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| Sun July 24, 2011 |
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Why people are dicks online
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Hints of the Higgs boson seen tomorrow at the LHC
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Gay Pakistani Muslim poet dead at 64 after a long battle with irony
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Authorities search for coyote with head stuck in jar. Was also seen wearing roller skates, jetpack and holding small sign the reads HELP
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Ancient dinosaur-eating crocodile had huge teeth, a dog's face, and long, spindly arms. Scientists have named this creature "HillarySwankasaurus"
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| (Magic Valley) |
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Last year a road rally driver got written up by a police officer for 189.6 mph. If you think you can beat that, head to Idaho on July 30
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| (Some Guy) |
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Giant spider injures three and causes a mass evacuation of the area
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Photoshop this leg up on the competition
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So what actually WILL happen if the government defaults? Massive unemployment? No credit? Depleted savings? Bank runs? Dogs and cats living together? Mass hysteria?
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Welcome to New Orleans, where you can have a yard sign supporting your school or sports team, but not your son's military service. Why did we rebuild that place again?
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| (Some Naked David Guy) |
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If artistic masterpieces like Michelangelo's David are sacrosanct, then why are books, movies and music edited and censored?
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Washington man is world beard champion. His competition doesn't know a how how how how he did it
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There's a new weinermobile taking to the streets, and it's 100% Kosher
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Amazing pictures of Mexico's crystal caves
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Britain's dial-in Speaking Clock in business for 75 years, thanks to British obsession with accurate time delivered by clipped female voice. Expert submits his own PC running 4 minutes late as example of why service is still needed
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| (The Advocate) |
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From the missing the point department: Mayor doesn't think he has to give state Interstate speeding ticket fines, as required by anti-speed trap law, because he already spent that money on police overtime pay
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: Student does poorly on exam. News: She sues over her exam score. Fark: Because she wanted an even lower score to fail the exam
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| (Precious Little Snowflake) |
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Little Snowflake's perspective on unemployment among college graduates. Subby would laugh, but she's too busy filling out applications
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Without RTFA, subby took one look at the pic of the Asian tiger mosquito and had flashbacks of a long and storied war with those motherfarkers. Bonus: new reasons to hate Texas and rubbers.Well, rubber tires actually, but whatever
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Ninety year-olds took to the streets on motorcycles yesterday and, amazingly enough, lived
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The world's most expensive hot dog features a half-pound all-beef sausage rolled in truffle oil, coated with the dust of pulverised porcini mushrooms, and topped with white truffle shavings. Sells for $80
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| (espn) |
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Ended, the NFL labor wars have... almost
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It's summer, so it's time for your annual reminder that cows with calves view dogs as threatening and will kick your ass
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72 year-old Marine gets robbed. You can guess how this story ends
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Photoshop this algae swimmer
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| (Duke Sucks) |
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杜克大學很爛
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| (Some Guy) |
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In 2010, Iceland's notorious volcanoes were the worst thing for the country's economy. In 2011, Iceland's notorious volcanoes are the best thing for the country's economy
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"The men working on the trail are fit and slim. Each was shirtless and tanned, dressed in dusty boots, work pants, and dandelion-yellow construction helmets." Also, for the straight Farkers, 1000 words about rebuilding a mountain trail
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Jet ski with a mission to find Sarah Connor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Antiques Roadshow makes its most valuable find ever: rhino horn cups from 17th century China. Of course, it should have come as no surprise when they decided to film in Tulsa, Okla... wait, what?
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Federal airline taxes are expiring so the airlines are cutting prices. Just kidding, prices are going up
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Six dead, four wounded at roller rink shooting. Because in Texas, OF COURSE you bring your gun to the children's party at Roller World
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this play for pennies
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Are you rich? Do you have a small penis? Well then this is the boat for you (with a phallic volcano surrounded by fake shrubbery)
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Alaskan island poised to erupt, with a helpful map of what the South Pacific might look like
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Chipmunk does Bogart impressions, taunts big balled squirrels
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| Sat July 23, 2011 |
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What do you do if a company suspends you and forgets to quit paying you for 12 years? C: Sue the bastards for wrongful termination and file for unemployment
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No more ferrets for the blind
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dallas suburb is the nation's Idiocracy food capitol. Oh, and it has TWO Costco stores. I love you
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| (Some California guy) |
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Report of a HUGE black plane chasing a black helicopter chasing an orange-red orb flying erratically. Too bad there's no video or it'd make one heck of a Benny Hill spoof
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seven Star Wars characters who should get their own movie: not a trap, and on target
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Bad: you're arrested. Worse: you got your picture and name in the news. Worst: it's for having sex with a horse. Fark: again
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Knowing your alcohol limit, not knowing any songs in the Top Ten, avoiding noisy bars, and 27 others signs you're about to start telling kids to stay off your lawn
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| (The Christian Post) |
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To those of you who predicted Casey Anthony would profit off of her acquittal, come up to claim your prize: it's just another Casey Anthony thread. Unlike the $1 million prize she's getting
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Let's check in and see how crazy ol' Tucson shooter Jared Lee Loughner is holding up in jail
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Mom charged for illegally entering school bus to check on son she thought fell ill, just to find he was just sleeping
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Photoshop this muddy man
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Bullet train not fast enough, gets hit by other train
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| (Some Guy) |
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Borat beats the heatwave on two wheels. Very nice
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Not News: Rich men like $600-per-hour women. News: Busted. Fark: Article gives her website
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Q: How do you keep a lobster straight? A: Have him avoid San Francisco at all costs
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Phone hacking investigation expands to 31 publications. OH LOOK OVER THERE, it's Murdoch, kick him, kick the feeble conservative
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So THAT'S why the debt ceiling talks blew up. At the last minute, Boehner added a repeal of the Healthcare Reform mandate to his list of demands
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Optimism is the key to avoiding strokes. Oh, who am I kidding, the admins hate me and will probably redlight thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii&*&**#$e
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Tornado reported in Wheaton. Wil is a force to be reckoned with
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New Yorkers join the rest of the Midwest in the Humidity is Too Damn High Party
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Astronomers spot cosmic reservoir of water at least 140 trillion times that of all the Earth's oceans 30 billion trillion miles away. Wow, that's useful
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If you're already missing Amy Winehouse...here is her 15 year old, soul singing god-daughter
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One down, three to go
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♫ Head, shoulders, knees and toes toes toes toes toes toes toes toes toes ♫
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Cocaine: The evolution of the once 'wonder' drug. [themoreyouknow.jpg]
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I like my Florida like I like my women: COVERED IN BEES
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Amy Winehouse wins backstage passes to Club 27
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| (Some Evolved Guy) |
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Texas board of education votes against willful ignorance
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Remember the civil war in Libya? Well, Ghaddafi wants more talks with rebels, which makes sense, since NATO keeps bombing the shiate out of Tripoli
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this determined diver
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If you think you're getting a $2,000 television for $300, subby has some great speakers he would like to sell you. Just step to the back of my white van
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Bob's not quite as happy now
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Sad: Careless Aussie forklift operator smashed 461 crates of wine bound for the US/ Tragic: a Shiraz that sells for $200+/bottle
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People deprived of the internet feel upset and lonely, find going offline as hard as quitting smoking, drinking, vicodin or your Mom
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Protip: If it hasn't rained in over two years and there is no food, it's time to find someplace else to live. Simple, right?
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5-year-old gets craving for candy bar in middle of the night, decides to drive the family minivan to store. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Today's man arrested for videotaping police on his cell phone brought to you by *shakes magic 8 ball* Tampa
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2,773 lbs of meth, 6,000 lbs of coke, 1,005 lbs of heroin, 14,818lbs of pot. Is it A) the makings of epic party b) the drugs seized during raids on the La Familia cartel or C) An insignificant win in the War on Drugs
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"We're calling this one a non-injury collision with a twist." TA-DA
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12 foot alligator found lounging on city street. "This is the time of the year when you will find them on the sidewalk"
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| (Versus the World) |
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If you missed w00tstock, you missed the brilliance of Ernest Cline and why today's geeks have it too easy. Bonus: Fark shoutout from Wil Wheaton at the beginning
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| (Some Crazy Guy) |
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Crazy cat lady has over 700 cats, enough for everyone on Caturday
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Remember that article saying that the attacks in Oslo were by a group of radical Islamists? Well, turns out it was by a single far-right wing Christian who hated Islam. Oops
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150 human-animal hybrids have been created in British labs over the last three years
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Man standing in his driveway only wearing socks gets charged twice for indecent exposure. No, it wasn't one for each ball
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this happy sashman
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| (Some Guy) |
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What kids of the world eat at school
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Apparently, when airline workers jam their walkie-talkie antenna between a woman's legs and inquire whether she is wearing panties, women get all lawsuity
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Protip: Going abroad for discount surgery might not be the best idea
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Beware the fury of the Comic Con nerds: That's a real AR-15
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Two 14-year-olds moon their friends, get put on 'sex offender' registry for life. I feel safer already
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| (CBSSacramento.com) |
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If you drop your wallet into the sewers and can't reach it, just let it go man, it's.... no seriously, don't stick your head in. Dude, you don't need... okay. I'll call 911 for you. (w/ pic)
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| Fri July 22, 2011 |
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New Zealand fishing = SERIOUS BUSINESS
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Apparently, in Ireland, the police will end your wedding if it seems fake. Oh yeah, and a wedding between people of different ethnic backgrounds seems fake
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Window Hawk
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Man puts gun to wife's head during argument over who's the favorite grandchild. The police are called to weigh in on the issue
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| (I'm speechless) |
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Protip: when siphoning gas from a car, don't use a leaf blower as a pump. It makes things all explody
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Another TSA Screener arrested for theft. Or as most experienced travelers call it, Friday
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World Health Organisation says going into hospital far riskier than flying
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guess who's admitting guilt in the Oslo attacks?
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This week's Mugshot Roundup comes with a silver lining
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Park car in direct sun. Season slab of beef. Place inside of car and wait a few hours. Mmmmm, perfect roast beef
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| (Some Guy) |
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And so it begins: FAA to partially shut down at midnight as lawmakers go home for weekend. Enjoy the friendly skies
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Your WTF Image of the Day
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Top party colleges by salary potential. "So, how we doing?" "Looks like University of Illinois"
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Newark "Day of Outrage" attracts dozens of protestors angry about... something
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Lawyer: My client was violently thrown from her seat suffering serious injuries. Police: But the video shows that she barely moved. Lawyer: My client is on her own. I'm outta here
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Ten completely useless homemade machines. Come for the stuffed mouse USB drive, stay for the beer-pouring machine and fart-operated TV remote. Wait, those might be useful after all
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Arizona boobs upset about weathermen using the term "Haboobs," taking jobs away from American words
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Protip: selling your kidney to buy an engagement ring MIGHT creep out your girlfriend
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Clown car up on blocks. (video warning)
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Books closed, please. It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Longstanding family fight over the ownership of a trailer sparked a son to take a machete to his parents and siblings. He managed to injure none of them
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How to turn an orange peel into a mini-flamethrower
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| (The Macomb Daily) |
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Style points for tossing the can back over his head after finishing it while cop was arresting him
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What's the right age to give your precious snowflake a cellphone? Wrong
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"Smelly Feet" and "Poon" are but two of the perps you'll meet in this week's Friday Photo Fun prize contest
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48 year old Lolita arrested for trespassing in her own home
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Best. Press Conference. EVAR
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Man didn't realize his bullets fell out of his gun before he tried to shoot the cop trying to...wait, that's a woman? Really? Christ. Anyway, the cop shot her in the ass
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Today's peasant uprising forecast: Mostly pitchforky with a chance of torches
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Not sure how this would really help the situation - but then again, things always get better when Thai hookers are involved
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1) Pull over broken down car. 2) Rant at driver for six minutes preventing them from speaking. 3) Go apeshiat and threaten to execute the driver when he presents you with his CC permit on camera. 4) FREE VACATION FOR ALL
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this barbed wire
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Sometimes when your girlfriend refuses to stay in her room, you just gotta break out the samurai sword
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Casey Anthony gets the job offers. You get the legal bills. No wonder she's America's sweetheart
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Shooting a robbery victim with a nail-loaded flare gun is no way to go through life, son
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Easiest job in the world: Being the ASU professor in charge of recruiting students to get drunk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Posting a fake "I want sex" ad for your ex is never a good idea ... but using a photo of a obese black woman in a suggestive pose could get you arrested
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Cops arrest the coolest mom ever
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Need to go commit some crimes, but don't want to bring your toddler? Just leave him with a homeless heroin addict
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Two mysterious deaths in a millionaire's mansion. Colonel Mustard reported to have retained Jose Baez
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If you're thinking about beating the heat at one of NYC's many beaches, be warned, there is poop... poop everywhere
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Excuse me dear sir, but I appear to be at the point of pre-orgasmal no return. Chat later?
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Sun tanning. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't
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Man seeks felony stupidity charge to be dropped like an anchor
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It may be ingenious to mount an umbrella to your Smart car so it is always in the shade when you park it, but you still look like a dork
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's death is a mystery to family and local media. Even the black widow spider that bit him 19 times is baffled
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A Møøse once blew up my sister... Mynd you, Møøse bombs kan be pretty nasti
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| (Washington Examiner) |
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Photoshop this newly created larger-than-life sculpture
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| (Some Ice cold golfer) |
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The most undignified pose from a small town mayor you will see today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Amateur codebreaker finally cracks the Zodiac killer's unsolved letter, finds the name of the killer
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There was a young lad from Virginia / Who was playing around like a ninja / He found a big bamboo spike / That was very sword-like / But he didn't know that it could pin ya
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Pump up the crazy: North Korea, Iran jointly working on long-range nuclear missile
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| (Some Guy) |
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Garden slugs have no taste at all
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Today's lesbian teacher/student tryst brought to you by...you are already fapping, aren't you
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| Thu July 21, 2011 |
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Coppers cop to kleptos co-opting copper in their car, per conned customers. Cu later
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wash up in Waco
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Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW LET'S DO METH
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Electrocuted squirrel sparks fire with nutty aroma
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It's so hot in Texas right now that swimming pools are being stolen right out of backyards
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| (KPLU.org) |
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Watch out Mr. Hare, this tortoise has wheels
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Man accidentally runs out of gas, rolls to a stop on empty stretch of highway. In a Cessna 182
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Take your service dog in a McDonalds? That's a punchin'
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Woman fatally shot in New Jersey identified as Orange resident. Redundant?
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| (Billings Gazette) |
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If you're trying to sell your kid's ADHD medication on the street for ten bucks a pill, expect a hyperactive degree of attention from the local police force when you're caught
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Chicago hotel turns up the heat on annoying picketers. Literally
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| (Adult Swim) |
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Move over CSI: NY, L&O:SVU, 24, NCIS...here comes NTSF:SD:SUV::. (Sponsored link)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Have you ever been so mad at your mom that you crashed your plane into her house?
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Italian austerity program, devised to stave off financial crisis by making tough cuts to wages, pensions and benefits, does not cut anything for the people who devised the program
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Have you driven a Ford secretly packed with marijuana by Mexican drug cartels... lately?
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Authorities track down and rescue bear that had plastic jar stuck on head for at least three weeks, say it was clearly no pic-a-nic
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| (ktvb.com) |
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City hires 600 goats, I kid you not
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| (Japan Probe) |
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Less-than-perfect court translations can lead to 2-3 year differences in sentences and perp alimony dishwater
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wisdom says don't get drunk at your wedding so you can remember the night. Of course, if there's a police report, one that includes "The groom passed out in his cell and soiled himself," that'll jog the memory too
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| (Some Guy) |
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How you know today is not your day: Call cops about house robbery, cops arrest you instead of buglar, then you get charged and convicted of resisting arrest
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You might want to find a new career if you're training to be a zookeeper and accidentally kill a giraffe on one of your first days
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People in Cedar Rapids, Iowa shocked to learn their cars were stolen simply because they left their car keys inside their unlocked cars
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Photoshop these plaid pants
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| (Some Guy) |
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According to DHS, the most likely terrorist are white, middle class Americans. So, beware of your accountant, barrista, or that one strange realtor who is always looking at houses in your neighborhood
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| (Some Guy) |
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Foam darts=deadly weapon? In other news; 19 year old still plays with nerf toys
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Hitler's nutjob deputy Rudolf Hess sleeps with the fishes. Well, his ashes do, after he's discreetly exhumed, quickly cremated, and tossed in an unnamed Bavarian lake
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man run over by 32,000-lb. tractor-pull sled, is expected to be released from the hospital on Sunday Sunday SUNDAY
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| (Albany Times Union) |
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Sheriff's department not amused to find jailhouse video posted of chase of wayward inmate, sped up and set to "Yakety Sax" (w/video)
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Piers Morgan accused of phone hacking for having his phone hacked
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Cool: You find $70 million worth of rare coins in your family's safe deposit box. Not Cool: The government takes them back because your grandpa stole them from the US Mint in 1933
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You don't have a very good guard dog if he can be bribed with rotisserie chicken
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Texas Governor Rick Perry banned all sex ed from schools except abstinence-only education, which uses "fear and Jesus". Care to guess what happened to teen pregnancy rates in Texas?
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"I know this isn't technically a sandwich, but I'll justify it by saying this dish is basically chicken sandwiched between two layers of hate"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman who crashed and flipped her motorized wheelchair in a mobile home park busted for DUI. Surprisingly, this did not happen in Florida
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Kidnap and marry a minor? That's a stabbing. Just kidding. Punishment for that is being forced to walk through town nude with a brick tied to your penis
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Man tries to trim grass, ends up pushing daisies
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Robbers broke in to a veterinary hospital at night, caught on surveillance cam. Which one of these items was stolen? a) drugs b) exotic pets or c) a banjo? Hint: Florida
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| (Some flipped off pedestrian) |
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"The City of Amarillo says it's a manufacturing problem that causes a glitch and produces offensive hand gestures"
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"The bumbling, pathetic, forgetful fool who sat there unable to answer any questions about his own company in yesterday's hearing, is the bloke all our governments have been grovelling to for the last 30 years"
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16 year old girl who married 51 year old man says he's "a tiger" in bed. Entire world thinks she's lion
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Police say beef in Tennessee man's pants valued at $8.54. Man's wife begs to differ
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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You have the right to remain silent, or you can confess to me off the record
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time." No word on if you have to bring your own weapons
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| (Derpy Dee dee dee) |
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Check your facebook Someone from the Onion wrote "gullible" on your wall
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Dear Florida paper: "In God we trust" makes this a Christian country. And don't get me started on them mooslems and sharia law
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No feelony for the TSA titty twister
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France retreats on saying Gaddafi could retreat to France
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I didn't know there was a hacksaw in yesterday's cold-ass taco, I just wanted some Xanax
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Florida man accused of trying to screw people at the bus stop
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Judge cuts attorneys' fees from $500,000 to $30,000 because 95% of their time was spent turning minor case with settlement offer into media spectacle
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The working definition of having too damn much money: having a construction crew write your name in the sand of your private island large enough that it can be seen from space
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Photoshop theme: Rejected action figures
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After numerous challenges to its accuracy, Nepal planning to remeasure the world's tallest mountain. Climbers wonder if this dispute about height will ever rest
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Hacker breaks into email accounts of girls who attended his high school, captures their risqué photos to boyfriends, then posts them as their Facebook profile pictures. Looks like he's going to miss the 10-year reunion
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| (Some Guy) |
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"As compensation for his claim of false arrest, Pinney says he won't accept just any existing country. He wants the U.S. to grant him uninhabited land to start a new one"
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Fallen 9/11 NYC Fire Truck returns to Ground Zero after almost ten years and is lowered into its new memorial home
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Russia's prison service launches inquiry after photos emerge of toga-clad prisoners holding lavish party. As a result, the food-fight scheduled for Friday has been cancelled and all have been put on double-secret probation
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I'm on a $4.5 billion gold-plated boat, EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME
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Drunk with an indefinitely suspended driver's license? Makes perfectly good sense then to let your girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter drive the SUV with your 7-year-old daughter in backseat
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With dwindling numbers, what better way to recruit kids than with an animated cartoon, right Al-Qaeda?
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The good news: That noise you heard is not a creepy clown under your bed. The bad news: YOU HAVE A 40-FOOT SINKHOLE UNDER YOUR BED
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From the "Dusty as HELL in Here" Department: Applebee's comps dinner for a young man dying of terminal brain cancer and his wife as they celebrate 500 days post-diagnosis
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Alabama residents are still paying a tax to support the Alabama Confederate Soldiers' Home...which closed 72 years ago
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The douchiest colleges in America
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I am SHOCKED to learn that 50% of college kids have participated in sexting, and 80% have received suggestive messages
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 324: "Stairway to Heaven". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 20, 2011 |
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WWI-era warplane has been idling on a tiny rooftop runway in Lower Manhattan waiting to attack New Jersey since 1970
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Photoshop theme: Great moments in computing history
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TSA to put an end to meat gazing
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Six health benefits of smoking. "Looking way cooler than everyone else" conspicuously absent from the list
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Philippine politicians sing their national anthem on Pagasa Island, part of a chain of islands rich in oil and gas and claimed by China, Taiwan and Vietnam. This should end well
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Smile, and the world smiles with you.* (*Note: Does not apply to convicted murderers at sentencing hearings)
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| (Some Guy) |
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We're getting reports of a major mudslide disaster...Let me repeat. An old man had an ATV accident in a field
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They need to do way instain pakkistani who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back?
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Michael Vick backs dog fighting bill. And just so we're clear, he opposes it. The dog fighting, I mean, not the bill. That would be a self-negating headline
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That locksmith you called is either a legitimate locksmith or a con-man who's going to break into your house and steal you blind. Either one, you choose
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| (Some Guy) |
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Transwoman Avery wins "The Breast Summer Ever" contest, and will be visited by the Boob Fairy. Thanks to all the Farkers who helped to vote her up
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Woman doesn't understand that pepper spray isn't legal tender, pays bus driver with it anyway
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| (Some Anorexic Kid) |
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Which one is it? Are we in an obesity crisis or a malnutrition crisis?
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Mill worker survives knife attack. Back to the grind
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"... So Take Off All Your Clothes" DC forecast for Friday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this meditation on the rocks
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5 Bible camp attendees smote
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Today's playgrounds may be too safe, according to reporter hoping to interview more wheelchair bound kids
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You're pulling me over for not wearing my seatbelt? Are you kidding? Here, let me show you where the drugs and 28 syringes are hiding
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| (azfamily.com) |
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College kid in serious condition after participating in parkour on the fourth floor of his apartment
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Just like most Americans, I am concerned about my privacy after I install $300,000 worth of floor-to-ceiling windows in my 13,000-square-foot, $5 million home
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| (ARLNow) |
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Ever look at your front lawn and go "All this is missing is an 18 foot topless mermaid carved out of a dying tree"? Me neither, but now you can buy one for a cool 3,000 dollars. Assuming you cut it down and drive it away yourself
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police officer gets in trouble for sending sexts and nudes to confidential informant. What...does cash not work anymore?
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Why do these paranoid conspiracy theorists always think someone is out to get them?
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Man turns lawn chairs into free wheelchairs for the needy -- because that's just the way he rolls
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| (Some Guy) |
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42 years ago today, man took his first steps on a sound stage in the middle of the desert
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2 Georgia Men were so high on meth they called 911 on themselves
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Former News of The World reporter says editors deliberately inserted bogus details to sensationalize stories. Or that may be a bogus detail inserted to sensationalize the story
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Blow the whistle on state foreclosure fraud? You better believe that's a firin'. "Obviously we did our job too well"
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The Internet is not for selling your monkey
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| (Some Absorbent Guy) |
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Leaving skid marks, Texas truck driver wipes out and dumps load of toilet paper. Great Scott
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Google's logo today sure is full of green peaness
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Honey, before we get married, I want you to conquer your fear of heights by bungee jumping"
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Reports arise of hacking and other unsavory behavior at News Corp.'s in-house ad agency, where a scene showing Al Capone beating a man to death with a baseball bat was shown to employees as a motivational video
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Jesus Christ, it's a leopard, get on the roof
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Up to 60,000 Calif. disabled parking placards sent to dead people. Those lucky stiffs get all the breaks
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You think it's hard to quit Scientology? Try leaving Islam to join the "Teapot Cult" in Malaysia
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Protesters march against police brutality. This being San Francisco, the march also included vandalizing public transit and a Bank of America branch, throwing hammers at cops, and trying to steal TV news cameras. Still no cure for stupidity
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the TV news crew is doing a live report on crimes you committed, going on camera as a witness isn't a very smart move
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New ordinance changes definition of 'dangerous' dog to include those that chase people. Next up: dogs that chase their tails are danger to themselves
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Twenty years ago, Gwen Jacobs started the court battle that resulted in Canadian women having the right to bare breasts in public. Never has the Hero tag been more appropriate
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"Witnesses reported seeing Alfieri wandering around the woods wearing nothing but a gun holster while carrying a pistol and yelling at the river"
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17 shirts that don't make sense on dogs. This is assuming that any shirt makes sense on a dog, of course
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Canada to strip 1,800 of citizenship in Operation: No Big Loss
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Fifty Americanisms that wind up British people. Any excuse to say "fanny pack"
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10 tips camp counselors want you to know. Unfortunately this is worthless because it does not address homicidal maniacs in hockey masks or how to put a sleeping counselor and his bed on a raft in the middle of a lake without him waking up
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The governmynntf o Wales isn'tt takynngh fraedym o ynformation requaests seriuoslly
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Syrian FM warns U.S. and French ambassadors not to travel on the road from Damascus, there's no telling what they might see
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Luckily for this horse stuck in a swimming pool, "As part of the class, members had the opportunity to hoist and 'rescue' a llama, two horses, and a rhinoceros,"
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| (Some Baby Bankrobber) |
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Today's 'bring your baby to a bank robbery' brought to you by New Port Richey
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| (Some Shoe Cam Expert) |
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Not news: Man caught using shoe-cam to take pictures up women's skirts. Fark: Best evidence pics of home made sneaker cam you will see all day
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Dalai Lama does guest stint on MasterChef - just don't expect him to judge
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NASA had the Moon Landing guys practice every second of their mission, down to how to plant the flag in the lunar soil. Here's a slideshow-free photoessay of what they went through. No snark, just Happy Anniversary, you boldly goers
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Slow ahead." I can go slow ahead. Come on down here and chum some of this shiat." You know what happens next
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10 facts behind the slap - what you didn't know about Rupert Murdoch's fast-fisted wife
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Google Street View cameras snap secret nuke installation, and the armed cops coming to interrogate them
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Driver ends up almost four times over the legal blood alcohol limit. Astonishingly, he's a bit punchy
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Guess who made $63 million last year selling information from every licensed driver "in the name of public safety." Go ahead, guess
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Incredibly rare yellow lobster surfaces at Wegmans. Ask for market price
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| (Some Dollar stapler) |
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Regardless of the dirty sayings on them, Bradenton bar gives all of the dollar bills stapled to its walls to charity
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| (Some Carjacker) |
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Protip: If you're planning a career as a carjacker, you should likely learn how to drive a stick shift
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Couple caught hiding steaks in the furniture section of a Walmart, probably looking for couch potatoes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother and daughter get DUIs an hour apart. With would not want mugshots
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The U.S. air-traffic control celebrates 75 years of strikes, panic, near-misses, stress, over-caffienation, intoxicated, drowsy, sleepy, asleep service
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Jon Stewart wants to know why Mrs. Weasley is being hounded by Parliament
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Awkward family vacation photos
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Taliban: "Hey everybody - Our...our mobile phones got hacked, too." World: "And your point is?"
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China Agrees To Erase Portion Of U.S. Debt If Americans Dress Up In Costumes And Perform Silly Dance For Them
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| (Some lawyer) |
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Casey Anthony wants to become a lawyer, which would likely be out of the realm of possibility anywhere else but Florida
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Negro League baseball players are being hunted, tracked, rounded up, and given tombstones where previously there were only unmarked graves
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Truck crash creates a 100 foot fire hydrant geyser shooting 400 feet of water tens of feet in the air. Wait, what?
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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Jury acquits antigovernment activists of filming law enforcement officials
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Dora becomes the fourth named hurricane of this summer. Swiper no looting Swiper no looting
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Photoshop a new Casey Anthony disguise for her safe July 17th release (LGI)
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| (WUSA9) |
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Defense Dept frittered away $300 million on two ships that were never used -- they're now going to scrap heap. And taxpayers didn't even get a lousy t-shirt
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Ugly ass baby rhino born at the Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa
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Quake may have revealed Israeli spy ring. Wolfenstein, Doom wanted for questioning
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Step inside this 150-square foot, $500/month rental apartment. Shared by a family of four. Watch your head
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Photoshop these lads leering at a lady
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If you stole a camera containing highly radioactive material, the police would like you to return it before you grow a third arm on your back
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Husbands are happier when their wives are thinner and give them more sex
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| Tue July 19, 2011 |
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Cheesy Poofs Coming To Walmart. No word on Snacky Cakes, yet
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Python sex romp prompts search for massive snake. We don't have an Innuendo tag yet, so here's the Obvious tag
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Glorious nation of Kazakhstan unleashes Best Earthquake Generator Device upon its arch-nemesis and worst country ever Uzbekistan
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Rogue soldiers try to wop Guinea president with rocket. Could this dago more horribly?
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Woman tries to feed the birds, ends up feeding the worms. Which, indirectly, feeds the birds. Success
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Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger tuberculosis tuberculosis
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Sick of the heat? Come to Seattle where we haven't had a summer in two years
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Usually, identity theft doesn't involve a man dressing up like a woman, affecting her mannerisms, and living just like her. Usually
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Introducing the newest word to make you all stabby: 'aquaholic' - someone who is addicted to aquahol
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| (Sauk Valley Gazette) |
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Forty-four year old man goes missing. He was last seen detassling corn. No word on why an adult would be doing a job reserved for the untrained pre-teen worker class
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"If I can't be a District Judge and use my penis pump at the same time, I'll just drive around and get wasted"
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Lesbian couple told to stop holding hands at a gallery featuring a lesbian artist. You could cut the tension with a scissor, er... knife
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| (Some Golden Curtain) |
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Photoshop this piggyback pair
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Japan is no longer totally Fukushima'd
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| (Some Guy) |
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Concrete could explode due to oppressive heatwave sweeping the Midwest. Yes, really
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Meet one guy who thinks Rupert Murdoch doesn't have enough pie on his face already
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I know you're going to be absolutely stunned by this news, but mortgage companies are still fraudulently robo-signing thousands of foreclosure documents
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A new study shows, of everywhere like such as, US students did worst of all when it comes to geography
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Man, I'm so distressed about my wife being arrested in this phone hacking thing that I think I'll accidentally put her laptop and phone in a trashbag and dump it in a public bin
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Chinese toddler opens his eyes...a little, close shave rubs out Brazilians, and Sherwood Schwartz's coconut coffin: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 7/10 - 7/16
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| (Pat's Papers) |
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Alaska cops add new question to sobriety test: how much yeast does it take to make bread?
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Congressman's Twitter page is hacked. No really, he was hacked, this time it's true
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| (Some East Texas Redneck) |
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Protip: If you are already in trouble for letting a 3 year old find your loaded 9 you should probably hide your meth and hypodermic needles when you show the police where you put the gun. Bonus: WTF mug shots
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Police arrest new bride after wedding ceremony ends. From the look of things, they should have intervened sooner for her husband's sake
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| (Some Guy) |
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A mom loses control of her 4 year old son who runs into street and is killed by a drunk driver. Who is convicted of manslaughter?
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Hey baby, I'm a reporter for the L.A. Times. Interested in having an article written about you in exchange for awkward sex?
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I swear to God, if I see one more over-hyped non-news event tagged with the "-ageddon" suffix, someone is gonna get punched
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| (Some Guy) |
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1: Blog about your special-needs daughter. 2: Hold raffle (w/$5 processing fee) to give away iPads. 3: Profit to the tune of $30,000. 4: Oh wait, people actually want the iPads?
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Okay, so a Rabbi, his wife, and an Israeli walk into a bar...no no wait...Well, I forget the rest, but the punchline is they threaten to bury the Israeli alive if he doesn't divorce his wife. Haha...ha...ha
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Crocs - not for kicking mountain lions in the face
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Psychiatrist says Canada's ADHD tax credit program being abused and are there any tax credits for bikes?
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"Last January, I stopped wearing a bra. I haven't put one back on since"
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By the third trimester, the baby's heart begins to form, you'll experience swelling of the ankles, and you should be able to use your unborn child to get out of traffic tickets
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Due to skyrocking prices, Chinese play politics with commodities prices by unleashing Strategic Pork Reserve. Wait, What?
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Toddler drowns in Florida pool. Stay tuned as the media cover the pool's arraignment, trial, and subsequent acquittal
|
| (Some Guy) |
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Murdoch meets UK lawmakers, expects the senator from Naboo to move for a vote of no-confidence and make him Archchancellor. "All is going as I have foretold"
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Because someone threw the clock out the window, duh
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70 years ago today, as England stood alone against Nazi Germany, Winston Churchill launched his now-legendary "V for Victory" crusade, shortly after abandoning his poorly received "P for Panic" campaign
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The suspect is pantless. I repeat, the suspect is pantless
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An inebriated Denver air traffic controller failed an on the job drug test but hopes to ace rehab. (vid)
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Mailman, often too drunk to push the envelope - or anything else - stashes 31,000 pieces of mail at his home
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If you enjoy the comfort of hotels but worry about bedbug infestations, worry not, you can now buy bedbug insurance
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Yard sale is open to anyone, as long as they're not gay, Islamic or an illegal immigrant
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Invasive fish that can survive on land and breathe air found in Maryland river. Should only be a problem until locals find it tastes good with a cold Natty Boh and sprinkled with Old Bay and fish it into extinction
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Strauss Kahn: "I didn't rape that maid, but I did nail her mom"
|
| (Morning Sentinal.com) |
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Crying naked woman pulled from sewer pipe may have been on drugs
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Best secret beaches in North America. Err-- best beach...es, you know what? Forget I said anything
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Basement horse is watching you masturbate
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| (Some Guy) |
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We interrupt this regularly scheduled news report to bring you a picture of Sienna Miller
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Hey, jerk. Your underrage gay prostitute did not quote you a price for binding, gagging and setting him on fire
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Neil Patrick Hairless saves the day
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Ja Rule to spend more time in ja il
|
| (Some Guy) |
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"83% of African American students in Texas have been expelled at least once by the time they graduate"
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Man who was suing his son over Cubs tickets drops his lawsuit after realizing he was suing someone over Cubs tickets
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| (GIS) |
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North Korea wants to co-host the Olympics. Photoshop some sports they can host
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While taking in all the wondrous art in Rome, don't miss out on the Superman/Batman foreplay sculpture
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Google's first science fair was won by...ack...girls. Girls can't science. Everybody knows that
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21 tons of ketchup and mustard stolen in Austria. Police fear the crooks are seasoned veterans
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Sky blames Louise Boat for hacking The Sun's website. It makes sense when you look at LulzSec's Twitter feed. Okay, maybe not complete sense
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Police in Huntsville, Alabama conduct a prostitution sting, arrest nine prostitutes and post their pictures. When asked for comment about the women, the police chief responded with "Oh, the humanity"
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Inferior tablets causing a market shift away from more powerful and useful laptops
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Watch Murdoch, Murdoch and Brooks squirm live before Parliament, C-Span 3 at 9:30 a.m. EDT
|
| (babble.com) |
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Casey Anthony's relatives insist they do not know where she is. Will probably report her missing after 31 days
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World's dumbest escaped murderer appears on dating reality show
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Amish youth, accused of drinking beer, drives police buggy
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| (Some Guy) |
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A Private's privates made public in public drugstore
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Dripping air conditioner leads to misplaced anger and an execution-style killing
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