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| Sun November 21, 2010 |
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Airline pilot gets locked in cockpit for nearly 4 hours, forced to eat pretzels
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Seven killed in gold mine collapse. Au shiat
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New Bible translation to be published. Insiders say this version will be more upbeat, less preachy, and include a wacky neighbor for Jesus
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Congratulations, Camden, New Jersey. You are no longer the most dangerous city in the United States
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Shaft traps Chinese worker for 80 hours. In his defense, he *is* a complicated man, and no one understands him but his woman
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Six cars that could make or break GM. Considering one of them is the Volt GM is in big trouble
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle kid's books from Russia are an indication of the weird and wonderful things that can happen when you just completely ignore copyright laws
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Remember the poor ignorant Swedish girl that was murdered because she wanted to see the real Africa? Fark comments solved it before the police
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Salvation Army needs turkeys, so if you see one of those bell ringers be sure to put a turkey into their pot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop theme: you can't say you weren't warned
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The pat-downs will continue until morale improves
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The world's toughest 23 math problems. "How to get a Fark green light" strangely absent
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Hoping to get the cheapest price on a sparkling new refueling tanker, the Air Force sends competing company's confidential bids to their competitors. Military intelligence
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OMG, they've crossed the streams
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| (Vancouver Sun) |
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Police urge citizens to be on lookoat for mugger last seen wearing "Vancover Curling Club" coat and white toque. Hockey rinks, Tim Hortons shops on high alert
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| (Jacksonville Journal-Courier) |
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This is my rifle, this is my gun, but the Beanie Baby is for more than fun
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Another sign of the bad economy: your stereo is not the part of your car thieves want most
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New York City, which had nothing to do with space shuttle launches, now getting all butthurt that they might not get a space shuttle to charge tourists to see. Butthurt
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7.19. 1-33 10-74 7-92-19-99
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Brits want William as their next king. Ash from housewares demands a recount
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| (Ow, my back) |
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Monday is snowplow driver appreciation day in Wisconsin, so when they plow you in give them the salute that they deserve
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Sunday alcohol sales on the rise in U.S. Some States take advantage selling booze as early as 6 A.M
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Tiger, tiger, waning light, In the forests of the night, Our mortal hand and eye, Will soon snuff thy fearful symme
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| (Some Tfette) |
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Huffer Guy downgraded to second place as Flathead Guy takes the crown in the Mugshot Hall of Fame
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Casino discovers that old-time slot machines still popular with customers. In other news, nostalgic items often hold appeal to those interested in the past
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Police cars now remember every license plate the car has ever passed. Just in case. For your own good. To give you an alibi if you need to prove you weren't at a crime scene. Yeah, that's the ticket
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And so it begins, the Second American Revolution
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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. First of all, isn't it the school district's fault for having a hot female band teacher?
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Stay classy, Virginia: legal moonshine whisky is now available
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this parkour-iste
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Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad urges girls to start having sex at 16. Man, and they say western girls are sluts?
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Donated liver survives enhanced pat-down, back-scatter imaging, fiery plane crash, and successful transplantation. Is feeling a little jet-lagged though
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Some kid told his mom what goes on in the locker room and now the football game residents of two towns have been waiting their entire lives for is cancelled
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| (Some Guy) |
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Israel to invest $23 million in Western Wall plaza. The plaza will have a Starbucks, Sbarro's, Hot Dog On A Stick, California Pizza Kitchen, and a Starbucks inside the other Starbucks
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| (Cape Coral daily Breeze) |
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Mayor proposes Ten Commandments display in City Hall. Council responds "Yeah, about that...."
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90 years have passed since Sunday, Bloody Sunday. How long must we sing this song? How long?
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So you County Commissioners opened up the Holiday Display to 'other' denominations. How's that working out for you?
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Cell phones are making pay phones so scarce, you have to resort to your own phone to call in bomb threats these days
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| (Some Scottish Guy) |
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Prison inmates refuse to let their laundry be done by sex offenders. Or in Scottish: "Lags strike over pervs handling their smalls in the nick"
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| (E-Bible Fellowship) |
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Judgment day's six months from today. Update your calendars
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Not news: Pastor tells churchgoers to delete their Facebook profiles, because Facebook leads to infidelity. News: Said pastor involved in threesome. Fark: With his wife and another man from his church
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The truth about Black Friday deals, and how that black X-Box 360 may only lead to a black eye
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Photoshop this burning bale
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Dance troupe dressed in military camouflage walks through the Lincoln Tunnel, with predictable FBI response
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Five reasons why electric cars will always suck
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Swedish model to millionaire husband during their South African honeymoon: "Let's not go back right away to our 5 star hotel and visit the poorer districts, I want to see the real Africa". Well, she did
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Mexico selling off its narco-bling, including an 18-carat gold Audemars Piguet Swiss and ... wait for it ... a gem-encrusted Virgin of GaudyLupe
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| Sat November 20, 2010 |
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Having trouble serving arrest warrants because official looking vehicles scare off suspects? A Steelers van makes excellent bait
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Photoshop this inactive activist
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What's more entertaining than an in-flight movie? An in-flight unruly nutcase with an undiagnosed mental condition
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Not News: Guy comes home from the war, moves on with life, goes to college. Fark: Is barred from campus because he wrote a paper about having to kill people in war
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NJ police officer who torched his own car for the insurance money was apparently absent the day they taught "evidence" at the police academy
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New York offers a huge reward for one of its missing unicorns
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If you land in ICU because your upstairs neighbor beat the snot out of you for asking him to quiet down, don't count on the Kansas City police to do anything if the guy won''t answer their knocking on his door
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You like the Cherry Coke? You like the Vanilla Coke? How about the Orange Lemon Lime Cherry Watermelon Cinnamon Turkey Gravy Coke?
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If you were thinking about buying some black-market Ukranian sperm whale teeth, think again. You will not be allowed to import them. Narwahl you be allowed to sell them
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FAA won't punish NJ pilot that dropped rolls of toilet paper out window, say ground crews could not determine what trash had actually come from the plane
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If you get shot by your own boobytrapped shotgun and your girlfriend takes you to the hospital, don't say, "shut up, we talked about this" in front of the doctor when they ask what happened. They'll get suspicious
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Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect. Done and done
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Energy drinks are now being blamed for *closes eyes, throws dart* turning children into alcoholics when they go to college
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If only there was some event, a holiday if you will, that could ease the pain of removing loved turkeys from a town. I know, invite them over for dinner, and give them a special spot "on" the table
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US Mint: "Hey America, if we put Lincoln on the dollar coin, will you finally give up those dollar bills?", America: "Well, see U.S. Mint, it's like this. Vending machines don't know what the hell these things are"
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Farmer destroys secret hidden Zombie lair with bulldozer. Naturally someone has a problem with this
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Washington DC commuter tells harrowing tale of survival after being forced to WALK up an escalator
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Pointy-hat guy sticks up for gay hooker sex with jimmy hats
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| (Some Guy) |
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A Common Sense Buyer's Guide For Christmas, 2010
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гestored to West Potomac High School report cards
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| (Awful Marketing) |
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Marine and bride kicked out of hotel on wedding night.... because they don't meet hotel's 21-and-over rule
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| (Some Good Samaritan?) |
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Local pastor invited to join in school lunch after driving by and throwing a ball over a fence back onto the playground. Just kidding--police are patroling the school and warning letters have been sent to all parents
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Photoshop this examining employee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Adjusting for inflation, the minimum wage was worth more before we landed on the moon than today. Would you like fries with that?
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FDA orders Darvon and Darvacet taken off the market, because they know better than doctors what's good for you
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Phoenix cries fowl over growing urban poultry movement. Backers say keeping chickens is legal, opponents say of the law, they will try to pullet
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If you picked Massachusetts to be the next state to ban Four Loco and all caffeinated alcohol, step up to receive your sloppy, jittery prize
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The worst US naval disaster you've never heard of
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| (Some Toy Guy) |
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Barbie really does look like a bit of slut next to Fatima. Meet Iran's answer to fight the "enemies cultural invasion"
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Warden ignores D.A. and releases child rapist early from prison. Who was then busted and arrested after he got into his GIRLFRIEND'S car upon release from prison, a violation of his parole
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| (Some Guy) |
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63 years ago today, the Marine Corps started one of their finest traditions that didn't involve breaking things and killing people
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New study determines that if you don't want to get married it's not because you don't believe in the sacred ritual, it's because you're poor
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Couple already camped out in front of Best Buy for Black Friday
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8 week old cougar cubs make debut at Cincinnati zoo. With ugly-ass picture
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Slender, long-legged beauties with traditional flower wreaths in their hair say they are promoting women's rights and fighting for democracy by staging topless protests that involve rude gestures, obscene slogans and scuffles with police
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| (ProJo.com) |
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Bad: Man's safe stolen from home. Good: The police have recovered it and it's at the station. Just fine: They ask him to verify ownership by opening it. Fark: He kept $5,000 and 2lbs of weed in it
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Vatican to issue new abuse guidelines. Rule 1: You do not talk about Vatican abuse club
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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Bad: Man chokes on raisins and blacks out while driving a truck. Good: Nobody was seriously hurt and the crash dislodged the raisins. Stupid: He was given a ticket for impeded driving
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After you've just robbed an old lady in the mall parking lot, try not smash the getaway car into a decorative rock and lose the license plate. They almost always catch you that way. (w/ very hittable mother and hot-ass daughter mugs)
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Strippers get all stabby at closing time, "The suspect used an eyeliner wand or pencil in the attack." Nomi Malone unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Slow news day: Key West is not a country
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Man devastated after trophy hunter shoots the 900 pound bear he had fed for years (w/pic)
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2.5 million-year-old tobacco found. Paleontologists proclaim it a lucky strike
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A cell phone from your grandma on your birthday beats a check for $5 - especially when it's pre-loaded with porn. THANKS, GRANDMA
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Beer and the bottles it's contained in: The cause of, and solution to, every police standoff you'll ever be in
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| (WXII12.com) |
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Student offers $100 to have school employee killed and is suspended for six days. The punishment would have been worse, but it was only a bus driver
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These effervescent bacon tablets will explode in a shower of fizz and delicious bacon flavor (future = HERE)
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Congress clueless on TSA procedures and indignities as they are never near them on their escorted trip direct to airside
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2-week-old blind kitten named Homer purrs his way in to a permanent home just in time for Caturday
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Photoshop this concocted crisis
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Texas Gov. Perry says US should consider sending troops to Mexico
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Less than a week 'til Black Friday, it must be time for the annual "dangerous toys" slideshow. You'll shoot your eye out
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Artist known as the "invisible man" just wants to blend in. Much like him, how he'll make money doing this remains unseen
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| (Lohud.com) |
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Article
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Chicago suburb bands together and "adopts" a wild turkey that has been roaming the neighborhood. Expect a followup on Wednesday as police investigate the animal's disappearance
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If you're a high school principal at a public school, you probably shouldn't show students a video that ends with an image of Jesus embracing a man. "Heaven was needing a hero"
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Soaring 90,000 feet above Earth is a potato dressed as Santa attached to a helium balloon. Why? Who knows? But I can tell you one thing with confidence, this is definitely something British
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65-year-old grandmother who has been living in the country illegally since she was six months old threatened with deportation
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Photoshop: Celebrity scandals that aren't really scandals
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| (Lincoln Journal-Star) |
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Mark it zero
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| Fri November 19, 2010 |
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3 soldiers who broke into Colorado Springs medical marijuana dispensary did it so they could destroy the marijuana
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Thank You Fark. We're on the other side now -update on Puggysmoms cancer (or recent lack thereof)
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Friday night Fark Quiz, come and get some
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Do you want to solicit a prostitute? I've half a mind to
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Street fighter guilty of fatality
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US Navy saves two Iranian sailors
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If terrorists want to bomb the USA they should train to be pilots, because airline pilots will be allowed to skip a lot of physical security checks at airports. Subbys bright idea is not from 9/11
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Smile and the world smiles with you, grimace oddly and you're put in the Mugshot Roundup
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Best Korea will soon have electricity when they finish a light-water nuclear reactor, according to new satellite images
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Pa. governor admits his driving skills are rusty - as opposed to the average Pennsylvanian, whose driving skills are nonexistent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dumbass attorney pleads guilty to animal cruelty for drowning squirrels using a "Havahart" trap. Subby doesn't think this arse knows what "Havahart" means
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Photoshop this orange vendor
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Spanish politicians criticize a video by the Young Socialists Party in which a woman simulates an orgasm while casting her vote, saying she just faked it
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Woman survives shock of finding black widow in bag of grapes
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| (Clev Scene) |
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Malaysian hacker breaks into the Cleveland Fed, also provides comedy gold
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Duke's President wants students to stop reminding everyone that Duke sucks
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While the 145,000 citizens of Naperville, Illinois are being photographed for the town's holiday card, the Grinch can safely steal all the toys just like in Whoville
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| (wmal.com) |
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Your kids and grandkids will be living under bridges, like homeless people. Presumably their cell phones, iPads and PDAs will work just fine there
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You might be addicted to shopping if you start camping out in front of the stores nine days before Black Friday. "We just have a hooting time"
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How's those bootstraps doing? Oh, you're still barefoot in your bathrobe because you're unemployed? Well it's noon. And congress didn't renew your unemployment benefits. So you might give mom a call about your old room
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The US Embassy in Beijing has run out of words to describe the poor air quality, they now refer to it as "crazy bad"
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Philippine tourism slogan "The Beautiful Philippines" widely ridiculed for failing to account for smog, deranged tourist-bus killers, or Muslim guerrilla attacks
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Berlusconi pays 95,000 dollars for phallus extension
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After 7-year vacation to let other seasonal diseases take spotlight, bird flu is back and ready to rumble
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TSA agents defend actions after forcing cancer survivor to reveal fake boob during airport pat-down, say they are instructed to keep abreast of everyone
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Final score: Internets 1, Cook's Source 0
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1 in 5 mentally ill? Seems low
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Small, but hopeful, signs for the economic recovery, which are no doubt welcome news to everyone who's losing unemployment benefits right about now
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Yemeni female beach-volleyball participants at Asian Games in Guangzhou claim bikini-clad cheerleaders are distracting them and preventing them from doing their best. Judge for yourself
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Scientists say babies and robots learn from each other, according to astounding new research from the Institute Of We Watched Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes for About An Hour
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Williams-Sonoma owner's goose cooked
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South Korean Government report finds that being nice to the North Koreans didn't help anything
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Just in time for Thanksgiving - a handy list of those airports who use scanners. In other news, CNN actually posts something useful to know
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Lawyer to stuck cruise passengers: Don't call me if you want to sue Carnival. A jury doesn't give a damn that you had to eat Pop Tarts on a cruise ship for three days
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3 year old girl molested by 74 year old man. Which airport he worked at is unknown
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Obama has a small penis
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American Family Association boycotts Dick's Sporting Goods because the retailer doesn't use the word Christmas in holiday advertising. In other news, NOT EVERYONE CELEBRATES CHRISTMAS. THEY ARE TRYING TO BE UNIVERSAL. GOOD GOD
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First-grader gets bullied for her Star Wars water bottle. "I would love to be able to show Katie that she is not alone, that other females appreciate Star Wars"
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| (Crikey) |
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Just to be safe, two men removed the 9 foot crocodile from the swimming hole,loaded it in their car and took it home to hang out in the front yard
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What do China, Germany and the Republican Party have in common? They're all trying to bully the Federal Reserve into calling off its efforts to create jobs
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The Democratic party next year will be the closest to a fully left, socialist brigade than it's ever been, thanks to the electoral evisceration of their core voice of reason: The Blue Dogs
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27 miners trapped in New Zealand mine. No word yet on if they dug too greedily or too deep
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Missing F-22 pilot unlikely to be found until he turns off his stealth suit
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That suitcase bomb found on plane bound for Germany was just a test. Congratulations, you passed
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Ireland admits it now needs help, leaving only 11 steps to go
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| (BLEVE Guy) |
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees, place spraypaint can on center rack and baste frequently
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Turns out it's not the teens who need a frank talking-to about condoms and safe sex. It's their parents. Dude, gross
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Review of the Qantas Airline emergency last week shows that very nearly everything that could possibly go wrong with a plane did, almost simultaneously, and the plane landed safely soley throught the nigh-superhuman efforts of its pilots
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Elite meeting of supervillains debates the question at the top of all their minds: Is James Bond finally dead?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: TSA confiscates nail clippers and a gerbel tool. Fark: From over 200 soldiers who were carrying M4s
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Thai police discover over 2000 'reincarnation do-overs' at Buddhist temple
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Photoshop this flowery fanfare
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The greatest laser cat mural in the universe. Don't even try to top this
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Study finds that cancer patients prefer not to lay in a giant ward full of screaming people in agony as they wait to die and prefer to fight until the end or die at home
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Any day is a good day to quit smoking. Put THAT in your pipe and... oh, right
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So... our children ISN'T learning, then
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Counter-terrorism drill scenario which cost the bureau $500,000 was c) local marijuana growers set off bombs and take over the Shasta Dam in California
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First Facebook stole your privacy, now it causes asthma attacks
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Majority of men think lesbian kisses count as cheating. DAMN STRAIGHT
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Dim lights at night linked to depression, stubbed toes
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Man buys a Ford Fiesta, and later he learns that there's $184,275 hidden in its bumpers
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"Patriotic millionaires" call for their tax cuts to expire. You're doing it right
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dental demonstration
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| Thu November 18, 2010 |
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♫ I resolved to call her up a thousand times a day But her boss gave her a pink slip and sent her ass a-wayyyyy ♫
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"Man dresses depressed Holocaust-survivor grandma as superhero, cheers her up"
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MCO to TSA, "GTFO"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sotheby's set to auction off pinball-sized pink diamond, expected to fetch $60 million. Or, for the men reading this headline, over thirty Kobe Bryant "I'm sorry" rings
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| (Some Lawnmower) |
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Not news: Armed robbery suspect in custody after fleeing scene. Fark: On a riding lawnmower. W/ mugshot goodness
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The resilience of Haitians in the face of unending devastation strains credulity. How could the people of one tiny nation be so cursed, and remain so strong? Sadly, the answer might be, "They can't"
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Days after catching a radioactive rabbit outside a nuclear power plant, workers are now trying to catch a radioactive mouse
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Texas declares war on Mexico. This is not a repeat from 1835
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Four out of ten people believe the concept of marriage is "obsolete," says study brought to you by The Institute of I SWEAR TO CHRIST IF YOU LEAVE THE CAP OFF THE TOOTHPASTE ONE MORE TIME I'LL BURN THIS FARKING HOUSE DOWN
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Arizona's tough immigration law has protected the state from more than $140 million in lost meeting and convention business
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President Obama's former Auto Czar is not eligible for the Kickback Czar position...however you want to define that
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Liter's radio station holding a Radiothon for Childrens Healthcare of Atlanta (CHOA). Come together Farkers and donate just a dollar or two to help make these children well. Listen to one amazing story, and listen live (details in link)
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Six nations nobody cares about boycott Nobel popularity contest
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Another excuse that airline security won't accept: My dog ate my passport
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this skull scanner
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Chinese authorties say their investigation reveals that Shanghai high-rise that went up like it was made of gasoline-soaked balsa-wood, might not have been built exactly to code
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Today's students are still learning about the three R's: reading, 'riting, and rmachetes
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| (Pat's Papers) |
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If you can tell me the square root of 69, I'll marry you. And we'll live happily ever after
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| (Tim Horton) |
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Man robbing donut shop stabs himself with his own knife. Have you ever heard of a cruller twist of fate?
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It's as if millions of goth teens cried out and started cutting themselves...another slice of cheesecake
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I know why the caged bird tweets
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Government stands to profit $13.6 billion from GM's IPO today, proving once and for all that socialism just doesn't work
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Suitcase-bomb on a flight bound for Germany intercepted in Namibia authorities say. TSA expected to immediately ban suitcases from all US flights
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Smart: Denying that you tried to shoplift a turkey by shoving it down your pants. Not smart: Explaining that you were too busy stealing other stuff to shoplift a turkey
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Man admits to court he shared bed with dead girlfriend he killed and read jokes to cheer himself up, but is adamant he did not touch her in a sexual way. Well, alright then
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio's new border-control posse includes such crime-fighting luminaries as Stephen Seagal and Lou Ferrigno
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Doubling down on yesterday's wharrgarbl, Fox News chief says NPR is run by "Nazis"
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Russia seeking to regain its former glory as the country with the best toilets in the world. They must just be sick of being #2
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With all other problems solved, NYPD starts cracking down on the evilness of men teaching inner-city children how to play chess on Saturdays
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A look at what's become a major problem in our society today: an inability to just keep it in our pants
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| (Some Guy) |
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Country music star Trace Adkins tells TN audience he will never cut his hair as long as the Civil War is unsettled (video)
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Beer snobs to be lumped in with low-rent douchebag drunks as the upcoming caffeinated alcoholic beverage ban will take not just Four Loko off the market, but also your favorite coffee stout
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This jury of your peers thing is overrated. Totally inefficient. Did you know for every inmate put to death, China shoots 500 dissidents? At some point the capital punishment gap is going to catch up with us. It's time for reform
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The wealthiest plutocrats now actually control a greater share of the pie in the United States than in historically unstable countries like Nicaragua, Venezuela and Guyana
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Detonator found in bags bound for Munich, which means it's time to start talking about those cavity searches
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This holiday season, you can get groped, prodded, stripped and fingered by the TSA, or you could just take a train
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Texas DOT spends $2.1 million building dinosaur skeleton bridge.....to make people feel safer when they walk under it
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Justice Department set to reverse Bush era policy seeking DNA waivers because federal law says it is illegal to do that
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Does your engagement ring have a story? You know, beyond being ripped from the earth by an enslaved soldier child and then sold to fuel genocidal conflict? If so, the Washington Post would like to hear it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dogs don't understand basic concepts like moving
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| (FOX40.com) |
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Fark you, fark you, fark you, you're cool, and fark you, I'm out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these pogo jumpers
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So it begins: Teacher volunteers to have a camera surgically implanted into the back of his head
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Doctor blames teenage drug use and car crashes on the ridiculous early morning starting time for high school
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If that woman in the bar offers you a free breast exam, she might not be a real doctor
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Haiti's cholera epidemic has reached the United States. EVERYBODY PANIC ... while I go to the store and get some extra soft toilet paper
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Headline: Large Cracks Appear in Auckland Brothel
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| (Some Guy) |
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Introducing the Porn Stick. You can stick it in your kid's computer and it will reveal all. Stick it in my computer and it will explode
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| (Some Lucky Kid) |
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25 year-old smokin' hot teacher arrested for destroying her 16 year-old student lover's life. With "Why yes, I'd hit it too" pic
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America discovered Europe 500 years before Europe discovered America
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Don't you hate it when you're asleep with your girlfriend and then the cops open the car door and you , your 2-year-old, and the meth pills he was playing with fall out and then you're in jail (w/ mugs)
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2010 Terrorist Target List is out. Go USA ... Number one ... Number one .... No, number 33. Was it worth giving up your basic rights and freedoms for?
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| (Some Honeymoon) |
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Photoshop these two coming down a tube
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The latest threat that will utterly destroy New York City is.... *spins the big wheel of doom* SOUP
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 289: "Artistic Bent" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 17, 2010 |
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The Idaho state treasurer has rejected a doctor's idea to include colonoscopy reminders in annual tax notices. "Some taxpayers would find the notes 'ironic.'"
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Twins pull double suicide attempt a shooting range. Fark: One of them survives. Total Fark: They don't know which one
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Cable news filler: Car chase. More cable news filler: The upcoming royal wedding. Fark: MSNBC tries to cover both at the same time... with unfortunate results
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It's like rain on your wedding day, except instead of it raining, your bridesmaids push you headfirst into a swimming pool and you end up paralyzed from the neck down
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Person penalized: painting pretty poodle's paws pink prohibited
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fed up with bullying, boy plays a joke
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| (RT) |
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Vladimir Putin needs help naming his new puppy. Suggestions to the right (unlike in Russia, voting is enabled)
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| (Some Guy) |
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In response to the TSA, Reddit has announced Operation Grab-Ass
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| (Some Merging Man & Woman) |
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Photoshop this clockwork creation
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We may finally be at a point where we can discuss slashing the Pentagon's budget as a realistic option
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Miller heads back to the woods to play with his Coleman stove
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Police name Theodore shooting victim. ALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
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Risk of getting cancer from a single scan by TSA's full-body scanners is about 1 in 30 million. Which is less than the odds of getting killed by lightning, about the same as the plane getting blown up
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| (Some Guy) |
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The story of MoH recipient, SSG Sal Giunta, as told by himself when he doesn't have to worry about the censors on 60 Minutes, or insulting the President. Not safe for work Language
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| (Go Erie) |
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Police Officers forget vehicle after conference, leave it behind in motel parking lot. Difficulty: Nobody noticed it was missing for three weeks
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"Best Time to See the Leonid Meteor Shower Is Now". Well, not "now" per se, but, you know, when it gets dark
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- President Madagascar There is a coup attempt in progress. - SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING
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Today's National Unfriend Day, so here's some tips on how to prune your Facebook fat
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| (WTSP) |
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Debt collectors increasingly using Facebook to publicly annoy people, increasingly forgetting that it's still illegal to do so. Bonus: You don't even have to have a debt
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Airport full body scanners cannot differentiate between a tampon and a stick of dynamite. T.S.A. officials are expected to exercise some discretion, however ultimately might have to pull the plug
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Bill Nye the Science Guy picks an odd way to teach kids about gravity
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| (Some Guy) |
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TSA: "You should leave this device at home if you travel frequently". Woman: "It's my insulin pump"
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EPA issues warning about too much lead in A) Chinese toy products, B) Mississippi River, or C) a Minneapolis suburb's air?
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Small business owner extradited to the US for selling second amendment solutions to limited government activists. This is Obama's America
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Best explanation you'll hear this week of how and why ISPs are trying to kill net neutrality
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If you left your meth lab in a port-a-potty, police in Iowa would like a word with you
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From the "Oh Crap" files: One of our F-22s is missing
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Unexpectedly, new research reveals medieval torturers had scruples
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you are a hairdresser should you be careful of: A) Sharp objects, B) Harsh chemicals, or C) Inhaling so many minuscule pieces of your clients' hair that your nose collapses
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| (MyNorthwest) |
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One mom gets her panties in a twist, and demands the school ban a book: Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley. Ironic tag off playing bumble-puppy, and sad tag is passed out on Soma
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Woman arrested for assault with a deadly tamale. With hot tamale pic
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FDA set to ban mixtures of caffeine and alcohol because Chuck Schumer says the combination is toxic
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| (Some Planet) |
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News: TSA being sued; Fark: Because one of the "pat downs" involved pulling down a woman's shirt and mocking her for it
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The newest trend in the jobhunting game: "We can only hire you if you've already got a job"
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New report on end-of-life care for cancer patients suggests that maybe Death Panels wouldn't be such a bad idea, after all
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The TSA has listened to your complaints, considered your arguments, and has a reply: Submit to screenings or stay the fark home
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Doctor turned down volume on patient alarms in intensive care because the noise anoyed him
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| (Some Guy) |
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People in San Francisco getting all snippy about circumcision
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Tony Danza interrupts a priest at a funeral to say he was talking too much about God and not enough about the dead guy
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1: Cut a hole in a box. 2: Put a dead body in that box. 3: Make highway maintenance workers open the box. And that's the way you do it
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This kind of stuff usually only happens when planes are diverted to Baltimore
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KFC offers $20K to high school senior who tweets best. Degree of difficulty: greasy thumbs
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| (Penn & Teller) |
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Penn Jillette demonstrates how much easier it is to get libertarian about the TSA when you can afford a private jet (story from 2002)
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| (Some Gals) |
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Photoshop this fall frolic
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| (Some Bad Juju) |
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"Panic broke out as 17 female students fell mysteriously ill and began rolling on the ground, hissing and blabbering in a strange tongue, after suffering bouts of nausea and headaches." No, chocolate does not cure Devil Attacks
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Johnson City man accused of urinating on a police car. Cops now checking streaming video
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| (Some Pub) |
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A koala walks into a bar. No reports if he eats bush and leaves
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25-year-old woman thanks a paramedic for waking her up by punching him in the face (w/ "She's still kind of cute even in a mugshot" mugshot)
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'Home Alone' only works in the movies
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Report finds U.S. behind in traffic safety, suggests flooring it and passing other countries on right shoulder as we flip them off
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Think the mortgage foreclosure crisis is bad now? The "robo-signing" scandal by banks threatens to destabilize the American financial system
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Man accused of sexually assaulting horse hires Cowboy Bob as his attorney, dating coach
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Japanese man builds house on parking space, thus proving that it's not the size that counts, but how you use it
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| (Some Sharpie®) |
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Photoshop this ?
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Former Van Halen front man who was in, then out, then in again and out again is now aparently back in but may be out on the street after standoff with SWAT
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| Tue November 16, 2010 |
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President Obama bestowed the Medal of Honor to 25-year-old Staff Sgt Salvatore Giunta at the White House today for gallantry. The quietly-spoken soldier is the first living recipient of America's highest military honor since the Vietnam War
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Jury awards $80 million to daughter of deceased smoker. That sound you heard was every lawyer in Florida getting a phone call
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Topless woman busted for masturbation and firearm purple monkey dishwasher rutabega
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Check out the maps for the Nazi invasion of North America that never was
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Woman returns to modeling after acid attack severely scars her face. With you'd still hit it pics
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This year you'll get to trample a Wal-Mart employee to death mere hours after you finish Thanksgiving dinner
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Flashlight plunges Swedish village into darkness
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| (Some Girls) |
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Photoshop this braiding on a bus
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All things must pass. Including the stolen wedding rings you just swallowed
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British stroke victim has wet bread injected into table dog purple liquefy in "chili squint" procedure to repair paper nutbound feet
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The TSA is now patting down three-year-olds. "She must be hand-searched"
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Louisiana Department of Education to vote next month on whether or not science is real. It's going to be close
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| (Delawareonline) |
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Not news: Man picks up drunk girl after last call. Fark: Out of her car which is sinking in a canal. (With mugshot goodness)
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Police in Aruba testing jawbone to see if it is connected to Natalee Holloway. My guess is that it is not connected to anybody at the moment
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Thorough research finds that $79,600 in hundred-dollar bills makes a stack 3.5 inches tall that weighs about 1.75 pounds and does indeed fit in a bra
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Foreclosure company is in default. Ha ha
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A moderate Catholic priest who believes in unity and finding common ground was about to become head of all U.S. Bishops. So naturally the conservatives made sure he wasn't elected
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Prince William gave his fiancee Kate his mother's engagement ring, hoping their marriage doesn't hit a wall like his parents' did
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| (Some Guy) |
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What is something you probably should care about, but don't?
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| (Some Pathogen) |
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Despite a 70% chance of a pathogen being released, causing up to $50 billion in damage, new Bio Lab scheduled to be built in tornado alley. What could possibly go wrong?
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That malodorous West Virginian woman who just wanted some tongue love? She just got 90 days in tuna central. Giggity
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| (Some Weather Guy) |
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Not News: Hawaii, Indonesia and Kenya mentioned in the same article. Fark: Article has nothing to do with Obama
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Big flap over vaginal surgeries, Phil Collins' su-su-suicidal thoughts, and you never go d'k-tahg-to-mouth: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 11/7 - 11/12
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| (Some Guy) |
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Virgin Atlantic billionaire Richard Branson to work as an air hostess on Air Asia flight after losing bet with rival airline boss
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You can't touch this, Part II: Man who refused airport screening fined
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| (KSAT) |
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Sign #427 of the upcoming apocalypse: Catholic Church steps up exorcism training
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Neighbors say kidnapper who kept 13-year-old girl in his basement was quiet and kept to himself. Well, actually, no, they say he killed and ate squirrels and lit small fires on his lawn
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Colin Powell, who sold his soul, Thinks Obama has lost his focus
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The woman became increasingly suspicious when she noticed the man claiming to be a police officer was not wearing shoes
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Daughter: "Mommy, my foot hurts when I walk." Mom: "Oh, that's just because you have 17 bags of crack in your shoe. Have a good day at school dear"
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"Is there a better - or more original - serial villain for a TV sitcom than Wil Wheaton?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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In today's edition of "So You Think You Can Pick The Worst Analogy?" Michael Vick's teammate says "We were like pit bulls, ready to get out of the cage"
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Remember when the government insisted that operators "cannot store, print, transmit or save" your naked airport body scans? Well, here's 100 of them
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Prince William got engaged in Kenya. Obama born in Kenya. There's a conspiracy in here somewhere
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Is there drinking? Yes. Riding to hounds? Lots of it. An anecdote about paying for a dinner party by writing a cheque on a piece of toilet paper? Must be a Telegraph obituary
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Hey Rep. Charlie Rangel, so good of you to show up today for your House ethics subcommittee trial. You're guilty
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| (Some Guy) |
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You can argue art vs. vandalism all you want, but we can all agree painting a cawk on the Prime Minister's house is comedy
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Dog that saved the lives of dozens of U.S Soldiers in Afghanistan couldn't survive the stupidity of an Arizona kennel
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Heroic North Texas couple tries to save innocent humanities class from soul-destroying images of naked people
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Study finds that male teens with ADHD should ride bikes
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're on the city council, you're probably going to lose some votes if you call the cops on some teens for selling cookies in the park
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Some brave AZ DMV worker tried to break the conspiracy of silence around the most recent zombie outbreak in that state, but of course, authorities are again joining the cover-up, claiming the signs were a "prank"
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It's one thing if your solo sex act involves renting a hotel room, donning a gas mask, and surrounding yourself with a variety of sex toys. But the moment the fumes you're inhaling force an evacuation, that's crossing the line
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Woman wins worker's compensation claim for brutal job of scooping ice cream. Sometimes she even had to do it twice in the same cone
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. is officially 30 years old, and is the nation's second largest craft beer brewer. This is the perfect excuse for a beer thread
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kids who hate school more likely to have sex, drink alcohol. In related news, kids who like school more likely to be sober virgins
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| (KPTV) |
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Man claims he ran into burning house to retrieve pants, swears he's not lying
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Feds are launching their "Faces of Distracted Driving" initiative. Finally, a new role for Lindsay Lohan that doubles as community service
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Lowering taxes will fix all our problems, just like they've been fixing them since 1980
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| (WTVN) |
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Bomb threat at Ohio State University. Who are you kidding? They're a running team
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The SUPER HOT woman you picked up at the bar last night isn't really 30-years-old like you were thinking, she's 61, and has a youthful skin disorder (with HELL YES, you'd hit it pic)
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What do I do if my turkey is on fire?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Headless body found in field. Fark: Police say it's not suspicious
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Lamest lawsuit of the month: Escargot sprays garlic butter on polo shirts when forked; litigation because "restaurant personnel did not display sufficient remorse at the scene"
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| (Naples News) |
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Man crashes car into bank, says CIA targeted him with radiation guns
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this leap of faith
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Man: "There's a suspicious package on my doorstep" Police: "This package says it's from Amazon. Did you order something from Amazon?" Man: "Why yes, I did"
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In response to criticism of its Freedom Gropes, Janet Napolitano says that the TSA will listen to complaints with "an open mind" before telling travelers to just find some other damn way to travel
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Seven real car chases way crazier than anything in the movies
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Humanist, Satirist, Writer. Upon his request, Mark Twain's Autobiography is released today, 100 years after his death
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One in 10 British men likes to cook in the nude; frying bacon is the secret to making Spotted Dick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk and on a Wal-Mart scooter may be no way to go through life, but it is one hell of a way to get to a strip club
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Prince William to marry commoner Kate Middleton. Said to be on the lookout for Dread Pirate Roberts, a revenge-driven Spaniard, and a jolly yet dimwitted giant
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After 65 years, WW2 vet gets his mess kit back and finds his K-rations to be as fresh as ever
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"Refudiate" is 2010 Word of the Year, proving that Sarah Palin is the pompatus of the American language, and should never be misunderestimated
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Hunger in the US at highest levels in 15 years, say researchers who don't see people at Walmart
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You wish you had a view half this good at your workplace
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Bad: Getting robbed. Worse: While you're on the toilet. Fark: By a clown
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| (France24) |
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Everybody knows DMZ between Best Korea, Worst Korea could ignite at any time, but what about other territorial disputes such as in Antarctica?
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Beauty pageants are no longer just for little girls. I am sure these boys will grow up to be perfectly adjusted young men
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| (Some Guy) |
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Prison gives inmate check upon leaving to help him transistion into the real world. Inmate steals account information from check and charges thousands of dollars to the prison account
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| (Corp. Punishment) |
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Knowing that you never leave a buddy in harm's way, drunk driving wife comes to the rescue of drunk driving Army husband...at a police station
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A guide to armed robbery. Step 1 - Rob store. Step 2 - Make your cunning escape. Step 3 - Don't do anything stupid like trip and stab yourself with your own knife
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mechanical middle eastern man
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