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| Sun November 20, 2011 |
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Eleven other foods that should be considered vegetables if pizza's a veggie
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PETA takes action against the dark underworld of ...kangaroo boxing
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For richer hot chocolate, toss in a few doughnuts and whiz it up in a blender. This public service message courtesy of the Association of Cardiologists Who Need New Helicopters
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UC Davis chancellor Katehi does Walk of Shame, learns that silence speaks with a volume and clarity none can dispute
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Increased use of GPS tracking devices: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. Ubiquitous presence of surveillance cameras: Mild concern. Unfettered growth of license plate tracking cameras: Meh
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Photoshop this cheesy child
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Woman has worked at McDonald's for over 40 years, starting when she was 36. Instead of being depressed, she seems happy about her career; "You give a little kindness, you get it back"
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Behold: The longest single-paged Cracked article
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Woman fired from being a Sugar Plum Fairy because she's also a burlesque dancer. Or because she tried to cheat on a drug test. Or because she cusses. Whatever the reason, subby wants to party with her
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Photoshop this milk can
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"If social workers and judges can take your child away without due process, the Constitution is nothing more than a piece of paper the powerful can continue to ignore with impunity"
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Let's be frank: No matter how much you relish the idea, If you run a hot dog cart it's just not kosher to stab customers
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The good news: the members of the so-called "super-committee" are finally talking with each other. The bad news: they're talking about how to spin their failure
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Alaska temperatures fall to record -41 below zero. Yukon check the weather map, it's not an Aleutian
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Feathers are "a good way to express your rebellious side without freaking out your parents"
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| (Some Awesome Fanboy) |
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If you want to keep the Irish from moving to America, just smile and tell them how AWESOME they look. WARNING: Prepare to be offended
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Study designed to illustrate just how effeminate Britain has become says men take longer to get ready than women -- including more time cleansing, toning and moisturizing
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Whale fossils found in the desert pose a mystery. The bowl of petunias next to them just raises even more questions
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Military-led interim government in Egypt seeks to drop the "interim" part, replace it with "permanent". Predictable results follow
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Chicago Sun-Times learns that "scamming the scammer" is actually fun
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Oh, it's one of THOSE threads again. Look, if the delivery guy wanted a tip, he shouldn't have charged a delivery fee
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Ten Coca-Cola products that you will never find in the U.S
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I like my hotels like I like my women: COVERED IN BEEEEES
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You know that grenade your grandfather brought home from Korea that's now up in your attic that everybody in your family says is a dud? Yeah, about that
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Photoshop this caught catfish
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You show up to work and the boss sees you crying because you have to move out of your apartment. Does he: a) tell you to get back to work and leave your problems at home, b) fire you, or c) throw dust in subby's eye?
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Baby Owl loves to be petted. O RLY? YA RLY
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73-year-old takes bottle of wine to knife fight and wins. In vino, testiculis
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Radio station gives away fifty turkeys. Hopefully, they learned a valuable lesson from WKRP
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Never give a baby a wine cooler. Never slap your sister. Never slap your sister for giving a baby a wine cooler
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| Sat November 19, 2011 |
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This is why you never perform Men at Work's "Down Under" in an Australian karaoke bar
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If you stole two trains, The Swiss Vapeur Park would kindly like them back
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Giant mound of tires in SC visible from space
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Crumudgeonly newspaper columnist takes on a scourge facing America: clip-on bow ties. Bonus: he says he writes for a "noospaper"
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Photoshop this crate construction
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| (Some Guy) |
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Well, let's just scroll down and meet the staff of Aquinas High School...GAH
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Not quite poor yet because you're still earning a paycheck, but almost there? Welcome to America's 'near poor', according to the Census Bureau
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These caskets will show you how to put the "fun" in "funeral"
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| (Some Caturday Lover) |
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Photoshop this flying cat
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Hooters waitress volunteers as guest speaker during Great American Teach-In at local school. Apparently one mother has problems with this. "I'm not knocking waitresses ... My point is, these kids should have higher goals"
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Actress sues New York City for failing to stop reckless bicyclists. "Just because they wear spandex doesn't mean they know what they're doing"
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In case you were wondering what the aftermath of a Fark Party looks like (slideshow, some possibly Not safe for work)
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Think the zombie apocalypse is as bad as things can get? Any second now the global coffee supply is going run out. Submitter will be in his bunker brewing hoarded espresso
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Saif Gadaffi aims to Please, fails
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| (Some Loser) |
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"Yes, ladies of RWU, when you wear yoga pants and your shirt stops at your waist, I can see your lady parts"
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In new TV ads, Bank of America casts itself as a champion of the working class and small business. Ironic and Fail tags fight it out, but there's really only one tag that will suffice
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What happens when you don't talk to kids about sex: they learn everything from porn. And apparently, this is considered a bad thing
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Compulsive squirrel feeder faces 60 days in jail because she insists on feeding her neighbors' squirrels too
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Not news: Man arrested and shoved to the ground by cops at Occupy Wall St. after protesting use of police force. News: He's a retired Philadelphia police captain in full uniform
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You may soon be rewarded for everything you've done to save fuel. With a two-cent tax for every mile you drive
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Photoshop this round room
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Did you know a mere sticker could send you to the fires of eternal damnation? This former employee did
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British PM defends civil servant described as lazy, eats too much, sleeps on the job, and would rather spend time with ladies than carry out official duties. Caturday: Model gov't employee is a tabby named Larry
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| (SaveOnBrew) |
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Five ways to tell if you're a prententious beer douche. Running a snarky website while drinking Heineken somehow missing from the list
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World's oldest dad: "I'm up, down, up, down, through the night. I don't stop. She loves it" (w/pic of happy family)
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Students are finally passionate about something - they're fighting to bring back chocolate milk
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FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Conservatives dominate political rumor chain e-mails. Send to everyone you know
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Cage fighter working at a slaughterhouse dies from a sudden heart attack after the carcass of a cow falls off a hook and lands on his head. The Aristocrats
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NYPD cop shoves another interfering dirty hippy. Except this hippy was a NY judge there as a legal observer. Someone's walking a beat in Harlem for the next twenty years
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| Fri November 18, 2011 |
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Teenager drops 280lb after discovering woman attempting to be world's heaviest weighed LESS than her
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Alabama enticed Mercedes Benz to build a plant in their state but then arrests their German executives under their new tough immigration laws
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Caption this delayed dark lord
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The Caterpillar Club holds its last meeting before folding up the silk and going into the night
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Agility courses for cats work about as well as you'd expect. "We tried to get the cats to jump over (an inflatable swimming pool), but they would run up to it and stop or take a drink"
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Rule #3 of robbing someone's house. Try not lo leave yourself logged into Facebook, your car running in the driveway, AND your parole card in your wallet on the seat (3 Likes - 2 Comments)
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Thank God, it's Friday's Mugshot Roundup
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Woman hospitalized for Fix-a-Flat ass
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If you were intensely engaged in a dynamic, bidirectional, biological dialogue when an infant you are a more erudite person than those bottle feeders
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Photoshop this rhino in transport
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Father of the Year candidate leaves 13-year-old daughter holding 50 bags of crack as he escapes from police
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Golden Corral is open for Thanksgiving. Discover how food tastes when it is prepared and eaten solely by people who are utterly unloved and alone
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Teen learns the #1 rule of fishing: DON'T GET YOUR EYE CAUGHT ON A FISH HOOK
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The big "Spanksgiving" sexpo is the kickoff of the big "Swallowday" season in Illinois
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Malicious cyber attack by foreign hackers (looking at you Russia) that targeted a water plant in Illinois appears to be the first of its kind on a critical computer system in the United States
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Walking to elevators is for commies, this is America, we demand the right to drive to our apartment door on the 32nd floor
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Sweat-lodge operator soaks up two-year sentence for negligent homicide
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Council votes to loosen laws that separate church and alcohol. The spirits of Christ compelled them
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After three years of intense scrutiny, the EU claims that water can not, in fact, prevent dehydration
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"We need more money for the city." "Hmm. Maybe we should disband the police force." "MORTIMER YOU'RE A GENIUS"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two words: Blimp jousting
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Colleagues say that casting director really had a great feel for working with children. Police say that's precisely the problem
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Man dies in wood chipper accident. Aw, geez. And it's a beautiful day
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This is why you don't hire a 32-year-old man you found on Craigslist to babysit your 6-year-old daughter
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This new German sidewalk has as many twists and turns as, um, as a twisty-turny thing
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Woman accused of killing boyfriend with tire iron said relationship had gone flat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Movember is more than halfway over and Team Fark needs your support
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Female Egyptian blogger posts full-frontal nude picture of herself on Belgium snipe hooligan BIE globe rush toys fig announcement beagle radish farmhand door
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50 years ago today, JFK sent 18,000 military advisors to South Vietnam, ushering in an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity in Southeast Asia and forging a bond between the ... what's that? Ohhhh
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ultrarealistic artist rendering of a suburban dream house
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Don't know how much you remember from the last seven days, but here's the Fark Weird News Quiz to test your memory
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Jesus Christ it's a Canada Lynx, get in the car! With glamour shot of what an exotic cat may look like
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Four out of five scientists believe we are not alone. (with WTF picture proof)
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| (WSYX ABC6) |
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Good news: You avoided hitting that car. Bad news: You hit that pole... and that house... and that car
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Vegetarian's tips for how you should adapt your Thanksgiving meal to their diet
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Think twice before you whine to the IT guy, five true stories on why you should not piss them off
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Day care teacher pierces child's ears after obtaining permission from: a) the parents, b) the legal guardian, or c) the five-year-old
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Fiance of fallen Marine trades in wedding whites for camo green. "I'm going to finish what he started"
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Boys' brains are different than girls' brains. Well, for one, boys are smarter, more mature, and better suited to being leaders while girls have cooties
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First person to pitch a tent at Zuccotti Park also buried his spike for the first time there
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The question of the day: What does your husband think of your wobbly bits? With a fairly Not safe for work picture of owners of said wobblies. Wobble
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian univeristy's marching band suspended for pamphlets with titles like "Mouth raping your little sister since 1905"
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Catholic Church buys glass cathedral for $57M, plans to renovate by casting stones in all directions
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Darth Vader claims a plot of land in Ukraine to park his spaceship. I hope he means his shuttle
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Swiss court rules to fine all hikers in the Alps who show their crevasse
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Doctors find new baby each time pregnant woman goes for scan
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Friday Photo Fun Match Game: Match suspects with their respective alias (Opossum, Catfish, Bullfrog, Bull, or Bumblebee)
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Nevada man gets probation for pushing his wife over a cliff, tells judge he was not at fault
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| (Some Guy) |
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New Axe commercial features models dressed as angels falling from the sky, tearing off their halos and chasing after a guy walking down the street. Who could possibly have a problem with this? Oh wait
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Online hookups are to blame for the recent jump in STDs (with a handy pic of what that hot Swedish bikini model you've been chatting with actually looks like)
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Six-year-old boy caught playing doctor charged with sexual assault, served with a malpractice suit
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Good citizenship: Arriving promptly at court to answer your summons. Bad citizenship: In a stolen car
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Gullible men wanted for job on cattle farm. Located in out-of-the way area with no witnesses. Bring all your valuables along. Please, no bullet proof vests
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Don't you hate it when you almost miss your exit and cut across lanes at the last minute and you would have made it if you hadn't smashed into a cop car you didn't notice?
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Woman has been fighting to clear her fiancee's name. He's just shown police where he buried the body of his wife. Awkward
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Although it may seem like a funny idea at the time, don't call 911 for a joke. Especially not 67 times in two hours. Really especially if you have cocaine in the car
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Pakistan's list of words you can't say on mobile phones includes...monkey crotch, wuutang, period, flatulence. You have been warned
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Aircraft carrier USS George H. W. Bush develops serious plumbing problems. Navy considering changing name of ship to USS Richard M. Nixon
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Occupy Boston protestors are either smarter or less motivated than their counterparts in other cities
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As Gaddafi's regime was falling, a motley crew of Americans offered to help him get out of Libya -- for a very hefty fee
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Photoshop this curious cloud
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The holiday season is officially here now that cops have made their first arrest of someone carrying gift-wrapped packages of marijuana
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Fifty years / By junta ruled / Now reformed / Or U.S. fooled?
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The 25 worst passwords of 2011. Your password is undoubtedly on here (but we won't tell anyone)
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"Everybody hates hipsters ... especially hipsters. And the ironic part is that hipsters' opposition to pop culture has become pop culture"
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If you are gay and live in Russia it's safer to Putin than Putout
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Scientist changes H5N1 from being lethal to being lethal and highly contagious. Yay Science
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Does gallons of booze make for a better advertisement? It sure as hell makes Fark headlines more amusing
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| Thu November 17, 2011 |
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$800,000 federal breast-feeding bonus does little to combat notion that government handouts encourage teat suckling
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"Take one more step out of your comfort zone," says 84 year old, "I'm feeling great. I'm feeling so energized. It's amazing what a little pepper spray will do for you"
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Female teacher accused of operating porn sites on school-issued computer, including MySluttyTeacher.com ... A++
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Damn near killed 'em
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Woman who let her nine year old son drive to school: 'It's cool, he has four years of driving experience'
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From the you gotta be kidding department, Passat chosen as the car of the year
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Woman has tip of pool cue lodged up her nose for 12 years. The Sun is there
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Sorry we gave your Grandpa an execution drug rather than his antacid. Whoops. Our bad
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Wait, what was I going to submit? Fark it, probably wasn't important
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See what you did, TeaParty? White House Shooter "believed he was Jesus and thought President Barack Obama was the anti-Christ"
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When you're drunk, do you: A) Lower your social inhibitions, B) Pass out, or C) Go to the zoo, strip to the waist, and climb into the Spider Monkey enclosure?
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Pentagon tests hypersonic flying bomb that has the ability to strike targets anywhere in the world in less than a hour. Damn that's fast... and threatening
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OWS purposely clogs main traffic system used by 99% of NY commuters. Guess which 1% does not use it. Go on, guess
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Off-duty detective charged with firing four shots at grave site. Hundreds found dead
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Bank of America: We're sorry we gave your $59,000 to someone with the same name, it's an honest mistake, a lot of people in this country have the same exact name. Konstantinos Alexopoulos: O RLY??
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San Francisco to attempt Naked Santa world record (Not safe for work, eyes)
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General Electric filed a 57,000-page tax return but paid nothing in taxes on $14 billion in profits. GE that seems fair
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You know that guy willing to pay you to participate in a sexology study that involves going to a motel to 'role play'? Yeah, he's a fraud
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Did you know that Lowe's and Home Depot had a butt improvement aisle
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Actual Twilight-related headline is five words too long
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Man places signs reading "Car Bomb" and "50-Foot Clearance I.E.D." on woman's car. Cops don't appreciate his sense of vigilance
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252 million years ago Earth lost most of its animals and plants because aliens ate them all, big green grasshopper aliens, with heat rays and sucking machines. OK, it could have been a volcano but I think it was aliens
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Woman steals a $1,400 handbag from her neighbor, then tries to sell it back to her, which is totes stupid
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The NYPD strikes back at the OWS protesters with predictable results. (pics of carnage)
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Photoshop this streaky streetcar scene
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Woman decides to line up outside Best Buy for Black Friday deals...nine days before it happens
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His smile alone could power a Third World country. She blushes, like a high school girl who has, finally, after much bedroom plotting, captured the gaze of the football captain
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Teacher rapes 11 pupils. It looks like they should have *puts on sunglasses" put on sunglasses. YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH
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Guy beats girlfriend off with dumbbell. Let's see how this shakes out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Theme: good and evil (LGT inspiration)
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Man wearing 'I'm A Drunk' shirt hits police car while driving drunk. Ric Romero investigates
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Farker Faethe died today at 8:10AM EST after a prolonged fight with cancer
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Police find six tons of marijuana in a cross border tunnel, and another three tons in a truck. All eighteen tons have been confiscated. Wait, that's not how the meme goes... Are they F-ing high?
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Semi full of beer flips on the interstate. Eight fire trucks, twenty-six police cruisers, four ambulances, two local construction crews, five local newstations, and several hundred commuters show up to help clean up the crash
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Pilot locks self in bathroom, then sends passenger with Middle Eastern accent to bang on cabin door for help. Hilariity ensues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Even the President of the United States can't stop copper thieves from looting. No, not Obama. Abraham Lincoln
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What happens in Las Vegas gets beat up in Henderson
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School bans soccer balls, footballs, baseballs and tennis balls because kids might get hurt if they play with them
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10-year-old breaks into impound lot and steals pickup truck. An 80's movie promptly breaks out
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Saudi women with sexy eyes may be forced to cover them up. (w/ you may need to cover something else up after looking at it pic)
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Russia threatens nuclear war on its borders. This is not a repeat from 1947 to 1989
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Atlantans flee the city as Yankees invade. This is not a repeat from 1864
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140 years ago today the National Rifle Association was founded in New York, but it would be another twelve decades before its primary goal of arming smoking hot blonde twins with powerful handguns would finally be realized
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If you've just received custody of your children, taking them on your shoplifting run is probably not the best idea
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Superior man injured when semi truck proves inferior to freight train
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Some people think its stupid to swim in piranha infested waters. Then there are the toeless Brazilians
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It's bad to steal someone's pet goat. It's flat out wrong to then serve it at a barbecue
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12 stunning photographs for the National Geographic nature photography competition
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Man gets dumped by girlfriend. Goes through standard phases: 1. get drunk 2. listen to Kelly Clarkson and 3. buy a full suit of Halo armor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark-ready headline: "Brave grandma arrests robber with his penis"
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Here is what the hell China was up to in the desert
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Gentlemen, no matter how desperate you think they are, no lovely Eastern European lady is going to fall for a dude wearing a beaver-skin hat to hide his mullet
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Sorry we sprayed that old lady. VOTE QUIMBY
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Dear #occupy USA: This is how you do it. Sincerely, Kuwaitis
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Man who killed an Aldi security guard found dead in his prison cell. He will be charged $1 for the body bag
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Striking photos of some of the thousands who've taken up residence in a Manila cemetery. Hey, no one was living there
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EPA to Arizona copper plant: Cu in court
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Dumbass: Teenager fakes his own kidnapping to extort $50,000 ransom from his father. Fail: Dad doesn't pay
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Patriotic Japanese downing sake in mass quantities to benefit Fukushima disaster recovery. Yeah, that'sh the ticket
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High school math teacher accused of selling grades to pay for DUI. How irrational
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| (Cyprus Mail) |
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When "seeking a pleasant change that would break the monotony of hard work", do not do it by rupturing your friend's intestine with a blast from an air compressor
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With a name like Smuckers, it's got to be good -- and contaminated with salmonella
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| (nwtn today) |
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During domestic dispute, man hits his mother with a ham. After short medical treatment, doctors pronounce her completely cured
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If you're going to rob a bank, you may want to make sure your note is legible
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In the name of fighting social and economic inequality, high unemployment, greed, corruption, and undue influence of corporations - Occupy DC is going to F up your commute to work this morning
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We don't have flying cars, personal commuter jetpacks or a cure for cancer yet, but we do have bacon-flavored sexual lubricant, so yay science, I guess
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Photoshop this bubble lamp
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Millionaires storm Congress, demanding higher taxes for those taking home more than $1 million annually
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Eww. Just ewww
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Airline to Birmingham passengers at refueling stop in Vienna: "You guys are going to have to pitch in £20k for gas if you want to get home"
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Teacher suspended for exposing his class to The Daily Show
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Know who else wanted a ridiculous haircut?
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When it comes to retiring for most older people in the workforce, the new reality is: 80 is the new 65
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No PETA, the town of Turkey, Texas will not change its name to Tofurky
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Teachers now have the right to search your kids' cell phone for pictures that might be used to embarrass them
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McQueary: "I spoke with the Police". Campus and State Police: "Yeah, about that"
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In Texas, the law that requires cars to display license plates expires January 1
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Congress calls TSA bloated and ineffective. Fark: Without even a hint of irony in their voices
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Father of the Year candidate crashes car, flees, and abandons his infant and toddler daughters in Detroit
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Meet Gavin, the world's most sarcastic gorilla. OH, HE IS *SOOOOOOOOOOOO* AWESOME
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 341: "You Can't Fight City Hall". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 16, 2011 |
| (Some Guy) |
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"On the 17th, we're gonna burn New York City to the f***in' ground. You'll see what a Molotov cocktail can do to a Macy's." See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps, New York?
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Winning: Obama's DUI-busted illegal alien Uncle Onyango clerking at liquor store
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Mom upset by crotchless panties. Good thing your mom isn't
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Informer killed by Maoists. In their defense, it is a very difficult song for karaoke
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: a priest, a pregnant teenager, and an 84-year-old woman are hit with pepper spray
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In one of the ballsiest political maneuvers ever, Herman Cain says that the President simply shouldn't be expected to know things, especially things like foreign policy, because knowing things leads to poor decision making
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Taunton ATM targeted. And I thought they smelled bad... on the OUTSIDE
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Electric blue lobster found. The Sun is there with drawn butter
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Photoshop this intent inspector
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Scientists say cheese may be better for your heart than butter. Which is kind of like saying vodka may be better for your liver than tequila
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It's like God's own Monopoly game as tornado moves house from Mediterranean to Baltic
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Skyrim ships 7 million copies since release. In related news, missing persons reports skyrocket
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Photoshop Theme: Create a poster for a rejected Thanksgiving movie
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Well, at least the Chinese have moved on to rare, plant-based, ingredients for their aphrodisiacs, so that's progress, I guess
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F/T, competitive pay, benefits, frequent travel may be required, bachelor's degree a must, blood pressure under 140/90, between 62 and 75 inches tall, must speak Russian, fax resume cover letter ATT: NASA
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Heinrich Himmler's WWII postcards up for sale. "Having wonderful time, wish Jew were not here"
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One in five U.S. adults takes medication for a mental disorder. "I'll drink to that", said the other four
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Japanese cook arrested after squirting sake into a two year-old's mouth. Thank God that's not a euphemism
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Whatever happened to Baked Alaska? The fates of once-faddish dishes
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2012's new theme park thrill rides. Okay...maybe thrill isn't the right word. WTF Superman?
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"Um, yes...I found your video online, fapped to it, and now unfortunately we have to let you go from the company"
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Tips for getting along with your roommates: 1) Always pay your bills on time. 2) Don't let your dishes pile up in the sink. 3) Give your roommates a heads up before leaving a severed bison head on a decorative rock in the front yard
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Not news: Couple busted for having marijuana. Kinda news: Police tipped off by secret photos of stash. FARK: Photos were taken by their sick-of-pot-smoke 11-year-old son
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Why didn't any of my math teachers look like this?
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Tired of the Pedo State football program getting all the press, new accuser comes forward claiming the university ignored his abuse claim against a former professor. Just the tip...of the iceberg
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Just another day in Florida features a knock down, drag out, school lunchroom fight between two 11-year-old girls ... and a parent
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Key witness in Jerry Sandusky sex abuse case changes his story about shower incident after costing four people their jobs. Hopefully they're not butthurt over it
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Handcuffed woman gives cops the slip. Twice
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"Bubble Man" requests new treatment for illness, bad-guy role in next Batman film (graphic images)
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Couple marry as the resort hosting the ceremony burns to the ground. The divorce should be spectacular. (w/pic of happy couple surrounded by flames)
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Not sure what you mean. You asked for a firetruck, and that's what we gave you
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Best Korea is to allow tourists into the country. Just leave your camera, and cell phone at home. Don't talk to anyone, or look at anything. Sounds like fun
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Homeland Security responsible for the nationwide crackdown on OWS
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| (Some Guy) |
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American pilot bombed innocent German children after WWII
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Teen gets stuck in chimney while trying to break into house. Cops say it's very common during the flue season
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Michael Jackson charged with the attempted abduction and sexual assault of ten year old boy
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Two year old boy hospitalized after swallowing a battery. Doctors say his prognosis is positive, will soon be discharged
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Shoplifter caught, texts a friend for immediate help ... by calling in a bomb threat
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Sad: 18 kindergarteners and 2 adults die when overcrowded minivan crashes. WTF: 44 other kids in the van survived
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The dangers of representing yourself in court: "What did the robber sound like?" "He sounded like you"
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Munchkin vists the Wizard of Oz
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"If we can see video on our phones, why are our panties not keeping up with modern technology?"
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We need a price check on a copper thief at Checkout 2
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Are you a child molester who didn't get caught? Well, Lester, you can thank Sandusky for what's about to happen next
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If you're going to secretly place motion sensitive cameras in trees to spy on someone, make sure the flash is turned off first. Also, deleting crime photos from the memory cards of previous stakeouts won't hurt either
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Syrian army defectors attack major military base and intelligence building near Damascus
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Photoshop your idea of heaven
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Internet account - check. Online alias - check. Superhero costume - check. Then it gets weird
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Alien craft crashes in woman's yard. Does she: a) call authorities, b) alert the media, or c) keep the alien's lifeless body in her fridge for two years?
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Teacher accused of masturbating in class may have been doing it for the past 10 years. That's decadent
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House decrees that tomato sauce on school lunch pizza counts as a vegetable. Part of a healthy and balanced meal, along with malk and horse parts
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Texas appeals court rules owner of mistakenly euthanized dog can sue for damages based on sentimental value rather than replacement cost. "Dogs are unconditionally devoted to their owners"
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When hiring someone to kill your disabled Iraq war vet husband for insurance money, make sure they aren't friends
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How Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder disagnoses took over America
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Giraffe licks photographer's camera. The Sun is there
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Atheist billboard wants to wish you a merry Christmyth
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Bambi 1, Hunter 0. Check to see that the deer is DEAD before you 'field dress' it
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Never bring an axe to a snowplow fight
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What's the Mile High club called at 100 ft elevation? While in the back of a cop car? While handcuffed?
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| Tue November 15, 2011 |
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PBS rockstar chef Christopher Kimball advises Thanksgiving cooks to "strip down the menu. Have the turkey, mashed potatoes and one other vegetable. And then forget the salad. Forget the six other sides"
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Killing, skinning and eating a bobcat isn't normal. But on meth it is
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NPR's Michele Norris voluntarily stepped down after her husband took a job with the Obama campaign. What does George Will do after his wife goes to work for Rick Perry? Repeatedly bash Romney in his columns
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Unlike selling guns directly to drug cartels, the D.O.J. thinks that lying on your Match.com profile should be a Federal Crime. Scary meets Stupid
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If the boyfriend you're picking up from jail immediately attacks and strangles you, it may be a sign your relationship has some unresolved issues
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Q: What is the best wine for Thanksgiving dinner? A: Lots
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If Fark went public, it would need to publish an annual report to shareholders. Photoshop the cover
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"Man accused of robbing restaurant with child in car" rather than a more traditional weapon, like a knife or a gun
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Step 1) Voluntarily give DNA. Step 2) Remember you're a serial killer. Step 3) Regret step one
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US president insured against crocodile attack. Oh come on, when is he ever going to need.... oh Australia, it makes sense now
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Jerry Sandusky's lawyer once impregnated a 16-year-old client. We're gonna need a "Pennsylvania" tag
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Bruce Lee dies and has a casket boner and then goes to hell, but he takes over and outlaws gambling and teaches Popeye kung fu and beats up Dracula. After that this gets a little weird
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Contact lens recall. If you can't read this you may be affected
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LaGrange man accused of stabbing and killing his pregnant girlfriend in 1981. "She was stabbed 34 times in the chest and back." A how how how how how how how how sick can you get?
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If you can't answer the question, "Are you sexually attracted to young boys?" with, "Absolutely not, that's ridiculous" then you shouldn't do the interview
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Today's Fark-ready headline:"Pervert-pleasing high-heeled mice stompers convicted of cruelty"
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Two sugary soft drinks per day greatly increases heart attack risk in women and presumably the men who see them naked
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Teens drink bleach to pass drug tests, with predictable results
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Drunk driver crashes into grounded Medevac helicopter, asks arresting officer why the chopper was "flying so low to the ground." See, there is such a thing as a dumb question
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When shopping online you can usually choose to see the item in a different color. Clicking to see it in "Black" on this store's site might surprise you though
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this temple entrance
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Technology in DARPA's FastRunner robot will enable it to run up to 50 miles an hour, making it the fastest Scout Mech in the Inner Sphere
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"I wish to complain about this salad which I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique"
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Trapped girl survives after car wreck by drinking Gatorade and eating Pop-Tarts, or as your kids call it, "lunch"
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ɴᴇᴡᴍᴀɴ
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After 75 years and 2,237 issues, how on earth is an iconic American magazine supposed to choose its 20 worst, embarrassing, woefully god-awful and downright hideous covers of all time? LOUDLY, that's how
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An update Fark's annual Headline of the Year contest, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/6 - 11/11
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Mom recreates scenes from classic films with her baby boy. With "D'awww" inducing Alien reference
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People that have the "kindness gene" are known to be far more kind and caring than people without it, according to the "Give me a hug" Institute
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You may be going mad if both your dog and Jesus tell you to break into a vacant home because you're supposed to meet Taylor Swift there and marry her in the back yard
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Birth control pills may be linked to increased prostate cancer. I don't think you're using them right
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| (The Destin Log) |
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Deputies reprimanded for failing to find gun hidden in man's fat rolls. Florida tag unbuttons pants, goes back for seconds
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States converting unemployment checks to BoA prepaid cards, who charges $5 fee per use
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Casey Anthony Prosecutor Jeff Ashton's Book Drops Today. As far as reviews go, the jury's still out, but I think we can assume they'll get it wrong
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If you are interested in renting an apartment in London for the upcoming Olympic games, why not consider this modest flat being offered by a nice old lady named "Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II"?
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| (Some Turkey) |
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Unsure what to bring on Thanksgiving? Here's a handy flowchart
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Man loses car, ear after showing $100 bill to drug addict "friend"
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Crime novelist says he has uncovered evidence that Jane Austen may have been murdered. Police are now looking for a high-school English student with access to a time machine
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If your wife received two gunshot wounds because you were "cleaning your gun" the police might have a problem with that
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90-year old steakhouse closes, because who wants to eat a 90-year old steak?
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They won't serve you in an electric wheelchair at the drive-thru window? Ram that chair into their front doors till they shatter. That's the *Elkhart* way
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Family defends toddler beauty pageants by pointing out that fake teeth, fake fingernails, and fake tans are the same as using helmets and pads in football. "That's what they need to compete"
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Fishing in Florida? Don't forget to bring your gun
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Guy finds out the hard way that a hippopotamus does not make a good pet. w/vid of them in happier times
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Court orders NYPD to let Occupy Wall Street back into Liberty Plaza with tents
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Some of astronomy's most popular misconceptions explained. Also, Uranus isn't pronounced like you think it is
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| (Some Lizard) |
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Photoshop theme: bad puns
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The War on Christmas taken to a frightening new level with the deployment of anti-aircraft weapons
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Tourist spots Christ's image on cliff. Jesus rocks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Were "Adam" and "Eve" the genetic ruling hybrids that were formed following an Extraterrestrial War against humans? If you answered, "yes," you might be a nutjob (NSFW pic in article)
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Russian historian caught with 29 female corpses dressed as dolls in his apartment. That's Psycho
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"Has not Batman taken care off?" Or, best video transcript ever?
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The makers of Kotex tampons say they must recall their product, period
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Not news: woman dies from gunshot. Fark: that she received 15 years ago
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NYPD decides it's their turn to occupy Wall Street
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So did you hear the one about a guy that went to a midget football game and a cheerleading cat fight broke out?
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As silly as this story is, it's just an excuse to work the words "panda poo" into a headline
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Worst. Car. Flops.... of 2011
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1 in 5 AMERICANS NOW SUFFER FROM HEARING LOSS
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Virginia man is determined not to be browbeaten into copping to sexual assault charges, insisting the whole story is cockeyemamie. (w/ pic that demands admittance into the Fark mugshot pantheon)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photos from pole dancing competition. Warning slideshow. Now you know why the lights are so low
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Wyoming school board thin skinned over high school coach's Hurt Feelings Report. Bonus: He keeps his job as a counsellor. Time to chug over to mamby-pamby land, jackwagon
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| Mon November 14, 2011 |
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Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music....So happy b'day XBox
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Most terrifying Russian invention since the ICBM
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Tornado Watch issued for the Indianapolis region. Citizens are urged to seek shelter in Lucas Oil Stadium, where there is no chance of a touchdown
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Social network co-founder dies at age 22. No the other one. No the other one. Keep going
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Botulism in sauce? That's some bad korma
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Man wins $176K in lottery, says he is going to buy a new house, a new car, and get his kids anything they want for Christmas. You do the math, he obviously can't
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AmberWatch unveils TV channel to stop sex abuse, Pedobear
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Do you have the bells to be a carillonneur? Well, do ya, punk?
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Photoshop this lone leaf
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"From desk of President Goodluck Johnathan. CONGRETULATOINS. You have ben awardeded the Ordere of the Federale Republic." Yeah right. *DELETE*
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Researchers find sleep paralysis is more frequent in students -- which is no surprise to anyone who has ever taught a class of teenagers
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Creepy Sandusky interview from 1987 "I enjoy being around children. I enjoy their enthusiasm I just have a good time with them." Okay, maybe there were red flags we missed
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If you believe the Cal Trans safety inspection team, I have a bridge safety report to sell you
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The secret behind the success of a thriving, upscale restaurant in DC's struggling Anacostia neighborhood? Coke
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PETA attacks Mario...for wearing Tanooki fur
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NBA players: Nodealkthnxbai
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News: man hits deer with motorcycle. Fark: friends arrive to help, load bike into truck, and leave man on side of road with deer
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Photoshop this puzzling pasture
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Company being sued by patent trolls goes on the offensive. May implement "Jack sh*t and go f*ck yourself" strategy in the case of Fark v. Patentroll
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