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| Sun April 08, 2012 |
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Risk assessment officer charged with driving county vehicle while drunk and in possession of marijuana and cocaine. No one said he was a good risk assessment officer
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Challenge: use the term "beef flap" in a headline without it appearing on Fark
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this prolific inventor
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Hot chick quits Facebook because "peer pressure". *hands out jars* Come Farkers, let us collect her tears and savor their sweet, savory salty taste
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Farker's daughter found after missing for 4 days. She's safe and back home after several days of partying. Subby thanks those who kept a look out for her and shared her info
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Tears, sneers, and a guy with a head like a potato. It's this weeks Mugshot Roundup
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Lawrence Cobbold has filled every room in his three-bedroom house with a 21,600-strong collection of bird ornaments. Why yes ladies, he is single
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Farker's daughter did not come home several nights ago. He is hoping that Farkers will have a heart and contact the police if they've seen her (thread updated 04/07/12)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this 360-degree Panoptic 3D camera
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Awkward family photos, Easter edition
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Still no cure for....oh wait
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I PITY THE FOOL who orders their steak well done
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's Law is absolute
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Cruise ship to retrace voyage of the Titanic, to the point where it sank. What could possibly go wrong?
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Teachers threaten to boycott standardized tests for five year olds
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Department of Highway Safety says elderly drivers are safer
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British child finds hand grenade during Easter egg hunt. Everyone runs when he says, "And first, thou shalt take out the holy pin"
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If you could buy it, this would be the world's most expensive car. A photographic homage to one of the finest cars ever built, the Mercedes-Benz 300 SL
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: resident discovers a peeping tom and calls police. News: officers arrive and apprehend suspect. Fark: peeping tom is a deer
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Puppies and bunnies and chicks...oh my
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In memory of RabidDog (Carl Wade) on his birthday. DIT
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Caravaggio didn't die of syphilis. He was killed by the Knights of Malta in a murder endorsed and hidden by the Catholic Church. No, this is not the plot of the next Dan Brown novel
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How to hit a nude beach. Tips include "don't gawk", "don't bring a camera", "always bring a towel", and "always wear your sunscreen - carefully". SFW (come on, it's Fox News)
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He has no fish stamp, cast him out
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Generations of stoners can thank Disneyland for the best selection of rides on LSD....and the invention of Doritos?
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Ass = Donkey. And other essential translations for US visitors to the Olympics this year
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Catholic priest dying of pancreatic cancer discovers the news during Lent, refuses to tell his parishioners and ruin Holy Week for them. But he has some words for everyone in what would be his last sermon
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Photoshop this balance test
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Kids are going reverse-jenkum by getting high on hand sanitizer and mouthwash cocktails
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Does espresso made by a bikini barista get you all hot and frothy? You might want to check for security cameras before you act on that impulse
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Problem: Japanese farms being attacked by crows. Solution: Hire a schoolgirl and her pet falcon to deal with the crows
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Binky-hating 114-year-old pediatrician Dr. Leila Denmark has died: "When she began to practise, an appointment to see her cost $4. By the time she retired aged 103, she had more than doubled her fees - to $10"
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Nebraska likely to force telephone company to keep payphone in business despite pulling in a whopping $19.58 in coins to offset $1,469 cost to maintain it
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| Sat April 07, 2012 |
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This just in: Fierce battles broke out in cities all across the globe today------- as the feathers flew for the fifth annual International Pillow Fight Day
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Gay, lesbian, and bisexual Brigham Young University, make an "It gets better..{until you are excommunicated by your church, banned from your ward and disowned by your own family}" video
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Submitter can't decide whether this one goes under the "Yet another State Trooper caught sending nude dancing video in sting" or it goes under "Yet another State Trooper gets a slap on wrist", but either way it is stupid
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Now you can get the best spicy mustard in the world, delivered right to your doorstep
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Pilot: Smoke in the cockpit, request emergency landing. Air traffic controller: LOL, nah
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Happy Easter from Kate Upton
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Local church gives away free gasoline to the poor. Story contains photo of what poor people in Alabama might look like
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wild horse woman
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I don't know what the hell a Phyllis Schlafly is, but she is telling young men "Don't date feminists", even though "some of them are pretty"
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Eighteen-year-old breaks up with former teacher when she finds out she wasn't such a special snowflake after all
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World's. Biggest. Bunny (w/pics)
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So those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?
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The world's top ten food markets. Toronto takes top honours for its outstanding emporium of back-bacon and poutine
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| (Woonsocket Call) |
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Federal prosecutor says he would overlook a cancer patient with a joint, but a 96,000 plant medical marijuana grow operation is going to get busted
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Police break apart family by taking their pet away from them, claiming it was "dangerous" to allow the alligator to live in the same house as a baby
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Teen finds wallet stuffed full of cash. Turns it in. Please don't make fun of her name. Or her tee-shirt. She did the right thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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What'$ cau$ing a $ixty percent increa$e in arre$t$ for gra$$ po$$e$$ion in Au$tin, Texa$, di$tributed evenly acro$$ all race$?
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Fast food directly linked to depression. Photoshop a prize for an Unhappy Meal
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Feds investigate possible 'Hate Crime' killings in Oklahoma. All five victims are black, and black community leaders met in an effort to calm unrest and promote safety
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World's rarest ducklings hatch in Madagascar. SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING
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An interesting story of revolutionary new liquid body armor. With pic of a T-1000 hunter/killer
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Forget about the zombies, it's jellyfish that are taking over the world
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I'm sure the poor will definitely appreciate cosmetics instead of food
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Meth head fuel tanker driver who led cops on 20 mile long, high speed chase, gets sentenced to doing 55. In other news: Apparently you can get a job driving a fuel tanker with 5 previous felony convictions. w/ meth head mugshot goodness
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The five most mathematically essential bottles of booze. Remember: Don't drink and derive
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Pillow fight broken up in Shanghai, China on International Pillow Fight Day. In other news, today is International Pillow Fight Day
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Awesome-police-blotter fans, say hello to the Dutch Harbor Telegraph of Alaska, home to "Officer watched three extremely intoxicated and giggling louts urinate on the road, on themselves, on one another, and on a taxi"
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Bicyclist who ran down SF pedestrian fails to impress the internet by telling his side of the story
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Old-timey soda fountains are making a comeback. Story complete with cute hipster reporter and soda jerk with a handlebar mustache
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If you don't like the words in Snoop Dog's book, you can smoke it. The book. The whole damn thing is made of hemp, man
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Arizona car dealers in race to see who can get their lot closest to the freeway offramp
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Driver of stolen Porsche does donuts in police department parking lot. Steve/Jimmy later takes off for Costa Rica, leaving Fiona behind
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Georgia DOT has a plan to get people to drive less than 30 mph over the speed limit in Atlanta
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Astrophysicists say the Universe is precisely 13.75 billion years old, However, they failed to factor in Daylight Savings Time
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Fewer Pennsylvania bikers enjoying the feeling of the curb running through their hair
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Remember the reckless driving Miami cop? No jail, no fine, no criminal record
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A machine for printing chocolate will be available soon - what would you print?
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State office building going up over old Indian burial site. What could possibly go wrong?
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Your claim of self defense probably went out the window the minute you started eating her
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Police trying to track down 3 people that are unaccounted for after Navy jet crash in Virginia Beach
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15-year-old arrested for trying to steal a Wonder Bra. It was some kind of bust
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Someone at Lifetime channel does not like curves, forces Jennifer Love Hewitt to undergo a breast reduction for new role. Fortunately for us it was only a digital breast reduction. Pics: Before/After
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Photoshop this proud paddler
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Poldi the ginger tom cat has been found and returned to his owner after missing for 15 years - he was identified because of a tattoo on his ear. He's old and almost toothless now but still ready for Caturday
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Good: You get a job as an extra in a huge Hollywood action movie. Better: While simultaneously getting paid time off from work for your bad back. Bad: Your boss likes huge Hollywood action movies too
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Texas hospital refuses to hire anyone with a body mass index of more than 35. In other words, no Americans need apply
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When PETA targets Kanye West, it's hard to know who to cheer for
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| (Some Guy) |
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1912, Naples, Italy. Where children as young as twelve work 10 hour days 6 days a week. Did I say 1912? Because I meant 2012
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Massachusetts town makes it legal for children as young as 14 to get tattoos. This will not end well
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Armed Neo-Nazis now patrolling the town where Trayvon Martin was killed, because that was the one thing missing from this story
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| Fri April 06, 2012 |
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Thomas Kinkade gets to find out a little early how accurate all those paintings he did of Heaven were
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The former teacher who quit his job and left his family to move in with an 18-year-old student was arrested Friday on a sex charge
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Department of Education cancels woman's $91,000 student loans due to her total disability. IRS now wants $26,000 in "back taxes" because the cancelled student loans count as income
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| (Some Bunny) |
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My girlfriend won a raffle for one of those 4 foot chocolate bunnies you see in stores around Easter. We have no idea what to do with it
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Catholic art teacher fired for posting nude photos online. The diocese won't comment on how they found the photos, but we all know how they found the photos
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"Brutal Scrotum Attack". Three words that do not go well together, even if you do have a band
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Hidden Valley Foods begins marketing campaign to get Americans to slather ranch dressing upon absolutely everything they eat. Yes, that thing. That one too. Can't forget those things, either
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Tennessee governor says all the attention on the asinine legislation his state has been proposing -- everything from not allowing teachers to mention homosexuality to banning lowrider pants -- is obviously the fault of the media
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You know how you said you'd sell your left arm to get a new iPad? A boy in China just sold one of his kidneys
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Photoshop this cleaning crew
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Tons of free steaks available in Ontario. Difficulty: Well done
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Police decide keeping waitress's $12,000 isn't worth all the bad publicity after all
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| (Some Guy) |
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CSI Waffle House: Deputies have arrested a female they say opened fire in the air at a Waffle House early this morning over a relationship status update on Facebook
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Signature dance move trips up 'Dancing Burglar' caught on video
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Wisconsin governor Scott Walker quietly repeals equal pay law, checking one more thing off the Koch brothers' to-do list
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What Drew does with your $5 a month
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Texas church expecting crowd of 30,000 for the "Tim Tebow Show" on Easter
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If you've always felt the one thing Las Vegas is missing is a zip line connecting two hotels on the Vegas Strip, this is your lucky day
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How the Jesus Ball affects Jesus Day
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If you're a sex offender in New York state, it's game over, perv man
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Four women arrested for attacking their waitress after she brought them the wrong lunch order. You'd expect this sort of thing at an Olive Garden, not a Red Lobster
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After a Vegas bender last week, the Fark Weird News Quiz is back. Still not sober or respectable, though
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Friday Photo Fun from the guys at TSG. Match the criminal with the crime. Sadly, contestant number 4 is probably the no brainer of the lot. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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Photoshop this lady in a lane
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| (Some Guy) |
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A website that warns beachgoers when raw sewage is being dumped into the sea has been given a water industry award. This calls for celebration, Baby Ruths for everyone
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Actual Headline: "Gravy-wrestling model suffers horrific facial injuries while being hit with a monkey wrench when she interrupted a friend having sex". And Happy Easter everyone
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Actual headline: "Gay couple to pitch Obama at Easter Egg Roll." Never considered him a catcher myself
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| (Some Guy) |
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From an actual police blotter: A man called 911 to report intentionally taking too much medication, not in attempt to commit suicide, but in order to have an "out of body experience." He complained that he is now unable to urinate
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Fish from Hell: Maryland is offering $200 gift cards for dead snakehead fish. Snakeheads, much like your Mom, can travel on land and sink their teeth into a steel-toed boot. With Fish from Hell pic
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Red wine blends: Deliciousness in a bottle or cardinal sin?
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Man becomes $660,000 richer thanks to nano-particles in the dust that ruined his books
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The 50 Most Terrifying Easter Bunny Photos Ever. Suddenly Bugs Bunny not wearing any pants and occasionally dressing up like a woman totally makes sense
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After listening to 20 minutes worth of charges, Juarez drug cartel killer pleads guilty to lots of evil shiat, gets 10 life sentences
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Military pilot lands on man's back porch; apologizes for crashing his jet
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Jesus, in fact, is magic. Watch the Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church make a $30,000 watch disappear
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| (Some Bee) |
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Last Call for NJ Fark Party Saturday April 7th Freehold/Howell. Please let us know if you're planning to attend & whether you're chargin' your lazer or just joining us to imbibe. DIT
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England really liked to crap all over France back in the day
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Your country's embassy is not the place to turn to if you can't find your false teeth or if you are looking for a dog-minder while you are on holiday
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| (Some Guy) |
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"There was indication that he was going to arm himself with a firearm if he heard attending sirens, which leads us to believe he wasn't functioning at the level he was capable of," says EMT
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Guns are selling so fast that Ruger can't produce them fast enough to keep up with demand. Analysts unclear if sales are being fueled by a fear of Obama's second term or the Zombie apocalypse
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good Friday? How do you plan on making this a GREAT Friday?
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Goose family takes care of business at Office Depot
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Seven bad ideas a cheapo airline is giving other airlines
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Fired executive with bi-polar disorder wins protection under the ADA, says he's really excited to have set the precedent, plans on starting a national organization for fellow suffers,or not, because that's just too hard
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Navy jet just crashed across the street from subbys work
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Stephen Colbert needs your help identifying America's new hero: a guy he videoed popping wheelies on a dirt bike in the Lincoln tunnel
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The 56 best things about Michelle Bachman (sponsored link)
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Marion Barry apologizes for complaining about Asian-owned 'dirty' shops and says -- to prove he's not a hater -- he's going to have lunch in Chinatown after he visits his dentist at 2:30
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"Zot L. Szurgot allegedly walked out of her house naked, turned to five of her neighbors and started wagging her penis"
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You're doing it wrong: Turkmenistan bans alcohol during 'Happiness Week'
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Man asks police to crack down on speeders near his house, discovers he's one of them
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Ryan Gosling saves British reporter from being run down by a cab in NYC. So of course, instead of thanking him, the reporter uses the opportunity to criticize America's obsession with celebrity culture and its anti-feminist attitudes
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| (RI Tag) |
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From the state that brought us "The Prayer Banner" comes "this mural is totally inappropriate because the man and woman standing together 'may not represent the live experience of all students'"
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Ride a horse to school? That's a suspension ... even though it's not against school rules, and the students all made opening bell
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Scientists prove that Jenny McCarthy's children are mutants
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Guard donkey protects sheep from predators, delivers a mean punch
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Product recall issued on grounds that "it slices, it dices, it lacerates, it amputates" should apply to food processors and melee weapons, not child carrier seats for bicycles
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I don't know what parping is, but the mayor of La Toba, Spain has made it illegal, along with farting and picking your nose
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No matter how good it feels, honking your horn all the time is probably making the traffic worse
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Woman looking to fulfill her "cop fantasy" get DUI charge instead
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Self-declared Mega Millions winner now claims she lost the ticket. The search also continues for her dignity
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A victim of the now infamous Fix-a-Flat butt injections says she obviously trusted her fake doctor because she "had a white coat on and a little badge"
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Tuareg rebels declare independence. Passat, Jetta rebels expected to follow in their footsteps
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Man trying to clear paper jam needs to be rescued by fire department
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| (Some Scared Guy) |
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Red Cross now accepting zombie blood donations. What could possibly go wrong?
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Next time someone says your priorities are messed up, tell them about the guy who called 911 to complain that his NAKED GIRLFRIEND greeted him when he got home from work. With SFW girlfriend pics
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Judge not, lest ye be judged. Especially if you're a judge who used your work computer in your chambers to send sexist, racist joke about Barack Obama's mother engaging in bestiality
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Park Service seeking volunteers to fire cannon at Civil War battlefield events in Tennessee and Georgia this year. The catch? They need Union volunteers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Theme: New ad campaign for Arizona tourism board (LGTI)
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At some point when you tattoo White Power on your forehead, you must realize that sooner or later you'll find yourself serving a life sentence in supermax. Maybe that's why you're smiling so
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86'd patron returns to bar with a butcher knife and kills three in stabbing rampage. Fark: victim's brother and bar patrons save couple from attack, kill perp. So now the DA's charging the brother, ta-daa
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American Armed Forces fires upon Japanese ship in international waters
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Campus Callboys: Male students offer free sex to help coeds make the grade
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Fire breaks out at water plant
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Made for Fark headline: "Church cock victory joy: it's huge and majestic"
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Oh. awkwood
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| Thu April 05, 2012 |
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Kids can have Happy Meals, judge rules. Tag is for the fact that a judge had to waste his time and energy on this
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$200 DIY house would provide a perfect minimalist existence on any $200,000+ parcel of land you might be lucky enough to find
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It's a zip line, it's a roller coaster, it's located in Florida, what could possibly go wrong?
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You may want to study his current photographs, because Charles Manson is up for parole again, and if he is released he very well might EAT YOUR CHILDREN
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Bad: Kid doesn't have class picture permission slip. Good: They let him take part in the class pic anyway. Fark: They cover his face, sort of.... (click to see what may be one of the best uses of Farktography ever)
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Home health care worker is asked by 81 year old employer to clean up the several hundred beer cans and used syringes she scattered about his home. This is Florida, and that's a beatin'
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Want to see a 17.5 foot long, 127-pound giant reticulated python get its annual medical checkup? Well now you can
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You're a major drug dealer. Do you keep your ill-gotten cash stashed: A) in a hidden safe in the basement? B) at a safe house in another city? or, C) buried at the cemetery?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this casual observer
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Monkey escapes from gas station, police put a tail on him
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Photoshop this lava photographer
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One would think that they would stop parking their cars in the same spot
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Protip: If you are going to spend £10billion on refuelling planes make sure they will work on your fighter jets
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Not news: 14-year-old has driving lesson in parking lot. News: at 8:30 PM, with her family, including the baby, in the vehicle. FARK: she hits another vehicle, air bag deploys, she keeps driving. Then it gets weird
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With the help of high level Pakistani officials, Bin Laden hid in Pakistani cities except for 8 months after the 9-11 attacks. Thanks Pakistan
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Schizophrenic dancer brutally beaten to death in jail cell after eating 1 1/2 bags of another inmate's chips. Good thing he didn't finish the 2nd bag
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NBC enhances Zimmerman 911 call: "Coons". CNN enhances Zimmerman 911 call: "Cold". Tune in for the next installment of pre-race war Florida
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British government outlaws surprise haircuts
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Researcher finds that he's unable to verify 47 of 53 of major cancer studies. Still no cure for...wait a minute
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Enough is a enough. I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane. Everybody strap in. We're about to open some windows
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Terror leader dares the US to come and get him, at a public press conference: "I will be in Lahore tomorrow. America can contact me whenever it wants to," US Special Forces: "Challenge accepted"
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If you are going to ask a female student for naked pictures for a better grade, at least do it verbally so you can at least deny the accusations. Silly teacher, texting is for kids
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UK's Sky News says it let journalists hack email accounts because "it was in the public interest"
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Elderly man pets Great Dane that got loose from neighbor's house, Owner tells him not to pet her dog. Man says, "What are you going to do ... hit me?" Hilarity ensues
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Egypt, you really don't want a repeat of 1967, so please stop the rockets. Thank you, Israel
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Baby born on international flight. Country of birth still up in the air
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| (Some Guy) |
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Threatening the president will get you a $250,000 fine, five years in jail, no bail, a mental exam, and funny lips
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| (Minding The Campus) |
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You know those Ivy League schools that produce the most prominent lawyers, politicians and judges in the country? Turns out their student governments are run like police states and their student tribunals like kangaroo courts
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You thought I was crazy to build an anti-Russia bunker. You thought I was crazy to prepare to fight zombies. Well, who's crazy now?
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What's French for "OMG the nuclear reactor is on fire."?
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Kim Jong Un liked to skip school, not meals
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Iowa man becomes the first person to buy the infamous Bacon Coffin
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$2,000,000 indoor marijuana farm busted in Reno. Grower informed of farm's value immediately before mugshot is taken
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Official forced to apologize after pulling male high school student from "Mr Fullerton" contest for saying he wanted to be married in 10 years ... to a man
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Texas grandma wins tug-of-war with a tornado by hanging on to her grandson's feet as the storm tried to carry him away. The boy is expected to make a full recovery, have a hell of a career in the NBA
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Woman severely burned in Wicker Park fire. Lord Summerisle unavailable for comment
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Sob story piece on Kentucky basketball beat writer who perfected trolling-as-journalism and reaped what he sowed
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Detroit Robocop statue currently in prototype phase; total economic collapse and dystopian wasteland phase already complete
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City says there must have been a reason the speed limit was lowered from 55 to 35 in 1967 but the dog ate it
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Jim Marshall finally makes it to 11
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Fark Mother Of The Year arrested for texting with a baby on her lap while on the 405 Freeway with a suspended license and unsecured kids in back
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"Until they get a permit, Haley says her friends are just 'playing around' the pole"
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Not News: Coffee shop owner advertises he is hiring for barista job. News: Female applicants only. FARK: He tried to interview them while he was nude
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Photoshop this helping canine and its mistress
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Ever wonder what it's like to have one of those gizmos that fire trucks have that can change the traffic light? In Carlsbad, CA it'll cost you $2,000
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Autocomplete may be the end of us all
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If you thought Gunther von Hagens' Body World art exhibit was creepy but cool, wait until you get a load of "Animal Inside Out" at the Natural History Museum in London
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Bill Ayers Is Just Asking: Why do 'Uniformed Military' get to board planes first?
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In the chaos that was Hurricane Katrina; justice has finally been done in a case of injustice
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Middle-class writer lives like a billionaire for a day, but says: I'll go back to my normal life. TYVM
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 361: "Pinholes, Lomos & Holgas, Oh My!" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 04, 2012 |
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Remember when you got so stoned you wrecked one car into a donut shop and a second into another car on the same day? Neither does this pastor
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This is why we can't drink nice things: PB&J vodak
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Boy hops train, continues hopping
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Doctor claims the promoted practice of men regularly checking for signs of testicular cancer has turned Britain's men into 'ball-watching neurotics.' Aw, nuts
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Wearing a little black dress and exposing yourself to kids is no way to turn 50, dad
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Protip: If you ever plan on giving the police a false identity, don't tattoo your real name on your forearm
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Kansas Supreme Court rules repeat dog molester won't have to register as a sex offender
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Photoshop these peachy pachyderms
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Art's great nudes aren't fat anymore. Not Safe For Work if your office has a problem with famous paintings of nude fatties (turned hotties), or nudes in side ads in other articles about nudes and art. Nudes
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PETA purchases personalized brick at new baseball stadium that contains hidden message. Subby can't believe he's actually impressed by something PETA did
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"We arrived to find intoxicated men putting their clothes back on, and realizing that the best decisions aren't made while drunk and at a car wash without a car in the middle of the night"
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Drive-by masturbator caught before he can become drive-by shooter. Jerk
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ZOMBIE WARS has begun,Jackson Co man plans to fight to keep wife buried in front yard
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Today's random image of Jesus showing up on something is brought to you by South Carolina and a dead stingray. No not a Chevy the other kind
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Hilda the hen sits on the wrong nest for almost a month and hatches a clutch of ducklings. Undeterred by her error Hilda proudly struts around showing off her babies
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Dollar General going into the liquor business in Florida
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In this week's edition of IS IT RACIST, Burger King pulls a commercial featuring Mary J. Blige rapping about chicken
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Photoshop this Seine scene
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I know you guys are sick of hearing about the Vegas Fark Party, but this one contains [OMGOMGOMG] Dinosaurs. LGT original thread
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God takes anger out on local church goers with thundering bolt
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Spain's economy craters after enacting most severe austerity in three decades. Clearly, more budget cuts will solve their problems
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After night of drinking, man awakens to leg on fire
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McDonalds Millionaire-to-be Marlinde Wilson now says the winning ticket is hidden in the restaurant. Next: Thousands of dollars in damage caused to trashed McDonalds in Maryland
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Tennessee trying to intelligently design an anti-evolution bill without the creation of a controversy. This is not a repeat from 1925
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Sheriff Arpaio rejects DOJ demand for monitor, claiming it is not within their authority to require he hire lizards
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Yes, if you're a bus driver it's your job to pick up the kids. But "pick up" does not mean "attempt to hug and kiss"
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Not News: Man breaks into game preserve. News: Cannot get cash so he saws off a Rhino horn. FARK: It was a fiberglass Rhino head
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I'll call your knife collection and raise you a water bong. Oh yeah? Well, I'll call your water bong, raise you some under age girls, and kick your teeth in
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Police: Why did you go on a naked walk? Suspect: Because it's opposite day Police: Fine, then I'm not arresting you for public indecency
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Harvey police accused of practicing "heavy-handed usage of force," equal to the strength of ten invisible giant rabbits
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Black off-duty cop was found to have not discharged his weapon, still faces up to 80 years in prison for attempted murder, after using his body to assault 28 bullets fired by white cops
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Delete
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Old: Big Oil. Busted: Big Coal. New Environmental Polluter : Big Chicken
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OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD ...holy moly ...holy moly! (With tornado terror video)
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Fox News is appalled, shocked, sickened and disgusted that NBC would edit material
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Why we are failing as a species: Levi Johnston has successfully propagated his genes again with another woman. Meanwhile, there are guys at MIT perfecting The Grand Unified Field Theory who can't even get a date with a human female
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So yeah, we're pretty much boned
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So, do you eat bamboo and scratch your butt here often?
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Struggling waitress with five kids gets $12,000 tip, cops seize it because it smells like pot, waitress sues. Bonus: Waitress's co-workers who are "familiar with" marijuana testify that they didn't smell any
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This week's "I have crazy eyes" teacher/student sex scandal brought to you by Oregon. With crazy eyes photo included
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Not news: tram de-rails. Holy farking fail: It was the first tram out of the depot after a £100m upgrade
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Croatian woman creates penis cozies, so that you can have a nice warm penis any time of the year. Heh. Penis cozy. Penis cozy penis cozy penis cozy
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In case you were wondering if it's a crime to be stupid, here's your answer
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If your beloved family pet needs to be put to sleep, taking them for a walk near the Overtoun Bridge in Scotland may be a inexpensive (but extremely traumatic) option
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"Noble Gray II" - is it (A) the lost archduke of Lancaster, (B) the fifth largest shipwreck since the Titanic, or (C) a drunk half naked man arrested while trying to get a "dog to lick his backside"
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The college youth of today are the biggest generation of corporate sellouts ever. Even worse: they're nerds
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22-year-old man with condition causing him to look extremely young attempts to buy beer. Rather than informing the clerk of his condition, he opts to be outraged when the staff doubts his ID and throws a big enough tantrum to end up in jail
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| (The banker) |
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Man shot on Connecticut Avenue after getting out of jail. Suspect is described as wearing a monocle and top hat
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How bad can meth and hookers mess you up? How about going from Sheriff of the Year to being locked up in the jail they named after you?
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Final surviving members of elite WW2 commando unit 'The Devil's Brigade' die within 12 hours of each other in same town. Unfortunately leaving the treasure to Baron von Herzenberger
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If you think you can't get any lower after falling asleep naked on a Mexican restaurant's toilet, then you haven't met this guy
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Remember that one ex you wanted to take revenge on by posting your dirty photos of them in public? This guy actually did it, and it turns out it's about as big of a dick move as you expected
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When beating ex-girlfriend into signing document to cancel stalking order against you, probably not good idea to submit those papers to court covered with her blood
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14 year old boy arrested after posting sex tape on Facebook, will rely on "don't hate the playa" defense at trial
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Sending people a photo of your five-month-old in a garbage can with a plastic bag over her head does not count as an April Fools joke
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Photoshop this cat walk
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Car rental agency's GPS shows Ferrari's location ... on a ship heading to Hong Kong
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25 pictures from yesterday's tornado outbreak in Dallas
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Check out the world's quietest place, where just being there is unbearable and can make you hallucinate. Hint: it's not Kirk Cameron's birthday party
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Protip: If you're a police sergeant you probably shouldn't try to set up a meeting with a prostitute in a neighboring city without first checking to see if that city's police are running an escort sting operation
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Some women seem to carry everything in their purse...but a newborn baby?
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Leave it to Florida to feed homeless people pet food
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When reporters think they are on CSI Miami, real police have to work twice as hard to undo damage caused by the media
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Research indicates intelligent people take less sick leave
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Teen passes out in woman's yard after using spice. Woman tells him to get off her lawn, stop folding space
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University of Colorado officials decide the best way to keep students from lighting up on 4/20 is to give them a free Wyclef Jean concert
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You would think white wine coolers would be appropriate for a 7-year-old. The Sun is there
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Drunk wedding guest refuses to stop slow dancing with the groom. And things just go downhill from there
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It's all fun and games until the editor publishes a rape spoof
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| Tue April 03, 2012 |
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New entry for the world's worst looking car: New York's new taxis designed by Nissan that are due to hit the streets next year
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The Dog Scouts of America: They've got badges and campouts, cookie drives and troops in 22 states
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Life Without Sex: Asexuality Movement says it's ok and you are not alone. Even though you are alone
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Photoshop Gasteracantha Arcuata
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Woman calls 911 to procure a refund for a "nasty" Hardee's burger that she "only took a small bite out of"
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Turns out the female spy who got too close to a sitting Obama Cabinet member was not Anna Chapman after all
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It is not a true Kentucky victory celebration until someone loses a foot
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Englishman makes his case for for the UK's 10 most maligned dishes: "So, jellied eels are just bits of eel, in fish-flavored jello." mmmm... eel bits
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Sexiest trio ever arrested for hoarding 134 cats in trailer
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Illiterate lobsterman no longer lost at C, robot masturbators, and Internet meme recursion loops: some of Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 3/25 - 3/31
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| (News 3 Las Vegas) |
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The week after the World Fark Party II in Vegas, a six-pack of beers gets a seat on Las Vegas City Council. Coincidence?
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Cameras may be installed in the lifts to catch whoever is defecating in the elevators. That's some mighty good police work there, Lou (graphic images in article)
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Your infrastructure is shot, your people are starving, and you found $850 million. Do you... c) buy the most expensive version of photoshop and troll the entire planet
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Cow gives birth to rare set of triplet calves. Well, medium-rare at any rate
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Photoshop this sledgehammer swinger
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Six things rich people need to stop saying. "Well, $500,000 a Year Might Sound Like a Lot, but I'm Hardly Rich"
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What happens when a black man shoots a white man under questionable circumstances in Florida and claims self defense?
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18 guys arrested for reportedly getting to know each other better in popular Manhattan Beach restroom
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Live footage of large tornado in Dallas-Fort Worth area
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Well how about that. Cars actually DO burst into flames when they fall off cliffs
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Dutch boy comes up with plan for Greece to exit Euro by placing currency into some sort of oven
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Never mind all of the rusty cars and boats, Sarasota's code enforcement has a new focus for its crackdowns: Tube Dudes
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Allegiant Air to charge $35 bag fee. A carry-on bag fee. Next up: pay toilets and an oxygen fee
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School dispute over 'Jesus is not a homophobe' shirt goes to court
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Officer, we haven't seen this guy in a while, so can you check up on him? What, he's been dead for months pinned under a piece of farm equipment? Officer, can you run a full investigation on how he died?
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80-year-old woman can now check off "land a plane in an emergency" from her bucket list
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The Buzz Lightyear figure that was flown to the International Space Station is now headed to the Smithsonian and beyond
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Identity thieves around the world crash the website featuring details of the 1940 Census
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Moscow skyscraper will not collapse after huge fire. Russian skyscrapers do not collapse
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"The snake was so attached to its owner that the teenager even had to answer the door for ambulance crews with it still around his arm"
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Medical radiographer suspended from her profession after drinking a quart of boxed wine at work. No, I don't know her Fark handle
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Look who else wants a party held in Las Vegas
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Dear Abby, My EX has invited me to her cookout. Should I go? Should I take my new girlfriend? Signed, Dumbass
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20 TV shows done with Peeps, including "The Walking Dead." (Bonus; NOT a slideshow)
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Woman can't read her Steve Jobs biography because 1,600 iPhone-clutching revelers spontaneously hold a houseparty next door: "(Jobs) spirit was here when these kids were out there with their iPhones"
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You have 5000 old floppy disks with information you want to keep. How do you load that information into your computer without spending weeks/months of your life doing so?
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Police will set up traffic checkpoints looking for lawbreakers on the road celebrating Good Friday
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NBC launches internal investigation into their editing of George Zimmerman's call to 911. Zimmerman's attorneys look into editing NBC's profit
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Slowing for a yellow light in Florida won't win you many friends. Curse words, the middle finger and a spit in the face is sure to follow
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24-year-old man dies after 14-year-old cousin applies "rear naked choke hold" while watching Wrestlemainia. Cousin immediately signed to WWE and will face The Great Khali in steel cage at next pay-per-view
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Transgender Miss Universe contestant who was an innie then an outie is tucked back in
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2,000 drinking Vietnam Vets riding motorcycles on a NASCAR track? What could possibly go wrong with that?
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Scary new study shows that the obesity problem may be even worse than we thought. So the answer is obvious: we need to change the BMI ratings
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Tokyo sushi chefs very upset that the city will no longer require them to be licensed before being allowed to separate the tasty fish from the deadly poison
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Tucker Max offers to donate $500k to Planned Parenthood, gets shot down
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Calling all Farkers: City of Dacula needs name for new park
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Actual headline: "Judge comments on pimp's 12 children by 10 women"
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Marion Barry has always treated D.C. with respect and only expects the same in return
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Earth has more than one moon -- and we're not talking about Warren Moon, Moon Zappa or that time at summer camp when you dotdotdot
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Deputy pulls over car with three men, finds 220-pound heifer in backseat. Your Mom claims her car simply ran out of gas and they were just giving her a ride
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Have $400,000 and a small penis? These guys have just what you need
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Yang Guang has just 36 hours to score with Tian Tian. Will he arise to the occasion or will the relationship droop. Tune in for the next exciting edition of "Panda Shore"
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Passenger rail might actually be commercially-viable somewhere outside the Boston-DC corridor
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Not News: The modern world is out of ideas. News: Movie-style poster appears on internet announcing sequel. FARK: It's from Al-Qaeda
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Guess what type of scheme California is going to use to pay for high speed rail. Go ahead, guess
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Kentucky win inspires Drew to release FARK hostages
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WKYT reporter learns that a live interview with a Kentucky college student after an NCAA championship definitely needs a 5 second delay (language Not safe for work)
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Hah Hahahahahhhahha ...*breath* ... Hahahahahahahhhaha
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1988 called. It wants its pixelated bobbies back
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| (Some Tater) |
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To commemorate the 75th anniversary of Idaho Potatoes, the Idaho Potato Commission has... HOLY FARK, we're gonna need a lot of bacon and sour cream
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Man who died when he crashed his Porsche has been upgraded to "serious but stable, won't get on the cart"
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It is now perfectly legal in the state of Florida to spray paint chicks all the colors of the rainbow. "The bird's sprayed with a fine mist"
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Five hurt after De Plane misses DeLand and lands on De Publix
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In a gesture of disrespect to Caturday, man found "playing baseball" with heads of decapitated cats after setting aunt's house on fire
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How long should shoes last? Subby bought some decent dress shoes for work about 2 years ago and they're already starting to get separation between the sole and the leather (or whatever material it is)
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The first prosecutor in the Trayvon Martin case is a little upset at the "outright lies" being told in the media. Subby just wants to know brand of tennis shoe Trayvon had, the type of cell phone used, type of grass seed in the lawn
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The quest for quality of life may one day dethrone New York and London, writes wishful thinking journalist who has never lived in flyover country
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