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| Sun September 25, 2011 |
| (Savannah Now .com) |
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On the other hand, it's kind of a given that a bright pink police car is probably going to get vandalized now and again
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Mother of conjoined twins has no regrets, says she feels a strong connection between them
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'Cool,' 'absolutely,' 'no problem,' and other words and phrases that annoy us all, you know
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the Dark Hedges
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Vaccine likely discovered. Fark: For AIDS. Ultra Fark: It's a form of cholesterol. You know what that means? We need to eat more BACON
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| (Some Guy) |
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No science projects. No book reports. No math. Just CHEER... and make me a sammich during halftime
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New ant species discovered in America will eat you, your pets, and your electronics
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Bacon thieves on the rise in down economy
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For a mere $1.295 million, you can own your own island. Mary Ann and Ginger not included
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| (Some Guy) |
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Internet-created celeb rebels against guardians, is drawn to dangerous substances, goes missing. RIP the Lindsay Lohan of bears
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Remember how much time Jesus spent preaching about how his birth reset the year to one? No?
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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Free parking lot near high school's $100 per year parking lot helps administrators learn microeconomics and students learn negotiation
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Photoshop this rugby re-enactment
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Someone tired of hearing "poor people make bad choices" makes poverty simulator and challenges every member of Congress to play it
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Banned books week is here, and once again libraries are inviting everyone to come in and enjoy a good book
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You know he's not into you if after the pillow fight he has you arrested (w/ mugshot)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kid gets bullied at school so obviously the school suspends the bullies. Oh, wait, the school suspends the kid's mom for telling the bullies to leave her kid alone. Now it all makes sense
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How to make the perfect onion rings: 1. Coat onion rings in batter. 2. Fry. 3. Remove onion from ring
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Parking TIFF settled. The Joint Parking Experts Group are glad to get over this BMP in the road and make a clean exif
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The best article you'll read today about why the once-revered United States criminal justice system is collapsing
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Aperitifs are a great way to start drinking before the drinking starts
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Meet slut Mathira Mohammad, the Pakistani Paris Hilton
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pittsburgh police cause woman permanent hearing loss after they use LRAD against her during IMF protest. Fark: That she wasn't participating in
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Body of missing woman found encased in cement in an oil drum; investigators say this concrete evidence is likely to solidify their case against husband
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| (Santa Cruz Sentinel) |
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"When officers arrived at the scene, deputies found an intoxicated woman throwing the duck around." AFLAC
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Photoshop this steepest race in the world
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"Gelato in hand, you stroll down an Italian street. An attractive woman argues with a street vendor, who accuses her of shoplifting. A crowd gathers. To prove her innocence, she starts to strip"
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Historic 236-year-old bullet hole goes back on display in Lexington, Massachusetts
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Seizure of another FARC submarine expected to have no immediate effect on monthly subscription fees
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Axe murderer let out of jail to chop down trees. Heads should roll over this
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Not news: Stolen canoe replaced. News: 205 years later. Fark: It was stolen by Lewis and Clark
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Emily Post etiquette rule #5: Thanking the fire department for helping you during a car accident doesn't give you license to steal their truck
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Posting on a social network is nothing to lose your head over. Except in Mexico
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Most incompetent hunter on earth illegally shoots grizzly bear he thought was a black bear, tracks it into heavy brush with his hunting partner where bear turns on them, then fatally shoots partner while trying to save him from bear
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| Sat September 24, 2011 |
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What happens in Mecca stays in Mecca
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Developer's plans blocked because there's a squirrel already living on his land
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Man died trying to retrieve gun he carried for protection
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Chinese fireman kept six women as slaves for two years. You know the drill
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| (ksl.com) |
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Just to clarify, calling the cops and telling them to stop trying to pull you over doesn't make them stop
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New website will let random internet strangers cheer you up. Yeah, this will end well
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Beef will no longer be what's for dinner in 2012
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| (Some woman) |
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Woman erects 24 foot cross in her front yard, surprisingly her neighbors won't turn the other cheek and the city find it's her cross to bear for permitting and/or removal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dangling diver
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The weekend is the perfect time for eggs. So those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?
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Textercise promotes exercise while text messaging. You know, things like jogging while texting, and getting run over while doing so
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After 65 years, Fender finally opens their factory to the public. Even people like Bender
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Researchers find family dinner helps prevent kids from using drugs, alcohol (w/ disturbing pic of what a "healthy" family may look like)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ugly-ass albino fawn spotted in Montana. It may be delicious
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Butterface
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Detective busts dealer in sting, confiscates $7,000 and turns in $6,000. Turns out it was actually a sting within a sting
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Since it worked so well for their neighbors, Canada is now instituting mandatory prison sentences for growing marijuana
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey kid, want to play outside? Put on this GPS tracker and reflective vest
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Who knew Pop-Tarts could do so much?
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Is there any way to make peace with FARK YOU YOU FARKING BASTARD I HOPE YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN YOU SON OF A BIATCH
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Bond. James Bond. License to kiss underage girls
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"I don't think most men know that by cheering on a women's lingerie football league, you are inadvertently supporting sexual violence against women"
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Sup y'all. Giving a presentation later today, thought I'd say hi in advance for a nice screenshot. Best off-color comment wins a free beer from me -Drew
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's up, Doc? Today is International Rabbit Day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this forest firefighter
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Turns out skinny-jeaned hipsters can't be blamed every time an old-school Brooklyn neighborhood undergoes rapid, unsettling change
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Police issue tickets for future parking violations. CAUTION: Reading this article will make your head asplode
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Investigative reporter asks whether mug shots should be posted online, forgetting that this is part of the important service his state provides to Fark
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Palestinians are seeking statehood, the US economy is in ruins and the government is about to shut down, and Europe is spinning out of control. So, naturally, CNN is publishing an article about ghosts on its main page
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Facebook's new "timeline" design will enable many new features, one of which will allow you to see a complete list of all those corksucking motherfarking asshat losers who unfriended you. I SEE YOU, BRENT
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You don't have to go to Germany to celebrate Oktoberfest. Subby just toured Kentucky after a trip to local bourbon store. Also drunk enough to believe I'm hanging out with Drew
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| (WLBZ.com) |
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Maine school that doesn't love boobies doesn't like lawsuits more
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| (San Mateo Daily Journal) |
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Drunk, naked, waving a frying pan, asking police to behead you, masturbating and yelling at nurses is no way to go through life, but a damn good way to get into rehab
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| (MSN) |
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College says that a politician alumnus is really living up to his name. Right, Mr. Dikshiat?
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| (Sky Valley Chronic-le) |
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33-year-old murder cold case solved as cops arrest Ronald MacDonald. Hamburgler must have turned state's evidence
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I am Jack's complete lack of surprise
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| (Some Guy) |
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Holy s**t, look at how f*****g disgusting this kitchen is...bloody hell man, it looks like this f*****g place hasn't been cleaned in f*****g DECADES
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What do you do with a drunken mortgage consultant, what do you do with a drunken mortgage consultant, earl-eye in the morn-ing
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Cats. Hats. That is all
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If you have your first cup of coffee within an hour of waking up, congratulations. You're normal
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man perfects the art of growing the perfect decorative mushroom. It's as if Mario Brothers and your stoner roommate in college made a love child together during a wild night of hallucinogenics
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| (Some Guy) |
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What do you do when attacked with a fishing pole during an argument about an iguana: c) grab the duct tape
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| (Some Generic) |
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Nothing says high-class better than beer at the Dollar General
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Dad tries to run over son, son dodges car, punches dad in face, dad gets out and swings crowbar at son. Somehow it's a womans fault
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Experts warn that childhood is being eroded by a "relentless diet" of advertising, addictive computer games, test-driven education and poor childcare
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| (KOTV) |
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Woman's claim to fame is that she's the only person to ever get hit by falling space junk
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Photoshop this proud Emmy winner
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Some house sitters drop by every few days, drown the plants, lose the dog, and then drink all of your beer. Then there's this guy
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Bitter ex-Borders employees get in a last shot at scavenging customers with a list of grievances posted on the sales floor. 7) We always knew when you were intently reading Better Homes and Gardens, it was really a hidden Playboy
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Mirrored motorcycle almost disappears when it's moving. Let's pause to reflect on the wisdom of that
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Grandma vs flasher..."If you haven't got anything worth showing, don't show it at all"
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| Fri September 23, 2011 |
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A Cook County Forest Preserve "resident watchman" whose duties include stopping people from growing or smoking pot in the woods has been arrested for growing pot in the woods
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| (660 News) |
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Woman suing Kraft for $100,000 because chewing gum got stuck in her dentures and caused her suffer "a bout of depression that lasted about 10 minutes"
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Don't cry. This week's Mugshot Roundup is here
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I ♣ my son's little league coach
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Scientists discover virus that kills all forms of breast cancer. Still no cure for... heyyyyy waitaminute
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Caution: Cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your health
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That...that is a hard 30, lady
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Photoshop this biggest pitcher of beer in the world
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| (Some Guy) |
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1 house, 6 people, 4 meth labs...you bet it's Alabama. With "why ain't we got us a tag yet" mug shots
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| (Asbury Park Press) |
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25-year-old driver who fatally ran over a 76-year-old man has had his license suspended 7 times, including 3 DUIs. In what is surely an irrelevant coincidence, his daddy happens to be president of the town council
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| (Some Guy) |
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You now have the option of going to jail or church; either way you're going to be on your knees praying for Jesus to come already
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It's not unusual to see things that cost more than a dollar in the Family Dollar, like name-brand shampoo, well-known cleaning products and this Jaguar
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Solyndra execs hide from sunlight
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Lawyers beginning to see the unemployed as clients, make moves to start class-action lawsuits against companies that refuse to hire the unemployed
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| (kctv5.com) |
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China charges ahead with latest in plug and play baby technology (pic is a bit graphic)
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Retired cop: "Yeah, 911? I'm following a drunk driver who is running people off the road. He's gonna kill someone." 911 operator: "OMG HANG UP You can't talk on a cell phone while driving"
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Rural Nebraska teen cut from cheerleading squad for being born without legs and full arms finally gets chance to cheer after Michigan school offers her a spot on their squad
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School fires teacher for something she does in her free time, after somebody anonymously mails them the sex and drug videos
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The easiest commute in America, at 14.2 minutes, is subby's own town of Great Falls, Montana, probably because we're all driving at suicidal rates of speed to cross this barren, accursed stretch of frozen Hell god please kill me now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sweet: Marines say people who found military drones on NC beaches after live-fire exercise can keep them
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| (Some chest bumper) |
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This is why you don't do the celebratory touchdown chest bump with the team's kicker
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| (Some Labor Activist) |
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Old and busted: driving like a maniac to hospital with a woman in labor. New hotness: bicycling to the hospital while in labor. w/pics
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New Zealand's Church of Baptism with Fire & Holy Spirit turns out to be 50% accurate
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Welcome to Florida, where the over/under on the number of times a school bus driver can forget a kid on the bus before getting fired is set at 2.5
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Satellite which will not land in the US now scheduled to land in the US later tonight
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If you're going to get sent to prison, try to have it be in Venezuela
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The ACLU works to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person in this country. And that means you, autistic kid in the banana suit at the high school football game
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ABA improving employment statistics for the law school class of 2010 by no longer differentiating whether employed graduates got legal jobs or were working the counter at McDondalds
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It's Quiz Time, if you're into that sort of abuse
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| (ABA Journal) |
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Legal protip: When submitting your brief to the 7th Circuit Court, try to avoid 345 word sentences
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So it turns out that Turkey is the best place to ever get buried alive
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| (some Turing test candidate) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Talking computer will change the world; promises not to kill you
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Whatever you're doing, you should avoid running into tractor-trailers. This goes double if you're flying a small plane
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After overwhelming success in Bushehr, Russia wants to build 'Nuclearwood' in Iran
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Pedestrian learns the hard way you're either on, off or under the bus
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Man dies in accident while using turf-cutting machine. Poor old sod
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News Corp phone hacking scandal lawsuits spread to the US. Upon hearing this, Rupert Murdoch said it's disgusting how the media lowers itself to smear anyone in power
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Russian Navy says one of its nuclear subs was rammed. Fark: By a bunch of drunk Russians in a fishing boat
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Social media lets women feel like they have a social life so they don't mind staying home on Saturday night making sandwiches for you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Couple who broke in to house to do laundry no longer have a clean record
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Leave it to Atlanta to have the first tranny panda
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Chauffeur for a senior UN diplomat from the UAE learns what every New Yorker already knows: never leave your $100,000 Mercedes double-parked and idling while you run into the store for "just a minute"
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| (Times Union) |
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Even suburban Detroit is now the kind of place where a hungry homeless woman with a concealed-carry permit will fire 11 shots at a possum in a shopping center parking lot. And miss 11 times
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Coroner rules Irish man died of spontaneous human combustion. O'Really?
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Friday Photo Fun: Match the arrestee with their alleged weapon (potatoes are a weapon?). Contest ends 6p.m. EST
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| (Hawaii News Now) |
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Hawaiian volcano goddess Pele realizes there's still one home left in subdivision she keeps burying with lava, tries again
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Photoshop this resting reveler
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| (Calgary Herald) |
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Aaaaand whatcanIgetforthis kidnappedauctioneer? Ineedahundredgrand, hundredgrand, hundredgrand, inthebackcanIget onetwentyfive, onetwentyfive, who'llgiveme onetwentyfive?
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| (Hindustan Times) |
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Everyone has a secret they keep from their spouse. For example, this woman's husband, who pushed her off a bridge to drown, had never found out she was an expert long-distance swimmer
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Underendowed Germans increasingly turning to penis enlargement operations. You know who else wanted to be the world's biggest dick?
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| (Huffington Post) |
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Same-sex couples in civil partnerships are less likely to divorce than straight married couples. Probably due to state laws defining divorce as between one man and one woman
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| (WHIO TV) |
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Man dies after one car swerves into the path of another on Needmore Road. They certainly did
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| (KERO) |
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When you film yourself running stop signs and speeding around town, posting it on YouTube only helps the police catch you
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Cetaceans making real life version of 'Wet Side Story'. Featuring rival gangs, the dolphins and the porpoises, fighting to the death over their surf
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$2.4 million for air conditioning? THAT DOES NOT FEMPUTE
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When reality is like the plot of a movie. A hitman fakes the death of his victim after falling in love with her. This deception is sure to ketchup with him. (With you'd hit it too pic.)
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| (The Macomb Daily) |
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I can either take you to jail ... or you could just show me your chest and we'll call it a day
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Sata elected Zambia's president, having beaten out incumbent IDE and archrival SCSI
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Suspected Al-Qaeda operative gets probation, as Spain downgrades "war" on terror to "slight disapproval"
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| (Tucson Citizen) |
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Two prominent BMX riders and a police helicopter pilot die in crash. That was one hell of a jump, lads
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Fire crews finally free dog trapped in rock crevasse after dousing him with vegetable oil and using a lasso. "It was easy once the oil hit the canis"
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Teen orders new paintball rifle barrel, company sends Viagra and porn to help him shoot more straight and accurate
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| (The Irish Times) |
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Cork man drowns
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I walk alone, I walk alone. With a shopping cart
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Three arrested in the most bungled beer heist in history. Need moronic tag
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Theme: History In Pictograms (LGT: Examples)
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Not news: Homeowners considering an injunction against their neighbor after he posts a sign that they say is scaring away potential buyers. Fark: the sign the neighbor posted is warning buyers about himself (w/photo of sign)
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Robbery victim taken at gunpoint to ATM. Victim suggests to robber that he lower his bandana so as not to arouse suspicion. Robber complies, ID'd by other victims
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| (KCTV5) |
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All in a day's education in Kansas City. Fire. Fist fights. Oh, and students maced
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News: Texas A&M deputy chancellor is fired, pulls a knife on staffers, asks if anyone is man enough to take away his office keys, tells police "I shall return." Fark: He's one of Perry's closest advisers
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| Thu September 22, 2011 |
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Texas Republicans continue to fight the good fight against growing government spending by denying special requests for last meals of convicts on death row. And by Republicans, we mean Democrats
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Over the counter asthma inhalers will be taken off the market by the end of the year. Now what will Piggy do?
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Not news: Former city worker retires. News: With an annual pension of $158,000. Fark: He earned this for one day's work
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| (The Local France) |
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I said WE CAN'T LET YOU BOARD THIS PLANE BECAUSE BEING DEAF IS A SECURITY THREAT
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U.S. ambassador claims 40 percent of men visiting Philippines go there for sex, usually request a 'Manila Folder'
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What starts with F and ends with U-C-K? A Los Angeles Fire Department internal investigation
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's a cop sex murder case without a little forgery thrown in?
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Obama is so liberal, he's palling around with RAND PAUL. Wait, RAND PAUL?
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Photoshop theme: Keep it simple, stupid
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman who committed suicide with hands bound behind her back, naked, and hanged from balcony also clubbed herself on head in four places and referred to herself in suicide note in third person
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Rick Perry's new Florida co-chair believes gays cause floods, fires, tornadoes and God has Parkinson's disease
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| (Some Guy) |
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Note News: Church hired first ever female pastor. News: She hides a deep dark secret. Fark: That shes a member of the local roller derby team (with video goodness)
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We finally found that yellow cake we were after in Iraq. It was in Libya
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Dog reunited with owners after two years and 700 miles wants to know why cats get all the approved links
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some say there's a secret UFO base hidden at the bottom of one of the Great Lakes. That's eerie
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I'll have one more for the road." Police: no problem
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| (Croatian Times) |
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Tourists from Italy tell police they didn't realize patronizing prostitutes was wrong, since their Prime Minister does it all the time
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Warp speed, Mr. Sulu
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Woman shocked by naked man delivering newspapers. Apparently she didn't know people still read newspapers
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Photoshop Challenge: Recreate a classic album cover. Difficulty: Using MS Paint
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American Family Association does not want you to lick Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls
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Mom, you are killing me with love. And pizza, and ice cream, and donuts
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| (US News) |
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Experts say parents need to revive the 1950s practice of telling their spawn to go out and play
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On the first day of Halloween, my true love grew for me - A pumpkin in a pear tree (w/ pic)
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'Exhausted' Italian parents fight to evict pampered son - aged 41
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Massachusetts Supreme Court upholds law that charges drivers $70 to contest a $100 ticket
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When travelling to Canada, please remember that Air Canada has a strict carry on limit of two.... guns?
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If you thought that batmanning was the new Horsemanning which is the new Planking, then here comes "teapotting"
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Doctor pleads not guilty to diluting chemotherapy drugs, since after all, that makes them more effective homeopathically
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| (Montreal Gazette) |
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Doctors ask, if you're too fat to be impregnated the usual way, should you really get fertility treatment?
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Man steals freon to get high. Rehab will force him to just breathe air, conditioning him if you will
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| (Some Booster) |
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Hot mom, 35, arrested for sex with son's high school football teammate. Apparently, he couldn't find any female teachers to have the sex with. (w. mug shot)
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| (Some Guy) |
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City councilman in hot water for: (a) misappropriating funds (b) illegal donations (c) naming his dog Muhammad
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| (Some Guy) |
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After a hooker services you and takes more money than the $60 you promised her, just let it go. It's not worth getting into a fight on the side of the road and everyone on Fark finding out the hooker was actually a man
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Peruvian children react poorly to program that provides free school lunches and rat poison
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Politician is sad to hear man she hired for state job was arrested, because a Satanist who beheaded a hooker was perfect for a customer service job
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That obese woman you just saw waddling down the aisle? She has needs, buddy. She has sexual needs and they're not being met, and she's suffering because of it
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The recession has hit even the two richest, whitest counties in America, with respective median incomes falling to just $89,000 and $103,000. Brother, can you spare a Lexus?
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Your "aww" fix for the day: happy ending for bald baby penguin rejected by family
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Today on Iron Chef Wikileaks, our contestants will create a diplomatic cable with these ingredients: Venezuela's government, BlackBerry maker RIM, and the musical Jesus Christ Superstar
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| (Some Fro Guy) |
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If your hair is big enough to smuggle a midget in, don't be surprised if the TSA singles you out
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| (Skokie Patch) |
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Cops stop woman with flat tire and front-end damage, who blows .276 at 11:45 AM. Apparently vodka is a balanced breakfast
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Black heritage group hires white fundraiser. Black heritage group fires white fundraiser. White fundraiser promptly sues for, wait for it, racial discrimination
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| (Some Guy) |
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Please fasten your seat belts and turn off your cell phones. Also, please ignore those Arabic looking scratches on the bottom of some of our airplanes
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Six coronal mass ejections in 24 hours. The Sun's wife is there, smoking a cigarette
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| (This is my Next) |
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HTC announces phone aimed at women. It's purple, has a light-up "charm" indicator for calls, and an unusually strong vibrate mode
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| (Autoblog.com) |
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There are many dumbass stunts you can do in a car, and then there are these douchebags in the Middle East
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Man who operates a day care and works as a mall Santa is arrested for... oh, you already guessed it, didn't you?
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| (Abbotsford Times) |
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Canadian online pedo isn't anywhere near as smart as girl's dad, who gets him thrown in jail twice, then handed over to US authorities and banned from Canada forever
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Greeks stop working over austerity measures brought about because they stopped working
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| (The Northwestern) |
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Lady manages to have teacher-student sex and prison worker-inmate sex, with a side-order of special-ed sex, all at the same time
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If you're going to joke with a lady about breaking into her home and stealing her TV, don't later break into her home and steal her TV
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Baby born on overseas flight. Nationality still up in the air
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Rule one of pre-teen cage fighting, you don't talk about pre-teen cage fighting
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| (Oddee) |
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One-page list of 10 divorce gift ideas. Subby has #10, uses it all the time when making dinner with his second wife
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| (York News-Times) |
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3 dogs, 2 pigs, a goose with 2 goslings, 3 deer and... a fisherman? It's not animal hoarding, it's mass lawn-sculpture kidnapping
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| (Some Guy) |
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It doesn't matter if you cook them some bacon. Break into someone's house, you will be charged with burglary. MMmmm bacon
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Man sends broken laptop to Sony for repair. Sony sends seven broken laptops back to him. Anything we can do, Sony can do better (apart from customer service)
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Can't decide whether to buy a vintage Corvette or a vintage pickup truck? One eBay seller has you covered
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| (Some Guy) |
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Topless Starbucks barista fired for singing about customers on YouTube (with video)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Longmont woman placed into protective custody after hearing voices from parallel universe. Kent remains unimpressed
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How to attract women: you need a deep voice, red clothes and facial scars. But don't be happy or macho
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Don't look now, haters, but the Ground Zero mosque has opened its doors
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Kelly Thomas will get justice: Fullerton officers charged with murder, manslaugher in his beating death
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Theme: two great tastes that taste great together (link goes to inspiration)
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German University debuts driverless car. Expects to find Sarah Connor in 20-30 years
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Julian Assange angry about the unauthorized leak of his autobiography
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Georgia scores a late TD against Texas tonight for the win
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| (KVAL.Com) |
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Not News: man leaves iPod behind at gas station. Fark: with 1,400 images of child porn. (with wide-ass mugshot goodness)
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 333: "Airborne". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 21, 2011 |
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Convicted murderer executed. No, not the popular one, the one everyone hated. So that makes it okay, right?
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'It's my boy's human right to have a three-inch ponytail.' 'It would be like cutting someone's finger off'
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Bird sex offender. *flap*flap*flap*
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mountain man
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Car bomb goes off in Michigan, injuring three, including two children
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is World Alzheimer's Action Day
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| (Mizooulian) |
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How do you handle a grizzly bear that can swim across the largest freshwater lake in the western U.S.?
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Don't report you've been carjacked if you haven't been carjacked. This goes double if your car was actually towed away by the State Police
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| (Some Guy) |
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Closed pot shops means higher crime. In related news, open pot shops means higher slurpee sales
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| (Some Guy) |
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Elementary school grows their own cafeteria food. How do you grow sloppy joes?
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And, lo, the lamb opened the seventh seal, and Ted Haggard appeared on "Celebrity Wife Swap" with Gary Busey
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is World Alzheimer's Action Day
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| (WBEZ) |
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The Fourth Amendment no longer applies to Hoosiers
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Driving without a license and about to drop your anchor baby? Joe Arpaio will see to it that you deliver that child while shackled in four point restraint to your bed
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"A 77-year-old Ukrainian man won a jar full of sour cream for coming first in a dumpling eating contest and then promptly died"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Real actor Hugh Jackman punches fake wrestler/actor in jaw, causes fracture without the use of steel chair. (with video goodness)
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Good news, everybody. That bus-sized satellite that's about to plunge from orbit is going to break up into 26 smaller pieces, which won't hurt nearly as bad if one hits you
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Man details his nine-month sexual relationship with dolphin, restraining order from SeaWorld
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is World Alzheimer's Action Day
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MacArthur Foundation awards $500,000 no-strings attached "genius grants" to 22 Americans, none of whom, yet again, were you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Light at the end of the light
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"Meena Patel removed her sneaker and held it to Falguni Patel's nose, attempting to revive her with the odor"
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| (9&10 News) |
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Summit on obesity to attract 500 health care heavyweights
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| (Creditman) |
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If you're a bankrupt graphic designer and want to set up a website about poor service from professionals, pick on a profession other than lawyers
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Man explodes his wife when she decides to break up with him
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Little old lady, driving drunk, stops at the drive-thru liquor store to get some more. Lack of a drive-thru is just a minor inconvenient detail
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Need a drink? Stay the fark away from Utah
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Somehow it's the hospital's fault that they transplanted a woman's Hepatitis C-infected kidney into her husband
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| (Some Guy) |
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Perhaps the second time you hit the same house is a good time to evaluate your driving skills
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This hole has a water hazard, two bunkers, and 70,000 angry bees
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Think your kid is a picky eater? This three year old hasn't eaten ANYTHING in his entire life
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| (Some Guy) |
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Students having a reunion decide to look for an old fallout shelter and discover it still fully stocked from 1964
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| (ABC 15) |
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Things your university should tell you: which textbooks you need, dorm visitation rules, cafeteria hours, and oh yeah, the fact that your class is cancelled because the professor's been dead for five months
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Birth control beads found to be 95 percent effective, but not as effective as diamonds -- for obvious reasons
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New study says preemies may face higher death rates as adults, although in the long run, that really doesn't seem possible
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Police looking for Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, and Nephra Payne
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| (Middle East Online) |
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A photograph entitled "Koranic Inlay" which shows verses of the holy Muslim book projected on a French-Moroccan artist's naked body submitted for art fair in Marrakesh. What could possibly go wrong?
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What sort of academic would be the best to have on hand in the event of a nuclear apocalypse? Subby gets first dibs on the guy with the geiger counter
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For lonely deep-sea squids, what happens 2,600 feet underwater, stays 2,600 feet underwater
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Welsh alcohol campaign group wants pubs to stop pushing energy drinks as mixers. Owners say that's just plumb loco
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Chicagotopsthelistof America'smostcaffinatedcities
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| (Watchdog.org) |
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Virginia looks at classifying Claritin-D and Sudafed as more dangerous than Rohypnol, since it's not like you can make meth out of safe, harmless Rohypnol
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I'm not saying I condone threatening a Taco Bell employee with a shotgun after they forget to put hot sauce in with your order - I'm just saying I understand
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Everyone knows you shouldn't walk a chihuahua with a Toyota Camry. Always best to use a Chevy no va
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| (Some Guy) |
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The right way to handle a grizzly bear. With pic of hot blonde wrangler
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You can be on Facebook. Or you can be on the Sex Offender Registry. But not both
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| (Some Trou Dropper) |
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Man finds new side effect for Viagra: The inability to keep from dropping trou while in department stores
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| (Some Guy) |
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The wrong way to handle a grizzly bear
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Military-style heist attempt on safe deposit centre near Paris kills guard, though robbers get away empty-handed. Colour of the boat house at Hereford still unknown
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| (Some Doctor) |
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Doctor learns the hard way to cup, not honk
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"Facebook changes see the social network trying to be more social." Demented and sad...but social
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Germany bans its biggest neo-Nazi group. So, the other ones are still cool?
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| (Some Typesetter Guy) |
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Samuel L Jackson fills your Lorem Ipsum needs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not only have the police been instructed to keep the media away from the #occupywallst protests but Yahoo has been blocking emails containing info about the protests
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If you crash drunk into a policewoman's patrol car, flashing her a peace sign as you flee does not make it all better
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Bronx dicks bag of tricks: fix tix, nix pics. Cliques nixed. Pricks
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| (Radio Netherlands Worldwide) |
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Amsterdam courthouse damaged by missile. Tourists immediately try to make a bong out of it
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Iran releases those US hikers held as spies after the check clears
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| (Some Guy) |
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Young couple welcomes baby into the world in a Burger King parking lot. Mom relieved their boy was just a small fry and not a Whopper
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ǝsnoɥ
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| (Halifax Courier) |
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So there's mail fraud, tax fraud, parrot fraud, wire fraud, insurance fraud, and... wait, what?
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Sporting a tattoo celebrating last year's victory, man prepares to defend his title as World Porridge Champion
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| (Ottawa Citizen) |
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20 minutes of a man masturbating with a Cabbage Patch Kid is enough video evidence for one day, says the Judge
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| (Some Dusty Website) |
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14-year-old boy who made an "It Gets Better" video after coming out last spring kills himself when it doesn't get better
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Man killed in industrial blender will be remembered by friends as a real smoothie. The strain of his job was the final straw but never sucked up to anyone
|
| (Some Invitation) |
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Photoshop these under-the-arbor advances
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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A riot involving 250 drunk college students breaks out - does the legal system come down like a ton of bricks on a) the drunks, b) the vandals, or c) the guy playing the bagpipes in the middle of it?
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Wife shoots husband in self-defense...and again...and again...and again...and again...one more time...and again...and again...(how many bullets are in that thing?)...and again...and again...aaand, just to be really sure, again
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Study finds that marijuana blocks PTSD symptoms in rats. In other news, rats get PTSD
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OnStar is there when you need them. And when you don't. Even if you've cancelled your service
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Apparently it's been illegal to serve margarine in restaurants in Wisconsin for over one hundred years. Of course Republican legislators have a problem with that
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I don't know what the hell an Ira Glass is, but he got drunk with Rachel Maddow and woke up smelling of vomit and has ass burn
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Gay serviceman comes out to his father. Dad's reaction is faaabulous
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Real estate developer: Next year we're building a 300-mile highway from the Gulf Coast to Tennessee. Alabama DOT: WTF?
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Ugly-ass baby red squirrels take a nap. The Sun is there (with awww pic)
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Tuesday: Masked gunmen blocked traffic in a Mexican coastal city and dumped the bodies of 35 slaying victims as horrified motorists watched
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Five-year-old girl discovers perfect 160 million year old fossil. Dammit, that was my dream. Stupid kids
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I'll see your "guy who committed suicide by using a cable around his neck while driving his car" and raise you "removed parachute mid-skydive"
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| Tue September 20, 2011 |
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Southern Baptist Convention president wants to change their name. Suggestions on the right
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Change: Obama sends more ground troops to Libya
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No murder weapon, no DNA evidence and no surveillance tapes. Seven of nine eyewitnesses have recanted. But Judge says, "there is no substantial doubt cast on the verdict." So tomorrow a potentially innocent man will die
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The IRS is now hitting up Canadians for owed taxes, since Canada is part of North America, which is America, so Canada is in America
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When a three-year-old armed with a shotgun wants his binky, HE WANTS HIS BINKY NOW
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher cleared of assault charges and commended for his actions after county attorney looks at the video tape of the incident and determines the kid had it coming
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these blank expressions
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A mother who abandoned her kids has come back to them years later to a) say sorry, b) shower them with love, c) sue them?
|
| (Parkersburg News & Sentinel) |
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Indian company forced to close call centers it had outsourced to the US
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Not News at this point: Man says the world economy is screwed. News: Man is chief economist at the IMF
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Non-profit group under fire for spending $45,000 on a Hummer so it could raise AIDS awareness
|
| (Some Guy) |
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What, no roadkill? (Sponsored link)
|
| (Business Insider) |
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The 20 most miserable cities in America. Yes, that's on there. That too. (Warning: Slideshow)
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Kansas City MO school board ends book ban on Slaughterhouse-Five. So it goes
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Study examines the thousands of surveillance cameras cities are deploying to curb crime, finds they don't work if no one watches the video recordings
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Man who shot judge's car with a BB gun in a pellet court, topless dancing lawyer now making money pro bono, and an 80-year-old man is carjacked by a bitch of women: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/11 - 9/17
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Man on trial describes masturbating while killing chickens, explaining this was PRIOR to aliens removing one of his testicles
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Two days is a long time to wait for an ambulance after a car wreck
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Want to have better sex? Drink less beer
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Arts and Crafts time with paper in French prisons may have to be cancelled
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GOP senate leader abruptly quits post. No, it's not Mitch McTurtle; it's the flannel shirt guy
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Newly discovered dolphin may already be at risk. Well duh, it took us this long to find it for a reason
|
| (New York bar report) |
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The NY state bar's report on supermax prisons. They're torture chambers, pure and simple
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City council of Sydney, Australia denies permit to proposed big-box brothel because it might hurt the business of mom-and-pop brothels
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Since America is on a class warfare high: $16 muffins and beef Wellington appetizers, nothing is too 'extravagant' for the U.S. Justice Department
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Transylvania discount coffins. Great business start up opportunity, or greatest?
|
| (Some Guy) |
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This is why you shouldn't store your extra paint cans inside your oven
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SSL 3.0 and TLS 1.0 have been broken. Your online bank account last seen whimpering in a corner
|
| (Some Super-Genius) |
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Public outcry erupts as officials prepare to evict family of seven from burned-out Los Angeles home. Fark: a family of coyotes
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Maryland sees drop in crime now that Baltimore has started classifying drive-by shootings as traffic accidents
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk driver manslaughter, high yield pick-pocketing, eye bleach mugshot, and reporters who don't know what "K" stands for
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Buzz Aldrin is nailing a woman who was nine years old when he walked on the moon
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Man dies from portapotty explosion. The question is, what the hell did he eat?
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Photoshop this giant guinea pig problem
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Japan defense giant hit by cyber attack that is absolutely not connected to peaceful, benign, innocuous China. Pay no attention to the Chinese scripting found in the code
|
| (Houston Press) |
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From the classic Newman's Own to the classless Skinnygirl cocktails: The best and worst of celebrity food endorsements
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Chilean protester: This is my ass. Riot police: send in the dogs
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Young douchebags see online slurs as "jokes", even negroes, broads, wops, and crackers
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Bar owner says 8-foot, 800-pound stuffed bear stolen by drunk patrons the other night is "not a cheap bear"
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Insurance firm sues Saudi Arabia for funding 9/11 attacks, cites Wikileaks in its complaint. Dilemma: trying to figure out who to root for
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"They can survive a Greek default. They can arguably survive if Portugal and Ireland go down as well. But you include Italy and Spain, now we're starting to talk some real money"
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Wired's favorite cars from the Frankfurt Auto Show. Includes a lot of sleek concepts from the usual brands, as well as Citroen outdoing itself on the fugly front
|
| (WBTV) |
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Killing a couple relatives may very well improve your home, but you don't have to do it at Lowe's
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In 1930, just years before Hitler made it a moot point, the USA had drawn up plans to attack Great Britain and seize its maple syrup, poutine, and Canadian bacon industrial lands
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The first Arab Spring votes are more about stalling change, meeting the new رئيس, same as the old رئيس
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Zambia's youth backs King Cobra for president despite Billy Dee Williams' support of smooth Colt 45
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260: The number of ugly ass baby alligators a pair of geniuses tried to poach
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Typhoon headed for Japan might fist-bump the Fukushima plant
|
| (Ceskapozice) |
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Topless statue of Virgin Mary stolen. Since it's a statue, topless pics are safe for work, right?
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Strange but true - when Rick Perry described Texas border towns as dangerous, a reporter actually investigated the facts
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Music and video sharing? In my relaunched Facebook? It's more likely than you think
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You know who else we can blame for female binge drinking? Blame...thank....whatever
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Former Afghan President and head of the Afghan peace council Burhanuddin Rabbani killed. I'd hate to see what sort of thing happens to the head of the war council
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Eliot Spitzer spouts off on why young women turn to prostitution. With a picture of what a young woman might look like
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Judge not only has too many Facebook friends, but one of his friends is a defendant in a court case he presided over. Oops
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