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Sun March 03, 2013
(ABC 4 Charleston)
 
 
 
What do you do when you find a 2,000-lb. great white shark? These guys decided to invite it aboard
source: abcnews4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
911 dispatcher "Is there anybody that's willing to help this lady and not let her die?" Nurse at senior living center "Um, not at this time"
source: latimesblogs.latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Doctors say they have been able to cure a child of HIV. Still no cure for cancer
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
The scores for 2012 are now in - Sharks: 7, Humans: 100,000,000
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Ain't That America: Sultan sells startup at age 25 for $70 million, blows through that fortune, and is now heading off to prison
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmag)
 
 
 
Photoshop this subsonic listening post
source: images.gizmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Apple has no interest in allowing you to email your friends about barely legal teens
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
The Daily News goes all in on its tasteless cover
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
What goes together better than candy and porn? How about a seat over there?
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
The dark truth behind the children's game "Duck, Duck, Goose" (link fixed)
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
♫ ♫ Do you wanna be a mistress? Do you promise not to tell? oh-oh closer ♫ ♫
source: living.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
A Dragon mates in space. Daenerys Targaryen reportedly inconsolable
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Townhall)
 
 
 
Due to sequester cuts Joe Biden will be taking the train home instead of flying. If only he had a Trans-Am he could drive instead
source: townhall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Researchers have finally discovered how to help Holocaust survivors get over their nightmare: Disco therapy
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this big 'O'
source: at-bangkok.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MIC Gadget)
 
 
 
Beijing's off-the-chart air pollution readings are so bad, living there is being compared to living in an airport smoking lounge. Viktor Navorski unavailable for comment
source: micgadget.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Car crash claims lives of young couple who were on the way to the hospital for the birth of their first child, who was the only survivor. Lord Voldemort sought for questioning
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Hindenburg mystery finally solved after 76 years. OH THE STATIC ELECTRICITY
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Henderson Daily Dispatch)
 
 
 
Not news: Judge finds pastor not guilty. News: Of soliciting gay sex from an undercover cop. Fark: Again. "Your honor, my client was just quoting Psalms, 'thy rod and thy staff they comfort me'"
source: hendersondispatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"The most terrifying books for children are the ones where the book itself is being read to the children in the story." BOOKCEPTION
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPopStarz)
 
 
 
It is once again safe to celebrate Easter, the most holy of Christian holidays, by stuffing your piehole with tasty chocolate covered marshmallow eggs
source: kpopstarz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
Al-Qaida introduces "Ask Achmed" column in English with helpful tips on infidel stain removal, goat rearing, how to circumvent NHL cap ceiling
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Gen. Goubongue say Moktar Belmoktar the Belaouar of the Al-Mulathameen has been killed. Darmok and Jalad left inconsolate at Tanagra
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Fox's favorite 'perfectly married' douche is back to talk about how perfect his marriage is. "I'm a guy and...." let me stop you right there
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Prince Charles anxiously awaiting news of his mum, tells Camilla to get her best riding gear ready for a big ceremony
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Navy veteran commemorates all 2,200 military members who died in Afghanistan by writing their names on a wall. Fark: He does it completely from memory
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Israel National News)
 
 
 
Egypt struck by a plague of locusts ahead of Passover. This is not a repeat of 1446 BC
source: israelnationalnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Florida girl who flipped the bird to a judge gets applause in court after finishing prison term. Next up: agent, book tour, reality show
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
7 year-old Girl Scout suffering from epileptic seizures and pituitary dwarfism, cock-punches her health problems and sells record numbers of cookies to help support our troops. With, damn it's getting patrioticly dusty in here picture
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photo.net)
 
 
 
Photoshop this foggy fence
source: gallery.photo.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NewsOK)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Snapping pics with a Polaroid camera. New hotness: Taking digital pics to a Polaroid-branded store to have them turned into old school Polaroids
source: newsok.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KGW Portland)
 
 
 
State Rep. thinks that heavy breathing caused by cycling leads to global warming. Kittens sigh in relief
source: kgw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Alien laser pointer leaves burn mark on Earth
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Teacher: "STFU". Student: "Blah blah blah". Teacher: Enjoy your duct tape
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Coming up at the top of the hour, it's another edition of Livingston Stapler Company Presents, about 2.5 hours of random music, hosted live from Alaska by a Farker. LGT stream or go to KRNN.org
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Sneaking out of jail. New hotness: Sneaking into jail
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat March 02, 2013
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Is On Fire
source: usnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
Gym revokes woman's membership because she won't stop talking on the phone
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Woman kills her son because A) He attacked her. B) He murdered someone. C) He's a nine-year-old with no future because he has a small penis
source: sg.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philly Burbs)
 
 
 
Police also said they found other paraphernalia associated with marijuana throughout the house including..."two pictures of the late reggae musician Bob Marley, a marijuana user"
source: phillyburbs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 
 
Chicago alderman tells Salvation Army they can no longer feed the homeless in his district because it encourages the homeless to stay
source: suntimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tulsa World)
 
 
 
Don't bring porcelain tiles to a knife fight
source: tulsaworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Boston)
 
 
 
Teacher in Boston area robbed at gunpoint while in school. Wait, that's not possible -- it's a gun-free zone
source: boston.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
You are the mayor of a city besiged by crime. Do you: advertise a class on lockpicking in your weekly newsletter
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
That woman who puffed on a cigarette through a surgical hole in her neck has finally quit smoking
source: articles.latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop this windcatcher
source: upload.wikimedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Berkshire Eagle)
 
 
 
After six month design process, Pittsfield, Mass. decides to paint new police cars black with white letters
source: berkshireeagle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Think Progress)
 
 
 
Happy 100th birthday, Big Oil tax breaks
source: thinkprogress.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKYC Cleveland)
 
 
 
Not news: soldier comes home from deployment. Impressive, but still not news: his seventh deployment. Awesome: his entire hometown throws a flashmob surprise party to welcome him back
source: wkyc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Attractive 36-year-old physical-education teacher arrested for physical-education with female student (w/mugshot)
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Would you eat a fish that you found dead on the beach? How about if you found thousands of them dead and have no idea how they died? Would you eat them then?
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Question: It's 2013, where are the flying cars? Answer: Russia
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBOC Delmarva)
 
 
 
Apparently everybody's favorite beauty queen/amateur porn star also has some outstanding warrants
source: wboc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Enpundit)
 
 
 
This guy takes trolling people on the Internet to a new level
source: enpundit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
That pastry looks like a gun. You're suspended
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Blaze)
 
 
 
Save a fellow student from being shot point blank? That's a suspension
source: theblaze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
If you think you're avoiding traffic cameras turning your vehicle's tag upside down, you're not
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
You're not leaving this table until you surrender to your vegetables
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
We have an alcohol limit for drivers; should we have a marijuana limit?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Fark Exquisite Corpse: Photoshop these vacant houses (DIT on how it works)
source: freeversephotography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Hugo Chavez and his cancer are about to go to join the likes of Lenin, Stalin, Tito, Ceausescu, and Milosevic
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
In a bizarre lawsuit, a man claims a vengeful ex-girlfriend duped a sperm bank into handing over his specimens, which she then turned into a bouncing baby boy
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Residents of North Carolina's Outer Banks are shocked to find their property values fell 40 percent just because people don't want to live at the intersection of hurricanes and global warming
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Woman: "God, smite this burglar." God: "Okay"
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Smiling polar bear cub shatters "ugly-ass" meme. Get that kid a Coke
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Five ways Best Korea keeps getting stranger. Yes, that one's there. And that one too
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
The Twinkie defense, the Chewbacca defense, the football defense
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Amazon.com: In hindsight, perhaps selling "Keep Calm and Rape a Lot" and "Keep Calm and Hit Her" t-shirts probably weren't a great idea
source: uk.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Gallant offers to shovel your driveway out of the kindness of his heart. Goofus shovels your driveway to case your house for a future burglary
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun News Network)
 
 
 
Toronto jail criticized for: A) Overcrowding, B) Inmate abuse, C) Serving chicken to prison staff after it had been dropped on the floor
source: sunnewsnetwork.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
The city of Hoboken would like to remind you St Patrick's day is not an excuse for partying, public drunkenness, fighting, or loud music. They also expect the Irish to somehow hold a job long enough to pay the 2k fine that goes with the above
source: hoboken.patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
NPR tests say Budweiser is not watered down, just tastes that way
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Woman lives out the dream of every New Yorker who has been blocked by a tourist on the sidewalk taking pictures
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
Fewer math teachers, more assistant offensive line coaches and deputy superintendents for diversity enhancement (grades 4-5) - now THAT will fix our education system
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox NY)
 
 
 
Apparently trying to get 200 lbs. of chocolate for human consumption through customs in England is alright, but doing the same with 200 lbs. of caterpillars is frowned upon
source: myfoxny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
More people are starting to learn what subby's known for years: Drinking is the best cure for a cold
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
Dallas schools provide new easy-access features for pedophile voyeurs
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
One of the Fukushima fifty finally breaks the silence and tells his story
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Zumba lessons...apparently more fun than previously thought
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBIR Knoxville)
 
 
 
Tennessee approves "guns in trunks" law after legislators felt that the current "guns in saddles and stagecoaches" law was outdated
source: wbir.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Enjoy the nightmares
source: cnnphotos.blogs.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Photoshop this blonde chick, #17
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Beef rainbows: What do they mean?
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Your mother got murdered and your dad lives in another state? Sorry, you're no longer eligible for in-state tuition
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Capital Gazette)
 
 
 
Elderly library custodian takes in his girlfriend's 5 cats when she passes away. So what happened to them when he died? The librarians promptly adopt all 5 felines - proving that what goes around, comes around on Caturday
source: capitalgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KATU)
 
 
 
A new challenge to face on the Oregon Trail: Road raging drivers with baseball bats
source: katu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AsiaOne)
 
 
 
Just because you overslept on a city bus doesn't mean you get to steal it so you can drive yourself home
source: asiaone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salt Lake Tribune)
 
 
 
A 17-year old boy has his life "completely turned around" after having crazy drunken bathroom floor sex with his smoking wet swim coach
source: sltrib.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
After a baby jumped on a bed and bounced through an open second-story window, his mother leapt after him, caught him by his foot, and safely lowered him down to his grandmother who was on the porch below enjoying a cigarette. The Aristocrats
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Gum, black jellybeans, and Raisinettes seem like the type of candy that should be wiped off the planet forever, but the other sixteen are damned delicious
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Holy grail of the 21st century? The best tasting pig
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Old & busted: Girls who carry small dogs in their handbags. New hotness: girls who carry fetuses in their handbags
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Weebly)
 
 
 
Nestlé makes the very best porn
source: thelocal.ch   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Southern CA Public Radio)
 
 
 
Turns out it's illegal for school districts to ask parents to buy school supplies
source: scpr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
One more reason to go ahead and zip up your precious snowflake in a hazmat suit as soon as they're born. Chemical in store receipts and can liners found to increase risk of asthma in children
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Police Chief suspended without pay after posting on Facebook what appears to be a drunken photo with a gun-toting woman. Either there's a pistol in her pocket or she's just happy to see him
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)
 
 
 
Want to know when a unit has been home for 9 months after a deployment? Check the birth rate at the local base
source: newsminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 01, 2013
(Connecticut Post)
 
 
 
I didn't get an invite to your wedding? That's a bomb threat
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Your porn collection is stolen. That's bad. But porn companies say they'll replace it. That's good. But then your wife gets fired for talking about it on a TV show. That's bad
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
"...and I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling snow pants"
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Off Island Gazette)
 
 
 
If it's brown, drink it down; if it's pink, it's fine to drink
source: offislandgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
As it turns out, Hitler was in fact worse than Hitler
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
This week's Mugshot Roundup is colorful and and crashy
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop these guys
source: farm7.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Straight Dope)
 
 
 
If you can read this entire column without feeling the urge to scratch numerous itches, you must be some kind of Zen master
source: straightdope.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
The internet has replaced grandparents as kids' No. 1 source for mostly wrong life advice
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Hugo Chavez doesn't want to go on the cart
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Taco Bell finds meat in some of its products
source: guardian.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 New Orleans)
 
 
 
Couple charged with assault after chips and dip fight over the last beer
source: fox8live.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Fark: Your 3-year-old child is found wandering around naked outside and another 3-year-old naked and unsupervised inside. Holy Fark: Police found your 22-month-old daughter locked in an animal crate
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Are you pondering what I'm pondering? No, besides putting pants on a chimp. I'm talking about this week's Fark Weird News Quiz
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Photoshop this fire twirler
source: i.telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
News: Pageant contestant dies; poison suspected. Bark: Westminster Kennel Club show dog
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Detroit to be placed under emergency financial manager, Omni Consumer Products expected to bid
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
"We bemoan the loss of compassion in society, but we revere this severe level of aggression in these programs, and I think it is a real problem," said Captain Obvious
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Having never watched a science-fiction movie in the last forty years, scientists celebrate the discovery of a giant meteorite found in Antarctica
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
As the "WTF are we eating, exactly" craze continues to sweep the globe, an analysis of Icelandic meat pies reveals they contain no horsemeat, goat meat, water buffalo trimmings, baboon parts, or in fact, anything that could be called "meat" at all
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WINK Fort Myers)
 
 
 
So you buy a beer at a bar... mingle around for awhile, then walk to an art gallery across the street carrying said beer. Police threaten to arrest: C) The Bartender behind the bar
source: winknews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WIVB)
 
 
 
Ugly ass polar bear cub needs money for new home
source: wivb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Syracuse Post-Standard)
 
 
 
If passing out at a Super Bowl party and getting sexually molested by two females is wrong, I don't want to be right
source: syracuse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
CNN Money gives a step-by-step guide on how to recruit underage girls for prostitution. In other news, "CNN Money" is CNN's pimp name
source: money.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quad City Times)
 
 
 
Ah, remember those days at grandpa's house, playing croquet in the yard, barbecuing, and helping maintain his psilocybin mushroom lab, ecstasy, and marijuana business?
source: qctimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
It kind of sucks when your house is on a bend in the road and cars constantly are crashing in your yard. But once in awhile one of those accidents involves a truck carrying kegs of beer and that makes it all worthwhile
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Houston Press)
 
 
 
Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo introduces the Double Double Bacon Cheeseburger, with two beef patties, four strips of bacon and four glazed donuts for buns
source: blogs.houstonpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAM)
 
 
 
Police department requests 2,000 air fresheners after a huge marijuana raid. And some chips. And maybe some sliders
source: wtam.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Not news: Woman has to use bathroom and stops at restaurant. News: Restaurant charges $5 for non-customers but she doesn't pay. FARK: Sheriff tracks down the woman and the restaurant sends a bill. Double Fark: They won't take her $5
source: shine.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
US prosecutors and senior officials who spearheaded war against drug cartels quit their jobs to defend Colombian cocaine traffickers, say their clients are not bad people
source: guardian.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Yet another superbug is slowly spreading through US. And by "another", they mean 15 different strains of superbug
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
If your name is Mario or Luigi, the Gwinnett County Police would like a word with you
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsnet5)
 
 
 
If you can please identify your vagina in the photographs taken by the gyno's secret decoder pen, we can direct you to Slutkin, one of our lawyers
source: newsnet5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RamblingBeachCat.com)
 
 
 
Revenge is a dish best served immediately, and at 1500 psi
source: ramblingbeachcat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Ceiling cat is watching you litigate
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
42,000 pounds of ketchup spill on freeway, immediately improves property value of Reno, Nevada
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Dear Park Rangers, I am a Yosemite Junior Ranger. I went to Yosemite recently and accidentally brought home two sticks. I know I'm not supposed to take things from the park, so I am sending them back. Please put them in nature. Thank you, Evie
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cool Material)
 
 
 
Ever wonder what it would be like to drive around in a car with a gun mounted to it battling another car? Well wonder no more
source: coolmaterial.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Texas man dismayed to discover that not only are tumbleweeds sentient, they're apparently all in the same gang. And they do NOT like his house
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Animal shelter seeks home for 37-lb cat named Biscuit. Comes with type-2 diabetes, 9 lives, and 12 chins
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Geelong Advertiser)
 
 
 
Want to get out of a traffic camera ticket? Easy: when you get the ticket, tell the cops someone stole your car so you weren't driving, but amazingly you just found it. Stupid, right? Not in Australia where it worked 20 times in a row... but not 21
source: geelongadvertiser.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Come live in Florida, where the sun is bright, the beaches are warm and the SINKHOLES SWALLOW YOU WHOLE WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Christians outraged over woman licking cow
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Calvin would approve
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Globe)
 
 
 
True beef or not true beef, that is equestrian
source: bostonglobe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Residents of a mobile home company agitated over new washing machine guidelines
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
If ever there were a Fark ready headline, it's this one: "Manhattan Art School Confiscates Refrigerator Full of Semen From Student"
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Vulcan CEO tried to smuggle giraffe bones out of Africa. Highly illogical
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
NO the FBI will NOT come install a security system in your home, despite what the nice man on the phone says
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Man from the Mary Poppins school of skydiving decides he's going to coast gently to Earth with a patio umbrella. What could possibly go wrong?
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Photoshop this staged sun
source: i.telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquisitr)
 
 
 
50% of pets in the U.S. are obese. Your dog wants some nice grilled fish and a salad
source: inquisitr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Self-styled 'Mountain Man' fights local government who say his forest compound isn't up to code
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Not news: Christian school fires teacher for getting pregnant. WTF: Then offers a job to the guy that knocked her up
source: lifeinc.today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Yorker (UK))
 
 
 
Two gang members arrested for kidnapping a man and forcing him to drive them to a strip club. Subby doesn't understand what the crime here is
source: cbslosangeles.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rapid City Journal)
 
 
 
Let see a cat do this. Bonus: pit bull
source: rapidcityjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there I'll tell you how an idiotic receptionist got me locked up in jail
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Sometimes, every once in a while, Reason gets it right
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Some of the most gorgeous pictures of nature. Or as they're known to Microsoft, "Windows Backgrounds"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
How one couple found a baby in the subway, adopted him as their own, and finally got married by the judge who changed their lives. It's getting really dusty in here
source: opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Schools throughout the Washington DC area announce plans to start later in the day so that their precious, tired widdle snowflakes can have more morning nappy time
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo! health)
 
 
 
Want some nice tasty Aspartame and Sucralose in your Milk? No? Hey what's that over there
source: health.yahoo.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Best. Jury duty. Evar
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
62-year-old man grabs 11-year-old boy who broke his window and frogmarches him to his parents. Guess who gets fined by the courts
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWSB ABC 7)
 
 
 
Florida man ruins the state's image by helping rescue baby chicks from storm drain while frantic mother hen watches (with video)
source: mysuncoast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu February 28, 2013
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Yelling at kids to get off your lawn is now a medical condition
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence
source: lightbox.time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWL)
 
 
 
Woman doesn't want to tell family she miscarried, pretends to be abducted by 'unknown black man,' is found in the swamp, says she gave birth after being raped, searchers hunt for live infant in swamp, woman admits it's all a hoax. The Aristocrats
source: wwl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Girls Gone Wild files for bankruptcy. Who would've thought that using titty-flashing to sell your steel-drum music was a faulty business plan?
source: money.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Banana bread to the head doesn't sound too threatening. But when it's still in the Pyrex® dish? Ouch
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Man throws in his hammer for mugshot of the year contest
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
This artist is clearly nuts
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patriot Ledger)
 
 
 
The nice thing about having a plow on your truck is you can keep driving after a head-on crash. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another
source: patriotledger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
No wonder the Japanese are going so crazy. They pay $600 a month to live in a apartment barely larger than a coffin
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Despite getting their budget slashed thanks to the sequestration, the FAA still has enough resources to investigate if a 'Harlem Shake' video filmed on a plane broke any rules
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Hand In Hand: British terror suspects are being quietly stripped of citizenship ... then quietly killed by American drones
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Photoshop these fake features
source: i.telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Local)
 
 
 
Sensationalist Press Release: "Women that do less housework gain more weight". Scientific Reality "Lowered activity levels are tied to weight gain"
source: abclocal.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Despite what you may think, "Penta-Millionaires" are much happier than individuals worth less than $100,000. Here's Ric Romero with the science
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Tow trucks are not intended to be self service
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Photoshop this tunnel cleanup
source: msnbcmedia3.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Despite what the speedometer says, your piece of crap economy hatchback can't really do 140 miles per hour
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Religion News Service)
 
 
 
You know how it is in March: the guys from the Knights of Columbus fill out a shiatload of brackets, but it's always some Jewish girl making her picks by vestment color who wins the pool
source: religionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Observer & Eccentric)
 
 
 
Customer 'felt helpless' during Verizon robbery. It got even worse when three masked gunmen came into rob the joint
source: hometownlife.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Thank goodness Texas has allowed teachers to bring guns in the classroom, or else students would miss out on the teachers accidentally shooting themselves during class
source: usnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Thousands of litres of whisky accidentally flushed down drain. Sad tag seeks solace only to find bottle empty
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Science)
 
 
 
Six things grosser than horse meat in your burger
source: popsci.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
This hacker war will get out of hand. It'll get out of hand and we'll be lucky if we don't make a movie about it
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daytona Beach News-Journal)
 
 
 
If a shoplifter is getting away, it makes perfect sense to fire a few rounds to "mark his car" because Florida
source: news-journalonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Heather has two mommies. And one of them has a machete
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
So you think you had a rough day? Disabled man with pooch mugged at ATM, then pushed into traffic. His pooch suffered a broken leg. Man then transported his Chihuahua 7-miles to a vet -- via his wheelchair
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Restaurant in Beijing bans Japanese, Vietnamese, Filipinos, and dogs
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Ex-Miss Teen Delaware offered $250K to become Miss You Porn, get porn acting lessons
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
In what is certainly a total coincidence, gay black man running for mayor in Mississippi found murdered
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Sylvia Smith has died. She was 67, and well-known for writing what may be the most boring autobiography in history
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Latest fitness craze for Florida five year olds: cage fighting
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
Pope Benedict has his "fark you, fark you, fark you, fark you, you're cool, fark you, I'm out" moment with the College of Cardinals
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DCist)
 
 
 
Pepsi machine discovered dispensing cans of malt liquor. Works every time
source: dcist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Woman who can't keep her deodorant addiction a Secret eats 15 sticks a month
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Finally, an investigative journalist takes a look at one of the biggest questions facing the country today: "Why are American beers so weak?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Duluth News Tribune)
 
 
 
Wisconsin police find missing link
source: duluthnewstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
What's the difference between a drunk guy from Missouri and a panda? Only one of them leaves, pees, and shoots
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
No NO NO... just NO. That's not the kind of family photo your relatives are looking for
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canoe)
 
 
 
School authorities say that transgendered six-year old is no longer allowed to use the girl's room at the school. Wow, dick move
source: cnews.canoe.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Man calls to report the theft of his crowbar. The same crowbar he admitted he used in two different home invasions
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Lead On: Photographer's pictures of girlfriend leading him by the hand around the world, yeah you'd follow her too
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Google under fire for auto-suggesting that autistic people should ______________
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
Demonstrating their strong decision-making skills, the KKK will host a demonstration in Memphis to protest renaming streets
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Good: Your girlfriend likes three way sex. Bad: With other men Worse: Dead men, cold murdered dead men
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Photoshop this transfer of evil
source: msnbcmedia.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lancashire Evening Post)
 
 
 
The new Aston Martin is, er, a pram. I wonder if it comes with rocket launcher and ejector seat?
source: lep.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.va)
 
 
 
Pope Benedict XVI starts his final day on the job, stuffs as many packs of Post-It pads into his briefcase as he can carry
source: news.va   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
"We've got a lot of people still regarding getting drunk as entertainment." Some people have a problem with this
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Redding Record Searchlight)
 
 
 
Jesus Jeans strikes again: this time against a former blind diabetic who made "Jesus UP" shirts. Christ On A Cracker wafers the next target
source: redding.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Bulldog wears hats and sunglasses, because why the hell not?
source: animaltracks.today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
The reason you never get a big promotion is because you're always walking and chewing gum at the same time
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCSH 8 Portland)
 
 
 
Hickory dickory dock. Have sex, get hit with a clock. Hit in the head. The hooker is dead. Hickory dickory dock
source: wcsh6.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Study shows the best way to deal with jerks is to give them the silent treatment. Subby expects this thread to have no replies at all
source: bodyodd.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Herald Sun)
 
 
 
News story on binge drinking shows drunk guy stumbling and being helped by friend. Only problem is that the guy wasn't drunk and is blind weightlifting champion Malek Chamoun who even had his cane in his hand
source: heraldsun.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WOWT Omaha)
 
 
 
$19,000 in Girl Scout Cookies stolen. Damn, that's like 12 boxes
source: wowt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Maine State Trooper has an accidental discharge. Fark--while 'shifting' in his seat during a staff meeting
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
Man beats his wife with an iPad. Retina? Damn near killed her
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
You know how in porn when a cabbie tells a woman she doesn't have to pay him for the ride if she lets him give her another kind of ride and she's totally into the suggestion? Yeah, it doesn't work that way in real life
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
How to recognize a B.S. Internet news story. Number 4: It's from the Daily Mail
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
Gay teen worried he might be Christian
source: theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(East Idaho News)
 
 
 
They pull a snowblower, you pull an ice scraper. That's the Idaho way
source: eastidahonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Study states that pessimists live longer. Great, now I've got THAT going for me too
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 408: "Lakes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed February 27, 2013
(WOWT Omaha)
 
 
 
Backwards day: 12 year old girl uses cell phone to film her female phys. ed. teacher taking a shower
source: wowt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Fraternity raises funds to help pay for transgender brother's breast removal. Historians suggest this is the first recorded case of fraternity brothers acting in favor of fewer boobs
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
How often in life does a defence lawyer get to claim his client was driven to it by a specially trained squirrel? Not often enough
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Nothing quite says 'criminal mastermind' like a man on a moped attempting to outrun four patrol cars and a helicopter
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
You just know you're having a bad day when you first get injured while climbing a mountain only to fall from a rescue helicopter later
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(E! Online)
 
 
 
Just an actual prince rescuing people in a perilous mountain range, no big deal
source: eonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop this curling competitor
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Two women charged with stealing used cooking oil, face jail time. Let that be a wesson to all you would-be thieves
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Los Angeles Magazine)
 
 
 
Fascinating article about the search for a serial killer written by a stay-at-home mom who also just happens to be comedian's Patton Oswalt's wife
source: lamag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kansas.com)
 
 
 
City council to get tough on heavy water users. We're looking at YOU, Robert Oppenheimer
source: kansas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPBF West Palm Beach)
 
 
 
PRO TIPS FOR THIEVES: Always have a plan, always have a getaway car and always put your teeth in beforehand
source: wpbf.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Man buries treasure worth two million, set to make ten million selling clue books. Tag is for the location of the treasure
source: todaynews.today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Man arrested after driving drunk at speeds reaching 142 MPH gets 2 years probation, a fine, no jail time, and an offer from NASCAR
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
First they yanked their meatballs, now Ikea pulls its wieners
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Jersey 101.5)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: Did you buy Chinese male enhancement pills recently?
source: nj1015.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(HyperVocal)
 
 
 
Romanian gangster Nutzu the Pawnbroker rode away from prison on a black stallion, after serving one year on a 13-year human trafficking and pimping conviction. He kept four lions and two bears at his estate. Romania, the Florida of Europe
source: hypervocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Evansville Courier Press)
 
 
 
So you just bonded out on your DUI. Do you (C) take a leak on the entrance to the jail on your way out and get immediately re-arrested?
source: courierpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SanDiego UnionTribune)
 
 
 
Survey of travelers finds America's top ten beaches are in the states of Hawaii, Florida, Florida, Florida, Hawaii, Hawaii, OMG Ponies, California, California, and Hawaii. Wait, what?
source: utsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
The news: Animal rights activist accused of trying to hire a hit man to kill someone wearing fur is too crazy to stand trial. The fark: We'll just her go
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wall Street Journal)
 
 
 
Photoshop these disguised drummers
source: s.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
"And that pulse, it gets into your tubular organs"
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
No decision where to put the Pistorius ankle monitor, Still Bourne the next movie in the franchise, and a trip into space that only costs one toilet seat: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/17 - 2/23
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP)
 
 
 
"Thought you guys were going downhill sking" "Yeah, well we decided to go swimming first"
source: hosted.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Stranger)
 
 
 
One writer asks the question every man and most women wonder on a daily basis: "Seriously, what would it be like to have huge breasts?"
source: thestranger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
"Those are my daddy's hoes" says seven-year old
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abilene Reporter-News)
 
 
 
Union Pacific: Hey, if the city, county and parade organizer don't let us know their parade route crosses our tracks, we can't be held responsible for what happens next
source: reporternews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 23 Albany)
 
 
 
New York woman with one disabled son and one in Afghanistan finds $11,000 that fell off the back of a Brinks truck, returns every penny, has absolutely no future in New York politics
source: fox23news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philly Burbs)
 
 
 
We welcome all worshippers at the Church of the Repeated Punch in the Face
source: phillyburbs.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Legal tip of the day: You probably won't be successful in court if you threaten to kill, cook, and eat the judge's family
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
Princeton will give you as many free homes as you can fit on your truck
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Pro Tip: When cooking meth, label children's sippy cups appropriately
source: northescambia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Honolulu Civil Beat)
 
 
 
And this is why chickens can't fly (Link updated)
source: hawaii.news.blogs.civilbeat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)
 
 
 
Once again, the steps are 1) drop off the little kid with a responsible adult, 2) finish your drive and park somewhere safe, THEN 3) drug yourself into a stupor. Not the other way around
source: press-citizen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
...and the number one state in America for identity theft is...aw, no fair, guys, you looked at the tag
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
Instead of freaking out over the high-tech drones piloted by the US government, you should be much more concerned about the $300 drone piloted by that nerdy teen who lives two houses down
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Houston)
 
 
 
Patient who wakes up during eye surgery finds himself in an earlier century
source: houston.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Air Force Times)
 
 
 
Lightning-fast UN bureaucrats have decided Osama Bin Laden is no longer a threat
source: airforcetimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Pope Benedict can continue to dress gaily in retirement, but must give Dorothy her shoes back
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Death notice that ran in The New York Times by retired stockbroker reveals his love of family, country, finance, skiing, opera, ballet and biking in Central Park, love of all NYC... and hatred for the Gray Lady
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tampa Bay Online)
 
 
 
Turns out it's against the law to dress up to impress your girlfriend -- when you're wearing a cop uniform for five months
source: www2.tbo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Remember how Taliban attacks in Afghanistan dropped 7 percent in 2012? Well, it turns out that math is hard
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Citizen)
 
 
 
Swedish duty prosecutor assigned to handle sex-buyer cases arrested for buying sex
source: thelocal.se   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Fark: Today's big story is the kid who videoed her teacher stealing from backpacks. FARKITY FARK: Many outlets don't even mention that the principal told the kid to delete the video
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Sometimes the headlines just write themselves: "Sony President Seeks Help In Naming His Pink Balls"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Fifth grader faces expulsion from school for bringing in his dad's marijuana to force his dad to stop smoking it
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Need lifesaving surgery? Get arrested and sentenced to prison
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hawaii News Now)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Live webcams show you how backed up things are on the freeway. New hotness: Live webcams show you how backed up things are at the DMV
source: hawaiinewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Oklahoma has an ATM shaped like an airport
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
This story has something for everyone: lesbian teen sues school after being suspended for anti-bullying shirt. It's like a Mad Libs brought to life
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(Hawaii 24/7)
 
 
 
Ne'er-do-wells steal a Segway and fifty gallons of gaso...SEGWAYS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. GOODNIGHT
source: hawaii247.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"Swimmer mauled to death by Great White Shark in front of hundreds of tourists on New Zealand beach as armed police opened fire on the animal at least 20 times." Sonofabiatch. Landshark
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Photoshop these students practicing
source: msnbcmedia.msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
New stretchable battery will be perfect to complete my robot. My GIRL robot. This is going to be the best prom ever
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
If you're into guerrilla tree art, today is your lucky day
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
The case against the Tanning Mom is dead after the grand jury says there is not enough evidence to indict her for child endangerment. In other news: children can magically turn orange
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Needs A Time Machine)
 
 
 
Your WANT list just got a little longer with the introduction of the hot tub boat
source: archieli.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWSB ABC 7)
 
 
 
Medical marijuana advocate, who has been battling ALS for 27 years, grows a handful of marijuana plants for self-medication. Sheriff clearly has a problem with that
source: mysuncoast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox DC)
 
 
 
Cleanup on Aisle 4, 7, 9, and 13
source: myfoxdc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Sadly, the Swiss tradition of putting holes in things is still in practice
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
I don't want Fop, gotdemit. I'm a Dapper Dan Man
source: shopping.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
After WW2
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTUU Alaska)
 
 
 
This is what it looks like when a Boeing 727 lands at a municipal airfield (pics and video at link)
source: ktuu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Houston)
 
 
 
Louisiana hunters donate 1600 pounds of venison to local homeless shelter. The Health Dept shows their thanks by dumping all the properly processed and packaged meat in a dumpster and pouring Clorox on it
source: houston.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Barstool Sports)
 
 
 
Father angry about his precious snowflakes not getting enough playing time on the high school basketball team goes full helicopter
source: barstoolsports.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Six things to never, ever say to women from hooterville with gigantic sweater puppies
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(io9)
 
 
 
Old and busted: FEMA trailer. New hotness: Instant emergency home
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
The guys who harass the Japanese whalers are officially pirates, says a federal court
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue February 26, 2013
(WWL)
 
 
 
Cops raid Tulane frat house, find LSD, psychedelic mushrooms, marijuana, opium, cocaine, and DMT. If only they were in a city with easily-available alcohol, this would never have happened
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(CNN)
 
 
 
The latest dumb way Americans are wasting money: Paying someone to collect freshly-delivered mail from their mailbox, haul it back to an office, scan it, and e-mail it back to them. Yeah, really
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Who watches the watchmen?
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Liebert Publications Online)
 
 
 
First they came for the cigarettes, and I didn't speak out because I didn't smoke. Then they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak out because I didn't drink. Then they came for the caffeine and I said I'LL FARKING CUT YOU
source: online.liebertpub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
News: Mother deer and baby deer trapped on frozen lake rescued by Dept of Natural Resources helicopter. FARK: By blowing her ashore
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
What did Delaware? More than just a smile on her face apparently
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Porn companies coming to aid of guy with stolen porn collection. Because everyone likes a happy ending
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Photoshop this golden creepy crawler
source: inapcache.boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Indiana couple faces felony rap for double-dipping at multiplex theater
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Travel + Leisure)
 
 
 
Travel + Leisure magazine ranks the 20 best US cities for pizza. Naturally, Chicago is #1
source: travelandleisure.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Today's lifestyle headline, "I caught my son french-kissing my wife" ...ewww
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWL)
 
 
 
Class-action lawsuit by beer drinkers accuses Budweiser of watering down Bud & Michelob
source: wwl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
A Georgia teen just released from jail was tired of walking, so he took the bus. He is no longer released from jail
source: blogs.ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photo District News)
 
 
 
Photoshop these G.I.'s learning French
source: pdnphotooftheday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
"The medical examiner's office will determine the cause of the woman's death." Given the fact that she was found in 4 bags, I think we can rule out natural causes (link fixed)
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Minnesota)
 
 
 
Another disease you don't want: Rat Lungworm Disease
source: minnesota.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WISHTV)
 
 
 
Hello, 911, I'd like to order a cheeseburger (w/ mug shot)
source: wishtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Okay, based on the greenlit thread of the ten most common strip club songs, what would the absolute WORST song to request at a strip club?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Bad: Cop faces charges for not investigating crime. Worse: racial taunts. Fark: Against Himself
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
No need to freak or panic just because the CDC was cited in private government audits for failing to properly secure bioterror agents like anthrax and the plague. Okay, maybe we should be panicking
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBAL-TV Baltimore)
 
 
 
Future Nobel Prize winner in physics, MENSA member, and current stripper figures out that your employer should probably be paying you some sort of wage, rather than the other way around. Oh, and she's been there for 2 years
source: wbaltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Blaze)
 
 
 
You can go to church and pray, but if you use the name Jesus, we'll sue
source: theblaze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSOO Sioux Falls)
 
 
 
Holy Hyperbole Batman - South Dakota Politician Calls MMA the 'Child Porn' of Sports
source: ksoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Being caught naked in your hotel hallway because you locked yourself out of your room, yeah that'll turn your face red (mildly Not safe for work)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Florida man assaults his brother-in-law with a Taco Bell burrito. Usually its the burrito itself that does the assaulting
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Uproxx)
 
 
 
Russian guy never smiles is the new dog bites man, or something
source: uproxx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
BP oil spill trial told it 'put profits over safety,' adding, 'also, water is wet, and burning oil really hurts'
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The trick to this luxury Dutch hotel is to kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch. Then everything will be all right
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lawrence Journal-World)
 
 
 
Shaolin blind kitty stealing and the Wu-Tang sword style. If what you say is true, the Shaolin and the Wu-Tang could be dangerous. Do you think your Wu-Tang sword and blind kitty can defeat me?
source: www2.ljworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Employees at animation studio hosting interactive online event for kids witness child abuse. Now on a mission to help abused kids reach out for help through interactive characters
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(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Man's sweet job quickly sours
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bradenton Herald)
 
 
 
Ahhh, Mardi Gras: parades featuring masked bead-throwers, floats with old Canadian men playing hockey, and of course the chicken trains
source: bradenton.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Family values group accuses GEICO pig commercials of "promoting bestiality". Subby still unsure over how the pig got his drivers license in the first place
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Labrador gets stoned 109 times during trip to the beach
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Opposing Views)
 
 
 
If financial problems are hindering your ability to buy food for your animals, consider Pet Food Stamps
source: opposingviews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Meet The Vaportini, a cocktail that is inhaled, not drank. Seriously...what the hell
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(io9)
 
 
 
Are you in danger of spontaneously combusting? Here's a doctor's list of the risk factors that you should be aware of
source: io9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(South China Morning Post)
 
 
 
Ikea expands meatball recall to Hong Kong, apparently unaware that the Cantonese will eat anything with four legs that's not a table
source: scmp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chaos Computer Club)
 
 
 
Dze ni parrel pah frnsay. That's Martian for: I don't speak French
source: thelocal.fr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
UFO filmed over the skies of Oregon. No word on if the extraterrestrials were drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon or a local microbrew
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Dozens of prominent Republicans (none holding or running for any office) file amicus brief with SCOTUS backing marriage equality
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
California lawyer who was accidentally locked and forgotten in a jail waiting room contemplates suing for either $100,000 or four billable hours
source: usnews.nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IndyStar)
 
 
 
Here comes the judge
source: indystar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Korea Times)
 
 
 
547 men indicted for buying sex, thanks to feckless pimp who kept apparently unencrypted log book of his customers
source: koreatimes.co.kr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
The technology involved in making something properly invisible is so mind-bogglingly complex that 999,999,999 times out of a billion it's simpler just to take the thing away and do without it. Or maybe not
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lancashire Evening Post)
 
 
 
You've heard of Nessie - but have you heard of her big sister Morag?
source: lep.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
High school teacher: " I am supposed to teach you that we are not to call these people terrorists anymore, but freedom fighters." Difficulty: Texas
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Mechanics)
 
 
 
The burger is pretty much perfect as it is, so how could it be improved? By tweaking ingredients at the molecular level, of course
source: popularmechanics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
If you're going to drunkenly assault police officers, try not to be carrying the individually packaged bags of pot you were going to sell that night
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
16 year-old boy takes his iPhone to an AT&T store for repair, and the helpful clerk was so enamored of him that he started sending dozens of sexually explicit text messages
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Blizzard batters U.S. heartland, spreads snowy mess into the Midwest, yawns, gets dressed, promises to call sometime
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
If you're a professor checking out a little porn between classes, you might want to disconnect the computer from the overhead projector (Not safe for work)
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBNG Binghamton)
 
 
 
Binghamton, NY man's attempt at Breaking Bad turns out more like Muppet Labs, leaving 50 homeless
source: wbng.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Up Both Ways In The Snow: Teenager spotted walking 10 miles in the snow to interview for $7-an-hour job is given work on the spot by a restaurant owner, for double the pay
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Class)
 
 
 
Photoshop this lineup at the bar
source: clampart.com   |   share: