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| Sun August 07, 2011 |
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Photoshop this metallurgy man
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| (Some Bullitt) |
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BAC of .332? Check. Passed out in your truck on the interstate median? Check You're a Cop? Holy FARK. Bonus: Chief Steve McQueen has placed him on paid sick leave
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| (Some Guy) |
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Congrats, tall guys, people view you as a symbol of competence, masculinity, and confidence. Don't fret tall ladies, people view you as competent, masculine, and confident too
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Guy with breast cancer denied Medicaid coverage... because he's a man, baby
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| (evil dinosaur) |
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"My neighbor gave my 8-year-old toy dinosaurs. I don't know what to do"
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Airline investigating photos of pilot letting flight attendant take the joystick. With appropriate use of stock photography
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"I've been to a lot of clubs. I've dated strippers and escorts. This is a great club but I don't know why there aren't more men. There are so many pipe-layers down here. I can't believe this place is not full"
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Banned license plates. A55•RGY suspiciously absent
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The United States of Conspiracy: Why more and more, Americans cling to crazy theories
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Eight dead in O-hi-o
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Are you a thumper or a sniffer?
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How to be a cheap bastard on vacation
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In old country last month, I was Prime Minister. Now, I work as civil servant in office cubicle near Buffalo. NY
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| (Some Soap Making) |
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Photoshop ma and pa and their kettle
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Activists try to save Yvonne, the Runaway Cow. And they wonder-- they wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder, Why, Why, why, why, why, why she ran away
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Man uses old BBQ tanks and mop handles to build a full size Fokker DR1 (the Red Baron's plane), with not too shabby results
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| (Some Guy) |
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$5,500 in medical expenses after a weeklong hospital stay for a puppy? He'd better have been the cutest puppy in the world. (checks pic) Well, all right then
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Not to alarm anybody, but since July the Feds have been quietly dumping dead birds and synthetic dummy carcasses into the Gulf of Mexico
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police investigating discovery of dead shark in woods 45 miles from ocean. Seeking information on last known whereabouts of the Land Shark
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"That truck driver you flipped off? Let me tell you his story"
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| (WLBZ.com) |
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Which is worse: Having your pot and money stolen by police impersonators or calling the real cops to report it?
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That woman who won over $20 million in four separate Texas lottery jackpots? She was "born under a lucky star." Her PhD in statistics probably didn't hurt either
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proving the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 has officially jumped the shark, deaf man sues to force a nudist camp to hire a sign language interpreter
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"States such as New York, Virginia, Texas and California have passed a bathroom equity bill, demanding a 2 to 1 ratio of women's toilets in public places"
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Caught you playing hide the banana again, you weasel
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More people would watch golf if this was a regular occurence
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"My Daddy doesn't love me enough so I'm going to drive his van into a lake. w/ bonus "my Daddy doesn't love me and now I'm all wet, and the van is in the lake" pic
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You may not be getting that pile of "junk mail" any longer. Is it time to panic yet?
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Fark: Police efficiency agency, tasked with helping forces in England and Wales save money, runs up £6.5m credit card bill. TotalFark: The money was spent on judo apparatus, karaoke equipment and lingerie
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Number of U.S. farmers markets reportedly on the rise. Elderly participation expected to accelerate
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| (enid news) |
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Heat derails train near Dallas, Texas. This comes only two months after a Dallas locomotive derailed the Heat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teens in Arizona visit lonely elderly patients in the hospital and write down their life stories. Another haboob must have blown through because all this dust is making my eyes water
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this side view of a seated statue
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"Tim Mayfield, a police chief, told The AP that pictures of teenage girls in their swimsuits was sent to him as part of an ongoing investigation. He declined to provide more details"
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Iowa woman swims English Channel. No one had the heart to tell her it wasn't the 1970's anymore
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Rolling Stone photographer busted for 10 pounds of weed, tangerine trees, marmalade skies
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Ottawa performance of "Romeo & Juliet" is a crashing bore
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Japan begins hoarding old rice to protect its bodily essence from Fukushima radiation crop. "It's like a rice panic"
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Contact lenses should not be a place for bling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption Obama and these future voters
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Photoshop these geese going through green
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| (Military Times) |
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If you've ever wanted to smell like Patton, now you can
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London's burning
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| Sat August 06, 2011 |
| (France24) |
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Hacker group AntiSec declares war on US police agencies for arresting Anonymous peers. Yeah, big farkin' deal ... Hey, who unlocked all the cell blocks?
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| (Copenhagen Post) |
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Politician declares nation's daycares are stuck in "hippie era," wants to reform them with standardized testing, employee pay tied to results
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TSA doing its part to reduce deficit by firing an air marshal for being honest
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Spending a lot of time trying to send your kids to schools with "smaller class sizes?" Guess what; class size doesn't matter. At least, not until you get to college
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Subby feels bad about threadjacking the Afghanistan helicopter thread, so here is the official "Anniversary of the Bombing of Hiroshima" thread
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We have 100 years to finish the warp drive Captain. I'm giving her all she's got
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| (Some Moran) |
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What kind of idiot jumps into the river AFTER being handcuffed to escape from the cops? (looks at picture)...Oh
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WooHOO. Hey Farkers, we actualy have a chance
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"Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm." Luckily, this long national nightmare is over
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Goddammitsomuch part 2: U.S. officials confirm 20 of the dead Navy SEALs were from SEAL Team Six, the elite team that killed bin Laden
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| (Some Guy) |
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How could a casino run by Hooters girls go bankrupt?
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'Mad Men' inspired clothing line goes on sale at Banana Republic. You are free to point and laugh at the first hipster douchebag spotted wearing this while drinking a nonfat soy latte, instead of scotch, for breakfast
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| (The Local (Switzerland)) |
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Nothing spoils a nice day going fishing ... except for those pesky elderly people having group sex along riverbank
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this isolated individual
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New Hampshire reclassifies smugness as a disability, leaving physically disabled people hop -- (gasp, wheeze) -- ping mad
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"SWATting" - the new prank all the 'cool' kids are doing nowadays - call in a fake emergency to the cops who respond with a SWAT team
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Chicago to switch to white UFOs instead of orange
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Edible clay for kids? This can't end well
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Gary Gygax to be commemorated by 1" high statue, lovingly hand-painted
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"Spam King" Sanford Wallace in custody, now faces 40 years of unsolicited male
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The Fark guidebook to a long life
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Two KY sisters achieve the near-impossible and reach adulthood without ever once interacting with any part of the state or federal government. But now they have to sue to get birth certificates and SS#'s
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It's amazing how fast Al Gore's child grew up. In just one more year, it'll be old enough to drink
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Dozens of US Special Forces die in Afghan helicopter crash. Goddammitsomuch
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Photographer documents where children around the world sleep. Apparently only American kids have actual bedrooms
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Ten useless organs we have anyway. Subby's johnson conspicuously absent
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Woman who gives swim lessons to infants in her backyard pool may have to fold her business because the howls and shrieks from the babies are disturbing the peace
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Why the Florida tag exists: Description from blind woman leads police to the man who knocked her down and took her parrot
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Photoshop this passing of a pint
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| (Some Ric Romero) |
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Protip: If somebody at Walmart offers to sell you a gold bar for 20k then drops the price to 3k, there is a bit of a chance the bar does not exist. You might just end up losing your money
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From the "You say that like it's a bad thing" department: Female binge drinkers are promiscuous
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Next time you have a picnic, the ants will look too cool to burn with a magnifying glass, even though the Sun is there
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Today's hot female English teacher having after-hours motel sex with a student comes to you from Long Island, NY
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Meh News: LAPD seizes 120 guns. WTF News: From their animal control officers
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Without realizing what it's doing, the government may be creating a newer, younger, more durable smoker that's more adaptable than ever
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Man who dresses as a woman sues the TSA for having to pat down men. With "Hmm... maybe if I was really drunk" pic
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With any luck, all of your comments will be corrected by GRAMMAR MAN
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Forget the Dow, the only numbers that matter are 24kwh, 50,000 MW, 35 to 49 minutes, 10,000 sq. ft, and 6
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| (joplinglobe.com) |
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Ducky the cat, missing since a tornado destroyed his home on May 11, has been reunited with his person just in time for them to share Caturday together
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WHAT kind OF PERSON STEALS A BLIND MAN'S WALLET???
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A look at why wedding dresses are so expensive. Well, if the ring's got to equal three months' salary, the dress has got to measure up, right?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The chicken patty your kid had for lunch may had been made by a serial killer
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The only harmonica manufacturer in the US announces that it is shutting down after being bought out by a foreign company. If only they had something on which to play the blues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hopeless romantic
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Your priorities are misplaced if you want to be in New York City so badly, you're willing to rent a 78-square-foot studio for $800 a month
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Massachusetts hates beer
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| (Some Gravedigger) |
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You've been accused of murdering your teenage girlfriend. Do you A) Dig up her tombstone, B) Replace it with one using your own name, C) Spell her name out with Taco Bell wrappers. Fark) All of the above
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It will soon cost 15 dollars to drive into Manhattan, thanks to the WTC, 9/11 security, Snake Plissken
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I'm not a mechanic, but it probably isn't good when your mobility scooter bursts into flames
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| Fri August 05, 2011 |
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Math be damned, S&P downgrades US debt from "Great" to "Meh"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man tries to rob 7-Eleven store with a tree branch. Subby is going to go out on a limb and say this guy's an idiot
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Happy International Beer Day
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| (Some Thermals) |
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Photoshop these spa soakers
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"An employee at Massage Envy reported seeing a man smelling the dirty sheets behind the building"
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Woman says boss subjected her to "Miniskirt Monday"
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Disabled man starts choking at restaurant. Naturally, his mother repeatedly screams "LET HIM DIE"
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[slaps cheeks with both hands, looks into camera] "¡Ay, Dios mioỊ PIPIPIPIPIPIPI" [runs off]
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| (News4Jax) |
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In Florida, tossing an air freshener can from your car at another vehicle at highway speeds will land you in the slammer. However, shooting a passenger in the leg of the aforementioned vehicle will not warrant any charges
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Let's look at Texas governor and future GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry's college transcript. D in economics. F in chemistry. Wait - a C in gym? really?
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Women around the world set to bare their breasts for those who are still reading in an effort to promote breast feeding awareness
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S&P Debt downgrade warning also contained mathmatical error, of $2 Trillion. Good to know the people who assign credit ratings are up on their math
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This week's Mugshot Roundup is more than just lip service
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Wal-Mart refuses to say what kind of rodent has infested one of its Pennsylvania locations, leaving the distinct possibility that the store has been overrun by capybaras
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Wood you like to know why your bag of shredded cheese never congeals into one solid lump?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library offers to ship free copies of Slaughterhouse Five to students at Republic High School
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Forbes most innovative company bc: A) Products. B) Value. C) avoids IRS
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man has picture taken with record breaking striper, on his lap. Now he can't get rid of the fishy smell
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Math professor jumps to conclusion
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Deadly virus found in cemetery. I've seen this movie and it doesn't end well
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Maybe you got lucky last week. But the only way to know for sure is to take this week's Fark Weird News Quiz and compare it to last week
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| (Not the NRA) |
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Here is why a man should never tuck his wife's pink pistol in his waistband
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Cuba on cusp of property boom as government plans to allow private ownership of property. Housing construction may be slow, however, as everyone who can build anything already built boats to sail to Florida
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You need more time to study for a college exam. Do you: A) Get up early on the day of the test? B) Stay up all night cramming? C) Call in a fake bomb threat?
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these two in transit
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| (Some Guy) |
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From the Human Skulls Chewed On By Animals Bureau, today is Friday
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First the good news - the playground sure does look beautiful this year
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| (Some Guy) |
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1) Go to woman's apartment to fix leak. 2) Play dress up with her clothes. 3) Post the pictures on Facebook. 4) Get ridiculed by farkers everywhere
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| (Q2) |
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Two men found dead in septic tank at Devil's Tower. It's a Close Encounter of the Turd Kind
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"Wild Dog Urine May Hold Secret Message". Like what?
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Good news: officers convicted in cover-up following post-Katrina shootings of civilians. Bad news: everything you'll read about the case. Excuse me while I go punch the wall
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Defense Secretary: If we don't make drastic cuts to Social Security and Medicare, how will we afford to fight a half-dozen wars at once?
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're a deadbeat dad and you get an offer for "FREE" tickets to the Alabama/Auburn football game, you should probably be more suspicious than these guys
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| (Some Waitress) |
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Credit card skimming waitress busted by Detective Suess: "People she skimmed were the ones that ran her around, made her work real hard"
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Hi, I wanted to add 'F*** You 102' to my schedule this year but wanted to see if 'Eat S*** and Die 101' transferred over
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| (620WTMJ) |
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Witnesses describe racially-charged attacks outside Wisconsin State Fair. Cows ask "can't we all just get along?"
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Roseanne Barr announces she's is running for President. Unlike some of her competition, Roseanne actually has experience as a professional comedian
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Winning the hearts and minds of travelers, one confiscated insulin container at a time
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Syria has killed 2000 civilians in recent days -- with video of Sexy of State Clinton with her hair down
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Why practicing Muslims often gain weight during Ramadan
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| (Some Guy) |
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Editor with a sense of humor has his go-to reporter for covering stiffs, ballgames, urology, and this story on a cook peeing on the roof
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Can you tell a Barbie doll thief from a gun thief? It's TSG's Friday Photo Fun match game
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Psychologist charges insurance company for "sex therapy" with patient. Florida tag goes down on Hero tag
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Mexican beauty queen follows Fark advice and eats a sammich, and then loses crown for being fat
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In Florida, pawn shops can force theft victims to buy their stolen property back, even a sweet old lady who just wants her dead husband's guitar. Then it gets heartwarming
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So, it turns out real people DO actually click on banner ads. At least the ones that say "Let's Go To The United States And Be A Landlord"
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| (The Australian) |
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Piers Morgan in 2011: I never had any knowledge of any phone hacking during my time at the News of The World and the Daily Mirror. Piers Morgan in 2006: I had Heather Mills' hacked voicemail played to me
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Telecom Italia suffers major losses, but it still wasn't as bad as the time PowerGen Italia tried to create their web presence
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| (Some Guy) |
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For some reason, some people have a problem with fashion label Dangerfield's newest ad campaign. "DANGERFIELD F-- OFF WINTER SALE"
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's rude to throw your drink into the face of your designated driver as she drives you home. And shifting her car into park as she drives down the road is kind of a dick move as well
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Borrower has library book out 23 years. Accumulated fines now reach $6852
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| (Some Catcher) |
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Fan catches seven balls during one Rays game, which was more than the Rays caught
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You know things are bad when the Governor has to go back to his roots as a doughnut seller
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One more time, because apparently the news hasn't reached England yet: if you're on benefits because you say you're too crippled to climb stairs, don't play in golf tournaments where everyone can see you
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| (Business Insider) |
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Jay Carney states "The White House Doesn't Create Jobs", which should become a GOP meme in the 2012 campaign
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Her name is Myrtle. She's 75 and flies her own homemade plane. She also gets intercepted by two F-16 fighter jets
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July's weather described as "extreme." Which I think means it came in on a skateboard slugging down cans of Surge
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Concrete-testing lab faked results for an airport control tower, the new Yankee Stadium and other projects around NYC. Officials say it shouldn't be an issue unless someone flies a plane into one of the affected buildings or something
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Mellon Bank: Thank you for the $50 million in cash, we'll need real money to cover the deposit fee
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| (Some Guy) |
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You do not have the constitutional right to make fun of police over the internet, Mr. Cyberstalker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Doesn't it suck when you stay up all night writing a book report for school and the next day when you're supposed to give your presentation your teacher is arrested in front of everyone?
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Radical white-supremacist attack in Norway kills 1, injures 4
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"Rent is Too Damn High" candidate being evicted from his rent controlled apartment because his landlords say his rent is too damm low
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hero: Sergeant Major in US Army. Sad: Injured by rocket blast. Stupid: Four-year fight to prove injury. Fark: Receive Purple Heart in mail. Ultra Fark: C.O.D.
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Photoshop these Ani-Com conversations
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"Van man in the can who ran down man he thought he fought." He did not fight him in a box; he did not fight him wearing socks. He did not fight him in the air; he did not fight him anywhere
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Britain cutting income taxes for the rich. Let's watch
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Teacher suspended for calling little snowflakes exactly what they are
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Some are concerned that Australia's miners are spending too much time in hot steamy holes
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Dude, she's 10
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American Psychological Association says it's crazy we haven't legalized same-sex marriage everywhere yet
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Bear Grylls' son rescues girl from river, drinks own urine
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As a Border Agent you encounter drug smugglers on a winter night, do you C) make them eat the pot, strip to their underwear, burn their belongings and make them flee naked into the desert because you are too lazy to apprehend them?
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This just in: America's National Parks are racist
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| Thu August 04, 2011 |
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MSNBC considering giving Al Sharpton his own show. Biologists wait with bated breath, saying it would be the first time a parasite ever became a host
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Photoshop this sunflower child
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Baby stroller company wants $250 for replacement part. Guy has new parts 3D-printed for a tenth of the cost, will probably find a horse's head in his bed
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Paralyzed man uses PVC pipe to drive ATV, with predictable results
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If you spent five hours stuffing $100,000 in the toilet at Channel 9, the cleaning crew and police REALLY want to talk to you
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In a call for transparency, 50 people shed their clothes on Wall Street, 3 deemed ugly
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Vladimir putin to get video game made in his honor. Source say the game will be an action-packed thrillride of shirtlessness and bear wrestling while fighting terrorists
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| (Some Guy) |
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The sequel to the "how to fight and not get your ass kicked" for guys is here, with a new guide for the girls: a simple guide to injuring, maiming, and if necessary, killing bad guys
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| (Siesta Key Observer) |
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Obscure state law requires state-funded pro sports arenas to also be used to house the homeless; Baltimore Orioles are seriously not happy about giving up their spring training facilities
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22 year old man loves "Hello Kitty". Is also a complete pervert. TSG is there
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Would you like to live in a yellow submarine? For $1.75 million, you too can live in one of the trippiest apartments in NYC
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"Sir? This isn't a credit card. And also, you're HIV positive"
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If you're apiphobic, you may want to stay away from Hwy 13 near Bawlf, Alberta for a few days
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We're not saying stoners are disorganized slackers, but supporters of medical marijuana in Ohio needed 1,000 signatures to put the issue on the ballot but could only get 534
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Dow down over 500 points. Commence autodefenestration
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| (Some Sputnik Guy) |
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Old and busted: Stuxnet shuts down Iranian nuclear program. New Hotness: Prison break Stuxnet style. Is it just me or did the amount of time between old and new just get way too short?
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Now I understand why it took 10 hours to remove a fake bomb from an Australian girl's neck
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| (Some Squarepants) |
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Every year, this out of shape, beer swilling TFer with MS rides 150 miles to raise money and awareness for MS. Every year, subby pulls a muscle getting his wallet out to chip in. Let's cheer him on and help out
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Thief returns property to victim, with apology and extra cash, after unfavorable media coverage
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| (Some Guy) |
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Todays' "True Face of Jesus Christ" story brought to you by Knoxville, Tenn. "Haha, I've lived here for 17 years. It's been in there... or in my bedroom ever since"
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NASA find running water on surface of Mars, herd of buggalo drinking from it (maybe not that last part)
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| (cfnews13.com) |
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Cheetah cub and puppy are totally bestest friends forevers. Awwwwwwwwww
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you are the person who left all of the weapons parts in the bathroom at Tampa International Airport, the TSA would like a word with you
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Photoshop this archeologist uncovering art
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| (KSAT) |
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Jesus burgles neighbor's home, gets caught, breaks into another neighbor's house and threatens her with rake. THE ARISTOCRATS
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ladies, if you're going to dress that way, you have to learn to accept the consequences
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British woman who survives 3,500 foot fall into a bog without a functioning parachute survives with only a broken ankle and burning desire to hunt down Sarah Connor
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Biologists discover that the drive to impress females drives males to earlier graves. They have named this phenomenon the "Hold My Beer, Y'all, And Watch This" Effect
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Did U.S. federal agents allow a drug cartel to move cocaine into the U.S. for information on their rivals? The one line answer: ______________ (snort)
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We'd have 50% fewer abortions if only the same nuts that are against abortion weren't also against contraceptives
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The most effective government stimulus yet -- hoarders have increased sales of incandescent light bulbs by 20%
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FAA investigating News Corp's "The Daily" for possessing and using an aerial spy drone in the U.S., which explains how they got those wide shots of your mom
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New program provides early intervention for New Jersey children in danger of becoming guidos
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"I have zero sexual interest," attention whores the Octomom while posing in a bikini. "The feeling is mutual" cringes the world
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Jail deputy in trouble for letting female inmates play Truth of Dare while on duty, encouraging topless, dancing inmates, and sending a photo of his penis next to a toothbrush
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| (Some Iron Age Guy) |
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If you built a 5 metre long house in the Gulf of Bothnia 1500 years ago, archaeologists would really like to know why
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| (NBC29) |
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Woman threatens to bomb courthouse if she can't get an appointment with the judge. She no longer has to worry about getting an appointment
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Stephen Harper likes brrrrraaaaainnnns
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After World War II, the US Army left behind a large fleet of military jeeps in the Philippines. 65 years and several airbrush jobs later, the Jeepney is still ghetto-fabulous as ever. (Pics)
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So anyway, I was collecting seashells right over there - no there - yeah there, and then there was this bag itchy bag and I was collecting seashells by the sheshore - AGHHH - I can never get it right - when I found 55 lbs, uh, 54 lbs of cocaine
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| (Heisenberg Daily) |
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"Hey there little buddy, whatcha doing?" "Making a batch of crystal meth from these two coconuts"
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Not news: guy has heart attack on Ryanair plane. News: cabin crew suggests eating a sandwich as a remedy. Fark: when they come by later, instead of checking on him, they demand he pay for the meal
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If geek groups are having conventions to see who is the best at hacking your voting machines, you might have a probem
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Veteran diplomats at US Embassy in Kabul speak Pashto, Dari, LOLcat
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Scientists find fossil of ancient ape in volcano, no evidence of a Brain Cloud
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German court awards compensation for child murderer because investigating police hurt his feelings
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Guy in Palm Springs bar sitting next to drag queen "Ms. Puppy" uses his iPhone to find out 'she' was Person Of Inter-OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man says he was wrongfully accused. Police say "Son, you got a panty on your head"
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| (WSB TV) |
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Here's a tip, smart guy: When being interviewed by the local news on why you feel there's so many break-ins in your neighborhood, try not to advertise the fact that you and all your family and friends love keeping gold in the house
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| (Some Guy) |
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Unmanned dirigible crashes. Oh the lack of humanity
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: The head of the IMF is in trouble with the law
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Amazing story of the first people to have sex on the moon
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China accuses Japan of exaggerating it as a military threat, says to pay no attention to the new aircraft carriers, continuing global computer hacking and support of naughty regimes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Annoyed J.J. Abrams wants to know how the hell YOU would have ended "Lost"
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The "Plankton Generation" - single women over 45 with kids - say they're at the bottom of the food chain for romance, and it's just krilling them
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| (LA Weekly) |
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Deputy/COSplayer jailed over alleged on-duty shenanigans with Police Explorer, gets bail hike after posting Galactica "payback" speech on Facebook. Bonus: co-defendant is also fellow member of "Ghostbusters Club"
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Gunman on loose on the campus of Virginia Tech. Let's all hope this isn't a repeat from 2007
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Many people, idiots mostly, don't factor in their commute to work when they're deciding how expensive their living situation will be
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| (Star News Online) |
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"Director's cut" of Jean-Claude Van Damme's "CYBORG" appears 22 years later. FARK:uploaded from an old VHS tape onto the director's website
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Starbucks tells customers their $1.85 coffee doesn't entitle them to an electrical outlet and free WiFi for the entire day
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| (Some Doppelgänger) |
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Police have released a sketch of the man suspected of punching a woman along I-83. Boy he looks familiar (w/ pic)
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Italy will default. Never mind that it has a budget designed to be balanced within a couple of years; we want blood for the blood god
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Unexpected consequence of global warming: filming of Mad Max 4 delayed because of green grass
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Only the rich can afford to eat healthy, which is why only poor people are fat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police wondered who would drag a donkey with their car as the jackasses drove back by. Yes, alcohol was involved
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| (Jesus, apparently) |
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Jesus Christ has returned. He's kicking ass and "mooching off everybody"
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Ten years after the Sept. 11 attacks, the American psyche has bounced back better than psychologists predicted. That, or they forgot
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Female inmates throw their pink underwear at Sheriff Joe Arpaio while he's onstage with an Elvis Impersonator. And they say Tent City is a place you don't want to go
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Photoshop theme: Unusual ingredients
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Local businessman upset after school district hands their printing contract to inmates making 55 cents an hour
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| (Some Guy) |
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Residents protest against man who put up sign for his neighbor that read "Glad you have canser. So die stupid"
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Sao Paulo city council calls for Heterosexual Pride Day. That's umm.. don't know if this is fabulous
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Suspect acquitted of murder confesses guilt years later and is promptly incarcerated for life. Just kidding, he walks free thanks to double jeopardy. God bless America
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Judge says it "totally blows my mind" that bank refuses to accept gas station owner's money after he was one day late on his mortgage payment
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Newborn girls stand a better chance at living to 100 than newborn boys
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| (Some Guy) |
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Being beaten by your husband, getting a manicure. It's all the same to Fox News
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 326: "Sports Photography" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest
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Photoshop this white-haired man in a window
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| Wed August 03, 2011 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Crash car into condo, pour bucket of feces over yourself to throw off police dogs. "It looks like alcohol may have been involved"
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| (OC Register) |
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Hipster-run gourmet burger joints, which charge $10 for a burger, $5 for fries, and another $10 for a beer, just might be ripping you off
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Can the name you give your children determine their future? Case history #1
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Bad day: You and your girlfriend are robbed and kidnapped. Farking bad day: They then rob your home and introduce your girlfriend to your wife
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Chinese town bans dogs...as pets. So, deliver your beloved dog to a drop-off center where he most certainly will not be turned into tasty tasty food
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Parents of children from Atlanta school caught in cheating scandal say 'I'm okay with this'
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For some reason, holding a "Wigger Wednesday" might be considered offensive
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Ashton Kutcher and Colonel Sanders have some explaining to do
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Public perception of science vs. science in reality. Submitted by a scientist who wholeheartedly agrees
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University of Iowa Officials after being ranked the #9 Party School: Let's enact dozens of strong armed crackdowns on drinking. Same officials after being ranked #4 one year later: We don't put much stock in the rankings
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The Unabomber checks are in the mail
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| (Some Guy) |
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It may have taken 7 years but courts finally ruled blind father should have more custody than homicidal mother
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The University of Toledo's new female mascot wants you to take her to your leader
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LOL d00d wtf brb drvng bus g2g
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| (Some Guy) |
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San Francisco mayoral candidate rakes in donations from strip clubs. Campaign hires temp workers to sort the $1s and $5s
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Academic has easy solution for paying off student loans: Sell your kidneys
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Breaking News: NYC couple frantically searching for missing son. Except it's a not really their son, it's a doll. Fark: a monkey doll
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| (Q2) |
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Montana supreme court denies "Cheetos" appeal for truck driver convicted of DUI after cops caught him orange-handed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this underwater volcano
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| (Some Guy) |
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H
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Happy 18th birthday to Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Tent City. You are old enough to smoke today, no more simple smouldering for you Tent City, you are all grown up. Oh look, a haboob is coming to blow out your candles
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Hey, has anyone seen a 'floating island' sail by in England?
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Iran doesn't have a nuclear bomb for the same reason subby doesn't have a girlfriend: they're not sure they want one, yet. Yeah, that's right
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Thai government warns that Viagra sold under the trade name "Night Fire Heartily Burnable Lady's Intense Emotion" may be fake
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If you punch your infant in the face, other bus passengers may hold you for the police
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| (Some Guy) |
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Actual headline: "Man known to lie in road is run over and killed"
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Jesus loves nukes, this I know, for the Bible tells me so
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Women not being allowed to vote, blacks being owned, detention without trial, cruel and unusual punishment...and not having a free a cell phone. Seems like civil rights might be getting a bit watered down as a matter of wording
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Wildlife officials vow to save all captive bears in Russia forced to drink vodka in restaurants by replacing them with sorority girls
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| (Trib Local) |
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Uh, hello, police? I'm stupid as hell, please come arrest me
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Ugly ass gentoo penguins born at Edinburgh Zoo, promptly begin giving Glasgow kisses to dirty fookin' langbarn zookeepers
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| (Some Leg Spreader) |
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"A woman in Hernando County was arrested for DUI, after deputies say she told them she'd drank half a pitcher of Bud Light and one 'Leg Spreader' shot"
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"There are random boxes of garbage, empty fields where buildings have been torn down, drug packets. I once saw a torched mattress. It looked like a Lady Gaga video"
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'I am the only person here': Pro tennis player flies to wrong Carlsbad for tournament
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| (Gateway Pundit) |
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Obama hires non-union crew for his 50th birthday party. To be fair, he had to go non-union or else the Republicans wouldn't give him any presents
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Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke refuses to pay his bar tab with US currency, claiming that it's worthless
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| (Some Guy) |
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"We don't want publicity", the mother of a baby born without an anus told journalists
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Fukushima drenched by record rainfall, forcing calls for evacuation of those not already evacuated
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Complete this series: work orders, stolen quarters, denial, choking, pepper spray: A) gun, B) chair, C) medieval battle axe
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Prosecutors play 90 minute tape of polygamist Warren Jeffs "training" 12 of his wives on group sex and being comforable nude. No word yet on it being available on iTunes
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How does a four-year-old spend $46,000 a month?
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| (Ithaca Journal) |
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School: We want to put nets under bridges to stop suicide jumpers. City: You can't do that because somebody might get hurt
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Your mom is the Prime Minister. Do you c) get a job at McDonald's?
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Not News: Pat Buchanan doesn't like the president. News: Refers to him as "Boy." Fark: On MSNBC. TotalFark: During Al Sharpton's show
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| (herald net) |
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National Clown Week being celebrated across USA. New festival coordinator has big shoes to fill
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Gallup survey shows Muslim-Americans more likely to say targeting and killing civilians is always wrong than any other American religious group
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For Drew's sake, I damn sure hope Fark never posted any snarky headlines about Mindy McCready
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy wearing monitoring bracelet for prior offenses steals a car and leads cops on chase. Not bad for a 12 year old
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Someone's been a busy beaver
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Salt Lake City has the most polite and conscientious beer thief in the known universe
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Sydney teen freed from explosive device. Apparently the bomb forced her to stay in the back of a volkswagen
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| (KOLO News 8) |
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Good news, underage drinkers. Reno police can't arrest beer thieves if they're gone by the time the cops show up, even if they have your name and photo ID
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Americas most sober colleges. Otherwise known as why the hell would you go there and why is the AF Academy the only service school not there
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♫ Cops arrest Peaches ♫ Peaches won't flee ♫ Cops arrest Peaches ♫ Peaches ain't free ♫ LOOK OUT ♫
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Hef tries planking and has people thinking he died. And the second pic shows us why he's a lucky old bastard
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's hard to claim "it was self defense" after you pour the second pot of boiling water on your friend
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Things are going to get worse in Norway. The Westboro Baptist Church is going there to protest the children's funerals
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Study finds that people who abuse prescription drugs are more likely to abuse other drugs. Huh
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Mubarak's trial in Egypt has started, and he has already taken the Rupert "As the leader, I can't possibly be responsible" Murdoch approach
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Biggest-ever series of cyber attacks uncovered; victims include the nets of 72 organizations, national governments and the UN. No suspects announced, but China, your seven proxies aren't that deep
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On this date 519 years ago, Christopher Columbus boldly went
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Congress: Well, that's done. Nothing really important needs our attention. Everyone take a month off. FAA: Ummm...guys? Hello? Anyone?
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Protip: If you are one of your country's richest families, do NOT let strangers with collar-bombs into your house, because they WILL attach it to your kid, and demand a ransom
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| (Today.com) |
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How to survive August: Fake work. Like what submitter is doing right now, furiously typing on his computer while staring intently at the words being written. See how easy that is?
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How to predict your social security payout: Take any number and multiply by 0. That's your payout
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Study shows that comfort eating fights off the blues, and any possibility of sexual experiences
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Obama's central campaign strategy for '12? "I'm older and wiser. Look, see? I have gray hair. No way would I make so many mistakes this time"
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Man robs, shoots a drug dealer, netting him a gold chain and an empty wallet, then writes a "gangsta rap" song about it. Cops find the lyrics strangely compelling
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| (WLWT) |
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KY judge out-rednecks 'em all in his order "And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box"
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Shooter shoots sh*tter at Shooters
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The U.S. is unable to maintain its AAA credit rating following the debt crisis
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The U.S. maintains its AAA credit rating following the debt crisis
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News: The name of the latest FBI D.B. Cooper suspect is out. Fark: L.D. Cooper? Seriously?
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Today's episode of insane ramblings from the opinion page: That blasphemer Darwin had it all wrong. Here's why God and Jesus was responsible for everything
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FBI agent assigned to keep an eye on Lee Harvey Oswald dies, and is survived by the guy who thought letting the local titty-bar owner into the Oswald prisoner transfer was a swell security move
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Rental cars are being turned into rolling advertisements. This one is apparently for dropping acid
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Not News: People who will believe IQ can be correlated to browser choice shown to have lower than average IQ
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#Centralpark peacock: 5th Ave sucks, I'm going back to the zoo for some grub
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NORAD abandons tracking Santa to hunt down Casey Anthony, finds her lurking in the streets of Columbus, Ohio
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this absolutely perfect scene
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Plus size model graces pages of Vogue for the first time in 52 years. You'd hit it
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| (Some Guy) |
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GPS tracking device? In my stolen bank monies? It's more likely than you think
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Good news, America. China's central bank governor "welcomes" US debt deal. And it's even in quote marks so you can laugh at it too
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Bosnia gets its first McDonalds. Haven't these people suffered enough already?
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Photoshop this fuel for fertilizer
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Maybe Puffer fish toxin isn't the best way to kill a loved one so you can collect the insurance
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Homeless man jumps White House fence live on CNN, lands on face, gets arrested. TA DA
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Does the FDA know something we don't?
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Mourner spreads cremated remains during lightning storm, gets his ash handed to him
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| Tue August 02, 2011 |
| (Techdirt) |
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UK appeals court rules a news aggregator infringed publishers' copyrights by merely offering links to stories. Watch out Fark - The Sun is there and wants its money
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Cheerleaders as young as nine used to promote strip club. You can bet some people have a problem with that
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One day after getting out of prison for defrauding FEMA in the wake of Katrina, woman dedicates her life to helping the poor. Just kidding. She gets busted for fraudulently obtaining a loan in someone else's name
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Cream pie in the face gets man six weeks in prison. Porn stars visibly nervous
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Man decapitates himself with a home-made hovercraft, inspiring what will no doubt be a killer episode of Mythbusters
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Good things about Applebee's: decent food, diverse menu, lots of locations, reasonable prices. Bad things about Applebee's: knife fights between Texas and Oklahoma fans
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| (Some Guy) |
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"We have unmarked units that are Crown Victorias with tinted windows that are a little bit darker, and the public knows that they're police officers," except for 13-year-olds with BB guns, apparently
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Loud music? Check? Leafblower? Check. Headbutting neighbours and creating 1.2m middle-finger sculpture with a chainsaw? This isn't going to end well
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Restaurants turn to preparing whole animals. Not like Taco Bell, I mean on purpose
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| (nhregister.com) |
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But that mountain lion was attacking me. From up a tree. Surrounded by dogs
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| (wgntv.com) |
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Authorities can't figure out where this missing boater is. Canoe?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cartwheeling guy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man asked to stop wearing bunny suit because it scares little children, freaks out Donnie Darko
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The unyielding seat of Rosa Parks, Usama to bring down the Jets in New York, and Alex Trebek's can of whoopass: Fark's favorite headlines from 7/24 - 7/30
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That woman in the bar drinking lemon shots that should be drunk by now, stay away from her. Alcohol metabolism increases about 10% right after ovulation
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Libyan rebels are waging a Mad Max-like war. No word yet on who run Bartertown (w/ Mad Max-like pics)
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After flesh-eating bacterial infection threatened his life, boy says he spoke to God. No word on who God wants him to kill
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Remember the climate change scientist who was suspended for "integrity issues" related to his research? Yeah, about that
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Scariest pictures of the South Korean landslide damage you will see today. Scary bonus: land mines washed away by landslides
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New research shows starved brain cells may cause diets to fail, which may explain Kim Kardashian's ass
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Obama's IT team says complex technology systems will be on their way out in a few years, just like Obama
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Norwegian right wingers backpedaling away from Anders Breivik faster than Lance Armstrong from a urine test
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Fark Ready Headline du Jour: Teacher's MacBook Presentation Begins with Surprise Vagina
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