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| Sun December 30, 2012 |
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McDonald's didn't invent the chicken nugget; it was actually created by a Cornell University professor who proposed the idea of a frozen chicken stick...in 1963, almost 18 years before the Golden Arches unveiled their nasty prototype
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The Pope intervenes in continuing struggle against slaughtering dogs, cats for meat in ... Switzerland?
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Forty-nine-year-old dude comes clean about laundry bill, his 24 year-old girlfriend hammers home her point
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Spanish police arrest 17 men accused of having the best band name, EVER
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If you're not careful this New Year's Eve, YOU'LL PUT YOUR EYE OUT
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Just another day in hell, hades, sheol, gehenna, abaddon, naraka, diyu, perdition, pandemonium--or as it's more commonly known, Syria
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Some north Kansas City school buses to be wired with wi-fi, for the 50 minute commute to school. Information Technology director THINKS kids will use this to recoup instructional time lost to travel. Uh huh
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Deal has been reached to stop America from going off the Dairy Fiscal Cliff
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The mysterious disappearance of Russia's crown jewels
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Secretary Clinton admitted to hospital with blood clot following concussion
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Got dragon slaying experience? Craigslist needs you. The Top 10 Crazy Craigslist Ads of 2012
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Photoshop this sporangium of the slime mold Craterium minutum
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And they better not ask for my Fark log-in, either
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Did you get f*cked by Dick's?
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Woman dies of flu-like symptoms whilst travelling via crowded passenger train. It begins
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George H.W. Bush now has something in common with Abe Vigoda
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One of our favorite Ancient Aliens guys died today. No, not the one with the hair. RIP Philip Coppens. Cancer sucks
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The best NY Times interactive infographics of the year
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"Ban spoons, they make me fat"
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News: The State Department has issued a updated travel advisory for Haiti, warning Americans planning to travel to the Caribbean island nation about robbery, lawlessness and infectious disease. Other News: Americans are still traveling to Haiti
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Massachusetts disbands successful car theft strike force in favor of more road patrols. So feel free to steal that car, but keep it under 65 miles per hour
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Mexican navy kills 4 trying to rob back the body of Mexican drug boss "Pokemon". In other news, Mexican drug bosses "El Backyardigan", "Los Wow Wow Wubbzy", and "La Good Luck Charlie" unavailable for comment
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Photoshop this scary encounter
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Think the Weather Channel's naming system for winter storms is stupid? You're not alone. So does NOAA, the National Weather Service, and pretty much everyone else
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Slow retail sales are bad news for holiday employees who had hoped the gig would turn into something permanent
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Margaret Thatcher released from hospital naked on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher released from hospital naked on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher released from hospital naked on a cold day..,
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Colonial tavern destroyed by out of control truck full of bananas will be reopened. Somewhere up there, Harry Chapin is smiling
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Holocaust survivor who went from a makeshift lab in her bedroom to the Nobel prize for medicine dies, aged 103. Of course she is nowhere nearly as famous as Snooki, hence the tag
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Kid whose parents banned him from Facebook starts his own social media site. His friends have already started the lawsuits
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Bishop who built 400 secret churches in communist Poland passes away. St. Peter widens Pearly Gates to accommodate passage of extra-giant brass balls
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Holy Fiscal Cliffitude, Batman. Lindsey Graham congratulated Obama on Fox News Sunday for getting a deal done. Is this the end of our long national nightmare? Will our taxes go up? What about Moose and Squirrel?
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Craft brewery solicits public for names for its newest beer. Behold the power of FARK
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Concord, Massachusetts declares its independence from plastic bottles
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Pizza Hut demotes driver for having the audacity to defend himself when he was being attacked
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Not News: Britain's most spoiled girl gets £10,000 a month allowance. Fark: She's a hottie (w/pics)
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92 percent of Americans are prudes
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Not News: Demand for $1 million homes soaring. Fark: In Detroit
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In 2013 could we all agree to stop using made-up words like 'amazeballs' and 'cray-cray'?
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Photoshop this strange Santa Claus statue
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Author of landmark LA Times story about Scientologist 25 years ago does a follow up interview with senior church leader who poisoned his dog
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It might be the Belgians who finally bring down the Cult of $cientology
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Dave Barry's Year In Review
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The problem with today's baby names isn't that they're being saddled with unfortunate things like Bella, Brayden, Jayden, Katniss, and Grayden, it's that they're not biblical names
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Old and busted: Gangnam Style. New hotness: Pandam Style
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"Vibrators ruined my sex life." Definitely nothing to buzz about
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Coming up at the top of the hour, it's the last Livingston Stapler Company Presents show of the year. Two + hours of music hosted live by a Farker in Juneau, Alaska. LGT stream
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If you're going to take a bank teller hostage, you typically do it at the bank. Not at her home
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| Sat December 29, 2012 |
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Elementary school opens time capsule buried in 1987, unearths highly collectible Guess jeans, Go-Bots, and Garfield cartoons
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Russian woman who has come back from the dead not once but twice just wants to relax, eat BRAAIINS
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Capturing the moment of a plane crash makes every Russian dashcam worthwhile
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Mother of Delhi bus rapist - "Hang my son, he deserves it"
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Using anything that explodes to build a fire is never a good idea
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Photoshop this angel actress
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Hottie Biology teacher arrested for tutoring student on her own time. Smoking teacher trifecta complete
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2013 will be the first year since 1987 to ...?
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| (KLAX) |
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Our long national drought is over. Actual "smokin' hot teacher" farking students trifecta in play
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Woman SHOCKED to find the "official" jersey she bought on-line from a Chinese website selling Steelers jersey with President Barack Obama's name on it isn't really official, or even the right size
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The Megapiranha is extinct, but will still haunt your dreams
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The ten most underreported stories of 2012 according to Time Magazine
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Gym owner turns tables on attacker, offers him a discount membership
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Drunk woman drives through police barricade and into accident investigation scene of earlier fatal wreck. Tells cops that she can't possibly go to jail, because she has a DUI hearing in the morning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these drain dwellers
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It's comforting to know that we're doing all we can to prevent terrorism, yet a friggin' Mylar balloon can knock out power to a portion of a major metropolitan area
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Missing cigarettes, a stolen guitar, obscene messages scratched onto a car and a group trip to jail - bad country song or a real Saturday night in a redneck town?
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"We remember the killers' names, but not the names of the victims. We know the gory details. Media bloodlust is killing us as a society"
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Finish before your sex partner does? That's a beating
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Hardened, expert criminal decides the best target for his next robbery would be a) a bank, b) a liquor store, c) a security and surveillance business
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Steer starts massive fire on Vermont farm. Time to ban cows. (with WOW flaming photo)
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City to use photo radar 'lottery' to reward good drivers. I wonder what Admiral Ackbar would say about this?
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Drive-by paintball shooters caught green-handed
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The seven deadly sins done Texas style. Come for the Gluttony (a shootout over fried skrimps), stay for the Pride (bragging on Twitter about an arrest warrant)
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If there weren't enough things in Florida to freak out about, here is 17 feet more of scariness
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Largest Viking ship in the world spams 118 feet
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Drug bust in China nabs 200 pounds of methamphetamine. Yes folks, we're now even outsourcing our meth houses
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"I had sex with him so he'd stop asking" is the air tight defense this smoking hot (you'd hit it) teacher is using. Bonus, caught by her husband
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As temperatures dip into the low 40s, people in Phoenix are wondering if they might be allergic to the cold
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Iran begins six days of maneuvers in the Strait of Hormuz to demonstrate its capabilities for naval interdiction, layer masks, clone tool
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Apparently, the school thinks an appropriate punishment for a white student putting a noose and KKK paraphernalia on the desk of a black classmate is a suspension instead of expulsion and criminal charges
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| (You are farked) |
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The BBC offers this advice for anyone in Britain who is attacked on the street: You are permitted to protect yourself with a briefcase, a handbag, or keys. You should shout 'Call the Police' rather than 'Help.' Bystanders are not to help
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Let he who has never kept $60,000 in cash at his apartment cast the first stone
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Average female Mac user is hot, awkwardly dressed and has a huge cranium
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Using heroin to kick the methadone habit. Wait, what?
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Clothing sizes make no sense
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What it feels like to freeze to death
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Nothing says "our hearts go out to you" two weeks after a tragedy more than an old fashioned, feel-good lawsuit for $100 million
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Burglar gets "escorted to the ground" and a free trip to the hospital after trying to break in to a Marine Corporal's parent's home. Semper Fi
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DC bank robber tries to make his getaway using a Red Line subway train. If you know anything about the DC Metro system, this is hilarious
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Kind of nice, actually
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FBI declassifies files on Marilyn Monroe revealing that they trailed her, bugged her bedroom, and took hundreds of telephoto pictures because they feared she was a communist agitator
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Woman calls cops because a ghost stole her $5,000 resume
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Achievement unlocked
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Man calls police to report some rat stole his hamster. Detectives hope to ferret out some answers from the usual weasels. Richard Gere
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Doodling in your notebook at school? That's an arrestin', searchin', and chargin' with bomb makin'
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Photoshop these Sikh sojourners
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We're not saying the Everglades are inhospitable to humans, but staffers at the park now offer anti-vulture kits to visitors
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| (Good News Bureau) |
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You ready for some good news? This is the story of Lexy the puppy, who was stolen along with her person's truck 2 weeks ago. Persistence and a little help from the internet brought them both home
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Good news for American billionaires: There's a new country they can flee to when Obama jacks their tax rates up. Bad news: They'll have to eat cheese, drink wine, and wear stripey shirts and berets
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After yearlong investigation, Death Valley officially designated hottest place on earth at 134 degrees
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Cops hope to reel in the person or persons who stole an ice fishing house out of the back of a pickup truck
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Feud over Frankie the cat leaves a family with a £20,000 legal bill after the 'foster owner' refuses to hand him back. Can't we all just get along on Caturday?
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China now forcing EVERY internet user to register their real name in new free speech crackdown
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Tell a customer their winning scratch-off ticket is no good and pocket the $50 winnings yourself? That's a jailin'
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Oxford graduate quits mainstream society, builds hobbit-style mud hut in the hills, bans technology, fetches water from a stream, generates her own power, grows her own food, keeps goats, chickens and horses, is happy and at peace. TA-DA (w/pics)
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Nine mistakes you're making on LinkedIn. Conspicuously absent from the list: being on LinkedIn in the first place
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And on Christmas Eve, not a creature was stirring. Except for the stolen crab meat in this elf's purse
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Ambulance-chaser laments new Michigan standard for slip-and-fall is now "look out for the ice, stupid" instead of "find a patch of ice, slip, win lottery"
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Jacksonville police officer files the best report of the year just in the nick of time
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The Indian gang-rape victim has died in a Singapore hospital
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| Fri December 28, 2012 |
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Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to masturbate for money from strangers you meet on Craigslist
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Thirty-four things that happened in 2012 that will make you feel old
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sheriff Joe, realizing he's been out of the news cycle for a while, decides to send armed civilians roaming around schools looking for other armed civilians
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Photoshop theme: scientific experiments gone wrong
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"What the deal with China's public works department?" -J. Seinfeld
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Police called to store after Welsh druid refuses to pay because cashier wouldn't say 'pum-deg-wyth punt, chwedeg-dau'
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Why did the chicken cross the room? To alert its sleeping owners that their house was on fire
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Tired of a being homosexual but "praying the gay away" just didn't quite cut it? Have you tried jacking off horses with other men desperately interested in heterosexuality on an isolated church/ranch in Virginia?
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Last Fark Quiz of 2012: Time to top your best score
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Not News: Man attempts to tow car on flatbed truck. News: Car rolls off truck while on the freeway. Fark: Car successfully navigates off-ramp on its own
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"So why did you drive past this guard into the Army Depot ma'am?" "I was going to my aunt's for her Christmas party"
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And you thought your ex-wife got a lot in the divorce
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You know you've spent too many hours hopped up on Red Bull and Call of Duty when you think it takes six heavily armed men to take down a Game Stop
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Not News: Man steals Corvette. News: Turns himself in to police. FARK: He stole the car 23 years ago and had paid $70k to keep it in storage. Super FARK: It only had 67 miles on the odometer
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Hobby Lobby to continue hobby of lobbying Appeals Court to allow their other hobby of lobbing their beliefs on their employees private lobby hobbies
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Fark's 2012 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest
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Photoshop this darts dude
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Old and busted: Liposuction. New hotness: Freezing fat off you. (with possible Not safe for work pic)
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The Muslim Brotherhood wants Israeli Jews to schlep back to Egypt
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What*ever*
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Wait. People have something against freckles?
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If you are the owner of this 800 pound, bronze gorilla, some guy named Ryan would like to talk to you
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Heating oil company delivers 300 gallons to Brooklyn house. Homeowner: No tanks
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If you run a toy store and pay a clerk $60,000 to be your kinky sex slave, you can eventually expect a lawsuit
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Japan has tons of plutonium, and plans to reprocess nuclear waste to make more. Of course, it has no actual use for the plutonium, other than creating bigger and better movie monsters in Tokyo Bay
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US official: North Korea likely deceived U.S. before launching rocket. Obvious tag goes tumbling through low earth orbit
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All those infomercial workout systems are pretty much the crap you'd expect them to be. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE: They're ridiculously overpriced too
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Looking for the ideal 2013 calendar? How about hip German chicks with 1970s computers?
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Most blasé pilot you'll hear about today sticks plane in mud, shrugs it off: "Tower, 4695, We just made your day very interesting ..." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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UFO hunter Nick Pope predicts aliens will have Gmail by 2024
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For the second time this month, a man is killed by being pushed in front of a subway train. Time to ban subway trains
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The old men and the sea. Fascinating photos of the fishermen who have spent their lives harvesting the waters of Peru
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Ten uses for burned out light bulbs. These are perfect for when your neighbors or your relatives show up unannounced and suggest that you may have a hoarding problem
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If you build it, they will come. Unless what you build is a free outdoor ice rink in Calgary
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If you've ever wondered why caviar is so damned expensive, this is why
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The most interesting job in the world: Teaching a bobcat kitten to get meaner
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Not one, but two anti-tank rocket launchers were turned into the LAPD during their gun buyback program this week, which must have made keeping the "no questions asked" part of the deal awfully hard for officers
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Three shot, one injured inside New Jersey Police station. If only the police had been armed, this would never have happened
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Photoshop this Icelandic Ice Queen
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There are now more soldier suicides than combat deaths
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Houston McCoy, the Austin police officer who stopped University of Texas Tower sniper Charles Whitman more than 46 years ago, died early Thursday afternoon. He was 72
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Upscale Texas cattle ranch reveals its secret ingredient: Beer-soaked hay. Apparently the cows like it better than the regular kind
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| Thu December 27, 2012 |
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Step 1: Call your mom a prostitute on the Internet. Step 2: Charge huge fees to remove the accusation. Step 3: Profit
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Italian priest writes that women might have themselves to blame for domestic violence and sexual assault. Women show remarkable restraint by allowing him to remain alive
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Dumb Criminal Files: Bringing 32 bags of weed to the courthouse where your mom is trying to get a restraining order against you
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The most gloriously hideous real estate listings of 2012, including our grand prize winner from Sulphur, Louisiana. And that's quite a prize in a field with entrants from LA, Miami Beach--and the faux chateau island retreat designed by Celine Dion
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Bellaire officer and bystander killed in shooting. Carlton is dancing with less vigor these days
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Physicians in China treat addictions by destroying the will to live
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Photoshop this colossal coffee pot in Canada
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General Norman Schwarzkopf fades away
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You take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of fan semen on the wall
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Oy vey If your Vayb has relations with another Tsatskeleh -the Raeb have ruled it to be on the same grounds as Nief
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Some brave soul has taste-tested the cheapest, nastiest beers on the planet, from Pabst to Milwaukee's Best to Old Style
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Man sneaks sub machine gun into movie theater
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January 2012: PETA complains that using a live opossum for your New Years Eve "Possum Drop" was cruel. January 2013: Use roadkill
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If you're going to drive drunk, make sure that parking lot you drove into isn't really someone's lawn. To avoid getting on Fark, the lawn should not be at AA founder Bill Wilson's historic home
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The Utah Shooting Sports Council said it is holding a free class on concealed carry permits for those working in the education system. And so it begins
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Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari, who grandfather was Prime Minister of Pakistan until he was hanged during a coup, whose mother was Prime Minister of Pakistan and was murdered by an unknown gunman, has decided to run for Prime Minister of Pakistan
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Japan encounters the power of the fully operational and litigious nuclear-powered aircraft carrier
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"So far, the US military has been extremely reluctant to embrace human biological modification, or 'biomods.' And that could result in a veritable mutant gap"
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TSG's Mug Shot of the Year recipients presented with their Nick Nolte ribbons
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Maker's Mark expands into the cracker market
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"Are we gonna fight them or fark them?"
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Real-life version of Maxine, the crabby Hallmark greeting card character. The resemblance is uncanny
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Drunk man: "Y'all are the ones that messed up my car because y'all got in front of me." Family: Um...you just drove into our house
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Photoshop this sprucing up of a statue
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Chicago couple, who have apparently have never watched a decent porno in their lives or have zero imagination, call the police after they return home and find their 23-year old babysitter "extremely drunk"
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Cops shoot man driving hearse. Timing is everything
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Police trying to find the person who killed a yo-yo champion are having their ups and downs
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They made up their minds/And they started packing/They left before the sun came up that day
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Are you worried about Syria vs. Turkey? OMG that is sooo 2012
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Don't you just hate it when your Christmas is ruined because the gift card money doesn't cover drugs?
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Chicago parking meters on track to earn a better hourly wage than Walmart employees by 2014
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If you managed to see Dark Knight Rises through your tinfoil helmet, you may have been shocked to notice that the words "Sandy Hook" appear in one scene. Also, aliens are coming for your dog
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Link between gun crime and video games empirically established
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Boy receives Nintendo DS full of porn for Christmas, family is traumatized by racy images. No word yet on if anyone is "outraged", "disgusted" or if any major political leaders are at fault
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Peter Higgs thinks Richard Dawkins is full of boson
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Thrill seeker of the day: Tourist walks across tightrope and hangs from the rope at sunset, while 120 feet above the ground...and naked
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If you're involved in a car accident, stay calm, pull over to the side of the road, and call 911 if the other driver pulls a gun on you
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Roboy set to help, creep out, humans
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Fark's favorite state leads the way in foreclosures. Fark: of banks
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The TSA saw what you did there
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BBC shuts down popular Lonely Planet travel site over threads about pedophilia such as 'Barney the dinosaur is a big purple paedophile' and 'what's the age of consent in Mexico?'
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Words that should be banished from the English language in 2013
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When you tell your deputies to: "go out there and get me some of those taco eaters." You shouldn't be too surprised when the federal government tells you you're a racist asshole
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If you're going to tie yourself up and make up a story about armed thugs from RI trying to burn down your foreclosed apartment building to collect on insurance fraud, at least stick to a consistent, believable story
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Remember, if the county bus you're driving has video surveillance, the cameras and microphones will still record you tuning up a passenger after you shut off the lights and lock the door. (Video contains profanity)
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Tigers make comeback in some areas, but still predicted to fold in the playoffs
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Oregon Zoo opens exciting new micro-fauna exhibit
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Congratulations - it's a boy! Now then, you have the right to remain silent
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Good: You come home and find your man folding the laundry. Bad: You come home and find an unknown man folding the laundry. Fark: For good measure, a registered sex offender
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"It worked great" Sick letter to boss by killer wife who used Christmas gift to slaughter partner
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1,500+ guns traded in for groceries in Los Angeles. Next week's news: "Come at me with that banana"
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Just like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Cinco de Mayo, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, and New Year's Eve, Boxing Day has been cannibalized by the wraiths of consumerism
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La Crosse man cited for disorderly conduct after "dirty dancing" naked, because NOBODY puts Mister Happy in the window
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College students research on turtles takes a "dark twist". Turns out that people like to run over them
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Tea plantation workers surround their boss' house armed with bows and poison-tipped arrows and proceed to burn him and his wife alive. Damn, Occupy Gauhati, you crazy
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♫ "Over the river and through the woods, to murdered Gran's house we go"
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Question: "Why are Chinese versions of Santa Claus almost always playing a saxophone?" Answer: "We don't know"
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ProTip: being stuck in traffic, even if it is making you miss a great sale, isn't a good reason to call 9-1-1, even if it is making you miss a great sale
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Fleeing fugitive discovers that firing over his shoulder at the police pursuing him isn't as easy as it looks in the movies
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China trying to control insta-BBQ Buddhist incidents, blame the Dalai Lama for not smoking them first
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So a man walks into a restaurant...orders spicy Chinese hot pot...walks into a hospital...and gets diagnosed with a hole in his stomach
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NJ man files class-action lawsuit against insurance companies over definition of "basement." Farkers called in as expert witnesses
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Toboggan death with unidentified corpse. A serious issue
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Citizen, time to pay up because we're going over the fiscal cliff. Them's the breaks. We're not swimming out of this one. No eddy here
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He was no Cool Hand Luke
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You would think you would be safe from rogue sharks while at the mall
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this theatrical farrier
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Remember how that newspaper published names and addresses of gun owners? Well, do unto others
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British government claims to be ready for zombie invasion, says royal family serves as good practice
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In a bid to compensate for something, China launches world's longest bullet train
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Watch the mighty buffalo roam across the prairie of...Germany?
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To the left: Seven myths about divorce. To the right: bitter anecdotes about your meanspirited ex-spouses
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St. Paul soda fountain busted for selling candy cigarettes, being jerks
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A last minute entry for Dad of the Year, Geek division
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LAPD offers butter for guns
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Former President George H.W. Bush in intensive care unit
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 399: "Red Light, Green Light". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 26, 2012 |
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Headlines of the Week for 12/16 - 12/22 and a final note on Headline of the Year for 2012
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The year's best New York Times corrections
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Man buys coins, stops payment on checks, will be sent to £MITA prison
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Beware "apocalypse" tourists for you have angered the Mayan gods by wrecking one of their temples
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"Forgive everyone everything." The largest mass execution in the US took place 150 years ago today. I am not so sure we've changed
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Sexapalooza 2012: Tales of sex gone bad in the Sunshine State. Call Floridians anything you want. Except sexually unadventurous
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Loaded gun abandoned at bathroom in L.L. Bean, is placed on store shelf with exorbitantly high price
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| (uvureview.com) |
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Software glitch purges spring classes. Damn you, Robert'); DROP TABLE Students; --
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The thirty most inspiring interspecies friendships of the year. Missing from the list: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
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Photoshop this girl and gust
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The weirdest of the weird news stories for 2012. Yes "The Octomom" is there, so is "Tanning Mom," and of course the testicle-munching fish
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You know your mom and dad are classic helicopter parents if you need a court injunction to keep them from stalking you on campus
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If you're a police detective, you've got to love this time of the year when a car break-in case can be solved by following the crooks' footprints in the snow back to his house
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If you get too winded from the strenuous activity of ordering a burger to get around to unwrapping it, well, good news
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Man who hoaxed media by claiming to be Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza's uncle busted by feds
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The funniest optical illusion you'll see all day
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"Hi, my name is Clitoris Unicorn Jones and I believe I've just found your dog"
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You know all those cool apps you like to use to track your exercise, BMI, heart rate, and other health-related information? Turns out your employer likes them, too
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Photoshop these cards between chins and chests
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STOP. It's *not* hammer time
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One in 12 members of the military may have a purple heart
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Someone picks up a $211 grocery bill for an ill mother's family: "I was still standing there in shock. We were too busy crying, and the register people were smiling"
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Bad news, citizen. You were unpatriotically thrifty this holiday season and, as a result, retailers had their worst year since 2008. As punishment, we will now go over the fiscal cliff. Hope you learned your lesson
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Remember those charity ads in the 80's that featured starving Africans in perpetual drought? Seems charities now have a problem raising funds for Africans... because people think they are starving and in perpetual drought
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Everything looks SO good. I'll have the crap eggs, well, chicken herpes, a side of spicy grandma, and for dessert, I'll have chocolate puke. To go
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You can't eat peanuts? I'm gonna kick your ass
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Two smoking hot babes arrested for cooking up a meth lab in a motel. Go ahead click that link and tempt fate
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| (The Center for Biological Diversity) |
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Group plans to distribute 50,000 themed condoms to raise awareness of endangered species, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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Man who tried to make a sudden left turn into local beer store and got nailed by an oncoming vehicle was already drunk, to the surprise of nobody
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"Push to get kids off ATVs". Yep, well, that's one way to do it
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Random man, mistaken for escaped patient, drugged and incarcerated at an Australian asylum
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Dystextia: Unintelligible text messages could be sign of stroke say doctors, or you're too lazy to type properly. Here comes the science
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The Daily Beast proclaims what we Farkers have known all along - that Florida is America's craziest state (warning: slide show)
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Inauguration reservations at Washington DC hotels only at 47%
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Egypt's Senate convenes after the constitution passes. Imagine if they were American, they'd get all pissed over Morsi then go on a month long vacation and do nothing but blame the Muslim Brotherhood for all their ills and....wait...ah crap
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Nelson Mandela doesn't want to get on the cart
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So, what did we get stuck in our rectums in 2012? The year in review
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Lost tribe of Indian Jews immigrate to Israel. How? airplane
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TSA whistleblower says yes, it's as bad as you thought back in that super secret image viewing room
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Libraries are the new hot spots for bedbugs to infest. It kind of makes you think twice about having sex in one of the back aisles
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Russian parliament bans Americans from adopting children. Mail-order brides still OK, though
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Thieves steal Mary and Joseph from nativity scene, decide not to mess with the Jesus
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Newsweek publishes final print issue, to the disappointment of all dental waiting room patients
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And bless the Chinese and Syrians for they make us food that only the Devil could turn down. Et nomine patri et fili spiritus sancti
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"Excessively violent movies and their impact on our culture." Because we all know that if we stopped killing each other in movies, then death would just take a holiday
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The 10 best political viral videos from 2012. I'm still waiting for a spliced version of Obama singing "Call Me Maybe" to Mr. Burns while Sam Jackson urges you to "Wake the FARK UP" because clearly I'm high
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"Calm the fark down, the dude was about to retire anyway and we are not going anywhere" says Syrian source while looking nervously over shoulder
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Happy Boxing Day, everyone. Wait, what the hell is Boxing Day?
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Photoshop this moist melon
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Good: A man decides to open the family diner on Christmas to feed the homeless. Bad: He is tragically killed in an accident. Best: His 10-year-old daughter takes up the cause to make sure her dad's wish comes true
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I guess it's true what they say, tornadoes are attracted to Mobile homes
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Eleven food trends that need to go away in 2013, like this sudden desire to put sriracha on everything
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Worker in match factory drags bundle of match boxes across floor. What could possibly go wrong?
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The EU is requiring a warning label be placed on __________ to give notice that toddlers can choke on them. A) Marbles. B) Lego pieces. C) Soccer balls
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| Tue December 25, 2012 |
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Philadelphia to put condom machines in public schools to help students have safe sex. Why? Their teachers can't afford to bring their own
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The best part of Christmas is when your relatives leave... in the back of a cop car
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Rare southern blizzard ready to blast the Arkansas and Missouri Ozarks
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People are done with 3D movies, probably because of the insane nausea they cause
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Heartwarming reaction from a thrift store cashier given $100 bill by stranger
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Wisconsin man's tribute to his mother, Little Free Library, has been copied worldwide and has spread to at least 36 countries. Kinda like your mom, but with books
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Christmas tree cats take over the holidays just in time for Caturmas
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Paging Rev. Al Sharpton: Twenty-five years after a teenage Tawana Brawley falsely dragged his name through the mud as a gang-raping, kidnapping racist, it's payback time for Steven Pagones. Seeking to garnish her wages within the next couple of weeks
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Another year has come and gone, show us your stuff LGT contest for 2009
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Introducing the #2012Failies: honoring the worst Twitter FAILS of the year, and recognizing how much more boring Twitter would be without Donald Trump
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Cracked lists the top 25 Cracked lists of 2012, divides by zero
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Newtown police force gets Christmas Day off. Cops from nearby communities step in
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Canada has a secret Maple Syrup cartel
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Keiji Nakazawa, author of the anti-war/anti-nuke book Barefoot Gen, passes away at 73 years old
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Newspaper helpfully publishes names and addresses of local houses not to rob while occupied. Hilarity is ensuing
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Four common holiday fights and how you can avoid them. Or start them, if Christmas has gotten dull and no one has found the Bailey's. Because it's not Christmas until someone leaves in tears
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Honey glazed breakfast meat causes Christmas house fire. Oh the ham-anity
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If you're cheating on your spouse and you don't want to get caught, be extra careful today
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California man makes pipe bombs at home. Since you're reading this on FARK you've undoubtedly already guessed what happened next
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Photoshop this electoral equipment
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At least he probably got through the concourses pretty fast
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Tamales are quickly becoming a Christmas staple for some ungodly reason
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If a lady has sex with you after you give her a place to stay and buy her a puppy, she may be grateful. She may also be HIV positive, crazy, and about to stab you in the back of the head
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Reverend Graham Long invites everyone to Wayside Chapel's 49th annual free Christmas lunch: "Don't be on your own and be miserable - come out and be miserable with us"
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The First Dog upstages the First Lady when it comes to "The Night Before Christmas" (w/video)
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In a truly heartwarming story, injection of pure alcohol to the heart muscle saves man's life
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Charles Durning, the king of the character actors, has died. All other character actors take one step up. Dead actor trifecta now in play
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Once again, travelers wonder whose idea it was to have Christmas during the worst weather of the year
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There are many types of heroes in this world like soldiers, firefighters & police officers. Then there are people like this who are willing to adopt two severely disabled children. Have a very Dusty Christmas
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Meanwhile, in the gunless utopia of Britain
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I said, MALL SANTA STUNS SHY 3-YEAR-OLD DEAF BOY BY USING SIGN LANGUAGE
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What's worse than opening a storage unit and finding it full of snakes? Opening a storage unit and finding it full of snakes ON FIRE
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| Mon December 24, 2012 |
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Netflix is down. Christmas is now officially cancelled
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Wise men come to the rescue of the frankincense tree
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Google and Microsoft trackers are showing different locations for Santa. This can only mean one thing: The jolly old elf is using multiple drone decoys
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Even though the Vatican already gave Turkey an Eddie Bauer sweater for Christmas, Turkey really just wanted St Nicholas' bones back
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Your state's weirdest unexplained phenomenon (Warning: slideshow)
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You know you're a hard core Christian if you refuse to celebrate Christmas because it's rooted in Pagan traditions. "It is only sinners like Pharaoh and Herod who make great rejoicings over the day"
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Toronto cops on the lookout for "the purple pervert"
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Photoshop this Malkhamb military man
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Quincy M.E., dead at 90, will issue his own coroner's report tomorrow
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A special Christmas Eve Caturday courtesy of Tardar Sauce (AKA Grumpy Cat), who gives us the 12 Days of Grumpy Cat Christmas
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Microsoft patents technology that lets you hug someone over the internet using a robotic pillow. Subby is pretty sure that this new technology will end up going way beyond "hugging"
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In case it seems we didn't learn much of anything this past year, here are 50 Things that will make you feel smarter in last week of 2012
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Shooter of Webster NY Firemen identified, it was a 62 year old white male previously jailed for beating his grandmother to death with a hammer. Pro and anti hammer comments to the right
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For your Christmas enjoyment, a plethora of hot girls to keep your stocking warm (possibly Not safe for work, but your boss isn't working today, he's at home with his family while you're stuck there like a chump, so click it anyway)
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Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: September through November
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Police on lookout for guy dressed as Santa, who broke into mall office and stole a large sum of cash from safe. No word if he was accompanied by foul mouthed dwarf and Asian woman
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Holiday hangover cures are apparently useless. What's yours?
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Pulling your pellet gun on McDonald's employees because they're closed and won't honor your coupon for a free meal is no way to go through life, son (w/mugshot)
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Photoshop this broken bottle
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It's beginning to look a lot like a fantastic Mugshot Roundup
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Doctor finds a 77 pound ovarian tumor, immediately issues an order to cease and de-cyst
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How do you identify 32,000 morons?
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While waiting for Father Christmas here are some alternative visitors in the night to frighten the kids
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Captain Steroid presents his 3rd Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: X-Mas Tree. Difficulty: NO TFers. Winner gets 1 month of sponsored TotalFark. Contest ends @ 10pm CST on X-Mas Eve. Happy Holidays, everyone. :-)
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Massachusetts may spend nearly a billion dollars on equipment to stop trains before they crash into each other, because hiring drivers who stay awake is too hard
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Donkeys help Somerset man pop the question to his girlfriend. Dare I ask
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A true Christmas classic: David Sedaris reads Santaland Diaries
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NBC News talking head David Gregory chides NRAs Wayne LaPierre for even considering the notion of having armed guards at schools. After the interview, he picked up his kids at their school...which has 11 on the security payroll
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Begun, the Santa Tracker wars have
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Forget atheists and other non-believers, the real war on Christmas is climate change
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Copahue is about to blow. Gesundheit
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NRA yesterday: We should have armed guards at every school. NRA after this morning: We're gonna need armed guards at fires too
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Guess which state lets dumb children into Advance Placement classes and wonders why they don't score higher on tests
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Relationship tip: It's probably best to avoid political party arguments with your girlfriend, especially during a game of strip beer pong
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Photoshop this surgical mask situation
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