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| Sun January 30, 2011 |
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You are reading this headline. This headline is what you are reading
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Scratch "potty training" from the list of things that are none of the government's concern -- at least for the suburban Washington elite class
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Officers say a husband assaulted them during a domestic-dispute call. After the trial, audio comes out and--surprise--it tells a different story. With audio and pic of what happens when you ask police to leave your house
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Are you an immigration officer who wants to get rid of your wife? Just put her on the terrorist suspect watch list
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Rep. Issa (R-ight Wing) wants to know the name of every person who makes a Freedom of Information Act request to the government. It's just a personal foible of his
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Congratulations to Mary Kay Letourneau on becoming the Grandmother of all female teacher-male student sex scandals
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Not news: Couple shares the same birthday. Still not news: they were born in the same year. ULTRAFARK: They were born at the exact same time
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Strip club owner donates over $20,000 to failing school district. Of course, everybody has a problem with this
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| (Some Guy) |
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Checking your son and his friends out to school to help you at work is bad enough, but when you're a bank robber, it takes on a whole new meaning
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| (Bay News 9) |
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Florida native Lu celebrates 51st birthday at Homosassa Springs, which is pretty cool considering she's a hippopotamus
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The story the IRONIC tag was made for
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There's a place in France where the ladies wear no pants. And there's a hole in the streets where the men can....uh...ah, screw it. Just go read the article. It's nice
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| (The Scottish National Exhibition) |
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Photoshop these poultry punkers
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Americans are about to be innudated with millions of pounds of unwanted chicken meat, and it's all the Russians fault. No, really
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1 into 1 on the 14th may equal 11/11/11
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What the ... ? A slideshow of people reading LETTERS? Jebus, are we really supposed to find this insightful or illumina ... oh, dammit. Sorry. Something in my eye
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Whales return to waters around New York City, immediately lose a fin on three card monty
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sexual rights are protected by the Constitution, if only the U.S. Supreme Court would open its eyes. With amusingly awesome photo illustration of two people expressing those rights
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Rescue crew rushes to locate the remains of climber who fell 1,000 feet, find him standing there, reading a map
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18-year-old arrested for picking on his little brother. Fark: His mother called the police on him
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For the first time in all of recorded history, a teenager brought marijuana cookies to school. Perhaps it's a good time to SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING
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Generation Y women losing basic sammich making skills
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Panicking about what to get your lady for Valentines Day? Try this unique piece: A cast bronze lynx penis bone necklace
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's one thing to have the nickname of "Crazy Dave." It's another thing to call yourself "Crazy Dave"
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| (Some Guy) |
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All across the world, newspapers, activists, scientists are calling for a long time South Asian dictator to step down. Tunisia, Egypt, Yemen, UN IPCC?
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"If you'd rather that people focus more on your accomplishments than your clothes, look to careers that are notable for their casual nature, like computer and Internet-oriented jobs." Subby breathes huge sigh of relief
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The most bad-ass picture of lightning enveloping magma as it spews up from an active volcano you'll see all week
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this strong arm
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"Geezer Bandit" hits L.A. again. He was almost caught when he spent five minutes arguing with the teller over $0.35 in change
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Barefoot and filthy, urine-soaked pants with rusty razorblade & used hypodermic needle in the pocket is no way to go about preggers, girl. Tag for lawyer (w/ faces of meth photo)
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Mubarak appoints Suleiman as vice president of Egypt. Apparently the Ottomans really want the pyramids for the 50% boost to workers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Through The Looking Glass: a look at covers to "Alice in Wonderland" through the years
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Excerpts from the "Egyptian Activists' Action Plan" given to protesters. They obviously didn't include the page labeling it "Made In The U.S.A"
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Remember all the slowdown that the union caused in the New York snowstorm cleanup last month? Yeah, about that
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| (Some Happy Guy) |
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What your state is best at: the United States of Awesome. [map]
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Looters in Cairo rip heads off two mummies. Arnold Vosloo glowers
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"The old concealing marijuana and Xanax in the buttocks trick has failed once again"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mugger leaves his slippers behind at the scene of the crime after he takes a lady's purse. Slippers? Really?
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| Sat January 29, 2011 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these kids having a ball
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Remember the 1970s, when cars were small and car pools were big?
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Kucinich settles suit, details grisly injures from olive pit chomp-down
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| (Some Limerick Guy) |
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A snowmobiler with plenty of juice / riding last in line like the caboose / doesn't catch up to his friends / as he has met his end / because he broadsided a moose
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News: Police ticket man for having "f*ck" written on his shirt. Fark: Police then threaten to arrest person recording the encounter on his cellphone
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| (Some lvl 85 Basement Dweller) |
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Just how big is the World of Warcraft? Here are the calculations if it were an actual planet. Warning: This might be the nerdiest thing ever written
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| (Some Guy) |
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200,000,000,000,000 txt messages sent daily. OMFG
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Teenagers build confidence, nerd points with ballroom dancing classes
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What's worse than watching the decline of Detroit? A slideshow of the decline of Detroit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Four myths about sororities, busted. "Sorority girls are just like turtles" conspicuously absent
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The Washington Post, always your destination for intelligent discussion, asks whether the United States government should have access to an "internet kill switch"
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If we had stricter snow shovel laws in the US, this kind of thing wouldn't happen
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TSA cancels private security program because there is "no advantage to it." The 62,000 employee union fully supports this decision
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Dad demands right to block bus aisle with his SUV-style stroller
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Foodies everywhere curdle over huge crackdown on artisan cheesemakers. Gouda for them. Whey to go, California
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Mom shoots and kills her two teen children because "they were mouthy" ( they are coming to take me away pic)
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Not news: four people hospitalized with breathing problems. News: They were roasting chili peppers in their apartment. Fark: In Finland
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Basing his defense on "Philadelphia has a history of streaking" nets Obama rally streaker two years probation. Thought Philly "would be more lenient toward me and see it for what it was...a guy just chillin' "
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Malawi to make silent but deadly a federal offense
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this gal and her goose-like gourds
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| (Moviefone UK) |
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China go one better than the Iranian School of Photoshop and pass off Top Gun clip as genuine military footage (w/ video clip)
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| (Some Guy) |
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FOR SALE: Iceland, for the paltry sum of $2.4 billion. Deal includes frozen hot tarts, and huge cans placed at eye-level, begging to be grabbed and taken home. Oh, and for the ladies, a large sausage selection is yours for the taking
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Morning sex not only improves your day, it makes you healthier
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| (Kirksville Daily Press) |
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Talking on your cell phone in a Walmart parking lot? That's an arrestin'
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| (The State) |
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Ronald McNair, the second African-American in space and who died in the Challenger accident, desegregated a South Carolina library when he was nine years old because he wanted to borrow a book on calculus. The building is now named for him
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Five terrifying online trends invented by the news media
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| (Comcast.net) |
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Lesbian teens...oh jeeez, at least let me make the joke before you click
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| (Some Guy) |
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78-year old man drives the wrong car home. To be fair, though, it was the same model. And it was the same color. Also, his key fit
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Remember when Japan was going to own our whole country?
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7:30 pm in Egypt. Which way will the military go?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Your dog wants $1,695 home theater pet seating
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Fugitive: "Sorry about the bail jumping, battery & robbery. I'm turning myself in so I can get cancer treatment." Sheriff: "Not so fast. You're free. Pay for your own damn treatment"
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"In this file photo, an image of a scantily-clad model is used out of context to illustrate a story about a snow-bound Manhattan strip club"
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Nanny State now wants to force you to jog without your iPod
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In Ohio, sending your kids to the wrong school is serious business
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Wearing green and gold will get you free admission to the Milwaukee County Zoo on Super Bowl Sunday. It's a good thing there's nothing on television that will keep people from attending
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| (Awful Library Books) |
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Craptastic DIY book of homemade kid's clothing from 1976, featuring the youngest dancer ever at Studio 54
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"We are Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forget." "Oh yeah? We are the FBI, you are no longer Anonymous"
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The storm hitting the East is nothing compared to the Great Blizzard of 1717. Or the Great Blizzard of 1888. Or the Great Blizzard of 1899. Or the Great Blizzard of 1913. Or the Great Blizzard of 1940. Or the Great Blizzard of 1993
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It turns out Jesus protected most of his pet dinosaurs from the faith-testing meteor that fell from the sky 10,000 years ago
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Ever wonder where the South really begins? Lets use tried and true methods such as the West Virginia Hot Dog Slaw Mapping Project to find out
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Those PA schools trying out segregation? Yeah it's for six minutes, it's during homeroom, it's voluntary, it's helping and it's OUTRAGEOUS
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| (Lynn Daily Item) |
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Appeals court upholds woman's drunk driving conviction even though newspaper erroneously reported it was her fifth arrest and not her fourth and she didn't even hit the right restaurant
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Appeals court throws out sentence imposed by judge who thought defendant was genetically predisposed to watch child pornography
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Firefighter adopts kitten she rescued six feet down inside a lightpole. She named her Lucky and brought her home just in time for Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: better uses for your glovebox (LGT an example)
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| (Cedar Rapids Gazette) |
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Boring: Article about enforcing parking meter time limits. Awesome: Photo of someone in a Snuggie feeding a parking meter
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Grasping at anything to have a reason to raise your rates, Allstate consults the astrological calendar and determines virgos are 700% more likely to be in an accident
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| (Some Guy) |
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Is it the giant high heel statue? Or the mermaid themed master bath? Is it the office with 50 animal heads in the wall? Whatever it is, it's the gaudiest house in Houston
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Crowd of protesters form human chain to block entrance of Egyptian National Museum from looters
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Judge orders welfare cheat to get no more tattoos. With pic of what a butterfly on the moon might look like
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Florida men arrested after stealing children's diapers. Cops promise that crooks will not be pampered
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You're an Atlanta public school teacher or principal whose students did poorly on standardized tests. Do you C) Sneak in weekends and late nights with your personal computer-logged key card to change answers?
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| Fri January 28, 2011 |
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Shoveling snow out of a parking spot does not give you dibs in New York City. Ever
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| (Some Toys) |
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Photoshop these plastic robots
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Please do not photograph government employees not doing their jobs, Citizen. We have a "system" to deal with our employees without the need for evidence
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| (Some Guy) |
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Impressive picture gallery - The Egypt Protests (Warning: some content is graphic)
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| (English Russia) |
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Creepy Russian playgrounds that Ed Gein would envy
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Bacon is a gateway meat for vegetarians. Mmmmmm gateway meat
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It's ladies and/or moustache night in this week's Mugshot Roundup
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From the "Unclear on the Concept" Department, Egyptian President Mubarak dissolves Cabinet, will appoint new one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Can you guess the blood alcohol level? Let's go to the mug shot
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| (Crookston Times) |
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"Wall of Shame" thieves captured after one makes the mistake of also stealing... a tomato?
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Russia, we tried that. It didn't help
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Indiana tries encouraging residents to lose weight. Predictably, some fatties have a problem with this
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Stallone killed while crossing street in Utah. Chuck Norris would have made the truck use the sidewalk
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Pair of robbers rob armored truck parked at Dollar General, make off with $1.45 in lead
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Blueberries are still blue, but not so berry
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Dominican Republic's new tourism slogan: "There are many things you can do to avoid getting cholera here. Please don't cancel your travel plans"
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For once, a story that involves scissors and a weiner that ends happily
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In between taxpayer-fueled cross-country fundraisers, Bobby Jindal tells state workers "no pay raise for you"
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Why your New Years "get in shape" resolution isn't working. "Because you stopped doing it January 3rd" strangely absent
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Son, running around the park tackling women and rubbing your face in their butts is no way to go through life...or is it?
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16-Year-old Clinton Township boy feces charges
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"He was also banned from going within a one-mile radius of the horse owner's stables and fields"
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LA Catholic schools to add an extra 20 days to academic year, which will be 25 more days than public school year. With pic. of what students who just had their school year extended a month might look like
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Egyptian soldiers walk in to quell riots. Oh-way-oh
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't worry, gay people. Chick-fil-A hates you, but they'll still take your money
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I'd like to return this dog. He doesn't match my drapes
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Russian scientists drilling in Siberia "hope to encounter life forms that have never been seen." Have these people never SEEN a horror movie?
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Your word is "sarsparilla". _____________________. "That is correct"
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7 myths about the Challenger shuttle disaster that will blow your mind. Dust off your tin hats
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Alaska AG promises that all e-mails from when Palin was governor of Alaska will be release not later than May 31st of this year. Which means it took his office a year longer to review them than Palin took to generate them as governor
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Photoshop this unknown unwinder
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Catholic bishops call on married couples to not do anal
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Friday photo fun from the guys at TSG. Underdog, Pebbles and Bam-Bam, Spongebob, Grumpy and Tigger all went to jail. Who did they go with? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern
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| (AccuWeather) |
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Groundhog Day storm may affect over 100 million people, according to meteorologist Phil Connors
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| (Courier Press) |
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Cool: Student picked to sing National Anthem at high school basketball game. Not Cool: Principal asks her if she could sing it "a little whiter"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Cowboys aren't the only thing bombing at Cowboy Stadium
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Five Chinese dining customs you should know. "You should slurp your noodles. It' s like swishing wine in your mouth"
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Joe Biden advises unemployed Americans to "hang in there." Sounds like good advice: It's quicker and probably less painful than slitting your wrists
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Group of around 7-10 punks split after cops strike at local bowling alley. Pins
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Advertisers one step away from beaming ads directly into our dreams
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Man compares being kicked off of Facebook to living in a communistic country
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White House intern wows judges with husky voice on American Idol
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High-powered Washington lobbyist gets 27 months in federal prison for massive money-laundering scheme that would have been totally unnecessary if he'd just waited for the Citizen's United ruling
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wikileaks: "Hey, we got stuff on Egypt too" (NSFGoverment)
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They're underwater on their mortgages, unemployed, and whining about having to pay for health care and infrastructure. But Americans are still finding the cash to buy themselves new cars, trucks, and gadgets
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Time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. Vote early, vote often
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1) Use stimulus money to start up a solar panel plant in Massacusetts 2) Wait for money to run out, then move entire operation to China. 3) PROFIT
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Agriculture Secretary Vilsack approves genetically modified alfalfa, that little rascal
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| (azfamily.com) |
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University pulls out of plan to have Bristol Palin be the keynote speaker during Sex Week
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| (Some Guy) |
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Eight stories of dying wishes coming true. Damn you oddee
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| (SFPA) |
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Arizona to spend $67 million to ensure precious college snowflakes aren't confused by course numbers. "Skip class, get drunk 101" replaced by "Post-graduation preparation A"
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Five year old girl disappears down New Zealand drain. Pennywise unavailable for comment
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Two members of the Law & Order: Illinois Elevator Inspectors Unit assigned to desk duty after a toddler took an express to the ground floor
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How *hic* do *hic* I *hic* get rid of *hic* hiccups?
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Egypt unrest escalates. w/ live updates
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French judge throws out drunk driving charge because police officer spoke to French driver in French
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That "U.S. Marshal" you met on Craigslist is actually a Subway "sandwich artist." But if it makes you feel better, he really is wanted by U.S. Marshals
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Old & busted: Waterfront Commission policing the docks for mob corruption, drug smuggling and other major crimes. New hotness: Probe of suspect who swiped a $2 bottle of iced tea and used it to wash down a stolen piece of sausage
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Blind man loses seeing-eye-dog. "I haven't seen him since Tuesday"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: If you're going to use a cell phone as a detonator for a bomb, don't activate service on it until just before you need it
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Where were you 25 years ago when Challenger blew up?
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Vladimir Putin: Tough guy, world leader, stand-up comic
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Visiting Sweden this year? Why not have a seat right over here in the national library
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| (Some Production) |
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Photoshop this positioning of props and puppets
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News: Brazilian man locked wife in cellar for eight years. Fark: While he lived upstairs with another woman
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Orlando man arrested for smuggling cockroaches into the state. Finally, Florida stops something illegal from entering
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You are 14 years old and want to raise money to help out your grandma. Do you: A) Mow lawns B) Return bottles C) Sell your cocaine at school
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Dallas-Fort Worth area exotic club owners are worried there won't be enough strippers for Super Bowl XLV. They figure 10,000 more ought to do the trick
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Today is the 25th anniversary of the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger. Godspeed brave explorers
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Oh, that kind of flash mob
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Hit me with a snowball? THAT'S a throat cuttin'
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Is Dead Space 2 terrifying enough to be worth the money? Can Aaron Stanton carry LA Noire? What happened with Bizarre Creations? What is Abbie wearing under the table? Find out (Sponsored link)
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Court clears way for removal of Chicago cemetery in the way of new runway at O'Hare, displacing hundreds of voters
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't bite the hand that feeds you but you CAN bite the hand that doesn't buy you a beer. After that, you can hit her in the head with a skateboard
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Oklahoma Board of Education member objects to hiring of a pregnant woman: ""If she has that baby in April and takes off six weeks, she's worthless to us"
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| (Some Casting) |
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Photoshop this molten metal
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Teacher leaves mysterious message on classroom blackboard, disappears. Police chalk it up to depression
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| Thu January 27, 2011 |
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Good news for people who like to inhale their food: Now you actually can
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Department of Education teaches five people about gravity with surprise demonstration
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| (Some Guy) |
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OK, folks... the fire danger is currently very high in Oklahoma. Please don't throw out lit cigarettes, and PLEASE don't tow a car without tires
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| (Traverse City Record-Eagle) |
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Cremains rescued from burning funeral home. Well done
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| (Some Guy) |
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Retired Gorkha soldier singlehandedly prevents rape, thwarts 40 train robbers, killing 3 and injuring 8, armed only with his khukuri, giant steel balls
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Previously unreleased letters show J.D. Salinger's "warmth" and "affection," revealing him to be just another goddamn phony
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| (Spectator) |
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British Foreign Office to tourists in Tunisia: Expect to get beaten, raped, killed and raped. Wait, did I say Tunisia? I meant France
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| (Some Guy) |
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Convicted killer's plan: break out of prison, overdose on heroin, get eaten by bears
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Just remember, bringing you mother along on the honeymoon is more divorcey than it is giggity
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Not news: Man on the lam for 31 years to stand before judge. News: He was found in an old folks' home. Fark: He has to stand before the same judge from 31 years ago
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China demonstrates its latest crowd control device. Sorry. Fire control device. It would never cross their minds to use it as a crowd control device. This thing is for fires only
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Stop me if you heard one before; Arab nation seized by massive protests. Thankfully, these protesters had the decency to develop an escalating protest color scale. Current protest level: Pink. Fabulous
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Ex-Tunisian dictator's family: "Whew, we're safe in Canada." Canada: "GTFO"
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Photoshop theme: Create the next insane physical fitness fad
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Goodnight, mister "weird guy who crossed the Atlantic on a raft made out of garbage" dude
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iran: "Now that people are focused elsewhere, let's kill off the Green political-prisoners"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're on welfare, lawmakers kindly request that you stop withrdrawing your taxpayer-funded money from ATMs in strip bars. "I'm very disappoint, very disappoint"
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One man's death-defying journey to prove the existence of that which was once believed to be extinct: grocery stores in Detroit
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Authorities would once again like to remind skiers that if they leave the marked trails, they are no longer so much "at a ski resort" as "lost in a very large, and very cold, wilderness"
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In his lifetime, the unluckiest man in the world has been robbed at gunpoint, knifed in the chest, bitten by two different snakes, and now struck by lightning
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| (Pat's Papers) |
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Baltimore cop says he suffered "tremendous humiliation, embarrassment and mental anguish" for being forced to shave prior to a visit from President Obama. And he wants $17 million to soothe his razor burn
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Muslims concerned that number of Muslims is up
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| (RTTV) |
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You can set your house on fire by using electricity to jump start the gasoline soaked corpse of your dead sister. The more you know
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One professor is not very relieved after protesting the lack of an open-door policy. Urine trouble now
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A Nguyenner is you
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*knock knock* Housekeeping. You want pillow? *knock knock* You want new set of sheets? *BAM* how about a 40lb box rape, instead?
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| (Houston Press) |
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What brew best represents your state? The United States of Beer [map]
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Ozzy doesn't know what a Bieber is either, but will be doing a superbowl comercial with it
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Authorities in Montana airlifting hay to remote ranch to feed 350 starving horses after owner abandoned them after shutting down his multi-million dollar breeding business
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| (Some Guy) |
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The "foodie" philosophy started out good, but then it got co-opted by arrogant, snobbish food Nazis, aka "foodiots"
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| (Some Guy in Cairo) |
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Submitter in Egypt wants to know: Facebook and Twitter are blocked in Egypt. Can't find a proxy that will let me through, either. Suggestions to the right
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Today's dead blackbird news comes from Alabama, where officials say the birds "appear to have died from flying into or being struck by a large object, such as an tractor-trailer rig." Tractor-trailer was last seen flying south
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90% of young children in China are allowed to watch cartoons all day and eat candy for dinner
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Egypt: "F*ck journalists and f*ck Britain"
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"The only country that publicly boasts a total absence of obesity among the general population is North Korea"
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Remember, it's illegal to lie about your medical condition in order to get medical marijuana. Even if you're an anti-drug lawmaker who's doing it to prove a point
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Climate change you can believe in: Himalayan glaciers now growing in size
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| (KSAT) |
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41 weird, common-sense-denying, TSA alarm-setting-off body piercings (with Fark-ready captions)
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The main US military installation in charge of bio-warfare defense was locked down because of a "serious concern" yesterday, but officials say it's all better now, and no you don't get to know why. Sleep tight
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Bad: Valuable pedigreed stud cat missing. Good: Cat is found and returned. Bad: Someone neutered him. "I can hardly ask someone to sew them back on"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Supercustom
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| (WTVN) |
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Students will have to pass a breathalyzer test before entering school dance. Policy hatched by killjoy student who is now in the swirly-a-day program
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Police recover Beanie Babies stolen in home invasion after pulling over men on getaway bicycles
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Lots of IT jobs to be available soon IF you can handle inconveniences like excellent pay and a pension
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Attention Costco customers: The lockdown has been rescinded as the bomb in the parking lot is actually a pinata
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| (health.com) |
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The recreational drug ketamine, often called "Special K" by the young partygoers who use it, is now linked to a heightened risk for pelvic pain and urinary incontinence. Party on
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NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg says he was tempted to make a few snowballs and throw them at people before closing NYC public schools for the day
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| (A traffic warden) |
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So you're drunk and find your car wheel clamped. Do you A. Sleep if off and pay the fine? Or B. Attack the clamp with an axe and set fire to the vehicle?
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Virginia lawmaker offers eunuch solution for sex offenders
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Facebook credits have moved one step closer to becoming our defacto world currency
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Bats use carnivorous plants as living toilets. When you're guana go, you're guana go
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| (Some Guy) |
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UK-based Cella Energy has developed a synthetic fuel that could lead to US$1.50 per gallon gasoline. Next week: study by the oil lobby finds synthetic fuel causes cancer
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| (MedIndia) |
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Still no cure for cancer, because stem cell research is being hindered by too many scientists filing patents
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Man who wanted to conceal his identity scissored off his lower lip, dug two moles out of his cheek with a box cutter and gave himself a nose job. Whatever happened to putting on fake glasses and growing a goatee?
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| (trib local) |
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Burglar pours ketchup into fish tank during apartment robbery. Cops not fooled by the red herring
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| (WOODtv.com) |
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Woman calls cops because store's yogurt tasted "like sperm". Suspect denies taking matters into his own hands, but cops don't swallow his story. What a jerk
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News: Man reports theft of his car hood ornament. Amusing: It was a bird wearing a plastic Green Bay Packers mini helmet. Fark: He called 911
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School officials "not impressed" by $30,000 penis. Officials are still trying to get it off
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The Mexican cartels are going medieval on America and are now using catapults to hurl drugs into the country
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Photoshop this green scene
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It happens: Making error of geography. Embarrassing: Being corrected by an American. Fark: The American is Arnold Schwarzenegger
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Dog found eighteen miles out to sea adopted. Good buoy
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Maryland judge serves on jury. Next up: Executioner
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Game banned from prisons, since it "mimics the organization of a gang," threatens security. FARK: It's Dungeons & Dragons
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While you are down to being able to feed your family Ramen noodles, this prisoner is making $10,000 a month on the inside
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Former Harlem Globetrotter convicted of felony theft. The trial was going well until the defendant starting spinning a basketball on the judge's head, calling the jury foreman a "jive turkey"
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Reverend Ted Haggard: "I'm probably what the kids call 'bisexual.'" Which makes one wonder how the kids know this about Ted
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 299: "Weather". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 26, 2011 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Uncle Milton buys the ant farm at age 97
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Drunken female TV Station executive busted for "touching herself, removing her top and dancing on a pole like a stripper"
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Speaker Boehner will be the keynote speaker of the insurance lobby's annual meeting. Tea Party response in... wait; how does one write "never" numerically?
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Celebrity journalist who says that Hawaii's Governor couldn't find a birth certificate amends story just a bit. "I never talked to the Governor"
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A lap dance is NOT so much better when the stripper is riddled with bulletholes
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you don't mind scuba diving between 2 to 4am in frigid, shallow waters as you repair animatronic sea bass, Disneyland may have a job for you
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Photoshop this hot foot
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| (KPTV) |
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Health officials investigate possible link between cancer and breast implants, promise to be taking a much closer look
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Are there any Arab countries NOT currently having protests?
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| (KWWL) |
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Librarian says 10,000-page book of poetry is world's thickest book. Oh freddled gruntbuggly / Thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits / On a lurgid bee
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By April, the terror threat advisory will be upgraded to sane
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gas station's metal awning collapses from the weight of too much bird poop
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'Shocking' study finds that 40 percent of young people like having sex with more than one person. Researchers forgot they were at a university
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All the fame and fortune in the world can't ease the sting of being constantly asked if you're pregnant when you're really just fat
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Where are they now? Icy Hot Stuntaz edition
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| (Some Guy) |
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One woman used eggs and the other used bullets, but the result was the same: scrambled and in jail
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Hitler's last survivng bodyguard says that due to his advanced age he can no longer respond to the overwhelming amount of fan-mail and autograph requests he gets on a daily basis
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Gingerism has people seeing red. Orange you going to stick up for the gingers?
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Antarctic minke whales have been mating with their Arctic cousins and creating a new hybrid whale. Kinky minkes?
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Man argues that sentence for 23rd drunk driving conviction is pretty harsh, since there weren't people in the vehicles he hit
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| (Bournemouth Echo) |
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Airport officials ban couple from flying with three-inch toy gun, which could be used to hijack a very, very small plane, or poke someone's eye out (w/pic which will make you soil yourself with fear)
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The Pope thinks all public officials should be virgins that are burned at the stake. So I guess Berlusconi's off the hook
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| (Some Guy) |
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As bad as American air travel has gotten, TSA and baggage handlers haven't yet gotten around to affixing sanitary pads to your bags
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Bomb found on MLK Day parade route may have been filled with rat poison
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Not news: Man files $150,000 lawsuit against eatery over olive pits. Fark: It's Dennis Kucinich suing the House cafeteria
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Iranian newspapers photoshop British missiles
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Another example of how kids are more emotionally stable than adults
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Reporter (very gingerly) recreates the greatest car chase scene in movie history, with the original driver co-piloting
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| (Some Corpse) |
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This Sunday is the 350th anniversary of the execution of Oliver Cromwell. Fark - he was already dead and they dug his body up again just so they could give him a public hanging
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman reports her Subaru stolen in the morning, then sees her Ford truck drive by in the afternoon
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Looks like Egypt has managed to crush its little Rebellion
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A Harps supermarket feels that children should not be exposed to the visual of a same-sex family
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Astrophysicists find supergiant star with a thick dust disc. Thick dust disc. Thick dust disc. Thick dust disc. Thick dust disc
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| (Some Guy) |
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Toyota in 2010: We're very sorry, it won't happen again. Toyota in 2011: Erm
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| (Some Guy) |
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2011 Top 10 filthiest hotels in America
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Stiff found in freezer in cold case
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| (Some Sweaty Guy) |
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A new study from the University College of London *facepalm* dept. found one of the main reasons you're so fat - indoor heating
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Restaurant owner admits Mufasa Tacos were only a publicity stunt, and that he was lion about the whole thing. What a cheetah
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It happens every time: You're at P.F. Changs and some drunk woman comes up to your table, bursts into tears and helps herself to your crispy wontons
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Another great thing about booze, it makes a great superconductor. Who knew?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't eat flood food
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Drew's stuck dealing with lawyers today, but in the meantime here are some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/16 - 1/22
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Major Nidal Hasan ruled sane, will have to stand trial. With picture of what a sane, mass-murdering gunman might look like
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Man seeks protection from sex-mad wife, says he can't keep it up
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| (Some Stats Guy) |
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What your state is worst at? Farkers take one look and head en masse for Utah and Wisconsin
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Wal-Mart responds to the "Too Old" market by introducing a line of makeup and anti-aging creams for 8-year-olds
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A very generous Jewish medical clown is bringing oy to a children's hospital in Chicago
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| (Some Guy) |
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Bristol Palin to teach Palinontology for Sex Week-- the "What, Me Worry?"abstinence tour
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Scientists identify region of brain responsible for identifying Farmer's Markets
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Would you swim nine days for a piece of ice?
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And now... boxers getting punched in the face. People, not dogs
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| (The Mississippi Link) |
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Man has sex with and gives four show hogs vaginal infections, two less than subby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Think twice before accepting that friend request from your insurance agent
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Segregation in public schools is back. Guess where
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Unless you're specifically writing about its airbags, try not to crash the $250,650 Bentley you're test driving for a magazine article
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Actually, it says "I really like the Mini range of cars, and would very much appreciate a free one", it's just cold in here
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| (Some Iron Guy) |
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Photoshop this really old furnace
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| (News-Leader.com) |
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The moral of this trailer park beating story? Don't bring a stolen gun to a hammer, flash light and nunchucks fight. Or, do. No, don't. Well, it is confusing
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Florida's 8th-graders score below national standards in science, probably because only a handful of Florida schools actually teach it
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Pre-K student proudly packs his own lunch, his crayons, his loaded .22
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Bearded man can't be prison guard. Article contains a picture of what a bearded man with a turban sitting on a chair in the middle of the road might look like
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| (Some Guy) |
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You might just wanna throw those reusable grocery bags away
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29 year old man set to become Britain's youngest grandfather
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Vietnam Vet being treated for cancer gets dropped by his insurance company because he was two cents short on his payment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: Make something simple unnecessarily complicated
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Veterinarian dressed as a doctor, enters patients room in hospital, Stuffs cotton balls in patients crotch. Then it gets weird
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Talk about a crappy roommate
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University of Texas graduate who holds a degree in aerospace engineering gets a job playing with Legos
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| (archives.gov) |
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Lincoln researcher tries to make his mark by altering date on historic letter. Archivists find his penmanship is nothing to write home about
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Utah lawmakers propose M1911 as official state gun. A state gun? Seriously?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seven modern car technologies that are actually 100 years old
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| Tue January 25, 2011 |
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Smoking hot 30-year-old teacher arrested after on-campus dalliance with 13-year-old student, (if you haven't clicked away yet, please read the rest of this headline) and by smoking hot we mean straight from hell
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Don't you hate it when you're just trying to fill up your car on a windy Tuesday afternoon and the gas station canopy falls on you?
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Man arrested for kiddie porn tellls cops it's OK because he's too old to get excited any more
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Why yes, I would love a grilled cheese and tomato soup flavored martini. Thank you
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Continuing on our 'would you like a brawl with your meal' escpades, we take you to Orangeburg South Carolina and the local IHOP
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Photoshop this religious ritual
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| (WLWT) |
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Charles Manson arrested. This is not a repeat from 1969
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"Christian" claims sex is OK, not to be ashamed of and 100s of Christian books about chastity, promise rings, evils of masturbation and other sins don't help anyone have a natural sex life, as Jesus intended. Let's burn him
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From the Why Didn't I Think of That files - instead of waiting on hold, new technology calls you back when an agent is available
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Official guide to the 2011 State of the Union Address
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NY Times trying to create it's own WikiLeaks. Which will probably work about as well as the time your dad tried to act all hip with the kids on MySpace
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| (Some Guy) |
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Town smurfed off after Smurfit decides to demolish smurfed up factory after smurfingly poor sales
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| (PIX 11 News) |
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Long Island woman hits friend before putting car in reverse and backing over her, effectively ending the argument
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Deputies called out to disturbance restrain drunk woman who was screaming and cursing. FARK: In the 6th grade class she was teaching
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| (Some Stabby Guy) |
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There's sad and then there's "stabbing at the food bank" sad
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New research says that men pay close attention to sexy news anchors but remember less
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You knew it was coming, comrade. Call of Duty being blamed for the Russian bombing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rick Sanchez kinda wants Keith Olbermann's old job
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| (Some Guy) |
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After a decade of war taking its toll on our military and their loved ones back home, President Obama announces new government-wide initiatives to support the military and their families
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First GITMO prisoner to go before civilian court gets life in prison and a $33 million fine
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I got scared. And the only thing in my sock drawer besides my socks and my cash was a dildo"
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Obama to propose spending freeze at State of the Union. Obviously, the Republicans have a problem with this... wait, what?
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Fox News' anchor Bret Baier performs Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight". Subby searches for 'Surreal' tag
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Someone in NY is killing tiny prostitutes; Leaves little for police to go on
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Live feed of what is now being considered the start of an Egyptian Revolution
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| (Some Guy) |
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Father and son get death penalty for bombing a bank. They would have gotten away with it if it had been Bank of America
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Motorcycle safety systems will alert riders to unsafe activities, such as GETTING ON A MOTORCYCLE
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| (azfamily.com) |
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Bristol Palin is about to become a wacky morning DJ. "I'm leaning toward more yes than no"
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The US Forest Service is trying to bring Zombie Woodsy Owl back to life
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Head teacher eating crow after learning that student suspended for being an adult really is only 14-years-old
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Raleigh-Durham TSA: Say, about the 16 disassembled Glocks in your luggage; what's up with that. Arms Smuggler: Non-functional engineering samples. RDU TSA: Y'all have a good day, now
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Park built in Mexico as an anti-violence measure draws exactly what you'd expect: an appropriate use of the Irony tag
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IRS denies charitable contribution deduction for man who donates house to fire department to set on fire for training purposes. What an ash hole
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China planning a city 26 times the size of London, visible from space
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| (CONTEMPORIST) |
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Photoshop the Dali museum interior
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And you thought your neighbor was a pain in the ass
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Doctors are curing depression with a sexy new lobotomy procedure and they're really excited about it
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Reason No. 347 why America is doomed: four out of five people believe "The Battle of the Bulge" is a new obesity-intervention series on NBC, while the fifth person is absolutely positive it's on Bravo
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: woman pays $80 a week rent. Fark: To get a $20 million mansion to herself
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| (MyFOX) |
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Drive-by shooting in Los Angel....wait a sec...Lewiston, Maine?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ever wondered what it takes to get your own cooking show on national cable? Follow along as TFer twoody does exactly that
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Russian president Medvedev to airport: "It's your fault for getting blown up and you should feel ashamed"
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Guy leaves his wife at home, takes the petite 90 lb Bianca on vacations, cross-country motorcycle trips, and even skydiving. FARK: Bianca is a RealDoll, one of 14. FARK FARK: He's spent over $25,000 on travel and $2000 on lingerie, too
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You done goofed America. Iran has established the Cyber Police and the consequences will never be the same
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| (Some Guy) |
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Uncle having sex with his 19 yo niece leads to Three Stooges inspired mayhem without the nyuks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Guess which state may require women seeking abortions to get a sonogram? Your fetus wants snapshots
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Dumbass: Man arrested, handcuffed in front of kids for stealing car. Fark: His own car
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| (Some Guy) |
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Gulf coast Ministers demanding payments for their parishioners from BP because (c) their collection plates revenue is down
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Flashlight that shoots bullets? What could possibly go wrong?
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