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| Sun October 21, 2012 |
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Arby's fires an employee of 22 years for running from an armed robber. I guess you're supposed to stand and fight
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A naked woman in Florida walking around the road holding a cross eventually goes home... Just kidding. She eventually gets shot and killed by the cops after some passersby take a few cell phone pics
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Photoshop this pizza delivery
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Teacher injured by plot of 'Piranha 4'
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Huffington Post happily gives the details on FARK's fundraising campaign for the Society of Saint Vincent DePaul
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Chainsaw carving takes a steady hand, especially when it's the only one you have
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Housewife claims she spent five years being raised by monkeys in Colombian jungle after kidnapping
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Man at Halloween party mistakes 9-year-old girl in costume for skunk, shoots her with shotgun. Wait, what?
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Ugly-ass baby octopodes born in Loango National Park. With ugly-ass picture. Octomom, Doc Ock wanted for questioning
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Two things are certain on Halloween: Sugar overdose, and these people
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Most people make a Christmas village in their home, this couple made a village of the dead for Halloween, which looks a lot like a Christmas village
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Pro-tip: If you burglarize a house, don't celebrate your ill-gotten gains by standing around in the backyard drinking beer
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Dear Deidre: I am 21 and having mindblowing sex with my cousin's 33-year-old boyfriend. He said he's tired of his current girl and wants to make me his new girl. The family found out, and he has dumped me. I still love him. What should I do?
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Photoshop this low-tech launch
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Write a short Haiku or poem about Arizona
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13 year old has NO IDEA how his Mountain Dew bottle got filled with whiskey. Sounds legit, let's sue
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25 down, 58,376 to go
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School bus driver takes blind kid on a several hour long drunken joyride. Fark: Driver had two prior DUIs, 7 license suspensions, multiple speeding tickets and drug charges
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Hipsters bring "youthful energy" to Detroit. When they finish moving in we can build a 50 foot containment wall around the city
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Time to reset the "Number of Days Since Mass Shooting" clock
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British red squirrel tries to bring back disco. Subby cheers for the invasive grey to finish them off
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Father catches peeping tom looking at daughter, "minor injuries" are involved. With mugshot goodness
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"Officer, our bulldog was stolen at gunpoint, thankfully the rest of us are OK"
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A fight on a Phoenix train came to an abrupt end when an area man broke up the fight. Fark: The area man broke up the fight by pulling out a samurai sword
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Just in case you haven't heard...the BIRD is the word... It's our Sunday GJTB thread.... Let's keep the bird rolling for some great charities
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If all the previous presidents were alive and running for office, who would win? Washington? Jefferson? Lincoln? FDR? JFK? Reagan? Clinton? You be the judge
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Judge decides that a high school math teacher asking a student to model a thong for extra credit just doesn't add up
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McGovern finally catches up to Nixon
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Man drives his car around inside a shopping mall, is amazed to see the new Oldsmobiles are in early this year
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Good: Winning a Freedom of Information Act judgment. Better: Against the FBI. Best: For $470,000
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The days of being able to buy trousers from a bazaar in Egypt at 3 in the morning are coming to an end. "They want to turn us into Switzerland overnight"
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16-year-old girl refuses to leave her room after lifesaving drug treatment causes her to grow a beard. The fact that the beard makes her look like Kevin Smith doesn't help matters, either
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Study: Average 25-year-old woman lives with her parents, is unhappy in her job, has bad sex
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TMZ's annual dog Halloween costume contest. #51 for the win
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Sixty-nine-year-old man swept up by garbage truck near his home, later discovered at sorting facility, ready for composting
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Man runs the Baltimore Marathon in two hours and 46 minutes while wearing flip flops, immediately becomes first person to flip flop his way though a sub-three hour marathon since Paul Ryan
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| Sat October 20, 2012 |
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Score one for diplomacy
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Man charged with egging ex-wife. "I guess you might say *puts on sunglasses* the yolk's on her"
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Japanese artist makes models burst at the seams with creepy zips, buttons and laces painted on their skin
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The next big thing in food? The grilled cheese
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Photoshop this fun run
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"He's a superthief. A superthief. He's superthief-y ... yeah"
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Asshat who blinded Navy pilots with a laser because the didn't like the jet noise over his house sentenced to 18 months of strafing runs
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Pregnant Mom kicked off of bus over baby's dirty diaper. No, the walk did not hurt her
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Girls, what did you think would happen when you wear a skin-tight, cleveage revealing costume and go someplace full of lonely, horny nerds?
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If you decide to file false charges against an innocent driver, make sure you erase your dashboard video of the encounter
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Jorts, lulz, and a sweet, sweet ride... It's your Saturday give Joe the Bird thread. $14,000 raised so far, Let's give Biden his Trans Am for charity
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Public invited to name aquarium's newest baby sloth... you feel lucky?
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The makers of the "Sexy Big Bird" halloween costume may be dealing with a sexy big lawsuit
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Photoshop the baby stroller
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Not news: Teacher gets arrested. News: Arrested for possessing date rape drug. Fark: Possessing $250,000 of GHB
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School forces boy out because of his jeans. Wait, you mean his GENES? What kind of stupid shiat is that?
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California's Point Reyes declared the official landing site of Sir Francis Drake, ending a 433-year old controversy over where the English wanker landed in 1579 and claimed California in the name of England
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Using coupons on a date is no longer tacky, says broke, dateless people
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In a last-ditch shot at glory, here's last week's mugshot roundup
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The End of Cable: What happens if TV goes the way of Music and Newspapers?
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When seeking medical attention after inhaling toxic chemicals from your meth lab telling the hospital you were actually exposed to a deadly WWII nerve agent is probably not the best way to avoid police involvement
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1st Native American approved for sainthood after Vatican proclaims disease cure to be "medically inexplicable", because if there's anyone who knows their science, it's the Catholic Church
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Anyone for a FARK party in Baltimore? Discuss
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Rules for life after 35. What the hell does #20 mean?
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How many lawyers does it take to sue a pharmacy into bankruptcy?
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Ugly-ass baby walrus comes to the big city, is mistaken for Wilford Brimley
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Expert says that baby-naming regret is on the rise among parents, and that it damn well should be with all the little Braden Jaden Aidens and Kayeghleighs and Dacrons and Sinutabs out there
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Pitbull owners protest proposed law banning breed, shoutouts to Miami in every goddamned song
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Ancient Roman catacomb found. By a cat. Hitting news wires on Caturday
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So it goes
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First "Big Tex" burns down, now this: Fairgoers rescued after "The Stratosphere", the tallest ride at the State Fair of Texas, breaks down
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Ugly-ass Panda cub takes first steps, prepares to become a meme
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Remember the man that claimed Bigfoot damaged his RV? He happens to be part of the Sasquatch Hunters club in his home area
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Time asks if it is all right for teachers to spank your little monkey
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Photoshop these faces for a festival
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Those heartless bastards at NPR produce an audio-only report about hot French women, known as 'Sextremists', who go topless to protest.... oh for fark's sake, this headline needs more pics or video. No wonder people want to defund NPR
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Chicks who like cats = crazy cat lady. Cats who like chicks = adorable video, just in time for Caturday
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Omaha Fark Party at the Upstream Brewery Oct 20th at 7pm
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The somewhat forgotten Trayvon Martin case has taken a few unusual turns in favor of the defense
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How to win at roulette - think like a physicist
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Random act of kindness: Dept. of Homeland Security gives man a five-day vacation in Hawaii
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Granny needs a man... to fight ... in a steel cage. Any takers?
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Can an online degree really help you get a job? The answer won't surprise you
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| (Lily and Davey) |
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TFer's friend and her boyfriend were brutally attacked by her ex with a bat, killing the boyfriend. We are raising funds for her kids who witnessed part of this. LGT donation site. Farkers can help an 8 year old girl and her 6 year old brother
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At first I WHARRGARBL'd, but then I BRAVO'd
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Pictures from Florida meth bust reminds you that yes, for the love of god, drugs are really, really bad
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| Fri October 19, 2012 |
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A massive car bomb has killed 8 in Beirut. Hold on Tom, we're getting word that Lebanon is seeking to file suit against the award-winning American television series Homeland for its portrayal of Beirut as a terrorist stronghold
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Brooklyn progressives support the homeless. Just not in their backyard
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Burger King Japan debuts a pumpkin burger. That is all
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Woman gets in accident, tries to add car insurance while in ambulance
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Today's teacher-student sex story brought to you by Parkersburg, Iowa
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Sunscreen recalled after reports of spontaneous human combustion
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Man avoids jail even after pleading guilty to possessing child and animal porn - including sex with an octopus
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Photoshop these two close friends
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Farkers helped raise over $7000 for the soup kitchen involved in the Paul Ryan photo-op - in less than 24 hours. Let's keep up the awesomeness and help keep soup flowing to the needy
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Turns out a dog's mouth really is cleaner than yours
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| (Some Guy) |
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Twitter censors neo-Nazis in Germany. You know who else used to censor people in Germany?
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The beauty pageant will consist of a swimsuit competition, their personality, and the distance between their nipples
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Woman breastfeeds a pug. The dog. Breastfeeds. A woman. A pug. With her boobs
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Mutant rats laugh off standard rat poisons, eat them like candy
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The Psychic Friends Network Cannot Predict Its Future. Bet they didn't see that coming
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Photoshop this soaking
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The war on 12 year old girls
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Best Korea will "mercilessly strike" South Korea if those balloons cross the border
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The 10 most controversial Nobel Peace Prize winners. Yes, they're on the list
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In today's episode of Overreaction Theater, zoo takes down Halloween ghost decorations because some people believe they look like lynchings. Tag is for the complainers
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Florida man in overdue rental van hits vehicle, flees trailer park, punches policeman, poops pants. Florida Man
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"Look officer, it really was Bigfoot that smashed out my RV lights, why won't you believe me?"
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| (TBO.com) |
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Fark headlines make for good Halloween costumes, Florida style
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George Washington and the other Founding Fathers died on a cross to defend our God-given freedom to eat bugs and giant, artery-clogging portions of food in eating extreme eating contests, and now somebody wants to take those rights away
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One Bank to rule them all, One Bank to find them, One Bank to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
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Dude1: Dude, I'm totally wasted and we just hit a school bus. Dude2: Dude, so am I, but not so much. So let's swap seats. Dude1: Sweet. Dude, where are you going? Dude2: Check it out, someone hit a school bus here. Cops: Dudes, you're under arrest
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Recent Gallup poll demonstrates that not only politicians but 3.4% of women and 8.3% of men lied to the Kinsey Institute
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Fresh out of the oven, here's your Fark Weird News Quiz. Yes, it's earlier than usual, but please do not panic. We are in control of the situation
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War may be imminent between China and Japan over disputed islands in the East China Sea. Possibly a repeat from 1534 and 1895
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Protip: If you're going to call out your opponent for using actors in a TV spot about asbestos victims... make sure they're actually actors and not real asbestos victims
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Someone apparently tried to deep fry Big Tex at this year's State Fair of Texas
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Apparently the CIA suspected the Benghazi consulate attack was an act of terror within 24 hours of its occurrence. That must be why Mitt Romney has been seen practicing his "nailed it" smirk
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Charges have been dropped against a Perth man who was accused of causing fear and alarm by being aggressive with a black pudding
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7 reasons diet soda is terrible for you, including the fact it gets you drunker quicker. OK, 6 reasons diet soda is terrible for you
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Was man drunk enough to warrant a ride home from Police? Friends say yes. Deputy says no. Train says it doesn't matter anymore
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Darwin Say: If spare tire falls off of highway overpass let it go man
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Dinesh D'Souza, the man behind the "Obama 2016" film forced to resign as president of the evangelical King's College, after failing to heed the warning in the Bible about people living in glass houses
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Not a sharpie in sight: Disney faces race row by introducing new fair skinned, blue eyed Latina Princess
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Students elect girl with Down Syndrome to be their Homecoming Queen. Vote counters say they haven't seen down voting like this since a Gawker article was submitted to Reddit
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Two newspapers now refuse to use the Washington's Redskins football name, the Redskins. Uninvited sex partners, immigrants without official documentation said to be delighted
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Texas leads the developed world in teen pregnancies, just as Jesus would have wanted
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Woman posing as Gynecologist tricks another woman into months of sex. Then things get weird
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Diagnosis : Rash of cab driver robberies. Course of Treatment : Apply some 45 caliber ointment to the source of the rash
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2nd man linked to the the Federal Reserve plot arrested-for possession of child porn, after agents found 3 child porn videos on a laptop in the trash near his apartment. When reached for comment, Mr Fantastic said "Whoa, that's a stretch"
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Wounded British WWII hero dies at 94 and is cremated, leaving behind six ounces of shrapnel among the ashes in addition to the customary giant clanking balls
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Although you might believe it's harmless to use your cell phone during a plane flight, tell that to the guy who spent five days in jail after he was caught doing it
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Your Friday elephant rescue brought to you from Kenya. Bring your tissues
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French design firm proposes a new bridge across Paris' Seine river - comprised of three massive trampolines. With hilariously absurd picture
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College to offer "Reagan 101" class. In Reagan's honor, all homework to be completed on typewriters, as both Reagan and a Selectric had a semi-colon and no memory
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"Raiders of the Lost Walmart" is either a) a new documentary from Morgan Spurlock, b) a new album from Weezer, or c) a group of people searching for lost treasures in the discount bins
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Team mascot steps in to throw two fourth quarter touchdowns in upset win. BONUS: Coached by Derrick Thomas
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Best Korea Baby Bump ?
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Police departments in major cities are not anticipating any riots on election day in November. Mostly because the NBA Finals aren't until June
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| (Some Guy) |
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Icelander says the best-tasting puffin is soaked overnight in milk, which then should be fed to your cat
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Feeling left out of all the fun of bombing people in the Middle East, someone in Beirut sets off a bomb in the Christian section and kills eight
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Wisconsin man claims speeding ticket violates his religious freedom to be a complete asshole
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The second worst part about elementary school music class: When the teachers tells everyone to spit on you (first place still belongs to having to play the recorder)
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Fidel Castro becomes Cuba's new national vegetable
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At 21, most people are partying, getting legally drunk for the first time, and trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives. This guy started a multi-million dollar, worldwide Ponzi scheme
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There's no need for a home security system when your 12-year old is packing heat
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Meghan McCain says she's not voting with her vagina, presumably because the voting levers aren't placed low enough
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How to throw an obnoxious drunk off a light rail train. Pro wrestler style. ( with video.)
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Woman's request for "IXOYE" vanity plate denied. "ISUXYE" and "IFUXYE" still ok
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Colon school bus window blown out in Climax
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| (some slow learner) |
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"I wasn't trying to rob the CVS, I was just trying to scare the employee because I was angry that he insulted m-- er... the guy who robbed the CVS the week before. Who totally wasn't me"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bouncy ballplayer
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Judges have ruled that Fort Hood suspect must shave beard -- they probably didn't realize that he wanted to grow it out so he could use it as a comb-over
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Number of drunken Irish expected to decline
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NOAA releases their winter outlook, and blames their mass confusion on a "fickle" El Nino, which is known in Mexico as "The Nino"
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What started out a week ago as a joke post, then morphed into an actual thing, is nearly halfway to raising $25,000 for charity, with a side order of crazy. Your Friday GJTB thread. Update: We're over 50% now ($13,621)
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Sensationalism grab: "60% of young people in custody in the UK have experienced traumatic brain injury" but then it gets into some nerdy mumbo jumbo and I'm like cheah, whatEVER Oh My God shut up already
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Blonde blogger dons afro wig, runs into NYC's worst neighborhoods to connect with her black brothers and sisters and get her picture taken with them. Acquaintance: "I think she comes from a very privileged background and craves attention desperately"
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Reebok makes custom size 24 shoes for 7 foot, 8 inch tall man which will allow him to get back to trying to catch Jack, grind his bones to make his bread
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This just in: Flamin' Hot Cheetos can cause some problems when the oil hits the anus
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Terminal cancer patient becomes honorary CoverGirl model, still looks healthier than the average model
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Student banned from homecoming for: A) looking too slutty; B) bringing a date of the same sex; or C) having an overdue library book
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Writer asks his father, who has dementia, to annotate Jonathan Franzen's 'How to Be Alone'. It's a moving piece. Why is it suddenly so dusty in here?
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"Good-Bye Moon"
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FTC throws down robocall gauntlet: $50,000 for best way to stop annoying asshole calls
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Cop forgets his gun in an airport bathroom, TSA ensues
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When you come to a fork in the road, take it
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Woman films UFO hovering in the sky above her home. Yeah, it's five streetlights, but still
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Westboro member protesting at Fallen Soldier funeral stomps on American flag. Attending soldiers give him a quick refresher on the finer points of respect. (Obviously, Hero tag is for all of our service personnel) (w/video)
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The guy who owns Abecrombie and Fitch likes his flight attendants to play Phil Collins while prancing around in boxers and flip-flops
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Old and busted: War on Christmas. New and in disguise: The war on Halloween
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Seduced by your teacher at 16 thereby robbing of your childhood? Oh yeah, that's surely worth $10 million
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Fish and Game want help with the knuckling down on moose poaching
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| Thu October 18, 2012 |
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Ugly-ass albino echidna released back into wild; so much awww
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If the zombie apocalypse should come, shoot the crows. Seriously
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Apparently, the healthier you are, the more quickly the flu will kill you
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Study finds that teens' relationships with their dads affects their sexual behavior. And not just in West Virginia, either
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When attempting to commit identity theft on a man whose car someone else robbed, make sure to use a better disguise than this guy
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Not news: Baby animals need a name. News: So do their parents. Fark: They're Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnakes. Ultrafark: There's a contest to name them, so let's see your creativity Fark
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Photoshop this hog hustle
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Oakland city council candidate robbed at gunpoint after attending a neighborhood anti-crime meeting
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A pie chart showing who's getting all of the pie
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The most disturbing health issue in the NFL isn't concussions, broken bones, or injured spines. It's those dirty, dirty mouthpieces. "Animal feces. That's disgusting"
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Pilot arrested after hitting simultaneous landing strips
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Do any of you dodo birds out there have $11 to prevent all future extinctions?
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It just won't feel like the Super Bowl if I don't see Danica Patrick in a sexy GoDaddy commercial
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Photoshop these gangsters
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Beaverton police take hamster into 'protective custody' after owner is accused of DUI - with "you'd probably hit it" pic. The owner, not the hamster
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Not news: man and woman have sex while on vacation. News: in a taxicab. Fark: in Dubai
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Hulk Hogan threatening to sue Bubba the Love Sponge for videotaping Hulkster banging his wife. Reminder: Both men live in Florida, so their vote in November matters more than yours ever will
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Who recently said in court, "We are all human beings"? C.) 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
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| (Our Documents) |
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Cool item of the day: the canceled check for the purchase of Alaska. And the Russkies threw in the future Sarah Palin for nothing
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Fark: 10 year old boy with Down Syndrome gets lost in the woods. SuperUltraAwesomeFark: He's kept warm by a bunch of puppies
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Money may not buy happiness, but winning $16 million in the lottery takes some of the sting away from having just been dumped
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Criminal genius: Lets see, I'm the sole employee of this used car dealership, and the owner is on vacation. I'll sell the entire inventory to an out-of-state dealer, pocket the money and no one will be the wiser
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If you're going to prank a fellow employee at the Family Dollar store who keeps stealing food from the office fridge, make sure he actually drinks the laxative-laced Coca-Cola and doesn't put them out for customers to buy
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Hot MILF has a fear of toilets after watching 'Look Who's Talking Too' as a child. Doctors now worried about the other nine people who saw this movie
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Amorous elk banished from ranch after falling in love with a cow. Insert your-mom joke here
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Judge dumps a bag of burning kryptonite at the doorsteps of the heirs of Superman co-creator Joseph Shuster
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Vitamins, that used to be good for you, then were going to kill you, then were moderately good for you, then gave you an inflated sense of invulnerability, are now... *shakes Magic 8-Ball, which then explodes*
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What do art thieves do with famous paintings the whole world knows are stolen? Besides staging elaborate Magritte-referencing capers to return the art to its rightful place on the gallery walls, all under the noses of the authorities, I mean
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The interesting tale of Jesus's rebellious Chinese brother
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The pope isn't a Pussy Riot fan
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TV anchor maintains composure when spider drops into view
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FARC party: November 15 -- Havana, Cuba. Theme: Can't we all just get along?
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Ponder this: If a topless and bottomless person is wearing a hat, is that person really naked?
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If you've ever bought stolen art, chances are it's a Picasso
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Apple: We lost billions in profits due to Samsung patent infringement. Judge: OK, well then you are ordered to disclose details of sales, earnings, and profit margins on iPhones so we can just verify that assertion. Apple: oops
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Tagg Romney wants to take a swing at the President. "He had the chance to kill that SOB who named me Tagg, and he didn't"
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Hay, you can't do that: Woman in trouble for dumping her pet horse's manure down the toilet and clogging sewer lines
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After the Challenger wreckage was examined, the pieces were buried and sealed in abandoned Minuteman missile silos at Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, where they remain today
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New York building construction to top $30B for first time since 2008, according to study, and that's just for one studio condo described as a "real fixer-upper"
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Amazon flooded with cheeky, often funny customer reviews of its binders after Romney remark. Meanwhile, what is left of your pension sits in the corner and quietly weeps
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Speeding through a closed off accident scene while telling the cops trying to stop you that they are "number one" is no way to go through life, man
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Americans are shocked that U.S. violent crime rates are up 17% - "That's really not as bad as it seems," says everyone living in Juárez and Detroit
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From boom to bust: Taliban forced to curb attacks after the cost of making improvised explosives quadruples
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Amazon reviews get political
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We're seeing more toplessness on TV
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North Carolina residents are shocked, SHOCKED that their homeowners insurance rates may jump because hurricanes like to treat their region like a McDonald's drive-thru
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Woman arrested for DUI after drinking hand sanitizer, prompts the newest pick-up line at bars - "Can I buy you a Purell?"
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The old farts of anarchy
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| (Some Fruitcake) |
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Visit the site link. Enter one noun. Click the Generate Band Names button. Photoshop an album cover based on the randomly generated band name of your choice. (Please include the name of the band)
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New book uncovers the fine art of boobadoodling - or "how to scribble absent-mindedly on a boob"
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Newsweek will cease print operations and go all digital in 2013
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Thursday Give Joe The Bird thread. Haters gonna hate, donaters gonna donate
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Not guilty verdict in father/daughter vibrator case leaves legal scholars all abuzz
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Woman caught with a shopping cart full of unpaid sports equipment, toys, and bedding tells cops she didn't know what was going on. With a mugshot that kind of backs up her claim
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Naked caveman is being talked about on CNN, Kelly and Michael, amongst others. Now a look inside his man cave he built without help from the Black Bush or the Mormon Bush (w/video)
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Even under Obama's watch, the government is not responsible for the removal of the pigeons that hang out on your roof. "Well somebody suggested birth control, supposedly you can do that"
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Poverty sucks, especially when you're a 113-year-old dwarf
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Considering how prudish they were about everything else, people in the Victorian Era sure were comfortable posing for pictures with a corpse
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60 Spitfires . . . crated, hid . . . 70 years later . . . up for bid . . . -- Burma planes
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Having successfully restored the Gray Wolf into the environment, Minnesota to celebrate by killing them all off again
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So you're a 13-year old boy who is using your school issued iPad, when you notice that it is synched up to your teacher's iPhone. Now you can view all of her pictures, including the naughty ones... what do you do???
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 389: "Two-Tone Two Step". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest
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| Wed October 17, 2012 |
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Want to move to the middle of nowhere? Manitoba is offering large tracts of land for $10
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Mother good: takes teen daughter to Orlando for the weekend. Mother bad: leaves behind a 10-year-old, 3-year-old, and bed-ridden elderly woman to fend for themselves in a filthy house (with pics)
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The arc of a man's urine can diagnose prostate problems. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS
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Five million dollar lottery winner waits 6 years to cash in his winning ticket because he didn't want his "windfall to influence his engagement and subsequent marriage" or in other words, he wanted to see if his wife was a golddigger
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OJ supposedly kept the knife he used to commit murders and is now trying to sell it for $5 million. BRILLIANT
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Your life might suck, but at least you're not going to die trapped in your truck at the bottom of a sewage treatment pond. Probably
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Always wanted to have a beard of bees for Halloween, but were worried about those pesky stings or allergies? Well worry no longer: "It's the bee beard you've always dreamed of owning"
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Tearful Mitt Romney announces he has rare disease where you can't sit quietly on stool when repeatedly asked to
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Photoshop this pope powwow
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Give Joe the Bird surpasses $11K
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Naturalized Iranian-American, now living in Texas, pleads guilty to attempting to hire a Mexican drug-dealer to kill the Saudi ambassador to the US with a restaurant bomb. No, this is not the plot of Mel Brooks' next Broadway hit
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Trying to cannonball into a frozen pool. How could that end badly?
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Obama administration prevents terror attack at Federal Reserve Bank. Romney to blame Obama for not calling it a terror attack soon enough. RON PAUL to blame Obama for interfering
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The "worst" examples of "unnecessary" quotation "marks" (some images Not Safe For Work)
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This will end well: Nissan is introducing a "steer by wire" so you can crash while trying to reboot your car
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USPS hits its borrowing limit for the first time in history, blames this new fangled Internet that lets people pay bills online and even send letters to people without charge
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Photoshop this desperate drinker
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Want to help give Joe the Bird, but low on cash? Dream of being an elite TotalFarker, but can't spare the dough? Here's 9 awesome ways to bring in some extra green and realize your lofty ambitions
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Student posts nude pictures of teacher online. Related: Twitter explodes
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Note to potential Johns: Not only did Maine's infamous "Zumba-Ho" secretly videotape her sessions, she also uploaded them to dozens of websites
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Our favorite Taiwanese news agency covers last night's debate. Come for the CGI, stay for the panda punching
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American Airlines, which is in bankruptcy and just paid out millions to buy out the contracts of almost 2250 flight attendants, has just announced it wants to hire 1500 flight attendants
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The Virgin Mary takes a trip to the Jersey Shore... hangs out at a car wash
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Couple has sex on restaurant patio in front of children
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Maine newspaper seeking earthquake survivor stories from the big one of 2012
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Home building hits four-year high. Both homes reported to be ready for occupancy before winter
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Man who tried to open plane doors had just finished the latest book in the "50 Shades" series, "50 Days Of Drunkenness"
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Doctors prepare to remove accident victim's liver only to discover she's still using it
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Please do not put dead skunks in the garbage
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Utah road construction sign warns of Zombie Apocalypse, nobody panics
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Scientists: Mice can 'Sing' in tune with one another, sound an awful lot like Adele
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News: Police taser man with sword; Lite-Fark: Sword turns out to be stick; 5 dollar fark: white stick of the blind guy they tasered; Ultra fark: just read the last line
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Orphaned baby elephant raised by human mom, which could help explain the Honey Boo Boo family
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Vandals kill 5,800 fish at hatchery. Workers unsure how many flushes the cleanup will take
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Dutch art museum now displaying Gauguin's "Girl who used to be in Front of Open Window"
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After you erect a 67ft-statue of a sword-wielding naked pregnant woman, the natural concern is about what to do if seagulls start pooping on it
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"Deadliest Catch" star caught urinating in a puddle, and other awesomeness from the Unalaska Police Blotter
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If you're going to kill yourself, don't ask people on the Internet how to do it
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WWJV: The Last Vacation of Christ
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NPR blows the lid off of the big cat poop coffee scandal. Is the scandal A) cats are being force fed coffee beans, or B) cats are being force fed unripe inferior quality coffee beans?
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Who fo'shizzled my Bizzle?
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Wednesday's GJTB thread. Tuesday increased interest and activity, and a couple of $1000 donations. Let's continue that upward trend
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This is what your mug shot looks like when the guy you road rage against knows Karate
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Remember the mystery eyeball found on the beach in Florida? Now you can relive the magic in your own home
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Photoshop this finesse form
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Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until the plane comes to a complete stop at the gate and the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt light, even if you're crazy and think the wing is on fire
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Man hits partner in face with plate after refusing to play nothing but Alanis Morissette music all day. Police unsure who to charge
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Larry Sloan, co-_________ of Mad Libs, _________ at age 89. He will be ___________
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Man taken to hospital with a gunshot wound A) Dies before getting in the door, B) Passes out due to the loss of blood, or C) Punches a doctor and nurse
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Cute 16-year-old student with nut allergy bullied by teacher with 'nut-scented candle' (w/pics)
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Remember when your mom told you not to eat those mushrooms in the backyard because they could be poisonous? Admit it, you thought she was joking, didn't you
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This is your captain speaking. Our arrival into Sydney will be delayed by about forty minutes so we can fly low over the ocean and ask you all to look out the windows for any sign of a sailboat in distress
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Man arrested for punching woman whose husband's legal name is Darth Vader. He later advised her that she was unwise to lower her defenses
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Become a National Guard recruiter where you can have sex with female recruits, shoot the homeless with paintball guns, pay female homeless to flash your recruits and file fraudulent recruiting numbers for bonus money...and no repercussions
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As Election Day approaches, things are looking pretty grim for George McGovern. This is not a repeat from 1972
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Your inspiring, well crafted, brilliant headline got redlighted because you are mental
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World's. Oldest. Dad. (w/pics of dad, hottie wife and baby)
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| Tue October 16, 2012 |
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Newspaper art critic reveals why he's not the newspaper food critic
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Who among us hasn't accidentally knocked a TV off the wall while having rough sex with our sister in the bathroom of a sports bar?
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Man has 90 plastic surgeries to appear like "a human Ken Doll." Fellas, I beg of you, don't think about what that might entail
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Supreme Court agrees to take case on whether Monsanto can forever own our food
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Photoshop this weighty winner
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The coolest kids' literature inspired sleeve tattoo you've seen on a children's librarian all day
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Magnitude 4.6 quake strikes southerm Maine upsetting lawn chairs, subby
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Will Mitt Romney lie even more this time out? Is Barack Obama planning to show up, or at least be half-comatose? Will Candy Crowley allow half the shiat Jim Lehrer did? It's the second 2012 Presidential Debate, Town Hall style at 9 PM
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Earth-sized planet discovered around Alpha Centauri B. Earthlings no longer have an excuse to avoid the local planning office
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Sometimes restaurant owners are gracious when customers complain about the food, bill. Sometimes they over-react. And then there's this
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Because it's the middle of a work day, here are some Four Loko gummy bears
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GJTB update thread. $10,400 and still going strong. More media exposure FTW
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Did you know it was against the law to shoot yourself in the foot?
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Hurricane Paul racing towards Baja California. HURRICANE PAUL
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"Coca-Cola, the official sponsor of the 2012 HOLY shiat THAT TRUCK IS ON FIRE AAAAGGGGHHHHH"
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The ugliest ass baby.. scorpions? you're going to see today
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Jersey advertising has Centrum Silver considering the Knicks, dyslexia font designed for modile bevices, and patriotic Nationals red, white and blew Game 5: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/7 - 10/13
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Celebrity sperm donor website claims to have 40 A-listers for you celebrity-obsessed women who want a Fame Babby
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What would you ask the candidates at tonight's Townhall Press Conference? Difficulty: Same question for both candidates. And no, you can't ask Candy Crowley anything
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People who discontinue treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are
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CNN host throws American Family Association spokesman off air for being a tinfoil hat wearing douchebag
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Photoshop these martial artists
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Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart may be getting back together. Coincidentally, the final Twilight movie premieres in a month. Odd how things just work out
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I'm thinking of leaving sticky notes for people in returned Redbox movies. What would you write on them?
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Creators of the James Holmes is Innocent Facebook group think the Aurora victims "may be actors," won't win a popularity contest anytime soon
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Woman locked out of car calls 911 and says there's a baby in the car to get quicker response....to jail
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Remember that teenage Pakistani girl that was shot by the Taliban? Looks like a few of them may have tried to pay her a visit at the UK hospital she's in
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Most time-lapse animation removes the previous frame when displaying the next. This one doesn't. "The ISS Stacks"
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These animals are happier than you will ever be (Sponsored link)
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Obama nails the coveted Honey Boo Boo endorsement
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Holy crap. Awesome time-lapse video of the 2 mph, two-day move of a space shuttle through L.A
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Who in their right mind would call a $325,000 grant for the development of Robosquirrel a "lack of judgment"?
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Inventor of a bicycle made entire of cardboard says his idea can change the world-just so long as it doesn't rain
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Hurricane Rafael will spare all of Bermuda except its pizza parlors
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Authorities seize over 1,000 sexy pirate costumes made in China because they contained high levels of lead. So much for getting some booty this Halloween
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How one woman blogger spent a year obeying the Bible's rules for women--to the letter--without killing herself
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Indian town council blames rape on consumption of chow mein. Seems legitimate
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Worst boyfriend ever launches 4 Molotov cocktails at girlfriend's front door, can't even do that right as 3 fail to ignite and the fourth just singes some bushes
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Jesus watches over E-coli baby. No word on why he hasn't just cured her yet
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Squirrel sex leads to moment of clarity
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Blood is thicker than water, but apparently not thicker than a frost brewed lager
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Normally if you're celebrating your birthday at a Frankie and Benny's restaurant and you start making funny faces after drinking some whiskey, it's not newsworthy. But it is if you're there celebrating your second birthday
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"Popcorn Lung" couple gets $20 million settlement, files for bankruptcy soon after. Antoine Walker and Vince Young heard calling them novices
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Reuters fact-checkers fact-checks fact-checkers fact-checking fact-checkers
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I am George Akume, Senator of Nigeria, during the course of our auditing I discovered a surplus of tomatoe juice and I am contacting you as a foriegner as the profits can only be claimed by a foriegn account
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Photoshop theme: Something's missing
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Kids at the elementary school bus stop are giving you grief about the confederate flag on your truck. So you, c) Point a gun at the school bus and cause the driver to take the kids back to school?
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GiVE uS 6 miLli0N d0lLaRs iN uNmaRkEd biLLS anD/oR pOutinE aNd u CaN fiNISh y0ur WtC
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American Airlines now provides complimentary typhoid fever
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Profesor . Caught sayof school that has stoped Hiring " See, told ya so" Is He liberal bias or not. CSM Says yes. Steven Colbert Looking for Roe v. Wade -OR- "hello, I am write single to lawsuit and wait for answer again
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If you're looking for a WTF vacation destination, how about dead cocaine drug lord Pablo Escobar's vacation getaway?
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Maine man has his pot plants stolen and calls the police. Stupid you say? The police find his plants and return them to him. It's a start
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Nick Jr. is now airing programs for sexually repressed single mommies who like vulgar sketch comedies as they unwind with a glass of wine after their children have gone to bed. Or before if you live on the West Coast
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After their voracious appetite for bronto burgers made the dinosaurs go extinct, cavemen then had to start eating pandas
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Private car owner opposes bus rapid transit lanes because he's more important than filthy bus riders: "How does it matter if a peon reaches office five minute before time?"
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Cuba making it easier for Cubans to flee the country, to vacation. Of course
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Charleroi, PA cats no longer having Caturdays
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Oh great, now mint chocolate chip ice cream can kill me
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