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| Sun March 03, 2013 |
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What do you do when you find a 2,000-lb. great white shark? These guys decided to invite it aboard
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911 dispatcher "Is there anybody that's willing to help this lady and not let her die?" Nurse at senior living center "Um, not at this time"
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Doctors say they have been able to cure a child of HIV. Still no cure for cancer
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The scores for 2012 are now in - Sharks: 7, Humans: 100,000,000
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Ain't That America: Sultan sells startup at age 25 for $70 million, blows through that fortune, and is now heading off to prison
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Photoshop this subsonic listening post
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Apple has no interest in allowing you to email your friends about barely legal teens
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The Daily News goes all in on its tasteless cover
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What goes together better than candy and porn? How about a seat over there?
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The dark truth behind the children's game "Duck, Duck, Goose" (link fixed)
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♫ ♫ Do you wanna be a mistress? Do you promise not to tell? oh-oh closer ♫ ♫
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A Dragon mates in space. Daenerys Targaryen reportedly inconsolable
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Due to sequester cuts Joe Biden will be taking the train home instead of flying. If only he had a Trans-Am he could drive instead
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Researchers have finally discovered how to help Holocaust survivors get over their nightmare: Disco therapy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big 'O'
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Beijing's off-the-chart air pollution readings are so bad, living there is being compared to living in an airport smoking lounge. Viktor Navorski unavailable for comment
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Car crash claims lives of young couple who were on the way to the hospital for the birth of their first child, who was the only survivor. Lord Voldemort sought for questioning
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Hindenburg mystery finally solved after 76 years. OH THE STATIC ELECTRICITY
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Not news: Judge finds pastor not guilty. News: Of soliciting gay sex from an undercover cop. Fark: Again. "Your honor, my client was just quoting Psalms, 'thy rod and thy staff they comfort me'"
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"The most terrifying books for children are the ones where the book itself is being read to the children in the story." BOOKCEPTION
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It is once again safe to celebrate Easter, the most holy of Christian holidays, by stuffing your piehole with tasty chocolate covered marshmallow eggs
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Al-Qaida introduces "Ask Achmed" column in English with helpful tips on infidel stain removal, goat rearing, how to circumvent NHL cap ceiling
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Gen. Goubongue say Moktar Belmoktar the Belaouar of the Al-Mulathameen has been killed. Darmok and Jalad left inconsolate at Tanagra
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Fox's favorite 'perfectly married' douche is back to talk about how perfect his marriage is. "I'm a guy and...." let me stop you right there
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Prince Charles anxiously awaiting news of his mum, tells Camilla to get her best riding gear ready for a big ceremony
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Navy veteran commemorates all 2,200 military members who died in Afghanistan by writing their names on a wall. Fark: He does it completely from memory
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Egypt struck by a plague of locusts ahead of Passover. This is not a repeat of 1446 BC
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Florida girl who flipped the bird to a judge gets applause in court after finishing prison term. Next up: agent, book tour, reality show
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7 year-old Girl Scout suffering from epileptic seizures and pituitary dwarfism, cock-punches her health problems and sells record numbers of cookies to help support our troops. With, damn it's getting patrioticly dusty in here picture
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Photoshop this foggy fence
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Old and busted: Snapping pics with a Polaroid camera. New hotness: Taking digital pics to a Polaroid-branded store to have them turned into old school Polaroids
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State Rep. thinks that heavy breathing caused by cycling leads to global warming. Kittens sigh in relief
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Alien laser pointer leaves burn mark on Earth
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Teacher: "STFU". Student: "Blah blah blah". Teacher: Enjoy your duct tape
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Coming up at the top of the hour, it's another edition of Livingston Stapler Company Presents, about 2.5 hours of random music, hosted live from Alaska by a Farker. LGT stream or go to KRNN.org
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Old and busted: Sneaking out of jail. New hotness: Sneaking into jail
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| Sat March 02, 2013 |
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Is On Fire
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Gym revokes woman's membership because she won't stop talking on the phone
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Woman kills her son because A) He attacked her. B) He murdered someone. C) He's a nine-year-old with no future because he has a small penis
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Police also said they found other paraphernalia associated with marijuana throughout the house including..."two pictures of the late reggae musician Bob Marley, a marijuana user"
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Chicago alderman tells Salvation Army they can no longer feed the homeless in his district because it encourages the homeless to stay
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Don't bring porcelain tiles to a knife fight
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Teacher in Boston area robbed at gunpoint while in school. Wait, that's not possible -- it's a gun-free zone
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You are the mayor of a city besiged by crime. Do you: advertise a class on lockpicking in your weekly newsletter
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That woman who puffed on a cigarette through a surgical hole in her neck has finally quit smoking
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Photoshop this windcatcher
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After six month design process, Pittsfield, Mass. decides to paint new police cars black with white letters
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Happy 100th birthday, Big Oil tax breaks
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Not news: soldier comes home from deployment. Impressive, but still not news: his seventh deployment. Awesome: his entire hometown throws a flashmob surprise party to welcome him back
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Attractive 36-year-old physical-education teacher arrested for physical-education with female student (w/mugshot)
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Would you eat a fish that you found dead on the beach? How about if you found thousands of them dead and have no idea how they died? Would you eat them then?
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Question: It's 2013, where are the flying cars? Answer: Russia
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Apparently everybody's favorite beauty queen/amateur porn star also has some outstanding warrants
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This guy takes trolling people on the Internet to a new level
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That pastry looks like a gun. You're suspended
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Save a fellow student from being shot point blank? That's a suspension
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If you think you're avoiding traffic cameras turning your vehicle's tag upside down, you're not
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You're not leaving this table until you surrender to your vegetables
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We have an alcohol limit for drivers; should we have a marijuana limit?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark Exquisite Corpse: Photoshop these vacant houses (DIT on how it works)
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Hugo Chavez and his cancer are about to go to join the likes of Lenin, Stalin, Tito, Ceausescu, and Milosevic
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In a bizarre lawsuit, a man claims a vengeful ex-girlfriend duped a sperm bank into handing over his specimens, which she then turned into a bouncing baby boy
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Residents of North Carolina's Outer Banks are shocked to find their property values fell 40 percent just because people don't want to live at the intersection of hurricanes and global warming
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Woman: "God, smite this burglar." God: "Okay"
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Smiling polar bear cub shatters "ugly-ass" meme. Get that kid a Coke
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Five ways Best Korea keeps getting stranger. Yes, that one's there. And that one too
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The Twinkie defense, the Chewbacca defense, the football defense
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Amazon.com: In hindsight, perhaps selling "Keep Calm and Rape a Lot" and "Keep Calm and Hit Her" t-shirts probably weren't a great idea
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Gallant offers to shovel your driveway out of the kindness of his heart. Goofus shovels your driveway to case your house for a future burglary
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Toronto jail criticized for: A) Overcrowding, B) Inmate abuse, C) Serving chicken to prison staff after it had been dropped on the floor
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The city of Hoboken would like to remind you St Patrick's day is not an excuse for partying, public drunkenness, fighting, or loud music. They also expect the Irish to somehow hold a job long enough to pay the 2k fine that goes with the above
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NPR tests say Budweiser is not watered down, just tastes that way
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Woman lives out the dream of every New Yorker who has been blocked by a tourist on the sidewalk taking pictures
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Fewer math teachers, more assistant offensive line coaches and deputy superintendents for diversity enhancement (grades 4-5) - now THAT will fix our education system
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Apparently trying to get 200 lbs. of chocolate for human consumption through customs in England is alright, but doing the same with 200 lbs. of caterpillars is frowned upon
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More people are starting to learn what subby's known for years: Drinking is the best cure for a cold
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Dallas schools provide new easy-access features for pedophile voyeurs
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One of the Fukushima fifty finally breaks the silence and tells his story
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Zumba lessons...apparently more fun than previously thought
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Tennessee approves "guns in trunks" law after legislators felt that the current "guns in saddles and stagecoaches" law was outdated
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Enjoy the nightmares
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Photoshop this blonde chick, #17
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Beef rainbows: What do they mean?
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Your mother got murdered and your dad lives in another state? Sorry, you're no longer eligible for in-state tuition
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Elderly library custodian takes in his girlfriend's 5 cats when she passes away. So what happened to them when he died? The librarians promptly adopt all 5 felines - proving that what goes around, comes around on Caturday
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A new challenge to face on the Oregon Trail: Road raging drivers with baseball bats
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Just because you overslept on a city bus doesn't mean you get to steal it so you can drive yourself home
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A 17-year old boy has his life "completely turned around" after having crazy drunken bathroom floor sex with his smoking wet swim coach
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After a baby jumped on a bed and bounced through an open second-story window, his mother leapt after him, caught him by his foot, and safely lowered him down to his grandmother who was on the porch below enjoying a cigarette. The Aristocrats
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Gum, black jellybeans, and Raisinettes seem like the type of candy that should be wiped off the planet forever, but the other sixteen are damned delicious
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Holy grail of the 21st century? The best tasting pig
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Old & busted: Girls who carry small dogs in their handbags. New hotness: girls who carry fetuses in their handbags
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Nestlé makes the very best porn
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Turns out it's illegal for school districts to ask parents to buy school supplies
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One more reason to go ahead and zip up your precious snowflake in a hazmat suit as soon as they're born. Chemical in store receipts and can liners found to increase risk of asthma in children
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Police Chief suspended without pay after posting on Facebook what appears to be a drunken photo with a gun-toting woman. Either there's a pistol in her pocket or she's just happy to see him
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Want to know when a unit has been home for 9 months after a deployment? Check the birth rate at the local base
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| Fri March 01, 2013 |
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I didn't get an invite to your wedding? That's a bomb threat
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Your porn collection is stolen. That's bad. But porn companies say they'll replace it. That's good. But then your wife gets fired for talking about it on a TV show. That's bad
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"...and I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling snow pants"
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If it's brown, drink it down; if it's pink, it's fine to drink
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As it turns out, Hitler was in fact worse than Hitler
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This week's Mugshot Roundup is colorful and and crashy
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Photoshop these guys
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If you can read this entire column without feeling the urge to scratch numerous itches, you must be some kind of Zen master
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The internet has replaced grandparents as kids' No. 1 source for mostly wrong life advice
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Hugo Chavez doesn't want to go on the cart
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Taco Bell finds meat in some of its products
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Couple charged with assault after chips and dip fight over the last beer
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Fark: Your 3-year-old child is found wandering around naked outside and another 3-year-old naked and unsupervised inside. Holy Fark: Police found your 22-month-old daughter locked in an animal crate
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Are you pondering what I'm pondering? No, besides putting pants on a chimp. I'm talking about this week's Fark Weird News Quiz
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Photoshop this fire twirler
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News: Pageant contestant dies; poison suspected. Bark: Westminster Kennel Club show dog
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Detroit to be placed under emergency financial manager, Omni Consumer Products expected to bid
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"We bemoan the loss of compassion in society, but we revere this severe level of aggression in these programs, and I think it is a real problem," said Captain Obvious
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Having never watched a science-fiction movie in the last forty years, scientists celebrate the discovery of a giant meteorite found in Antarctica
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As the "WTF are we eating, exactly" craze continues to sweep the globe, an analysis of Icelandic meat pies reveals they contain no horsemeat, goat meat, water buffalo trimmings, baboon parts, or in fact, anything that could be called "meat" at all
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So you buy a beer at a bar... mingle around for awhile, then walk to an art gallery across the street carrying said beer. Police threaten to arrest: C) The Bartender behind the bar
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Ugly ass polar bear cub needs money for new home
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If passing out at a Super Bowl party and getting sexually molested by two females is wrong, I don't want to be right
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CNN Money gives a step-by-step guide on how to recruit underage girls for prostitution. In other news, "CNN Money" is CNN's pimp name
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Ah, remember those days at grandpa's house, playing croquet in the yard, barbecuing, and helping maintain his psilocybin mushroom lab, ecstasy, and marijuana business?
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It kind of sucks when your house is on a bend in the road and cars constantly are crashing in your yard. But once in awhile one of those accidents involves a truck carrying kegs of beer and that makes it all worthwhile
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Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo introduces the Double Double Bacon Cheeseburger, with two beef patties, four strips of bacon and four glazed donuts for buns
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Police department requests 2,000 air fresheners after a huge marijuana raid. And some chips. And maybe some sliders
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Not news: Woman has to use bathroom and stops at restaurant. News: Restaurant charges $5 for non-customers but she doesn't pay. FARK: Sheriff tracks down the woman and the restaurant sends a bill. Double Fark: They won't take her $5
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US prosecutors and senior officials who spearheaded war against drug cartels quit their jobs to defend Colombian cocaine traffickers, say their clients are not bad people
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Yet another superbug is slowly spreading through US. And by "another", they mean 15 different strains of superbug
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If your name is Mario or Luigi, the Gwinnett County Police would like a word with you
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If you can please identify your vagina in the photographs taken by the gyno's secret decoder pen, we can direct you to Slutkin, one of our lawyers
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Revenge is a dish best served immediately, and at 1500 psi
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Ceiling cat is watching you litigate
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42,000 pounds of ketchup spill on freeway, immediately improves property value of Reno, Nevada
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Dear Park Rangers, I am a Yosemite Junior Ranger. I went to Yosemite recently and accidentally brought home two sticks. I know I'm not supposed to take things from the park, so I am sending them back. Please put them in nature. Thank you, Evie
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Ever wonder what it would be like to drive around in a car with a gun mounted to it battling another car? Well wonder no more
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Texas man dismayed to discover that not only are tumbleweeds sentient, they're apparently all in the same gang. And they do NOT like his house
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Animal shelter seeks home for 37-lb cat named Biscuit. Comes with type-2 diabetes, 9 lives, and 12 chins
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Want to get out of a traffic camera ticket? Easy: when you get the ticket, tell the cops someone stole your car so you weren't driving, but amazingly you just found it. Stupid, right? Not in Australia where it worked 20 times in a row... but not 21
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Come live in Florida, where the sun is bright, the beaches are warm and the SINKHOLES SWALLOW YOU WHOLE WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING
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Christians outraged over woman licking cow
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Calvin would approve
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True beef or not true beef, that is equestrian
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Residents of a mobile home company agitated over new washing machine guidelines
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If ever there were a Fark ready headline, it's this one: "Manhattan Art School Confiscates Refrigerator Full of Semen From Student"
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Vulcan CEO tried to smuggle giraffe bones out of Africa. Highly illogical
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NO the FBI will NOT come install a security system in your home, despite what the nice man on the phone says
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Man from the Mary Poppins school of skydiving decides he's going to coast gently to Earth with a patio umbrella. What could possibly go wrong?
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Photoshop this staged sun
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50% of pets in the U.S. are obese. Your dog wants some nice grilled fish and a salad
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Self-styled 'Mountain Man' fights local government who say his forest compound isn't up to code
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Not news: Christian school fires teacher for getting pregnant. WTF: Then offers a job to the guy that knocked her up
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Two gang members arrested for kidnapping a man and forcing him to drive them to a strip club. Subby doesn't understand what the crime here is
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Let see a cat do this. Bonus: pit bull
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Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there I'll tell you how an idiotic receptionist got me locked up in jail
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Sometimes, every once in a while, Reason gets it right
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Some of the most gorgeous pictures of nature. Or as they're known to Microsoft, "Windows Backgrounds"
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How one couple found a baby in the subway, adopted him as their own, and finally got married by the judge who changed their lives. It's getting really dusty in here
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Schools throughout the Washington DC area announce plans to start later in the day so that their precious, tired widdle snowflakes can have more morning nappy time
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Want some nice tasty Aspartame and Sucralose in your Milk? No? Hey what's that over there
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Best. Jury duty. Evar
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62-year-old man grabs 11-year-old boy who broke his window and frogmarches him to his parents. Guess who gets fined by the courts
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Florida man ruins the state's image by helping rescue baby chicks from storm drain while frantic mother hen watches (with video)
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| Thu February 28, 2013 |
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Yelling at kids to get off your lawn is now a medical condition
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A fascinating (and heartbreaking) look through a photographer's lens as she chronicles one couple's descent in domestic violence
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Woman doesn't want to tell family she miscarried, pretends to be abducted by 'unknown black man,' is found in the swamp, says she gave birth after being raped, searchers hunt for live infant in swamp, woman admits it's all a hoax. The Aristocrats
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Girls Gone Wild files for bankruptcy. Who would've thought that using titty-flashing to sell your steel-drum music was a faulty business plan?
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Banana bread to the head doesn't sound too threatening. But when it's still in the Pyrex® dish? Ouch
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Man throws in his hammer for mugshot of the year contest
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This artist is clearly nuts
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The nice thing about having a plow on your truck is you can keep driving after a head-on crash. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another
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No wonder the Japanese are going so crazy. They pay $600 a month to live in a apartment barely larger than a coffin
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Despite getting their budget slashed thanks to the sequestration, the FAA still has enough resources to investigate if a 'Harlem Shake' video filmed on a plane broke any rules
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Hand In Hand: British terror suspects are being quietly stripped of citizenship ... then quietly killed by American drones
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Photoshop these fake features
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Sensationalist Press Release: "Women that do less housework gain more weight". Scientific Reality "Lowered activity levels are tied to weight gain"
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Despite what you may think, "Penta-Millionaires" are much happier than individuals worth less than $100,000. Here's Ric Romero with the science
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Tow trucks are not intended to be self service
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Photoshop this tunnel cleanup
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Despite what the speedometer says, your piece of crap economy hatchback can't really do 140 miles per hour
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You know how it is in March: the guys from the Knights of Columbus fill out a shiatload of brackets, but it's always some Jewish girl making her picks by vestment color who wins the pool
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Customer 'felt helpless' during Verizon robbery. It got even worse when three masked gunmen came into rob the joint
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Thank goodness Texas has allowed teachers to bring guns in the classroom, or else students would miss out on the teachers accidentally shooting themselves during class
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Thousands of litres of whisky accidentally flushed down drain. Sad tag seeks solace only to find bottle empty
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Six things grosser than horse meat in your burger
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This hacker war will get out of hand. It'll get out of hand and we'll be lucky if we don't make a movie about it
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If a shoplifter is getting away, it makes perfect sense to fire a few rounds to "mark his car" because Florida
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Heather has two mommies. And one of them has a machete
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So you think you had a rough day? Disabled man with pooch mugged at ATM, then pushed into traffic. His pooch suffered a broken leg. Man then transported his Chihuahua 7-miles to a vet -- via his wheelchair
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Restaurant in Beijing bans Japanese, Vietnamese, Filipinos, and dogs
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Ex-Miss Teen Delaware offered $250K to become Miss You Porn, get porn acting lessons
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In what is certainly a total coincidence, gay black man running for mayor in Mississippi found murdered
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Sylvia Smith has died. She was 67, and well-known for writing what may be the most boring autobiography in history
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Latest fitness craze for Florida five year olds: cage fighting
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Pope Benedict has his "fark you, fark you, fark you, fark you, you're cool, fark you, I'm out" moment with the College of Cardinals
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Pepsi machine discovered dispensing cans of malt liquor. Works every time
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Woman who can't keep her deodorant addiction a Secret eats 15 sticks a month
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Finally, an investigative journalist takes a look at one of the biggest questions facing the country today: "Why are American beers so weak?"
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Wisconsin police find missing link
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What's the difference between a drunk guy from Missouri and a panda? Only one of them leaves, pees, and shoots
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No NO NO... just NO. That's not the kind of family photo your relatives are looking for
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School authorities say that transgendered six-year old is no longer allowed to use the girl's room at the school. Wow, dick move
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Man calls to report the theft of his crowbar. The same crowbar he admitted he used in two different home invasions
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Lead On: Photographer's pictures of girlfriend leading him by the hand around the world, yeah you'd follow her too
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Google under fire for auto-suggesting that autistic people should ______________
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Demonstrating their strong decision-making skills, the KKK will host a demonstration in Memphis to protest renaming streets
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Good: Your girlfriend likes three way sex. Bad: With other men Worse: Dead men, cold murdered dead men
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Photoshop this transfer of evil
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The new Aston Martin is, er, a pram. I wonder if it comes with rocket launcher and ejector seat?
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| (News.va) |
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Pope Benedict XVI starts his final day on the job, stuffs as many packs of Post-It pads into his briefcase as he can carry
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"We've got a lot of people still regarding getting drunk as entertainment." Some people have a problem with this
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Jesus Jeans strikes again: this time against a former blind diabetic who made "Jesus UP" shirts. Christ On A Cracker wafers the next target
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Bulldog wears hats and sunglasses, because why the hell not?
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The reason you never get a big promotion is because you're always walking and chewing gum at the same time
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Hickory dickory dock. Have sex, get hit with a clock. Hit in the head. The hooker is dead. Hickory dickory dock
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Study shows the best way to deal with jerks is to give them the silent treatment. Subby expects this thread to have no replies at all
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News story on binge drinking shows drunk guy stumbling and being helped by friend. Only problem is that the guy wasn't drunk and is blind weightlifting champion Malek Chamoun who even had his cane in his hand
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$19,000 in Girl Scout Cookies stolen. Damn, that's like 12 boxes
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Maine State Trooper has an accidental discharge. Fark--while 'shifting' in his seat during a staff meeting
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Man beats his wife with an iPad. Retina? Damn near killed her
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You know how in porn when a cabbie tells a woman she doesn't have to pay him for the ride if she lets him give her another kind of ride and she's totally into the suggestion? Yeah, it doesn't work that way in real life
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How to recognize a B.S. Internet news story. Number 4: It's from the Daily Mail
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Gay teen worried he might be Christian
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They pull a snowblower, you pull an ice scraper. That's the Idaho way
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Study states that pessimists live longer. Great, now I've got THAT going for me too
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 408: "Lakes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 27, 2013 |
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Backwards day: 12 year old girl uses cell phone to film her female phys. ed. teacher taking a shower
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Fraternity raises funds to help pay for transgender brother's breast removal. Historians suggest this is the first recorded case of fraternity brothers acting in favor of fewer boobs
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How often in life does a defence lawyer get to claim his client was driven to it by a specially trained squirrel? Not often enough
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Nothing quite says 'criminal mastermind' like a man on a moped attempting to outrun four patrol cars and a helicopter
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You just know you're having a bad day when you first get injured while climbing a mountain only to fall from a rescue helicopter later
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Just an actual prince rescuing people in a perilous mountain range, no big deal
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Photoshop this curling competitor
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Two women charged with stealing used cooking oil, face jail time. Let that be a wesson to all you would-be thieves
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Fascinating article about the search for a serial killer written by a stay-at-home mom who also just happens to be comedian's Patton Oswalt's wife
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City council to get tough on heavy water users. We're looking at YOU, Robert Oppenheimer
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PRO TIPS FOR THIEVES: Always have a plan, always have a getaway car and always put your teeth in beforehand
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Man buries treasure worth two million, set to make ten million selling clue books. Tag is for the location of the treasure
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Man arrested after driving drunk at speeds reaching 142 MPH gets 2 years probation, a fine, no jail time, and an offer from NASCAR
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First they yanked their meatballs, now Ikea pulls its wieners
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Fark-ready headline: Did you buy Chinese male enhancement pills recently?
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Romanian gangster Nutzu the Pawnbroker rode away from prison on a black stallion, after serving one year on a 13-year human trafficking and pimping conviction. He kept four lions and two bears at his estate. Romania, the Florida of Europe
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So you just bonded out on your DUI. Do you (C) take a leak on the entrance to the jail on your way out and get immediately re-arrested?
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Survey of travelers finds America's top ten beaches are in the states of Hawaii, Florida, Florida, Florida, Hawaii, Hawaii, OMG Ponies, California, California, and Hawaii. Wait, what?
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The news: Animal rights activist accused of trying to hire a hit man to kill someone wearing fur is too crazy to stand trial. The fark: We'll just her go
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Photoshop these disguised drummers
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"And that pulse, it gets into your tubular organs"
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No decision where to put the Pistorius ankle monitor, Still Bourne the next movie in the franchise, and a trip into space that only costs one toilet seat: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/17 - 2/23
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"Thought you guys were going downhill sking" "Yeah, well we decided to go swimming first"
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One writer asks the question every man and most women wonder on a daily basis: "Seriously, what would it be like to have huge breasts?"
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"Those are my daddy's hoes" says seven-year old
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Union Pacific: Hey, if the city, county and parade organizer don't let us know their parade route crosses our tracks, we can't be held responsible for what happens next
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New York woman with one disabled son and one in Afghanistan finds $11,000 that fell off the back of a Brinks truck, returns every penny, has absolutely no future in New York politics
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We welcome all worshippers at the Church of the Repeated Punch in the Face
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Legal tip of the day: You probably won't be successful in court if you threaten to kill, cook, and eat the judge's family
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Princeton will give you as many free homes as you can fit on your truck
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pro Tip: When cooking meth, label children's sippy cups appropriately
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And this is why chickens can't fly (Link updated)
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Once again, the steps are 1) drop off the little kid with a responsible adult, 2) finish your drive and park somewhere safe, THEN 3) drug yourself into a stupor. Not the other way around
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...and the number one state in America for identity theft is...aw, no fair, guys, you looked at the tag
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Instead of freaking out over the high-tech drones piloted by the US government, you should be much more concerned about the $300 drone piloted by that nerdy teen who lives two houses down
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Patient who wakes up during eye surgery finds himself in an earlier century
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Lightning-fast UN bureaucrats have decided Osama Bin Laden is no longer a threat
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Pope Benedict can continue to dress gaily in retirement, but must give Dorothy her shoes back
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Death notice that ran in The New York Times by retired stockbroker reveals his love of family, country, finance, skiing, opera, ballet and biking in Central Park, love of all NYC... and hatred for the Gray Lady
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Turns out it's against the law to dress up to impress your girlfriend -- when you're wearing a cop uniform for five months
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Remember how Taliban attacks in Afghanistan dropped 7 percent in 2012? Well, it turns out that math is hard
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Swedish duty prosecutor assigned to handle sex-buyer cases arrested for buying sex
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Fark: Today's big story is the kid who videoed her teacher stealing from backpacks. FARKITY FARK: Many outlets don't even mention that the principal told the kid to delete the video
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Sometimes the headlines just write themselves: "Sony President Seeks Help In Naming His Pink Balls"
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Fifth grader faces expulsion from school for bringing in his dad's marijuana to force his dad to stop smoking it
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Need lifesaving surgery? Get arrested and sentenced to prison
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Old and busted: Live webcams show you how backed up things are on the freeway. New hotness: Live webcams show you how backed up things are at the DMV
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Oklahoma has an ATM shaped like an airport
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This story has something for everyone: lesbian teen sues school after being suspended for anti-bullying shirt. It's like a Mad Libs brought to life
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Ne'er-do-wells steal a Segway and fifty gallons of gaso...SEGWAYS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. GOODNIGHT
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"Swimmer mauled to death by Great White Shark in front of hundreds of tourists on New Zealand beach as armed police opened fire on the animal at least 20 times." Sonofabiatch. Landshark
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Photoshop these students practicing
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New stretchable battery will be perfect to complete my robot. My GIRL robot. This is going to be the best prom ever
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If you're into guerrilla tree art, today is your lucky day
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The case against the Tanning Mom is dead after the grand jury says there is not enough evidence to indict her for child endangerment. In other news: children can magically turn orange
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| (Needs A Time Machine) |
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Your WANT list just got a little longer with the introduction of the hot tub boat
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Medical marijuana advocate, who has been battling ALS for 27 years, grows a handful of marijuana plants for self-medication. Sheriff clearly has a problem with that
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Cleanup on Aisle 4, 7, 9, and 13
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Sadly, the Swiss tradition of putting holes in things is still in practice
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I don't want Fop, gotdemit. I'm a Dapper Dan Man
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After WW2
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This is what it looks like when a Boeing 727 lands at a municipal airfield (pics and video at link)
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Louisiana hunters donate 1600 pounds of venison to local homeless shelter. The Health Dept shows their thanks by dumping all the properly processed and packaged meat in a dumpster and pouring Clorox on it
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Father angry about his precious snowflakes not getting enough playing time on the high school basketball team goes full helicopter
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Six things to never, ever say to women from hooterville with gigantic sweater puppies
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Old and busted: FEMA trailer. New hotness: Instant emergency home
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The guys who harass the Japanese whalers are officially pirates, says a federal court
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| Tue February 26, 2013 |
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Cops raid Tulane frat house, find LSD, psychedelic mushrooms, marijuana, opium, cocaine, and DMT. If only they were in a city with easily-available alcohol, this would never have happened
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The latest dumb way Americans are wasting money: Paying someone to collect freshly-delivered mail from their mailbox, haul it back to an office, scan it, and e-mail it back to them. Yeah, really
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Who watches the watchmen?
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First they came for the cigarettes, and I didn't speak out because I didn't smoke. Then they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak out because I didn't drink. Then they came for the caffeine and I said I'LL FARKING CUT YOU
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News: Mother deer and baby deer trapped on frozen lake rescued by Dept of Natural Resources helicopter. FARK: By blowing her ashore
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What did Delaware? More than just a smile on her face apparently
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Porn companies coming to aid of guy with stolen porn collection. Because everyone likes a happy ending
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Photoshop this golden creepy crawler
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Indiana couple faces felony rap for double-dipping at multiplex theater
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| (Travel + Leisure) |
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Travel + Leisure magazine ranks the 20 best US cities for pizza. Naturally, Chicago is #1
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Today's lifestyle headline, "I caught my son french-kissing my wife" ...ewww
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Class-action lawsuit by beer drinkers accuses Budweiser of watering down Bud & Michelob
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A Georgia teen just released from jail was tired of walking, so he took the bus. He is no longer released from jail
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Photoshop these G.I.'s learning French
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"The medical examiner's office will determine the cause of the woman's death." Given the fact that she was found in 4 bags, I think we can rule out natural causes (link fixed)
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Another disease you don't want: Rat Lungworm Disease
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Hello, 911, I'd like to order a cheeseburger (w/ mug shot)
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Okay, based on the greenlit thread of the ten most common strip club songs, what would the absolute WORST song to request at a strip club?
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Bad: Cop faces charges for not investigating crime. Worse: racial taunts. Fark: Against Himself
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No need to freak or panic just because the CDC was cited in private government audits for failing to properly secure bioterror agents like anthrax and the plague. Okay, maybe we should be panicking
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Future Nobel Prize winner in physics, MENSA member, and current stripper figures out that your employer should probably be paying you some sort of wage, rather than the other way around. Oh, and she's been there for 2 years
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You can go to church and pray, but if you use the name Jesus, we'll sue
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Holy Hyperbole Batman - South Dakota Politician Calls MMA the 'Child Porn' of Sports
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Being caught naked in your hotel hallway because you locked yourself out of your room, yeah that'll turn your face red (mildly Not safe for work)
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Florida man assaults his brother-in-law with a Taco Bell burrito. Usually its the burrito itself that does the assaulting
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Russian guy never smiles is the new dog bites man, or something
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BP oil spill trial told it 'put profits over safety,' adding, 'also, water is wet, and burning oil really hurts'
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The trick to this luxury Dutch hotel is to kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch. Then everything will be all right
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Shaolin blind kitty stealing and the Wu-Tang sword style. If what you say is true, the Shaolin and the Wu-Tang could be dangerous. Do you think your Wu-Tang sword and blind kitty can defeat me?
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Employees at animation studio hosting interactive online event for kids witness child abuse. Now on a mission to help abused kids reach out for help through interactive characters
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Man's sweet job quickly sours
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Ahhh, Mardi Gras: parades featuring masked bead-throwers, floats with old Canadian men playing hockey, and of course the chicken trains
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Family values group accuses GEICO pig commercials of "promoting bestiality". Subby still unsure over how the pig got his drivers license in the first place
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Labrador gets stoned 109 times during trip to the beach
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If financial problems are hindering your ability to buy food for your animals, consider Pet Food Stamps
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Meet The Vaportini, a cocktail that is inhaled, not drank. Seriously...what the hell
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Are you in danger of spontaneously combusting? Here's a doctor's list of the risk factors that you should be aware of
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Ikea expands meatball recall to Hong Kong, apparently unaware that the Cantonese will eat anything with four legs that's not a table
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Dze ni parrel pah frnsay. That's Martian for: I don't speak French
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UFO filmed over the skies of Oregon. No word on if the extraterrestrials were drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon or a local microbrew
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Dozens of prominent Republicans (none holding or running for any office) file amicus brief with SCOTUS backing marriage equality
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California lawyer who was accidentally locked and forgotten in a jail waiting room contemplates suing for either $100,000 or four billable hours
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Here comes the judge
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547 men indicted for buying sex, thanks to feckless pimp who kept apparently unencrypted log book of his customers
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The technology involved in making something properly invisible is so mind-bogglingly complex that 999,999,999 times out of a billion it's simpler just to take the thing away and do without it. Or maybe not
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You've heard of Nessie - but have you heard of her big sister Morag?
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High school teacher: " I am supposed to teach you that we are not to call these people terrorists anymore, but freedom fighters." Difficulty: Texas
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The burger is pretty much perfect as it is, so how could it be improved? By tweaking ingredients at the molecular level, of course
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If you're going to drunkenly assault police officers, try not to be carrying the individually packaged bags of pot you were going to sell that night
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16 year-old boy takes his iPhone to an AT&T store for repair, and the helpful clerk was so enamored of him that he started sending dozens of sexually explicit text messages
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Blizzard batters U.S. heartland, spreads snowy mess into the Midwest, yawns, gets dressed, promises to call sometime
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If you're a professor checking out a little porn between classes, you might want to disconnect the computer from the overhead projector (Not safe for work)
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Binghamton, NY man's attempt at Breaking Bad turns out more like Muppet Labs, leaving 50 homeless
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Up Both Ways In The Snow: Teenager spotted walking 10 miles in the snow to interview for $7-an-hour job is given work on the spot by a restaurant owner, for double the pay
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| (Some Class) |
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Photoshop this lineup at the bar
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