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| Sun August 28, 2011 |
| (Some Guy) |
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I have no idea what you are talking about, so here some pics of a boat balancing on a dock
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News: America's Top Suburbs for Retirees. Other News: Americans can still afford to Retire
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First-grader grows hair long to donate to cancer victims. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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Man arrested for shaving girlfriend as she slept. No, not THERE. Or THERE either
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Not News: Former school teacher helps school community. News: It was a superintendent that actually gives a crap about students and the school system. Farking Hero: Asked for a $800,000 pay cut to keep programs alive
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Detroit Zoo lions getting $1 million renovation to habitat, which is a big step up from the crack house one was found in
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Apparently it's not okay for nursing home workers to bet on when a patient is going to die. Oh yeah, putting sunglasses on the corpse is frowned upon too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy wetting his whistle
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Remember the Lockerbie bomber who was released in 2009 because he only had months to live? He's still in Libya and the rebels have no intention of handing him over
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Harrisburg man killed when Hurricane Irene drops a tree into his bedroom. Sorry, did I say into his bedroom? I meant on his tent. That he was sleeping in. Outside. During a hurricane
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Columnist worries about whether teens should fly solo. As passengers. Wait until she finds out they can fly the damn plane when they hit 16
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After winning the war on lemonade, Massachusetts police tackle the evil children selling green tea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently lack of common sense IS a crime
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Not allowed at the Wausau, Wisconsin Labor Day parade: a) illegal aliens b) the press c) President Obama d) Republicans
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Al Gore: Global warming skeptics are this generation's racists
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Remember those 500+ elderly high-rise residents in New Jersey who refused to evacuate? Yeah, they're fine and ready to get back to their lives after telling Irene to get off their shared lawn
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| (Orange County Register) |
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That yellow sticker on Nancy's car tells you she's not just an oblivious woman driver, she's deliberately trying to piss you off
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That's not faith, that's just contradiction
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Madonna's infamous book Sex tops the list of out-of-print books people want to add to their collection. Sadly, all copies available to purchase are wrinkled and used-up given they haven't been relevant since 1991
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Burning Man, which is held in the middle of the desert and bans the sale of anything but coffee, ice, and tickets to Burning Man itself, has apparently now gone corporate because they ran out of tickets
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| (Some Guy) |
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Journalist buys food for a week of meals at the local dollar store. Lives to write about it
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I'm probably just swimming upstream with this one, but this smoked salmon recall lox up the award for fishiest recall
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| (Some Guyco) |
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Photoshop ads in places they should never be allowed (LGT example)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Everyone in range of Hurricane Irene please stay safe - Here's your Sunday discussion thread
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Gee, why would other kids and their parents think that kids with food allergies are attention whores? And whaaaat is the deal with airline peanuts? You can't find them anywhere now
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Poor little snowflakes sue their mother for "emotional distress" caused by horrors such as sending the wrong kind of birthday card and requiring them to adhere to a curfew
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Water shortage perplexes Libyan rebels. You know why you don't have any water? BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A FARKING DESERT. AHH AHHHHHHHH. YOU SEE WHAT THIS IS? IT'S SAND
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Nuke them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure
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*zzzt* 100 YE RS of *crackle* NEON *bzzt*
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Those sure are some juicy round melons you have there
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Columnist explains that Martin Luther King's spirit sent the earthquake and now the hurricane (8 fatalities and counting) because MLK is angry about racism and pissed off at MTV, VH1, and BET
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| (Watertown Daily Times) |
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Inmate charged with sixth-degree conspiracy. Sadly, article fails to explain Kevin Bacon's involvement
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Anchor: "How's it going out there, Tucker?" Reporter: "Windy, rainy, and it tastes a bit nutty, Steve"
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| (kfor) |
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Bad: Worst drought in years. Badder: Animals are coming into places they would normally not go. Worst: News reports trying to make a play on words about it
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British tea company Twinings pulls a "New Coke" on its customers. Picard not amused
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| (Japan Probe) |
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As you might expect, there are few Kamikaze pilots still living
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| (A CUP OF RAGE) |
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Best Buy shows us that in times of need and preparedness, we should be prepared to pay over $40 for a case of water
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Washington State police not amused when suspicious six-foot foot package on bridge is giant candy bar. Onlookers, however, break into snickers
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"This is the way he wanted to go," son says of his father, who was crushed to death by his tractor after he overturned it in a ditch
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Is your index finger shorter than your ring finger? Enjoy your alcoholism
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these face palms
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This week's Mugshot Roundup features tears, jeers, and a differently sexualed.....person
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Sure it's a city of poverty and despair and smells like overripe curry, but you've got to check out Calcutta's space station
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Prison finds knitting to be perfect activity for inmates on pins and needles. That's no yarn
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| (Some Guy) |
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After weeks of negotiating, Montreal government decides woman will not have to show her vagina to prove she's really the mother of her baby daughter
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We have reports of a Category 5 topical Derpression issuing from Fox News
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember that episode of Star Trek where Riker's clone got left behind after a disaster and nobody bothered to try and rescue him? It's sort of like that
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Pop quiz hotshot. Gunman robs store and has one hostage. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
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NYC prepares for Hurricane Irene by bringing out the snowplows
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If your 12-year old daughter is hospitalized after getting high on shrooms you grew for her, telling a judge you did it so she wouldn't have to get them off the street isn't going to fly in a court of law
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Glenn Beck channeling Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps: Hurricane Irene is a 'blessing'
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| Sat August 27, 2011 |
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The creators of the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt have unveiled a new spin-off clothing line: Big Face Animals. Slideshow Warning, but the awesomeness within renders it moot
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Photoshop this tornado-trashed house
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36 year old woman arrested after having sex with a 13 year old boy after someone bragged. Mugshot offers hint as to who didn't brag
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Bad: Car wreck injury. Real bad: In surgery for amputation. Farking Bad: Die from smoke inhalation after fire breaks out and being left behind in the Operating Room
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Bait car stolen at 11AM by A) 18 year old drug dealer B) 40 year old junkie C) 10 year old little girl....hint: drugs were not involved
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Chains like Chili's and Applebee's are being forced to revamp their menu because people are starting to realize their food tastes like crap
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The latest Al Qaeda #2 is no more. In related news, all #3's content in their current positions
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Just imagine what it would be like to get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face if his legs were on fire and tasted like cinnamon
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| (KOB) |
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It's a pretty hard case for police to investigate, since bees tend to look pretty much alike - difficult to make a positive ID
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Woman decides to drive down the beach to see how a pier is holding up in the storm. Darwin comes close but misses. But don't worry - we're just getting started
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This looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and HOLY shiat THAT'S A SHARK SWIMMING IN THE STREET
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Pro-tip: When returning to the store for a second shoplifting run, don't stop to fill out a form with your name and address
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Fark it, there's no winners here. I hate Milwaukee Nazis AND flash mobs
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| (CBS Detroit) |
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Do you happen to be harboring mosquitoes in that puddle of water outside your home? We're the government and we're going to have to crack down on you, son
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Hop to it. It's beer festival season
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Photoshop this rocket scientist
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Girl gets job at yogurt store. That's good. The owner is a little crazy. That's bad. The owner wants to talk about a promotion. That's good. In his soundproof torture box room. That's bad
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| (Some Guy) |
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Internet free speech limits being tested in the case of man who viciously Tweeted about Buddhists he felt had wronged him. That's bad karma, dude
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Problem: Cost to care for America's fatty fat fat population expected to exceed six months in Afghanistan per year. Solution: Send them all to Afghanistan
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Couples are now spending more time in bed looking at laptop screens than at each other. Although to be fair, that touchpad's probably more responsive than what's a foot away
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London's mayor hopes this weekend's Carnival will help 'heal wounds' of the recent riots. Of course, the 5500+ attending 'nurses' from Scotland Yard can't hurt
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Libyan rebel leaders discover that running a country is hard work. Can they just take the money and give the country back?
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Mayor Bloomberg of NYC: Please get the hell out because Irene will swallow us. NYC residents: What, you talkin' to me? La La (Fuggeddaboudit) La, I can't hear YOU
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Raccoon changes traditional goodbye greeting from ooh-ooh to start 10 acre grass fire. Har har, hardee har harǃ (subby is old, isn't he?)
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It's your Saturday Hurricane Irene thread
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Vinny, the kitty who was thrown from a car on NYC bridge, yells "Whoopi, I gets a forever home"... just in time for Caturday
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| (ib times) |
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New study says half of all Americans will be obese by 2030. Doctors say 210 will be the new 120
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Researchers find elderly women with active sex lives are healthier, happier and cope better with aging -- as if your mom needed a reason
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Photoshop VP Biden's archery lesson
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| Fri August 26, 2011 |
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Should it be legal to flash your headlights to warn other drivers about a speed trap? Flash once for yes, twice for no
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Archaeologists find King Arthur's Round Table, proceeding cautiously in case it's booby-trapped to the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
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| (FlightAware) |
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Flying somewhere this weekend? You better check the list of cancelations
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RON PAUL thinks FEMA isn't necessary, says we should be like Galveston was in 1900. Google "1900 Galveston" for the punchline
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$5 fee ruled to present no greater burden on nude dancing, TotalFark
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| (charlotte observer) |
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Charlotte Police warn you to be on the lookout for a smash and grab gumball machine thief. They urge you to report any people spending large quantities of pennies while blowing large bubbles
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It's an outrage, a violation of my freedom." a) Captured Libyan freedom fighter? b) Tortured Syrian rebel? c) Homeschooling mom afraid of radio waves from clock radios and hair dryers affecting her kids?
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Taxpayer-funded black light posters? Now that's a stimulus I can get behi ... OMFG WHAT IS THAT?
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Outraged white Iowan people problems
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This just in: Authoritarian governments to not like to sanction authoritarian governments for being authoritarian
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Headline: Hurricane Irene may cause spike in gas prices. Translation: Hurricane Irene *will* cause spike in gas prices
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The latest thing you're doing to rape the planet: Owning a vintage Gibson guitar. Preaching about the environment while traveling via private jet still A-OK
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| (Some Guy) |
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The perfect time to shoplift? When the chief of police and McGruff the crime dog are at a store's grand opening
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Great white shark disappears from San Diego surf. In an unrelated story, unexplained candygrams appear all over the city
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Bernanke says time will do his job for him. That's great. So...why are you here again?
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When you run out of credible TV guests to talk about hurricane preparedness, there's always Ray Nagin
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IBM unveils enormous 120 petabyte drive array, capable of storing 25 billion MP3s, 60 copies of the estimated 150 billion total Web sites in existence, and ALMOST enough space to hold all the videos your Mom starred in over the last 3 months
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hot dog of an offer
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News: California Zephyr derails in Nebraska after it hits a crane. Fark: it was already eight hours late after hitting an abandoned car near Salt Lake City
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| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Guy jumps in truck to stop coyote from carrying off his Shih Tzu: "My truck is not a four-wheel-drive, but I made it one that morning"
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Captain George Hunt sank more enemy ships than any other British submariner of the war. "... he endured what he knew would be a heavy counter-attack; he stopped counting the depth charges after the first 100"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Direct flights between Cuba and Puerto Rico resume after almost 50 years. And by "flights", they mean they strap a hot air balloon to a donkey
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| (Happy Place) |
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"I had 2 boxes of business cards in my desk drawer and he replaced them with cards that have my title changed from graphic designer to horse whisperer. I don't know how many I have given out to people"
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Automated massage machines commence their rampaging vengeance. Don't you dare ask for a happy ending
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How to know your gang might not be all that hardcore #47: Stealing watercress because restaurants are using it
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Newspaper alerts online readers of temporary removal of comments in articles. Online readers calmly and rationally discuss inability to get over it
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Residents in SC confused if they should stay or should they go. If they go, there will be trouble and if they stay there will be double. Meanwhile, NY residents think that even tho Irene, Irene so far away, they should get away
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| (Playbill) |
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And Broadway folds like the Democrats during the debt ceiling debate
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Irene losses already estimated at $1.8 billion before it even hits the US. Everybody pre-PANIC
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Mexican drug crackdown has led to a balloon effect, which Subby can only surmise involves butt pirates of the Caribbean smuggling drugs where The Sun is not. Florida tag because they are probably involved, too
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Good: North Korea no longer head of rotating nuclear panel. Bad: It's now Cuba
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White House launches performance.gov to help citizens track waste. Topping the list: performance.gov
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"Please note: the captain has just turned off the NO EROTIC DANCING light. You are now free to writhe around the cabin"
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NATO nations set to reap the spoils of the Libyan war. Well, duh
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Days after the earthquake, with a major hurricane bearing down in the east coast, many wonder.. hold on, this just in: HOT WHITE WOMAN MISSING
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How do you stop a charging rhino? Break into a European museum, steal the horns from rhino exhibits and sell them to the Chinese for use as aphrodisiacs
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man finds "firework" near the gas tanks and decides to light it. Would not have been subby's first thought. Nor the second
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| (Salisbury Post) |
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Middle school assistant football coach goes postal, fights parent, chokes student
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One broken rib and collapsed lung later, slow driver John started to regret preventing the black Infiniti from passing him
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This just in: Chuck Norris knows nothing about international arms treaties
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If you're in court facing federal charges and the judge asks you about your line of work, don't say, "Criminal"
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The entire steel industry is gay. Aerospace, too, and the railroads. And you know what else? Las Vegas
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Parts of NYC now under mandatory evacuation order, for the first time ever
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The guy you just sold heroin to is dying from an overdose. Do you: A) Call 911? B) Rush him to the hospital? C) Shove frozen meat down his pants? "He just needed to sleep it off"
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Roger Ebert can't believe people are taking Jim Carrey seriously
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"While standing barefoot in a pile of broken glass, Mark Davis held an egg in one hand and broke two boards with the fingertips of his other hand." How could you NOT hire him as your lawyer?
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Forget "the dog ate my homework": Student makes up kidnapping story to cover up the fact that she flunked classes and didn't graduate
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Johan Santana spends his time not pitching for the Mets worrying that the woman who is suing him for sexual assault wants to try the case in the media
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FOUND: One polite, respectful & well-spoken preschooler with a cursory knowledge of drugs and alcohol. Please contact Houston police if missing
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Headline: "Obama warns Hurricane Irene areas to 'prepare for the worst'" Actual quote: "We all hope for the best but have to prepare for the worst"
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| (Firedog Lake) |
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Not news: MN anti-union teabagger congressman Chip Cravaack earned 92K in 2010. News: in disability payments for sleep apnea. Fark: the disability insurance was part of a union benefits package
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Hurricane Irene is weaker than expected. But there's a hypothetical chance that could reverse according to the media, so please, please, pleeeaaase don't stop being scared and reading the news
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Iran reaction to film about lesbians "a little hostile". Wait, they don't like lesbians over there? Who doesn't like to watch lesbians? I just don't understand
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| (KSTC45) |
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Five-foot-long iguana removed from Minnesota park, thus disrupting the natural balance and the circle of life, and allowing the gorillas to rampage unchecked
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World's 50 most delicious foods. Subby just felt his pancreas explode
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Test your memory skills, or just enjoy the weird alternative answers. It's this week's episode of the Fark Weird News Quiz
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| (KVIA.com) |
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So much for not leaving evidence behind
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| (Some Katrina Survivor) |
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How the media scare the shiat out of you every hurricane season
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| (Today) |
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Americans to businesses. "Please focus on creating jobs instead of just making the shareholders rich. Businesses: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder"
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Man intentionally parks in handicap spot to highlight lack of parking enforcement, calls 911 on himself a dozen times before cops finally show up. Jailarity ensues
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Greyhound now offers first class seating
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Friday photo fun: Match the arrestee with their J.O.B. Contest ends 6:00pm EST
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The world's oldest person turns 115 today. "She still remembers things and thinks clearly and talks. She has her good days and her bad days. I'd say she sleeps about 80 percent of the time"
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Minister who served as family spokesman in action against city sues deceased's estate for his tithe - where is your God now?
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Goddammitsomuch eh?
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| (Irish Times) |
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Turns out that "My adopted daughter was killed in an airstrike" story may be false. Who knew that Gaddafi was an untrustworthy chap?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pictures of cracks in the Washington Monument. We need to invade some middle eastern country over this outrage. It's the only way to be sure
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Gadaffi to the Libyan people: Rise up and "purify" Tripoli of the rebel invasion. Libyan People: Okay, sure thing Muammar, we'll get right on that
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After a month of investigating, the National Transporation Safety board comes out with its preliminary findings: plane crashed because pilot lost control. Well, duh
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Some 500 bar owners in Michigan, pissed at a Legislature-imposed smoking ban that's killing their business but exempts the legislators themselves, to ban lawmakers from their establishments. We don't serve your kind here, Senator
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Irish zoo puts on birthday party for a chimp that may or may not be played by Andy Serkis
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| (News 9) |
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Oklahoma shortchange artist "appeared to have all her teeth"
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And now China's beating us in the fatness, too
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"Half of hospitals buy back-door drugs, new survey shows". They're called "suppositories", a*sholes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this architectural gem
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The most factual article about what its like having a baby around the house that you will ever read
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No, Washington DC, you can't change the name of Independence Avenue to MLK Drive. I mean, you already got the guy in carbonite, ain't that enough?
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Iranian president Ahmadinnerjacket: Iran is determined to eat Israel and wash it down with a good Chianti
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Amazing footage of Hurricane Irene's massive cloud field captured from the International Space Station, complete with astronaut commentary
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Most dads leave their sons a note with words of wisdom. This dad left his son two notes: 1) Our home is in foreclosure, and 2) Take your PlayStation and go live with the neighbors
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51% of Americans still remember who was president when the recession started
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Could Hurricane Irene wipe New York off the face of the map? Fark Bonus: "Tens of billions worth of damage"
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| (KFAB) |
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Telling students to "slap it out," well, that's a firin'
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It takes balls to steal from a police memorial with officers watching
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The U.S. may buy looted Libyan missiles sold in Mali's black market, depending on their return policy and the availability of double skymiles
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| (Some Guidos) |
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In the likely event of Jersey Shore flooding, governor Chris Christie can be used as a flotation device
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| (Florida Today) |
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OH JESUS CHRlST NOT THE BEES
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Why does the Bible Belt have highest divorce rate in US? Spouses tend to change after finishing middle school
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Wal-Mart cancels installation of wine bottle vending machines in Pennsylvania stores since Wal-Mart customers only recognize wine in boxes
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Washington National Cathedral blocked off in case god decides to retroactively protect it
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New Hampshire teacher terrorizes ex-wife with deer parts. Cops quickly stop sick game plan
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| (Some Guy) |
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"If you can get the mop to work right, I will cook you a steak dinner" might be a better pickup line if you try it while wearing pants
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| (kwtv) |
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Teens who attacked subby and his wife admit to doing it "to teach racists a lesson"
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Legendary NYC rat, the size of a three foot rabbit, turns out to be real
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E l l l l l l l l l l l l e c c c c c c c c c c c c c c t t t t r i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i c B i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i k e R i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i d d d d e
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The difficulties of casting police lineups: 400-pound robber edition
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He is shirtless. I repeat, shirtless. Quick, take a picture
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At least 40 killed and numerous others injured in reported grenade attack at a casino in Monterrey, Mexico
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After 66 consecutive reunions, the 84th Infantry Division is calling this year the last. Hero tag goes to the ones who have passed, and the ones that remain
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Austrian man charged with imprisoning and sexually abusing his two daughters in his village home for over 40 years. Sadly, this is not a repeat
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know you are in Texas when you get bitten by a rattlesnake during recess
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No Kan do
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| (FarkHound) |
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Police arrest Imitation attorney at law Sugar Bear, Esq.
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Photoshop theme: Take a famous band and improve them by adding or deleting members
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British doctors struggle to deal with girls as young as 11 wanting designer vaginas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lesbian mom in a LTR leading a Boy Scout troop? Not if Jesus has anything to say about it
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YouTube Stars: The Memes fight back
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Neanderthal sex 'boosted health of human race' by improving our immune systems against disease, your Mom
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| Thu August 25, 2011 |
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Ordering new anti-sub torpedoes for your military? Make sure the manual is in English first
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You are seven years old and riding with your dad in the car. That'll be a tasering
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"Doing laundry may release carcinogens." Great -- another fluff piece
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Man sentenced to 99 years in prison for cattle rustling, because hangin's too good fer the varmint
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| (KNX 1070) |
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Hell's Angels sues LA fashion house for creating $90 ironic T-shirt that reads "My Boyfriend's a Hell's Angel"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shoot me in the head? No, you shoot ME in the head. No, I insist you shoot ME in the head first. Okay, on the count of three
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Syrian political cartoonist needs a hand, unfortunately
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The Duggars may no longer be the largest family in America
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Turtle that was found near death and then rehabilitated and released to great fanfare is found dead. Awkward
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Sperm whale washes ashore on Georgia coast, only about five hours from Cumming
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| (Some Happy Couple) |
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Photoshop theme: Unexpected guests (LGT an example)
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| (News Tonight) |
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"All of a sudden an air hose being used close to him started blowing air on his legs and then something went up his rectum travelling through the shorts that he was wearing"
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University of Georgia professors offer course to illegal immigrants
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New Apple CEO Tim Cook: "I'm thinking printers"
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"Irene's flooding could be a hundred-year event." Man, that's a really long flood
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What happened to all the food at the supermarket? New York panicked
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| (Some Guy) |
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North Carolina's Outer Banks changes hurricane forecast from 'Meh, it's a tad breezy' to 'GTFO ANGRY ORANGE BLOB ON THE WAY'
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Coddled billionaire makes more in one day than you and your family make during your entire lives. Including your ancestors
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"Gadhafi urges followers to 'destroy' rebels". Well NOW you say that
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| (Some Lawyer) |
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Remember when BART shut down cellphone service to interfere with a protest, but it was okay because it was just repeaters that they owned? About that
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Seven products Steve Jobs got wrong. Could have just shortened the list and said "everything but the iPod"
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Casey Anthony reports for probation, promises not to allegedly kill anything
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Large white mass might stop MLK, this is not a repeat from 1968
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Astronomers discover a 10 year supply of blowjobs 4000 light years away
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Take a trip down the Mississippi and you're bound to see riverboats, port towns, and prehistoric pictographs celebrating all kinds of mythical animals that may have once lived in America
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All eyes on Bernanke as Fed Chief Hits Jackson Hole. Well, I'm glad he's getting some, but I had no idea he was an exhibitionist
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| (Ghost of a Flea) |
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Found passport settles how Qaddafi spells Gadafy. With helpful diagram giving all the varieties of Khadafy's name in condensed form
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Remember when the phone company used to charge you for calling long distance? Now they're charging you for not calling long distance
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"Hey, big boy -- is that a snake in your pants or are you .... WHOA, how many have you got in there?"
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Before being outed: I'm Paul Krugman and I wish the earthquake had been deadlier. After being outed: Well, maybe I'm not Paul Krugman but HE'D WISH FOR IT ANYWAY
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Inappropriate methods of transporting a full-sized refrigerator home # 168921: "Tethered precariously in the trunk of a Honda Accord"
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Ma-ba-SPLOOM
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| (Some Guy) |
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Knowing that people ignore evacuation orders. Ocean City, MD Mayor cuts off alcohol sales tonight after midnight. Well played sir, well played
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Cops literally had this Colorado perp by the balls
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're looking for the perfect gift for your tea-bagging uncle, I think I've found it
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| (Some naked Aussie) |
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"Naked Rambler" shows up naked for his trial for being naked
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When moving into a new neighborhood, it's considered good manners to introduce yourself to your neighbors. It's not so good to have your pack of feral dogs attack them in their house
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| (aei.org) |
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New study says that if you want the easiest A's around, major in education. Don't worry after you graduate, the gravy train never stops
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Man who fell 2,500 feet to his death at Yosemite's Half Dome identified as 23-yr old Los Gatos man. In Spanish, "Los Gatos" translates as "The Gatos"
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Vaccines deemed "generally safe". That should put an end to the controversy
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Of all the huge calamities caused by the East Coast earthquake, this has got to be the worst
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According to his people, Glenn Beck completely sold out his rally in Israel. According to actual news sources, if that's true then a lot of his supporters went disguised as empty chairs
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Russian Space Program: No accidents in 1 day(s). Good thing America doesn't rely on them to get into space
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Five classic movies that almost had terrible endings
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Thieves dressed up like clowns rob jewelry store full of fake jewels. Yes, really
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Danica Patrick officially announces full time move to NASCAR. Obvious tag beats newsflash to death with a jack handle
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Rebels claim to have Gaddafi surrounded. Or just one of his sons. And Elvis, Hoffa and Michael Jackson were spotted at a gas station outside Benghazi
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Man decides the children's drinking fountain at Publix makes a better bathroom than the actual bathroom
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It's the "Who needs a cockpunch" list, 9/11 charity edition
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Photoshop this finger-pointing farmer
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Today's "image of Jesus appears on something" story brought to you by a dock piling in Jensen Beach, Florida. (with pic of a piece of wood)
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Libyan rebels put a bounty on Qaddafi's head, hope they'll collect it by SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
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Clearwater rejects Church of Scientology's offer to forget about $400,000 in code violations in exchange for a free personality exam
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Do you think Bin Laden was behind 9/11? Alec Baldwin wants to know
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Reading a book about airplanes on an airplane? That's an interrogation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Concept art for a new Disney attraction shows Disney artists are up to their old tricks (with pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's relaxing night at a hotel ruined when he discovers that his car was infested overnight by a naked man who vomited and defecated in it
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Rebels find photo album loaded with pictures of Condoleezza Rice in Quadaffi's compound - only a few of which weren't stuck together
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History Channel interrupts 24/7 coverage of World War II to focus on UFOs. Next season's programming: Unveiling how UFOs secretly won World War II
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The first shots are being fired in the War on Christmas 2011
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So, I can use these Do Not Track settings and no one knows what I'm looking at online? FBI: Yeah, totally. Go for it
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| (Some Guy) |
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When a guy runs up to you without any pants and says he's been shot but you don't see any blood, it's still a good idea to call the cops. "Police say his wound to his backside is not believed to be life-threatening"
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Five questions to ask before having penis surgery. Question #3: Do I have a penis?
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"Hello, I left my Ferrari F40 in your shop for a tune-up, how's that going? Er, ...what? YOU DID WHAT??
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| (Some Guy) |
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A glass of New York tap water, a few cents. A bottle of expensive spring water, $8. Figuring out your restaurant's upscale clientele can't tell the difference, BOOYAH, GOLDMINE MUTHAFARKA
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Pennsylvania newlyweds are behind bars after police say they were caught shoplifting food from a supermarket for their wedding reception
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Libyan commandos almost caught Muammar Gadhafi on Wednesday, and would've succeeded, if he hadn't been slathered in grease
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Note: the penis tourniquet is to be used in battlefield situations only, and is not recommended for recreational use
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Nuclear experts warn of Libya "dirty bomb" material threat. Everybody panic media frenzy in 3.... 2.... 1 ....,
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Florida resident's latest community service fail: 'Helping' people in a public park while naked. With SFW photos
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NATO aiding in the hunt for Gaddafi, which, given their performance in Libya, should shorten it by what, months?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Things you don't want to hear: "Momma, there's a truck in the ceiling"
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McCain criticized for meeting with Gaddafi, but since this is Rachel Maddow you can probably guess who met with him a month prior (Bonus: Unexplained photo of an even thinner Drew Carey)
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| (cbs) |
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Woman robs White Castle by crawling through small drive-up window. Cops quickly rule out all regular White Castle customers
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Today's nightmare scenario is brought to you by "WHAT IF A MASSIVE SET OF EARTHQUAKES HIT OUR NUCLEAR PLANTS?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark-ready headline of the day: "Woman's breast implant popped during game of paintball"
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Remember how the Deepwater Horizon well was declared "effectively dead" on September 19, 2010 ? Yeah, about that
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Diets high in sodium may dull the mind and increase the risk of Alzheimer's, but doctors suggest you take these warnings with a grain of salt
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Twwy mwn dy clyff dyvyng yn nywr Ysbyty Gwynedd
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Man in England badly eaten in bar fight
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Sydney's Fashion Festival includes plus sized models. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this. (with you would at closing time, don't lie pics)
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If you're transporting a kilo of marijuana by bicycle, make sure you have a bell
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When an American doctor kills a patient, the family will sometimes sue the doctor. When a Chinese doctor kills a patient, the family will sometimes arm themselves with whatever is handy, storm the hospital, and kill the doctor
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DC monkeys knew about quake ahead of time
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The only way "Cherkies," the beef jerky and potato chips could be any more awesome is if they had bacon in them
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 329: "Barren Macro". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 24, 2011 |
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Okay diamonds are coming out
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Mom, sorry I have not called since March, I was being held in a Libyan prison
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Two American citizens apparently started the largest fire in Arizona's history. John McCain will retract statement as soon as he remembers he made it
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The Saddest Photo In The World
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Forget what you learned history class; all wars were started by El Niño
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Gadhafi's son offers to broker cease-fire. Also Hirohito has some new ideas on how to resolve the war in the Pacific
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I hate it when I meet a stranger at the gas station and decide to have him back to my apartment for beers and then he robs me. This just ruins it for all gas station strangers everywhere
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A first look inside Gaddafi's Neverland compound. Hee Hee
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Hugo Chavez upset that NATO would help the people rise up and remove a dictatorial madman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thief hides in laundry, gets caught by the fuzz
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Penis amputee receives no damages. Additional damages, anyway
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Fox News guest on parenting: "Beat kids ... with love"
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Cyndi Lauper opens "True Colors" safe house. "In New York City, a very disproportionate number (up to 40%), of homeless youth identify as LGBT"
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Lockheed Martin introduces the giant flying butt of the future
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Urine trouble now, boy. Wasilla, Alaska, councilman and friend of the Palins refuses to resign after booze-fueled pee-and-vomit fest in hotel room
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Wow. Yesterday's earthquake was strong enough to shatter a window from the Sea-Tac airport outside of Seattle
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Giants crown the "World Championship Baby", born 9 months and 8 minutes from the exact moment the Giants won the World Series. They sought a babby most likely formed during a "private celebration" *wink wink*
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Rabbi claims God sent earthquake to warn rural Virginia on the evils of homosexuality. Hey, it was either this or ZZ Top claims God sent earthquake to punish gays
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iQuit
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Remember how Governor Rick Scott claimed drug testing welfare applicants would save millions? So far, only 2% have tested positive, saving $60,000 each year at total cost of $178-million annually
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Democrat special-ed teacher vows to run against Rep. Gabby Giffords. Even Republicans are saying "Too soon, dude"
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| (Some Guy) |
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There's drunk, then there's too drunk for a bikini wax
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Gaddafi loyal guards at the Rixos hotel release three dozen journalists after looking outside
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| (WTVN) |
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If you are missing a pot plant the size of a maple tree, the police would like to speak with you. Frankly, so would I
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Hurricane Irene has intensified into a Category 3 storm, raising concerns that an East Coast already weakened by a devastating earthquake may not be able to survive its impact
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Disgraced Republican lawmaker emphatically not gay
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Drowning ends breath-holding contest. Yeah, that would do it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey Washington, imma let you finish, but Peru had the better earthquake
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Last night's tiny earthquake in the Bay Area blamed on Fark thread
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If you need something to really bum you out today, here's 11 things that really suck about being a grown-up. Eff this, I'm calling in sick
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Woman is "dang sure" she shouldn't have made 12-year-old girl have sex with her husband as part of welfare scam
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A shortage in heartworm medicine forces vets to chose between dogs for treatment. Sort of like a death panel for Fido
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Photoshop theme: If stupidity was illegal
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Sorta News: Indiana college bans song due to violent lyrics. Fark: it's the National Anthem
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Germans have lost their sense of humor
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Marines are no longer allowed to use the greatest natural weapon
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| (Some Guy) |
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New report says 20 percent of people in New York sometimes binge on booze. The other 80 percent don't know what they're missing
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In an effort to make the flying experience more enjoyable to everyone, officials at O'Hare Airport introduce 1.5 million feral bees to the property
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The bill for hunting down Che Guevara has come due. That'll be $2.8 billion, Cuba
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Female reporter becomes overnight sensation for "astonishing" Libya coverage
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The earthquake caught the DC mayor off guard, as opposed to the rest of us who were totally prepared for it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go open all my windows so Hurricane Irene doesn't break them
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Metal thief spends five hours hiding in an air duct from what turns out to be another metal thief
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In Scotland, you can be expelled from college for rubbing your hand on your genitals, then rubbing it on a flag. An Israeli flag. Otherwise, its just Tuesday
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75% of all cocaine entering the U.S. will turn you into the Phantom of the Opera with leprosy and AIDS. Happy snorting
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Dearly beloved (hiccup) we are gathered here today (hiccup) to celebrate this thing called (hiccup) baptism. Someone hold the room still the baby is spinning
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How to prepare good Australian grub. And how to prepare Australian food
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Canada's opposition leader to lie in the foyer of the House of Commons, and not for the first time
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Just why do people get more attractive when you're drunk? Here's comes the science
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Scientists announce that there are 8.7 million species on Earth. And even though we've only discovered about a tenth of them, you should totally trust them on that number. I mean, it's SCIENCE
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Personally I'd like my kid to be taught by a teacher with the intellectual honesty to call her students "frightfully dim" in her blog
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Senate meets for less time than it took to write this headline
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| (Some Guy?) |
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Deputy Sheriff fired after being arrested for fighting with romantic rival. Take one look at her picture, and see if you can't guess the whole story. 3-1 you get it right
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| (NOAA) |
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Look out Outer Banks. Look out Long Island and New England. It's your Hurricane Irene forecast thread
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Same woman. Twenty pictures of her with twenty different hairstyles. Twenty mugshot pictures
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Frankly Clark Gable's grandson, the police do give a damn when you shine a laser at a police helicopter. With "I'm so high right now" pic
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Moammar Gaddafi's radio address to Libya broadcast from an unknown location has turned him and his cause into one big parody
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Movie about 15 and 16 year old chicks who like to frolic in the bathtub? Sounds promising
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Does '50s Music Still Matter? Well hell yeah Fiddy's music still matters. We old school around here, son
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Libyan rebels start moving government into Tripoli. This means Bob gets the Dept. of Interior, Sam is handling the judging, Mike is going to do some paperwork thing. The copier goes in the corner. And...uh...they will need a new phone line
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Only Joe Biden could go to China. And, uh, mess up all the debt numbers
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| (Fosters.com) |
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Man gets caught stealing items for his baby and runs from the scene...leaving his baby behind
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Somewhere on the back of the Martin Luther King memorial, you'll find a "Made in China" stamp
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Theme: mixed metaphors
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USA Today headline: Did the earthquake tilt the Washington Monument? Article: No
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FYI: If the stewardess cuts off your drinking privileges, waving a broken glass and threatening to stab the pilot probably won't get you one more refill
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Another sure sign of global warming is the Herman, Maine Flasher. "The common thread tying the incidents together is that they occur when temperatures hit the 80 degree mark"
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Man crashes into adult store, steals $800 "life-like masturbator complete with female genitalia, legs and buttocks"
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Headlines that write themselves: "Greek Police Smash Violent Doughnut Ring"
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Today's overly dramatic headline: Buildings damaged as biggest earthquake in over a century strikes East Coast leaving path of destruction
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| (Some Guy) |
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I said get me a NICE coffee. Nice
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Catch the wave as the earthquake sends seismic ripples across the country in the coolest animation you'll see today
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China's now got/first world cred/they're working migrants/'till they're dead/Burma Slaves
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Old and busted: Highway sign alerting drivers of zombie invasion. New awesomeness: Highway sign alerting drivers of rogue panda on rampage
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| (koco) |
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Man arrested at christian school wearing ninja costume. God must hate ninjas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Storming Qaddafi's compound -- win. Getting Qaddafi's famous colonel hat -- epic win. Being able to give the hat to your father, a former prisoner of Qaddafi -- megasuperultra-epic win
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Record a conversation with police after they start to pressure you to drop a complaint against another officer? That will get you 15 years
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Match.com agrees to screen for sex offenders on its site, reassures investors that business can continue with membership cut in half
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Those of you who were waiting to purchase dirt samples from where the bodies of a serial killer's victims were buried, your long, anguished wait is over
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Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey knows how to keep his cool (w/photos & video)
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