You might try our Headline Search for easier navigation here.
These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Sun August 26, 2012 |
 |
|
Tropical Storm Isaac set to strike New Orleans as Hurricane Isaac on the 7th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. This is Obama's Katrina
|
 |
|
Severe water shortages may force world's population to switch to predominantly vegetarian diet. Mmmmm, veggie bacon
|
 |
|
Get in the car
|
| |
 |
|
What would you do if your teenager got busted for smoking marijuana? Mother of the year candidate has 13-year-old son wear 'Smoked pot, got caught' sign at main intersection as punishment (w/pics)
|
 |
|
Photoshop this dunk tank diver
|
 |
|
For those of you who are counting calories, here are the Best Fast Food Meals from major chains with under 500 calories
|
 |
|
It's like the rainbow on my head in this week's Mugshot Roundup
|
 |
|
Why not kick off your Chicago vacation with a visit to the Museum of Cardboard, located within walking distance of the box factory tour
|
| |
|
Man who was deaf breaks down as he hears music for the first time, describes it as being "like the first time you kiss a girl". So, he listened to music for the first time with his kind of ugly cousin in a closet at a family reunion?
|
| |
 |
|
Robber gets shown up by the moron's natural enemy: A "pull" door that refuses to be pushed around
|
 |
|
Estates of Good Samaritans electrocuted to death & rescuers who were merely burned to be billed by the City of Los Angeles: "We can't decide who's innocent, who gets a bill and who doesn't"
|
 |
|
"Buford Week in Review: Missing Man, Cotton Candy Doughnuts and Crack Cocaine" Wait, they now make cotton candy doughnuts? Nom nom nom
|
 |
|
Mullet vs. Whiskers trial begins. Wesley Willis called in for expert testimony
|
| |
|
Policeman likes to photograph naked women posing as vampires, nymphs and mermaids in his free time. Surprisingly some people have a problem with this (some images NSFW)
|
| |
|
Photoshop this new alligator arrival
|
 |
|
I get it, there are mosquitoes in Texas. STOP CALLING ME. Thank you
|
 |
|
Ecologists don't understand how trees die, so they have built a "torture lab" that allows them to experiment ways to kill trees in order to learn how to save them
|
 |
|
Sir, I'm not going give you a ticket for speeding, but I have to issue a written warning for failing to properly label your monkey bag
|
 |
|
The man who brought popcorn to Paris
|
 |
|
Suspected "Coalgate" corruption paralyses Indian parliament. Wow, I didn't know toothpaste past the expiration date could be that dangerous
|
 |
|
Pussy Riot starts world Extradition Avoidance tour
|
| |
|
Taliban leader Mullah Dadullah killed; Mullah Bobullah, Mullah Bananafana Fofullah, and Mullah Meemimomullah go into hiding. Dadullah
|
 |
|
You have a car, and I have a boot. Why the rageface?
|
 |
|
Cookie monster's original recipe found. Share it, maybe?
|
 |
|
The complete guide on how to insult people the Shakespearean way
|
 |
|
Teenager turns in his parents for growing pot in the basement, is now grounded until slightly after the end of the world
|
 |
|
World's smartest District Attorney realizes it probably isn't worth the cost of convening a grand jury and calling expert witnesses, just to try to pin felony charges on a guy for eating a joint
|
 |
|
When 111 years old you reach, stories about running a speakeasy during Prohibition you will not have
|
 |
|
Mississippi, central Gulf Coast under hurricane watch as Isaac track shifts west
|
 |
|
The novel 50 Shades of Gray doubles the sales of sex toys. Sex shop owner also reports "sales of crops and whips rising by 15 per cent, blindfolds by 60 per cent and bondage ties by 35 per cent"
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this tipping tippler
|
 |
|
Even though Walmart owns the property, and Walmart won't return calls, and the locals don't want a Walmart, and a large-scale grocery store is being built on the lot, nobody knows for sure who is behind the operation. Not even the mayor
|
 |
|
Police arrest amorous couple after noise complaint during sex. "Our average sex goes anywhere from four, six, seven hours, basically five nights a week" w/ pic of hot couple
|
| |
|
You're truly one disturbed individual if you hunt koala bears for their heads and their testicles
|
 |
|
No matter how much the topic fascinates you, your female co-workers probably don't want to hear you go in detail about your condom coming off during intercourse, but you didn't think you got any sperm in your lover's womb
|
 |
|
Tampa jails releasing criminals into the community in order to make cells available for those who might dare protest the GOP convention
|
 |
|
Enough is enough, I have had it with these Monkey-Fighting crocodiles on this Monday to Friday plane
|
| |
|
Photo of London cop's clipboard reveals top secret plans for Julian Assange
|
 |
|
Today's ordinary item that gets mistaken for a bomb and sends an entire neighborhood into an irrational frenzy is **drum roll** A soft-sided lunch box containing a Gatorade
|
 |
|
You know you're raising a white trash family when one of your sons gets arrested for hitting your other son in the face with a Styrofoam plate for making disparaging comments about you
|
 |
|
Forget the usual shots of couples smiling on the grass and cutting the wedding cake. A new breed of bridal photographer is capturing newlyweds "the morning after" in various states of intimate embrace
|
 |
|
NBC reported the tragic death of Neil Young, the first man on the moon. Southern men don't need him 'round anyhow
|
 |
|
Many kids have grandparents who wrote one another letters in WWII. Bet yours didn't write one over 36 FEET LONG. Cool tag trumps sappy tag...but not by much. Don't miss the video either
|
 |
|
At least 28 people failed the "Chinese Fire Drill"
|
 |
|
Former Republican governor of Florida endorses Barack Obama for President on the eve of the Republican National Convention in Tampa. Wait, don't you have to be a Republican to win that nomination?
|
| (Some Tork) |
|
Another Pleasant Valley BOOMday, here in status symbol land
|
| Sat August 25, 2012 |
 |
|
A visitor to Denali National Park spent eight minutes taking some great pictures of a bear. Unfortunately the bear then turned him into a "food cache"
|
 |
|
Time machines are dangerous. Therefore, guns are too advanced for humans to be trusted with
|
 |
|
Mother drags son onto subway rail with oncoming train. Fortunately, two people that were not complete dumbasses were there to save them
|
 |
|
The US Navy tried to start a war with Iran and didn't tell anyone, including the President
|
 |
|
I, for one, welcome our new robotic deer overlords
|
 |
 |
Obama Hurricane Machine disrupts start of RNC convention
|
 |
|
Photoshop this wind-powered wagon
|
| |
|
Real-life castaway faces eviction from island oasis where he's lived alone for 20 years. WILSON (w/pics)
|
 |
|
If you absolutely positively hate wearing a seat belt, have I got the perfect T-shirt for you
|
| |
|
Power company tries to upgrade electricity meters. Texans react as you'd expect, with such classics as "It's Gestapo. You can't do this," and drawing weapons on confused installation technicians
|
 |
|
FINAL REMINDER - "Bowling for Farks" - Orange County Fark Party, August 25th. 7:00PM (3.5 Hours from now) With your SoCal Party Hosts VivianVivisect and GWSuperfan
|
| |
|
Boulder physics professor wants to cancel classes if a student has a concealed weapons permit, saying it would dampen classroom debate. Because everyone knows gunfights often break out during physics debates
|
 |
|
Gunman: 1. NYPD: 9. NYPD Wins
|
 |
|
Florida declares state of emergency as the GOP convention nears
|
| |
|
110 new soldiers join China's 2,200-year-old terra-cotta army; this brings the total to approximately 8,000 soldiers
|
 |
|
One Million Moms hates the new Skittles ad. Is there any junk food without an ideology at this point?
|
| |
|
China is officially ready to kick off Cold War 2: Nuclear Boogaloo. The good news is that we are going back to the Moon
|
| |
|
These nachos aren't authentic. I should know, I went to Mexico
|
 |
|
Photoshop this moon tracker
|
| |
|
Secretary-General of UN: "No one, not even the United Nations, would ever mess with Texas." I guess the great Texas civil war this fall will be uncontested
|
 |
|
One last step for a man. One giant loss for mankind
|
 |
|
23 year old woman kicked off plane for swearing at passengers and arguing with her 69 old husband; which is surprising, 'cuz based on the picture, I was assuming this couple would have so much in common
|
 |
|
EPA: You didn't supply your tenant with our pamphlet. Landlord: But that house is free of lead paint. EPA: That'll be $40K, please
|
 |
|
Nathan Explosion expected to sweep the presidential nominee vote at the upcoming Republican National Convention. Brutal
|
| |
|
Archaeologists find ancient Greek poem in Egypt, praising Poppaea Sabina, the wife of Rome's infamous Emperor Nero
|
 |
|
Here there be dragons
|
| |
|
And I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the dog who walked a 1000 miles to return home to my owner DA DA DA da da da DUN DUN DIDDLE DIDDLE AY YAY
|
 |
|
For downloading and distributing 31 songs when he was 16 years old, file-sharer ordered by judge to pay $675,000.00
|
 |
|
If you've already been arrested and are on the way to jail, it's probably not wise to steal a Deputy's shoes when he's not looking
|
| |
|
Man has the deepest voice ever recorded. So low only elephants can hear it. Nobody knows the trouble he's seen. Nobody knows his sorrow
|
| |
|
Woman falls in river and drowned after going over waterfall while taking pictures in her wedding dress. Chalk up another one for Dorwin
|
 |
|
Salvaging the U.S.S. Enterprise-D. Make it so
|
| |
|
If your wife is a vocal opponent of fluoride in the town's drinking water, you probably shouldn't be the town's water official in charge of making sure fluoride gets put in the water
|
| |
|
After millions of dollars spent in testing , the new TSA footwear scanners are still a bomb
|
| |
|
Leave it to Arizona to ruin medical marijuana for everyone else
|
 |
|
If you recently found a stray torpedo South Korea would really like it back
|
| |
|
I see what you did there, New York Times. A fine troll. Well played
|
 |
|
Federal appeals court rules that government cannot force you to stare at graphic photos of diseased lungs every time to you try to buy a Slim Jim at the convenience store
|
 |
|
Worried about West Nile? Here's a handy .gov body-count map
|
| |
|
Photoshop this crescent cleaner
|
 |
|
It's OK, 5 second rule
|
| |
|
Tech columnist urges his fellow Floridians to include smartphones running weather apps in their hurricane kits, since it's not like cellular networks or their connections to the Internet ever fail during hurricanes
|
 |
|
A tiny three-week old kitten with a big mouth saves his own life by managing to lead rescuers to where he was trapped behind a wall. Let's give WallE a warm welcome to Caturday
|
| |
|
Not news: Man asks someone he knows if he can borrow his car to get some cigarettes. Fark: At a store 200 miles away
|
 |
|
Bank error in your favor, collect $8,000,000. Now go directly to jail, do not pass Go, and do not collect $200
|
| |
|
Think Todd Akin is an aberration? Check out some of the know-nothing crackpots running House committees and you'll see he's not. If there were room for multiple tags, sad, obvious, dumbass, sick and asinine would join Scary
|
 |
|
Al Qaeda calls for death of Navy SEAL
|
| |
|
Woman raising money for stem cell transplant takes time to give directions to a lost motorist. Who happens to sneeze $20k checks. Probably all the dust in here, if you ask me
|
 |
|
The pole gardener: beautifying San Francisco one parking meter at a time
|
 |
|
Lemons: Man hospitalized and unable to attend son's wedding. Lemonade: Nurses set him up with a tux and a Skype connection to the nuptials (w/video)
|
| |
|
30-year-old hottie: 'I found my gay husband a boyfriend' (w/pics)
|
 |
|
Man fights to get personalized license plate IB6UB9 back. DMV's response: 3M TA3
|
| Fri August 24, 2012 |
| |
|
Can you afford $160million price tag for the UK's most expensive house? How about the $3000 cost of the brochure for the house?
|
 |
|
Prosecutors say when they asked the 66 year-old grandmother why she became a serial arsonist, she said she did it because "nobody cared about her or paid attention to her"
|
 |
|
Worst teacher of the year award: Student bitten by brown recluse spider that teacher brought to school show-and-tell
|
 |
|
Tree turns woman's life into a "living hell". "Nine years ago it wasn't anywhere near as big"
|
 |
|
Confused mountain lion trapped by a revolving door at Harrah's Casino in Reno. I'll say he was confused, Harrah's Reno is a dump
|
 |
|
Where is King Richard III buried? We should find out as soon as they dig up a parking lot
|
 |
|
Six freaky cases of people who killed their lovers during sex
|
| |
|
Photoshop this cute cub
|
 |
|
The actor inside R2-D2 was not a fan of the guy in C-3PO
|
| |
|
Phyllis Diller was too sexy for Playboy
|
 |
|
Apparently we've been eating Tic Tacs all wrong
|
 |
|
Authorities say that you should ignore those black helicopters which you may or may not see
|
 |
|
A) a PMSing hockey mom B) a Kentucky FARK party girl C) motherfarkung Norwegian bears What rips walls off a cabin, drinks all 100 bees, eats all the chocolate, and destroys electrucal apploances it doesnt understand? -Fark WTF tagline of the day
|
 |
|
If you're going to give another motorist the finger, call her a stupid biatch, and incorrectly explain traffic law to her, make sure that she's not an off-duty cop
|
| |
|
The coolest water slides you'll see all day
|
| |
|
Photoshop these Syrian rebels being silly
|
| |
|
Thai Buddhist temple claims that the late Steve Jobs is now living in a "parallel universe" as a "mid-level angel." No idea how he gets those turtlenecks on over his wings
|
| |
|
The Romney Campaign wants everyone to know that when Mitt said "No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate," he was in no way bringing up the Birther Issue. At all. Seriously
|
 |
|
If you're running for mayor now is a good time to remind your teenagers that if they are going to hit the bong and trash your opponents yard signs DON'T TAKE PICTURES
|
| |
|
Fark Weird News Quiz, iteration #151, which is the approximate proof of the grain alcohol you may need to get through it. Good luck
|
 |
|
'Poo powered motorcycle' finally unveiled. Makers quick to point out it runs on livestock waste, not human waste - also known as 'election cycle'
|
 |
|
Three words: "Adult Snow Cones." Brrr
|
| |
|
Woman busted for DUI after attending bachelorette party explains to cop: "This is what I get for being a bridesmaid"
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
When you hear 'natural flavors', do the secretions from an anal gland of a beaver come to mind? They will now
|
| |
|
Paul Ryan had better hope Romney wins, because he can forget about ever being elected in Wisconsin again after voluntarily waving a "terrible towel" at a GOP rally in Pennsylvania
|
 |
|
High school's "Señores and Señoritas Day" eliminated after students show up dressed as gang members, gardeners, border patrol agents and pregnant teens
|
 |
|
10 people who claim to be time travelers - Also claim time travel was invented in the future to get around the long wait times and doctor shortages from Romneycare
|
 |
|
38 percent of adults would rather scrub a toilet than come up with a new online password, which explains why so many accounts get hacked and so many more toilets go unscrubbed
|
 |
|
Drunk and fighting in the church parking lot on a Thursday morning must mean Randy Travis is researching new country music material
|
 |
|
One hour to go until the great reveal of the opening of the 1912 package. THIS IS YOUR DISCUSSION THREAD
|
 |
|
August 23rd, 2012: The Onion reports on "One Full Week Without Mass Shooting" celebration in New York
|
 |
|
Suspicious blue recycle bin closes street, experts called in
|
 |
|
Witness shuts down trial in Detroit court. Well, mostly it was the bugs on him
|
| |
|
This one time, at atheist camp
|
 |
|
On second thought, using your GPS to exit the ferry wasn't such a brilliant idea
|
 |
|
Is your co-worker married? A little detective work is all it takes, says creepiest advice columnist ever
|
 |
|
The world's most famous heterosexual makes a plea for gay marriage
|
| |
|
The United States: 0 Days Since Last Mass Casualty Shooting
|
 |
|
Cincinnati area kids allowed to skip school because of: A) snow, B) flood, C) white power rally
|
 |
|
Madness frontman "Suggs" wanted to find out what happened to his deadbeat father who walked out on him when he was 3. Friend of his: "Have you looked yourself up on Wikipedia?"
|
| |
|
Thief mistakenly eats a 350,000 Scoville unit hot pepper. Yes, another seasoned criminal is caught
|
| |
|
Dear CFX Composite Effects, we are extremely pleased with the realism of this mask. Sincerely, A. Robber
|
 |
|
Photoshop these sightseeing seagulls
|
| |
|
Producer brother of Westley from "Princess Bride" tweets about alleged "Marine" who began flight by f-bombing him and ends with magazine-licking, pregnant-woman fondling, vodka-hurling at Air Marshall melee
|
 |
|
It's so embarrassing when you're having a standoff with the cops and you reach over to grab your child as a human shield and a meth pipe falls out of your pocket and everyone sees it. I hate it when that happens
|
 |
|
Car collides with truck during reporter's live shot
|
| |
|
Even if you're a serial bank robber, you'll never get into the super villain club if your costume consists of a strip of duct tape across your nose
|
 |
|
When sending a Rembrandt by Norwegian mail, at least pay a few crowns for the insurance
|
| |
|
Grocery stores are now auctioning off their expired and damaged food. With helpful picture of what an auctioneer hawking expired cheesy puffs might look like
|
 |
|
Champion bur oak tree around since the 1600's showing stress from the drought, so farmer hauls 1,600 gallons of water a week from the river to water it
|
 |
|
Not insane in the membrane
|
| |
|
Those Afghan troops the U. S. has been training to take over their own defense? They're killing each other
|
 |
|
"In my dream, I was playing with a dog. The dog was jumping on me, scratching me, licking my face. (Then) I opened my eyes, and there was a bear on top of me"
|
| |
|
Turns out eating black licorice is not only nasty, but can also kill you
|
 |
|
Cobra bitten by deadly farmer
|
| |
|
How alcohol causes cancer. Sleep tight
|
 |
|
You're the manager of a restaurant and a smoking hot 28-year-old single mom wants to pump breast milk at work, do you C) Tell her "that's disgusting" (w/'what was the manager thinking' pics)
|
| |
|
University of Colorado to Students: You're now welcome to have your guns on campus, as long as you don't have them where you live. Have a good day
|
| |
|
Clearly, the solution to accommodate bigger airline passengers is to have thinner seats
|
 |
|
Burger King fired Pentecostal teen who refused to wear pants
|
| Thu August 23, 2012 |
| |
|
Small town in Norway set to open mysterious 100 year-old package marked with disclaimer "to be opened in 2012." Syfy Channel's movie script writers on high alert
|
 |
|
The 100 worst yearbook photos of all time
|
| |
|
Autopsy by Dr. Romero finds two young ladies died because it's hard to breathe when you're buried under a farking trainload of coal
|
| |
|
Feminist progress now largely depends on the hookup culture, and it is women who are perpetuating the culture. For college girls, an overly serious suitor is like an accidental pregnancy; a danger that can get in the way of a promising future
|
| |
|
'20 reasons not to attack Iran.' Strangely, 'Not our problem' absent from list
|
 |
|
Catholic Bishop's extravagant lifestyle causes outrage among people who apparently haven't paid attention to any of the last several hundred years of history
|
 |
|
Man, who told his neighbors to stay off his natural habitat, now faces court date
|
| |
|
Photoshop this bucket balance
|
 |
|
Did you hear the one about the 78 year old lady spray painting the N word around town?
|
| |
|
Feds bust Brazilian man who apparently thought Snakes on a Plane was a reality show
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
TotalFarker Swee2th lost over $6K throwing a festival last weekend, wants to hear ideas on how to make his money back quick, demands green light since denial of green light on original newspaper article contributed to money loss
|
| |
|
It's time for the first of many weekly food discussion threads. This week's topic: Marinades for the grill and grill technique. Post a photo, ask a question, share a recipe
|
 |
|
Why do people talk about millennials like they are an undiscovered tribe from the Amazon? They just want a world that makes sense. Newsflash to old people: The things you expect of us don't make sense
|
| |
|
Found: a spotless public bathroom in New York City
|
 |
|
Guy turns down lap dance. Does stripper: A.) Politely move on to the next guy B.) Order drinks on his tab as payback C.) Follow him home and rob him at gunpoint? If C was your answer, step up and claim you prize. (Link with herptastic pic)
|
 |
|
Man asked to give package to neighbor wants you to know how hard it is
|
| (Never forget) |
|
One year ago, an earthquake devastated the East Coast of the United States. Where were you; how did you cope?
|
 |
|
Don't take a Pomeranian to a burglary
|
| |
|
Prince Harry continues his "Like a Boss" tour of Vegas by beating Usain Bolt in a sprint and Ryan Lochte in a swim race. Yes, of course he cheated-it's good to be the almost-king
|
| |
|
Too bad there is no video, because gibbons on helium sound like opera singers
|
| |
|
Photoshop this prepared pooch
|
| |
|
The Queen of England has been beheaded. Also, several clowns and Super Mario
|
| |
|
Supermarket lifts Isle of Man meat ban, so if you want some man meat, you now know where to go
|
| |
|
The Jesus fresco fubar ended up looking more like a sloth than a monkey, really
|
| |
|
Curiosity captures images of streetlight on Mars
|
| |
|
"The monkey urinated on him and disappeared"
|
| |
|
The "Smokey Bear" effect has led to raging, forest-destroying fires that can permanently alter entire regions
|
 |
|
Your Honor, I know I killed that pedestrian while driving drunk... but this is China and I'm filthy stinking rich, so I've hired this poor person to serve my sentence for me. Toodles
|
| |
|
Twenty years ago, Andrew laid waste to the entire state of Florida. "It was like a bomb went off"
|
 |
|
She held up a condom and told him, "I need to use this on somebody"
|
 |
|
Brain eating amoeba found in Louisiana tap water. Well, that explains it then
|
 |
|
You're a surgeon stuck in a traffic jam while your patient waits on the table. Do you : C) borrow a bicycle from a seven year old and pedal through traffic with a police escort
|
| |
|
Iran makes a bold move to challenge the GOP in the woman-hating stakes
|
 |
|
Today's headline that makes no sense no matter what order you arrange the words in: "Rabbitohs Drop Hooker Luke." Silly rabbitohs -- hookers drop for Luke
|
 |
|
Remember when you were eight and you got that goldfish as your first pet and you vowed to take care of it but it still died a week later? That's exactly what happened to a Korean aquarium. Except instead of a goldfish it was a whale shark
|
| |
|
This just in: Benjamin Franklin was a white woman
|
 |
|
90-year-old man experiences memory loss at the worst possible time ... immediately after withdrawing his entire life savings
|
| |
|
Do you have a right to privacy when you're on the crapper at a gas station?
|
 |
|
Why evolution-rejecting-Righties and vaccine-rejecting-Lefties are flip sides of the same authority-mistrusting coin
|
 |
|
If you're going to fail a sobriety test, you might as well do so with some panache
|
 |
|
Attorneys for the pastor famous for protesting a local gay festival say their client did masturbate in the park, but argued he never exposed himself so it doesn't count
|
| |
|
Royal family pissed about how naked Harry was handled, demand a tighter grip
|
 |
|
In an effort to show it can be trusted with confidential data, US Customs and Border Patrol shares results from license plate scanners with insurance companies. Don't even ask who gets copies of those airport scan photos
|
 |
|
Protip: Dismantle the meth lab before your parole officer visits
|
 |
|
Relish the history of fast food, but be advised, this is a slideshow
|
 |
|
This is what happens when you combine a beauty salon and gun store
|
 |
|
Move into dorm. Check. Get new books for classes. Check. Bring 5 handguns for each day of classes. Check. Wait, what?
|
 |
|
NYC cop who's foot was run over by a Ferrari says the only thing that can alleviate the severe pain is $10M cash
|
| |
|
Audit of DC tax office finds that certain officials can simply change property values within the system without leaving any trace that they've done so. But don't worry, no DC official would ever do anything like that
|
 |
|
Woman survives jump from city bridge, curses her "luck" for having incredibly shiatty timing
|
 |
|
This guy draws photographic quality stuff using Bic pens. I can't even endorse a check without the ink clogging up
|
 |
|
Army National Guardsman goes for morning run near the local high school and middle school while wearing desert cammies, body armor with ceramic plates, knives and an Airsoft AR-15. Alcohol was a factor
|
 |
|
Recent Gallup poll shows Gallup leads in companies being sued by the US government for filing false claims on their contracts
|
| |
|
Newly discovered fault was behind last year's East Coast quake. Lawn chairs everywhere panic
|
| |
|
You know it's time to stop your naked shenanigans when the dogs start howling. Or at least take it inside
|
| |
|
Two Colombian businessmen are suing 20th Century Fox for the right to keep selling Duff Beer. Lionel Hutz is their lawyer
|
| |
|
Photoshop this happy Hernandez
|
 |
|
Sydney Seek-- no, Shydney Sheik Killed. Dammit. Sydney Serious Din-- Ahem. SYDNEY. SHE. KILLED. No, wait. Seriously FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU. *deep breath* Sheik ill in... Fark it: Some guy got killed in Syria
|
| (Sultan Knish) |
|
Ever wonder why the Obama admin keeps Joe around? It's strategy, stupid. Meet the highest ranking useful idiot in American history
|
| |
|
Mounting customer complaints lead TSA to begin retraining its agents in how to be more subtle about their racial profiling
|
 |
|
Public defender to judge: My client is pleading not guilty. Defendant: "I'm guilty alright. Don't tell me not to be guilty"
|
| |
|
Apparently you can be arrested for refusing to take your Tuberculosis medication. The More You Know
|
| |
|
Judge dismisses claims in fatal attack by murderous goat, showing how far the shadowy, powerful goat lobby's influence has spread
|
 |
|
Good news: Department of Homeland Security catches hundreds of drug smugglers, robbers, document forgers and kiddie-porn collectors ever year. Bad news: Among its own employees. Feel safer yet?
|
 |
|
Woman arrested for driving while injecting herself with heroin. At least she wasn't talking on a cellphone
|
 |
|
Vandals destroy toilets in park restroom. Police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on
|
| |
|
Deer molester arrested in Walmart parking lot for assaulting female cop
|
 |
|
High school football coach sends unsolicited nude photos of himself to a player's mom. Player's mom shows the pictures to everyone at the football game
|
| |
|
Ric Romero reports that rich people buy houses in different neighborhoods than poor people
|
 |
|
Smoking hot scantily-clad party girls attack bus station with hammers (w/pics)
|
| |
|
You might go unnoticed spending $1,600 on stolen credit cards at a store that sells a lot of expensive things. Not so much if you spend $1,600 in a single visit to 7-Eleven
|
| |
|
Study: Average boss is worth 1.75 employees. I'm going to need those TPS reports ASAP
|
 |
|
The number of Americans relying on their next paycheck to make ends meet is at its lowest level since the recession began. This is bad news... for Obama
|
 |
 |
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 381: "One of These Things Just Doesn't Belong Here". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest
|
| Wed August 22, 2012 |
| |
|
You know what's scary? Having a "superbug" that's killing patients in your hospital and you have to tear out equipment and building walls around the ICU to stop it
|
 |
|
Broke family flying standby stuck at airport for a week until rescued by a different airline needing a PR boost
|
 |
|
Joe Biden admits to having had sex with three presidents
|
| |
|
Mr. Bean is alive and well and restoring old paintings in a Spanish church
|
 |
|
Israel: "Mess with us and you'll suffer the wrath of American military. What? That's what I said. Israeli military, No, I'm pretty sure I said Israeli military. Well, that's what I meant"
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop Mexico's official soccer mascot
|
 |
|
The iPad is so easy to operate, even a 3-year-old can use it, if a mugger doesn't steal it from her
|
| |
|
Cops decide to shoot fish in a barrel by running a driver license sting in courthouse parking lot, bust 25 people
|
 |
|
The Canadian Prime Minister on a photo op trip to the Arctic rode an ATV through an environmentally fragile ecosystem full of rare plants and animals. Nice going Sweatervest
|
 |
|
Middle-class median net worth rises and falls with the housing market. The hell you say
|
| |
|
If you're planning to steal a TV, you might want to reconsider if your getaway vehicle is a bicycle. But if you insist on doing it, you might want to wear a helmet to protect your head when you crash into a detective's car
|
 |
|
Utah man convicted of murder may have more blood on his hands. Also, check out this picture of the time he humped a lion
|
| |
|
Top high school basketball recruit receives three-year prison sentence after pleading guilty to kidnapping & felonious assault. He was expecting probation so does he? A) Take it like a man. B) Scream at the judge. C) Collapse in court
|
| |
|
Yesterday: British judge lets pedophile go on holiday to a kiddie resort as long as he behaves. Today: British judge lets pensioner-bashing thug off on a suspended sentence because he was 'terrified of jail'. Tomorrow: ????
|
| |
|
Sean Penn to demolish Haiti's National Palace, explains his dad has an ultimate set of tools, he can fix it
|
| |
|
Go ahead - steal the computer equipment. Just spare us the smartassed messages on the erase board
|
 |
|
Arctic sea ice set to hit record low within days
|
 |
|
The Wire is pretty and shined up compared to the reality. Subby will be in the corner having a good cry
|
| |
|
Assisted suicide legalization activist can't win for losing
|
 |
|
Guns don't kill people, they start wildfires in Utah
|
 |
|
Juror: "Fark these deliberations, I'm going to Cancun"
|
 |
|
Probably the only time you'll see toys approved by cross-dressers and the Vatican in the same article
|
 |
|
Second annual Asheville Topless Rally set to go off. Spiffy, even if there are more spectators than participants
|
 |
|
You know those giant inflatables with the flappy arms? Well, DARPA just weaponized them
|
| |
|
Its a Code 3 Atheist Attack. ALARM ALARM. To your battle stations. I repeat, to your Mormon battle stations
|
| |
|
Sad: Dog gets lost on his way home by taking a detour off a 100-foot cliff after chasing a seagull. Happy: She makes it home
|
| |
|
Having run out of all other preparation guides, Orlando Sentinel presents the Hurricane Drinking Game
|
| |
|
Campbell's CEO goes on pilgrimages to food trucks of Portland, Austin, and SF to learn how to make its uncool line of soups more ethnic and hip. Basically, put a chickpea on it, roast all the veggies, and add cilantro
|
 |
|
Photoshop this fluff
|
| |
|
Five things you should never send as text message......#5..."Your Junk". Bah, CNN, *prudes*. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
|
| |
|
School bus monitor who received more than $700,000 in donations starts foundation to support anti-bullying initiatives around the world
|
| |
|
When the cheerleader coach hosts a game called "Judge and Jury" at a team sleepover nothing good can happen. Or can, depending on your world view
|
 |
|
The science behind why your Nana's body suddenly sat upright while she was being cremated
|
 |
|
Watch out, Danny DeVito is now robbing banks
|
| |
|
Step 1: give suspect concussion. step 2: administer sobriety test
|
 |
|
Man claims dining room table 'spontaneously exploded'
|
 |
|
Chimps are now capable of crafting tools out of stone, speculating on legitimate rape
|
| |
|
Today's Fark-ready headline: "Hillary Clinton, Merkel, Lady Gaga: Who's More Powerful?"
|
 |
|
When the tour guide said this may be the last year you get to see the mating of the wildebeest he wasn't kidding
|
 |
|
Philly has the rudest twitter users. #fark you
|
 |
|
If you were waiting for Superman and Lois Lane to get back together in DC's nu52, tough. He's hooking up with Wonder Woman
|
 |
|
If you buy this woman's pub, she'll throw in a beer-drinking pig for free
|
| |
|
"He never drank alcohol or took drugs...He just smoked cigarettes and drank coffee and thought he was from another planet"
|
| |
|
Katie Holmes disrupts terror trial
|
 |
|
When Bo, Trip, Doc and Cat invite you to drink and smoke on their church bus tour, just say no
|
| |
|
Fisherman hauls in lucky thirteenth mine, one of his largest ever. Of course, you should have seen the torpedo that got away
|
 |
|
Florida miniature golf course has several difficult parts including getting the ball through the windmill and avoiding electrocution
|
 |
|
Problem: College students who know their legal rights are refusing to let the police enter their homes when they knock. Solution: Make that a civil offense, with fines up to $1000 per offense
|
| |
|
As God is my witness, I thought turtles could fly
|
 |
|
People from Syracuse, NY in the east to Milwaukee in the west sound weird and are obliviously ruining traditions in the English language that are over a thousand years old. Here comes the linguistics
|
| |
|
DARPA looks to make cyberwarfare routine. Anonymous source suggests that this will not end well
|
| (Ecce Homo de Elias Garcia Martinez) |
|
Instashop contest: Photoshop this transformed Jesus
|
| |
|
The man single-handedly responsible for clogging Walmart aisles with scooters occupied by obese smokers who eat nothing but pastries celebrates the 40th anniversary of his invention
|
 |
|
'V for Vendetta'-like image spray-painted on Tampa building days before RNC
|
| (Some Closet) |
|
Gay bathhouse offering free admittance to RNC delegates during convention. This is not a story from the Onion
|
 |
|
Stupid: Pointing a laser at planes trying to land at JFK. Brazen: Pointing a laser at the helicopter trying to investigate you for pointing a laser at planes
|
 |
|
And the next paying space tourist is ...shakes lucky 8-Ball... British singer Sarah Brightman, who once lost her heart to a starship trooper
|
| |
|
Johnson & Johnson recalls medical bone putty. Surgeons also recall the product, probably as 'that stuff that caught on fire during surgery.'
|
| |
|
Hackers break into University of South Carolina computers, are delighted to find personal info, transcripts and like such as
|
| |
|
Airlines cutting back on leg room again. Apparently the most economical flying position is similar to lighting farts with a Zippo
|
| |
|
So Samsung replicates Apple products. Who cares and why should this be illegal? Harvard author claims the world would be better if more companies just copied, like Samsung
|
 |
|
Apparently, Des Moines isn't supposed to smell like that
|
| |
|
Although you've never heard of his name, if it wasn't for Joseph Peralta Pompa's invention, the world would not have the modern taco shell. "This is the sort of thing they could put in the Smithsonian"
|
 |
|
There is an abandoned factory in New York city where graffiti artists are allowed to display their talents and people come from miles away to admire the artwork. So naturally somebody plans to build a luxury high-rise there
|
 |
|
Planned Parenthood protestors target Daniel Tosh's sister-in-law. Which is odd because the protestors also treat rape like a joke
|
 |
|
Dear Madam, Gems, tuning forks and vitamins are not viable health treatments. Stop claiming it is. Sincerely, The Iowa Board of Medicine
|
| |
|
We're now facing an epidemic of child eating disorders, yet we're thankful that there was no hyphen in that phrase
|
| |
|
If you're dead set on resuming a life of crime after being released from prison, hold off until you're out of the jail parking lot
|
| |
|
Dean Wormer calls the police after seeing a drunken man riding a motorized picnic table
|
| |
|
In response to the non-existent public complaints and the appalling track record of zero incidents, Portland institutes tough new regulations on strippers using fire in their acts
|
| |
|
Baroness can't understand why the BBC won't put a statue of George Orwell in front of its headquarters, especially since part of his novel 1984 is based on his experiences at the BBC
|
| |
|
Woman gets robbed at Big Lots store after woman snatches her checkbook. Fark: She gets robbed again when asking for directions to the police station to report the first crime
|
| |
|
French tourists in Sri Lanka found guilty of trying to kiss the Buddha
|
| |
|
It costs $35 million to send an HD video over SMS while roaming on AT&T
|
| |
|
LL Cool J knocks out home intruder on orders of his mama
|
| |
|
As it turns out, not only is racial profiling very wrong, but its also even worse when you do six years of it and come up empty-handed with millions down the hole
|
 |
|
Woman blames fake twin for robbery. Surprisingly this did not work
|
| |
|
Man creates devastating explosion in port-o-potty, and he didn't even have to go to Taco Bell first
|
 |
|
Man pays $11 million for a Ford. Must have bought the extended warranty
|
| |
|
Dear Consumerist: Amazon had the audacity to deliver my package one day after I ordered it instead of three. The delivery driver woke me up to deliver my package, and I'm so indignant I'm never accepting weekend packages again
|
 |
|
Obama administration refuses to release information about mind-altering substances being manufactured at the White House
|
| |
|
Japan now has Reese's Cups...You got sushi in my Ume, You got ume in my sushi...Nom Nom arigato
|
 |
|
McDonald's patron goes ape shiat and punches assistant manager in the face after his hot fudge sundae arrives with chocolate on the bottom instead of the top
|
| |
|
Red alert: Russians on International Space Station raise shields
|
| |
|
"See? Rabbis freaking LOVE me" says Obama
|
 |
|
A former American football player and '80s s oap star works in a New Zealand heart clinic, run by a former Commonwealth Games long jumper who was banned for steroid abuse, for 28 months without getting paid. Then things get weird
|
| |
|
Photoshop this baby hippo
|
| |
|
Unreleased interview with Dr. Martin Luther King found in attic
|
| |
|
Dare to imagine, if you will, 50,000 national Republican delegates stranded in downtown Tampa without power or water in the aftermath of a hurricane strike. Go on, dare, because forecasters now say it really could happen
|
| |
|
When building your home, it's good to use recycled material. Unless you're using 2,500-year-old bricks that once were part of an ancient city
|
| |
|
It turns out brushing your teeth with a modern toothbrush is just as good as brushing them with bones, twigs, feathers or porcupine quills
|
 |
|
Elderly woman takes it upon herself to restore a church's 19th century fresco. Hilarity ensues
|
| |
|
Woman drives husband to the police station and turns him in on outstanding warrants because he was "talking stupidly and annoying"
|
| |
|
Prince Harry takes his Prince Albert out of the can
|
 |
|
Protip: If you're going to commit insurance arson, you might want to wait for more than 18 hours after you bought the policy
|
| |
|
Parents respond calmly and rationally to public art near school depicting nudity. "The pubic hair is showing and nakedness. It's not necessary." "This is a shortcut from his school. We'll take the long way home"
|
| Tue August 21, 2012 |
| |
|
When faking an attack on yourself to bring the LGBT community together you might want to do more studying than old CSI episodes
|
| |
|
New natural antidepressant for women discovered
|
| |
|
Marriage causes women to drink more, men to drink less
|
| |
|
Judge: Ok I know you are a pedophile who admitted encouraging young boys to strip naked and perform bizarre tricks, but you may go to that child-friendly resort as long as you don't 'misbehave'
|
 |
|
A romantic marriage proposal doesn't usually involve aggravated robbery, a dollar store and getting arrested, but It just might be crazy enough to work
|
| |
|
Florida school officials insist that the school bus with three students in every seat and more sitting in the aisle was not overloaded
|
 |
|
Florida swingers' orgy goes horribly wrong, which is the only way a Florida swingers' orgy can go
|
| |
|
Under "What made you decide to join the military?" do not check the box stating "to train my neo-nazi bretheren for the racial holy war"
|
| |
|
Photoshop this ax man
|
| |
|
'Legitimate Rape Song' teaches you how to tell if your rape is legitimate
|
| |
|
New Paterno book claims JoePa hated Sandusky. Not because of the pedophilia, but because Sandusky was focusing more on the children than on football. Joe did balance it out though by focusing more on football than the children
|
| (Some Guy Named Stu) |
|
If your erection lasts more than three days, DO NOT put a bag of ice on it, wait in your car and hope for the best
|
 |
|
Everyone's a little bit racist and a sell-out, even good ole Dr. Seuss
|
| |
|
The top 10 stolen automobiles....you will wonder why the top one would want to be stolen so much
|
 |
|
Holy cow! USPS stuck with 682M unsold 'Simpsons' stamps
|
| |
|
Rogue penguins caught breaking out of zoo, again. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave
|
| |
|
Good news: Watchdog group says there is more implied nudity on prime time television. Bad news: Some of the examples they cite include Howie Mandel and Betty White
|
< | |
