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| Sun July 01, 2012 |
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Hello? Yes, this is God
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Knock knock. Who's there? Stinging scorpion hiding in your luggage. Stinging scorpion hiding in your luggage who...OUCH
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Trucker learns that duct tape cannot fix a traffic ticket
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It didn't take long before people in Colorado decided to raid and steal from homes evacuated due to the threat of wildfires
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Survey suggests more men are using makeup products and getting beauty treatments. RU PAUL
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Photoshop this bamboo boy
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This week's Mugshot Roundup runneth over with awesomeness
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It was unknown when investigators deemed the find of the body of a nude man who was inside his upside down pickup truck located in this driveway as "suspicious"
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Soda industry uses facts to fight NYC ban. Just kidding, they're going full R.J. Reynolds
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Soyuz capsule bringing three astronauts back from the ISS lands very nicely in Kazakhstan
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Biker bar sues county, charging restrictions on burnouts violates patrons' 1st Amendment right to express "their manliness and macho" by filling the air with smoke & noise. That's a mighty small tailpipe you have there
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Our long nightmare is over: Rupert Murdoch has returned to Twitter and is lashing out at Scientology, Mitt Romney, and Tom Cruise
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43% watch TV or a movie; 35% do chores around the house; 24% have a drink; 20% play video games. Answer C) What telecommuters really do at home
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Elderly, diabetic Wal-Mart greeter loses home, family after Black Friday shopper attacks her. Wal-Mart: Always low morals. Always
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Are your dreams nightmares? Take this quiz to find out
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Primary and backup cooling systems for reactor #4 at Japan's Fukushima plant have failed. Reactor pool temperature rising. This is not a repeat from 2011
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| (Some Guy) |
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Texas Court rules that pulling off the road to use your cell phone gives police the right to stop and interrogate you, so remember citizen, if you do not wish an encounter with the police, be sure to use your cell phone while driving
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The type of candy you like tells a lot about where you were raised
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Peace between India and Pakistan could happen through the power of beer. Hooray beer
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Another female teacher chooses her student over a studly Farker to have sex with. She's certainly too hot for us Cheetos stained Subby Wannabes. But we don't care, her knees are too sharp for our taste
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Photoshop this puffy shot putter
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Japan does the only logical thing after realizing that living standards cannot be maintained without nuclear energy, restarts the 1st of 50 nuclear power plants
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If you're reading this, you're most likely college-educated making over $50,000 a year
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In the epic battle between rock, paper, scissors, we can now add that GUN trumps all three
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Because it ended so well last time, Turkey scrambles six jets on Syrian border
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President declares Ohio and West Virginia to be disaster areas. Oh, and they're suffering from widespread power outages, as well
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Man watching porn experiences "severe, exploding" headaches that develop gradually and peak about 10 minutes into a sex scene. You're doing it wrong
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It wouldn't be July 1st in Florida without ignoring the State's constitution and teeing off the ACLU, chiropractors, school boards and probably the Courts
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So, according to this research, we need to have teenagers take antidepressants all the time to make life easier for all of us
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| (Some Guy) |
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FunnyJunk lawyer Charles Carreon asks a Federal court for a temporary restraining order against The Oatmeal, Indiegogo to protect his $10. Or something
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In addition to having a high-vi$ibility ve$t and warning triangle, French motori$t$ mu$t now have two breathalyzer kit$ in their car$ at all time$ or risk an immediate fine
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Only in America can you see one of the nation's top cheese artists carve Mt. Rushmore out of a 640-pound block of mild cheddar before donating it to a soup kitchen. "There's no greater gift than the gift of cheese"
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Remember last week's gun-buy-back program in Chicago? A pro-gun group received over $6000 for turning in "rusty, non-firing junk" and will use that money to buy ammo and rifles for its NRA youth summer camp
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Teens decide to play Russian Roulette. Florida: With a loaded gun
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| (Some OG Gander) |
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California no longer allows the tattooing of geese in unstickered junk cars, or something like that
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Transport official suspended for face lick. Kid in photo gallery to the right of the story demonstrates the technique
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15 fake holidays to celebrate in July. I want to believe in July 2nd
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This is exactly why a 34-year-old is too young to be driving an RV, even if it is for a test spin
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Chris can't see signs, so despite being blind he's basically like every other urban bicyclist
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Look at me. I'm a 67-foot-tall pregnant Attention Whore
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Tomahawk wielding trio of burglars attacks convenience store. Fark: Officer recognized tomahawk from a previous encounter with the war party
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Who said bacon had to be pork? EVERYONE, THAT'S WHO
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Today is Canada's 145th birthday. Why not spend some of it checking out this huge collection of historical photos posted by the UK National Archives
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Photoshop these flooded Floridians
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France is facing the greatest crisis it's ever seen: fresh-baked, hand-rolled croissants are being replaced by frozen, industrial-pressed croissants
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| (TMRZoo.com) |
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9.5 beers you MUST drink this summer
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Woman wins $2012 for wedding dress made out of toilet paper. Well isn't that charmin (pics)
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Gas companies are now planning on drilling in cemeteries. This should end well
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| Sat June 30, 2012 |
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BACK UP BIATCHES -Drew
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Photoshop this proto Zamboni
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After arguing with gun-toting customer, employee of Hoagies N' Wings now has a pair of the latter
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Be on the lookout for a 12-foot long, 6-foot tall green dinosaur. Last seen in Montana. Reward
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"Five Steps To Avoid Reno Disaster." Step 1: Don't Go to Reno
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Pot plants lead to stunted growth, munchies
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It's not news, it's the physics of toilets
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Imagine having to call your insurance agent and tell him a naked guy carjacked you and caused an accident. At least there's video proof
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Photoshop this foul-smelling flower
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July 1 sees new laws nationwide: In Illinois, it's now $50 to barf in a cab, and in Kentucky, it's now illegal to release feral hogs into the wild. In related news, Kentucky bar ladies' night attendance drops drastically
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Missed it by THAT much
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This just in: Consumerist readers don't understand what "save UP TO" means
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Fark site move (and 2-4 hours downtime) on the evening of Sat June 30. We'll try to webcast the carnage
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Pro tip to cops: if you always want to be able to search a stopped motorist's car, just carry along a drug sniffing dog that always says there are drugs present
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Colorado Springs residents may be rethinking the decision to cut firefighters rather than raise taxes
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Americans just as likely to be killed by their furniture as they are by terrorism. I'm so very scared. Help
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Where was Sam during all this?
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Perhaps the best way to close a post office without customers complaining
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The New York MTA is apparently staffed by some really excellent trolls
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Man arrested for public intoxication after arriving at...anyone? To face charges for...anyone?
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Rampage, trailer park, baseball bat, smashing, death wish, arrest, with a bonus red Kia sedan. These are all words I want in my Florida stories
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How to drink all day and not pass out? Yes, practice makes perfect
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Okay, which Farker is writing headlines for the Yorkshire Evening Post? Bonus "Hey, no touching" photo
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Photoshop this victorious vaulter
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The most awesome prank you could ever play on your neighbor ends up with an isolated Alaskan town getting 10,000 free tacos flown in courtesy of Taco Bell
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Active duty military man facing multiple year deployment seeks homes for his 4 cats. If this man can risk his life to protect our freedom, surely Caturday can help keep his cats from ending up in a shelter
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Women should give up bikinis at age 39, say women who don't look good in bikinis (w/pics)
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The world needs ditch diggers with degrees too
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If you live in the Jacksonville Florida area and bought enema saline laxatives at a drugstore lately, you might want to read this
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Get a DUI? Don't worry, pay me $199.99 and I won't blitz your neighbors with your mug shot. w/ pics of said douchebag
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Most German students unaware of their warlike and murderous past, think Hitler was swell
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Sick infant dies, lies in bed for almost a day before mother can tear herself away from the Internet
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"They are genuine heroes". President Obama praises first responders as he tours charred wreckage of smoldering Colorado neighborhoods destroyed by wildfires (w/photos) (tag is for the first responders)
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Today's dose of awesome WTF: an article on leather clad metal heads in Botswana
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Today's Mad Libs-inspired headline: Man is [stabbed] after [feeding peanut butter] to his [dog]
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McDonald's worker: DO NOT order the grilled chicken
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Six-year-old boy keeps grandfather alive overnight, will finally be allowed to eat those decorative, plastic grapes
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Couple leaves cell phone full of child porn in Walmart shopping cart. Judging by the mugshots: He looks guilty, but I think she looked the other way
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One moment you're giving a lecture, the next two chimpanzees grab your feet and pull you under an electrified fence, drag you for almost a half-mile, and bite off multiple important parts of you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Toddler drinks brake fluid for the second time this year. Claims not to be an addict; says he can stop any time
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What do you eat with a $168,000 bottle of wine?
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| Fri June 29, 2012 |
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Kid carves a permanent cross on his back with salt and ice cubes. Apparently Facebook told him it was a good idea to do this. With a pretty scary pic of what salt and ice cubes can do to you
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The 10 best hot dogs in New York, and therefore the world
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Can you imagine the Colorado River running dry? It's happening. This is a big f*cking deal
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Meet Oklahoma's mug shot thespian
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After deployment, a Marine meets his match. Bonus: Marine is a Farker we all know and love
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Man has something wiggling in his eye from eating raw food, a 5 inch live worm to be exact
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Photoshop theme: reboot some Romantic Comedies with Sci Fi Characters
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Get all the legal opinions you want, but we'll just wait on our insightful analysis of Obamacare from the Octomom
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| (Legal Juice) |
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Woman learns the hard way that it is illegal in the UK to use more than 20 pennies at a time
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First World Problem #4937624: Which luxury doghouse should you choose?
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Photoshop this Russian dance
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You know who hates bronies the most? Adult women who grew up in the 80s and collect the original My Little Ponies. "We've been here forever, and nobody seemed to care"
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You knew it was coming. Here's the Daily Show's reaction to CNN and FoxNews blowing the Obamacare ruling
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Racist, cruel, idiotic, nonsensical, and barely literate? YouTube values your comments
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80,000 rare freshwater mussels die in English reservoir. Authorities issue urgent call for 600 tablespoons of butter, 80 cups of shallots, 250 cups of dry white wine and 160 cups of chopped parsley
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Do not under any circumstances ask this man for a cigarette
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Man kills baby. Wait, it gets worse... In front of baby's mother -- his daughter. Wait, it gets worse... In front of baby's brother, his grandchild. Wait, it gets worse
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Your elderly mother, and roommate, dies. Do you a) notify your family to prepare for the funeral; b) call the authorities to remove the body; or c) bury the body in your backyard and have a bonanza with her checking account
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Time again for the Fark Weird News Quiz. Take it topless or don't take it at all
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If you're having gull problems, I feel bad for you, son
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Matt Lauer regains 120 pounds
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Usher was granted a restraining order against a woman who claims she has been on his payroll, was promised a home and career help. He went to court, she hit YouTube. w/vid
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Detroit's bus drivers complain of bed bugs on their buses, thus proving that the city still has a few living people left with real blood and isn't just full of undead zombies
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A veterinary surgeon from Sweden has been issued a warning after amputating a cat's penis. With helpful picture of what a penis-less cat might look like
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Strippers share their thong stories. Remember that time you put it on backwards? Good times, good times
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"There is no moral or substantive difference between a hundred-year flood and the near-destruction of the global financial system by speculators immune from consequence"
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On this day in 1956, President Eisenhower signed an historic bill that brought the United States closer together
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Baltimore records hottest day ever: 775 degrees (w screen cap)
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The 5 most ridiculous pop culture predictions that came true (even though we're still waiting on those damn flying cars)
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Today's most ridiculous photo attached to a news article comes to you from South Australia
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90% of the bugs in your backyard are good. Here's how to identify the other 10%
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Hello, our motel offers complimentary breakfast, late check-out, and thousands of dollars in charges on your credit card that our clerk will use for online gambling
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| (politics.hu) |
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Poetic justice: leader of Hungary's antisemitic party finds out he's Jewish
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Compassionate Shanghai subway system tells scantily clad women that if they are harassed it's their own fault
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A critically ill man wakes from a coma and his first response is a request for a KFC meal. Doctors put him back into coma
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Houston police arrest woman for warning drivers with a "Speed Trap" sign. Maybe she should've flashed her high beams instead
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Study finds women who fear childbirth are in labor longer. The rest just want the damned obvious tag OUT NOW
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Playboy Playmate admitted to U.S. on Genius visa for creating Frisky Friday Meme on Twitter
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The Global War on Drugs Drives HIV and AIDS, or what sociologists and economists might call unintended consequences
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Photoshop theme: But wait, there's more
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Fat, drunk, stupid, and waving a machete around at a kindergarten graduation is no way to go through life, son. Oh, and I'm going to have to confiscate that meth, too. (w/ mug shot)
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Man raped and abused 3 MN preteen girls, fled to Ireland and abused 2 more. US: Can we have him back, please? Britain: No. You'll just be mean to him. Besides, we already gave him a good talking to, and he's promised not to do it again
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Inmate kills self with plastic spoon. That's forked up
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Not news: town has only two cops. Fark: neither of them can legally carry a firearm. Bonus: because they both have criminal records
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Old and busted: Cabbage Patch Kids. New hotness: Cabbage Patch Kids
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Cute 32-year-old arrested for sex with under-16 in park bathroom, presumably wants to be a teacher (w/mugshot)
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Blazing hot firefighting babe's first blaze was her own house. Maybe she should change her name to Alundra Blaze
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this photo of Nancy Pelosi and a sad Boehner
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| Thu June 28, 2012 |
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Neighbor: You wait here, I'm going to kick your ass... I just gotta go home and poop first
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Toughest hole at the mini golf course - the electrocuting pond
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Former president spots hot chick getting married, crashes wedding. I think you know which one
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(R) (E) (S) (T) (i) (n) (P) (E) (A) (C) (E)
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SWAT team throws flashbangs, raids wrong home due to open WiFi network that allowed the teen next door to make online threats against the local cops. But wait, there's more
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Man with erectile dysfunction nurses himself back to health (NSFW if your boss considers breastfeeding images offensive)
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You've just been convicted of setting your home on fire. Do you: A) Accept the verdict with dignity? B) Vow to appeal? C) Pop a cyanide pill into your mouth?
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Battalion commander dead in Fort Bragg shooting
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| (Some Braying Guy) |
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You know some TSA agents do have a heart when they say "Here's your bag, it's vibrating" saving a man from a practical joke
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Anti-Semitic Elmo identified; used to run a rape fantasy porn site and worked for the Girl Scouts of America
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Photoshop these human towers
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If you're stuck on a plane after a five-hour delay, don't complain to this flight attendant
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| (Some Guy) |
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Contempt of Congress? I'm going to Disneyland
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Shatner shows TSA the moon
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Reminder: Royal Oak Michigan Fark Party: Monday, August 13th, 2012. Come for the movie premiere, stay for the Dream Cruise. LGT thread
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Texas woman accused of forging prescription, attempting to feed Luke to the Rancor (w/ pic)
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Jesus Christ in an Eggroll
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| (Some Guy) |
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My local grocery store has weekly "meal deals" where if you buy all the components of a standard dinner (spaghetti and meatballs etc) you get a discount. LGT this week's deal. What the hell could you make with those ingredients?
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Hand sanitizer recalled due to bacterial contamination
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Apparently, contempt for Congress is a crime. Subby needs to hire a lawyer
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Yes, this is a repeat. Yes, it's old. But if there was ever a day to revisit The Onion's legendary "Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be", it is today
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David Frum on today's SCOTUS ruling: "this a Waterloo, brought about by a dangerous combination of ideological frenzy, poor risk calculation, and a self-annihilating indifference to the real work of government"
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"Oh I see we are sinking, how about we imprison the passengers and everything will be fine, won't it?" The five Least Courageous Things Ever Done in a Crisis, since not everyone can be like Chuck Norris in dangerous situations
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Photoshop this Philippine National Combat Wushu Team training session
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The AP has ordered its reporters to stop taunting CNN and other news outlets who got the Obamacare ruling wrong
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Not surprisingly Fox News engaged in a little "wishful reporting" and initially announced that the Healthcare law had been struck down before reading the whole opinion. Only slightly more surprisingly, CNN did the exact same thing
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Someone considered the problem of drunk driving and said "You know what we need? Talking urinal cakes"
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In the other news everyone was waiting for out of the Supreme Court today, men all over America can go back to their favorite pick up line of "I am a millionaire, astronaut, cowboy, medal of honor recipient" without fear of prosecution
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UPS truck hits a tree, which peeled back the roof and sent the out-of-control truck careening through a guardrail into lake. And yes, there are pics
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TV news anchor arrested a 2nd time for DWI doesn't bother using the Skittles and rum cake excuse she used last time: This time she was chugging wine in a drug store drive-thru
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Today is Tau Day, the day to raise awareness that pi is wrong and we should switch to 2*pi instead for everything. Wait, what?
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City council votes to allow Sesame Street strip club to serve liquor, Elmo reportedly quite tickled
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New report shows seniors are confused by reverse mortgages, that new TV you bought them. And how come you never call anymore?
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That's called kite assault, and it's illegal
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For the first time in 100 years, American cities are growing faster than suburbs. McMansion owners, HOAs, PTA parents inconsolable
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You may add red phosphorus and fiberglass to your list of stuff not to mix together
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Maricopa County Sheriff's Office's new $93 million headquarters, currently under construction in downtown Phoenix, is apparently being built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. Well, of course it is
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Air Force plane that vanished on Nov. 22, 1952 with 41 passengers and 11 crew members has been found on an Alaska glacier after the ice gives them up
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Study from the 1940's that claimed men are hard-wired to be promiscuous is found to be flawed because their flies weren't adequately monitored
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Trinity Broadcasting Network embroiled in rape/rape cover-up allegations. That kind of thing sinks religious institutions in a week or so, right?
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Judge reduces bond of woman suspected of the death and dismembering of a New Orleans stripper. Based on her picture, the bond was probably reduced to save on eye bleach costs at the local jail
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State says it will not return the 700 cats confiscated from a man's home
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You've recently been hit with two speeding fines so it's a great idea to get revenge by shooting glass balls as you drive past a manned speed camera van - they'll never know how to find you
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Can't improve this one: Legal complaint alleges that Kim Kardashian is an Al Qaeda operative and made a sex tape with a unicorn
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Spain is collapsing under debt and the solution is jointly issued EU bonds allowing the continent to default in unison
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Someday Italy and Spain will cry out to be saved...and Merkel will whisper...."no"
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| (SOME GUY) |
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It's INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY. Did you hear that, Drew?
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This is what happens when you bring a knife to a hot-dog relish hauling
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"A Muncie man was arrested this week on allegations he battered his sister after she criticized how much maple syrup he had placed on his pancakes"
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That $2 billion that JP Morgan lost on what its CEO called "stupid, reckless " trades? Yeah, it's looking more like $9+ billion--and JP Morgan has known this since April
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Hillary Clinton has now officially touched down on more landing strips than Bill
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FDA approves new weight loss drug, after only finding some evidence that it might possibly cause cancer
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"Really guys, this is ridiculous..I just don't know what to say"-foot stamp-
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"I'm not a danger to society. I just have a problem with women". Apparently the problem is they keep on moving when he's trying to beat them with a belt
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London. The most over-charged subway prices in the world but you can still get ballet lessons for free
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Texas 'stand your ground' killer gets 40 years to stand his while showering
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Matt Lauer drops 140 pounds
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Photoshop these empty desks
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Four-year-old plays with computer, spots an old train on an auction site, promptly bids $29,990
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CNN has worst ratings quarter since 1991. Apparently 21 straight years of war coverage is finally growing a bit stale
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Tip for Florida residents: If you drop your gun in a fight and the other guy grabs it and runs away, it may not be a good idea to chase the guy and yell at him to give the gun back
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Escaped animals are good for ratings. "In fact, a certain type of commentator dominated social media, cheering the errant penguin on and lamenting his eventual capture. A few of these boosters named him Steve"
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Adderall addiction increasing in young moms. Wait 'til they get a taste of the demon vodak
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Your house no longer needs to have been the site of mass murders or built on Indian burial grounds in order to kill you
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The first Black Marines who trained in segregated camps and fought in WWII as second-class citizens finally got their Congressional Gold Medals today. Who's awesome? THEY'RE awesome
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For $1,000 you too can hack into and control one of the 30,000 drones soon to be flying over the US
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Good idea: Bonding with your wife's sisters over some drinks. Bad idea: Your wife's sisters are only 10 and 11
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Man hires hitman to kill a hitman. It's like a spiral in a circle and a wheel within a wheel
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Coca-Cola apparently contains at least as much alcohol as Coors Light
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Waitress sues bar after she was forced to wear a schoolgirl uniform with a fan blowing up her skirt. Problem?
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Pro-tip: When pumping gas, avoid the temptation to test your lighter. (w/ video clip)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 373: "Birds 2: Boid Watching". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 27, 2012 |
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Medical Examiner determines Miami cannibal did NOT have bath salts in his body, only marijuana. So this was just one really, really, really intense case of the munchies
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If you've pocketed £135,000 from being a benefits cheat while holding down two full-time jobs maybe you shouldn't have your picture taken scuba diving at exotic spots around the world
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Okay, you're a wife that's discovered your husband's cheating on you. Do you...never mind, she went straight to D, E, and F
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Military pallbearers in uniform turned away from pub because the uniforms violated dress code
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11-year-old boy takes his family van for a joyride; according to police he was "going at least 90 miles an hour before he lost control and crashed"
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Raw video of homeowners evacuating Colorado's Waldo Canyon Fire
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Woman promises to show up nude at city council meeting if ordinance isn't passed making it illegal for youth to wear saggy pants that dip below their buttocks
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Study claims men are happiest when sharing the housework, because sharing the housework usually results in less nagging from their partner. Well, duh
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Woman takes three children shopping but leaves them in the car in unbelievable heat while she shopped because "the 3 year-old is a handful and it's just easier to leave them in the car"
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Signs that your boyfriend you met online isn't Mr. Right: On your first date he takes you to Wendy's. And then later forces you to have sex with strangers in a motel room for money
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Photoshop this devout supporter of Stonehenge
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Scientists continue to be divided over whether a double amputee would have an "unfair advantage" competing against able-bodied sprinters in the Olympics
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Court reporter kicked out of murder trial for wearing gold sequinned "disco pants". Of course there's a photo - you be the judge
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Man ingests K2, then ingests K9
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Discarded toilet set afire in driveway, police at the scene say they have nothing to go on
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FARK-ready headline: Downgraded Debby still soaking Florida
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PROTIP: When you want to manipulate the media, you should not leak a PowerPoint presentation to the media saying you are trying to manipulate the media
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Oh FFS, do we really gotta have THIS discussion? Actual headline: "Is Brave's Heroine Gay?"
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Navy study reports 15% percent of incoming recruits had attempted or committed rape before entering the military - twice the percentage of an equivalent civilian population
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Tree-climbing dog amazes until it's time to get down
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Officials have so far failed to trap a vicious wolf-dog hybrid roaming a Philadelphia park (with picture of the ravenous beast)
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A website dedicated to Nicolas Cage-cat-pictures-mash-up = Your argument is still invalid
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Pair of human legs found near Butte; apparently still attached to Feete
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Carnival "freaks" of the 1800s just want a hug
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Help make the dreams of a 5-year-old boy with leukemia come true and send him a picture of a fire crew and fire truck from another city, state or country
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Photoshop this South American native using modern technology
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Baby born on NYC subway this morning; "I want to have something to do with naming him Metro or something like that," says MTA transit chief (no, really)
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Sweden rejects Stephen Colbert's demand to takeover the country's Twitter account, prepares for wrath of Colbert Nation
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News: 65% of Americans think Barack Obama would be better suited than Mitt Romney to handle an invasion of American soil. Fark: An alien invasion
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No matter how hardcore you look or act, being in a motorcycle gang loses some of its street cred when Australians refer to you being a "bikie." (marginally Not safe for work middle finger photo of bikie)
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Syria claims they mistook a ☪ for a ✡ when shooting down Phantom jet
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Why did the farmer and five thousand ducks cross the road? (pic)
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'Peter Pan' generation is single, baby-free, broke and can't buy a house. At least they can fly
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| (Madison Courier) |
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When submitting a "Just Married" picture to the local newspaper, perhaps its best not to wear your prison jumpsuit
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A gallery of mugshots of some of the worst criminals from the 1870's. Fark: They're kids
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He rips a fart, you pull a gun. That's the New Jersey way
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Farker just found out that Westboro Baptist Church is going to be picketing a location minutes from his home Sunday morning and at Miller Park on the Fourth. Got any good counter-protest sign ideas?
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Police officer quits after texting a tip about an upcoming SWAT raid
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Shark bites young child, gets mocked by other sharks for failing to keep hold of one of the small ones
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Well, if anything should be attached to a flood insurance bill, it's a "fetal personhood" amendment
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The Army's newest weapon? Lightning Bolt Lightning Bolt Lightning Bolt
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Floridian copes with Debby by getting naked and attacking a pizza delivery car with his putter
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Burglar spends 9 hours with head trapped under garage door (w/ "I'm crushing your head" pic)
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CBS News report says Stockton, California will be the largest city ever to file for bankrupcy. In other news, CBS believes that Stockton is larger than Cleveland, Ohio
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Experts recommend that doctors screen for obesity. Apparently, looking at the patient and saying "You so fat, little patients orbit you" isn't sufficient
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Man sues for the right to use the 'Google' in his website domain name, arguing that the word has become as generic as escalator, zipper, thermos or aspirin
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Consumer Product Safety Commission recalling 2 million Flushmate systems that are meant to make flushing easier, but instead can EXPLODE. In related story, Taco Bell feeling vindicated
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City removes Native American artifacts and religious items from home because they violated the city's clean yard law, tells couple they were sent a notice but it went to the wrong address
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An economics professor patents a way that stops students from buying and selling used textbooks. Students will now have to buy access codes for his economics class "College Costs and Bankruptcy 101"
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Facebook pulls "friends near you" app for fear of stalking potential; "in tree with telephoto lens" app still available
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King Bloomberg of the Democratic Republic of New York City prefers his SUV to be a brisk 68 degrees while no one is in it, but you should conserve energy
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75 Percent of women say they won't date unemployed men. Thanks, Obama
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Mexican doctors remove a 33-pound tumor from a two-year-old child. The kid is doing fine. The tumor is looking for an agent
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Kids have imaginary friends; cokeheads have imaginary enemies...specifically, Croatians
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Scores rescued from water after ship capsizes off Australia. Composers everywhere rejoice
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Modern day Gladys Kravitz stands next to newly installed stop sign to biatch at drivers who run it. News crew shows up because they're bored & promptly film cop car running the stop sign too
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Today: Minnesota State Fair announces new 2012 food offerings including more meats-on-a-stick and lamb testicles. Tomorrow: National Organization for Marriage urges boycott of fair
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Remember the bird flu? 500,000 people don't either
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World's first and only Cake Museum set to close, unless of course it's lying
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Ugly ass Kori Bustards born at the National Zoo. These balls of fluff will turn into the heaviest birds with flight capability, with males weighing in the 35 pound range
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Caught on Tape: McDonald's workers kick around a dead rat 'like a soccer ball'
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Federal task force says obese adults need...counseling. Yeah, just lemme jump on my rascal scooter and I will get right on that
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Remember Victoria Beckham shooting down rumors of a Spice Girls reunion, saying it "won't happen" in 2012? Well, the weight loss commercials and greatest hits sales have apparently run out
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Not news: 18-year-old girl tells judge she didn't know "smoking marijuana and driving would be a DUI" after getting arrested three times in 18 days. Fark: It works
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Photoshop this stretching swarm
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I don't know what potassium chlorate is, but if you drop a gummy bear in it, step the hell back
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Tips for helping your anxious dog cope with Fourth of July festivities. In case there's no beer and pot at your party
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Finally, Global Warming has paid off. Say hello to Let's Get Fahreinhammered (The Biatching-About-Weather Drinking Game). "Ermahgerd, you remember last year when it hit 100 over 70 days in a row?" (That's four drinks.)
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Greek gunmen set fire to Microsoft office. Police believe they snapped after sitting through yet another tedious PowerPoint presentation
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The wedding ring that imprints the word 'Married' on your finger. Presumably targeted at women who know they're marrying a scumbag and are going ahead with it anyway
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University's maths placement test forgot to carry the 2
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Eight differences between Australia and Canada that don't involve vegemite or the wildlife murdering you in your sleep
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It was such a grand plan: You call in sick to work so you can stay home, play video games and drink. And yet here you are now in the back of a squad car, in a strange office parking lot, with a bloody Clark bar wrapper stuck to your shirt
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An official call against men's underwear manufacturers who've corrupted silly underpants into an orgy of completely lame sexual jokes. "I take my silly underpants seriously and the underpants you're selling are too stupid"
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Mysterious Litterbug discards blank lottery slips on the side of the road. "They're just wasting their time littering and no one knows what they're trying to say"
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And now, 80 Teddy Ruxpin dolls strapped to a wall, screaming the subconscious of the internet... 'cause why the hell not?
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"We were teenage Nazis... then we discovered marijuana"
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I'm stretched in front of ur door, blockin ur visiting dignitaries
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Let's just say after viewing these Leonardo Da Veggie's, you're going to be seeing green
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Pro tip: If two teen girls willingly go to your hotel room at four in the morning, expect a robbery (with teen girl mug shot goodness in the video)
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Study finds that men obsessed with their muscles are more sexist, more likely to head to the gym in 26 minutes
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HOWTO: Spend a weekend in Oslo for only $100. Fark: It doesn't involve selling plasma or digging pizza crusts out of the trash
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| Tue June 26, 2012 |
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McDonald's 1976: Hey black people, you will really like it here because you don't have to tip, or get dressed up
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32,000 evacuated as Waldo Canyon fire has moved into Colorado Springs. Where are your Gods now, Garden?
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Eight years ago, people thought Americans were dicks. Today, they still pretty much do (video)
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Eating Oreo cookies is now a sin
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Wanna get rich? Start a school for "fattie class". For 80% of Americans, it's about to be mandatory. Thank you Obama
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Acknowledging that many people outside the church view Christians as "weird, "mad" and "primitive", Archbishop of Canterbury says Christians need to overcome their "disgust" about homosexuality
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Photoshop this flying bat
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The mirrorerd siding on Dallas' newest skyscraper is so bright, it may be damaging artwork at a nearby sculpture center
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Judge allows rape victim to sue sheriff's office for confiscating her emergency contraception pills
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Jealous husband ate wife's lip "on impulse". Presumably because he was out of toast
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Oklahoma City Police need your help in identifying the creepiest damn thing you've ever seen in your life
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It almost seems as if we're trying to raise a nation of "adultescents"
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Photoshop contest: Fark's Facebook needs a Timeline cover photo. Winner gets photo featured on Fark's Facebook page. Rules in thread
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Well, we're all farked. Twitter is sending a reply to the Wow alien signal that will be composed of Tweets from anybody who wants to send one. Please, people, don't taunt the aliens
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Today in Super Classy Parents: cat-fight and groin-kicking breaks out at middle-school moving-up ceremony
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EU: 'So, we're ready to discuss your country joining the EU.' Montenegro: 'Wait, aren't you in the middle of collapsing?' EU: 'Montenegro, please'
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Big Ben to become Big Beth
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Fire at NJ pork roll plant was three-alarm, hickory-smoked, delicious
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Ugly ass rare Sumatran Rhino born at Kambas Way National Park. Mom needs a nap
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Aggressive coyote removed from state park. Meep-meep
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Don't you hate that nagging feeling when you're on vacation, and you keep thinking you left something behind?
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HBO gives George Bush's severed head a facelift on Game of Thrones, the terrorists have won
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So why didn't Matt Sandusky come forward earlier with his claims of being abused by his father? He was afraid of being charged with perjury because he'd earlier denied the allegations to a grand jury
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Oh, I'm afraid the Yemen-trained Norwegian Terrorist will be quite operational when your friends arrive
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Massachusetts man charged with "assault and battery with a dangerous weapon to wit french fry." The weapon was provided by a clown named Ronald
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One for the Farktographers: the 50 greatest street photographers working right now. Not that photographing a street is difficult, you just point the camera at the ground
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It's stories like these that make you realize that the British Monarchy is really just a Cosplay LARP that people have taken way too seriously for way too long
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Famous last words: "Go ahead and search me because I ain't got nothing on me"
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You're a TSA worker and want to continue its legacy of terminal stupidity. Do you a) Open jar of cremated ashes - against policy, b) Test contents with your finger, c) Spill contents on floor, d) All of the above
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You spend a $100 million a year on busting fare cheats in NYC and what do you get for it? 1,228 arrests - most of them children who have outgrown the 44-inch height limit but continue to ride for free
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Three ultra-Orthodox Jewish men have been arrested in Israel, suspected of defacing the national Holocaust memorial with anti-Zionist graffiti. Wait what
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If you want to 'save the beach', you should A: Clean up the trash? B: Organize a community watch program? or C: Wave a gun around in the middle of an intersection?
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Man known as Papa Smurf tells the smurfing cop who woke him up he got too smurfing drunk on smurf juice and forgot he had a smurfing court order barring him from passing out where he did
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Man laughs during murder sentencing, blames hearing loss and ADD. With "ADD has spread to my hair" mugshot goodness
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"Jenny McCarthy owes me an apology"
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Where America spends money on Booze: Then and Now
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"Four men charged with noodling catfish in old bathtubs"
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Lack of attention paid to the sexual needs of residents in nursing homes is 'concerning' and denies them a 'basic human right'. Your Nana needs it........now
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Today in Bath Salt news: a man on synthetic drugs eats a dog. Is there some sort of chemical reaction between the Florida air and synthetic drugs that causes a person to start eating live mammals?
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Small Virginia city puts out request for 'Strike Team Vehicles' that don't exist yet to haul workers and gear to remote locations. With concept art that looks like the bastard child of a Humvee and a cherry picker
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The ten most respected companies in the world. Difficulty: McDonald's is on the list
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| (Some Guy) |
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Colorado wildfire press conference: "Do any of your resources happen to include weather control satellites?"
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Dave, Dave, Dave of Florida, friend to you and me. Watch out for that tree
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So what's your email address? No, It isn't; at least not according to Facebook who now tells the world it's "You"@facebook.com even if you never asked them for an account
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Google creates 16K processor neural network which immediately starts watching cat videos on YouTube
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Subway work in Greece unearths ancient road, terrible sandwiches
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Alcohol is believed to be a factor in the accident, authorities said
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Photoshop these purple people
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Today in Fark Mad Libs: A suspended Rhode Island police chief says he did not steal $714 from a stripper after chasing an SUV in which she was riding during Tropical Storm Irene
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The 2012 Coney Island Mermaid Parade: freaks, pasties, half-raw hot dogs on a stick (Not safe for work - slideshow)
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
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Based on user-submitted photos of them from the 60's and 70's, the winners and runner-ups in the My Father the Hipster contest
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Turkey has changed its rules of engagement toward Syria from "defense only" to "biatchslap"
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Trio of criminal masterminds kill old man for the £30,000 rumored to be in his safe. You should never believe those sort of rumors
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We evolved to eat meat--which clearly means vegetarians and vegans are subhuman--but how much meat is too much?
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Women invited to join in annual beard championships, Katie Holmes expected to receive honorable mention (w/ pics)
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