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Sun March 17, 2013
(CNN)
 
 
 
The Eh-Team makes a daring escape that only The Eh-Team could do
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man who has spent 30 years building a small farm in the Appalachian mountains faces having to tear it all down because local officials found the wood he cut and milled himself wasn't properly marked
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Scientists announce there's no need to panic over the spiders that can eat entire bats, even though THEY'RE EVERWHERE
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Roosevelts)
 
 
 
What it's like to be an internet celebrity. Featuring the most famous suspect sketch in internet history
source: rsvlts.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Loose Change: Death Star Edition
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
My son turns 4 in May, and all he wants is a skateboard. When I asked him what kind he said, "A skateboard with a T-Rex and a spider on it...and a wave, like they are in the water"
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Columbus Packet)
 
 
 
Electricity thief arrested by sheriff, that's good. Sheriff notices neighbor's lawn is on fire, that's bad. Sheriff discovers hidden meth lab after the fire, that's good. Meth lab is guarded by snakes, that's bad
source: packet-media.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BroBible)
 
 
 
Kid arrested for filming himself jumping over a cop (w/video)
source: brobible.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsvine)
 
 
 
If you've had an erection lasting four or more hours... congratulations
source: thisvsthatshow.newsvine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Good News Everyone- all those newspapers you've been keeping in your attic may turn out to be important after all- and you should keep those wrappers and potato chip bags, too, just in case
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
That delicious fast food flavor you get from KFC, McDonald's, Chipotle, and other chains was created in a lab
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
You're doing 40 in the left lane, nearly clipping the truck beside you, and a woman honks her horn at you. Do you: C) Put a bullet in her car?
source: bethlehem.patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Colorado sheriff announces that he will no longer enforce laws he doesn't like
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Not news: Russians addicted to sniffing aviation fuel. Fark: Russian bears
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVB Boise)
 
 
 
Bono'd
source: ktvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun News Network)
 
 
 
Saint Patrick's Day INNNN SPPPAAAACCCEEEEE
source: sunnewsnetwork.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Marine veteran with a concealed carry permit draws his weapon... and stops a crime. What? Were you expecting him to shoot himself in the leg instead?
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big Picture)
 
 
 
Photoshop this brightly colored bug
source: bigpicture.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
If you accidentally shoot yourself in the groin, don't try to tell the cops that ninjas did it
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Think you have a nice beer can collection? It is probably nothing compared to this guy's collection
source: blog.pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
If you've ever wanted to die on Mars, here's your chance
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Five myths about the Revolutionary War everyone believes. Or why Texas will cry itself to sleep tonight
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Sorry Service: New Yorkers are confessing their crimes and misdemeanors to a Brooklyn man without fear of retribution on a new apology hot line
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
'Cruise has left me feeling sea sick for five years' - yeah, subby also felt the same way after watching Valkyrie
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Upset about the sex offender next door? Can't sell your house? Then screw him
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
This week's Mugshot Roundup gets back to basics. Uff da
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP)
 
 
 
He was the guy who could help everybody - everybody but himself: He was this broad-shouldered guy who blasted Motorhead, Iron Maiden, favored four-letter words and inhaled Marlboro Reds - once even while conducting a "stop smoking" class
source: hosted.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSFA)
 
 
 
World's Smallest St. Patrick's Day Parade in Enterprise, Alabama features one marcher and... well, that's about it
source: enterprise.wsfa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Four-year-old with cancer surprised with custom backyard playset. With 'damn it's dusty' pics of four-year-old
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Justice delivered: two members of the high school football team that is the pride of Steubenville were found guilty of raping a drunken 16-year-old girl
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 
 
Where do we need more police patrols? A) bad neighborhoods, B) in schools, or C) Chuck E Cheese's
source: southtownstar.suntimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
People startled when old man in robe shows up at small church, kisses babies, gives a short sermon and jokes with kids. Apparently Popes don't usually do that sort of thing
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Maine-iacs upset by the new name for lottery tickets: Kwikies. Other names considered were Snatch and Scratch, Rub One Out, and Bang For A Buck
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Zero Hedge)
 
 
 
You implement an over-the-weekend 6.75% levy on all bank accounts as part of your "bailout plan", we smash through your bank with an excavator. That's the Cyprus way
source: zerohedge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
The story begins when a man and woman were evicted from their apartment and ends with the theft of two deer heads
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Have you ever heard of the "Viper Team"? Well you shouldn't have. They are elite and top secret. Here is exclusive video of them in action though
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
If you wake up for work hungover, all you have to do to shake it is sprinkle some avocado slices with lemon juice, steam some mushrooms, blanche some baby spinach, and poach a couple of free range, cage-free eggs. It's that simple
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
PETA sends topless green chicks to urge Seattleites to go Vegan, turn their sprouts into jolly Green Giants
source: blog.seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big Picture)
 
 
 
Photoshop this cultured subway busker
source: bigpicture.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Twitter users separating into 'tribes' and developing own languages. Fascinating human sociology or just really stupid?
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
'The next thing I knew they were shacked up together. Is that what they call therapy these days? What exactly are they running there?'
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
There's only one man in all of Alaska licensed to capture glacier ice. And he works for a distillery that makes Alaskan vodka. "He is determined to get the purest, oldest ice he can"
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Your sexy elephant photo of the day
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Surveillance drones are going to be used catch people. A) Making moonshine. B) Growing weed. C) Hunting illegally, hare coursing and badger baiting
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Entertainment Weekly)
 
 
 
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day by enjoying one of these seventeen Irish pop culture classics
source: ew.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
"Who just goes to Walmart to shoot somebody?"
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Impromptu Houston Fark Party on St. Patrick's Day
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
France surrenders to America in wine production
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
LAFD sprayed the foam to drown the bees that killed the dog that jumped the tree that the neighbors chopped that housed the hive that hurt the dog whose owners declined to speak on cam but said "never would have expected this" -- will get jack squat
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
The true story of Saint Patrick, the man who drove the most terrifying creatures known to man out of Ireland
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
What do you regret from this week?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRCB)
 
 
 
"48-year-old Patti M. Cole faces a charge of disorderly conduct after leaving the message on a broken toilet in front of a home she owns in Mount Pleasant"
source: wrcbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Henrix, an English springer spaniel, was supposed to fly from Newark to Phoenix, gets sent to Ireland. Sounds like United really screwed the pooch on this one
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Coming up at the top of the hour, it's Livingston Stapler Co. Presents, 2+ hours of music hosted by a farker. LGT stream, or try krnn.org
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(West Chester Daily Local)
 
 
 
Always remember to separate your recyclables
source: dailylocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat March 16, 2013
(NBC News)
 
 
 
India raises Clockwork Alert Level to Orange after gang rape of Swiss tourist
source: worldnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Southwest Airlines is so cool and unconventional, even their planes high-five each other
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Calling in sick before flipping your pickup after drinking is no way to go through life, Officer
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
♫The poop police, they live inside of my head. The poop police, they come to me in my bed. The poop police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no♫
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
11-year old girl shot in leg after altercation breaks out in line to buy new Air Jordans
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegram)
 
 
 
Why would a cop suspect that woman is driving drunk? Driving with four flat tires and heavy front end damage, just might have something to do with it
source: telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Nigerian prince scam works. Fark: Scammer was really Nigerian. Bonus: Victims were all lawyers
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spiegel)
 
 
 
Photoshop these cheese sniffers
source: cdn1.spiegel.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Connecticut)
 
 
 
Beer to be sold in Capri Sun juice pouches? Sign me up
source: connecticut.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
To protect the children, lawmakers in Arizona want edible medical marijuana to be packaged more like prescription medication. Because no child would ever consume prescription medication for kicks
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Detroit)
 
 
 
Student suspended over 'Hot For Teacher' essay sues Oakland University. "She was blonde and attractive in the Meg Ryan kind of way which I usually don't go for"
source: detroit.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
You're a helpless romantic if you name a new species of scorpion after your wife
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Bus carrying Seton Hill women's lacrosse team crashes. Two dead, numerous injuries. Story developing
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Well done, boys
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Police arrest a nine year-old for carjacking. This, not even a month after he pulled off an armed robbery at a McDonald's. Kids these days
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS DC)
 
 
 
A top U.S. government spy agency is seeking a bunch of Matthew Brodericks from "War Games." Now let's play Global Thermonuclear War
source: washington.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"I'm sorry my autistic child is acting out. Let me tell you how you need to deal with it"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop theme: Yay, it's bring-your-child-to-work day
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lowell Sun)
 
 
 
If a cop going 75 in a 30 zone with a BAC of 0.14% dies in a wreck, how many motions for reconsideration must the prosecutor file before the judge lets police blame the civilian driver with a BAC of 0.13%?
source: lowellsun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
"Hugo Chavez's body paraded through sea of red shirts" Damnit, El Presidente, I'm a doctor not a mourner
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Groovy: The family of writer Ken Kesey plans to restore his 'Electric Kool-Aid Acid' bus in time for the 50th anniversary of its passengers' LSD-laced trip across America
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)
 
 
 
Woman wins $1.2 million after riding bicycle through puddle
source: press-citizen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
"Madonna gives birth to baby squirrel monkey" sounds legit no matter what species of howling ape you're talking about
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
How cool is John Warner? Served in WWII and Korea, married Elizabeth Taylor, served 30 years in the Senate, Knighted by Queen Elizabeth and now has an attack submarine named after him
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
Drug-sniffing dogs increasingly employed by worst helicopter parents ever, to sniff out their kids' bedroom stash
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox NY)
 
 
 
It just never fails: you go in to Walmart intending to spend $20, you leave with a $235,000 expense
source: myfoxny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Will you still need me, will you feed me, when I'm arrested 64 times?
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Sex, drugs and Facebook at center of former school employee's affair with teenage boy. This is not a repeat headline from every female school sex scandal of the last 8 years, but could be
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Member of British House of Commons barred from all eight parliamentary bars after second arrest in just over a year. In related news, the British House of Commons has eight parliamentary bars
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her? My people, the Princess Bone-Us
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
R.I.P. and sleep tight Lance Corporal James Ashworth, for you are now in the canyon of heroes
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Celery: a gateway to a) cream cheese b) peanut butter c) ickyness d) none of the above
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photobucket)
 
 
 
Caption these bunnies
source: i312.photobucket.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philly Burbs)
 
 
 
Nice little old lady celebrates her 100th birthday... two years after her house exploded - with her in it
source: phillyburbs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Not content with forcing restaurants to display the number of calories in its meals, new study suggests Americans would also benefit from a graphic of a traffic light to indicate how healthy each plate is
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Courier UK)
 
 
 
There's all dead, there's mostly dead, and then there's only dead for 30 minutes and then not quite so dead, which results in the bank where you had your massive heart attack apologizing for offering your family condolences
source: thecourier.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KATU)
 
 
 
Ugly-ass baby river otter gets his first taste of Obamacare
source: katu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
All hell breaks loose when an overprotective helicopter mom spots a cleaning crew employee in the parking lot of her children's school and automatically assumes he's an armed lunatic hellbent on snuffing the life out of every student
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
See world, Cuba is not stuck in the past driving around cars from the 50's, they're evolving and they've put new transgenders in the mix
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
Some people are getting all crabby over an arcade game where you try to catch a real lobster using a giant metal claw. "To play the claw game is like running into the chicken house and terrifying the birds"
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Violin played while the Titanic sank in 1912, goes on display with no strings attached
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dallas News)
 
 
 
Bigfoot hunters will be gathering in Fort Worth, Hendersons last seen plotting escape route
source: dallasnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
In case you needed one more reason to avoid Arizona, now's the time of year when hungry rattlesnakes starting waking up from winter hibernation
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
Inoperable NYC railroad station elevator nicknamed a "vertical urinal". NYC subways still considered horizontal urinals
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this desert apple
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Examiner)
 
 
 
Chicago Public School CEO says "Persepolis" by Marjane Satrapi isn't "banned," it's just removed from classrooms. Wait, what?
source: examiner.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Boca Quay HOA, to children's fun they say "no way"
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KETV Omaha)
 
 
 
God doesn't want you to drink hard liquor on a Sunday morning* since that is the holy time. (*unless the bar buys an extra permit)
source: ketv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Runt of the (kitty) litter Wadsworth celebrates his 27th birthday doing what a cat should on this, his 1,404th Caturday: "He's like a little old man really, he gets up, goes out, comes in, has his food and then goes back to sleep"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
San Francisco FARKapalooza March 16 at Lefty O'Douls
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsnet5)
 
 
 
High, naked in the road, screaming at motorists, getting tasered and foaming at the mouth is no way to go through life, but it might just get you through an otherwise boring Thursday in Ohio
source: newsnet5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Once again, Fark's lack of sovereign-nation status costs it a spot on the list of the top 10 drinking countries
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Boston Farkers Annual St. Paddy's Day Pub Crawl - March 16th @ 1PM
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Great News: You finally got your kidney transplant. Bad News: It came with bonus rabies
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Step One: collect underpants. Step Three: prison
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Science Monitor)
 
 
 
Bacon-shell tacos
source: csmonitor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
Evacuated due to a cockroach infestation: A) restaurant B) nursing home or C) Greyhound bus
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Bay Area)
 
 
 
World's worst neighbor threatens to shutter bacon-obsessed restaurant over the smell. Of bacon
source: nbcbayarea.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 4 Charleston)
 
 
 
Grand Theft Auto, Junior Edition: 12-year-old steals car from Walmart parking lot, leads SC police on chase down interstate
source: abcnews4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 15, 2013
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Thirty-eight of the best TV news caption fails, including "MAN KILLED TO DEATH" and "Meatball Enthusiast"
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Miami)
 
 
 
I knew it. I knew the Rapture was coming. So long, suckers
source: nbcmiami.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegram)
 
 
 
Suburban high school teachers listen to gunshots so in the event of an actual emergency they'll know when it's time to wet their pants
source: telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If your doctor is wearing a suspiciously large watch, he might be filming your hoo haw
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
♫ Spider beard, spider beard, does whatever a spider beard does ♫
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Top 10 weirdest things removed from people's stomachs
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
How beer gave us civilization. Step one: by being delicious. Step two: by being alcoholic. Step three: there is no step three. Steps one and two were enough
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this kung fu kid
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Flatworm Penis Fencing
source: video.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
What's on your nightstand? A good book? A phone charger? Maybe your 3-hp electric vibrator?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
All-female topless protest group. I'll say that again: ALL-FEMALE TOPLESS PROTEST GROUP (Not safe for work)
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Teen son on phone with boyfriend: "I'm going to tell my dad I'm gay." Dad writes: "I've known you were gay since you were six. Now go buy some orange juice"
source: shine.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
U.S. last week: "We're not concerned about a nuclear threat from North Korea." U.S. this week: "Uhh, let's add some interceptors along the west coast. You know, just in case"
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
It's Friday, so that means it's Fark Weird News Quiz time again. Are you ready? No? Well, then just guess at the answers like everybody else does
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KGW Portland)
 
 
 
Man tries to remove wedding ring by shooting it off his finger. Not surprisingly, alcohol was involved
source: kgw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Today's Iron photoshop challenge: Afros
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
Michigan's first gay marriage happens today. On an Indian reservation. Under tribal law
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US News)
 
 
 
El Wolverines
source: usnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCSH 8 Portland)
 
 
 
Guy who set USS Miami on fire to get some time off gets 17 years time off. Plus, has to pay back $400 million in restitution, which in cigarettes is infinity
source: wcsh6.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Asian man wins Man Asian
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
When one of the conditions of your bond is that you "stay out of all the libraries on the face of the earth," you've probably done something really bad
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)
 
 
 
Pittsburgh investigators try to figure out how $8,000 disappeared from police custody
source: post-gazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Westboro Baptist insider suggests that God hates Fred Phelps
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
A woman has spent 22 years on death row because a perfectly honest cop swore to a jury that the man who killed her child also implicated her in the killing. Except he wasn't perfectly honest, and the prosecutor knew it, and told nobody
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Old & busted: Stealing candy from a baby. New hotness: Stealing an iPhone from a toddler
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Not this shiat again. Another Carnival cruise ship disaster maybe just around the poop deck. No, not that one. Or that one. This time it's the Legend
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
Cheese fries are getting coated with Flamin' Hot Cheetos in one person's home, just because
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
This dude apparently can't stop rekindling an affair with an old flame: On his one-year anniversary of an arson bust this self-proclaimed 'fire bug' set a neighboring house ablaze, called 911, grabbed a beer and watched flames "going silly"
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Standard Speaker)
 
 
 
Early nomination for "worst name of the year". Leiky Colon
source: standardspeaker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Giant sea cucumber eats with its anus, which would be awesome if it ate oil
source: newswatch.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Best Korea accuses the USA of conducting cyber attacks on their websites. Difficulty would be timing the hacking for when the power up there was actually on
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
1983 was a banner year for American culture. Turning 30 this year: McNuggets, Weird Al's first album, Plinko, "Return of the Jedi", Hooters, and most importantly, TCP/IP
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Hugo Chavez died so that he could convince Christ to pick a South American as Pope. This is what Venezuelans actually believe
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AlterNet)
 
 
 
Penis stealing on the rise in Africa
source: alternet.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
People living in Phoenix are mystified as to why someone living in Los Angeles would say Phoenix is a bad place to live. "I think jealousy is sort of an ugly thing"
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
"Want to make a skyscraper look trendy and sustainable? Put a tree on it"
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
The "secret ingredient" in Guinness will make vegans squirm... which means more Guinness for those of us who understand humans are omnivores
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Spring Break Shootout: Woman who packed bathing suit, suntan lotion, flip-flops -- and apparently some heat for Spring Break vacation -- fired 18 shots in hotel room after boyfriend flirted with another woman
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
First the government stockpiles ammo, then tanks, and now small pox vaccines? What do they know that the public doesn't? And does it involve zombies?
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salem News 2)
 
 
 
Drunk driver arrested traveling south on northbound highway lanes. "Told she had been going the wrong way, Baron's passenger chimed in, "I've been telling her that for the last 10 minutes," police said." Did the Boston Fark party start already?
source: salemnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Realistically, at this point, the only people confirmed for Episode VII are: me, some guy from customer service, and Steve, who lives next door; and a bunch of other dorks. We'll be known as "The Audience"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Diggers might have found a lost burial site under London that contains bodies of some 50,000 people who were killed by the "Black Death" plague more than 650 years ago while excavating a massive new rail project. Let's hope they didn't wake them
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times of Israel)
 
 
 
Without this guy, hackers would be able to break into our FB accounts and leave messages like "my farts smell" as an outgoing status message
source: timesofisrael.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
One driver eating a sandwich, another looking for a phone: What could possibly go wrong?
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
Science says babies are jerks
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SILive)
 
 
 
Woman calls 911 over abandoned baby. Cops show up and promptly charge her, after they find out the baby is actually a puppy and she admitted "I needed to spice it up to get you guys to come faster"
source: silive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Neatorama)
 
 
 
At one time, food companies struggled with the morality of putting sugar in their cold cereals. Here's how they got over it
source: neatorama.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Snakes hate St. Patrick's Day. But more importantly, tuxedos for snakes are a thing that exists
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
New Jersey bakery comes up with novel way to make those tasteless sugar-free snacks taste better. FDA does not approve
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
"When the animal died, Kmart asked that a second shark be brought on set, but the production company refused and replaced the animal with an animatronic hippopotamus"
source: latimesblogs.latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orange News)
 
 
 
If you're a traffic warden trying to keep your ticket quota up, check you're putting them on actual cars
source: web.orange.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
What do Legos, Polaroid, and Sizzler all have in common?
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Francis I went into the priesthood because a girl dumped him; in other news, the Pope has an annoying kid sister who goes around blabbing stuff
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big Picture)
 
 
 
Photoshop this pair of chutes
source: bigpicture.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
This one time, at band camp, our teacher saved us from wrecking when the bus driver passed out at 70 mph. No word on flautists
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Reporters can't track down man charged with bestiality. Could be he's already on the lamb
source: bc.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
I submitted this with a cheddar headline
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News9 Oklahoma)
 
 
 
"When you tell people you're going to walk 1,000 miles, they look at you like you're a crazy person. Which is a correct way of looking at a person who says they're going to walk 1,000 miles in 100 days"
source: news9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Sex in space will probably kill you
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Perhaps the biggest obstacle facing humans who want to embark on a 100-year, multi-generational voyage to a planet orbiting a nearby star is that all the packed clothing would wear out long before reaching the final destination
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Megachurch pastor tells 16-year old that having sex with him "is exactly what Christ desires". How convenient
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
ǝɹoɯʎuɐ pɐq os ɯǝǝs ʇ,usǝop ɐıxǝlsʎp 'ʎluǝppnS
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
America's hope rests in the hands of people who can't pull up their pants. Swag. Yolo
source: ideas.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Cop pulls over couple speeding through red lights, then winds up helping deliver their baby
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
What sad times we live in when an elected official can not wear a wrestling mask to conduct the people's business
source: world.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Old hat: 4X4. New and exciting: 6X6
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
From the department of "no farks left to give" comes Facebook hashtags
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu March 14, 2013
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Cute: Kids chasing ice cream truck. Not so cute: Drug addicts chasing dealer's car
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Thinking of Dubai for a holiday? Think again. Man arrested for drinking without a licence when he goes to police to report his wife's death
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Bad: Watching porn at work. Worse: Leaving the blinds open while you're watching porn at work. D'oh: A pic of you watching porn at work gets posted on the Internet
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Algae bloom is killing a record number of endangered Florida manatees. If only there were some phrase to express dismay
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop this kid with a Kong
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
Kinder Surprise Eggs are coming to the US in time for Easter after it was decided children aren't as stupid as they were thirty years ago
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
America's sadness belt: Alarming map shows residents in South and Midwest are far more likely to be depressed, obese and hate their jobs
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
"It's been a continuing fountain of entertainment for me. It's just like I'll wake up one day and they'll be new pictures there and I'm like oh my gosh, she has no idea"
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FilmDrunk)
 
 
 
Iranian news agency wants Ben Affleck hanged for war crimes, and it has nothing to do with Daredevil
source: filmdrunk.uproxx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Montana Standard)
 
 
 
Today's headline word jumble: Butte teens arrested for gallon smashing
source: mtstandard.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
New Pope warns church they are in danger of being compassionate
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sample study
source: msnbcmedia.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Dear Prudence, Is it creepy to offer my dead wife's vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Census shows that places that should never have been populated eventually realized it
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Even pandas love porn
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
Acer laptops now feature exciting exploding battery feature
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mansfield News Journal)
 
 
 
Normally Not News: Woman gets her high school diploma. FARK: She is 106 years old
source: mansfieldnewsjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Appeals court replaces judge in Whitey Bulger trial because former prosecutor who investigated Bulger and/or helped cover up his crimes might not appear impartial
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Why the new pope, even though he is a Jesuit, chose the name "Francis" rather than Ignatius to honor his order's founder: Maybe to invoke St Francis' commitment to charity and social justice, or maybe just to avoid being "Iggy Pope"
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Embalming fluid rejects Chavez
source: worldnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
The new pope, a humble man of the people, just received a new $565,000 magic car
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Six percent of Americans believe in unicorns. Twenty four percent believe dinosaurs and man hung out together. Eighteen percent believe the sun revolves around the Earth. Nearly 30% believe cloud computing involves actual clouds"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
Facts about Pope Francis: #26 Everyone calls him Psycho. #27 He don't like anyone touching his stuff. #28 If any of you homos touch him, he'll kill you. (Note: #28 is real)
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Short List)
 
 
 
Chinese install emergency spiral slide down apartment block stairwell. Residents praying for arson
source: shortlist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
The best of all the worst reactions to the announcement of Cardinal Bergoglio's ascendancy to the papacy
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
It's 'Women's Day' at the State Capitol, so if you're the local Fox News affiliate it only makes sense to show stock video of women's breasts to highlight your story
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTAR Phoenix)
 
 
 
Despite all his new obligations, Pope Francis still found the time to register 479 new domains in his name
source: ktar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Those Ukrainian killer dolphins? Turns out they're not really "on the loose" but the question still needs to be asked, WHY ARE WE MAKING KILLER DOLPHINS?
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Discovery)
 
 
 
Remember when Jesus shape shifted and Judas had to kiss the new guy to prove he was Jesus?
source: news.discovery.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WikiHow)
 
 
 
Happy Pi Day, work out your tart proportions by tossing a hotdog down a hallway
source: wikihow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Three sisters among 13 wounded in drive-by shooting. Police are on the lookout for Chekhov's gun
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Government: "Sugar is deadly poison" Sugar Companies: "No one is buying our sugar" Government: "We'll buy it" Government- The cause of and solution to all of life's problems
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
Ancient penis-headed worm pushes fossil record back, breakfast up
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
France and the UK may break Syrian arms ban. C. Vladimir Putin last seen touching fingertips, muttering "Отлично"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
Let's talk about using cola to clean your toilet, because seriously we should be using it for everything but drinking
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WLFI Lafayette)
 
 
 
Man found guilty of Shake Weight beating - surprisingly not a euphemism
source: wlfi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Photoshop this water warning
source: inapcache.boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
How far can you travel in 36 hours with no money? The bar has been set rather high by two Trinity College students who went from Ireland to Argentina
source: newsfeed.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Sneaking out to fark during the prom is probably a cool idea. But you should do it while you're a student like your partner, instead of waiting to become assistant principal
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Network World)
 
 
 
Cheeky browser plug-in pokes fun at cloud hype, automatically replaces "the cloud" with "my butt"
source: networkworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(E! Online)
 
 
 
Why are religious stories so popular on TV right now? Same reason comic book movies are huge: fictional characters with extraordinary powers sell
source: eonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Musical instruments will now be required to have passports to travel. Drummers and bassists can still be shipped with normal cargo
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Carnival, the Windows ME of the cruising world, has yet another ship stuck in Safe Mode
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Mirror journalists held over hacking gnikcah revo dleh stsilanruoj rorriM
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Dennis Rodman visits another totalitarian regime infamous for destroying lives
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Scientists explain that a banana won't really calm you down if you've had too much caffeine. Well, that all depends on how you're using it, dear
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSAT San Antonio)
 
 
 
Police sergeant gets demoted to officer, stuck in a room at the station for work. Why? For letting the Internet know she looked like this
source: ksat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
For the IT guys at your company who right now are stressing out over the legitimate fears that next Monday at approximately 9:06 a.m. the entire network is going to come crashing down, March Madness means something completely different
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
How spoiled are kids these days? It now makes the news when they have to pick up a shovel and get the snow off their baseball field if they want to play a game
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Is Wisconsin known for cheese or sleaze? A dealer is in hot water after selling a $42,000 SUV to a blind, dying, 90-year-old man on morphine in hospice
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
"I tried penis numbing spray, and it nearly ruined my sex life"
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lehighton Times News)
 
 
 
"Asked why she was nude from the waist down, Hayes said it was because she was anticipating having sex"
source: tnonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Twin prostitutes finally hang it up -- after 50 years on the job. Much slobbering was had by all
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Utah couple attempt to scam grocery store by eating razor blades but police found their story hard to swallow
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Welcome to McDonald's, enjoy your happy ending meal
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New York City presents: the douchetender. Coming soon to a bar near you
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click2Houston)
 
 
 
Have you ever been so angry that you screamed and pounded on a truck and then got shot in the foot over a pair of pants? Welcome to Texas
source: click2houston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Now that a new Pope has been selected, the Holy Church can now move on from its dark past of shame and begin a new era of......what? Aw goddammitsomuch
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 410: "It's Bad For Ya". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 13, 2013
(The Province)
 
 
 
Woman holds 'lying cheating sale' to sell all her husband's stuff while he's 'gone with his floozie'
source: theprovince.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Florida wants to ban all internet cafes in Florida because Florida still has internet cafes
source: blogs.orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
Entire Vatican library to be digitized across 2.8 pedobytes
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Apple Insider)
 
 
 
Introducing Breathometer®, the world's first smart-phone breathalyzer. That blows
source: appleinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Network World)
 
 
 
So who got the domain name PopeFrancis.com? A lawyer, of course. Three years ago
source: networkworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Days since last mass shooting: 0
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Environmental Health News)
 
 
 
The world's largest DDT deposit has suddenly and mysteriously shrunk by 90%. That's good. Except it might be because of global warming. That's bad. Or it might have diffused into the Pacific. That's scary
source: environmentalhealthnews.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If you drop a tin of white paint that splashes onto a green BMW just leave it man, it's gone
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop This Meal On Wheels
source: tractorbynet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Life)
 
 
 
Which polar bear cub is the ugly assiest polar bear cub?
source: torontolife.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Colorado legalizes civil unions for same-sex couples. State ski industry expecting downturn due to rain of fire and brimstone (link fixed)
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Fungus Infected Bagpipes. I don't like the sound of that
source: vitals.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio Free Europe)
 
 
 
Photoshop Kim Jong Un taking his best look at Korea
source: gdb.rferl.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
State seizes weapons from homes of mentally ill. Judging by the derp in the comments section, the mentally ill have a problem with this
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
NewsFlash
 
Cardinals hire new manager
source: worldnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Calgary Herald)
 
 
 
Protip: While punching the cop trying to ticket you may help you flee the scene, it is best to do this before handing over your ID
source: calgaryherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox DC)
 
 
 
You know it's out of hand when you can't even go out and enjoy a game of headless goat polo without a lot of drama
source: myfoxdc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big 1059)
 
 
 
Not News: Man loses job. News: for posting video about saving a protected tree. FARK: "It's my best friend" tearful interview
source: big1059.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Son of Westboro Church founder says his dad was "deeply prejudiced". God Hates [Obvious] Tags
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IT World)
 
 
 
Based on the number of mock Twitter accounts, Cardinal Angelo Scola is your next pope
source: itworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Post)
 
 
 
Cities nationwide tripping over themselves for the "honor" of being Federal drone test sites
source: denverpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Central)
 
 
 
How America has Farked up St Patrick's Day (with pictures)
source: irishcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
No one could accuse the Brits of a lack of passion for their history. As the feud continues over where to bury Richard III, the head of the York Minster church is getting hate mail
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Should the criminal justice system handle rape cases on college campuses or should they be left to the colleges' Greek Councils to handle?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Mississippi, the fattest state in the union, reacts to NYC mayor Bloomberg's "big soda ban" by passing a law to make it illegal for any city in THEIR state to ever force restaurants to limit portion sizes or post calorie counts
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philly.com)
 
 
 
If you've paid for the hotel room, you're allowed to be naked in it. But please refrain from pressing your buttocks or genitals against the window overlooking the courtyard where a wedding is taking place
source: philly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DeaconPedro.com)
 
 
 
Watching the Conclave? As you do, consider these interesting stats on the electors. Who knew the Catholics had gerrymandering and deck-stacking?
source: deaconpedro.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Remember that YouTube video with the guys in the pickup and the guy in the Mercedes with the gun? Doesn't work like that in real life
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Police department to use polygraph to weed out racist job applicants. Chief assures the community that monstrously egotistical bastards remain encouraged to apply
source: articles.washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
"Restaurant staff called police after the man fell asleep with his face planted in a plate of french fries and ketchup. Police said when they woke him up, he was so drunk he started eating his fries and didn't acknowledge the officers"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Ancient Egyptian text reveals that before Jesus Christ became an omnipotent omniscient immortal, he was a shape shifter. Apparently some people have a problem with this
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Locusts decend on Israel ahead of Passover. With no new pope, what will the Jews do? (w/photos)
source: photoblog.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
Dude, So Dough: Meet the new teen sneakerheads flipping shoes for cash, fast
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
In America, water pollution is measured in parts per million. In China, it's measured in pigs per gallon
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
Terrier that swallowed 111 pennies still critical, but vet expects [puts on sunglasses] change
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Guess which state has a town that lifted its ban on displaying the Irish flag?
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Ohio nun charged with voter fraud says she did it out of habit
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Senators say that the NRA is ready to cave on background checks. Anyone felt their hands recently?
source: firstread.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
A new study finds monkeys judge others the same way people do. Wait until they discover the Politics tab
source: newsfeed.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ionia Sentinel-Standard)
 
 
 
How many screw drivers in the head does it take to incapacitate a Pollock? Just one. What are you, racist?
source: sentinel-standard.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 10 ABC Sacramento)
 
 
 
So ban on assault weapons in California supposedly oppresses people of the Sikh religion says man suing the state
source: news10.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philly Burbs)
 
 
 
Need counseling at home? Don't worry, the Church of the Repeated Punch in the Face now makes house calls
source: phillyburbs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
Price is Right model's $7.7 million legal win makes like a yodeling guy in lederhosen falling off a cliff
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The Japanese, not content with making sushi glow in the dark or selling used teen girls panties in machines, have found a way to light ice on fire. Ummm, everybody wins?
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Don't you hate it when you try to purchase a 32-ounce bottle of Magnum and a bottle of Schlitz Bull Ice from a convenience store and the clerk says you're going to have to wait twenty minutes until beer sales start up again at 7am?
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Today's Fark-ready headline: Tortilla-eating man too busy to investigate shooting
source: koco.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Business Journals)
 
 
 
Kaiser Permanente gets highest customer satisfaction in California, coming in just ahead of Kaiser Soze and Kaiser Wilhelm
source: bizjournals.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
"You ever notice American Cardinals act like this while non-American Cardinals act like this?"
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
4.7 magnitude earthquake hits Los Angeles. Residents yawn, order another Starbucks
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inside SoCal)
 
 
 
Booze thieves make clean getaway after abandoning vehicle...except for the county jail wristband
source: insidesocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
NYC Council wants to install speed cameras to nail those poor saps who finally manage to exceed the speed of a tortoise on city streets
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)
 
 
 
Giving the cops a fake name after your drunken crash doesn't work as well if they're just going to take you to your workplace. Right, doctor?
source: press-citizen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
"Either I am an old whore-bag or those German Frauleins are total teases"
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(96.1 KISS)
 
 
 
That's what she said .... No really she just said that live on the news
source: 961kiss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Indian Express)
 
 
 
"Kashmir encounter kills five CRPF jawans" OOTINNIII
source: indianexpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
How did Drew make it big? a) $5-a-month TotalFark subscriptions, b) banner ads, c) cocaine-trafficking "franchises" sold to a Mexican cartel, d) "Featured Partner" links, or e) all of the above?
source: latino.foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
High School science teacher discourages student from using condoms during their sex trysts. What could possibly go wrong in the biology department?
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Chiropractor charged with groping patient, still allowed to be a quack pseudo-doctor
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Drunk man punches girlfriend's father and bites boat captain after getting caught having sex in the bathroom on a cruise. In his defense, maybe they misunderstood the "implications" of a booze cruise
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Six years after China launched an anti-satellite test into space, debris from it hit and destroyed a Russian satellite
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Ah, there's nothing like a good muddy tug-of-war match... to try to get that 737 back onto the runway
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
The time to end email signoffs is now
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Time writer asks, "If there's no inflation why are prices going up?" Also wonders how he'll fill up balloons for next birthday party
source: business.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop this implement inspection
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
What have the Romans ever done for us? The aqueduct, sanitation, god on goat porn.... (Pic maybe Not safe for work)
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Connecticut)
 
 
 
If taking your girlfriend's baby out for a walk around the neighborhood seems mundane, clearly you've never done it on PCP, stark naked, across the interstate, like this guy
source: nbcconnecticut.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Good news, everybody. If you've been going down in Virginia, you're no longer committing a crime
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
Inexperienced preschool teacher uses masking tape to restrain a student at nap time. Anyone with tenure knows it's a lot harder for them to wriggle free if you use duct tape
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
If you're a bigot screaming racial slurs at a group of black people, you may not want to make any specific threats against the lady with a cane
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
He may only be a little more than a month into his second term, but that's more than enough time for Obama to have lost all public trust on his ability to restore the economy. Help us, Republicans you're our only hope
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
That oughta hold the little bastards
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Water ends soda's two decade long reign as America's favorite drink. Wait... water? Like from out of the toilet?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Venezuelan scientists are now exploring the possibility that someone may have infected cancer with Hugo Chavez
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(620WTMJ Milwaukee)
 
 
 
Just like when you have to use your cell phone, it's a good idea to pull over when you have to shoot up heroin. The plan unravels when you pass out in your truck, cross three lanes of traffic, roll down a hill, hit a sign and a wall
source: 620wtmj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Desperate Marines are running low on ammo. Remember: short, controlled bursts
source: politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
You know who else would have guessed that the woman in Hitler's bathtub had dark secrets?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
More pigs keep bobbing up in Shanghai's rivers, Chinese officials continue to insist city water supply is just fine. Who knew Baghdad Bob was from China?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Iran to sue Hollywood over its unrealistic portrayal in Argo. Told to get in line behind William Wallace, the 300 Spartans, the Mayans and absolutely everyone involved in WWII
source: guardian.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
Apparently. using the exact quotes and text that Islamics use is Islamophobic bigotry. Please make a note of it
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Are you crazy or just kinky? Well, according to the DSM-V...both
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC San Diego)
 
 
 
If you're going to stop traffic on an L.A. freeway to propose, don't brag about it on social media
source: nbcsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Alcoholics Anonymous host accused of selling drugs at meetings. And if the article is any indication, that's all you need to know
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NextGov)
 
 
 
New company to sell countermeasures against surveillance drones. Begun, the Drone Wars have
source: nextgov.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Tugboat pushes barge full of oil into gas pipeline. Marvin the Martian finally finds the kaboom. Michael Bay jizzes in his pants. Deep Purple travel back in time, record "Smoke on the Water"
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The coolest backyard solar-powered death ray you'll see today
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KWQC Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Two women who have been friends for over four years shocked to learn they are related after one of them puts a post on Facebook about her niece that was given up for adoption 29 years ago
source: kwqc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Woman caught performing sex act on boyfriend inside bank. It's not clear if he left a deposit
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Eighty-year-old man returns book to library 69 years later. At least he has a good excuse
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some SFW Guy)
 
 
 
Internet porn searches by state and country. NTTAWWT Kentucky. Site Not Safe For Work
source: pornmd.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
"I was depressed. I suffered from menopause. I had an online love interest. My husband was emotionally absent. I was under hypnosis. IT WASN'T MY FAULT"
source: koco.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
The two women whose truck was shot up by the LAPD because they were mistaken for a black guy will not be getting a new truck because: a) the LAPD wanted them to pay income tax, b) the LAPD wanted them to pose for a photo op, c) all of the above
source: nbclosangeles.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Image of Jesus appears on car's windshield. Must have been a Christler
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
What Americans look like to North Koreans
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Twinkies due back on shelves by summer. Our long national nightmare is over
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 12, 2013
(Movoto)
 
 
 
Top 10 least hipster cities in America. "Most of the cities who made the hipster-unfriendly list are in the South. There's nothing ironic about it"
source: movoto.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Farewell Ewald-Heinrich von Kleist, he was the last surviving member of the plot to kill Hitler
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
School finds 12-year-old girl had lunch money in her backpack. Fark: enough for lunch for the rest of her scholastic career
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Little League needs money, holds raffle for assault rifle very similar to weapon that killed 20 kids in Sandy Hook Elementary, sees no problem
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Mitt Romney celebrates 66th birthday with a photo that would even make Kirk Cameron proud
source: todaynews.today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"World's Happiest Dog" is a natural in front of the camera lens
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
Gallant apologizes, takes care of the bill and offers his condolences. Goofus says that you're mistaken when you tell him that's not your wife in the casket
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
A complete step-by-step guide on how to get drunk in public
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
"It was so scary. I started crying." This woman is talking about: A) Getting robbed at gunpoint; B) Skydiving; C) Driving in snow
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shorpy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this pipe smoker and his pal
source: shorpy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nashua Telegraph)
 
 
 
If the ATM eats your card just let it go, because man, it's gone
source: nashuatelegraph.com   |   share: Share on Facebook