| Thu March 31, 2011 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this head in a hole
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Stink bug epidemic spreads to 33 states, your Mom
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Having solved all their budget and crime problems, the city of Chicago turns it's attention to the scourge of creeping horse pee
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Australian man brings ailing horse back from brink of death with beer. Let's see your pissweak American beer do THAT
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Balloon Museum pop scare pinned on a suspect. Let's hope they give him the needle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rocky outcome to store inspection. I'll be next door at the hoe-down
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| (Some Little People) |
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Your honor, my clients take offense to the implication that they were the stars of "Fertile Little Tattooed Pageant Parents Who Enjoy Baking"
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Pro tip: when defecting from a country at war, make sure the new country grants you immunity, to avoid embarrassing questions like "What was your role in Lockerbie?"
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| (NBC17) |
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Media frenzy over missing white female with "a distinct habit of shaking her bottom"
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Some gambling wizard, or possibly a time traveller from the future, put money on VCU when Vegas had them at 5,000-to-1 odds
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| (Some Guy) |
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What's the one thing that was the most difficult for you to give up? For how long did you abstain? Difficulty: Besides subby's Mom
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Kids: hey, can we go play outside? HOA: how about no
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Home Invasion Suspect Leaves Behind T-Shirt With His Picture On It
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Rhode Island to apologize for executing Irish immigrant in 1845, presumably because he never got to enjoy the proliferation of strip clubs and organized crime
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| (Some Drebin) |
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The ending credits to all six Police Squad episodes, as if you were old enough to remember them
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At risk for blood clots: People with blood
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Spare the rod, spoil the repo man trying to take your Lexus
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If you're going to use brake fluid and a cigarette lighter to try and remove a beehive from your attic, try not to set your house on fire
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| (Some Kyodonews) |
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Man crashes loudspeaker truck into gates of Fukushima nuclear plant, becomes radiant attention whore
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Bomb Threat 101: If you are going to threaten to blow up a bus, be sure your "detonator" is not a Wii controller
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If you need some acid on the cheap, there's 250 gallons of it pouring down Coney Island Drive for the taking. Bonus: another acid spill happened on the same street two months ago
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| (King of the World) |
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James Cameron announces that "Avatar 2" will steal from better films
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Fukushima bar scene not as hot as it used to be. "Customers are ordering food now, rather than alcohol"
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Mother of the year alert: woman shakes her 8-week-old, calls it a "gay slur", detaches both retinas, breaks ribs, femur, finally kills it and sets body on fire. If that wasn't bad enough, her eyebrows are tattoos
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Drew Curtis: Caught greenlighting sayof. He: "I gonna greenlight this" OR EAT ME HAHA (WINNING)
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| (Some Guy) |
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When selling hay on Craigslist, a picture of a horse eating the hay is a good idea; a picture of a sweaty guy with "I'm going to kill you look" probably not so much
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Gallant obeys the rules of the road. Goofus weaves in and out of traffic, confronts cops, is hit by stun guns, and gets charged with 24 counts of illegally possessing firearms
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Hey kids, there's a fun way to be cool. Play Darwin's favorite game. Thanks for providing instructions, Florida newspaper
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Give greenlight, I grammar nazi
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Couple on the worst blind date ever realizes they have lots in common -- parents
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Ina garten says she didn't know about cancer kid untill she read it on the news riiiiiight
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| (kpho.com) |
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Kidney donor fired from job. That's a gutless decision
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| (Some Guy) |
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Turns out the Burger King Bikini Brawler gave police a fake name, fake age, fake address, and a REAL cell phone number. Bonus? Now being charged with multiple felonies
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Girls Gone Wild founder's trial goes about as well as expected after he is charged with contempt for tossing beads around the courtroom, asking the prosecutor if she was a prostitute and would take her clothes off
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Gaddafi Gov't spokesman Bab al-Azizia Bob says that Moussa Koussa is very ill, was allowed out of the country to rest, and that him defecting to the UK is no big deal
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Ivory Coast rebels now control 99 44/100% of the country
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So I'm officially out as a feminist... (DIT). YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I GREENED IT
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News: Bank robber asked to produce two forms of I.D. Fark: He complies
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Pizza Extreme employees plead guilty to coming over to Pizza Orgasmica and not pulling out in time
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Five goats found wandering the streets of New Jersey. MTV in talks to give them their own reality series
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So you can give your life for your country but you can't buy a beer? That's going to change in Alaska if legislator has his way. Tag is for our men and women in the armed services. Here's to you
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"Nobody wants to look at a stiff, dead Knut"
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Man regrows foreskin. Take that, Jews and Muslims
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What sends you into murderous rage?
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Who is greenlighting threads this evening? Some Vegas drunkard on their laptop?
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Irish Central Bank announces they need an extra 24,000,000,000.00 Euros to not file for chapter 11. In related news: Ireland has been doing fine all these previous years
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nevada ranks 51st in education, unemployment, foreclosures, State-counting
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Does anybody here use a really old browser for any reason? Just curious
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| (Some Guy) |
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Three-year-old whining more than Speaker John Boehner. Why? He wants to be governor of New Jersey, raise taxes and no one will let him because he's too small (video)
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GOP Rep speaking on House floor: President Obama is using Libya to deplete the military so that he can call up the ACORN army granted to him by Obamacare
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When guns creep in to a culture that can't shoot them correctly the inevitable happens. If England had more guns this wouldn't have happened
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Drivers of Chicago horse drawn carriages forced to stop and clean up after horses. Cubs and Bears shiatting on field still okay
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| (Some Spelunker) |
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Photoshop this secret tunnel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pictures of all the extremely handsome and drop-dead gorgeous winners of $319 million Mega Millions jackpot released
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Ford has the most repeat buyers, thanks largely to buyers needing a new one every 1.5 years
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This year's high school prom brought to you by fine inmates of the Sterling Correctional Facility
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Muslim woman takes off Burqa, surprisingly hot underneath. Here comes the death threats
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Even though uncertainty remains about the democratic credentials of the Yemeni uprising, at least we now know they are natural capitalists
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| (WPTV-5) |
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Air show participants make perfect landings...just in time for tornado
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Mayor's office quietly scoops up all copies of newspaper featuring naked mayor on cover
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| (Arctic Sounder) |
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Alaska moonshiner carves up his own door with a chainsaw, goes to jail, pees on cell wall, lights blanket on fire, and attacks troopers. "Alcohol was a factor"
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| (Herald Journal) |
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Idaho man takes Mormon county leaders to court over their liquor ban, arguing his new religion advocates drinking tequila liberally
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| (Some Guy) |
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Study: Religiosity, spirituality impact health. Suck it, sickly atheists
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Arnold, you just finished your governorship, what are you going to do next? "I'm going to get my own cartoon show"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Maine artist whose 36-foot mural was ordered removed from the state Labor Department says the art work should be returned and suggests hanging her late father's Bronze Star in its place until then
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk, high and tazed is no way to punch a police dog, son
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Five golf courses that can kill you
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| (Some Guy) |
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At least they got out of Ohio
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Man sentenced for urinating in girlfriend's (A) 2009 Kendall Jackson chardonnay (B) Land O' Lakes coffee creamer (C) pitcher of Crystal Light (D) All of the above
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Finally a solution to climate change: Cow Rape
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#caught @bronxzoo
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The latest trend in hyper-expensive luxury watches? They don't tell time: " The value of a watch is not to give you time. Any five dollar watch can do that"
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Jobless claims in U.S. fell by 6,000 last week. Will republicans claim: A) Fluke. B) Libya isn't going to invade itself. or C) Look over there
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It's kind of awkward when your family walks in on you having sex with a prostitute. It's really awkward when they find grandma dead in the closet
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Alaska turns to anti-Muslim fringe blogger Pamela Geller as "expert witness" in anti-Sharia legislation debate
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The new Wonder Woman is powerless to stop a basic ass grab
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Ugly ass baby gazelle comes to Busch Gardens. With ugly ass drinking from a baby bottle pics
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"Toxic Waste" chewing gum recalled due to containing - toxic waste
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Bikinis, beer, and underage girls. Yup, it's spring break in Florida
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WWII soldier breaks a 60-year silence to reveal that he managed to sneak into Auschwitz at the height of the war-by swapping his POW uniform with one from a death camp inmate
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember the Arizona kidnapping stats? And the follow-up "yeah, about that.."? Well, yeah...about that
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| (Some Guy) |
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"As for the horse-cleavage, are you kidding me?"
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Christopher Walken is 68 years old today. I give you the watch lecture from Pulp Fiction
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Teacher under investigation for posting mocking photo of student on her Facebook page, but most will agree that the mocking was justified
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Japanese nuclear plant workers shed light on current crisis, dark rooms
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Reporter seeks info on who sold Libya some Russian missiles that the US considers "one of the most lethal" weapons of its kind. Guess. No, really. Guess
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Does your name determine your destiny? For example, if your name is Destiny, are you destined to take your clothes off for a living?
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Consumer Product Safety Commission warn public not to use those giant plastic water-walking ball saying "they know of no safe way to use them" and cite reports of myriad fatal..well dozens of serious..er..um actually two minor injuries
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Man pines for the good old days when it wasn't illegal to get drunk and wrestle a tree
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| (wtsp.com) |
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News: School janitor struck by lightning during storms today. Fark: Asks if he can come back to work today
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Facebook's response to parents' lawsuit seeking removal and return of graphic crime scene photos of their freshly murdered daughter: "The case is without merit, we will fight it vigorously,
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New Watergate exhibit at the Nixon Library no longer calls the incident a "coup" against Nixon, admits he might just have done something wrong
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| (Evansville Courier and Press) |
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When taking hostages, having them dye your hair, make you food, and load their personal belongings into your car, don't be surprised when the police and/or the Aristocrats get involved
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Smartphone manufacturer holds press event to unveil their latest creation: The Terminator T-1000's bunghole
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Donald Trump (R-eally bad toupee): "I never went bankrupt"
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| (tcoasttalk.com) |
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A cheeseburger chucking gives a reporter a chance to use the phrases "zippy" and "large spot of ketchup"
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Amazon's new cloud storage service has music industry executives hyperventilating. "It sounds like legalized murder to me," said one
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Another day, another unhinged right wing tea partying racist white male nutjob rants against Islamic Terrorism: difficulty: this time it's a female muslim doctor supporting Peter King's Senate hearing
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The Matrix is 12 years old today. Woah
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Having learned invaluable lessons from Vietnam, the US sends CIA teams to advise and aid the Libyan rebels. Where is the Facepalm tag when you need it
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Mother doesn't know how she's going to convince her second-grader that a giant bunny armed with baskets and plastic eggs is going to sneak into their house on Easter Eve
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Police give distraught woman ride home. Woman repays cops kindness with game of strip poker. Police HQ says, take off your badges
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Wanna know who to blame for higher gas prices? Well, you are in luck. Grab your pitchforks and non-fossil fuel burning torches
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Rep. Tom Marino (R-etarded): After Libya "Where does it stop?" he said. "Do we go into Africa next?"
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Justice Dept clears Justice Dept in investigation over misconduct
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Group of hawks makes it abundantly clear that they want the family whose yard they've nested in to stay indoors
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That guy who became one with his chair died. No word on if chair is to be buried with him
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By day, these men are simple paramedics, fitness instructors or tennis pros. But at night, they become ... "Butlers in the Buff." They stand nearly naked, ready to open doors and serve drinks to horny cougars
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Today is National Cleavage Day. The Sun is more than happy to be there
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When you're a flight attendant and you're smuggling coins, don't make your bag so heavy that you can't lift it
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Average British adult is so unhealthy 'they are left wheezing from walking up the stairs.' Average American adult unimpressed, asks "What are stairs?" before opening another pack of Twinkies
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How big of a deal is the royal wedding? Representatives of several Suns are expected to drop in
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man accused of stripping naked, taking a dump in an elevator, then smearing his feces on his pregnant girlfriend's door and setting it on fire. Cops caught him later, brown-handed, literally
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Bacon hipster too cool for Denny's
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Slides continue to threaten Bay Area homes. If they think the slides are bad wait until the seesaws show up
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Warren Buffett's successor resigns in disgrace after he admits to eating the chairman's cheeseburgers
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How Libya could go wrong. Or how the French will surrender again
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Virus-eating virus discovered in Antarctica. Discovery of head crabs and Shoggoths expected sometime next week
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| (wtsp.com) |
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What could possibly bring both Koreas together? a) Kim Jong Il's nifty hairdos, b) intervention from other countries or c) a giant volcano
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Someone call the cavalry, there are 1.2 billion Indians just over the ridge
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Gandhi's home state bans a new book suggesting he was... not completely vegetarian
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| (WMAL.com) |
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License Plates? I don't need no stinkin' legal plates - I'm Marion Barry
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Katie Holmes admits buying daughter Suri bag of Penis Gummies. "I thought they were Swedish Fish." (with amusing pics)
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Post-sex blues plague a third of young women. Subby wonders how all of his ex girlfriends wound up in the same study
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76 trumped, pwned in the pig's charade
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Radiation slows recovery of dead near Fukushima plant. What? First an earthquake, then a Tsunami, followed by a Nuclear Meltdown AND NOW ZOMBIES?
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Man at Grateful Dead alumni concert gets in three-point stance and then bullcharges a window, plunging to his death. Surprisingly, sources say he was not totally sober at the time
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Voodoo priest sacrifices chicken to bring good fortune. Just kidding, it was a Fort Worth high school baseball team
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Autistic photographers capture beauty at the Cherry Blossom Festival which is going on in DC for another 257 hours, 17 minutes, 37 seconds
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The Tea Party is being used as a tool by big business? You don't say
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City leaders have finally figured out how to keep deadly shootings from happening over and over again - legislation aimed at dealing with violence. And if that doesn't work you better believe there WILL be a candle-light vigil mister
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Unemployment is so high in the US because our sacred Free Market means companies try to prevent hiring workers at all costs, even when they can afford to hire more workers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just another sleepy Maine town: moose on the side of the road, birds in the trees, weirdos with bombs strapped to their chests hijacking busses...wait, what?
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Best round up of Florida mug shots you will see all day
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| (wtsp.com) |
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What does Sea World plan to do with the whale that grabbed the trainer by the hair and ate her in front of adoring masses? a) put him out to pasture b) turn him into a giant bar of soap or c) return him to the tank for more interesting shows
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So, did you make any improvements to your rental property? - I see - Charitable donations? - OK - Now, your abortion, your bad or were you raped? - Uh huh - OK, your refund should be here in about 2 weeks
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Huge probe thrusted in to porn star leaks
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| (Some Politically Correct Guy) |
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Furthering the attack on Christianity, a northeast Ohio community is taking the "Easter" out of the egg hunt
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Despite all his rage, he's still just a vegan stuck in a cage
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| (KKTV) |
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Turtle reported stolen from Coloado zoo. Authorities say preliminary suspects include Hare, Zombie Kid, Shredder
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this croc on the slopes
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| (Some Guy) |
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"See if you can guess...what I am now"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meet the unluckiest guy in America, other than your dad
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You keep a-knockin' but you can't come in. Especially when it's two in the morning and you're a naked dude
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The usual order of things is: 1. Get a job. 2. Steal from your workplace
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Samsung laptops now come pre-surveilled with key-logger software for your convenience
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| (10tv.com) |
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Drug Maker: This new drug we produce can prevent preterm labor. It costs $1500. Pharmacy: We can sell the same drug for $20. Maker: Not anymore. FDA: Actually, I think they can
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New freshman-only school features 100% fewer swirlies, purple nurples, nelsons, wet willies, Indian burns, and social development
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Who lives in a drug cartel under the sea?
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Gasoline up 100% under Obama
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this undercover cat
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Argentine press freedom award go to (drum roll, please) ..... Hugo Chavez? .....BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
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Aldi has succeeded where Wal-Mart has failed, and really, isn't Aldi just Trader Joe's without marketing?
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| (Phoenix New Times) |
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Top 10 craft beers for pussies. Yep, I drink that. That European one, too. And that one's my session lager
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 308: "Glass 2: Shattered & Stained" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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