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| Sun May 22, 2011 |
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Man steals ambulance, gets to ride in police car at no extra charge
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| (ABC Eyewitness News) |
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Attention NYC smokers, you have until midnight before the only place you can smoke is under your bed with the lights off
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| (KMBC.com) |
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Tornado hits Joplin, Missouri; hospital damaged. Dick move, God. Dick move
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Competitive eating champion Joey Chestnut chews up and spits out cheesesteak eater called "The Notorious B.O.B." Tag is because Fark doesn't have a Cheesy tag
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge sentences couple to handing out water safety brochures at festival, while standing in kiddy pool, wearing life jackets. Then it gets weird
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| (Some False Positive) |
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What Farkers have been waiting for...I give you, the hand sanitizer defense
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| (Your Mom) |
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Who knew "switching underwear styles" is a sign a boy plans to hook up? Well, now your mother for one
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The NYC Public Library turns 100. No human being would stack books like this
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| (CBS Local) |
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Parents in New Jersey feel that homework ain't got no friggin' class
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| (Sir Loin of Beef) |
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Chicago Fark Party cow tipping prank goes awry
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100 year old codger won't sell his land for airport that doesn't exist
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NPR reports on the Miss Shrimp Festival, Miss Shrimp Pageant, Miss Shrimp Ceremony, Miss Shrimp Party, Miss Shrimp Gala, Miss Shrimp Carnival, Miss Shrimp Fair, Miss Shrimp Parade, Miss Shrimp Ball, Miss Shrimp Reception
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| (Some Egg Farmer) |
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The coolest carved eggshell photos you will see today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this juggling troupe not drawing a crowd
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Missing model car pulled from the murky Chicago River. This is a tragedy on a 1:25th scale
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You sound fat. So do your friends
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| (Some County Mountie) |
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The undisputed king of bad timing (Hint: check the dates)
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| (NBC Chicago) |
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If you're wondering why God isn't answering your prayers, it's probably because he's too busy putting images of Darth Vader onto the back of turtles
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Scores of police -- backed up by a helicopter -- are dispatched to capture an escaped tiger on a golf course
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Meanwhile, in Canada...an angry beaver terrorizes an entire town
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Western envoys trapped in an embassy in Yemen, under siege by armed locals angry about them meddling in their country's affairs. This is not a repeat from the Boxer Rebellion
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The FDA spent months investigating the sordid undergound of Amish raw milk smugglers. Yeah, really
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Won't someone think of the poor bunnies? (with awwww inducing pic)
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"It was known as the Whisper, though those close to the Lord often referred to it as Miss Thornton in her nightie"
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Teenager jumps into river to celebrate the world not ending. Sad and Ironic duke it out viciously while Obvious sneaks in for the win
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A drink made from decomposing vegetable matter? What kind of swill would that produce?
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French women upset at the misogynistic support Stauss-Kahn is getting from the French public. Then they remembered they lived in France
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Been thinking about getting that sweet new ride? Well, you should only do it now if you like spending extra money because you have the patience of a hyperactive three year old
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| (Time Out Chicago) |
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Artisanal doughnut hole-in-the-wall becomes Chicago sensation, with local eaterati standing 50-deep in line for 56 minutes to buy $3 glazed five-star confection
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I said, VIAGRA CAN MAKE YOU GO DEAF
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad accuses Europe of stealing rain clouds to keep Iran in a drought.....just before it starts to rain
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Police are outraged that traffic has become faster and safer since the Ohio Turnpike speed limit increased
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| (Some Tardigrades) |
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Photoshop this moss piglet
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Family of 9/11 victim still trying to bring real killer to justice
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| (Times of Oman) |
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About that selah to Saleh... um, not so fast there, Skippy McProtestor
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| (Pew) |
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4 in 10 Americans believe the second coming of Christ will occur by 2050
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Pope makes first-ever phone call to bless astronauts. He says even though Catholics in space are weightless, they still need mass
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Parents shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that the women teaching their children do not spend out-of-school hours cloistered in a nunnery
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William and Kate actually wed in Kenya
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| (KOTV) |
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Not news: Guy leads cops on 20 mile high speed chase. Fark: While driving an 18 wheel fuel tanker. Bonus: His name is actually Rocky Nail. w/ vid
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Photoshop this covert canine
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The Rapture as told by the Taiwanese current-events CGI people. The ending is perfect
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| Sat May 21, 2011 |
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Researchers find whales speak in accents to their extended family. Scientists listen by use of podcast
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Ten biggest money wasters: Come for the cigarettes, stay for the gym memberships
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New rules will enable Americans to travel to Cuba, ruining it for other tourists
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Chicago Fark Party tonight : Lincoln Tap Room - 8PM - Post-rapture looting to follow
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Photoshop this sensitive particulate air sampler
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With his long-predicted doomsday at hand and seemingly fizzled out, what does Rev. Camping have to say for himself? Kinda hard to tell since his radio network is playing recorded music and nobody is answering the phone at his offices
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"Do you think my wife is hot?"
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Everything's bigger in Texas including the number of students a teacher has sex with at once. Yes, there's a pic. No, you wouldn't
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Disco returns to Britain
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Official Fark Rapture thread. Make fun of the fundies, share your bucket list, post some Blondie, we don't care. BYE BYE CRUEL WORLD (@6 PM)
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Seven years later, the Mars rover 'Opportunity' is still chugging along, slightly exceeding its expected 90-day original mission
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Volcano in Iceland just started erupting, triggering over 50 earthquakes. And so it begins
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After Tuscon, Egypt, Libya, Japan, and Osama, the press has run out of the cash needed to cover breaking news. So if the world doesn't end tonight, prepare for a boring year
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Teenager fakes insanity to beat 5-7 year sentence. Twelve years later he tells his tale from Britain's most notorious asylum
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents decide to hide their baby's gender and raise it as "genderless" until it is old enough to decide for itself. Chaz Bono must approve
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The latest despotic country to ban demonstrations, which are occurring anyway is (shakes Magic 8 ball) Spain. Spain? WTF?
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These days colleges work hard to make sure snowflakes have plenty of resources available to them. Like video games for your master's thesis on hooker behavior in Grand Theft Auto
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"My first thought when wading into the cool, clear water: Was this a mistake?"
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...and the 2011 Ric Romero Award for "Most Obvious Scientific Study" goes to ... [ opens envelope ]
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these charades
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Flying robots armed with tiny laser guided missiles. That is all
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Debra LaFave, the hottest teacher ever arrested for illicit boy lovin, is pregnant. With twins. And you'd still hit it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Parents shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that teachers don't give a crap about teaching once the state tests are completed
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| (Some Hungry Guy) |
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Students prepare chickens for unauthorized school cookout. Unfortunately we have in our society people who want to make a news story out of everything
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| (Mount Airy News) |
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"Otis" arrested outside of Mayberry Country Store for heinous crime of playing checkers. That's some fine police work there Barney
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I'm not drinking that. It's chick beer
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Princess Beatrice's FSM hat reaches £75,000 on eBay. Combined postage discount if you buy her mother at the same time
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No clever headline, just a woman getting 12 years, no parole, for selling $30 worth of pot. Pay no attention to the real crimes
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Woman selling supposed moon rock on eBay caught in a sting operation by NASA. Of course, THEY know it's a fake
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The first cloned "Copy Cat" celebrates her tenth birthday, just in time for Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: School wants to hold prayer at graduation. News: Atheist student asks them not to, school cancels prayer. Fark: School's senior advisor openly mocks the student, does it anyway. This should end well
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Teaching tip: If you yell at a junior high school student in Florida, don't drink your coffee
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Holy Christ. It's really happening. The world is being torn asunder. Christians are ascending into Heaven, demon spawn are feast.. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ THAT MUST BE GENE GENE THE DANCING MACHINE
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| (Some Squirrel Kabob Guy) |
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"There are plenty of squirrels in the world. You can stand to eat a few." Fark squirrel NOT pleased
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yet another sign of the End Times: the three ugly-ass albino baby raccoons of the Apocalypse
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The Revelation will be televised
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Photoshop this cone phone of silence
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Marine awoken by his wife saying a man with a gun is in the yard. Man grabs his rifle to defend his family, with unexpected results
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the apocalypse happens today, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg will suspend alternate side parking. (Meter rules will still be in effect)
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Not News: Students pull prank in last days of school year. Still Not News: Spread 30 bales of hay in the hallways. Fark: Cleanup expected to be more than $100,000
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British man parks his penis in his living room. The Sun is there
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| Fri May 20, 2011 |
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Grandmother guilty of selling pills, Werther's Originals
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| (Some Prophet) |
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The end of the World is starting a little early: Strong 6.5-magnitude earthquake hits off coast of Papua New Guinea
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Egging ends with one dead, one in custardy
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Photoshop challenge: It's the 21st Century, where are our flying cars?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk, incoherent, and floating downriver in a raft with a box full of sand chained to your neck is no way to ... wait. What?
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| (GovWin) |
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Lost in the furor around the CDC's zombie preparedness guide was evidence of other federal government zombie outbreak preparations
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why you're right to fear socialized healthcare: Canadian hospital bans Tim Horton's for being unhealthy
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Stoner Smurf, Reverse Mohawk Man and the rest of the gang in this week's Mugshot Roundup
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tennessee senate passes the "Don't Say Gay" proposal. Dude, that is so
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| (Some Earguy) |
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Summoning the power of Fark to help animal rescue. Please vote for the puppies and kittens. DIT
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Immigration crackdown worries Vidalia onion county. Hold the onions, Jeb
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| (Some Guy) |
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It was only a matter of time : Wal-Mart shoppers complain that the motorized shopping carts are always broken
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A judge with a heart, a cop with bad aim, and child porn charges. This story has it all
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There's dirty politics and then there's the Chamber of Commerce, which a NY paper says faked their editors' endorsement in order to help a struggling Republican candidate
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Not sure which beer to buy? How about the one that donates 50% of the profits to veterans organizations?
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Woman who scammed $60,000 out of family and friends by faking cancer sentenced to 90 days in jail. Which works out to pretty decent salary on an annualized basis
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Judge decides that if you won't testify against an accused murderer for fear of retaliation, he'll put you in jail with the accused
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Singapore Supreme Court has decided that sentencing a 14-year-old to life without parole is permissible and not unduly harsh. Did I say Singapore? Sorry. I meant Wisconsin
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Apple gets wrong kind of flash
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| (Some Business Review) |
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Reservists gain financially from being called up, although they don't gain as much in terms of gettingshotly
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Because it's a slow news day: Here's two guys playing a piano with nothing but their penises
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| (Some Guy) |
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Duct tape sticks man in prison for his roll in robbery
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| (Some Guy who is staying) |
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The "Will You be Raptured" flowchart
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Women who abstain from dating for a year have a lot more free time to think up words like "manbbatical" or "he-tox"
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Canadian Special Operations Forces getting 10 kevlar canoes. That's the joke
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Ever wondered how the Golden Gate Bridge would look with BART on it? Wonder no more. Bonus: "You'll notice that the BART trains look a lot more sleek and phallic than they did when the system opened in 1972"
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Pop quiz, hotshot
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Don't mess with this man's egg sandwich
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Never let it be said that Allstate doesn't have timely ads
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Macho Man Randy Savage mistakes tree trunk for Slim Jim. OHHHH YEEAAAAHHHHHH
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Man taken to the hospital sporting some serious wood
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| (Some Guy) |
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According to some sexologists, you can tell if a woman has had an orgasm by the way that she walks. Genesis unavailable for comment
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Britain moves from burning witches to taking them to dinner and a movie (with "you make the call" mugshot)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Exotic dancer by night, drug bust vigilante...by night too, I guess
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| (Some Cowboy) |
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In case the religious nutjobs are actually right about tomorrow's apocalypse, please remember the rally point is Okeechobee, Florida
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Nobody expects a surprise shark
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Replace the Statue of Liberty with something more in keeping with the times
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Old and busted: fish tacos. The new hotness: heroin tacos
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Well kids, tomorrow the world is going to end and mommy and daddy are going to heaven. Haha, no. You kids are going to die here
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Woman hides stolen credit card in the one place she thought police couldn't snatch it away
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Man gets twelve weeks in jail for stealing phone from woman who was flat, broke
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Rashida Jones in lingerie talking about kissing Zooey Deschanel. Really? Still reading?
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Complex differential equation used to calculate fine for ginseng poachers
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I love ewe
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The scariest evidence yet of the impending end of the world: Jack Daniel's introduces new honey-flavored liqueur
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This Friday, we have an all-woman Photo Fun Match edition. Chained Heat, it ain't
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Rantin' rappin' Mom puts on her own show at school talent contest
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Taxpayers shocked that some California lifeguards make up to $200,000 per year. In their defense, though, tape to keep your breasts in your swimsuit while running in slow motion along the beach isn't cheap
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Returning Canadian Senator in hospital after moose collision
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A college educated white Englishman's experience of the Miami Megajail
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Ah, Spring. The birds, the flowers...25 naked hippies grinding on a 1,400 year old tree
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pensioners in Japan have decided to put their lives at risk to save younger people from radiation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Good dad: Helping son with his new skateboard trick. Bad dad: Driving the SUV he's trying to grab onto without wearing a helmet
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Remember when Ron Paul told Mississippi River flood victims to build their own levees? Some took his advice with positive results
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Gay Los Angeles police officer wins $1 million judgment in retaliation case. He thanked his legal team of Sailor, Construction Dude, Indian Chief, and Leather Guy with mustache, and also Tom Cruise for some reason
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| (KCRG) |
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Today's "white powder in envelope brings out hazmat team" story brought to you by Iowa City and a crushed LifeSaver
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this musical mania
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Pippa Middleton gives her famous rear a brisk work-out (w/ pic)
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| (Journal Star) |
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Couple arrested in Nebraska for stealing grease. At least, that's the word
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If you get lost in the woods and you have a cell phone, no problem. Wave the cell phone at the helicopter
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Yeah, Bradley Cooper went there
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| (Some Flutist) |
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How clean is your kid's band instrument? Depends. Did you send them to band camp?
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How much of our massive debt is the result of Obama's expansion of the government? 2%. Two. The other 98%? War, the recession, and tax cuts
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If you wake up and see ladies panties, a black hoodie, and legs, they better belong to your wife or at least a loved one
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When discussing a drug deal, make sure that your cell phone doesn't pocket-dial 911
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Man arrested trying to pick up package of cocaine weighing 242 lbs. You could hurt yourself doing that
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Unstable man with a machete threatens more than 30 police officers, with semi-predictable results
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Argentinian plane crash kills 22, gives dinner ideas to rugby team
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| Thu May 19, 2011 |
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Female troops more likely to get PTSD, PMS, and UFIA
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Kid is really happy to get his new bionic arm, but he's pretty pissed off at the ""Na-na-na-na-na-na-na" sounds every time he uses it. In related news, a donut with no hole is a danish
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Old and busted: Sex offender registry. New Hotness: Animal abuse registry
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Photoshop these key carriers
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| (kgw.com) |
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Hassan Bin-Abdessellam Roussi loses footing while hiking in gorge. HASSAN DROP
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Taliban kills 35 Afghan highway workers, fines doubled
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There are now two American economies: the one in which corporations always win, and the one in which the American worker always loses. I'm sure the solution involves tax cuts for the rich, though
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Good News: Pills bought on the internet to help you sleep really work. Bad News: It's permanent
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City council says a stained-glass mosaic of a surfing Madonna must be wiped out
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FBI believes Unabomber Ted Kaczynski was responsible for giving Chicagoans a massive headache in 1982
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Virginia fines Northrup-Grumman $5 million for computer system meltdown that crippled the state...but only after extending their contract for 3 years and throwing another $100 million on its value
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Ex-IMF chief Strauss-Kahn granted $1 million bail and will be confined to home detention. No word yet on whether he will have maid service
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"Good-bye to the World" trip ends up being just that
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Swimmer's ear medical costs total $500 million a year. I said, SWIMMER'S EAR MEDICAL COSTS TOTAL $500 MILLION A YEAR
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother of the Year candidate charged with collecting $750,000 in foster money and spending about $30 that in food for the kids over 12 years
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'My bad': Willie Nelson un-endorses Republican Gary Johnson
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Zoo animals face budget knife. And fork
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| (Falls Church News-Press) |
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Catholic school parents and officials oppose new hotel planned for next door, arguing that it will "invite pederasts," encourage competition
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Newt Gingrich's ringtone is "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. Not a joke
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Class action lawsuit claims AT&T routinely overcharges iPhone and iPad customers for data. When asked by a reporter whether the lawyer's team found overcharging for every single transaction, he replied: "Yes, every single one"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Hello, I bought your dead father's house and found his $45 thousand dollars. You want that back?"
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March 19, 2011, still no cure for lengthy articles about the fact that there is still no cure for cancer
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"If people are drinking at home and run out of beer Sundays, they'll be able to drive to the store to buy more." Apparently, someone has a problem with that
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Man steals handcuffs from police station. Dubai cops are more than happy to give him a matching set
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| (FOX40) |
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Giant Pink Gorilla Causes Bomb Scare
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Some big dummy may have been setting fires in Sanford
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Pop quiz, hot shot: You are hospitalized with pneumonia and renal failure, and you know a little bit about alleviating suffering. What do you do?
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New Jersey and Connecticut are the latest states to adopt doubleplusgood licenses
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Brach's candy heiress convicted for hosting parties that featured a tasty selection of nose candy
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Meanwhile, from atop their sinister mountain lair, the MPAA and RIAA hatch a diabolical plan to get warrantless searches legalized
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| (Some Toddler) |
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Toddler involved in overnight standoff. Ends peacefully after neogiating for a bottle and diaper change
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| (Chattanooga Times Free Press) |
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Actual Headline: "Man charged with exposure at Northgate Mall after showing 'glistening white buttocks'"
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| (Buzzfeed) |
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18 awesomely blasphemous Last Supper renditions. Yep they did that. And that too
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Masked robber helpfully complies with bank's "no hats, no hoods" policy
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Louisiana man admits to masturbating in public, but tells cops that the woman who ratted him out was not the object of his desires. He was aiming for ANOTHER woman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Five-year-old boy found dead near subby's house identified, mother charged with second degree murder. Thank you, fellow Farkers, for attempting to help identify him
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The seven most ridiculous cases of misplaced priorities
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Actual headline: Woman's leg severed by flying pressure cooker
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Sure we'd love your business, but first what about this Holocaust thing?
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Is the Southern accent in danger of disappearing? Wutch'all think?
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Pro tip: If you wanna 'score some women,' steal them something better than Bud Light in cans. Also, make sure your ride is not a Dodge Neon with a flat tire, and leave your two drinking pals at home
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Man dies in hot tub after whirlpool sucks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bear and barrels
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Had enough tornadoes, earthquakes, wild fires and flooding? Then you're going to think the 2011 hurricane season prediction blows
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There's regular karaoke, and then there's FULL CONTACT karaoke
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| (Some Guy) |
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Airline passenger becomes carryoff baggage
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Ducks cause Brinks truck to flip over on I-95. That's how they roll
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The 17 best fan suggestions ever submitted to truTV's Conspiracy editors. Bonus: Not edited for grammar and spelling
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I'll have a cheeseburger, an order of fries, a large Coke and 90 Lortab pills
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Border Patrol seizes 35 rolls of bologna with a street value of over 4000 sandwiches
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rapist with supernatural powers arrested in Zimbabwe
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Luscious Republican congressional staffer wants to be Miss America. With splendid GOP photo adorability and very decent numbers
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Deadliest Catch: Bivalve Edition wraps episode
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The internal CIA memo warning employees to stop leaking information on the Osama bin Laden raid to the press or face legal action is promptly leaked to the press
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| (Some Guy) |
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People, don't bring your seven-year-old to your drug deals. They usually can't lay down effective suppressing fire when you rip off the dealer
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| (Star Press) |
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If you have a warrant out for your arrest and are making a run for a pack of smokes, don't leave your two-year-old alone it the car with access to the gearshift, or else you will go to jail
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China acknowledges dam problems. Too many dam people to relocate, too many dam landslides, not enough dam jobs
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Seven-ton magnet installed on International Space Station. Wile E. Coyote ecstatic
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| (Some Guy) |
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A landlord stabs his tennant with a pitchfork over stolen insomnia medication, then things get weird
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Hipster church opens in Queens - but before you scoff, please consider that they've swapped out communion wafers for donuts and candy. Readings will be from obscure passages like the book of Tobit
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Massive flap erupting in San Francisco over proposal to cut off circumcision procedures. Health and religious rights advocates cheesed off
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Cemetery officials deem a porn star's gravestone to be "too sexy." (with a pic tame enough to email to your grandma)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Whistleblower says Russian troops fed dog food. Presumably not in a high pitched tone only audible to Russian soldiers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family lucky to be alive after finding out how their Mercedes bends
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| (Devil's Food Cake) |
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Why predict the rapture and risk looking like a fool? Because it's very, very profitable
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Number of long-lasting marriages in the US rise as medical advances delay the arrival of the sweet angel of death
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It turns out the Botox Mom made up the entire story to make some money off the media
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| (ecanada) |
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Today is "Circus Day", marking the anniversary of the Ringling Brothers' first circus. In observance, Congress will be in full session
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Toy shop owner refuses to carry Harry Potter items and the like because they might convince kids that make-believe crap is real
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If your wallet seems lighter than it should be, a Minneapolis pharmacy would like to give you your $999,934.81 in change
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The most violent city in the world is now the most heroic violent city in the world
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Virginia Historical Society puts collection of oddities on display, is surprised when CDC arrives in full biohazard gear to remove the piece with smallpox
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Reminder: Chicago Fark Party this Saturday at Lincoln Tap Room. We got an open bar, and some other nice stuff lined up. (link is original thread)
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Arnold's secret son was born less than a week after his real son, which seems like a pretty good set-up for an action comedy with Danny DeVito when you think about it
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| (KOTV) |
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Teens' hot new trend: setting themselves and each other on fire
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A fake painted Virginia license plate reading "Private Use" does not make you a sovereign citizen over the highway
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"Gender Reveal Parties" a new trend for prospective parents, will be followed by "Crying in the Shower Parties"
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Photoshop these intense hurdlers
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Caption this awkward encounter
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If you're a crematory owner, there are better places to store your bodies than in your car for several days. In the Arizona heat
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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Student cuts his hand with a razor. School searches his locker for razor and finds 18 stamps of heroin. Student says he has passed out some of the "Magic Bunny" stamps. Fark: He's in kindergarten
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Actual headline: "Woman missing since she got lost"
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Australian prisoners to be held in shipping containers. This is not a repeat from 1788
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Toothbrush detects cancer, leaves you minty fresh
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Sen. Tom Coburn (R- Really has a point here) questions the Social Security benefits received by a diaper clad man that's bottle fed by his roommate. Oh yes, there's a pic
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| (Some Guy) |
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Unless you're in porn, things will not end well if you're drunk and UFIA a female cop
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Stripping off your shirt while singing loudly is de rigueur at bachelorette parties, and sometimes acceptable in bars, but universally frowned upon at your arraignment on murder charges
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Can you still fit into your wedding gown? No? You've been pwned by a 93 year old lady
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this traveling Tibetan
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Strauss-Kahn disavows knowledge of the IMF
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Dunkin Donuts sued for not allowing customers to just put the tip in the hole
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 315: "Classical Elements." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 18, 2011 |
| (wtsp.com) |
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Protip: If you're a principal/hypnotist, and you decide to do hypnosis on your students to help them pass tests, make sure you're not doing the suicidey kind
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The cutest pink kitten you will see all day
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Osama Bin Laden's first posthumous recording is released. Plans are being made for his second release to feature Tupac
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Fully loaded KC135 crashes at Pt Mugu NAS, crew survives, plane burning
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Credit card skimmers discovered inside gas pumps. It's like getting ripped off at the gas station twice
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Somewhere, a one-armed man is laughing
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Grumpy old fart first pepper sprays, then fires shotgun at teen skateboarders. Article does not mention if a lawn was involved
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Asthma acting up? Stop breathing all that cockroach dust
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest graphite drawing you will see all week
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| (Some Guy) |
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The city of Phoenix is so broke, they're closing public pools, cutting programs for seniors, and handing out $30 million pay raises
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Scare headline: Teens found dead near can of Four Loco. Article: they overdosed on Xanax and methadone
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Obama imposes strongly worded sanctions against Syrian President Assad
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Photoshop this psyched server
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New study says employees cost companies up to $10-million a year by using social media at work when they could be talking to friends on the phone, taking bathroom breaks, and going out to smoke
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Dad and daughter who are in a sexual relationship say there is nothing wrong with what they do. Even Jerry Springer refused this one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who tee'd off on golf course birdie gets penalized. What a putts
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The contents of Madoff's wine cellar up for auction. You can now bid on a case of 1854 Chateau d'Arsinge, which tastes surprisingly like relabeled Manischewitz from King Kullen
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Subby prays that if he is ever in both a Syrian and Iranian prison in the same week, he comes out of it as well as Al-Jazeera reporter Dorothy Parvaz has
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Top ten sleepless cities in the US. What the hell is Davenport, Iowa doing on this list?
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| (Bowling Green Daily News) |
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Man with two pickled sausages in pocket breaks in house, eats cupcakes
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| (Daily Yomiuri) |
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Rebuilders of disaster-stricken areas of Japan discover new aggravation: no open parking spaces. "It took me half an hour just to get a place to park"
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The newest trend is pejazzling. Yes, those. Put there
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| (Some Guy) |
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ADD isn't real. Kids are just stupid
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Ecuador probes Farc-Correa link. No word if it is Best Correa or not
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Deadliest Catch: Bivalve Edition
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wisonsin woman hits median, flips car four times, is ejected, goes airborne, flies through pine tree, lands on garage roof, and tries to walk away from the scene. "Alcohol was a factor in the accident"
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Space Shuttle Endeavour and the ISS are docking. Heh. "Docking"
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What's more horrifying: having a flesh-eating disease or being stuck in Calgary?
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One of the six surviving kids of the Oklahoma City Bombing graduates from high school
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Red-crested Tree Rat reappears after 113 years. Yawns. Scratches belly and asks "What'd I miss?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Experts baffled by mysterious crater found in your Mom's front yard
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NASA data shows increases in radio waves, electrons in the ionosphere, and infrared emissions above the epicenter of major earthquakes, completely vindicating Jesse Ventura
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A prayer request for Osama bin Laden with a cross next to his name appears in a Catholic church's bulletin. Awkward
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| (TechCrunch) |
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New company aims to be the Netflix of original artwork
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police arrest soda jerk
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Plague of cicadas emerging just in time for Judgment Day
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Virus leaked social security numbers of unemployed, offering identity thieves chance to get turned down for credit
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Queen turns down a free pint of Guinness on her visit to Ireland
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Porn company opens community center giving new meaning to Me and Julio and what your momma saw
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police called to a McDonald's to settle a dispute between a city council candidate and Mayor McCheese
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PeopleofWalmart.com to create new section to highlight parents who fight with their children and then run them over in the parking lot
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Large midwestern retailer recalls 7,600 candles due to fire hazard
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"I know the law," says man who tries to board train with pony
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Swarm of angry realtors attack children in Florida
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Be on the lookout for a fake taxi cop in South Florida giving free rides, robberies
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Teen charged with Ethnic Intimidation after writing graffiti on bathroom wall where he threatened to have himself lynched
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"There are shards of glass everywhere. Feathers, poo and papers ... it's a mess"
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A new kind of special brownie that is 100% legal
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Remember that scene in The Terminator'' where Arnold had to cut out his eye? Subby feels the same way after seeing pics of the woman he had love child with
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A look at what happens to your resume after you've applied for the job and the HR laughter has stopped
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35-year-old man killed by venomous Weimaraner
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| (wptv.com) |
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You discover a dead body at your home so you...a) check for a pulse b) call police c) pour bleach on body d) continue with yard work. It's Florida c & d are correct answers
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| (10 News) |
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Man finds out that you don't really want to tell the cops that you're a pedophile when applying to be a cop
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"Step 1: Preheat your oven. Step 2: Wash chicken. Step 3: Have sex "
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Apparently, the idea of selling other people's kids on eBay hasn't gotten old in Michigan
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Woman currently allergic to electricity
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Mexican police find answer to the age old question: How many people can you stuff in two trucks?
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 100 worst senior portraits of all time
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Amazing photos of jilted bride attemping to leap out window. Tag for people who saved her
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To his kids, Cliff Stewart was a regular dad and a super-whiz around the house. To the Allies, he was a super spy and 'cracker-smart' code breaker in WWII. Goodnight, clandestine guy
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Al-Qeada names Saif al-Adel as acting ruthless bloodthirsty terrorist madman, apparently want to hire an executive search firm to consider more candidates before naming a permanent leader
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How to have fun with a phisher: "OMG, I hope you weren't too embarrassed. But never mind. U.S. Treasury Agents are outside. Do not attempt to leave the building"
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It's never a good idea to act on a workplace crush, especially when you're a police officer and she's a prison inmate
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What does France consider the worst thing about Strauss-Kahn's arrest in America? "The [prison] food is terrible"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Arkansas schools given two years to solve money problems, evolution
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Things not to do when taking a vacation: 1) Take your dog cliff diving
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Fukushima Dai-ichi plant now looks like a scene from Half-Life. No sign of Gordon Freeman
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Photoshop this gas masked guy
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| (wtsp.com) |
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So you break into a school and what do you grab? a) computers b) microscopes c) office equipment or d) chicken nuggets? hint: Florida tag
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The opening of the Morganza Spillway results in the exodus of all manner of wildlife, like this GIGANTIC GODDAMN SNAKE
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Good News: There IS a cure for cancer. Bad News: Big pharma won't let you have it because it would cut in to their profits
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"Here's today's forecast: heavy snow likely in Caradhras; severe storms over Tol Brandir; and in Mordor, overcast with a 100% chance of Eye"
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James Zwerg tells the story behind the photo that made him one of the heroes of the Civil Rights movement
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| (KJRH) |
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Woman downloads game on her iPhone that allows in app purchases, lets her 8-year-old daughter play with it. What could possibly go wrong?
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"This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized rape"
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Dear Grammar Nazis: you're all kinda wrong, so stfu. These three books will explain why. Kthxbye. Love, The Grammar Fuhrers
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If you're suing your brother for $110 million because you think he stole the Barnum & Bailey circus from you, it may not help your case if you scream obscenities when someone accidentally refers to you as "Mrs"
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| (KVET) |
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Dish Network now apparently offering pot as part of their bundled packages
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Photoshop this merry meeting
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| (Some Redlight) |
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Are humans predisposed to repeating things? Let's ask the Fark Admins
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Meanwhile in Australia, police return a stolen car to the wrong owner
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The science behind why so many people are dying to follow a doomsday scenario. "It's going to be a wonderful, wonderful day"
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Police charge man with secretly videotaping more than 40 women using restroom at Starbucks, say he had a latte nerve
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Catholic Church spins wheels, blames sex abuse on the 60s
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Egyptian mummy diagnosed with heart disease, told she has no more than -3500 years to live
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| (Everett Herald) |
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Guy stabs his lawyer in neck with pencil during court proceeding. Fark: It was the second time he did it in a week
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Good news for drivers: $1.10 per gallon for gasoline. Bad news for the gas station owner: $21K in losses
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| Tue May 17, 2011 |
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We've all heard urban legends about vintage cars now worth a fortune being rediscovered after being tucked away and forgotten about for decades in an old barn or garage, but here are some real ones--including one worth over $4 million
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The internet is making typewriters, the U.S. Postal Service, and snow days obsolete
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Photoshop this man snipping his 'stache
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Here's the science of what happens to you when you sleep with the fishes
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Glenn Beck has read the Book of Revelation too many times, believes he's been "asked to stand in Jerusalem." Really
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Study looking at the sex lives of twins finds LET. ME. FINISH. Finds that teen abstinence has absolutely no effect on later sexual behaviors
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Lottery winner still uses foodstamps. "If you're going to ... try to make me feel bad, you aren't going to do it"
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The most hated baby names in America. We're looking at you, Brayden and Kaitlyn
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Cruise ship passengers mutiny after being stranded with Kathie Lee Gifford
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Government agencies grappling with the most serious issue of our time: Should government employees be allowed to Tweet while on the clock/in the bathroom?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Former atheist takes a 50% paycut to work for the WORLD IS ENDING THIS WEEK people
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It's that time of year when the birds start singing, the grass starts growing, and the alligators crawl out of the New York sewers to sunbathe on people's lawns
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Man sells a stolen $4000 Les Paul to a pawn shop for $180. My guitar and I will be over here gently weeping
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Rapture (May 21st) explained: Essential to the math is equating one day with 1,000 years. Therefore, since the Flood happened in 4990 B.C., and the seven days in Genesis are really 7,000 years, uh, wait, where was I?
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The owner of the asbestos mine mocked by The Daily Show didn't know it was a satirical show when he agreed to be interviewed
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Bob Hope just isnt bringing in the troops like he used to
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Hello, 911 dispatch? I've just been smashing windows at police headquarters with rocks to test your respone time. Sure, I'll hold
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Yuma-based Marine finds $10 in his pocket, decides to play the lottery. OOH-RAH
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Gold mine attacked. AU HELL NO
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Fewer drunks peeing in the streets, thanks to portable toilets. This is a proud day for Australia
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| (Some Geezer) |
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Not news: Two guys duke it out over hot chick, one gets arrested after stabbing the other. Fark: They are 71
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So, eleven hundred men went on I-465, three hundred and sixteen men come out, the traffic took the rest. Anyway, we delivered the bomb
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| (Some Guy) |
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She "stated that she wanted some cocaine, but she only had $2 and a salad"
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State of Georgia: "Hey, kids. Sorry for keeping you in prison for two years on murder charges. Turns out you didn't do it after all. So... we're cool, right?"
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Dubai cruel world, magnetic boy who may be a Pole, Huckabee Fin: some of Fark's favorite headlines for 5/8 - 5/14
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Woman upset that her mom's final words were about the cat and not her
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Cool: Falling asleep with your young child in your lap. Florida: Passing out at the bar with your young child in your lap
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Bakery truck driver trying to beat a commuter train at a crossing runs into engineer Darwin
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| (Some Bar Fly) |
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Five things your bartender won't tell you. Show me your tatas and you'll get a free drink surprisingly absent
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How annoying are you? Take the Quiz. Subby scored eleventy11111
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| (Some Guy) |
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