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| Sun December 25, 2011 |
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They found Jimmy Hoffa
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Newest dangerous teen trend that parents should be on the lookout for: snorting candy
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The meter maid wins again
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Giant shrimp invade Gulf of Mexico and OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE (w/pic)
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Photoshop these runners in all their glory
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Now that Kim Jong-Il is dead. Photoshop what life in North Korea might be like without Kim Jong-Il
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Decades later, a Cold War secret is revealed in Danbury, CT
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Despite the headlines this week, there is no need to panic about kids having group sex"
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L.A. might sue Occupy L.A. protesters for financial damages. Note to City of LA: OWS protesters have no cash, hence the protesting
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Cash is King: The Obama administration appears to have softened a U.S. ban on Internet gambling
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Woman changes her name to "Look At Me, I'm An Attention Whore". Just kidding, but that would be better than what she actually chose
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"Nigerian Taliban" church bombings kill dozens
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It's the annual Fark "What I'm Thankful For" thread. Or if you prefer, the annual Fark "Dammit, Christmas Sucks" thread. Your pick
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Teen climbs Mt. Vinson Massif in Antarctica; becomes youngest to climb seven of the world's tallest mountains on Earth's seven continents. What did you conquer at 15?
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Playful penguins enjoying a white Christmas in Antarctica. Also, it's time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode
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Brew up some eggnog fit for George Washington. Don't call it a comeback, the drink's been here for years
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Dear Santa, please text my dad, he has my whole list. KTHXBAI
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Great balls of fire
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The Christmas tree is a lie
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Photoshop theme: If everyday items were treated like dangerous drugs
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As a joke, two Texas men began mailing each other the same Christmas card, year after year. The tradition has finally come to an end...61 years after it began
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Three killed at laundromat. When will this cycle of violence end?
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Roaster debuts line of gay coffee. You want some cream in that?
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Man shot by Pittsburgh cop is recalled by neighbors as affable, also off-able
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Burglars steal all of a family's Christmas presents, and also the dog. Presumably to tie a big horn to the top of his head, if they can't find a reindeer, they'll make one instead
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Rash of Baby Jesus figure thefts continues. Locals say it makes no frankincense
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Worrying: You are commanding a US Navy vessel and maneuver to avoid hitting a trawler. Bad: You don't see the freighter now in your path: Embarrassing: The freighter sees you and moves out of the way: Fark: You are in a sub
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Young girl sends her Christmas list to Santa via balloon, finds it to be much more reliable than the USPS
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Sleep study claims visions of angels in Bible were merely 'lucid dreams'
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Gold embroidered hat-wearing Pope, carrying a diamond and ruby encrusted solid gold scepter, decries the "superficial glitter" of the season, just after unveiling an enormous 23 foot tall, 82 foot wide nativity scene
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Stabbing death over loud music leaves many questions. How loud was the music? Was it really worth killing over? Why is the housing project called the "Pork 'n Beans"?
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"The Slutcracker": Tchaikovsky's timeless Christmas ballet performed by pole dancers (w/video showcasing traditional & non-traditional versions of "The Nutcracker") Some content Not safe for work
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| Sat December 24, 2011 |
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Admit it. You have lots of questions about Christianity, but none more burning than whether or not Jesus had an in-style hairdo
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The worst catchphrases of the year. Meh
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Unprovoked attacks nationwide are at the heart of a game called 'Knockout King' . Brace yourselves
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Most people's Christmas displays don't contain an F-104 Starfighter. But then, Tom Blair is not most people
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Holiday Theme: What else Santa does on Christmas Eve
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Airlines now cleared to fly over North Pole, which will shorten flights and lead to new routes. Oh, and death, there will be horrible horrible death when the engines fail
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Nine words you thought you would never see in the same headline
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10 words Americans added to their vocabulary this past year
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Top selling Christmas gifts over the years
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The Great Space Ball Mystery has been solved, your Mom was likely involved
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What people wanted for Christmas... in 1975
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That $172,000 violin that was lost is is reunited with relieved owner. Just in time for Catgut-erday
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What it was like to run a bar in Baghdad during the Iraq war
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The latest White House controversy? Where is Bo? Still no cure for politicians
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"Mall's ban on Salvation Army bell-ringing saddens shoppers"
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| (Some Grinning Guy) |
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Photoshop this plate passing
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Assange may face spy charges after lawyers claim he 'coached' U.S. traitor on breaking military computer passwords
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More people are wanting an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle under their Christmas tree this year
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Thief raises the bar in the "stupid things to leave behind at the crime scene" competition, leaves behind picture of himself on phone he stole in previous burglary
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These paintings are even better if you are totally tripping balls
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family of terminally ill 11 year old requests a few emergency vehicles drive by his house. Within 24 hours, 100 emergency vehicles give this young man an awesome farewell. Merry Christmas everyone. I'm gonna hug my kids
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| (SaveOnBrew) |
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Five worst beers to give as a gift. Let the Christmas rage begin
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Duuuuuuuude. I love to roll my own. Wait, what were we talking about again?
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...and Prince Philip's heart grew three sizes that day
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Not about to be up-staged by FedEx, a UPS driver flips off security camera, as he throws package
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| (Some Cooking Guy) |
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Subby'll be having Rosemary Garlic Prime Rib, caramelized carrots, asparagus w/ hollandaise sauce, steamed broccoli, mashed potatoes and Yorkshire pudding for Christmas dinner. What are you having?
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The Star of Bethlehem was either a star, comet, aliens, or a supernova
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Guy scores venti payout from Starbuck's after slipping on wet floor, his wife also gets a grande bit because he can't get tall any more
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Family of seven arrives at million-dollar beach home ready to start glorious 10-day vacation. However, there's just one small problem
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| (Some Guy) |
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And... HE'S OFF (exclamation point) Merry Christmas, Santa Trackers
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So long and thanks for all the fish
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Forget antidepressants and talk therapy. The best way to overcome your depression is a fistful of placebo pills
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15 ugly-ass Dalmatian puppies born in one litter. Cruella De Vil spotted around the corner
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"By using a five-foot-tall cannabis plant as a Christmas tree, Richards showed a total disregard for the law." (w/stoner Christmas pic)
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Female spiders who immediately eat their mates after sex produce healthier babies. Keep this in mind when you're writing out your next paternity check
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Nine-year-old boy with leukemia gets rescue puppy for Christmas, delivered by fire truck. And if that don't do the trick, the pic in TFA will demolish the rest of you cold-hearted bastards
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Overturned ice cream truck closes down Interstate 69. I guess you could say this ice cream spill made for a *puts on sunglasses* Rocky Road. YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
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Photoshop theme: Unlikely private label wines
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Okay, the Darth Vader head and the Opus doll are pretty cool, but topping your Christmas tree with a Seahawks helmet is just too much
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George the cat, thought to have died at airport, came back just in time for Christmas and Caturday
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As if he had to remind everyone that he's a badass, Santa Claus pulls a man from a burning car THEN directs traffic around the flames to help keep passing motorists and pedestrians out of harm's way
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Had I known that I wouldn't be getting a first gen back, I would have never sent mine in. Greed got the best of me. I should have kept my first gen, it was fine
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Latest rectally extracted figures indicate Occupy L.A. protests cost more than two-thirds of a Michael Jackson memorial and slightly more than a 1%er makes in a week
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Bad: Leaving your umbrella on the bus. Worse: Leaving your phone on the bus. Worst: Leaving a rare violin valued at $172K on the bus
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Trollface monkey plays in snow. U MAD?
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Captain Steroid brings you his 2nd Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: Polar Bear Bleh. 1st Prize: 1 month of sponsored TotalFark for the winner. Difficulty: No TFers allowed. Contest ends tonight @ Midnight CST on X-Mas Eve. Have fun :D
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"Glamping" is luxury camping. And by "camping" I mean "all-amenities villas that only a city kid would consider camping"
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"Teen Girls Having More Same Sex Contact". The Mayans were wrong. 2012 won't be the end. It is going to be the Best Year Ever
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On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, twelve drummers drumming, eleven crocodiles snapping, ten lords...wait, what?
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Man, I was so drunk Wednesday night, I don't remember a thing. I didn't do anything stupid, did I?
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Autistic boy placed in "therapy" bag to control outbursts. In other news, there are 673 teeth on a gym bag zipper
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If your doctor has you hold the IV bag, smokes a cigar during your procedure, and flushes your fat down the toilet, he may not be legit
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Dad returns from Iraq to surprise kids at Medieval Times. When the hell will allergy season end?
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Study finds people would much rather travel alongside someone with bad body odour than parents with crying kids
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Author of "Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn't Buy Presents for the Holidays," Compares Christmas shopping to the Homer Simpson theory of why people do things: "It's because they're stupid, that's why"
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You take your snowflake to the mall for a visit with Santa, should you be allowed to take your own picture or be forced to pay for an overpriced 'professional' shot?
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| Fri December 23, 2011 |
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Q: What do you call a guy who finished last in medical school? A: Better qualified than some of the hacks running around in Army hospitals
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The only white Christmas in Florida comes from bales of cocaine washing ashore
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Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch
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Santa Cruz woman thrwarts mugger, hands him a bag of dog poop
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| (GovWin) |
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Get last-minute gift ideas from the Army's PEO Soldier Portfolio, or if you prefer, a printable calendar from the National Counterterrorism Center
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Geez. Nurses in Utah find creative use for medical tape and everyone gets all upset
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Twenty-three Christmas props and 30,000 lights: $1500; Telling your HOA and their $25 biweekly fine to stick it: priceless
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Theme: I have no idea what you are talking about, so here's a ____________ with a ____________ on its head
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Violence breaks out as shoppers fight for the new Nike shoe: The Air Jordan. This is not a repeat from 1991
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Applesauce Acres Alpaca Attack leaves neighbors appalled, tongue-tied
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Never-seen photographs from a forgotten war. Well ... forgotten, that is, except by the relatives of the millions killed, the hundreds of thousands still alive who served, and the multitudes whose lives were destroyed
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Since you weren't doing very much at work this week, the Fark Weird News Quiz should be pretty easy. Right?
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Anyone else tired of hearing about chronic fatigue syndrome?
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If "Holiday Heart Syndrome" doesn't get you, the tree bugs will. Merry frickin' Christmas
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People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, unless they bought it for $14.1m. Then they can do whatever the hell they want
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Toll booth robber: "Give us all the cash." Toll booth worker: "Dude, you're in the E-ZPass lane"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop holiday theme: Nutcracker
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Archaeologists uncover ancient holy scripture containing True Account of Rudolph
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Because Christmas falls on a Sunday, some churches are canceling services. Wait, what?
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A wrap-up of this week's Headline of the Year contests, a preview of next week, and the Headlines of the Week for 12/11 - 12/17
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Citizens of Coralville, Iowa outraged that Old Country Buffet shut down without notice. "There are no buffets left in town. What will we do?"
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In the worst tragedy on American soil since 9/11, vegetarian's life completely ruined because some stoned teenage windowlicker wouldn't make her a veggie sub. 10 years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we read this
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Slow news day: Golden retriever takes a bath
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According to the Mayan Calendar, today is the first day of the end of the world. Happy Apocalypse everybody
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Craiglist thieves use Craigslist to sell Craigslist items stolen from Craigslist meetings. Craigslist
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Christmas services have gone from simple nativity scenes to acts that would make Cher weep with envy
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Rick Santorum has a new 'popup video' ad in Iowa. Make your own popup video ad for a Presidential candidate
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Man gets two years in prison for selling cocaine while being drunk and dressed as The Incredible Hulk, after police caught him green-handed
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A letter to Santa written by two children in 1911 was discovered in 1992 in a Dublin fireplace
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| (Aspen Daily News) |
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Aspen Colorado solves homeless problem by sending the homeless to North Dakota where they'll be cryogenically frozen for future generations
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A slide show of Michelle Obama so you can decide for yourself if the First Lady has a 'large posterior'
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Five of the scariest ski slopes in America. "Paradise begins with an eight-foot drop and continues through a steep obstacle course of trees, rocks and, often, ice - this is east coast skiing after all"
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Now that you've realized how uncool your ridiculous earbuds are and are ready to move on to a pair of actually cool headphones, Dr. Dre would like you to know that he's "personally offended" if you buy generic
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21-year old man emerges from a coma just as doctors were preparing to turn him into spare parts. Reportedly told doctors he felt happy, felt like taking a walk
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Sad: Somebody stole an inflatable Frosty the Snowman from a family's front yard. Awesome: The captors show Frosty a good time, document the whole thing, and return him two weeks later
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NYC subway vigilante Bernard Goetz gets his sweet revenge... well sort of
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Napoleonic invasion, demonic possession, zombies, perverts and crashing Santas - just how do English councils prepare for the worst?
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With winter extending its icy grip on poor slobs in northern climates, and endless months of dreary, cold, and miserable weather are enough to drive even the sane to consider eating a bullet, there's only one answer: Glogg
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Cafe owner posts sign of himself threatening Santa with a knife, saying "Eat here or the old bastard gets it". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this
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Man awarded $4 million for overdosing on drugs stolen from a pharmacy. Is this a great country, or what?
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When you're at a routine traffic stop, it's never a good idea to tell the police 'I'm sorry officer, my gun is digging in my hip', especially if you're a convicted felon
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As you board your flight home for the holidays, spare a thought for the brave TSA workers who are tirelessly protecting us from the perils of homemade jam in carry-on luggage
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From the "adding insult to injury" files: boy is run down by SUV, then ticketed for walking on the wrong side of the street
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Out of money to pay your bar tab? Why, just go rob the bank next door, then go back to the bar, pay your tab and finish your beer
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Cleaning crew finds meth lab in apartment. That's *so* coming out of your security deposit
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Ten things you didn't know about the Krampus
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Listen to that engine purr
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Severe damage after earthquake in New Zealand. See article for photo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dynamic duo
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John Edwards requests that his trial start be delayed because of an undisclosed "medical condition" which may or may not involve his hair
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Seven ridiculous origins of everyday words. I don't know, these seem like perfectly cromulent origins to me
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| (Some Guy) |
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Grandparents kicked out of the mall for A.) Racing up the down escalator b.) Using the Macy's intercom to announce a 50% store wide discount for the next 30 minutes C.) Taking a picture of their 5 year old grandson
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Namibia, may the schwartz be with you
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TSA launches "TSA Cares," a helpline designed to help prime senior citizens and the disabled for their groping
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CNN dares ask the question: Just how do atheists celebrate Christmas? Ironically, of course?
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A 300 year old mystery has been solved... elephants have 5 toes, not 6. And, we wonder why there is not a cure for cancer
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Crazy Kent has been travelling the state posing for pictures inside a trash can. It's crazy. Of course it is
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Man steals woman's panties from her apartment for use as masturbatory aid, gets caught while breaking back in to return them, gives her his voter registration card, and flees. Unknown where his polling place was at this time
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| Thu December 22, 2011 |
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Study finds heartburn on the rise. Here comes the acid
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Old and busted: Unlimited data* New Hotness: In stock*, guaranteed by Christmas**
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One recent poll found that 84% of U.S. adults claim they'd prayed in the past week. This might be impressive if we knew they weren't praying to win the lottery or to be hung like Ron Jeremy
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Ugly-ass baby polar bear has a face even his mother couldn't love
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Ft. Lauderdale offering homeless free bus rides out of town. Miami and West Palm Beach soon to offer homeless free bus rides back to Ft. Lauderdale
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Iran announces plans to conduct Navy drills with...... CTRL+V, V, V, V, V, V, V, V....most fearsome, awe inspiring flotilla known to mankind
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Sometimes a renter will take appliances or whatnot when he moves out in a huff. Other times he may take his landlord's underage daughter
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The Texans who live on the 'Mexican side' of the border fence: Technically, we're in the United States
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Man punches three bar patrons in the face after getting booed off stage during karaoke. He's singing "In the Jailhouse Now"
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Photoshop theme:Photoshop an excuse to get out of work
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*DING* you are now free to lose your unaccompanied minor
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Still Burning: "She shows up tardy one day and hears her name called over the loud speaker to come to the principal's office. She spends the next five days behind bars"
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Holiday Fark Party - No plans for Christmas Eve? Join us in LA for some drinks and eats
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If you think penguins are the only animals in Antarctica, then you've never seen the tiny elephants, bear-yam hybrids, or the nematode worms. "They're a lot cuter than earwigs"
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HOLIDAY HEART SYNDROME will KILL YOU. Now go eat, drink, and be merry
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TSA saves us from the limitless depravity of a cupcake-wielding terrorist. Our freedom is safe once again
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Photoshop this rude reptile
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Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Business tab headlines
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Girl swept out to sea by a tsunami when she was eight years old finally makes it back home...seven years later
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Animals wearing yarmulkes
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It's go-time at NORAD's Santa Tracking Center
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| (Louis C.K) |
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Twelve days ago Louis C.K started selling "Live at the Beacon theater" through his web page for five bucks without any DRM or other restrictions. Money earned so far: $1,000,000. Donated to charity: $280,000
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Headlines you don't expect to read: Germany edition
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16-year-old girl who failed CPR class resuscitates 75-year-old heart attack victim. Imagine what she could have done if she'd passed
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Perhaps the only thing more obnoxious than people who spend a small fortune each year on Christmas presents for their children are the people who spend a small fortune on presents for their pets. "He's getting a costume and a hat"
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Grandma knits 300 scarves for school. This is comforting. This is warmness. THIS... IS... NECKWEAAAAAAAAAAAAR
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It's only a few days before Christmas. If there's a gift you would like, please post in this thread and this thread will be delivered to Santa at the North Pole
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One city will be celebrating Festivus, complete with Pole, an Airing of Grievances, and the requisite Feats of Strength
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Heads up kids, if you're a a good student but a dumbass on social media sites, it may keep you from getting into college
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While North Korea is consumed with mourning for their dead leader; North Korean defectors in the south are holding equally enthusiastic "We're glad you're dead you miserable bastard" rallies
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Studies confirm that the man tweeting next to you as the plane rolls down the runway would rather all of you die in a fiery crash than have the world be denied even 5 minutes of his 140-character wit
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Man in custody after gas explosion threat, faces lifetime ban from Taco Bell
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According to etiquette experts, holiday restaurant tipping varies widely among cheapskates, tightwads, and skinflints
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Presenting the "Muggies," TSG's mug shots of the year. Witness clowns, cleavage, a bride, self-mutilation, and Lindsay Lohan
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Fark ready headline: Villagers barricaded themselves in pub to hide from naked man with axe
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"At one workplace, the employer had attached a large sex toy to the unisex washroom key so it wouldn't be misplaced. When a female employee complained, her boss refused to get rid of the key-chain. She no longer works there"
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Scientists invent painless dental filling process which uses a plasma toothbrush to do it in less than 30 seconds. It will arrive in 2013 If you're terrified by dentists, today is an awesome day
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Visual.ly presents the 20 best visualization graphics of 2011. Also known as Chart Porn at its finest
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23-year-old ASU coed ends up stranded in the snow, MacGyver's herself alive for 10 days, creating water out of crystals and finally using a Hershey Bar to charge a cell phone and a chewing gum wave guide to jam passing military craft
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Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking: Drew has invited us for some beers, so I'm going to go ahead and shut off this engine right here
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The year's most inappropriate Christmas ad claims that "Dick" puts "last-minute go" into "Santa's ho"
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An AK47 is a surprisingly effective, though unconventional, medical diagnostic tool
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Eight soldiers charged with bullying a comrade to death. Unclear who ordered the Code Red
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Lesbian vampire killer set to walk free after 20 years. Doesn't know about Twilight yet
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An old Fark Photoshop contest picture gets a shout-out on I Heart Chaos. Tag is for all of you Fark photoshoppers
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Beer deserves the "same kind of expertise" as wine does, because it's gotten more complicated
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Old and busted: Manscaping. New hotness: Brotox
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"I wanted to be a lot of things, but I never -- I PROMISE you -- ever wanted to grow up to be someone known as 'The Penis Mom'"
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A man has been charged with attempted murder after throwing a bowling ball at a woman's head. The Sphinx says that before throwing the bowling ball, you must first let the bowling ball throw you
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North Korean media reports that moments before Kim Jong-Il's death, there was a mysterious red glow emanating from the sacred mountain they claim he was born on. Apparently Satan was preparing the VIP entrance
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Several massive explosions rip through Not Our Problem Anymore, killing {we are no longer required to care} people
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| (Will You PLEASE Make Me A Sandwich) |
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Photoshop the wooden model of marriage
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Talk about putting the T & A back into the TSA: Woman caught at the airport smuggling 2.5 kilograms of pure cocaine hidden in implants in her bust and backside
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Woman drowns while sleepwalking. I'm not saying it's Ambien, but it's Ambien
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The complete guide on how to give people the Christmas presents they actually want
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A Girl Scouts troop's decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child this fall has prompted three leaders to resign and dissolve their troops. Guess they'll all forfeit their tolerance badges
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| (Some Guy) |
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Psychic Fails: 2011 Failed and Forgotten Predictions. Guess they didn't see that coming
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Ever wonder who came up with the idea for Suburban Sprawl, HOAs, Strip Malls and Car Dependent Communities?
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From the Ric Romero Institute: Drunk office holiday parties are full of unwanted sexual advances
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The oldest Christmas cake in America turned 100-years old. w/edible goodness photo
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If you've recently gotten divorced, laid off, or experienced some other negative life-changing event, the best city to start your new life in is...Iowa City? Really?
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81-year old woman beats up the gun-toting man who mugged her daughter, demands he get off her lawn. Sure, it happened in Florida, but this woman deserves the Hero tag
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Naked, roaring man arrested after being found sleeping in stranger's home. "When he opened the door to roar again, the trooper used a shotgun to shoot him in the stomach with a non-lethal beanbag"
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If you are pulled over at 2:30am for driving drunk, the most plausible explanation to give the cops is: A) Your house is only a mile from the bar, B) You really had to go, or C) You were taking the deer in your trunk to the hospital
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Man sent by the Lord to plug in Mayor's Christmas lights held at gunpoint by Mayor until police arrive
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Tourist decides to go on a hiking trip to the taliban-infested mountains of Afghanistan, with predictable results
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If you're a helicopter pilot and you're trying to avoid low lying fog, try to avoid the even lower power lines. Oh... and look out for the interstate too
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 346: "Farktography Classic: Season's Greetings 5". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 21, 2011 |
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Elephant fatally attacked by another elephant at zoo will always be remembered
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's one thing to be the criminal mastermind behind the thefts of all the Baby Jesus' from outdoor nativity scenes in your town. But do you have to put the remaining figures left behind in sexually suggestive positions as well?
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9mm mouse hunting & wounded roommate & a 13 yr old girlfriend. The Fark crime trifecta hits in Taylorville, UT
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Evidence suggests that the 2008 financial crisis was triggered by a "Bear Raid" market manipulation by short sellers against Citygroup late in 2007
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If you talk to people about jury nullification, this prosecutor will seek to have you jailed for six months. Subby wonders what the prosecutor might do to anyone who talks about the First Amendment
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Coal plant operators finally run out of briquettes, will have to comply with a nearly 30 year backlog of clean air regulations
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When a cheesy beer commercial star visits for lunch, it's front page news. It is...the Least Interesting Town in the World
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Photoshop this lighthouse lashing
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If you've been wondering what to do with that spare $8 million, why not pick up this private island with a Revolutionary War history?
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Mullets plead not guilty to attacking beards
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Olive Garden won't serve capers because they're too 'unexpected,' or pesto because it's too 'green'
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Soldier pawns his Purple Heart for Christmas. That hurts
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Mistletoe, snow spray, bubble lights, alcohol, and other common Christmas items that will kill you, because death never takes a holiday
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Hungary downgraded to starving
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If you happen to find a winning Powerball ticket from June 29, the Georgia Lottery would like a word with you by next Tuesday
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Photoshop this bolt and blogger
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Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Politics tab headlines
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A Navy tradition caught up with the repeal of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' today when two women sailors became the first to share the coveted "first kiss" on the dock after one of them returned from 80 days at sea
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Kim Jong Un issues first order as president. I bet it was for a banana split
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Candy store Sugar & Plumm Purveyors of Yumm learns the hard way the Upper West Side doesn't like cute store names, bright layouts, or fun. "The whole thing needs toned down. The coolest places in New York have no signs"
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"Chicken bones are not, in principle, problematic"
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Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Geek tab headlines
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Japan tsunami before/after Google street view pics, with nifty slider gizmo to illustrate the devastation
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Frankincense may soon be extinct because some wise guys are over-harvesting it
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Lessons learned from a 25,000 mile off-road drive from Hong Kong to Portugal. "In Russia, I learnt that when you have vodka for breakfast, you know it's going to be a good day"
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Allowing children to wear "Jordan's Bar Mitzvah" shirt offends classmates who were not invited to Jordan's Bar Mitzvah
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Binge drinking is contagious, say researchers familiar with Fark gatherings
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Bradley Manning's Klinger photos ignored by army, now hotlips on prison radar for hawkeye pierce
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Christmas decorations stolen. Suspect reported to have green complexion and a heart two times too small
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TSA officers confiscate book because words are weapons, sharper than knives. Also, there were two throwing knives inside
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A hit and a-mish
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And now presenting, the seven types of holiday fights you are about to get in
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Meanwhile, in France, the government is considering forcing 30,000 women to have breast reduction surgery
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In a world of street food, this converted 18 wheeler crushes them all. "We wanted to turn it into a show"
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Angry Birds: London Philharmonic edition
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Woman spends last five months of pregnancy upside down to keep baby from falling out
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Like an al Qaedian Tupac Shakur, Awlaki releases some new posthumous material
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The killing of Osama bin Laden chosen as top news story of 2011. In other news, the top story from 2001 to 2010 was that he kept getting away
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Hoping I could I borrow a cup of sugar, oh and top off my tank please
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Jesuslovesme and Awesome among the baby names registered in Scotland this year. Why can't people use traditional names like Dòmhnallaidh and Slàinidh?
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Need a last-minute gift for your kids but can't figure out what to get them? How about these new Occupy Wall Street-inspired Lego sets?
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| (Some Guy) |
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European auto insurers are looking to use black box data to get around the coming ban on rate discrimination against men
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Scary: boy gets flesh eating bacteria. Interesting: on the face. News: survives. Fark: so the Vatican canonizes a dead 17th centry Native American. Cool: first American saint. Silly: unless you're Mormon, I guess
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Meanwhile, in Switzerland
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Hot mother accused of having sex with her daughter's friends, playing sexy, sexy ping pong
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'Sensitive Santas' are providing their services so that children with autism can make their first ever visit to the Jolly Old Elf
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Get ready for Avian Flu XXII: The Oh-Farkening
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Penguins poo on people in line to see the Pandas at the Edinburgh in a tale of monochrome jealously
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Tis the season... for "ingenious robbers caught after police followed their tracks in snow" headlines
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Want to pay off someone's layaway for toys? Totally okay. Want to prepare dinner for shut-ins and deliver them on Christmas Day? HOLD THE FARKING PHONES
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Well it's Bud the Spud from the bright red mud, still languishing in Lebanese prison. The times are grim, and his hopes are dim because the Holidays and Hassan's coming. The Holidays and Hassan's coming
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Teenage juror who stopped trial by pretending to be sick but in fact used the time to go and see musical "Chicago" found guilty of giving the judge the old razzle-dazzle
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He's just this guy, you know?
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An Iranian diplomat who saved thousands of Jews in Nazi-occupied Paris died in poverty and obscurity thirty years ago. Finally his story is being told. "There is no distinction 'I am Muslim, he is Jew' or whatever"
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Latecomer for the coveted Father of the Year award arrested for putting a photo of his bound and gagged 22-month-old daughter on Facebook
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Is there anything more distinctly American than hilariously awful family holiday photos? No, there is not
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| (Some Guy) |
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Okay, seriously. Which one of you is responsible for this?
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New translation reveals the Three Wise Men might actually have been a score of random dumbasses, most of them too cheap to bring presents
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Photoshop challenge: design a band's next album cover
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The pros and cons of flying nude. Problem #1: the flaps
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"This American Life" helps take down a Georgia drug court Judge
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"Boob job vouchers 'not a good gift idea'"
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Colorado ski resort waiting for snow so they can open for the season. Well, duh
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Woman who called police to report a home invasion and then said she must have hallucinated it was arrested after police found the source of her hallucinations: heroin
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Man who lost his wallet containing $5,600 in cash has it returned less than 24 hours after it went missing
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Cocaine found on nine out of 10 public baby changing tables. "That's some good shiat right there"
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| Tue December 20, 2011 |
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Is Christianity now the new radical Islam?
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Common man wins Lamborghini, a few hours later an embankment knocks him back into the 99%
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US: 'We can't socialize healthcare, it'll kill innovation' Canada: 'Oh yeah? Where's your HIV vaccine, eh?' Hero tag needs a maple leaf
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Pa state supreme court rules that you can trade sex for things as long as you don't do it as a business
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Woman found dancing naked around rotting corpse isn't a criminal, she's just a bit off. And by "off", we mean nutty as a fruit cake
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Photoshop this reticent reward recipient
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Earth has a second moon, say astronomers. That's no moon, says Han Solo
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Much ado about Much Ado About Nothing about nothing
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Boy: I'm concerned that the chimney on our new house is too small for Santa. Builders: Too small you say? Well we will redesign it and test the new design with a Santa Claus impersonator just for you
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"Leftover asphalt" driveway paving scammers fined $17 million, will no doubt pay in a timely fashion
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Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Entertainment tab headlines
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Proving it's actually possible to have an IQ below zero, school officials discipline a student for taking bites from a pizza slice until it was shaped like a gun
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One woman's quest to obtain the hairstyle of Callista Gingrich
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Income inequality in the United States is worse than in ancient Rome, and that's including the slaves. Wait until my friend Biggus Dickus hears about this
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2011's worst predictions: Qaddafi says rebels will lose, Karl Rove says Palin will run, Conde Naste calls Libya a tourist hot spot, preacher claims the world will end, and...Thomas Edison says taxis will be made of solid gold?
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Scientists claim to have discovered the secret of the Turin Shroud. Their conclusion? They're not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens
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Toys for Tots struggling this year due to embezzlement
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Photoshop an unlikely man in a typical girlie pin-up pose OR Photoshop an unlikely woman in a typical hunky pin-up pose. LGTI
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ACLU stops Automatic Licence Plate system that scans and records every licence plate it sees into a database. Just kidding, police have already started using them. Bonus: Automatic search of existing databases regardless of innocence
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Kid: Santa, I want my mom home from Iraq for Christmas. Mall Santa: Well, look who I happen to have in my sleigh
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F104 Starfighter stolen from Dutch museum. Officials suspect thieves may have been after the rudder
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Bank robber: Give me all your money or I'll hot glue you into a Christmas ornament
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Remember the good samaritans that paid off the layaway balances at K-Mart? A woman tries to do the same at Wal-Mart and is initially told no by store manager because it would violate their privacy policy
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You know that billboard with the picture of George W. Bush that says "Miss me yet?" Well, the Syrian protesters have an answer
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Scholars discover where Drew's ancestors once lived
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Fark-ready headline: "Man eats cocaine in brother's butt, dies"
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YouHaveDownloaded.com outs its first major offender: The RIAA
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Now it is 1984 / Knock-knock at your front door / It's the suede-denim secret police / They have come to Indonesia
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Walmart, subcontractors, and temp agencies welcome you to the wonderful new labor opportunies of the 19th century
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Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Sports tab headlines
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NYC man gets a ticket for putting his garbage cans at the curb 30 minutes early. Thanks zero tolerance Sanitation Department for the $100 ticket
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Apparently this year's War on Christmas will be of the "civil" variety as MI homeowners recieve an anonymous letter denouncing their Christmas light displays for perpetuating a pagan tradition
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Fancy deer invade Ozarks courthouse for some caroling and piano time
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Occupy Denver protesters set their own tents and structures on fire as they get kicked out of park
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Before you feel up one of the lovely airline stewardesses Singapore is known for, you may want to recall that Singapore is also known for "caning"
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Newest contender for dumbest Stanley Cup rioter emerges. "Unlike many others that night, [he] allegedly had his surname emblazoned across his back on a hockey jersey"
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Japan decides to upgrade F-4 fleet to F-35's, citing the concerns over China, North Korea, Mothra
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"Mmmphgh Abiryrt Mphdgjkdhd" said Bane. "Fark" said Warners
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If your game show involves the two hosts cooking and eating each other's flesh, maybe it's time to reconsider the concept of the show
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Mugshots and descriptions of the top Teacher-Student sex scandals for your amusement. Yes, subby knows it is a slideshow, but it is 36 slides long
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Uploader of pirate copy of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" sentenced to one year in federal prison. Hasn't he been punished enough?
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Actual headline: "Can loving a robot lead to divorce?"
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Florida wants your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. Check that. What we really want are nude Europeans
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University of Texas College Republicans President tweets: "My president is black. He snorts a lot of crack." Is our children learning, indeed
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| (German Herald) |
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New laboratory is growing human skin from foreskins collected from infants. It's safe, completely natural and the only side effect is that when burn victims see pretty women, they stand up straighter
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If you 'had "wouldn't even wait for the door to hit US troops in the ass on the way out" in the "How long until the Iraqi government starts collapsing?" pool, come collect your prize
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Some of the best news article mistakes of the year. Among them: "Drunk and expecting child, man burglarized property"
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Man steals mannequin from Sears. NOTHING'S GONNA STOP HIM NOW... except for the cops
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Every item in a Florida Macys was marked down to $5 thanks to two now former employees
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Dear residents of Kansas: two of the letters in UFO stand for "unidentified" and "flying"
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Ah, the old "my cousin is concerned about the size of his penis, let me see your penis" trick
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Our favorite Taiwanese animators take on Kim Jong-il's death. Come for Dear Leader's descent into hell, stay for Kim Jong Un's rocket penis
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Delicious for Chanukah: Boneless spiral ham. $8.99/lb
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Button-down high school with a reputation as being too serious decides to cut loose and not be lame, succeeds in a bunch of normal high school pranks that make it look like it's trying too hard. Lame
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Photoshop these eggstatic folk dancers
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Pen is retrieved from 76 year-old woman's stomach 25 years after she swallowed it. FARK: It still writes. Pen is mightier
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Forty things that will make you feel old. GET OFF MY LAWN
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Woman given 12 hours to live when she was born celebrates her 105th birthday
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Courtney Stodden's new Christmas photos are so tasteless they made Anderson Cooper throw up a little in his mouth
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This kid has already saved more for retirement than you earned by the time you turned 14
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Woman melts crayons, finds Jesus (w/pics)
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Burger King's new fries are better than their old ones, but "still not as good as Wendy's fries." Um...Wendy's fries suck. Now, Culver's and Five Guys, they've got great fries. And burgers
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Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Penis
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Louisiana Walmart introduces handicap scooter bumper car competition to spice up the early-morning hours at the store
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Vince the Dwarf is the world's smallest firefighter at just 4ft 2in tall. With Vince the Dwarf working his hose pic
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What is Jon Bon Jovi really trying to tell us from the grave?
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Engine by Ferrari, Handlebars by BMW: The world's most expensive quad bike goes on sale
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