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| Sun October 31, 2010 |
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If your bags make the flight, but you are late, do you (C) tell the authorities that you have a bomb in your luggage?
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Drug experts say alcohol worse than crack, heroin. I say we ought to ban the stuff
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It's normal for people to be naked, bound and blindfolded and whatever you do, don't touch their book
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pickled puppet
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This Halloween, Ted Sorensen finally becomes a ghost writer
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| (Some Guy) |
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For the third time in a little over a year, a hotel at Disneyland has been evacuated because of a fire sparked by a pizza oven. Good news, nobody has been hurt because it's a small fire after all
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Katie Couric goes all Katie Couric and investigates the afterlife
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Snowglobe forces shutdown of airport terminal. Police were able to shake up the scene and everything returned to normal within a few minutes
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There is no possible way to go green when you TP a house, so here's the proper method, you planet hating mischievous bastards
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Blind passengers sue United Airlines. There is more to this case then meets the eye
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Happy Halloween - Time for the Fark spooky story thread. (voting enabled; link goes nowhere)
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US: "We'd like to park an aircraft carrier in the Thames during the London Olympics." England: "Bloody hell no, old chap"
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| (The Pittsburgh Channel) |
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You work for a debt collector. Do you A) hound people via phone at all hours of the day and night; B) flood mailboxes with paper requests for payment; or C) Set up a fake court room with fake judges and trials to scare the bejesus out of people?
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Record number of runners take part in commemoration of 2500-year anniversary of the original marathon; all collapse and die upon reaching Athens
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Jerk-ass parents have ruined Halloween by turning it into a supervised and sanctioned event
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Twenty five percent of the country has Alzheimer's. I wonder what percentage of the country has Alzheimer's
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While sliding down a banister always looks fun on TV, trying it in real life will earn you a Darwin Award. Shockingly, alcohol was suspected to be involved
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| (Patriot Ledger) |
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Introducing this season's designated panic drink. Don't leave home without an unfounded opinion about it
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Guy dies from caffeine overdose at party. Friends searching for replacement cocktail shaker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big hit
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California trick-or-treaters warned of pot-laced candy. Dumbasses. It was "I got a rock" not "I got stoned"
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What happens when a 236-foot high, $1.5 billion dollar luxury ocean superliner meets a Danish bridge? The photographs may shock you and could kill your kids
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Clinton says the US will help end sexual slavery. No, the other Clinton
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Attendance at yesterday's "Rally for Sanity" blew away attendance at Glenn Beck's rally
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Stick your knife in and remove all the guts and you're left with a blank canvas. Here's some pumpkin art. Voting enabled to submit your own masterpieces
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Tea no protection against breast cancer, Democrats
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Forget making illegal meth or LSD for extra cash, today's smartest chemists are inventing drugs that the law hasn't even heard of yet
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kid makes up story about being lured into car. Innocent man arrested. Kid makes up new story. DA/Detectives bungle the case. Spankings needed, including the kid
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NCAA recruiting violations tied to Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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State takes woman's three day old baby because she ate a bagel just before giving birth. BURN HER
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| (Cheech) |
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Pot replaces strawberries as #1 crop. Chocolate dip manufacturers concerned
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| (Bend Bulletin) |
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Not news: Drug-distilling lab explodes. Fark: Drug in question was pot. You're doing it wrong, man
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Rock the Casbah
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| (Santa Cruz Sentinel) |
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Man robs bank then offers cash to bystanders for getaway car ride. HE GETS AWAY
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| (Some Bovinae) |
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Photoshop these ungulates in the mist
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Remember the bum who had BUMFIGHTS tattooed on his forehead? He sobered up and got his shait together
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Military chaplains warn that allowing gays to serve openly in the armed forces will make it impossible for them to serve both God and country. "Thou shalt not kill" apparently still an optional commandment
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Allow me to introduce myself. My name is AGHHHHHHHHHHH
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Segways continue their reign of terror
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| Sat October 30, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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I'm going back some day come what may to Bayou Blue -- Where you sleep all day in poop and urine spray on Bayou Blue --
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The best video of Halloween-themed houselights set to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" you'll see all day
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| (Some Things) |
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Photoshop these strange sea subjects
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100 scary movies in five minutes
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| (Some Guy) |
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26-year-old woman says she's never too old for trick-or-treating. "Everyone has got to be a kid sometime"
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Creepy-ass pictures of people in Halloween costumes 100 years ago. Made more scary because it's a slideshow
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If the Halloween display at your house involves thousands of orange lights, cobwebs, dozens of inflatable and animatronic characters, and industrial-size fog machines, you better believe your HOA is going to have a problem with it
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you're listening to the radio this weekend and hear some guy who's been dead for years warning America about an impending attack by aliens from Mars, don't freak out and leave town or kill yourself
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"Pirates seize ship off Somalia", begs the question of Why do people keep taking their boats there
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| (Bay News 9) |
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Yes, Jehovahs Witnesses going door-to-door are annoying, but chasing them off with guns isn't as inexpensive as just not answering door
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| (LA Observed) |
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California pot legalization may hinge on Jewish voters. So THAT'S why Anne Frank was in Amsterdam
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| (volunteertv.com) |
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Hit and run victim suffers major injuries while helping owl (with picture of what an owl might look like)
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A highway crash, SWAT teams at a high school football practice, and a suspect trying to escape by jumping in waist-deep mud. Did this happen in A) Florida, B) California, or C) Connecticut?
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I'll see your bat-dog trumping spider-pig and raise you a flying-monkey dog
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Research says heavy drinkers who 'cut back' still drink a lot more than 'normal', but not more than a 'normal' drunk
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this story time
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| (Zhengzhou) |
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Photoshop these masked women handing out questionnaires
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| (Jon Stewart) |
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Join together online with all those who couldn't make it in person to help restore sanity to an otherwise insane country. Your "Rally To Restore Sanity" discussion thread. Noon, ET, Washington, D.C., Comedy Central and C-SPAN
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The Balad base, within easy reach of Baghdad, resembles a small-town American state: an airport busier than Heathrow, a South Asian immigrant labour force, Subway sandwich bars and East European prostitutes
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You had a falling out with your friendly neighbor. Do you c) drill a hole through their foundation wall, stick your garden hose in, and turn on the water?
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American Crack Dealers Association does not discriminate according to age
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Pretty ladies wearing clothes made of chocolate. Nothing more need be said
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A tall ship lost its mast in the Atlantic. This is not a repeat from 1824
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Buzzkill scientists ruin the fun of eating lobster
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Farkers at the DC rally: 11am meet-up outside the "Archives/Navy Mem'l/Penn Quarters" Metro station (Green and Yellow Lines) at the Major General Hancock Statue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having banned everything else, Nanny state now makes it illegal for students to try to "Save the Queen"
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Housecat keeps hungry coyote at bay. Coyote last seen complaining to ACME customer service about their anti-cat device (includes video). Happy Caturday!
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| (Some Guy) |
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A challenger appears to Spider-Pig. Introducing: Bat-Dog
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| (Some Ghoul) |
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It is that time of year again, kiddos. Time to share your scariest, spine-chillingest, insanity-inducing tales with your fellow Farkers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, unless you really want to go back and beat up that priest that made you have sex with your brother
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Photoshop this woman pondering her pick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Proper ownage, animated GIF style (one is a bit Not safe for work)
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Caption prince Charles holding his big cucumber
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| (KRTV) |
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So here's a bunch of photos of a bison being chased by a grizzly bear at full gallop. DAMN
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Confronting the one you love about their bad habits can be a good thing. Except if you both have weed on you and you're on the side of the road and the cops are there
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James Bondage
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Nurse arranges for dying patient to listen to his unborn grandson's heartbeat. Damn, it's dusty in here
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| Fri October 29, 2010 |
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Oh c'mon, the room service couldn't have possibly been that bad
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Airline employee investigated for "Mile high club" sex with a passenger, for which the correct legal term is "being awesome"
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♫ I am a lineman for the counteeeeBONK thud
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Long-time automotive manual publisher Haynes unveils its new instruction guide to the U.S.S. Enterprise
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Photoshop these pretending policemen
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Peruvians offended over remark on TV show Modern Family. Come on now, really? They have TV in Peruvia?
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This week's spooktacular Mugshot Roundup has plenty of facepainting faux pas
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If you're going to steal swans from the City of Orlando, posting your new "arrivals" to your exotic pet store on Social Media is probably not a good idea
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Section 8 McMansions: there goes the neighborhood
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| (Some "Hey Watch This" Guy) |
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More details on the loaded rocket launcher found next to Canadian highway, including photo of proper procedure for handling unknown explosive devices
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man shoots three at Reno Walmart, just to watch them die
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NJ service station attendant for asking high school girl to kiss his gas
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Carbonite, Inc., an online backup storage company releases new data restoration and smart phone tools, claims your data should be quite well protected, if it survives the freezing process, that is
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Protip: When searching for a cosmetic surgeon, those that work from home should not be considered
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| (Some Guy) |
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25 of the most farkworthy deaths of the 21st century....so far
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"Hip Muslim Moms" group blown up by accused DC Metro bomb plotter
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Meet Jack, the sheepdog that was so good no one knew he was blind. Ewe have got to be impressed
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Trick-or-treaters find house with best decoration ever
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Fire station catches fire, truck destroyed, porn safely evacuated by terrified firefighters
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Picking up hookers is not the best hobby if your day job is chaplain for a sheriff's office
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| (Some Guy) |
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Restaurant forces man to stick his head through a hole to get cancer
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Is the mother plugged in? Please turn the mother off and then back on again. Press the belly button to eject the child
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Large-scale poll of US troops reveals that when faced with the specter of openly gay soldiers in their ranks, they respond with a resounding, "Meh, who cares?"
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Loose lips might sink ships, but tight cashmere sweaters can blow subs out of the bloody water
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Angry chef pounds elderly man flat, batters him, leaves him all denty
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Shots fired at Marine Corps museum. This is not a repeat from last week. Someone really must hate that building
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North and South Korea exchange gunfire across DMZ. South reports no one hurt. North celebrates Kim Jong-Il's glorious shattering of capitalist aggressor's windows
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| (Some Guy) |
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Oxford University: Famous for its glorious history, notable alumni, women in nappies, amazing architectuWAIT, step back one
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U.N. convention on biodiversity deadlocked on setting goals for wildlife protection, marking a rare moment in which U.N. talks have been a giant waste of time
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| (Tribune-Review) |
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Suspects arrested for killing spree straight out of "Silence of the Llamas"
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Freaks and Geeks meets stoners with boners (Sponsored link)
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| (Some Tagger) |
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Billboards made better with graffiti. And yes, God does listen to Slayer
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Photoshop this bus on a beach
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The time traveling cell phone user may have just been using a hearing aid. Gee, ya' think?
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| (Monsters & Critics) |
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Tree shoots at elderly couple who tried to burn it
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Farmer kills man over piece of ass
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Apparently a School board member advising gay teens to kill themselves is a bit much even for Arkansas
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Dispatch: Emergency, we have 9 shot. Medic: lettuce, tomato, onion...is there mayo on that, if there is - hold the mayo. Dispatch: 4 dead - please respond. Medic: fries, cole slaw or chips? Hmmmm.....fries, no - I had fries yesterday, cole slaw
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Search craft spots helicopter wreckage in Antarctica, dog seen running from the area
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A loaded handgun, medication and sleepwalking. What could possibly go wrong?
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FINAL REMINDER - DC Post-Rally Fark Party at the Greene Turtle Verizon Center, this Saturday 7pm
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TFette's video effort to get hired by iwearyourshirt.com gets some attention in the media. You go girl
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Meetup and carpool info for Farkers attending the DC Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Keep Fear Alive (LGT post-rally Fark party)
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Morgan Fairchild's husband loses his government job
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Suspicious device found on US-bound flight last night -- other planes being searched on the ground in Philly, Newark
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| (WLBZ2.com) |
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Getting scratched and bitten is all part of the job for a veterinarian. Unless it's from the woman picking up her dogs. "A chunk is gone off my finger and a chunk off my toe - a chunk here"
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If you left a loaded rocket launcher on Vancouver Island, every cop in Canada would like a word with you
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Your wife left because you abused her and your kids? Google is more than happy to help you find the "secret" shelter where they are hiding
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In the hours after 9/11, Bush thought Flight 93 had been shot down on his orders. Article to the left, tinfoil to the right
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Judge rules four-year-old girl can be sued for negligence for running an elderly woman down with her bicycle. No word if the court will garnish her allowance and tooth fairy money if she is found negligent
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man's foot partially severed in industrial accident, says he hops for a full recovery
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| (Some warty witch) |
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The most smashing pumpkins you'll see today
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You know that giant death's head hawk-moth from "Silence of the Lambs" that emits a loud, shrill squeak and has skull and crossbones marking on it? It's going to be flying around this weekend. Happy Halloween
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| (Japan Probe) |
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Schoolchildren forced to roll "sexual harassment dice" for punishments way worse than D10-tion
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this scooter in a skater park
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Australian thalidomide victims launch class action lawsuit against firm that developed and marketed the drug, insist they're looking for justice and not a handout
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| (www.mydesert.com) |
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Naked cop strips down and makes a splash with the district attorney
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English firefighters tackle pub blaze. If only there were some towels to clean up all the water
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| Thu October 28, 2010 |
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Beaver blamed for burning sensation
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| (WBAL) |
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Baltimore hands out its first citation for violation of the city's trans fat restaurant rule. And the winner is [non fat drum roll] the eating establishment Healthy Choice
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| (w00tstock.net) |
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And tonight the part of Wil Wheaton will be played by Jonathan Coulton (update: Drew will be there too)
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| (shorpy) |
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Photoshop this odd abode
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Diary from Holocaust found. This is not a repeat from Helen Keller
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For some reason, producers of a reality show featuring all-nude contestants at a nudist resort think people will still watch if they don't show any nudity
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| (Some Fat Brazilian) |
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1. Get a job at McDonald's. 2. Stuff your face full of Big Macs and fries. 3. Profit
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The Democrats plan on forcing the incoming Tea Party class of '10 to put up or shut up
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Mom kills her baby because it interrupted her Facebook game. Dislike
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Got your nose
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| (Lowell Sun) |
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Family of suicide victim blames school for handling of gay bullying case. FARK: Suicide victim was the accused bully, family is using the, "everyone was doing it, which makes it OK", defense
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If you are a sherrif's deputy and bored at work, go find criminals. Don't, however, find a frog, paint it with White-Out, and then tell another deputy you are going to perform a sex act on the frog
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Dear Prudence: Grandma spotted our secret outdoor night-nookie and told the family. Should we let her get sent to a home or fess up that what she saw was real?
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Drawings of spiders may not pay the electric bill, but this five year old is selling his awesome pictures of monsters to pay for his leukemia treatment. It's so dusty in here I can hardly breathe
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Police report crazy person with gun on loose at Texas A&M, which doesn't narrow it down much
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Gallant: Leaves a trail of breadcrumbs to find his way back home. Goofus: Leaves a trail of candy leading back to his house after he steals a candy vending machine
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Just in time for Halloween: Your annoyance at the slideshow will be swamped by your fear of these real monsters, brought to you by lunatic genetic engineers
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European Obama groupies dismayed that the U.S hasn't achieved free ponies and bricks of gold for everyone
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Halliburton, BP knew of faulty cement before Gulf of Mexico well blowout and "Neither acted upon it," a top investigator for a bipartisan presidential commission investigating the spill said today
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Stab victim: "Excuse me officer, I've been stabbed, please can you help?" Policeman: "Certainly sir, allow my colleagues to pin you to the ground while I punch you repeatedly in the face"
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| (Climate Depot) |
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Here's to you, Mr. "Environmentalist Guru that leaves his car idling for an hour and takes a plane instead of a train" guy
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New Jersey to track homeless with biometrics. Evidently "stank" is a biometric now
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Colorado Education Board wants to beat off Mississippi's lead in teen pregnancy
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PG&E has just exploded Concord, CA. Says it's demands for higher rates must be met or else it will continue to explode another city each month
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| (Some Guy) |
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Charlie Sheen has described the experience in a hotel with a hooker as "overblown". Glad he got his money's worth
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In Utah, sex offenders can give out candy on Halloween
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Feisty 88 year old woman whose lawn you definitely want to stay off of fights off an intruder wearing a pumpkin mask by kicking him squarely in the gourds
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| (Wings Over Iraq) |
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A charismatic, monomaniacal, long-haired computer scientist with a penchant for troublemaking, military secrets, statuesque blondes, and toadying followers. Julian Assange or Gaius Baltar? Yes
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63% of Americans frown on cell phone use during meals, and 37% of Americans need to be punched in the face
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Theme: Mad Ads: Use an ad or product to sell something completely different. Link goes to cheezy example
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Even Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal says building a mosque at ground zero is a stupid idea
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College costs less than it did five years ago, so quit whining about it
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Helicopter crashes at helicopter crash site while investigating helicopter crash
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Soda cans are killing your sperm
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Please don't hug me, please don't hug me, please don't hug me, please don't...oohhh, great..she's hugging me
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Chinese government builds world's fastest computer. Is now able to suppress information twice as quickly as the US
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Arizona's "immigration" law that locks people up for failure to produce 'ze papers'? Written and even named by a consortium of private prison contractors in conjunction with R.J. Reynolds., ExxonMobil and the NRA
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What your Halloween costume says about you. We're looking at you, Pregnant Man-Nun
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The best deli in New York City sells Montreal smoked meat instead of New York pastrami
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Violent video games that destroys childrens' pysches through celebrating the maiming and torture of humans are all okay because they "draw heavily from our literary heritage"
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Faced with growing budget shorfalls, Indiana's department of Social services offers a novel suggestion to parents struggling to care for severely disabled children: Why not simply dump them at a homeless shelter ?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Judge halts law that protects children from everything harmful on the internet, including poor spelling. "Free Speach" ftw
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| (Some Wedding Guy) |
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Your $1,300 Maldives resort wedding vow renewal ceremony will include (at no extra charge) a frank discussion of your wife's boobs, the Maldives Penal Code, nursery rhymes, chicken buggery, staff salaries, and your infidel nature
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Average male drives extra 276 miles a year because they refuse to ask for directions, says stupid study that has obviously never heard of GPS
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Sarah Palin lacks the 'gravitas' to sit in the White House according to that ultra-left wing political hack, Karl Rove
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Notre Dame victim's final tweets included: "Gusts of wind up to 60 mph. Well today will be fun at work. I guess I've lived long enough." and "Holy (blank). Holy (blank). This is terrifying"
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What did Obama's appearance on The Daily Show last night teach us? 1) Obama's not funny. 2) Stewart treats his liberal overlords with "sympathetic awe." 3) The Rally to Restore Sanity is a Democratic plot
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"Republicans are poised to retake the U.S. House next week and at the same time, voters are opposed to the policies and approach of Republicans." Got that? Are we all clear?
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The phrase "The chairmen recognizes the junior crazy train from Nevada" just became more likely
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Paper boy finally catches up with John Cusack
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| (Some Guy) |
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Family devastated after finding their beloved Hus ky dead in the back yard
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Fark segment on Attack of the Show. Sadly no Olivia Munn
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| (KFAB) |
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If you think you're girlfriend is cheating on you, water-boarding her on the couch is probably not the best way to handle the situation
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Thanks for calling Comcast. If you're bleeding to death, press 2"
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Man who died in Notre Dame tower collapse not identified, but officials say his face rings a bell
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| (Some Fun Guy) |
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Photoshop these fungi
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"Drinks were thrown and blood was spilt when two blondes clashed in a bar about who looked best in a silver dress, a jury has been told"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Answer: two brothers, two pieces of steak, a hockey stick and a toaster in the bathtub. Question: What the hell's going on up there?
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When they left forceps in their abdomen I said nothing. Then they left a drill bit inside my skull, and spork Wednesday with them hamster off yours gradually Heineken?
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♫ Workin' at the Carwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa♪
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Columbus Zoo's beloved 24-foot-long, 300-pound python, "Fluffy," has died. Probably of embarrassment
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| (Great Falls Tribune) |
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Man charged with stealing 34,000 pounds of spent shell casings. That takes a lot of brass
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Miley Cyrus now free to marry the man she truly wants
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| (Some Exterminator Guy) |
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Student brings pet bedbug to a class at community college and SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING
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| (Some Girl) |
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, and hire people to rNOT NEWS: Hyundai shoots a car commercial NEWS: without leaving any carbon footprint. FARK: in order to do so, they have to literally push the car around
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 286: "He's a Fun Guy." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 27, 2010 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dairy deliverer
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Rise of Henchman 21 (Sponsored link)
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| (Eating Our Words) |
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Using Venn diagrams to see how Americans' concepts of ethnic foods overlaps (if ever) with the actual ethnic foods themselves
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Support for year-round school is gaining ground in the U.S., but still lags in the key 5-18 demographic
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News: The BP dispersants are causing sicknesses in surrounding areas. Fark: Only Al Jazeera reports it
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Investigation continues in dog-mauling death, although they'll probably chalk it up to being mauled by a dog
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Schools say kids becoming too fat to sit in class chairs, may change grades from K-12 to Select, Choice, Prime
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Shortages of life-saving generic drugs are reaching critical levels due to manufacturing and production problems, limited raw materials. Just kidding. It's all about profits
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Man loses track of two kids while at amusement park. Naturally, he ties a toddler to a park bench so he can concentrate on finding them
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Man charged in DC terrorist plot, targeting Metro stations for bombing, bringing food and drink
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| (Pasadena Star-News) |
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Latest outrage is over....Paula Deen as Rose Parade Grand Marshall?; "That's absolutely horrifying, Julia Child grew up on Pasadena Avenue"
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Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler ends up on the wrong side of the law. Wait... that's NOT Steven Tyler? Uh-oh
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Good news for Michigan teachers: getting photographed pretending to blow a mannequin is not a firing offense
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Headlines you don't read every day: "Another llama shot dead in Westmoreland County "
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Dementia is our most pressing, and costly, medical and social problem - second only to dementia
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Gov Christie, shows off his "fiscal conservative" credentials by cancelling a tunnel project, wasting the hundreds of millions that have already been spent and eliminating 4,000 current and 40,0000 future jobs
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Entire police force in Los Ramones, Mexico quits after station attacked with 1,000 bullets, grenades... we really don't need these stinkin' badges that much
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The "rent is too damn high" guy gets a talking action figure. Bet you'll never guess what it says
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Tag body spray Axed by Proctor and Gamble
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A treehouse stays in Manhattan
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| (Some Guy) |
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You know the 300-lb deer hunted for its antlers? Well, you're not going to believe this
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Taller men more likely to run into problems with testicles
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Old and busted: 9/11 Truth. New hotness: The conspiracy to assassinate Octopus Paul
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Library rules of conduct: No loud noises, no food or beverages, and - we thought this went without saying but we were obviously wrong - no sneaking up on women, ejaculating on their arms, and waving your junk around at them
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| (News Belize) |
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Pet jaguar escapes during hurricane in Belize, stops for lunch at the neighbor's house on the way out of town
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Iraq and Iran face off in oil power struggle. This is going to be the worst mud-wrestling match EVER
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Why do smart kids grow up to be heavier drinkers? New studies show correlation between intelligence and thirst for alcohol. Subby's research shows no reverse correlation
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| (Some Footie) |
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Floridians march to "stomp out" domestic violence. Who'd guess they were doing it wrong?
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| (Some Aunt) |
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For those of you who wanted to help TFer LeadFootSpiderMonkey's nephew out, some restrictions have been lifted and you can donate via PayPal now. DIT
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Drunk-ass postal worker dumps 32,000 pieces of mail. NEWMAN
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Argentines about to learn that having a puppet in charge of government is all fine and dandy, at least until the puppetmaster dies
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The five most insane horror movies from around the world. Look, if your movie has a killer lampshade, it's automatically cool
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| (Some Giant Monster Movie) |
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Photoshop this sacrifice set
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NYC is proposing a change in their gun laws to ensure the safety of all citizens. So you will soon be protected from anyone that has gotten a traffic ticket, littered, been fired, or still breathing from being able to own a gun
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Russian troops return to Afghanistan, surprised at how little the place has changed
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Man who has tattooed everything except his eyeballs comes up with ingenious solution to finish the theme
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| (Naples News) |
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Two former lesbian lovers won't stop fighting. Do you: c) fire ants. With pic to curtail your fantasy
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Man charged for smashing burglar in face with hatchet even though it sounds kind of fun
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| (Some Guy) |
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Genie on trial in Saudi Arabia. Is Major Healey next?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Convicted killers last words? 'BOOMER SOONER'
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| (Work Buzz) |
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Do you have an accent? Congratulations, your coworkers think you're an idiot
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Apparently, after putting him in one pirate movie and filming lots of footage for another, someone at Disney just now realized who Keith Richards is
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| (Some Guy) |
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Before you call police to investigate a bloody foot dangling from a car's trunk, first make sure it's not a Halloween decoration
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British Airways chairman: "stop kowtowing to US aviation security demands"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rand Paul bought a full page newspaper ad touting the support of the guy who kicked the MoveOn supporter in the head
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Fark-Ready Headline: "Hookers and Booze: Your tax dollars at work". In related news, you could replace the word "tax" with "TotalFark"
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Get drunk. Check. Ride bicycle while 'whooping.' Check. Call deputy a Nazi. Check. Get arrested. Check. Hey, THAT wasn't on the list
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| (Some Guy) |
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Could a plaster cast of Jimi Hendrix's dong replace the gavel at Chicago City Council chambers?
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| (The Frisky) |
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Because what's a Sean Penn breakup celebration without assault charges?
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Enhanced pat downs to begin at airport. Bow chika bow wow
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Photographic evidence of the devastation Charlie Sheen wrought upon his hotel room. The horror. The horror
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We knew Carl Paladino had a problem with women, but the sign behind him at this appearance says it all
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Tubeless toilet paper rolls out next week, radial tampons due within the month
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If your job is to keep the spirits happy at an active volcano, consider the position terminated and you're free to leave the moment the volcano starts to erupt
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Coming soon to a TSA banned list near you, devices with lithium batteries
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Video Game makers argue California law banning sales of violent video games to minors violates the 1st Amendment. Noted Constitutional scholar Christine O'Donnell expected to file an amicus brief
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Russian bears treat graveyards as giant refrigerators, reaching in and grabbing a nice cold one
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| (Some Guy) |
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Among the things you shouldn't try to do at home: Circumcisions
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Taking a cue from Governor Palin, 90% of Alaskan oil reserves have gone missing
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By some strange coincidence, shortly after the British government announce major cuts to the armed forces, RAF fighters have to scramble to intercept incoming Russian bombers
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Never remove your mask until you leave the scene of the crime, your mom might recognize you
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A completely rational and non-fearmongering USA Today expose on how a single EMP burst could destroy the entire world
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Man eating nothing but 20 potatoes a day for 60 days reaches halfway point. Will celebrate by buying new removable eyes and mouth, possibly new hat
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Keith Richards, who once claimed to have snorted his father's ashes, then denied it saying it was said in jest, now says he really did it, or something
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Country that doesn't have the death sentence supplies drug used for executions to state that damn sure uses it
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Mexican President: "Hey America, How about you do less drugs so our cartels stop killing everybody?"
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District councillor embarrassed by unexpected orgasm during committee meeting
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Protip: When your father and son clients plant a bomb at a bank that kills two cops and blows a leg off the chief of police, blame it on a pig
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You can't comprehend the auction power of the original Darth Vader costume
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| (Some Guy) |
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If you want the buses to run on time, don't act all shocked when bus drivers have to pee in bushes along their routes
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If you feel the need to diet and lose weight while you're pregnant, congratulations: The media's coined a new phrase to describe your condition
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Photoshop Theme: 'gangstas' doing un-gangsta like things
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"Dear Jane, I'm a widowed soldier stationed at Camp Promise in Kabul. I don't have money since our base is so remote. Can you send me $355 so I can buy a satellite phone to keep in touch with you?"
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Electronic dating violence has replaced good ol' actual dating violence
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Good news: scientists discover cure for e. coli and salmonella. Bad news: the "cure" is cholera
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The Kentucky Stomper now claims he stomped the woman's head because he has a bad back. No, really
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| (Courier Mail) |
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Officer, you can't charge me with indecent exposure, my genitals are too small
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Forget boobs, legs, or butts. The hottest thing a woman can have these days is a gap between her front teeth. "Tyra Banks sent a 22-year-old contestant from Boise, Idaho, to the dentist to widen her gap"
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How to spot your evil twin. By the way, please pay no attention to my stylish goatee
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| Tue October 26, 2010 |
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Story looks at one of the more pressing issues of our time: How old is too old for Trick or Treating? Please don't say 44, not 44
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US defense forces lost control of one-ninth of nuclear arsenal last Saturday. Oops
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| (WINK) |
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You're in the hospital intensive care unit in serious condition. Wouldn't this be a great time for that surprise visit from killer ants?
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To combat anti-social behavior school principal imposes non-social behavior by banning kids from being in groups of more than three while at school
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Photoshop this signature request
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| (Some Guy) |
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VP Joe Biden: "Every single great idea that has marked the 21st century, the 20th century and the 19th century has required government vision and government incentive." *Sigh* File this under Bidenisms
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| (Some Aunt) |
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Update on Caleb and our family's long journey to come
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America ranks higher in the world than any time in the past. Too bad it's in the corruption index
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"Mr. Bumpus is a transvestite prostitute, He goes 6 foot-3, 280 Lbs. and was wearing a pink halter top and pumps." Pics FTW
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Government augmenting Google StreetView with X-ray scanners. Are you concerned now?
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Instead of going the pay wall route, The North Country Gazette has decided to go for the "If you read more than one article, we'll sue you for theft" route. Let us know how that works for you
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| (U.TV) |
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Man does wonderful job of feigning concern over "theft" of wife's Chihuahua
source: u.tv | share:
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Tuesday Twofer: Volcano AND tsunami conspire in today's disaster. Fark: day after 7.7 earthquake
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman who had "to carry her head" after snapping her neck is back riding horses thanks to F1 technoloWAIT, she did what?
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| (abc27.com) |
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1/3 of Harrisburg's fire trucks don't work, according to incendiary report
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That collective WHHHRRGRBBLLL you just heard coming from Arizona was a mass reaction to a federal court ruling you don't need to prove you're a citizen to vote in Arizona
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Today's everyday household item that's killing your children is... everything
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"Balloon Boy" dad Richard Heene does his best Billy Mays to pitch his wondrous "BEAR SCRATCH" back scratcher, which is pretty much a stick glued to the wall (with video)
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| (Providence Journal) |
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Rhode Island Hospital fined $300,000 for "failing to follow its own policies in an Aug. 4 incident". In other news, Rhode Island Hospital apparently has a policy against leaving drill bits embedded in someone's skull
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"World's Most Elastic Mouth" named by Guinness. No, it's not porn-related. Why on earth would you ever think that?
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It's bad enough when your insane personal ad you tape to pay phones gets printed in the paper, but when the NY Post calls your mom and rats you out, well, its times to move
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Federal judge says North Carolina can't make Amazon tell anybody about that Sarah Palin autobiography you ordered
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Lets see what happens when we secretly replace the office hand sanitizer gel
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Angry Muslims prepare to hang elderly Christian man
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Outrageous: Liberals call for defeat of Eric Cantor because he is a Jew. Wait; i'm sorry. I mean, Tea Partiers call for the defeat of Keith Ellison because he's a Muslim. Never mind then
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| (MyNorthwest.com) |
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Taken off "standing on flooded street" and "standing in front of post office on April 15" beats, hard-hitting news chick gets assigned to "second graders cast their November mock-election ballot" beat
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Re-engineering school cafeteria lunchrooms to take advantage of human psychology is more effective than anti-junk food Nazism at fighting childhood obesity, and far cheaper
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| (Some Guy) |
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TFette KCBlueGal video summary: scary, (0:18), child spraypainting a computer (0:38), Batman (0:52), scary eyeball (1:01), OO (1:12), Gene Simmons egg (2:04) and legendary chicken hat (2:15)
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A bomb squad encounters a duct taped box full of kittens... and it goes downhill from there. (Unless, of course, you like cats)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not News: High speed chase ends in accident. News: Cops unable to find driver. Fark: who stole the yellow schoolbus
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New email notification options for you, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/17 - 10/23
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Drunk, naked, and trashing hotel rooms is no way to go through life, Mr. Sheen
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| (Shishmaref, Alaska) |
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Photoshop this hatchet job
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Two restaurants suing each other over water filtration process purported to make water taste like it came from New York. There are two settings: chunky and creamy
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| (New Haven Register) |
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Feds to city: let us dump toxic waste from another city into your harbor. That's one way to make friends and influence people
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"Slut-o-ween"... Surprisingly some people have a problem with letting snowflakes dress, act like whores
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Kenny Perry gearing up for new challenges on PGA Champions Tour, ready to bust out his awesome rack, stunning eyes, kooky fruit-themed outfits and decent pipes, despite just getting married to that English wanker last week
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| (wtsp.com) |
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Debate moderater to Florida's gubernatorial candidates: "How much is Florida's minimum wage?" Both candidates responses: "derp"
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Why the "Rally to Restore Sanity" is a conservative's wet dream
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NY Man whose name is apparently Arabic for "Rube Goldberg" arrested in HI on charges he plotted to enlist in the Army so he'd get sent to Iraq in where hoped to join the anti-American insurgency
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Obama to Republicans: "We don't mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but they gotta sit in back"
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News Photographer: look at this picture of the largest wild animal in Britain-a magnificent 9ft tall, 300lb deer Idiot Hunter: Boy wouldn't that rack look spiffy on my den wall
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| (Some London Newspaper) |
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Atheist sending kids to religious school: hypocritical or hypocriticalest?
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| (Some Guy) |
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You want to disenfranchise Native Americans? How?
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Headline: "Strict diet cuts risk of breast cancer by 40%". Article: "This study is not about breast cancer [...] it's misleading to draw any conclusions about breast cancer"
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Good mothers arm their children for a day at school with a good breakfast. Some mothers take the responsibility a bit more literally
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Kangaroo owner under fire for treating the kangaroo like a normal Australian person
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Bud Selig and the new head of the players' union are both open to adding a new tradition to your celebration of Thanksgiving
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"An almost unbelievable sequence of events that could probably never be re-created"
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US Postmaster General John Potter, who is seeking to raise mail rates and eliminate Saturday delivery to return the agency to profitability, announced his retirement yesterday in an e-mailed statement
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Now what exactly did you THINK was going to happen when you bought a house at a place called "Washaway Beach"?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Looks like this year, Diebold is a Democrat
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15 Nobel Peace Prize winners join forces to write the most strongly-worded letter in the history of condemning (insert this week's atrocity) in the strongest possible terms
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Sure, you hold a PhD in Constitutional Google, but how much do you really know off the top of your head? Take this handy quiz to find out, and no cheating
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Been waiting for this year's "the attack ads are worse than they've ever been" article? Here you go. It's just like last year's, only worserer
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Women who lack sex drive have different brains, wedding rings
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So far; today's ready for Fark headline..."Portland man says new sports bar off to a great start until a man started shooting customers"
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Robbing houses and taking guns and jewelry is no way to go through the fifth grade, sons
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Thief with a gun walks into salon where an off-duty cop was getting her hair done. Cop shoots perp in the hand and shoots the lock on the door so the perp can't leave. "Her reserve under fire was matched only by her marksmanship"
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Even in North Dakota, it is illegal to shoot an unarmed urinal
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Finally, the true cause of obesity is discovered: paying with a credit card
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Iran begins loading fuel into its first nuclear energy plant. What could possibly go...hey, what's that whooshing sound overhead?
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Teen who robbed two stores with a bottle of dressing will be tossing salads for his cellmates for quite a while
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The porn industry has a plan to stop online piracy by 2012. Clearly this is what the Mayans were talking about
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Magazine celebrates Australia's first female saint with a photospread featuring a half naked nun and a dwarf dressed up as the Pope. Would it surprise you to learn that some people have a problem with this?
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The Obama administration is so gay
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| (Some Guy) |
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Death row inmate will not be executed because: a) He's innocent. b) DNA exonerated him. c) The injection wasn't made in the U.S.A
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Paul the World Cup octopus dies aged two-and-a-half. Commemoration meal to follow
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Spanish government shows a vested interest in the safety of their country's prostitutes
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| (Some Chick) |
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Teenage boys, alcohol, and a gas can too close to the campfire. What could possibly go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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You'd think putting all the town's valuables in a building made from 65 tons of coal would be a good thing
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Photoshop this GOLD to go®
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| (Some Guy) |
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The only thing worse than going to jail is going to the hospital to get stitches on your scrotum before you go to jail. "I have a big problem down there"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman banned from her church until the erectile dysfunction commercial she stars in comes off the air. "The Bible speaks very openly about sex in an honorable way"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fun fact: Chicago is known as "the Windy City" because of its blustery politicians, not because of the Category 3 hurricane headed towards it at this very moment
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Just another story of a buffalo swimming in a family's pool. Nothing to see here
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Travel expenses: hotel, rental car, liquidation of Jews, meals, tips...wait, what?
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