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| Sun January 27, 2013 |
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Think you are doing the right thing with your car? Here are the 10 worst things you can do to your precious vehicle
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Sad: Secret Service Agent loses his life while protecting Joe Biden. Sadder: It was a dog
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Woman, 71 arrested for prostitution
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How Newegg crushed the "shopping cart" patent and saved online retail
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Salon turns to porn. I mean, erotic fiction. I mean, nonfiction about the massage industry. I mean, porn
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Hot blonde teacher ordered to turn in her passport so she can't flee to Mexico with her 15 year old lover
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Protip - If you're driving around with 92 pounds of pot in your car, put your seat belt on and try not talking on your cellphone for five minutes
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| (1 Corinthians 7:5) |
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And God spoke and saith, "have a lot of sex to keep Satan away." And lo, Bible study just got awesome
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In an attempt to make you forget about everything else he has said, Silvio Berlusconi claims Mussolini wasn't so bad. Godwini's law has just been invoked
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Photoshop Theme: Bruce Willis. It's not your imagination. He's everywhere. In every movie. Every year. Photoshop him in a movie role that he might have actually TURNED DOWN. Good luck with that one
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Plane down in the Hudson River, Sully not aboard, situation does not look good (article has been updated)
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Prosecutors surprised by new black market in toner cartridges, want to make sure the charges are clear and fuse. Hope to set a precedent that scares away any copycats
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More quinoa is being produced now than ever before. That's good. But it's being planted instead of traditional crops. That's bad. But farmers in South America are less impoverished. That's good. But now they want Coca-Cola. That's...bad, apparently
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One of the top-selling CDs is the silence recorded inside a 12th century village church. And it still sounds better than half the crap on the radio these days
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Ludicrously hot ex Bengals cheerleader "I only had sex with one of my students, not the entire football team, so I'm suing you because my reputation is everything to me"
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1) Be a unionized New York City schoolteacher. 2) Sexually harass female students. 3) Profit
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Papa John's PR flacks are trying to get CEO John Schnatter's anti-Obamacare comments removed from the internet. Let me know how that works out
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At last there is a cure for ginger kids
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Citizens of Mexican town arm themselves and band together to fight back against gangs, will soon be looking to hire seven cowboys
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Photoshop a poster for Super Bowl XLVII. LGT key storylines
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Couple addicted to McDonald's had three McMuffins each for breakfast then burgers for lunch and dinner (with wtf pics)
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Tired of only be associated with hockey when it comes to sports, Canadians compete in topless ice fishing
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Today's Breaking Scandal: THE PUPPY BOWL IS A LIE
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Finally, bubble wrap gets the respect it deserves
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What you say: "It's not me, man" What cop hears: "It's me. I'm guilty. Arrest me immediately"
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You can become a British citizen as long as you can answer this simple question. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
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15 years after the great tobacco industry settlement less money than ever is being spent to stop smoking
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forging police officer's signature on official government document can bring (a) prison, (b) probation, or (3) profit
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Casey Anthony is broke: The 26-year-old has filed for bankruptcy protection, saying that she owes nearly $800,000 and has $1,084 in the bank
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Chicago, with the nation's strictest gun laws, would like to point out that 1 of the 7 homicides last night was a stabbing. No gun was used in that killing
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Synthetic marijuana and bath salts are still easily obtained despite a police crackdown, according to a reporter who did some field research
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Wisconsin man facing 11th DUI decides to get creative, pleads not guilty due to insanity. Bonus: sexy mugshot
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Supermarket worker fired after catching deli clerk eating her manager's salami
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Arizona Senator's suggests that if we really want to get tough with Cuba, we should allow free travel to the country and let the spring breakers do the rest
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From Ron to Barry. The most interesting infographic you might see today
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Yes, It Has
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"In hindsight, man with bird sculpture realizes chasing teens in road rage incident was 'crazy'"
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Mother of the year candidate breaks precious snowflake out of jail. Old school
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A pair of penguins lose their heads over being photographed
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Photoshop this cat transit system
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Virginia's conservative Republican attorney general caught picking up flaming truck driver
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Two suburban housewives are led away in handcuffs for refusing to let smart meters be hooked to their homes. Carry on, citizen
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Pyrotechnics fire in nightclub kills at least 200 Brazilian people in Santa Maria
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Funeral procession goes thru Burger King drive thru so that the deceased could have it his way
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Cute jobless couple claim £17,680 a year in benefits, don't even bother looking for work because it would leave them worse off: "Gina looked up escorting and saw you can make £110 an hour, but we decided we wouldn't go down that route" (w/pics)
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Bishop says priest used self-bondage for stress relief
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"We had a person that was doctor shopping and after we looking into it more we discovered she had 56 doctors, over 150 to 170 different scripts, and over 70 different pharmacies"
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Happy Full Wolf Moon everyone, hope it's your night to howl
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| Sat January 26, 2013 |
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Man who was arrested at TSA checkpoint for having text of 4th amendment printed on his torso wins court case for false arrest and violation of his civil rights to the tune of $250,000
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If you're going to gas up and drive off 11 times, choose a different gas station each time
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The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course
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Woman arrested for drunk driving after she hit multiple fences, patios, air conditioners, bushes, curbs, other cars, and a church
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Today's "Man shoots self at gun show" story comes to us from the Iowa State Fairgrounds. For those of you keeping track, that's six in one week
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School sends out mass email to parents regarding achievement test with link to board of education site. Oh wait it linked to a porn site
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Study: Men like skinny women, overweight women, not so much
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Growing number of women looking at welding as a career. Jennifer Beals probably available for comment
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Photoshop this seed snatching squirrel
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Woman assaults man with jar of olives, pitting one against the other
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If you picked "5 days" as the answer to "How long does it take a Detroit jail to realize that one of their prisoners has gone missing?" step forward and claim your prize
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♫♫ Froggy went a courtin' he did ride, crashed the stolen truck and lost his bride um-mmmmm ♫♫
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Teenage girls should stop dressing like hookers, say actual hookers
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Grandma killed by vicious cockatiel
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If you're going to threaten to kill your stepson, you may not want to do it around police
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Fundamentalist pastor says that refrigeration removes sin, tells gays to go from the closet to the meat locker
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What a terrible article, absolutely no mention of the prices and options or any points of sales that carry the product
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If a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody around to hear it, it can just use a cell phone to call for help
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Nothing says "girls night out" like learning to stuff rats
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State of NY to legal firearms owners, "Register your weapons, it's the law." Legal firearms owners to the State of NY, "Guns? I don't own any guns, and you can't prove it so go fark yourselves"
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Seattle police on hunt for Rolex thief. Suspect is hatted, fishy-smelling, and toothless. Repeat, toothless
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Scientists say your molar roots are the result of Homo Erectus DNA, refuse to comment on how that got into your mouth
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Photoshop these bitty Beatles
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Naked woman runs down naked fiance. BRAVO
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Man arrested for stealing 166 manhole covers. Hopefully he gets to keep one with him in jail
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There's a rodent explosion, and Massachusetts is out of duct tape
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My god, it's full of twins
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Russian women stage kiss-in to protest new anti-homosexual propaganda laws, melt ice (with pics)
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Today's airport security shutdown caused by: a) Gun, b) Knife, c) baby bottles
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Hell hath no fury like a woman porned
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The Mafia has their hands in everything: drugs, prostitution, gambling, renewable energy- wait, what?
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Beer flowing from every public tap? It's closer to reality than you think, at least in one EU country
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Prayer bill signed by Florida governor wins approval of high priest wearing goat horns and his four minions
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Honestly, who hasn't been tempted to duct tape a teenager's mouth and glue him to a chair? (With precious mugshots)
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Frostbite on their trigger fingers? NYC goes nine days without a murder during cold snap
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Riot? That's a death sentence. Death sentence? That's a riot. Riot? That's a death sentence. ♫It's the cycle of life♫
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Man robs four businesses with BB gun rifle to pay off his girlfriend's probation fees, which he does after the last robbery. He now needs his girlfriend to return the favor
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Sappy: 6 year old boy tries to impress girl with jewelry. Grounded for life: 6 year old boy loses family heirloom jewelry in failed bid to impress girl
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Pod of sperm whales, tired of reading sappy stories about cats and dogs, adopt a dolphin with a spinal deformity
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The legal battle over overweight wienerdog Obie has ended. He gets to stay with the woman helping him lose weight
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North Carolina wants to bar the bankrupt and welfare recipients from buying lottery tickets. No jackpots for the poor
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How does Rachel Maddow explain the absurdity of Florida? By using Fark, of course (skip ahead to 3:50)
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You fellas have nothing to worry about, I'm a professional
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Photoshop this old spirit
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Man boots his own car daily ... so thieves won't be tempted to steal it
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Man who already managed to escape from a Phoenix jail earlier escapes from authorities again by impersonating another inmate. Cue up the Benny Hill theme song
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To ward off the terrifying perils of homosexuality, Russia is instructing military officers to spend more time looking at their recruits' crotches and asses
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A tiny, severely ill kitten found in the snow is saved after a plea for help is posted on Craigslist. Caturday approves
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NJ algebra teacher learns that 16 does not go into 28, that 18 is a prime number, and that a mole is a funny-looking unit of measurement
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You have 1 week left to "jailbreak" your under-contract smartphone, or any tablet, before it becomes a felony under the DCMA
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Tortoise survives 30 years locked in a storeroom, tells reporters, "They went by pretty fast"
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Scientists are working on an alcoholism vaccine that will give you terrible hangovers. Shh... don't tell them PBR already does that
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Hey you Massachusetts youts,"Pull Up Your Pants" or face fines of up to $300. It could even land you behind bars. Not cool
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Toddler expected to make full recovery after being impaled with colored pencil, with cringe-inducing x-ray picture
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Paedophile uses the "I didn't know I couldn't have sex with 13 year old girls because I'm a Muslim" defense. Fark: It worked
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Cop cops copper copping copper
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Good news everyone. We are all now officially alcoholics
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| Fri January 25, 2013 |
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A lot of people can walk. A lot of people can text. Not everyone can do it at the same time
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You have to run some errands but your son is grounded and you think he'll leave while you're gone. Do you: C) Zip-tie him to a pole on your back porch
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Not even a month in and we have the dumbest term of 2013: 'techno-sexual'. *sigh* it's going to be a long year
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The Lord works in listerious wheys
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Milwaukee sheriff says 911 is ineffective, encourages people to act for themselves. Not like anything bad could happen, right?
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As far as teacher sex scandals are concerned, this one may win the prize; as she's found with not one, two or three but six students at once
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'Bad teeth' robber caught on camera, said to be armed and considered extremely British
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New program seeks to cut down on drunk driving arrests, offers free rides home if the person has had a couple drinks and doesn't want to risk it. Specifically, drunk police officers
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Hogging the covers? That's a chokin'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this odd dessert
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Flipper took a wrong turn at Albuquerque. This is not the superfun sight he was looking for
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Woman has a rare condition called Body Integrity Identity Disorder which makes her want to roll around in a wheelchair and be paraplegic
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Creepy: Ultra-realistic "Reborn Baby" dolls. Fark: Vampire Reborn babies
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"Witnesses say the suspects prayed to their alligator god to destroy evidence"
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Finally, your encyclopedic knowledge of weird news and your crisp short-term memory retention will pay off: It's your Fark Weird News Quiz
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News: Dad points AK-47 at daughter for getting two B's instead of straight A's on her report card. Fark: He just bought the AK-47 because he feared the gub'mint would ban them
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Photoshop this life of the party
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In the "how did we miss this" news category, yesterday was "Beer Can Appreciation Day". In belated honor here are the top 25 American canned beers
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When most people fail their driver's test, they go practice and try again. The girl in this article is not most people
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The fake economist who conned an entire nation. Shockingly, not about Paul Krugman
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Fark's favorite hot teacher back on probation for the same time she made the same 14-year-old boy's millennium
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Republicans in Virginia are moving forward with their plans to create a new State currency so that when the Federal Reserve crashes, they're ready
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Slowest. News. Day. Ever
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Your date has just stood you up. Do you: A) go home disappointed, B) get drunk at the bar by yourself, or C) call the police?
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There are 19 American homes for sale for those who never wish to leave Medieval Times
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Wait, you mean I wasn't allowed to order my staff to drive me to my sexual trysts with my mistress? That was wrong? I shouldn't have done that?
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Because disco is dead, that's why
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New book, penned by, leanr'd physik, doth pos't the Bard, of Avon's glory, was sore afflict'd with a vile an scabourous pox, on regions most nether
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Seven-year-old Chinese girl born with a spinal disk missing is her class valedictorian, class president, prom queen and quite frankly, the most popular kid in her school
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Japanese housing company designs world's first dream home for cats and their crazy ladies, featuring open air cat walks, platforms to jump from, tunnels to explore, and "a special spot in the bathroom for a litter box"
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Forget lake effect snow. The new hotness is nuke effect snow
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AW spends taxpayers money on nearly 300,000 fake followers to boost his profile on Twitter. Because one must be famous (pics will explain everything)
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Police send out helicopter and 30 officers after hearing terrifying reports from a fearful resident about...a naked guy walking around in the snow
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Where have you been for the past 30 years, living under a rock? For this Mexican couple the answer is, "Yes"
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Aramaic, the language spoken by Christ, is in danger of becoming extinct; scholars work to resurrect it
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Man dies doing what he loved...selecting cold craft brews from convenience store Beer Cave
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For the second day, rescuers unable to reach plane that went down while flying over an Antarctic mountain range, officials say that by this time any survivors are likely irreversibly insane or sprouting tentacles
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"Hospital apologizes after baby found with dummy taped to its face"
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Exterminator charged with killing Phildelphia pediatrician, still looking for The Doctor
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These girls call themselves "sugar babies".............most other people prefer the old fashioned word that describes such girls: Prostitute
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Last night's Glee aired song ripped off from Jonathan Coulton intact
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That New Mexico Republican who wanted to make rape victims felons if they had an abortion would like you to know she's interested in "clarifying" her language
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Photos of our presidents playing with their guns. Bonus: President Obama on a fun-filled shooting spree
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"'Proof Virginians can't drive' read the headline on the website Fark, followed by hundreds of comments agreeing"
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There is now such a thing as an iPhone Cup Holder now, made so you can knock both phone and coffee out of someone's hand in one swat
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| (Lifenews.com) |
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Men over 50 are three times more likely than men under 25 to father a schizophrenic child, 100% more likely to be batshiat insane themselves
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Woman goes batty in S&M encounter (with mugshot goodness)
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Brace yourself: the Number 2 Al Qaeda is dead... again. Will be doing a special guest star cameo in the next Walking Dead
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New technology could stop global warming by turning CO2 into booze
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Another reason to start drinking early in the morning
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CNN columnist writes long, passionate article about why we shouldn't clone a Neanderthal baby, even though nobody's planning to do so. Next on CNN: Why we shouldn't try to evolve humans out of E.coli
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Since the next world war is going to be fought over water, you might as well start getting used to taking air showers
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Office girl has raunchy email chat with fiancé about their sex life - then sends to colleagues by mistake
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Brazen gun dealer shows us how you sell guns on the streets of New York. You know, that city with all those laws
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Department of Defense police officer busted for soliciting a minor via text sports the rare 'reverse hari krishna' haircut. Bonus: Is also a Cleveland Browns fan
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So just what the heck is an "assault weapon," anyway? A clip? A magazine? Here's your handy-dandy gun glossary so you can sound infromed for the next flamewar
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Lego accused of racism because Jabba's palace looks like one of Istanbul's most revered mosques. Not Constantinople
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Drunk driver found asleep in his car holding a can of bourbon. In other news, where in the hell can you get a can of bourbon?
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Why North Korea hates America: New iPhone app says their men have world's smallest penises
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Photoshop this sporty old man
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Please hold...your estimated wait time is 43 days
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Apparently the hookers in Oregon aren't very smart
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Prepare for a dust storm. Actual headline: Cat born without leg bones getting operation thanks to Facebook donors (w/video)
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Good news everyone-- As of today only 67% on the mail arriving at your server is SPAM
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Hipsters have overtaken the World Porn Expo
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New research indicates lightning strikes trigger migrane headaches. That's putting it mildly
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Police chief wants officers armed with AR-15s. Why? Because fark you, that's why
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Watch this squirrel deliver the greatest "oh sh*t" face in the history of nature documentaries
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Seems that girls driving pickup trucks in Indiana is something unusual. And so are girls who drive 60 miles to kick another girl's butt for Facebook insults
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Think you're good at multitasking? Chances are, you aren't
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| Thu January 24, 2013 |
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Restaurants are tired of diners taking pictures of every freakin' plate of food they serve
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Is this the most inappropriate mascot we can find for burn victims?
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British motorists surprised on their drive home. What did they see? A) Large spill of marbles, B) Men on stilts, or C) A five-foot tall snow penis?
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Necessity may be the mother of invention, but even she never expected rocket-propelled cats
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| (Some Guy) |
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15,000 crocodiles escape flooded farm in South Africa. Area, bowels evacuated
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Good news: The key to happiness is to stuff your face seven times a day. Bad news: With vegetables
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Gary the flower-eating goat has been cleared of vandalism charges. The system works
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Armor contractor invents bulletproof whiteboards for teachers to use during school shootings. Next up: tear-gas erasers
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Despite ban, some Americans still make and eat haggis. That's offal
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Photoshop this chilling self portrait
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Caption this new Marine recruit
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Convicted IRA bomber and key witness against Gerry Adams found dead after tragically and accidentally stabbing herself in the back several times with a drug overdose
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New county sheriff finds old county sheriff hid 100s of unserved warrants in cubicles, boxes, drawers, employee homes "[b]'ecause of friendship, family, just people that they know"
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Not news: Catholic hospital chain beats malpractice suit. Irony: By declaring that fetuses aren't people
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Just how does a hen lay an egg inside an egg? Don't know? Well you've come to the right place, my little chickadees
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Telecoms want to get rid of the Do Not Call registry, call you at dinner time
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Photoshop this official presidential portrait
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Shoplifting tip: don't try to steal 56 items in one trip
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Husband finds wife's online dating profile and gets revenge on cheating wife by dumping horse manure on her convertible
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Woman gets high on shrooms, wanders into a furry convention and promptly pees self thinking she's having Freddy Krueger's baby. Then the Klingons show up
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Warren Buffet made a $1M bet that a low-cost S&P 500 ETF would beat out the picks of hedge fund experts over 10 years. Let's check in and see how they're doing
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The Onion strikes again. Radio DJ posts photoshop of three drones over Obama's inauguration with "they're obviously scanning the crowd for potential trouble"
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New fashion makes people invisible to thermal imaging cameras used by drones
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Anti-wrinkle cream made out of foreskins. Worth protesting? Yes, if you're a member of the Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project
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Don't worry, loyal customers. Burger King is no longer selling horse Whoppers
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Woman pulls three knives on two who live "two trailers over" after her dream threesome failed to materialize
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Peter Wishart, Gabriel's father, said: "The group of teenagers were setting each other on fire"
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What's more impressive -- that this woman robbed a store with her finger, or that she got $148 from the Dollar General?
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Habitual drunk driver blows it again
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Big Joe does it again: "There's tons of dough in copper wire if you've got the know-how"
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You too can own a $2.1 million home in Florida for free. Just live in it for seven years on squatter rights and it's yours
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Another stunning revelation from the Romero Institute: All-electric vehicles do not need gasoline
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Pot doesn't make you lazy, it helped these industrious mice make a home in a police evidence bag of marijuana. Unfortunately the police evidence bag of Doritos is nowhere to be found
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Kidnappings, marriage proposals, and tips under 10% are not appreciated
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Woman sues Match.com for $10 million on the grounds that they didn't accurately predict that he would try to kill her with a butcher knife when she dumped him after eight days
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"McDonald's customer says Spicy McChicken is too spicy, calls cops"
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OVER THE LINE. Mark it zero dude
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Pope sees social media networks as "portals of truth". Post this to five other Facebook walls or you will go to hell
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How do North Korea's propaganda poets react to the world's laughter? "The sun will always give off its light even though rats make nonsensical remarks moving around ditch, while finding it hard to raise their heads to the bright human world"
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"Burkinabe troops join French-led push against Mali rebels". Well I'm sure the Fench are relieved to have the backing of the mighty country of...Burkinab? Burk? You tell me then..,
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New cannabis legislation in Colorado aims to set a limit while driving and.. can't read the last bit the corner has been ripped off
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"Abusive partners can sabotage contraception." So what you're telling me is that the gas station attendant *didn't* poke a hole in the condoms? I feel so bad for burning the place down now
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The Super Bowl is coming up and there is a chicken wing shortage. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Bioethicist claims obesity can be reduced by shaming fat people instead of embracing them, because your arms just aren't long enough
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Woman who posted her wish on Facebook while at work gets to see it come true. "I wish I could get fired some days, it would be easier to be at home than to have to go through this"
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A sure sign of the coming apocalypse, this Fark subby actually agrees with a PETA campaign
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If you're a cop, it's pretty embarrassing when your wife gets arrested. Especially if it's for prostitution
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The War on Drugs, 1969. Holy shiat. Are those flails?
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"I love clean out the fridge night"
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Actual headline: "Infant pulled from wrecked car involved in short police pursuit" No word on how far his short little legs took him before the police caught up with him
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"It was just like The Notebook, except with a knife"
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Cue Yakkity-Sax: Cunning thieves try to use sledgehammer to smash through walls in strip mall and rob pawn shop, hit water pipe instead
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MORSI: I'm not anti-semitic. The Jewish-controlled media just says I am
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this man in the tunnels
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High school kid who put semen in breath mints pleads guilty, but will have record sealed. Solution: publish his name and photo before that happens
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Thespian puppeteers have come to rescue the homeless
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High school kids name classmate with Williams' syndrome homecoming king: "He's the star of this school." Damnit, who released the dust bomb in here?
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Coral Springs, FL relents and lets retarded boy keep his Twinkie
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember that Huffington Post article about how terrible charter schools are? Yeah, seems they got all the facts and figures wrong. Other than that the story was fine
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Finally, a James Taylor box set that doesn't include music
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Chief Theresa Spence to end hunger strike, with photo that says maybe the strike never started
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Bag full of otters recovered at Thai airport. In other news, submitter has his new band name
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Beautiful aftermath of Chicago's biggest fire in a decade
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North Korea discloses nuke test and promises "upcoming all-out action" against U.S
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Death of Romeoville student still a mystery, though police believe their suspect resides in nearby Capuletberg
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2/3rds of adults turn to drinking to relax in the evening. Only 2/3rds?
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Teacher accused of having sex with 19 kids. In a row??
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Where memes really come from
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E-cigarettes, which contain no tobacco, will be regulated as tobacco products
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High school senior wins acting award, and then according to the headline, comes out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, AND transgender. That's pretty impressive
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♫ How do you test for a drunken sailor, how do you test for a drunken sailor, how do you test for a drunken sailor, randomly starting next month. ♪
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 403: "Sepia". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 23, 2013 |
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You had me at "gigantic hairy fish ball chair"
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Looks like someone died and forgot about their huge gun and ammo arsenal after builder renovating house finds it in a wall
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German military, 1943: Blitzkrieg. German military, 2013: Titzkrieg
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If you took something called Dr. Death's super strength ecstasy pills, you probably shouldn't be surprised by the results
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.... the naked subject bent over with his hands still behind his back, and according to the police report "spreads his anus open and proclaims, 'Who wants some?'"
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Photoshop this strange looking pendant
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Scientists find skeletal remains of a woman that had pelvic teeth. Think about that
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HOO-HA
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Police arrest a man for giving "illegal butt injections," though his mugshot suggests he was injecting them into his own face
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High school wrestler in 160-pound weight class caught on video getting pinned by light weight in Madison Square Garden
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"A free man in a free country who owns deeded property should be able to say what he does on his property," intones Montana state legislator on citizens' right to shoot to kill any bison trespassing in their back yards
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Saddest. First sentence. Ever
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Photoshop this cucumber carrier
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NYPD to deploy new, portable high-tech devices that can scan people walking down the street for concealed weapons
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Drunk guy gets frostbite on his junk after humping a snowman
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♫ It was a raspberry puree... the kind you find out on I-84... ♫
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| (Associated Press) |
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30 minutes or less and it's free. Or you can break down crying while robbing us too
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Denise Richards loses pathetic, seriously ill animal. This is not a repeat from 2006
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Trying to one-up the NRA's "good guys" with guns theory, Colorado State Rep. introduces bill to arm felons
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Oh you crazy Brits and your bizarre advice issued by your Environment Agency: Of course building a snowman can ease the flooding to your homes
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Condoms don't deter good sex, say scientists from the best workplace in the world
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Biden 'intoxicated' by running in 2016, noon on weekdays
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Cleaning fairy arrested while shoveling driveways without permission
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And the future of commuting is... cars on trains. This is going to be the worst demolition derby ever
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Stock up on the Cheetos and Mountain Dew and relive the days before you lost your virginity. Company releases every version of Dungeons and Dragons ever made
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Contrary to media reports last week, TSA not eliminating body scanners. In fact it is significantly increasing the amount of body scanners in all airports
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Casino owner fined for gambling
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Boy: "I want a cigarette." Woman: "Get a job." Boy: "You are dead to me"
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Hudson Valley newspaper that published map of gun permit-owning residents releases new list of names and address: property tax-paying celebrities. Then they came for Bill Murray, and I did not speak out
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Cleveland Cavs try to put the comedy back in comic sans with Manti Te'o Kiss Cam
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The Taliban reacts to Prince Harry's comments comparing his time in combat as an Apache helicopter pilot in Afghansitan to playing video games: Come on down here and we'll see how many re-spawns you get, monkey-boy
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Launch rocket. Get sanctioned. Set off nuke. World complains. Repeat
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If you are the Health Minister it is probably not a good idea to say, 'You can spot the poor, they are the fat ones eating breakfast buns'
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My wife told me childbirth was an amazing story full of hope and love - um, say...what are all of those self-adhesive electrodes for?
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Thai magazine editor sentenced to decade in prison for negative references to the monarchy. Enough SAID
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That's a real nice restaurant you've got here. It would be a shame if somebody wrote a horrible review of it on Yelp
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Woman maintains priorities during police car chase
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"If you own a dog in New York City, odds are it's a mutt named Max." It's not news, it's public radio
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Subway: Are you really still angry over the inch we left off of our foot longs? Here, have some glass shards
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Won't someone please honor the valiant warriors, typesetting heroes, and misunderstood veterans of the Oxford Comma Wars?
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"I was just asking her for a lighter when she told me to buy her dog food with my food stamps." It's the oldest line in the book
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We have many cases of honour killings, where the families are law abiding, educated and respectable people, and were liberal towards their children. They later on went to kill their children to save their honour
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Whale euthanized on NJ beach. Jwoww, Pauly D, and The Situation inconsolable
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Inauguration 2013, In One BILLLLLLLLLLION pixels. (Holds pinky to corner of mouth)
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The military, instead of simply taking allegations of sexual misconduct more seriously, decided to rid its bases of "offensive material." Among the confiscated tools of lechery: porn vids, Maxim magazines, and a shirtless Ken doll
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It doesn't matter if you cheer for the 49ers or the Ravens. We're all gong to be winners now that the Super Bowl will air a commercial featuring Kate Upton washing a Mercedes in slow-motion
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Ten amazingly disgusting things seen on airplanes. Not a slideshow, but possibly an appetite suppressant
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Step 1: Get arrested for dancing the Charleston on the subway. Step 2: Sue. Step 3: Profit to the tune of $75,000. Yes, we finally figured out Step 2
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Tenacious man accused of stealing five big-screen televisions from WalMart in a week. I give him his Tribute because that is the greatest robbery in the world
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If your fiance breaks up with you, then it's time to demand the ring back...or if you're in Florida, make her swallow it
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Government to retire most of its chimps, your uncle will let you know about it in a racist fw:fw:fw email
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It's perfectly okay to be scary mister skullhead in a war videogame, but try it in a real war, and people get all upset that you might frighten the people you're killing, or something
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British MP says that parents should friend their children's decoy Facebook profiles
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Guess which US Embassy some of the Algerian gas complex attackers visited on September 11th of last year? Benghazi still not a scandal yet
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Jill Kelley, from Petraeus sex scandal, thinks everyone should be outraged that everyone knows Jill Kelley is a bankrupt whore siphoning off the government teet
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Two years after leaving office in disgrace, the former Miami-Dade Mayor steps back into the public spotlight. This time as the winner of an amateur bodybuilding contest
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10th anniversary remembrance ceremony planned for Columbia space crew, where were you that day when our heroes fell from the sky?
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If you steal the new Air Jordans before they go on sale, you might want to wait until after they go on sale to start wearing them in public
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Dolphin caught in net takes bloody revenge on school of scuba students. Just kidding, it asked for help from instructor with opposable thumbs
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Getting caught in a prostitution sting could jeopardize your job if, like these guys, you're a middle-school teacher, an on-duty EMT looking for underage sex, or best of all, the now-former receptionist at the Sheriff's office
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Air Force explains why jet landed at the wrong airport: The pilot was tired because he'd lost his cellphone in a taxi in Rome the night before then he lost sleep trying to find it and more sleep worrying about it. Okay, that makes sense
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Ted Nugent may know a lot of things - how to play the hell out of a guitar, how to hunt with any type of weapon, how to swing from a vine wearing a loincloth - but he apparently does not understand the meaning of the word "treason"
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Photoshop this religious rite
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Graffiti artist cut in two by quiet train
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Meeting the president isn't usually on the public White House tour. Usually
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Being convicted of killing your second wife while awaiting trial for killing your first is no way to go through life, pastor
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If a headline starts with "Naked Florida Man" and the story includes doctors being unable to determine what drugs he's on... welcome to your newfound celebrity status, good sir
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Despite new laws limiting their powers, UK authorities can still barge in to make sure your fridge is energy-efficient, your houseplants are healthy, you don't have German enemy property, and your hypnotisms are legal
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How the NY Daily News, always a paragon of truth and impartiality, covered the Stonewall Riots in 1969. Poe's law just divided by zero
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36% of all no-fault car insurance claims in NYC are fraudulent, not including any involving Rex Ryan
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And the flight engineer: Mr. Lay: "The whip-round certainly happened, I put two quid in." This is what happens when too many men are stuffed in a tube
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Forbes tackles the tricky topic of keeping Facebook from announcing to all of your friends that you liked 2 Girls 1 Cup
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Man rescued after being lost at sea for... lost due to riptide... lost far off-shore... goddamnit, someone photoshop that surfer out of the picture
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Deaf, dumb, blind shih-tzu makes its way home after a fall, still plays a mean pinball
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Bad: Accidentally shooting off your own penis. Fark: Being charged with illegal possession of a firearm and ammunition for doing so
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Undiscovered viral gene accidentally encoded in GM crops may have serious health impacts on humans, including RNA malformations that could turn us all in to purple-skinned tentacle-sporting, winged lizard people
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Japan's Finance Minister says the elderly should "hurry up and die". He's 72
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Why do puns, even from such brilliant minds as Cicero, Quintilian, Shakespeare, Groucho Marx, Victor Borge, William Safire and Rodney Dangerfield, get no respect -- no respect, et al?
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India apparently believes that two weeks of food is enough of a stockpile for the upcoming nuclear war
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Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but I fell in love with my sorority sister
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America's 100 best beer bars
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Overweight couple shed an incredible ten stone thanks to pole-dancing (w/before and after pics)
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| Tue January 22, 2013 |
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First there was bad cholesterol, then there was good cholesterol, now there is "ugly" cholesterol which makes a person 3 times more likely to have heart disease
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Helicopter parenting in the age of school shootings: hiring a deputy to patrol your child's school
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Woman who had breast surgically removed asks for it to be returned so it can be given a dignified burial. TA TA
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Those of you who think you're so smart when use your credit card to rack up reward points, stores are on to you. Get ready for the "Credit Card Checkout Fee"
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Sometimes guys arrested for kiddie porn look just like you'd expect them to
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My name is Inigo Montoya. You ruined my flight. Prepare to die
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Hey, an electric company is planning a scheduled outage overnight when temperatures are near sub-zero, what's the worst that can happen?
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Photoshop this concealed couple
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MIT student takes the science of ruining a party to new heights, develops ice cube to tell you when you've had too much alcohol, fun. FARK: If you have any friends left, it will inform them via text that you need to hand over your keys
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Missouri school district suggests that a mother get her 13-year-old daughter breast reduction surgery to fight bullying. What a bunch of boobs
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Male nurse in Los Angeles charged with having sex with corpse. Now that's cold
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Homeless teen repays good samaritan's kindness by stealing her panties (pic)
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Are police under investigation in Alberta for: A) driving drunk, B) being paid off, or C) being caught on video racing to the doughnut shop?
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You know what's bugging me? Wondering if all those vultures in the back yard, the bad smell and the missing neighbor are related
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NZ man touts final solution. Fark: for cats
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Hey Mom you just returned from a Disney Dream cruise what are you gonna do now? Get arrested on for stealing a pack of cigarettes 22-years ago
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Why men LOVE our orgasm face
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Photoshop this barrel inspection
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| (Some Guy) |
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