoff with SWAT team ensues because of C: Crazy naked guy barricaded in bathroom. "He asked me if I'd seen the movie 'Uncle Willie.' I said I hadn't, and he said, 'Well, I'm Uncle Willie.'"
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Climate-friendly refrigerant is more deadly than hydrogen cyanide and will BURN YOUR FACE OFF
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If you've been in a coma for 5 years and suddenly come out of it, the first thing you'd say is: A.) "What did I miss?" B.) "What year is it?" or C.) "I want to go to a Bob Seger concert"
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To celebrate National Grilled Cheese Day tomorrow, something horrible has happened to a sandwich
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Company greets each employee with $100 bill to celebrate 100th day of year
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Triple dose of rare ugly-assed cuteness born at Nashville Zoo
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For some unfathomable reason, Britain has chosen not to invite the President of Argentina to Margaret Thatcher's "Falklands War-themed" funeral next week
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Girl sends boy topless photo at his request. Boy sends photo to everyone. Girl gets expelled. Wait, what?
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Man dragged five hundred feet by car and was dragged five hundred more just to be the man who was dragged across Goose Island by car DA DA DA DA DA DA
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Two DHS agents indicted on federal charges of obstruction of justice, falsfying records and conspiracy. Fark: The agents were assigned to investigate fellow DHS agents to root out corruption
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NJ woman tracks down her hero lifeguard who saved her in 1964 when she was 5
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Neighbor's stroller in the hallway? You know what you have to do. BURN EVERYTHING. KILL EVERYONE
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Fire inspector sets his own house ablaze. Hate to see what the Roto-Rooter guy would do
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Idaho hottie arrested for duing it twice
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Hitmen, torture, informants, betrayal: The savage world of NJ diner management
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Iranian scientist claims he built a time machine. This is not a repeat from 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017
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After their son is injured by a falling dead tree while they are camping, the family sues the USFS for negligently allowing there to be so darn many trees in their National Forests
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If you have to have a fake funeral to hear what your friends really think of you, you probably don't want to know
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Dubai's police cars are WAY cooler than your police cars
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Why other countries are WAY cooler than us: A new bridge in the city of Da Nang is not only the largest steel arch bridge in Vietnam, but it is shaped like a dragon and actually shoots fire from its head
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Randy pair get caught by the Google Street View playing dirty in the road. (Not safe for work or the road)
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Hey, mind if I put my gun down here on your counter while I rob your bank?
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"Sounds good my man, seeya soon, ill tw_____________"
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Here's a fun game- Choose which Ukrainian woman wants to be a mail-order bride
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Meth. Not even once, unless you want to steal a semi full of strawberries to escape the zombies
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Police attack and arrest man for recording them with his cell phone camera claiming the phone could be "converted into a weapon" (w/video)
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Not content with keeping snowstorms just a winter thing and tornadoes a summer thing, the Midwest is getting both at the same time. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Portland man arrested for harassing Aurora shooting survivors, using vile language and asking about the "moon base" where still-living "victims" were taken. He's also made friends in Newtown
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Hamster Christ
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Huh, who knew that Putin had found total enlightenment? Bear wrestling must be part of the Noble Eightfold Path
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Exhausted, sleep deprived mother of premature twins lashes out at "Breastapo" for making her feel guilty, selfish and lazy for supplementing formula for breastmilk
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Cthulu Alert: Giant stone structure found beneath the Sea of Galilee. Scientists still using protractors to determine if the geometry is non-Euclidean
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Marijuana makes you forget things, like returning library books. So one state where weed is legal is now proposing DNA swabs for library scofflaws
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Waaw, wuh waw waah waw waw wuhh woo wah wauh wuh wuh
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Coming to DC as a tourist? Great, glad to have you. Remember there's no White House tours, but hey: the cherry blossoms are in full bloom right now. Beautiful, aren't they? Why yes, that *is* a body floating in the tidal basin. It happens sometimes
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Wisconsin losers trap a wild deer, then put a yellow t-shirt on it. (With video)
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Apparently when it comes to naming shoes no one at Target passed Spanish 101
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Extremely patient dog lets cat "walk" all over his head
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If there's one thing that social media users can universally agree on, it's the fact that everyone connected to the Jodi Arias trial is evil. "It's the electronic version of a lynch mob"
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The infamous North Pond Hermit has been captured after 27 years of burglarizing camps in the Maine woods. And yes, he looks like a hermit who's spent 27 years burglarizing camps in the Maine woods
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Dumbass eats world's hottest pepper in one chomp with predictable results. Video of that dumbass to the left
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If I had 20,000 M-16s in a warehouse in Kuwait, I think I'd have some guards. But that's just me
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Semi blows 20,000 pound load all over freeway's face near Seattle, creates a sticky situation. Promises to call later
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Hey North Korea, China has a few words about your behavior. What's so funny, U.S., South Korea and Japan? China has words for you too
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Humans will not "survive" without escaping Earth, says man who can't escape wheelchair. Whatever dude. NASA is still not going back to the moon
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Photoshop theme: Time to plan your summer vacation, photoshop a state's travel poster, guide or ad
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Heeeeeeeey there Wilbur how ... wait .... hey what are you doing back there?
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Ashes to ashes... dust to rust. This local council is recycling the metal from people's cremated remains to make ROAD SIGNS. Forget being reincarnated as a butterfly - you're coming back as a "Give Way" sign
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This hilarious article will drive you insane with its mind-blowingly awesome and innovative list of the most epic adjectives that, in a stunning report, have moved well beyond the cutting edge into game-changing territory
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Bad news: almost half of Justin Bieber's Twitter followers are fake. Good news: the Biebs is too busy trying to get his monkey out of quarantine to care
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Ivanka Trump stalker states the obvious, 'If she would just call me it would be so much easier'
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50 former Nazi prison guards may be tried for war crimes. This is not a repeat of 1946
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Vengeful boyfriend parks woman's car in employee lot at O'Hare airport for three years, racking up $100,000 in parking tickets. City of Chicago to woman: SHUT UP AND PAY US
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North Carolina: "We must lift the ban on religion in public places" Constituent: "So then would you support Islamic prayers being said before meetings?". Legislator: "Of course not, that would be terrorism"
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Chemistry meeting tackles science of beer, wine and hangovers
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Nine f*cking things your stupid ass probably didn't know about goddamned swear words
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Woman told she's allergic to husband's sperm, says the news was hard to swallow
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"Counselors are available for students and staff" because: A) a student shot up yet another school, B) a student committed suicide on campus, or C) the principal drove into work drunk
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Wandering mascot pardoned by Piggly Wiggly shot to death by hungry vigilante with a 9mm
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Faced with sagging confidence after the Dreamliner episode, one Boeing employee goes to extremes to get the company riding high again
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Today's FARK ready headline: Man defecates on store floor, tries to walk out in stolen clothes
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Florida man hopes to get intimate with women with no strings attached
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West Covina, CA's Home Depot hosts worst viral stunt promoting "Evil Dead" remake ever
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The annual Hair Wars in Detroit showcases hairstyles you have to see to beweave
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Norks assume the position
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 414: "Enter (or Exit) Here". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 10, 2013 |
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Super cute 22-year-old blonde: "I sold sex to pay for my 100 units a day booze habit" (w/pics)
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Review of John Hinckley's activities when he's allowed to leave the mental hospital suggest that he is unlikely to try to kill Reagan again
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Man wanting "Suicide by Cop" settles for Unexpected Foam In Abdomen
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Jobless mother-of-ten needs more help from the NHS to have another baby because her benefits are too low
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Ten American habits that the British just don't understand. Of course, #1 on the list is such low-hanging fruit that it's not even worth mentioning in the headline
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Porn actresses whose videos had been downloaded by the Vatican point out the hypocrisy of not just viewing sex videos, but stealing them. Vatican officials insist they were just trying to keep up on modern spanking technologies
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Got some spare time? Olympia Beer is offering $1 million to anyone who can "ensure the safe capture" or provide "irrefutable evidence" of Bigfoot
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Photoshop these magical sprites
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The five biggest flop, worst-selling car models of all time. It's not surprising that the Pontiac Aztek is on the list, but the 1964 Studebaker Wagonaire "convertible station wagon" actually seems kinda cool
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You ever notice how American parents raise their children like THIS, but parents from all other countries raise their children like THIS?
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Gunman holding firefighters hostage releases one but four continue to be held outside Atlanta. Link goes to story with link to live coverage. UPDATE from article: Suspect is dead, hostages are okay
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Terrified cats are terrified
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In the US saying a President had "skeletons in his closet" might mean a illicit affair. Presidents in Africa are not quite so metaphorical
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Wife goes over a cliff, falling 120 feet in 2.74 seconds. If she landed 52 feet from the base of the cliff, did she stumble or was she pushed by her husband, who was philandering at a rate of 20 affairs per marriage?
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Group of burly men lift 3000 pound overturned tractor off of trapped man. And by 'group of burly men' I mean two teenage girls
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Researchers propose new weapon in the war on bedbugs: It's a trap
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Sec. of Defense Hagel says North Korea nears a "dangerous line", having already crossed the "Silly Line", the "Crazy Line", and the "What Are You Stupid Line"
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Things not to leave in your car while you go to your college class: Your books, your keys....your three-year old
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I'll go to jail on Tuesday for $100,000 worth of hamburgers stolen today (link replaced)
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If you're wondering why grandma has been drinking PBRs while snacking on artisan pickles, it's because she's been hanging out with the hipsters at the local bingo hall
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Photoshop this hunter
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Vladimir Putin's name hurriedly removed from secret Finnish list of wanted criminals after police realize no one in Finland is brave enough to arrest him
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Cuba pulls a reverse Janet Reno
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You'll get over it
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Where exactly was Drew this morning?
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Florida man, misses his mom, steals $75,000 worth of soup
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The world would be a happier place if we all had a therapy llama
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"Boxers work to knock out Parkinson's symptoms" Briefs, however, kill your sperm and leaves you shakin' with regret
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'Please help' and the 8 other things Earthlings want to say to extraterrestrials ... Turns out, we're a fairly self-obsessed bunch
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Typical Drink: Obscure micro-brews, including one that they brew right on the premises that smells like a diseased elephant sh**ting out a dead cat
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Now's the time to regulate the furries of Times Square and render them impotent before they multiply
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Man squats a dictionary-word gmail address in 2004 and forgets about it. Finds 4,382 unread messages, 9 years later. For the New Yorker, this is a shocking story
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Tunisian Blogger who is living under death threats after posting topless protest photos of herself online to activists in Europe who protested topless and burned a Muslim prayer flag in "soldiarity": Okay, you are SO not helping
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Transgender high school student may wear original Wang to prom, Kerry on wayward Un, and Eric Holder is looking at the wrong porn: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/31 - 4/6
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Teenager has survived on nothing but noodles since age 5 because parenting is too much work
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Texas executes Glenn Beck
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Turns out Waffle House is even worse for you than previously thought
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Anonymous kidney donor meets the woman he saved. Also donated a ton of dust to the room
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Fed releases minutes early. It's okay, that can happen to anyone
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You had ONE job
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Researchers discover porn sites may contain malware, porn
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Parents of pregnant panda: We're going to need a paternity test -- and a shotgun
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"The report does not indicate what reason the man gave for sprinting around his neighborhood in the nude"
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The Marine whose flag covered the face of Saddam's statue that was toppled in the famous photo from early in the Iraq war, isn't real interested in it or him being used for propaganda purposes anymore
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Smug Massachusetts laughs as backwards Mississippi town sues the gubmnt to take away horrifying wind turbines that are destroying their health. Wait, got those two states switched around; sorry
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God: "Damnit, foiled again"
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Mother challenges 9-year-old son to write an apology for pinching his brother in the family jewels, son knocks the ball out of the park
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Washington state has filed a lawsuit against the florist who refused to do the flowers for a gay wedding due to her "relationship with Jesus". WWJD, indeed?
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Elephant hurt in drive-by shooting. Witnesses described the shooter as an olde-timey fellow who was rambling about AC/DC and his license plate read "ED1-S0N"
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The problem with critiquing the press's coverage of the Kermit Gosnell trial is the implication that the the press is covering the Kermit Gosnell trial
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Arizona lawmaker demands to know who leaked to the media an email he sent from his public e-mail account. Bonus: The second email he sent complaining about the media leak of the first email is also given to the media
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Have a 10-month-old puppy you don't want and don't know what to do with it? Tie it to some train tracks in the desert, of course. (Spoiler: puppy now up for adoption.)
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Man arrested for bringing meat cleaver to maternity ward. And this is why the original cover to the Beatles album 'Yesterday and Today' was banned
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An insightful, thoughtful and very personal remembrance of Margaret Thatcher and "Thatcherism." The reason for the "unlikely" tag? It's written by Russell Brand
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| (Some Guy) |
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The truths about school shootings that Huffington Post doesn't want you to read
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The perfect storm of conspiracy theories: combine the energy crisis, global warming and aliens and wrap them all into one giant plot masterminded by corporations and government
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Before he discovered his love of pie, Kim Jong Un was a fan of show tunes
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America welcomes its very first Legoland hotel
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With the impending nuclear attack by Best Korea or a million NK soldiers just going *boom*, what does the Chinese Media think about Dear Leader?
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South Korea: You know what we need? Nukes. Hey US, can you give us nukes?
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Having failed to do anything about the other end of the spectrum, co-developer of in vitro fertilization dies at age 87
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"Another officer arrived and the two asked the people what they were doing. They said they were looking for a place to go fishing. The officers noted none of them had fishing gear"
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Ronald Reagan only had the power of radio to announce "the bombing begins in five minutes." Today, the city of Yokohama has the power of Twitter to announce the same
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This is it, folks. US and Japan brace for impact. Will Best Korea launch a missile as a "test"? Will the US respond with force? Will China smack a biatch? This is your official "drop it like it's Un" April 10th discussion thread
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Suspicious vehicle spotted near White House. Hey, did someone actually buy Uncle Joe a biatchin' Trans Am after all?
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Pakistan trolls North Korea: "Oh a ballistic missile test on Wednesday - you mean like this?"
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Lancaster, California wants to become the "Solar capital of the universe." Well, I suppose that sounds a lot better than "Last stop until Bakersfield"
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Stephen Hawking visits stem cell lab because genetically engineered henchmen aren't going to create themselves
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Judge smacks down copyright trolls in porn case. Hot
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Virginia's Governor Bob "The Trans-V" McDonnell would like you to know that he had nothing to do with spending $15,000 of campaign donor money on his daughter's wedding, even though the caterer's $3,500 refund check came straight to him
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| (Some Aquaman) |
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Photoshop this aquatic bedchamber
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Deadly attack of beaver on a man who tried to film him against his will
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In celebration of the upcoming Oakland Internet Cat Video Festival, here is an in-depth analysis of internet cat culture. With bonus illustration of famous cats playing poker
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Texas based Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill chain, going with truth in advertising trademarks the term 'Breastaurant'
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Vancouver BC sports parks board thinks they can make heckling parents do pushups for calling the other team a bunch of bed wetting losers
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Cops say man used feces to cover grow house smell. Must have been some good shiat
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Old and busted: Texting while driving. New and busted: Texting while piloting a medical helicopter
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Man looking for cans to recycle finds a bag containing $4000, does the right thing and turns it in to the police. Gets a call the owner of the money wants to thank him and give him $400 reward
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"Cosby continued to yell and make threats to those restraining him, threatening to slit their throats and send their genitals to their mothers." What, did someone make fun of his sweaters?
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Judge orders city to pay firemen millions in--OH MY GOD THERE IS A FACE IN THE SMOKE
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Girl raped at 15 and then bullied for 2 years over photos rapists took & shared online commits suicide
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Police unsure why man came to police headquarters, stripped, pulled the fire alarm and injured two officers while they were subduing him. Oh, wait, this was in Trenton, NJ? Say no more
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County utilities department forgets that if you charge people for backflow testing, you should probably perform said tests
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Reddit user who confessed to murder turns out to be a liar. I can't believe it. I just can't believe someone would go on the internet and tell lies
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... o_o ... -_- ... o_o ... -_- ... o_o
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102-year-old man says the secret to a long life is "no nightclubbing and all that business"
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How does Arnold Palmer order an Arnold Palmer?
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