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| Sun March 24, 2013 |
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FARK's Drew Curtis and Wil Wheaton will collaborate on brewing craft beer. The magic happens on April 2 following a meet and greet at Stone Brewing World Bistro & Gardens
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Man gets busted for DUI, calls mom to bail him out. She shows up drunk and gets busted for DUI as well
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Look. Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's me in dad's Audi
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For the past 15 years, a group of George Washington enthusiasts have used the "Where's George" website to track where dollar bills have been going across the US
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Whites-only tour buses causing quite a stir in Sweden. Bork bork bork
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Michael Moore claims that 90% of the guns in the U.S. are owned by scared white people
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What kind of person doesn't keep rice in their pantry? I mean... Really DIT
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Photoshop these Peruvian pipe fitters
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Seasons don't fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain. (M-O-O-N)
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Cop secretly records his supervisor ordering him to assume young black men are criminals in a) rural Georgia b) small town in Mississippi c) the Bronx
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Dad I got bad news, I got arrested for Public Intoxication. That's OK son, I got arrested for DUI. But I am the sheriff so I think the judge will go easy on us
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Excerpt from 'Mother of the Year' candidate portfolio; , 'My mum's in doing the shopping, call her if I need anything'. Note left on baby left in car
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It's hard to attach a dollar amount to a police car ramming into two guys on a dirt bike, unless you're a lawyer. Spoiler: It's $100 million
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For the record, it's not a crime to jump out of a van in Florida and chase after a woman who is jogging
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Cash-strapped city governments are selling park statues to raise cash. Subby calls dibs on the Statue of Liberty
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Eggs-traordinary
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Photoshop this drag on the dunes
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Best Korea releases video of 'defeating' US troops. Still better than Red Dawn 2012
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Is "Wind Turbine Syndrome" a real disease or just something dreamed up by crackpots?
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Hallmark cards would very much like the taxpayer to subsidize Saturday mail delivery for its $3 pieces of paper
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Pull on your good red pants, get out your best green shirt and snap on the Walkman. It's spring - time to go a'courting the ladies at Target
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Millionaire, and one of the "most powerful women entrepreneurs" according to CNN, is abusing Kickstarter to raise money to send her 9 year old daughter to camp
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Professor forces a student to violate his religious beliefs. Student complains the college. College does A) apologize, B) Bring the Professor before a committee, or C) Suspend the student and go into denial mode
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There are times you go to IHOP drunk, Then there are times like this
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Home of exiled Russian oligarch and vocal Putin critic swept, and found clean of poisons, nuke material, other toxins after owner is found dead of apparent suicide. Vladimir heard chuckling, "Vhat do you think vhe are zese days - moose and squirrel?"
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Papers link top China university to army 'hacking' unit - confirmed by satellite images of nearby dumpsters filled with empty Mountain Lew bottles and Choutos bags
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| (Some Guy) |
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Instashop Contest: Photoshop this magazine cover and reader
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World landmarks go dark for "Earth Hour," discover that "Grab Everything In Here That's Not Nailed Down Hour" was equally as successful
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You might think that this is just another story of a Florida teacher getting into trouble together with one of his students, but this time, it happened during a skydiving lesson
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"Using the system developed through decades of work by British scientists and military contractors ... [grown] men could discuss their love for a cartoon pony show, even forging bold new identities as "bronies"
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Vidal Sassoon's will reveals one final heir cut
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We have a new FAIL picture for captioning as someone parks in a rather unusual place
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"I was surprised how many people stood up against it," Warner said. "It was nice to see how many people were sticking up for her, and not letting people do that to her"
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Gimme a recall/ Gimme a recall/ Recall me all those pieces of that Kit Kat bar
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You just had to bring up Michela's dog at the family birthday cookout, didn't you? Yes, that dog. The dog her father got rid of while Michela was in jail. Now she's whacking grandma with a shoe
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Photoshop theme: Lies your parents told you. LGT goes to inspiration
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Schools are shocked, SHOCKED that students would set up derogatory high school Facebook pages
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New Weather Channel series explores rogue planet doomsday scenario, gives the idiots at the Weather Channel another reason to not show local weather on the 8s, or any weather coverage at all
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After another sinkhole opens up it becomes clear that the earth is trying to swallow Florida
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San Francisco Zoo debuts ugly ass Sumatran tiger cub
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AWD is over-rated because some reporter who test drives the car, and parks in an underground garage thinks AWD isn't needed and snow tires will do. Wait till he sees the pictures from Lancashire today
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NASA slams spending cuts that put Earth at risk of undetected killer asteroids. What could possibly go wrong?
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Farker vincent_blackshadow is on the mend. Not only has he charmed nurses into stealing bacon for him, they've also turned a blind eye so he could have his first beer since he was admitted to the ICU on Feb 7th. DIT
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Saudi Arabia's new tourism slogan: GO AWAY
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Nine-year-old boy outgeeks us all, is named chess master
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Vancouver woman demands removal of museum's whale bone porn collection. In other news, there's whale bone porn (Not safe for work images)
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Hands down best idea for home delivery service for women. Period
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Two men described as "creepy and weird", and claiming to be FBI agents, break into a TV station at 4 a.m. to "get their story out"
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Maximum trolling: not only naming your Sept. 11 baby "Jihad," but sending him to pre-school in a t-shirt that says "I am a bomb"
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Burning a gay teen to death gets "prankster" three and a half years in jail. Stay classy England
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Grumpy Cat is not impressed with Time Magazine's photoshoot
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| Sat March 23, 2013 |
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Ugly ass polar bear cub to get ugly ass playmate
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Old and busted: remote-controlled drone attacks. New hotness: remote-controlled animal attacks
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Asking your son to pull up his pants? That's a stabbing
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Saplings from the tree that inspired Anne Frank as she hid from the Nazis in Amsterdam will be replanted in 11 cities in the US
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News: Man does 23 years in a NY Prison for murder. Other News: Released after his conviction is overturned. Fark: Suffers a heart attack on his second day of freedom
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Meet the Rosa Parks of atheism, who dreams of a day when godlessness will not be an all-white-men's club
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Photoshop this zero-gravity goofiness
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As the screaming woman got closer, she reached into her bra and pulled out a stun gun, according to police. The messenger tried to make his getaway, but the pregnant woman gave chase and soon caught him
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Have you ever wanted a personal helper monkey? Just remember the goods and bads of owning one
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Sixteen year-old girl believes she has superpowers because of synesthesia
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If you're going to steal beer, don't do it on video. If you do it on video, don't fight the clerk. If you're going to fight the clerk, don't yell racist epithets at the crowd watching, but if you're going to, you better run faster than this guy
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Month-old bear cubs left in a box by the road were reunited at a rescue facility
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8 hurt, 3 arrested, 2 shot. Just your average midday wreck in downtown Atlanta
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"This is just one more example of why all Internet casinos must be shut down"
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How is Best Korea obtaining hard cash? By sending diplomats 20 kilograms each of state manufactured meth and making them sell it on streets of foreign countries
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Police catch serial lobster thief red-handed. Fun fact: If someone steals a live crustacean from Red Lobster and it's recovered, apparently it goes back in the tank
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Another TSA employee tries to claim "Finders Keepers" - for a $2000 laptop (Dumbass, Asinine tags redundant for TSA, happened in Florida, can TSA get their own Fark tag yet?)
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A 7-foot alligator breaks through a school fence, and rather than wait for a trapper, one mother decided to wrestle it to the ground in order to protect the children
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Headline: "Girls outnumbered in New York's elite public schools" Article: Boys outnumbered in elite schools
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Flu season is winding down. It was an average year. But the media thought it could be the worstest ever. EVERYBODY PAN- please hold
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Ok kids, if you're going to have sex with a minor, don't record it on video. However, if you must record it on video, for chrissakes do NOT post it on facebook
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Rugged, independent, small-government farmers to receive $16 billion in crop insurance payments for drought of 2012
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Three men charged in UK 'Oompa Loompas attack;' cops say they really weren't that hard to pick out of the line-up
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Urology clinic throws in a free pizza with all vasectomies, gives a few slices to make up for the cut
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Washington State forms Pabst blue-ribbon task force to examine campus drinking culture that encourages bingeing
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If you lost your camera and its underwater case while vacationing in Maui five and a half years ago, don't worry - folks in Taiwan totally have your back
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Memo to Cops: 1) Don't wiretap without a warrant, 2) especially not a judge and 3) don't create evidence by including your own voice
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...and that's how I became the youth pastor sex offender of Bel Air
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Obie the obese dachshund has lost 42 pounds, would love a steak but he's already used all his points for the day
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"I decided I would use OkCupid and Craigslist so I could have dinner three times a week without opening my wallet"
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VP Biden arrives in Rome, immediately sets off a perfect Photoshop contest (LGT source)
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Study shows that pollution from traffic causes as much childhood asthma as secondhand smoke. So where are the groups that want cars outlawed?
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IRS spends $60,000 for a Star Trek-themed training video. And if that wasn't bad enough, they had people dressed in Next Generation era uniforms on the bridge from the Original Series
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A soldier in Afghanistan saves a wounded cat from the battlefield and nurses him back to health.The soldier soon realizes that the bit of compassion and love that cat showed him is what it took to stay strong. Have a dusty Caturday
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LAPD KOs N2O
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If you're a political strategist and are going to write a disparaging Facebook post about your candidate's political enemy, make sure you don't use "the c-word, slang for female genitalia"
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Finally... Neiman-Marcus decides to cater to the tastes of the average Farker
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It's a bird. No, it's a plane. No, it's actually a car made out of an abandoned Cessna and an 1980s Toyota van
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Large meteor spotted over eastern US, unconfirmed reports of an impact near Maryland/Delaware state line
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Inventor of Cheez Whiz shocked to find out that it no longer contains cheese, because we all expect nutritious, wholesome ingredients in a product that spells cheese with a zed
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Turns out "Bro Code" is evolutionary
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Premade toddler foods come with an adult-sized dose of salt
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Creepy masseur guy, take two. It's this week's Mugshot Roundup
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It's official: Eating a salad is more dangerous than eating a cheeseburger
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| Fri March 22, 2013 |
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Protip: Before stealing the wheels and battery from a vehicle you found wrecked along a remote road, check for victims
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Just another day at Wal-Mart
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Now landing without clearance at Birmingham-Shuttlesworth International Airport, a new 300-pound sign. One dead
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Much like getting a tattoo in a language you cannot read you should not wear a t-shirt that you cannot decipher either or jailarity might happen
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Photoshop this lava poker
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Mango And Milkshake are all grown up now but still BFF (WARNING: cuteness overload)
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Western PA Man charged with drinking $102,000 worth of pre-Prohibition whiskey
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Man has four kidneys, three pancreases, huge medical bills and a partridge in a pear tree
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New ad campaign featuring wet, topless Emma Watson purple monkey dishwasher snorkel Albuquerque splunge
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Look, poors. You can mock us job creators all you want, but we suffer too. Sometimes we live in 11th century castles that weren't built for cars
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Waah, my illness has become trendy
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Air traffic controllers picked a good week to keep sniffing glue
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Man found actually innocent after spending 20 years in prison for murder. Now Florida wants him to serve three years for violating his parole 22 years ago
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24 images that will make your miserable, decrepit and pointless life have some meaning again
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Woman is shocked. Shocked. That Massage Therapist molested her during massage. With "Come on, you got to be kidding, you thought this was a legit masseuse?" Mugshot
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It's Friday afternoon and you haven't been sober in three hours. So that means it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. NO COMPLAINING, you had all week to study for this
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Six of the world's seven billion people have mobile phones but only 4.5 billion have a toilet, according to a U.N. report. Can you (flushing sound) me now?
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Looking cool: Posting a Facebook photo showing you rolling in a pile of cash. Not looking cool: Posting a Facebook showing you rolling in a pile of cash while owing 3 years of child support
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If you live in England and receive a marijuana-scented scratch-n-sniff card in the mail, don't worry -- it's just the police trying to turn you into a sniffer dog
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Federal magistrate finds that some Koontz from the Parks Service destroyed evidence in boy's death
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this smoking kid
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Vincent_Blackshadow and FishWife are still over their heads with hospital bills. To inspire further donations to the cause, Subby is now offering an incentive. Link goes to SFW sample of incentive. More details in thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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The most rage-inducing advice column you'll read this week
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Woman suffers from "dangerous exercise allergy", also known as "best excuse ever"
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Birther lawyer Larry Klayman wants to know if Joe Arpaio recall chairman is a "homo" who "want[s] my nuts"
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Bill Gates is offering $100,000 to the inventor of the next generation condom. Ideas to the right
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He cuts the hair of incredibly famous people, he's a world-class sculptor, and perhaps the world's greatest living master of martial arts-he actually IS, the most interesting man in the world
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"He was a bit confused and thought he had got his injuries wrestling crocodiles"
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Woman suddenly attacked by mime. Mime charged with battery, ordered a mental evaluation, spends time in invisible jail cell
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Herbal male enhancement pill recalled for actually enhancing male performance
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Roofing contractor asked by broke homeowner if he happens to have any dogfood he could spare for her dog. A decade later, he's shelling out 800,000lbs of free dog and cat food a year to poor families with pets
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No big deal, just a photo of some guy standing atop the Burj Khalifa looking alllll the waaaay down
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If you thought this year couldn't get any worse, they've had to cancel the World Pooh Sticks Championship due to bad weather
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Drug dealer comes and goes during botched robbery
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Have you ever tried to set a high score on those roadside radar warning signs that show your speed? Someone in Orangeville is now playing the home version
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Fetus found in hospital trash bin, officially kicking off prom season
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Millions of dead prawns was up on beach in Chile. Well they're already seasoned, let's put them on the grill
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Farking Farker finds a live hand grenade metal detecting in Golden Gate Park. Farking Farker is me. Photos and video if this goes green you goofy mods
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Chase Bank customers temporarily see '0' balance after computers are accidentally set to "inevitable forecasting"
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Catch him if you can...oh, you can. Alrighty then
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The creepiest place in America right now might be the abandoned Astrodome. "Skyboxes are furnished with outdated furniture and old Zenith television sets. Astroturf sits carelessly tossed on the stadium floor, folded over like discarded carpet"
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Silly news: Ohio county files charges against Punxsutawney Phil. You've got to be shiatting me news: For misrepresenting an early spring. Fark: They're seeking the death penalty
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While everyone else in the Bay Area got to enjoy dancing bears, the prisoners on Alcatraz got to trip out on glowing millipedes
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Today's reason why the Steubenville rape case happened, why the media wasn't properly outraged enough: there aren't enough girls playing high school football
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Pope Francis continues his campaign of being humble AND cool by reaching out to Bruce Wayne's raspy-voiced 'good friend', Batman
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You've just been tackled after trying to pepper spray some dollar store employees. Do you: a) just lay there, b) apologize profusely, or c) hand the peppery spray to your daughter and yell, "You know what to do, baby. Spray it"
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Burma in state of emergency. Buddhists torch mosque. Buddha saves
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Photoshop this methane ignition
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"He now plans to relax and reconnect with his family" (and sue the balls off of the NYPD)
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Subby learned two things from the article. First, there is such thing as a 'Sandy Hook Truther' and second, that subby has fusion paranoia
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Scotland to vote on independence. This is a repeat from 1296
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Genetically modified version of herpes simplex virus type 1 found to shrink melanoma tumors. Well that explains the cast of the Jersey Shore
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The reason your three-year-old won't share her toys with the other kids isn't because she doesn't understand the concept of sharing. It's because she's an asshole
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Texas shootout could be tied to Colorado slaying. New Mexico seen whistling innocently as Arizona packs the bags to cross the border
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Somehow, "trying it out in our fresh holes" made it past editors onto the Internet
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Coming hours will decide Cyprus' fate. Dogs and cats already seen shopping for apartments together
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"One of the most surprising, and perhaps confounding, facts of charity in America is that the people who can least afford to give are the ones who donate the greatest percentage of their income"
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FARK's Drew Curtis appears on Bloomberg Television's "Money Moves" and tells how to beat patent trolls at their own game
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Michael- GPS Tracker - $250, Nikon camera with zoom lens - $1600, Catching my LYING HUSBAND and buying this billboard with our investment account - Priceless. -Jennifer
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Amanda Bynes: "I want Drake to murder my vagina"
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More on the guy who shot the Colorado prison head, later shot by Texas cops: "He was eventually shot by authorities who say he is essentially dead but is hooked up to equipment for organ harvesting"
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From our Department of Questionable Homeowner Decisions: "While cleaning up, she saw snake, threw gasoline on the snake, lit the snake on fire"
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Coca Cola won't have kosher Coke ready for Passover, Jewish exodus to Mexican Coca Cola is expected
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7-Eleven considering replacing front door with garage door
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Do cookies really taste better when dipped in tea? Here comes the science old bean
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| Thu March 21, 2013 |
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There's the odd couple and then there's killing your roommate because of a mess in the kitchen
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Ugly-ass gerenuk born at zoo... wait, wtf is a gerenuk?
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A 47-year-old Michigan woman has developed a bone disease rarely seen in the U.S. after she drank a pitcher of tea made from at least 100 tea bags daily for 17 years
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Chihuahua acts as seeing eye dog for blind Husky friend
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News you can take with a grain of salt: high sodium diets kill 2.3 million people a year
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Pat Robertson tells viewers to beware of "scamsters in religious garb quoting the Bible, I mean run from them"
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Photoshop this caught canine
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What a 22-pound $1,000 Easter Egg with Angry Birds coming out of it looks like
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And then there was that time when the Secret Service nearly killed Ahmadinejad by accident
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Photoshop this thing by the artist Christo
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Voice coach says that using a sex toy gives singers an extra octave. Possibly two, depending on where they use it
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Woman finds dead kitten in sausage. Does she a) Vomit, b) sue, or c) build a shrine to it?
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Bacon, ice cream and cheese are all good for you. Excuse me while I die of happiness
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Woman gives birth to baby on highway during rush hour, marking the first time a project on the PA Turnpike was completed in nine months
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The American Academy of Pediatrics says gay couples should be allowed to marry to help ensure the health and well-being of their children, citing research confirming that such kids tend to turn out FABULOUS
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A spokesman for Hell sighs heavily and announces construction of a a new "special place" after the FBI arrests a couple that was planning on starting a babysitting business to get access to kids they could drug and use to produce child porn
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Road very slippery after glue spill
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Louisiana State University Board of Supervisors names F.King Alexander as finalist for university president after passing over Hugh Jass and Heywood Jablome
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Security guard fired for joking about the CEO being kidnapped the way Clark Griswold's boss was abducted in the movie 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.' He couldn't be more surprised if he woke up with his head sewn to the carpet
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Back in my day, "Flogging the Seal" was a fun and harmless teen activity
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Not news: burglar breaks into department store via the roof. Fark: in the middle of the day, during business hours. Fall through the ceiling, scuffle, and tasering ensues (with criminal mastermind mugshot)
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Stupid couple buys $220K Lamborghini. Stupid couple crashes $220K Lamborghini. Stupid couple flees $220K Lamborghini
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Austrian study finds one in five skiers are drunk. No figures for snowboarders, because they were unable to put bongs down long enough to answer questions
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Two small-town teen burglars found to have shot themselves several times after being spotted by the homeowner. Seems legit
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West Point employee up on federal charges for grand theft meatball
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The twelve biggest reasons Duke sucks. Duke sucks
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Mayor reportedly offers to change his title to "Sugardaddie" for $1 million
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Straight A student fails first chemistry test
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Apparently, Palestinians really want to play World of Warcraft and Everquest. Debate on the difference between RPGs and MMORPGs on the right
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How is headdline formed?
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Step One: Win $10 million in lottery. Step Two: Blow it all away in less than a decade. Step Three: Don't profit
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Alcohol may have been a factor
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University of Tennessee pulls out of sex week
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Georgia has their own version of the trunk monkey: the trunk deer
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Ah, Switzerland. Come for the cheese and chocolate, stay for the "fugitive acupuncturist" with a gun and samurai sword being arrested by a SWAT team for giving his music students AIDS
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Two modern-day Thelma & Louise steal eight cases of beer and lead police on a high speed chase, ultimately jumping a curb at 70 miles an hour to get into a construction zone. Bonus: Thelma & Louise mugshots
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Only in Australia would somebody catch by hand venomous snakes in order to flush out invasive rabbits. "I told you it was a possible technique"
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Pro-tip: When applying for a job do not write a bomb threat on the back of the application
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If your "friend" OD's on heroin at your place, you should call the authorities to take his body, then call the florist to order funeral flowers. If you instead leave his body in the florist's parking lot, just claim you're easily confused
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Taking ecstasy and then chewing up a sex toy before trying to bite off your client's penis is no way to make it as an escort. With mugshot of what a Florida ecstasy-eating escort looks like
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Looks like its time for that Atlanta mall security guard to do a kickstarter project, he's out of a job
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Not news: man fights with neighbor. News: Takes her hostage and tries to burn her house down. Happy ending: Her pro wrestler son saves her life. Fark: By uprooting a tree and throwing it through her window
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Photoshop this slightly distracted Chinese staircase attendant
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Suicide bomber attacks Pennsylvania home. Subby stops worrying about Al-Qaeda and Al-Shabaab, starts worrying about Al-lentown
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Teacher at small Catholic school secretly taped students, but that's okay, because it was in band and the tape got them invited to play at Carnegie Hall, on the USS Intrepid, and at the Statue of Liberty
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Jane Goodall tramps all over the rights of other authors, plagiarizes bits of their work for her own book
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PETA - Proudly Euthanizing Thousands of Animals
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Man who sold tattoo "ad space" on his face to porn sites realizes he might not have thought his cunning plan all the way through
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Carnival cancels cruises after taking Triumph out of service for being pooped on
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On the 10th anniversary of the Iraq war, 53% of Americans say the war was a mistake. The other 47% are still deciding between disaster, debacle or catastrophe
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High-dive wannabe forgets the very first, very important rule of high-dive: don't miss the pool
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Ex-Tennessee Titans cheerleader accused of seducing a 12-year-old, being too drunk to differentiate between a boy and a man
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Bacon: the perfect food. The BLT: a perfect sandwich made with the perfect food. The PLT: a perfectly disgusting sandwich made with NO NO DON'T SCROLL DOWN
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Penn State to honor Dick Lippin. Again?
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Married couple's romantic evening of minigolf and a hotel room goes awry when hubby realizes that costs like $100
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After admitting five years of austerity has only made everything worse, UK announces they'll turn it all around by giving taxpayer-backed home loans to anyone that can spell their name
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The early bird gets the worm--and the dog shavings from the salon floor
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Turtle study shows that once again, humans are dicks
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I see your Beer Madness and raise you Cocktail Madness
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Man to sell his house for Bitcoins, only to lose it all after deleting the wrong file on his computer
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vincent_blackshadow update. Things are cool
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I went home with a waitress, the way I always do. How was I to know she was with the Chinese too?
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Don't you hate it when you scratch an itch on your back and find a knife blade that's been buried there for three years?
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Mad Men's Jon Hamm really needs to pick a side
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The school that suspended a boy for a gun-shaped Pop Tart has also outlawed hugging, homemade food, pushing kids on swings, sneezing, the apostrophe and breath mints. Only two of those are untrue
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"The man suspected of stealing a 42-inch TV from the Walmart Supercenter Saturday also might be a meat burglar"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 411: "Silhouettes 2: Inanimate Silhouettes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 20, 2013 |
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Noted scientist and top Colombian model claims that hormonal chickens are turning children gay
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Never mind March Madness, the beer snobs have one better: Beer Madness
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"Axe body spray has the same effect as nerve gas"
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No matter how sexist the gender wars get, you'd think nobody would ever have the audacity to straight-up say that women are just "there to be beautiful objects." But then, maybe you don't read "Esquire"
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When you rent your mansion out for reality TV, make sure it isn't for an x-rated show that leaves permanent semen stains on the couch
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Photoshop this photographic moment
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Are these real or fake Cosmo sex tips?
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Looking for a place to illegally dump your asbestos? How about anywhere but in front of a pre-school with CCTV cameras
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Radioactive rat blamed for latest Fukushima power outage. Japanese officials send in radioactive cats to deal with situation, put radioactive dogs on standby
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The verdict is in: courting the hipster "creative class" only serves to improve the lives of hipsters themselves. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to be at the artisanal cheese chop in 26 minutes
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Who has no legs, two pistols and tried to escape on a hoverround after shooting someone in Wal-Mart? This guy
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Giant camels with extremely large toes once roamed the Arctic
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Is your husband/boyfriend/domestic partner having a problem finding your elusive G-Spot? Well, modern medicine has just the procedure for you. The G-Shot
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Photoshop these hopping hotel guides
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The only thing preventing society from devolving into a post-apocalyptic wasteland of marauding evildoers are some decorative eggs from the Ukraine
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Another of those consequences nobody ever thinks about. Legalized marijuana means all the drug dogs need to be retrained
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Normally, a routine court appearance by a guy accused of possessing an illegal gun at an airport wouldn't become a buzzy little Internet story, but the guy's name happens to be Barton Simpson and the judge is identified as "Mr. Recorder Burns"
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As an olive branch to the internet for taking away their Reader, Google just made GIF searches a whole lot easier
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Christian-based American Family Association revives decades-old-rumor that Hillary Clinton is a lesbian
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After countless hours of research, the most dangerous driving distraction is.......kids
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Partying skinny dipping Spring Breaker told cops they were on a power trip. Cops then demonstrated their power
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Will EA remain reigning champ with its botched release of SimCity? Will Bank of America finally be able to seize the trophy? Will people remember that Carnival literally crapped on its customers? It's your annual Worst Company in America contest
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NASA to New York: If you see an asteroid hurtling toward Times Square do the following: 1) stop what you are doing, 2) spread your legs, 3) bend over and place your head between your legs, 4) start kissing your butt good bye
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Prosecutor upgrades charges against driver who killed Brooklyn couple after noticing he is really unpopular
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Extreme ice cream craving leads to three felonies
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"Hey, it's Sunday night. Let's go to the strip club." "Naw, I'm tired." "Aw, c'mon, it will be fun. It's not like we're going to lose our legs or anything"
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Exotic dancer in West Virginia files suit over payment system. In related news: They have 'Exotic Dancers' in West Virginia
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New Zealand's long national nightmare is over as Marmite returns to grocery stores
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What's the best way to discourage people from withdrawing their own money and creating a run on the banks? Keep the banks closed, perhaps indefinitely, of course. They'll show those depositors
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lost tectonic plate found under California---Entire planet found under states of Alabama and Mississippi---and under NYC? Well, you shouldn't look, know what I'm sayin'?
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Lulemon: We're very sorry the world can see your bits when you go "down dog" in our yoga pants, the manufacturer farked up and sent us a bad batch with too-thin material. Manufacturer: No this batch is exactly like every other one we've shipped
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Caption what this cat is thinking
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The US Patent Office thinks that talking to no one in particular is a novel invention
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Vatican Operator, how may I help you? Yes this is Pope Francis and I would like you to connect me to .. Yeah, right mate, if you're the pope I'm bloody Napoleon
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Seriously, who would steal $1,000 worth of Mucinex?
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What could possibly go wrong?
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Police: Attack 'victim' admits whole thing was fabricated just to impress his date
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Pentagon bans centuries old weapons technology until they can find a contractor willing to charge more for it
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Just like the peace talks, President Obama's limo stalls out in Israel. Unlike the peace talks, the limo stalled because a Secret Service agent filled it with gasoline
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When CNN reared its ugly head, she bravely turned her tail and fled. Brave, brave, brave, brave Michelle Bachmann
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Woman who pushed her husband out of a 17th floor window blames break-away glass
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Mark Sanford to face off against Colbert's sister. Thank God I bought stock in Orville Redenbacher
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One-handed violinist helps other disabled people play music. He doesn't offer much in the way of applause, though
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Half of all Americans have more credit card debt than savings. The other half are childless
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Beginner's tip: When holding a garage sale, be sure to remove the $2.1 million Chinese bowl
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Auburn man arrested at gas station after he was caught pumping from the wrong nozzle
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ACLU up in arms because students of a California high school were told they could only wear "gender appropriate" clothing for school pictures and prom. Did no one think to just get the guys to wear kilts in protest?
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Stoner apologizes to parents after getting busted making meth in their home. "It was no Heisenburg operation or nothing like that. It's just simple things that can be put together and done out of a single bottle,"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Wooly Willie
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Wisconsin will shut down one of its most popular nude beaches after struggling for years to curtail sex and drugs on the sandbar and surrounding woods. In other news, there are nude beaches in Wisconsin
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The 911 call that saved Fark from another depressing Florida story and UCF from a mass shooting incident
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OMG DEFCON 88 NORTH KOREA CYBER ATTACK downgraded to "forgot to update AVG"
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Yo dawg, I heard you like ballerinas so I put a brothel in your ballet so she can grand plié on your grand petard
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Budget cuts cause more immigrants to be released. Sheriff Arpaio last seen in the fetal position
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Sure, you may have had to walk there uphill, both ways, in the snow, but at least your school wasn't infested with aggressive bats. "They're in the hallways chasing people"
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Happy Birthday to the best neighbor ever
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"Massive" cyberattack underway against South Korean banks, broadcast media. Everybody panic. No, seriously, EVERYBODY PANIC
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VivianVivisect is making cards for vincent_blackshadow. She needs funny pics to print out and include. Post 'em here
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Art or nightmare fuel?
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It's 106 miles to Hanford, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses ... ... hit it
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Man hospitalized after falling into toilet pit, had to make doo for 70 minutes until rescuers could get him out
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To stay safe while on the job, Australian spies are required to wear bright yellow hi-viz clothing while operating under cover. Yes, Mr Bond, I expect you to die. Soon (possible Not safe for work content in sidebar)
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Need a vacation? Company offers two year trip around world for $1.2 million
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The Last Letter: A Message to George W. Bush and Dick Cheney From a Dying Veteran
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| Tue March 19, 2013 |
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Coca Cola to unveil Fruitwater next month. WARNING: Fruitwater® contains no fruit
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If you woke up to what sounded like gunfire in your neighborhood last night, relax. It was just a couple of drunks shooting Roman candles at each other
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| (Travel + Leisure) |
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Does feeding stingrays in the Caymans lead to unwanted pregnancy? Steve Irwin unavailable for comment
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Baltimore resident finds a novel way to fight back against Ticketmaster's insane fees. He uses the law. Fark: He won
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The University of Arizona has developed an app that gives people a warning when a dust storm is approaching. Just in case that towering wall of dust that blocked out the sun and is rumbling your way isn't enough
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Father takes pic of 11-year-old son with gun, social services shows up at his door demanding entry into his home and access to guns or else they will "take his kids"
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Injured Marine on active duty ordered to remove artificial legs at airport security checkpoint
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Photoshop Theme: That damned pixel
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Want a steak so good, your dog will murder you in your sleep for it? Here comes the Food Science
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Arizona wants to go full "Where birth certifcit whe" on anyone who uses a public restroom
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There's showing no remorse, then there's showing up to court with a "KILLER" T-shirt and flipping off victims' families
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Think you're having a bad day? At least you didn't fall feet-first into a giant tire shredder
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Photoshop this friendly face of fire prevention
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Remember that Colorado sheriff who announced that he will no longer enforce laws he doesn't like? Yeah...about that
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"Voice of Elmo sued over meth-fueled sex parties"
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The new Emergency Financial Manager for Detroit owes $16,000 in back taxes and has two liens on his house, which is pretty good for Detroit
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Activist comes up with media fu tactic against Westboro Baptist Church that is, literally, brilliant
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"Apart from someone [police] coming around to say someone is trying to kill me, it was a really nice day"
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Would you drink a cup of coffee that had 200% more caffeine than your normal cuppa? If so, here's your "Death Wish" just in case you want to overdose
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Sex, twitter, and math are doing what the Nielsen Family's ratings couldn't; finally make TV smarter
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How long does war keep costing America? The government is still paying benefits for service in the Civil War
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37 year old man dies after van surfing accident, obviously trying to prove the original Teen Wolf was better than the new MTV series. Boof and Stiles unavailable for comment
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The psychic you're seeing might be a fraud if she says she can't remember in what cemetery she buried the $400,000 worth of gold coins you gave her and only Michael the Archangel would know
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In a case likely to have major implication for those Russian websites selling $0.10 Mp3's, as well as online sellers of used CDs, video games and textbooks the US Supreme Court says the "first sale doctrine" applies to copyrighted works
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US flying B-52s over Korea. Psy last seen mounting up his imaginary cavalry
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Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can be a kid. And an adult can get shot in the leg as he tries to walk out on a $286 bill
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Scroll down to the bottom of the article to find out why Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn are dating
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The assault on the First Amendment continues as court rules that you can't falsely yell "Bingo" in a crowded bingo hall
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Study finds that when women get a false positive cancer diagnosis from a mammogram, they get upset
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Did Dennis Rodman Just Spill a North Korean Secret?
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Step 1: Microwave rice in a sock based on Dr. Oz's recommendation. Step 2: Ignore the warning not to let the socks get too hot, especially since you can't feel your feet due to diabetes. Step 3: ???? Step 4: Sue Dr. Oz after burning your feet
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Ten years ago today was the first day of the Iraq invasion. Farkers debated whether it was a good idea or not. See what we were saying here in the original comment thread from 2003
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Scotland could soon let the words "I love you" and "I know" be official wedding vows
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"Dear Prudence: my girlfriend kisses and makes out with her cat and it really grosses me out. What should I do?"
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Island residents trying to protect houses from ocean decide it is better to ask forgiveness than permission
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Excuse me....I'm just trying to find the bridge.....has anybody seen the bridge? I ain't seen the bridge.......Where's that confounded bridge?
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Technology is not always your friend. Fleeing motorcyclist in high-speed chase ID'd by buddy's helmet cam
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New study published in the Journal of the Cunning Linguist shows that Brazilian waxes increase the spread of viral infection, legs
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Looking at this wreck, you'd never guess that the woman driving the car was out of the hospital before the tractor-trailer driver even sobered up
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Taiwanese woman divorces husband due to small penis; husband says he did not see it coming
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Ads from the 50's make you wonder, How happy can a chubby girl be?
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Meanwhile, after a bar fight on St. Patty's day: "An autopsy found a skull fraction on the back of (the victim's) head"
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Love Girl Scout cookies? Love getting drunk? Wouldn't it be great if you could combine those two loves into one awesome beverage?
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Lawmakers think the best way to curb the crime, stupidity, and general idiocy of the most insane state in the Union is legalizing marijuana
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92-year-old Cincinnati woman reunites with gorilla she cared for as a girl, but enough about Donald Trump's grandmother
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Explosion at Hawthorne Army Depot in Nevada during a Marine training exercise, multiple fatalities reported
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Chicken lays egg containing two yolks... and another egg. EGG-CEPTION
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this teen coming out of a tunnel
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America descends into lawless pandemonium as Lululemon threatens 'shortage' of black yoga pants
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Apostrophe ban council reverses decision after being threatened by Farker's
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"We're taking Jonesy out of the loop and going completely autonomous"
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Is smiling while holding up a t-shirt of a political opponent shown hanging off a stripper pole really considered in poor taste?
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10 years ago today, the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq began and answers once and for all the age old question of "What could possibly go wrong?"
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