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| Sun May 08, 2011 |
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Flight diverted when passenger tries to open door at altitude after realizing the plane was headed to Chicago
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"'Cos ya SEEEE, the tornadoes went WIP WOOOH WIPPITY BOP and the houses and the people were are FLIMFLAZZLE SCUZABAZZLE"
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You can take the bus driver out of Florida, but you can't take the Florida out of the bus driver
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Not News: Orthodox Jewish newspaper Photoshops woman out of news photo for being too sexually suggestive. Fark: It's Hillary Clinton during the bin Laden attack
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The "greatest of all Internet laws" turns 15 this year; no, not Rule 34, but the law that shields internet computer services from being sued for stuff site users do
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Photoshop this steel sculpture
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| (Esquire) |
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"Have you ever dreamed of Tina Fey naked? Dancing around her really nice apartment, telling you the best story you've ever heard. Of course you have. And then she throws up"
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Pepsi unveils new "social networking vending machine," for those pop drinkers who can't live for ten seconds without updating their Facebooks
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How many Power Rangers does it take to become anonymous losers before your very eyes?
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The story of the "I Love Mom" tattoo. Ongoing story of the "your mom" joke to the right
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Weather guy named Church fired when not given editorial veto power over strip club story that went against his Christian values
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Flowchart for determining if you are wearing pants: Are you at a computer? - Yes - Then you are not wearing pants
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You can feel safer knowing that, in 2010, the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court approved all 1,506 government requests to electronically monitor suspected terrorists
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What happened to TV show theme songs? Which is the best? LGT subby's favorite
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Loud explosion heard near bin Laden compound. Abbottabad feeling about this
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Actual article lead: "If you left your loaded .22 caliber handgun on the bumper of a car at Walmart, the Niceville Police Department would like a word with you." In other news, reading Fark = Journalism degree
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Turns out they make beer in Canadia too. Who knew?
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Maple-bacon doughnuts from The Office have become a reality. You monsters
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these dodgeball dodgers
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Get your mom a waffle iron for Mother's Day? What kind of sick individual are you?
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University doctors' pit bull study concludes that pit bulls should be regulated, because they cause 65% of all fatal attacks, they kill every 14 days, sever a body part every 5.4 days, and are more likely to cause expensive hospitalization
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Gas prices expected to drop 50 cents in June. Thanks, Obama
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Death of an amusement park. Also known as the perfect place to film a horror film
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Best. Prison. Ever
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| (The Olympian) |
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What happens when you try to sexually assault a 16 year old girl who knows karate and wants to fight in MMA? A karate kick to the groin and a punch to the face
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Police launch search for "victim" after finding carjacker knocked the f**k out in parking lot
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to murder a piano
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Psychologists warn of 'causal link' between internet porn and rise in sex offences
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USA hotness: Protecting your marijuana growing operation with guard dogs. Canadian hotness: Protecting your marijuana growing operation with guard bears
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: Chinese teenager carries friend on back. Fark: For eight years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now's your chance to vote on who had the best facial hair in the Civil War
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Photoshop this fuel-making fungi
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Chimpanzees have at least 66 distinct gestures they use to talk to each other -- but only one when they want to talk some sh*t
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Philippine city holds mass circumcision for youths. Best deal given to families with coupon for 10% off
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Body slams in front of the camera are great for UFC and WWE, not the PPD
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How to lose 30 pounds in seven weeks: Take your van off-road in a remote corner of Nevada, then eat trail mix and water until hunters find you
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Recommendation to the U.N.: When sending peacekeepers to devastated countries with poor sanitation, try to avoid sending the ones who have cholera
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| (The Commercial Appeal) |
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Another female teacher gets it on with two of her students. Yes, there are pictures. No, you do not want to see them
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| Sat May 07, 2011 |
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Police arrest man for stealing stenography machines. He wants a short sentence
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Photoshop this mom in a mirror
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| (Herald Sun) |
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Swedish police launch manhunt for furry. It's a start
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UC Berkeley punishes journalism student for practicing journalism by forcing him to practice journalism
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10 Things You're Doing Wrong at Restaurants. Shockingly not another biatchy waiter blog
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The first rule about how to commit the "perfect murder" is never describe the plan in detail with a co-worker beforehand
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Hottie named Czyszczon discvyzrs new virus, so theyz namez it after herzzz
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Choosy moms choose to have been a mother in the 1970s, when you fed kids whatever you had around, talked with other moms on the street, and weren't pressured to helicopter little Caitlin into exciting experiences every week
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| (Some Guy) |
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What did I do when I was six? Oh, I just rode sharks while people snapped pictures, how about you? Subby unable to find badass tag (with OMG pic)
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What's the true value of a stay at home mom? C) Depends on how hot she is
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Guys, you're not imagining things, it really it getting harder to get wild and find some ass. Here comes the science (w/pic)
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Coming this fall on al Jazeera: Osama's Funniest Home Videos and Bloopers
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Seven people so lazy it makes all you Farkers look like amateurs
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Still think marijuana is harmless? Well, what if two fifth graders in Iowa were busted at school trying to sell it?
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Some people are quitting their jobs because they think the world will end on May 21st. Not a repeat from October 22, 1844
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Not just WANT. Hybrid WANT
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CNN takes you inside the retirement home where Drew will likely end up. Also, rare Catholic Charities trifecta now in play
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Left handed people are more affected by fear, which researchers say has sinister implications
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Florida standardized test scores have never been higher because: C) They hired more teachers. C) Reduced class sizes. C) Made every answer on the test C)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this daredevil pulling a wheelie
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The 8 best mothers in the animal kingdom. Despite her abundant body hair, your mom didn't make the list
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With summer right around the corner, here's your guide to the Jersey shore. Bonus: No Snooki
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Best way to attract women: a) big bankroll b) cool car c) alligator at your house
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Famed marijuana activist who famously challenged a Wisconsin state Attorney General to a chess match to prove marijuana wasn't harmful dies of lung cancer at age 56
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Two Muslims kicked off plane because passengers were uncomfortable with them being there. FARK: They were headed to a conference on prejudice against Muslims
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| (WTAE.com) |
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A blowtorch-wielding three-year old and his trusty companion wreak havoc by setting things ablaze
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Dear Brookstone: My mother would like to ask that you stop sending her your catalogs. I am doing the asking instead, however, because she died, unexpectedly... on July 1, 1989
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10 sporting events that people are caring a lot less about these days
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Transit officials say there is no imminent threat of terrorist attack. They're only searching passengers because they're jealous of airport screeners getting all the action
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| (Some Guy) |
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Friendly neighborly advice stories: "Please close the blinds to your bedroom window in the 'up' position instead of the 'down' like you have currently been doing. Thanks"
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When innocently pulled over by police, it's usually best to ask why, before trying to make your escape in the chilly Hudson River
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Ugly-ass 44 foot tall plastic head born in Manhattan
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Not News: Boxer dies. News: Boxer saved four lives. Fark: Boxer saved Ashley, an absolutely smoking hot blonde
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Spencer the cat is now down to eight lives after surviving his camper being wrecked and spending a week alone in it until an insurance adjuster finds him just in time for Caturday
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| (KESQ.com) |
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Man w_ns $1.1 m_ll_on on a Wh__l Of Fortun_ p_nny slot mach_n_
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Unimog
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| (Some Guy) |
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Catholic Charities threatens to halt adoption services in IL to avoid same-sex union law
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After careful study at the N.S. Sherlock research institute scientists discover that 'no smoking' signs actually make smokers want to light up
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Give your Kentucky Derby experience a sweet kick of the balls
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Despite his stall tactics, police are able to flush out a suspect hiding in a portable toilet
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Guy makes $120K in two days selling Osama T-shirts
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Drunk, sword-wielding, Taser-resistant man in pirate costume who neglected to take his meds disappointed at still being alive after trying to get stabby on the police
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How was Osama Bin Laden killed? Here are the 72 versions
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these men at work
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meat eater's letter to the editor calls out PETA crazies for dressing up in saran wrap and parading around. We can clearly see your nuts
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Caption: What is Queen Elizabeth II looking at?
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| Fri May 06, 2011 |
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What happened? OH COME ON, WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOX????
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Muslim extremists hold mock funeral for Osama Bin Laden outside of Embassy. And by "mock funeral", I mean because they didn't have a body, in addition to it being fake because Islam is a false religion
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Headline: Boy attacked by leopard at Kansas zoo. Article: Boy climbed over fence and into leopard exhibit, got tasted by leopard. Tag is for boy, chaperones, and Darwin
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"The police chief said he's been advised that it's unlikely anyone could access personal information stored on the laptop because the battery is so old it barely functions without a companion power cord"
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Bin Laden's mansion worth only 25 percent of what he paid for it, meaning he'll be underwater for a long time
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Former German defense minister plagiarized his doctoral dissertation. You submitted this with the same headline
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Michael Moore claims there was a conspiracy to kill Osama bin Laden. Yes, a mysterious group of covert operators including Obama, SEAL Team 6, the CIA and many others
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Startled horse shatters window, but feels no pane. Listed as stable
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Ohio hotel has American flag stuck at half-staff due to rigging malfunction, naturally the local residents thinks it's honoring the death of Osama bin-Laden, threaten staff and those staying at the hotel
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Mormon housewife accused of sleeping with two teenage boys was nicknamed "Hummer Mom" because of her choice in vehicle. Yeah, that's the ticket
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Obama Administration fires drone missile in failed attempt to kill known terrorist Anwar Al-Awlaki. Shoulda sent the SEALs
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WKUK is back this week, and hopefully they can top this: literally their best skit ever (Sponsored link)
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Thief breaks into Habitat for Humanity office, decides not to stay there for some strange reason
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The free world will sleep better tonight now that a 69-year-old man who grew two pot plants at his home to help his wife cope with breast cancer has been sentenced to 60-days behind bars
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And, now for something completely different: A Friday Mugshot Roundup
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| (Some Hearts) |
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Photoshop these couple of cards
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Not to be outdone by those dogs, the Cats of War make an appearance
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Pilot whales not particularly good at being pilots. Or whales
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Now that the Muslim Brotherhood is the biggest power player in Egypt, they want to end the peace treaty with Israel. Because the last several wars with Israel worked out so well for Egypt
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It's Quiz Time
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember Ted Williams, the homeless guy with the awesome radio voice? He's got a well-paying job, has made amends with his family, and has quieted all his personal demons. Just kidding. Dr. Phil put him back in rehab
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Restaurant paints a donkey pink. Apparently some people have a problem with this
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gallant buys a flag. Goofus brings an Iraq combat vet to tears the day Bin Laden was killed by stealing the flag off his porch that covered the coffin of the friend who died in his arms on the battlefield
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I want a new penis
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Al Qaeda is part of the conspiracy
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If you're going to resort to vandalism to convey your marriage proposal, try and get the house right
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Bill Brady gun control group scolds Utah for 'craziest gun laws', say that's what THEY want to be known for
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| (Some Guy) |
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If your review of the dessert includes, "on the first spoonful there was just a faint aroma of goatiness" maybe reconsider your restaurant choices
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Secrets of that Situation Room photo
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It's only a matter of time before you turn on the TV and see the newest gem in the reality show universe: Parents Gone Wild. And yes, it will be your mom
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| (Some Birther) |
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Baby denied birth certificate. Plans on running for President in 2046
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"Normally, we would not encourage graffiti in our toilets"
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Conservative estimates put cost of bin Laden hunt at $3 trillion over 15 years. Liberal estimates five times as much
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Tracking the courier to Osama's hideout is great and all, but it might have been easier just to put a tail on his 19-year old wife who was captured at the beginning of the Afghan war and promptly released by Pakistani officials
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For no particular reason, ducklings watching a guy perform yo yo tricks
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And we have a winner in the "Who's going to have the most fun time in prison?" contest
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Your first name implies your age. Got that, Gertrude, Hobart, Nevaeh, and Jai'denn?
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Five baby items parents don't really need. Bag of broken glass not on list
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Teacher accused of 'physical and emotional abuse'after she carried a bratty six-year-old off the playground by his armpits
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ahmadinejad to hang up his jacket
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| (Some Guy) |
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"In general, pork rinds are deep-fried, cured pork skin pieces. The irregular, Styrofoam-like puffed curls typically are sold in plastic bags with barbecue and/or other flavorings"
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If there is one consolation to Bin Laden's death taking ten years, it's that he lived long enough to see the "Arab Spring" utterly demolish any credibility he and his ideas had
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Let's see. You hate Tweeters. You loathe slide shows. I wonder what it would take to get you to click through this slideshow of America's top Tweeters?
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Today's Friday Photo Fun has five thugs who committed assault. What weapons of mass hilarity did they use? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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| (KTVT-TV) |
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If you have a bunch of school children on an escalator and it suddenly speeds up, hitting the emergency stop button will result in mass ejection. Behold the wonders of physics
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Mmm...forbidden fetus
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While Mr. T's birthday parties ARE pretty wild, it will not be the end of the world
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Dubya announces he's been part of a secret covert mission to kill an annoying pest; the gopher in his yard. Then leaves to go find tacos (with video goodness)
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| (WSB TV) |
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"I get to the car and there are the biggest bull frogs I've ever seen in my life, laying there, motionless, three of them, stacked on top of each other"
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Is that a 9mm gun in your intimate area or are you just glad to be going to jail?
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| (Some Gay) |
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Much to its glee, Fox News probes: "Is TV Too Gay?"
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Are some online dating profiles fake? 2004 wants its breaking news back
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Journalist offers to send $2.04 to any reader not satisfied with his latest column
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The lunch meat in your refrigerator has evolved to kill you
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Because if a good ol' fashioned gang rape won't turn a lesbian straight, what the hell will?
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Man plunges from 431-foot Sunshine Skyway bridge and lives. Sour Russian judge still gives him a 3.5
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Activists want the California state government to remove N-word from some gravestones. You could say, they're nagging them over it
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What happens when a city full of elderly drivers must navigate a brand new roundabout? One reporter dares to find out, and files this thrilling report
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As if churches, puppeteers and Facebook weren't already creepy enough, church puppeteer uses Facebook to prey on 14 year old girl
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In honor of William and Kate's first full day of being man and wife, photoshop The Kiss
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US economy adds 244,000 jobs, bumping the unemployment rate up to 9%. In other news, the government sucks at math
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Texas takes a break from begging for Federal money to fight fires to pass a bill requiring women seeking abortions to receive a sonogram first and have the baby's arms, legs, and organs pointed out by the doctor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Slow news day in Kansas City: Popular goat missing
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Pakistan to US: Stop invading our sovereignty. US: Here's another drone attack -- eight more bad guys killed
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| (Some Phoebus Phantom) |
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Mother is outraged ...OUTRAGED when her 16-year-old daughter comes home from school with a tattoo. Bonus: Mom paid for the girl's first tattoo (tag is for everyone involved)
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USA Today takes a long, deep, penetrating look at whether or not size matters
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Gasoline prices hit record levels due to continuing decline in price of oil
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Autopsy shows NASA worker died during voluntary re-entry
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ring ring ring goes the trolley. Argh argh argh goes the worker trapped under it
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Teen sentenced to six months behind bars asks for MORE jail time, so he can be with his cellmate. ... his stepdad
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Oregon woman awakens from oral surgery speaking with a British accent. Dentist surprised by her foreign extraction
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Boston traffic sucks, and so does the couple on the park bench during rush hour
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Being unpopular may be one of the best predictors of future success, according to some dork who was never asked to the prom
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Photo Essay of our K9 soldiers. Click for the epic pics, stay for the awesome stories. Bonus: not a slideshow
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High school teens perform and record live sex show at a party. Okay, where were these parties when subby was in school?
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| (WUWT) |
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FARK POST:MSNBC scary ooga booga sea levels rising faster. Fact check Fail and. OH for gods sake. at 4:30 they say 3mm = 1.2 inches. That would make a meter = 33.3 feet. You believe those flood pictures were from high tides? Get a brain people
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How the Pakistani Air Force almost shot down some "unidentified choppers" flying over a rich neighborhood in Abbottabad last Sunday
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Photoshop these snooping soldiers
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According to the information gained during the Osama death raid, Barack Obama might've stopped "9/11 2: This Time, It's Trains"
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| Thu May 05, 2011 |
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Seattle cracks down on phone book deliveries. Phone books were ancient and archaic printouts of Google searches
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| (Some Teacher) |
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Iowa parents in a frothy uproar after teachers were given drink vouchers for a local bar as part of "Teacher Appreciation Week"
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"Officers, please come in, have some tea. Oh, and don't mind the child porn wallpaper I have"
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Mountain of tires mysteriously appears in Connecticut. We must tread cautiously
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| (Some Bolt) |
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Today's dumbass battle pits a perp who jumped out of a police cruiser window against the cop who rolled down said window at the perp's request
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Good thing county utility companies are conserving water. Just kidding, they can't account for 33 million gallons of it. Per day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Assistant of the Assistant Secretary of State in the 1970s tells Alex Jones that he knows a guy who knows something about the real Bin Laden being killed in 2001
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| (Macbeth) |
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Photoshop this Shakespearean subway actor
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| (Some Vegan Guy) |
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Are you a vegan Navy SEAL animal rights activist with a sweet tooth? Then have a complimentary PETA "bin Laden Bite"
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Gallant leaves behind his name if he accidentally hits a car in a parking lot. Goofus leaves behind his name when he breaks into a car
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Problem: For the past 4 years you've had GETOSAMA as your license plate. Solution: Have the DMV change your license plate to GOTOSAMA
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| (Not in Starbucks) |
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More evidence that it is unwise to drink coffee during sex
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"I had no reason to think he'd do this," Mr. Douche said
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What do a Red Roof Inn and high school science have in common? Ask today's "Hot For Teacher" candidate (w/ smiling school photo)
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| (wptv.com) |
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Couple arrested after cadaverous-looking cattle discovered. The old raising lean-beef excuse didn't work
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Nuclear power plant worries Florida residents. Just put some toilet water on it
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What's the biggest advance in cutting edge computing technology? The paper computer. You'll be trading your iPhone for a Paper Phone 5 years from now
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Because the federal gas tax doesn't already hit those who drive farther the hardest, the Obama administration floats a plan to tax cars by the mile
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"It can be lonely having breasts this big"
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| (CBS Philly) |
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Report says drinking from a bottle will make your toddler fat. Subby recommends switching to a light beer at least until kindergarten
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| (Springfield Republican) |
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Springfield, Mass. police plan to tackle violent crime the only way they know how: by collecting overtime pay to write speeding tickets
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23-year-old little boy lives his dream of driving the big red fire truck
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A health clinic that catered primarily to porn stars has shut after a records leak and an HIV-positive result that led to the following post-test advice: "Avoid media, change your telephone number and move out of town"
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Thieves break into 36 cars in DeKalb County Georgia. Police are going to give this their highest priority ... as soon as they get the windows, and locks on their cars repaired
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You want a boy to stop playing basketball outside your window. Do you: C) Make really loud sex noises to drive him away? "Oh John"
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Estate of Mario Puzo to release a Godfather prequel that "chronicles Vito Corleone's early life and ascent through the ranks of the Italian-American underworld." Book to be titled "Outtakes from the Godfather II"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police forced to pull fire alarm to stop rampaging wave of drunk students running around in their underpants
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Woman accused of stealing scented toilet paper holders. Bangor? No, but I could smell her coming
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It is now illegal to spend all night in your lab
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Hey, Gadhafi, is it cool with you if we use some of that $30 billion in assets of yours that we froze to fund the rebels? No? Damnit, too late
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Italian university takes extra precautions to protect students from communicable diseases
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Prince Early Male Pattern Baldness and Princess Stick Up Her Butt With a Hot Freaking Sister will visit California this July
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"He was trying to be understanding of the cat -- until it started peeing in his mouth while sleeping"
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Oh they are NOT going to like this: Origins of Japanese language traced to farmers migrating from the Korean Peninsula 2,200 years ago
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Pakistan warns the U.S. not to come after any more of the terrorists they are hiding
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"Experimentation is essential for artists...so maybe that explains why the 74-year-old painter from Wayne was drunk in a national park after dark with a dead woodpecker in her car"
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Scientist Simon Baron-Cohen seeks to abolish evil, Uzbekistanis
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Four dead after eating raw beef at Japanese restaurant chain -- just another example where the name Kobe doesn't guarantee success
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Man's death at former hotel ruled accidental. Sure, you say that now, but just wait until the walls start bleeding and such
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| (Some Guy) |
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The good news is that we recovered your stolen truck. The bad news is that a naked guy crashed it
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New curb sought for teens who text while driving. Apparently they kept running into the old one and damaged it beyond repair
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"Royal officials and security people had plans in place for 'Operation Pumpkin,' in the event that Kate Middleton decided to bolt rather than walk down the aisle"
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On Sunday, at 14th Street and 8th Avenue, an L train bound for Brooklyn featured a full-service dining car
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REMINDER: Toronto / Great Lakes Fark Party June 11 - Come have a brew with Drew (LGT Details)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Australian alcohol enthusiasts achieve new milestone, drink so much that WE can see their UFO hallucinations
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Princess Beatrice's FSM wedding hat
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What's better than having your prom date give you a corsage? How about him designing & sewing your prom dress? (w/photos)
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Crack addict a "drug-seeking robot." OH SHIAT, SKYNET SENT JUNKIES BACK THROUGH TIME?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dying blogger's last post...stunning. Cached link as original site is farked
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Not news: Convicted sex offender arrested for moving without informing authorities. Fark: His official address was a dumpster
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An 110 year old man, believed to be the last survivor of WWI, has died in Perth. He was 14 when he served in the British Navy
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Since there's nothing left in the sea, fishermen will now be paid to catch plastic
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Largest cigar in the world rolled by Cuban with no inadequacy issues whatsoever
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Man, 100 and woman, 93 marry and become world's oldest newlyweds. Leaving today for honeymoon at Viagra Falls
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| (Some Gal) |
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Photoshop this smoke
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Not News: Boy pulls man having heart attack out of his car. Fark: To steal his wallet and drive off in the car. You stay classy Pittsburgh
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 313: "Cloudscapes" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 04, 2011 |
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Sad but oddly worded headline leaves cause of death up to your imagination: Italian Astronaut Mourns Mother's Death from Space
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Neo-Nazi shot in Riverside, CA. Fark: by his ten-year-old son
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Texas: puts an innocent man in jail for 18 years. He gets out, so they refuse to pay him the $1.44 million state law says they owe him. Then they attach his wages for child support he owes. Why does he owe it? Texas: puts an innocent man in jail
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Air Force Academy dedicates outdoor chapel for Wiccans and Druids, allows the first ritual sacrifice to be performed. Since this is the AFA, lots of virgins were readily available
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Story about Mississippi town defeating the Westboro Baptist Church is false
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Justice Department to open antitrust investigation into BCS to confirm what is patently obvious to anyone with cognitive abilities above those of a boiled potato
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sightseers head out for the day to see some of the nearly 2000 wildfires in Northern Ireland, become trapped. This message was sent from a slightly scorched Blackberry
source: u.tv | share:
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HBOC201. No, it's not a new HBO channel, it's the synthetic blood that brought a woman back from the brink of death
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| (The Stranger) |
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The Long Con: Anatomy of a two-year undercover sting and what it has to do with law enforcement's habit of wasting large amounts of money on investigating people for their social habits and political beliefs
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're planning a robbery, try not to have your cell phone dial 911 while it's in your pocket so the dispatcher can overhear everything you say. With bonus "How was our cunning plan foiled?" mugshots
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Once again, people: If you get stiffed on a crack/cocaine transaction, your local police are not the people to call (with derp-da-doo mugshot)
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Emotionally crippled woman can keep physically crippled kangaroo
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Mom neglects to wash the PCP pots and pans; five-year-old hospitalized after having four noses, punching through windshield
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Osama bin Laden, who has asked other parents' children to blow themselves up, asks his children not to join al Qaeda in his will
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| (Waukesha Patch) |
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"The man told police he would not run around naked again but that the voices in his head were telling him to have sex with a horse"
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| (Some Guy Who Isn't Blind) |
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Apology demanded from California Assemblyman for noting during a hearing that the Chief Justice of the state Supreme Court is, well, kinda hawt (photo)
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Performance artist asphyxiates self during performance (Slow clap builds to full applause)
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German mayor rescues man from women's prison, exhaustion
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Possibly the first photos from the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound. Amazing what can be leaked to the public when you offer an anonymous official enough money. (WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC pics., and no, Osama's not one of them)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old and busted: H.S. seniors tagging their year on the local water tower. New hotness: Covering up "Hometown of Chuck Norris" to do it
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| (WGME.com) |
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Here in Maine we don't have those big fancy earthquakes, just little ones. Lots of little ones
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Photoshop this delicate load
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| (Some Guy) |
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A 28-year-old man assaulted and robbed an 85-year-old outside the Delaware Park Casino. The getaway would have been quicker without all those nickels
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Exeter NH to business owners: "We're sorry we under-billed you on your water usage. It's totally our fault. Here's a revised bill...with interest"
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BP fined $25 million over oil spill. No not that one
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| (Some Undead Guy) |
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Missouri upgrades Zombie Threat Level to "High"
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| (Alert Net) |
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UN boss sends the Obama administration a strongly worded letter demanding to know the details of the bin Laden mission
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Why would a town get its panties in a wad over the Tilted Kilt Pube atery?
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Dalai Lama: US was right to send Bin Laden alpacan
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Your dog doesn't want Benadryl
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If books were re-titled to reflect their content and themes: Great Gatsby becomes "Drink Responsibly." Your better titles in the comments
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Tip for Texas teacher: don't tell a Muslim ninth grader she's probably "grieving" about the death of her "uncle" Osama
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| (Some Guy) |
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May is 'Masturbation Month'. So it's like every other month then? (some pics in article mildly NSFW)
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President Obama decides NOT to release Bin Laden photos
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US Attorney General says killing of Bin Laden said to be 'Lawful,' 'Badass'
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| (Some Guy) |
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May the 4th be with you
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Classic children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to become a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad movie
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| (WQAD) |
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If you're prosecuting someone for sex with a minor, it's generally a bad idea to give her booze, engage in an inappropriate relationship with her yourself
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Armor-plated dogs with friggin infrared cameras strapped to their heads helped Seal Team Six bag Osama. With pics of what a doggie airlift might look like
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Hottie nurse with set of 40DDs caught working as a hooker (you bet there's a pic)
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Man who kicked his wife on a balcony, causing her to drop their infant son over the side, is sentenced to 21 years in prison. The woman was sentenced to the Bears training camp, where she will learn how to properly hold onto something valuable
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you notice your child porn pictures are missing from your laptop when you get it back from the repair shop just let them go, cause they're gone man
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Because the Green Bay Packers are full of them, Wisconsin may make cream puffs its official dessert
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Bin Laden had money and emergency phone numbers sewn into his clothing, proving he was ready to flee or had an overly fussy mom
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It's a normal Tuesday night, you're just hanging out in front of the TV, and then BAM -- house explosion
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Defendant uses rare "Ruffles" defense
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Bulgarian chat show may be cancelled because it's under a curse
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Churches launch nationally advertised effort to "pray down" crime in Newark, NJ. Fark: Murder goes up 71%, shootings go up 29%, and auto theft 39%
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Multi-tasking is ruining your ability to no honey we already have chicken in the freezer
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Redheads are the offspring of aliens. "Why do they all look similar?"
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Two-year-old boy with brain cancer is cured after his father secretly fed him marijuana. Tumor's not here, man
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Al Gore says people who deny climate change are on par with the birthers
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Thanks to Botox, teens on prom night will be just like your prom date: numb, expensive and incapable of showing emotion
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Justice Department files lawsuit to force Mississippi school district to integrate its schools. Yes, the calendar DOES say 2011, why do you ask?
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The bin Laden operation was racist because C) the code word was "Geronimo"
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Former Attorney General John Ashcroft joins company previously known as Blackwater. Who didn't Xe this coming?
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NYC, that bastion of American patriotism, awards $1 billion cab contract to a Japanese car company for the vehicles to be built in Mexico. Unknown if mirror hanging CD option sealed the deal
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The facts you need to know about the first GOP Presidential Debate. Fact 1: It's on Fox. Fact 2: Fox picked who's in it
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If the police have to taser you while you're naked and bloody and eating raw chicken from a stranger's fridge, you may want to consider toning down your drug use
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In honor of Star Wars Day, here is the best Star Wars spoof evar, Hardware Wars
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| (Examiner) |
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Before we give you that contract, we'll just need to see how much you've spent to re-elect the President
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OBL's death has turned dumbasses who didn't understand "the war on terror" and hated it into dumbasses who still don't understand it but like it a little better now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police: Here's your ticket for being in a no-parking area. Woman: Here's a pic of pranksters swapping the no-parking signs from another place. Police: Oh, why didn't you say so? Well, in that case, tough shiat
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Exceptional 15-year-old accepted to Harvard, Princeton, U of Chicago, 10 other colleges. Rejected by Yale
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Principal trying to save $4 a day on school lunches for her kids, ends up losing $256.57 per day in wages
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Scientists, who apparently think we are still taking them seriously, now say that eating less salt won't cut your risk of high blood pressure, but WILL make you more likely to die of a heart disease
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| (KENS 5) |
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When taking the ring you stole to a jeweler to get it resized, make sure he wasn't the designer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: When you get done turning back the mileage on the used car you are selling, try to make sure the odometer spins in the right direction
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"3D printer has potential to make organs for transplant." That's all fine and dandy, but submitter is going to use his to print out motorboatable pictures of Christina Hendricks
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Apparently, not only is John Lennon not dead, he's been busy hunting Bin Laden in Pakistan
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The members of SEAL Team Six, which may or may not exist, will probably get classified medals for their actions in a secret ceremony, maybe
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| (Koin6) |
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Yes, but where did he keep his wallet and keys??
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Florida raises the minimum wage from $7.25 to $7.31. Now THAT'S change you can believe in
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The Army to demonstrate how, in the future, they can kill terrorists and enemies in an environmentally responsible manner
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Woman sues husband for $11 million after he fails to have sex with her due to erectile dysfunction -- hopes that at least it stands up in court
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Ooga booga booga. Sea levels going to rise even higher than previously thought. Ooga booga booga
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Good news: The apartment below hottie lapdancer is available (pic)
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I was promised there would be news porn
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Osama grew weed at his compound and drank Pepsi while chanting 'death to America'. So basically he was a UC Berkeley student
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Today's insect overrunning Florida brought to you by the Lovebug, which flies around for hours engaged in sex until leaving uncleanable stains on cars
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| (wtsp.com) |
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If you are the weirdo who calls every single woman who checks in to the Days Inn in Clearwater on the room phone and breathes heavy, police would like a word with you
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Anti-Paul Ryan town-hall questioner uses the old changing-his-T-shirt trick to try for a second question. Bonus: innovative choice of ever-trendy "Faux News" t-shirt
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Four men drive from Florida to help out tornado victims in Alabama. Just kidding, they went there to loot (with mugshots, including Daniel Negreanu's doppleganger)
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Old and busted: Cheech and Chong. New hotness (and busted too): Chae and Kong
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Scary: Driver passes out at wheel. Hero: Daughter, 5, grabs wheel, steers car off road. Dumbass: Driver tells police he took Xanax and oxycodone
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Four students shot at Kent State on this day in 1970. Neil Young writes "Ohio" for CSN&Y. Subby fondly remembers his classmate Jeff Miller
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| (Journal-Star) |
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Mead man pleads not guilty by insanity to bank robbery. Subby not surprised, as fermented honey makes a man crazy
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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The most inappropriate time to break into an apartment is C: When the police are executing a search warrant there
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CHA "chair man" donates his $100,000 salary to disadvantaged youth scholarships. He's over the moon
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The Patient Zero of the mis-attributed MLK quote has been found
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Problem: you hate your job, but love to cook. Solution: pay $46K for a certificate, still end up starting as a dishwasher
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The camel was all like OM NOM NOM
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Horror writer Stephen King makes electric cars look a little scary, even if they do go a Green Mile (with chilling photo)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this artiste
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$10 per gallon gas? At MY rental car company? It's more likely than you think
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Coors is working diligently to make certain their beer is so cold you can't possibly taste it
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| (Some Rib Injury) |
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The best football tackle of the week comes courtesy of the Fenway Park security staff
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Who was that hot chick in the White House Situation Room Call-of-Duty 6: Abbottabad picture? No, not Hillary, the other one
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The more expensive a community college is, the more its students behave like damn fools. Duke nonetheless sucks despite not being strictly relevant here
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman wins M&M doll, proof she's number one, in claw machine. Next time she should go for the lobster harmonica
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"Add this to the growing list of things that New Jersey has that New York doesn't want: Napoleon Bonaparte's penis"
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Small lizard sparks big debate in NM, Texas. Can 15 minutes REALLY save you 15%?
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| (KWQC) |
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Man backs out of his driveway, manages to hit a tree, a mailbox, a fence, landscape boulders, and two people. Police believe alcohol may have been a factor
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Spanish court surprises everyone by imposing sentences of 439 years each to Somali pirates. Apparently no one expected quite a Spanish imposition
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Christ
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Good news: You find 3.1 million dollars worth of oil. Bad News: You find it in a remote forested area of Alberta, near natural wetlands. Worse News: You find it underneath a leaking section of pipeline
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| (WYFF4.com) |
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Fail: Woman loses her cellphone. Megafail: She had nude pictures of herself on the phone. Ultrafail: Finder sends nude photos to everyone in her contact list
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Today's FARK-ready headline: Court date moved for man charged with faceplant in women's buttocks
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Remember, Farkers, when attacking a stranger and tattooing "RAPEST" on their forehead, spelling counts
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One student is dead and another injured after they jumped out of a dorm window. On the first floor
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476 pound teen has gastric bypass operation to save her life. Now she's 112 pounds, anorexic and has 6 months to live
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Photoshop this security sweep
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"What's all this, then?" is a question you never want to hear at a nuclear plant
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Actual headline: "Woman dies in dung pool plunge". And you thought YOUR day was full of crap
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Eating less salt doesn't cut heart risks. Tune in to this space next week when scientists will confirm that any salt whatsoever will make your heart explode
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She really is too tired for it tonight. Here comes the science
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No more Pune tang for you
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| Tue May 03, 2011 |
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Godown in flames
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| (charlotte observer) |
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Teen who shot his roommate and cut him up with a hatchet won't face the death penalty because he was high on narcotics when he committed the crime. Specifically, Mucinex DM
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| (Helsingin Sanomat) |
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Parents are faking separation or buying second homes in order to send their children to schools with fewer immigrants. Stupid, racist Americans. Wait, this is in Finland? Never mind
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| (Some Guy) |
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School system wrongly filters out age appropriate, family friendly, lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, and transgendered online content, says kinky perv
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Where do the best Al-Qaeda agents come from? Iran? Pakistan? Nope
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| (Some Guy) |
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When I was young, stabbing didn't get excessive until at least the fifth stabbing
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| (KATU) |
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The hottest real estate trend in Portland, Oregon? 360 sq. ft. homes
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Skateboarding swordsman learns the hard way that a short-ranged weapon is no match against a taser
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Match the bad guy with his secret lair
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Dumb: Riding up to a cop on your scooter and asking him if he's ever arrested you in the past
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| (Some Guy) |
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For a good time, call the Indiana voter hotline
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Supreme Court tells raped cheerleader to give us an L, give us an O, give us an S, give us an E
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Is that a knife in your vagina or are you just happy to see me? Oh ok.. there's one in your fat rolls too. My bad
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Bin Laden's neighbors say compound's inhabitants were good citizens, giving elderly women rides to the market in the rain, attending community funerals, and giving away pet rabbits to local children
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Photoshop this military meeting
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What does it mean???
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That death photo of Osama? It's a fake. Bonus - the photographer CNN asked to check it out gave them a very amusing response
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| (Wisconsin State Journal) |
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"It is not at all unusual for a Wisconsinite to get a sixth or seventh or eighth drunk-driving charge"
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