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| Sun July 15, 2012 |
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This is the story of a man who was denied entry to a nightclub due to his Air Jordans and the newspaper who decided it was worth an article. Tag is for everyone involved
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'Frankenstein' meat could soon be for sale in Europe. Digging up dead cows, giving them life, and then sending them the slaughterhouse seems unusually cruel, even for Europeans
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Defecting Syrian diplomat admits that the Syrian government was behind attacks on US soldiers in Iraq. They attacked our troops, they are attacking civilians, and most importantly, they have oil. What are we waiting for?
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Photoshop Theme: Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear
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Constant media coverage of the Greek crisis, showing Athens becoming a post-Apocalyptic burned out hellhole, means the tourism industry is really taking it up the tailpipe. "I mean, you can easily be the only people at a restaurant"
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Humanity pushes yet another species to the brink of extinction: The vile, dreaded guinea worm
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Surfer dies in 5th deadly West Australia shark attack in less than a year. EVERYBODY PANIC
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That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college
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Hot dogs, baseball, apple pie, and Xanax
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Feds to re-route SF Bay ships to protect whales. If only there was some way these super-intelligent creatures could propel themselves through the water to avoid the ships in the first place
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1950s - Blue Suede Shoes. 2012: Blue Tooth Shoes. Bonus: using GPS to give the blind greater walking freedom
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Photoshop this lady lounging on a lucid lake
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Because if there's one thing Italian drivers need more of, it's espresso
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23-year-old woman repeatedly has sex with 15-year-old boy, gets pregnant, faces felony charge of sexual misconduct. In other news, hittable chicks are still using MySpace
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America's Manliest Cities as defined by the number of BBQ/wing joints, NASCAR tracks, rodeo events and other manly qualities as opposed to emasculating things like coffee houses and sushi restaurants
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48 year old woman in a bikini. Eye bleach or hot. Feeling lucky, punk? You can click the link or scroll away
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Yes, Citizen, the government is monitoring and recording your whereabouts for possible use in future prosecutions. This according to a) World Nut Daily b) The Free Republic c) The American Bar Association
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Robber: There's a bomb in this bank. Teller: I can't serve you unless you remove your sunglasses
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25,000 cans of beer on the wall, 25,000 cans of beer, take one down and pass it around, adjudicate cases by interpretation of the state constitution... wait.... wuh?
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IRS bogarts medical marijuana pharmacy's deductions, drives founder into bankruptcy
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Let's celebrate flying saucers, communism, and some fine folk music from the dust bowl
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It's one thing if you refuse to vaccinate your child out of principle. It's another thing if you refuse to do it and pocket the cash the government gave you to get it done
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If you're teaching your 16-year-old son how to drive, do it in the family sedan. Not in your semi-tractor trailer towing a loaded horse trailer
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Tips to prevent wonton destruction of your kitchen
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A decade after the discovery of eight rotting and dismembered bodies in barrels inside a bank vault, somebody is trying to make a buck off it. "Tourists visiting the town were wanting something more than fridge magnets and spoons"
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Phthalates in nail polish may increase diabetes risk. Then again, if you're drinking nail polish, diabetes is the least of your worries
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In order to stop killer black rats from taking over a tropical island paradise, scientists are bombing the area with poisoned bait for 100 consecutive days
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If you're so smart, can you solve these puzzles from a 1935 newspaper? "What kind of nuts are found in the eyes of a goat?"
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Headline: Tsunami of boomer mental illness looms. Really? Seems like that wave crested decades ago
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Just to be clear, one of the responsibilities of being the brother of the groom does not include groping the bridesmaids
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Photoshop this masked melee
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Man caught breaking into drug store in a Mr. T mask one week after breaking into same drug store in a Mike Tyson mask, will now spend several years in a Ned Beatty mask
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Helicopter parents: The LZ you set up on your kids iDevice isn't helping anything
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Oregon rules that restaurant workers do not have to wear gloves, thinks that the whole hand washing thing may just be a moneymaking racket foisted upon people by the soap industry
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Alaska Governor seeks federal disaster aid for weak salmon runs, hershey squirts
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The Daily Mail turns its Sauron-like eye to Gary, Indiana with some biggie-sized ruin porn
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Your legal retainer for helping your female client with her child custody case does not usually include licking her ear
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Two-fisted, burly, ex-marine type beats the crap out of foolish teenaged attacker. I guess he won't be... Wait, that's a woman? (With holy crap, that's a woman pic)
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Thirty years later people in California are still mooning the Amtrak train in honor of a dead friend
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Competition and red tape (the hot water was too cold) preventing strip club opening. With picture of what a stripper looks like
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Jealous woman kills ex-husband... by pouring boiling water on him. (Please not the nards, please not the nards, pleas.... crap)
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Thunderstorm, not common sense, halts lawn chair balloon flight
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Man pulls gun on girlfriend who broke his bong. Guess which state. No really, guess
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Some young wizard tries to steal five packs of 'Magic: The Gathering' trading cards but store security sees what he's got up his sleeve. Now he wishes he could make himself disappear
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"Escorts have posted Internet messages warning peers to avoid interacting with Weiner"
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The agony of da-feet
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Man arrested for cursing and swinging a Samurai sword near the state capitol. There can be only one idiot
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Ric Romero reporting from Atlanta: Kids may be getting risque material on cell phones
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| Sat July 14, 2012 |
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This porn star turned EMT could save your life. The hardest thing was learning mouth-to-mouth
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USF chancellor uses school funds for: A) more class materials. B) hiring more professors. C) buying big slides and Star Wars statues. + Photo goodness of immature buffoon
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Go on vacation, crazy woman steals your house. Cops: Weird, huh?
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Recycling is a good thing for cans and plastics. Not so much for dentist needles
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Probably the biggest attempt of flying with lawn balloons you will ever hear about
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Could this be the coldest July in history for Anchorage?
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If you crate your dog, don't trick yourself into believing that he's truly comfortable and secure in there because it's just like a cozy wolf den
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Police officer takes fawn into the back of his police car after mother was killed, it is now being nursed back to health at a wildlife center
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Guns don't kill people, 3 year olds kill people
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Photoshop this panel-powered person
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You're wanted on a parole violation. You're carrying crack on you. You see a police officer who knows you. Do you A) try to blend into the crowd, B) slowly walk away from his location, C) shout out his name and ask for his bike
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House burns down because firefighters have to wait for "unusually large" amount of ammo to explode. Guess the state
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If you're one of the people who was moved emotionally by the "Warrior Eli" blog that chronicled a devoted father's journey as he coped with his son's rare kidney cancer, congratulations. You've been trolled
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Panther, made with real panther bits, is 100% cute, all the time
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"Pro-Skinny" blogger who called swimsuit model Kate Upton "a cow" and "a little piggie" gets a resounding "Your blog sucks" from supermodel Carol Alt, the editor-in-Chief of Vogue, and Anonymous
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Hurricane Fabio's heaving winds move across the rolling bosom of the Pacific Ocean, but will likely exhaust itself long before reaching land
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A guy grew a mustache and claimed to be John Stossel... Somehow, and I know this reads ridiculous, but bear with me here, this actually got him laid
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World's largest BLT made in 15 minutes with 300 pounds of bacon, 210 loaves of French bread, over 100 pounds of tomatoes and 40 pounds of lettuce and mayonnaise
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Everyone knows that it costs a lot to fill up your car these days, but $84,522.54 of your life savings to top off your tank is a little much?
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Man shot to death while using payphone, shooter claims he thought it was a dinosaur
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Sea turtles take over Cape Hatteras National Seashore with record number of nests. Gamera nods approvingly
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Photoshop this man and money machine
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"This will bring fundamental changes, it makes you wonder a little more if you want to whip out the plastic. Maybe people will go to the ATM and use cash like they did 35 years ago." Oh, you're serious, let me laugh even harder
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The most disturbing thing about this "Sugar Daddy" article is the Daily Fail calling a 52-footer a "yacht"
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If the cops stop the Google driverless car for a moving violation does the car go all HAL 9000 and refuse to pull over? Who gets the ticket? So many unanswered questions
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Massachusetts housing authority says ban on American flags was a mistake and could you please stop the hate mail?
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NASA unveils app called Spacecraft 3D to let people experience spacecraft manipulation without the drawbacks of radiation sickness or chest-bursting aliens
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A lot of the dangers of spanking might not be true. So we do not need the safe-word anymore?
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Compare your doughy bulk to the rest of the world with this interactive global fat scale
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Boss-of-the-year takes his entire workforce of 500 people on an all-expenses-paid trip to the island of Majorca. No word on whether there were hookers and blow involved
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A big solar storm is hitting the Earth today, but res&rchers say yo* shouldn't not/ce anything di%7erent
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The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz, and the sky with no clouds, the heat was hot and the ground was dry, but the air was full of sound
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[censored]? You can't handle the [censored]
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A map of European penis sizes. Ireland doesn't like to be seen near the urinal, and France thinks it's Millton Berle
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| (Occupy LA) |
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LAPD brings in 150+ officers in tactical gear use 40mm foam grenades and tear gas for: a) Drunken sports fans, b) Escaped violent criminal, or c) Sidewalk chalkers
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Zimmerman tries to piss off his judge. Again
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If you're already shopping for Christmas presents in July, don't worry. You're perfectly normal and you probably have kids
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Photoshop Theme: The best of both Worlds
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"Good luck Mr. Funk"
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Largest. Natural Disaster. EVER
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Bark shaped like the Virgin Mary in New York tree is: An apparition ☐ Bark ☑
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Joey, a two-week-old orphaned kitten, is shopping for a new home - with help (literally) from his big step-brother, Chesney. Warning: includes some of the most "awwww" inducing pics you may see this Caturday
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Shuck me, suck me, eat me raw NOLA Fark party at Cooter Brown's at 7:00 pm on 7/14/2012. Oyster bar, great food, and 400+ types of beer. Join the fun at your own risk, and bring $1.25 for the streetcar
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Los Angeles Fark Party July 14th 7:00pm
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"When Mehl actually measured how many words men and women speak each day, he found there was practically no difference"
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60-year-old sub shop owner gives would-be-robber a walking cane sandwich with relish
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Talk about commitment to your craft: Identity Thief Serves Jail Time as His Victim
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Kennedy arrested for drunk driving. No, not that one. No, not that one either. No, no, no, no, no...yes, that one
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Remember those fun camping trips with your girlfriend? After an argument, she'd wait until you went to sleep, then light your tent on fire? Good times, good times
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If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?
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Biggest turn-offs for men and women. Good news: "Living in parents' basement" not in top 5
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This guy isn't going to prison for any boring crimes. He stole a dog, hid a kid in a closet, held a spider for ransom and threatened to shoot the pet spider's owner in the head if he didn't let him keep the spider
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Two men in Chinese car repair shop play "joke" on teen by sticking a high pressure air pump nozzle up his rectum. Damn near killed him
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Through the years there have been a lot of changes to this site, and it never fails that some cry about it and complain. Can we have a thank you thread? Thanks for trying to make Fark even better for us. Cheers
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| Fri July 13, 2012 |
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LP #455 bloody mary bloody mary bloody mary
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OH you better believe that's a strongly worded letter
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Raising my glazed doughnut in recognition that 75 years ago today, Krispy Kremes first hit the streets of Winston-Salem
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Nine of the healthiest alcoholic drinks to bring in the weekend
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Miss Florida contestant can't see what all the fuss is about her
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Now that interchange fees have been regulated to more reasonable levels, retailers have won the right to charge more if you pay with a credit card
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Doctor fooled by canine X-ray. Your dog wants Vicodin
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Mother accused of whipping children with computer cable
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Photoshop Mark Webber jumping for a different reason than winning the British GP
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Headline: Search continues for inner tuber. Does that mean Mr. Potato Head is seeing a therapist?
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The drought is getting so bad that now the dirt is catching fire
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Prison choir wins gold medal, soap on a rope
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The Mob has nothing on the Dons who run the California Board of Equalization
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Real or fiction? Bob Saget impersonator sucks woman's toe at Walmart. Definitely fiction. Bob Saget would never be seen in a Walmart
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Derby fire leaves man hospitalized. Remember, people: if your hat is on fire, TAKE IT OFF
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"Note: Playscape is for the enjoyment of our guests aged 12 and under. Please ignore the roaches and urine. Thank you"
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Fawlty Towers reopens as a nudist hotel. Bring a towel, but don't talk about the war
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Video of Miss USA blowing up a Port-a-potty. This could be very good if you're into that sort of thing
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The NCAA is so mad at Penn State right now that they just suspended Caltech from postseason competition for a year in track and field, cross country, swimming, baseball, fencing, soccer, water polo, men's basketball, and tennis
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Some societies are so ignorant that they blame natural events on evil sorcerers. Thank goodness we live in a society that knows enough to blame everything on God's anger
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Wolverines need refrigerators, according to study. So don't be alarmed the next time you see one milling around in the home appliances department
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And here's a guy eating a burger with 1,000 slices of cheese. Why? Because it's Friday, that's why
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Photoshop this painted person
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New changes on Fark. Everybody panic
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Time again for the Fark Quiz. Will you do better than last week? Oh hell yes
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"In 22 years, you don't expect to get a call of a car sitting on top of a boat"
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Man goes to garden to pick cucumbers, comes to the realization that cucumbers don't slither
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Q: Why do we wear pants? A: Horses
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Take-your-kids-to-work day takes on a whole new meaning when you're a Navy doctor. "Hey, kids, wanna see this dead Marine's brain? He won't mind. Go ahead, hold it"
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JP Morgan announces that $2 billion loss is now actually almost $6 billion. So naturally, its stock is up
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This week MSNBC investigates: Are carnival games cheating you - and your kids? Next week: What is that yellow orb in the sky and where does it go at night?
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George Zimmerman did not want to be a cop because "cops have a bad reputation and are bullies"; instead he wanted to be Judge Judy and Executioner
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So after going to jail for systematically corrupting nearly every branch of government, what's next for Jack Abramoff? Why becoming a conservative talk-radio show host, of course
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At the 2000 Sydney Games, 70,000 condoms wasn't enough, prompting a second order of 20,000 and a new standing order of 100,000 condoms per Olympics
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Drew: "Hey everybody - Fark website refresh coming later today. Prepare to freak the hell out #fearchange"
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Dangerous Curves: Heavily armed and bikini-clad female Israeli soldiers hanging out at the beach
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Nike changing its slogan from "Just Do It" to "Oh No HE Dih-int"
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Nike decides that the Joe Paterno Child Development Center in Beaverton, Oregon may be the butt of future jokes (w/video)
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It's one thing if you can feel God talking to you. It's another thing if you feel He's saying you're the King of Ghosts and you should castrate yourself
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Naked guy steals car, crashes into Dallas area mall, then casually dresses himself with a selection of garments from Champs Sports before being arrested
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Larry Bird admits that Kobe Bryant is probably right that this year's Olympic team, could probably beat the '92 squad, but only because "We're old and I haven't played in 20 years"
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Top 9 Swedish superstitions
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| (Plugged In) |
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An essay on why Batman needs to die in order to save us from pointless reboots and lousy sequels. Fark: From Focus on the Family
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Britain releases its X-files about UFO investigations, including one sighting above Chelsea football club. With helpful picture of what a UFO might look like
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It's time for the annual New York Times "filthy rich Manhattan parents increasingly send their kids to expensive summer camps" trend article. Nothing of value was learned
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Chicago Art Institute adds roaring sound effect to keep guest from climbing lion statues. Subby's inner child thinks that might not work very well
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Condo board decides 27 cats in one-bedroom unit is enough
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Man tests limits of bringing knife to gun fight
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If your star witness got his information from Wikipedia, you may want to rethink your legal strategy. THIS INCLUDES YOU, U.S. Department of Justice
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Robber falls for the ol' "I don't have any money" trick, followed by the ol' "I don't speak English" trick moments later
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Harrison Ford turns 70 today, now get off his plane
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That "DNA link" between an Occupy Wall Street protestor and an unsolved murder? Yeah that was actually what those in the professional crime-fighting biz call a "Lab error"
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Former Asheville City Councilman creates unintentionally hilarious website to counter a topless equal rights protest. Holds photo contest for Most Degrading Moment for Women
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If you are a motorcycle escort cop for the First Lady, it's probably not a good idea to discuss how you want to shoot her with other cops. And, it's REALLY a bad idea to show them a picture of the gun you intend to use
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"Not Homeless, Need Boobs"
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Man's phone is stolen. Man calls stolen phone. Woman answer stolen phone. Woman wants money for the phone. Man offers $20. Woman hangs up. Woman calls back and demands $50 for phone's safe return. Denzel Washington will star in the movie
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Police need help identifying crooks who smiled for a security camera while they stole it from a church
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Help, Police; I've been robbed. They didn't take anything, though...No, officer; there aren't any illegal drugs here, why do you ask?
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Pentagon looks for ways to honor drone pilots, besides a 1-UP
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Billy Stader took off his shoes at the local Kohl's and replaced them with a new pair of $49 Nike's. When he was arrested, he was caught with a bag of marijuana and told police he "smokes some weed when he has had a bad day"
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Penn State unlikely to receive "Death Penalty". I mean, it's not like players got free tattoos or a donor gave someone a car or anything... that would be far more serious
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Top 10 German superstitions
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I don't know what you're talking about so here's a picture of some goats surfing
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Warning: Cheeseburger Macaroni Skillet Dinners may contain actual skillet
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What is in Canola oil if there are no Canolas? The answer to that and six other mystery foods to your left. Horror stories to your right
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Remember that indestructible plastic cash Canada came up with...yeah, about that, umm, we forgot that plastic melts
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A survey conducted entirely of the fifth dentist and fourth doctor found that Americans think rich people deserve their money
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Amazon's Deal of the Day is A Racist Toothbrush
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Photoshop this gripping girl
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Gunmen kill eight Brazilian people during football celebrations. Man, that must have been a loud party
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I'm going to punch you in the face and then you're going to have a seat over there
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Santa Monica: You can't smoke, you're near a building. Smoker: Oh, OK. I'll just go down to the park. SM: Can't smoke in the park either. Smoker: Beach? SM: Nope. Smoker: All-right fine... I'll just go home. SM: About that
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Woman trades newborn for a 1999 truck. Doesn't she know the exchange rate on babies these days?
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It's 95 degrees and you're miserable, and yet your body's internal temp is 98.6 degrees... How does this make sense? Sure it doesn't, but here comes the science
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You've just escaped from a mental institution, what next? Why, go swimming naked in the bottom of a canyon
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Coolest homemade mobile swimming pool you'll see all day
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Amazon's new same day delivery service goal sounds awesome, but of course some Debbie Downer has to claim there's a dark side. But still, SAME DAY DELIVERY
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"It's always awesome waking up to a shirtless crackhead with a knife"
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Subway tracks get inspected because of extreme heat. One day later, Metro train derails. Good job inspectors
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The ape revolution begins: Five chimps construct ladder, escape into zoo
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| Thu July 12, 2012 |
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Subby's boyfriend found out last month that he's a Son of the American Revolution. What random, fun fact do you know about your lineage?
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Politicians have been banned from speaking at this year's 9/11 memorial tribute
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Commuter tunnel between Detroit and Canada closes due to concern that someone might bring something from Canada that'd improve Detroit
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Photoshop this tightrope from a tower
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"It's tough because that's my family; they're supposed to stay by you through thick and thin" says the girl who had her dad killed
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Guy trying to break-up up argument over World of WarCraft says to neighbour: "It is just a game". Neighbour goes all "Leeeeroooy Jenkins"-y
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Lizard found in Indian food ration packet. Great, now EVERYONE'S gonna want one
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| (Consumer Traveler) |
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The worst thing about the airlines aren't the cramped seating, long delays, or lost luggage. It's the people on the planes. "Many passengers book flights knowing full well they will have problems"
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Better late than never: Fark's Headlines of the Week for 7/1 - 7/7
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Never buy store-brand diapers or macaroni and cheese. "Too orange"
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For just $60 an hour you can be the big spoon to this cute girl's little spoon. Just no forking
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After being valued in the hundreds of millions just four years ago, Digg finally sold for the princely sum of $500K, a broken pocketwatch, a rabbit's foot, and a lucky silver dime
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Christian and Muslim scholars unite to save you from the evils of hotel porn. See? We can all get along
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Let's go climb Mont Blanc, I hear it's hugely popular with climbers and only 50 people get killed on it a year
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If a truck falls over and spills beer everywhere, hey, free beer. Gasoline tanker spewing burning fuel? Just let it go, man
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New EPA regulations creating more jobs for the green sector include solar, wind, and cow fart counting. Wait, what?
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Photoshop this man resting on a rocket launcher
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In which a Fox News plagiarizer is busted. By Cracked
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Did milk actually used to taste like...something?
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House GOP efforts to repeal Obamacare, all of which were pure political theater and had zero chance of actually achieving their aim, cost taxpayers $50 million. How's that for smaller government?
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On the lunch menu today at the SmugDouche food truck, we have the $666 Douche burger, Kobe beef with foie gras, lobster, caviar, gold leaf, then topped with cave aged gruyere and kopi luwak bbq sauce
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Having your credit card refuse to cover your medical marijuana purchase? Priceless
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Two men who tried to kill each other 40 years ago in Vietnam meet as friends: "I hope that our friendship sparks other friendships among Vietnamese and American veterans"
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19 year old woman escapes the fires in Colorado just to crash her SUV and start a 2,000 acre fire in Idaho
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Shoot me once, shame on you. Shoot me twice in a month, maybe it's time to find a new group of friends to hang out with
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Steve Martin sells Mitt Romney's pot in New York City park
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Hey there's a great big sausagefest going on in Berlin right now
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Customer service tip: Don't sent a text message telling 16-year-old customer you hope she burns in hell because she had the temerity to ask you a question
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In the indigenous language of Maine tribes, "Zumba" apparently means "hooker"
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Napoleon was the original overly attached girlfriend
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Remember that time you got busted for jaywalking and the cops tased you three times? You'll be happy to know that the video is being used to train police on how to handle other people with unpronounceable names
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McDonald's huge Olympic $ponsor$hip demands that all competing retailers surrender their french fries
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Man arrested after posting YouTube video showing him blowing past speed limit in Hiroshima
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A law professor has dissected the lyrics to 99 Problems for legal accuracy because, come on, how else do law professors get publicity?
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Woman jogger attacked by large pack of raccoons tells police that identification of the animals will be difficult since they were all wearing masks
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What's worse than a tattoo? A misspelled tattoo
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IPhone 5 preorders start today - even though it doesn't exist yet
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Fireworks company learns why you shouldn't always back up your files
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Actual headline: "Missing Wake Forest Baptist monkey found." Praise Jee-ee-ee-eesus
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It's never good when the doctor describes your condition by saying "Think of 'Alien'"
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Ladies, if you're wondering why it hurts when you pee, it's because all the antiboitics factory farms douse chickens with has made the bacteria that cause bladder infections into drug-resistant "superbugs"
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Not news: Top commander admits there is no way for his forces to win a military victory in Afghanistan. Huge News: A Top TALIBAN commander
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When is it not appropriate to give someone a chest bump? A) At a football game B) At a concert C) While a deputy is questioning you
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There are two things in this world I can't stand; Bigots, and Dutch beer
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Peter Lizon's lawyer says that chaining and torturing your wife for a decade is perfectly normal
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Starbucks is going to open a store inside a South Carolina funeral home. Because nothing stirs up a powerful thirst for a venti half-caf espresso like a long afternoon of staring at your loved one's corpse
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| (Some Guy) |
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One man's dying wish: Leave a $500 tip on an f***ing pizza. Well, his family did just that and they have video
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Since 1978, shelter in the U.S. rose four times in price, milk doubled, and gas more than quintupled
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FTC hosts summit to find way to enforce ban on -- ARE YOU SICK OF YOUR TIMESHARE? NEW BREAKTHROUGH IN DIABETES TREATMENT. PRESS 1 NOW
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Freeh report released: Everybody knew kids were getting raped at Penn State, nobody did a damn thing
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"The sunglasses were never found"
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Forgot your password? Hackers at the Yahoo server have it for you
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You tell police that your brother has a mental breakdown and that he is carrying an airsoft gun. Dispatcher: "The officers are trained in this kind of thing. They're not going to go around shooting people." Guess what happens
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To the delight of conspiracy theorists, astronauts walking on NASA soundstage doesn't make TV's 20 most memorable moments
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Melinda Gates pledges $650 million for contraception. Wow--Bill must have some powerful sperm
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Viacom yanks 26 channels off DirecTV. DirecTV tells its subscribers to watch Viacom shows on the Internet. Viacom then pulls all their shows off the Internet. Now I am pissed
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Every single excruciatingly bad song choice from Fifty Shades of Grey
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this scary skater
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Man arrested for shooting an emu and a pregnant cow, presumably after learning of their affair
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A 7 foot carved penis is a fine housewarming gift for your stepdaughter, until her neighbors call the cops
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London Zoo wants to turn 600-foot office building into 600-foot penguin (With picture of what a 600-foot London-devouring penguin might look like)
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Old and busted: teachers hooking up with underage boys at school. New hotness? Teachers hooking up with underage boys at funerals. (w. "you might in a dark cemetery" mug shot)
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Man at Hooters falls for the old "We need to get to a wedding, can we have your car?" scam
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One-tenth of Britain's armed forces has just been seriously demoted
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Man loses dog, man finds dog, woman won't give dog back, woman sues man
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Woman transforms manufactured vinyl dolls to resemble human babies with as much realism as possible. W/pic
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CowaBLARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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As a general rule, when you steal a cell phone, do not take pictures of yourself on it, the victim might see it when he updates his new phone
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Facebook wants to do for online banking what it's already done for online privacy in general
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"The nonpartisan Fraser Institute reported that 46,159 Canadians sought medical treatment outside of Canada in 2011." So....like half?
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People move to the edge of the Arizona desert and then get upset when javelinas and rattlesnakes attack their dogs
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Lesbian couple kicked out of city park during maternity photo shoot in Kentucky. "If you come back and bring those type of people, you will be removed from the park"
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Love hotel for dogs opens, offering heart-shaped mirror, dimmed lighting and free wifi for a mere $50 a night. Ha...just kidding. About the wifi
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Police would like some help identifying woman with tattoo who apparently got her wish
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 375: "Carnival of the Animals". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 11, 2012 |
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When filling out a job application, it's best not to put in the phrase "If you be quiet and help me, you won't die"
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Since the iPad is clearly the work of the devil and you can watch porn on it, I give you the Holy iPad Slayer, the world's first Christian tablet
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Millionaire homeowners in the Hamptons are banding together to fight a new scourge threatening their community: noisy helicopters taking their billionaire neighbors to work. "To have our lives disrupted like this is terrible"
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Under President Obama, Americans paid the lowest tax rates in 30 years. Where is your Tea Party now?
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It's hard to be taken seriously as a bad-ass robber when your nickname is "Peaches" and you dress like a girl
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Seriously, how can one man hide 119 bags of heroin in his underwear?
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Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers, succeeds
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Your grandma stole from the Waldorf Astoria Hotel? They're comin for her
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For the record, "Misery" was not intended as a How-To book
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Don't ask, don't tell comes full circle. Airman asks Justin Bieber to ball
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Crook steals the freshest, tastiest, healthiest thing he can find at a 7-11
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Erection fraud: Big government takes a hard look as penis pump payments proliferate
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Good news for Americans: Being obese is better than being underweight
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Everything's bigger in Texas, including the tollroad violations
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Write your epitaph
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Arizona residents want to know why a jet was leaving contrails as it circled aimlessly in the sky for an hour
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Butte woman accused of driving drunk and ramming into her boyfriend's car while Butte-ass naked
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Crooked drug dealing rule number 1 : find a mark who's dumb enough to mistake soap chips for crack, but smart enough not to call the cops after you rip him off
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Katie Holmes finds a new cult to join
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Google to pay $22.5 million fine for Safari privacy evasion. Perverts
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The UK Prime Minister tries to deal with rebellious Conser... Wait, what the heck does "Cock a Snook" mean?
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If you could say anything to your boss - anything at all, with no repercussions - what would you say?
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Photoshop this classic competition
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Teacher fired for repeatedly calling his students "idiots," "freaking morons," "hobbits," and "trolls." Can currently be found lurking on the Fark Politics tab
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If you report a bank teller to the police for ripping off $100,000 from your account you might want to take the $500,000 out that you got from filing fraudulent tax returns first... just sayin'
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If the cops confiscate half a million dollars worth of drugs from your deli, wait at least a week before restocking the shelves
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Not News: Kentucky Police officer has a family emergency, must commandeer official vehicle FARK: to a Tennessee Hobby Lobby
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Whoever is writing up CDC advisories is having way too much fun
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| (NYSE) |
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Spammers shut down the New York Stock Exchange
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This day in history. July 11, 1804: "Oh Burr, Oh Burr, what hast thou done? Thou hast shooted dead great Hamilton. You hid amongst a patch of thistle, and shooted him dead with your great hoss pistol"
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Man finds stolen classic car 42 years later on ebay, marries woman that looks like his sister (pics)
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Oregon plague victim: "Not dead yet"
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Question for computer nerds: Compared to my first computer, my current computer has a CPU that's over 300 times faster and has 500 times more memory and storage. So WHY DOES EVERYTHING STILL TAKE JUST AS LONG?
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Those two strip clubs fighting over the Octomom finally go to court. The judge's ruling: I don't care
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Gene Simmons on life, love, music and dessert. Actually, scratch the first three: "God gave you two hands. One is for stuffing your mouth like a Christmas goose full of pastry, and the other is for molten hot coffee"
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| (Some Guy) |
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List of 57 new food items at the Wisconsin State Fair to trigger that heart attack you have been working on
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Can someone briefly explain what the Christian Scientists believe?
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Man arrested for threatening to blow up cable TV company. Bomb slated to detonate sometime between noon and 6 p.m
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Ride the New York City subway and maybe buy yourself a new shark
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I don't care if you do have a gun, you'll need to go to the back of the line
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120 days in jail for sex with a dog? Ruff. w/mugshot, uh, goodness?
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It's a Code Red Fox News Alert, folks: There's a new U.N. treaty about to get passed that could put IRAN IN CHARGE OF YOUR PERSONAL GUNS
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Oxymorphone overtakes OxyContin in prescription drug abuse. This is bad news... for Opana
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The asteroid is here. The asteroid is queer. Deal with it
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24% of senior executives in the US and the UK said they believed financial services professionals need to engage in unethical or illegal conduct to be successful. The other 76% knew not to say that out loud
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Ron Jeremy involved in sting that did not occur during urination
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10 foods that naturally whiten your teeth. Sadly, there is something that bacon can't do
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Illinois woman abandons special needs daughter at a Tennessee bar. No charges because it's not against the law
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Freight train overturns, catches fire in Columbus Ohio. it's a total ghost town. It's burned to the ground
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List fails without The Evergreen State College where the nudists have their own on-campus beach and the mascot is a phallic clam
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Okay, mostly harmless
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Woman ordered to stop her corgi from herding neighbors and joggers
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Woman kept her friend in her home for 18 months, talking to him and watching NASCAR with him because she didn't want to be alone. That and the social security checks that would stop if she reported his death
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"The writing on the man's sign included references to the FBI, fire department, hijacking a trolley, and 'I'm not a pedophile'"
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Study says Facebook use not a cause of depression. Still waiting for the Facebook-obssesive/compulsive link study
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Just a friendly reminder that today is 7/11...and you're entitled to a Free Slurpee between 11am-7pm
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| (Super Official News) |
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Bill Murray announces Party Crashing Tour starting in August. Must have alcohol and karaoke available. (with dates)
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The hotly debated practice of breastfeeding beyond infancy has earned itself a new reality television show. Preliminary names are 'Boob Juice' or 'American Suckers'
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"9/11 accused don't want hearings during Ramadan" I mean really? Is this that big a deal? They take like 2 minutes to make in the microwave. Let the accused finish his noodles
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Cute 35-year-old yoga teacher fired over cell phone Facebook ban: One hour ago via mobile (w/pic)
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Because when you think small parasitic crustacean blood feeder that infests fish in Caribbean coral reefs, you think Bob Marley
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"Hello 9-1-1? The 'Compliance Officer' broke into my house and is yelling at me about my lawn"
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"Ancient NY City" discovered in Canada. Archaeologists are befuddled by portraits of strangely mustachioed men, kegs of cheaply made ale, and unusually tightly fitting knickerbockers; but claim they may have found Ancient Williamsburg
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Kentucky woman goes trolling for copyright trolls
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So it turns out AT&T might not have dropped that $1 million BS lawsuit against a small business owner after all
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From the No Shiat Sherlock Research Institute: Nearly 50% of people hit by stray-bullet shootings are women
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Sea World patrons invited once again to Dine With Shamu, the killer whale who killed its trainer. They better hope that "n" never falls off the sign
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Judge rules Spokane newspaper must turn over anonymous blog commenter's real name because he wrote that some Idaho lawmaker could have shoved ten (missing) grand in her blouse (not that I'm implying she did anything of the sort)
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US Airways flight diverted due to odor in cabin. Only to get worse once the doors were opened in Philadelphia
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Fox news: 2004 murder scene DNA linked to Occupy Wall Street subway vandalism. Article: there is no immediate evidence that the DNA belongs to one of the OWS protestors who chained open the gates
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Burglar tangled up in window treatments discovers that sometimes justice is blinds
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Belfast City Council orders dog put down because of its resemblance to a pit bull. Evil Roy Gato seen chuckling and twirling mustache
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Photoshop this unusual launch
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Ric Romero: "If you're not a dollar store shopper, you may be missing out on things that only cost a dollar"
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Car salesman from Colorado becomes a political prisoner in Thailand after posting on the internet a forbidden biography of the King. No, this is not the plot of Broadway's newest smash hit
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NASA's Cassini probe catches Saturn giving Titan a swirly
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Man in ER waiting room punches random woman in face, bites cop and takes ride on the Taser because the ER wouldn't give him cocaine (with "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?" mugshot)
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Spain to try the "we can't afford socialism anymore, so lets get rid of all of it" austerity measures. Sure, cutting back a few years ago would have helped, but doing it now is like a smoker in Stage 4 lung cancer deciding to quit
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'Twilight' fan in town for San Diego Comic Con killed by car in front of San Diego Convention Center, a mere three days before 100,000 chubby Batmen in hockey pants could have saved her
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Having sex without reaching orgasm on purpose is called karezza - derived from Italian, meaning "just shoot me now"
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Smoking hot 18-year-old brunette: "I'm addicted to Coke. Not the drug, the drink" (w/pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now that Egypt has a new government, what's the first order of business? Destroy the pyramids
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Police chief: "If the officer needed to strike her eight times to get her to comply and put handcuffs on, then that's how many times he struck her." Difficulty: PREGNANT WOMAN ALREADY IN CUFFS
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Have you ever been so pissed at someone who cut you off in traffic you pulled a crossbow on them?
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What do you do if you're one of Britain's richest women? Why you go on drug binges until you end up dead
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