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| Sat September 17, 2011 |
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With no lemonade stands to bust up, city cracks down on a man selling homegrown vegetables from his front yard
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Government of Pakistan may be behind attack on U.S. embassy in Afghanistan
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| (Some Teeth) |
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Photoshop this catching canine
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Just when you thought Irene was behind us, now comes the great pumpkin shortage. Good grief
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"Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome" means that you really can die from a dream. Sleep tight
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WW2 plane crashes at an air show. This is not a repeat from yesterday
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Daughter of Sen. and Former Presidential Candidate Ted Kennedy dies, age 51
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Daughter of Sen. and Former Presidential Candidate Walter Mondale dies, age 51
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You were just released on bail for embezzling millions of dollars intended for healthy meals for preschoolers. What do you do? Attack photographers of course. You'd better believe there are pics
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Nonprofit company promoting red light enforcement out of the goodness of its heart just happens to be run by company that sells red light cameras for goodness of its bank account
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UN officials say "sex strike" by women of remote Philippine island brought an end to a long simmering clan war in their village. Aristophanes considering copyright infringement suit
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Scientists to go on trial for not predicting the power of God
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| (English Russia) |
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The saddest little ugly ass baby seal you'll ever see (some site ads may be NSFW)
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Constitution Day is unconstitutional
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In a damning testament to our nation's weak economy, Massachusetts woman resorts to picking mushrooms to survive. What? It's a hobby? She's been doing it for 40 years? What a weirdo
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Mentally disabled man whose Superman comic collection was stolen has it returned with the help of a bunch of super people. It's a little Kryptonitey in here
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man falls into Snake River Canyon while hiking on foot. Sure, it doesn't seem impressive, but Evel Knievel needed an X-1 rocket, a fifth of Cutty Sark and a hooker carved out of pure cocaine to do that
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The cat that miraculously survived an 1,800 mile trip from NYC to Colorado? Yeah, about that
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Bzzzzzzzzzz-
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"Many students openly admit their goal is to succeed with the least amount of effort. And many universities make this easy for them"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these eggheads
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Today, I opened my last unemployment check. Tomorrow, I crack open my neighbor's skull and feast upon the goo inside
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After an unusually cool summer, gardeners ask "Should I give up on my tomatoes?"
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Wisconsin discovering that if you vilify workers, cut their pay and slash their benefits, teachers just might not want to work for you anymore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study: Florida Keys residents drink more than all of rest of Florida. Capt. Obvious toasts this news
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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Massachusetts asks people to go car-free next week. Please comply; submitter hates getting stuck in traffic jams
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Senior alderman of the East Chemply, Pennsylvania, Town Board of Overseers, Walter K. Heblinger, would like to apologize
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The new phone books not here, the new phone books not here
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| (Some Coin Guy) |
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With all problems now solved, the federal government is now ready to tackle the most dangerous threats to our county...Liberty Dollars
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| (MyNorthwest) |
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Electron Boy breaks free of valence shell
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Texas school district changes curriculum from abstinence-only to abstinence-plus, or friends with benefits
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Neither rain, sleet, snow, owls, and coyotes will keep this cat from finding her way home. 5 years later, just in time for Caturday
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Sometimes, there is a man who cares not for the safety of children, but rather how many he can fit into his van. He must have had a lot of candy
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Internet - porn = ?? (with helpful pic of appropriate attire for internet porn viewing)
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Millions of birth control pills recalled nationwide. Side effects may include further "packaging errors" appearing in nine months
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We're gonna need a bigger belt
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these so-called deer-men dancers
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This week's cancer scare comes from... (spins the Wheel O' Carcinogens) ... CLACK... CLACK.... CLACK.... nail dryers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Firefighter completes Ironman Wisconsin while wearing full 100-pound turn out on 9/11
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Girl Scouts of the USA unveil their newest cookie, Radical Feminist Lesbian Patties
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Who cares if my man bits are smaller than usual, MY ENZO FERRARI FLOATS
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After 20 years, they've finally proven Gulf War Syndrome isn't all in the mind -- it's all in the brain instead
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Five-hour standoff between a suspected gunman and security at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base has finally come to an end. Since this is Fark, you know there's a "TA DA" ending to this story
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Anybody who commits suicide is a loser...except the guy that hires a couple of hookers to help out
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Florida Court says one spank isn't domestic violence, kinda hot
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The future of food on a planet of 7 billion people is bugs. "Which wine works best with insects? The answer, apparently, is beer. How many locusts would one need to eat for breakfast to replace two eggs? About 74"
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World's largest sperm bank tells redheads to beat it
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Aiming to close the wealth gap, San Francisco is creating college savings accounts for all kindergarteners. $50 for the rich. $100 for the poor. $150 for the uncircumcised. $200 for pet guardians. $250 if you don't use bottled water
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| Fri September 16, 2011 |
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Police baffled by mystery of English speaking boy who has been living in a German forest for the last 5 years. What mystery? He speaks English, he probably just crossed the border from Australia
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman sets Guinness record for largest afro, sets her sights on record for tallest platform shoes, largest 8 track tape collection
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If you ever wondered what a live human stomach stuffed with 72 cocaine capsules looks like, then today is your lucky day
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| (CBS Cleveland) |
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Cousin of dying 14-year-old girl steals the $120,000 raised to grant her final wish. When a reporter asks the guy how he could do that to a dying girl, this heartless assbag says, "We're all gonna die." Hopefully he does IAF
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| (Some Guy) |
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With all the teacher/student sex scandals in the news these days, it's nice to hear the lunch lady is getting a little action too
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Protip: Don't try to rob a Chinese restaurant if the workers have access to butcher knives. "I made some stabbing motions, but I don't think I got him"
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Corn producers: "Sugar is sugar. Your body doesn't know the difference." FDA: "Not so fast there"
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Newspaper columnist puts on his beer snob hat and describes having a Budwesier for the first time in 21 years. "It tasted exactly the same: like a wet piece of the cardboard that comes in new dress shirts"
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| (CBS Cleveland) |
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Man takes two bullets from an armed robber for his beer. "That would be a crime if I just let him have the beer," he says. Give this man a purple heart, please
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35 year old woman has sex with 15 year old boy she met playing World of Warcraft. ANGIEEEEEE JJJJJEEEEEEENKINS
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Pilot crashes into crowd at air show. He probably shouldn't have had the fish (w/video)
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| (Irish Times) |
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"What is the greatest thing in life?" "To crush your students, see their GPA driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their helicopter parents"
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features...........what is this I don't even
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Bad: being confined to a wheelchair. Worse: being confined to a wheelchair and getting attacked by a swarm of angry bees
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| (Some Guy) |
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The hedgehog could never be snuggled at all
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African nation is not Ghana put suspected witches in camps any more
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When former Marine Sgt. Dakota Meyer had a beer with the President at the White House the other day, they were drinking Obama's own home brew. And according to historians, it's the first beer ever made at the White House
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| (q13fox.com) |
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Paper covers truck
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Evolution ate the brown acid
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| (AnnArbor.com) |
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Man hoarding raw meat runs out of room in house, stuffs chicken in mailbox [with photos]
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Can bird poop crack your windshield? Here comes the science
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| (Some tv guy) |
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Photoshop this guy Intelling us something
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| (Some Guy) |
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School to remove blackboards and text books, replace them with $399 million in dry erase boards and ipads. That outta fix the problem
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Photo essay reveals a North Korea bustling with life and unbridled enthusiasm
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Burglar tries to break into restaurant through rooftop vent, ends up exhausted
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Of all the cities that can claim a connection to the troubled author Edgar Allan Poe, it's Baltimore. He lived there, he's buried there and his family is from there. But now his museum may not be there because of budget cuts
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| (Alan cross) |
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Stage collapse caused by illegal file sharing
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| (National Parks Traveler) |
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Injured man's four-day crawl across the desert inspires rescuers, future "New Yorker" cartoons
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It's Friday, and you know what that means. Okay, yes, you're slacking off. But also, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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So now consensual sex between minors means the football team has to forfeit. Good to know
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Not news: good samaritan stops to helps out-of-gas couple. Fark: Samaritan tells hubby to stop cussing out his wife; hubby beats up samaritan. Texas: Samaritan shoots hubby with concealed handgun
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| (Some Trouser Snake) |
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Today's "Brazilian caught smuggling reptiles in his pants" story is brought to you by Miami
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Defense Secretary Leon Panetta reminds Congress that, if it doesn't act, they'll add 1.0% to nation's unemployment rate from laid-off military, civilian personnel
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Just in case you were hoping fo a new PC term for homeless people you're in luck. Introducing, "Rough Sleepers". What, do you have a better one? Voting enabled
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scarlett Johansson's lawyer confirms the leaked nude photos of her are real and they are spectacular
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A list of home remedies if you suffer from insomnia. Surprisingly, smoking a joint while drinking two beers didn't make the list
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New study finds one in five men never use deodorant. Results of 1000 men listed according to rank
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Giant mollusks invade, Miami under siege. EPIC SNAIL
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Keep your dog away from nail guns
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Nigerian government assures its citizens that no, they won't die just because they answer a phone call
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these classroom posters
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I swear to God, we weren't drinking. That sheep was the size of a house
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Do you know what a squirrel looks like? The University of Florida could use your help
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Buddies attempt to re-enact Weekend at Bernies... or was it Things to do in Denver When You're Dead? Sorry, dude, but the strip club has a strict 'no corpses' policy
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Everytime you eat a fish, the jellyfish get one step closer to taking over the oceans
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Theory: failure is the secret to success. Conclusion: the Chicago Cubs are the greatest organization in the history of space-time
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The full extent of Spongebob's crime is now revealed. With harrowing video footage
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The US can't account for 5900 pounds of "weapons usable" nuke material. Sleep well
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| (Some Marksmen) |
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Those who can, teach. Those who can't, shoot themselves in the hand (wIth suspicious accident description)
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Seven tips for manipulating children into not being screaming monsters from hell during your next flight. Difficulty: They should probably be *your* children
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| (Some Cable Guy) |
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"A woman waiting for cable installation at home wound up getting a more explicit display -- right in her own living room"
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| (All That Is Interesting) |
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Photoshop these guys fixing an antennae on the Empire State Building
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Soldiers seek to rid Afghanistan of opium. Good luck with that
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Photoshop this artistic auto
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Why do they pick on me? Someday, I'll show them all. When I grow up, I'll be a model. Or a doctor. Or a model AND a doctor. And THEN they'll be sorry. *Snif*
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| (Some Guy) |
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In what is in no way a trolling or AW stunt, California atheist congregation will rip pages out of a Bible this Sunday
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| (Some Guy) |
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80 year old man car-jacked by a pack of women, or is it a pride of women? Anyway, a biatch of women beat up an octogenarian
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| Thu September 15, 2011 |
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Tomorrow is "Stay Away From Seattle Day," which is something the Lombardi Trophy has been observing for decades
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"Leftists stir up fears about Catholicism in almost the exact same way that right-wing populists do against Islam"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk, stupid and standing in the Taco Bell drive thru calling 911 because they won't serve you is no way to go through life, son. w/mugshot
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From the Department of Made-Up Math, Angry Birds costs employers $1.5 billion
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Supremes upstage Rick Perry
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City lowers speed limit on major thoroughfare to reduce risk of drunk college students getting hit
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Since there aren't any jobs and it doesn't look like there will be for some time, here's a list of ten cars to make your get away in after you rob a bank
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Photoshop Theme: Cruel and Unusual Punishments
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Five things you do every day that are actually addictions
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Fight over a teen's dance routine leads to a broken jaw. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way
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Today's poorly-worded headline: Mom Gambled Away Donations to Fight Son's Cancer
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| (CBSSacramento.com) |
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All the world's a stage, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to take whatever you want from the drama department
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20-year-old student self-harms herself in her sleep by cutting. Judging by the photo, she's cutting cheesecake
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| (azfamily.com) |
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How to get the most beer for your buck at the ballpark
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In a development that is sure to make most Americans feel rich, you can now deposit your excess fat in a bank
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| (Some Toe Sucker) |
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FTA: A male suspect with an apparent foot-fetish is keeping police on their toes
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| (Some Guy) |
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House plants, leather, toothpaste, and other common items around your home you can eat in case of an emergency
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Elitist liberal professors offer $10,000 reward to someone who can prove Bachmann's Jenny McCarthy-esque "I heard of a girl who turned retarded after getting an HPV vaccine" story
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| (Some Guy) |
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"You could ultimately pay the price for going to a strip club or tattoo shop." Surprisingly, this article is not about the herps
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Drinking Bud Light is terrible for your waistline, so you might as well just drink real beer
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Judge to talk to longshoremen in the afternoon, since what can you do with a drunken sailor, what can you do with a drunken sailor what can you do with a drunken sailor ear-a-lee in the morning?
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SAT reading scores at lowest point in...I dunno, I can't really figure out what it says LOL
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Like your mom when she's with Subby, society capable of multiple sexual revolutions
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My name is Inyo County. You burned my acres. Prepare to die
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New species of dolphin discovered. Tony Sparano hopes to have him signed by Sunday
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Apparently bees like bacon. Lots, and lots of bacon
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In survey of most intellectual Canadian exotic dancers, the girls from Toronto come out on top of the pole
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This may come as a surprise to you, but the people who are only charging half the going rate for plastic surgery may not always be the best at it
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Man changes his name from George F. Blackburn to Led Zeppelin II, somehow that's better
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A great new look for the Windows 8 blue screen of death
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| (Reading Evening Post) |
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Psychic fails to predict fifteen month prison sentence
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| (Some Carbon Guy) |
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Turns out it wasn't cleaning chemicals. But it is in every fast food restaurant
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| (The Province) |
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Church-run shelter for homeless women, alleged site of at least a half-dozen sexual assaults, hires a night shift supervisor who likes to masturbate in front of women. What could possibly go wrong?
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Judge rules breasts are a moral threat. This happened in a) Pakistan, b) Saudi Arabia, c) New Jersey
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Judge rules state law preventing doctors from discussing gun safety with patients violates 1st Amendment. Suck it 2nd Amendment
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US seeks to ban electronic cigarettes on all flights, presumably because non-smokers are bitter assh*les who hate joy and will do anything to make other's lives as miserable and unfullfilling as their own
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| (MSN.com) |
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Twelve 'Special Edition' cars that really are pretty special. That 1972 Beetle with the fake Rolls-Royce grill you have rusting away in the backyard unavailable for comment
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A man who graduated at the top of his class when he got his GED in property law informs deputies that he's entitled to beat and kill anyone in his yard
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Gov Perry asked to halt execution--but he probably won't be able to hear the request over the sound of the crowd cheering his record execution streak
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Marine being awarded the Medal of Honor for saving 36 of his fellow soldiers has asked that the day be marked by memorial services for the 4 he couldn't save "It's hard, ... getting recognized for the worst day of your life"
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Amish men jailed after refusing to display orange safety triangles on their buggies
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After careful review of the facts, Toronto District School Board has concluded that genital mutilation is not suitable for children
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Apple season in Sweden continues, this time with a drunken elk carrying children's swing set into the forest and leaving it in a tree
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| (International Business Times) |
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Okay, okay, global warming exists. But it's good for you
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Health nut Michelle Obama unveils new fresh menu. FARK: at Olive Garden
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| (Some Guy) |
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Strange light seen in sky above parts of California and American Southwest. I'm not sayin it's aliens, but it's aliens
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A pet rabbit wakes a woman just in time to get herself and her daughter safely out of the burning building. And just in time for Bunnerday
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Fox News asks: So is anyone going to object to this Archie Comics gay wedding or what?
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Oh my God. It's not even October, it's still warm outside, and school just started, but they're already hiring people for seasonal employment during the Christmas season. Can you.... actually, I don't have problem with this
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| (ABS-CBN News) |
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In the latest news about Philippine rebel forces, farkable moms are fighting against the Green Hornet's sidekick, or something
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| (WGME) |
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Note to self: if I see a strange bottle filled with sweet smelling liquid, it is probably best that I let it be and not drink it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this font. Difficulty: no text
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| (Salisbury Post) |
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Salisbury man banned from hunting "anywhere in the world" by Kentucky authorities
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Miles Dyson invents AM04 room heater. Next project worryingly entitled 'T-800'
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"Col. Latifa Nabizada, the only female pilot in the history of Afghan aviation, travels...with a devoted partner next to her in the cockpit - her 5-year-old daughter Malalai"
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And here's one for all those Spanish guys in the stands who bought tickets to the football game thinking it was a soccer match
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| (WSB TV) |
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While authorities investigating who shot a dog in the head with an arrow, the clinic that saved the dog's life have been busy adding insult to injury by naming the dog 'Arrow'
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| (Delmarva Now) |
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Police: Thief said "give me your dog, or I'll shoot" to man who was pushing his terrier in a wheelchair
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'X' now a gender option as well as signature in Australian passports
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| (Some Guy) |
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Peru declares state of emergency in Amazon. Damn, my package was late, too, but that's no reason to freak
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| (Belfast Telegraph) |
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Princess Zara's husband in scandal over kissing another woman during a dwarf-throwing contest
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the fortune teller you hire to exorcise spirits from your daughter's body tells you he needs to take her back in private to his place to heal her, he may be a fraud
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| (Charlotte Observer) |
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Actual Headline: 'Vibrator' Gives Lots of Pleasure. Actual Reaction: That went fast in a direction I didn't care about
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| (The Star) |
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Man dies in a car crash while "lamping." So stick to planking, owling, horsemanning and batmanning, and don't try to look like a lamp, boys and girls
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You should be suspicious if your live-in boyfriend says that he has a job but never goes to work. And borrows your credit card so he can go to Texas for his grandmother's funeral, but none of his purchases are made in Texas
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Restaurant charges you for leaving food on your plate. Blames diners for ordering too much as a "sign of status". Guess where the restaurant is
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| (NBC Chicago) |
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Well, you know the Bible says "spare the naked, tied-to-a-chair beating, spoil the 21-year-old daughter." It's in there somewhere, really
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| (Some Guy) |
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Boner arrested for DUI -- no, politics tab, not that Boner. Not yours. Can't have. But he was a police captain so you didn't make the popcorn for nothing
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Elderly couple unintentionally record themselves via webcam trying to make their new laptop work. Yes, this is how IT sees you, too
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| (Windsor Star) |
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Authorities seek sick sex sect sexton
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Evicted 101-year-old Detroit woman is getting her home back thanks to HUD
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Bodies hanging from bridge in Mexico are warning to social media users, "This is going to happen to all of those posting funny things on the Internet". Whew. Glad to hear that everybody at Fark will be safe then
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Nicolas Cage's life is turning into a bad Nicolas Cage movie after the Oscar winner is awoken by a naked man holding a fudgesicle
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Group says mainstream Muslims are violent and Mohammed was a "cult leader". Is the group: a) a Tea Party Chapter, b) a Texas Church, or c) the FBI?
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Hey, let's all play a game of cowboys and decomposing corpses
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drivin' around town blaring music at 9:40 in the morning when your fifteen-year-old self should be in school is a pretty decent way to go through life, son. Not sure about the rocket launcher, though
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Photoshop Theme: Reinventing the wheel
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The pinnacle of Things On A Stick technology has been reached with the introduction of liquor on a stick
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Consumer reporter $78 million in debt could use his own referral network to find bankruptcy attorney. Meanwhile, he's still giving advice
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Not News: Waitress trips. News: At Chargers game, tossing $1,000 down onto the fans below. Fark: The fans gather the money and return all of it
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 332: "Summer Daze". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 14, 2011 |
| (NBC new york.com) |
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Washington Township, NJ's 9/11 Memorial is engraved with the names of the town's politicians, not the names of any victims. Because there were no victims from Washington Township, NJ on 9/11
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New book alleges Sarah Palin snorted coke off an oil drum. Well, it's Alaska, silly; of course she did
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Waiting times for crematoriums in Japan are so bad, that families are now booking bodies into $154.33 per day motels for dead people while waiting
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| (LA weekly) |
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Man chews off another guy's eyebrow in a fight, leaving him forever quizzical
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Man charged with shooting BBs at judge's car hopes his honor doesn't preside in a pellet court
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Plane getting ready to take off from Dulles evacuated via emergency chutes. Three injured. Ruth Bader Ginsburg escapes unhurt which makes you wonder how farking lame those three people are if an 80-year-old female cancer survivor can do it
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It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Or, it's like blowing yourself up when trying to set your ex-girlfriend on fire
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There are better ways to impress a woman on your first date than by getting liquored up and trying to climb a school's 40-foot chimney. "He does stuff like that all the time. He longboards without a helmet"
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Tennesseans like to read PETA's "I LV TOFU" license plate as "I LV TO FU"
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Protip: When the defendant has dual citizenship, remember to let the consulate know. Also, when his mother ponies up a house for bond, make sure she owns it
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Photoshop theme contest: Consumer products of the future "As seen on TV"
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| (KVLA) |
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Laptop charged. Check. Kick dog off sofa. Check. Popcorn made. Check. Okay, here it goes: "Mayor bans guns"
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Alleged nude photos of Scarlett Johnansson warble piecemeal middling tenacious forego zippy two-step weeping nattering questionable credibility bingo
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| (Some Arby's Lover) |
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Quick, while he's shaving the roast beef for my sandwich, grab that Rembrandt
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Anxiety over depression medication causes anxiety, depression
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| (The Berkshire Eagle) |
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Jealous ex's attack ends in naked mixed martial arts type choke hold
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How to properly sexually harass someone if you are a politician. "He turned around and grabbed a breast, passed some gas, got out of the car. And I just sat in there, this is it. I'm done"
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Menem cleared of weapons smuggling charges. Narrowly avoided conviction under the Terrible Music Ban Treaty of 1995
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Evil evolutionists are infecting record numbers of good Christian people with TB
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The national anthem did not become official until 1931, leaving plenty of time to botch the lyrics
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Welcome to Oktoberfest - would you like an unsweetened iced tea?
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Robbery suspect to police: I'm Gumby dammit
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| (Some Bandit) |
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Reason No. 34 that Florida is the best state in the nation - Two words: Burt Reynolds. Two more words: Moustache ride
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New dating website matches people up based on their gut bacteria. "There must be a lot of frustrated people out there"
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Iranian judiciary: Ahmadinejad is not the boss of us
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MSM discovers trolling, immediately ending the entire phenomenon
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Stalker flies from California to Minnesota to drop-off burned copies of four restraining orders at victim's house. Reporter says that's kind of creepy
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In it's bid to win the Hell on Earth Award, DFW hits 70 days of temperatures over 100º F
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Police recover diamond swallowed by thief. According a police spokeswoman "It was retrieved in the simplest and most natural way"
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Well, you know what they say: Easy thumb, easy toe
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Fark-ready headline: "University of Iowa warns art lovers about penis exhibit at gallery"
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Columnist attempts to debunk 10 myths about atheists, manages to prove 9 of them are true
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So, oddly, it turns out that appropriate treatments for a reaction to penicillin do not include nipple play
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Cheerleaders ordered to wear sweat pants under their skirts or face punishment. "Cheeks are hanging out. We don't want them bending over"
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| (Some cake eater) |
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Woman assaults fiancée for calling her "Debbie Cakes", then reporter spends a few paragraphs discussing the awesomeness of Little Debbie snack cakes before finally rejoining the story again near the end
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Sleeping passenger in SUV has nightmare, screams, scares the hell out of the driver who rolls SUV. Sometimes dreams do come true
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Lawyers for Giants' fan beaten outside Dodger's Stadium say his medical bills are likely to top 50 million -and he won't even make that cool "nuh-nuh-nah" sound when doctors are finished
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Cantaloupe warning issued after Listeria outbreak. Dip trip, flip fantasia
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Civil suits beginning to be filed against Rupert Murdoch and News Corp. Upon hearing the news, Murdoch said there was no way he could have known and if anyone *isn't* responsible, it's him
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Hot former dominatrix has had two fetish-enthusiast boyfriends die, which leaves her single. Do you feel lucky?
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Dear Abby, I found a sex video on-line involving my wife with another guy from before our marriage. Do I tell her? Fark needs "Awkward" tag
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Did Mitt Romney really drive twelve hours with a dog strapped to the roof of his car? The answer might surprise you
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Apparently no-bid contracts given to political supporters cost twice as much as hiring people. Who knew?
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Facebook has heard the outcry for "Circles" and has granted your wish
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Republican male archetype Clint Eastwood: "I don't give a f*ck" if gays marry
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And then there's "drunk enough your wife calls 911 because you're in the garage trying to practice dentistry on yourself"
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101-year old woman evicted from the house she's lived in for 60 years; but this is less a "banks are evil" situation and more "her son is complete asshat" one
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Restricted driver's licenses cut fatal accidents among 16-year-olds, but the 18-year-olds make up for that
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| (Some Lizard) |
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Photoshop the event that will cause mankind (and womenkind) to become extinct
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| (kfab) |
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If you lost your six-foot weiner, police in Iowa would like to have a word with you
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No photograph will ever be able to capture the true awesomeness that is Vladimir Putin, but these come pretty close
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Despite having about 15 of the street's signs stolen each year, town's officials are sticking with Stoner Avenue. Far out, man
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Today's squee-worthy link...sleeping puppies
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Smoking ban supporters: Smoking bans in private restaurants and bars will lower heart ailments. Journal of Community Health: Actually, studies in seven states with smoking bans show no connection between the ban and heart attack rates
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Mom takes time off work to donate a kidney to save her son's life. When she returns to work, does she: C) get fired?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't want your loved ones flying close to the 9/11 anniversary? Call in a bomb threat on their plane. With cheery "I'm such a GOOFball" mugshot
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| (Some Lizard) |
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Photoshop Theme: The real reason Duke Sucks
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Chicago company creates single-dose PMS cure
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Yo, dawg, I heard you like to eat dead chickens so I put some dead chickens in the drive thru of the place where you eat dead chickens
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| Tue September 13, 2011 |
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"I don't want to grow up, 'cause if I did, I wouldn't be able to pay a hooker $31,000 a week"
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Your face -- and the Web -- can tell everything about you
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Drivers will no longer get traffic tickets for warning drivers they are about to get traffic tickets
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Pennsylvania Republicans don't like their state's winner-take-all electoral rules, so they're going to change them to favor GOP candidates
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| (Right Wing Watch) |
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Pat Robertson: "You can divorce your wife if she has Alzheimers, it's allowed in the Bible. You know, in the footnotes"
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Autistic boy missing in Southern California woods who can't see the forest through the 993,054 trees
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Libya's war-tested women hope to make gains in the emerging new Libyan government
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After realizing that there has never been a single case of a 12-year-old trying to hijack or blow up an airplane, the TSA is adopting new procedures for screening the little darlings
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James Murdoch recalled by British Parliament, though not fondly
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| (Houston Press) |
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Restaurant wishes Muslim customer "Happy 9/11" on to-go box, complete with illustration of a plane crashing into the Twin Towers
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If you Wisconsinites smell something funny in the air, don't worry... it's only Minnesota
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| (Some Guy) |
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Discussing a bad dream relieves anxiety. Dreaming about the commuter train that you're on blowing up, and then passing a note to the conductor detailing that dream causes anxiety, and panic, an evacuation, bomb-squad arrival, etc
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| (Some lizard) |
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Photoshop Theme: Rejected Photoshop Themes
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Beijing to build airport the size of Bermuda, with nine runways, two to three times the passenger capacity of London Heathrow, 54 square kilometers of area coverage, its own international calling code, and no fewer than six hundred Au Bon Pains
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Computerized face-monitoring lie-detection camera sees what you did there
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| (Some Guy) |
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You mom doesn't know how much you drink or smoke, but she thinks all your friends are alcoholic pot heads
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Broncos waive their Cox, aftershock strikes off Vanuatu Barada Nikto, and a women's hockey game with lots of periods: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/4 - 9/10
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| (Spalding Today) |
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Tales from The Old Country: Man in court for pooping on a dead hedgehog. Your move, America, your move
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Not news: Store institutes unpopular policy. News: That you can't try on the merchandise before you buy it. Fark: The merchandise in question? Condoms
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night nor 23 slashed tires stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds
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Humanitarian of the year is on trial for assaulting his wife with his humanitarian award
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Some TSA agents got caught at a checkpoint with more than the allowable amount of oxycodone
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Bad: Bus accident. Badder: Bus-train accident. Superbad: Bus-train-train accident
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| (US News & World Report) |
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US News releases its annual college rankings. Duke (#10), and slideshows suck
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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A model of judicial efficiency, New York sends a jury duty summons for a murder trial--to the defendant
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Forensic expert reconstructs face of man beheaded in 1381. For some reason, he doesn't look happy
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Okay guys, you might want to sit down for this one: Erratic wriggly eel removed from man's bladder after entering his penis (w/ pic that says *Oh Jesus God NO*)
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Skynet seeking out unused capacity of networked computers to further its goals, isn't even bothering to try to hide it any more
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| (Bozeman Comical) |
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Couple's statue of of St. Francis of Assisi stolen, returned a month later painted to look like St. Francis as a sissy (with pic)
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| (Some Married Guy) |
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9. You had to read this list to find out
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Gallant properly disposes of his dead bodies through cremation. Goofus asks his neighbors if he can put it with their trash
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You know your life sucks when you're arrested for one thing then arrested again while in jail for robbing a bank. You also get the dumbass award for wearing a t-shirt that easily identifies you
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| (WSB TV) |
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Church: 'So this Jewish carpenter did some magic and came back from the dead.' Residents: 'That's amazing.' Church: 'We leased our property out to a cell tower. You were sent notices.' Residents: 'BS'
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| (KAYU Spokane) |
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Woman shocked to discover that a man she sent her nude photo to didn't delete it after viewing it, and shared it online -- with her email address
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| (Some Guy) |
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22 rules for airline passengers, from those of us who know what the hell we're doing and are trying not to strangle you
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Man charged with felony after eating raw meat at Walmart and putting packages back on shelves, claims it's all just a big misteak
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Hey man, pull my finger... or my leg, whatever. Thanks
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Roald Dahl's granddaughter makes an appeal to save the author's writing shed. No word on the disposition of his other shed
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Former Bishop of Derry calls for an end to clerical celibacy "before we all explode"
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What numbers did the horses wear when they won the first three races at Belmont on September 11, 2011? You guessed it
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B.C. abductor who mysteriously returned kid may not be as ninjaesque as previously believed
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| (Maui News) |
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Not news: Tips for improving your relationships. News: With dogs. Fark: Every bit as useless as most relationship advice
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If you lost a Hello Kitty bookbag the police have it and you can claim it at the station. Must be able to identify the guns and ski masks stuffed inside
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Students' skirts have gotten so short, some UK schools say they should just come to school with no skirts on at all
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Sharp splits emerging in Libya's new ruling council, between those that want death to America and those who'd settle for serious injury
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One of Fark's favorite mugshot subjects wants to gain 50 pounds before his trial
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When receiving street lap dances, police officers should keep their "weapons" holstered at all times (pics)
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Happy Feet the penguin may have changed his name to Happy Meal
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Levi Johnston says that Bristol Palin's pregnancy was less of an "oops" and more of a "THIS is how much I hate you, mommy"
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| (Balding server monkey stalking) |
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Fark db downtime 2: electric boogaloo at noon ET, should be under 1 hr. LGT data center webcam
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Madonna: "I absolutely loathe hydrangeas." It kind of puts your problems into perspective
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Photoshop this person being pulled by a parasail
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The US citizens who were jailed by Iran for "hiking" too close to Iran will be released...for one meelion dollars
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| (Channel 3000) |
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Bad: Your car is stopped in a crosswalk. Worse: Because you're passed out. Good: A passing doctor comes to your rescue. Bad: You can't even remember driving. Fark: Because you did it right after taking heroin
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Management reckons the broadcasters were unaware that 'punani' was sexual slang for female genitals"
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| (Post Chronic le) |
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For his 58th birthday, Hulk Hogan's daughter took him to a photo exhibition. Of naked women. Including her. Awkward?
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Pageant mom and future stripper generator Wendy Dickey is confused about backlash, thinks dressing toddlers like prostitutes is better than letting them play sports
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Pope and three top cardinals named in criminal complaint filed before International Criminal Court at the Hague. This actually might end well
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Woman gets threatening stalker calls because A) she has a crazy ex, B) guy has the wrong phone number, or C) Toyota had a "brilliant" idea for an ad campaign
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| (Reading Evening Post) |
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Dick Fiddler stalked by something "big and black" in the woods. Yep, I know that feeling
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More pics from Japan tsunami with six-month before/after pics (click on images to see after)
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Dude, your girlfriend dumped you because you're bald, 51, and still living with Mom. So don't try to kill Mom like it's all her fault
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Good news: Climate change isn't going to kill us all. Bad news: Ocean acidification caused by climate change is going to kill us all
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Ghaddafi's son slipped into Niger last weekend, says he'll never go back
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| (Farm Online) |
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Impaled man puts on a tourniquet, pulls out the metal, crawls an hour and a half to his car to call for help. Meanwhile, Subby drags himself up the stairs for some more Pringles
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Coyotes have taken over a California home, using the space as a den and the mailbox to receive sundry Acme products
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| (Some Highlander) |
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When you see a volunteer taking photos of flood-damaged houses in your neighborhood, do you a) offer to help, b) point him to areas with the most damage, or c) drunkenly threaten him and his wife with a sword?
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Female graduate student chooses cybersex for research paper
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Ten-year-old boy returns to school after summer holidays as a girl, as "he believes he is trapped in the wrong body"
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Fox headline: "US boots on ground in Libya". FTFA: "four unidentified troops are there working under the State Department's chief of mission to assist in rebuilding the U.S. Embassy"
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