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| Sun October 07, 2012 |
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Drinking actually helps you to be better parents. This does not mean giving your kids wine so they fall asleep
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Sorry Gramps--once it's gone it's gone
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Photoshop this campaign trailing
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Neither had any qualms about eating something older than them. "Not even the slightest," said Ashley Mikkelson, who joked that she loved cheese so much she would marry it if she could
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A history of how airlines have developed more high-tech methods to lose your luggage
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Your house is on fire. You have time to save one thing. What would it be?
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California: We'll give you a nickel deposit for every can you return for recycling. Nevada and Arizona: Hey, look, California's giving out free nickels
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Should students be allowed to tape lectures on their phones? Teacher contract forbids the practice
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Happy pigs make better bacon sandwiches. Mmmm, you can really taste the joy
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||ll𝄂𝄀𝄅|𝄂𝄁𝄀||
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Grocery store in Wisconsin grills up a 100-foot long bratwurst. To be served with 137 pounds of sauerkraut and eight kegs of beer
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Apparently, it's hard to quit smoking pot cold turkey because it's just as addictive as nicotine and alcohol
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Photoshop this street-side sprayer
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Pony Con 2012 attracts hundreds of fans, some dressed as ponies (w/pics)
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Detroit moves one step closer to actually needing RoboCop
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California requires their own special seasonal blends of gas that aren't the same as what the rest of the country uses, then complains about how high their gas prices are. Oh, and it doesn't help when the local refineries crap out
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Hey why didn't we have guidance counselors like this when subby was in school? Oh and she was fired for some pics taken over 17 years ago
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| (Exploration Day) |
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Group works to change Columbus Day to acknowledge ALL explorers (Lewis and Clark, Jonas Salk, Charles Lindbergh, Amelia Earhart, John Glenn, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, etc.)
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Easter Island heads towards independence from Chile, faces long odds, stony reception, and a rocky relationship. Moai
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Lunch lady in hot water for cooking food that's 'too good' for the students
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For the first time in decades, more people are moving from the U.S. to Mexico than are coming to the U.S. from Mexico
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There are many old wives' tales with some fact and some fiction, how many of them are true?
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Sony is suing its spokesman for playing Wii in a new ad
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On a tiny island off Washington State, scientist find an acidic ocean, linked to rising carbon dioxide levels, as well as fewer mussels, barnacles, and seabirds. So, yes, everybody should panic
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It's nice to see Alvin and Brittany finally got together
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If you're a middle school girl who wants to stay in the school overnight and have a sleepover, it's probably best to not give the cops fake tips on your whereabouts when they believe you've been abducted
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Bear cub breaks into home for some chocolate cake, says if that biatch Goldilocks can break into his home, eat his porridge, and sleep in his bed, he at least deserves some cake without getting hassled
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This list of nine things to do when an online relationship culminates in a real-life date forgets perhaps the most important and disappointing thing of all... you actually have to wear pants on a date
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If you can get 12 million friends to pitch in, you can buy an entire archipelago off the Australian coast for only $1
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Next generation of body scanners will be able to read to the molecular level. And small enough to be installed almost anywhere. Feel safe, citizen?
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You know you've thrown one hell of a house party if two of the cop cars that showed up are damaged so badly, they need to be towed away from the scene
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Photoshop this stuffed stuff for sale
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Twenty-two-year-old cutie: "My addiction to Big Macs almost made me infertile" (w/pics)
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Churchill's favorite spy was a ringer for Kate Winslet, a grenade-wielding Polish beauty queen, the real-life inspiration for a Bond girl, and so charming a Nazi patrol dog disobeyed its master for her. Your dog wants pussy galore
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Mormon church lowers minimum age requirements for missionary position
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Humans and dinosaurs walking together. Extraterrestrials killing off the dinosaurs. Interdimensional "repitilian" aliens. Kirk fighting the Gorn. This link has it all
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"A Maine Senate race has turned into a fight over trolls, dwarves and goblin-like creatures known as orcs"
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The history of the spork is inextricably tied to racism, sexism ... and Bill Clinton
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Man runs a baited line from his living room couch out a crack in the door, through the yard and into the lake behind his house so he could fish while watching football and ends up catching a large redfish. "My life's work is now done"
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Music graduate gets brainless job as human scarecrow
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Man with a fake gun and a fake badge goes to a McDonald's drive-thru and demands free food, saying he had just come from a police sting and didn't have his wallet. I'm loving it
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I don't always come back from a past life, but when I do, I baptize this Pagan country
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Teen thug busted after crime spree wearing tracking device from previous arrest. Sheriff : "The device wasn't working." Monitoring company : "The device was working perfectly and we called you about his whereabouts twice." Sheriff : **crickets**
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It's Saturday night, so it must be time for another edition of Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2 hours of music hosted live from Alaska by a farker, with a special live guest tonight. LGT stream, or look for KRNN on tunein.com
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Feminist blogger slams the 'Kissing Sailor' from the iconic 1945 Times Square photo as 'drunken predator', says it was a sexual assault
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| Sat October 06, 2012 |
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Woman already in the news for her role in a bestiality case arrested for DUI. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there and she's wearing Milkbone panties
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Suburban restaurant chains, seeing dinner traffic erode due to recession and widespread foodie mockery, make renewed effort to lure lunch business from beaten-down office workers: "Things like going out to lunch are seen as less risky than before"
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Supreme Court to decide whether or not you're allowed to resell your own stuff
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Photoshop this police practice protest
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Not news: High school students suspended for taking drugs, even though the students claimed they were mints. News: Turns out they were mints. Fark: High school students suspended for "gross misconduct for taking an unknown product"
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Only a few weeks left to degrade yourself and completely embarrass your children; here's some of the worst Halloween costumes that you can buy
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Highest free-fall jump postponed due to winds
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Making a high school athlete run extra laps as a form of discipline is now considered as evil as paddling. "I think youth sports are in trouble"
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If you've ever wondered what it was like to take acid? Follow this person's Tweet by Tweet account of the experience including hits like, "...my signature. it looks so much happier"
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The latest trend for thieves: stealing Sarah Jessica Parker's hair
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Suck it haters
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State police offers suspected murderer's getaway car for sale. Car comes with many features like sunroof, air condition...and the murder weapon
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53 car pileup in Tallahassee. 47 car pileup in Sarasota. On the same day. Can't Floridians farking drive? The snowbirds aren't even back yet
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"The iPhone 5 is better than the iPhone 4," writes intrepid consumer reporter Ric Romero
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Photoshop this lady looking at a little luxury
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Not news: Women schedule meetings to tend gardens around town. News: Women schedule "flash mobs" to tend gardens around town
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Italians buy more bikes than cars for the first time since WWII. With pic of something you'd want to ride
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America's flagship ocean liner, the SS United States, sits rusting away at a pier in Philly. Now a group is trying to raise millions to restore her to her former glory
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Triton principal accused of covering up teachers' sex with students. Hera, give us strength
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In a surprising moment of clarity, the FDA admits that when it comes to generic drugs, sometimes you get what you pay for
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Sure, using Lebron James eyeglasses as a disguise sounds like a stupid idea until you remember how well the whole eyewear thing worked for Superman
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Porn website offers to donate 1 cent for every 30 views of videos in "Big Tits" and "Small Tits" categories. Asinine: Susan G. Komen Foundation will not accept the donations (link SFW)
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The USS Michael Murphy is being commissioned today for a New York hero. Stop for a moment, read, and pay your respects
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This just in: students prefer pizza, cookies, fries, to carrots, fruit, beans, in their school lunches. For more on this late-breaking story, here's crack reporter Ric Romero
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Twenty-seven reasons why it's a bad idea to have 1 billion people on Facebook
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I told you once before ...DON'T GET BETWEEN GRANDMA AND HER POT
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"Once I caught a group of tourists who set a table on the Spanish Steps, with table cloth and cutlery. This has to stop"
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Three if by highway - the Leafers are coming THE LEAFERS ARE COMING
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What are the craziest things people have found in the fridge? No, Green Lantern's girlfriend didn't make the list
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Instead of just sitting around the house, many retirees are opting to hit the open road, and any Farmer's market near it
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If you live in a big city like New York or Chicago you just better get used to falling anvils and exploding ACME rockets
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Barn owned by cat for a decade to be moved Sunday, spared from demolition. Who says Caturday is the only weekend day for cats?
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| (Some Happy Chimps) |
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After spending 30 years isolated in 5'x5' laboratory cages, dozens of chimps get a place built just for them. Don't go hogging the tissues now. w/chimptastic pics and vids
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Last speaker of rare Scots dialect passes away, meaning no one alive can understand it, just like before
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Einstein's face appears on a mountain. Followers go about their business, no one calls it a miracle
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Flood? No worries, just some water. But in Nigeria, it's water filled with crocodiles and hippos
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Photoshop this Damascus dude
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Fark Party in Sellwood neighborhood of Portland, OR. Oct 6. Who is in? LGT first thread about this
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What humans will look like...IN THE YEAR 3000 (w/pics)
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Two felines rescued from a four alarm blaze are unharmed after being given oxygen by Firefighters. Let's dedicate this Caturday to these brave men and women who are willing to risk their lives to save our furry friends
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If you happen to see a 200lb, 30' tall blue gorilla wearing sunglasses and yellow polka dot shorts and carrying a hot tub, the Portland police would appreciate a call
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The eight most useless pieces of exercise equipment. It's amazing anyone ever bought a Soloflex
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Hello? Yes, this is burglar
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Man loses 100lbs in four months after cutting out "white food." That's racist
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Pro-tip: don't write Meth Lab on your mobile meth lab
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School photo studio offers to touch up students' photos to remove cold sores, black eyes, etc. Parents are pleased, saying -- just kidding. Actually they're furious
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Californians having trouble with reality thinking their gas prices are going to go back down
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A 12-year-old schoolgirl has been accepted into Mensa after discovering she is brainier than both Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking
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As a good employee, you point out health and safety concerns at one of the most security-conscious places in the world - the Sept. 11 memorial at the WTC. And what do you get? Fired
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Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the main event: Octomom vs. Tanning Mom. Bring your puke bags
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| Fri October 05, 2012 |
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Don't you hate it when a police car hits your son, killing him instantly, and six months later you receive a bill from the city for the dent in the hood of the car that killed him?
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Not so fast, furious - The border patrol agent who died this week was apparently killed by friendly fire
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Zombies teach CPR in new public service announcement
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Thirty+ car pileup on I-75 near Sarasota. Looks like the old folks did their Sunday driving a couple days early
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Photoshop this little swimmer
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Hands down, the most bizarre mug shot you're likely to see today
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Here's the Fark Quiz, the best part of your week. Well, after the fact that it's Friday, might be payday, you have access to beer and haven't really been working since about 9AM
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You've just been fired and have nothing else to do? Why not spend the next 366 days straight at Disneyland?
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It's Friday, so: humongous sriracha ice cream sandwiches
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Old and busted: Being arrested for illegal drugs. New hotness: Being arrested for illegal fish tank algae
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Photoshop this cashier cage
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----------~~~~v^v^X
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You know how unemployment dipped to 7.8%. There's just one problem with that number. Hint: Don't use fuzzy math and People who give up looking for a job and leave unemployment is not the same as people getting jobs
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It's the kind of crime that happens in offices everyday across the nation and it's anything but victimless: Lunch theft. "Wasn't that strawberry yogurt delicious?"
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Sheen appears off Louisiana coast, appears to be collateral damage from previous blow-outs, claims to be 'winning'
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Moments after the unemployment numbers were released, Jack Welch insisted the Bureau of Labor Statistics was part of a vast conspiracy and they are helping President Obama change numbers. Jack Welch has created a Job Truthers movement
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American Airlines says the cause of loose seats in their planes was because of all YOU careless slobs, certainly not a design flaw or anything like that. Sheez, you filthy animals, clean up your act
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Government files discrimination lawsuit against recreation association after they refuse to give medicine to epileptics. Fark: Rectally
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Thanks to eBay, you can dress as Aurora suspect Sideshow Bob for Halloween -- if you enjoy being hated
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My Canadian friend swore in as an American citizen yesterday. Help me think of a funny yard sign for his house
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Did anyone notice that Obama was the only one taking notes at the debate? This may be why
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Drunk and passed out in a field is no way to go through life. Neither is setting yourself on fire, stealing a bike and getting hit by a train
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Scientists looking for ways to dampen the effects of cocaine come up with a way to enhance the effects of morphine
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Justice Scalia: It is easy to make the right decision on the Supreme Court if you invent your own reality
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Peeing in your garden, giving birth on the sidewalk, puking on the pavement while your friend wearing reindeer antlers tenderly pats your head, and other things you don't want to be doing when the Google Street View car drives by
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Minnesota is contacting people who got meningitis-linked injections. "Hello, are you dead?"
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The suspect has a goatee, I repeat, she has a goatee
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He's the star of a long-running television show. He has successful clothing lines, a large number of lucrative marketing deals, and is part of sold-out concert tours when not filming. Face it folks: Big Bird is part of the 1%
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Dearest Friends, Thank you for agreeing to be a bridesmaid, here are some guidelines for you to follow. Please be aware that if you cannot commit the next six-months of your lives to me then you will be replaced, but you are still invited to attend
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Anybody can carve a jack-o-lantern out of pumpkin, but if you really want to impress the ladies carve one out of an avocado or a pineapple
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Steve Jobs died one year ago. Siriously
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Trucker: God is my co-pilot. Train engineer: Darwin is mine
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FARK's favorite Taiwanese animators give their interpretation of the first Presidential debate
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You call it Autumn Vegetable and Grain Salad. Subby calls it cereal. And WTF is ingredient # 7?
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Jobless rate is down to 7.8% Romney still to be unemployed next month
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Iranians jam American broadcasts, presumably using some kind of fig or date preserves
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Photoshop this statue
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Texas cheerleaders fight for right to wave.... Bible-passage banners?
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11-year-old girl who needs a heart and liver transplant can't contain her joy after killing 335-pound bear on hunting trip. Too bad he didn't have a heart and a liver in his pic-a-nic basket
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Eight sausages, six servings of bacon, four hash browns, four black puddings, four eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes, five rounds of toast and five rounds of fried bread... part of this good breakfast
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Vegas hotel rooms will feature vitamin C showers, extra soundproofing and antimicrobial coatings on the doorknobs
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Strippers banned from taking clothes off
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If you recently lost a backpack containing 19 cans of Full Throttle energy drinks, one jar of dipping sauce, tortilla chips, a bag of Smarties candy rolls, two Red Baron pizzas & a DVD of the movie "Blow," an angry homeowner would like to talk to you
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Court rules that mentally retarded woman with cerebral palsy who can only communicate with one finger was asking for it because she didn't bite the man who was raping her, releases rapist from prison. Sounds legitimate
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Panera opens "Panera cares" restaurants, where you can eat and pay only what you can afford. As you can imagine, some people are seriously unhappy about this
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Don't you hate it when you have excessive fluid on the brain so a doctor implants an experimental shunt in your head to relieve the pressure and then retires and since it's experimental nobody else knows what to do when the shunt breaks?
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Paralyzed woman with terminal brain cancer wants Doctors to remove her breathing tube and let her die relatively quickly and painlessly with dignity, but her parents are preventing that from happening because Jesus
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Doesn't it just piss you off when the stripper at your bachelor party slides down the pole and ruptures your bladder?
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I said, DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE CAN MAKE YOU BLIND
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Amityville 'horror house' for sale as owners drop asking price from $1.35m to GET OUT (w/pics)
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Is al Qaeda setting forest fires in Europe?
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| Thu October 04, 2012 |
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Boy denied Eagle Scout status and has his Boy Scout membership revoked because he's gay. Boy Scouts of America -- Be Prepared (for teh ghays)
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4 out of 5 states dead in meningitis outbreak
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Body parts washing up on the beach are from a missing California hiker, which is why you don't go hiking in the ocean
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Okay, so men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and crazy biatches that beat up old people for no reason are from Jupiter
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Photoshop this doggie
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"No cases of rare meningitis reported in Delaware" This just in. Rare meningitis is rare, more news of it being rare and not in Delaware at 11
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Houston City Council doesn't want to allow food trucks downtown because they pose a "terrorist threat"
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This week's Fark food discussion thread: Soups and stews. Share your recipes & photos, ask your questions
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Photoshop these men and their mowers
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Man arrested for having sex with a horse. Again
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Eleven-year-old boy discovers one of the most exquisitely preserved wooly mammoths ever. LET THE CLONING BEGIN
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TSA admits imposing "attitude fines" - or as normal people call it, "stealing"
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Was Dr. Evil correct? Can drilling into the earth's mantle cause a volcanic eruption? Well, no, but let's write a whole bunch of paragraphs about the possibility anyway
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Not News: To make up for lost school time due to an earthquake last month, students spend overtime in class. Sucky News: And are buried in a landslide
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Police say the stolen donut was not recoverable
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The Arctic Meltdown: Climate change has enabled companies like Shell to pursue previously inaccessible resources
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2012 storebought Sluttoween costumes
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Ron Livingston comes out in support of a TV anchor criticized by a viewer for being overweight and "not setting a suitable example for this community's young people." And it's not just because the anchor is his sister
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Why is it illegal to ride a manatee? Jesus, have we forgotten the Hindenburg disaster already?
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Prosecutor wants rival to drop panties"
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What all this about Big bir.....awww lawd
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"Who shot first: Han or Greedo?" and other questions that would have been better than Jim Lehrer's
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When you hear the words "global strategic reserve" you think oil, right? How about Maple Syrup? Oh Canada
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Cincinnati lights UFO mystery solved, and surprisingly enough it wasn't streetlights
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Some ambitious urban farmer planted two football fields worth of weed on Chicago's South Side
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Photoshop this worker in water
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Sex offenders sue for the right to hand out Halloween candy, are already stocking up on M&Ms and Baby Roofies
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Some cities are now encouraging people to ride bikes without wearing a helmet, because brain damage makes everything more fun and potato
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US begins flying home deported Mexicans. State Department will use Delta so they get the same sensation as they did coming across the border in the trunk of a Buick
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Expert offers advice on what to say to your son when you discover his porn stash. Missing: "So, son... (grabs notepad) ...what was that website address again?"
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A sports bar is actually a great place to watch the debates. Chicken wings for some, miniature American flags for others
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You shouldn't eat cookie dough, kissing your dog is bad for you,taking vitamins will lead you to an early grave, and other reasons why people hate scientists and their annoying fact-finding studies
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British engineers design space harpoon. FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT THEE
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Army veteran whose penis became frostbitten while at VA hospital sues for $10 million, encouraged not to go off half-cocked
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In a rare twist, woman who threatened to kill cops is not shot to death
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Not News: Smoking hot 29-year-old redhead finds her soulmate. Fark: Her soulmate is a huge pot-bellied pig named Dinky (w/pics)
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Television service may be disrupted by solar radiation on Thursday. The sun is there
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Can you put a price on losing your testicles? Apparently you can
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Cool: Bagging a Groupon deal to drive a rare Ferrari for $50. Not Cool: Crashing into a BMW. Fark: Your insurance has a 'Never pay' clause in the fine print
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If you're going to get your 7th DUI there's no better way than being pulled over for swerving around an elephant
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I've had it with these motherfrakking {spins wheel} tarantulas on this martherfrakking plane
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If you're going to crash your car, pick an ironic target
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Scientists discover black mamba venom is 'better painkiller' than morphine. EVERYBODY MAMBA
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 387: "Stripes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 03, 2012 |
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The personal injury attorney who called that Wisconsin news anchor fat doubles down, needs to be at the gym in 26 minutes
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Brewing company releases bull testicle beer: Ballsiest beer EVAR
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Today's teacher boffs student brought to you from Arkansas (with "Yeah, I boffed the kid in the school parking lot" pic)
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Drew's doin a live google hangout about stuff, check it yo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this world leader bombing at the UN
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fraternity denies buttchugging via unintentionally hilarious press conference
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Entire Chicago ethics board fired. Fark: Chicago had an ethics board
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Chick-fil-a president comes out in favor of men having multiple wives, concubines, and marrying your dead brother's wife. Marrying a dude, however, still not kosher
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City of Chicago turns to Twitter for gun control ideas. No, really
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2012's hottest Halloween costume: "Ruined Spanish Fresco Monkey Jesus"
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I fought the law (by declaring myself the president of a sovereign nation bound only by English common laws and filing billion-dollar legal claims against the feds), and the law won
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As God is my witness, I thought Turkey wouldn't retaliate
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If you must fight, don't fight a cop. But if you must fight a cop, don't use a machete. And if you must fight a cop and use a machete, don't do it in the middle of police headquarters
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Photoshop the newest poster for The Hobbit
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Not News: Couple rescues a cat. News: They spend £6k to rescue him from Egypt. FARK: He ran away from his new home in the UK
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..and once we bulldoze this Frank Lloyd Wright home, we'll head on over to the Louvre
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You can't arrest me, I'm the goddamned Batman
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This is what happens when one person wants to watch Game of Thrones and the other wants to watch Breaking Bad
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Here it is, the official rules for tonight's Presidential Debate Drinking Game. Good luck, we're all counting on you
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Here are five reasons that humanity wants monsters to be real, because we can never have enough scary things in this world apparently
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What a crappy evening in 1998 looked like. You have died of dysentery
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Stripper calls police to complain that the person who hired her won't open his door
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Because nothing adds taste to your winter wardrobe better than a bacon and eggs scarf
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"She brought her 16-year-old son and a trash bag full of clothes on the first date." We'll let the Florida tag take it from here
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"Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." and other stupid legal warnings that prove we are a nation of total loonies. Legal Warning: slide show
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Lesbian dispute heard by State Supreme oh you already clicked
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Fox News' suggestions on getting Romney-style tax breaks include mowing laws, giving away your money, and taking dubious home office deductions. You just don't see this kind of good advice from most other sources
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Not interested in the debates tonight? Well, you could watch Supernatural on the CW, A&E has Storage Wars: Texas, the Top Chef All-Stars battle it out on Bravo, and Comedy Central has a South Park marathon. Is this a great country or what?
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Real life Forrest Gump walks across the USA in 178 days and grows a wicked beard
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White House widening the covert war in North Africa. Makes you wonder what other ambassadors are working the front lines, doesn't it?
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Tennessee "Butt Chugger" threatens legal action because Jesus would never put wine up his butt
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For a couple days, an old lady with dementia forgot that she didn't need to make dinner for her husband... because he was dead... because she shot him to death
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Google providing a new greeting to users: "Warning: We believe state-sponsored attackers may be attempting to compromise your account or computer"
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Loitering teens take over Detroit gas station (since this is news, things must be getting better in Detroit)
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Professor uses his two hearts to teach. No, he doesn't teach plucky young girls how to manufacture Nitro-9
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Don't like the weather? Sue the weather bureau
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Houston police sergeant investigates over 100 nude and semi-nude pics posted to a modeling website. And by "investigated" we mean she posed for them herself. Hellooooo officer
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Iran to enrich Uranium to 60% levels if nuclear talks fail. Uranium is solely for "peaceful" purposes such as "nuclear submarines", which is sure to get a "peaceful" response from Israel in the form of a nice bouquet of missiles
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Driving drunk, crashing your car, walking away with a 12-pack, and giving the cops a hard time may not be a good way to go through life, but it's a great way to get tased three times
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Vice Mayor admits that his name is also on a prostitution ring list, but assures voters that it was "a long time ago." Difficulty: he stopped using the prostitutes in March of 2011
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Internet-famous self-promoter Julia Allison, living in New York, longed to live in a community that didn't value thinness and career success above inner beauty. So she moved to Los Angeles
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T-Mobile and Metro PCS to merge. AT&T announces new "She Was Mine First" fee (link fixed)
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New Orleans prosecutor drops a joint out of his pocket in court. "More than 50% of the city - and its employees, specifically - are, at any given time, either stoned, drunk, or on a three hour lunch"
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| (Some Guy) |
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To everyone threatening to move to Canada: Can we get that in writing, please?
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The national crisis is over; Florida's rogue manatee rider/molester has been brought to justice
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Abortion boat scheduled to arrive in Morocco a few months after the Love Boat
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These thieves are Sofa King dumb
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Five chair exercises you can do at work to keep in shape. All you need is a chair and no sense of pride
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Obama beats Romney
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In a surprise twist, the Chinese company blocked from building a wind farm overlooking a top secret U.S. military base apparently has a problem with this
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In its last gasp to squeeze every drop of publicity out of the popular book, sex toy retailer unveils Fifty Shades of Grey: the play-at-home set
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Remember that one time in high school when the assistant principal was charged with abduction, burglary, attempted robbery, and assault and battery?
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After sneaking across the border, walking miles through deserts without food or water, and hiding from authorities while working two nasty jobs...now we are making illegal immigrants fly coach? Haven't they suffered enough?
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FARK's favorite hog farmer was known for his love of animals. Guess that works both ways
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2012: Cop's cruiser, parked at his house, burglarized of guns. 2009: Cop's cruiser, parked at his house, burglarized of guns
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Bobby Valentine not satisfied with crash as a metaphor
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Mark Zuckerberg, "I wear the same thing every day." Paging Howard Hughes. Howard Hughes, please pick up the white sanitized courtesy phone please
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Man loses $1,100 dollars. Another man finds $900 dollars and mails it to the cops with a letter "I really needed the other $200"
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Greek government submits latest contribution to Greek mythology: its 2013 draft budget
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Don't you hate it when your roommate moves out and takes your deer head statue with her? Yeah, me too
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Texas State Fair sets new world record by making the largest Frito Pie ever. No word on whether they also went after the record for largest mass exodus to the porta-johns after people ate the Frito pie
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Scrap metal thieves are hitting below the belt
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Photoshop theme: Alien invasion
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If your father and brother are killed in a plane crash, you shouldn't find, restore, and fly that model of incredibly rare plane, because it probably hates your family. Hey, at least it gave you a second chance
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American literature classic Tom Sawyer begins like so many other great stories, when two men meet in a San Francisco bathhouse
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What is the church's role in education? Generally, they're against it
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There are illegal aliens all over the United States but in Texas, apparently the aliens come from outer space
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Woman discovers her husband is cheating on her, tells the feds her Russian immigrant spouse and his mother and brother committed marriage fraud to stay in the U.S. Hilarity does not ensue
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Princeton graduates draw the highest salary. Some even manage to pay off their tuition loans within a few years after they retire
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Dear Consumerist: A website has been forwarding me to outside attack sites. Is five million dollars an appropriate amount to sue for, or should I ask for ten?
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San Francisco considers discontinuing its traditional "no pants" day, which is currently held on days ending in Y
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Australian health department withdraws anatomy poster that shows ovaries labelled as kidneys and stomach labelled as lungs. Get a spleen morans
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Girls turned away from homecoming dance because their skirts were so short they revealed (gasp) their knees. No this is not a repeat from the early 20th century, this is Utah
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Crowd of dogs and their owners "Doggupy" a New York street to protest for better pet food. Reportedly, the dogs left less filth and waste in the streets than the Occupy Wall Street crowds, and knew better than to lick themselves on camera
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Are you young, angry, and use Twitter? The DoD thinks you're a terrorist
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♫Young man, there's no place you can go♪ I said, young man, they were short on dough♪ You can't stay there, and I'm sure you will find♪ other ways to have a good time♫You can't stay at the y-m-c-a♫
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Not news: Doctors reluctant to perform sex-assignment surgery on hermaphrodite. Fark: Chimpanzee
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Got a good deal on a new car? That's a jailin'
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"DM must be familiar with D&D 3.0 or 3.5, and topless. C-cup or greater preferred"
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Department of Homeland Security spends hundreds of millions of dollars on a "fusion center." And since you're reading this on Fark, you can guess how it's working out so far
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Criminals in NYC find new way to abuse the loopholes in the law
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Horrible things can happen when a hoarding intervention goes a little too well
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Over the past 27 years, half of Australia's G e t B r i r R e has been lost
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Karma's a biatch to a lawyer who sued more than 2,100 businesses for ADA compliance issues
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"Tainted Nut Butter" behind massive peanut butter recall, also the name of your mom's cover band
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| (American Samoa ROCKS) |
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Can't leave your post? Let the inmates make that beer and chips run for you
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| Tue October 02, 2012 |
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Economist Joseph Stiglitz:"The American dream has become a myth"
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Rock beats scissors. Scissors beats paper. Paper beats warehouse worker
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"First she was petting the manatee and then she was sitting the manatee and then she was RIDING the manatee"
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Man attacks wife with sandwich. Hopefully it wasn't a club
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Knowing that the drill is the worst part of going to the dentist, an innovative dentist creates a song-playing drill to ease surgery fears. Bonus: It comes with its very own disco lights
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Red Lobster rebooting menu to include less seafood, more cheap chicken and pork dishes to satisfy "that guy" (or gal) who vetoes Red Lobster for group meal because he doesn't like seafood
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An entire article about one word? Really?
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Photoshop theme: rejected children's books
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| (Travel + Leisure) |
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Wanna lose weight? Just go on a vacation to Germany. I guess drinking nothing but beer will do that to ya
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American Airlines has so many loose seats turning up that it's starting to resemble a Catholic boy's school
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Caption this photo of Mitt Romney with the Chipotle staff
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Next time some pseudo-intellectual internet blowhard tries to take away your carefully thought-out arguments with that "correlation does not imply causation" yarn, just send them here because YOU WIN
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Man apologises on Craigslist to cyclist that he knocked down earlier. Thanks for reinforcing the Canadian stereotype, buddy
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Oh you think its so easy being a CIA analyst. Well, you try to analyzing data from all over in different...wait, Al Qaeda has a Facebook page?
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Photoshop challenge: Replacement refs nearly ruined the NFL, the NHL is on strike and no one cares about MLB and NBA. Photoshop a new sport to fill the void
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Write some headlines that would have been posted when Columbus found the Americas. You know. If Fark had been around back then
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A Pennsylvania man is found guilty of poaching Game Warden. Bonus: His lawyer is using the tried and true "he was too drunk to form the intent to kill" defense strategy
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A rectum full of eels, a general busted for playing with his privates, and Insane Clown Posse called a magnet for gang activity: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/23 - 9/29
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Turns out Mars is warmer in winter than most of Canada. Scientists still puzzled by discovery of life in Canada
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Women abuzz about masturbation bar. Well something's buzzing
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Just like subby, Swedish farmer gets 3:00am text from cows in heat
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Struggling actor indicted for trying to extort $123 million from seven wealthy folks, including Harvey Weinstein and the owner of the Buffalo Sabres. The genius entitled his missives "Extortion Notice"
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Colorado sees rise in stoned dogs. Your dog wants a bag of Doritos
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Blizzards are about to get names, just like hurricanes. Brutus -- good choice for "B". But Freyr for the "F" name? What about Fark?
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More than 6,000 Hofstra students submitted their names for an online lottery to get tickets to the Oct. 16 presidential debates. Most are hoping to meet Kumar
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After spending their summer getting shot with paintballs, Washington State's aggressive mountain goats are now pacified. Wonder if it would work on Congressmen?
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Randall Graves being held hostage in Syria; will apply late fees to all of your unreturned movies
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Worst proposal ever? Man fakes imminent plane crash before popping the question
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There are arguments, intense arguments, serious arguments, and arguments that result in "sustained multiple gunshot wounds to the groin area"
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Today's threat to wipe out the world's population? Pet turtles
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Stop Pagination Now: Why websites should not make you click and click and click for the full story
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OWS = Fail: Occupy Wall Street activists fight with Ben & Jerry's founder over The Illuminator
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The U.S. is abandoning hope for a peace deal with the Taliban. Fark: The U.S. had hope for a peace deal with the Taliban
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Man unable to rob bank when teller takes bathroom break
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The Daily Mail would like to wish a happy 70th birthday to...the V2 rocket
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What are some fast food items you won't find in the United States? Well, the Royale with cheese, for one
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Former Cub Adam Greenberg who got drilled in the head in his only MLB appearance in 2005, will get an at-bat tonight for the Marlins. Well played, Ozzie Guillen. Well played
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Putting a photo of your handgun on facebook with the message, "Welcome to Tennessee, Obama" might just get you in trouble, even if you're a Republican congressional nominee
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Judge decides illegal immigrants and dead people still allowed to vote in PA
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Dog survives 110-mile journey in pickup truck's engine. Truck owner considering Republican nomination for president
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Oregon family discovers their dream home was a former meth lab. No word if the home inspection was done by Vamanos Pests
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Of all the times I've smoked in the Netherlands, I have never smoked a fish
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Charles M. Schulz, at home. It's a slideshow because EACH PICTURE OF CHARLES M SCHULZ AT HOME MUST NOT TOUCH ANY OTHER PICTURE OF CHARLES M SCHULZ AT HOME. Are we clear?
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Border patrol agents shot, one fatally. Information is coming in fast and furious
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The city of Delray, Florida will no longer hire people who regularly use tobacco products in order to keep health insurance premiums low
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Egyptian doctor asks patients if they take their camel urine with one hump or two?
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Ragged Srinagar beggars stop speaking in Hindi, start begging in English to improve their income by surprising tourists "with their perfect accent and mastery of the Queen's language"
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Scientists from the land that brought us kilts, bagpipes, and haggis think grinding up an asteroid and using the dust to shield Earth will help stop climate change
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Congregation left "deeply saddened" after thief stole church's prized relic - a mummified, severed hand
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Finally, a book on housekeeping for the mother who likes to down "a full bottle of Kahlua consumed in the afternoon while soaking in a steaming bathtub and ignoring the knocks of her children locked outside." Sounds like subby's ex-wife
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Scientists show baboon personality linked to social success. Well duh, you should have seen that douchenozzle last night who had two hot chicks with him... oh wait you meant the primates?
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City Commissioner may have been blackmailed by nude photos she sent to her cousin/lover. Do you even need to be told which state?
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Photoshop this wet bar
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Bust out the Beenz because I want to party like it's '00 again. First, investment corporations catastrophically overvalued Facebook and now internet-only grocery stores are back
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Actual Canadian headline: 'What to do if you hear gunfire.' Find cover surprisingly absent from the list
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"If inappropriate behavior were to continue, the lights would stay on, the chicken dance song would be played for the rest of the night"
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Before and after pics show Detroit going from bad to worse
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Instead of saying the iconic line, "I'll be back," Arnold Schwarzenegger argued with James Cameron that he should say, "I will be back" because it sounded more masculine. These are the things a Hollywood actor dwells upon
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You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm
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I save money by not using toilet paper or doing laundry, says woman whose underwear I hope to never see
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Protip: If you break into a classmate's house while his family's on vacation and throw a drunken party, don't post your pictures on Facebook
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Children in wheelchairs show that they're not handicapped, they're handi-capable, by incorporating their chairs into some pretty spiffy Halloween costumes
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New Mexico removes the word "forcible" from state regulation mentioning rape after people question the legitimacy of the term
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After being told he didn't have enough money to buy a twelve-pack of Mountain Dew, a man went back and grabbed two bottles of Mountain Dew and pulled a switchblade on the cashier who tried to stop him
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Nine-year-old shoots and kills classmate over who should have been student of the week. Well, odds are that the shooter isn't going to be named student of the week now
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At one point in ancient history there were giant salamanders hunting for food on the earth's surface. With an illustration of a giant salamander that makes it appear much less threatening
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Woman loses custody of her child after judge finds her lesbian lover to be a better parent. Subby guesses the birth mother must have been the man in the relationship
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