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| Sun March 31, 2013 |
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You are in a coma for 14 months: Does the city C) Evict you from the house you have lived in for 11 years and sell all your stuff
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All he wanted was a Happy Meal
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For our next trick, US sends F-22's to Korea. Fffffffffffffffffffffff
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It's been 80 years since the crash of the USS Akron and this article makes clear just how dangerous those airships were
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Photoshop this image of Kim Jong Un checking out North Korea's latest technological terror
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"Police deeming it perhaps unsafe, could find no statute to cover a bear driving, since all state laws applied to humans only. They shrugged and did nothing"
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Forget Chicago and New York style pizza, Detroit style is where it's at
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Surrender: Police Departments have two strategies when they're under pressure to cut crime. 1, They flood crime zones with Police that muscle criminals off the streets. 2, They simply downgrade crimes, or make it difficult for citizens to report them
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If you have random incoherent thoughts, you too can be an op ed writer at your local newspaper
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This Atlantic storm is so big - the Weather Channel is citing the Weather Underground in order to convince you
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Bird flu begins its next killing spree. This is not a repeat from the last 10 years (link replaced)
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Photoshop this spring in the air
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When this bunny hops it registers on the Richter scale
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Sorry you were shot in the legs defending our country, injured veteran. But mall policy is mall policy
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101-year-old woman reveals the secret of her longevity: An every day regimen of two glasses of wine, a glass of Southern Comfort and a can of Bud
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Not News: Another feminism sympathizer comes out and tells Redditors to stop being so damn sexist. News: He's the co-founder of Reddit
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They came in through the bathroom window, but forgot their silver spoon
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Applebee's waiter brutally gay-bashed by husband of co-worker, then told to leave job over the bad publicity
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Freezing weather wipes out flea circus
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Fears rise as the once common Starling disappears from Britain's gardens
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Italy's chocolate Easter eggs are works of art, some of them costing $300. But there are gifts inside--some of them that would make for a pretty sweet Easter surprise
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Growlers R Us: Florida brewers push hard to legalize 64-ounce beer jugs or sippin urns as they are known to Floridians
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Is this the end of landline telephones? One would hope
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"Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?" "Yes Brain, but how do we get them to name a school in Nigeria after us?"
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Google celebrates Easter Sunday by honoring Cesar Chavez. You better believe somebody is going to have a problem with this
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Body of pilot who fell 2,500 feet found mostly in Tennessee
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If you had Shifty McWeasel and Red Grimface picked as the prime suspects in last year's gold heist at the Siskiyou County Courthouse, congratulations
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Least visited countries in the world
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Texas authorities aren't sure whether the deaths of a District Attorney and his wife are connected to the shooting of one of his assistants two months ago, have to watch the rest of "No Country for Old Men" to be sure
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Going to a Steampunk convention soon? Here are some rules to surviving it
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Photoshop this drinking device
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Remember how members of Sea Shepherd reported seeing a sea lion branded by government officials flop about before sinking under the water and never surfacing? Yeah, about that
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When is it socially appropriate to start wearing white again? Is it after the first day of spring, the day after Easter, or Memorial Day? And if you live in Arizona, do you even have to follow the rules? Yes, some writer really asked these questions
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A bar is named the Drunken German, and obviously someone has a problem with that
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More and more parents are turning away from candy and putting coloring books, crafts, and other useless items in Easter baskets
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College students dislike hookup culture, would prefer old-timey dating
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Princeton alumna tells college women that they should concentrate on their degree and that men will respect them for their minds. Just kidding, she tells them that they should act stupid, look pretty and focus on getting a Mrs. degree
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Thief sawed off cemetery's $36,000 brass statue honoring armed forces veterans, grave markers, & sold for $25.00 scrap
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Pants on the ground, pants on the ground. Runnin' from the cops, left your pants on the ground
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Ho-hum: Girl born March 24th. Wow: Same day as her mother. Wowsers: Same day as her grandmother
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Woman poops in man's yard and then swims naked in her pool on her way to yell at Obama
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Not News: Man takes revenge on childhood bullies. Fark: By becoming a smoking hot woman (w/before and after pics)
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Woman claims to have been raised by monkeys, might be simply bananas (w/pics)
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Warm up your sousaphones and dust off the davenport, coming up live at the top of the hour, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, two hours of live music from Alaska hosted by a farker. LGT stream or try krnn.org
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20 Things More Likely To Happen Than North Korea Nuking The U.S
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| Sat March 30, 2013 |
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If you're going to cause an outrage by tattooing your pit bull at least do something cool like Tweety Bird, Taz, or a tribal arm band
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911 is not the appropriate number to call to get assistance ordering Chinese food
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Twenty-two-year-old Manhattan woman sues 73-year-old boss for grabbing her crotch and saying "I can't wait to eat it." Bonus: boss' business partner tells her not to worry because "his penis doesn't work"
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Photoshop this fielded fly ball fervor
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Remember that Navy minesweeper that got stuck in a Philippine reef in January? The Navy just finished cutting it up and lifting the last pieces out with a giant crane
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NY state court says that 9/11 Cross may be allowed in the memorial's museum. Naturally, some people have a problem with this
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National Zoo once again takes the turkey baster to panda
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Not news: Man sues former employer to get his job back. Fark: With the TSA. Total Fark: This is the second time
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Photoshop this active aspergillum
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Shocking possible twist. Georgia mother whose baby was shot and killed may have been in on it for the insurance money (link replaced)
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Traditional Catholics are outraged that Pope Francis is returning the church to traditional Christianity
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Hiker finds old memorial deep in forest, from little girl to her dad who died on that spot. Hiker returns repeatedly over a six year period to maintain it. Hiker trying to find out who the girl was. Fark: Let's find her so Hiker can stop obsessing
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Florida celebrates 500 years of earning its very own Fark tag
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Why do people willingly eat Peeps at Easter?
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FTFA "while trying to impress people around him, the man mentioned his martial arts skills, but police say he didn't have any and lost the fight"
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Caught with one kilo of pot, that will be a 5,000 word essay. Mind you it has to be on the "bad things" and cannot be a balanced reporting of the facts
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What do you do when you have two suspects holed up in a house, and no K-9 units are available? Give your best Rin-Tin-Tin impression and hope for the best
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Activists are hard at work protecting your freedom. By demanding strict government regulation of Google Glass. Uh, thanks I guess
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Growhouse gets raided by police in Kansas, only nets 6 plants. Tomato and squash plants
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption soccer player Marouane Fellaini
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Is something burning in space?
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Wolverine frog not only has ability to pop claws through his skin, he has the sideburns to match
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Not to piss all over your Easter Eggs, but there's a good chance the chocolate bunny you look forward to eating every year was crafted by child slave labor
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Do you have a cable box? Congratulations, you may have just been a participant in the largest cyberattack in history
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Port Orchard man arrested for third-degree assault and harassment due to forcing dear old dad to (a) live in filthy basement (b) stop cursing in presence of grandchildren (c) go to church with him under pretense that Dad was Satan and he was God
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Japan to legislate mandatory safety classes for rogue bicycle riders. "Ignoring traffic lights and drunk riding are among the offenses being considered"
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If you have the striped skunks beating the golden-mantled ground squirrels in your brackets and the bighorn sheep beating the ravens, you'll be in a good position to win this year's Grand Canyon's March Madness
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Problem: You need $1500 to bail your girlfriend out of jail. Solution: Sell your 6 year old daughter. I always like a good problem solver
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Photoshop this Irish prance practice
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So what do the Hindenburg and the new San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge span have in common?
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Pilot suffers from premature ejection
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The Kitty Lodge: a retirement home for older cats who were once petted and indulged, then left confused and alone to live out their last years when their owners could no longer care for them. Happy endings are always welcome on Caturday
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Why are people flocking to see a tiny door in the base of a tree in Golden Gate Park? Go ask Alice
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Shrubbery? That's a killing
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"When the officer turned the man over chicken nuggets fell out of his shirt, and two packages of link sausages fell from his pants." / "The shoplifter asked the officer to kill him, 'which I refused to do,' the officer wrote in his report"
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Lesson not in the dad handbook: how to retrieve your son's severed finger from your dog's stomach
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Everything you never needed to know about Easter Creme Eggs
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Pimp arrested after forcing 13-year-old girl to tattoo his street name "Suave" on her eyelids. Smooth move Ex-lax
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Thirty-five Atlanta Public Schools educators, including principals, superintendents and teachers, indicted on racketeering charges for changing answers on state exams of students in order to meet standards. They face 45 years in prison
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You can dance if you want to. Except if you're in Germany
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| Fri March 29, 2013 |
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Doctor, I have stomach cramps. Doctor: No you have baby cramps
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Baby gorilla has ten humans playing surrogate mom for her, with off the scale cuteness pics. Bonus: surrogates have gorilla chest vests
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Do you need to dump your SO? Here's how you do it
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Dr. Ben Carson will no longer be speaking at Johns Hopkins after comparing gays to NAMBLA and people who want to have sex with turtles
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British woman faces time in an Arab jail. The crime? Having lunch with a married man
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North Korea enters state of war with the South
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Photoshop theme: Drew and Wil Wheaton are teaming up to make a craft beer, so they are going to need labels, packaging and promotional materials
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Michigan thrift stores can be quite picky about what donations they'll accept
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"So I can write anything here, and it'll be in the yearbook?"
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Yo mama is so fat the Orange County Fire and Rescue Department had to spend thousands of dollars on new ambulances that would be capable of transporting her
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Fake penis comes up short
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Just when you thought you'd get through a Friday without any aggravation at all, here's the Fark Weird News Quiz to ruin it all for you
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Is dodgeball a form of bullying? You'll find out - after I finish pegging the emo kids that are trying to hide in the back of the gym
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If the thought of squirting a mustard Jesus onto your Crucifixion Corn Dog makes you uncomfortable, you can always just make The Penitent Thief
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Seriously, God, what do you have against Newtown?
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Photoshop Theme: Photoshop a "PROBLEM - SOLVED" icon set. Difficulty: Black & White only, Silhouette only. LGT example, Blank in first post
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Snoring spouse? You could c) LIGHT HER CLOTHES ON FIRE
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NPR discontinues Talk of the Nation
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Signs things may be getting out of hand on the Korean Peninsula, #67: even Russia says, 'damn, dudes, back it up a notch'
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Philanthropist figures out that hey, since Coca-cola seems to be able to distribute its products to every village, no matter how remote, on the African continent maybe I can convince them to take a little food and medicine on their trucks as well
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Man shoots, kills cougar he says was following him. All she wanted was a date
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"What is the address for the local music show tonight?" and other masterful ways the Boston Police are subtly trying to crack down on the illegal underground scene
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Yesterday: Cyprus problem solved by taking from Russian tax evaders. Today: Cypriot businesses can't make payroll
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The comedy gold that is "missed connections"
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Apparently really going for that "rebel Pope" image, Pope Francis breaks Church law and washes the feet of *gasp* GIRLS on during Holy Thursday services. No word on when he's replacing the Popemobile with a Harley
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The 50 Most Terrifying Easter Bunny Photos Ever. Suddenly Bugs Bunny not wearing any pants and occasionally dressing up like a woman totally makes sense
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Kim Jong-un hates trendy food trucks
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"When I looked inside and saw stolen cheese, I thought, of course it's from Wisconsin"
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Reminder: April 4th 2013 is Topless Jihad Day, remember to bare your breasts as a show of solidarity with Tunisian activist Amina Tyler
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Florida man guarantees years of uninterrupted basketball TV time, by arranging for girlfriend to be "randomly" picked for chance to make $20,000 halfcourt shot at Orlando Magic game, and then proposes to her after she misses the hoop
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Will the CDC's new anti-smoking ads work? Because every other anti-smoking ad they've put out has been flawless
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Adult fans of My Little Pony abuzz about Build-A-Bear's newest product
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Mother of the year candidate walks into her child's middle school and slaps her son in the face. Wait. She slapped someone else's sick child who she thought was her son since she didn't know what her son looked like
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Still no cure for... I don't know, Parkinson's or something
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No matter how much it will help you get laid, don't brag on Facebook about taking down a Syrian helicopter with the help of an Al-Qaeda liberation group
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Great News, GLBT Farkers... Rush Limbaugh has conceded, you are now free to marry
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Photoshop Theme: Give us a PARTIAL view of an image, then surprise us with the WHOLE IMAGE. LGT sample
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Shroud of Turin may not be a hoax after all. I'm not saying it's Jesus, but it's Jesus
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember when Houdini threatened to shoot all psychics? Good times
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While New Yorkers are enjoying their 5 ounce sodas and fat-free burgers, they are secretly raising bacon in their apartments
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French President announces 75% tax on companies for salaries above 1 Million...Like that will happen, if only tax havens existed, mhm maybe in some parallel universe, right
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When you call the sex assault hotline and the voice on the other end says, "Ladies, to talk to interesting and exciting guys, free, press 1 now," your confusion would be understandable
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While my client may have killed and eaten the brains of the victim, there is standing legal precedent that his actions since he has become a zombie would be considered involuntary, and as such he woul--OH GOD, OH GOD GET HIM OFF ME, AAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH
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Movement and heavy activity reported at North Korean missile sites. Shiat just got real
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California Chick-fil-a gives out dozens of free meals to same-sex marriage advocates. "So, we all cool now?"
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If you're going to threaten a 4 year old with a gun you might as well steal his puppy too, right?
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Without any more telephone booths to stuff themselves into teenagers are now resorting to "gallon smashing"
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Charges dropped against 28-year-old NJ teacher accused of having sex with 17-year-old student. Your guesses as to the teacher's gender and hotness are wrong
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| Thu March 28, 2013 |
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Are you one of the few people who are not afraid to go to the dentist? Not for long
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Nearly 1,500 times a year seven highly trained horses carry the remains of American Heroes to their final resting place at Arlington National Cemetery
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Top Wall Street banker and 1 percenter demands that his penthouse have a 100 percent 360-degree panoramic Manhattan skyline view or it will cause him to "suffer real and irreparable harm." Break out the tiny violins if you can find them
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When using music for your new motorcycle insurance commercial, you can do better than using a song from a band in which two of its founding members died in motorcycle crashes
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500 lb. naked man bursts onto the set of a live interview and sits on the son of Westboro Baptist Church leader: "He is understood to call himself Billy the Fridge"
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Israel locks down border with Syria and tells injured Syrians to die somewhere else, just kidding they setup a field hospital on the border to get to them quicker
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Couple decorates their yard with dolls hung from trees in hangman's nooses, impaled, stabbed in the eyes and in fire pits (w/ pics)
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"So let's see, we want to put a strip club in this strip mall next to the Sugar and Spice Family Restaurant, who is going to have a problem with that?"
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Ric Romero reports most kids meals are actually horrible for children
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News: Doctor kills 7 patients Fark: to free up beds
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Photoshop this surfer
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My partner suffered a severe stroke. How soon can I leave her?
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Government says 80% of scooters and electric wheelchairs Medicare buys go to lazy fat people
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Careless dog runs over pedestrian with car
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Before you make those hard boiled eggs to color for Easter, I just want to remind you that you're doing it wrong
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Man tries to kill woman by putting poison in her shoes - thereby becoming her arch nemesis
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Photoshop this prairie pitch
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Judge gives convicted rapist time "to get his affairs in order" before sentencing. So he takes 35 years and raises a family
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In today's episode of "good things happen to bad people", Powerball lotto winner who is getting $152 Million lump sum, after taxes, owes $29K in back child support
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Meanwhile, in Canada... couple lose fourth child to the government for something dad did when he was 12. .. wait now... read the rest of it
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Cool: Helsinki hotel is looking for a "Professional Sleeper" to spend 35 days at their newly renovated facility, and blog their experiences. No Farking Way: Hotel doesn't have a bar, or restaurant
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State trooper lets speeding legislator off the hook with just a warning. Legislator has him fired anyway
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Winter is coming...to dinner: Khaleesi's Deviled Dragon Eggs, Take The Black Bean Dip, Dothraki Blood Pies and other recipes for hosting your own Game of Thrones premier party at home
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So Mexico is apparently now just a "Mad Max" movie without cool villian names or Tina Turner in a chainmail dress
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News flash: No, you cannot adopt your girlfriend. Especially not as part of an alleged bid to safeguard tens of millions of dollars
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According to a survey I just made up, 9/10 women hate the taste of condoms. But thanks to bacon, this flavor epidemic will soon be a thing of the past
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Today's best apology that isn't an apology comes from some Russian photographers who climbed the Pyramids of Giza. With awesome slideshow
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If you're from Kansas City and are missing a pair of eyeballs, the police there have some news for you
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Web porn searches make a mockery of anti-gay laws in Muslim world and Africa
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KFC employee leaves six days worth of deposits in a sports car with doors that don't lock, tells police they were stolen. That he spent a couple of days at bars drinking had nothing to do with it
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Former live-in caretaker denies drinking old whiskey valued at $102,000 from Pennsylvania mansion
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Blind Tyrone man caught in cattle barn with rubber glove and broom shaft
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If you are attending Tater Day this year leave your Confederate battle flags at home
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Walmart planning to "crowd-source" parcel delivery by letting the customers who shop in the store sign up to deliver packages to those that order things online. Also swear they've thought their cunning plan all the way through
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How politics should really be handled. FTFA: "Wearing what he called his Jean-Claude Van Damme outfit, Peña flexed his muscles"
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That massive internet war was actually just a massive internet marketing scheme
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Don't worry about national debt folks, its not like a democratic country would start seizing its citizen's savings accounts after it got itself into a debt hole it couldn't get out of. Oh, wait
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Given North Korea's reaction to the US flying B-52's in South Korean training missions, this new plan should draw an interesting reaction
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"Last week was a bad week and I ate too many biscuits"
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Duggars: We're praying for a 20th child. God: Give it a rest
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Although it means you aren't very good at your job, you are truly a hardcore animal smuggler if you get caught smuggling more than 10-percent of an entire species of turtles
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Egypt catches divers trying to cut the tubes, release all the Lolcats into the sea
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You just finished serving overseas for the U.S. Marine Corps. How does your hometown thank you? By sending you a citation to remove the American flag outside your home
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You know your county's serial arsonist is on a roll when firefighters have spent 3,700 hours putting out 74 of his fires
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Photoshop this stubborn squirrel
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Check out this 1982 TV commercial for children's water weapons. This ad would generate enough outrage to destroy the Internet in 2013
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Google Street View allows you to tour the city of Namie, Japan, abandoned after the Fukushima nuclear accident. The Earth abides
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Today's epic on-camera meltdown brought to you by Valrico man feuding with neighbors over an alligator
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Not news: Insurgents plant IED. News: While Apache pilot monitoring from above. FARK: IED Self-destructs, eliminating insurgents
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Apparently, 1000 women like Hugh Hefner the same way they like their like money - green and wrinkled
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In today's episode of "This Could Never Possibly Go Wrong," a former Tucson mayoral candidate wants to give away free shotguns for high-crime areas
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Does your chewing gum help your colon bounce right back from surgery?
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Adderall makes you smarter, but is it cheating?
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Thirty-five legislators are co-sponsoring a marijuana legalization bill in Maine, pointing out that after a long day of dealing with vampires, aliens, rabid dogs, evil clowns, and the Devil, sometimes you just really need to light one up
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The Esquire article about the Seal who took the shot at Bin Laden has been debunked...by the Seal in the article. Awwwkward
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As cool as it sounds in your head, sitting on a flagpole in protest for 25 minutes doesn't really do much to advance the cause
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New research shows that 29 percent of young people believe they'll be 25 or older before they're financially independent from their parents. In other words: Get off my lawn. My son has to pitch a tent and sleep there from now on
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Man tries to kill his wife with voodoo, child
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Dumb: Blowing up your home for insurance money. Dumber: Killing your neighbors and destroying your subdivision in the process. Fark: Planning to kill a witness via monitored jailhouse communications while you await trial
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More online newspapers are putting up paywalls. The Sun is there
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Tunisian preacher: You should be stoned for posting topless photos to Facebook. Women: "Our tits are deadlier than your stones"
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FARK-ready headline: Boulder couple involved in topless-gardening fight investigated over threat to president
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 412: "The Onion on Your Belt". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 27, 2013 |
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"Strip for me." Hebrews 12:1
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Sorry we served you a "broken" cheeseburger little girl. Here, munch on these fries and I'll get somebody to fix it for you. (Chili's will be closed while we clean up all the dust in here)
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Ah, history: "Closer inspection of this artwork reveals a human-like male in sexual congress with what is indisputably a nanny goat"
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In a move that nobody will notice, a Seattle suburb decides it'll be a good idea to remove the word "Easter" from the annual egg hunt
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It's bad to sell meth, and really bad to use it to fund a separate business. But it's even worse when when the business is a sex toy shop, and there's no way to make that look good if you're a Catholic priest
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How is a 15lb 7oz baby born naturally without a c-section? Very carefully with an excruciating 16 hour labor
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Two words: Whisky Art
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In Idaho, using the word "vagina" instead of "bathroom hole of shame" in your biology class upsets parents, makes students giggle
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Latest US venereal disease statistics are nothing to clap about
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Woman stabs her boyfriend, then yanks off his prosthetic leg and throws it in the yard so that he can't chase her. She also threw his spare leg in the yard for good measure
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TSA's "highly trained" personnel cannot tell the difference between pepper spray and a laser pointer
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A dinner at McDonald's and a romp in the loo? Sounds like a cheap date
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Today in "Things that are bad for your children" we have organic blended fruit drinks
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Photoshop this super soaker
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What's the deal with these kids today, with their hair, and their music, and their teacher-poisoning?
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The internet is really just one big junior high school. Now quit whining, and take your wedgie like a man, nerd
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Landslid_________________e on Whidbey Island in Washington state
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The FBI would like to clarify that the recently discovered memo sent to Hoover in 1950 which stated that three flying saucers with pilots inside crashed near Roswell NM, in no way means that flying saucers crashed near Roswell NM, no sir, no how
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Glazed over DUI suspect, 51, caught doing donuts in a damaged Jeep that was missing a tire found herself in a hole
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Photoshop this vacation memory
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Newsflash to all homosexuals. Pat Robertson and Pastor Jim Garlow say that gays don't really want marriage
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Community college newspaper publishes articles about sex in their annual sex themed issue. Do you A) Let it blow over in a few days B) Direct complaints to the editor or C)Destroy all copies and disband the paper so people can talk about it for weeks
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Guantanamo detainee sues for damages from torture by CIA handlers. Fark: He's suing Poland
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TFA: "He then, authorities said, attacked a pair of police officers (with his pants down) before being Tasered multiple times (with his pants down)"
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Ph
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North Korea releases photo of Kim Jong-un playing missile command, er, reviewing military technology in an effort to strike fear in the western world
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Is your internet connection running a little slow today? Well that's probably because we are currently under biggest cyber-attack of its kind in history
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Welome to Wal-Mart, please don't shoot the deer that happen to be in our parking lot
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Justice Kagan: So if you are saying that the state can ban gay marriage because marriage is about procreating, then can the state forbid an elderly couple from marrying? Prop 8 lawyer: of course not, that would violate the Constitution. Uhh
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$155M, highest price ever paid for an artwork by a U.S. collector paid for Picasso's "Fat Chick With a Penis Growing Out of Her Chin Playing With Herself"
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I Can't Drive 55 ..... Miles: Abolishing the U.S. gasoline tax and replacing it with a levy based on miles driven could happen "tomorrow" regardless of hurdles
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Remember the barefoot guy in NYC who received a pair of boots from a cop? Yeah, about that
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♪ ♫ Cos I'm a punkrocker, yes I am / Well I'm a punkrocker, yes I am / Cos I'm a punkrocker, yes I am / Well I'm a punkrocker, yes I am ♫ ♪... and I guess I'm a Port Authority cop too
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PROTIP: When robbing your local convenience store, don't do it while there's fresh snow on the ground and then walk straight back home so the cops need only follow your footprints
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USA defeats Mexico 0-0
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"Though I've been a vegetarian for 20 years, I don't have a problem with bug consumption and I've always been interested in eating insects"
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Man charged with 13 DUIs finally goes to state prison. Says he can't wait for the 14th when he gets out because 13 really is an unlucky number
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When did we start hating lawyers? Pretty sure since at least Shakespeare's time
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Proving that snitching doesn't pay, donors are now refusing to honor their pledges to pay $1.2 million reward for information about Christopher Dorner
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Herpes virus now leads to memory loss. Especially when you have it and your spouse wants to know where you got it
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What do you call a quadriplegic surfer, besides Bob?
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To her credit she did use the "Delicate" cycle. (Bonus: meth mouth mugshot)
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"Timothy Wayne 'Tim' Hopkins, 54, went to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and Dale Earnhardt..." and then it gets weird
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Opponents of wind towers, then: "You'll never generate enough electricity." Power companies, now: "Choke them back We can't handle all this electricity"
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Bill Gates pledges to re-invent the condom. Because Bill Gates has such a great track record preventing viruses with his products
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Adorable 11-year-old girl reminds everyone that taking away gay people's rights is an idea folks can rally behind regardless of age
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Circus freaks and performers of the past. Or as you may know them, family. (Slideshow)
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Judge awards a man $8000 to try and lose the most famous earworm of all time
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I guess a game about sweatshops on a phone built in sweatshops is too much
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If you're using a bow and arrow in the hills above Berkeley to hunt life-sized models of fin whales, please make sure there are no young girls sitting on them
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Check out my cool black-henna tattoo, pretty neat huh? And it is totally temporary. Man, this is starting to feel weird, sort of a burn...ow...no really, ow ow ow...OMG WTF
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With your help, together we can fight the scourge of drunk gaming
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Careful realtime monitoring of your email, online activity and chat is now the FBI's top priority for this year. Remember--happy thoughts, citizen, happy thoughts
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Tour of factory where Peeps are made. And I thought that they were just born
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Lady Tigers beat the Lady Lions. Guess who they play next... Oh my
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Woman throws an unauthorized surprise party for her boss, who then finds her history of embezzlement and theft
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Florida's records from the 1500s to be digitized. Ponce de Leon will finally be immortalized 500 years after being contracted to explore Fark's favorite peninsula
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Okay Pope Francis, we get it, you're really humble
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Photoshop these cosplay cretins
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The sixty best anti-Defense of Marriage Act and anti-Proposition 8 protest signs seen in Washington today
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Genghis Khan convicted of drug trafficking in NY, faces jail time and will have to enter a 12-steppe program
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Fox News describes how to take good lolcat photos. Why they insist that the cats be ideologically pure before taking their photos is anyone's guess
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Is DOMA doomed? It's your big f'ing hubbub over something that will seem silly in 50 years thread, Day 2
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An hour after Patton liberated Buchenwald, in came Rabbi Herschel Schacter to tend to the survivors. Rest in peace, holy man
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Mulligan: Head found on Hopewell, N.J. Golf Course is believed to be the victim of Long Island serial killer Joel Rifkin
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Today's smoking hot teacher having sex story...wait, the teacher actually reported the affair cause the student tried to blackmail her? Well, damn
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If you're going to rack up a $35 tab at Denny's, make sure you have more than $8 on you, and most certainly don't threaten other customers for refusing to pay for you
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"The Shooter" who said he killed Osama in an Esquire profile last month is full of bin Laden
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Woman is the only person to opt-out of company lottery pool. Office wins, decides to share with woman. Bonus: Woman who bought winning ticket was cut in line by man also buying tickets
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Notre Dame Cathedral installs new bells for the first time since the 19th century, finally alleviating disfiguring back problems for their bell ringers
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If you're running for Sheriff you should avoid calling a campaign volunteer a profane name and then threaten to cut off his hands and eat them
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Baby seal found wandering in snow in middle of Swedish forest four miles from open water
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After studying the behavior of wild pack animals, scientists can now predict with 99% accuracy where gang fights will occur
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Secret Service: Strong enough for a man, but directed by a woman
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Blind dog, seeing-eye dog duo find new home
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News: Grocery store is evicted. America: 300 people show up to pick through the food thrown out into the parking lot during the eviction. FARK: Marshals run everyone off and guard the food as it is thrown into dumpsters
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Not news: Roommate draws a penis on you while you're passed out News: You wake up and beat him and then get arrested for assault Fark: You forget to wash off the penis and it shows up in your mugshot
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Photoshop these ear buds
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"So, Bob. Didya getcha a bear?" "Nope, but we got two deputies, one sheriff, a highway patrolman and one ATF agent"
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Penn State to honor Dick Lippin--again, Triumph out of service after being pooped on, and a new Chinese keylogger called Wa Ching Yu: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/17 - 3/23
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Find crystal meth [✓]. Rob a drug dealer [✓]. Help a stranger [✓]
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Man who drove wrong way for 11 miles on Massachusetts Turnpike released without charges after police learn he isn't drunk, only 87
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Photoshop Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Hart just barely missing this save
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This is the thread where you defend what you believe in and call everyone else's believes bollocks. Now with a Venn diagram for easy navigation
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Woman detained at airport because she refused to swallow a mouthful of swimmers. Plans to fight using legal precedent of TSA v. Your Mom
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It's been a warm winter in Sochi, Russia, and Olympic planners are worried about next year's Games. So they're hoarding 450,000 cubic meters of snow in a local mountain range
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Bad news for Johns: Sweden's innovative new sex-trade laws are bad for business.. for you, not the prostitutes
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Welsh farmers search for lambs trapped by heavy blizzard. Unfortunately, their fleece is white as snow
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If downing two bottles of vodak is what you need to deal with a bus load of screaming kids, perhaps you shouldn't have volunteered
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Wood shingles on fire tower violate city's fire ordinance
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Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water: Suicide squid bombers
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In the market for a top-shelf new honey to wed? Want to make some quick cash selling off your surplus women? Well then come on down to the Stara Zagora fairgrounds this SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY for the Bridal Market (note: no Gadje will be admitted)
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After a high school student's leg is severely burned at a frat party when somebody tossed a vodka bottle into the bonfire, frat members do the classy thing and tell her to wait for help down the street so they don't get in trouble
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Tennessee is now #1 in meth use. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Missouri
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So even the World Wildlife Fund has a drone now
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City councilman has a tantrum and calls 911 when an attorney calls him (correctly) a moron
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"'Yeah, of course gay men and women can get married. Who gives a shiat?' said Chief Justice John Roberts, 'Why are we even seriously discussing this?'"
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Don't you hate it when you're in college and you post on Facebook descriptions of your sexual escapades and the president of the university personally contacts you to ask why you would do something like that?
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Luck changes for Billy Ray Harris, a homeless man of character who returned an engagement ring to its owner, the online fund set up by the owner now stands at $185,000 thanks to donations
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News: SCOTUS rules in favor of the little guy. Fark: In a drug case. UltraFark: With Scalia writing the majority opinion. WTFark: And Thomas joining him
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Presenting the periodic table of booze
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Thieves cause a hairy situation, steal $35,000 worth of hair extensions. Authorities unsure if this is their first brush with the law
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"Dear Prudence: I run a cat colony, and I think my neighbor is poisoning my cats but I can't prove it. What should I do?"
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Some trucks are a chick magnet. Then you get the one that is a bee magnet
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Naked, covered in scratches, going into houses and threatening people, getting tased to no effect and fighting with the cops for ten minutes is a good way to... die. This will be an interesting toxicology report
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Woman stole a few steaks from a grocery store, and she would have gotten away with it too, if she hadn't then stood on a nearby street corner naked from the waist down
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Next up on the banned list: American bulldogs
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Gabby Gifford's husband pulls a mauling dog off a baby sea lion at a California beach. Despite his heroic efforts, the sea lion still died. This never would have happened if he had been armed
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Pro-tip 857: When you explain to police that the 13 year girl was not the prostitute you were looking for don't tell them that you found the right woman later on and paid her for sexy time
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PROTIP: Ferries are not like drawbridges. No matter how fast you go, there's still no corresponding ramp to land on
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Apparently capping medical intern workdays at 16 hours in order to save lives has actually made medicine more dangerous. This error-free headline submitted by resident 24 hours into a 30 hour call
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Reality Distortion Field: ACTIVATE
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George Washington's Rye Whiskey to hit the shelf soon
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Brits turn to American candy to satisfy their sweet tooth
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Dull: Man gets drunk at pub. Less dull: Man buys 10' python from stranger at pub. Interesting: Hungry snake tries to kill man's sleeping friend, so man tries to sell snake. Fark: Police arrest man for trying to sell stolen snake
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Hey, want to make an easy ten grand? Creationist offers $10,000 challenge to anyone who can prove in front of a judge that science contradicts the literal interpretation of the book of Genesis
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Greeted by a drunken stripper and dirty talk, this couple took the road less traveled
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I'm the mayor and I didn't notice that my neighbour planted 1000 cannabis plants. Welcome to Europe
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Broke North Korea inconveniences 1000 comrades a year by banning 3G access, Atari 2600
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Prosecutor drops charges against Punxsutawney Phil. Rest easy, America
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Yeah, men's magazines objectify women, but women's magazines ain't no better
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Google tries to stop Sweden from using the word "ungoogleable" and makes the word "ungoogleable" googleable thanks to all the articles regarding ungooglable
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Jewish scholars debate one of the most pressing issues of our time: Is quinoa kosher?
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Photoshop this farmer's market
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A new voice has entered the Tarantino debate about tipping at restaurants: Mr. Oatmeal
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Boy this is really good coffee. Does it sound like I'm talking fast because I feel like I'm talking fast. What did you put in this coffee? I feel odd and want to color. Sure you can look through my jewelry collection. This is some coffee
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That dead Russian tycoon? He was hanged. Man, the KGB just doesn't have the same sinister finesse it once had, does it?
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It's a hard Knox life: Amanda Knox to be retried for murder in Italy
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Good news: Coffee is good for you. Fark: As long as you're an alcoholic male. Cheers
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New Jersey man "very happy" after winning $338M Powerball jackpot. YOU DON'T SAY
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You're a volunteer at an Easter Egg Hunt at your church and need a safe place to store your medicine. Do you? (C) Put the medicine inside of one of the plastic eggs which accidentally gets hidden along with the ones containing candy
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So, there is a Pinterest for men now called "Manteresting"
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Smoking hot 22-year-old, emotionally distressed from being flat-chested, gets new 36DD £4,800 taxpayer funded breasts: "My new boobs have changed my life" (w/pics)
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| Mon March 25, 2013 |
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Hey, 90 percent of Americans, what are you complaining about? Your incomes have gone up nearly $60. Sure, that's over forty years, but still
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You would think if your father was a billionaire real estate mogul you would have the business sense to not try to sell heroin on Craigslist
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The real reason Americans are more accepting of homosexuals? Ellen DeGeneres
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Portland high school creates gender-neutral bathrooms in a first for K-12
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Have a nice flight. Oh, by the way, what religion do you follow?
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NRA takes a shot at making robocalls in Newtown, CT
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"Police received a report that a man was exposing himself inside a West Seattle bar, where he had repeatedly pulled his purple sweatpants down and thrown 'some kind of smoke' like some sort of half-naked wizard"
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Columnist wonders: Why do older men date younger women? No, really, author struggles to find an answer
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The worst part about driving in snow is when you accidentally hit another car and the driver shoots you a bunch of times
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Ceiling burglar is watching you....ARGGGGHHHH crash
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COOL: Man builds giant rope swing on 140 foot high stone arch. Bummer, Dude: He used 145 feet of rope
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Store upset at customers using it as a showroom is now charging a $5 "Just Looking" fee, which surely won't backfire
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Photoshop this precarious picture
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Actually if you're being kidnapped, ramming a cop car makes perfect sense
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