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| Sun January 13, 2013 |
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Think your alimony sucks? Try $175,000 PER MONTH
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Catholic church in France: Gay marriage must be stopped "to protect the children", had no comment on how they plan on protecting French children from a 40% divorce rate
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First look at the new Chevy Corvette: Hot or not?
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Old and busted: Man catches fish. New hotness: Fish catches man. (w/video)
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Seven men gang rape bus passenger in India, sadly this is not a repeat from last month
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Photoshop these kite flyers
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Now talk about a road trip
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Husband and wife who met on Facebook after learning they had the same first and last name are getting a divorce
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Meet a guy who's traveled the world without money by bartering pillow fights and stories, has traded an apple up to a home in Hawaii, and will next spend 80 days exploring Germany on a children's scooter
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PSA: If you lose your cellphone, don't go to this guy's house. HE DOESN'T HAVE IT
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Turns out Canada's heroes are more than just hockey players
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| (Some Guy) |
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January is Stalker Awareness Month. So, leave a gift by your bedroom window for your special someone
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Photoshop this bottle tipping in Belarus
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Pubic lice on endangered list thanks to the destruction of their natural habitat
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Good: Eskimos cutting blocks of ice from the ground to use for refrigeration. Bad: Chinese cutting blocks from the air to use as fuel for furnaces
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11:56
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How cyclists see their fellow humans
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Driving under the influence of ibuprofen is now a crime in New Hampshire
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Every once in a while someone comes along who moves to the front of the Mugshot Goodness line. Meet this year's winner. Proceed with caution
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Boozy root beer flavored with bourbon. Subby is giving up normal beer
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She's rich, hot, and single. Yea, right ...dream on boys
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While you were busy clearing your thetans, Agents Mulder and Scully were conducting the first FBI investigation into Scientology in 30 years
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"Do rural areas still matter?" asks Iowa newspaper. Well, we still need our corn, soybean, cows, chickens, and other farm staples, so yes
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Blaze in Warrumbungle National Park threatens Coonabarabran, Australian ability to get the world to take its place names seriously
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You're having a baby? Surely you can't be serious
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31 years ago Pvt. Donald Tremblay ignored his officers' orders and deserted the Marine Corps. On Thursday they arrested her for it
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Dear Journal of Immunology: I never thought it would happen to me. Which is why I didn't get a flu shot
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Best read to the Benny Hill theme
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Awesome window washers dress up as Spiderman when they visit a children's hospital
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Survey concludes most adults don't wash their hands long enough. Mind you, this was the fourth annual Healthy Hand Washing Survey, so by definition the desired results might have been a bit optimistic
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Photoshop this sailing senior sledder
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It's raining men. Hallelujah
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I have the weirdest weather forecast right now
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AP figures out how to make news relevant: Print it on the back of bar tabs
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Scottish engineers conjure up gasoline from nothing but air and water
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A teacher was suspended after she made students clean bathroom graffiti with toothbrushes and industrial strength cleaner.. which would have been a good punishment had there been a bit more ventilation
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Dog owners wearing clothes made with the fur of their dogs
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Losing weight used to be about pumping you up, now it's just pumping you out
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Eugene Patterson, Southern white journalist who championed civil rights, dies at 89
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A sheriff's department in Louisiana is offering free firearm training for. A) Women B) 1st time owners. C) Children between the ages of 8 and 12
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Police officer shoots gun wielding suspect inside San Diego movie theater, I guess he's Les Miserables now
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Man has lucky streak at casino, wins $35,800. Takes his winnings home. In cash. His luck finally ran out
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Practice sign language? That's a stabbing
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| Sat January 12, 2013 |
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A former Army staff sergeant will be just the fourth living recipient of the Medal of Honor for his actions in repelling an insurgent onslaught in Afghanistan in 2009
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The most Canadian headline ever: Snowmobiler dead after collision with moose
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How to not die of the flu
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The good news: The new Girl Scout cookie is out. The bad news: It tastes like crap
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Treasury to Internet: "Shut the hell up, idiots. We're not gonna mint a trillion dollar coin"
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Seeking shelter from the rain, obese woman drops in for some buffalo wings
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Freak red dust storm hits Australia. *sniff* It's getting dusty in here
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Photoshop this caterpillar
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Just another story about a meth lab being run out of a trailer and... oh good lord, that mug shot cannot be real, can it?
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Police departments are now posting mugshots to Pinterest
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Not news: Revolutionary-war era cannon, removed from display in Central Park in 1996, being cleaned and refurbished. Fark: It was primed and loaded, and sat in Central Park ready to fire for over a century
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Investors were defrauded of almost $2 million by a fake scooter infomercial, which is almost as embarrassing as the time they fell for the fake Craigslist ad promising sexy, fat women
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Travel agent steals nearly 4 million frequent flyer miles from clients. In other news, there are still travel agents
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Incessantly stalked by a guy you only dated a few times? Trying to bring a lawsuit against him to make him stop? That's a lot of tabloid stories and a firing
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Hacker, activist, SOPA critic & early Reddit coder Aaron Swartz, who co-authored RSS specification at 14, committed suicide yesterday. He faced up to 50 years on federal charges for downloading free content, and had battled depression. He was 26
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Teacher sues for discrimination after being unjustly fired due to disability. The disability being a fear of children
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Guess who has a problem with the NOAA's warmest year on record report. Go on, guess
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Girl Scouts hold rally to get ready for cookie selling season. Just shut up and give me my damn Thin Mints already
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Photoshop these vials of vaccine
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Welcome to your new home. There's a stiff penalty if dishes are left in the sink, cooking must be limited to 30 minutes, and pork is banned entirely
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He hasn't been everywhere, after all. World's greatest living travel writer reveals the places he longs to visit, by car, including Alaska, Montana, and the Dakotas
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The Fruit with a Personality Disorder
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Those kids playing violent video games in their mothers' basements just donated over $2.3 million dollars to Superstorm Sandy victims. It's getting dusty down here
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Arrestee may or may not fall under "faces of meth," but is a shoo-in for "hairstyles of meth" and "eyelashes of meth"
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Calgary Zoo decides the best way to increase attendance is to have its own March of the Penguins
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Wannabe chef travels to Dehillerin, the 'Mecca for Chefs around the world' for centuries, and is promptly told he's a moron. Multiple times. And laughed at. By the staff. Guess the nation
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Russia launches new Nuclear Sub in an effort to modernize its naval forces. In this case "modern" means construction started in 1995
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Lexington KY party Jan 12 2013. Come escape from the post-holiday-season and have a drink or three w/ Drew and Mike
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Headline: "Woman arrested for stalking herself"
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It's not CNN, it's Photoshop
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Today's "attractive female high school teacher trading her yearbook photo for a mug shot after doing the sex with students thing" comes to us from Houston. Bonus: a neighbor interviewed on camera says he hope she gets sentenced like a man would
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Two men plead not guilty to buying "unicorn of the sea" tusks. Look for them in the canned fish aisle. In related news, Fox News doesn't think its viewers know what a narwhal is
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Kindergartener finds out the hard way that hand sanitizer is 140-proof. On the bright side, her insides are now very sanitary
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Georgia inconsistently banning vanity license plates. MKSNOSNSE
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Having solved all the other problems in the state, Wyoming lawmakers push forth a bill to honor the jackalope
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It turns out old fashioned drinking water is superior to distilled water, purified water, and spring water. Fire water still trumps all
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Officers say the three transvestites who performed a sexy dance routine at a police event were uninvited party crashers. "We will get to the bottom of this"
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If you need a sensor-packed electronic gadget to remind you when it's time to water your plants, maybe you shouldn't have plants
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I can see clearly now - Dad's joy at seeing family for first time after revolutionary eye procedure
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Photoshop this high flying tennis match. You know, "tennis match." ;)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dayton, Ohio is the city with the happiest workers in America. Evidently because work is, in fact, the happiest thing to do in Dayton
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Perhaps the hottest items selling on the black market last year were bales of hay
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The Pompatus of Love, Bismillah, chunder, and other weird words in song explained
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Meet Holly a 4-year-old cat that got separated from her humans at Daytona Speedway Park. It took her two months of left turns but she has traveled the 190 miles to her home just in time for Caturday
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A body was found at a recycling center. "SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OUT OF PEOPLE" O_o
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Sunday is "No Pants" day in Seattle. In subby's home, a day with pants is the special occasion
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H2Oh... my.... god
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It's time to start training and preparing for the World Cup. Especially if you're a prostitute
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Mother is outraged after she pulls her children out of school the day before Winter Break because she feared school violence, and the school charges them with an unexcused absence. "I told the truth, and now they're being penalized"
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Ohio schools to start arming janitors. This will end well
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Female teacher recently paroled after doing the whole sex with a student thing snips off her ankle bracelet and hits the road with another young'un. Or, as they call it in Buffalo, "Wednesday"
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A 3-year-old boy who will be allowed to eat ice cream for breakfast for the rest of his life saves his mom from a fire
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Good and bad news for Canadian Students: hard drive containing personal information about more than half a million people who received student loans has gone missing
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A study on how porn affects men had to be stopped. The reason... researchers could not find ANY men who had not seen porn. I'm shocked, SHOCKED
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The United States is in the middle of three epidemics right now - flu, whooping cough and 'winter vomiting disease'
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DC Prosecutors have decided to not to charge the David Gregory with breaking the law. Finally, a rich affluent white person can get justice in America
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When you have to cheat at fishing, it may be time to reevaluate your life
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Between the Chivas Regal with the morning paper, the two margaritas at lunch, the 10pm acid trips, and the copious amount of cocaine, it's pretty clear from this article that Hunter S. Thompson did not fark around
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| Fri January 11, 2013 |
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A Case for the Ages: Brooke Greenberg may be a 20-year old, but she's also still a toddler due to a mystery medical condition. There are no other cases like Brooke's in the world
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Break the rules during jury duty? Congratulations, you've just been sentenced to more jury duty
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So how bad a paedophile was BBC TV presenter Sir Jimmy Savile? Well, if you need three separate bar graphs to split abuse by year and location from age of male and female victims, I'm guessing pretty bad
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Brother stabs sister in their mobile home, then has heart attack while dumping her body off in woods. That's Southern justice
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Last fall, Prada looked to the past, showing us Willem Dafoe and Gary Oldman looking dashing in steampunk-inspired menswear. This winter, men's fashion looks to the future... and it's not so pretty
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Man jumps into Meteor Crater mine shaft to 'appease the gods' but gets rescued by crews who risked their lives to save him. The gods are probably not happy
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He may be a crackhead, but at least he's a budget-minded crackhead
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Remember the crazy guy who said he'd start shooting people if his second amendment rights were infringed? Yeah, the state of Tennessee just suspended his handgun carry permit
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New gun turns anyone into a sharpshooter able to hit a target almost one mile away. What could possibly go wrong?
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What Van Gogh's Famous Self-Portrait Looks Like as a Photograph. Hint: More alive and more richly colored
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Photoshop this snow scraped from a solar unit
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Circle K robber disconsolate after being informed register has no money, asks clerk to call police and arrest her. "Her attempt at armed robbery of a convenience store was so gentle police are currently unsure what charges they can press"
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Meet Mr. William "Billy" Michael Martin. Arrested for pleasuring himself in hospital offices, stealing womens panties and absconding with various pictures for self pleasure. But things didn't really get weird until they found the beach balls
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Part-time supermodel Pat Roberston: "Awful-looking" women are ruining marriages
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People with low self-esteem defend brands even after scandals. Finally, an explanation for Nickelback's fan base
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Middle aged people are increasingly finding out their friends smoke weed, and they don't know what to do about it. EVERYBODY CHILL
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these leaping ladies
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Walmart spokesman: The e-mails released that show CEO was told about the bribes before they happened "leaves the wrong impression that our public statements {that we didn't know about the bribes} are contradicted" Baghdad Bob? Is that you?
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The guy who jumped into the Bronx Zoo's tiger pit and got mauled pleads not guilty to trespassing charges, planning a "dumbass" defense
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Redemption Day is here: you may have sucked at the quiz last week, but now you've had a full week to prepare
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Feds withdraw warning letter issued to flatulent Social Security employee soon after getting wind of it. The employee is glad to have the matter behind him
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Bucky Badger robs credit union
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Gamefly: we'd like to mail these games out, please. Postal Service: They could get caught in the sorting machines, so pay extra. Gamefly: You don't charge Netflix extra. Postal Service: um, do you need any stamps with Bart Simpson on them?
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Tiny molecular machine apes cellular production line. Man, I always knew Verizon tech support was bad, but I never thought they hired tiny apes
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If you call in a bomb threat to your old school, make sure AT&T can't trace it back to your phone
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You probably shouldn't try to sell 40 gallons of moonshine via Craigslist
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Twenty years ago Art Spiegelman drew an ironic cover of kids walking into school with guns. Now? "My wish for 2013: let Newtown be remembered as the turning point-I'm hoping that kids with guns can become ironic again"
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So wait, we can't get paid because the person in control of that quit?
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What's the first thing thieves do with a stolen debit card? a) pay bills b) hookers and blow or c) laundry? Hint: Tampa
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And here's the 2013 Quality Counts report on the states doing the best job at education. At number ten we have Kentucky; at number nine, West Virginia. Then they start trolling
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Here are 21 T-shirts that shouldn't exist in kids' sizes. BONUS: Not a slideshow. Subby laughed, has reserved the aisle seat
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FDA issues alert over the popular sleep aid Ambien as it seems that the medication causes people to fall asleep
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Expected: in wake of school shootings, sending a sheriff's deputy to watch over an elementary school. Unexpected: because kids weren't saying the Pledge of Allegience correctly
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What an autistic Miss America contestant might look like
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Delaware woman had sex with a dog while her boyfriend took pics. It was supposed to be the other way around, but the dog was having trouble with the shutter and the evening just got out of control
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Science: "Why yes, money does buy happiness"
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How I paid off my debt and wrote a Yahoo article about it. Step 1: I took a job that paid me nearly double what I was making per hour and that made things easier
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Workers renovating TV station find newspaper stuffed inside wall from October 3, 1949. Pics will give you younger Farkers a lesson in dead historical figures like Stalin, Joe Louis, newspapers
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Wait, now it's OK to get priests and pastors to influence their flocks on a political issue?
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Obama first term: "Can't we all just get along?" Obama second term: "You guys had your chance, now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational White House"
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City's traffic engineers decide to install double lane traffic circle on a 56mph highway. Bonus points for the crosswalk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hobo corpse found murdered and rotting in condemned house. Subby lives three doors down and steals their coupons. I'm so scared right now
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Man has alarming level of pride in institution that left him $50,000 in debt, inadequately prepared for job market
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South Korean teen gets over internet porn addiction by riding it out
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Fox News missed the "$1T platinum coin will not weigh the same as $1T of platinum" memo. Though now we know what 89 Blue whales would weigh. Who says you can't learn anything from those crazy kids
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New study reveals that brown-eyed guys seem more trustworthy than those blue-eyed devils
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After taking bailout money in the billions, Ford has finally turned the company around and is ready to double its quarterly dividend...Wait a minute, What? Ford did not take the bailout money and turned the company around on its own?
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Archaeologists unearth 3,000-year-old Egyptian tombs; the search for Stargate is still ongoing
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In addition to determining if your boyfriend/husband is an asshole, Vanity Fair now has a quiz to help you decided whether or not you have the flu
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Photoshop this foggy fishing
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1 yr later: Costa Concordia still sunk, Captain still drunk, passengers still in a funk. Oh yeah, and a survivor is shilling book to capitalize on the event
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One of Senator Dan "Badass" Inouye's old army bodies - who once got 1,650 people to surrender during a battle using only a loudspeaker - is sending his Congressional Gold Medal on a museum tour
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Meth being considered as possible cure to flu. In other news, Chewbacca set to report for tryouts with the Mets
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Why does everyone find ugly-ass baby pandas so cute? Here comes the cuddly science
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Elderly 94 year old man becomes instant Fark hero
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You know you live in a really bad part of town when the police have a tank patrolling your neighborhood
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Does your Atlantic Salmon taste a little "eel-like"? Get ready, Frankenfish is coming to a Sam's club near you
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Scientists set aside search for cure for cancer to focus on something much more important: how to make strong beer even stronger
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Red Wings fan celebrates the return of hockey by robbing bank in San Diego
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Inside the editor's staff meeting: "And another thing, try to work more poetry into headlines, readers seem to like that"
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Add alcohol, an ex-wife, her brother, and a stun gun. Mix well by dragging with a truck. The Aristocrats
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For the record, PETA is totally cool with us colonizing Mars just as long as we promise to make it 100% vegan
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Buggy overturns and flips horse into an irrigation canal. Amazingly, no Amish were involved in the accident
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Brothel open for business in Chinese hospital
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"When he was asked why his clothes were undone, the man said that 'is how I like it and I think I look better that way.' "
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Indiana boy abducted in 1994 found tied down in Minnesota
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It's like a color wheel, but for Beer
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Australian heat wave has gotten so bad that gas is vaporizing at the pump, leading to post-apocalyptic wasteland filled with leather jackets battling hockey masks and assless pants for fuel
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Today's cute teacher caught in lay-by with sixth-form boy comes to us from Dumfries, Scotland (w/pic)
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US submarine pops up its periscope to search for ships and finds one immediately
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Have a gambling problem? Well sign a paper to be banned from gambling. But gamble anyways and lose big dollars. But when you win? No money for you, as you are banned from gambling
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Nearly 99 out of 100 sexual offenses committed in Britain end with nobody being punished -- possibly because the laws there have no teeth
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Asking a prominent female politican how it feels to be a MILF - that's a firing offence
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Couple arrested with 244 pounds of spice. Accomplice reportedly fled on giant worm
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Woman goes full Mike Tyson on her boyfriend. Never go full Mike Tyson
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We the jury find the defendant guilty. No fat chicks
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| Thu January 10, 2013 |
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Ten companies less popular than Wal*mart, Chick-Fil-A and Herpes
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Dad decides he's going to test school security response by telling one of the greeters he's packing
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Woman determined to consume only Starbucks products for an entire year, will go bankrupt sometime in March
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As if the odds weren't already on his side, a grown man brings his teenage son and a baseball bat with him to pick a fight with elementary school students
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Two men go walking in Portland, OR with loaded assault rifles strapped to their backs to "educate" general public. Hilarity ensues
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A bombing has killed 103 people in Paki .... Hold on Tom, we're getting word the Lingerie Football League is shedding lingerie, and not in a good way
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Photoshop this giant rubber duck
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If the flu doesn't kill you, the Tylenol you took to treat it might. Regardless, EVERYBODY PANIC
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Those killer whales "trapped" under the sea-ice in Canada have freed themselves ending the urgent call for a rescue mission. Gee, it's almost if they have some sort of ability to live and survive unassisted in arctic seas or something
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So, yeah, apparently California's budget deficit is gone
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Obama will swear on a stack of Bibles
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Impact from asteroid Apophis in 2036 now ruled out
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Residents of Amherst, Mass. baffled by low-flying UFO that doesn't show on radar. In other news, Amherst is a college town and Massachusetts just legalized medical marijuana
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Today's "Happily married mother of two who ran the local youth recreation center arrested for providing the very best kind of recreation to a 15 year old boy" comes to us from Pittsburgh, PA
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"If every person at that mall had a gorilla, then the tragedy probably never would have even happened in the first place"
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Beer reporter speculates that there may be an actual "hops addiction," wherein tracking down the latest, hoppiest ale is more important than the actual flavor of the beer, which may just explain the whole hipster thing in general
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Best video of a tip nipper you will see all day
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Photoshop this serpent spread
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Albany, NY man wants to rezone former Planned Parenthood building to allow a restaurant to open. Suggest names for this new eatery to your right
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BP settles class-action lawsuit for more than $1 billion. Or about six days worth of profits
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Government now oppressing those performing baptisms in Alabama
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$ ૪૪૪૪૪૪૪૪ $
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Students bring itching and burning as hometown souvenirs to Fla. college town
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Accused gang rapist in India says police tortured him. Aw shucks
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Canadians rush to save trapped whales, proving that they were truly deserving of inclusion into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
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Pro tips for wannabe home invaders: Pick a victim that won't recognize your voice. Don't call out your partner-in-crime's name or leave your babies alone in a motel room during robbery. Bad karma, dude
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Let's see how the python hunt is doing in Florida
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As expected, the thorny backwoods of Cibolo, Texas is the latest hotspot for Grey Alien sightings
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United Kingdom McDonald's will no longer include toys in their Happy Meals. They will instead be replaced with pieces of paper bound together at the spine with words written on them. What is this madness?
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Lawsuit against Oxy maker will be heard in Kentucky, will not be heard by Oxy users
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I was a paid internet shill: For a little over six months, I was paid to spread disinformation and argue political points on the Internet"
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Florida Atlantic University is now famous for TWO things: Producing an amazing running back, and employing a complete nutball as a professor who is officially the nation's leading "Sandy Hook denier"
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Cops say a trail of Cheetos led to a store robber, Fark Admins say reports of the headline submissions count being down are unsubstantiated
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Congratulations, Washington DC, on being the number one most porn-watchingest city in the country. Now go put something on those callouses, you've got a busy day ahead of you
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Well, it's time to reset the "days until we can talk about gun control" counter back to zero again
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PETA wants decapitation ban in Florida snake-hunting contest, because it's so much safer for Floridians to be using firearms
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Texting on motorcycle at 1AM? Darwin is there
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New study shows that internet users aren't willing to wait more than a couple of seconds for a streaming video to download. Dude, a couple of seconds? Who has that kind of time?
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Don't you just hate it when you're trapped in an elevator, with a toddler, and it starts filling with water, HOT water? So does this family
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God may not reveal himself in tragedy or disease, but long-lasting shoes and lots of spaghetti prove God is involved with enriching our daily lives
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Miss Alabama says she's used to Musburger's "creepy uncle" vibe...she works with Donald Trump
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Darwin shoots and scores
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Strip club destroyed by fire. Now how will those nice girls pay for their college?
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"Our T-shirts were created as a witty and comical statement regarding ILLEGAL immigrants. There are NO racial nor hate remarks towards any specific ethnic group" says Mexican-style restaurant about a picture of two tacos below a wood crate trap
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How dirty are cockroaches? Even baby wasps have to disinfect them before dining on them
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To understand how extraordinary this obsession with Israel is, just imagine the uproar if any senator raised objections to a US cabinet nominee over, say their "commitment" to Canada, France or Turkey
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America is still number one where it counts: obesity, STDs, and dying young. USA USA USA
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Bill Clinton named "Father of the Year" by organization that gave the same award to John Edwards and Hulk Hogan. Even Leno thinks the punchline for this one is too obvious
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"But so far the most famous naked waitress in Bushwick remains tight-lipped" (photo mildly Not safe for work)
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New regulations are an America-destroying attack on honest business people's God-given Constitutional rights to make undocumented fraudulent loans that American taxpayers end up owing
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Tough or stupid? Man shocked by power line on Monday, and stung by killer bees last summer, leaves intensive care unit and is ready to go back to work. Includes interview with the man
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Why do rich and famous women always seem to sunbathe topless? Short answer: because they can. Long answer... is actually pretty interesting and worth a read
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Photoshop this Gollum-to-be
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If you're thinking about buying a trailer from Craigslist, it's understandable if you want to check it out first. But you will raise eyebrows if you do it at 2 a.m
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Get your ass to Mars. This may be one reality show subby would sign up for
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Your eyes may need a bath after witnessing the horror that is Ricky Gervais and Conan O'Brien taking a Twitter photo together
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Gas stations, online purchases, your neighborhood crack house, and other places where you should never use your debit card
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100 million Christians: HELP, WE'RE BEING OPPRESSED
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Impromptu Fark Party Chicago - Thurs 10 JAN - Celtic Crossings
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New Jersey leads the nation in people trying to get the hell out of New Jersey
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WWII vet reunited with duffle bag he lost after being captured by the Germans 70 years ago when French teen finds it in his grandparents' attic
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Sandusky's lawyers to argue he didn't get fair trial, because apparently getting convicted is now considered by the legal profession to be "unfair". Boo farking hoo
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Thinking of visiting Greece? You'd better be Caucasian. Or enjoy getting beaten by police
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If you're being arrested for trying to pass counterfeit money at IHOP and McDonald's, eating the fake bills might be the healthiest decision you've made all day
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Remember that guy who got taped to his seat on the plane? Yeah, there's a video
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Ric Romero investigates why a store has been GOING OUT FOR BUSINESS for at least three years
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Button thief continues to plague thrift shop. OH, SNAP
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Don't bring a cattle prod to a gun fight
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Indiana Bill would require teaching cursive writing. Finally, someone will be able to read the Constitution
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County sheriff changes policy on shooting after man shot 16 times survives. Policy now 17
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ProTip: Putting videos of your marijuana grow operation on YouTube may lead to your arrest for illegal manufacture of a controlled drug and possession of a controlled drug with intent to distribute
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Alligator named "Mr. Teeth" found guarding 34 pounds of marijuana with a wide smile
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Man who spent the past 60 years looking for his long-lost sister finds her thanks to an 8 year-old neighbor who did a Facebook search that took about five seconds
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Give me a cigarette, and if you don't light the smurfing thing, I'll go over there and smurf your in the smurfing smurfs
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 401: "Pink". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 09, 2013 |
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Connecticut man runs into problems while recycling, gets all bent out of shape
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Man transforms himself into a smoking hot woman, makes a neat time lapse video of the three-year procedure (w/video)
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Kinder Chocolate Eggs are full of surprises. Here's one of the marriage variety
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Man crashes car in pizza joint, orders pizza. To go, of course
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School field trips are fun-filled days in which many happy memories are formed, except for the time the teachers made you squat and piss in a cup at the front of the bus
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Protip: If the eye doctor asks you to remove your shirt and bra for an eye exam, it might not be legit
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I TAID ny tongue id tuck in da bobble
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Seven-year-old boy writes letter to LEGO after losing his minifigure, gets awesome response
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The appropriate action to take with all autistic patients is to have them on a leash, obviously
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Photoshop this tentacle touching
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World's population may soon start declining; feel free to start screwing like rabbits
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Accused of robbing woman of purse, man blames it on his military time in Iraq ... where they taught him to rob purses?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The quest of one Floridian to spend a year not touching Florida soil or dealing with Florida inhabitants. Why, that's the American dream too
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The First Amendment doesn't protect Piers Morgan from deportation, but it does protect him from finding a real job
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In a rare display of empathy and humility, AIG pulls back from an epic troll opportunity
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If you' plan to burglarize a house, don't stay long enough to shower, wash clothes, drink tequila and have a bite. Because once you're in the back of the cop car, you'll wriggle into the front seat, try to drive off, hit a cop and get shot to death
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Hablar un segundo idioma puede prevenir que le dé la demencia. Parler une seconde langue pourrait vous empêcher de faire la démence
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So the going rate for rape and sexual assault, beatings, forced nudity, humiliation and isolation is approximately $74,366 per person
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Because they lack souls. Duh
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News: Paris designer store offers customers 50% off all clothes. FARK: If you take off 50% of your clothes. OOO LA LA
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I'm not saying it's aliens because it wasn't
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Great, now the Chinese are copying our failed shopping malls
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Mrs. Starbuck at Starbuck's during robbery, prefers 7-Eleven: "It's expensive, so I never go". Post all comments on Galactica, Moby Dick & gun control to the right
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If Jack Lew is confirmed as Treasury secretary, he's either going to have to change his penmanship or US dollar bills are going to start bearing the most craptacular signature ever
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Obama may issue executive order on gun control, which will immediately triple the price of assault weapons and popcorn
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To honor no-pants subway ride in NYC, Spokane robber attempts no-pants burglary. Suspect is white man in his 20's, about 5'8'' to 5'10", thin, and pantsless
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Dutch official suggests water saving technique that most of us have already been doing for years
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In other news, the TSA is still a dick
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Remember Steve Martin yelling "The new phone books are here" in The Jerk? This is like that only more horrifying
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Bill Maher makes joke $5 million bet with Donald Trump for him to release birth certificate to prove he isn't "spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan;" Trump releases birth certificate, demands Maher to pay up or there will be hell toupee
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Just looking at the URL alone, what would you imagine this story could be about?
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Photoshop this tightrope walker
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Ric Romero reports that infant seats can grow mold, infants, if not kept clean
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Watch as people react to a "driverless car" at a drive thru window (WARNING: possibly the funniest video on all of Youtube)
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Q: What's worse than a wild bobcat mauling you in your own garage? A: Ask this guy
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It's called "The Great Human Failure" and the entire world bears witness to it. Nothing has the power to elevate careers and change lives like LP 500. LGT 499
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The stripper who fell 15 feet while attempting a lap dance stunt has died. All of you who made fun of her may now feel badly
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Pranksters redeem bogus "Gay Conversion Coupon" at Chick-Fil-A. Still not queerer than a $2 bill at Taco Bell
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It's been a while since we have had tipping thread, check out the awesome tip this guy left
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The latest Birther target? Chief Justice John Roberts, whom they want impeached if he swears in the foreign usurper Balrog HUSSEIN Taxbongo for a second term
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Laughing, whether from amusement, joy, shock or mischief the 24 year old Algerian hacker from the ten most wanted on the FBI list has been detained by police in Thailand. Way to go FBI outsource that shiat
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Nifty: Being a test pilot. FRIGGIN AWESOME: Being a test pilot for water rides
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Chicago-which gets its name from the Indian word for "Holy FARK it's cold", and has been known to feature "White Mother's Days"- has not had a full inch of snowfall in 320 days, a new record
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In a move that should anger no one, the National Cathedral announces plans to perform same-sex weddings
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NYC ferry recreates the ending of Speed 2
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The obvious solution to this problem is to hang up a portrait of Mohammed
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Four men arrested for beating up a grocery store manager who tried to kick them off property for fighting
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Headline: New details emerge in fatal buttocks injection
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Judge throws out breathalyzer reading because driver was too drunk for machine to measure accurately
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What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, rolls off a truck that also rolls over, taking out power to 1,100 customers?
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You know the picture of the destroyed Staten Island home that Allstate uses in the ad patting themselves on the back for how awesome and helpful they are? Yeah, Allstate's stiffing the couple that owns it and refusing to pay off their policy
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Proof that horoscopes are a joke... I present to you the random horoscope generator. It actually works. Hit refresh a few times and you'll see
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He ran over fleeing suspects, fell asleep on duty, and stole corkscrews from a neighborhood pizza joint. Still, there goes the best damn police officer the city of Hastings ever had
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Ha Ha, people in Norfolk don't know the difference between a lion and a Labradoodle - Jesus Christ get in the car
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They said you couldn't breed an uglier cat than the hairless Sphynx. Challenge accepted
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The reality of how the modern US will treat your well-armed militia and any fantasies of an uprising
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Boeing goes three days in a row with a 787 breakdown at Boston's Logan airport. No word on which Foursquare badge that equates to
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Oh, and btw, the Earth might get struck by Asteroid Apophis today. Just saying
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SWAT team found man sound asleep six hours after he crashed his SUV into sporting-goods store and fired shots. He had no idea how he got there; the last thing he remembered was an "unknown quantity" of Black Velvet whisky
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Officials note that although the tanker was empty, it didn't spill any oil. Ric Romero does first-ever facepalm
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Excavator gets stolen. Police kinda give up looking for it for lack of leads. Owner asks 'associates'(buddies) about possible locations and directions. Hops in a plane and oh there it is
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"It's not a bad lie," explains creepy note-posting car-prowler, pointing out that he is 'on the uppity-up' and 'legal-beagle.'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this copper cable
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You might be drinking too much Gatorade if it leaves you with skin lesions, memory loss and nerve disorders
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Two words: Hedgehog cheerleaders
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| (China.Org) |
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Being that candy is cheaper and easier to send than food, Best Korea leader Kim Jong-Un sent one kilogram (2.2 pounds) of candy to every child in North Korea to mark the leaders birthday on Tuesday
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It's never a great sign when the hot air balloon you are being married on makes an uncontrolled descent into terrain
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Participants in a mud run who were injured at the obstacle known as "Gravity's Revenge" are angry that it was correctly named (w/pic)
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If you're trying to get Scottish women to drink less, why not try an Android app? It can't possibly be less successful than everything else you've tried already
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Taco Bell gives loyal high school swimmer a custom made Speedo as company finally decides to think inside the buns
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Were you planning to file your taxes early this year in hopes of an early refund? Yeah, about that
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You've been officially banned from all Walmarts. Do you: A) Shop at Target? B) Shop at Kmart? C) Go into a Walmart and steal a bucket of chicken?
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Soft-spoken wife of poisoned lottery winner tearfully declares, "I didn't do it even though he died right after eating the dinner I cooked him"
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Come for the MILF commander stay for the cunning linguist. The world's weirdest job titles
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NOAA: 2012 was the hottest year on record in the lower 48 United States. But global warming is totally not happening 'cuz there's snow in your backyard right now
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Olive oil is not only good for you, but it can also help save your decaying British cathedrals
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Thirteen things you should stop doing in 2013. You mean people seek validation from the internet? Who knew?
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Dog that went missing after Hurricane Sandy found by his owner, just hours before he was scheduled to be put down. All that pet dander in here, acts just like dust
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Trail of Cheetos leads to man's arrest
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How do we, a budget-strapped school, remove all of this asbestos? Let's have the students do it. Brilliant
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Do you have a crawlspace under your house? May want to check it out after you read this story
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British students no longer just learning about the tools of the devil, will now know how many rods cars get to the hogshead
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