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| Sun February 19, 2012 |
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California, where even the naked 12-year-old girls eating from trashcans have their own BMW
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Undecided about vacation this year? Maybe Time's list of the world's 10 weirdest amusement parks can help you decide
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Man on cliff falls trying to save cat on cliff. Investigators say "alcohol was a factor" but do not indicate if it was the man, cat, or both who were drunk
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One legged millionaire gets 60 days in jail for clocking ex-stripper with Rolex. Trifecta complete
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Even the Westboro Baptist Church apparently has it standards and voluntarily travelling to NJ is beneath them. So they have to resort to photo-shopping their protesters into pictures of Whitney's funeral
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I said, 'F-- you, you son of a biatch, now it's my turn.'"
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Today's alternative to proper nutrition and exercise is .... starvation on alternate days
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For $17,900 you can have brunch with the founder of Costco. The trick is not to fill up on the free samples as you make your way to the dining room
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Keene, NH, police chief: Let's spend $285,933 of DHS sugar on an armored personnel carrier. The citizens: How about NO
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3 People dead in Washington avalanche
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| (Some Animal Rights Guys) |
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What the hell did you think was going to happen?
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| (Some Window) |
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Photoshop this exposed appendage
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Holy Carp, nuke it from orbit
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Swedish supermodel slams a few shots of Jägermeister and joins in on the naked luge race. Yes sir, there are pics
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That text to your BFF Jill? We're saving it for a year just in case the government wants to give it a read. You know...for your own safety
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The most disappointing story ever to feature the words "Jacuzzi" and "model" in the same headline
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DARPA's Avatar project will "make James Cameron proud." Nothing could possibly go wrong, etc
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Just because it's cold outside, how about a Victoria's Secret bikini shoot?
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Photoshop these bubble buddies
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| (Some Guy) |
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I keep seeing enormous squirrels around my neighborhood. They keep eating in preparation for a winter that hasn't materialized. Will there be a big problem with diabetic squirrels soon? Can squirrels get diabetes? Where's Brimley?
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Wait, people still write checks? HA HA HA HA HA
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"Facebook kicks up so much anxiety and embarrassment for me but I don't want to quit." Because Facebook is so important
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Why we love looking at horrifying scenes of death and disaster
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5:17 p.m
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Headache cures from Chuck Norris
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Your ten favorite drinks
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Woman facing trial on charges she stole $2 pumpkin says DA is out of his gourd
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We've had joy, we've had fun, we've seen tornadoes on the sun
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It's getting harder to find a place where everybody knows your name, even harder to find a place where they are always glad you came
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Begone, hairy alien fruit
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How do you stop your kids from stressing out? Oddly enough, none of the "solutions" are to stop helicopter parenting and letting kids be kids
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Printer ink tanker truck overturns. Damages estimated at seven hundred trillion dollars
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Does Anyone Else Get Annoyed With Incorrect Capitalization?
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Blessed are the home artisan cheese-makers
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And then they came for the wheat
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If the passenger ahead of you leaves a Rolex watch in the plastic bin during the security check, you might want to hand it to the nice TSA agents, because a lot of airports have security cameras these days. Rolex trifecta now in play
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Photoshop this precision practice
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Activists end sit-in at Piccolo school, but will not be budged from the campus of Contrabassoon University
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Street cleaner finds super-expensive Rolex. He does the honorable thing. And sometimes, karma's a goddess
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Cardinal seen as popeworthy, but what they really need is a good first baseman
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An OWI with a hit and run thrown in is never a good way to end an evening, but when you're a cop do you get credit for your own arrest? I have the right to remain silent, I have the right to an attorney
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After a gunfight, failed suicide-by-Jaguar, crossing the Atlantic in a rowboat, the Pacific in another rowboat, and a life as an upholsterer, John Fairfax will try to fit in a box. RIP good sir, for you are the stuff Fark headlines are made of
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Man survives for two months in snowbound car. Eat that, Bear Grylls
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| Sat February 18, 2012 |
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Iowans celebrate the Bacon Festival by eating giant bacon-infused doughnut balls topped with chocolate and more bacon. "I mean, really, you wouldn't see this baconfest happening in California"
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Rancher chooses pet buffalo to be best man at renewal of his wedding vows. "Tatonka. Tatonka very much"
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| (Some Guy) |
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In latest hip trend, hipster parents getting their toddlers a head start in douchebaggery by buying them "babyccinos" at hipster coffeehouses
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Not really news: First Lady Michelle Obama surprises visitors on White House tour. Fark: She shakes hands with a teenager wearing a Ron Paul T-shirt. AWKWARD (w/video & photos)
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Yo dawg, I herd you like firefighters. So why don't you take the firefighter test and have a heart attack so you can be rescued by firefighters so you can pretend to be a firefighter while getting rescued by firefighters
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Today, it's sex. Tomorrow, it's voting. Where does it end?
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Farker i-dig is undergoing a tricky medical procedure. Photoshop him a get well soon card
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Before dumping your garbage down your apartment's trash chute, please make sure to separate all your glass, papers, and dead bodies
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Liberals shouldn't homeschool their children, because homeschooling is a mistake
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Iran's navy claimed its warships entered the Mediterranean on Saturday to convey Tehran's "message of peace and friendship"
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| (Some Lizard) |
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Photoshop Theme: History Channel documentaries about insignificant events
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Do you think your precocious kindergartener is ready for college but being discriminated against for her age? Don't worry, the Feds have your back
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Two years later, drunken joke in a bar is the fastest-growing Mardi Gras krewe in New Orleans. Witness the power of the Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus
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Before sending inmates out to mow a lot after complaints of high weeds, first make sure the land is not a protected wetland
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The US Postal Service wants to raise the price of stamps to 50 cents so they can pay for all the extra buggy whips needed for speedy mail delivery
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Police in Westbrook, Maine are on the lookout for a man who didn't rob a bank. Suspect is described as between 3' 6" to 7' tall, 85 to 475 lbs, and answers to the name, "Hey You"
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Department of Corrections to retiree: "Yeah, those sick days we told you you had and you took 8 years ago? You actually didn't have them so if you could send us a check for them that'd be great"
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Quiet Lisa, the dog is talking
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Italian police arrest counterfeiters carrying $6 TRILLION in fake US Bonds; remind people that creating absurd sums of money out of thin air is the government's job
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Boy with a funny name misbehaves and loses school bus privileges and obviously mother should be imprisoned for a year
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Honey-trapper: "I'm paid to see if your woman is a whore" (w/pics)
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You know how your stoner roommate always swears it's easy to smuggle a baggie of weed past the TSA by hiding it in a jar of Skippy Peanut Butter? He's wrong
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| (Some Lizard) |
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Photoshop Challenge: An egg - a Greg - and keg
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| (Some Guy) |
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Female teacher caught having sex with student in her office bathroom. With "judge for yourself" pic
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Hey Ceiling Cat, the Denver airport - really? Hey mods, how about spreading the Sherpies around a bit and giving me the green this week?
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Two hundred thousand years ago, the world's most powerful predator arrived: Humans. So why haven't animals evolved effective defenses against us? Here's why
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Expired car wash certificate? Obviously that's worth $5 million
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Your country's economy is in ruins, many families have to scavenge for food and millions remain out of work. Do you save money any way possible and try to create jobs? Or do you throw yourself a $1m birthday bash?
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Scary: Severed foot washes ashore in British Colombia. Follow Up: ID'ed as missing fisherman. Weird: WHO DIED IN 1987
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Every year Florida police are involved in 7,400 traffic accidents and are at least partially at fault in 25% despite almost never being charged. "it's more dangerous to give an officer a car than a gun"
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In high school, what did you usually do on the weekend?
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| Fri February 17, 2012 |
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The new hot food in the NYC restaurant scene: brussels sprouts. No, really
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This week's Mugshot Roundup guarantees one thing: there will be hell toupee
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In fact, global warming is the most widespread mass hysteria in our species' history
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Car with the Confederate Flag on it is not allowed to be the pace car at an upcoming NASCAR race. Fark: It's the General Lee
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This is why you don't drive your Porsche into wet cement (w/ pics)
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This whole "foodie" thing is getting WAAAY out of hand
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Iowa woman stuck in sewer opening for 24 hours, but not for the usual reasons
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Extraterrestrial discount stores
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Among all the bad things a mother can tell to their son, "Your father was Hitler" probably ranks in the top 7. With bonus HOLY FARK HITLER'S SON photo
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Tip: No crack in jail, so always ask if you can smoke it before you get there
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FBI foils a plot by a man to bomb U.S. capitol. Arrested him as he was on the way to the building, with a vest full of what he thought were explosives
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Photoshop this circular cement island
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Dutch prince in critical condition after being buried in an avalanche. If only there was some type of oven that could have kept him warm under all that snow
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If a tree falls in a creek and no one wants to pay $12,000 for a permit to remove it, did it make a splash?
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The poison that guy found guilty of trespassing took? Dihydrogen Monoxide
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Man arrested on 144 counts of child porn. Gross
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Bullet, bukket removed from sea lion
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Woman convicted of running down bar patrons gets two years for every time she circled the block looking for more victims
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Scientists find the time of day you're at the highest risk of getting an infection -- right after closing time
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4 sickened on NJ Transit bus by toxic mixture of rubbing alcohol, water and greed
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Add "trapped inside a self-cleaning public toilet" to places you don't want to find yourself
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The Fark Weird News Quiz is back, so do your worst. No, wait...do your best
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"Using animals commonly kept as pets or companions as food" is the name of an actual crime
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Problem: Your towns St Patrick's day parade has been turned into a drunkfest. Solution: Cancel the parade. Result: Internet organizes a bar crawl with 13,000 people attending
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In Russia, they put a pancake on dead man's face before burying him. Afterwards, they make a priest eat that pancake during funeral feast
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Delta Airlines is #1 at killing your pets
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Protip: If you're a home daycare owner, don't shake all of the children when they misbehave... then this happens
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Man charged with leaving concrete penis sculptures outside of a home, and he couldn't make it to court because a co-defendant threw him down the stairs. Worst. Week. Ever
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There's being a Good Samaritan, and then there's chasing down a sword-wielding shoplifter across six lanes of traffic
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Ladies and gentlemen, Frontier Airlines regrets to announce your flight maybe slightly delayed for technical reasons-namely that the pilot is hammered
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: US Intelligence chiefs are growing increasingly convinced that Al Qaeda is in Syria
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Who would have thought a giant national mortgage settlement would have drawn scammers within hours of the announcement?
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Mom upset when her precious snowflake gets a little plastic beer stein at preschool. Well of course she is. How much beer can you even get in that thing?
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| (SaveOnBrew) |
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Top selling American beers. We didn't say BEST beers. Founding fathers weep
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Grand Theft Auto: Elementary School Edition
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Ur kitteh can has typeface?
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Sanford man to 911: 'I've been shot, like, seven times.' 911 to Sanford man: YOU BIG DUMMY
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Media Matters tied to MoveOn, ACORN, Soros, Satan, the ghost of Hitler, the Chupacabra and reverse vampires
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| (Air Australia FAQ) |
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With Air Australia bankrupt, how will Australians escape their miserable continent? Bonus: Link goes to the said airline's bankruptcy FAQ, perhaps the douchiest document ever conceived
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Flashing strange men at bars for beer money is no way to go through life, ladies. Especially when it leads to knife fights. (with "Oh, HELL no" mugshot goodness)
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Newly declassified MI-5 file: Whar birth certificate, Charlie Chaplin, Whar?
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A history of bookshelves. Cooler than you think it would be. "Your men have made my library gay with their carpentry work," Cicero reported. "Nothing could look neater than those shelves"
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In another example that if you ask a question in the headline, the answer is always no: "Pan-fried crickets: The food of the future?"
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Photoshop this flaming Greek street
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Squatting naked man found with crack in buttocks. Police also found some drugs in there too
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UN approves Arab-backed resolution against Syria and asking president to resign. Since they asked nicely, President Bashar al-Assad should stop killing his own people any moment now
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The bad news is this flight is overbooked. The good news is we have two available seats... in the lavatory. Stay in your stool until we've landed
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In life you can be guilty, and deserve your punishment. Or you can be innocent, but wrongly accused. Or you can be this guy
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Not news: Sheriff knocks on door to canvas for voters. News: Sheriff finds marijuana grow house and busts occupants. Fark: One occupant says the sheriff has his vote on Election Day. With two of the happiest mugshots you'll ever see
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| (Some Guy) |
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Middle Eastern river turns to blood. This is not a repeat from 1500 BCE
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Cool: Life at college. Farking cool: At age eight
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Need summer travel plans? Here are 10 American micro breweries worth a visit
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IPhone thief demands oral sex from his male victim for the iPhone back, then refuses to return it once the deed was done. That's not nice... going back on a promise and all
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Because downhill skiing in California isn't pretentious enough, Starbucks has opened up a ski-thru store
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Buyer's remorse
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In the future, your chicken will come from brainless chicken zombies raised in vertical Matrix-like cocoons. Frightening science. It's what's for dinner
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Cops shock cock with socks in shop
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You may have a drinking problem if you are turning to liquid soap in the absence of any alcohol
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Amanda Knox does what everyone expected she would do. Okay, the other thing everyone expected her to do
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If you are flying in a Cessna with 40 pounds of pot, you should try to stay out of the same air space as the President of the United States
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Paris selectman and treasurer for the Oxford County Republican Committee gets a second OUI charge. Some people just can't say NON
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Do you live in an area where the water has pond scum? Congratulations, you're 25 times more likely to get Lou Gehrig's Disease
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Designer taken to task over use of young models. Oh, and Dr Seuss is IN this fall
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| Thu February 16, 2012 |
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In million-dollar deal to save school district, lucky Texas kids now ride "The Chick-Fil-A Bus" to school, where Social Studies has been replaced by Commerce Studies. Just kidding, they sold out for $40k/year
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IT worker orders Starbucks coffee with 16 espresso shots. Daily Mail reporters are eager to ask him about the experience, but are still waiting for him to leave the bathroom
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Woman tries to give away toddler at Fresno business. Then it gets naked
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| (Pictures of the Year) |
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The best photo essay you'll ever see. "Brian Scott Ostrom is one of them. After serving four years as a reconnaissance marine and deploying twice to Iraq, Scott, now 27, returned home to the U.S. with a severe case of PTSD"
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Owning a handgun for self-protection in the home is a right, like free speech. Let's check in with Washington D.C. to see if the Heller ruling has sunk in yet. And no, this is not a transcript of a deleted scene from 'Brazil'
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Alabama man arrested, charged with stealing 240,000 gallons of water. From the looks of him, it wasn't for bathing
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Rex Flodstrom, arrested for surfing on Lake Michigan, gets a plea deal thanks to his attorney and water-sports expert, Ed Genson
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Columnist suggests Israelis take a closer look at history before launching attack on Iran. A decision to attack in one instance led to 37 million casualties
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vader, crushed by the Rebellion and the Obama economy, resorts to armed robbery. He is being held in detention block AA 23
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Gramer Nazi sues government for conspiring against him in the slam-dunkiest case of backwards correct syntaxing modification fraud you'll ever see
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State to cut minimum wage for restaurant workers because the food took too long, and the air conditioning is too cold, and I don't like this song, and you gave me to much ice, now I don't have enough ice, why do they even pay you at all?
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Two people shot at the federal building in downtown Long Beach
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That little girl who was forced to have (yecchy) chicken nuggets instead of her mommies (yummy) turkey and cheese sammich? Yeah. It was all a mistake
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Britain's fattest woman weighs 560 lbs and hasn't left her house in four years. She can still post on Fark though, which is nice
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Photoshop this woman with wood
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Teen steals tomato plant, thinking it was a pot plant. You say tomato I say retarded
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The faster you walk, the better chance you have of outrunning dementia
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Bank of America transforms man's one hundred dollar check in to $3.3 million
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Crime lab that can give drug test results before actually running tests raises a few eyebrows
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Colorize this Old Hero of Gettysburg, then promptly get off his lawn
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That's gonna be one loooooong nap
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Not news: Man found guilty of trespassing. Florida: so he drinks poison
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GOP Congressman: Democrats engage in "the most insidious form of slavery remaining in the world today." Apart from actual slavery, apparently
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Homeless counterfeiter tells police he was just trying to make a buck, or $20 and $50 bills
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School goes on lockdown because of A) a bomb threat B) reports of a student with a gun C) a parent dressed as Mickey Mouse
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One in ten US kids is being raised by a drunk. This is great news for police, social workers, and anybody else whose job security depends on an endless supply of idiots with active reproductive systems. Not so great for kids, though
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It takes 30 min. to get a pizza delivered, but 6 hours to get the pizza guy's carjacked car back using an app
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GOP: "It's an outrage that Obamacare forces employers to pay for contraception." Reporter: "How do you feel about Romneycare, which has the same provision?" GOP: ***crickets***
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| (New Castle News) |
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Police get call about man stuck in bear trap. Only a) it wasn't a man and b) it wasn't a bear trap
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Typical weekday in Saanich: Drunken man crashes truck, but continues to drive with a broken axle and just 3 wheels for several blocks before stopping to break into a house to play the piano and skateboard
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Neighbor from Hell wears sunglasses at night, flashes crotch at kids birthday party, flips the bird to news reporter
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Who hasn't had the dream where you are at school and you get strip searched by the school and they reveal your Superman undies to the entire class? It's not always a dream
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Helloooooooo male nurse
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South Korea, in an effort to stop the slow deaths of "that which has no life", considering putting a 2 hour time limit on gaming
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British school bans slang so students can have a "better chance in the real world". By real world they must mean "getting understood by Americans"
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Panasonic to stop manufacturing VCRs for Japanese market. If you're unsure what a VCR is, ask your parents
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If you can think of something to do with 20,000 cubic yards of smashed bottles, the recycling capital of the US would like to talk to you
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Bulldog adopts six wild boar piglets, was last heard shouting "BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON"
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College student launches $5 walk-of-shame shuttle service, including bottled water, discount coupon for Plan B, and complimentary high-five from nonjudgmental driver. With pic (scroll down). You be the judge
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If you're miles from civilization and a deadly tiger snake bites your friend on his testicle and your friend asks you to suck the venom out, would you?
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In case you were wondering if the Religious Left is as looney as the Religious Right. Yep, it is
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You are now free to continue not having a job
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Looking at porn on your phone and showing it to those around you may not get you fired from your job unless you are known by your students as the BEST BUS DRIVER EVER
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Six things you should never say to your mother-in-law. Seven, if you include, "There's no more gin"
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Important tip for police officers: if you shut off your dashboard cam so you can brutalize a suspect during arrest, make sure your lapel mike is also off when you tell them you are "just going to make something up" about their injuries
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Breezes emanate from this guy's peacock fan 14 hours a day, while he helps sweat-drenched temple-goers without a single day off for 52 years
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Trolling the long game: Write death penalty law in 1982. Attempt to eliminate death penalty law as state supreme court justice in 2012
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Man pays £21m for Bacon nude, is promptly thrown out of IHOP
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Cool: Trinidad Moruga Scorpion wins hottest pepper title. Not Cool: Mean heat topped more than 1.2 million units on the Scoville scale
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Tokyo rabbit cafe smash hit with stressed-out Japanese. "'I came here during my break to relax,' said a smiling woman in her late 20s as she fed fresh vegetables to some of the rabbits"
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Guy stops suspect robbing neighbor. "I'm no hero. Just an everyday, ordinary business man"... with a big farking gun
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Saucy: Kate Middleton sends Prince William underwear for Valentine's Day. Fail: His, not hers
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G-g-g-g-g-g-g-GHOST SHIP
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Protip: If you're going to light a candle in honor of a recently deceased celebrity, make sure it's not near any other flammable materials
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Moody's places every bank in the world on review for credit downgrade. Every bank? EVERY BANK
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Controversial PETA ad claims going vegan may make you so good in bed "you'll injure your girlfriend". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this
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Farkette humbly requests help from fellow Farkers. Not for herself, but for an out of work friend and his furry roommates. DIT
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Farker Pxlboy requests to be Photoshopped in honor of his 10th year on Fark
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1 in 12 marriages in the United States are more open minded than President and Mrs. Obama's
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Teenager discovers Internet video of her parents at a swinger club. With helpful pic of what "swinging" parents might look like
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New York Times Headline: "Howls of Protest" against Mitt Romney. Actual Story: 12 people showed up. Bigger Story: Author has written a variant on the same story 28 times in the past 4 years
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You know what would really spice up the crocodile exhibit? Monkeys
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This weekend's 5 hour, 25 mile traffic jam on I-10 was caused by c) a pothole and a lack of cement (they throw in the cement to make it hard)
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A BYU student gets "Valentine's" note from a fellow student, presumably one with a penis, kindly asking her to not dress all sexy sexy. With picture of sexy sexy BYU student almost out of uniform
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Millions of people expected to come out to Niagara Falls to watch man fall to his death
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Man robs Walgreens to pay for crack binge, cleverly disguising himself in a ski mask and ditching the jacket he wore during the robbery. The jacket with a letter in the pocket. Addressed to him
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Teacher forces her fifth-grade class to send Christmas cards to her boyfriend in jail. Aww, isn't that 'sweet'
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Another face seen in a tree trunk. No it's not Jeebus or the Virgin Mary. Hint: Phone home
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Borrowers defaulting on their payday loans? Send them fake court papers and wait for them at the county courthouse. The real courthouse people won't mind, will they?
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What's worse than being a jockey? Being Britain's unluckiest jockey (warning: some pics are a bit graphic)
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Police buy the cemetery plots beside the Powell boys so their father can't be buried next to them
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Website helps you find your "sugar daddy" for financial help in paying for your college degree. What could possibly be wrong about this?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 354: "Places of Worship". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 15, 2012 |
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Protip for all you medical-type doctors: When your patient is crying, you being a rude, condescending dick and then throwing a box of tissues at them is frowned upon
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Not news: Sharing bags of tea is the latest trend at a Philadelphia elementary school. FARK: We're not talking Lipton... if ya know what I'm sayin'
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And the winner of the stupidest idiot in the world award goes to
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Rape someone in Houston? Relax...there are over 6,600 untested rape kits just sitting at the crime lab
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If you're the chief of police, you really should know better than to sell your narcotics from your house. I'm just sayin'
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Scottsdale police officer Peters shoots, kills suspect during confrontation. This is not a repeat from 2010, 2006, 2006 again, 2005, 2003, or 2002
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There's your standard road rage, and then there's this guy
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Elderly homeowner shoots man in head for stealing potted plant from his yard. Thief survives, gets arrested. Shooter faces no charges because, in Texas, keeping people off your lawn is serious business
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M&M Mars getting rid of King Sized candy bars in 2013
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What could be worse than being locked up in a Honduran prison? Being on fire in an Honduran prison
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Rick Flair apparently stole $4,000 from her son while he was deployed
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Photoshop theme: What rock stars buy at the grocery store. (LGT inspiration)
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Electric cigarette causes man to start smoking
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Things not to say to a woman with short hair. "You totally look like a Dude" Not incl... Oh wait, yes it is
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Professor and author of two books on the 1886 Haymarket riot attempts to correct an inaccuracy on the event's Wikipedia entry; has correction reversed, is called a vandal, is told site is based on what's popular, not what's true
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Photoshop the demise of our over-used meme and Fark cliché, Lootie. (So long, buddy, we're really gonna miss ya)
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From the "We Never Saw This Coming" news desk, 19 breastaurant waitresses file sexual harassment lawsuit
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What part of Heart Attack Grill did he not understand?
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Is there a six-finger discount? Six fingers on Jordan logo gives cops clue about fake shoes
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Not to be outdone by Florida, Iran is about to have its own 'hey y'all, watch this' moment
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AA members banned from smoking during their recovery meetings. It's enough to drive you to drink
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Suspicious package at Field Museum in Chicago just full of beans. Police are searching for a guy named Jack
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Firefighters save 200 pounds of Polish sausage in what has been described as "definitely the best-smelling fire we've seen in a long time"
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Sony uses the "overzealous staffer" defense to explain the completely coincidental price hikes for Whitney Houston's music just after her death
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New technology promises to predict tornadoes. But the models aren't ready yet, so there will be no predictions this year. But the predictions will come with frozen yogurt, which I like to call frogurt
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Six terrifying user agreements you've accepted. WE OWN YOUR SOUL
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Iranian Thai bombers captured. Mossad targets Bevel Lemelisk for assassination
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Having solved the state's other problems, Arizona lawmaker wants to force advertisers to disclose when they airbrush their models
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The demographics of the home-schooled continue to evolve and grow, from religious nutballs and the big ol' teeth in the past to the modern-day secular helo-mommy who never wants her precious baby out of her sight
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Ray Charles Foundation wants donation back after not seeing results
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Chicago named most corrupt city in America. New Orleans planning a larger bribe for next year
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Ways to travel to Hollywood: plane ticket, train fare, bus ticket. Ways not to travel to Hollywood: tell police a bogus story about being carjacked hoping they'll chauffeur your broke, mouth-breathing self there
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Florida community declares war against 400 docile peacocks living in their neighborhood. Lock n' Load
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Proving that trolling may be genetic, Oliver Stone's son announces he converted to Islam--in Tehran
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Ukrainian president flies luxury gold-plated jetliner that has a sink made of pink marble
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Tonight on Salon clickbait: I was a Manhattan Craigslist hooker, and you can too
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74 million years ago a meteorite crashed into an Iowan town. And it's still causing problems to this day
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What goes around comes around: Leaked emails expose inner workings of prominent climate change skeptic organisation
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Underage drinkers don't like it when TV reporter exposes liquor store that sells to them, go after her kids on Facebook
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Is there any hope for Walking Dead this season, or is going to be six more episodes of no plot advancement?
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Problem: Your neighbor complains about your dogs pooping in his yard. Solution: murder him
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Your fake ID may have worked at the nightclub, but we hear Army research facilities have higher standards
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The FCC is about to make robocalling a lot harder
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More proof that speed limits are randomly generated by computer programs
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I bet a single person did this
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Kroger stores to be replaced by vending machines. Giant, freaky, 200-item vending machines
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You know a sport is second-rate when its "professional" players get arrested for trashing a restaurant... and it's a TGI Friday's
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Protip: If you're going to make a career out of funny money, don't expect store clerks to trust you if you look like a clown
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Kim Jong UnDead, another Italian jumps off a sinking ship, and men no longer offering Courtney Cox: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/5 - 2/11
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High school girls in Massachusetts shocked to discover that pictures from their numerous public Facebook postings ended up on a porn site, are beginning to get an inkling of how this internet thing works
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Even after 59 run-ins with the police, this guy is still going on cocaine-powered robbery benders
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| (WJAR) |
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Again: Gasoline is for use in internal combustion engines--not to clear brush and leaves from your yard
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Photoshop this man in pink
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When pressured by the mayor and his constituents to remove the Confederate flag from his porch, he said no. When the corporate president of the pizza company of which he's a franchisee pressured him, down it came
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Mardi Gras beyond bare breasts. Sounds like CNN are butt guys
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Darwin fan Dawkins has a bit of a Rick Perry moment when asked the title of Darwin's famous work
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Mystery solved: Do squirrels eat pizza cheese first or crust first?
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Tribble wins dog show
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Elementary school teacher's aide tripped up for affair with 8th-grade boy after showing up for class with c) hickeys. (w. hot mug shot)
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Police block rush hour traffic, backing up the freeway for miles, during a two-hour standoff with an empty car. That's some fine police work there, Lou
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Some people like flowers for Valentine's Day. Others prefer a quiet, romantic dinner. Still others like to strip their girlfriend naked, bind her up in duct tape and throw her in the back seat for later
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Wind farms have found their Achilles' heel: Wind
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Environmental officials try to determine why crude oil is spontaneously seeping out of the ground on Tennessee man's farm, suspect that he may have been shootin' at some food
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| (Star Gazette) |
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Bad: Getting busted. Worse: Performing community service. Fark: Getting more time added onto your sentence for affixing a sex toy to the County van
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Flirting with your professor is a common and effective way to get ahead in class. But writing a whole paper about wanting to fark your prof when you're a 56 year old male student will get you a three-semester suspension
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British studies show that increasing the price of booze reduces the rate at which booze hounds die by up to 2,000 a year
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Two Colombian priests hire hitmen to kill them because they were gay and one had AIDS, so now they're going to suicide/murder/homosexual Superhell™
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Oregon gets a 6.0 earthquake off the coast, better known to Californians as a "gentle wakeup call"
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Airport security makes MILF go through body scanner three times, for obvious reasons (w/pics)
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| Tue February 14, 2012 |
| (Anonymous Works) |
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A gallery of clown portraits. See if you can spot the one with UFIA
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I'm not saying it was Eisenhower... But it was Eisenhower
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Sports utility vehicle collides with school bus. Don't miss this ripped-from-the-headlines story on the next episode of Law & Order: SUV. *DUN DUN*
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It's time to lay off the booze when your own nine-year-old daughter has to leap from the car you're driving expressly for the purpose of calling the cops on you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Challenge: improve this artistic sandwich
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Food police reject preschooler's homemade lunch, says she must eat cafeteria nuggets
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I saw a turtle-killing virus
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A sociologist interviews the Prince of Nigeria
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Caption this newly married couple's last few seconds on earth
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Zoo keeper enters pen to feed the lions, succeeds
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Cell phone tower disguised as palm tree nearly kills a man after 5ft palm frond impales windshield (w/video)
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Survey finds that men are quick to fall in love, roll over and fall asleep
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Nerdiest sport ever: Combat juggling
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Photoshop this topless athlete
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Man rejects girlfriend's noodles, says toodles by leaving her in poodle of blood. Oodles of boodle will not prevent the doodle he'll be given in court
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Mormons tried to posthumously baptize Nobel laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel but were disappointed to find that he wasn't dead yet
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School principals should probably have background checks processed on them before they are hired...or this could happen
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| (Some Valentine) |
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Despite having a court order against her, man interrupts domestic battery case against his girlfriend to ask her to marry him. Judge allows it. She says yes. Call me a romantic, but I think these two crazy kids are going to make it
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Empire State building IPO issued. Subby also has a bridge to sell you as well
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Reverend Sun Myung Moon cedes mass wedding business to Morning Zoo DJs, let's see if anybody notices
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"No, your honor. It's just a social club. That hangs out in the woods. With high powered rifles. And camouflage fatigues. And talks about violently overthrowing the government. An ordinary social club"
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New SI swimsuit cover girl is Republican congressman's niece
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Can't sleep. Must eat Pope in woods. And wear his hat. Or something
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What booty calls, prostitutes, cigars, the Village People have in common? They are all things FBI agents shouldn't text informants about
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Remembering the first USAAF casualty in WW2: a nude-sunbathing, polo-playing risk-taker who once borrowed a Russian fighter plane to attack German Messerschmitt 109s during the Spanish Civil War
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The government didn't regulate banks, and the economy fell. If the government decides to regulate banks, the economy will fall again. Maybe the problem here isn't the government
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If you are interacting with a police officer, it is best not to speak with your mouth full...of crack
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Remember how it took cops two days to show up and file a report after somebody broke into your house and stole your TV? They sent out a full criminal investigative unit in minutes after a senator reported his mailbox stolen
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Electric cars prolong a destructive, car-centric lifestyle. And help you pick up socially conscious women. But at least feel guilty about it, OK?
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Man celebrates Valentine's Day in Bangkok by lobbing a bomb at a taxi that won't stop for him
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How to make a million off of your restaurant in the first year. Step 1: buy an old bank. Step 2: find hundreds of safety deposit boxes worth $1.7 million in the basement. Step 3: cook some burgers or something
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From all of us who enjoy working and dining in fine restaurants to amateur VD diners: Leave your demon spawn with a sitter and remember to tip decently. Stay home or get takeout if you can't afford either. Thanks
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The secret to making Americans less fat? Secretly swap out their portion sizes and give them a different-colored plate
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I-Mockery's annual Valentine's Day card collection. The perfect gift for that special someone you love to hate
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Duke Sucks, the book
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I don't expect witty repartee kid, just give me a sign when the diaper is full so I can wait it out in the basement
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Looking for that perfect, discreet affair this Valentine's Day? Lucky for you, dating sites catering to married and attached people are on the rise. "The day after Valentine's Day is one of our biggest days of the year"
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You step out of a shower and find a man snoring in your closet. What do you do? 1. Scream? 2. Run and call 911? or 3. Say "Yep, typical Florida"?
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Sean Penn blasts Britain for not handing Falklands back to Argentina. That'll teach them
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The Seedy, Scandalous History of Valentine's Day
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Some of the creepiest trees around that you do not want to stumble upon while under the influence of mushrooms
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer has a big challenge in the Season 9 Comics (spoilers)
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Portland aiming to reduce transit violence with a little bit of the lovely lovely Ludwig Van
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Thou shalt not worketh on the Sabbath, unless you receiveth twice and one half pieces of silver. And thou shalt vieweth inappropriate content in the classroom through hard wire connections as the good Lord intended. Amen
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| (Radio Iowa) |
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Bill that would have protected Iowa cities against lawsuits over sledding accidents on city property was shot down in the House, meaning Ethan Frome might get that big payout after all
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Susan G. Komen founder Nancy Brinker billed the foundation $133,507 in expenses while she was working full-time for President Bush. So send more money. You know, for breast cancer
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She's 100 years old today and still hotter than hell Dumber than a sack of wet rocks though
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A local flight company in Cincinnati offers couples the chance to have sex in the back of their plane for just under $500 a flight. It's the only company of its kind in the U.S
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Valentine's Day music to avoid: five music videos that suck the fun out of sex
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Vladimir Putin ridiculed for telling his countrymen to stop being such limp d**ks and get it on for the good of the country. (w/pic of how big Vlad the bad is)
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Coke and Pepsi may be arming for another cola war. I remember the first cola war, son. I saw things you wouldn't believe. Delivery trucks on fire off the shoulder the road. Crystal soda glittering in the Safeway dark. Time to die
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McDonald's pushing farmers for a kinder McRib. Nope, you read that right
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Nancy Grace screeches the appropriate question, "Who pushed Whitney Houston under water?"
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Photoshop theme: Valentine's Day gifts, it's the thought that counts
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Valentines your Mom got
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Expect the Hoverboard to be in stores around October 21, 2015
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Planning a stunt marriage proposal today? Well, the wife of Slashdot's founder, who received one 10 years ago today, has some advice for you
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You're a K-9 cop out on a call and have to send your dog to take down a robber who is in the country illegally. Do you: a) receive an award, b) accept a promotion, or c) get sentenced to 10 years in federal prison for police brutality?
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Why will Whitney Houston's toxicology reports take weeks? Coroner's office: Because this ain't CSI
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Eight surefire ways to get dumped on Valentine's Day
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Not many companies can claim that their net domain address clearly explains what it is that the company does
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"Any self-important, self-propagating elitist, I will happily bare my buttocks to"
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You don't have to be too smart to coach high school sports. Just smart enough to not post nude photos of yourself to Facebook
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There's vandalizing your school, and then there's doing a million dollars damage to your school
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Police say Taylor Burnham, 18, was only wearing cowboy boots as she led police on a Sunday morning chase and you already clicked it
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If you're working as a dog groomer and accidentally chop off a dog's ear, don't try to glue it back, the family WILL know
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After a two-year sting operation, the Feds shut down ... an Amish farm. Another victory in the war on---er, farm-fresh milk
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