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| Sun March 10, 2013 |
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Spring training fans may have been caught by surprise by the "Bronze Cowboy," who catches people off guard by pretending to be a statue and scaring them once they approach
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Kayaker paddles 4,000 miles starting at Minnesota's Northwest Angle and ending in Key West
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Weasel bites finger during soccer match. Bonus: Yakety Sax
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Woman suing church for refusing to put a headstone with images of a deer, dog, color logos of NASCAR and the Indianapolis Colts on her husband's grave
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Headline: Iran's 24th fleet heading for Malacca Strait, Article: the 24th "fleet" is a destroyer and a helicopter carrier, Reality: the "helicopter carrier" is a secondhand oiler and the "destroyer" is a light frigate the US almost sunk in the 80s
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Hollywood votes to renew its 23-year ban on circuses. In other news, circuses are illegal in Hollywood
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Disabled man on scooter told to get off his scooter and walk by police... Because he was speeding
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Photoshop this artist surveying his sculpture
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Oh look, little Jimmy is on TV
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Wanting to cross another item off his bucket list a 71-year-old retired teacher decided to learn about jail life firsthand. He didn't think it was too bad; in fact, he said he "had a good time"
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Wanna see a picture of eight stolen schoolbuses shredded into mountain of scrap metal by an unscrupulous junkyard metal dealer? Of course you do
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One thing feminists agree on, when a woman takes a "selfie" it is empowerful, when a man takes one, it is vanity, repulsive and a sure sign of infidelity and neediness
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Maryland state senator declares zero tolerance for zero tolerance by filing 'Toaster Pastry Gun Freedom Act'
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Is it legal to buy your child a beer in Massachusetts? Nobody is sure
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Subby guesses this guy doesn't have an HOA
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If you ask the 14-year-old girl you met on the internet if she's really a cop and she doesn't answer your question, you probably should not proceed with your plans to have sex with her
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"It was weird at first. I mean, I thought he was just going to kiss my feet. Not put my whole foot in his mouth"
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Wineries now targeting the younger, hipper crowd because of baby boomers tightening their wallets. With helpful pic of a girl apparently tasting wine
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Photoshop these hot hoops
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After 900 dead pigs found floating in Shanghai river, officials state there is no evidence of an animal epidemic. Except, of course, the 900 DEAD PIGS FOUND FLOATING IN THE RIVER
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NASA admits there's only about a 3 day window to find and track asteroids passing close to Earth, like Asteroid 2013 EN, whizzing past the Moon today. Where's Harry Stamper when we need him most?
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Silver-medal relay team member in 1994 Lillehammer games resigns from International Skating Union after being accused of gliding into 15-year-old with his Biggehammer
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Drinking beer and eating fast food is SO last year. 2013 is all about the late-night Justin Bieber haircut
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Here are nine simple tasks nobody can do right in commercials, because it IS that hard to do a sit-up or organize
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Those government agencies that are against citizens owning guns may find themselves not owning guns thanks to those who make owning guns possible
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Expect heavy use of the Florida tag over the next few days
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Online museum project unearths 'filthy' Van Dyck masterpiece. With a name like Van Dyck, what did they think he liked to paint? Van Dyck
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Netflix tattoo nets one year free service. Subby wonders what a Home Depot tattoo might be worth
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Kentuckites stock up on extra large buckets of popcorn, settle in for two years of political entertainment
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Photoshop this fearsome face
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Wells Fargo kills a man in court
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The Queen supports The Queens
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Former TSA screener testifies to how they are an impenetrable force, not to be messed with. HA....just kidding....he says pretty much what we already know
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Baby boomers are now attacking retirement communities when they're not even retired. When will it end?
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Dear Prudence, We caught our landlord having sex with his dog - should we move out? Yes, your landlord just screwed the pooch
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Uncontrollable Urge has Unpredicted Surge with Unavoidable Purge then Unfortunate Dirge
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"...Warton, a scientist, says she was horrified when she opened a homeschool science textbook and found a picture of Adam and Eve putting a saddle on a dinosaur"
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Mexican Tourism Minister travels to ..... the other side
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Not News: Happy couple get married. Fark: She's sixty-one and he's eight (w/pics)
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Illinois lawmaker wants to ban sale of lion meat. in other news, they sell lion meat in Illinois
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Self-taught photographer Mike Brodie rode with America's impoverished youth for thousands of miles on freight trains. Beautiful images provide portrait of curious sub-culture which remains alive a century after it came to prominence
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| Sat March 09, 2013 |
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Fark: Officer leaving parking ticket on windshield fails to notice dead body in the driver's seat. DumbAsFark: Twice
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With 624bhp, the new Rolls Royce Wraith is the most powerful Rolls ... in the world. In The World
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Cute 25-year-old art teacher arrested for sex with student, looks really happy about the whole experience (w/mugshot)
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What do you get when you cross a bridge underpass with a raised dump bed? About halfway
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Four words that should never be uttered after a night of drinking beer and smoking weed: Let's play Russian roulette
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Airline uses cooking oil to fuel transatlantic flights between New York and Amsterdam
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Photoshop these dodgeball dodgers
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People are shocked to learn that a discount website is ripping them off
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Asteroid 'size of Adele' is set to skim past Earth today
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The Battle Creek Bombers "invent" the Twinkie Dog and officially make its national television debut, only one small issue.. this was invented in 1989 by "Weird Al" Yankovic
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When a surprise exorcism goes real wrong: TN lawyer for the man accused of hosting demons suggests that $3.5 million will help them all walk the path of the righteous
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Florida man fills his home with 2,000 Barbie dolls
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Novovirus takes another cruise
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Go home 20th century, you were drunk
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News: Police sergeant causes a stir when he starts lobbying for a pro marijuana group. Fark: He is also a lobbyist for the tea party
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Afghan police officer sacrifices self to save others from suicide bomber. This is what a hero is
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44 children injured by bee swarm in South African park. Nicolas Cage wanted for questioning
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Bloomberg launches Food Felonies Unit (FFU) to combat food crimes, troll the gullible on the interwebs
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Student's teacher sex fantasies ruined by the reality of having naked photos of her sent to his phone
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So, there happened to be a picture of your daughters taking a bath in the photos you had developed at Walmart? Welcome to the sex offender registry, pervs
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Photoshop this Russian meteorologist
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Women should wear leggings instead of pants, but only if they gave the right grace to pull it off
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Police have concluded that excessive force may have been used regarding an 8 year old boy. Officer has been taken off duty. Bonus: Child is the son of a local politician. Double Bonus: Cop is a dog
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Ever wonder what is happening with the Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan? Well he's been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel for one thing
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Duck season. Rabbit season. Duck season. Rabbit season. Duck season. RABBIT SEASON
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Remember to set your clocks forward an hour today, because if you don't you're going to look like the world's most foolish time traveler. San Dimas High School football RULES
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Kinda hot school security assistant accused of allowing 15-year-old to perform cavity searches
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Nine-year-old boy brings cupcakes to school for his birthday, gets in trouble for what he decorated them with. Were the decorations a) giant swastikas, b) pretty pot leaves, or c) little green army men?
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New report finds the Army needs more shrinks to jump up and down and yell "KILL, KILL" with prospective soldiers
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Forget Caturday, dogs don't need a propaganda campaign to prove that they're cool just once a week. This dog shows that by waking up the wife after his owner has a heart attack at 3 am. Bonus: pit bull
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On the same day the Army announces it is ending tuition assistant for US soldiers because of "budget constraints", we see this
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Guess the state: Man texts his estranged wife's male friend nearly 300 times, threatens to kill the man and shoot his children at their bus stop and shoot others who might be there. Difficulty: Not Florida
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Old and busted: Families of those killed by drunken drivers suing the places that served them. New hotness: Drunken driver suing the places that served him, and his drinking buddy, since it's their fault he's in jail
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Book written by 96-year-old woman about her 73 year marriage hits Amazon's bestseller list. Thankfully, she didn't say it was always a happy marriage, or it would have been placed in the fiction section
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Seattle bar bans Google Glass. "And ass kickings will be encouraged for violators"
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Just what you need after a long, hard day: a few relaxing beers...and a room full of cops. Police to make city bar their new home
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How do you protest anti-abortion demonstrators? With 4-by-6 foot posters of the genitals of female students, of course
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Woe rich white kids, failure haunts them like an ill-willed specter. Bereft of any authentic sense of self they are left vulnerable to the rapacious wolves of expectation and soon find their succor in the alabaster arms of Lady Oxycontin
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Thousands of speeding tickets could be quashed due to speed limit signs using the wrong font. Sign constructors accused of being dingbats
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London transport chiefs restore old "mind the gap" announcement at one station so widow of actor can hear his voice again
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68-year-old UNC theoretical particle physicist convicted of muling cocaine from Bolivia thought he was doing it for the love of DDD-bikini model and former SbB girl Denise Milani (link fixed)
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Group discusses their top six picks for BBQ joints in Texas. Fark: This is a perfect excuse for Farkers to discuss their favorite BBQ joints around the world
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Aside from man-eating sinkholes, Burmese pythons, swarming sharks, and tropical storms, what else does Florida have to offer? Oh, yeah, quarter-sized mosquitoes with bites that feel like you're being knifed. Orbital nukes last seen being made ready
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Florida healthcare staffing company introduces 'Beer Cart Fridays' as way to boost employee morale. Florida tag weeps with joy at finally being used in a positive way
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Protip: When trying to return a printer at Walmart, remember to remove the counterfeit bills from it first
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Photoshop this beach ballerina
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The Wine Rack lets woman boost their cleavage using a bra filled with wine. Brought to you by the makers of "The Beerbelly" for men
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Cheers to you, civic leader Bill Austin, the man responsible for convincing city council to erect statues of a viking and an octopus in your town. Cheers to you
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And this is what Caturday is all about (watch out for the dust, tissues not included)
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Fark Party March 9 at the Spawn Point Gamers' Lounge in San Antonio, TX
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Is ten inches of snow in Flagstaff a sure sign of global warming? Will the pot dispensaries still be open in Denver in a blizzard? Will the Plains get all wet like your Mom? It's your official Winter Storm Triton discussion thread (w/radar of storm)
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Twin Cities Fark Party - Saturday, March 9th - Psycho Suzi's @ 6pm
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Brain freeze blamed for: a) flunking an exam. b) losing on a game show. c) five car accident
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Sad: VA state trooper shot and killed in the line of duty. Not News: Judge appoints attorney for defendant. Fark: defendant to Judge "Y'all are going to execute me anyway. Why would I need an attorney?"
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While you were freaking out about gun-carrying South Dakota teachers, this kindergarten teacher was bringing a vial of her own blood to school and letting the kindergartners taste it
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If you're going to steal an $8,000 coin from a rare coin dealer, make sure you don't return to the shop and try to sell back the coin
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Legendary restaurant Chez Panisse nearly destroyed by locally-grown, cruelty-free, 100% organic fire
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| Fri March 08, 2013 |
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Hey, congratulations on the birth of your child. Now let's all celebrate by eating something that looks just like a newborn
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The five best countries to live in if you are a woman. Guess who didn't make the list?
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Man charged in home burgMY GOD THOSE EARS
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Today: South Dakota enacts first law allowing teachers to carry guns. Tomorrow: 15 asshole teachers arrested for waving guns at unruly students
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This suspect's face is "the oddest thing I've ever seen in 20-plus years of law enforcement"
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Pro-tip: Walking into a shoe store barefoot and trying to walk out wearing a new pair of high heels will draw attention -- especially if you're a dude
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Host of "A Rifleman's Journal" TV show shot and killed when local man feels his wife takes too keen an interest in victim's rifle
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Photoshop this tunnel
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Researchers say the earth is getting warmer faster than at any time in the last 11,000 years and that the world was actually rapidly cooling until SOMETHING made the temperatures start to climb in the early 20th century
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Remember that haze of stories from the pages of Fark this week? Hope you haven't blown out that short-term memory completely, because it's time for the Fark Quiz
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The Army just shut down tuition assistance for 201,000 troops. By the way, thanks for serving your country. See you in Korea
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10 ways to cook with beer. #11 is actually put it in the food
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Stripper asks the question that's on every Farker's mind: 'Why can't women show nipples?' (Cleavage shots)
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Who looks more like a real woman? The drag queen on the left or the anti-gay Christian-right leader on the right?
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this monumental monument
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| (Politiken) |
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63 hit by Norovirus at world's best restaurant. A week before the Michelin stars are given. Let's hope the votes are in already
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If you're a cop, don't drive drunk. And if you do drive drunk, don't do it in an unmarked SWAT car. And if you do drive an unmarked SWAT car, don't let it catch on fire. And if it does catch on fire, don't try to put it out with water bottles
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Old and busted: Colleges offer laptops to attract students. New hotness: Colleges offer sex-change operations to attract students
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One female reporter discovers that breast feeding in Obama's White House is almost as hard as getting a budget through Congress
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If you want to stop your truck from being repossessed by trying to drive it off the boom of the repo man's tow truck, don't
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Daughter is tired of seeing her mother date so many losers, sets up Facebook account to help her find a man. I don't think she's thought her cunning plan all the way through
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If you wind up in the hospital with a vibrator stuck in your ass, you might as well livetweet it
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| (Greater Greater Washington) |
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Your local government may be dysfunctional, but at least it's not "We got a fake e-mail 10 years ago, so now the Office of Zoning only accepts handwritten letters" dysfunctional
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County considers expanding hunting season to address exploding deer population. Dammit PETA, you had to give the deer suicide vests, didn't you?
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Bikini baristas busted, arrested as well
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Baltimore tries to change its violent, drunken image - just in time for St. Patrick's Day
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All hail our new chicken overlord
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60-year old blonde chick hotter and more popular than ever (w/ eye candy pics)
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A couple of willing ladies whose names escape you, plenty of booze and your tax refund. What could possibly go wrong?
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Not news: Pills, diet programs and exercise regimens aren't effective at treating obesity. News: So researchers try simply paying people money not to eat. Fark: It works
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Plague of locusts has attacked Israel, leaving observant Jews asking themselves if they have offended God, are they kosher. The Torah and Leviticus are divided, rabbis disagree, but foodees say if they are sauteed and honey spiced, they are delicious
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TSA suffers another buttfumble, lets IED through two layers of screening - but they did catch the agent trying to smuggle a doll with wires sticking out of it and BOMB INSIDE written in three-inch-high letters
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Caught relieving yourself in the street? We'll give you a £60 fine. Not paying your fine? We'll have your Mercedes
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Inside Japan's Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant two years after the earthquake and tsunami
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New 3-D pictures of Earth with her pants off. (mildly SFW)
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The fark Superfecta: get caught reading a pornographic magazine in the women's restroom while smoking a cocaine-laced marijuana cigarette and being accompanied by a small child
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Vatican: 'We want a Pope that is full of charisma and has an incredible grasp of how to manipulate the media for self-promotion.' If they add 'can't throw a football to save his life,' Tim Tebow might have found his next career
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Boater 'missing' for one month figures he should probably call police and tell them he's okay
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Police suspect arson in fire at puzzle factory. Admit that the pieces are still coming together
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What're you in for? Oh, gnawing on a woman's head while naked and bloody... and creating a nuisance
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Moms share postpartum daymares. I believe they're called "infants"
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Burglars. Why wear a balaclava when robbing a joint, when you can just stick a perfectly good transparent bucket on your head?
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Officers suspended after cop fight in police station gets all tasery
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Your in-laws may suck, but at least they never got you tried as a terrorist mastermind
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In Soviet Russia, dogs domesticate you
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Rule No.1524314 for disciplining your son: Don't use a stun gun
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80% of recent NYC high school graduates cannot read. Somehow they're still active on Facebook and Youtube
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Twitter wants to be the new CNN, Facebook wants to be the morning paper, and Drew wants someone to invent a cure for the hangover. Sadly, we all want what we can't have
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Not news: School cancelled due to vandalism. Fark: It was vandalized with the dangerous substance known to terrorism experts as "yarn"
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White House: We are 'fully capable' of defending against a North Korean attack. We'll just send them our new and improved model XQJ-37 nuclear powered pansexual Rodman roto-plooker
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Coroner releases cause of death in lion attack. I'm not a coroner, but I'm going with lion here
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Good idea: Farking 26-year-old. Questionable idea: When you're 15. Bad idea: She's your stepmom
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Photoshop this guy who has been vanquished by Vegas
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For the record, filing fraudulent papers and pretending banks aren't real will not give you the right to squat in a $3 million house, nor will it let you run over police officers, Miss Soverign Citizen
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Call for Captain Trips. Please pick up the white courtesy phone
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After last summer's several shark sightings and even a few close encounters on Cape Cod, one town invokes the "No such thing as bad press" theory in the design of this year's beach permit
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Fukushima tsunami survivors call on exorcists to banish demons. "People were killed in so many different ways during the disaster and they were left like that in limbo. So it takes a heavy toll on us, we see them as they were when they died"
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Would you pay $105,000 for the privilege of taking the virginity... of a sex doll?
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Old: WWII Japanese soldier found on an island 30 years after WWII New: Soviet soldier found in Afghanistan 33 years after the Soviet invasion
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Having already legalized marijuana, Washington is now considering allowing teens in college to drink
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What better to go with your new gun purchase than a jolt of caffeine?
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Will the lady leaving gift-wrapped skulls around São Paulo please call the local police? They'd like a word with you
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If you thought that your college roommate was miserable to live with, just be glad that he or she didn't sauté your pet hamster in a frying pan while drunk
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Unlike most lottery winners, couple who won $136.5 million watch their money go straight down the toilet
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Kraft Mac & Cheese can give you cancer thanks to yellow dye, here comes the soccer mom science
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Company announces major leap forward in holodeck technology, creates device to let people have sex over the internet
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Texas high-school girls plan 'Operation Beautiful,' a day without makeup to show everyone their natural beauty. High-school boys, receptive yet confused
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| Thu March 07, 2013 |
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Small Ohio town of 2200 people gets traffic cams and 6600 tickets. In the first month
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Michael White, 29, forced a 16-year-old female student to perform lap dances in front of male students in his informational technology class
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A micro home made from recycled materials for $1,200? Sounds like a great deal if you're a loner with no friends
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North Korea rips up non-aggression pacts with South Korea, unfriends them on Facebook
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Sriracha gets turned into salt form, theoretically ending the need for any other seasoning
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Chavez went full Lenin. You never go full Lenin
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When dealing with an officer who pulled you over on DUI charges, the best way to interact with him is: A) Ask to speak to a lawyer B) Cooperative with his orders C) Threaten to have somebody from Colombia come and kill him
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Photoshop this snowy door
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You knew this would happen: Berkeley apparatchik wants to tax email to pay for the Post Office
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Ukrainian police detain suspected immortal
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Russians find "new bacteria" in sub-glacial Antarctic lake. What could possibly go wrong?
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President Obama issues pardon to get Joe Biden out of jail a third time
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Ugly ass baby sloth debuts at Minnesota Zoo
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A Jack Russell named 'Barbie' saved her disabled human as well as another dog, a Siamese cat and a budgie from a fire. Give that dog a freezer of steaks
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Grumpy Cat, meet Worried Cat
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Guy who posted revenge porn regretful...after someone posts naked pictures of him
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Photoshop this beer-wielding governor
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Ever seen those TV ads where Cancer Treatment Centers of America claims their patient's survival rates are so much better than the national average? Yeah, apparently that's because they don't take really sick patients
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The most heart-warming pictures that prove a mother's love really is unconditional - no matter what species you are
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Wanna date with a wealthy, beautiful person? Try Newark Airport........srsly
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Cook County posts their lost-and-found on-line, which is controversial for some reason
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Starbucks serves condescending overpriced retort to Mayor Bloomberg's sugary drink law slated to start next week
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To honor the passing of Hugo Chavez, Citgo lowers flags to half-mast. The U.S. flag. Some people have a problem with this
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Police asking for help in their search for the 'thong bandit', despite it being 'difficult for people to process what they see' when they see him
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Columbia University reporting rise in theft of a) iPads, b) iPhones, or c) Nutella
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Deducting 'making it rain' tips at strip clubs on your tax return
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Nightmare bacteria invade hospitals in Charleston, SC. Sharks recently seen off the coast use the distraction to call in reinforcements
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Massive road sign at SC business: "THIEVES WILL BE SHOT"
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San Francisco man arrested for bank robbery after Florida police spot "Fu#k SFPD" tattoos
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Actual traffic alert system in PA: "Alert: This is a test. Bryan is gay"
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Washington DC had a little bit of rain and slush yesterday, so naturally government offices closed. What did this teach us? Well, there are an awful lot of self-identified "nonessential employees" lounging about the city. Budget cuts, anyone?
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Comic-book store builds TARDIS soda machine. What sort of drinks might it dispense?
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A lot of towns get icicles in the winter. But only Saskatoon, Saskatchewan gets icicles that have their own Twitter accounts, and that take two days to cut down with a chainsaw
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Scientists are learning more about the Russian meteor (including pics of what the explosion looked like from a weather satellite)
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Last month Chase Utley told Roy Halladay to "drill more batters", apparently forgetting that he occasionally qualifies as a "batter". Drillarity ensues
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"For auction today we have a brick a vandal threw at our business. I hear $1,150...going once...going twice"
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Dear Floridians. Come on in; the water's fine
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"And so it's come to this: Rand Paul talking all by himself on the Senate floor. It is a very sad statement on the intellectual collapse...of the media, whose first impulse in this administration is to circle the wagons around the White House"
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After you fall out your window, are naked and covered in blood, do you (a) tell the police how it happened? (b) ask to be taken to the nearest hospital, or (c) scream at the police and insist on remaining naked?
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Male Russian soloist ballet dancer offers defense for having orchestrated acid being thrown in artistic director's face: "Look, I just wanted someone to beat his ass, I didn't tell anyone to throw acid"
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Problem: People shooting each other. Solution: Anger management classes to buy ammunition
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"Ties to sex abuse could disqualify papal candidates," claims Cardinal George, who apparently doesn't realize that could reduce the field to one or two (or zero)
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Not News: Hoops fan pulled from stands for $20K half-court shot contest. News: He sinks it. Dusty: He plans to use the money to pay for his wife's cancer treatments
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One postal service employee + one lady of the evening = wipe down your junk mail before you handle it
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Photoshop these Babcocks
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"He kept hitting my fist with his face" says cop who will not be charged
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Lesbian couple married after Washington voters approved gay marriage seeking a license to sell pot after voters legalized marijuana
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Did you ever wonder if Jeff Probst is actually standing on the small ledge of a sheer cliff in the opening sequence of Survivor? Well, here's the reality
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Study says eating too much bacon will kill you, but will be worth it a million times over
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John Kerry is not impressed with Dennis Rodman's work as a diplomat. Then again, Rodman was never a fan of Kerry's pick and roll
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North Korea threatens pre-emptive nuclear strike in retaliation for Dennis Rodman
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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish a five-foot cross out of the pond that the village atheist tossed in there, he'll biatch for a lifetime
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If you write threats on a rock and throw it through a judge's window, either learn how to spell or try to vary your misspellings
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Interns are notoriously abused as coffee fetchers, verbal punching bags, fed to lions...wait what?
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It's illegal to not hire somebody because she is an African Muslim lesbian in a wheelchair. But nobody cares if the only reason you don't get a job is because you're a smoker
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Your master plan to murder your in-laws may be foiled when you: c) mail a knife to your 7- and 9-year old daughters from jail with instructions to assassinate gramma and grampa
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Police crush 75,000 dope pipes with a construction roller. So if you are coming to north Florida on spring break, bring some rolling papers
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Animals that don't give a fark about their disabilities; proving once again on how Fark needs a badass tag
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The price for two years of being kept in a New Mexico prison in solitary without a trial? $15.5 million
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Salem, Missouri librarian fails to prove ducks and Wiccan websites weigh the same for Federal judge
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Woman arrested and found to have a loaded gun in her hoo hah. No word if there was any kind of discharge
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Female dance instructor charged with eating Humble pie
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 409: "Software Hootenanny 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 06, 2013 |
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The bomb-threat suspect told police, "The foil wrapped around his head secured by a baseball cap was there to prevent microwave signals from entering his head" w/ mugshot goodness
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A heavily tattooed and pierced man who goes by the name The Creature says his appearance is so bizarre that even his five-year-old daughter is scared of him
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Man killed when his SUV rolls over him while being jumpstarted
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Cleveland is paying families to move back into town. 'We're Not Detroit' just wasn't working
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Mississippi legalizes home brewing, leaving only Alabama as the last state where home-swillery is illegal
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You may now kiss the bride........Via Skype
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NYPD confirms deadly Brooklyn hit-and-run suspect is in custody in Pennsylvania, he was busted for drunken driving just two weeks before the high-speed crash that took out a couple and their baby
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a bunny that balances things on his head
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Syrian rebels capture 20 UN peace keepers and threaten to hold them until Syrian government forces withdraw from their village
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"Hey. It's me. I picked up the pot, the hash, the mushrooms and the money. It's all in the trunk. Yeah I'm driving over right now. Hold on, I'm being pulled over for using my phone while driving. Call you right back"
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PRO TIP: When going to court it's probably best to find a baby sitter instead of leaving your children locked in a car
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Devastating sequester cuts indeed: The federal government is paying $550,000 for UCSD research into 'safer sex intervention for male clients of female sex workers in Tijuana'
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"Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine"
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You officially have a reason for your Jeep Cherokee to look rugged (read: unwashed). Everyone's afraid to wash it
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Photoshop these two in the woods
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The Dow has closed at an all-time high. This is not a repeat from earlier. Except, it kind of is, I guess. Technically. Whatever
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Mayor Bloomberg wants all you young whippersnappers to chill out with all the loudness in your earbuds. DID YOU HEAR THAT?
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In California, $1,200 a month in rent will get you a rodent infested, mold filled apartment with a broken heater, clogged sinks, non locking windows and nonfunctional electrical outlets, and you better not complain or immigration might get involved
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Rapefruit, Rosa Parks saute, and other headline fails from newspapers
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Want to be Pizza Hut's social media manager? Then you better be able to market yourself well--in 140 seconds
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It's safe to assume anyone who tattoos open eyes onto his eyelids is likely up to no good
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Ever wonder about the type of car Hugo Chávez drove? Prepare to be surprised
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Photoshop this illuminating scene
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Man hides his dark, terrifying secret from his wife until after marriage, and now she doesn't know how to cope with a man addicted to video games
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If you're dumb enough to waste your time stealing two cans of PBR by shoving them down your pants, you're probably dumb enough to claim that they're really your penis
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How to turn a $16 restaurant check into a felony in one easy step. Not like he was going to tip, anyway
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Pro tip: Make sure the person asking to see your ID isn't the person you stole it from. And who writes checks anymore, anyway?
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Israeli soccer fans walk out after a Muslim player on their own team scores. You know who else valued racial purity in sports?
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After consulting their foremost mathematicians and market experts, CNN determines that the Dow could reach a new record high for the second day in a row if it goes up
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Could the Harlem Shake lead to a new popular uprising against tyranny in the Middle East?
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Don't have sex in secluded areas where lions are known to roam
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'Big deal' say flyers allowed by the TSA to now carry small knives on planes, knowing full well you don't bring a penknife to a fight with whatever is now presumably allowed in the cockpit
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Hire-a-Pope: Five dark horse candidates
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Two park employees overturn old truck tire, discover 100,000 Africanized killer bees. "It was like bees all in the cab...So I'm trying to swat, and they say never to swat bees"
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Gun manufacturers, sellers, and sportsmen to the NRA: You know, thanks for the memories and all, but we think we're going to try a strategy that doesn't involve being a drooling caricature of ourselves from now on
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The death of one of the greatest gifts in the English language: the pun. Experts believe it happened sometime in the recent present
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A look at why so many of the accidents after a major snowstorm seem to involve SUVs with four-wheel drive
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South Norwood Tourist Board prepare for festival in honour of dog who found World Cup trophy in bush
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The teen hit the man, then drove off as 'he wasn't exactly dead or anything'
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"The deputy yelled, 'Stay back and drop the mop,' but Laundre kept coming"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hugo Chavez, the champion of the poor, somehow amassed a $1 billion fortune while in office
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Put away the champagne, hide the blow, pay the hookers to leave. The DOW isn't at an all-time high when you adjust for inflation. Thank NPR for ruining our fun
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If your job is to load a bunch of shipping containers onto a barge, don't treat it like it's a game of Tetris
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Photoshop this state-sanctioned singer
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Thanks to the Great Recession, people under 35 are now doing something with money called "saving"
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Girl born with no eyes or nose doesn't see what the big stink is about
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You know the hipsters have officially taken over the neighborhood when the first organic dry cleaner opens up on your block
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Massive Lego spill shuts down West Virginia highway. Whoa, that's just a few blocks down the road
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Russell Crowe says he recorded a UFO on his camera while he was outside trying to film fruit bats. No Mad-Libs were harmed in the making of this headline
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What is New York City's new campaign to stop teens from getting pregnant? How about using shame and insults paid for by taxpayers
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Over a half a million Americans travel more than 90 minutes each way to work; Atlantans only wish they were that lucky
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The Google Drive programmers are apparently beer snobs
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Five-year-old orphaned Chinese girl was unable to hear, speak or use sign language. Then an American doctor of audiology decided to not only adopt her, but also get her a cochlear implant. The dust, it's everywhere. w/vid
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Can your city's slogan be worse than Alabama slogans such as Tuscumbia's classic "Come see what Helen Keller couldn't?"
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Whitehouse.gov Petition to 'Eliminate the bi-annual time change caused by Daylight Savings Time'
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While internet rages over a "nurse" failing to perform CPR at a "nursing home", family of the 87 year old woman is OK with it
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| Tue March 05, 2013 |
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Nightmare bacteria on the rise in the US, though that might just be a band name
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Hot : You meet a sexy hazel eyed man on a trip to the Bahamas and you get your groove back. Sappy: Your family throws a BBQ so he can meet them. Awkward: He recognizes your father as his own
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Ugly Ass Giraffe makes his debut at the Houston Zoo. Bonus: They named him Yao Ming
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Teen skier survives 2 nights on Maine mountain and credits Bear Grylls with his survival. No word if he drank his own piss
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You gonna get grape fruited
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Playboy launches Hebrew edition. Now the articles nobody reads go from right to left
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Photoshop this man under a canopy
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Counterfeit Cardinal crashes conclave. Cathedral cops capture conman cleric, confiscate costume, commence collared custody
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"Gummy bear" breast implants for eye candy, CNN's pimp name, and the difference between a panda and a drunk guy from Missouri: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/24 - 3/2
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Attorneys do not stand their ground on the defense for Zimmerman
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Happy 50th birthday to the Hula-Hoop. Just like you, subby could never get the hang of it, either
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10-year-old boy keeps his father alive for 10 days after he falls by giving him food and fluids. Hell, most 10-year-olds can't even find the Pop-Tarts
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Turns out the "natural food coloring" in Ikea's chocolate cake is fecal matter. No word on if it's horse fecal matter
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"Let the Lions Run Free Day", at Chinese zoo turns out to be not as popular with patrons as expected
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Now that the last bit of Hugo Chavez is dead, Cancer can start getting back to its normal life
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Photoshop theme: Other jobs for the Pope Benedict after he leaves the papacy
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Baylor student dies in freak Filipino dance accident
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Excuse me waiter? There's a collapsed building in my soup
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PETA Attacks Assassin's Creed 4 for Whaling
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A third sinkhole has struck Palm Harbor, FL
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Not news: Couple hires a surrogate. News: Baby is defective. Fark: Offer to exchange is rebuffed
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No longer banned by the TSA: Pocket knives and golf clubs. Still banned by the TSA: Respect for passengers, Fourth Amendment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Researchers presenting paper on why students plagiarize. Thinking of using their work for my master's thesis
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RIP John Wilpers, the man who captured Tojo in 1945
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We found out Batman's identity. No, not Bruce Wayne, but Stan the Delivery Man
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Asked how police tracked down the SUV, Lowe said: "They just followed the direction that the accidents were going in"
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The man who created internet memes - before the internet. Bonus: The Reagan's pro-drug video
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US fed up with United Nations diplomats showing up drunk at meetings. UN says they'll get right on that, ossifer, after they finish this strongly lorded wetter
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Apparently deciding that his application to join the League of Supervillians just wasn't strong enough; WI Gov. tries to sneak language into a budget bill that will make it easier for "rent to own" shops to rip off the mathematically illiterate
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Hey, Abby - I can't figure this one out. Should I take my young children over to my alcoholic, belligerent gun nut father-in-law who keeps loaded guns everywhere and fires them off in the house?
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So in Kansas, RAMJOB is out as a personalized license plate, but RIMJOB is OK? Boy, that tickles
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Workshop by "sexologist" who owns a sex shop determines that 9% of Yale students have been paid for sex, 3% have engaged in bestiality, and over half say that they "engaged in consensual pain" during sex, paying tuition
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Huffing nitrous oxide while leading police on a high speed chase is no way to go through life, young lady (link fixed)
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Obama getting carried away with his love of drones. Pilot spots black drone pacing his aircraft as he lands at JFK
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*SLEEPER AGENT*....Hotel bar boots Rodman because he just won't STFU about what a great guy Kim Jong Un is
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Scientists think the brains of video game enthusiasts hold the key to unlocking crucial mysteries
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Driver who killed young New York couple on their way to hospital to deliver first child also killed 50 Cent
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New Pope-a-palooza 2013 hasn't started yet because SOME PEOPLE, and we're not naming names here Cardinals Pham, Lehman, Naguib, Nycz, and Hon, apparently have more important things to do than decide the future of their church
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Dow just hit a record high. Top that, Colorado
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UN: "Dammit, Hamas. Let your women run in the Gaza marathon or so help me I will turn around and cancel this race"
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It's snowmageddon all over again. Everybody Panic
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Not only did a Dunkin' Donuts worker throw coffee in a robber's face. But as he fled she called after him, 'go run on Dunkin''
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You know that part of the rental contract where you agree to have the car back by a certain date? Turns out Avis takes that kind of seriously
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Next time bring your kids with you; drinking is more fun that way
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You know your shelf life as a performer is limited when you're accused of keeping fans up past their bedtimes
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College student who got an $1800 cash machine overpayment takes four days to finally conclude that ATMs have cameras
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Newsflash: International Babe Race underway as Russkies unveil their Kate Upton lookalike
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"911 what's the emergency?" "Our neighbor just scalped my husband and cut off his ear" "How big of a knife does he have ma'am?" "He doesn't have a knife. He's armed with a tiki torch"
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Britney Spears' little sister Jamie, whose father is also named Jamie, just got engaged to a dude named Jamie
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Forget the Sequester, sinkholes, and drone strikes: the real question on everyone's mind is clearly "Can the Girl Scouts legally ban Honey Boo Boo from selling cookies?"
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North Korea is threatening to scrap the armistice with the United States and South Korea. Thanks a lot, Dennis Rodman
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Happy 40th birthday to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, with insight from some of the people who made it
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Photoshop these Silvesterchlaeuses in Switzerland
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If you believe in God then this cannot be a coincidence
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Gordon Ramsay finds out that his his f*cking London hotel restaurant is f*cking closing. Reached for comment, he says, "F*ck me, I'm f*cking stunned"
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| (Lowering The Bar) |
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What's dumber than a school suspending a kid for a pastry gun? The school making counselors available to any students troubled by the pastry gun
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Amazing pictures of a town that was submerged 25 years ago and has only recently resurfaced
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Introducing the super rare, super fast Lamborghini Veneno. In other news, Lamborghini selected to build next Batmobile
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Selling your house? Just remember that your real estate agent might be sneaking inside while you're away to sniff your wife's panties. With video
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