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| Sun February 12, 2012 |
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We don't need no stinking perfume: New Hampshire considers ban on fragrance in the workplace to protect asthmatics and allergy sufferers
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Meet Jack Kevorkian's successor, Lawrence Egbert
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Photoshop this spherical trio
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Arab League wants peacekeepers in Syria. D'Argo and Chiana still think it's a bad idea
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Pharmaceutical companies have slowed or halted production of children's leukemia drug due to high demand. Wait, what?
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This is your captain speaking...HELP
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*ding*
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The French just can't understand Fark, deodorants
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On the bright side, there's lots of new ruins to visit in Greece
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Whitney Houston's daughter beats Bobby Brown to death?
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Hot Playmate suing NYC cops for shoving her face to the ground after taxi driver said she had a gun, which is weird because what he really said was that she was a vampire
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Twenty minutes in a tanning bed will land more chicks than 26 minutes at the gym
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this derelict dock darling
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A Minnesota City Councilman has a Confederate flag hanging outside his home and says he's not taking it down. "It represents true sovereignty"
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What's 9 inches long, black, and frightens British men?
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What's better than some drinks that make people question your sexuality? Cookies
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Baltimore's new police videotaping policy -- you have an absolute right to tape, but we'll arrest you for loitering
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| (U Mad Tho) |
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The stretch boat limo van, in case you need to travel amphibiously and in style
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Gimme a P. Gimme an O. Gimme a T. Gimme an A. Gimme a T. Gimme an O
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Australian doctors stumped by the case of the boy who is mysteriously turning into a New Zealander
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San Francisco is the nation's most liberal city thanks to sailors and soldiers and gays and booze
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Man convicted of stealing $50,000 worth of copper wire receives no jail time and is ordered to pay back only $5,000 in restitution, proving once again that crime does indeed pay
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Canine blood bank helps to save other dogs in need. Your dog wants a small glass of orange juice and a sugar cookie
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Photoshop this tractor pull
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: white granddad takes his black 5-year-old granddaughter for a walk in the park. News: nine cops draw Tasers, handcuff him, and take granddaughter in a patrol car. Fark: this isn't the first time this has happened to them
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Bad: After leaving US Army nine years ago, veteran arrested for being AWOL finally gets discharge paperwork straightened out. Fark: He's not the only discharged vet with outstanding AWOL warrants
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Teens attack police at rowdy party, with predictable results
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Texas woman induces labor two weeks early so her dying husband could hold the baby. Get ready cause the dust is thick in this one
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You gonna disrespect me by declining my credit card, that's a stabbing
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No matter what he tells you, letting a man feel your breasts during a private, one-on-one meeting is not one of AA's twelve steps
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California chef serves up twigs, rocks, moss, and lawn clippings for $50 an entree, calls it "Wilderness on a Plate"
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| Sat February 11, 2012 |
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If there's ever a right time to do heroin, it's not behind the wheel, stopped at a light, next to a police car
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"Comedian" celebrates Black History Month by putting on blackface make-up and embarrassing BYU students
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Source of cheerleading illnesses identified. It was a N-O-R-O-V-I-R-U-S
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Attention Underpants Gnomes, finally after a long, agonizing wait, it's time for phase three
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Totally cool picture, totally bizarre "journalism:" "It's a sight of San Francisco fortunate to today's residents to have yet to be seen again, especially from the eyes of a simple high-flying kite"
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Five reporters at a Newcorp owned newspaper arrested over bribing public officials. The Sun will be there once it gets bail money
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China to ban names that signal 'orphan' status. Example - Tossy McBaby
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Qaddafi's son: "Niger, please?" Niger: "Oh, alright"
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It looks like Mexicans are not immune from Montezuma's Revenge after all
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| (Some 420) |
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Photoshop scenes from the day Marijuana is made legal in America
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Tired of leaving voice mails at 3:00 AM of you breathing heavily? Now there's a card for you to send your Valentine that's still playing hard to get
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News: Winter fest canceled. Fark: Due to cold weather. WTF: In Wisconsin
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Iranian government turns off the interwebs
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Small group of poorly funded rebels organize to fight against extremely wealthy and powerful empire to prevent imperialist land grab. And if you think the Star Wars references are just Fark being Fark, think again
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| (Some Retiree) |
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The most amazing photos of a 'cloud tsunami' hitting Florida condos you'll see until you get old and move there
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Shockingly, that towering icon of civic virtue, competence, and incorruptibility, former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is apparently under investigation by the FBI
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| (You are getting sleepy) |
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Photoshop this head holding hypnotist
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Communications director forced to resign after learning (1) people read his emails, (2) Oklahoma residents aren't Monty Python fans
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Dude, you should have seen the tailpipes on her. The ride can be a bit rough, but with headers and headlights like she's got, you'll love her
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Bad economy means that gangbangers are relying on "communal guns" instead of buying their own
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How completely lame do you have to be to bill yourself as "The Piggyback Bandit?" Ask this guy
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The National Park Service announced its plans to remove and change the inscription on the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. Obviously some people have a problem with this
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New Orleans Mardi Gras parade organizers finding new, creative ways to get women to flash their boobies
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| (Good.is) |
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Having spent millions on #Occupy hassles, NYC plans construction of giant urban campground
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| (Some gun-totin' dad) |
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Remember that Dad who shot up his daughter's laptop? This released statement should tell you whether he's a good father or just a prick
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And you thought it was irksome when your co-workers were always talking about their dogs
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Man gets thrown out of pub by another customer for smoking. Since this is Fark, you'd better believe he came back into the pub with a chainsaw
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Graffiti artist who made $200m in Facebook IPO says he was offered oral sex every day for the rest of his life for $2m. You should really have a talk with your Mom
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"The 10 Cities You Don't Want to Drive in." #1- New York City- like anybody besides cabbies, cops, and the FED-EX guy who destroyed your monitor drive there
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these humpbacks stranded on the beach
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The world's 10 best sandwiches. Presented without comment
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Going from life on the streets as a feral to being a Blue Ribbon winner is not easy - but as Tank the cat will tell you, it's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n roll on Caturday
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Weed Man: Can we take care of your lawn? Customer: No. Weed Man: Great, we'll be over next week. Customer: I said no. Weed Man: We'll send the invoice when we're done. Customer: Refund it. Weed Man: How about no?
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Most 12-year old boys ask to borrow money from grandma. Noah Lamaide raised $10,500 in the course of a month, saving his grandmother's home from being auctioned
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Valentine's Day won't just be ruined by your thoughtlessness this year; global warming has resulted in a bad year for chocolate
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Man breaks into woman's home, steals her panties and then sends her cellphone pictures of them
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Dude looks like a lady
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All fifth graders who want to go see "Red Tails" please step forward. Whoa not so fast there girls
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| Fri February 10, 2012 |
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If we timewarped back by 2000 years, what job would you be most qualified to do? No, you can't bring any modern tech with you
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BAD: getting caught in a landslide while hiking. WORSE: getting struck by lightning while trying to avoid getting caught in a landslide while hiking
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Weepy eyes, hot chix, Jersey Shore Ronnie and a guy with mini fishing reels stuck in his beard. It's all there in this week's mugshot roundup
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French roadbuilders find 21 German WWI soldiers...and 1 goat
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Photoshop this crazy old coot in the cold
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Anonymous ends the week by bringing down the CIA webpage. *golf clap*
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You can lead a horse to a hyperbaric chamber, but you can't make him not blow up
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Man breaks into home, then vacuums and folds laundry (possibly with a menacing scowl on his face)
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It's starting to look as if the roles are now reversed - that Obama is Lucy with the football, and the Republicans are Charlie Brown
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You're a female air traveler and there's no female TSA agent to screen you? No problem, there's a bus terminal across town. Buh-bye now
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Despite their efforts to convince you otherwise, many "foodies" can't, in a blind taste test, tell white wine from red, pate from dog food, or that the chips they're eating are soggy if you make crunching sounds in their ears
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Photoshop this urban underground dweller
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Kim Jong Un Dead. I repeat - Un Dead
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Nothing is more romantic on Valentine's Day than taking your lover on a tour of New York's sewers
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Man arrested for writing 'bomb' on some toilet paper. "His family says the word 'bomb' is often used by Hadley in reference to a bodily function and not an explosive device"
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Now that gay marriage is legal in California, the state's Health Department thought it was necessary to print a "how to have gay sex" manual
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Scientists discover a drug designed to fight cancer reverses Alzheimer's in mice. Still no cure for cancer
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Cutting out the middle man ... antiques dealer with late stage cancer hosting her own estate sale
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Customer from grocery store finds hand grenade hidden among potatoes
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Cop pulls gun on woman for taking too many items through the self-check out at WalMart, because 9 months pregnant or not, rules are rules
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Get ready, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. #suckitBBC
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Fan of British sitcom "Red Dwarf" escapes Philadelphia Police custody. Last seen wearing handcuffs and green jumpsuit. Answers to "Smeghead"
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Paul and Storm request your help to petition the NFL to have Weird Al Yankovic perform the SuperBowl Halftime show next year
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During the Super Bowl did you notice the new retractable roof at Lucas Oil Stadium? How about the gigantic scoreboard? How about the sniper's nest above the end zone? Wait ... what?
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| (msnbc) |
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IRS updates their smartphone app. Will now check your tax return and immediately tell how much jail time you can realistically expect to serve
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Savannah bans snakes from St. Patrick's Day event. Wait, this was a problem? What the hell, Georgia
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Michelle Obama can hold the mystery meat when she prys it from my cold dead hands ...Wait, that didn't come out right
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Pot smoking drivers 'twice as likely to cause car crash'. Really really slow car crashes
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Greek MPs resigning left, right and far-right over the latest demands from EZ finance ministers. Stay tuned as the drama unfolds toward its final act on Sunday
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Don't you hate it when you visit your mother's grave and discover they're about to bury someone else on top of her?
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Wᴀsʜɪɴɢᴛᴏɴ Dc NEEDs tᴏ work oN ɪts ᴍɪXEᴅ-ᴄAsE sᴛʀEᴇᴛ sɪGɴs
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Nearly 1 in 20 U.S. adults over 50 has fake knees; no stats available yet on the number of sharp knees
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1.7M coffee makers recalled after users were reportedly sprayed with hot water. On the bright side, victims felt more awake than they would have had they actually drank the coffee
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You may want to rethink marrying any guy who offers you a Pizza Hut wedding proposal
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Falkland Islands newspaper editor calls Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner a biatch. With picture showing what the real issue might be
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Remember the WMDs that were spirited out of Iraq and into Syria?
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| (Some Guy) |
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National Geographic misrepresented 'Doomsday Prepper' Megan Hurwitt. Producer even offered her $1,000 to shoot her cat on camera
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Saudi Arabia would like you all to know that if Iran tests a nuke, they want one too...and they have more oil
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More than $500,000 rare jewels stolen in a jewelry store heist. It involved burrowing through a wall, disabling alarms, and breaking into a safe. Sort of like Ocean's Eleven but without Julia Roberts
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What is your favorite euphemism for the deed? Subby likes 'bumping uglies'
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Worker Pepper Sprayed In Buffalo Wild Wings Robbery. Victim quoted as saying "OW OW OW"
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Vietnamese police trying to force farmer off his land find out the hard way that the war wasn't all that long ago, and guerilla warfare is apparently like riding a bicycle
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| (Some NDP Girl) |
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The Adderal and Booze defense trial starts, small town reporter with butt in seat blog
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From the "I can't believe it's not a porn film" files: Oregon restaurant celebrates Valentine's Day with salamigrams
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Gorbachev targets Putin, having long ago demonstrated immunity to polonium by virtue of his Great Lakes shaped birthmark
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The real class war in this country isn't between rich and poor, it's between the educated and the mouth-breathers. Or, as they say in scientific circles, "same damn thing"
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According to the scienticians at Philly's leading newspaper, younger women who like guys with money and older men who like younger women can now meet on the internet
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Pulls up to the drive-through: Hey, could you tell that stiff in the box over there "good riddance"
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Obama releases his campaign playlist on Spotify. Fox News disappointed with the damn American-ness of it all. Everyone else disappointed with the damn U2-ness of it all
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Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-aking it in), chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, is being investigated for insider trading. If only there were some kind of governmental oversight for this kind of thing
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Man arrested for felony domestic violence for putting a 3-year-old child in a clothes dryer for punishment. (w/pic of cretin who looks like he went through the dryer himself)
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Shyness and grieving will soon be classified as mental illnesses. In other news, pharmaceutical companies will soon have nice new drugs available to help cure you of your newly classified illnesses
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World's largest collection of rare liquors on sale for $8 million. In completely unrelated news, TotalFark subscriptions to rise to $10/month for some damn reason
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How to get laid at CPAC. No, really
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5-year-old's spelling lesson: A is for apple, G is for gun, R is for Rob
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Dedication can often overcome incompetence, but if you've already been shot with your own gun, you probably shouldn't try a second burglary that night
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What would you do with an empty hospital? BTW, the winning idea gets a million dollars
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There are delusional people and then there is this guy
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Subby will literally make his O face if this headline goes green
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Crew filming documentary named "Dumb, Drunk and Racist" find what they are looking for with not so hilarious results
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The good news is girls are no longer dumber than boys when it comes to math and science. The bad news: Both sexes are pretty dumb when it comes to math and science
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The military has an ugly new mule-like robot that will be taught to respond to commands like "sit" and "come here"
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Dear policy holder: Our computers have detected your car moving at an actuarially imprudent speed. Your credit card has been billed for the resulting insurance premium increase
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The science behind how it feels to get hit in the nuts
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The world lost a great comedian 12 years ago today, know what I mean Vern? Bonus: graduated from same high school Drew did
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Conservatives: "The reason poor people are falling behind is because liberals have corrupted their values -- not anything we've done." Krugman: "Now wait a damn minute here. . "
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Not news: Teenager trash-talks parents on Facebook. News: IT Dad finds said post while upgrading teenager's laptop. Fark: Lectures her and goes "Dirty Harry" on the offending computer
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Thieves break into pharmacy and make off with as much as they can carry in... hair weave?
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Problem: People are beginning to understand how much their private info is worth and thus, are refusing to give it up to Google. Solution: Google will now pay you to track you completely
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Are your dreams trying to tell you something, aside from the fact that sleep is where you're a viking?
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Theme: TV shows in the Dark Ages
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| (Some Joe C. Sidekick) |
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Kid Rock steps out from Waffle House melee to refute his Not-Made-In-Detroit clothing line charges; "Let me first start off by cordially inviting you to go f*ck yourself"
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Caption this picture of Ahnold and Sly
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Driver rescues students on her elementary school bus after it imitates a kid's science project and melts down
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The most amazing portraits created with packing tape you will see all day
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According to the United States Census Bureau, when a child is being watched by his father, that's a special "child care arrangement." When the mother is in responsible, that's the way God intended
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| (Some Guy) |
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You put a guy named Skeeter in charge of your charitable fund, of COURSE he's going to blow your money in Vegas
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Subby, for one, welcomes our new Pennsylvania Purple Squirrel overlords (with purple-pic)
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The toughest place to be a train driver
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"Can a man be 'slut-shamed?'" Well...yeah
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| Thu February 09, 2012 |
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Problem: You have a city full of people who have no ability whatsoever to parallel park. Solution: Stop testing parallel parking on the driving test. Ta-Da, problem solved
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38KKK air bags keep woman safe in car crash
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NJ DOT committee presents recommendations on ways to reduce train-related deaths. #1: Stop getting hit by trains
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Another amenity your car is missing: A wood burning stove. Talk to this guy about getting that set up
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If you think doing your taxes by yourself is confusing, try getting them done at a tax business where somebody put meth in the company coffee
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| (Some Night Guy) |
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Photoshop this night on the town
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Rhinoceros accidentally killed by conservationists during anti-poaching demo
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If you ever drop your weed by the side of the road let it go, because man, it's gone, and the cops will find the methadone, opiates and benzodiazepines in your car and bloodstream when they stop to see what you're looking for
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DUDE, the guy in full police uniform probably isn't in on the robbery
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Rick Santorum isn't the only politician with a surging Google problem
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Kodak moment finally runs out
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The Fall and Rise of the American Craft Brewery. Starts scary, but has a happy ending. And the hero of the movie is Jimmy Carter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Theme: Inappropriate Products (link goes to inspiration)
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FBI releases file on Steve Jobs which notes that he used LSD in his past. Well that at least explains the iMac
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An officer pulls you over after you stole $500 worth of jewelry. Do you a) Toss it out the window b) Go out guns blazing c) Hide it in that hot, delicious General Tso's chicken you just bought as a victory dinner (w/pic)
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North Korea's iconic concrete pyramid, the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, is now covered in mirrored glass and set to open in the spring, only 23 years behind schedule
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Been looking for a loophole in the 5-day waiting period and background check to purchase an assault rifle? Here's MSNBC to show you how
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St. Louis man fatally shot trying to get people to sign a petition to make Missouri safer
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Two men use a rolled-up magazine 'radar gun' in an attempt to pull over a motorist... who of course turns out to be an off-duty police officer
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WORLD FARK PARTY II: Mar 30 - Apr 1 in Las Vegas - see comments for details
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Over 40 percent of women carry sexy panties in their purse in case a date with somebody other than you goes better than expected
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Charges against Iowa burlesque dancers dropped after technical difficulties with the video that allegedly showed them baring too much skin during a balloon-pop routine (w/ picture of Iowa burlesque dancers)
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U.S. economic embargo of Cuba turns 50. Canadians light up a Cohiba in our honor
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For the first time in over 300 years England once again has a Prince of Wales who is capable of leading a charge of armored cavalry- AIR Cavalry that is
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When articles invoking the Holocaust and urging creative destruction in Iran appear on the same day in the WaPo, WSJ, Newsweek and Bloomberg News, a skeptical observer might be forgiven for suspecting a well-coordinated propaganda campaign
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Remember that guy who wants to adopt his 42-year-old girlfriend? His kids have asked a judge to block the adoption because they don't want to have a mom-sister, like so many of their friends in the Panhandle do
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One legged cocaine dealer runs away from police by hopping. Really, Florida? I mean, really?
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The judge found Alan Berger voluntarily signed up for the beer-drinking game of beer pong, and couldn't sue Wicked Willy. The judge said Berger "consumed alcohol to the point of diminished capacity"
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The "mystery" behind the deaths of the Iranian nuclear scientists has been solved. Guess who? Go ahead. Guess
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Toppling TVs have crushed four Chicago children since October, so clearly it's time to start putting warning labels on these Doom Tubes and maybe start requiring protective gear to watch them
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When emptying your pockets at a security checkpoint, you might not want to put your pot in the little tray
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The reason behind Planned Parenthood's counterattack against the Komen Foundation
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Party City isn't supposed to be about a party in your pants but surveillance video shows that's what it's become for shoplifters
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Theme: Unlikely Crime-fighting Duos
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32-megajoule railgun has been delivered to the Navy, is capable of launching a projectile with the force of a 64,000 lb truck travelling at 100MPH. No mention of how many Rhode Islands this translates into
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Drilled through the heart, and you're to blame. You give mayonnaise tubs a bad name
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Naked man climbs radio tower, doesn't receive good reception
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British swingers club may be forced to close because your mom can't keep her gangbangs at a reasonable noise level
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Angry dad de-lifes couple for defriending his daughter on Facebook
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Mexico wants to be less decapitatey, more touristy
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Los Angeles may fine you $1,000 if you throw any object besides a beach ball or volleyball on a beach without a permit. Feel free to throw an objectless fit at no cost, however
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Sometimes you get bored at work. Sometimes you view porn. Protip: Don't view it in the middle of a rape trial when you're the court clerk
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Mein Kampfy shorts
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Protip: Dude, you're supposed to wait until you actually assume your teaching job before making sexytime chat with a twelve-year-old girl
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 353: "Apples vs. Oranges 2: The Rematch." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 08, 2012 |
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(Almost) everyone loves the Taiwanese media animations of current news events. Now, learn the cool story of the man behind the Next Media madness (and how they do it so quickly)
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The mail never stops, Jerry
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Vulcans dealing with Pon Farr, Microsoft defenestrating 200 workers, and Don Cornelius starting off Black History Month with a bang: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/29 - 2/4
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Man barricades himself in apartment after concluding that someone stole and ate his chicken meal
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From the "Why Haven't They Been Doing That All Along?" files: Congress introduces legislation to limit levels of lead and arsenic in fruit juice. Next up - Bringing down the levels of broken glass in breakfast cereal
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'Rasputin was my neighbor' and other true tales of time travel
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Chicago learns the hard way that elementary school children can sneak gang symbols into contest artwork just like adults can
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Lots of rainbows in Seattle today as WA becomes the first state to pass marriage equality by popular vote
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pensive person
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Why XXXXX mothers are superior. Never has there been a more misleading headline
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Judge on the other side of the gavel after dismissing wife's and friends' tickets
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Ok, for the last time, the 7-year-old girls in Walmart are NOT free samples. Please make a note of it
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Scientists discover a primate with a shriek that more ear-piercing than your sister-in-law's
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I-N-T-E-S-T-I-N-A-L I-L-L-N-E-S-S breaks out at cheerleading tournament
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Woman arrested two consecutive mornings by the same cop for drunk driving. "This can't happen again" she yelled at the cop as it was.... happening again
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You may get arrested if you tell the police your 6 lbs of marijuana has been stolen. Or, the cops may catch the burglars and allow you to sue for the value of the weed
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| (Beauty and Style) |
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Men are really stupid and need to be told what to carry by a fashion editor. For example, did you know that "pens are convenient for noting a phone number"?
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TV anchor learns how not to pet a dog
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"You got me red-handed," bank robber actually tells officer after dye packs explode all over his getaway car
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Photoshop this ethereal stairway
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Indonesian train officials have an innovative new way of keeping 'rail surfers' off the roofs of their trains: swat them with brooms drenched in putrid smelly goop
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Ready to inhale your caffeine instead of drink it?
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How many officers does it take to beat the fark out of a man in insulin shock? In Nevada, the answer is 7 or more
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Top 3 things not to wear when escaping from prison: #3 - Heart monitor, #2 - Hospital gown, #1 - Leg irons
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When your friend gives you a ride to work instead of your girlfriend, does your girlfriend a) say you made her look bad and try to run you over in an alley b) hit you with a jack c) burn your wardrobe d) all of the above. With luscious mug shot
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Twitter troll learns the hard way that you shouldn't call the Queen of England a "benefits scrounger" if you're on the public payroll yourself
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Man returns to house to find squatters with drugs, grenades, and since this is Florida and not New York, a pig
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Wolfman family in India seeks help for their rare genetic affliction, hopes to enlist the aid of Tom Cruise, who has decades of experience dealing with beards
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Problem: 87 percent of your schools are failing by your own criteria. Solution: Make scoring 75 percent deserving of an A rating. There, all fixed
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Another Florida college is making headlines for hazing, and this time it's a fraternity at the University of Florida that's in the hot seat
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Animal slavery trial of PETA against Sea World begins. Shamu reportedly hires a real shark for a lawyer
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Attention whoring makes strange bedfellows: Al Sharpton comes out for gay marriage
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Maximum Trolling - Man claims he actually invented the internet and sues Google, Youtube, Yahoo and Amazon for using his invention
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Old and busted: dwarf tossing -- New Hotness: Baby as dumbbell
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American public with Bush as president: WE OPPOSE TORTURE. STOP ENDLESS WARS. CLOSE GITMO. American public with Obama as president: Can we get some torture drones with our Gitmo?
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President Obama helps launch a marshmallow across the State Dining Room. SCIENCE
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Man punched stranger because she 'looked at him funny'. Like funny in a comical way? Were there clowns behind her?
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If you ever wanted the pleasure of having the measles AND you were at the Super Bowl village last Friday, I have some good news for you
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Air Marshals gone wild--what really goes on behind the scenes
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Bank of America has achieved the pinnacle of capitalism. They can repossess your property, foreclose on your home, and now they can kill you without repercussion. Bow to your corporate overlords and pay tribute so that they may let you live
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RIAA CEO, in a thoughtful op-ed on SOPA opponents, fairly points out that they were probably all criminals
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1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage
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Photoshop this already strange chair and person into something, well, stranger
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Santorum surges with surprise threesome
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Director of the TN agency charged with eradicating marijuana has decided that the most effective form of eradication is to just smoke it all herself
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TV cameramen zoom in to bust a politician in session watching porn on his cell phone. He claims in a press conference since the House was discussing rave parties at the time, he was just studying an example of 4 women dancing, being gang-raped
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If at the age of 15, you knew what you know now, how do you think things would have turned out?
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Today's sexy teacher likes drinking, swearing and 'pulling black man' (w/pic)
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Old & busted: drunk driving. New hotness: SUPER DRUNK DRIVING
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| Tue February 07, 2012 |
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Pop quiz: A class has 29 students. Twenty students have dogs; 15 have cats. How many have both dogs and cats? If you can't answer this you are dumber than a sixth grader
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Woman leads hundreds in free yoga classes on the beach. County: She must be stopped
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Do you have $87? Do you want to be chased on a 5 kilometer obstacle course by zombies? Then have we got a deal for you
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Apparently, you can't just use Febreze on those little shiats you teach in class
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Vengeful husband sends wife book with bomb inside. What a novel approach
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When you're 14, and get a beer from your older brother, it is considered unwise to try to sell it at school
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Hollywood legend
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Parent of the year can't figure out why failing to get his kids to school 150 times in the past two years is an issue
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Caption the President getting tough with a marshmallow cannon
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In a study that was in no way influenced by Big Snack, potato chips have been found to be lower in sodium than sammich bread
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| (Some Guy) |
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Are you looking to end your romance? Look no further than the Bronx Zoo. For only $10 you can name any one of its 58,000 hissing cockroaches after your, umm...loved one
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Canada now officially endorses torture. This is neither a Celine Dion nor Nickelback joke
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| (Some Guy) |
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Farkette Elizabeth (FL) is trying to win a trip to Europe and become an ambassador for America's next generation of women pilots. She's currently trailing by only 100 votes. Click the Video Contest tab to vote
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Calling the Suicide Hotline by mistake is now probable cause to arrest you, trash your house, kill your fish and run up your electric bill
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Judge orders man to go on a date with his wife. Man expected to file lawsuit alleging infringement of his 8th Amendment rights
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Photoshop this mushing man
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City blocks lawsuit allowing bicycles on bicycle path
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Global warming may be responsible for frigid conditions in Europe. Wait, what?
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| (Some Necromancer) |
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"Your Honor, I don my robe and wizard hat"
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Consumer officials warn about online dating scams. Wait, you mean she isn't a Canadian supermodel who loves World of Warcraft?
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This might shock you, but the ad group responsible for the Clint Eastwood "Halftime in America" Super Bowl ad also worked on the Obama 2008 campaign
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Kim Kardashian refuses Tucker Max's money, shows surprising self-respect
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Speaking of movies, which new movie do you think you'll see this weekend: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, Safe House, The Vow, or Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D
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Iowa City CrimeStoppers release surveillance photo of man stealing a "Fark Me Silly #1" model "mega masturbator" from adult toy store
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Proposition 8 goes down
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Do you own a home with large windows? Is there a cat that you let out in your backyard? If so, you're a criminal
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Man attempts to recreate the Danger Seeker bit from Kentucky Fried Movie
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Because you've been wondering: "What If All the Cats in the World Suddenly Died?"
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Journalist arrested for "resisting arrest" has his video of incident deleted by Miami PD, however the cops didn't know the difference between deleted and tomb-stoned
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World War I has finally ended
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Robotic sentry orders residents to move along or else. Fortunately, as it's in England, it doesn't have guns...yet
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Speaking of secret societies, are there any other members of the Illuminati besides myself? NDIT, obviously
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Why does The Onion refuse to make fun of the things right-wing bloggers want them to make fun of?
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Doctor jailed for conducting thorough examination of epilepsy patient. By which I mean squeezing her breasts, stripping her naked and performing an internal examination. Still, at least he ruled out lupus
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Flipping the middle finger dates back to the ancient Greeks and Romans and is part of US Italian heritage
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After 8 months, man who filed a $16 "adverse possession" claim on a $340,000 house is evicted. Which means he basically paid $2/mo rent on a 3400 Sq ft home-so who really won?
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Karen Handel resigns from Komen for the Cure to spend more time making decisions for your family
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Lots of things can send you to an early grave - this is definitely one of them
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That guy suspected of killing his wife and who blew up himself and his two sons the other day - could it get more gruesome? Don't axe
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Why hasn't the Russian Antarctica expedition responded for a week now? Nazis
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Mom is suing New York City and Child Services for NINE HUNDRED TRILLION DOLLARS
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Lost: One lightsaber stolen from Jedi in a Brooklyn bar known as a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Suspect is bearded, may have the death sentence on twelve systems
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Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to climb a bronze statue of George Washington riding a horse and sit in the saddle for 45 minutes before the cops get him down
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Fed up with the decline of his favorite team, the Washington Redskins, former DC Mayor Marion Barry pledges to work with the owner to help get them back in the championship - just kidding, he Tweets REDSKINS SUCK during the Super Bowl
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| (Some Guy) |
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Evangelical Christian Group: If a man busted for a half-gram of cocaine in 1988 still can't get a job in 2010 without involving lawyers, there's a problem with the justice system
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BP posts $7.6 billion profit in the fourth quarter and $23.9 billion for 2011, showing it has made a complete recovery from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Unlike the Gulf of Mexico
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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You'd think with 7 UFOs hovering around the people of Milo, Maine wouldn't be complaining about how dark it is up there
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College drinking is on the rise and may reflect a dangerous trend. This is not a repeat from every single other year this same article was written
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The 50 most powerful images from the Civil War
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Safari tourists nearly get to experience feeding time at the tiger enclosure
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| (Some Nerd) |
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Facebook seem a little slow today? Fark links seem more farked than usual? It's not just you, North America's intarwebs are only doing marginally better than China's right now
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Photoshop this frosted phone
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| (Some Guy) |
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If one of your coworkers doesn't come back from a smoke break, don't be alarmed
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So just how important are illegal immigrants to a state's economy? So important that even the Alabama hillbillies who voted for their tough anti-immigration laws are starting to second-guess themselves
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Five killer whales named as plaintiffs in court case which argues they deserve the same constitutional protection from slavery as humans. SeaWorld: "Cetacean needed"
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A Maryland mall is evacuated, and goes into lock down after: A) There are credible warnings of a terrorist threat, B) There is a massive gas leak, or C) Sneakers go on sale?
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Not news: Man starts police chase. Fark: Man starts police chase because he "always wanted to do it"
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| (Some Trader Guy) |
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Two Buck Chuck celebrates its tenth anniversary this month. FARK: 600 million bottles have been sold so far
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After days of meticulous planning, man pounces out of bush to chase after ex-wife, douses her with flammable liquid yelling, "I'm gonna kill you"... then stumbles and becomes engulfed in flames. (Early Darwin nominee)
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Family of jogger killed by drunk driver circulate petition to ban drinking on beach, reenact 18th Amendment
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14 Dickens masterpieces summarized in 140 characters or less. #pleasecanihavesomemore
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You're not really hardcore until you tattoo your inner lip. "It will only last about three months because your lip will keep rubbing against your teeth"
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Nebraska considers outlawing cheap beer, sanity
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Thanks to angry mathematicians, Elsevier's publishing model might be about to go up in smoke
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"Police spoke to the man, who said he had just gotten out of the shower and was walking past the window. He said he did not realize there were a lot of people across the street who could see him"
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I don't normally believe in conspiracy theories, but the Labrador retriever, the golden retriever, the dachshund, and the Chihuahua have never taken Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
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Stuff college kids get from vending machines: Chips, soda, gum, Plan B, candy...wait, what?
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Hyena happy to get a hug. The Sun is there
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The mountain hippie's conundrum: Why is it okay to scream bloody murder whenever Walmart tries to build a store in your town, but you can't wait for the day Trader Joe's opens shop?
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The man who tried to keep Challenger from launching that fateful morning has been reunited with the crew
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Serial tuba thieves strike again *sad trombone*
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FREE LIQUOR. Shut. Down. Everything
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Ask to play through to get around some slower players? That's an impalin' with a nine iron
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This just in: alcohol and balconies don't mix
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| Mon February 06, 2012 |
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Bucket kicks the man
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Good News: Researchers invent vaccines to prevent heroin, cocaine, and meth addiction. Bad News: It's in Mexico
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"Institutionalizing juveniles and branding this as criminal behavior rather than dealing with it as normal behavior wrongly places juveniles in places they should not be"
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A handy guide to completing a collection of the most useless, disgusting things ever created by human beings that isn't a Kardashian
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's one thing to steal a microwave, it's another to steal a microwave tower
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Having seen the successes of the past decade, 49% of Americans support bombing Iran to prevent them from gaining nukes
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Photoshop this idle industrial machine
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Daredevil, who obviously has a death wish, is preparing to break the sound barrier with a leap from the edge of space from 23 miles high, not deploying his parachute until he's 5000 feet from the ground
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Amtrak to TSA: How about no
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NJ bill would require kids to stay in school until age 18, leaving those who actually graduate when they are 17 in an awkward predicament
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Pop quiz. A woman and baby are being washed away by a flood. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? c) pull out your smart phone and shoot the video
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While everyone is paying attention to Iran having one of our drones, North Korea actually has several of them in its possession and is reverse-engineering them to make their own drone assault fleet
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Honestly officer, my daughter with cerebral palsy said I could take 40 grand from her special needs account so my son and I could buy trucks
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I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave cocaine for ya
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Garage door openers stop working on entire block at the same time in St. Charles, Missouri. Some say street lights are to blame
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Iran bank accounts in the US frozen, basically putting them at a zero balance. Those overdraft fees are gonna be murder
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When at a gun show, don't point a weapon at something you don't intend to shoot. That includes your leg
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| (Some Girl) |
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Photoshop this 70's sidesaddle
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The rate of STDs is skyrocketing among sexually active senior citizens. Keep that in mind the next time your Nana wants to give you a kiss
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Student in trouble for using Old Spice deodorant spray flamethrower to set special ed student on fi...wait, they still have spray deodorant?
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Randy Travis doing first-person research for a new album
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That 20 million year old beast slumbering in the lake under the Antarctic? Still slumbering. For now
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District Attorney investigating the goddamn BAT vans
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"The burrito's rightful owner walked up to the men and said he wanted his burrito back"
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Sex Week vs. True Love Week, otherwise known as the loose free for all's against the prudes sparks debate on Yale campus
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Red Rover, Red Rover, let your Sikorsky S-76 come over
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Restaurant owner faces $5,000 judgment for starting gay rumor about customer
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Madagascar lemurs practicing the martial arts? SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING
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You know your ex is a committed stalker if he wants to win back your heart by kidnapping you using a plan that's so detailed it's 23 pages long, has maps and photos and even a code name: "Operation Stitches"
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