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| Sun December 09, 2012 |
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Boy could be killed by Christmas due to extreme allergy to pine trees (w/pic)
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Planet of the Apes is coming true. Monkeys are now getting dressed and shopping for Swedish furniture
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Alabama's last dry county, where pretty much everyone drinks but keeps voting against it
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Really nice firearms get turned in and destroyed at gun buy-backs all the time. This one was so special that the cops refused to shred it
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There is NO WAY this awesome prank straight from an '80s comedy will fail -- famous last words of two CU students
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Photoshop these flaming fans
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Your favorite bishops want to "tweet" you for your holiday season. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink
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Protip: When selecting your house to burglarize, don't pick the one where the owner is a trainer specializing in boxing AND kickboxing. With "he didn't think his cunning plan through" pics
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| (Some Guy) |
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Live video streaming of same-sex couples getting married today at City Hall in Seattle. Lots of dust in these old government buildings
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4. The moon is not made out of green cheese
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Hallmark Cards provides some guidance to 13-year-old girls, says they'd get a boyfriend if they had 'bigger boobies'
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Shave and a haircut: 600 bits
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Photoshop these two famous females
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Let's face it, you're not running your business properly if you're not taking advantage of doomsday theories. Introducing "The End Of The World" beer
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| (Ferndale 115) |
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Someone forgot to tell the Detroit Police Department that they won't be able to conduct illegal raids and car impoundings anymore if they do it to visitors from the suburbs. Tag is for the ACLU
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Watching Over Your Booze: Feds form the Tequila Working Group, a committee created to mollify Mexico and keep bulk tequila flowing north across the border
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It may not be Friday anymore, but this is still your better-late-than never Fark Weird News Quiz
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As school children complain about banned salads and lunches reduced to a single baked potato, nutrition experts look forward to a more compliant new generation that has never known real food
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| (Associated Press) |
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New York only had 34 years' warning to plan for a superstorm - but really, there were more important things like bribes to take, unions to coddle, bribes to take, interns to bang, influence to sell, bribes to take, spam, spam, baked beans and spam
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WW2 bomber pilot Charlie Brown spared death by German fighter who had him in his crosshairs in 1943. He never knew why, until they met...oh my, subby allergic to dust
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Ooops we did it again
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| (home testing) |
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Synthetic pot now responsible for 11,000 visits each year to the emergency room. Real pot still responsible for several million visits each year to Pizza Hut
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Why we need to start having a lot more babies right now. Wait, this is Fark. Why OTHER PEOPLE need to start having a lot more babies right now
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Actual headline: "Atlanta police find homicide victim seeking suspect." Uh, oh. Zombie homicide detectives
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It's all fun and games until the lunch lady finally snaps
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Off-duty cop in "fear for his life" fires weapon at suspected Walmart shoplifters speeding away, killing one but luckily missing the two small children in the car. Tag is for not knowing Walmart's new policy regarding shoplifters
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Younger internet user's are more likey to judge spelling and grammer online
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Old and busted: push up bras. New hotness: control sleeves
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Photoshop this repair down there
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They know when you are sleeping. They know when you're awake. They know if you've been bad or good. Big Data is watching you
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Childlessness linked to early death, though chances are you'll die happy
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This just in: some city cops take long lunches, leave early, and still manage to get paid for it
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For parents who don't want to explain where babies really come from, the Daily Mail has you covered
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Father swears that someone else put his toddler and infant in his car while he was inside of bar getting drunk
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Feds give in, more meat in school lunches, your Mom
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Seven-year-old Montana boy born missing three fingers feels self-conscious about it, but he's told it doesn't mean a thing by a special visitor to class: Montana Senator Jon Tester, who's also missing three fingers
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Coming up in just a few minutes, it's a very snowy edition of Livingston Stapler Company Presents, two hours of music hosted live from Alaska by a Farker. LGT stream or look for KRNN @ tunein.org
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Not-so-innocent reindeer games: Some jackhole decided to toss a deer with a rope tied around its neck from an interstate overpass. Photos show Bambi slammed through a big rig's windshield, barely missing the driver
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High school principal shocked to learn that his school's decision to allow students to use cell phones, tablets, and other electronic devices lead to a "significant cheating scandal"
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| Sat December 08, 2012 |
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We grow 'em big off the coast ah Maine. Lobstahman catches crittah with 4 claws. Ayuh
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After some thought, Egypt's Morsi decides this whole dictator thing is overrated
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Ugly-ass baby human born at Rosamond Gifford Zoo in Syracuse, NY
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What's that?... Well, that looks like a huge... Johnson..... Yes, sir?.... Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this
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Photoshop these breakout blocks
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Sorry for keeping you in jail for a year while we get ready to prosecute your case. Seems like the evidence points to someone else. Our bad
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Howtolivewellin425squarefeet
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279 days without snow means that Des Moines has shattered a snowless record set in 1889. Thanks, global warming
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What's this world coming to when you can't rent out your garden shed to the homeless and their dogs. In other news: Extension cords are fire hazards to only the homeless
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protestors for PETA told to get their shinebox by group of bikers (w/hilarious photo example)
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Cute 37-year-old mum fights to block radiotherapy for cancer-stricken son, fears it will lower his IQ (w/pics)
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In preparation for Doomsday, people in China, Russia and South America are hoarding food and supplies. In other words, business as usual
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In Russia, alien joke is on you
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Fifteen wildly misleading movie posters from around the world. The Exorcist, however, seems to be spot-on
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Great white shark named 'Mary Lee' continues to stalk the South Carolina coast; hasn't anyone told her that tourist season is over?
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Tragic day in history: December 8, 2005. Fark admins lose their minds. Share "where you were" stories
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Iron Photoshop ingredient: Doctors
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Will machines wipe out the human race?
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Planking was so yesterday. Milking was just about pouring milk on yourself. But porting, the act of pouring a bottle of port all over yourself could just be the most pointless Internet craze yet. Bonus: You waste a bottle of booze
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You're the FAA and you've got a new system to help pilots avoid hitting mountains in bad weather and you need an acronym. Seriously, is WAM the best you could come up with?
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California ends squid season four months early after fishermen harvest the maximum haul, 118,000 tons, in November
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80-year-old man banned from owning guns after pointing his rifle at people and telling them to get off his property
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Article about how to have great sex as parents written by someone who either isn't a parent, has only one child and/or can afford to not raise their own kids
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A late entry in the Parents of the Year contest just may be the winner. Parents pick up their daughter at middle school, follow the bus to a bus stop, and incite a fight with another middle school girl, which they videotape
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Micro-cars are trendy, fuel efficient, and you can park wherever you want for free if you get creative
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Cutting down dead cedar trees on your own property to prevent wildfires? That'll be a $140,000 fine
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Best Korea seeks to break the elusive 81 second space flight barrier
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The one terrifying monster Stephen King sees in his nightmares and cannot confront? His mother-in-law
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He was born at 12:12pm on December 12, 2000. Guess what happens this coming Wednesday? This headline is brought to you by the number 12 and the color green
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New "test and hold" rule aims to make meat safer. All subby can say is that he's been holding and testing his meat for years, and has never had any problems with it
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Here's the sure fire way to not get tipped - call the people at the table you're serving fat
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Japanese cut back on their legendary consumption of seafood, vegetables, and fruit, now eat more meat than they did 10 years ago. America welcomes larger sphere of influence
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The North Star is 30 percent closer to Earth than we thought it was in the 1990s, which either means our observations are getting more precise, or in about 45 years we're in big trouble
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...niiiiice
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Top eleven lies regarding life. True or False (don't choose C - like that would stop you)
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Eight-foot-tall Festivus Pole goes up alongside Nativity scene. It's made of PBR cans, natch
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NN EE ww SS H EE L II C OO P T E RR P II OO n EE RR D II EE s AaT 91
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Photoshop theme: Photoshop what you want for Christmas
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In the most hipster possible vehicular confrontation, cyclist stabs Smart Car driver for cutting him off in traffic
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Barn Cat Buddies rescues "unadoptable" feral felines from the euthanasia table and finds them homes in barns and garden centers. Welcome to a feel good Caturday (w/video)
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Study says subversive web sites should be allowed to exist, though kept under surreptitious monitoring. So that's why Fark is still around
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Old & busted: wine snobs. New hotness: boxed wine snobs
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Naive porn surfer now has a $150 worth of adult website charges on his credit card to explain to his wife after being cornered by a Skyping scam artist
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Snobby upper-crust NYC suburb doesn't want to look "low class" like a trailer park so they make it illegal to hang your clothes outside. Oh Noes, g-strings flying in the wind
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Aversion to U.S. Southern accent and stereotyping it as uneducated begins as early as age 6 and is set into stone at age 10. Here comes the science, y'all
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How the Soviet Union used a spy in FDR's cabinet to engineer the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor
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As hybrids and increasingly fuel-efficient cars make it nearly impossible to finance road maintenance via gas tax, Washington State considers imposing per-mile driving tax. Your odometer reading, please
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First person to like this post gets a kidney
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Oh my virgin eyes: High school student starts modesty club in a bid to teach her peers a lesson about dressing like hookers. Farking Bonus: She was inspired from her brother who started a no cussing club
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Grocery Store Customer: Hi there. Can I have those ribs right there, but without the handgun, please?
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| Fri December 07, 2012 |
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How to use up what's left in your liquor cabinet. WAIT, THERE'S STILL SOME BOOZE IN THERE?
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You're driving drunk, you mow down an elderly man in the street and you get 5 years probation. Sounds about right
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What's worse than mushrooms? How about mushroom ice cream?
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Not news: Man grows mustache. Still not news: Movember mustache. Fark: $96,201 mustache
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It is now legal to sell hand sanitizer by telling people it cures cancer
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Boy, 14, pleads guilty to groping scantily-clad barista. (Ah, boys will be boys.) AND a woman at church. (Okay, that's disturbing.) AND breaking into an elderly woman's home. (That's a little much.) AND breaking a dog's leg. (BAD SEED)
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A reporter's eyewitness news story on the aftermath of the Pearl Harbor attack published for the first time 71-years later. Okay technically it's not a "news" story so much as a history lesson now, but it's still very good
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Krugman: "Let's get this straight: America is not facing a fiscal crisis." Well it's not like he's some Nobel-prize-winning economist or something
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Panda bear frolics in the snow. The Sun is there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Theme: Take a closer look. LGT example
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Boy sits on Santa's lap to tell Santa what he wants for Christmas. 14 years later Santa gives the boy his daughter instead
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And so it begins. First marijuana tours of Washington's Columbia River Gorge now taking reservations. BYO Cheetos
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Ah, the old "buy puppies from the airport" scam
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Latest harbinger of Mayan Prophecy: Cucamonga gas skimmers
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Tsunami warning lifted in Japan after one-meter wave crashes onto shore, kills no one and doesn't swamp any nuclear reactors
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"Catcher in the Rye", and "To Kill a Mockingbird" to be replaced in US classrooms by texts such as "Recommended Levels of Insulation," "Invasive Plant Inventory," and "How to Turn Critical Thinkers in to Welfare Recipients"
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38 people who had a worse 2012 than you did (probably) (Some Not safe for work and/or graphic content)
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Come for wizard Obama and stay for the hair snorting, it's the 27 most perfectly timed photos of the year
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mommy, Santa told me the Leafs suck
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Ric Romero is here to make your season bright with holiday shopping tips: "Keep in mind that popular items could sell out before you're able to check out"
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Well, if you're a judge who's already in trouble for texting nude pictures of yourself to a female bailiff, why not double down and impregnate a witness as well?
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Fire destroys turkey barn. I call dibs on drumsticks
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$50 for a crappy cup of coffee
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Tourism promoter accidentally posts 'F this job' on state's official Facebook page. AWKWARD
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Photoshop these ball players
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Man finds $175,000 in pot in backyard, then things get weird
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International sensation Psy will appear at the White House on Sunday, but first he'll perform for 5 minutes at a mall in Tampa. Priorities
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Death by empanada maker? Not even the weirdest food death of 2012
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Woman facing felony charges after refusing to stop yapping on her cell in courtroom, ignoring the judge's orders to leave, arguing with court officers and then getting all punchy
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If you've had something stolen, a thief may have it
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Scotland continues to show its superiority in the democratic process by refusing to let dummies stand for office. We can learn from this, folks
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Journalist witnesses man rescued from approaching train on subway tracks in New York, fails to document incident with series of photos
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Facebook's new gift-giving app may revolutionize the way attention whores advertise their wish lists
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ESPN auto-filter blocks coach's name as too scandalous. Andy Dick taking note
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You know when you're waiting at the bus stop and you look...nope, still not there ....and you wait...and you look again...nope... and you wait some more ....look.....nope....and then you want to strangle someone? Here's a simple solution
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Drone crash on San Diego college campus? Yeah, that was probably a hoax. Probably
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1) Mint $2 trillion in platinum coins. 2) ???? 3) End the financial crisis
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U.S. Bases in the Pacific vulnerable to a bolt-from-the-blue military attack. This is not a repeat from 71 years ago
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Hey, let's prank Kate Middleton's nurse to gain access to her medical condition, what's the worst that could happen
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SEC apparently has nothing better to do, begins probe of Netflix over Facebook posts
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Mystery solved: North Korea 'unicorn' find is really a 'dragon with hooves of a cow'
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Big wishes, contagious diseases, and piss on your lap: the confessions of a mall store Santa
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The deep-fried Christmas dinner. Because this year you're getting the gift of heart disease
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You know your country's nuclear launch capabilities aren't very sophisticated if launches get hampered by snowfall
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I'll see your mother-daughter porn stars who don't actually touch each other, and raise you the father-daughter porn stars who had a baby together
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If you're going to drive drunk, at least be extra careful and don't slam into parked cars while going 65mph. Especially if the parked car is a police car, with the cop inside
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Pharmaceutical company "loses" $700,000 worth of gold dust. Now you know why your prescriptions cost so much
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"911, what's your emergency?" "This guy is pointing a gun at me." "Where are you, sir?" "In his house." "What are you doing in his house, sir?" "Well, I was robbing it...but he has a GUN on me, come fast"
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A man tinkering with explosives and his legs are soon parted
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Firefighter attacked pre-op transsexual model girlfriend by slamming her into phone booth and dragging her by her hair. That's crazy. Where are there still phone booths?
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Photoshop this dug in dude
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25 years ago today, a 19 year old German boy bypassed all Soviet defenses to land a Cessna in Red Square, making it the most successful invasion of Russia in German history
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Tea drinking turns women into radical feminists. "If women had time to sit down and enjoy a tea break, this must mean they were ignoring their domestic duties"
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"In videos taken at the Pelican warehouse, several workers can be seen playing ice-skating rink with forklifts in the melting ice"
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Come to Maine for the lobster. Come to Maine for the beautiful coastline. Come to Maine for the increasingly drug-resistant gonorrhea
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Still riding high on his re-election, President Obama lowers gas prices for yet another week
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WWII fighter pilot story. On patrol over Hawaii on Dec. 7, and finished the war leading a flight of 62 P-38's on a raid over Japan the day Nagasaki was bombed. He flew 122 different planes, and 220 combat sorties. Got bugs on the windscreen here
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After 13 shootings, the "Baby Insane Crip" street gang gets raided by just about everybody, for funding lavish lifestyles through... tax fraud? Great, now we've got white-collar Crips
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College student claims her roommate poisoned her ice tea with bleach after argument over dishes, but the roommate says her accusations are baseless
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British cougars flock to Africa to hunt for boytoys: "I'm old enough to be his mum but we fell in love" (w/pics)
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The thirty-one "best" fast food creations of 2012. Difficulty: Doritos "tacos" from Taco Bell
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Not particularly useful against a terrorist attack: a fish tank
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It's time for Dave Barry's annual gift guide, and he addresses a cultural shift: "Thanksgiving is no longer a day of quiet reflective belching. The new Thanksgiving tradition is to gulp down your dinner, then race to the mall"
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7.3 earthquake off the coast of Japan. Tsunami warning issued for Miyagi prefecture. For non-Japanese, that's the one with Sendai and the Fukushima plant
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It begins: Catfish are now hunting pigeons . . . ON LAND
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Writers for Syfy lobby Florida to release hundreds of thousands of genetically-modified mosquitoes upon an unsuspecting populace
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City with skyrocketing crime rate decides proper course of action is to disband the police force
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Ninety-one-year-old survivor of Pearl Harbor spends more than 20 years lobbying government to exhume bodies of unidentified soldiers in hopes of identifying them. Will be formally honored by Navy and NPS for his efforts on 71st anniversary of attack
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What does a 20-ton dead whale rotting on the beach near Bob Dylan's house smell like? The answer is blowin' in the wind
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Protip: Dragging a 6-year-old blind student down a hallway on his back 'because he refused to go to class' is probably not the best way to get him there
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News: Man puts up billboard soliciting a Latina girlfriend for Christmas. Spiffy: He's a millionaire. Stupid: He's still using AOL email
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| Thu December 06, 2012 |
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How to get bad press: You're a LAPD commander and you send an order to make more arrests to avoid bad press. Fail: You mistakenly email it to a reporter at a local news station
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You knew it was going to happen: George Zimmerman is suing NBC. Let the poo flinging commence
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Imagine sitting down to Christmas dinner with beef heart wrapped in gold, and cat poo coffee. Yummy and all for the low price of £125,000 for a group of 4
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientists recommend 30 beers per day to stave off winter colds
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Artist made paint for his pictures out of a) crayons, b) tea leaves, or c) ashes from a Nazi concentration camp crematorium
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this smoking man
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The guy who booted the ambulance in New Orleans last week has been fired. His defense? He didn't know what an ambulance was. No really, that's his defense
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A list of images and stupid things from 2012 we need to forget ... and get some eye bleach while we're at it
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Little girl born with liver and intestines outside of her body finally goes home after 850 days. Boy, It's dusty in Texas
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Woman, 23, relives horrifying moment friends dragged her from crocodile's jaws, with 'yeah, you'd try and eat her too' pics
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According to Sen. Tom Coburrn, zombie homeland security programs are sucking the life out of the Department of Homeland Security budget
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One guy wants to buy a used Volvo. Two guys have used Volvos to sell. There's only one way to settle this
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Protip: If you are going to give the cops a fake name and date of birth, make sure that guy isn't wanted as well
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Do you have an extra $750 million lying around? If you do, you can go to the moon, Alice
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Newspaper reports 48 percent of LA accidents are hit-and-run, leaving readers to wonder what percentage are hit-and-Lohan
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No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO
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In every boardroom in America: "Alright guys we've got a goldmine opportunity here, the second Kate Middleton gives birth I want to see our logo on that baby"
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Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: December through February
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Most 22-year old women probably don't ask their mothers for tips on the best way to finish a guy during a porno shoot, but most 22-year old women aren't shooting the scene with their mother
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Photoshop this happy skier
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Much of the nation's capital was late to work today because a pineapple truck overturned. Really
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California man abducted for A) ransom, B) human trafficking or C) home repair and improvement?
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Beginning on January 12, Florida's python permit holders and the general public are invited to compete to see who can harvest the longest and the most Burmese pythons. What could possibly go wrong?
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Valiant citizen-watchdog documents city workers abusing the taxpayers by: a). Slipping petty cash into their pockets. b). Diverting funds to personal accounts. c). Using the cherry-picker to get some nice pics of the beach after they finish job
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Lifetime movie plot: Wife's lover tries to murder her wealthy husband and frames someone else for the crime. Fark movie plot: Wife's lover tries to murder her wealthy husband and frames the husband's cat for the crime
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If you are in police custody you are legally incapable of consenting to a blowjob
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Not News: Man visits funeral home to visit dead fiancee. Fark: Posing as funeral director to get back the engagement rings he gave her
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Lollipop patrolman killed by car. Local guild representatives said to be devastated
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SFW Nudes. No, seriously
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News: Man calls 911 to complain about a service Fark: The service was a prostitute
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A lot of times, when a long-lost father and son reunite someplace unexpectedly, they find years of mistrust and and hard feelings just melt away. Other times, that encounter happens in a liquor store in Florida
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Huron, South Dakota to motorists: Get out of the car and step away from the breakfast sandwich
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Leaked Kremlin documents point to plan to introduce a softer gentler Putin without kung-fu grip or tiger accessories
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Jerry Sandusky worked hard for his pension, and he doesn't think he should lose it over a few dozen pesky rape convictions
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Employers more likely to hire potential drinking buddies as opposed to top quality candidates which pretty much explains Fark
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| (IDF Blog) |
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Israeli Air Force release cockpit video of a terrorist pelican attacking an F-15's engine intake
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Sharp-eyed Wal-Mart employees thwart master criminal from stealing backpack full of tampons. The ankle monitor and the fact that she had committed the same crime at their store twice before might have tipped them off
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Jurors spare man from getting the death penalty
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The smell of Napalm in the morning is so last season. And evidently, the M-75 fragrance is pleasant and attractive, like the missiles of the Palestinian resistance
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US names market: ↓Mary ↑Emma
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Chinese human rights group announces release of 70,000 protestors from illegal detention centers. Reality: It was a few hundred, and it was part of Chinese authorities' standard "catch, beat, and release" program
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Critics hail all-female Caesar set in a women's prison, where Caesar is presumably licked to death
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Hmm, my oatmeal seems a bit dryer than normal this morning
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Ugly-ass baby siamang lets it all hang out at Virginia zoo. With pic of just what they mean by 'letting it all hang out'
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The worst kind of see-saw there is
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Baghdad ranked as the city with the lowest quality of life. Detroit immediately demands a recount
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No matter how much you hate where you live right now, at least it's not in a Colombian sewer
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They bashed his head, slit his throat, slashed his belly, and cut off his penis, then left him to die, forgetting that this is a pretty good set-up for the origin story of a vengeful superhero who would one day come back to kill them all
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Accident-prone daredevil wants to jump the Snake River Canyon
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It just might be possible for cities to use the principles of public health to make pre-cogs a reality
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Woman crashes at a donut shop one day, then into an eye care center the next. Police: was that crash better, or worse? Better? Or worse?
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Virginia Tech students carry paraplegic classmate four miles on a hike to see a waterfall. Your college buddies wouldn't help you carry a keg up to your third-floor apartment
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Judge rejects student's lawsuit over "doesn't like watching roommate having sex" disorder, preserves claim that college administrators are insensitive jerks
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What do you mean I can't take a gun into the bank? I'm the bank president
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Choose your own adventure: You order one iPad as a gift. The big box store sends you five. What do you do with the extra iPads? Tag is for actual outcome
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Translation mishaps between Afghans and westerners would be hilarious if they weren't so tragically infuriating
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'Liquid razor blades' no longer the bribe of choice in China
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Newspaper thoughtfully covers suspect's eyes to protect his identity... on the front page. Fails to do the same on the page with the actual story. Oops
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Father of the Year pleads not guilty to locking his family in the house, then burning it down. Bonus: Tried to put daughter back in building after mom saved her
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"Anytime you don't like something someone else is saying, or even if you do like what he's saying but think he might be saying it the wrong way, there's a very good chance you're dealing with a troll"
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Photoshop this baby T-Rex
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Is it racist that Santa Claus has a black servant? Is it racist to portray him in black face? Is it, okay, yes, just, yes it's racist, okay? It's racist
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And now for my next trick, the host will catch my face on fire and give me third degree burns. Ta-Da
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Coast Guardsman returns from six weeks at sea to discover he's won $250,000 in the lottery
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Why Seattle is the best city in the country: "The police department believes that, under state law, you may responsibly get baked, order some pizzas and enjoy a 'Lord of the Rings' marathon in the privacy of your own home, if you want to"
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Trooper gets fired for filing report in ebonics. They don't think it be like it is, but it do
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You've read plenty of stories about lottery winners cashing in at the absolute last minute. This is not one of them
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Spontaneous combustion? There's an app for that
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There's "I need a vacation from my vacation" and then there's "I need a farking lawyer to sue the travel agency for this nightmarish trip to Mexico"
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McAfee founder arrested by police. His 21 day free trial begins next week
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Florida has now been accused of dumping sick and handicapped children in adult nursing homes. On the upside, little Jimmy finally gets to spend some quality time with grampa
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The best video of the planet Earth you'll see all day. Pure awesome
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Just in case you forgot why there's a Florida tag--here's a recap
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Yet another person shoots himself in the head while handcuffed in the back of a squad car. Seems like this is becoming a pandemic
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Having cured cancer and AIDS, scientists create coconut-flavored pineapple
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Old and busted: $6 a gallon gas. New hotness: $6 a gallon milk
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Supermarket's "free black widow with every bunch of grapes" promotion doesn't go over too well
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Research shows that men are better at identifying car parts than their own anatomy. Hey a dipstick is a dipstick right?
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NASA's Curiosity to gain sibling by 2020, hopes to be the best big brother/sister a robot can be
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This is not the proper way to launder money
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 396: "Statuary". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 05, 2012 |
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Wheelchair bumps into car at gas station. Hilarity ensues
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Outdoor ice festival in interior Alaska threatened by cold weather
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Old and busted: homeless and living out of your car. New hotness: homeless and living out of your canoe on the ocean
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Inmate doesn't think his cunning diet plan all the way through
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Why is religion so afraid of women?
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New Zealand giving unemployed one-way airfares to Australia. It's a little game they play
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Scientists: Extraterrestrial beings are using Death Valley as an Etch-A-Sketch
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Oh no the Syrian military didn't
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Photoshop this mock medical emergency
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Michelle Bachmann, Pam Geller and the anti-Muslim fringe have won
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The War on Christmas escalates into kidnapping
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The 45 most powerful photos of 2012
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Suspect in fatal NYC subway push throws himself under the bus
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Iran says it has extracted every last bit of data from non-existent U.S. intelligence drone that was not captured
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Raise your glass in celebration of the 79th anniversary of the 21st Amendment to the United States Constitution
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this LED light bulb
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Opening of $60 million district courthouse to be delayed after somebody forgot to buy $250,000 worth of furniture
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How do you say "Hey, y'all, watch this" in Burmese?
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Headline of the Year threads will be coming this week and next. In the meantime, here are a few of the favorite headlines for 11/25 - 12/1
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NJ man indicted for punching a window on a JetBlue airplane, causing it to shatter. In other insanely terrifying news, you can apparently shatter the window on a typical passenger jet with just your fist
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Woman charged with leaving customer feedback all over Walmart parking lot
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| (Travel + Leisure) |
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New tourism slogan: "Rwanda - No genocides since 1994"
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Jazz pianist Dave Brubeck, 91, takes five
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Atlanta airport makes three arrests in two hours upon discovering guns being brought through the security checkpoint - one of which belonged to a Chick-Fil-A executive
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Man lets pit bull babysit infant while he goes to the bar. Considering what state this happened in, that might have actually been the responsible thing to do
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69 people vanish without a trace on Cape Cod-- Local woman is suspected but released
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| (Old Spice) |
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8 bit Lebowski (sponsored link)
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Not news: Two men impersonate Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles. News: On a prank phone call from Australia to Princess Kate's hospital. Fark: Hospital falls for it
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It hasn't occurred to McAfee that social media and hiding out may be mutually exclusive
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Research finds that treating gum disease can fix some erectile dysfunction problems, although you probably don't want to be standing in front of those people while they are brushing their teeth
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Cops arrive "just in time" to thwart robbery at doughnut shop
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Caption this camouflaged conversation
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Good morning, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. Oh my god your balls are showing (Not safe for work)
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Ever open a box of pizza, inhale a whiff and think to yourself 'man I wish I could bottle that smell?' Well, thanks to Pizza Hut, now you can
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With fine bone china patterned to look like human testicular tissue, the in-laws could be licking your balls this holiday season
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Man drives around with part of sign in his head. It's a stop sign too, so drivers behind him don't know what to do. Stop 'N Go traffic all the way
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Well, in fairness to the construction crew, "carefully rennovate" DOES sound a lot like "completely demolish"
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The latest atheist outrage? People watching "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown"
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Bonjour, ya cheese-eating sterility monkeys
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Experts say that the best advice for people who fall onto subway tracks is to run to the end of platform, also make sure to smile big
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Notice to evacuees everywhere: THIS is how you make the best of bad situation
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Deer season is over in Iowa, and the final numbers are in: hunters managed to bag 60,000 deer, 4 hunters
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English judge reprimanded for saying burglary takes a "huge amount of courage"
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Not news: Only 39% of Americans view the Simpson-Bowles plan favorably. News: 25% view the Panetta-Burns plan favorably. Fark: There is no Panetta-Burns plan
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Former Kozmo.com employees offer advice to companies offering same-day delivery, so investors won't lose all their Flooz, Beanz and BitCoins
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In an effort to get people to finally stop talking about pedophilia at Penn State, sorority decides to hold Mexican-themed party. With predictable results
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Royal tradition dictates the baby could be called Augustus, Humphrey, Clementina or Antigone. That kid better hope for a good haircut
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Photoshop these big bones
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World's Oldest woman dies.....again
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New Zealand ASPCA teaching dogs how to drive. Your dog wants a cat stencil for his driver's door
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Then: FEMA under fire for slow disaster assistance payments. Now: FEMA under fire for fast disaster assistance payments
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Turkish government fines TV station because the Simpsons mocked God. Wait until they find out about South Park
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If Kudzu is taking over your yard maybe you should eat it
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Los del Rio protest Maracana arena. Heyyyy, Maracana
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Your wife listens to Owl City on your Spotify account. Do you: C) complain about it to the local newspaper?
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Lobsters are cannibals, delicious
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Pete Townshend comes out of the closet and admits he's a neocon
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Bad Sex Award winner announced. And before you say anything, Subby's mom wasn't even nominated
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Gingerbread houses. *YAWN* Call me when someone makes a Millennium Falcon gingerbread hou- *RING*
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NASA starts to weave a tangled web as the organization tries to explain how a spider could survive a 42-million-mile jaunt through space and subsequent splashdown in the Pacific Ocean, but die during a simple trip to Washington, D.C
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Sheldon Adelson tried to buy the Presidency for about $150,000,000. This month he'll save $150,000,000 in taxes by paying himself an early dividend. You do the math
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Famous sculpture worth £500,000, goes for just £46 at a scrap dealer, w/pic of brilliant negotiator/thief
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I have had it with these motherfarkin' snake on a motherfarkin' plane stories
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Some Yelp reviews are crap, so this restaurant plays audio recordings of the worst ones to its customers in the bathroom
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Cheap, Chinese-made product poses significant health risk because it doesn't have enough lead in it
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Man arrested for sleeping in the bushes outside a McDonald's. Everybody knows you're supposed to nap inside the tunnel in the play area
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Hey, you know that heartwarming photo of the New York cop giving a "homeless" man a pair of boots? Yeah, he's not actually homeless. And he wants to get paid for that video
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Girl brings grenade to show-and-tell, with predictable results
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Protip: Don't eat dog poo
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Fark-ready headline: Ontario school using stickers to cover student's genitals in yearbook
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The thirty most terrifying face swaps of the year. Good luck sleeping tonight
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Man asks cop to write note to local cartel explaining that he lost $20,000 in drug money. Naturally, the cop is more than happy to help him
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Nothing really funny here, just beautiful images of the Earth from a paraglider
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Bob Marley drink jammin' up lines to the nurse's office
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| Tue December 04, 2012 |
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Nymphomaniac found dead in bed. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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Guy shoots his girlfriend in the back after arguing about how to survive a zombie outbreak while watching "The Walking Dead." Well you don't shoot them in the back, for starters
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Woman suffering from persistent genital arousal disorder that could only find relief after hours of masturbation has finally found relief
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The Fallout Burger is the UK's most dangerous burger. How dangerous, you ask? You need protective gloves to handle it
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What the hell is the world coming to if you can't break a burglars back for trying to steal your quad bikes
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Home invader: "I want all your money." Homeowner: "You want KARATE?"
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Photoshop this kid and goat
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Teacher to 5-year-olds: There is no Santa Claus
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The hippest grooviest grandmother EVAR gets her entire head tattooed with a floral design
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Christmas decor? This is how we do it in Texas
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Sam Mullet, the man behind the bizarre Amish beard-cutting spree, not adjusting to prison life so well
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9-year old girls loses weight. This is the lead story on CNN.com right now
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You know that guy your grandpa gave half of his retirement savings to? Why'd he do that? Here comes the (brain) science
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Photoshop this sideways stunt
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The 10 Commandments Of Awesome Hot Chocolate: never ever use powder
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Police officers intercept truck with 60 lb shipment of marijuana worth approximately 6 million dollars. The 30 lb haul was logged into evidence, press conference tomorrow regarding the 10 lb shipment
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Does Congress make you sick? That's because Congress is making you sick
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The tiny town of Bugarach, France is the safest place to be on December 21, as aliens will emerge from a nearby mountain to rescue humans from the Mayan apocalypse
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You've come up with a 15-point plan to get your wife hooked on meth. Step 1: spike her cigarettes. Step 2 thru Step 14: ? Step 15: Profit
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Not news: High school chemistry teacher asks students to bring in a substance from the Periodic Table of Elements. Fark: School gets locked down over a thermometer
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As it turns out, these didn't just look bizarre and hilarious because you were on your third Bloody Mary and cruising at an altitude of 31,000 ft. Ladies and Gentlemen, the best and worst of Skymall
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You never know when those vials of blood you've been keeping in your freezer for a rainy day could come in handy. Particularly if they belong to folks like John Wayne Gacy
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Got a sniffly nose? It could be BRAIN FLUID LEAKING OUT OF YOUR NOSTRILS
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The NY Post, not one of the classiest papers, stoops to a new low, takes a picture of a man about to be killed by an oncoming train rather than help. Fark: Posts image on front page
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New Mac espionage trojan targets Dalai Lama supporters
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Eurozone Finance Ministers express their confidence that Greece will manage to repurchase the €10 billion bonds in the next 20 years
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That awkward moment when your friend asks you to get him another beer, and you grab a frozen kitten
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Aqua twins, who can swim the full length of a 25m pool, to get lessons on how to crawl, sit up and walk next
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Q: How does someone get 'Dick' from 'Richard'? A: You ask him nicely. Seriously, here comes the science
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Woman sues over 3 years in prison following tortured confession. That'll teach somebody a lesson. Probably the city's insurance company
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NASA's earthshaking Mars discovery is finding Han Solo frozen in carbonite. Well, actually, just carbon
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