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| Sun April 10, 2011 |
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Gaddafi accepts roadmap to peace; promptly folds it up incorrectly and shoves it in the glove compartment while following his GPS to rebel annihilation
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Archeologists at Gallipoli battlefield find Turks drank beer while Aussies & Kiwis put away rum. Mel Gibson demands to know what those jews who were responsible were having
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this raised runner
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If you need someone to stuff a lion, spend a little extra and find a taxidermist with the "I've Seen a Lion Before" seal of approval
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Just in time for Easter; deep fried Cadbury Creme eggs (w/photo)
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Sometimes the Great Pumpkin brings you treats; sometimes He knocks you on your disabled ass; He is a capricious and fickle God
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15-month old gets drunk at Applebee's after being served a margarita in his sippy-cup. If it's happy hour and you know it, clap your hands
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Mexican drug cartels are targeting and killing children
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Women give the finger to stereotypes, as porn penetrates the female psyche, causing a buzz. Here's the rub: women feel more guilty, vagina
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Photoshop this carriage-cleaning convict
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"Who let Moondogg the rapper guard sub?" I don't get it either, but it's fun to say
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Clayton Bigsby charged with sending KKK threats in Illinois
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Here's a horoscope for everyone: Aquarius: You're gonna die. Capricorn: You're gonna die. Gemini: You're gonna die TWICE. Leo: You're gonna die. Scorpio: You're gonna die farking
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Disaster in America: looters pillage retail business in a free-for-all. Disaster in Japan: people bring groceries from their homes to the supermarket
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Brick and mortar stores now charging fees to use their changing rooms for clothes. Try that one on for size
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| (Radio Free Europe) |
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A year after Poland's political elite died in a plane crash in Russia, the two countries are arguing over a memorial plaque and where to bury the survivors
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God's biennial attempt to wipe Fargo off the map falls short again
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NASA's final Space Shuttle mission will carry a flag from the Texas Motor Speedway, lead to debate over whether shuttle's orbit consists of left turns or right ones
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| (Some Guy) |
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The best beer-porn you'll see all day. Spoiler alert: climax occurs at 2min 57sec, lots of head
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I don't smoke, but I always keep a pack around so my neighbor doesn't kick down my door and beat me
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Maine lawmakers recognize the right to bear arm
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Libyan government is now enforcing the no fly zone
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Repeat after me: Wrestling a toddler is never a good idea
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If you're an opera singer and your wife is giving birth at home, sometimes you have to duet yourself
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Canadian troops make coffee under battle ground conditions (language definitely Not safe for work)
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Libyan rebels reject compromise where Gaddafi is still dictator but they get to vote. In other news, Libyan rebels prepare to die
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Slow news day: run an article about the local Dairy Queen. Fark news day: the article is shorter than a haiku
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700 students participate in a pie fight to break a world's record. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fill this basket
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Too many beer drinkers, not enough beer
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Idiot erects 15 foot cross on his front lawn with a noose hanging from it and is shocked when some people have a problem with that. "It's not a hate crime. If anything it's a hate crime against me. I've been a victim"
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Kentucky man finds 300 million year old shark fossil in mine, uses it for a tooth
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Lincoln Park Zoo officials reported an individual or individuals broke into the zoo's lion's den and absconded with...pepper spray and walkie-talkies. Talk about the risk not outweighing the gain
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Woman obsessed with the life of Laura Ingalls Wilder seems okay with her choices in life
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Dutch lunatic opens fire in shopping mall, 7 killed, 11 wounded. "You hear about this sort of thing happening at American schools and you think that's a long way away"
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| Sat April 09, 2011 |
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US corn reserves to fall to 15 year low. As your car slurps up the ethanol people are going hungry
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| (Some Guy) |
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In news that will surprise no one, scientists are baffled by naked chicks
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Navy changes course, decides it's okay for sailors to fall asleep in each other's bunks while watching Vampire Diaries after all
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| (Kaaterskill Hotel) |
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Photoshop this Kubrickesque hotel sitting room
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Cars with the worst reputations for quality. Protip: If you are going to buy a Suzuki, make sure it is a motorcycle
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Northern Ireland police defuse a gigantic bomb that wasn't U2's latest album
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| (Some Guy) |
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Virginia teacher: Okay, fine, YOU find a way to teach kids about the Civil War that doesn't involve rounding up the black and mixed-race kids and auctioning them off
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| (Enterprise News) |
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Car crashes into driving school. Farkers who wish to debate definition of "irony", keep to the right
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Chemical spill at Carbon County leaves three injured. Thank goodness this didn't happen in Hydrochloric Acid County
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| (GMA) |
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Two Coast Guard personnel relieved after passengers go down on Negros
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Photoshop this protester poking through
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Ontario milk recalled due to low-fat glass shards
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10 things that would have ruined your day but won't because federal government didn't shut down
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Police are close to catching those responsible for computer porn. Narrowing field to 98,602 suspects
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If your buddy snoozing in the passenger seat for three days starts to turn blue, he's probably not going to wake up and get in the wheelchair
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| (Some Guy With A GED In Law) |
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♫ I humped the sheriff, but I did not hump the deputy ♫
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| (MyWestTexas) |
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Richard Richards robs Rob when he doesn't pay before payday
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If a fire truck on a call hits your car, you get a ticket. If a fire truck on a call hits an off duty police officer's car, the fireman gets a ticket
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Smelling like bacon sounds cool, but the naked Burger King fragrance is just downright creepy
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Man stuffs packages of chicken down his pants. Tries to leave store faster than a speeding pullet
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ONE MORE TIME: Driving around with more than an ounce of weed stuffed down your pants is just plain stupid, officer
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Reminder: FARK QSO Party today at 17:00 UTC. Link goes to info
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eric Estrada arrested by CHiPs. Somehow the arrest did not involve a high speed chase that resulted in a car flipping over after rear-ending another car
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guilty cat fesses up just in time for Caturday
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| (Some Artist) |
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Photoshop this self examination
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Line up ladies: New survey shows Sunnyvale is the best place to date a nerd
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chicks with Steve Buscemi's eyes. Sleep tight
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Man stranded in devastated Japanese town gives new meaning to the term solitary confinement
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Rare WW2 German bomber discovered
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GOP blinks
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Comic book stores are locked in a battle to survive and it is the Worst. Fight. Ever.
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| Fri April 08, 2011 |
| (Planetary Society) |
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Photoshop this Mars Rover
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Physician promotes new cardboard toilet design for homeless on the move
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These two guys have balls. Irradiated, cancerous balls now, but balls nonetheless
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Drinking Causes Cancer. We're Farked
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Service Planned Parenthood provides: STD testing, contraception, cancer screening and abortions. Guess what percent of their services abortions account for: more than 50%? More than 25%? More than 5%? Still wrong
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dear Japan, Sometimes, in times of great strife, it's nice to know you're not alone. And you know what? You're not. Americans have problems, too, as seen in this video. Love, America
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A four star sperm bank, plus other ridiculous Yelp reviews. "I love coming here." - Yelper
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| (Some Guy) |
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Best rant from a handcuffed slow-speed police chase suspect with a see-thru black bag over his face you'll hear all day
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This week's Mugshot Roundup is showing fierce face, darlings
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guy comes down off roof and ... that's pretty much it
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You know your relationship is over when
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Former part-time porn star/full-time school administrator is now only one of those
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Even some Republicans and Tea Party leaders are pissed the GOP is going to shut the government over funding for Planned Parenthood
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| (Some BFIIK) |
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It's a slow news day, so here are 20 years of rejected Canadian vanity license plates
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother of the Year candidate surprised by kerfuffle from leaving kid home alone for a week while she went to Taiwan. After all, there was plenty of water in the dish
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Of all the things that should not be attempted at home, I am pretty sure that circumcision is high on the list
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Stuff cheese and a burrito in my tailpape once, shame on you. Stuff cheese and a burrito in my tailpipe twice, shame on me
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99% of headaches are not cancer, but because you're such an exceptional person -- yeah, you probably have a tumor
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Snookie college appearance so troubling, new law proposed to keep it from happening again
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Do celebrate your 64th birthday with cake and presents. Don't celebrate your 64th birthday by dropping your pants, shaking your hips, and wagging your genitals at a passing school bus
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So, the Dems have caved on pretty much everything, but the GOP still won't budge. What's holding them up? They really, really, REALLY want to de-fund health care for women
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Not safe for work MEANS NOT SAFE FOR WORK, GOT IT?
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| (Some Singing) |
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Photoshop this accordian accompaniment
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"For these workers, what stings is not just the threat of having their wages cut off. It is who's making the threat: the very legislators that drink the coffee they brew and ride the elevators they operate"
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Interview with a vegetarian chef who was shocked, SHOCKED to discover that her 6 year old children enjoyed eating meat, candy and processed foods
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A-HA OBama finally shows his true socialist colors and unveils a plan to help reduce the disparities in health care availability for poor and minorties
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Don't worry, closeted Christians struggling with your own self-loathing. It's very likely that Jesus was a gay man, too
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Gov Christie proposes making teaching high school more like BEING back in high school by turning teacher evaluations into a popularity contest
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You've got file sharing, you've got car sharing, and now the newest trend is meat sharing. "I love tri-tip but there's only one on the cow"
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| (Deutsche Welle) |
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Not News: Sandstorm causes deadly freeway accident. News: in Germany
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Friday Photo Fun from our pals at TSG. Some people call me tha Gangster of Love. Some people call me Poo Poo 'cause I speak of the Pompatus of Love. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mother appalled when teacher mocks 7-year-old daughter's hairstyle on Facebook page. Hairstyle included jolly ranchers attached to braids. Mother now wants money for her 7-year-old's hurt feelings
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What is the worst example of derp you have seen on TV...from crappy TV shows getting technical details messed up (computer jargon) to politicians just not getting their facts straight. Bonus points for linking a video
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"....is no way to live your life son". God, does Fark have to complete EVERY headline?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tsunami kills 2 in Florida
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Mont. judge chosen for DUI court charged with DUI
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| (Some Guy) |
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Before you guess who was chosen as the world's craziest batshiat leader by radio station listeners, notice the tag. Now make your guess
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| (the Republic) |
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If you order water at restaurant and then refill your glasses with tea, you might not want to yell that there's a bomb in the restaurant if caught, lest jailarity occur
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North Carolina police seize shipment of the strongest marijuana known to man
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Hundreds of dead baby dolphins are being found in the Gulf of Mexico with oil on them. Scientists unsure what is causing the deaths, but I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest it might have something to do with BP
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This royal wedding will mark first time in history that the people's primary concern is that Prince William popped the question. Popping anything else? Not so much
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Before you let the reality show film your coal mining operation, you probably want to double check everything
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New York law now makes choking a crime, it results in 2,000 arrests in just under four months. An overweight three haired yellow man in a white shirt and blue pants still eludes capture. He is rumored to be heading for Springfield, IL
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Canadian Navy to spend $120 million to upgrade 36 torpedoes, which still won't work in their four submarines, only one of which is partially operating. Socialized health care, ladies and gentlemen
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How to avoid paying capital gains tax: have your neighborhood blown up by PG&E
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Saudis prepare for when their oil runs out by investing in novel energy sources such as burning fifties on those cold desert nights
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Moran Believes Shutdown Could Be Lengthy
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Woman, 95, gets duped out of $7500 when a fake repairman does fake repairs on her water heater. "He was the first man, since my husband died, who has come into my house"
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W4r 15 #311 bu7 f0110w5 num83r5
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Australian authorities are disgusted as another fatty dies at the young age of 27. I mean, subby here is American, but 11 kg is just huge, right?
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| (Coventry Telegraph) |
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Today's appearance of the face of Jesus is on *starts random inanimate object and global location generator*... a tea towel belonging to a dance teacher in England
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The hardest news quiz on the planet is back
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Teacher is caught on video pepper spraying a special ed student. Well, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time
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What title will be bestowed upon Kate Middleton? Subby suggests Princess Who-Gives-A-Crap
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Oil prices head toward $112 per barrel. Remember when that happened under the president who went to war in the MidEast and everyone blamed him? Good times
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Some state lawmakers are starting to wonder why exactly a company needs to see your credit report before it hires you
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Fox News reporting is so precise, fair, and balanced, the FBI used their anchors as spies
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Archaeologists say the "Gay Caveman" story is overblown, much like the Gay Caveman
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Is the only thing preventing you from providing excellent customer service the fact that your customers are a pack of drooling turd blossoms too stupid to wipe their own asses? Well, here's some stuff you can try
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Wisconsin should have outsourced the election to Jesus because Jesus Saves
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You want to rob *this* bar at gunpoint? That's an ass-whuppin' and a duct-tapin'
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Televangelist priest confesses to affair with cousin. Unlikely tag makes appearance because it can't believe that kind of stuff happens outside of West Virginia
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| (Coventry Telegraph) |
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Today's "Teacher has sex with student" story contains which of the following?: A) Same-sex relationship; B) Under-age pupil; C) Pupil with learning difficulties; D) Fake "teacher"; E) Scary mugshot; F) All of the above
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| (Naples Daily News) |
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British tourists staying at US luxury hotel demand not to be served by "people of color" or with "foreign accents." You betcha hilarity ensues
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Navy wife, home alone with four kids, absolutely TERRIFIED how she'll manage without husband's paycheck if government shuts down. What can she do? What should she do?
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They say gun 'fanatic'. I say cool collection bro'
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| (Some Guy) |
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At first them came after college students renting homes, but I did nothing because I don't have five roommates
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Study says breast cancer fatigue is real. I know I'm tired of it
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Lucius Malfoy fired the first shot on Fort Sumter? I did not know that
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| (Some Guy) |
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Team Rocket...AWAAAAYYYYY
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Texans may be able to drive at 85 miles per hour now. Where's the Texas tag when you need it?
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Unintentionally hilarious Daily Mail headline of the year: "Kate Middleton? She's a real doll"
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"Chinese ministry, WHO warn of antibiotic overuse." "No, seriously, who warns of overuse?" "WHO." "That's what I'm asking you"
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The LAPD wants to take a swing at Dodger stadium security
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There is a Japanese word for the eerie quiet of post-earthquake Tokyo. I understand they call it "Unagi"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're A) claiming $25,000 welfare for B) saying you can't walk more than 25 yards, you should C) look over your shoulder the next time you swing a seven iron
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man: "I told him to stop playing that damned ZZ Top." DA: "You're free to go"
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Perfect 'sweeps-week' piece: shopping carts that maim
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Photoshop what a shutdown of a national park or monument might look like (LGT Story)
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Six-year-old girl lets balloon go last Christmas with note and stamp. Winds up floating 6000 miles to Laos where man finds it and mails it back
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Judge who struck down California's gay marriage ban finally comes out of the closet
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Men like it fast. Women like it to last longer between stops
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Brewer discovers loophole allowing him to legally sell to-go containers of draft beer from package stores
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There's people who love pink, people who love Pink the singer, then there's this person
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| (NY Observer) |
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NYC's blue-ribbon panel analyzing last December's blizzard-response clusterfark has returned its recommendation: let's try showing up at work when there's snow in the forecast
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That guy who's totally not a pedophile who wrote that "how to abuse children" book for pedophiles that he later said was a guide for rehabilitating pedophiles? Yeah, he just got 2 years' probation
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop this martial arts madness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Three weeks before his brother's wedding, Prince Harry gets cold feet
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"I'm stunned that someone as well-versed in the Bible as he was could have this side to him," says pastor who apparently doesn't get out much
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| (WXII 12) |
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Car batteries vanishing in latest crime trend. Officials admit it's a current problem, say charging anyone at this point will be difficult
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The newest cosmetic surgery craze: elfin ears
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Fox News' Manufactured Outrage of the day is...*spins bingo cage*...Multicultural Crayola Markers
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Some animals just aren't worth saving. Here comes the science
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In a hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism, the Wall Street Journal determines that rappers at strip clubs do, in fact, "make it rain"
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If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil, and thrown into a blender, how would you get out? Wrong answer? Sorry, we can't hire you
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| Thu April 07, 2011 |
| (Some Ninja Lady) |
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Woman dressed as a man: Check. Nunchucks: Check. Thirst for revenge: Check. Right house: Oops. Well, three out of four ain't bad
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| (Lex18) |
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If you're brainstorming porno ideas, may Subby suggest "The Sodomy Burglars of Madison County?"
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Cops: Woman had 81 pounds of illegal junk in her trunk"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lava (subby hopes it's not magma)
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Christian group: We're being discriminated against because the school board won't let us send fliers home with children. School board: We don't allow anyone to do that. Christian group: Didn't you hear us? DISCRIMINATION
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| (Some Well Hydrated Farker) |
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Need Hydrating? Study Finds Beer Beats Water. Beer
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Today's terror alert is elevated. | Like | Comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Authorities on the lookout for citizen who mixed compost with recycling
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| (Eating Our Words) |
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5 steps to ensuring a perfect pot of coffee. Step 1: add a pinch of salt
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Your dog wants you to make him one with everything
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| (Some Guy) |
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The top 1% of wealthiest Americans pay 50% of the Federal taxes, and have a 20% chance of being audited by the IRS
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Scientist becomes first person to pass insect-borne virus to someone else by sexual contact. Experts suggest: Before you get off, get OFF
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Using premium fuel in your car does not increase gas mileage, no matter what the oil company tells you
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Air Traffic Controller made his bed, will now lie in it
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| (Some Guy) |
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New bill mAkes it more pRofitable to rat out your Close friendS
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Obama says we should pay government workers even if the government shuts down and they don't do any work. You know, just like always
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An unseasonable and not at all related to global warming storm is heading towards Southern California, plunging the region into bone chilling temperatures of almost 65 degrees
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New engine looks to be killed by big oil in the near future
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Explosion reported outside Santa Monica synagogue. OY THE HUMANITY
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FBI reports show that space aliens were forced to upgrade their flight controls because government operated radar caused them to go on the fritz
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Mugshot of what an intoxicated Lady Gaga fan might look like
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| (CBS San Francisco) |
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Chef Guy Fieri replaces stolen $200k Lamborghini with 'biatchin' camero'
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Photoshop this raggedy record man
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House GOP leaders say federal employees are vastly overpaid and want to slash their salaries. Democrats say that actually they are UNDER-paid compared to the private sector. Guess which one of them is right?
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85-year old man, who clearly doesn't understand what these newfangled aeroplanes are all about, rafts across the Atlantic
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Why did an Austrian baker decorated a cake with swastikas and a baby giving the Nazi saulute? "I was just following orders" Yes, he actually said that
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Greta Garbo and Ingmar Bergman now appear on Swedish money. It's only a matter of time before American currency bears the images of Corey Haim and Ed Wood
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| (Some Guy) |
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Neighbors report hearing BEEP BEEP PPFFFFF followed by a bang and a loud crash
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There is a group home for alcoholic hipsters in Brooklyn. At least, there was until everybody heard about it
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No studying - no eraser marks - just ABCADABCA - works every time
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What can happen after a half bottle of Jagermeister? A) You try to smoke your hearing aid, B) Get lost while driving to buy chocolate shake, C) Get arrested, D) All of the above. Bonus Grizzly Adams mug shot
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The New York politician who wants to ban Happy Meals from the city is an overweight junk-food junkie who tries to hide his eating addictions from his wife
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The next time you are grumbling about your kid getting a day off from school for a snow day, remember it could be worse, it could be a "radioactive rain" day
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| (LA Weekly) |
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Snobby food critic reviews The Olive Garden and loves it. Just kidding, he gives it a typical a-hole review
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How's that outsourced call center in India working out for you? You know what they say over there: "When you pay peanuts, you get monkeys" very much
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Congress: Would you like to go out for a drink? DC: Go to hell. Congress: Maybe we could talk over dinner? DC: Go to hell. Congress: A stroll around the lake? DC: Do you know where hell is? No? You should go and find out
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Another aftershock. Japan is really Fukushima'd
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Man who became woman becomes city manager, now accused of being homophobic
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Top ways to sell clothing to children: Using cute animal prints, bright colors, naked models locked in an embrace and skinny-dipping on the beach, comfortable fabrics...wait, what?
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Dumbass robs savings bank so he can pay court fine
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$65 million robot shoots video of naked man. Man shoots back
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The annual information processed by the world's computer servers would create a stack of books from Earth to Neptune and back. After removing porn and political trolling, the stack of books almost makes it from NYC to Newark
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Marker commemorating the burning of Atlanta for the 150th anniversary of the Civil War would have been fine and dandy, if they hadn't chosen to place it on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive
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If social services is visiting your home and notice the tattoo you gave to your three-year-old son, it's probably wise not to mention you were too drunk to remember giving him that tattoo (with pics)
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Qaddaffi to Obama: Don't bomb me Bro
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The most frightening picture of a polar bear you'll see all day
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| (Some Guy) |
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When I clean out the garage, all I ever find are old bottles of oil and appliances I'm never going to fix. This guy found a Shelby Mustang
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Scientists grow first eyeball in a lab, which is a huge breakthrough for just about everybody except paranoid people
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| (wtsp.com) |
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That kid who shot the school resource officer? Turns out he was an A student and a boy scout, who was tired of getting picked on for wearing his scout uniform to school
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The relentless nannying douchiness of Bloomberg's NYC continues, as the health department first chases the cats out of McSorley's, then forces the owner to dust the legendary wishbones hanging above the bar
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| (WLWT) |
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Man proves that Dukes of Hazard was just a bunch of fancy special effects
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Today's life imitates Disney moment brought to you by a deer who won't leave a mother goose's side
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Fark-Ready Headline: "Think your man doesn't pull his weight at home? Maybe it's YOUR fault"
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Syria allows veiled teachers, shuts casino. Iran all the way to the computer to tell you this
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Relaxation brownies...riiiight
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There are as many gay Americans as there are people in New Jersey. Hmmm
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Cool: researchers find that people can control a cursor using just the power of their minds. Whoa: they want to reverse-engineer it to read our minds
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Today's faces of meth brought to you by Mom's Meth Lab in Polk County
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Man who got six life prison terms for sex with a child will have conviction overturned by death squad in prison
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11 flims and TV shows that tried to be Star Wars
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| (Some Guy) |
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People report shape-shifting UFO over California town that morphed and twisted. We have those here, too, but we call them CLOUDS
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Ashley Judd details molestation, family drug abuse, and neglect in her new memoir "I'm Not the Fat One"
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Protip: Make sure the hitman you're talking to is really a hitman BEFORE you offer him pot plants and a car to kill your husband
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Squirrel meat served in Edinburgh restaurant. Nuts
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Why you don't do burnouts on a residential street: it's rude, it's ridiculous, and you never know when a resident might have his pit bull attack your groin
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Obama's bestest buddy Bobby Titcomb busted combing tits
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Man uses sword and guitar to attack tattoo shop owner. El Kabong-alarity ensues
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LA's traffic report: flowing well on the Golden State freeway, an accident clearing on the Ventura freeway and a bit of slowing on the 405 where a naked man is jogging in the slow lane
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Mice exposed to "freeway air" show signs of brain damage, including memory loss, Alzheimer's disease, and the inability to signal before swerving into adjoining lanes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Unaware that it is just a cliche, man looks in rearview mirror after getting caught smuggling pot and decided to "kill it with fire". With mugshot
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| (Kyodo News Service) |
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Japan suffering post-tsunami beer shortage. Oh, the humanity
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Photoshop this extreme basketball player
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When he said that he "believes they are misunderstood gentle creatures of little danger to humans," a South African was referring to A) white supremacists, B) the band Whitesnake, or C) great white sharks
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India's tap water is so hostile, you could literally bottle it and serve people glasses of shut the fark up. Because they would be dead
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Group of men apologize to all women for thousands of years of telling them to make sammiches
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Today's six-year-old with a loaded gun at school is brought to you by Memphis, TN
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Students fold 13,000-ft length of toilet paper in half 13 times, breaking world record, say they're flushed with victory but pretty wiped out
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One in five Britons believe that Miss Marple, Sherlock Holmes, and Blackadder were real historical figures
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Slideshow of t-shirts that have stopped folks from getting on a plane. You'd pat down number 12
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| (Some Guy) |
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TSA checked WilW for leeches - all clear
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Someone's been watching way too many movies. I'm looking at you Catholic Church
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Glasgow man who admitted to charging interest rates of up to 719,000% on loans to have assets frozen, receive job offer from Bank of America
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 309: "Artsy-Fartsy". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 06, 2011 |
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Not News: Telling gay people that they're going to hell is not a God given right. Fark: Walmart is on the right side of the fight this time. Yep, Walmart
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Photoshop this stand up swinger
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Woman practices oral hygiene after putting her car in cruise control, has brush with death
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Because if there's one thing Japan needs right now, it's help from Florida
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Tea Partier at Michelle Bachmann rally says he doesn't want the government shut down. Bonus: he's carrying a sign that reads, "Shut 'er Down"
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Caveman outed as gay by the way he was buried and by his fabulous furs
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| (kdvr.com) |
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19-year-old woman disappears from nightclub. Authorities issue an all-oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz bulletin
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Nancy Reagan was the best First Lady ever
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Reality TV star beats out another reality TV star in a poll of potential 2012 Republican presidential candidates
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| (Some Guy) |
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Police are not naming the armed home invader who was killed by the mother of 3, and the family of 21-year-old Melvin Plummer of Marrero are pretty thankful for that
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If the government shut down, it is quite possible that you might not even notice
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" MD News (press release) High Doses of Prescription Painkillers Up Risk of OD Death." Ric Romero found passed out in pool of own vomit, unavailable for comment
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Work for the goverment? If the shutdown comes to fruition, you will finally find out just how essential you are
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Volunteers unearth coded WWII German memo. "There were zwei peanuts, walking down the straße, und one was a salted... peanut"
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Dr. William Gray sees his shadow, predicts above-average hurricane season
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Idaho legislature declares a "disaster emergency" over: a) a late season blizzard? b) a massive series of tornadoes? c) The fact that there are wolves in their state and they are eating their natural and intended prey
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Tips on getting accepted to an Ivy league college: #1 try not to drop F-bombs in your entrance essay
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| (Some Guy) |
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Elementary school students in Virginia learn their A, B, C, D, DDs
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Photoshop this mattress mover
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Oh, Mohammed: Book 2 boogaloo"
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How many firemen does it take to rescue a cat stranded on a roof. WOW, that many huh?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Discovery drops "channel" from the "Science Channel," because nothing says "Science" like An Idiot Abroad and Firefly
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How many times does it have to be said? Do not wear a kilt while burning yard waste
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If you see an alligator wearing baggy pants, St. Petersburg wildlife officers would like a word with you
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That blowout preventer that failed and caused the BP disaster? Yeah, they forgot to do maintenance on it... for four years
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| (Clark County Democrat) |
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Apparently Texas Baptist Churches only believe in the power of prayer when they aren't being sued for what they prayed for
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So you want to get "sent up the river" to the "Bastille on the Hudson," "the BIG House," the 186-year-old penitentiary Sing Sing? Well, you could if it gets closed and sold for real estate by two local legislators
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Before reading the rest of this headline, take a deep breath and relax. Okay, Lando Calrissian is 74 years old
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Woman who holds world record for most cosmetic surgeries actually sought sharper knees
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Recordings must be at least 10 years old and be culturally, historically or aesthetically significant - like "Take Me Out to the Ball-game" or "Trout Mask Replica," by Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band...wait, what?
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Jerry obviously supported the 'wait-and-see-if-it-passes' medical philosophy
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In case you didn't figure it out already, Kate Middleton could wear a burlap sack and make it look like the must-have sack of the year
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Today's Christopher Walken look-alike accused of luring a student into a car is brought to you by New Jersey, where everyone looks like Walken
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"I was unaware it was a Viennese brothel. Rachel is a beautiful biblical name"
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Man uses a vacuum to steal quarters from apartment laundry machines. That sucks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yesterday: Gene-Mod Cows save moms trouble of breast feeding. Today: Gene-Mod Cows save moms trouble of giving birth Tomorrow: Gen-Mod Cows save moms trouble of modeling lingerie for dads
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| (Some Would-be Puritans) |
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Despite threat of lawsuits, Mississippi town upholds ban on fortune telling. Still no word on feng shui, necromancy, magic 8-balls
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Would you whore your house out for a free mortgage? Only if I could live in the Drew Curtis presents Drew Curtis' Drew Curtis Fark.com house brought to you by Heineken, Maker's Mark, and Carl's Jr
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Florida legislature finally decides to do something about half the state being under water
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"IN FUTURE, ALL NEW NUCLEAR REACTOR MUST BE BUILT OVER A 1.2 km hole. Any out of control reactor, one press of a buttom and boom, the reactor will fail down 1.2 km and then seal up with soil"
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Police searching for prostitute. Aren't we all?
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| (kfor.com) |
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37 year old woman arrested for having sex with 13 year old boy. Third paragraph in article hints at maybe why authorities found out
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Hello 9-1-1? Yes, I'd like to report some men with guns outside of the bar. Yes, just past where I'm being pulled over for a DUI"
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| (WBIR) |
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Pigeon Forge, TN officials say million-gallon sewage spill won't affect tourism, because tourists are unlikely to detect any significant increase in crap
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Five Soviet space programs that prove Russia was insane
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Cops make a hair-raising discovery after a thief flips her wig
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Man charged with robbing bank shows camera the position his mouth will be in for the next 20 years
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What is the half life of an irradiated zombie?
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When Harry Met Sally 2. With very special guest appearance at 3:30
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Protip: When charged with teasing a police dog, the proper response is not "the dog started it"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cheesus found in bag of Cheetos. Where is thy Yellow No. 5 now?
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Not Again. The second car in 9 days flies off NYC's 59th Street Queensboro Bridge exit ramp into Queens, at the exact spot. Guys, slow down, Queens is not that exciting
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Minors to be banned from obtaining nipple, genital piercings. Seven dwarves unavailable for comment, attention whoring
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The responsibility lies with the victim because everyone knows you never let your ass touch the toilet seat - especially if it's a Walmart bathroom
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Old & Busted: Strategic Oil Reserve. New Hotness: Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve
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"Juror 799" tries to get out of jury duty by trashing the NYPD and minorities on her juror questionnaire. Does she: a) get picked for the jury anyway, b) get dismissed, or c) be given jury duty for life by an angry judge?
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Teenager who shot the cop in St. Pete may have had a chance if he didn't make this gangster blog and video
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Students suspended, oppressed because of Jenny McCarthy
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| (wtsp.com) |
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If you're the former KKK leader who lost the mayoral election, prolly not a great idea to freak out at the guy who won
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Silly question. If the police department gets busted for drug trafficking, is all their property seized and auctioned off? Just wondering
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Internet Rule #16: Don't criticize your boss' salary on Facebook
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| (Rick Deez Nutz Smell) |
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Pilot who ditched plane on NY beach being investigated after tapes with air traffic control released, Southwest Airlines sighs in relief that story isn't about one of their planes or pilots
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"Isn't Chuck E. Cheese a fight-free zone?''
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Today's teen stabs school resource officer who caught him bringing gasoline into school bathrooms brought to you by Palm Harbor
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| (Matlock) |
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Alzheimer's linked to hearing loss. I SAID WHO AM I?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big, bright bill
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NATO, I am disappoint
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Old and busted: Botox. New hotness: Vampire face-lift. But does it make you sparkle?
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The eBay diet
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Japanese nuclear MacGyvers plug Fukushima leak with sawdust, newspaper, concrete and "a type of liquid glass"
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Pot-growing trailer known as the "GrowBot" stolen from a Medical Marijuana trade show... In other news, the plot to the next Harold and Kumar film revealed
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Blue haired hipster, check. Lives on disabilty, check. Has a stupid pet, check. Lost stupid pet on the subway and refuses to pay for damages done because she's a special snowflake? Oh yeah. This story has it all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ohio mayor says city needs to rid itself of those goth kids with the piercings and spiky hair. Also, he's keeping your ball. And turn down your hippity-hop music on your doohickey
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Man blows his nose, and that's when the police got involved
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| Tue April 05, 2011 |
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MSNBC forgets what date September 11 happened (Midway through the article)
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| (S) |
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Photoshop this chemical element collection
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Wholesale meat costs on the rise, and the steaks have never been higher
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Regarding the man who tried to snowmobile across water: "Unfortunately, that's never a safe thing to do"
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| (WBIR) |
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The latest "raging mountain log flume" in Gatlinburg, Tennessee is NOT a ride at Dollywood
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Man discovers the difference between a petroglyph and graffiti is about 8,000 years and $10,000 in restitution
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Director of Gonzaga University Institute for Hate Studies claims more people have died from hatred than any other cause --- GOD, I HATE THAT NAME
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shackleton's whisky deemed delicious. I'll drink to that
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It's always funny when a reporter volunteers to get zapped by a Taser. "I also smelled like fire"
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| (The Albany Times Union) |
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Man stole Wi-Fi to watch porn, masturbate. Is there a point here?
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| (Some uterus lover) |
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Ladies. Now you can keep Republicans from regulating your uterus
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| (Some Jarhead) |
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Marine takes a sniper shot to the head, is up smoking a cigarette and giving a thumbs up 15 minutes later. His new nickname? Headshot (w/pic)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bristol Palin earns $262K for teen pregnancy work. Preventing it, that is
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Sanford cop fired. YOU BIG DUMMY
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The shotgun, the podiatrist, his stripper & her bodyguard
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man gets drunk, gets into phone argument with girlfriend, loses, goes outside, attempts to beat up truck with his head, then gets arrested by police for being an unregistered sex offender. The Aristocrats
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In a desperate attempt to be as edgy as San Francisco, New York city considers banning Happy Meals
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True life harrowing confession: "I was almost a ShamWow love slave"
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Actual communications between stricken airliner and approach control during emergency landing. Pucker factor : 9 out of 10
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How are LCD screens like the Wicked Witch of the West? No, really, I'm asking a question here
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Government says government bill to limit government broadband networks would be bad for government. Government
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| (WMTW) |
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Boy born without hands wins penmanship award, stumps experts
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I've been here for 45 minutes. Everyone was saying it was a turtle, but it looks more like a pig to me"
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If oil hits $300 subby may have to actually start WALKING to the corner store to buy smokes and beer
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Final words on Nas-Con 2011 in Vegas, and a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/27 - 4/2
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Cop shoots himself three times to get an award
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| (CBS Philly) |
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Hey, what's taking so long in there? Did you fall in?
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Holding a sharpened stick and screaming at cops, "Get away from me you f---ers!" is a fine way to get pepper sprayed. Even if you're eight years old
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Theme: Mean Machines
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Bishops agree sex abuse rules"
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Government: "Health insurance must accept everyone and continue to pay for them until they die." Insurance companies: "Smoking and obesity are good for you"
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Drunk guy found with M&Ms in his pocket and a chicken in his pants. Or, as subby calls it, Tuesday
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33% of HR managers say they are hiring. 99% intend to pay less and demand more work
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If can't swim and ask your friends if they'll save you if you jump into a river, make sure they know you're not joking before you jump into the river
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After a four-month-long honeymoon, and experiencing six natural disasters," ...the most important thing is that we're still going strong"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're going to use police funds for personnel use, buy something cool like a hang glider, not a pair of Uggs
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Good news, everone: If you live in Seattle, it is now perfectly legal to throw a bucket of human excrement and urine and vomit at people
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| (wtsp.com) |
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