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| Sun April 29, 2012 |
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Al-Qaida looking to outsource future attacks
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Photoshop this high highway
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HOA goes insane, evicts tenants from their homes, then rents out same houses it doesn't even own
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A real-life Norman Bates has been busted for fraud for dressing up like his dead mother for six years and collecting her benefits. But he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong-because he actually believes he is his mother
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Not wanting to be left out of the fun a teacher's aide has been arrested for sending nude photos to 16 year-old students because she 'enjoyed the attention'. With you'd hit it with your ruler picture
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Greece's Island of the Blind, where taxi drivers, farmers, restaurant owners and shopkeepers are all blind
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Truck spills milk onto Texas interchange. Emergency crews seemed unnaturally stoic
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Frustration with government leads to secession talk. Fark: The Upper Peninsula seceding from Michigan
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There's no middle ground when it comes to Moxie. You love it or you hate it. Oh, and the new logo was designed by a teenager
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London council to residents: "Thanks for all your complaints about drug addicts causing problems. Due to an administrative error we have given your names and phone numbers to the drug addicts....we're good though, right?"
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Today's Fark-ready intro: A double killer who had a sex swap and was moved to a women's jail is divorcing the lesbian murderess he wed behind bars
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: An elephant, a lion, and a tiger walked onto a highway
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Canadian sci-fi convention announces entire cast of Star Trek TNG as guests. C) Too many nerds turn up, failarity ensues
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A small number of surviving veterans marked the 68th anniversary of the Anzio beach landing in Italy aboard the USS Mahan. Let's take a minute to salute what they've done before these 90-somethings are all gone
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Old and busted: Spray on tan. New and hot: Roll on tan
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Council tells woman with twins who haven't been separated since birth to take them to different schools two miles apart...even though she has no car
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A live webcam of the cutest Red-Tailed Hawk babies that you'll see all week
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Photoshop this car designed with pumps in mind
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Chin implants the latest must-have for U.S teen girls wanting to make an impact on prom night
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Drug company releases powerful new antibiotic to treat the Plague. This is not a repeat from 1348 when it would have been more helpful
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Scientists discover that power is as addictive as cocaine, but harder to grind up and snort
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Wiffle Balls are almost 60 years old, and you still shouldn't squeeze them
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What does God sound like? Evidently a cross between Spock, King Jaffe Joffer, and Pee-Wee Herman (with helpful illustration)
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Celebrate the Hubble Space Telescope turning 22 with this amazing gallery of pictures it has taken over the years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just so you know. THIS is a Beerfest
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O RLY?
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15-year-old has to wear two-sided sign that reads, "I have a bad attitude. I disrespect people who try to help me"
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Good news: Eight mayors band together to publicly compare the ban on marijuana in the United States to Prohibition. Bad news: They're not mayors in the United States
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British woman of 104 jumps 2,400ft off a mountain...just to irritate a competitive 101-year-old American
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Dumb: Demanding to get off plane to find your lost wallet. Dumber: Arguing with flight personnel and getting removed from the plane. Fark: Your wallet turns up in Chicago on the plane you were removed from
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One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the others, by the time I finish my song?
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It's 5 a.m. and you've had one too many. The logical thing to do is: A) Drink some water and go to bed. B) Eat some greasy eggs and go to bed. C) Knock on your neighbor's door naked
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ᴴᵉᴵᵎᵁᵐ ᴾᴿᵎᶜᵉᵌ ᵁᴾ
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these light waves
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Ahh doppelbock: The high-maintenance girlfriend of beers
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Area man discovers that when investing in the Franklin Mint 401(k), past performance is not indicative of future results
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The US Navy is considered the master of six oceans. But Russia, Canada, and Demark have the upper hand in the seventh
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Yo dog, we heard you like blind dogs, so we gave your dog a seeing eye dog
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Man startles cat, knife fight ensues
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Miss New Hampshire USA, living free and kicking the crap out of her boyfriend: Mugshot Goodness
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Opera glasses used by Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theater could bring $700,000. Auction house desperately hoping someone will take a shot at it
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Jury finds that cop who beat up a legally blind doctor, from behind and without provocation, is a total prick. Bonus: police internal affairs cleared the cop and recommend the man be charged after defending himself
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Old-and-busted: John Titor. New hotness: Seattle attorney Andrew Basiago. Famous photo shows him as a child at the Gettysburg Address
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Give up for a week: Sex, Internet, or Booze?
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When robbing a store for diapers and beer, be advised that some cab drivers will NOT drive you on your getaway (with Son, you got a panty on your head picture goodness)
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Cockatiel escapes home and gets blown miles away in high wind, but skilled bird dog on the scent retrieves it and reunites it with family
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| Sat April 28, 2012 |
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How NOT to get out of a speeding ticket: Flash a fake badge at the police officer and tell him "You're in trouble"
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At least one dead and a hundred injured in beer garden tent collapse in St Louis
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Swan porn? That'll be a bestiality charge
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Woman's first hang gliding experience turns into her last skydiving experience
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Leaders of an insular religious commune are under investigation by authorities for extensive child abuse... in Waco. This is not a repeat from 1993
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Photoshop this stage setup
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A brief history of international signs
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After being turned down applying for grant, saucy eight year old uses her noodle and raises enough money to deliver 20 homemade lasagnas to the local soup kitchen. Garfield smiles, pushes Odie off the table
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Piers Morgan: Americans don't know what a 'wanker' is; Americans: thanks for demonstrating
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The fact that the Republican National Convention is being held in one of the top 5 strip club cities in the country is just a coincidence....seriously
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Photoshop this giant girl and dog
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Man busted for parking his truck on the side of the road to sell seafood and regular, strawberry, blackberry and apple-flavored moonshine. Why yes, this did happen in Florida
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Governator pulled over for speeding; caption this conversation
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1. Date a young female dentist. 2. Dump her for another woman. 3. Show up at her office two days later for oral surgery. 4. Mrrrmphglglh
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Memo to Secret Service agents: no more drinking alcohol within 10 hours of working; no bringing foreigners to your hotel rooms; and, no going to "non-reputable" establishments
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Walmart unveils a revolutionary new way to pay for online purchases, using specially printed slips of green paper, or as they call it, "cash"
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The world fears being plunged into anarchy and chaos as the Prince of Lichtenstein threatens to step down. Yeah, so, apparently Lichtenstein has a prince, who knew?
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Parents warned about dangers of upper-floor windows -- as apparently people these days are too stupid to understand the gravity of the situation
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You never know what to expect when you discover your crazy ex-girlfriend has sneaked into your backyard to drink and tan by your pool
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Animal control officers discover rare Arrowhead goose in CT
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Student uses cell phone camera to document important high school events: Homecoming dance, Senior prom, ex-principal passionately kissing ex-school secretary
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There's caring for the environment and then there's eating fish you raised inside your New York City apartment
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Nothing gives you confidence in the electoral process quite like being handed a scrap of paper to write your vote on because they ran out of ballot papers
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For just $50,000 you can purchase a $195 million ship from the Defense Department. But there's just one catch: As soon as you buy it you have to dismantle it on US soil
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Another grueling night for police in the Westchester suburbs: "3:58 a.m. - A dispute between neighbors was reported on Schrade Road. Police reported one neighbor was complaining the other was snoring too loud"
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Photoshop theme: Bigger isn't always better
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We're not saying the lottery is rigged, but one convenience store in Phoenix sold six winning tickets this week, each worth 1-million dollars. "This is definitely a unique situation"
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The duck is NOT crazy. The guy who uses it as an umbrella? He's quackers
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"Walmart has its greeters, we have our cats". A heart-warming story of a tiny island community coming together to help homeless felines, just in time for Caturday
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Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute
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If you get caught secretly filming your hot neighbor in the bathroom, own up to your actions. Don't blame it on an imaginary nephew named Aaron
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Mother of the Year candidate has seventh child taken away by health services, admits to using cocaine, marijuana and alcohol every day during latest pregnancy (w/pics)
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Blind Chinese prisoner Chen Guangcheng escapes house arrest, apparently going unnoticed by pulling fire alarm while his captors ran in circles
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KFC's Twister Wrap contains a secret blend of 12 herbs and spices, one of which will paralyze you for life
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You're the founder of the "It Gets Better" campaign and delivering an anti-bullying speech. Do you: C) call the Christian teens in attendance "pansy asses" and mock them for walking out of your tirade?
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Dangerous terrorist breaches security at New Jersey airport. Terminal shut down for over an hour. Suspect last seen sucking on a pacifier and napping
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Teacher arrested after losing his iPad in a Wal-Mart. Apparently, the iPad had all his videos of 8th grade girls changing in the locker room
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| Fri April 27, 2012 |
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This doesn't get weird; it starts weird, and gets weirder
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The US is quietly positioning a lot of stealth aircraft near Iran. October surprise anyone?
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You lookin' at me crooked? Must be the Mugshot Roundup
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Would-be vending machine thieves, who've simultaneously watched too much and not enough CSI, torch building to destroy evidence of their failed burglary, then call 911 to report the fire
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Defective sippy cups recalled by Target after kids discover they're pokey cups. (PIC)
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Best Korean parade honoring country's founder is visible from space
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Prison officials propose law to label masturbating inmates as sex offenders, opponents say either way it would be tossed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this colourful chap
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Obiwan Kenobi arrested for hit and run, claims he is not the driver they are looking for
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Paramedics: Boasting on Facebook you saved the life of a young woman is good. Boasting that you managed to cop a feel while doing so is bad
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Meth lab explodes in man's pants
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Check calendar. Note that it's Friday. Clear desk. Take Fark Weird News Quiz
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these drunken revellers
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Of the $200,000 in donations George Zimmerman raised from his website, he's already blown through $50,000 of it on "living expenses, rent or whatever"
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I can't wait until the economy picks up so you people can find jobs and quit posting troll threads. That should be reason enough to vote Romney, no matter how you feel about our dog-eating POTUS
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| (Some Guy) |
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My dog napped and ate all day; this dog fought off a robber and called the police
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Canadian soldiers no longer to stand at attention
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Calm down everybody. There's no proof that Egyptians are actually considering a law to allow husbands to engage in necrophilia with their dead wives in order to raise an army of zombie concubines
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Man earns dubious reputation as fastest lover in Illinois
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Twenty years after the Rodney King riots, Battlestar Galactica's Bill Adama chimes on racial relations in LA, destroying those frackin toasters
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Once, we as a society respected great leaders and thinkers like Thomas Edison, Marie Curie, Teddy Roosevelt, and Margaret Thatcher. Now, we glorify Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber. What happened?
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What do a bikini, a Domino's pizza, Mountain Dew pajamas, a baseball glove, and Pokémon trading cards have in common? Play TSG's 'match the shoplifter with the item they attempted to steal' and find out
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In the wake of the Secret Service prostitute scandal, Colombia has plenty of laughs mocking the US for the incident. That is, of course, until a US airline advertisement associates Colombia with prostitution. Now it's not funny anymore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wondering why that cute video you posted of your kid dancing in a diaper is getting so many views on Youtube? It's been added to a kiddie porn site
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Men charged with stealing thousands of dollars worth of printer ink. Police say both cartridges were successfully recovered
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Had Hitler tried to escape Germany at the end of WWII, British intelligence feared he might disguise himself as Jeffrey Tambor
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Hot teacher wants to be fruitful and multiply, forgoes the bang-a-student route and instead pursues IVF with her husband. Ends up fired by her Catholic employer. Bonus points: still hot. Lightning round: suing the diocese. (tag for the employer)
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US, Japan Reach Agreement to Move 9,000 Marines. Defense of Okinawa will now be done by Mr. Miyagi's rival Mr. Sato, and his nephew Chozen
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Two words: Jumbo shrimp
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The Swedes have not kept very tight controls over their plutonium, even selling it to a wild-haired scientist for some spare pinball machine parts
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And the newest media-created word guaranteed to make you punch the first person you hear using it? "Mompreneur"
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Finders, keepers / Losers, weepers.... as long as there's no security camera
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When you absolutely, positively have to be the world's most badass leader, accept no substitute
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Tide detergent not only uses its fast-acting chemicals to get that stain off your shirt -- It makes a new one in your spleen
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Driver finds iconic 26-foot-tall statue unavoidable, crashes into it. Guess where
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Bear shot from the sky while flying past University of Colorado campus
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| (Some Guy) |
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Map of the world's death traps. And all they can say about the US is "lawnmower"?
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Wat Rong Khun, a Buddhist temple under construction is poised to become one of the most stunningly beautiful in the world, rich with symbolism derived from Buddhist and Hindu traditions, including: Superman, Batman, and Neo from The Matrix
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Take away a 15 year old's cellphone? That's a Teen Sledgehammer Rampage. You just read that in Don LaFontaine's voice
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50 years ago co-pilot Major Ron Salt helped lift the new 80-foot spire onto Coventry cathedral after it had been destroyed by the Luftwaffe. This morning he climbed back up there to check out his handiwork
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Dude, I'm sorry I stabbed your son. Tell you what, why don't you stab me and we'll call it even, deal?
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Today's iron photoshop ingredient: Paranoia
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EuroFark Party, Prague, April 27-28
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Netherlands judge to decide whether foreign tourists should be banned from entering cannabis cafes. NOOOOOOO
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Man with home-made bomb threatens to blow himself up in central London
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents, pay attention, this is how you take photos of your kids
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Henry Rollins: "There's no better time than now to have a moral and civic backbone. This is a tremendous opportunity for you...to be heroic"
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Dumb: Getting drunk and picking up a prostitute. Dumber: Passing out in a hotel room in the company of prostitute. Dumbest: Passing out in the company of a prostitute while in possession of $500K worth of diamonds
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Man attacks power company worker with medieval-style weapon. FLAIL
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Russian Paratroopers will meet up with American Forces next month for a joint military exercise in Colorado. WOLVERINES
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Prosecutors set up mock "Hunger Games" trial with first graders to highlight the issues with Stand Your Ground laws
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Seventy-three-year-old man drills into WWII-era 20mm cannon shell to make a lamp. Hilarity explodes
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Parents sue because their snowflake was kicked out of an honors English class after he was caught cheating. Fark: He had signed an Academy Honesty Pledge which warned that cheating was grounds for immediate removal from the class
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Professor uses 35 years of medical research to show that it's okay to have sexy time with your cousin
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"Jellyfish-like creatures" take over intake structure and shut down Diablo Canyon nuclear power plant. And so it begins
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"Sorry, you can't speak at our graduation ceremony because you're gay"
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| Thu April 26, 2012 |
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"Welcome to Fazoli's, would you like to try our lasagna with spiders?"
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Nebraska assistant football coach: it would be an "honor" to be fired for anti-gay views
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A pest-removal company may have accidentally sealed a squirrel in your attic and it died. Do you: A) Demand they remove the carcass? B) Hire another company to remove it? C) Sue them for $112,000?
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Man attacks woman with couch. That is sofa king weird
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What do you mean, I can't have "F.Osama" license plates. You don't want me offending the dead guy? F.That
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Emergency crews quarantine Delta flight at Chicago's Midway Airport over passenger with "contagious disease." EVERYBODY PANIC (and put your tray-tables in the upright position)
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1917: Eight year old boy named William Lawlis Pace gets shot in the head. 2012: Pace dies in his sleep at age 103 with the bullet still in place, setting a world record
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Lesbian? Lebanese? It's close enough for CBS
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| (Some Shipping) |
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Photoshop this mailing wall
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Hope you enjoyed that mild winter as you and your pets get infested with a record number of ticks, fleas, and mosquitoes this summer
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Let's say you worked at Sesame Street and realized that the walls were actually big chalk boards. You'd probably do this, too
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Old and busted: Late night debt collection calls. New Hotness: Debt collectors in emergency rooms. Why, yes- there IS a lawsuit already pending
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this achromatic airship
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Fleeing DUI suspect's crappy excuse to cops: '"I had the runs"
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Welcome to Walmart. May I help you steal some televisions?
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You can patent your pasta shapes. And 2,000 shapes already have been patented
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World's strangest job opportunity: Dream Stenographer / Lucid Dreaming Partner
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Nutella settles court case and acknowledges it's not a health food, nor is it really truly edible
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Really, who doesn't enjoy farewell intercourse?
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Shopping List 1.) eggs 2.) butter 3.) knock off that US Bank in the lobby: "I think he's robbed every day but Sunday and Friday"
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Bigfoot, Nessie, UFOs and Ghosts are just a few of the "hunts" that travelers can join in. "I do think there's a Squatch in these woods"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two men on their way to work arrested for having an arsenal of weapons and cash in their car. Their job? Tutors at a middle school
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Not News: Man runs over mailbox. News: Of 10 different neighbors, on multiple occasions. Fark: "I didn't know it was illegal"
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Want to be massaged by snakes or elephants? It is among the six "Luxury" Spa Treatments For The Extremely Rich & Insane
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New high score set for speed on highway to hell: Convicted sex offender sent to prison for stealing video games from a children's cancer ward
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Weirdest story you will read all day about a woman who huffed a fruit seed back in 1984 and coughed it back up yesterday. With pic
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Want world peace? ... better treat your women right
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Old and busted: House flipping. New and disturbing: Dog flipping
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Someone breaks into woman's apartment, steals movie and eats her doughnut. Cop said the burglar did her a favor since it was a Tyler Perry movie that was stolen, but they will definitely be investigating the missing doughnut
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Fark's favorite state reverses its demographic decline, proving PT Barnum was right after all
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Even in a first-degree murder case, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. But you're not helping things if you're the one arrested and you have a tattoo of a gun between your eyebrows
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Dairy cow escapes. Last seen ordering Happy Meal at the drive through
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Morning wood can be fatal
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Apparently that whole "leap from the car seconds before it crashes and bursts into flames" thing happens in real life, too. Even more amazingly, the leaper only suffered minor injuries and will be fine
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The Catholic priest who kept his cancer secret and gave a moving sermon about life on Easter Sunday has died at age 66
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Woman who tried to exclusively live off sunlight has ridden off into the sunset
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Thoughts of bordellos has tongues wagging, businesses lining up for get some. Stiff opposition expected from the usual jagoffs
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How do Norwegians send an extra-special Fark You to a mass-murdering psychopath? Forty thousand of them marched to Oslo singing the song he claims is an example of Marxist indoctrination
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Meet the mother and her then unborn daughter who were treated like a King 20 years ago in Los Angeles
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Photographer: Oops, was that your 2,630-year-old sculpture. Manhattan art collector: No need to apologize, you bought it
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Good Idea: Listen to your old Thriller album when you're missing Michael. Bad Idea: Hold someone at gunpoint and force them to moonwalk
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The Farktographers made the mistake of letting you pick what they shoot in the upcoming Scavenger Hunt theme. Details in first post. LGT Farktography discussion thread
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Prom for home-schooled teens included night of life sized chess and barefooted sword fighting, many awkward moments of realizing other teens exist outside of television and internet
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A 13 yr. old is on the sex offenders list ....for surfing porn on the internet
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Tennessee baseball player hits game-winning home run, simultaneously incurs higher insurance rates
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Speed cameras now have lasers that can target individual cars. So don't be surprised if the car passing you suddenly explodes
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U of Florida backs off on plans to ditch computer science department on news that they're the only school where nerds and hot cheerleaders exist on the same campus
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New entry in Worst. Boyfriend. Ever competition: hamster-stomping douchebag
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Neighborhood activist who protested the most about vandalism arrested for slashing tires
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When collecting a $12 debt for a haircut, soliciting help from the Leader of the Free World may be a bit of overkill
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Welcome to the world's first luxury dental spa, where you can get bridgework and a massage all in the same place. See, do this and people might enjoy coming to the dentist
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"It was horrific - she came around to say sorry and ended up trying to bite my penis off"
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Drew?
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Arizona migrant case could lead to sweeping changes. Also dishwashing changes, landscaping changes, and nanny changes
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Best Korea unveils glorious new mobile missiles that are absolutely, positively, definitely NOT phony mockups pieced together from various other systems and stuck on a random launch vehicle
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Photoshop this kid keeping cool
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Charles Taylor convicted at the Hague for war crimes, aiding and abetting hipsters
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Instruments stolen from band bus. Authorities warn that the suspects may be prone to violins
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You still have the right to run through the streets naked and high on meth without being charged with a crime. USA USA USA
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New Zealand postal service laughs at US Postal Service's feeble attempt to go to five day a week service, says three days a week sounds about right
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Worst. Boyfriend. EVER. (w/pics)
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ProTip #1: After burgling a home, do not call the owner the next day offering to come over and trade your swag. For ProTip #2,3 RTFA
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Elephant forgets to not crush zookeeper
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Hottie proves the even kidneys can be recycled (w/pic)
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In honor of National Grilled Cheese Month, here are the meltability indexes for your favorite cheeses
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 364: "Off Kilter". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 25, 2012 |
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It turns out that when you join the military, there are limits on both your speech and your personal freedom to make choices. Who knew?
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Speed Camera Vandal becoming folk hero in DC
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Woman who won $10 million settlement against a collections agency having trouble collecting her money from them
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Not news: Americans solicit prostitute while traveling abroad. News: They're government officials and broke her collar bone after refusing to pay the agreed price. Fark: This isn't part of the Secret Service fiasco
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Grieving father invents device to communicate with his dead daughter, claims it works great unless you cross the streams
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Thanks to tougher indoor smoking rules smokers are setting buildings on fire from the outside
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Borg: 'United States losing its global influence.' Resistance is futile
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"Artist" constructs life-size mummy out of McDonald's food to make a point about modern society, or something
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Oh...my...GOD. YES PLEASE
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The original Southern California Darts Association hits the mark with a Federal injunction preventing Dino "Pebbles" Zaffina from using their 30 year old trademark
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BMW: The Ultimate Driving Your Elderly Mother Off a Cliff Machine
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North Korea has powerful weapon that can defeat US with a single blow. Bubble solution said to be almost ready for launch
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Marathon runner stops 800 yards from the finish line to propose to his girlfriend. You know, he could have done all that without the running
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Facebook comments trigger 30 woman donnybrook in the street
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Ibex you can photoshop this
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Fox & Friends wonder why President Obama didn't "soft rock" the news instead
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Some of the Secret Service Agents did not have sex with the hookers because they were too drunk. Also, Secret Service Agents on Bill Clinton's detail went to a Brazilian strip club, though that was part of their protective duties
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Mother leaves kids to play bingo, will C-6 months in jail
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Pakistan successfully tests Hatf-IV Shaneen ballistic missile, which translates to 'this one actually flies' in North Korean
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Owner abandons a million dollar Ferrari Enzo in Dubai rather than paying the fines
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Photoshop these rays in Spain
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Family misses flight after TSA agents have an aggressive grope with their 7-year-old daughter. Bonus: The would-be terrorist has cerebral palsy
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Oh, The Asshats You'll Meet
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Prom date drops out at the last minute? No prom for you
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New coffee shop featuring A, B, and C cup sizes and female workers in low-cut tops, is proving to be a big hit with customers
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Funny thing to do to your Sims, No. 1,837: Set fire to all the guests at their wedding
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Obama's lawyer farks up his argument to the Supreme Court against Arizona's immigration law so badly--even Justice Sotomayor isn't buying it
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Goodwill wants to thank everyone for their recent donations but would like to point out that they cannot accept used bongs due to sanitary regulations
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Suddenly, tiny bananas
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Good: School board member encourages reading. Awesome: Of Playboy
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The newest sensation sweeping the nation? Mom proms
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Remember that 3.9 quake that hit California the other day that no one really worried about? Um, yeah, about that
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18 Images you won't believe aren't photoshopped
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| (Some Morons) |
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Ad for life-saving EpiPen pulled from air after outraged parents of children with food allergies protest that it makes them look like bad parents. Because I'd rather my child die than suffer the embarrassment of being considered a bad parent
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President Obama wandered into a college bar in Boulder, Colorado last night and this picture happened
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Charlie Sheen's porn star ex offers free breast exam bus. What a country
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If you have to headbutt your girlfriend and run out of your house in your underwear in the middle of the night so she won't have sex with you, then it might be time to move on
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Random woman mistakenly invited to dine with government ministers. Fark: she's allowed to stay
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Despite owning £20,000 of women's designer clothing, friends of "body in a sportsbag" MI6 agent claim he was not a mince spy
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Sure, you say you love your dog. But would you get locked into an epic tug-of-war with an eagle to protect it?
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Man peeping at a showering 14 yr old girl gets caught. By the girl's father. With a mugshot that shows how fathers tend to feel about that sort of thing
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If you are going to brandish a weapon in a road rage, don't use a flare gun. And try not to shoot it off in your own vehicle. Especially if you have a kid sitting in there
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All porno movies produced in Simi Valley must now be reviewed by city's police department to ensure proper condom use. Breathless, sweaty detectives promise to put in as many hours as it takes to service protection
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World Hide and Seek champion may still be alive
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Boyfriend fakes his own abduction to hide his cheating. It's so crazy it might just work. (No)
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A classic case of not thinking your clever plan all the way through
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News: Man fights with medical insurance over the bill for his hysterectomy. Fark: A Canadian man...wait, what?
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When life gives you lemons make lemonade. When life gives you a kebab, use it to stem the flow of blood from your neck
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Woman is outraged over high electric bill and threatens to blow up the power company. Fark: The bill is only $14
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Proof yet again that Obama is the Anti-Clinton: Young woman spills her yogurt on Obama
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Sooo, evidently you CAN'T just lock your mother-in-law in the basement with your 20 cats. Even if she is too senile to know. Be right back
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Side effect of all those foreclosed and abandoned homes? Millions and millions of hungry, blood-sucking parasites. And along with bankers, there are a lot of mosquitoes, too
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Mexican drug cartel assassin lived in a wretched hive of scum and villainy: Sandusky, Ohio
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Bodega clerk arrested after refusing to sell booze to a minor
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Bob?
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Girl makes prom dress out of corrugated cardboard. For previous proms, she's worn dresses she made from soda can pull-tabs and empty Doritos packets. And, yes, you should have a seat over there
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The sea was angry that day my friends
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Photoshop this space case
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Judge rules that you can't pay someone to masturbate in Utah, a state that I didn't even know had emissions standards
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Defamed by an anonymous poster on a forum? Profit
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Your Fourth Wife Flies Free
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Police officer crashes his patrol car, drives away, then calls dispatch because he can't change a tire. That's when his fellow officer saw the pot and meth
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Study: Dieting makes you fat
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New Yorkers complaining about too many people having sex in their cars (with a helpful picture of what people having sex in a car may look like)
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Maul of America
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A poorly conceived Tennessee law is likely to lead to the miscarriage of justice
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It's not bullying when teachers do it, right? Bonus: autism. Super secret bonus: audio
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| Tue April 24, 2012 |
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Bears repeating
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Attacker beats man to death with guitar, frets
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Fake Dunkin' Donuts auditor arrested. I couldn't think of a cruller fate
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Lizzie Borden's house is for sale. Put in a bid before it's too late - chop, chop
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Two men arrested for trying to steal soda machine, will be sent to Pound-Me-in-the-Can Prison
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Judge texts shirtless photo to bailiff. It's just like "Night Court," but without the laughtrack
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Photoshop this light and shadow
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Russia sends R.S.V.P. reply for gracious invitation to summer mega-party "IranSlam 2012". All are reminded it's BYOB
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Sometimes, you're on the road when trucks spill money or marshmallows. Other times, you're on the road when trucks spill sulfuric acid
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Worried that there may still be a few women voters siding with the GOP, Rush Limbaugh launches a new attack on Sandra Fluke
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Sheriff opens special housing unit in his jail just for military veterans to ensure that they get the PTSD and other mental health treatment that they desperately need. Tag is for Sheriff and Veterans
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The best way to mark the Queen's 60 years on the throne is with. A) A huge party. B) A statue. C) A commemorative can of beans
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USDA: That cow? oh she mad
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Photoshop theme: "When I was your age"
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As if cruise ships weren't torture enough, 'Saw' movie cruise set for summer
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Police would like to remind people searching a major highway for money that "finders keepers" doesn't apply when the cash was stolen from a bank
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Here's what will NOT get you fired from the Fargo, N.D., Police Department: a) Having sex with a teenager in your squad car, and b) leaving your squad car unlocked, allowing a thief to steal handcuffs, Taser, ammo and bulletproof vest
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Why do we yell "Geronimo" when jumping out of things? Here's the answer -- and besides, yelling "Custer" does not have the same poetic ring
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Man spends 15 years in jail that was originally a 3 year sentence because.....c) his father would not pardon him "until he is proven to be righteous by his father"
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A lab mix works to help thatch the woof
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Chroniccocaineuseleads to accelerated aging of the b r a i n
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you're on the run for killing an armored truck guard and stealing $2 million, don't brag about it in a crack house, especially in, well, take a wild guess
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Shaky ceasefire holds in Syrian city of Hama, if by 'shaky' you mean attacking neighborhoods with tanks, mortar fire and artillery
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New fashions solve dilemma of where to hide the gun
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Murderer Joran van der Sloot to be dragged back to the U.S. to face charges in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway thanks to Peruvian authorities
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Man shoots self, wife at gun safety class
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Ineluctable solipsists grue over the modality of sesquipedalian argot
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Turns out that mystery plane found in abandoned airport field belongs to a 74 year old ex-smuggler who made a midnight belly landing in a driving rain storm and forgot to tell anyone
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Deep down in places you don't talk about you know. You want the Department of Homeland Security on that wall. YOU NEED THEM ON THAT WALL. Protecting us from counterfeit NFL jerseys
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And a round of applause for Pizza Hut who have truly created the most disgustingly brilliant thing ever. Again
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| (Some Neuter) |
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Common: Parking lot dispute settled by a fight. Not common: To the death. Fark: By "squeezing his testicles"
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Old and busted: Planking. New teen stupidness: Skywalking
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Working in a brewery must be pretty cool. Except for the exploding kegs, of course
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Tweet: "I still got a warrant in Pearland...Those pigs will never catch me!!!NEVER!" lands woman in the #
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Smoking hot wife and lawyer husband watched too many "naughty baby sitter" vids and rape the sitter. Wife still on the loose and is wanted by cops, Vivid Video
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Apparently needs to be said: Take Your Daughter To Work Day does not apply to burglars
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Owners throw $5000 wedding for dogs. Bride still a complete biatch (w/video)
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Welcome to McDonald's, would you like to beat my ass?
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My hovercraft is empty and the Queen has no pie
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Boring OR forges international link of tedium with Dull, Scotland
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Man accused of raping four prostitutes in Pontiac. Subby is guessing it wasn't a Fiero
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Captain's Log, stardate 424.12. Weather permitting, this is the final cruise of the Space Shuttle Enterprise. This ship and her history will shortly become the care of the Intrepid Sea, Space and Air Museum in Manhattan
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Want to know if you are being surveilled by a government drone? Here is a handy map of the places using drones in the U.S. Don't forget to wave...one finger at a time
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Self-described prophet breaks glass, rips out TVs, destroys Jeep, and writes 'Fear God' in his own blood. Don't blame the Devil for this one
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The funniest and worst "Glamour shots" you'll ever see
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Kazakhstan tourism booming thanks to Borat. No mention if they are coming to make sexy time
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Veterans returning from Afghanistan drive like everybody is out to kill them, and it shows
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And oh how they bounced, the little children of Stonehenge
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Ladies and gentleman, fellow conspiracy theorists, let's all give a warm welcome to the latest target for our government obsessions: the brand new Defense Clandestine Service
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And this is what the streets on NYC look like AFTER the garbage truck comes through
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Iron Photoshop ingredient: The Eye of Sauron
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The other mouse that roared
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As the Pope turns 85 the question is raised "what DO you get for the man who already has the Sistine Chapel?"
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Tonight's newscast at WNEP in Scranton was interrupted by.. BEARS (video)
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Ugly ass baby kangaroo asks its mom: "You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"
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Not News: Man finds a ball on an Alaskan beach. News: With the name of Japanese boy on it. Fark: His wife is Japanese. Ultrafark: They contact the boy who lost everything in the tsunami, and arrange to have the ball sent back. Holyfark: Twice
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| (OneNewsNow.com) |
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Removing a Bible from a hotel room = Christians won't be able to read a Bible at night = Christians losing religious freedom. Got it
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Grandad kills three-foot-long swamp beaver (w/horrifying three-foot-long swamp beaver pic)
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If you're trying to trick Planned Parenthood using phony pregnant women seeking gender-based abortions, they're on to you
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Some of the coolest yet saddest pictures of life in the Appalachians you will see today
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| Mon April 23, 2012 |
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Dog adopts piglet. The Sun is there
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The Heart Attack Grill claims its second victim. Someone should open more of these, they are clearly helping chlorinate the gene pool
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Remember when everyone in LA stayed home one weekend nine months ago because of 'Carmageddon?' All the women about to give birth there sure do
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Aside from the seven-month winters, douchebag cyclists, crappy interstate, useless sports teams, liberal politics and water, Seattle is pretty popular
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| (Some Guy) |
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Four year old hugs her grandma and then gets an extra special hug from the TSA
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Murder suspect killed by passenger train. See, mass transit is good for something after all
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Because Bud Light needed a new flavor that was between feminine and Don Draper's wife
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Nine-year-old boy catches shark. Worst Jaws sequel EVER
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Hugh Hefner decides to take a stand against the GOP's war on sex
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Yes, you would hit it. After your stab wounds healed, anyway
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Eyeless shrmp, pillowfights in lieu of NFL kickoffs, and earthquake research at the Sybian Building: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/15 - 4/21
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You know how the Social Security trust fund was going to run dry by 2036? Well, turns out that might have been a tad bit optimistic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Colorize this mustachioed astronaut
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Getting drunk and crashing into a police Blood Alcohol Testing Van and clipping two patrol cars is no way to drum up business, Miss hospital spokeswoman
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Boy takes girl with Down Syndrome to prom, where every dance is a slow dance
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Iowa City to host "Slut Walk." Or as it's normally called, "Friday and Saturday Night"
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Vader charged with murder of missing Alberta couple, entire population of Alderaan
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