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| Sun October 14, 2012 |
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Vote/submit your favorite rock songs to go into a Trans Am mixtape/playlist
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Speaker runs off stage in tears after she's heckled by students destined to live in a van down by the river
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Not content to let some punkass soft-drink-swilling Eurotrash have all the glory, Gen. Chuck Yeager decides to break the speed of sound on the 65th anniversary of the day he did it first, just because he can
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The American Family Association is urging parents to boycot "Mix it Up Day" -- a day when schools encourage students to sit at a lunch table with people outside of their peer group -- because teaching diversity makes kids gay, or something like that
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Photoshop this tower of strength
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What happens if a Loony-Tune gets his hands on the world's biggest taser?
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Woman arrested for posting a police officer's photo to Facebook, because "The internet can be a dangerous place"
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Something... something... supersonic. Scratch that... hypersonic
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Quebec's new language laws are designed to make stores sound more French. Walmart will become "Le Magasin Walmart" (the Walmart store)
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♫ Cause I'm living on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be seen again, oh baby, you can come to stay ♫
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Photoshop this hog handler
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Is stainless steel on the way out for appliances? So what will be the next big thing for them?
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Four year old big sister gives her three year old little brother some sage advice that can now be taken to heart by a world full of internet tough guys
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Put away your politics for a moment, a man who was both a Democrat and a Republican has passed away. R.I.P. Arlen Specter
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Canadians compete in poutine-eating competition in order to build up fat for the cold winter months ahead
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| (Some Guy) |
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The richest human who ever lived was worth half a trillion dollars. Now, I'm off to the dollar store to shop for this week's groceries. Damn I hate my life--Subby
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Artist photographs women who moved to Hollywood to find fame and fortune but did not
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It's a mostly animatronic world after all
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The weekend Give Joe the Bird thread
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Photoshop a T-shirt design with Joe's TransAm (JPG up to 2550w x 3400h) LGT GJTB thread
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Group of "artists" raising money to entomb H&K's factory in Germany in cement. And by "entomb in cement" we mean rent a helicopter and throw some dry mix and gravel on the roof
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"Only a fruitcake wouldn't love our party trays" Can anyone guess which restaurant chain just made this a part of their marketing strategy? Anyone? Anyone?
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| (Beer lover) |
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2012 Great American Beer Festival winners announced
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Caption the back of the T-shirt for Give Joe The Bird
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Farmer growing pink pumpkins to raise breast cancer awareness. Ok, but subby is more of a pink grapefruit man
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Ric Romero reports that the "greener" your home is, the more you can save on utility bills. "Going Green" does not refer to the color you paint your house, but the process of changing one's lifestyle for the safety and benefit of the environment
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| (Red Bull) |
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Wind is great, balloon inflated, all is a go. Link to live stream of Red Bull Stratos
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Study finds that childfree women are perfectly happy with their decision to remain childless, wish people would stop trying to con them into thinking you can't be an adult, or happy, unless you have kids
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Do not mess with the Gurkhas. Seriously
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With all the ladies' eyes on him as he busts the fancy dance moves, he is surrounded by a chorus line of women. As he's 72, the 52 year olds are the kittens and the 92 year olds are the cougars, but he's one hep cat-daddy
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Before you launch a contest looking for a real-life Barbie doll, you might first want to clear your idea with Mattel
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Dalai Lama visits Vermont after 22 years at 77. Says he hopes to visit again in 22 more. So he's got that going for him. Which is nice
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Trouble in River City begins with 'T' that rhymes with 'B' & that stands for bars: "I said that at 2 o'clock in the morning, they're not coming out of the library"
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Photoshop theme: Grammar Nazis
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Navy awards $900,000 grant for development of "MacGyver Bot", which can take everyday objects and turn them into tools and weapons while delivering witty one-liners
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Man best friends with grizzly bear named Brutus. What could possibly go wrong? (w/pics)
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Russian activists slam 'gay milk propaganda'. In other news; gay milk is now available by the carton
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Teacher happy he romanced and married a student 30 years ago, is befuddled by public anger at MF sector of teacher sex matrix. "It sounded as if everyone wanted to string him up. I realised they could just as well have been talking about me"
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Pipe bomb uncovers bizarre love triangle, resulting in massive confusion from people used to giving into temptation. Clearly, everything's gone green and love has torn these three apart
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Plant Nazis influenced by an idiot New Yorker are making life miserable for homeowners in New Zealand. "I was sitting at my computer in my undies and the next thing a police car came roaring down the driveway"
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The captains of a Navy sub and Aegis cruiser play a game of chicken to see who can end their careers faster. Both lose
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If you're a marketing company and you got hired by a business to get their image out on the street, that doesn't mean literally spray painting the business' logo on sidewalks all over the city
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Live from Alaska, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, more than 2 hours of music hosted by a Farker. LGT stream, or look for KRNN on tunein.com/tunein app for mobile
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Time to fess up. Which one is yours? LGT pics (Some pictures are NSF breakfast, lunch or dinner)
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| Sat October 13, 2012 |
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Dude, where's mein auto?
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To get around the restrictive state laws on alcohol, Texas brewery gives away its beer for free, but makes customers purchase empty pint glasses
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Woman files a $3 billion lawsuit against Casey Anthony, saying she "is an Illuminati actress" who threatened to stab her eye out and poison her water supply. Then it gets weird
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Did you know for only $27 you can pee on a cop car in Seattle?
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Winner of the New York Burger Bash 2012 used caramelized onion, bacon jam, pickles, secret sauce and American cheese. Warning: burger-porn slide show
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Farked-up floozy flees fascist fuzz in Ford Fiesta with five flagons of finest Freixenet. Forgets five-year-old
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Store clerk: "have a blessed day." Customer: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, I'M AN ATHEIST"
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Yankee tries grits, lives to tell about it
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Captain of the Costa Concordia shows he has some pretty big buoys as he sues for wrongful termination
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| (Some Guy) |
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"My Little Pony" wins championship at U.S. nationals in competitive trail ride. Real name is Zena Warrior Princess, potentially doubling number of creepy fan-people stalking her
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Photoshop these farmers in a field
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California's "three strikes" law has done exactly jack shiat to lower crime, but it's been great at bankrupting the state
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Standing in a parking space to hold it for a friend ... that's a squishing
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Your bachelor party can't truly be called a success unless it ends with the Coast Guard plucking you off the sinking boat you rented for the occasion
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For the second year in the row, zombie outbreak in DC contained by the US Park Police
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Protips from a Google Street View car driver: Rule No.1? Get the f*ck out of the way
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The year's worst "Sexy" Halloween costumes. Sexy Ernie & Bert will give subby nightmares
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New York jail disarms suspected terrorist
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The Longform Guide to the CIA: The article that became Ben Affleck's Argo and more great spy stories
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Teacher crams nineteen kids into her car, takes field trip to local burger bar (w/pics)
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Photoshop this rutting red deer
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A number of offenses can get you in trouble at work: slacking off, not being a team player, tardiness, and so on. In Detroit a paramedic was punished for giving a blanket to cold elderly fire survivor
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Out of work? No prospects? No problem. Just give yourself a six figure job, print your own paychecks and cash them at Walmart
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How To Make French Toast: a guide for people who are not insane
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Crappy Idea, or Greatest Idea: Chaos ensues after high school principal replaces hall passes with toilet plungers
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Brooklyn Hipster fined $1,555 during a single traffic stop, hit with four tickets when he went through three red lights on his bicycle
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Now that we civilized the land the Onondaga Indian Tribe of New York is fighting to reclaim 2.5 million acres, including Binghamton, Oswego, Syracuse and Watertown
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Author of the Road Kill Cookbook says road kill is the perfect meal for the needy. Mmmm... Road Kill
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Japanese businessman breaks record for highest price ever paid for sushi. Obviously something fishy is going on here
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| (Some Guy) |
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Letter to the editor. Stop all this gayness. Or ducks will take over the world
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McDonald's ad executive says the company doesn't offer their McRib all year... because their customers associate it with Christmas
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Biologist who helped clone Dolly the Sheep dies. No word on when his own clone will surface
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Group plans "Million Muppet March" in Washington D.C. to protest Mitt Romney's threats to take funding away from PBS
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Without any shred of a doubt, hands-down, the absolute worst collection agency in the world
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Impulse food shopping contributes to the obesity rate. Probably because no one has ever compulsively bought a bushel of celery
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Woman crawls through 30 metres of god-only-knows-what to save ugly-ass ducklings
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Almost 50 years after the Cuban missile crisis we find out it wasn't over when it was over. The Russians had to pry over 100 nuclear weapons out of the hands of a butthurt Castro who was determined to have his own nuclear arsenal
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To Serve Man... a beer
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If you're worried your family will find out you paid to have sex with a bony-kneed, chubby, horse-faced prostitute in Maine, good news, the list won't be published until Monday
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Man busted with 2,400 doses of "bath salts" was obviously just planning a massive zombie army or something
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Man sentenced to prison for assaulting his ex-wife, who he'd married in the same courthouse during a previous trial for assault. Next up on his calendar, charges of assault in jail while awaiting trial
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Fill in the blanks for these protestors
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You know you're not very good at this whole "using a backhoe" thing if you accidentally set you neighbor's house on fire
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Remember that softball-sized eye that washed up on a beach? Well, the mystery has been solved
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Old and busted: keyboard cat. New hotness: cardboard cat. Fine art comes to Caturday
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It's people. Bumble Bee is made out of people
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School allows parent accused of sexual assault to chaperone students on a class field trip...including his victim...who was told to by the principal to "deal with it"
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Apparently, it's illegal to post song lyrics on the internet, as a website featuring song lyrics has been sued for $6.6 million because they posted lyrics to TLC's Waterfalls and 528 other songs
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At Motel 8 we'll leave the meth stove on for you
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Greatest thieves of all time rob Federal Reserve shipment of $100 bills FROM THE FUTURE
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There's hoarding, then there is 55 cats and 41 tons of trash in your house hoarding
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Armored car company "either lost or misplaced" five bags of money, says they've checked the couch cushions and their pants pockets, and they would really appreciate it if you would return the large bags of unmarked cash if you happen to find them
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Ten worst cities in North America for traffic congestion delays. Vancouver comes in as a big number 2 in yet another category
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Texas is installing 3,400 of what will be the most ignored signs in the entire state. This thread brought to you by the a-hole doing 60 in the left lane, texting, driving with his knee, reading a newspaper, and operating a dash-mounted waffle iron
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You there. Yes, you. You're responsible for retailers putting up Christmas decorations on Columbus Day (with picture of a pumpkin-headed turkey wearing a Santa Claus suit that will haunt your dreams)
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Passing out drunk on a sidewalk is no way to go through life, Secret Service agent
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| Fri October 12, 2012 |
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Group plans "Hoodie Halloween" to honor Trayvon Martin. Surely this will end well
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Landlady gets so angry that a tenant was keeping a two pit bulls in an apartment without her permission, she lets one of them loose and it promptly runs down the street and attacks a boy. Ooops
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You probably shouldn't rely on a flier posted in the men's restroom of a college dorm about how to get away with rape
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Twenty-seven-year-old ex-cheerleader/teacher convicted of molesting 17-year-old student: "I can't wait until our first date". She and her ex-husband were divorced after a whole 6 weeks. This is who the crazy/hot scale was made for
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GOP takes loss in Vice Presidential debate a little too hard
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Chicago Public Schools serving nachos with mouse droppings. Shocked officials trying to figure out how to classify them as a vegetable
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this proud purchaser
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Baby born 8 lbs, 9 oz., on 10-11-12 at 13:14. But it wasn't 13:14 and 15 seconds - better luck next time, kid
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SWAT team raids home seeking non-existent meth lab. Lousy homeowners upset that their daughter was burned by a flash grenade instead of grateful no one was killed
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I think we should get the internet to buy Biden a Trans Am (Update: donation link now LIVE)
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Snakes near a plane
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It ain't a Trans Am for Biden, but it'll have to do: It's your Friday Fark Weird News Quiz
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Today's new media-hyped threat to your little snowflakes: Soccer goals
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Your dog wants a lawyer. Whoa, wait, he actually GOT one?
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Mother of the Year candidate who super-glued her kid to wall given 99 years in time out
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Fire & safety specialists cause two-alarm fire
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Because Friday, here are corn dog brownies
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Bad: Woman loses her hair due to chemotherapy. Cool: Her husband shaves his head to show his support. FARK: Husband discovers he has a stage III melanoma on his newly shaved scalp
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| (Some Gambler's Seat) |
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Photoshop this tacky twosome
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Want steak. Want steak. Want steak. Want steak. Want steak. Want steak. SQUIRREL. Want steak. Want steak. Want steak. Want steak. Want steak
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Kids change a lot when they go away to college. Some come out of their shell and develop new styles and attitudes. Some experiment with sex and drugs. Some decide that it's time to murder mom for the inheritance
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You have been healed by the silent gaze of Braco. Now go. That will be $8 please
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Oh HELL naw
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Maine drivers warned by road sign to beware of Zombies ahead, check to see whether Carl is in the house
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Sperm shortage in China means enterprising men are being paid to help women get pregnant: The donor recommends "sexual intercourse would be his preferred method to success"
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Putin becomes Russia's second holder of eighth judo dan, looks forward to getting Jedi sword
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Anti-Muslim pastor Terry Jones has found a new enemy to fight, one that may be bigger than even the Righteous Reverend can handle: Canada
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I don't know who you are. But I have a very particular set of skills, skills that - ... is that a penis?
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The Con Artist: How did a self-described German hippie pull off one of the biggest cons in art-world history?
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"Nêtflìckš to subtitlé Λll ƒilm§ by 2ø¼"
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Wolverines are still trapped. This is not a repeat from 1984
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Native American tribe will Sioux over beer sales
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Teens sent to hospital after eating marijuana cookies at school; doctors recommend rest, milk, Pink Floyd, and more cookies, man
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Iowa farmers, unhappy with the dwindling press attention to their crop circles, have turned to the oldest trick in the book to draw tourists: the levitating chick in the corn field gag
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Shuttle Endeavor is on the move from LAX. Today's Highlights: Live Nude Nudes on Century, Randy's Donuts on Manchester to pick up some Bear Claws, and a trip across the 405 pulled by an unmodified 2012 Toyota Tundra available now with 2% financing
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Note to criminals: Dressing like a ninja doesn't mean you will actually become one
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I just flew in from Moscow, and boy are my arms Russian
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If you believe in God, you'll be happy to know that he made a surprise appearance in the Pathmark parking lot in Clifton, NJ
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New world's most expensive cocktail doesn't even come with a straw and parasol
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Some trails are easier for cops to follow than others. If bloody footprints in the snow is #1, porta-potties are #2
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We shall read on the buses, we shall read on our lunchtime breaks, we shall read in the cafes and the libraries, we shall read on the tube, we shall never surrender
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Class photo inadvertently outs sixth grade student as a basilisk
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"He then told the officer who is, where he lives, and added he needed help getting his subconscious to join his conscious." And then it gets even more bizarre. "Science and God are the same"
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Jeremy spoke in class today
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Big Baby Walrus coming to New York City aquarium. It's nice to see JaMarcus Russell has a new gig after being forced out of the NFL
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Some people say that all the pinkwashing during Breast Cancer Awareness month ignores women who have no hope of being cured. Others say the entire deal is just a marketing ploy that lines the pockets of corporations. Tomato/To-MAH-to
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Florida State Board of Education Chairwoman wants everyone to know that, even though the new race-based education standards are separate, they are all equal. Hey, that sounds like a good slogan: Separate, but Equal
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Yet another reason to never combine cheese and laxatives
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Most inappropriate t-shirt to wear for your DUI case ever
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The EU wins Nobel Peace Prize. No word on which country will get to use the prize money to pay off debt
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Nothing says, "I'm terribly sorry for your family's loss at this time" than the solemn tradition of overtipping the funeral strippers
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| (Some Guy) |
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The alien motherships will soon arrive and begin harvesting us for food. It's been nice knowing you
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Terrifying footage of US marines in a close-range firefight. Warning: shows several soldiers taking direct hits from friendly fire
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Woman gets mad at soda machine for eating her money, so she just does what feels natural--and sets the machine on fire
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Women sue Pennsylvania hospital over destroyed dog semen
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"Yo ho ho and a bottle of..." *thud*
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| (Some Stairway) |
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Photoshop this contrast concept
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African country's crown jewels are long Ghana after being stolen from Oslo hotel
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Only in Chicago can you get a federal bribery conviction overturned because you accepted too small of a bribe
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It's awesome if you're a single dad. As long as you're a daddy longlegs spider
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Supreme Court is divided over an affirmative action case involving college admissions. Come on, why shouldn't minorities have the same opportunity to get mired hopelessly deep in college loan debt like anyone else?
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Cops stop teens from buying too much toilet paper because that's how they roll
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These days, most states will expel a grade-schooler for bringing a squirt gun to class. Montana, however, being a badass kind of place, encourages its kids to throw spears on the lawn of the state Capitol
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Federal judge orders jury to ignore state laws regarding Sandusky & his little buds. No, not that one
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Cute 20-year-old denied job because she's smoking hot with huge boobs (w/pics)
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Plan to relocate northern caribou to southern BC runs into trouble when entire herd dies
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An American Alcoholic in Paris: When I moved to France, my inner drunk came along for the ride
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Postal service will charge another 1 cent per postage stamp next year, an increase that will affect dozens of people incapable of sending email
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There are only four ways to arouse a woman. "Being a rich douchenozzle" surprisingly not on the list
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Judge tells jurors after every break not to research the death-penalty defendant. Juror's all like "Hey, let's look this guy up on Google"
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Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you can't have fun with your costume on Halloween
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Sergeant Major Basil Plumley dead at 92. Custer still a pussy
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Palestinian teenager throwing rocks across border is gunned down by Israelis. And by Palestinian I mean Mexican and by Israelis I mean Americans
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Finally sold that uninsured vehicle and think it's no longer your problem? Just hope that the new owner doesn't hit anyone with it, or you can be held partially financially liable
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| Thu October 11, 2012 |
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Nude grandma offers sexual favors to police responding to welfare check. (w/ DO NOT WANT pic)
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Unidentified, softball-sized eyeball washes up on a beach in Florida. Possibilities are a giant squid, Godzilla, or Cthulhu
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Mom goes on strike, refuses to tidy up after her three daughters for six days and documents the chaos that followed on a blog to teach them a lesson
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This is what a man who phoned people to tell them his manhood was stuck in a jam jar looks like, in case you were wondering
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The Top Ten beer-guzzling states. And our national champion is ... New Hampshire?
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Straight Christian lives for a whole year as a gay person to experience the persecution first-hand, including lying to his parents about his orientation
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"So we all decided to walk past the barriers onto the restricted area past the security huts and basically onto Area 51"
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Photoshop this failed soccer shot
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FBI admits their file on journalist Hunter S. Thompson is Gonzo
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You ever have one of those days where you're just trying to snatch a purse, but one thing leads to another and before you know it you're dead in a ditch in a stolen car? No, me neither
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City institutes $120 permit requirement for anyone to toss a Frisbee, considers it an 'organized sport'
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Instashop contest, all entries due today: Photoshop the VP debate preparations
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It really important to wear a helmet when riding a horse. It offers protection from falls, hoof kicks, and raw chicken falling from sky
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To celebrate its state's bicentennial, the Indiana DMV has their part-time receptionist grab some clip-art and design the new license plate
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This week's Fark food discussion: Chili. Share your favorite recipes, ask your questions, post your photos
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The NFL would like to thank you for supporting Breast Cancer awareness by purchasing a Wilson Official Pink Football for $129.99. We will happily donate a portion of that to charity *writes check for $6.49*
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How your fatness affects the price of fuel
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Sad Panda
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The Sesame Street Muppets might lose their jobs if Romney wins in November. Photoshop some possible alternate employment ideas for the lovable characters
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Big Bird's salary? $314,000. Looks like President Obama wants to tax him more. Is Obama more concerned with Sesame Street characters than Wall Street?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The best way to deal with a bridezilla is to ignore her registry and instead buy her something inconveniently large that can't be returned. An 8 ft-tall taxidermy grizzly bear should do
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Yo man, Mo Yan wins Nobel Prize
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Crowds of wailing mourners take to the streets, pulling their hair and crying to heaven on the news that their sovereign, Paddy Roy Bates, Prince of Sealand, has passed away
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Not news: Theater cancels film festival after controversial film. Fark: The film is about Colombian men having sex with donkeys
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Guy in prison complains that his wife has been ignoring him for two years, gets released and goes home to find her waiting on the couch. Mummified
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Eins, zwei, snippa
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It's not a two-year-old's pink princess birthday party in the state of (BLANK) until a sword-wielding man on a bike shows up to cut daddy's fingers off
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American Embassy's Security Leader killed in Yemen. No word on how Big Bird would have handled this differently
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Woman does the drunk-and-shoving-people thing on a United flight from Los Angeles to London while in Canadian airspace. No charges are filed, but being left in Chicago is punishment enough
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Want to teach a teenager not to disrespect his elders? Threatening to break his finger off and shove it up his ass ought to do the trick
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If you're the "Chief Diversity Officer" at a major university, you may want to sleep on it before you decide to sign your name to an anti-gay petition, even if Jesus is the one telling you to do it
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Woman makes $1.46 million working at Walmart
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Questions Home Depot can't help with: What's the best type of cement to use for concealing the body of your own dead child?
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More US manufacturing jobs heading to Mexico
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Fourteen beloved children's characters turned into stripperific Halloween costumes. Yes, THAT costume made the list. (Not a slideshow)
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Kellogg's Metal Wheats, now with 3000 percent of the recomended daily allowance of iron
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You are entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to call your opinion bullshiat
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Security Minister claims hearing violent crimes statistics makes you more likely to commit murder, in the same way that reading Playboy makes me more likely to sleep with a centrefold
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With this dress, I thee fled
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Australian judge waves magic gavel, removes from net all material that might damage fair trial in notorious case. Attributes success of futile gesture to "sophisticated, organised structures" of Internet
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French woman gets bill for €11,721,000,000,000,000. "The phone company initially told her there was nothing they could do to amend the computer-generated statement and later offered to set up installments to pay off the bill"
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"...was trying to swallow marijuana that he had hidden in his anal cavity"
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Bad: Stealing beauty products to support your drug habit. Worse: They call you the "Oil of Olay thief." Fark: you are now banned from Zellers
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Malaysia gets tough on false advertising
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Texas community college holds police active shooter drill without notifying students. Well, beforehand
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Mom does the logical thing to separate her two arguing sons: Fires warning shot through glass window
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911 wants you to get your ass off the phone
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Mom arrested after two-year-old found crawling on roof. Those little scamps really are in the last place you look
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Ohio has three of the ten best cities for working moms. Wait, Ohio has that many strip clubs?
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"Just sitting in a hot room" can cause a person to believe global warming is real. "It's totally irrational"
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Anyone with half a brain should know that you can't get away with freeloading at Foxconn
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Kim Dotcom says his new file sharing website "MegaBox" is almost complete and it will be impossible for the US authorities to shut it down
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Background checks can be time consuming, but you should probably take less than 27 years to make sure a nurse has her license
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Two men have been banned from an all-you-can-eat restaurant... You know the rest of the story
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Free Pussy. One down, two to go
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Since soccer is inherently boring, students in Indonesia have figured out how to liven it up: Soak a coconut in kerosene for two days, then light it on fire, and use it as your ball. "Four to six coconuts are used in total during the match"
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Teacher gets lesson in gravity after student knocks him out
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After you rob a clothing store, don't hang around to browse the racks
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Come see our amazing ancient ruins...and talk to them in the street
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"She done some pictures at our wedding, and then she started doing tattoos," gets your attention, the marijuana leaf and rebel flag seal the deal. "It hurts all the way up to my groin"
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Emu kids crying over criminal charges
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University bans poster promoting gaming night because of gun on poster, w/ pic of the poster in question
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Woman hits her boyfriend with car five times. Clearly, she had pent-up anger
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Fed up Walmart wage slaves threaten to disrupt Black Friday. Shiat just got serious
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If you've seen one high school homecoming dance you've seen them all, except for the impromptu bra throwing
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Malaria outbreak in London. Six penguins dead
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Senile 81-year-old tells cops he went to the mall, but can't remember when or where along the way he hit a pedestrian. Cops ask anyone recently run down by a light blue Taurus to get in touch
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Not news: "extremely drunk" man found passed out. News: on the roof. Fark: of the state capital
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Some people apparently don't understand the rules to punch buggy
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Grandpa's kisses taste like DEATH
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Carjacker celebrates stealing woman's car by doing victory donuts while "We Are The Champions" plays in the background
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Here's a short bio on Malala Yousafzai, the 14 year old girl recovering after being shot in the head by the Taliban for campaigning to go to school. Go tell the apathetic whiny teenager in your life to get a grip and be thankful
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Not News: Fire department responds to a fire. News: Fire is in apartment complex, damaging 29 units. Fark: Fire started by burning squirrel fur
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Happy National Coming Out Day. Is there anything you would like to tell us?
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Dear Deidre: My girlfriend thinks I'm gay. What should I do?
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Protip: If you steal a TV it's probably not best to pawn it in the same town and use your real name
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Photoshop this cowboy
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Voting machines in swing states brought to you by the friends of Bain Capital
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Thief steals plaque from the grave of a 6 month-old baby, then dumps it in a recycling bin. Police are trying desperately to find where it belongs, but they have no record of the child's name in their records
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Nuns still aren't giving up in their fight against Vatican II: Heretical Boogaloo
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The best way to get rid of four-day-old hiccups is to have sex with your wife
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Mansion belong to a former Buffalo Bills defensive lineman turned furniture magnate turned pauper will be burned to the ground by the Gretna fire department as part of a training exercise
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Man arrested for refusing to stop, collaborate, and listen
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68 year-old man fired by Wells Fargo after it was discovered he put a cardboard dime in a washing machine in 1963 is cleared to work again in the banking industry, but Wells Fargo wants him to reapply and earn a smaller wage
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Happy 10/11/12 Day. If you're a numbers geek, you already know just how cool today's date is. "In the year 1582, there was no Oct. 11 in Italy"
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What yet to be invented kitchen appliance would you like to see on the market?
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Six elk stolen in England. With helpful photo of what a moose looks like
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If you were to make a recording to leave for someone in the future to find, what would you say?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 388: "Thick as a Brick". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 10, 2012 |
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Honest Vegas taxi driver finds $221,510 in his cab and doesn't hit the casinos. Cash cab jokes to the right
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Problem: red light cameras can't read Florida license plates. Solution: make everyone get new plates
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Pumpkin Pie Spice. White Chocolate Peppermint. You might think new Starbucks flavors, but Pringles chips' R&D department would argue otherwise
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While cops were tackling a drunk woman at a festival, her bikini top somehow came undone. It was some kind of bust
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As God is my witness, I thought we could fly through Turkey
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This is a repeat submission of that housing developer who threatened his employees with the "if you vote for Obama" letter, but this article includes a picture of his wife. You know. So we can all feel sympathetic to his cause
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GOP Congressman attacking Obama for lack of embassy security on whether he and his fellow Republicans voted to cut funding for embassy security: "Absolutely"
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Photoshop this crowd
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Bad: Forgetting where you left your car in a multi-level parking garage. Worse: This
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TSA goes from "humiliating" to "painful" via free testicle slaps during screening
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So nobody really gets hurt when some pimply teen girl buys a cheap Chinese knockoff of a $1000 designer handbag. The same can't be said for cheap Chinese knockoff airbags, though
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Padma Lakshmi allows a fan to eat a piece of ham off her body for a $1000 charitable dona...This just in, several financial institutions have just closed due to an unexpected and massive bank run
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Free advice to judges: If you just sentenced a man to state prison and he has some personal business to take care of in town, consider having a deputy escort him even if he pinkie swears to come back
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What is black and white and red all over?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this thirsty moth
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Oops: Governor accidentally promotes phone sex number instead of hotline for information about recent meningitis outbreak. Callers who dialed the mistaken number were greeted by a sexy female voice
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"You can't take me to jail... I'm a Republican"
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How to stop Verizon from selling your location data and other usage stats to advertisers
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You know a mugshot is going to be good when they have to force your head up in order to get the shot
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Restaurant pleads for the return of a 6 month-old goat named Elvis. They worry someone from Chicago may have stolen it in a misguided attempt to fly back and bring it to Wrigley Field
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Welcome to Sizzler, it's a pleasure to serve you. The buffet is right over there. Oh, what's this? Your Gastric Bypass Discount Card? Very good, sir, you can park your mobility scooter right there on the right
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When not accidentally shooting their fellow agents, members of the Border Patrol along the Arizona border are discovering ancient pottery shards
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"So everyone is a terrorist"
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People from across the world are donating money in order to support a woman whose cat was burned in a house fire. I'm sure they're also giving money to help rebuild her home, but still, cats, man. Cats
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Attention Whore Twins powers activate. Form of, Lady Gaga. Shape of, Julian Assange
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If you're required to dress in a Halloween costume for work and decide to walk down the street with a gas mask on and a real hand grenade, the police might, just MIGHT have a problem with this
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Body of slain Zetas cartel founder stolen by cartel gunmen. Either that, or he ascended into Heaven
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Bubonic Plague discovered in California. Symptoms include fever, chills, swollen lymph nodes and the urge to be hurled over the wall of a medieval Russian city
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Meet five congressmen on the Science, Space and Technology committee that should never be allowed anywhere near science
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"The one bright spot for American Airlines is all seats will be securely attached to the floor by this coming weekend"
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Catholics celebrate 50 years of able to understand what the priest is saying
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Running through a movie theater while wearing a clown mask and screaming seemed like a good idea at the time
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Scientists discover that the increase in weather disasters is linked to a change in climate. Still no cure for cancer
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If you're a guest in somebody's home watching football, don't argue with him over how long his girlfriend has been in the shower
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So...has a dog actually ever eaten anybody's homework? And if so, which dog did it first, and what sort of homework was it? Slate investigates
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Despite being hit in the stomach with a stun gun, a pizza delivery man refused to let go of his pizzas and surrender them to his would-be-robber
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Solid gold Gandhi cufflinks cost $8,000, providing rare, but entirely justified outing for the 'Ironic' tag
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Dear Abby: Should I be worried that my teenage sons enjoy taking group showers with their friends?
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Convicted Ponzi schemer and caffiene addict writes a letter to the judge who convicted him. Blames TGIFridays for his problems and wishes he was a drug user so he could get a shorter prison sentence. Is caffiene a drug?
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Mitt Romney: I have no plans to support any legislation limiting abortion. Romney Spokesperson: What he meant was, he supports legislation limiting abortion. Media: Well that makes complete sense; let's move on
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13-year-old girl faces criminal charges for giving 20 of her fellow students surprise blood sugar checks
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: Russian captain guzzles bottle of vodak, gets behind wheel of 30,000 ton ship and crashes it. "I'm tired and Ivan to go to bed"
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Hundreds of cops drinking at a bar during a convention fail to notice the hotel they're staying at is being robbed. With a helpful picture of what a cop drinking at a bar might look like
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Most of us know how to handle D.C. traffic circles. FARK: This guy does not. (w/ video)
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What is NOT a good reason to dial 9-1-1?: A) Your home is being broken into. B) Your neighbor's home is on fire. C) You got crappy service at Burger King
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Minneapolis quickly responds to its failure of not answering 911 calls promptly, by ensuring the calls will be answered after 10 seconds by a machine
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In Tunisian 'Highlights for Children', Gallant learns how to make Molotov cocktails, while Goofus... er, come again?
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'Front me fifty bucks, Gandalf, you know I'm good for it?' - Hobbit money becomes legal currency in New Zealand
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Earthquake measuring 4.5 on the poutine scale near Montreal
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This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it
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Photoshop these wet worshipers
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The Future of Local Communities: a joint Fark/Reddit drinking party and discussion
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127-pound Giant Tortoise escapes from its owner, terrorizes neighborhood very slowly
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Smoke grenade ✓ Billy clubs ✓ Collapsible baton ✓ Full-face respirator ✓ Knives ✓ Hatchet ✓ Body bags ✓ Biohazard suit ✓ Handcuffs ✓ Leg irons ✓ Dog repellant ✓ OK, I'm ready to go to the airport
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2.2 million reasons why money can't fix stupid
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Chuck E. Cheese's, where a kid can be a kid, and a teenage waitress will stab you if your date complains about his salad
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Women steal goat from petting zoo, return it with painted nails
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Mystery monkey of Tampa Bay extends his 15 minutes of fame by attacking an elderly woman
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Local news crew films high school student being bullied as they interview him... about bullying
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What have you never done that'd you'd like to do? Difficulty: Must be realistic
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World's oldest person dies again
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| Tue October 09, 2012 |
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Mark McGrath, Amanda Bynes, and Aunt Bee Look-A-Likes in the latest edition of Mugshot Round-up
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Security guy at Libyan consulate cabled State Department twice asking for security help, but got no response because no one knows what the hell a "cable" is any more. Well, not quite, but the real reason was just as dumb
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Bank robber caught blowing his load at a strip club when the manager noticed the money was covered in red stuff before they were creatively collected by the "dancer"
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TSA agents to woman dying of leukemia: we'll need you to pull up the bandages holding your feeding tubes and open one of those bags of fluid they're pumping into you
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Photoshop this mini concert
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Something for everyone: A case involving sexual abuse of a miniature horse, rape, drugs, and prostitution - along with courtroom participants Rusty Johnson and Cowboy Bob
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Report finds that in-between bouts of feeling you up and stealing your stuff, TSA screeners are slacking off. USA USA USA
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Any news story about New York kindergartens is guaranteed to be pure comedy gold. The New NYC Gifted Program test emphasizes "abstract spatial thinking and largely eliminates language"
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Heineken to change bottle for the first time since 1946. Drew left looking dazed, confused, green
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Products endorsing celebrities
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Happy 50th birthday, visible light LED. Here's to all the people who said you'd never work and would be of no use
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Nationals Park to DC Council: Would you like free tickets to every playoff game? DC Council: Thank you, but no. That might violate ethics. Nationals Park to DC Mayor: Would you like.... DC Mayor: OOOOH GIMMEEGIMMEEGIMMEE
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Man wins $10k for great pumpkin. Linus inconsolable
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American cities' equality ratings puts them on par with countries like Swaziland and El Salvador
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The Howie Mandel School of Wishful Thinking, sales of Paterno's book come up a little behind, and decrease in world diaper output seems like a bum wrap: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/30 to 10/6
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Anyone on the hunt for a giant pet fish? Woman looks to find home to 84-lb. catfish she caught
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Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Driver: "Yes, do you know why your motorcycle is on fire?"
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"Yes, 9-1-1? Hi. I'm 15, and I just killed my family with a gun. I thought it would be quick and painless for them, but everything kinda went wrong"
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North Korea tries to lend a little credibility to the Red Dawn reboot
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Another iPhone robbery foiled by the suspect's inability to turn the thing off before Find My iPhone comes on
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Ask a pizza-related question during the town-hall debate, win free pizza for life
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Inmates file civil-rights suit for $500M over lack of dental floss, plan on movin' to Montana if they win
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