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| Sun October 24, 2010 |
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"Four Killed by Celery." When will the government wake up and do something about these stalking deaths?
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79-year-old man meets his long-lost brother. It's probably very dusty in here
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Aggressive, over the top Elmo brought to you by the letters B-U-M. "I wasn't going to let my daughter anywhere near it. I also think it kind of smelled"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Jealous of the Navy's 'Sharks With Laser Beams' program, the Army wants to develop a flying Humvee (Epic concept art)
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| (Some ex-Catholic Guy) |
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If all America's ex-Catholics formed one church, it would constitute the second largest church in America
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Hello, boils and ghouls, and welcome to "Tales from the Crypt." Tonight's frightful feature is about two ghastly gagsters who throw a damsel into an open grave. Too bad their prank wasn't bury good, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE
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Pastor and World War II veteran skydives for his 85th birthday: "We all get 24 hours in the day. It's all what you choose to do with them"
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| (Daily Telegraph) |
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Plane forced to land after hamster discovered in gere
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Gay man finds the neo-Nazi skinhead who almost beat him to death 30 years ago... working with him at the Museum of Tolerance
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Britain's oldest refrigerator still functioning, rivaling even the Queen herself
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Aliens probably created four-legged chicken because, hey, why not?
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Employers looking at health insurance options. In other words, employers are looking at dropping employee's insurance coverage
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| (Some fatty) |
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The worlds fattest countries. American Samoa checks in at #1 with 93.5% of its population overweight
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| (Some Guy) |
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Denver voters to decide whether their tax dollars should be spent on creating an "extraterrestrial affairs commission"
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Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.... And an Easter Bunny too
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Why does the Internet love cats so much? Your dog is pouting in the doghouse
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Lost any confidential e-mails recently or forgotten your home computer password? Just call Google Street View, they probably have it
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Gangmasters Licensing Authority discovers children working illegally in a ....wait a minute....the what now?
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Librarian sets Guinness Book record by collecting 22.1 grams of navel lint over 26 years - and, yes, he's still single
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| (Some Guy) |
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Tired of the average ho-hum haunted houses? Now you can be kidnapped and buried alive...just for fun
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Photoshop Theme: Rejected ideas for new Sesame Street Muppet characters
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dear first year students, treat bank recruiters like your are on a first date....and take a shower too
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If only you could make money snoring
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U.S. Navy: We know nothing about the 1,500 live ammo shells at the bottom of the bay, and if you want them, go get them yourselves
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Husband's online activities leave "nagging and unpleasant" wife out in the cold. Bonus: Nagging and Unpleasant columnist responds
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Largest NH paper won't print gay marriage notices. Live free or die single
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| (Some Guy) |
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The less you know about your mate, the longer you stay married. See honey, I forgot your birthday because I care
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Good: Puget Sound gets its first electric car charging station. Bad: It will take you 2-4 hours to charge up. Good: Electricity will be free at first. Bad: Its at a Lutheran Church. Did we mention you'll be stuck there?
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Typical day's schedule: sleep, watch Family Guy, do homework, troll MySpace for women, listen to music, apply for a job. All without leaving his police cruiser
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Nudist camp HOA votes to kick handicapped resident out because he doesn't go nude enough
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If you want to build a wind turbine in a historic district, you might meet some opposition
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Hundreds of non-sparkly vampires are hanging out in gothic-themed bars and driving cabs in the city. "It's not at all like the 'Twilight' movies, but they're right there in the city"
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Tourists feel "violated" by surveillance cameras. Now that's one hell of a zoom lens
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| (WGME.com) |
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In one Maine school, kids as young as six have to walk as much as a mile to school. My God, how are we supposed to keep them fat and lazy?
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"I believe they thought the power was off," said Lt. Keith Hupp of the South Gate Police Department
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| (Some Facepalmer) |
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There's a shooting in your club. Do you: A) cooperate with authorities, B) take precautions to prevent similar incidents, or C) hide the victims in a closet while trying to stop the cops from coming in the door?
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If you don't choose the cool booze you lose
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High school principal cuts sports so her failing school can concentrate scarce resources on educating students. Surprisingly, parents have a problem with this
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Do you have a college education and a good job? Are you ignorant of NASCAR, Oprah, and MMA? Congratulations, you may be a member of the "New Elite"
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The damage done by Paris Hilton is irreversible
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| (Some Drunk) |
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Ten best dive bars in America. It is time for a road trip
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If your own mother won't believe you when you tell her that you have been sexually assaulted, then post it on Facebook
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It's a slippery slope: first it is flour, then it is whole wheat flour and, before you know it, they are smoking reefer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Auditor: "Sirs, people in your state want to drink." Sirs: "We are a Mormon state and we abstain from alcohol." Auditor: "You can make money. Plus, your wives..." Sirs: "That will be all"
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Guns don't kill people, unscrupulous gun stores whose weapons have a disproportionate and empirically verifiable statistical linkage to incidences of violent crime kill people
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| (Jackson Clarion Ledger) |
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Wood you believe two men arrested for selling 100% eco-friendly "laptops" in motel parking lot?
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Homeless man sentenced to house arrest
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| (Some Big Sissi) |
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Photoshop this drilling dynamo
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| (Some Guy) |
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And now for something completely different; two men wearing beer-bottle costumes are attacked in front of their home. Strangely enough, alchohol appears to have been a factor
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Teacher banned from classroom for life, destined to remain a virgin forever
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Court settlement means New Jersey baker won't have to stop calling himself 'Cake Boss.' Ass Man approves
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Do middle aged women look good with long hair, or is that a young girl thing?
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American al-Qaida spokesman urges attacks in US, calling it a duty and an obligation of Muslim immigrants. Three additional virgins for whoever gets Juan Williams
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The Air Force Academy opens its doors to Hogwarts graduates
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How many people are living the American dream? Well, it depends how much money you make
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If a Muslim suicide bomber fails, do they still get 72 virgins?
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Drunkorexia, the new scourge affecting college campuses
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You drive by a man wearing a sheet in the middle of the day. Do you C) Call police to report you've seen a ghost?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pontiff performance
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Michigan man to put a dozen Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth for charity. Hey, at least he has good taste in noble causes
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| Sat October 23, 2010 |
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"Sesame Street" is brought to you by the letters G-A-Y
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In a failing school district, some parents are still supportive and put up signs showing their pride in their kids. How does the city thank them? $500 and 90 days in jail
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Holy Christ, we're gonna need a bigger crane
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Alexander Anderson, creator of Rocky & Bullwinkle, pulls last rabbit out of hat
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| (oregonhumane.com) |
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Just in time for Caturday, Oregon Humane Society installs software and video feed thats lets you interact with their kittens
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Douche that endangered hundreds of lives by flying with rare form of TB can sue, citing 'privacy issues'
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| (Someone without a clue) |
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Well no shiat, sherlock
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Researchers are shocked to discover BMW drivers really are assholes
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Parents upset that their precious little snowflakes weren't admitted to homecoming dance
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The Devil forcibly evicted from his apartment by 11 Parisians, who then take his baby and jump from a second story window to escape him when he tries to get back in. Fark: He was a father feeding his baby
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| (2theadvocate.com) |
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A small Louisiana town thinks it can move Halloween, the ACLU doesn't think so
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Photoshop theme: skywriting
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Contrary to reports that the U.S. is falling behind in science and meth, students at Georgetown build their own lab in a dormitory
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I like to move it move it (it's a slideshow, but you won't care)
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| (Idaho Reporter) |
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Tax commission busts pumpkin peddlers, age 4 and 6
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man forces friends to call him only on secure phones, consistently moves around, and thinks government agents after him, also he runs Wikileaks
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Canadian Beer now has 27 percent alcohol . Ohhh Can-Eh-Duh
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Sure...And it's luck when the dealer gets Blackjack 8 times in a row too
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NASA begins planning "100 year spaceship" program aimed at settling other worlds, sleeping with green women
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Getting back at your wife during a divorce is easy if you have pictures of her smoking a joint and putting a gun in her mouth....while sitting in her police cruiser
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This just in, and just in time to warn you before Halloween. Some towns worry about the debauchery caused by teens and young adults. Please make a note of it
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Prop19 is going up in smoke, man
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Virginia DOT will raise most highway speed limits to 70 to stop people who obey speed limits from getting in the way of everybody else
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| (Some WhipperSnapper) |
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Happy Birthday Earth 6,014 years young this month. Why you haven't aged a day since the Flood my dear
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Dolphins in the wild are teaching themselves to "walk" with their tails along the surface of water, most likely for the next Sea World tryouts and all the free fish those jobs pay
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Nanny gets two year old to behave. Dad apparently has a problem with that after viewing the nanny-cam tape. Let's take a look and see.....GOD NO...... WHAT IS THAT
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That's Doctor Jan Itor to you
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Photoshop this laser-lit lady
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| (Liverpool Echo) |
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Man takes horses through McDonalds drive-thru for snack
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Witches outraged at new beer label, will turn drinkers into a newt until the next afternoon
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Little girls raise money for pet oxygen masks that save a kitty just in time for Caturday
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Dentist offered woman discount if she let him fill cavity
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Connecticut newspaper warns severely brain-damaged readers about the dangers of wearing a Lady Gaga meat dress
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| (Cambridge News) |
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Burglar distressed to discover that the house he's targeting comes with a guard. A former Coldstream Guard. A 72-year old pissed-off hungover Coldstream Guard. Who's naked
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| (Fosters.com) |
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Man charged with assault with a sandwich. No need for the hero tag for this poor boy
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Men brought up with a lot of women seen as less butch
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Just in time for Halloween, here's the Candy Hierarchy Chart. Yes, those atrocious candies in the black and orange wrappers are in the lowest tier possible
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Legally obliged to be in court for the trial of the guy who sexually assaulted you? That's a firing
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Now look what those socialists are doing: a ten-year old called for jury duty
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Photoshop this badminton ballet
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| Fri October 22, 2010 |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Flaccid ticket sales doom Exotic Erotic Ball
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| (Pittsburgh Post Gazette) |
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When someone sells you oregano instead of weed, sure, go ahead and call the cops. They'll get right on it
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| (abc27.com) |
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Pen pals finally meet after 58 years. One might be so inclined to call it a read letter day
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| (Zah bang man ganna harm mah zambah?) |
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Mah zambah barg branz haarh
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If you booby-trap your house, it's probably a good idea to remember that you booby-trapped it
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| (ktvb.com) |
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Four Hispanic kids recovering from car crash that killed their dad. Oh, and mom's been deported
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Woman who was brain dead at beginning of organ harvesting process, has been upgraded to mostly brain dead...which is slightly brain alive
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Media in frenzy over beach-goer killed by shark. His chum survived but but feels the gill-t. Fin
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The Mugshot Roundup is here nice and early. Unfortunately, it appears to have landed face-first
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this airbrush art
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| (Some Guy) |
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Why is the deficit so big? It could be because billion dollar companies are robbing the U.S. Treasury blind
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Forget bigotry. Juan Williams' real crime is being a terrible pundit
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| (The Real Ric Romero) |
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Ric Romero joins forces with the Norton Black Market Experience truck: "Stopping most cybercrime means having some sort of Internet security software, whether it be from Norton or some other source"
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Mass graves found at Iwo Jima, leading some to believe there was some sort of battle there several decades ago
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World's most advanced sub meets the world's oldest speed bump. Speed bump wins
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County Sheriff sets up online reporting system for property crimes. Which means they don't even have to come out to your house to do exactly nothing about the incident
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| (Some Flanders) |
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When your friend falls off a 200-foot cliff, it's probably better to call the paramedics instead of trying to "pray him back to life"
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When texting someone you haven't talked to for a long time, you might want to ask "So what do you do now?" before asking "Wanna smoke some pot?"
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Nashville lawyer and Watergate prosecutor Jim Neal finishes his closing statement at 81
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The moon, less like a harsh mistress and more like your Mom
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Climate Prediction Center says this winter will be warmer, drier, colder and wetter
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Receiving mail with swastika postmarks is never good news
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The man told police that since he didn't understand English, he pushed the gun away and pushed the man out the door
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Kristina Svechinskaya, the "world's sexiest computer hacker" also had three accomplices. And yes, you would, any one of them if you could. But you can't, so you won't
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We've secretly replaced this resturant's usual hot sauce with Blair's Mega Death Sauce at 550,000 scoville hot sauce. Let's see if this kid putting it on his chili notices
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Caught in stolen car, woman explains she was going to return it because she meant to steal her boyfriend's car instead. In other news, the woman pictured has a boyfriend
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Whoopi Goldberg defends Juan Williams right to say ridiculous stuff...like she does
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Psychic and husband disappear. If only there was a network of people they could call
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Airbus A320 blows an engine during midflight. Do the flight attendants: C) Stand in the back of the plane and cry
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Church sign: "To whoever stole my air conditioners, you are going to need them - God"
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Gainesville non-burning Koran preacher is picking up his free Hyundai today
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That Virginia textbook that said thousands of slaves happily marched alongside the traitor army? Yeah, turns out the "experts" reviewing it were a trio of teachers who just wanted a free license
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Today's FARK-ready headline brought to you by yer mom. "Fight sparked by claims of mom's 'sexual favors'"
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Two Bernese mountain dogs apparently spent their youth playing Street Fighter, as they inflict $3,000 worth of damage on the new family car, from the outside
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Remember the neighbor from Hell who taunted the seven-year-old girl dying of Huntingdon's disease? If you guessed that this horrible woman would lose custody of her kids, please come to the courtesy desk and pick up your free apple turnovers
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At this year's Head of the Charles regatta you can make a friendly wager on which boat will be overturned by a curious seal
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Norfolk girl to host "zombies vs humans" tag game for 10,000 Facebook friends. The mayor: "I'm not sure we could stop it now if we tried...so we're just trying to go with the flow and make the best of it"
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NYC drivers to get 1500 countdown clocks to help them decide if they need to floor it as they approach an intersection
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| (Bangor Daily News) |
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Maine high school football team lifts a car up off of an injured teammate and holds it there for 20 minutes while help arrives
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Couple becomes engaged after love at first sight. A certain bear we all know is asked by the groom to be best man
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A Venn diagram of the "Top 10 weirdest moments of the 2010 campaign" and the "Top 10 Tea Party movements of 2010" form a perfect circle
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R.I.P. Chatroulette. You came, you saw, you...no, wait, scratch that, reverse it
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If the homeless woman you let sleep in your car happens to die, do you A) Call the police B) Dump the body on the side of the road, or C) drive around with her sitting there so long she becomes mummified
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In a completely isolated incident, GOP congressional candidate remarks that violent overthrow of government is 'on the table'
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If your a school teacher, sexting a student telling her how hot she is probably will get you sent to the principle's office
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Evidence suggests Iraq weapons expert Dr David Kelly died as a result of a "self-inflicted injury". Reminds me of the recent case where an MI5 man died accidently by "locking himself inside a suitcase, in a bath"
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Pricipal. Caught sayof school that stop text books. Is he liteurate or not. Ben Chapman says no. Daily News looking for Yankee fans -OR- "Hello. I am write teachur and wait for paychek again"
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Taiwanese woman take same sex marriage debate to its logical extreme by announcing plans to marry herself
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The George W. Bush Presidential Library will feature mementos from his presidency, such as the pistol that he personally wrestled away from Saddam Hussein when he pulled him from that spider hole
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Speaking slowly and enunciating very carefully, Ugandan Health Minister blames jiggers for 20 deaths and more than 20,000 illnesses in his country in the last few months
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It's a question you would have thought never needed answering: "how many octopus heads is it safe to eat at one sitting?
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Rich people really are different. They even have different hormones that help them live longer. Name your conspiracy to the right
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It seems to me that if a man died, you don't have to put "killer" in quotation marks
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Remember how in 2007, shortly before The Great Recession, income inequality levels hit their highest point since 1928, shortly before the Great Depression? New research shows that wasn't just a kooky coincidence
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700 creepy-ass Mexican clowns miss out on setting new 'laughing' world record. Subby now unwillingly working on setting record for 'consecutive hours without sleep'...because the clowns know when you are sleeping (w/ video)
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| (Some Austrian Artist) |
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Photoshop this perpendicular pickle
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Two-thirds of Americans believe that messages from U.S. religious pulpits are connected to rising rates of suicide among gay youths
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Man goes to college, gets his degree, can't find a job - wants his money back. Line forms behind the GM, Merrill Lynch and Citibank executives
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Man caught groping woman on airplane. Authorities immediately removed him from the airplane and put a TSA uniform on him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Navy designates first submarine for Women: it's bigger and more powerful and it never needs batteries
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One in four couples sleep in separate beds to avoid each other's unbearable habits, Dutch ovens
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"I left Al Qaeda because they refused to pay healthcare"
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Think your kid has a stash of weed or coke under his or her bed? Hire a drug-sniffing dog to come to your house for $200 an hour. As a bonus, they'll let you keep the drugs and won't tell the cops
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I've had it with these mother*ckin' crocodiles crashing my motherf*ckin' plane
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According to the greatest magazine article of all time, breasts are the key to the future of regenerative medicine
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World of Warcraft actually got someone laid
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"And when they stop, they often touch, grasp, pat or rub the statue's small but prominent penis, while a friend or relative takes a photo"
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Seven cardinal sins of ordering beer. Beer snobbery curiously missing from list
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| (Some Guy) |
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Just because it's called a leaf blower doesn't mean you should use it without pants on
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ever sell your house and use a real estate company? Ever think you may have picked the wrong one? Bet these homeowners' story beats yours
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Photoshop this undead confection
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The first man to drive with bionic arms was seriously injured in a car crash. Cyberdyne Systems has offered to pay for the medical expenses in exchange for one of the arms. They just want it to um, ...see if it played a part in the accident
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Man tells armed robber that he's homeless, gets his stuff back. There. That was easy
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Being suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself
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| Thu October 21, 2010 |
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Well that didn't take long. Juan Williams agrees to be FoxNews' "one black friend" for $2 million
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Armed and masked Waffle House robber locks himself out, demands hostages let him back in
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While you were arguing with security about the nail clippers on your keychain, man gets into Michigan football game with two M-16s
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| (ABC7) |
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Police arrest man who barricaded himself in a mall, but fail to check to see if he had threatened to burn the building down (w/ live video of the fire)
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Woman refuses to stop, collaborate, or listen; quickly learns that ice is back with a brand new invention
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"Experts differ on whether Halloween costumes embarrass dogs"
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Thinking fast, an engineer chose to intentionally hit another man's car to save his life
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Cobbles San Lucas
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| (Scripps Instit. of Oceanography) |
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Photoshop this baby bivalve
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| (Newser) |
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States with abstinence-only sex education have higher rates of teen pregnancy, while other states see a drop. You're doing it
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Open carry in our favorite state? More likely than you might think
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Couple leap to conclusions after finding frog in bag of frozen vegetables
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Apparently Monica Lewinsky was down on her knees trying to find the missing nuclear launch codes
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You know that surly biatch in the toll booth on the New Jersey Turnpike. Her salary and benefits add up to around $320,000 per year. Have a nice bumper to bumper drive to your $45,000 + hot cocoa sampler box job
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North Korea wants more money
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Current going rate for a hitman: $5 worth of crack
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| (Some Guy) |
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What starts with F, ends with UCK, and was uttered out loud when it was determined to be missing?
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If students don't want to hear prayers over PA system, they can "put their fingers in their ears"
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The high price of Obama Socialism: Fannie Mao and Fidel Mac bailouts will cost us $200 Billion
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"Perhaps most oddly, gay teens are also three times as likely as non-gay teens to report either becoming pregnant or getting someone else pregnant"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rent too high. Do you c) strip off and prance around wearing nothing but a Mickey Mouse mask?
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Toyota to recall another 1.5 million cars, mostly from the "douche" and "douche elite" model lines
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Union sues to block release of teacher ratings until "unreliable" and "unproven" process is revised to show truth that all teachers are above average
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Six death-defying stunts that are secretly easy to do
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Derp 101
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Deanna Favre is relying on faith to get her through the accusations against her husband. Faith and all the zeros on the check she'll get in a few months
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The best picture of a squirrel monkey riding piggyback on a macaw you'll see all day
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Obama pronounces that housing foreclosures may begin again. BoA: "Yeah, we're way ahead of you"
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| (Some Plant Finder) |
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Evidence emerges that most "crazy teabaggers" at rallies are indeed plants
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City of Denver finds new revenue source in floating 'no parking' signs
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Cafe owner ordered to remove kitchen exhaust fan because bacon smell offends Muslims. MMMM, bacon
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Halloween is right around the corner, time for candy, costumes, and racist yard displays depicting African-Americans being lynched
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In the latest sign that it truly is getting all of its ideas from Hollywood supervillains, Iran is building (photoshopping) its own secret, worldwide financial network
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| (Some Aunt) |
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Farker LeadFootSpiderMonkey's nephew needs our help, link goes to website set up for two-year-old Caleb
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fox News affiliate refuses to air Republican congressional candidate's ad because it is blatantly false, accusing his opponent of making votes actually made by a man with the same last name. No, really
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| (capitalgains) |
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TARP, the investment that makes the federal government look like Warren Buffett. Except voters are so conditioned to assume government can't work they think the 8% return was at their expense. Joseph Heller had a phrase for this
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Hey, you'll never guess who has ties to an extremist Alaskan militia. No, not him. Nope, not him either
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Man arrested for cruelty to moonshine
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Atlanta pharmacy robbed not for money, but for the elusive "purple drank"
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What could be worse for a parent than to find out their daughter (and a mother of two) was killed in a car crash? Well, being sent a firefighter's cell phone video of the gruesome crash scene is probably up there
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NAACP attempts to inject rationality into the election debate: "Tea Partiers are like church bombers and assassins during the Civil Rights era"
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| (IEEE Spectrum) |
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DARPA needs help to program its new robot. Now you can be a cog in the military machine from your home
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| (KFAB) |
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If you think it was bad the jury didn't buy your "sleepwalking" defense, wait til your cellmates learn your last name is "Butts"
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One Federal judge dares ask the question: So are these farking polar bears actually endangered, or not?
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Escaped ape attacks Kansas City Police car. No word on whether the ape was grape or wanted for rape
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Eliot Spitzer denied membership in Harvard Club. Great, now who's bringing the hookers?
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Well, you knew it was coming: Farmville creator faces mega lawsuit for breaching privacy. It's as if a million status updates cried out and were suddenly silenced
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| (WSB-TV) |
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Women more likely to give to charity than men. Also more likely to remind you of it for the rest of your life
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| (The Sun News) |
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Employee that was sleeping on the job foils burglar that cut a hole in the wall to steal TVs. That's nothing to snooze at
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This week: Parents TV Council derides new GQ Glee photoshoot as "near pedophelia". Next week: GQ thanks Parents TV Council for boosting sales to record levels
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Macing your newborn daughter is generally not a good way to get the mother to shut up during an argument. PSA tag too incredulous to come to work
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"In a Digital Age, Students Still Cling to Paper Textbooks" And by "cling" they mean "forced to buy" by greedy textbook manufacturers in collusion with greedy universities
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"I get my climate science from Rush Limbaugh and Scripture"
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NPR to Juan Williams: "Hope you enjoyed being on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' Don't come back"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Louisiana man gets five years for shooting two deputies who he thought were burglars during a no-knock drug raid. Fark: Man even called 911 during the raid
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Front-page Uganda newspaper story featured a list of 100 homosexuals, with a bright yellow banner across it that read: "Hang Them". Alongside their photos were the men's names and addresses
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"No, you're extreme" "nah uh, you're super extreme" "you're an extremist's extreme times infinity"
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How worried is Israel about Iran? Well, for the first time ever they are actually in favor of a US plan to sell a buttload of advanced fighters and attack helicopters to Saudi Arabia
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Demonstrating again that most all redheads eventually show their craziness, 1968 Playmate of the Year charged with attempted murder
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Five theories on why Virginia Thomas called Anita Hill out of the blue 20 years later and demanded an apology. And yes, #5 does involve alcohol
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Jenny McCarthy outbreak claims ten more lives
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Photoshop this piece of kale
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Police pull man over and find in his car women's underwear, a grappling hook, binoculars, an expandable baton, lock picks, glow sticks, duct tape, a stun gun, zip ties, a head lamp, and leg cuffs. Then it gets weird
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One small scent for man, one giant leap for mankind
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Drunk, angry, and trying to sneak into the Mullet Festival without paying is no way to go through life, son
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to spot a sex addicted school teacher
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Man visits his sister for a week while his home is being redecorated returns home to find his house wasn't finished. Nah, just kidding he came home to find 15 jobless Italian squatters had moved in and changed the locks
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Former JetBlue flight attendant's house burglarized while he was in court. Suspect escaped down inflatable slide from second-floor master bedroom
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Man busted for DUI after getting into an accident has a perfectly good explanation: He was held hostage and forced to smoke crack
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Who would spend $2 million to cover up a first post?
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Even Gumby's testicles aren't safe in Flint, Michigan
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Airport valet parking service also rents cars, what could possibly go wrong?
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Remember, guns don't kill people, people kill people. Except the Remington Model 700-series rifle. That one apparently can kill people on its own
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Photoshop these steelworkers with a flare for protesting
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Police department in one of the most violent towns in Mexico run by a 20 year old student. She plans to protect the citizens from drug cartels with hopes and dreams
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 285: "Travel Photography" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 20, 2010 |
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Dear Fark: I never thought I'd be writing one of these headlines, but Bob Guccione is dead at 79
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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting car." "Interrup-" *CRAAAAAAAAAAAAASH*
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KFC, McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, and A&W have combined to Death Star your stomach
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| (Central Florida News 13) |
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If you smoke, don't. If you smoke outside, don't throw your butts on ground. If you smoke outside in grassy field while confined to wheelchair, don't set yourself on fire
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A girl of 11 was thrown off of the cheerleading team because she wouldn't 'shake her booty'. She believes girls should not use their bodies like that. So.... why did she want to be a cheerleader in the first place?
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| (Calgary Herald) |
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Abandoned baby's father didn't realize he found his own son in dumpster. He also didn't know he got his girlfriend pregnant. Apparently a lot of things get past this guy
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The Founding Fathers: brilliant men, but total farkin' buzzkills, man
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Canada tells Fox News to "take off you hoser"
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| (insidebayarea.com) |
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Teen: "Hey officer, can I get a ride home?" Cop: "Sure, but do you have any illegal substances in your pocket?" Teen: "Yes. I mean, no"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Florida's new immigration law: All immigrants must carry papers. Unless you're white, then you're cool
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mules replaced by prostitutes. This is not a story from Tijuana
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this reel jig
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Britain's first hospital discovered, while search continues for first dental clinic
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| (Pat's Papers) |
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Juror realizes why case sounds so familiar. And it's not because she saw it on Law and Order
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To protest a federal proposal that would limit the amount of potatoes given to schoolchildren, man goes on a 60 day all-potato diet. "I love tater tots"
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News: Baldness drug that works. Fark: May cause erectile dysfunction
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| (fox8.com) |
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Three-year-old boy learned how to save his father's life from cartoon. Oh yeah? Well, cartoons taught *me* how to defeat Skeletor AND the Shredder. TOP THAT
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60% of Rhode Island students fall below the Peter Griffin scale of intelligence. That's wicked retarded
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Why obscenely rich people pay thousands of dollars for an Italian fungus that smells like a locker room. Bonus: Puff Daddy telling a chef to "shave that biatch"
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Obama's economy is now taking down NASCAR
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| (Some Guy) |
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Internal Affairs: Officer was fired for sleeping on the job. Officer: I couldn't tell anyone where I was because I was hunting terrorists
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Textbook used by Viriginia public schools claims that blacks fought in the Confederate army. The author, who is not a historian, said she found the information on the internet and "stands by what I write"
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Longer cat is even loooooonger
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Giant piranha known to eat crocOMG KILL IT WITH FIRE AND TARTAR SAUCE
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Pilot tells the TSA to suck it, calls screenings a "make-work program that doesn't make travel safer"
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How boring is it being the Indianapolis Colts punter? So boring it might drive a man to drink. And swim through a canal shirtless. And try to get into a random woman's car
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| (kptm.com) |
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Well, THAT'S gonna put a dent in your sheriff candidacy
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Virginia Republican sent out racist email comparing blacks to dogs because he was "getting familiar with the Internet"
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| (Wauwatosa) |
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Grandpa, tell us again how you got the cop in a scissor hold after peeing on the tree
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| (Some Guy) |
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Secret underground tunnels in Salem, Oregon have unearthed some interesting tidbits of history such as an 80s disco, a 30s grocery shop, and a 20s Stairwell to Nowhere
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"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was..." (continued on next thigh)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cancer patients might be giving you cancer
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Candidate running for NY governor under the Rent Is Too Damn High Party hasn't had a rent increase in five years
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Calvin Klein ad could encourage gang rape. Signature omega-stitched premium stretch denim gang rape
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| (Some Guy With Lots Of Stuff) |
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If you're under 45, you will need 260 different products and/or services to have a reasonable lifestyle. Subby gets by on Scooby Doo lunchbox and ability to count to potato
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As Paris burns, in New Zealand they're taking to the streets over how much actors should be paid in the new Hobbit movies. No, really
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Bloomberg TV interviews a noted economic expert on the need to consider precious metals as part of a complete personal finance and investment strategy, pities the fool who doesn't
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| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |
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After a horrific crash during a snowstorm that resulted in 60% blood loss and the amputation of one of her legs, woman receives a bill for the damaged guardrail from PennDOT. Yes, there is a picture of Miss Hotness
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The next time anyone criticises you for being indecisive, point them to this story of the man who had TWO sex change operations
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Bad: Getting hit by a car. Worse: The driver is a cop. Fark: He was drunk. TRIPLE HOLY FARK: The ambulance coming to help runs over you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this guy walking out of the White House
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Handless model that posed in brassiere for disability awareness becomes overnight sensation, says it's hard to come to grips with fame (w/ handy pic)
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Not news: Drunk woman walks outside her motorhome to use the bathroom. Fark: While it was driving down Interstate 10
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Large bag of marijuana found floating in Massachusetts river. Cops knew immediately knew it was pot since the tide was high
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| (Capital Times) |
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What better way to celebrate the end of your court hearing for an OWI than to have some beers on the way home
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19-year-old man leans out of moving pickup truck to say hi to friends. You forgot pole-land
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I would crawl 500 miles and I would crawl 500 more
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With all of the city's problems solved, Sacramento's mayor finds time to compete in this year's Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award. No, seriously
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The Department for Education has determined that 1 in 4 boys requires special needs education. They would like to remind you that's like half, and it's not the school system's fault
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Old men more likely to favor legal prostitution. There goes your inheritance
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If you threaten to blow up your kid's elementary school because they informed DCF about a burn on the child's arm....you might be a Floridian
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NATO is securing road routes, and even flying high-level Taliban officials into Afghanistan for super high-level talks to end this meandering clusterfark of a war
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Things expected during a driving test: Starting, stopping, turning, parallel parking. Things not expected: Naked man walking around the test area
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| (Some Guy) |
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Protip: If you are planning on shoplifting jeans at Wal-Mart, try to remember to take your wallet and ID out of the old jeans you left in the dressing room
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Photoshop these key steps
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After raising over $13K for a Boy Scout pack last year dad told he can't head the popcorn fundraiser and had his leadership shirt taken away because he is gay
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| Tue October 19, 2010 |
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Wallabies might look like great rave partners, but they don't tend to hold up very well
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No sane person would argue that Picasso, alone in a dark room with a flashlight, was the inspiration for Firenze the centaur. But Dobby the house-elf? Bald, bulging eyes, scantily clothed? We have a winner
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Canada to declare war on KFC's Double Down sandwich
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| (Some Guy) |
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Look at me. Look at your man, now back to me. I'm in a horse
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| (News on 6) |
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Felon disguises himself as cellmate to escape jail. Sideshow Bob unavailable for comment
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How do you give back to the community after a pizzeria owner commits tax fraud? You sentence him to deliver 12 sheet pizzas to the City Mission once a week for the next year, THAT'S how
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Shockingly enough a 747 buzzing the Golden Gate Bridge reminds people of 9/11
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Woman claims to be the £113m Euro lottery winner but her husband threw away the ticket. Fortunately she still had her notepad where she wrote down her numbers as proof
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| (Some Guy) |
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If your front yard Halloween display includes limbless dolls covered in blood hanging from trees, you may be upsetting your neighbors. "Every time I drive by I always have to look at them and it's not right"
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Great Pumpkin weighs in at 1,535 pounds. No word on the Great Dolemite, Applehead
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| (Some Guy) |
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Pentagon sends 2nd carrier to help surge into landlocked country, Army begins testing tanks against submarines
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Photoshop this old oddball
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Two bullets strike Pentagon, apparently fired by the invisible man as no one seems to have seen a thing
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California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman wants you to watch this dude in a tutu play his sweet bass. Seriously
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89-year-old woman presumed dead, then found alive, is now dead. Coroner's office hoping to get the paperwork straightened out by December
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This is your captain speaking. If you look out your left window, you'll notice we just hit a deer
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BMW salesman and potential John Fitzgerald Page stunt double sues fish packer and supermarket after he finds out eating 10 cans of tuna a week caused his mercury poisoning
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Peregrine falcons being checked for Gulf Coast taint. How to safely check a falcon's taint, subby has no idea
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Could WikiLeaks have prevented Dick Cheney from blowing up the World Trade Center?
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Bored at work? Can't be bothered to go in for the day? Just phone in a bomb threat, that's sure to work
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Remember when officials who detained American citizens without charges were held accountable for their actions? Yeah, me too. Good times
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Johnson & Johnson recalls another batch of tainted medicine. This is not a repeat from...well, pretty much this whole past year
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Baggy jeans foil casino winner robbery
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Tom Bosley is back with the angels
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't be THAT guy on Halloween: Star Wars edition
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Glee creator and Eat, Pray, Love director Ryan Murphy being courted to direct a Rocky Horror remake by Fox. Don't, just, don't
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Colo-rectal smoking, the Gap's huge casual tee, and I'm thinking RVs: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 10/10 - 10/16
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| (WBIR) |
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Dumb: using a kitchen knife in a jewelry store holdup. Dumber: while wearing a garbage bag over your head. Dumbest: your getaway vehicle is a wheelchair
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| (Redding.com) |
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"..the manager at Bartel's Giant Burger on Lake Boulevard called 911 to report that a man with a blue cast on his right arm had just urinated on the side of her freshly painted building. He also was carrying a black bucket"
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This figure may highlight the impact illegal downloading has had on record sales. It may also highlight the fact that this band just sucks
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Fiji has lost it's "birth certificate", bring legitimacy of state into question. Draw parallels to the right ------
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Rep. Calvin Hill (R-otating vibration head) sells sex gadgets; he just doesn't want public universities teaching you what they're good for
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| (Echo News) |
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Family of four have lucky escape after fridge explodes and fills their house with toxic fumes. Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance
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"Is Miley Cyrus too trashy?"
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What happens when you gather a bunch of whiny cheapskates onto the same website and whip them into a penny-pinching frenzy? Nothing good, as Groupon is discovering
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Alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of a city's financial problems
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Burglar terrorizes family,makes off with just a pot roast. Discription of suspect is as follows: Wears a heavy fur coat and has big ugly teeth (pix )
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| (Investors Insight) |
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Home prices are likely to fall another 20%, may not bottom out before 2012. And then there's all the broken chains of title in the foreclosure paperwork mess
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A giant, £15,000 stone tub of Marmite was unveiled yesterday, much to the bemusement of local people. It also tastes better
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Air Force pilot in charge of flying the Canadian equivalent of Air Force One, is revealed to have some unusual hobbies such as rape, cross-dressing, burglarly, panty theft, rape, and serial killing
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Protip: If you're tossed out of a nightclub for groping some girl's butt, don't complain to the police. Especially if you have 112 Oxycontin and two warrants out for your arrest
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In order to protect his emergency chute from unwanted turbulence, former JetBlue steward Steven Slater will not tell the DA to take his plea deal and shove it
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Former Madam and candidate for NY Governor: "The difference between the MTA and my escort agency is that I had only one set of books and provided quality services that were on time" BURN
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Authorities seize 105 tons of marijuana. Police estimate street value at just enough to cover the budget deficit
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"Hey guys, have we ever considered just flat out telling minorities to not vote?"
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Saudi Prince guilty of murdering servant and being gay. Guess which is worse under Islam
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Bank of America reports $7.3 billion loss, because of new LIMITS on Debit card fees. In other news Bank Of America was fleecing Debit card customers to the tune of $10 Billion a year | | |
